Loves Hope KDP Paperback

LOVE’S HOPE
Love Grows in Honest Places

— Book 2 —
Damien Benoit-Ledoux
www.damienledoux.com
Purple Spekter™ Press
i
Copyright © 2019 Damien Benoit-Ledoux
Purple Spekter LLP Press
All rights reserved. No part of this may be reproduced in any form or

by any means without the prior consent of the Author, except for brief
quotes used in reviews.
KDP Paperback ISBN-13: 9781080198054

Kindle ASIN: B07TJBC34Y
WORK OF FICTION
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used
fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events,
or locales is entirely coincidental.
EDITIONS
Paperback
• 1.0 | September 3, 2019
Kindle
• 1.0 | September 3, 2019
ii
Dedication
This book is dedicated to all LGBTQ youth and young adults

everywhere who have struggled to love themselves, or struggle to
love themselves today.
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iv
Table of Contents
Dedication............................................................................................. iii
Table of Contents .................................................................................. v
Acknowledgements ............................................................................ vii
Author’s Notes ..................................................................................... ix
1 | Another Day at Benedictine High .................................................. 1
2 | Dodgeball Fracas ............................................................................15
3 | Anathema........................................................................................22
4 | Annoyingly Single..........................................................................44
5 | The Java Grind................................................................................61
6 | Twitterpated ...................................................................................73
7 | It's Impossible .................................................................................78
8 | Taking the Leap ..............................................................................82
9 | His First Gay Days .........................................................................87
10 | The Slowness of Time ..................................................................97
11 | Truth Among Friends ................................................................ 107
12 | The First Date.............................................................................. 117
13 | Distracted .................................................................................... 138
14 | Hanky-Panky .............................................................................. 142
15 | The Second Date ......................................................................... 149
16 | Touch Choices............................................................................. 157
17 | Man-date ..................................................................................... 163
18 | The Wrath of God ....................................................................... 171
19 | Worth the Risk ............................................................................ 181
20 | The Day After ............................................................................. 185
21 | Don't Let the Haters Win ........................................................... 194
22 | Homecoming .............................................................................. 199
23 | Heaven's Fury Descendeth ........................................................ 219
24 | Apocalypse ................................................................................. 230
25 | Back to Square One .................................................................... 240
26 | End Game.................................................................................... 244
27 | Second Chances .......................................................................... 259
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28 | The Start of Something New ..................................................... 263
Before You Go… ................................................................................ 275
The Guardians Series ........................................................................ 277
About the Author .............................................................................. 278
The Purple Spekter™ Shop ................................................................ 279
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Acknowledgements
My husband and handsome hero Tim, for his constant

encouragement and willingness to share in this part of my life. I truly
appreciate your support as I jockey between our lives, work, and
several novels. I love you, through all of time and space…
Editor/Proofreader
Angela Walker
Beta Readers
My team of beta readers who pre-read the novel and provided
feedback and suggestions to strengthen the story. Thank you.
• Jim Adcock
• Victor Freeman
• Kaitlyn Luft
• David Pruette
• Bob Silverstein
• Jay Wong
• Anonymous
Special Thanks
To fellow author April Wilson, who helped me understand the
romance genre and set me on the right path to write the story on my
heart.
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viii
Author’s Notes
Online Bonus Content

Explore the amazing world of the Love Grows in Honest Places
series and discover the people, places, and elements that went into the
creation of the novel series. Visit the Love Grows in Honest Places
Wiki at World Anvil today! (Hint: This website views best on an iPad
or similar tablet, a laptop browser, or a desktop browser.)
worldanvil.com/w/love-grows-in-honest-places-damientronus
On Findeing Typohs?
If you found a typo, please let me know. Despite the many editing
passes and multiple sets of eyes, typos, like nasty gremlins, creep into
the text. It’s extremely frustrating but with your help, we can
eliminate all typos, everywhere—or at least in my novels. Use the
contact form at the link below to submit a typo or other textual error.
Thank you so much for helping me improve my stories!
damienledoux.com/typohunters/
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1 | Another Day at
Benedictine High
Brett Kinkade
Sister Scholastica’s obnoxious habit of pontificating about the

importance of proper grammar in today’s world found its way into
the morning’s writing lesson. Today’s lecture-turned-tongue-lashing
was about the Oxford comma and its significance in the written word.
Brett Kinkade sighed and stared at the withered face of the strict
nun who ruled Benedictine Catholic High School’s English and
Literature Department with an iron crucifix. She was old.
No, she was ancient.
His gaze shifted to the left and caught the eyes of Priya Ramesh,
1
one of his two best friends. The desks were arranged in a circle, so
Brett and Priya usually sat across from each other to make class more
enjoyable. She winked at him and mouthed something.
Dammit, you know I can't read lips, he thought. He discreetly
shrugged and she rolled her eyes at him.
“Something amusing, Mister Kinkade?” Skully asked, her eyes
boring through his soul. Skully was the inappropriate nickname for
Sr. Scholastica. She didn’t miss a trick in her classroom, and she
expected her students to focus and be attentive.
“No, Sister. Sorry.”
The bell rang, startling him. Nobody moved since they knew
better, especially in Skully’s class. “Let's try to do better, people. Your
next assignments are due one week from today,” she announced in
her usual drawl. “Class dismissed.”
Brett groaned with his peers and shoved his English textbook and
notebook into his backpack. He stood, moved with the herd through
the open door, and waited in the hall for Priya. The brightly lit
hallway with nearly century-old, dark-stained wainscoting came alive
with students changing classes, laughing and joking with one
another, or complaining about what recently happened. Several
student couples held hands as they walked down the hallway, and
Brett felt envious watching the guys as they doted over their
coquettish girls. I want someone special like they have…but none of the
girls here excite me in that way. I wish I knew why.
Priya sidled up to him. “We seriously need to enroll you in a
lipreading class.”
Leaving his thoughts, he ran a hand through his brown, spiky hair
and smiled. “No kidding, I feel like I'm the only one who can't read
lips. What did you ask me?”
“I asked if you were going to Samantha’s party tonight.”
“Oh, that. I dunno.” I’ve narrowly escaped her sexual advances in the
past, so do I really want to be in her crosshairs again? The kind of connection
I want isn’t with Samantha Briggs…
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LOVE’S HOPE
“Come on, you have to,” Priya pleaded.

“Do I?” he sarcastically asked.
She tilted her head and frowned at him. “Would I steer you wrong
after all these years? Besides, Jameson will be there.”
Well, that changes things. Samantha likes Jameson way more than me.
Brett smiled. “Of course not. I'll be there.”
Brett met the brown-eyed Priya at class orientation before
freshman year and they became fast friends. She was funny, feisty,
and outspoken. Though raised Catholic, her family often celebrated
some of the traditional Indian holidays, such as Diwali. As such, she
often challenged the patriarchal theology of the conservative Catholic
faculty at their high school. Brett loved watching the Benedictine
nuns, monks, priests, and lay faculty become flustered at her refusal
to accept Catholic Church doctrine, being as it was expected of
Benedictine High students.
“Great. Maybe Diego can pick us up and we can ride together,”
Priya said, smiling. Her long brown hair was braided in a pony tail
and hung over her left shoulder.
“That would be awesome,” Brett said, nodding.
“Come on, I'll walk you to your locker. You've got theology with
Bennyboy next, right?”
“Yup.”
Bennyboy was the unofficial nickname for Father Benedict, the
theology and ethics teacher at their private, Catholic high school in
Loudonville, New York.
“Better tuck in your shirttails, or you’ll get reprimanded.”
He reached around with his right hand and felt the bare skin of
his lower back, confirming his uniform polo shirt had become
untucked. He pulled it down. “Thanks, the last thing I need is another
damn demerit.” The long-standing merit system at Benedictine
Catholic High School was designed to reward and promote
exemplary work and good behavior. Students who maintained or
3
earned merit points would be officially recognized at the end of the

school year. At the same time, demerits, or the subtraction of merit
points, could limit a student’s freedoms or permissions during the
school day. They could also lead to community service or detention.
“I need to go to the bathroom before my next class. I’ll see you at
lunch, okay?”
Priya winked at him. “See ya, Brett.” She turned and pushed her
way through the busy hallway.
At his locker, Brett replaced the social studies and English texts he
pulled from his backpack with his theology and science books.
Minutes later, when he finished using the urinal, he set his backpack
on the floor and re-tucked his uniform polo shirt. Then he washed his
hands and fixed his hair in the mirror, smiling at his handsome face.
“Lookin’ good, Kinkade,” Jameson Argyle said, entering the
restroom. The hinges squeaked and the hydraulic door closer hissed.
“Thanks, Jameson,” Brett replied with a smile. Jameson was the
favored, dreamy, star football player everyone wanted to be. He was
smart, handsome, muscular, and popular with the cheerleaders and
the subject of salacious school gossip regarding his healthy sex life
with the ladies. Though Jameson never bragged about his sexual
conquests, his teammates overzealously bolstered his reputation as a
ladies’ man. Brett always held an unusual fascination with Jameson,
but he didn’t understand why.
Jameson pointed at Brett’s reflection in the mirror. “I wish I had
your spiky hair, but God cursed me with this curly mop.”
Brett grinned. “You know the ladies love it,” he said, winking at
Jameson’s reflection.
Jameson waved his hand dismissively and walked to an empty
urinal. “That’s what they tell me.”
“So, you’re going tonight?” Brett asked softly.
Jameson nodded and unzipped his trousers. “Yeah, no game
tomorrow. I’m looking forward to relaxing and having a good time.
What about you?”
4
LOVE’S HOPE
Brett nodded. ”I’m in.”

“Then it’ll be a great time. See you later.” The football star
lowered his head and focused on his business at the urinal.
Brett glanced at himself one more time, then exited the restroom
and went to theology class.
“You must remember, class, that the Church’s teachings are based
in Sacred Scripture and its living Traditions. Scripture presents
homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity and Tradition has always
declared that homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered because
they are contrary to the natural law.”
“Why?” Annabelle St. Hilare shot back, refusing to back down
from her position against the Church’s teachings on homosexuality.
Brett observed the heated exchange with amusement, as did most
of his peers. But for him, it seemed more important—even strangely
personal—than her other objections to the Church’s teachings.
Fr. Benedict didn’t flinch. “The homosexual act is closed to the gift
of life. Remember what we learned at the beginning of the semester,
Annabelle. What are the two primary reasons for the sexual act?”
“Procreation and the unity of the married couple,” Annabelle
replied, intoning her answer like a drone.
“That’s correct.”
“The straight married couple,” Annabelle shot back.
“That’s also correct.”
“But that doesn’t make sense.”
“Why not?”
“We have gay marriage in this country. Other countries have it,
too. Hello, why can’t the ancient Church see that it’s a good thing?”
Unfazed by her flippant attitude, Fr. Benedict answered her. “The
5
Church teaches homosexuals must be accepted with respect,

compassion, and sensitivity.”
“But we can’t accept who they love or how they love?”
“Correct.”
Samantha spoke up. “Father Benedict, could you define an
intrinsically disordered act?”
“Certainly, but we’ve covered this before. An intrinsically
disordered act is that which is always wrong to choose.”
Elijah Glickstein shifted in his seat and raised his hand. “Wait, so
you’re telling me that my gay cousin is always choosing wrong?”
“I can’t speak for his actions.”
“But isn’t that what it means? That when my cousin gets married
next month, he’s ultimately choosing sin in the Church’s eyes?”
“That’s correct, Elijah. Same-sex marriage is a civil and legal
matter. It is not recognized or sanctified by the Church.”
“So, what you’re sayin’ is, he’s going to hell.”
“I didn’t say that,” Fr. Benedict calmly replied.
“But you did. If he gets married and has sex with his husband,
he’s committing an intrinsically disordered act that is always wrong
to choose.”
“It’s a mortal sin, Elijah, and in the Church’s eyes, if he doesn’t
seek out reconciliation, he could go to hell. I cannot speak to the
ultimate judgement of God, but that is what the Church teaches.”
“But they’re good guys!” Elijah protested, his face full of sadness.
“I’m sure they are, Elijah. That doesn’t make them exempt from
sin.”
“Catholics have way too many archaic rules,” Elijah replied,
shaking his head.
Fr. Benedict smirked. “Do you eat pork?”
“Um, no.”
“Shellfish?”
6
LOVE’S HOPE
“Of course not.”

“Why?”
“Duh, because I’m Jewish.”
“So, you have archaic rules, too.”
Elijah stared at Fr. Benedict and blinked, then sank in his seat.
“Yeah, but at least my synagogue doesn’t preach against gay people.”
Brett smirked at Bennyboy’s candid response, but immediately
frowned when he realized he wasn’t supporting Elijah, who would be
at the party tonight. Annabelle sat forward, and Brett saw the fire in
her eyes. This ought to be good.
“How do you know there aren’t any gay students at this school?”
”I don’t know that. Are any of you gay?”
Everyone’s heads anxiously looked around the room, but no one
responded or raised their hand.
“That’s a cheap shot, Father Benedict,” Annabelle snapped. “Do
you really think a gay or lesbian student would speak up now that
you’ve just called them intrinsically disordered and hell bound?”
“No, and I didn’t say those things. The homosexual act is
intrinsically disordered. There’s a difference.”
“Not to the person who you’re telling is screwed up,” Brett
interjected. “So, what if we had a gay kid in school? Would you tell
him or her they’re intrinsically disordered?”
Brett shrank down in his seat. Why did I just do that?
Still unflustered, Fr. Benedict responded. “No, of course not. He or
she would be treated with the same fairness and standards his or her
heterosexual classmates would receive. He or she would also be
expected to conform to the moral code of conduct set forth in the
Student Handbook.”
“Meaning?” Annabelle pressed.
“Meaning, that single, unmarried students of this high school are
expected to remain chaste and sexually pure until marriage. That is
the teaching of the Church.”
7
“Please,” Annabelle retorted, waving a dismissive hand.

“You disagree? What are the two primary reasons for the sexual
act?”
“Procreation and the unity of the married couple,” Annabelle
replied.
“Correct. And there are no exceptions.”
Elijah scoffed. “The Church needs to wake up, Father Benedict.
You can’t seriously think kids aren’t having sex at school.”
He chuckled again. “I hope they’re not having sex at school, but
I’m sure some of your peers are engaging in promiscuity, which is the
sin of sexual activity outside the confines of marriage. I wasn’t born
yesterday.”
Annabelle sat forward and said, “But you’re teaching us irrelevant
teachings that don’t make sense today. Besides, if we’re all made in
God’s image, that means God has to have a little gay and lesbian in
him or her.”
Fr. Benedict’s head tilted to the side and his face finally betrayed
his frustration.
Brett smirked. Bingo. She got to him.
Whenever Annabelle referred to God as a woman, it sent the
monks and nuns into a tizzy. The bell rang and saved them from Fr.
Benedict’s wrath. He simply smiled curtly and said, “We’ll start with
the next chapter tomorrow. Thank you for this engaging conversation.
We can pick it back up if we need to. Class dismissed.”
Brett and his peers packed their theology texts into their
backpacks and made their way out. He found himself walking next to
Annabelle on the way to the cafeteria. “Nice going with Bennyboy,”
he said.
She glanced up at him and smiled, brushing her hair out of her
face. “There are gay kids at this school, Brett. It’s sinful that he teaches
that crap. Some days it’s all about God’s infinite mercy, wisdom, and
the importance of forgiveness, and then we get to this
8
LOVE’S HOPE
ridiculousness.”
“What’s so bad about it?” he asked, curious to know what fueled
her fire.
She huffed and glared at him. “With you church people, it seems
that in God’s eyes, there’s sin, and then there’s being a homosexual.
Sin can be forgiven, homosexuality, well, not so much.”
“Oh,” Brett said, remembering she wasn’t Catholic. She often
referred to her Catholic peers as you church people.
“And that’s bullshit in this day and age,” she said in a low voice,
as getting caught cursing could earn a demerit.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“Do you know any gay people?” she asked in a loud voice.
Brett shushed her. “Not so loud. And no, I don’t.”
“Well, I have a lesbian aunt and my brother came out after high
school. Imagine how this place mentally affected him, how it
challenged his self-esteem and made him feel less-than-human.
Bullshit like that is why suicide and other harmful behaviors are
higher in LGBTQ kids.”
“Oh,” Brett replied, experiencing a sinking feeling in his gut.
“Yeah, I see the problem.”
“Then why don’t you speak up?” Annabelle asked, regarding him
with a frazzled expression.
“Because everyone will think I’m gay if I can’t point to someone
else in my life like Elijah did. It’s not the same for a guy as it is for a
girl.”
“Yes, it is the same,” she curtly replied, clearly annoyed.
“No, it’s not,” Brett fired back. “Your gal pals didn’t automatically
think you were lesbian because you defended the gays, but if I spoke
up, all the guys would assume I’m a fag.”
“Don’t say that word.”
“Sorry. But that’s what goes on in the locker rooms.”
9
“Interesting.”
They approached a hallway junction and Brett stopped. Annabelle
smiled at him, turned right, and kept walking. “I have class. Have a
good lunch.”
“Thanks. Enjoy.” He stared at the floor a moment before
continuing into the cafeteria. Why is today’s topic bothering me so much?
“Kinkade!” Diego Martinez shouted, rousing Brett from his

thoughts about his exchange with Annabelle as he stood in the
cafeteria’s buffet line. Brett looked up and smiled at his other best
friend. He and Diego were lifelong friends since third grade. Diego
came from a devout, Catholic Mexican family, but he amused and
irritated the faculty with his class clown, adventurous attitude. He
had brown hair and dark brown, almost black, eyes. He had an
award-winning smile and a constant two-day beard that violated the
school’s grooming regulations.
“Hey,” he replied as Diego approached and stood next to him.
“‘Sup? You okay?”
“Yeah, just a rough class with Bennyboy.” He scooped some
soggy potatoes from the buffet tray onto his plate and noticed Diego
didn’t get in line behind him. “You’re not eating?”
“I brought lunch. My leftover pizza is in the microwave. Looks
better than today’s mystery meat,” he said with a laugh.
Brett chuckled. “Hey, can you drive Priya and me to the party
tonight?”
Diego nodded. “Yeah, of course.” He looked down the line and
looked at Priya. “Man, she’s beautiful today,” he said, trying not to
stare.
“Why don’t you ask her out?” Brett asked with a smirk.
“And screw up our friendship? No way. Besides, we all know she
10
LOVE’S HOPE
likes you.”
“Me?” Brett replied with surprise. “No, it’s not like that. We like
each other but…not romantically.”
“You sure about that? You don’t think about her when you, you
know?”
Masturbate? Brett’s face twisted into disgust. “Ew, no. She’s like
my sister. Why, do you?” He glanced at the students around them,
but they seemed oblivious to the conversation. Thank God!
Diego quickly shook his head and looked at the floor. “Uh, no, of
course not. I was just kidding,” he said. “I’ll meet you guys at the
table.”
Brett detected a twinge of embarrassment in Diego’s voice. He
smiled as his flushed friend walked back to the microwave by the
wall to retrieve his pizza. Brett finished scooping food on to his plate,
grabbed a chocolate milk, and then walked over to their usual table.
In a few minutes, the three friends sat together and chatted. Brett
sat across from Diego, who sat next to Priya.
Diego spoke in a low voice. “So, Brett, I’ll pick you up at seven
forty-five, and Priya, about eight o’clock.”
“You know I’m closer to you, right?” she asked, winking.
Diego thought for a moment. “Okay, I’ll pick you up at seven
forty-five and we can grab Brett at eight o’clock.”
“Why are you guys whispering about it?” Brett asked through a
mouthful of watery, grilled mystery meat that tasted like chicken
breast. He brought his eyes up from his lunch tray and regarded his
friends with curiosity.
“Samantha doesn’t want the whole school showing up, or worse,
the Holy Ones finding out.” The term Holy Ones referred to the ever-
watchful monks and nuns of the school.
“Oh, right. Duh.” He absentmindedly returned his gaze to the
lunch tray.
“What’s bugging you?” Diego asked.
11
Brett looked up. “Me?”

“Yeah you. You’ve been staring at your lunch ever since you sat
down.”
He shrugged. “Something Annabelle said after theology class.
‘That in God’s eyes, there’s sin, and then there’s being a homosexual.
Sin can be forgiven, homosexuality, well, not so much.’”
“Okay,” Diego said, frowning at him.
“Do you think that’s true?” Brett asked, swallowing his soggy
grilled chicken.
Diego shrugged. “I dunno, why should I care? I’m not gay.”
Priya frowned at him. “Don’t be an ass.” She gazed at Brett with
curiosity.
“Demerit!” Diego replied with a grin.
She rolled her eyes and spoke to Brett. “It’s really bothering you,
huh?”
Brett nodded. “Annabelle asked if I knew any gay people, which I
don’t, then basically told me I couldn’t understand until I did. I didn’t
realize the Church hated gay people so much.”
“I’m not sure they hate gay people, but it would seem they don’t
like them very much,” Priya replied.
“What do you mean?” Diego asked.
“Well, remember Mrs. Finadle? She was fired two weeks after the
start of freshman year. Rumor has it, Father Anselm suspended and
then fired her after they discovered she was married to a woman. The
whole thing was hush-hush, but she’s not shy on her Facebook page.”
“You looked her up?” Diego asked.
“I was curious. I didn’t know what was going on at the time, nor
did I think the school would be so discriminating. But, it is a Catholic
institution.”
“Seems like anything related to sex or fun is on the go-straight-to-
hell list unless you’re straight, married, and don’t fornicate or
masturbate,” Brett said.
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LOVE’S HOPE
“Well, that last one means most of the school is going to hell,”
Diego said, laughing. “We’re horny teenagers. We need release.”
“Father Benedict disagrees,” Brett said with a smile.
Diego dismissively waved his left hand. “He’s old and gave that
up. I didn’t, and I like it.”
Priya rolled her eyes. “We know, Diego. It’s a wonder you haven’t
broken it yet.”
Diego’s eyes popped open. “Oh my gosh, is that a thing? Can you
break it by doing that too much?”
It was Brett’s turn to roll his eyes at his gullible friend. “No,
Diego, you can’t break it by jerking off.”
“Whew.” An expression of relief washed over Diego’s face.
“But, I suppose you could get a nasty friction burn if you do it too
much, so be careful,” Priya said, offering an innocent smile.
Diego and Brett frowned at her.
She laughed and raised her hands in a questioning gesture.
“What? I don’t have one so it’s not like I know exactly how it works
for guys. Anyway, could we please stop talking about how you
relieve your hormonal urges?”
“Like you’re innocent of that sin,” Diego said with a smirk.
“I didn’t deny it.”
“Hey, Brett,” a strong voice said. Brett looked up and into the
smiling brown eyes of Jameson Argyle.
“Hey, Jameson.”
The six-foot-four football star sat in the empty seat next to Brett
and glanced around the table. He placed his right hand on Brett’s left
shoulder. “You’re all coming tonight, right?”
They all nodded, and Brett felt unusually hot at the unexpected
and prolonged contact with Jameson. Brett smirked when he saw
Priya’s eyes light up and undress the hunky football star.
“Rumor has it Samantha has some new version of Strip Twister
13
for us. Our usual Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle games are on the
table, too.”
“Yes!” Diego exclaimed in a hushed whisper.
“There will be liquid courage, of course. Just wanted to give you a
heads-up.” Jameson’s hand gently rubbed Brett’s shoulder, then
squeezed it as he stood up. “See you kids later.”
“Bye,” they replied in unison.
“What was that about?” Diego asked, his eyes tracking to Brett’s
left shoulder.
“What was what about?” Priya asked, oblivious.
“You didn’t see it?” Diego asked, dumbfounded.
She scrunched her face and shook her head. “All I saw was
Captain McDreamy sitting across from me.”
Diego chuckled.
Brett took a deep breath. “He was just being friendly. He usually
is with me.”
“Uh-huh,” Diego said, shoving more pizza in his mouth.
At least, I think he was just being friendly. That still doesn’t explain why
I have a raging boner in my pants right now…
14
LOVE’S HOPE
2 | Dodgeball Fracas
Tommy Brinn
Tommy watched the opposing dodgeball team’s captain line up a

shot. Gregg Smith coiled his arm back and slung the ball at Tommy.
Too slow, too dumb, Tommy thought.
Tommy side-stepped and evaded the fast-moving red ball and
spun around. Anders Åke Bjurström, the cute, blond, and exotic
Swedish exchange student, caught the ball and whipped it back at
Tommy, who jumped and twisted his body to evade the red ball.
Tommy couldn’t tell if Anders was gay or simply affectionate toward
other men because he was European, but that didn’t stop him from
crushing on the blue-eyed boy.
“Nice try,” Tommy called out, but Anders frowned at him.
Tommy spun around and saw the ball heading for Michael Sumpton.
Eek.
15
Michael had deadly aim, a strong arm, and piercing brown eyes
Tommy loved to stare into. Sadly, Michael had caught him staring
one too many times and now there was tension between them.
Michael caught the ball, grimaced, and slung the ball at Tommy’s
head. Tommy dropped to the floor and whipped around to face the
opposite side.
“You can do it, Tommy,” one of his teammates shouted from the
sidelines.
Anders went after the ball faster than Tommy expected. Catching
it, the Swedish hunk spun around and lobbed the ball back at
Tommy, who quickly rolled away from the spot where the ball
bounced.
Jumping to his feet, Tommy watched the brown-eyed, light
brown-haired Gregg Smith grab the ball and then freeze.
He’s going to fake me out. He always does this.
Gregg coiled his arm back, but didn’t throw the ball. He lunged
forward, but still didn’t throw it.
Tommy smiled at him and Gregg scrunched up his face. Then he
fake-threw the ball and Tommy sidestepped to evade. Gregg hurled
the ball and Tommy sucked in his gut, and folding his body at the
waist into a greater-than math sign. The ball passed by without
touching him.
“Dammit,” Gregg swore.
“Language!” Coach Tomlin shouted from the bleachers. The
aging, former naval officer kept a sharp eye on the game and his
students’ behavior. If they fell out of line, he usually dished out
mandatory pushups as reparation.
Anders dashed after the ball, cutting off Pretty Boy, or Nicholas
Hallman, the dashingly handsome, blue-eyed, dirty blond model. He
had been photographed for several American Eagle posters in the
Colonie Center Mall over the past year and was featured on their
website. This earned him the nickname Pretty Boy.
“Don’t be a ball hog,” Nicholas spat, but Anders ignored him and
16
LOVE’S HOPE
caught the ball anyway. He then attempted several fake-out moves,

but that gave Tommy time to back away and sidestep down the
centerline. Anders threw the ball to Gregg, surprising Tommy.
Gregg caught the ball, spun around, and whipped it at Tommy as
hard as he could. Tommy reached out and caught the ball with a
smug smirk.
“Yes!” his teammates shouted, cheering for him as they rushed
onto the court to celebrate his epic win.
“Game!” Coach Tomlin called out. “Anders! Gregg! Front and
center.”
Tommy smiled. Coach was sort of this older, brusque grandfather
type of guy, but if you crossed him, he’d treat you like you were a
member of his former naval division.
“Thomas Brinn, you too, son.”
Tommy froze. What? Why me? What did I do?
He extricated himself from his celebrating classmates and walked
over to Coach along with Gregg and Anders, who appeared to be
pouting.
When the three boys stood in front of Coach, he put his hands on
his hips and glared at Gregg and Anders. “What the hell was that?”
he asked with a scowl.
“What do you mean, Coach?” Gregg innocently asked.
“Don't play dumb with me. You know exactly what I mean.
Dodgeball is a fun game. You're supposed to have fun when you play
the game. That means you're supposed to have smiling faces because
you're having fun when you play the game. You two weren't smiling
when you played the game. You were angry and took it out on
Tommy. When Tommy was the last man standing, you guys made it
personal. That’s unacceptable behavior on my court.”
“We didn't want him to win, that’s all,” Anders said with his
Swedish-accented English.
“You ball-hogged and deliberately excluded your teammates,”
17
Coach said, putting his finger in the exchange student's face. “You
weren't having fun. I don't know what your deal is, but keep it off the
court and keep it out of this school, is that clear?”
The two boys didn't respond. “Is that clear?” Coach Tomlin
boomed. Everyone in the gymnasium watched the spectacle with
great interest.
“Yes sir,” Gregg and Anders replied together.
“Both of you drop and give me a hundred.”
Gregg and Anders groaned, but dropped to the floor and started
cranking out push-ups. They knew better than to question Coach or
challenge him since he would double their push-ups without a second
thought.
Coach looked at Tommy. “Well played, son. Don't let those two
clowns intimidate you.”
“I won’t, Coach,” he replied. Thanks for taking care of Dumb and
Dumber.
Coach turned to the gawking students and clapped his hands
twice. “You've got fifteen minutes until the bell rings, so hit the
showers. Move out!”
A chorus of “yes, sirs” echoed in the gymnasium as the students
hustled to their appropriate locker rooms.
Shower steam and sweaty teenage boys turned the high school’s
otherwise unceremonious gray and beige locker room into a titillating
sauna experience for Tommy. The voices of his classmates and the
football athletes in various states of undress echoed around him as he
changed.
Tommy tried to keep his eyes forward, but he discreetly checked
out the guys nearest his locker. Keep your eyes off their dicks. They’re all
cool changing and showering in front of the gay guys, but I don’t need to
18
LOVE’S HOPE
piss one of them off.

Much to Tommy’s delight, most of the football team—including
Cody and Daren—pranced around nude as they moved between the
lockers and the showers regardless of who was around. Tommy had a
huge crush on Cody, which Cody knew about, and the two became
fast friends nevertheless. Daren had been a bully, but he eventually
came out of the closet when his drunk-ass father publicly beat him
one night in August after football practice. Coincidentally, it was the
same night the Temple High Gay-Straight Alliance held their back-to-
school barbecue and party.
A year or so ago, when two of the football team’s members—
Bryan and Trevor—announced they were gay and dating, a few
football players were upset but they were quickly silenced by the
majority who didn’t care and supported them. Adding out-and-
proudie (a phrase coined by the vivacious Tracy Whiccomb) Tommy
to the mix in the locker room didn’t alarm the football team, but some
of his non-football classmates were more apprehensive about
parading around the locker room in the nude.
“That was a really good game we played. You killed it at the end,”
Zach Higgins said, pausing near Tommy on his way to the showers.
Zach was one of Tommy's same-grade friends at Temple High, but
they had yet to socialize outside of school.
Zach wore a blue bath towel around his waist and carried a
shower caddy in his left hand. “You were amazing as usual as the last
man standing.”
“Thanks,” Tommy said with a grin. He dropped his shorts to the
floor, stepped out of them, and then wrapped his gray bath towel
around his waist. Grabbing what he needed from his gym bag, he
kicked his shorts and underwear into his locker and walked with
Zach to the showers.
“It’s too bad Gregg and Anders had to be such jerks,” Zach said in
a low voice.
“Yeah, but they got what they deserved,” Tommy said. “I’m glad
19
Coach was watching this time. He doesn’t always see when the bigger
kids pick on us runts.”
Zach laughed. “I know what you mean.” Zach and Tommy were
among the shorter of their peers. When the boys walked into the
shower area, they pulled off their towels and hung them on hooks in
the entryway. Tommy, like most of the guys in his sophomore class,
had learned not to be shy about his body during freshman year. Those
who didn’t always struggled with the post-gym class shower scene.
The large, square space ahead of them was outfitted with about
twenty open-concept shower stations distributed across three tiled
walls. For Tommy, the room afforded an unobstructed view of the
other showering guys, which he knew was a dangerous game to play.
The last thing Tommy needed was an unexpected boner in the shower
area.
A few of the guys who were on Tommy’s dodgeball team gave
him a thumbs-up and congratulated him. “Nice job, Fire Crotch,” one
of them said, and Tommy chuckled. Some of his peers affectionately
called him Fire Crotch because his pubic hair was the same bright, fire-
red color as the hair on his head.
Tommy and Zach moved to adjacent shower stations and turned
on the water, quickly rinsing away the sweat from their bodies.
“Plans this weekend?” Zach asked.
“Eh, chores at home. My dad’s afraid it's going to snow soon and
the yard is still covered with leaves. That's what I'll be doing Sunday,
along with homework in the afternoon. Hopefully on Saturday I'll be
able to hang out with my usual gang.”
“Wanna play Battlefront online tonight?”
Tommy regarded his friend. “Duh.” Though they didn’t hang out
outside of school, they often played Star Wars: Battlefront via their
XBOXs with a few of their classmates. Occasionally, Tommy’s friend,
Skyler Phoenix, would join in from his house if he wasn’t hanging out
with his boyfriend, Kalin Mars.
“It’s really awesome you guys are that tight. Most upperclassmen
20
LOVE’S HOPE
wouldn't bother including an underclassman in their friend circles.”

Tommy smiled as he squirted body wash into his open hand. “I’m
really lucky.”
“How did you get in with that group?”
“I met CK on the track team. We hit it off, and then his friend
Tracy fell in love with me and we became friends.”
“Fell in love with you?” Zach asked, his brow wrinkled with
confusion as he shampooed his hair.
Tommy nodded and spread soap over his body. “Metaphorically
speaking, of course. They invited me to hang out with them and I did.
CK’s parents are really nice, too. That's when I met Cody.”
“He's your football crush, right?”
Tommy nodded. The hot water made his cheeks rosy, so Zach
didn’t see him blush. Tommy appreciated how almost no one cared
he was gay. In fact, most students at Temple High didn’t think twice
about someone’s differing sexual orientation or gender identity.
“Yeah. Over the summer, Skyler moved in with CK and we kept
hanging out. That's how Skyler met Kalin, too.”
“Cool.”
The boys finished showering, dried off, and made their way back
to their clothes, carrying their towels over their shoulders. The
general shyness most of the boys felt on the way into the showers
usually disappeared by the end of their shower time.
“See you at lunch,” Zach said, moving to his changing area.
“Bye.” As Tommy dressed, Anders and Gregg walked by, but
they ignored him.
Good. Looks like I won't have to deal with any more of their bullshit.
21
3 | Anathema
Brett
Brett filled his and Diego’s red Solo cup with ice and poured more
of Samantha’s homemade rum punch into them. The punch tasted
like boozy candy and it provided everyone with the necessary
fearlessness they needed to begin the night’s shenanigans. The
hoagies he had eaten for dinner with his family did little to absorb the
booze, and he felt a gentle buzz settling in as he finished at the bar.
Samantha hosted the party in the finished basement of her
parents’ home. A few years ago, they had outfitted the basement with
a pool table, a poker table, an oversized wrap-around couch that
faced an equally oversized television, and an antique-looking juke
box with Bluetooth connectivity so they could play their own music.
There was also a wall adorned with movie memorabilia Samantha’s
father collected. It reminded Brett of a restaurant with all kinds of
22
LOVE’S HOPE
crap screwed to the walls.

The rear of the basement, which was at ground level, provided
direct access to the hot tub and pool. Its convenience often resulted in
skinny-dipping and other mischief. The cool fall weather prevented
swimming in the pool, but the hot tub was always ready for use.
Brett rejoined his friends at the pool table and handed Diego his
drink. Jameson and Elijah were playing a game of pool. Elijah and his
best friend, Chris Khoury, were on the football team with Jameson,
and the three were inseparable—much like Brett, Diego, and Priya.
Samantha invited her gal-pals—Annabelle, Meghan Turcotte, and
Sarah Henley—as well, rounding out the party to ten attendees.
The billiard balls cracked as Jameson sunk the solid blue two ball
into the corner pocket.
“Nice!” Chris exclaimed, and the girls clapped. Since Chris had
lost the first game to Jameson and had only worn one layer, he was
now shirtless, showing off several months’ growth of acuminate hair
on his torso—a sight Brett found oddly captivating. Meghan did too,
and she seized every opportunity to touch or play with his chest hair.
Chris didn’t mind her affections at all.
“Aw, man!” Elijah said, frustrated since he was losing this round
to Jameson.
Brett chuckled and sipped his rum punch.
“You all know the rules of any game we play,” Samantha said in a
singsong tone. “The loser loses a piece of clothing.”
“Yup,” Elijah replied, letting loose a fake groan. “That’s why we
come, to escape our God-fearing lives and…”
The billiard balls cracked again as Jameson sunk the solid red
seven ball into a side pocket.
“Dammit!” Elijah hollered, slapping the side of the pool table with
his left hand.
“Someone’s getting naked,” Diego teased, rubbing this hands
together.
23
“Now, now, nobody likes a sore loser!” Samantha quipped,

winking at Elijah.
“Yeah, yeah,” Elijah replied as Jameson set up to sink the eight
ball.
“Game shot, back left corner pocket,” Jameson announced. He
bent over and aimed his cue. Brett’s eyes briefly dropped to Jameson’s
tight rear end. Catching himself, he refocused on the black billiard
ball.
The room became silent as everyone watched the master steady
his cue stick. Jameson took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. The
cue stick shot out from between the fingers of Jameson’s left hand and
struck the cue ball. The white ball rolled across the table and nudged
the black eight ball into the back left corner pocket.
“Right on!” Diego cheered, and his peers applauded Jameson’s
win. Elijah shrugged and the two boys shook hands.
“Good game, now strip,” Jameson said with a twinkle in his eye.
“Yeah, yeah,” Elijah replied. He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it
off, revealing a white tank top. It showed off his muscular arms and
shoulders, but hid his incredible chest and abdominal muscles for
another reveal.
Brett swallowed some unexpected nervous excitement at the sight
of Elijah’s well-toned muscles. Weird, I’ve never felt this weird around the
guys before. It’s not like this is our first time at one of Samantha’s naked
party nights. Hell, we’ve all been naked together in the pool and hot tub
and…
Elijah looked at him and shrugged, and Brett averted his eyes.
Sarah sidled up to Elijah and wrapped her arms around his strong
shoulders. They were unofficially dating, but officially screwing
around. The girls made a few cat calls, and Elijah seized the moment
to flex his arms for them.
When they giggled, Samantha clapped her hands. “Okay, now
that we’re all here and have had a few drinks, how about we start off
easy with a game of Spin the Bottle?“
24
LOVE’S HOPE
“Sounds good to me,” Jameson said, winking at Brett.

Why did he just wink at me?
“I’m in,” Annabelle said, taking a sip of her rum punch.
A few minutes later, they placed folding chairs around the
oversized poker table and Samantha placed an empty glass bottle in
the center of the table. Diego sat to Brett’s right, and Priya sat on his
left.
“What are tonight’s house rules?” Meghan asked.
“I’m glad you asked,” Samantha said. “Whoever spins the bottle
kisses the person the bottle points to on the mouth. If it points
between two people, which it shouldn’t, we’ll do a re-spin. However,
let’s turn up the heat tonight, shall we?” She glanced at Jameson.
“Since we’re all experienced players, players must make out for
fifteen seconds.”
“Even if it’s two guys?” Chris asked.
“You don’t have a problem when it’s two girls, right?” Samantha
coyly replied.
“Um…no, of course not.”
“Good. Perhaps we ladies want to enjoy a little gay fantasy
romance as well.”
Chris and Elijah looked at each other and shrugged. Brett stared at
the green felt on the poker table. Tonight feels different. Until now, it’s
been innocent kissing for me, but now I’m anxious about this. Except, not
about kissing the girls…this is so weird.
Samantha continued. “Jameson, since you won both games of
pool, I think you should start us off.”
“I can do that,” Jameson said, suggestively bouncing his eyebrows
and reaching out with his hand. He placed it on the bottle and
paused. “Everyone ready?”
“Let’s do this,” Priya said, sitting at the edge of her seat.
“Here we go!” Jameson announced as he twirled the bottle.
Around and around it spun until the mouth pointed at Sarah.
25
“Oh, lucky me,” Sarah said, blushing.

As Jameson stood and walked around the poker table to where
Sarah sat, Brett noticed a pouty face on Priya. Hah, she really wants to
kiss him tonight.
They whistled and catcalled as Jameson and Sarah kissed for
fifteen seconds. Brett noticed Sarah wasn’t into kissing Jameson.
That’s weird, I thought all the girls wanted to be with him.
When Jameson returned to his seat, Sarah stood, reached out, and
spun the bottle. It stopped at Samantha, and when the two girls
kissed, the boys whistled and cheered.
Samantha spun the bottle, and she had to kiss Chris, who spun the
bottle and had to kiss Elijah, who then spun the bottle and had to kiss
Meghan, who spun and had to kiss Jameson, who then had to kiss
Priya.
Brett chuckled as Priya jumped out of her chair and approached
Jameson. She pushed her long brown hair over her left shoulder,
straddled his lap, and kissed him until Samantha called time.
When Priya pushed herself off Jameson, the friends clapped. As
she returned to her seat, she put her hand over her heart and
pretended to swoon, but Brett noticed small beads of sweat on her
forehead.
When she sat and caught his gaze, he gave her a knowing smile.
Her facial expression conveyed excitement and embarrassment.
“She got what she wanted,” Diego mumbled under his breath.
Brett turned his head and winked at Diego. “Damn right.”
Jameson had a smile on his face, but Brett could tell Priya wasn’t
who he wanted. Huh, I wonder who he’s interested in. Do they even go to
our school?
Jameson reached out and spun the bottle. “One of you is about to
get lucky,” he quipped.
As the bottle slowed, nervousness descended upon Brett. The
neck of the bottle came around and stopped, pointing directly at him.
26
LOVE’S HOPE
“Oh, snap,” Diego said, chuckling.

Brett felt himself blush.
“Okay, handsome, pucker up,” Jameson said, bouncing his
eyebrows. The tall football star pushed himself to his feet and walked
over to Brett. Brett pushed his chair back, but before he could stand,
Jameson straddled him the way Priya had straddled Jameson earlier.
Holy shit!
Brett’s stomach tightened and his heart pounded in his chest.
When Jameson’s hamstrings pressed into his quads, blood and
hormones surged through Brett’s body as an intense warmth washed
over him. He swallowed nervously and licked his lips.
Jameson winked at him. “It’s only fifteen seconds, stud. You can
handle it.”
Brett nodded and caught a whiff of Jameson’s signature cologne
mixed with…Jameson…a familiar scent he easily identified when
they were close. Tonight, it captivated him.
I don’t understand. I’ve kissed Jameson before and we’ve been entangled
in our underwear while playing Strip Twister, but tonight, something is
different.
Something feels different.
I feel different.
Jameson leaned forward, a smile on his face. When their eyes
didn’t break away, Jameson briefly hesitated.
Brett’s chest pounded with anticipation as the world around him
faded away. Nothing mattered except Jameson’s brown eyes and the
beautiful, soft lips that were about to kiss him.
Kiss me already.
Jameson closed his eyes and pressed their lips together. Brett’s
eyes snapped shut as a jolt of unexpected sexual energy shot through
his body when he felt the softness of Jameson’s lips against his own.
Brett whimpered as Jameson’s tongue gently pushed between his
lips, separating them and slipping inside Brett’s mouth. Brett slid his
27
tongue forward, and when their tongues connected and swirled

together, the growing erection in his pants became increasingly
sensitive.
What on earth?
“Oh my God, he’s going for it,” Diego exclaimed.
Even though his best friend was less than three feet away, Brett
was lost in Jameson’s kiss. Jameson shifted, and Brett groaned. A
moment later, Brett’s hands latched on to Jameson’s knees and
squeezed. He was about to come, but he didn’t want to orgasm in
front of his friends.
“Okay, you two, you’re going on twenty seconds,” Samantha
called out.
Jameson did not pull back.
“Are you guys gay?” Elijah asked.
Jameson grunted, pulled away, and smiled, his gaze lingering for
a moment. He looked at Elijah. “No, of course not. I’m just showing
Chris how to kiss a guy and get it done the right way.”
“Whatever,” Chris muttered. “Shouldn’t be kissing guys,
anyway.”
Jameson discreetly glanced at their crotches, knowingly smiled at
Brett, and stood. Brett stared at him, wide-eyed, and followed the
jock’s movements as he walked around the table in a wide circle so
their friends wouldn’t see his erection.
Brett scooted his seat closer to the table so Diego and Priya
wouldn’t see what was going on in his jeans.
That’s never happened before. Well, not like that. I almost busted a nut
without touching myself…and with Jameson on top of me. Holy shit. What is
going on tonight? What does that mean?
“That was hot,” Samantha said, twirling her hair with her left
index finger. All eyes turn to Brett, who felt flushed and hot.
“I think he liked it,” Chris said with a smirk.
“Everybody likes kissing me, what can I say?” Jameson said,
28
LOVE’S HOPE
showcasing himself with a grand wave of his right hand.

“Yeah, yeah,” Chris replied. “Spin the bottle, Kinkade.”
“Sure,” Brett squeaked. He nervously chuckled, leaned forward,
and spun the bottle. He took a deep breath in anticipation of where it
would stop. Will it stop at Jameson so we can kiss again? Wait, why did I
just think that?
He grabbed his Solo cup and took a swig as the bottle stopped at
Samantha.
Annabelle sat back in her seat and crossed her arms over her
chest. “This game hates me.”
“Patience is a virtue,” Samantha said as she jumped out of her seat
and ran around the table.
Brett’s sexual excitement shut down and his arousal immediately
faded at the idea of kissing Samantha.
Is it about kissing Samantha, or…
He became uncomfortably hot and his stomach flip-flopped with
anxiety. With his erection almost completely gone, he pushed his
chair back so Samantha could straddle him, which is what she did
when she kissed the boys. She was aggressive, clumsy, and rough,
even though she believed she had all the right moves.
Diego snickered but remained silent because he knew how much
Brett hated kissing Samantha.
She unceremoniously plopped herself onto his lap and grabbed
the sides of his face. He inhaled sharply and detected the notes of her
perfume, but the effect she intended with it was lost on him.
Her scent is nothing like Jameson’s masculine, sexy smell…wait, what?
“Pucker up, handsome,” she said. She leaned forward and pressed
her soft lips against his.
It's only fifteen seconds…
Like Jameson, he felt her tongue press against his lips. But instead
of the tender, sweet, almost delicate moment he experienced with
Jameson, her tongue felt like a jackhammer smashing its way through
29
reinforced concrete.
He gagged with surprise and his stomach lurched. An unpleasant
feeling moved from his stomach to his throat.
Oh shit, I'm gonna throw up.
“Kiss me, dammit,” she ordered, pressing her face harder against
his.
His hands came up and pushed her away. “The rum punch,” he
exclaimed, fabricating an excuse. “I'm going to be sick.”
“Eew, not on me,” she screamed, pushing herself off him.
Brett jumped to his feet, covered his mouth with his hands, then
ran into the guest room bathroom on the other side of the basement.
He dropped to his knees, flipped up the toilet seat, and dry heaved.
He heard footsteps behind him as he vomited the contents of his
stomach.
He felt hot, sweaty, and extremely uncomfortable at what had
transpired. He knew it wasn't the booze that made him throw up, but
he didn't dare acknowledge the emerging truth that fought to surface
from the deep waters of his soul.
The bathroom door closed as a second wave of vomit overcame
him. A reassuring hand stroked his back. “You’ll be okay, just let it
out,” Priya said, encouraging him.
The toilet flushed itself—or Priya flushed it—and then a wad of
toilet paper wiped his mouth. He groaned, spat, then dry heaved
several more times.
“Well, the rum punch didn’t agree with you tonight, huh?” she
asked.
He shook his head, and more toilet paper cleaned his mouth and
nose. He reached out with a free hand, and Priya pulled more toilet
paper from the roll and shoved it into his open hand. He wiped his
face, blew his nose, and tossed the toilet paper in the toilet. He sat
back and Priya flushed the toilet one more time.
“Are you okay now?” she asked.
30
LOVE’S HOPE
He looked at her and tried to smile. “I…” He paused, startled by

the unexpected onslaught of emotion that burst forth from deep
within. Then he broke down and sobbed. She reached out and held
him in her arms as he cried.
No, I cannot be like that. My parents will kill me. There’s no way I want
that…to be…but I am. Why would I be like that? I was raised in a good,
Catholic family. That’s supposed to happen to other people. How come I
didn’t know this sooner? My dick certainly knew when Jameson kissed me,
but I can't be like that.
My friendships,
my family,
my school,
my church,
my entire world will fall apart.
It can't be like that…
I won’t be like that.
Minutes passed until Brett’s emotions let up a little. He became
aware of the gentle tune Priya hummed as she consoled him.
Someone knocked on the door. “Everything okay in there?” Diego
asked.
“Yes, he’s going to be okay,” Priya responded. “We just need a
few more minutes.”
“Okie dokie.”
Brett sniffled. “Thanks,” he whispered.
When Diego’s footsteps retreated, Priya spoke softly. “It wasn’t
the booze, was it?”
Brett’s body became stiff. Oh crap, she knows…wait, she might not.
Just play it cool.
He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Do you want to go back to the party?”
“Yeah, but I’m gonna sit out the rest of this game.”
31
Priya nodded. “Probably for the best, given you just puked.”
“Ha,” Brett said dryly. “Thanks for being here for me.”
“Anytime.”
They pushed themselves up to their feet and Brett grabbed some
mouthwash from the medicine chest and swished it around,
neutralizing the sour, acidic aftertaste of rum-flavored vomit.
When they returned to the poker table, Annabelle was kissing
Chris, and Meghan looked incredibly jealous and angry.
Brett smirked.
While they were all supposedly friends, there were unspoken but
blatantly obvious attractions within the group.
“Feeling better?” Samantha said.
Brett nodded. “Yeah, thanks. I’m really sorry about that, Sam. I
hope you know it wasn’t you.”
She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I could take it personally,
but you’ve never tossed your cookies when we’ve kissed before, so
we’re good.”
“Thanks. Since I just puked my brains out, I’m gonna sit out the
rest of this game.”
“Good idea,” Elijah said.
“I second that,” Sarah added.
“Well, why don’t we move on to the next activity?” Samantha
said.
“Actually,” Brett said, clutching his stomach. “I don’t want to be
the party pooper. I think I need to go home.”
“Shit man, I can’t drive you home,” Diego said, staring at the red
Solo cup in his hand.
“I’ll order an Uber,” Priya said. “I’ll make sure he gets home.”
“Are you sure?” Brett asked. “I don’t need to ruin your fun.”
“No, it’s okay, really.”
“Well, sorry to see you go, mate, but now we’ll all fit in the hot
32
LOVE’S HOPE
tub,” Chris said, grinning like a fool.

“As long as I get to sit next to you,” Meghan said, twirling her
hair.
“Sure,” Chris replied with a smile.
After saying their goodbyes, Brett and Priya made their way
outside to the waiting Uber.
After greeting his parents and making small talk for a few
minutes, Brett led Priya up to his bedroom. He was allowed to have
girls in his bedroom, but the rule was the door had to remain open.
With his parents watching television downstairs, they could talk
softly without being overheard.
Brett sat on the edge of his queen-sized bed, and Priya sat next to
him. He tightly clasped his hands and stared at his whitening
knuckles. “I'm sorry about losing my shit tonight. I've ruined your
fun.” Damn, I'm such a loser to drag her into my problems.
“Don't worry yourself. Besides, I'm the one who encouraged you
to come with us tonight.”
He smiled and looked at her. “Yeah, this is all your fault.”
“Blame accepted,” she replied with a grin. “Do you want to talk
about what really happened?”
“Um, what do you mean?” he asked, scratching his face while
shifting nervously on the bed. He tucked his left ankle under his right
thigh.
She gave him a no-nonsense look. “Oh, honey, we've been close
friends for well over a year and I know when something’s bothering
you. Right now, something has you incredibly upset and it made you
physically sick tonight. I think we should talk about it.”
“I…um…” he stopped. Does she expect me to tell her I liked kissing
Jameson and that I'm…no, I'm not. His emotions choked his words, but
33
he managed to say, “I…didn't expect to feel anything tonight, that's

all.”
“What did you feel?”
Shit, that was a stupid thing to say.
He looked at her with tear-filled eyes. Of his two best friends, he
knew he could tell Priya anything without being judged. Except that.
We go to the same school, church, and have the same beliefs.
“I felt incredibly turned on.”
Priya didn't flinch. “I see. And how did that make you feel?”
He tilted his head slightly and shrugged. “Weird…I mean…well,
really good, I guess.”
She studied him for a moment. “When did you feel this way?”
“When I…” the words choked him into silence and tears ran
down his face. No, I can’t admit that to her. “I can't tell you,” he uttered,
pushing himself off the bed.
She grabbed his hand and held it. “Yes, you can. You can tell me
anything. You will still be my best friend no matter what you tell me,
understand?”
Can I trust her?
He sat back down. “It was when…shit.”
“You didn’t feel those feelings with Samantha, right?”
Brett stared into her eyes, then wiped his tears with his free hand.
He shook his head. “No.”
“So, it was with…” she didn't finish the sentence.
“Jameson,” Brett muttered, barely above a whisper. Then he
started crying again.
What is wrong with me? I need to fix this. I can't be attracted to
Jameson. That's wrong. It’s sinful.
“Jameson seemed very happy kissing you, too.”
“What?” he asked, startled, his body becoming rigid and tense. He
sniffed and wiped his eyes again. She’s right. He’s been extra nice to
34
LOVE’S HOPE
me…have I been too naïve to realize he’s been flirting with me all this time?
“I think Jameson is gay, Brett, and I think he likes you,” Priya
replied.
“No, no, no,” he replied, recoiling at the word gay. He pulled his
hands from hers, stood, and crossed to the other side of the room.
“I'm not…” he didn't—couldn't—finish the sentence.
I can’t be. I would have known, wouldn’t I?
He sat on the floor under the window and folded his arms around
his knees. He rocked his body as he shook his head. “I’m not like that,
I'm not…I’m not…”
Priya got up and crossed the room. She sat cross-legged in front of
him and put her hands on his elbows.
“Listen to me, I don't care what the school or the Church says, you
know as well as I do that it is okay to be gay.”
He vehemently shook his head and started crying. “No, my
parents will kill me.”
“No, they will not. They might be upset, but they will come
around. Is that what this is about? Have you discovered your
sexuality tonight? Are you gay, Brett?”
He continued rocking and shook his head again. “No, it…I…can't
be like that.” Don’t make me answer that question.
Frustrated, Priya sighed and grabbed the sides of his face. He
froze as she looked deeply into his eyes.
“Brett, did kissing Jameson tonight awaken something inside
you?” she asked with a soothing voice.
Tears formed and fell down his cheeks. His stomach churned, but
nausea didn’t set in. He groaned and nodded.
“So, is it safe to say that Jameson turned you on, and Samantha
did the exact opposite?”
He nodded again. “Y-yes,” he said, barely above a whisper. “You
don’t hate me?” he sputtered, emotions roiling in his heart.
Priya scooted to his side and pulled him in for a hug. “Oh, honey,
35
I couldn’t hate you. You are too precious and I value our friendship.
This changes nothing, except now I have a fabulous gay best friend.
It's okay if you’re gay. Really.”
A small laugh forced its way out of his soul, but the tears
continued to flow. “Nobody can know, Priya.”
He felt her nod. “What about Diego?”
“I dunno, I’m not sure how he’ll take it. He’s pretty religious.”
“Brett, he’s been your best friend since you were kids. He can
handle it,” Priya said.
Downstairs, Brett heard his parents moving between the kitchen
and living room. Afraid they would wander upstairs and see him in
tears, he pointed at the bed. “Come on, let’s get a game of Uno going
before my parents come upstairs and suspect something.”
“All right.” They climbed to their feet and Brett grabbed some
tissues from his desk to wipe his eyes and blow his nose while Priya
grabbed the deck of Uno cards from his bookshelf and shuffled them.
A moment later, they sat on his blue gingham comforter and Priya
dealt their hands. As they started playing, footsteps alerted them to
Brett’s father’s impending presence.
Pretending to be engrossed in their game, Brett feigned surprise
when his father knocked on the door frame.
“Who’s winning?” his father asked.
“She is,” Brett said before Priya could contradict his answer. He
paused and looked at his dad. How will you react when you find out your
only son is gay?
“Hi, Mister Kinkade. I’m cleaning house tonight,” Priya replied,
sliding the Uno cards together in her hand so it looked like she held
fewer cards
Paul Kinkade smiled. “Excellent. Keep him humble, okay?”
“Always,” Priya answered with a reassuring smile.
“You’re supposed to be on my side, Dad,” Brett whined.
His father chuckled. “Yeah, I know,” he replied, then continued
36
LOVE’S HOPE
on down the hallway.

Brett rolled his eyes and placed a red six on top of Priya’s blue six.
“Red.”
“Dammit,” she huffed, drawing from the deck.
They waited until Brett’s dad finished whatever he was doing
upstairs. When he went back downstairs, Brett said, “That was a
chastity check.”
“I know. Too bad they have it all wrong.”
Brett chuckled and knew she was right. His parents would always
nonchalantly walk past his bedroom when Priya or any of his other
female schoolmates were over and hanging out in his room. They
never did it when Diego or the guys came over, as they never
suspected any hanky-panky would take place between their son and
his male friends.
“So, do you like Diego?”
“Yeah. Of course, he’s my best friend.”
“No, I mean, do you like Diego? As in, you want to be more than
friends.”
“Oh, no. At least, I don’t think so.”
“And Jameson?”
Brett smirked. “Clearly I like Jameson. I got a boner when he
kissed me and I almost busted a nut.”
Priya’s eyes widened and she giggled. “Oh my gosh, right there?
At the table?”
Brett blushed and nodded. “If he had kept kissing me, I would
have needed to change my boxers.”
Priya giggled. “So, you like Jameson?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think I want to be with Jameson. I’m definitely
attracted to him…I mean, who isn’t? Wow, that feels so weird to say
out loud.”
“Weird?”
37
Brett smiled. “Like, good weird.”

“Freeing?”
Does it feel freeing to admit I’m attracted to a guy? To Jameson?
He stared at his hand and contemplated his response. “Yeah, it
does actually.”
“Does it feel freeing to say you’re gay?”
He quickly shook his head. “Not at all.”
“It will. Give it time.”
“You’re not mad or anything?” he asked, looking at her with a
confused expression.
“Why would I be mad at you?” Priya asked, returning an equally
confused expression.
“Well, I mean…being gay isn’t exactly…a good thing in our
world.”
“In the church world, you mean. It’s widely accepted in the
nation. We have same-sex marriage these days.”
“True,” he replied, staring at the Uno cards in his hands again. “I
thought you would be mad, or not want to be friends anymore.”
She shook her head. “That’s not me and I would like to think you
know me better than that.”
“I do, I'm sorry. I just…”
She raised her hand, gesturing for him to stop. “I understand, and
I still love you as a friend and just because you're gay doesn't mean I
think any less of you or want to stop hanging out with you. Like I
said, nothing changes.”
Brett smiled. “Thanks.”
“That doesn't mean there won't be some narrow-minded jerks for
you to deal with at school. Benedictine High is super conservative.
Some kids will reject you and treat you like dirt just because of the
way God made you.”
“Intrinsically disordered,” he muttered.
38
LOVE’S HOPE
“What?”
Brett frowned. “God made me intrinsically disordered. That's
what Bennyboy said in theology class when Annabelle pressed him
about gay people and the Church.”
Priya shook her head. “We have been trained since the day we
were born to measure our choices and actions against the teachings of
the Church.”
Brett nodded. “Annabelle said, ‘With you church people, it seems
that in God’s eyes, there’s sin, and then there’s being a homosexual.
Sin can be forgiven, homosexuality, well, not so much.’”
Priya chuckled, probably because of the way Brett emulated her
use of the phrase, you church people. She pressed her lips together and
nodded. “It must feel that way, Brett, and I'm so sorry you're going to
have to listen to that until you graduate.”
“Or longer. My parents want me to attend Steubenville.”
“Ouch,” Priya replied. The Franciscan University of Steubenville
was known in Catholic circles for its ultra-conservative mission of
imbuing and upholding the Church’s teachings in its students’
everyday lives. Those who applied generally chose to pursue the mix
of academics and deep Catholic spiritually.
“It wouldn't be a problem if I was straight.”
“But you're not, and these are things we should worry about
another day, okay?”
Brett nodded.
“How about I pick you up tomorrow at nine for breakfast?”
Brett raised an eyebrow with amusement. “Um, okay. Where are
we going?”
“To Albany. I know just the place.”
“Okay. I think my parents will be cool with that.”
“Just you and me, okay?”
Brett smiled and nodded. What have you got up your sleeve?
39
After Priya left, Brett sat in the living room with his parents and
watched the ten-thirty news while eating a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich. He tried to pay attention, but his thoughts were elsewhere.
I didn’t want to go to the party tonight because I thought Samantha
would make things awkward like she did last time, when she decided to shove
her hand down my boxer shorts in the hot tub. At least she was happy with
what she found, but that’s because I was sitting next to…shit…Jameson, and
our thighs were pressed together in the overcrowded hot tub. Wait, that
explains a lot.
He shoved the last bite of sandwich in his mouth.
And then tonight, the whole thing with Jameson was so over-the-top I
didn’t even know what was going on. That kiss…with a guy…felt so
unbelievably right.
His body involuntarily shifted more blood to his groin.
“Uh, I’m going to bed,” he nervously said. “Priya and I are gonna
grab a quick breakfast tomorrow at nine if that’s all right.”
“Do you need a ride?” his father asked.
”She’ll pick me up, if that’s okay.”
His dad nodded. “Good night, son.”
”Good night, Brett,” his mom added.
He made his way into the kitchen and loaded his plate into the
dishwasher.
I would have kept on kissing Jameson if we were alone…even if that
means blowing my load right then and there.
Brett made his way upstairs to the bathroom to brush his teeth. As
the electric toothbrush hummed in his hand, his thoughts continued.
But, am I gay, or is this just a phase I’m going through? I know that’s
what my parents will say. Or, they’ll tell me I’m not praying hard enough or
40
LOVE’S HOPE
some bullshit like that.

I can't be gay.
I've always liked the girls at school…I think. Haven't I?
When he finished in the bathroom, he padded across the hall to
his bedroom and shut the door. With a heavy sigh of uncertainty, he
undressed for bed, made sure his phone was plugged into the
charger, and then climbed into bed. He laid on his back with his
hands tucked under his head. His mind raced with thoughts.
What’s going to happen at school?
Are people really as progressive as Priya thinks? I mean, we don’t
exactly live in New York City or Los Angeles…we’re in Loudonville. This is
rich, white, Republican territory. How many times have I heard my parents
put down gay people? What about the people at church on Sunday who make
fun of gay people? There was that gay couple who showed up at Mass a
couple years ago who never came back. I saw how people glared at them with
contempt. Hell, our organist is gay and people gossip behind his back about
his feminine behavior.
What about my friends? I can't expect my schoolmates to accept my
coming out because I'll be the only gay kid in school.
What about Diego? He's going to be so upset. He'll think I was hiding
this from him and lying about being straight all these years. How many
times have we checked out girls together in magazines or from the bleachers
at school, but I never felt anything sexual for them? Sure, they were cute and
I know what an attractive girl looks like, but I never felt aroused, I never felt
sexually excited like Diego always seems to be. Maybe that was my sign, and
if I was a little more worldly I would've figured out I was gay sooner. It’s not
the girls I watch at school games, it's the guys…guys like Jameson.
Oh, Jameson.
That kiss…
His soft, gentle lips…
The smell of his cologne…
The smell of his skin…
41
The way his tongue grazed my lips and gently pushed them apart…
The way I almost busted a nut when my dick got so hard in my jeans…
Oh, Jameson…the way my dick is hard for you now…
Pent-up desire in his boxer shorts enticed him to finish the
unexpected fantasy that started when Jameson straddled him during
Spin the Bottle. He bit his lower lip as the familiar urge overcame his
thoughts. He slid his left hand across his stomach, under the
waistband of his boxer shorts, and took hold of himself.
He pushed the covers aside with his right hand.
Oh, Jameson.
He shuddered with pleasure as he slowly moved his hand up and
down, moving faster as the need for release intensified. Moments
later, he crested the mountaintop. His breath quickened and his chest
heaved as he came. Brett inhaled sharply as euphoria and warmth
spread through his body.
After, as his body relaxed, he basked in the calm euphoria and
exhaled a deep breath.
Oh, Jameson.
Oh, fuck!
Guilt slammed into his heart and soul like an anvil dropping to
the floor. He looked down at his wet torso and choked back emotions
that fought their way to the surface.
Oh God, what did I just do?
No, no, no, no!
He reached over to his nightstand and pulled tissues from the
Kleenex box, then wiped up the sticky mess.
I just jerked off while fantasizing about Jameson! What is wrong with
me? I can't start doing that shit!
He finished wiping himself off, then crossed the room and tossed
the tissues into the trashcan under his desk. He climbed back into bed
and hugged one of his extra pillows and wept.
42
LOVE’S HOPE
I can't do this, I can't be gay. I can't think about Jameson or other guys
like that.
But I want to…
43
4 | Annoyingly Single
Tommy
“So, what happened with Larkin yesterday after school?” Tracy

Whitcomb asked as Tommy sat next to her at their usual spot in the
cafeteria. He set his red lunch bag on the table and shrugged. “Not
much,” he replied.
“What do you mean, ‘not much?’” Skyler Phoenix asked through
a mouth full of peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “He's been sweet on
you since the beginning of the school year.”
Tommy shrugged. “It was weird. He was too…aggressive or
something.”
“Did he put his hands all over you and try to make out?” Colton
Kelly, or CK, quipped.
Tommy slowly unpacked his lunch. “No,” he replied, sulking.
“Then what does ‘aggressive or something’ mean?” Tracy asked.
44
LOVE’S HOPE
“Maybe that's the wrong word. I don't know, he's just corny.”
“Okay,” Tracy said, the tone of her voice indicating she wanted
more details.
“Do you know what his pickup line was halfway through our
conversation at Starbucks?”
“No, please tell us,” Tracy said.
“Yeah,” Skyler chimed in. “This is the third guy you've turned
down and it's not even Thanksgiving.”
Tommy smirked. ”It was, ‘can I play connect the freckle?’”
“You’re kidding,” Tracy exclaimed, barely suppressing a laugh
that CK let loose.
“Oh my gosh, that's hysterical,” CK said.
Tommy frowned at him. “Not when your face is full of freckles
like mine is.”
Skyler smacked his brother on the shoulder. CK looked at him,
but couldn't stop laughing. “What, you have to admit that's fucking
hilarious.”
A laugh bubbled up and Tommy joined in the jovial moment. CK
pointed at him from across the table. “See? Even he thinks it's funny.”
Tommy grinned. “In hindsight, I can appreciate it. But in the
moment, I wasn't having it.”
“So, you didn't like Ryan because he was too straight acting, you
didn't like Caleb because he wasn't out of the closet, you didn’t like
Jolan because he was too weird, and you didn't like Larkin because he
said cheesy things.”
“That and he slurped his coffee. He's gross.”
Tracy rolled her eyes and huffed. “Tommy, did you ever think
that maybe your standards or expectations are too damn high?”
“No,” Tommy said. But maybe she's right?
Kalin Mars piped up next. “Skyler is full of imperfections, but I
love them just as much as I love the amazing things about him.”
45
Skyler looked at his boyfriend with feigned shock. “What do you

mean, imperfections? I ought to dump you on the spot!”
Kalin smiled. “Well, if you think you can do better, go for it.”
Skyler's eyes popped open with real surprise. “Well now, you're
awfully cocky!”
“Yep,” Kalin replied with a wide grin.
Tommy pointed across the table at the couple. “See? That's what I
want. You guys can have fun with each other, joke with each other,
but neither one of you is sensitive enough to get hurt. You both know
the other is teasing. That's amazing.”
Skyler and Kalin smiled at Tommy, and Skyler spoke up.
“Tommy, it's taken time for us to get here.”
“But you've only been dating since the end of the summer,”
Tommy said.
“True, but Kalin and I just clicked.”
“That's it,” Tommy said. “I don't want to waste time trying to
make it work. When I meet someone, I'll know it's meant to be
because it will click.”
Tracy put her hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “But that doesn't mean
you can't enjoy being with someone for a little bit.”
Tommy dismissively waved his hand. “No, that will just lead to
someone getting hurt, and I know it will be me. I'll end up falling in
love and then I won't know how to get out of the relationship when it
falls apart or when Mister Right comes along.”
“Ouch,” Skyler replied.
Tommy shrugged. “I just know I want what you two have.”
“But don't you want to get laid?” CK asked, bouncing his
eyebrows suggestively.
“Of course I do,” Tommy said. “But I want it to mean something
special.”
“Sometimes sex is just sex,” CK replied.
46
LOVE’S HOPE
Tommy shrugged again. “Maybe. But that's not what I want, CK. I
want candlelit dinners and wine. Well, not wine since we can't drink,
but you get it.”
“You want to be romanced,” Tracy exclaimed, clapping her hands
with excitement.
“Exactly,” Tommy replied with a nod. “I want someone who has
the same romantic heart that I do, or someone who complements my
romantic heart. I'm not looking for a quick fuck. Although, sometimes
that would be nice too.”
“See?” CK said. “Maybe you should just try one of those guys
out.”
“And what, return him to the gay store if I don't like him?”
Tommy said, laughing. “No thanks, I'll keep my dick in my pants
until I'm ready or with my Prince Charming.”
Kalin burst into a fit of laughter and Skyler rolled his eyes.
“But what about Homecoming?” Tracy asked. “You’ve had your
heart set on going to your first dance with a guy.”
Tommy’s heart sank a little. “I know, I know. I just…I know Cody
said he’d go with me, but I feel like he might want to take a girl.”
CK nodded. “I think you’re right.”
Tommy pouted his lips. “He’s been an amazing friend and movie
night cuddle buddy, but I know he’s not into me like that. It’s not fair
to ask him to choose me over someone else.”
“What if he has no one else?” Kalin asked.
Tommy shrugged. “Maybe. But then I’d feel like his last resort.”
CK shook his head. “I don’t think Cody would see it that way.”
“I agree,” Tracy said. “I think he’d be honored to take you.”
“But he hasn’t asked me, and I’m not about to presume that. So,
unless God himself puts someone in my life, I’ll be going alone.”
His friends didn’t say anything, and an awkward silence ensued.
“Wait, you're religious?” CK asked.
47
Tommy shook his head.

“Well, you have to do what’s best for you,” Tracy said, smiling at
Tommy. He couldn’t tell if it was genuine or not, but she wasn’t one
for deception.
“Thank you.”
“At least think about it, okay?” CK pleaded. “You know Cody
wouldn’t think twice about dancing with you, and no one would dare
cross him about it.”
Ugh, fine. Tommy smiled. “I will think about it. But I’m not
pushing for anything. I am waiting for my miracle. The universe will
send me the right guy when I least expect it.”
“Just make sure your eyes are open. It’s already sent you three,”
CK said.
“Enough,” Skyler said, frowning at CK.
Tommy stuck his tongue out at CK and said, “Very funny.”
“Okay, then. We’re gonna be open to what the universe wants for
Tommy,” Tracy said. “Now, let’s move onto more important things.
Are we still on for breakfast on Saturday at the usual spot?”
“Yes,” everyone enthusiastically answered.
“Great.”
Tommy smiled. He knew his friends meant well, but they were a
year or more older than him and they could be pushy. But I know what
I need to do for myself…I don’t care if they think I’m picky. I want the right
guy in my life. I know I’m in high school and he may not be my forever guy,
but that doesn’t mean I have to settle. I know what I want.
I think.
“Stormtroopers on your left,” Zach said into Tommy’s two-way

headphones.
48
LOVE’S HOPE
“I see them. Grenade!” Tommy exclaimed. They were playing Star

Wars: Battlefront online, and it was a welcome distraction from
worrying about who he might attend the Homecoming dance with.
A moment later, the screen flashed and the image shook as the
game simulated an explosion. Multiple stormtrooper voices yelled in
agony as they died. “Come on, the rally point is unguarded now. We
can capture it.”
Tommy watched Zach’s Resistance fighter avatar move down the
dark-gray metal corridor of the Resurgent-class Star Destroyer
Finalizer to an open area surrounded by red and black computer
terminals.
“Come on, come on,” Zach said as the capture timer counted
down from ten seconds. “We’re sitting ducks.”
Tommy rotated his avatar and checked the motion sensor to make
sure no stormtroopers would surprise them.
“I think we’re good, but they’ll be coming as soon as we capture
the rally point, so let’s move on to the next one,” Tommy said.
“Move out!” Zach said, leading the way back down the dark
corridor to the junction which would take them deeper into the belly
of the massive Star Destroyer.
A flash of white dashed across the end of the corridor and Tommy
opened fire at the unsuspecting stormtroopers. Zach joined in the
assault and two stormtroopers fell to the deck.
Tommy’s screen flashed as alert tones indicated he was being shot
from behind. “Someone’s behind us!” He spun his character around
and blindly fired back down the corridor. One stormtrooper was
backing away, and the telltale clinking sound of a grenade bouncing
on the metal deck frightened Tommy.
“Grenade!” Zach yelled.
“Shit!” Tommy shouted.
“Language,” his father called out from the living room.
“Sorry,” Tommy hollered back as the grenade exploded and
49
depleted his personal shield and most of his health.

“Fuck, he got me,” Zach shouted in Tommy’s headset. At least my
parents can’t hear that.
Tommy’s EL-16HFE blaster rifle sent several bolts toward the
storm trooper, but his enemy’s aim proved truer. When his character
dropped to the deck, dead, the player name of his attacker displayed:
DeathByPhoenix.
“Dammit, Skyler,” Tommy said, taking care not to speak too loud.
Skyler’s familiar laugh echoed in his headphones. “I’ve been
stalking you two for the past five minutes. That was glorious.”
Tommy sighed as the respawn timer counted down. He waited
for his character to respawn, then spoke since Skyler wouldn’t hear
him because they were no longer in proximity.
“Was that Skyler?” Zach asked.
“Yes. Change of plans. Forget the rally points, let’s hunt him
down. The other players will have to pick up the slack.”
“You know he’s better than us, right?” Zach said.
“Maybe, but if we stick together we have twice the chance of
taking him out.”
“All right, let’s do this.”
For the next three minutes, the boys ran around the Finalizer’s
gray metal, white-lit corridors, shooting any stormtroopers who
crossed their paths. None of them, however, were DeathByPhoenix.
“Where did he go?” Zach asked.
Wait, he stalked us before…he’s doing it again. That’s what Skyler
does…he’s like a hunter and we’re his prey.
“Turn around and backtrack,” Tommy said, spinning his avatar
around.
“Ooh, good idea,” Zach replied.
“Get ready to shoot.”
When they approached the junction they had just crossed, they
50
LOVE’S HOPE
turned right and spotted DeathByPhoenix. “There he is!” Tommy

yelled, pressing the trigger of his game controller. Blaster bolts lanced
out of his rifle and struck DeathByPhoenix in the chest. Zach open
fired as well, and although Skyler landed a few shots against
Tommy’s shields, stormtrooper DeathByPhoenix dropped to the deck,
dead.
“No!” Skyler yelled in their ears.
Tommy and Zach laughed. “Nice,” Tommy said.
A moment later, the game ended, declaring the Resistance
victorious. “Yes!” Tommy exclaimed.
“Well, it’s been real, but I think I’m gonna crash,” Zach said.
“What? It’s only nine-thirty,” Tommy replied.
“I know, I’m lame. I haven’t slept well this week. I’m not sure
why.”
“School bothering you?” Tommy asked.
“Probably. Hey, how come we never hang out after school or on
weekends?”
“Um, I don’t know. We just, uh, haven’t.”
“Well, we should.”
“Okay. Let’s do something after school next week.”
“Sounds good,” Zach said. “See ya.”
“Bye.” When Zach disconnected, their private chat canceled and
his head was filled with the cacophony of ten-year-olds cursing about
the previous game, which players sucked, which ones were awesome,
and who should be booted from the lobby before the next game.
Ugh, why don’t these bratty kids ever go to bed early?
He checked the roster and saw that DeathByPhoenix was no
longer online. With a sigh, he powered off his console and set his
controller on the coffee table next to him. He grabbed the cable remote
and aimlessly flipped through television shows, but nothing caught
his eye.
51
Who will I take to Homecoming dance? Larkin was too corny. Ryan and
Jolan were nice, and Caleb is the hottest of the four guys—but he’s not out of
the closet and I’m pretty sure he’s asking a girl to Homecoming. I can’t
figure out why he’s not out of the closet. Maybe it’s a family thing…
Ugh, I don’t want to think about this anymore. I should call it a night.
Wow, am I going to be lame and head to bed this early on a Friday? Maybe
I’ll go see what my parents are doing. On second thought…
He shut off the entertainment equipment and made his way to the
living room to say good night.
“This early? On a Friday?” his mom asked, startled, muting the
television so they could speak. Though both his parents had red hair,
his mom—Claire—had the same fire-red hair he genetically inherited.
He sheepishly grinned. “I’m tired and bored.” And I can’t stop
thinking about Homecoming now that Tracy brought it up.
“Why don’t you read something?” his dad—Liam—said, pulling
his head out of a book.
Tommy grunted, then sat next to his dad.
“You used to love reading,” his mom protested. “What
happened?” She ran a hand through her hair, tucking the loose locks
behind her left ear.
“I dunno. I guess it stopped being fun when I had to do it for
school.” Tommy leaned his head against his father, who put his arm
around his son’s shoulders.
“But those books were assigned for homework and such. I
understand they wouldn’t be as fun as something you’d choose to
read,” his mom replied.
“What about that new LGBT Guardians superhero series you
showed me the other day?” his dad asked.
Tommy shrugged. “Yeah, that looked cool.”
“I’d be happy to order the books for you if you’ll read them.”
Tommy nodded and smiled. “Okay, thanks. I’ll read them.” He
was fortunate because when he was eleven, his parents told him they
52
LOVE’S HOPE
would love him no matter who he loved. So, when he came out to
them in eighth grade, they were incredibly supportive.
“Are you sure you're okay?” his mother asked. “You look like
something is bothering you.”
A small smile forced its way onto his face. His mom knew him
best, and she could always tell when something was bothering him.
“Yeah, my friends at school were talking about the Homecoming
dance and they were asking who I was taking. I didn't really have
anyone in mind, and I kinda wanted it to be special, but I haven't met
anyone special yet.”
His dad smiled and squeezed his shoulders while his mom looked
at him with encouraging eyes and said, “You will, Tommy. It may not
be in time for this year’s Homecoming, but I know there is someone
special for you in this universe.”
“You’re right. I just wish I could take a date to Homecoming.”
“There's no one at school you could take? Even as just friends?”
his father asked.
Tommy shrugged. “There are a couple guys, but I'm not really
into them.”
“I see,” his father replied, nodding with understanding.
“Something will turn up,” his mother added. “Have faith.”
Tommy smirked. They were not religious, but his mother often
said “have faith” because she came from a long line of Roman
Catholics. How or why his parents stopped going to church wasn’t
clear to Tommy, but he knew it upset his grandparents.
“All right, well, I’m crashing. See you in the morning. Someone’s
picking me up for our regular breakfast.” Tommy pulled himself
away from his father’s arm and stood.
“And then the leaves,” his father said, winking at his son.
Tommy groaned. “Yes, then the leaves.” He saluted and made his
way upstairs to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He loaded the
toothbrush with toothpaste and watched himself in the mirror as he
53
brushed his teeth.

Universe, I would love to take a guy to Homecoming. I want it to be with
someone special, someone that I care about. If you could make that happen in
the next week or so, that would be great. PS, not Cody. I love him, but I know
we’re only friends.
When he finished in the bathroom, he crossed the hallway and
shut the door to his bedroom behind him. Stripping off his clothes, he
dropped them to a pile on his floor and crawled into bed with his
iPhone, wearing only boxer briefs. Since he hadn’t made his bed that
morning, it took him a few seconds to rearrange the covers. He settled
in and stared at his iPhone for a few minutes. He scrolled through
Instagram and Snapchat, but the people he followed were unusually
quiet.
Because they have lives and are out doing fun things. Ugh, it sucks being
a teenager sometimes.
His eyes became heavy, so he reached over to his nightstand and
set his iPhone on the charging pad, clicked off the lamp, then rolled
over and exhaled a deep breath.
Ugh, I’m not even horny. What is wrong with me?
With another deep breath, he closed his eyes and moments later,
drifted off to sleep.
Tommy accidentally overslept and had barely finished showering

when his dad knocked on the door and said, “Hey Tommy, Kalin is
waiting for you downstairs.”
“I’m almost done,” he called out, rinsing conditioner out of his
hair. After waking from a vivid sexual dream with an unknown guy,
he chose to work out the unfinished sexual tension he awoke with
that morning. Though the deed only took five minutes, he now made
the entire group late—or at least Kalin, who was here to pick him up.
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LOVE’S HOPE
He shut the water off, grabbed his towel, and quickly dried
himself off. Barely wrapping the damp towel around his waist, he
dashed out of the bathroom to his bedroom. Thankfully, neither his
parents nor his friends were in the hallway.
Grabbing clothes—some from the floor, some from his dresser—
he dressed as quickly as possible, choosing to go commando for fun.
When he finished, he dashed downstairs to the kitchen, where his
mom had poured Kalin a to-go cup of coffee.
“Coffee?” his mother asked.
“Yes, please,” Tommy replied. “Hey,” he said to Kalin, who
nodded and winked at him. “Where’s Skyler?”
“He’s going with CK and Tracy.”
“Cool,” Tommy said. “Sorry I’m late.”
“Here you go,” his mom said, fastening the lid to Tommy’s to-go
cup.
“Don’t worry about it,” Kalin said, flashing a smile.
“Thanks, Mom. See you later.”
“Drive safely, Kalin,” his mom said.
“Will do, Missus Brinn. See ya.”
Several minutes later, Kalin steered his Subaru onto Route 9 North
and the boys made their way to Albany.
“Sorry CK was such a dick to you yesterday,” Kalin said.
Tommy glanced over at him, surprised. “He wasn’t being mean.
We all know he has no tact and he’s a horndog.”
Kalin laughed. “Truer words have never been spoken.”
“I was serious, though. I want what you and Skyler have.”
Kalin beamed with pride. “He’s awesome, given what he’s been
through. I don’t know how he kept it together over the summer after
being evicted by his foster family just for being gay.”
Tommy regarded Kalin again. “He has an inner strength.”
Kalin smiled, eyes on the road. “You’re right, and it’s sexy as
55
hell.”
“It is,” Tommy said, smiling.
Kalin glanced at him. “You can’t have him.”
Tommy rolled his eyes. “Ha, don’t worry, I’m not after your man.
Besides, someone like me doesn’t end up with someone like him.”
Kalin frowned. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Tommy shrugged. “He’s A-plus material, and I’m…”
“You’re nothing less than A-plus material, Tommy,” Kalin
interjected before Tommy could denigrate himself.
“I dunno. If I were, I’d have an amazing boyfriend.”
“Why are you in such a rush? Skyler is my first serious boyfriend
and I’m a junior in high school. You’re a sophomore. From my
perspective, you’re right on schedule.”
“I don’t know. I guess I'm impatiently patient.”
Kalin chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Oh boy.”
“Maybe the red hair freaks people out. I mean, people don’t
always talk about gingers in a good way.”
“What do you mean?”
“Puh-lease, girl,” Tommy replied, waving his hand. “Everyone
knows that gingers don’t have souls, so we have to steal them from
unsuspecting victims. See all these freckles? There’s one for every soul
I’ve stolen, leaving behind only a tortured husk of flesh and bone in
my hungry, wrathful wake.”
Kalin glanced at him with fear and confusion. “You mean that’s
not true?”
Tommy burst into laughter. “Shut up.”
Kalin grinned. “I guess we’re lucky you like us since you haven’t
turned us into dementors yet.”
“Yet…” Tommy echoed with a sinister tone.
They shared a laugh together and chit-chatted about school until
Kalin parked the car down the street from The Java Grind. Skyler, CK,
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LOVE’S HOPE
Tracy, and Cody were standing near their parked car, and the friends
met up.
“Where’s Daren?” Kalin asked.
“Couldn’t make it,” Cody said. “He didn’t do his chores this
week, so my mom grounded him.”
“Whoa,” Tommy said.
“And he didn’t get pissed off?” Kalin asked.
“He pouted,” Cody replied. “My parents don't treat him any
differently than they treat me. He knows that, so he really couldn't
object. Besides, I think he was just testing them, calling their bluff, but
clearly he doesn't know my mom’s resolve.”
After Daren’s drunk father was arrested for beating him in front
of the Gay-Straight Alliance in August, Cody’s family welcomed him
with open arms. Daren moved into Cody’s older brother’s vacant
room.
“So, obviously he’s not here today,” Cody said, shrugging.
“Come on, I’m starving,” Skyler said.
“I’ve got something you can munch on,” Kalin replied,
approaching his boyfriend.
“Oh yeah?” Skyler said, smiling as they kissed. He took his
boyfriend’s hand in his and led the way to The Java Grind.
Tommy grinned and the group walked to the café, which was
across the street. Glancing ahead at the café’s windows, he froze in his
tracks. “Oh my god,” he exclaimed.
“What is it?” Tracy asked, pausing to discern his line-of-sight. His
friends turned and stopped as well.
“Who is that? He’s gorgeous.”
“Oh, you mean the pretty boy in the window?” Tracy asked.
Despite having taken care of business that morning, Tommy
immediately regretted going commando because his body agreed
with what his eyes and mind thought of the handsome boy.
57
Tracy hooked her arm in his. “He is cute.”

“Come on, stud, we’ll get a better look when we’re inside,” Cody
said, grinning.
Tommy blushed and the group resumed the short journey to the
café. As they passed the window, Tommy discreetly glanced at the
beautiful young boy. He had messy-spikey brown hair, a square face
and jaw, and from what Tommy could tell, dark-brown eyes. He wore
a long-sleeve T-shirt with blue jeans. A jacket was draped on the chair
behind him. Across from him sat…his girlfriend?
Damn.
Tracy let Tommy’s arm go and moved ahead to Kalin and Skyler,
saying something about grabbing the larger table.
Of course the cute guy has a girlfriend. Tommy’s heart sank a little.
When they entered the café, he ignored the brown-haired boy until
they stepped in line behind a gay couple at the counter.
“Everybody knows what they want, right?” Skyler asked, still
holding hands with Kalin.
“Yup,” they all responded.
Moments passed, and Tommy couldn’t resist another peek. He
discreetly turned counter-clockwise, feigning boredom and
pretending to take in the café’s ambiance and decorations. Finally, he
faced the brown-eyed boy and noticed the boy was staring at him, or
at something directly behind him. He didn’t shift away when they
made eye contact.
That’s weird. Maybe he’s not…
The boy blinked and quickly looked down at his coffee cup.
Tommy saw a smile creep across his face.
Cody stepped over to Tommy. “So, do you think that guy over
there is cute? I do.”
Tommy absentmindedly leaned into Cody and put his arm
around his waist. “Yeah, he’s super hot. But I think he’s with his
girlfriend.” I’m so confused.
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LOVE’S HOPE
“Trust me, that’s not his girlfriend,” Tracy said, side-stepping to

join in the conversation.
“Really?” Tommy whispered, his heart pounding in his chest. He’s
gorgeous…and gay?
“So, go over there and talk with him, lover boy,” Tracy said.
Tommy’s stomach dropped to the floor as reality slapped him
across the face. “I can’t.”
“You can, and you will. If his friend goes to the bathroom when
you approach, I will conveniently go at the same time, introduce
myself, and get the scoop on him.”
“How?” Tommy asked, wrinkling his brow with confusion.
Tracy smirked. “My dear, we girls talk in the restroom, unlike you
performance-challenged guys. Now, do we have a deal?”
“Fine. Deal.”
“Tommy, it’s your turn to order,” Skyler said, oblivious to what
was going on.
Cody shifted over and put his arm around CK’s shoulders.
Tommy stepped up to the counter and placed his order: French
toast, scrambled eggs, sausage links, and bacon.
CK glared at Cody and said, “You know you just cockblocked him
by putting your arm around him, right?”
“I did?” Cody asked, oblivious. “He put his arm around me. But
now that you mention it, yeah. Sorry, Tommy.”
“What do you mean?” Tommy softly asked CK, having confirmed
his order with the cashier.
“You were checking out that guy with your arm around Cody. He
probably thinks you two are together.”
“Oh,” Tommy said.
“All the more reason for you to talk with him right now,” Tracy
said, giving him a gentle push.
“Okay, okay,” Tommy said, unintentionally leading the group to
59
their table. The boy watched them, but returned his gaze to the girl
across from him.
“Go introduce yourself,” Kalin said, a supportive smile dancing
on his face. “It’s not a big deal to say hi.”
“Okay.” Tommy took a deep breath and walked the short distance
to the boy’s table.
60
LOVE’S HOPE
5 | The Java Grind
Brett
“Why won't you tell me where we're going?” Brett asked,

frustrated after failing to guess where Priya was taking him for
breakfast.
Priya grinned. “It's a surprise. Can you handle it?”
Brett chuckled. “Yeah I can.” He hadn’t been to Albany for
breakfast before, but he had a vague familiarity with the city’s major
landmarks.
Priya steered the car off highway 787 and onto Clinton Street, or
Route 9, then made her way through the Saturday morning traffic to
their surprise destination. “Do you feel better today?”
Brett shrugged. “I dunno. It’s gonna take some time, you know?”
“To accept or to deal with…” her voice trailed off as she slammed
the car horn and cursed at a driver who almost cut her off. “Idiot,”
61
she huffed.
Brett chuckled and watched the other car swerve away. “You
mean about me being gay?” he asked. Wow, there was no hesitation or
question there…
Priya nodded. “Yes.”
“Both. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours and I’m starting to
use the words I am gay to refer to me. It’s freakish, you know?”
“It’s a big step, but I’m proud of you for taking it, even if it caught
you off guard.”
”Thanks,” Brett said, yawning.
“You didn’t get much sleep last night, did you?” Priya asked.
“Eh, my brain ran a mental marathon when I went to bed, but I
eventually fell asleep. Coffee will help clear the fog away.” I’m not
telling her that I jerked off while fantasizing about Jameson.
“At least you’re not hung over. Apparently, no one left
Samantha’s house last night and they’re all suffering this morning.”
Brett glanced at her. “Oh yeah?”
“Mmhmm. I texted with Meghan earlier. It was quite the party.
You aren’t the only one who threw up. Samantha’s rum punch was
too strong this time.”
“Oh boy,” Brett said, chuckling. “Let me guess, Diego and Elijah
barfed in the backyard?”
“You guessed correctly,” Priya said, smiling and pointing up the
street. “Look, we’re almost there.”
Brett looked around. “I have no idea where we are. I don’t think
I’ve ever been to this part of Albany.”
He remained silent as she expertly parallel parked the car. What
have you got up your sleeve, Priya?
When they got out of the car, Brett looked around again, but the
street was unfamiliar.
“This way,” she said, a mischievous grin dancing on her face.
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LOVE’S HOPE
He smiled and followed her up the sidewalk. Ahead, he saw signs

for clothing stores, a post office, and a café with a suspended rainbow
flag named The Java Grind.
His heart sank into his toes. “Wait, is this place…gay?” he asked
in a low voice.
Priya took his hand and nodded at him. “Yup.”
He suddenly felt lightheaded and uncomfortable and shoved his
hands into his pockets. “Priya, I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”
“To be who you are, or to get coffee at a café that happens to be
gay-friendly?”
“Um…”
“Tell me this. Would you have walked in here last weekend with
me?”
He looked up at the rainbow flag that waved in the gentle breeze.
“Probably, yeah.”
“Then what’s the big deal?”
“I dunno.”
“How about this: if it makes you really uncomfortable, we can
leave. We don’t have to stay, but I’d like to try to enjoy breakfast with
you inside.”
He nodded and smirked. “All right. Let’s go get some gay coffee.”
When they stepped inside, the smell of coffee and baked goods
momentarily distracted Brett. His stomach grumbled in anticipation
of something delicious. Glancing around the café, he noticed a few
older people sitting around a table were enjoying pleasant
conversation. On the other side, a college kid with a slicked-up faux-
hawk worked on a laptop decked out with blue and yellow equality
stickers.
“See? It’s not that gay,” Priya whispered, drawing Brett’s attention
back to their conversation.
Brett nodded and his fears washed away. “You’re funny.”
After scanning the menu behind the counter, they ordered
63
breakfast. When Brett received his coffee, he doctored it with cream

and sugar and then sipped it, wincing at the unexpected hotness of
the coffee. “That’s good, but it’s hot.”
Priya winked at him. “They have the best gay coffee here,” she
said, adding a splash of milk to her coffee. They walked to an empty
table near the windows, hung their jackets on the back of their chairs,
and sat down while the chefs in the kitchen prepared their breakfasts.
Priya sat with her back to the front door, which afforded Brett a birds-
eye view of the café.
Brett froze. Oh my gosh, what if someone from school comes here?
“What’s wrong?” Priya asked, her ever-present smile and award-
winning patience shining through.
“I…what if someone from school comes and recognizes us?”
“So? We’re just getting coffee.”
“No, they’ll think one of us is gay. That’s how it works.”
Priya set her coffee on the table and reached out with her hands,
gently grasping his hands in hers. “Brett, could we just enjoy the
moment and stop writing stories that haven’t and probably won’t
happen?”
He sighed. “Fine.”
“Thank you,” she said, letting go of his hands. She sipped her
coffee.
The door opened and a hand-holding gay couple entered and
walked to the counter. Brett’s eyes were immediately drawn to their
hands.
Priya glanced over her shoulder, then made eye contact with
Brett.
“Cute, aren’t they?”
Cute? Or sinful? That’s what we’ve been raised to believe. But…isn’t
that what I want? If I don’t want to be in a relationship with any of the girls
in my school…is it because…I want to be with…a boy?
He slowly nodded, unable to pull his eyes away from the young
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LOVE’S HOPE
couple.
“They’re probably seniors, or maybe college freshmen,” Priya
said. “Do you see anything holding them back from being happy or
living their life?”
Brett shook his head and sipped his coffee.
“Do you think that maybe God made them gay and they are okay
with that?”
Does God make people gay? What would Father Benedict say? Did God
make me gay?
Priya frowned. “I know where your mind just went. You went to
theology class at school, didn’t you?”
Her comment pulled his gaze from the gay couple. He looked at
Priya and grinned. “Guilty as charged.”
“Put it aside for a minute.”
The door opened and a group of laughing teenagers—six boys
and one girl—walked in and got in line behind the happy gay couple.
Two of the teenagers held hands.
Priya glanced over her shoulder again and studied the group in
silence. Brett did the same.
“Wow,” Brett said, his voice low and breathy.
Priya’s head snapped back, her eyes wide with amusement.
“Which one caught your eye? The tall muscle jock?”
Brett shook his head and smiled. He looked at the tall, brown-
haired guy he knew Priya found attractive. “No, he caught your eye.”
“True. So which handsome fella caught your eye?”
Brett blushed. “The redhead.” He’s gorgeous, and nothing like
Jameson.
“Really?” She discreetly peered over her shoulder again, then
leaned forward and said, “But he’s nothing like Jameson.”
He chuckled. “I was just thinking the same thing.” His eyes
quickly scanned the café and he realized the group would probably
65
sit nearby at the larger table. Then his gaze returned to the redhead.
He wore a navy-blue hoodie sweatshirt and his fire-red hair was
medium length with a messy, sweeping style. His pale face was
adorned with freckles and from a distance, his green eyes sparkled
under the café’s lighting.
His eyes are so amazing.
His eyes!
Shit, he’s looking right at me.
Brett blinked and quickly looked down at his coffee cup, but the
smile that crept on his face refused to go away.
“Aww, he caught you staring, didn’t he?”
“Mmhmm,” Brett said, blushing. He discreetly looked back
toward the redhead, but the boy had turned back to his friends and
slunk his arm around the big guy’s waist.
Dammit.
“Well, that was short-lived. Apparently, he’s with the muscle jock.
He just put his arm around him, and the big guy reciprocated.”
“Damn, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s not like I came here looking for love.”
“But wouldn’t it be amazing if you found it by accident?”
“One step at a time, Priya,” he replied, smiling. A server walked
over with their breakfasts and set them down. After checking to make
sure everything was satisfactory, the server retreated.
Brett glanced at the group of teens again. This, time he caught the
redhead staring at him. The boy smiled and responded to the name
Tommy when someone told him it was his turn to order.
Huh, interesting.
Priya spoke up. “I’m glad you didn’t make us leave because the
pancakes here are amazing, as you’re about to discover.”
Brett stared at his stack of six, four-inch pancakes, two eggs over-
easy, a slice of toast, three slices of bacon, and two sausage links.
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LOVE’S HOPE
“This is a lot of food.”

“If I can handle it, you can handle it,” Priya replied, pouring
maple syrup over her pancake stack.
Brett regarded her with interest. “How do you eat that much and
stay so slim?”
“Oh, I’ll be doing an extra cardio workout this weekend for sure,
but I’m blessed with a fast metabolism.”
Priya handed Brett the maple syrup and as he poured syrup over
his pancake stack, the redhead led the group to a nearby table. Unlike
the dark-brown and the dirty-blond-haired couple who held hands,
Tommy didn’t hold hands with the muscle guy. In fact, now the
football guy had his arms around another brown-haired, light-brown-
skinned boy.
I’m so confused.
When Brett looked at Priya, she winked at him, a grin splitting her
face as she chewed on a piece of bacon.
“The redhead is cute,” she whispered. “You should go say hi.”
“Priya!” Brett huffed through a mouthful of toast.
“What?” she asked, innocently batting her eyelashes. “They don’t
go to our school, so it’s not like they’d out you to anyone we know.
What’s the harm in saying hi?”
“It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since I came out to the first
person I trust.” Brett shook his head. “Besides, I didn’t come here to
make new gay friends.” The group of teens sat together at the large
table.
“But what if the universe wants you to?” Priya asked, a
mischievous expression dancing across her face.
“Priya, that’s not…”
“Um, hi, I’m Tommy,” the redheaded boy said, startling Brett,
who looked up and saw the cute boy standing at their table with his
right hand extended toward him.
“Oh, h-hi,” Brett said, nervously shaking the boy’s hand. It was
67
warm and his skin was soft. Brett caught the citrusy, woodsy, and
fresh scent of cologne—a scent he recognized but couldn’t place.
“He’s Brett, and I’m Priya,” Priya said, jumping up to shake
Tommy’s hand. Brett blushed and let go of Tommy’s hand.
“Nice to meet you, too,” Tommy said, shaking Priya’s hand.
“Same here,” Priya said. She glanced at Brett, then smiled. “I need
to use the restroom, so I’ll be right back.” Then she was gone and
Brett found himself alone with the handsome Tommy.
What do I say?
Brett watched Tommy nervously sit on the edge of Priya’s seat.
“I haven’t seen you here before,” Tommy said with a pleasant
smile.
If I’m not mistaken, those eyes look a little starstruck. Brett gazed into
the most beautiful, emerald green eyes—a color he didn’t even know
was possible. “I um…it’s my first time here. Priya brought me here
this morning because…” Brett abruptly stopped, feeling nervous and
embarrassed.
Tommy rocked his head to shift his wavy locks of bright red hair
off his forehead. The color contrast with his emerald green eyes
mesmerized Brett. “Because why?”
Crap, what do I say? “Because I…” Make something up from the party
but don’t come out to him. “We were at a party last night and I had a bit
too much to drink.”
Tommy frowned and his eyes darkened. “Oh.”
Aw shit, he doesn’t drink.
“I ended up getting sick and went home. I guess I learned my
lesson, you know?” He offered a guilty smile and shrugged.
A smile returned to Tommy’s face and his eyes sparkled once
more. He bit his lower lip, then said, “Yeah, that’s good. Are you, um,
here because, you know…”
What is he asking me? “Because of the coffee?” Brett asked,
confused.
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LOVE’S HOPE
The corner of Tommy’s lip curled up with amusement. “Yeah, but

this café, as opposed to the one down the street.”
“I didn’t even know there was another café down the street,” Brett
replied with a small laugh. Tommy didn’t seem amused.
Idiot, he’s asking if you’re gay. Crap, what do I say?
Brett became uncomfortably aware of the big muscle jock staring
at him from his group’s table. Just go for it. “Um…I’m here for the gay
coffee, if that’s what you’re asking me.”
Tommy visibly relaxed and smiled. His eyes sparkled and he ran
a hand through his hair. “Okay, cool. I wasn’t sure.”
“Uh…are you with that guy? That big guy?” Brett asked softly,
shifting his eyes in the direction of Tommy’s friends.
Tommy looked at his group of friends, and Brett saw the jock
wink at Tommy. “Who, Cody? No.”
“Oh.”
“We’re close friends, that’s all. Me and all those guys. And Tracy.”
Brett assumed Tracy was the black girl in the group.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Tommy asked, his eyes baring
innocence and wonderment.
Oh my gosh, he thinks I’m cute or something.
Brett shook his head. “It’s complicated.” I don’t want to tell him I
just came out…do I? I think that would be bad…
“Oh. Is Priya your girlfriend or something?”
Brett looked at him with wide eyes, then shook his head. “Oh,
gosh no, I could never. We’re best friends, that’s all. We’re not
romantically involved at all.”
“Good,” Tommy said, smiling. “Where do you go to school?”
“Benedictine High in Loudonville. You?”
Tommy’s eyes widened with unspoken understanding. “Temple
Valley High School in Kinderhook. So, that’s why we’ve never seen
each other before.”
69
“Do you come here often?”

Tommy scratched his chin and nodded. “Almost every Saturday.”
He smiled and said, “You’re really cute.”
“Oh, wow,” Brett blushed. Oh my God, a guy just told me I’m cute.
Even Jameson didn’t do that…
Tommy’s face became anxious. “Wait, you’re gay, right? You’re
not just here for the gay coffee?”
“I…” Brett paused. So, this totally cute redheaded boy wonder is the
second person I’m going to officially come out to? “Yeah, I am.”
“Okay, I wasn’t sure if we still had our wires crossed or not.”
Brett smiled. “We don’t.”
“So, um, wanna hang out sometime, like officially?”
“Um…yes?” Brett replied, a grin spreading across his face.
Officially?
Tommy pulled out his phone, unlocked it, tapped on the screen a
few times, and handed it to Brett. “Can I have your number?”
Brett nodded and reached for Tommy’s phone. Their fingers
grazed as Brett lifted the phone from Tommy’s hand, sending a wave
of excitement through his body. He nervously swallowed and
focused. Don’t screw this up or you may never see him again.
He tapped in his phone number, double checked it, and handed
the phone back. Tommy saved Brett’s number and then dialed it. A
moment later, Brett’s phone vibrated on the seat next to him.
“And that’s my number,” Tommy said with a smile. “Do you
drive?”
“Not yet.”
“Me either.”
So, how is this going to work then?
Tommy glanced back to his friends. “Maybe we can go on a
double date with Skyler and Kalin.”
“Wait, what? A date?” Brett asked, stunned. Out of the corner of
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LOVE’S HOPE
his eye, he saw Priya talking with Tracy outside one of the unisex
restrooms.
“Yeah. That’s…that’s what I meant when I asked if you want to
hang out. Sorry, I haven’t asked many guys out before.”
Gosh, I’m so dumb. “It’s okay. I haven’t either.” The starstruck look
was still in the redhead’s eyes. Brett glanced over at Priya, who
nodded and walked back to the table with Tracy, who diverted to her
friends’ table.
Tommy noticed Priya approaching and he immediately got out of
her seat. “I kept it warm for you,” he said with a smile.
Priya grinned. “That’s sweet of you, Tommy. Thank you.”
Tommy returned his gaze to Brett and smiled. “I’ll text you?”
“Unless I text you first,” Brett replied with a wide smile. Whoa, did
I just flirt with him?
Tommy’s face nearly split in two as he grinned. “Okay,” he
excitedly replied, then skipped over to his friends.
“I want all the details,” Priya said, grabbing her fork as she sat
down, once again digging into her pancake stack.
Brett chuckled. “Well, he’s…gorgeous. Those eyes…they’re
like…Wizard of Oz emerald green. They seem to sparkle in the light.”
“And what did he say?” Priya asked with a wide grin on her face.
“Not much. He asked about me, which school I went to, and…”
“Did you come out to him?”
Brett nodded, and Priya softly clapped her hands together.
“What else?” she asked.
“Well, it was kind of…flat, to be honest. He seemed…”
“He was terrified,” Priya interjected, loosely pointing at Tommy’s
group of friends. “His friend Tracy spoke with me to get the scoop on
you and make sure Tommy wasn’t going to make a fool of himself.
She said he’s a sweet, innocent soul with a big, generous, and loving
heart. Apparently, he saw you though the window outside and
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started crushing on you before they walked in. His friends

encouraged him to come over and say hi. He can be shy, and this was
a big step for him. Speaking of big steps, I saw you got his number?”
Brett laughed. “Yeah, he asked to hang out, but when I didn’t
understand he admitted he was asking me out on a date…”
“A date?!” she excitedly huffed, soft enough so that no one would
hear her. She quietly clapped her hands together again.
“But, neither of us drive. He thought we might double date with
his friends Skyler and Kalin. I assume that’s the gay couple over
there.”
“Twenty minutes ago you were positively terrified about walking
in here because you were afraid someone would find out you’re gay
because you’re in an LGBTQ-friendly café, and now you’re ready to
go on your first date.”
Brett blinked his eyes. Oof. Did I screw up? Should I have waited? Am
I ready for this?
Priya waggled a reprimanding finger in front of him. “Nuh-uh,
mister. I know what you’re thinking. Put those doubts away.”
“But…”
“No buts. This is what happens when you are free to be who are
meant to be, not what some archaic religion insists you ought to be.
Intrinsically disordered, my ass.”
Brett smiled and glanced across the empty table at Tommy, who
blushed and smiled back at him. A few of his friends looked over, and
Brett returned his gaze to his now-cold breakfast.
“Well, I blame all of this on you and the gay coffee.”
Priya burst into laughter. “I willingly accept my portion of the
blame.”
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6 | Twitterpated
Tommy
“Oh my gosh,” Tommy said, flopping down onto Skyler’s bed. He

rolled onto his back and extended his arms, arranging his thumbs and
index fingers in opposing directions to create a camera frame. He
squinted with one eye, imagining Brett was the subject of his
photoshoot. He’s so handsome.
“Make yourself at home,” Skyler quipped.
“Thanks,” Tommy replied with a smirk.
During the drive back to Kinderhook, Tommy replayed the
conversation with Brett in his mind several times, smiling to himself
as Kalin and Skyler chatted in the front seat. His heart felt big, full,
heavy, and light at the same time. If my friends hadn’t pushed me to say
hi, I might have missed out on something wonderful.
Tommy ended his imaginary photoshoot and clutched his heart
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with his hands. “I mean, can you even? Those brown eyes, so dark
and dreamy…eyes I could get lost in each night before I kiss him
good night as I gaze deeply into his soul.”
“Oh boy,” Kalin said, chuckling and rolling his eyes.
“His hair, his look…he’s so stylish. I want to run my hands
through his hair and pull his face to mine,” Tommy exclaimed,
running his hands through his own hair.
“Do you need a moment alone?” Kalin asked.
“Shut up,” Tommy replied with a smile.
“So, what I’m hearing is you like him,” Skyler said, chuckling as
Tommy waxed romantic. He sat in his desk chair.
“Oh my gosh, do I ever.”
“Until you find his fatal flaw,” Skyler added.
Tommy shook his head. “That won’t happen. He’s perfect.”
“I saw you guys exchanging numbers. Are you gonna call him
and go on a date?” Kalin leaned on the desk beside Skyler and smiled.
“Well, I was wondering if you guys could help me out with that.”
“Oh yeah?” Skyler said, glancing up at Kalin, who winked back at
him.
“Yeah. Um, we don’t drive. I thought maybe we could go on a
double date?” Tommy hesitated, and the boys stared at him. “It
doesn’t have to be much. Like, we can do our own thing. I was
thinking maybe we could go to the Colonie Mall or something? You
could even drop us off and pick us up later.”
Tommy pursed his lips as Kalin and Skyler glanced at one another
again.
“What do you think?” Skyler asked his boyfriend.
Kalin sighed. “I dunno. I mean, we already have such little time
together.”
Crap, they don’t want to do it.
Skyler nodded. “Yeah, it…”
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“Please?” Tommy interjected, his voice high and pitchy as he

pleaded with them. “You guys had all summer to get to know one
another. I need the chance to see if he could be the right one for me. It
just sucks we don’t live in the same city.”
“Where does he live?” Skyler asked.
“Loudonville. It’s sort of on the way to the mall anyway.”
“You have a strange sense of direction,” Kalin said, frowning.
“Okay, so it’s a little out of the way, but…”
“Sort of on the way?” Kalin interjected. “Does that mean we have
to pick him up?”
Tommy nervously swallowed. “Y-yes.”
Kalin sighed. “What do you think, Sky?”
Skyler took a deep breath, looked at Tommy and exhaled, then
spoke to Kalin. “I think we’re overdue for a proper date and shuttling
his sorry ass around is the perfect excuse for us to go on one!”
Kalin chuckled and grinned, then winked at Tommy. “Of course
we’ll help you go on your first date with Brett. We’re only messing
with you.”
Tommy jumped off the bed and dashed across the room to Kalin
and wrapped his arms around him. “Oh my gosh, thank you, guys,
thank you, thank you!” He hugged Skyler with the same enthusiasm.
CK knocked on the doorframe and entered, followed by Tracy and
Cody.
“About time you get here,” Skyler said, looking at his non-existent
wristwatch.
“Unlike you, we didn’t speed,” CK replied, leaning against the
doorframe. Cody walked over to the bed and sat down. Tracy stood
near CK.
“I didn’t speed!” Kalin protested. “I just know the secret
shortcuts.”
“Uh-huh,” CK replied.
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“So, what are we talking about?” Cody asked.

“Someone’s going on his first date,” Kalin said, jerking his thumb
at Tommy.
“What?” Tracy squealed, clapping her hands together. “You
already have a date?”
Tommy grinned and shook his head. “Well, no, but they’re gonna
help me out because Brett and I don’t drive.”
“Brett and I?” Cody said, echoing the insinuation of a relationship.
Tommy swooned and said, “Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” He
clutched his heart again and skipped across the room to Skyler’s bed.
He plopped down next to Cody, who wrapped his big, strong arm
around Tommy’s shoulders and gently squeezed.
“It’s not even Christmas and you’re already cheating on me.”
Tommy snapped his head up to Cody’s face and narrowed his
eyes, but a laugh forced its way through his feigned anger. “Sorry,
Cody.”
“All is forgiven,” Cody replied, smiling back at him.
“What about Homecoming?” CK asked.
Tommy leaned against Cody’s strong body. “Oh, I’d love to ask
him to Homecoming, but I should probably see how the first date
goes.”
“Well, don’t wait too long. Homecoming is right around the
corner.”
“I know, I know.”
Tommy’s phone vibrated, and he quickly checked the message.
“Crap. I have to go home. My dad needs me to help with the leaves.”
“Yeah, I gotta get going, too,” Tracy said. “My nana is coming
over and we’re having a spa day.”
“I want a spa day,” Kalin replied, sitting forward. “I used to love
doing that with my aunties.”
“I could give you a personal massage,” Skyler said, bouncing his
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eyebrows.
“Oh really?” Kalin replied. “My muscles are ever so sore.”
“Aw, you poor thing,” Skyler replied, a wicked grin spreading
across his face.
“I’m out,” CK said, rolling his body around the doorframe and
disappearing into the hallway.
“Yeah, I don’t think I want to be here for that kind of massage,”
Tracy said, waving at the lovers as she crossed the room and followed
CK out the door.
“Can I watch?” Cody asked.
Tracy froze and spun around, staring at Cody with confusion
along with Tommy, Skyler, and Kalin.
“I’m kidding,” he said, pushing himself off the bed. “Hope you
get a happy ending, Sky,” Cody said, grabbing Tommy’s hand and
pulling him off the bed. “Come on, we gotta get you home. Your oak
leaves are calling.”
“Bye,” Tommy said, stuck in Cody’s strong grasp. He reached out
and pulled the bedroom door shut behind him. One day, I’ll give Brett
a massage like that. Or, maybe he’ll give me a special massage.
The idea of his hands on Brett’s body made him regret going
commando once more.
Whoops.
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7 | It's Impossible
Brett
Priya pulled the car into Brett’s parents’ driveway, but Brett didn’t
notice because he was lost in the abyss of negative thoughts.
“Whatcha thinking about?” she asked.
Brett sighed. “It’s not going to work out with Tommy, is it?”
Priya glanced at him with shock and put the car into park. “Why
are you already dismissing the possibility?”
“Face it. We go to different schools and our worlds are way too
different.”
“Meaning?” Priya asked, her voice and grip on the steering wheel
tense.
“He’s a public school kid, and clearly it’s okay for him to be gay.
His friends were holdings hands and he was affectionate with that big
guy, Cody. Guys can’t do that at Benedictine. We’d be made fun of
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and called names, or worse. Besides, we all know what the Church
teaches about homosexuality. I would be ostracized.”
“I don’t care what the Church teaches about homosexuality and
neither should you because they are wrong and out of touch with
reality.”
Brett shook his head. “That’s not what my parents think. Besides,
it’s not like I can tell them I’m gonna be hanging out with him. They’ll
want to meet him and interrogate me about why I’m hanging out
with a public school kid from Kinderhook that I met…I can’t even tell
them where I met him!”
“Did you tell him you weren’t out of the closet yet?”
“What? No!” Brett regarded her with wonderment.
“So, Tommy thinks you’re out of the closet because you were at
The Java Grind and it never occurred to you to be honest about where
you’re at in life?”
“No,” Brett said, sulking. This is all so new to me, can’t you see that?
“Ugh, boys and their masterful command of communication.”
“Was I supposed to? I just met the kid.” Give me a break.
“The kid you have a major crush on?”
Brett smiled. “Yeah.”
“You need to be honest with him, Brett. We’ve both seen enough
television drama to know what happens in relationships that are built
on lies.”
“Sometimes they work.”
“But usually they don’t,” Priya said with condescension.
“Listen to yourself,” Brett snarled, suddenly feeling angry about
being told how to live his life. Tears ran down his cheeks as he yelled
at his best friend. “You’re pushing me to get into a big gay
relationship, but I can’t, Priya. I go to Benedictine High and my
parents are super-involved at Saint Peter-Damian Abbey Church. If I
come out, my life will be over and all this supposed fun we’re having
will have been for nothing.”
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“Brett, I’m sorry, I thought I was helping…”

“No,” he shouted, slashing the air between them with his hand.
“You’re not helping. You’re only making things worse. I never should
have gone to breakfast with you. I never should have told you that
thing last night.” Brett unbuckled his seatbelt, opened the door, and
climbed out of the car.
“Brett…” Priya implored.
“Go away,” he shouted, slamming the door behind him. He
stormed up the driveway, wiping his eyes.
If my parents are home, they’ll know something is wrong. Hopefully
they’ll be out grocery shopping still…
Behind him, he heard Priya back out of the driveway. Her tires
squealed on the asphalt as she sped away.
Whatever.
Unlocking the front door, he stepped inside and made his way
through the house to the stairs. He heard noise in the kitchen.
“Is that you, Brett?”
He cleared his throat. “Yup.”
“Did you want to come grocery shopping with us?”
“Nope,” he replied, beelining to the refrigerator to get a protein
shake. The only thing that will help is a good weight-lifting session.
“Are you okay? Where’s Priya?” his mom asked.
“She’s not here.”
“Brett, what’s wrong?” his mother asked, pressing him for details.
He slammed the refrigerator door shut and wheeled around. “We
got in a fight, okay? Can you just…leave it alone for now? Gosh.” All
of this…because I’m gay…but if I tell you, you’ll hate me. Gripping the
protein shake tightly in his hand, he stormed out of the kitchen and
went upstairs to his bedroom.
In his bedroom, he stripped off his clothes and tossed them onto
his unmade bed—something his mom would eventually bring to his
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attention. His iPhone vibrated and he saw a text message from

Tommy. He frowned, then haphazardly tossed the iPhone onto his
bed. He pulled on a pair of gym shorts, grabbed his wireless
headphones and his iPod, and made his way to the basement weight
stack he and his dad had assembled and used several years back.
To one side, his dad had mounted a large, wall-covering mirror
one might find at the front of an exercise studio. Looking at his lanky
build and moderately defined muscles, he frowned.
You’re not gay.
You’re not into guys.
It’s just a phase, and you need to get over it before this blows up in your
face.
He pressed play on his iPod, picked up a set of twenty-five pound
dumbbells, and started his workout as the beat of Britney Spears’
Work Bitch thrummed in his ears.
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8 | Taking the Leap
Tommy
When Tommy finished raking the leaves, he was sweaty, hot, and
parched. His sweatshirt was now unzipped, exposing the sweat-
soaked T-shirt he wore underneath. His nose ran in the cool air, but
he figured it was the from the wet, damp leaves and moldy dirt he
had churned up with the rake and leaf blower. His mom had brought
out glasses of water for him and his dad, but they drank those an
hour ago.
“I think we’re done,” Liam, his dad, announced loudly as the gas-
powered leaf blower idled.
“Great,” Tommy said, looking around and raking the last of the
leaf pile into the woods on the north side of the house. “Were there
more leaves than normal this year?”
Liam smiled. “It always seems that way, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s
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because the trees grow and can handle more leaves.”

Tommy thought about the obvious explanation for a moment.
“Maybe, but it seems like we added an entire tree this year.”
Liam laughed and checked his watch. “I know what you mean.
So, you seem unusually happy this afternoon.”
Tommy smiled. “I met a boy this morning at The Java Grind.”
Liam’s eyebrows went up with curiosity. “Is it uncool to tell your
dad about him?”
“No.” Tommy’s smile grew wide and he told his dad what he
knew about Brett.
Liam looked at his son with pride. “Good for you. It will be
challenging to see him because you attend different schools, but it's
not insurmountable.”
Tommy nodded in agreement. “Yeah.” I’m so glad you’re
supportive.
“Love strikes when it wants, huh?” Liam said.
Tommy regarded his dad with a confused expression.
“Uh, it might not be love, but what I mean is, you found someone
outside of school. It’s a funny thing; Cupid strikes when you least
expect it.”
Tommy chuckled. “Yeah.” His dad wasn’t the best with
metaphors, but he still appreciated what his dad was trying to say.
“Well, thanks for your help today, son. If you want to finish up
that small pile, you can head in and shower up. Mom’s gonna have
dinner ready soon.”
After dinner, but before he logged onto Battlefront to play with

Zach, he nervously scrolled through his phone’s contacts until his
thumb hovered over the name Brett Kinkade. He noticed his hand
was shaking, and he smiled, acknowledging the nervousness coursing
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through his veins as his heart pounded in his chest.

Wow, that’s a new feeling.
He took a deep breath, then willed his thumb to tap Brett’s phone
number. The display changed as the iPhone made the phone call.
The phone rang twice, then went to voicemail. Tommy’s heart
sank.
Dammit. I think he sent me to voicemail. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk
to me after all.
He set his phone on the carpet next to him, grabbed his Xbox
controller, and powered up the game system. His phone vibrated on
the floor, and the caller ID displayed Brett’s name.
Tommy’s body came alive as he reached for the phone and
swiped to answer. Putting the phone against his ear, he answered it.
Whatever you do, don’t be corny.
“Hi.”
“Hey, sorry, my grandparents are over and I couldn’t answer. I
had to fake a bathroom run.”
Tommy grinned as he noticed Brett’s voice sounded a little echoey
in the phone. “That’s cool. I’ve um, been thinking about you today.”
Oops, that’s corny.
“Oh yeah?” Brett said, but his voice was flat, almost disinterested.
“Yeah. I’m uh, really glad I met you this morning.” Did you think
about me at all?
“That was unexpected.”
A moment of silence passed, and Tommy frowned. “Is that a bad
thing?”
“What? No, sorry. I’m just…distracted. I’ve got family over and
they’re talking about…well, it doesn’t matter. How was your day?”
“Good. I raked leaves with my dad for most of the afternoon.”
“Cool.”
Something’s not right here. Tommy frowned. “Did I miss the signals
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earlier or something?”
“Signals?”
“Yeah, like, did you really want me to call?”
Tommy heard Brett sigh. “Yeah, I did, but I’ve just got a lot going
on with school and stuff right now.”
Be brave, ask him on a date. “So, would going on a date be out of the
question?” Tommy asked.
“Um…not…exactly.”
“You’re gonna have to explain that one.” Worst reaction ever.
“My parents are…strict. Depending on what you have in mind, I
would need to figure something out.”
Does he mean lie to his parents?
Tommy gently bit his lower lip, then said, “I was thinking we’d
meet up at the Colonie Mall. My friends Skyler and Kalin agreed to
drive us since we don’t drive.”
“Oh, that’s nice of them.”
“Did you want us to pick you up?”
“No!” Brett replied sharply.
“Oh, um…”
“Sorry, that was harsh. I’ll ask Priya to drive me.”
“Which night works better, Friday or Saturday?”
“I don’t think it matters. It will depend on when Priya is available
and which night my parents will let me escape. I’m guessing
Saturday. I vaguely remember something on Friday night.”
“Cool. You have really nice eyes, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Brett replied. “So do you. I’ve never seen green eyes
like yours. They’re…amazing.”
“They change in the light, if you pay attention.”
“Oh. I will.”
“How about I text you…”
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“No, please don’t,” Brett said, cutting him off. “My parents can
read my texts. That would not be good for me.”
“Why?”
“Like I said, they’re strict. They’ll ask too many questions.”
“Uh…okay. How about I call on Thursday to confirm our plans?”
“Right. Like tonight, if I can’t answer, I won’t, so don’t think I’m
blowing you off. I’ll call back as soon as I can. Whenever I answer my
phone in front of my parents and they can’t tell who I’m talking too,
like my best friends, they become police investigators. It’s awful. I
have no privacy around them.”
“Wow.”
“Hey, I better get back, nobody takes this long to pee.”
Tommy chuckled. “All righty then. It was nice hearing your voice,
handsome.”
“Uh…thanks. Bye.”
The call disconnected and Tommy stared at the phone. Huh. That
was…different. Was I too corny? His parents must be really strict. Hopefully
they’re not crazy religious people.
Tommy sat back in his game chair and stared at Brett’s name, his
mind’s eye displaying Brett’s nervous but smiling face at the café
table.
Then he smiled. I have a date. I think. Unless Brett’s parents screw it
up? Hopefully his friend can get him to the mall okay.
His phone vibrated. He glanced at it and saw a text message from
Zach: Ready when you are.
Tommy tapped the controller and loaded the Battlefront game. He
smiled again. Weird or not, he said yes. I have a date next weekend.
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9 | His First Gay Days
Brett
The next morning, Brett and his parents went about their Sunday
ritual and attended the ten o’clock morning Mass at Saint Peter-
Damian Abbey Church. The same monks and nuns who administered
and taught at Benedictine High School ran the abbey church, so
Brett’s religious world of school and church was tightly connected.
You couldn’t sneeze without someone knowing it, and you could bet
your weekly allowance someone was talking about the sneeze heard
around the world behind your back.
As luck would have it that Sunday, Fr. Benedict was the celebrant
at Mass. Brett struggled to stay calm as they walked in because he felt
like a hypocrite. He thought everyone regarded him with knowing
eyes, their judgements damning his new, aberrant, and unholy
lifestyle.
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Brett calmed himself as he took his seat in their regular pew.

That’s paranoia…there’s no way they could have found out about
me…right? It’s not like Priya talked, and I didn’t see any of them at The Java
Grind.
Fifteen minutes later, he frowned because Fr. Benedict’s homily,
or sermon, was focused on moral and ethical action and the Christian
duty to always choose good over sin, even at the cost of personal
sacrifice. “The sinful life,” he said, “might never lead to heaven, but
the unrepentant life surely leads to hell.”
So, if I do gay things…I’m choosing sin…and if it’s who I am…if it’s
truly the way God made me…am I supposed to be sorry for fooling around
with a guy? For being the way he made me? Is that the “unrepentant life
that surely leads to hell”?
The confusing message didn’t sit well with Brett. He struggled
with the confusing homily for a few days, despite his growing interest
in Tommy and an unexpected comfortability with his newly-
discovered sexuality.
In school, no one treated him differently and as far as he could
tell, no one knew or cared about his secret. If they knew, they didn’t
talk. His sense of paranoia—the one he felt at church—faded away
and he realized he could still be himself in school…until gym glass.
More specifically, after gym class…in the showers and the locker
room. Brett’s mettle was tested when he saw his nude peers in a
whole new light. Some of his classmates were skinny with
undeveloped muscles. Others were chunky and in need of regular
exercise. Some of the guys were naturally slender or athletic, and their
muscles were clearly visible (which was when he realized he had a
thing for abs), but the beefy guys who worked out a lot didn’t do
much for him. There were two guys with impressive amounts of chest
hair for their age, but the guys who captured his lustful attention the
most (and nearly made his dick hard in front of everyone) were the
guys with thick happy trails of hair that dove down to their trimmed
pubes. Most of the guys—even Brett—manscaped and kept neatly
trimmed pubic hair. The unofficial yet highly touted locker room
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banter ensured the guys kept their junk ready for a girl to go down on
them. But more importantly, Brett learned that pubic hair usually
matched the natural color of the hair on a guy’s head. This made him
curious about Tommy’s pubic hair.
And of course, there was dick…lots of dick. With forty guys in his
gym class, there were thirty-nine dicks and their accompanying balls
to look at, each with their own unique shape, size, and personality.
Some guys were grow-ers while others were show-ers. Some guys
had low-hanging balls while others had tight balls that clung to their
owner. Some guys were cut, while others were uncut—terms he
discovered while testing his gayness late Monday night after his
parents went to bed.
He had tried to watch straight porn, but he found himself drawn
to male porn stars and their genitalia—just like in gym class.
Eventually, he masturbated to a man-on-man sex scene, then dealt
with the guilt of that sin, compounded with the guilt of looking at
sexually explicit material on his computer. He was careful to use a
private browsing session so his nosy parents wouldn’t discover his
Internet history.
The next night, he searched YouTube for videos about being gay
and coming out. After watching too many stories with uncanny
similarities, he saw himself engrossed in a common struggle of
accepting his beautiful, God-created self with the harsh teachings of
overzealous Christianity. None of this, however, prepared him for
Wednesday morning, when Jameson cornered him at school.
Brett closed his locker and eyed the boys restroom in the middle
of the hallway. I didn't realize how much I had to pee until I thought about
peeing.
Closing his locker, he crossed the empty hallway and made his
way to the boys room. It was the middle of sixth period—his free
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period—so there weren't any students in the hall at the moment.

When he opened the door, he saw Jameson washing his hands at
one of the sinks. Jameson looked at him, smiled, and didn’t break his
gaze.
“Hey,” Jameson said.
Brett stopped, letting his backpack hang freely off his right
shoulder. He immediately felt sexual tension between them, and it
scared and excited him as he felt his underwear becoming tighter.
“What’s up?” A cursory glance of the bathroom and the toilet
stalls told him they were alone.
“Nothing much. Been thinking about Samantha's party a lot,
you?”
“That was an interesting night,” Brett said, smiling.
“Oh yeah? I was thinking about one specific moment. In fact, I
thought about it several times, sometimes twice a day, if you catch my
drift.”
Brett swallowed with nervous excitement, knowing exactly which
moment he spoke of…and exactly what Jameson was doing when he
thought about their kiss.
Jameson wiped his hands on his pants to dry them, then stepped
closer to Brett. “I think we both liked what happened that night.”
“Um…”
Brett watched Jameson's eyes shift down to his crotch. He smiled,
then looked deeply into Brett’s eyes again.
“Actually, I know you liked it because the same thing that
happened in your pants that night is happening right now.”
Brett’s eyes popped open with surprise, but before he could say
anything, Jameson closed the distance between them. His right hand
wrapped itself behind Brett’s neck while the fingers of his left hand
slid behind Brett’s belt buckle and pulled him closer, their faces an
inch apart.
“See what I mean?” Jameson asked.
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“What if we get caught?” Brett huffed, his breath airy and full of
anticipation.
“It's never happened before.”
Before?
Then, the football star planted a deep kiss on his lips. Brett melted
into Jameson, feeling his straining boner press against the hardness he
felt in Jameson's pants.
Holy shit, this is hot!
Unwilling to stop or say no, Brett let his lips part when Jameson's
tongue gently separated them. A soft moan escaped Brett's mouth as
their tongues danced and swirled together again, and time froze.
Jameson's left hand held them together as he gently rubbed
himself up and down, back-and-forth, against Brett.
Without warning, Jameson's breath hitched and the pressure of
the hand behind Brett’s neck intensified. Then Jameson's body
trembled and shook.
Oh my God, did he just…
With shock and excitement, Brett grunted and pressed his lips
against Jameson’s. His body went stiff, then shuddered as he came in
his underwear. A strange grunting moan escaped his lips as his entire
body tingled from head to toe with one of the best—and
unexpected—orgasms he had ever experienced.
Jameson released his grip and pulled his face away. The football
jock smiled at him and said, “Kinkade, you kinky bastard, that was
hot.”
“Yeah,” Brett replied, regaining his breath. “But what the fuck do
I do now? This is gonna soak through my pants and everyone will see
it!”
Jameson jerked a thumb to the stalls. “Wipe up and shove some
toilet paper between your underwear and your pants.”
Brett nodded as Jameson removed his hand from Brett’s belt
buckle and walked into one of the stalls. Brett followed, but went into
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the adjacent stall where remorse and guilt washed over him.
“That was really stupid,” he mumbled to himself. Do I have to go to
confession now? Oh man, which priest do I go to? That means one of them
will know I’m gay? I can’t see Father Benedict…no way in hell. Why does
everything fun have to be a sin in my religion?
“But it was so hot,“ Jameson replied, peeing into the toilet. “Don't
sweat it, it's not like anyone saw us.”
“But someone could have walked in on us,” Brett argued, undoing
his pants to wipe up the sticky mess. Don’t you feel…guilty? Dirty?
Horrible? How are you simply okay with what we just did? And we didn’t
even lock the fucking door!
“Yeah, but that’s what made it so exciting. I'm gonna go change
my boxers in the locker room. See ya.” The toilet flushed, and Brett
heard the adjacent stall door open. Then Jameson left the bathroom.
Alone, Brett wiped the soaked front of his boxer briefs with the
sandpaper the school claimed was hygienically-safe toilet paper. Crap,
if this soaks through my pants everyone will think I peed myself, or worse.
Why the hell did I let him do that? I mean, I really enjoyed it, but still, that
was incredibly risky and stupid.
After using the toilet, Brett did as Jameson suggested and shoved
a bunch of toilet paper between the front of his boxer briefs and the
inside of his navy blue khaki pants. His underwear felt uncomfortably
cold and wet against his lower abdomen, but it was strangely
exhilarating at the same time—a constant reminder of his first sexual
experience with another man.
How did he know to do that with me? Has he done this before? Are there
other gay guys here that he's done this to…or with? Is that why he doesn’t
seem to feel any remorse?
When he finished stuffing his pants with toilet paper and buckled
his belt, he felt self-conscious, wondering if his pants abnormally
puffed out.
Ugh, everyone is gonna know…
When he approached the sink to wash his hands, he stared at his
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reflection in the mirror. Well, if I needed any more convincing that I'm
gay, that was it. I am everything my religion hates and if people found out,
they would hate me because I like guys instead of girls. This sucks.
The bathroom door opened and a freshman walked to the urinals.
Brett dried his hands on paper towels, then made his way out of the
bathroom and went to the library to study. Along the way, his mind
reeled with thoughts about what just happened.
Dammit. What do I do about Tommy? I’ve been looking forward to his
phone call more and more, but the thing I just did with Jameson…is that a
bad thing? Is that cheating?
Wait, stop, I’m not dating anyone. Hell, I’m not even within the
established norms of Catholic living. Dating a guy is like dating a girl…until
you’re exclusive…you’re free. Still, if I end up liking Tommy, how do I say
no to Jameson? Clearly, he either likes me or he’s using me to get off. He’d
ask me out if he liked me, right? I mean, I like whatever that was, and it’s
convenient…
But is that what I want?
When Brett stepped inside the library, Diego flagged him down
and pulled him from his thoughts.
Shit, I hope I look all right.
Brett glanced at his crotch, then waved at his best friend and
walked over to the table. I don’t see any moisture soaking through.
“Are you okay?” Diego asked.
Brett looked at him quizzically. “Yeah, why?” Crap, what did I
miss?
“Your face, it looks flushed or something.”
“Oh.” Brett shrugged and sat down across from him. “I dunno,
I'm a little hot,” he lied.
“Whatever, man. Rumor has it there's a quiz next period. Skully
figured out no one did the assigned reading and she's out for blood.”
“Crap,” Brett said. “I didn't read it either.” I’ve been
distracted…what's everyone else's excuse?
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“Neither did I,” Diego confessed. “So, join the club and let's cram
together.”
“Sounds good to me.”
After dinner that night, Brett lay on his bed and did his English
homework because Skully had proven her point and failed almost the
entire class with her pop quiz. He absentmindedly tapped the eraser
of his No. 2 pencil on his college-ruled composition book. He read the
assigned poetry and struggled to jot down his interpretations of the
unusually abstract language on the pages of his English textbook.
“Brett, get down here, please,” Brett’s father called out from the
base of the stairwell. His voice was loud and edgy, and Brett knew
something was wrong.
“Coming!” he shouted back.
Brett sighed, dropped his pencil onto his open notebook, and
rolled off his bed. Barefoot, he padded downstairs and meandered
through the house until he found his parents sitting together at the
kitchen table. They appeared to be processing bills and working off
his dad’s laptop.
“What’s up?” Brett asked. His parents looked at him with
concerned expressions—a look Brett knew might get him grounded.
What now?
“Where did you and Priya go to breakfast on Saturday?” his
father asked.
“Albany.”
“Which restaurant?”
Oh shit, he knows. I better not lie, especially since he’s probably looking
at the debit card charge.
“She took me to a small café called The Java Grind.”
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His dad, Paul, looked at his mom, Jennifer.

“Why?”
Brett shrugged. “It was a new place to try.”
“Is Priya a lesbian?” his mother asked.
Brett’s eyes popped open with surprise. “What? No!” he
answered, shocked by the question.
“Then why would Priya take you to a notoriously gay and lesbian
establishment?” Paul asked.
“Umm…I didn’t know it supported gays and lesbians until I got
there.” Which is the truth…because I had no idea where she was taking me.
“I saw the pride flags and figured it wouldn’t hurt to eat breakfast
there.”
“Is there something you want to tell us?” Paul asked, folding his
hands together on the table.
Not when you’re clearly not in a position to hear my truth. Brett
frowned. “No, why?”
His parents glanced at one another. Then his dad spoke. “Brett,
may I remind you that I am the president of the Pastoral Council at
Saint Peter-Damian.”
Here we go.
“You must always be attentive about where you are and who
you’re with. Your reputation is my reputation, and I’ve worked hard
to ensure…”
“That we’re the perfect, sinless family,” Brett blurted out.
His father regarded him with indignation, and his mother raised
her right eyebrow. That was enough to silence Brett.
Oops.
“That we are role models and ever-vigilant ambassadors for the
Lord,” his father said, finishing his thought.
“Yes, sir,” Brett replied, feelings of guilt weighing on his
shoulders.
95
“Brett, why did you go in there when you saw the rainbow flags?”
Jennifer asked, her voice soft and soothing.
She’s playing good cop.
“Honestly, I didn’t think twice about it. I figured it was no
different than you guys going into a sports bar for a drink.”
“When have we ever gone into a sports bar?” his father asked, a
massive frown wrinkling his forehead.
“Uh…it was a figure of speech. Have you guys…never been to a
sports bar?”
His father incredulously shook his head. “No, of course not!”
Oh boy.
“We may have in our younger days,” Jennifer said, putting her
hand on her husband’s shoulder.
Paul looked at his wife. “That’s irrelevant.”
“No, it’s not because it’s important to acknowledge the error of
our ways, Paul.”
His dad sighed, then looked at his son. “Don’t go there again.”
“Okay.”
Lesson learned. Use my debit card to get cash, then pay with cash. This is
not going to make Friday's date easy.
Changing the subject, Brett asked, “Um, is it okay if I go to the
Colonie Mall with Diego and Priya on Friday night?”
Paul shook his head. “No, we’re going to the hurricane relief
fundraiser dinner at church and you’re coming with us.”
“Oh.” God dammit. When did that come up?
His mom looked at his dad. “But, he could go Saturday night,
right?”
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10 | The Slowness of Time
Tommy
The days of the week ticked by with an unnatural slowness that

defied explanation. Tommy sat through the last class of the day,
incredulously staring at the slow-moving wall clock. The second hand
was broken and although it relentlessly ticked between forty-two and
forty-three seconds, the hour and minute hands appeared to move
correctly.
“Something wrong, Mister Brinn?”
Tommy jumped in his seat, startled to hear Mr. Davies address
him by his surname. “What?”
“You've been staring at the clock for almost the entire period. Do
you have someplace special to be after school?”
The class giggled, and Tommy shook his head. “No, sorry. Long
day.”
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Mr. Davies was the chorus and drama teacher at Temple High and
he served as the primary Gay-Straight Alliance advisor. That day, he
substitute taught for his husband, Mr. Kent, who normally taught
Tommy’s math class in the afternoon. Mr. Kent was out on jury duty
that week.
“Believe me, I know. Still, we must power on. Thankfully, your
freedom arrives in twenty-three minutes. Now, eyes on your math
worksheet and get it done, please.”
“Yes, Mister Davies,” Tommy replied. He sighed and focused on
his worksheet. Before he knew it, the bell rang and school was
dismissed for the day.
“Tommy, a word if you please,” Mr. Davies said.
Tommy nodded and slowly packed up his book bag. When the
had class filed out, he approached the teacher’s desk.
“Is everything okay? You seem distracted this week.”
Tommy blushed as a small smile crept onto his face. “Yeah, I…”
“Wait,” Mr. Davies exclaimed with sudden enthusiasm. “I know
that look. If I were to take a gander, I would say that you…met
someone?”
“Yeah,” Tommy replied, his growing smile nearly splitting his
face in two.
“Ah, young love is so beautiful and occasionally tragic,” Mr.
Davies said, clutching his heart. “Who is the lucky boy?”
“His name is Brett, but he doesn't go to Temple.”
“Intriguing,” Mr. Davis said, steepling his fingers together. “Well,
I am very happy for you. But, young man, keep your eyes on your
assignments. Time is an ever-present constant and there's nothing you
can do to make it go faster. Contrarily, when you're with said boy,
you’ll crave the exact opposite: to slow time down in hopes of
capturing that elusive, perfect moment, wishing time would stop so
you might exist there for more than a few fleeting moments.”
Tommy looked at his dramatic teacher with wide eyes,
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suppressing the urge to laugh.

Mr. Davies frowned at him with amusement. “You can laugh if
you want, but when you look back at your life, you'll realize I was
right. You're dismissed,” he said with an exaggerated wave of his
hand, mimicking Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada.
“See you next week, Mister Davies,” Tommy said.
Tommy jumped into the front seat of Cody’s car and shoved his
backpack between his feet. Behind him, Daren, Skyler, and CK
climbed into the backseat as Cody yelled at one of his football
teammates before sliding into the driver’s seat.
“Everyone ready?” Cody asked, pressing the start button on his
car.
“Yup,” the boys in the back seat replied as they struggled to
buckle themselves in. Usually Tommy sat in the middle because he
was smaller, but he remembered to call shotgun and won the front
seat. Tommy clicked his seatbelt in place and winked at Cody. “I’m
ready.”
Cody smiled at him. “Why are you so damn happy today?”
“I’m going to call Brett tonight,” Tommy replied, beaming.
“Oh, that’s right,” Skyler said, making kissy noises.
“Why exactly can’t you text him?” Daren asked, settling in with
his backpack on his lap. “Why the hell didn’t we put our backpacks in
the trunk?”
“Because it’s full of our football gear,” Cody replied, putting the
car into reverse.
“Oh, right,” Daren said.
Tommy glanced at Daren. “He said his parents were really strict
and if they read his texts it would lead to too many questions.”
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“That sucks,” Kalin said.

“Tell me about it.”
“Where does he go to school again?” Daren asked, curiously
interested.
“Benedictine High in Loudonville.”
“Is that Catholic or something?”
“I think so,” Tommy replied, and Skyler groaned. Tommy looked
over his shoulder and saw Skyler frowning at him. “What?”
“Nothing,” Skyler said, shaking his head, but he glanced at CK
with worry.
“No, something’s definitely up. Just say it.”
Skyler looked at Tommy and sighed. “It’s a religious school. I
didn’t have the best experience at Cornerstone Christian Academy
when people found out I was gay.”
“Where’s that again?” Cody asked.
“West Greenwich, Rhode Island. The epicenter of Christian
bigotry.”
Cody and CK chuckled.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Skyler said. “There’s a lot of good in
religion but like anything else, when it’s mishandled or wielded as a
weapon, no one wins. There’s no point to that kind of faith. Besides,
love should always win.”
Tommy thought about Skyler’s words for a moment, then asked,
“Wait, do you think he’s not out of the closet or something?” Shit. I
didn’t date Caleb because he wasn’t out of the closet…
Skyler tilted his head from side to side. “No, I didn’t say that.
Hopefully his family is more accepting of gay people than the
Tinsdales were.”
“Oh,” Tommy said, recalling the details of Skyler’s final months
with the Tinsdales that saw him relocated to CK’s home.
“It’s not always about religion,” Daren interjected. “My family
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wasn’t Christian and I had to be in the closet because my dad is an

asshole.”
Tommy nodded.
“But now you can be as gay as you want,” Cody said, laughing as
he drove out of the school parking lot.
“It’s fabulous,” Daren replied with a snicker.
“What are you calling him for?” Kalin asked.
“Confirming our date for tomorrow night.”
“Which is our date night as well,” Skyler said, patting Kalin’s
thigh.
Kalin smiled at his boyfriend. “I can’t wait. It’ll be nice to get out,
just the two of us.”
“You said his friends were bringing him, right?” Skyler asked.
“Yeah, why?” Tommy replied.
“Well…if it were me, I’d just say I was hanging out with my
friends. Not sure what the whole double date thing is about,” Skyler
said.
Oh no, are they upset? Did they not want to do the whole double date
thing after all?
CK feigned shock and asked, “You’d lie to our parents?”
“No, I’d lie to the Tinsdales.”
“Oh, right.”
“That was me,” Tommy said, looking over his shoulder again. “I
volunteered you guys for a double date to make it less awkward for
us.”
“Ah,” Kalin said. “That’s fine! Like Skyler said, we’re looking
forward to a date night.”
“Okay, good,” Tommy said, feeling relieved.
“Have you spoken with him yet since the coffee shop?” Cody
asked.
“Yeah, I called him later that night, but it was weird.”
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“Oh, that’s right,” Cody said. Tommy had already shared his
excitement about the awkward phone call with his friends earlier in
the week. Cody pulled the car over and dropped off CK and Skyler,
who lived closest to the school.
“Don't sweat it,” Skyler said, giving Tommy a thumbs-up. “If it's
meant to be, it will work out.”
“I hope so,” Tommy replied. “I'd really like to take him to
Homecoming.”
Skyler and CK gathered their backpacks and climbed out of the
car and said their goodbyes. When the doors shut, Cody drove off
and headed for Tommy’s house, which wasn’t far from where Cody
and Daren lived.
“If he’s not out of the closet, what are you gonna do?” Cody
asked.
“I have no idea,” Tommy said. “It’s different. It’s not like we go to
the same school where everyone would see us.”
“If he’s not out, don’t push him. It won’t end well. Trust me,”
Daren said, his voice low and carrying a warning tone.
“Right,” Tommy said, remembering how Daren’s father beat him
after he came out in front of his father after football practice a week or
so before school started.
Tommy saw Cody glance at Daren in the rearview mirror. “Don’t
worry, I won’t.”
“You must really like him if you’re seriously thinking about
bringing a guy you met only once to Homecoming,” Cody said.
Tommy shrugged. “Yeah, I know it seems fast, but I hope I'm not
jumping the gun. Who are you guys bringing to Homecoming?”
Tommy asked, looking at Cody and Daren.
In the back seat, Daren hesitated and looked out the rear driver
side window. “Well, I hadn’t thought about it.”
“That doesn't mean you can't ask someone,” Cody said, frowning
at Daren.
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“Yeah,” Tommy chimed in.

“Who are you bringing?” Daren asked, tapping the back of Cody's
headrest.
Cody took a deep breath, puffing out his massive, muscular
frame. “I was hoping to keep it a surprise.”
“Seriously?” Tommy said, his voice dry and flat.
“Yes,” Cody said.
“Tell me it’s not Annika,” Daren said.
Cody laughed. “It’s not. That bridge is burned.”
“Thank goodness,” Tommy replied. Then he looked over his
shoulder at Daren. “Well?”
Daren laughed. “I guess I need to get my ass in gear and figure
out who is available. It's not like I'm involved with any of the guys at
our school.”
“But if you could be with any guys at school, who would you
ask?” Tommy asked, feeling bold. Although Daren only came out in
late August, he figured there had to be someone Daren found
attractive.
A small smile formed across Daren's lips and Tommy knew his
hunch was right. “So, there is someone,” he said, smirking. “Spill the
beans, who is it?”
Daren sighed. “If you must know, the person I would probably
ask is…Skyler.”
“But you treated him like shit all summer!” Tommy protested.
“Yeah, I know. I picked on him because I was jealous of him. I
hated him because he could be the new out gay kid and I couldn’t be
gay. It’s the same reason I picked on you, Tommy. You were a little
too gay for me to handle and I was jealous. And because, well, let’s
face it, Kalin is a lucky guy.”
Tommy glanced over his shoulder and frowned. Um, are you
pining over someone you can’t have?
As if reading his mind, Daren said, “Don’t worry, Tommy. I know
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he’s taken, and I’m happy for him. To answer your question, I think
I’ll be going to Homecoming alone. But…if you can keep a secret…”
“Of course I can keep a secret,” Tommy spat back, desperate to
know who Daren was bringing.
Daren smirked. “I know you can. Truth be told, I’ve been seeing
someone who doesn’t go to our school.”
“Seriously?”
Daren nodded. “Yeah. I’m debating on asking him to
Homecoming, but I haven’t made up my mind yet. He’s not quite
ready to be, what does Tracy call us? An out-and-proudie.”
“So, he’s not out of the closet?”
“Well, he is to his family, but he’s kind of a big deal on his football
team so he’s not out at school or to his teammates. He’s afraid it might
hurt his chances at a big football scholarship.”
“Damn. That sucks.”
Cody cleared his throat as he pulled into Tommy’s driveway.
“Don’t worry about us, little buddy,” Cody said with a smile. “We’ll
be okay. Whether it’s my date, Daren’s date, or your date, if it’s meant
to be, it’s meant to be, right?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah, I guess. See you tomorrow.”
“Good luck tonight,” Daren said.
“Thanks,” Tommy replied, winking at Daren as he unbuckled the
seatbelt and climbed out of the car. Daren jumped out and ran around
the rear of the car and jumped into the front seat. “Ah, finally, leg
room.”
Tommy waved as his friends drove off. Taking a deep breath of
crisp fall air, he turned and went inside to grab a snack and start his
homework before his parents got home.
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After dinner that night, Tommy flung himself on his bed and
called Brett. The phone rang a few times before the call connected.
“Hello?” Tommy said, but no one answered. Instead, he heard
distant voices talking. One of them was Brett’s.
“I gotta take this call,” Brett said.
“Sure, you need privacy or something?”
“I do, actually.”
“Um, okay. The house is yours.”
“Thanks.”
The loud rustling sound of movement made Tommy wince and
pull the phone away from his ear.
“Hang on,” Brett’s strained voice said.
More rustling.
“Sorry about that. Hi,” Brett said. “How are you?”
“Hey,” Tommy said, putting the phone against the side of his face
again. “Better, now that I’m hearing your voice.”
“Aww,” Brett said. “I’ve, um, been looking forward to this call.”
Yes! “Oh yeah? That’s awesome,” Tommy said, grinning from ear
to ear.
“So, are we good for tomorrow night?”
“Uh, no,” Brett replied. “My parents decided to force me to attend
a church fundraiser.”
“Oh,” Tommy answered, disappointed. So, you do attend church.
Maybe Skyler was on to something.
“But I can do Saturday night if that’s still open,” Brett said, his
voice hopeful.
Tommy smiled once more. “I think I can do that. I’ll check with
Skyler and Kalin.”
“Okay. Priya offered to take me, and I’m gonna ask Diego
tonight.”
“Who?”
105
“They’re my best friends. You met Priya at The Java Grind.”

“Gotcha. So, um, I figure we could walk around, talk, maybe get a
bite to eat?” Tommy said, unsure of what exactly their evening
activities would consist of since they probably wouldn’t go to Tommy
or Brett’s house after. He didn’t want to turn his first date into a
group even with his friends, either.
“Yeah, that sounds like fun,” Brett replied.
“Awesome. One second, let me text Skyler and Kalin about
Saturday.”
“Okay, I’ll wait.”
Tommy switched to the iMessage app and texted his friends about
switching the date night. A moment later, Skyler responded that it
was fine.
Yay!
Tommy switched back to the phone app. “Hello?”
“Yup.”
“We’re good for Saturday.”
“Fantastic.”
“I’m really looking forward to seeing you,” Tommy said, not
caring if he was pouring it on too thick or being corny.
Brett chuckled. “I am too, Tommy. Where should I meet you?”
“How about in front of the Regal Cinema entrance?”
“Sure, I know where that is. Can’t wait to see you again, Tommy.
Bye for now.”
“Bye,” Tommy replied. He disconnected the call and squealed
with excitement, kicking his legs in the air at the good news. He
immediately rolled over and texted Skyler and Kalin, thanking them
for being so accommodating with the unexpected date change.
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11 | Truth Among Friends
Brett
Brett pressed the red button on the iPhone screen and

disconnected the call with Tommy. His palms were sweaty and
although he felt nervous, his heart pounded in his chest with
excitement. I’ve never done anything like this before…
He took a deep breath, calmed himself, and hoped Diego hadn’t
overheard their conversation. Despite the overwhelming sense of
doom he felt because of his strict religious upbringing and its
conservative beliefs regarding homosexuality, he couldn’t fight the
unknown force exciting him about Tommy.
I need to tell Diego. I can't hang out with him and keep this secret from
him any longer. It's not right.
Brett was at Diego's house, where the boys studied together while
their parents attended a volunteers’ meeting at church. They were left
107
alone for several hours and provided the perfect opportunity for him
to speak with Diego about what Priya helped him realize over the
weekend. It would also let him reveal Tommy to his best friend.
When he returned to the living room, Diego looked up from his
notebook and suspiciously eyed him.
“Everything okay?” his best friend asked, his legs curled under
him on the couch.
“Yep,” Brett replied, but his voice squeaked and sounded
unconvincing.
Diego unfolded his legs, set his feet on the floor, sat up straight,
and set his notebook and pen on the coffee table. “Is something
wrong, buddy? You haven't seemed yourself since…Samantha's
party.”
“What do you mean?” Brett asked.
“Come on man, I've known you for as long as I can remember. I
know when something is bugging you.”
Brett took a deep breath and sat down on the opposite end of the
couch.
Diego knowingly nodded. “Uh-huh, see? I was right. What's up?”
Brett wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. His mouth was
unusually dry and he scratched his head.
“Hey man, you know you can tell me anything, right?” Diego
said.
Brett sarcastically chuckled. “Anything?”
“Yeah, why? Something bad happen?”
“No, nothing bad happened…I think.”
“Okay, did something good happen?” A small grin forced its way
onto Brett's face when Tommy’s green eyes, freckled face, and fire-red
hair popped into his mind. “I think I met someone.”
“That's awesome, man.” Then his face twisted with confusion.
“Wait, where did you meet her? Is it someone at school? Is it someone
from our party? Dear Lord, please tell me it's not Samantha, especially
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after puking.”
Brett vigorously shook his head. “It's not Samantha.”
“So, who is she? I want details, man!”
Brett took a deep breath. “You know how I…well, I've never
really dated and like, I never knew who to ask to our school dances?”
“Um, I guess so,” Diego replied, looking at him with interest and
confusion. “I thought those were your parents’ rules or something.”
Brett shook his head. “Not really. I think I figured out why at
Samantha’s party.”
“Okay.” Diego looked more perplexed than ever.
Seriously? You can't figure this out? I'm going to have to spell it out to
you?
Brett took a deep breath. “Well, it's because I'm not like you.” This
is much harder than I thought it would be.
“No kidding. You've got no game with the girls.”
Brett chuckled. “That's not what I meant, but there's a reason for
that.”
“I know, just teasing. Bad timing on my part. Thought I could live
in the moment. Wait, what reason?”
“Diego, I am…”
The word caught in his throat and a tear ran down his right cheek.
Diego frowned and scooted closer. “You are…” he said
encouraging.
Here goes nothing…and everything.
“I'm gay, Diego.”
Diego's eyes popped open and his body became rigid and straight.
“What the fuck, dude?” There was no hiding the angry tone in his
voice. “You don't just figure that out.”
Brett looked at his best friend with worry. I knew this would be
rough, but it's already off to a rocky start.
Diego's face twisted with anger and he pushed himself to his feet
109
and paced the room. “How long have you known this? Don't lie and
tell me you just figured it out. A year, two years? Jesus Christ, we've
seen each other naked in the showers at school.”
“It's not like that, Diego,” Brett replied. Please don’t freak out.
“Like hell it is! We all think everyone’s straight and you've been
busy checking out our dicks every day after gym class in the
showers.”
Shit, he’s freaking out. “Diego, that’s not true, I don’t know what to
say. I figured it out this weekend, and I…”
“What the hell, Brett?” Diego roared, his hands balled into fists at
his sides. He stomped toward Brett. “You really expect me to believe
you just figured out you were gay? I'm not stupid. That's not how it
works.”
More tears formed in Brett's eyes, and his shoulders slumped.
“Diego, I'm telling the truth. I just figured it out.”
“All right then, liar, indulge me,” Diego replied crossing his arms
over his chest. “When did you ‘just figure it out?’”
“At Samantha's party. When Jameson kissed me.”
“Jameson?” Diego’s face twisted with confusion as he recalled
memories of the party. “That was a bad night. Oh wait, Jameson
planted that amazing kiss on you and…”
”Yeah,” Brett replied. “That kiss. But that was only the beginning.
Remember when I got sick?”
“Yes,” Diego said hesitantly, eyeing his friend with curiosity.
“I got sick after I kissed Samantha…after I kissed a girl. Later that
night, I realized after kissing Jameson I couldn't go back to kissing
girls. Something clicked, but I didn't know until Priya got me home
and sat me down for a heart-to-heart chat.”
“So, Priya knew about this first?” Diego asked.
Brett nodded, sensing his friend was insulted. “Only because she
took me home and talked with me. She's the one who figured it out,
Diego. It's not like I came out to her first. Believe me, that's not how I
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would've chosen to do this.”

Diego's expression softened. “So, you would've told me first?”
Brett sighed and looked at his best friend. “In a perfect world, yes.
I've known you longer. But this really isn't about you.”
“True,” Diego said, nodding. He looked around the room for a
moment, ran a hand through his hair, then sat back down on his side
of the couch. “Do your parents know?”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Right, stupid question. Okay. Start from the beginning. Tell me
what happened at the party.”
Thank God he's going to listen to me. “All right, so we were playing
Spin the Bottle and Jameson came over, straddled my lap, and
planted the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life.”
“But you've kissed him before. You've kissed me, Elijah, Chris,
and you're telling me nothing ever happened?”
Brett shrugged. “That’s the weird part, and I don't know what to
say. I guess the planets were in the right alignment that night.”
Diego chuckled.
Brett continued, explaining how he popped a boner under
Jameson and how he felt nauseous when Samantha kissed him.
“So, it wasn't the rum punch?”
“No, I made that up as an excuse because I didn't want to hurt her
feelings.”
“Good call.”
Then he told Diego about the difficult conversation he had in his
bedroom with Priya. “And that's basically how it all came together,”
he said, finishing his story.
“You said you met someone. Is it Jameson?”
Brett laughed. “No, but he is cute.”
“Everyone thinks he’s cute. Even I think he’s cute,” Diego said
with a small laugh.
111
Brett smirked and told Diego about the surprise breakfast trip to
The Java Grind with Priya and briefly described the gay-friendly
environment.
“And that's where I met Tommy,” he said, then shared the
awkward yet amazing experience of meeting a boy he found
incredibly attractive. Diego sat attentively, taking in the story as Brett
spoke.
“Huh,” Diego said when Brett finished. He leaned back on the
couch.
Brett waited several seconds, then said, “That's it?”
Diego looked at him. “Sorry, it's a lot to take in. Everything I
thought I knew about you has suddenly changed.”
Brett raised his hands and shrugged. “Has it really though? I'm
still me, and I still like all the same things.”
“Except girls.”
He dropped his hands onto his lap and chuckled. “Well, I like
girls, but not in the way you do.”
“Yeah, but that’s news to me,” Diego said, staring at the floor. “So,
what does that mean?”
“What does what mean?” Brett asked, unsure of what his best
friend meant.
“Like…” Diego paused, and Brett sensed he was searching for the
right words to say whatever was on his mind.
“Just say it,” Brett said.
“Do you want to date this guy?”
Brad shrugged. “I think so.”
“Do you think you should figure out the gay thing first, like
before jumping into the dating pool?” Diego asked.
Brett shook his head. “No, I don't need to figure out what it means
to be attracted to guys. Well, I mean…I do, but…”
“Are you okay with it? Being gay, that is.”
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“I dunno. It’s still fresh, you know? It's gonna be really hard if my
parents don't accept me.”
“Your dad is the Grand Pooh-Bah of all things Catholic at Peter-
Damian. I honestly can't think of any other gay kids at church.
Obviously, there are none at school.”
“Diego, there has to be another gay kid at school,” Brett said. “But
like me, they're terrified of coming out. Actually, I'm pretty sure
Jameson is gay.”
Diego's eyes popped open with surprise. “What? No way! Our
football star is gay? How do you know?”
“I am pretty sure he was just as excited as me when we kissed.”
“You mean he popped a boner, too?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Holy shit!”
Brett frowned. “Why is that more of a revelation than me coming
out to you?”
“You don't understand. In the last ten minutes, I learned there are
two gay guys at my school and church. One of them is my best friend,
whom I never thought was gay, although now that I think about it,
there were signs. On top of that, I just learned our football star that
everyone loves and sits next to Jesus himself is gay.”
“I think he's gay.”
“Close enough. Brett. Guys don't get boners kissing other guys.”
Brett frowned. “You never got a hard-on when you kissed the
guys at Samantha’s parties, ever?”
Diego thought for a moment, then bounced his head from side to
side as he confessed. “Maybe once or twice, but I figured it was
hormones. I mean, we both know I'm super horny…the wind blows
and I get a boner. That said, I know for sure that I look forward to
kissing the girls way more than the guys. Kissing the guys is just part
of the game.”
“Okay.” Brett sat back and relaxed.
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“What was it like for you, though? Who did you want to kiss
more?”
“That's the weird thing, I didn't really care. Neither girls or guys
did anything for me. All of a sudden, the other night, Jameson’s kiss
unlocked something and I realize now that I’m gay.”
“Wow.”
Diego didn’t freak out too bad, and he seems to be taking this well. Brett
let loose a sigh of relief and felt a great weight lifted off his shoulders.
Then doubt plagued his mind. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
Diego tilted his head to the side and scratched the side of his face.
“Yeah, I think so. It's just a mindfuck at the moment. I know you're
the same guy, but it feels like you're not the same guy.”
“I’m the same guy,” Brett said, reiterating the point.
“I know, I've just never known…thought of my best friend as gay
before.”
“Understandable. Does that change anything?”
“I mean, we can't talk about girls in the same way.”
“You forget, it's not like I really talked about girls. You talked, I
listened.”
Diego chuckled. “You have a point. We’re good, bud. Might take a
little more time for the news to settle, ya know?”
Brett smiled. “Thanks, man. I really appreciate your
understanding.”
Diego nodded. “I told you, you can tell me anything. So, do you
think I'm cute?”
Brett burst into riotous laughter. “Diego, I love you like a brother,
but I've never considered you in that way. Remember, I just figured
this out.”
“Well, there's a first time for everything,” Diego said, bouncing
his eyebrows.
Brett looked at his best friend. ”You are an extremely handsome
guy.” Sorry, I have a hard time sexualizing my best friend.
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“Yes,” Diego said, pumping his fist in the air. Then he abruptly
stopped as a question formed in his head. “Hey, what are you going
to do about school?”
“Absolutely nothing,” Brett replied. “The only two people who
know are you and Priya. I don't need this getting out. You know how
conservative our teachers are.” Especially after what Bennyboy said last
week.
“Okay, I get it. Your secret is safe with me. So, Priya is the only
other person who knows?”
“No, Tommy and his friends know.”
Diego thought for a moment. “And you're sure they're not
connected to anyone at Benedictine?”
Brett shook his head. “I’m not sure, but we live up here and they
live down in Kinderhook.”
“Okay, so your secret is probably safe.”
“If this gets out, my life will fall apart. You know how people talk
about gays at church, and after Friday's theology class with
Bennyboy, I have no interest in being the first student to come out.”
“Maybe Jameson will come out with you,” Diego offered. “You
know, strength in numbers.”
“I don't think either one of us is pushing for that. But if push
comes to shove, I would hope I have his support.”
“So, do you have a date this weekend?”
“Yes. That's where I need your help.”
Diego smiled and sat forward. “What do you need?”
Brett sat forward as well. “Well, I’m gonna have to lie to my
parents.”
Diego's face expressed surprise, but he seemed to understand.
“What else?”
“I need a ride to the Colonie Mall.”
“The mall?”
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“Yes. I'm going on a double date with Tommy and his friends
Skyler and Kalin. But I can't get there without you guys.”
“So, you're hanging out with me and Priya and we're all going to
the mall, right?” Diego said.
Brett smiled. “That's exactly what I was thinking. And, it's not
exactly a lie.”
“But, that also means we have to stick around while you’re on
your date.”
Brett frowned. “That is the downside.”
“No, it's not. Priya and I will have a blast. Maybe we’ll catch a
movie.”
“You're a gentleman and a scholar,” Brett said.
“That doesn’t get you laid,” Diego flatly replied.
Brett stuck his tongue out at him. “You’re the best, even if you are
a horndog. Okay, let's get back to this stupid homework. It's not going
to do itself.”
“Fine,” Diego said, grabbing his notebook and pen from the coffee
table.
As the boys focused on their homework, Brett glanced at his best
friend and smiled. Thank you, Diego, for being so understanding. I
thought this conversation would be twenty times more difficult. I'm so glad
you accepted me. I hope one day I can return the favor and treat you with
unconditional love and be your best friend when you need me the most.
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12 | The First Date
Brett
“See ya, Mom!” Brett hollered as he watched Diego pull into the
driveway. Priya was in the front seat, smiling at him through the
windshield. His dad was stuck in Albany outbound commuter traffic
and wouldn’t be home for another hour.
“Be back by eleven, okay?” Jennifer called out from the kitchen.
“We’ve got church tomorrow.”
“Yup,” Brett replied, pulling his jacket around him. How could I
possibly forget about church? I’ve been going every Sunday of my life.
Glad his mom didn’t see how dressed up he was—and wearing
cologne—he jogged down the walkway to Diego’s car and slid into
the back seat.
“Hello, loverboy,” Diego said, batting his eyelashes.
Priya giggled. “Show me.”
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“Show you what?” Brett asked, confused.

“Open your jacket,” Priya said, turning around. “Let’s make sure
you’re dressed appropriately for a first date. Oh, I like that cologne.
Good choice.”
“Thanks,” Brett said, pulling open his jacket. He had selected a
blue plaid button-down shirt that he paired with jeans and his school
dress shoes. His shirt was untucked.
“Very nice,” Priya said, nodding her approval.
“You’re one sexy mofo,” Diego added, extending his arm behind
the passenger seat so he could see as he backed up.
“Thanks,” Brett said with a chuckle.
“Are you nervous?” Priya asked.
“Yeah, like, a lot,” Brett answered. “I thought I was going to
throw up twice tonight.”
“Why?” Diego said.
“I had to lie to my parents. They think we’re going to the Colonie
Mall to hang out or watch a movie.”
Diego glanced at him. “We are, silly. You’re in a car with me and
Priya and we’re going to the mall.”
“Yeah, but…I’m really going to meet up with Tommy.”
“Details,” Priya said, dismissively waving her hand.
The devil’s in the details, Brett thought, hearing his mother’s voice
in his mind. But tonight, I’m not gonna worry about the devil. I’m gonna
enjoy myself as best I can.
Twenty minutes later, Diego swung the car into the parking lot in
front of the main entrance. Although his friends had done a good job
distracting him and making him laugh with the events of Diego’s
grandmother’s surprise birthday party, his palms were sweaty and
his mouth felt parched.
“You’re not dropping me off?” Brett asked, wiping his sweaty
hands on his jeans. Ugh, I don’t want to shake Tommy’s hand with sweaty
hands.
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“Hell no. I wanna meet the boy that’s got you so worked up.”
“Okay,” Brett said, grinning from ear to ear. “I really appreciate
your help with this.”
“Of course. This is what friends do,” Priya replied as Diego shut
the car off. They climbed out, and Brett took a moment to stare at the
familiar facade of the Regal Cinema entrance. The beige and gray
stonework of the mall’s exterior walls was divided at the center point
by an impressive glass and metal lobby that bore the words Regal
Cinema and Boscov’s. The smell of cooking meats tantalized his nose,
and although he already ate a light meal to appease his mother, he
was still hungry.
He shifted his gaze to the front of the store and saw Tommy
standing there with the gay couple he had seen at The Java Grind.
Oh wow, he’s cuter than I remember. Whoa, did I just think that?
“Which one is he?” Diego asked, wrapping his arm around Brett’s
shoulder.
Brett grinned. “The one on the right with fire-red hair.”
Diego nodded. “He’s cute, I guess.”
Priya chuckled. “Trust me, he’s cute.”
“He’s adorable,” Brett said.
“Well, he’s staring at us, so unless you want to keep being creepy,
let’s go.”
Tommy
“It’s a good thing it’s not too cold out tonight,” Skyler said, his
hands tucked into his pockets.
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“We could always wait inside,” Kalin replied.

“True.”
“See him yet?” Kalin asked.
Tommy shook his head. “No.” They had arrived early, and since
Tommy didn’t know what kind of car Brett would arrive in, he
visually inspected every car that pulled into the parking area in front
of the main entrance.
Several minutes ticked by, but there was no sign of Brett. Tommy
checked the time on his phone again before pocketing it once more.
“Tommy, that's like the tenth time you've checked your phone.
He'll be here, don't worry,” Skyler said.
“I know, I know,” Tommy replied, wringing his hands together.
“I’m so nervous.”
“Good, because he's probably just as nervous as you are.”
Tommy looked at his friend. “Do you think so?”
“Hell yes! You barely know each other, but you’re meeting here.
The mall is a pretty safe space, but I would still be nervous.”
“I’d be nervous, too,” Kalin said. “Did you say he was coming
with friends or something?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah, his best friends Diego and Priya.”
Kalin pointed at a group of teens. “Assuming Priya is Indian, I
think that's them right over there.”
“Oh my gosh, there he is,” Tommy said, following Kalin’s
extended arm to where Brett, Diego, and Priya stood. Then his date
and his escorts walked toward them. Without thinking or looking for
moving cars, Tommy stepped forward. A car to his left slammed on
its brakes and honked its horn, and Tommy jumped back in surprise.
“Holy shit, Tommy,” Skyler exclaimed, grabbing his left shoulder.
“Don't get killed before your date even starts.”
Tommy turned and laughed with his two friends. “That was
stupid.”
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“Ya think?”
Seconds later, Brett approached with his two friends in tow. With
no cross traffic to worry about, Tommy stepped forward and smiled
at Brett. “Hi. You made it.”
“Yeah,” Brett said, flashing a gorgeous smile that made Tommy
swoon. His hair appeared freshly spiked, and Tommy caught the
scent of unfamiliar cologne in the air.
Do I shake his hand? Do I give him a hug? Is it too early for any of that?
Brett extended his right hand, and Tommy's hand flew up to meet
it.
“Hi, handsome,” Tommy said, his eyes transfixed on Brett’s dark
brown, nearly black, eyes. They continued to shake hands until either
Skyler or Kalin snickered behind him.
Tommy awkwardly smiled, then the boys let go. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Brett said, the corner of his mouth turning up.
Priya stepped forward and introduced herself to Skyler and Kalin.
“Hi, boys, it's really nice to meet you. I’m Priya. While these two are
ogling each other, we should probably introduce ourselves.” She
shook their hands.
Skyler laughed. “Oh my gosh, Priya, you remind me so much of
our friend Tracy. I bet you two would get along fabulously.”
“Oh, we've met,” Priya replied, flashing a mischievous smile.
Tommy turned and introduced Brett to Skyler and Kalin, and then
Tommy shook hands with Priya and Diego.
“So, is this a triple date?” Kalin asked, pointing with the index
and middle fingers of his right hand to Diego and Priya.
“What? Oh, no,” Diego said. “We’re just friends.”
“Just friends?” Priya spat back, giving him a look of disgust.
Brett’s mouth dropped open at her unexpected attitude.
“Um…” Diego uttered, startled.
Priya smiled. “We’re best friends.”
121
Diego smiled with her. “Right, sorry.”

“Got it,” Kalin replied with a small smile.
“So, now what?” Diego asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.
Priya gently slapped him on the shoulder. “You and I go inside
and go shopping.”
“Oh, great, shopping,” Diego said with mock excitement as he
rolled his eyes. Priya hooked her arm through his and pulled him
along. “Toodle-oo, boys.” And then they went into the mall.
Skyler cleared his throat. “Right, so I know this is technically a
double date, but…”
Tommy knowingly grinned at Skyler, then looked at Brett. “Do
you mind if they ditch us?”
Brett smirked. “Nope.”
“Bye guys, have fun,” Skyler said.
“But not too much,” Kalin added, snickering as he took Skyler’s
hand and led him inside the mall. Then Tommy and Brett were alone
for the very first time.
Brett
Brett put his hands in his pockets and nervously glanced at

Tommy, shifting his gaze between the concrete sidewalk they stood
on and Tommy’s face. Tommy wore faded blue jeans and layered a
dark green and black checkered flannel button-down over a gray
Transformers T-shirt that bore the Autobot insignia. He had matching
green converse sneakers, and his eyes sparkled in the parking lot
lighting. Crap, did I overdress?
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“So, um, what did you want to do?” Brett asked.

Tommy jerked his thumb to the main entrance. “We could go
inside, for starters. It’s getting a little cool out here.”
Brett nodded. “Okay. Where’s your coat?”
“I left it in the car. Figured I wouldn’t need it inside.”
“Ah.”
Tommy turned and led the way to the main doors, and Brett
followed him. I think he’s nervous like me…that’s good, right?
Brett caught the familiar citrusy, woodsy, and fresh scent of
Tommy’s cologne—a scent he recognized but couldn’t place. “What’s
the cologne you’re wearing?”
Tommy grabbed the door and held it open. “Acqua Di Gio.”
“That’s what it is,” Brett exclaimed. “I recognized it at the café but
couldn’t place it.”
“Tracy calls it my CFM cologne.”
“Your what?” Brett asked as they entered the mall’s spacious
foyer.
“Uh…” Tommy uttered, blushing.
Brett saw it and laughed. “Oh, you have to say it now.”
“It’s um…my Come Fuck Me cologne.”
Brett burst into laughter, clapping his hands loudly twice. The
sound echoed in the large space, and Tommy self-consciously looked
around. A smile forced itself upon his lips. “That’s hilarious, I never
heard that before.”
Tommy smiled and pointed into the mall. “Wanna walk to Macy’s
and smell all the CFM colognes?”
Brett nodded. “Definitely.”
As they silently walked through the wide foyer, the smell of
cooking food and the sound of ambient music and chattering
shoppers filled the air around them. Tommy broke their silence. “So,
what’s it like at Benedictine High?”
123
“Uh, it’s okay, I guess.”

“Not a fan?” Tommy echoed.
“Well, it’s school.”
“Ha, point taken. Is it true you wear uniforms?” Tommy asked.
Brett nodded. “Yeah, it’s pretty lame. We all look like penguins.
Navy blue or black trousers, white or blue Polos, and the girls either
wear jumpers or pants with shirts like the boys.”
“That’s weird.”
“I’m used to it. It must be nice to have the freedom of choice at a
public school,” Brett said.
“Yeah, it is. I mean, I’m used to it. You look really nice, by the
way,” Tommy said, abruptly changing the subject.
“Thanks,” Brett replied, a feeling of warmth filling his heart.
Tommy chuckled. “Sorry, I’ve never done this before.”
“Me either.”
“Really?” Tommy said, looking at Brett with suspicion.
“Yeah, why?”
“Um, you’re hot,” Tommy softly admitted.
“Am I?” Brett asked. Wow, he thinks I’m hot? That’s awesome!
Tommy nodded and regarded him with a bewildered expression.
“So, um, how was your church thing last night?”
Brett moaned. “Lame. It was a relief fundraiser for the hurricane
victims.”
“Well, that's always good. Why don't church people just give
money?”
Brett burst into riotous laughter at Tommy’s naïvety. When he
saw the hurt expression on Tommy’s face, he abruptly stopped
laughing and explained himself. “I live in Loudonville. We moved
there when I was two from Albany when my parents started making
lots of money. Anyway, rich people want something for their
donations, even the ones that are supposed to be sacrificial or come
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from the heart. In this case, the church people paid one-hundred
dollars a plate. Supposedly, most of it went to the charity after paying
the meal costs.”
“Oh.”
“Do you go to church?” Brett asked.
“No.”
“Must be nice.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I live and breathe religion. I go to Catholic school, we go to the
Catholic abbey church that runs the school, and my dad is the
pastoral council president. I’m always around the Benedictine monks
and nuns. It never ends.”
“What's a pastoral council?”
“Um, it's like the lay leadership of the church.”
“Lay?”
Brett smiled. “Sorry, it means, like, the non-clergy. Normal people
who volunteer.” I guess he doesn’t understand any of the Catholic
terminology. That’s such a strange thing to me.
“Oh, I get it.”
Brett smiled. “Listen, I could bore you with more church talk, but
I don't think that's why we're hanging out, right?” Besides, I don’t want
an ounce of guilt to creep into our time together.
Tommy flashed a smile. “Definitely not.” Then the redheaded boy
with emerald green eyes adopted a mischievous expression. He
glanced at Brett’s hand, then grabbed it and led him into the GAP.
Brett followed and grinned with excitement while fear clawed its
way up his spine. Oh my gosh, I've never romantically held a boy’s hand
before. This is a first. What happens if I see someone I know? What happens
if they see me first? Well, I could say we’re being silly, but Tommy will
probably be hurt by that. He seems to be the sensitive type. I’ll have to be
brave. I figured out this is who I am, so I might as well embrace it even if the
people in my life won't.
125
They didn't buy anything at the GAP, but when they crossed over
to American Eagle—holding hands—Tommy bought some black
athletic underwear that was on clearance. One pair was adorned with
neon green trim, the other with neon pink.
“Those are bright,” Brett commented.
Tommy smiled. “These are my favorite because they fit me just
right.”
“Cool,” Brett replied. If my parents ever caught me wearing something
that bold for underwear, they'd probably ground me for a month. Still, is it
weird that I want to see how well they fit him?
Brett found a red plaid button-down shirt he liked and picked up
a matching gray sweater to go with it.
Though Tommy didn't say anything, he seemed amused by the
purchase. “What?” Brett asked.
“Nothing,” Tommy replied, smiling. “Well, that seems
very…preppy…not that it’s a bad thing. I think it will look good on
you.”
“You have to remember, we wear uniforms to school. For non-
uniform days, we don't get to wear T-shirts. We’re still required to
wear khakis with a collared shirt. I picked red because it's not blue.
All we wear is blue, and I'm sick of blue.”
Tommy regarded him with wide eyes. “That must be so weird. I
already forgot you wear uniforms to school. Sorry.”
Brett shrugged. “It's not weird when you're used to it. I'm kind of
hungry, are you?”
“Yes!” Tommy exclaimed. “I'm surprised you haven't heard my
stomach rumbling.”
“Is that what that noise is? I thought you had a dying Chihuahua
in your back pocket.”
Tommy burst into laughter and they headed for the checkout
counters. When they left the store, Tommy grabbed Brett’s hand again
and the boys made their way through the mall to the food court.
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“Where did you want to eat?” Brett asked.

“Maybe in one of the restaurants?” Tommy said, looking at Brett
with his emerald eyes. They pleaded with him, as if begging him not
to want to eat in the public space of the food court.
Brett grinned. “Yeah, a restaurant is definitely more appropriate
for a first date, don't you think?”
“Yeah, and way more romantic, too,” Tommy said. “So, P. F.
Chang’s or The Cheesecake Factory?”
“Ooh, tough choice. How about The Cheesecake Factory?”
“Works for me,” Tommy said, and the boys made their way to the
restaurant entrance.
Tommy
After they had been seated by the hostess, who seemed to

understand they were on a date, the boys perused the menu. Ten
minutes after that, they placed their order with their waiter and
Tommy sat forward, extending his left arm across the table. He
opened his hand, hoping Brett would take his hand in his.
Brett glanced at Tommy’s hand, smirked, then scanned the
restaurant around them. Even though they were sitting against a back
wall with limited visibility, Brett still seemed nervous about holding
his hand. Thankfully, nervousness didn’t stop him from reaching out
and taking his hand.
“You um, like to touch a lot, don’t you?” Brett asked, his eyes
locking with Tommy’s gaze.
“Yeah, my parents were…are…very affectionate, and I guess I am,
too. I can’t wait to cuddle with a boyfriend one day.”
127
Brett smiled. “Wow. That sounds…really nice. Is that why you

and the big guy were so…touchy at The Java Grind?”
“The big guy?” Tommy echoed, slightly confused. “Oh! You mean
Cody. Yeah. Cody’s a bit of a mystery when it comes to who he likes,
but he’s always been friendly toward me. We usually cuddle together
with the gang while watching movies at Skyler’s house.”
“That’s…different.”
“You mean to say weird,” Tommy said with a grin.
“Guilty,” Brett admitted. “I think my parents would frown upon
that.”
“You’re not affectionate with any of your male friends?” Tommy
asked.
“Ummm…” Brett paused and became engrossed in thought. “I
mean, occasionally I’ll rest my head on Diego’s lap if we’re just
hanging out alone, but no…never in front of people. Although…”
Tommy watched Brett’s eyes light up with amusement at his
thoughts. “Although what?”
“Sometimes we get together at Samantha’s house, drink, and play
Spin the Bottle. I have kissed other guys before, but it’s always in the
context of the game. Does naked hot tub time count?”
“Holy shit,” Tommy exclaimed with a laugh. “You Catholic kids
are so naughty!”
Brett laughed with him. “Yeah, it’s because there are so many
rules we have to follow. Almost everything that’s fun is probably
against one of the Catechism’s rules.”
“Cata-what?”
“Oh, right, sorry. It’s like, um…it’s the rule book for Catholics.”
“Doesn’t sound like a fun read,” Tommy replied, sipping his
water.
“It’s not. It makes the Bible seem like an adventure book.”
Tommy burst into laughter. “At least I know what that book is. I
read some of it in World Religions class. There was a lot of smiting
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and running from God.”

Brett looked at him quizzically. “Must have been the Old
Testament that you read.”
“Sounds familiar.”
“You really have no idea about Christianity?”
Tommy shook his head. “Nope. My family is Irish, but we are not
Christian. Well, maybe we are, but we don’t go to church and I never
went to Sunday school. It’s a sore spot for my grandmother.”
“See, that’s mind boggling for me. You’re the type of person my
parents would not want me hanging out with, in case you fill my
head with heresy and blasphemy.”
Tommy blinked at his words. “Seriously?”
Brett nodded. “Like I said, they’re strict.”
“Damn. So, I have one more church question for you.”
“Okay, shoot.”
“Are you out of the closet?”
Brett sighed and hesitated, then looked at the table as the waiter
swung by and dropped off their sodas.
Aw, shit. He’s not out of the closet. Tommy frowned. When the
waiter stepped away, he said, “Your silence speaks volumes.”
Brett shook his head. “I’m not out. My parents would probably
kill me and at school…well, it wouldn't be good.”
Fuck. “I see.” Tommy pulled his hand away. “How come you
seem so comfortable with me then?”
Brett winced at the loss of physical contact. “You make it really
easy to be me. And, to be completely honest, when you met me at The
Java Grind, I had just come out to Priya the night before.”
Tommy’s eyes popped open with surprise. “Oh, wow. You’re like,
a baby gay, then.”
“Is that bad?” Brett asked with a curious expression.
Tommy shrugged. “I didn’t date someone at my school because
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they weren’t out of the closet. It’s too messy.”

“Oh,” Brett replied, his face forlorn. “So, is this over before it even
gets started?”
“Not at all, actually. I’m willing to try. You don’t go to my school,
so it’s not like it could be that awkward. Are you willing to come out
to your family?”
Tommy watched Brett’s face become pale with abject fear. Oh
damn. His family must be like what Skyler came from in Rhode Island.
Maybe he should talk to Skyler. “I take it coming out to your parents
isn’t something you want to do?”
Brett’s face became emotional, and he seemed to fight back tears.
He shook his head. “They found out I went to The Java Grind from
the online bank statement and read me the riot act because it was a
’notorious gay and lesbian establishment.’ They reminded me I had to
be an ‘ever-vigilant ambassador for the Lord.’”
Tommy’s jaw dropped. Yup, just like Skyler’s nightmare family. This
isn’t going to be easy for either of us.
“You should talk to Skyler,” Tommy said.
“What? Why?”
“He was adopted by CK’s family. His previous foster family was
super-Christian and they tried to pray the gay away or something like
that. Basically, he survived and might have some advice or
something.”
“CK?”
“Right, sorry. You haven’t met him. He was with us at the café.”
“Okay.” Brett’s eyes narrowed, then he smirked. “You’re talking
about us in terms of the future. Like, if I come out, things would be
easier for…us.”
“Did I?” Tommy said, smiling. He’s right, I didn’t even catch myself.
I guess I do like him, and I want a second date.
“You did. Look, I know I’m a baby gay—whatever that means to
you—but I had to do a lot of thinking this past week about being me
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being gay versus me being who my parents and the Church want me
to be. I know I have a tough road ahead, but it would be easier to
make that journey with someone, even if we were just friends.”
“Just friends?” Tommy said, taken aback. Maybe he’s picking up on
my hesitation…I know I like him…I don’t want to be just friends.
“Yeah,” Brett said. “I’m starting to think that you don’t…”
Tommy shook his head. “I like you, Brett. I like you a lot. I don’t
want to be ‘just friends.’” He reached across the table with his hand
again. And I think I’m going to be crazy and do the unexpected
tonight…assuming you don’t gross me out by chewing with your mouth
open or something like that.
Brett grinned, and extended his arm to hold Tommy’s hand once
more. Unexpectedly, Tommy felt Brett’s leg brush against his. He
extended his leg, and they kept their legs touching under the table.
As the conversation lightened and they shared stories about
school, impressing the other with tales of their very different worlds,
their waiter brought their entreés and they started eating.
Brett
When the bill arrived, the boys agreed to split it. Since Brett’s
parents thought he was hanging out with his friends, he didn’t think
twice about using his debit card to pay for his portion of the tab.
They climbed out of their booth, made their way through the
restaurant to the mall entrance, and walked inside, hand-in-hand once
more. The mall would close soon, but that didn’t stop the boys from
window shopping.
I really like Tommy. I think I need to figure out how I can come out to
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my family. I don’t have to come out at school or at church, but I think my

parents need to know who I really am. I hope they won’t freak out.
“I’m surprised we haven’t seen our friends yet,” Tommy said as
they aimlessly walked through Boscov’s anchor store.
“You’re sure they’re still here?” Brett asked.
“Not really. There are a bunch of restaurants across the street,
maybe they went there.”
“Or maybe they caught a movie,” Brett suggested.
“It’s okay, I like not being rushed. So, I wasn’t gonna do this
tonight, but…”
A group of screaming girls ran past, forcing Tommy to stop
speaking. He scowled at them.
“Yeah?” Brett said, assumed.
“My school has Homecoming in two weeks. Would you…like to
be my date?”
Brett froze, jerking Tommy to a stop. “Wait, seriously?”
Tommy turned and flashed a smile at him. “Yeah, seriously. It’s a
dance, not an engagement party.”
Brett burst into laughter and pointed at himself. “Yes, sorry,
again, baby gay, new things. This is a first. Never in my wildest
dreams did I think I’d ever go on a date with a guy, and I never
thought I’d be asked to a formal high school dance, either.”
“Well, it’s semi-formal, but you still have to wear a suit and tie.
And I’ll have to get some paperwork done because you’re from
another high school, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”
“And no one will care that you bring a guy as a date?”
Tommy looked at him with a confused expression. “Of course not.
Skyler and Kalin will be going, and let’s see, there’s Bryan and Trevor,
Kelsie and Stacy…in fact, there are a number of LGBT couples who
will be there. We’re well represented at Temple High.”
“That’s amazing,” Brett replied, a feeling of wonder encouraging
him.
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“So, will you be my date?” Tommy asked.

“Two weeks?” Brett said. “Barring my parents don’t have
anything planned, why the heck not? I’d love to be your date.” He
grinned and looked at Tommy’s emerald eyes. They sparkled when
he smiled.
“Fantastic,” Tommy replied. Brett sensed a tremendous amount of
joy in the timber of Tommy’s voice.
Then Brett panicked. How the hell am I gonna get this past my
parents?
“What’s wrong?” Tommy asked.
“I have to lie to my parents,” Brett replied.
“Oh.”
“Where do they think you are tonight?” Tommy asked.
Damn, he’s smart. “They think I’m at the mall with Diego and
Priya.”
“Well, that’s partially true.”
“Look, that’s my problem to figure out. I’ll see if Priya and Diego
are willing to help me out again.”
“You could tell your parents the truth.”
“That will get me grounded,” Brett said, shaking his head. They
continued walking hand-in-hand through the store. “But I promise,
I’ll have to think about that.”
“If I can’t text you, how can I reach you?” Tommy asked.
“Um. I need to think about that. Wait, do you use Signal? A bunch
of kids at school use that app for school stuff—and some not-so-
school stuff. I got it a while back so it wouldn’t trigger a recent
purchase on the family account.”
“I can get it. What is it?”
“Edward Snowden-approved private chat with self-destructive
messaging.”
“Oooh. Sounds high-tech.”
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Brett chuckled. “It’s easy use. If we use Signal, my parents won’t

be able to read the history. I’ll set it for like five minutes.”
“Okay,” Tommy said, pulling his phone out with his free hand.
Brett watched Tommy open the App Store and search for the Signal
app. “Found it. Downloading now. I’ll get it set up later and we can
chat.”
“Yeah, just remember, if I don’t answer, I can’t at the moment.”
“No worries,” Brett replied. To his left, he heard a familiar giggle.
When he glanced over the clothing racks, he saw Priya and Diego
staring at them while making silly faces. “We’ve been spotted,” he
said, pointing at his friends.
“You guys look so cute together,” Priya said, softly clapping her
hands with delight.
Brett grinned and watched Diego's eyes track to his hand, the
fingers of which were interwoven with Tommy's fingers. Diego
smiled and winked at him.
“Thanks guys,” Tommy said. “I'm glad it's you guys who spotted
us and not the Benedictine High School paparazzi.”
They shared a laugh, then Brett spoke. “So, um, while you’re here,
I might need your help again in two weeks.”
“Another date?” Diego asked, genuinely interested.
“Sort of,“ Brett said, looking at Tommy with a big smile. “Tommy
asked me to his homecoming dance, which is two weeks from today.
Assuming my parents don't have any plans, I'd like to hang out at the
mall again with my friends.”
“Whoa!” Diego exclaimed.
Priya’s face exploded with happiness. “That's so exciting! We
could do this again, right Diego?”
Diego looked at her and nodded. “I suppose so, but this is going
to get expensive.”
Brett chuckled. “I owe you guys multiple favors, I know that. But I
have to ask one more thing.”
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“What's that?” Diego asked.

“We have to come up with a plan for me to get ready in secret
because if I got dressed up in a suit at my parents’ house, they would
know we weren't hanging out.”
“Oh, that's a really good point,” Priya said. “Okay, so you could
get ready at one of our houses and then we’ll bring you over.”
“Or, he could get ready at one of my friends’ houses too,” Tommy
volunteered. “Although, I haven't asked them yet.”
“Are these the same friends you volunteered for tonight’s double
date?” Diego asked.
Tommy nodded and smiled. “Yep.”
“Well, you’re starting your new relationship by using your friends
quite well,” Diego said raising an eyebrow. Tommy laughed, but Brett
realized Diego was right. “Yeah, let’s not bug Skyler again. I know he
and Kalin appreciated their time together, but I think my friends can
help out this time.”
“What happens if Diego and Priya’s parents see you getting
dressed up and start asking questions? Isn't that going to tip off The
Catholic Mafia?” Tommy asked.
“Crap,” Brett said.
“That's why I suggested Skyler’s house in the first place.”
“Oh, you’ve thought of everything, haven’t you,” Priya said,
stroking her chin. “I didn't even think about that. Well, Tommy makes
a good point, and we have time to figure it out. We can make this
work.”
“Thanks, guys. I know I'm putting you on the spot by asking in
front of Tommy, and I appreciate it.”
“Of course, if you came out to your parents, this might be a lot
easier for you,” Tommy said. Brett regarded him with wide eyes. The
terrified facial expressions of Diego and Priya confirmed his worst
fears.
“I don't think that would be good for Brett,” Diego said. “His
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parents are really…”

“Strict?” Tommy asked.
Diego nodded. “That's putting it mildly. They'll go apeshit if they
figure out he's gay.”
“It's that bad? It's the twenty-first century and we’re in New York,
not some backwater state.”
Priya sighed. “You would think it should be that simple, but our
church and school are very conservative. Most of the parents are
Republicans and they're all rich. They don't like it when things go
against tradition or the way it should be.” She made air quotes around
the last phrase.
“Wow,” Tommy murmured.
“But if I did come out to them,” Brett said, feeling a twinge of
nausea at the idea, “at least I’d know one way or the other what they
think.”
“Yeah,” Diego said, but his voice didn't carry confidence.
“Do your parents not care?” Priya asked Tommy.
“Not at all, and they never have. In fact, they've always been
supportive.”
“That's wonderful,” Priya responded.
“But, like I was trying to say, being gay or lesbian is normal
today,” Tommy said. “We have a Gay-Straight Alliance group at
school and we have a lot of LGBT students. People don't even think
twice about it. We had a bully, but he came out of the closet this
summer. Now, nobody cares. We even have a gay couple on the
football team.”
We have a gay football player at our school, but nobody knows about it
except Diego and me. He kept the thought to himself to avoid the
unpleasantness of having to explain his actions with Jameson to
Tommy. Great, I already feel ashamed in my new life. That’s fucking
fantastic.
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13 | Distracted
Tommy
“He’s everything I’ve ever wanted,” Tommy gushed. “I mean, I

know it was only our first date, but there’s no one at the school like
him, not even Cody.”
“Wow, that’s saying a lot,” Tracy replied. “You’ve been crushing
on him since the day you met him.” It was their first opportunity to
catch up since his first date with Brett, and they sat cross-legged on
Tommy’s bed after school.
“I know, but I also know that’s not going anywhere. Besides,
Cody’s more like a brother to me now. Fooling around with him
would be hot, but also really weird. As for Brett…” Tommy threw
himself back on his pillows and grabbed one. “I can’t wait to see him
again.”
“Are you going to?”
“I think so, this weekend. He’s convinced Priya and Diego to take
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him to the Valatie Harvest Fair, which would make sense for him to
go to. He has to lie to his parents since he’s not out of the closet,
but…”
“That doesn’t bother you?” Tracy asked.
Tommy sighed. “It should, and I know it should. I didn’t date
Caleb because he wasn’t out of the closet, but I think that us going to
different schools might make it easier.”
“For whom? You?”
Tommy sat up and looked at her with a frown. “What do you
mean?”
“If he’s not out of the closet, that means his super-religious family
doesn’t know. You just told me he lies to them to be with you. A few
minutes before that, you told me you use a secret self-destructing
messaging app to text with him so his parents can’t see it. On top of
that, he doesn’t drive, which means he relies on friends to bring him
to you. How is this easy for him?”
“Well…I don’t know. I mean…well, I guess it’s easier not seeing
him in the hallways at school because then we don’t have to pretend.”
“But he has to pretend, Tommy,” Tracy said, bringing a heavy
dose of reality to his romantic world. “He has to live a lie.”
“Well, he doesn’t seem bothered by it in his texts,” Tommy
replied.
“So, you have permission to text him now?”
“Yeah,” Tommy said, grinning from ear to ear. “We’ve been
texting every night. He texts me when he’s doing homework so I
know it’s okay to text him back. We use that self-destructive
messaging app.”
“I envy you,” Tracy said, shaking her head.
“I don’t know if I could do a long-distance relationship like that. It
takes a lot of commitment.”
Tommy burst into laughter. “It’s not long distance, Tracy. He’s not
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on the other side of the state, he’s on the other side of the interstate.”
Tracy sucked her lips and turned her face to the left as she
thought for a moment. “You know, you’re right. Sometimes living in
Kinderhook makes me feel like this whole world is much smaller than
it really is.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.”
She nodded. “Well, I’m glad. Now, do you still need me to tutor
you in math or are you getting it yet?”
Tommy grunted with displeasure. “I need help. Math is my
enemy.”
“All right, then let’s get to it, shall we? We can discuss cute boys
later.”
“Why, do you have a boy in mind? Who are you taking to
Homecoming?”
“CK and I discussed going as friends.”
“Why don’t you two just date already?” Tommy asked.
Tracy regarded him with exaggerated disgust and gently slapped
his shoulder. “Don’t you start talking like that, young man! That boy
is like a brother to me.”
“But he’s hot, jacked, and looks great in swim trunks.”
“And he’s a tactless boy with a perverted mind.”
“So, he’s normal?” Tommy quipped.
Tracy laughed. “I couldn’t. He needs to grow up. I have mature
needs, and he’s…a little boy.”
“Not from what I’ve seen in the locker room.”
“Tommy!” Tracy said, blushing as she giggled.
Tommy rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Cleopatra.”
She shook her head. “You’re gonna fail math if you keep
harassing me about dating CK.”
He chuckled. “Fine, you win. But I’m glad you’re gonna be there.
It’s gonna be so much fun.”
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“It will, and I’m glad you’re going to be there with your boy.”
Tommy grinned. “Me too.”
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14 | Hanky-Panky
Brett
Brett’s bladder was so full he nearly saw yellow. He leaned over

to his father and whispered that he needed to use the bathroom and it
was an emergency. His father nodded and pulled his knees close to
the oak pew bench so Brett could squeeze by.
Since his family usually sat near the front, Brett felt everyone's
judging eyes on him as he walked up the side aisle to the lobby of
Saint Peter-Damian Abbey Church.
Thankfully, there was no one in the lobby area, so he bee-lined to
the men's room. When he pushed the door open, it squeaked and an
elderly man inside startled him. “Good morning,” the man said in
greeting, then left the bathroom.
Inside, he saw Jameson washing his hands at the sink. The boy’s
eyes lit up when he saw Brett and he jerked his head to one of the
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empty toilet stalls.

Oooh, tempting.
“Jameson, I really gotta pee.”
“Trust me, that's when it feels the best.” Without warning,
Jameson closed the distance between them and ushered Brett into one
of the toilet stalls. Surprisingly, the urge to pee quickly faded as
another urge rose in his pants.
As Jameson pulled him close, Brett pressed the front of his body
against the football star and immediately felt his arousal. The scent of
Jameson’s cologne filled his nostrils and heightened his lust.
“Are we alone?” Brett whispered, as they quietly made out.
Jameson's head bounced. “Uh-huh.”
Jameson unbuckled Brett's belt, undid his pants, then slid his
hand into his boxer briefs and took hold of his erection. The other arm
wrapped around Brett’s shoulders and held him close.
Brett moaned softly, unfastened Jameson's pants, and slid his
hand into the football star’s trunks. The other hand wrapped around
Jameson's lower back. The boys quietly made out and moved their
hands up and down, but Brett knew the euphoric urgency building
inside him wouldn't take long to finish their horrible, sinful deed in
the church bathroom.
He’s right, this is so hot…and so wrong…but I don't want to stop.
The door to the men's room squeaked open, and Brett’s body
became rigid with panic. Jameson responded by squeezing his
shoulders tightly against him, then pulled his lips away and rested
their foreheads and noses together. As they stared into one another's
eyes with determination to finish, their hands did not stop moving. At
the same time, Brett’s confused heart filled with emotions of fear,
insanity, guilt, and excitement.
The man who walked in stepped over to one of the urinals and
began his business with a big, heavy sigh. “Come on, just a little pee
pee,” the man said, clearly suffering from an enlarged prostate as he
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coaxed himself to urinate.

Ignoring him, Brett succumbed to the overwhelming thrill of their
risky encounter, and his senses spiraled into a tizzy of incredulous
delight. Even though he was with one of the hottest guys in school,
the fear of being discovered and the intensity of their closeness made
the moment impossible to step away from, even in their church. As
his body quivered and tensed, he gently dug his fingers into the small
of Jameson's back, signaling his release. He felt Jameson's body
tighten, and then a warm rush of liquid enveloped his hand. At the
same time, Brett’s mind and body exploded with pleasure but he held
his breath, desperate to remain silent as he came.
The man at the urinal gave up and moved to the sink. Jameson
pulled his hand away from Brett’s shoulders and reached for the
tissue paper. As he slowly pulled some out, regret filled Brett’s heart.
Jameson handed Brett a wad of tissue paper, and Brett used it to
wipe his hand and Jameson's dick. Jameson did the same, then the
boys did their best to wipe their abdomens. The man at the sink
moved to the hand dryer. When the machine clicked on, Jameson
whispered in Brett’s ear. “I'm going to head out first when the door
opens.”
Brett nodded, suddenly feeling nauseous. When the door
squeaked open and shut and they didn't hear anyone else walk in,
Jameson slowly opened the stall door, peaked outside, then moved to
the sink to wash his hands.
Brett shut and locked the stall door behind him and continued
wiping the mess in his boxer briefs. I can't believe I just did that, at
church of all places. What the hell was I thinking? Does my dick really have
that much power over my brain? The urge to urinate returned, and he
did so before re-dressing himself. When he had finished, he felt hot
and uncomfortable as he shoved toilet paper between his boxer briefs
and his khakis.
Oh crap, I think I'm going to be sick.
He squatted in front of the toilet bowl, refusing to kneel on the
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bathroom floor even though it looked clean. He dry heaved, then

heard the bathroom door squeak open again.
“Hi, Mister Kinkade,” Jameson said loudly so Brett would hear
him. Brett recognized the distinct sound of his father's wingtips on the
tile floor.
Oh, crap.
“Hi Jameson, have you seen Brett?”
“He's in the stall and doesn't sound so good.”
“Thank you, have a blessed Sunday,” Paul said.
“You as well, Mister Kinkade.” Brett heard the bathroom door
squeak open once more and he assumed Jameson left the bathroom.
As the door squeaked shut, his father called out, “Brett?”
“Yup,” Brett replied. He didn't have to alter his voice to make it
sound pained and uncomfortable.
“Are you all right, son?”
“Nope,” Brett replied, dry heaving.
“Oh wow,” his father said, then Brett threw up in the toilet.
Brett kept his emotions in check, realizing that what he had just
done with Jameson would probably lend him a special place in hell
for doing it in church. Not only that—if his father had walked in a
minute earlier, they would've been caught red-handed.
A second round of vomit found its way up, and Brett barfed into
the toilet.
“How about I take you home as soon as you're ready?” his father
asked.
“Good idea,” Brett uttered, coughing and spitting out bile.
“I'll go tell your mother and I'll meet you in the lobby, okay?”
“Yup.” Just go.
Brett grabbed more toilet paper and wiped his hands, mouth, and
nose the best he could. Double-checking the front of his khakis to
make sure no wetness had leaked through, he left the stall and went
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to lean over the sink.

He turned on the cold water tap, then splashed some on his face.
It felt good, and he took a moment to rinse his nose and mouth. The
nausea subsided, but Brett didn't want to face his father.
If you knew, you’d hate me. You’d hate me for the horrible thing I just
did…
In church…in God's house…
Holy shit, I'm such a sinner.
I’m fucked.
The bathroom door squeaked open again, and Paul walked over
to him.
“How are you doing, Son?”
Brett kept his eyes focused on the white porcelain sink.
“Better. I’m sorry I’m making you miss Mass, Dad.”
“Don’t be silly. You can’t control these things. Do you think you
can ride in the car? Front seat?”
Brett shrugged. “I think so.”
A knock at the door startled him, and the door squeaked open
again. “Oh my goodness, you're so pale,” his mother Jennifer said.
She remained at the entryway, but Paul spoke up. “We're alone, Jenn.
There's no one in here.”
His mother’s heels clacked on the tile floor as she approached. A
moment later, her hand pressed against Brett’s forehead.
“You don't feel feverish, but clearly you're ill.”
“Why don't we get you home,” she said.
“Exactly what I was thinking,” Paul replied. Minutes later, Brett
sat in the front seat of their car with the window open and his father
drove them home, gingerly navigating the turns so as not to upset his
son’s stomach.
If only they knew why I had thrown up, they’d probably make me walk
home, if they’d let me go home at all.
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I can't keep doing this…living this bizarre, sexual lie. I have to choose
between being me and being who they want me to be.
Ugh, I don't know how to do that. Right now, I only want to crawl into
bed and die. I want the world to go away, and I want my parents to leave me
alone.
When his father pulled the car into the garage, Brett allowed his
mother to dote on him for a few minutes in the kitchen before
heading up to his bedroom.
In his room, he pulled off his church clothes and tossed them over
the footboard of his bed, not caring that he didn't hang them up like
he was supposed to. Looking down at himself, he saw the front of his
gray boxer briefs showed several damp spots. He carefully discarded
the wet tissue paper in the small waste bin near his desk. Hearing his
mother’s footsteps outside in the hallway, he stood as she opened his
bedroom door.
Shit.
He turned so his backside would face her. As she entered his
room, he crossed over to his bed and climbed in, quickly pulling the
covers over his waist.
“Here, I have some Pepto-Bismol for you. Do you think you can
take it?” she asked.
Brett finished pulling the covers over his body and nodded. “Yes.”
“All right.”
When she poured out the dosage into the cap, she handed it over
and Brett downed it with one swig and settled onto his pillow again,
closing his eyes.
He felt her hand on his forehead once more as she checked his
temperature again. Then she tucked the blankets against him. “I
haven't done this in a long time.”
Brett offered a faint smile.
“Sleep as long as you want, I'll be back to check on you in an hour.
You still don't feel feverish to me.”
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Brett nodded. “Thanks, Mom. That’s good, I guess.”

When she left, she shut the door behind her. Brett rolled over and
began to weep.
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15 | The Second Date
Tommy
Tommy anxiously watched the road from the front window of his
house. Brett was on his way, driven by Diego and Priya who agreed
to go with them to the Valatie Harvest Fair. It was another indirect lie
on Brett’s part, but Tommy didn’t care because it brought them
together.
When he saw Diego pull up, he shouted goodbye to his parents,
then ran out the front door, accidentally slamming it shut behind him.
He climbed into the backseat of Diego’s car, where Brett smiled at
him. Tommy immediately caught the scent of Brett’s cologne and it
made him feel warm and happy.
Brett extended his right hand, and Tommy grasped it with his left,
interlocking their fingers together. Tommy took a moment to look
into Brett’s deep brown eyes, and he smiled. Even though this was
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their third encounter, everything in the world felt right when he was
with Brett.
Tommy hesitated with any kind of further greeting. We haven’t had
our first kiss yet, and I want it to be special. It shouldn’t be in the back seat of
Diego’s car.
As Diego drove them to the harvest fair, Tommy and Brett listed
to Diego and Priya discuss some homework assignment they (and
Brett) had received from someone named Skully.
“Is her name really Missus Skully?” Tommy asked.
The three Benedictine High teens shared a brief laugh. “Oh, no,
that’s just what we call her,” Brett replied. “Her real name is Sister
Scholastica.”
“Sister?”
“She’s a nun. That’s her formal title.”
“You know, for an Irish kid, you sure defy the stereotype,” Diego
said, glancing at him in the rearview mirror.
Tommy shrugged. “My extended family goes to church, but I
don’t think it’s anything like your church. Yours seems really…strict.”
“And faithful to the Magisterium of Holy Mother Church,” Priya
said with a sarcastic tone.
“The what?”
“Never mind,” she said, waving her hand in the air.
“What does Sister Scholastica teach?”
“Anything to do with the English language, whether it’s
grammar, writing, or reading.”
“Gotcha.”
Since Kinderhook and Valatie were neighboring towns, it didn’t
take them long to arrive at the harvest fair.
“Wow,” Brett said, staring at the mini carnival-like rides that had
been built for the weekend festivities.
“Have you ever been to the fair, Brett?” Priya asked as Diego
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navigated the parking lot.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to a harvest fair.”
“Seriously?” Tommy asked, surprised.
Brett shook his head and shrugged. “Not that I can remember. The
only kinds of fairs we go to are the ones hosted by our church. I can't
tell you how many harvest or Christmas bazaars I've been to. This,
however, looks like way more fun.”
“It will be. There’s all kinds of things we can do together,”
Tommy replied with a smile, gently squeezing Brett’s hand.
“I can’t wait.”
“We won’t crowd you, but we’re not gonna hang out all by
ourselves again,” Diego said, putting the car in park.
“We can give them plenty of space,” Priya said, gently slapping
Diego’s right thigh.
“Right, whatever. Have fun, love birds,” Diego said with a smile.
The four teens climbed out of the car and made their way to the
ticket booth at the main entrance. The smells of hay, apple cider, and
warm cinnamon that floated in the air tantalized Tommy’s nostrils.
He glanced at Brett, who took a deep breath and smiled at him. “It
smells amazing, doesn’t it?”
“We’ll have to get some cider, and we’ll have to try some of the
apple pies. There's usually a fresh salt water taffy station and there
might even be fried dough!”
“I’m gonna be so stuffed,” Brett said, chuckling.
“Look, there’s a discount for couples,” Tommy said, pointing at
the admission pricing signage.
“It's a good thing we’re a couple then, right?” Brett said, reaching
out to take Tommy's hand in his.
“Indeed it is.” He remembered I like to touch. He's so sweet.
“Boyfriend dear, would you kindly take my arm?” Priya asked,
looking at Diego.
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“What?” Diego asked, startled.

“I'm not above a small white lie to get a good discount,” Priya
said. “Now, take my arm.”
Diego rolled his eyes and took Priya’s arm. Then they approached
the booth and purchased their couples tickets.
“We’ll see you guys later,” Tommy said as they stepped into the
main area. “I mean, I'm sure we’ll see you around the fair.”
“Ditching us already?” Diego teased, winking at his best friend.
Brett smiled. “Looks that way.” Holding hands, the boys turned
left while Diego and Priya turned right.
“Do you want to go see the baby goats?” Tommy asked, pointing
at the petting zoo.
“Aw, they're so cute,” Brett replied. “Yeah, let's go.” They
approached the petting zoo and rested their elbows on the fence. The
stench of the barn animals and dung was strong, but the apple cider
and cinnamon smells were stronger.
Tommy watched as Brett stared at the curious animals with
wonder.
“Their eyes are so freaking weird looking.”
“I know, right? They’re like sideways alien eyes or something…I
don't even know how to describe it right.”
One of the goats took interest in them and brazenly approached,
its fear of humans eliminated from similar events.
“I want to pet it,” Brett said. “He's cute, like you.”
“Eh, they stink. I'll pass, but thanks for the compliment.”
The boys shared a laugh and moved on to the chicken pen. Some
of the chickens had escaped the pen and roamed freely, while others
seemed content on their perches or pecked at the ground.
“I really like spending time with you, Tommy.”
Tommy looked into Brett’s beautiful brown eyes and smiled. “Oh
yeah?”
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Brett nodded. “Yeah. It's probably tacky to say, but when I'm with
you, things feel right. I feel like I don't have to fight anyone. Heck, I
didn't even know I was fighting until I realized I was gay. Even
though Priya and Diego know, we still have to be careful at school
and church so no one finds out.”
Right, the whole nightmare family thing you have to deal with. “That
sounds terrible, not being able to be yourself around the people who
are supposed to love you.”
“Can't say it was an issue until a few weeks ago.”
Tommy chuckled and watched a chicken fluff its wings. “Is it
weird that I think of Chinese food when I stare at them?”
Brett laughed, then made an amused pouty face. “Not these
chickens, we shall spare these from the slaughterhouse.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
To their left, small children were standing in line for rides on the
miniature ponies, which slowly walked around a worn-in path. A
trainer escorted the ponies, each of which carried two children on
their backs.
Tommy found the courage to speak up. “Truth be told, I’ve been
waiting for someone like you for some time now.”
“Seriously?” Brett said, turning his body to look at him as the
ponies walked around their pen with their gleeful passengers.
Tommy nodded. “Of all my friends, only Skyler and Kalin are a
couple, so it’s not like I feel pressured to be in a relationship. I just
want someone special to spend time with, cuddle with, and enjoy
life.”
“That sounds nice,” Brett said as they started walking the path to
the next attraction. Brett reached for Tommy’s hand and they
interlaced their fingers. “I remember our conversation about how
touching is important to you. I think I would like cuddling with you,
maybe more.”
Oh my! Tommy blushed, and Brett saw it. “Sorry, just being
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honest.”
Tommy grinned. “I know. I don’t want to rush anything. I want
to…savor all of those moments and enjoy them at the right time, you
know?”
Brett squeezed his hand as they stopped in front of a pair of
juggling clowns. “I do.”
“Ugh, let’s keep going, clowns are creepy,” Tommy said, twisting
his face with disgust.
Brett laughed. “I don’t understand people who think that.”
“Then you’ve never seen Stephen King’s movie It and the demon
clown Pennywise?”
“Nope. My parents censor my movies. I know there’s a clown
who kills people in that movie, but that’s about it.”
“Man, your family sounds less exciting every time you bring them
up,” Tommy said.
Brett frowned at him.
Oops. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”
Brett nodded. “I think I get what you mean. The more I talk about
it and gauge your reactions, the more I realize I live in a bubble.”
The boys stopped and watched a couple make out on a bench
framed by a post-and-beam arch decorated with hay and pumpkins.
“Ugh, straight people kissing,” Tommy mumbled.
Brett chuckled. “Wanna do it?”
“It’s the kissing booth. You pay to have your picture taken. Look,
he gives you the polaroid after.”
“Oh.” Tommy looked at Brett. “Really?”
Brett shrugged. “Why not? What’s the worst that could happen?”
Tommy laughed. “Okay, but this can’t be our first kiss. There are
too many people watching and I want it to be someplace special,
when I’m having a special moment with you.”
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Brett nodded. “Deal.”

They paid in tickets and waited in line for a few minutes. When it
was their turn, they sat on the bench under the arch and looked at one
another. Tommy panicked. “What do we do?”
“Um, make a face like this and look at the camera.” Brett widened
his eyes and created an expression of dramatic surprise.
“Okay.” Tommy did as he was told, and Brett scooted closer.
Oh my gosh, he’s going to…kiss me. Not our real first kiss, but a silly
kiss that brings us so close together.
Tommy’s face lit up with happiness when he felt Brett’s lips press
against his right check.
“And hold that pose,” the photographer said, adjusting his stance
to capture the moment.
The camera clicked and then released the polaroid photo. Brett
backed away and Tommy faced him, staring into Brett’s brown eyes.
They sparkled with affection, and if they were alone, Tommy might
have lip-locked with him on the spot. But, he didn’t. It’s not the right
moment.
The photographer handed them their polaroid. “Here you go,
boys. Enjoy the fair. Remember, don’t shake the polaroid photo,
despite what the song says.” Brett took the photo and looked at the
man with a quizzical expression.
“Thanks,” Tommy replied, noticing Brett’s confusion. As they
walked away, Tommy said, “You do know what song he was
referring to, right?”
Brett shook his head. “I don’t.”
Tommy sighed. “Wow. It’s called Hey Ya! and it’s by Outkast.”
Tommy did his best to sing the relevant lyrics to Brett, who only
shook his head again. “Sorry. I’m sheltered, remember?”
Tommy laughed and grabbed Brett’s wrist, fully aware of their
skin-to-skin contact. The picture hadn’t started developing yet, but he
knew it would in a minute or so.
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“You should keep it,” Brett said. “I don’t want to risk my parents
finding it in my room or something.”
Momentarily stunned by the reality of Brett’s world, Tommy
nodded. “I’d be happy to hold it for us. How about we go check out
the hay rides or the corn maze? They’re right over there.”
“The hay ride sounds fun. Then maybe we can get something to
eat? I’m already getting hungry.”
“Me too. Oh look, they have hot apple cider by the hay ride.”
“Score!”
Fifteen minutes later, with their paper mugs of hot apple cider, the
boys climbed onto seats made of stacked hay bales that someone had
set on the horse-drawn wagon. There weren’t many people in line
when they boarded, so the driver encouraged the horses to start. The
wagon lurched forward, knocking Tommy into Brett’s lap. They
laughed, grateful no hot cider was spilled.
“Oh, the picture should be done now,” Brett said, carefully
pulling it from his jacket pocket. Tommy leaned against him and they
stared at the whimsical photograph.
“Ha, that’s really cute,” Tommy said.
“Like you,” Brett replied. “Here, it’s yours.”
Tommy accepted the photo and carefully tucked it into the breast
pocket of his jacket. “I will cherish this forever,” he said, smiling. Brett
stared into his eyes, his face full of amusement and wonder. “What?”
“Your eyes. They’re so…green right now. I’m awestruck.”
Tommy bounced his eyebrows. “I wish I could tell you I make
them do that, but it’s completely arbitrary. It has to do with the
lighting I’m in and what’s around me that makes certain colors reflect.
At least, I think that’s how it works.”
“Well, whatever it is, I love it. You’re beautiful…and handsome.”
Tommy smiled. “Thanks. So are you.”
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16 | Touch Choices
Brett
“So, um, we need to talk about Homecoming,” Brett said.

“Yes, we do, since this will be the last time we’re all together
before Saturday,” Priya said as they sat around a table eating
oversized servings of homemade apple pie.
Tommy nodded in agreement. “How are you getting out of the
house and all that?”
“Right, so I’m going to sneak my suit and stuff to Diego at school
one day this week, and he’s going to meet up with Skyler and hand it
off.”
Diego gave a thumbs up and spoke through a mouthful of food.
“We’ve been texting. It’ll work out.”
“As for me, I’ve told my parents the three of us are gonna see a
double feature at the Colonie Regal and that I’ll sleep over at Diego’s
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house after. That ought to keep them off my back for being gone so
long. I already checked the church calendar and there’s nothing my
dad can surprise me with, so we’re good there.”
“Okay, so how are you getting to Skyler’s house? I assume that’s
where you’re getting dressed?” Priya asked.
Brett nodded. “Yes. Diego will pick me up just like he did tonight
and he’ll bring me to Skyler’s house to change for the dance. They’ll
bring me to Tommy’s house for pictures, then we’ll head to the
dance.”
Diego spoke up. “Conveniently, I’m gonna meet up with some of
our schoolmates and actually go to a double feature.”
Brett smiled. “Right, and after the dance we’ll meet up with
Diego. Tommy, that’s where we say goodbye. I’ll do a magical
costume change out of my suit in the car and show up at Diego’s
house in normal clothing. I’ll put my suit in my gym bag, which will
already have my sleepover stuff in it. His parents won’t suspect a
thing, and since we’ve had sleepovers before, all will be well.”
“You thought that out well,” Priya said.
“Yeah, I’m impressed,” Tommy added.
Brett crossed his fingers. “Here’s to hoping it’s flawlessly
executed. Worst case scenario, I’m late or something. I’ll text whoever
I can with an update should something go wrong.”
“Okay, so now that you’ve seen your boy again, what do you
think?” Diego asked as he drove Brett to his house after dropping
Priya off.
“He’s…amazing. Like, everything feels right around him. The
world could be falling apart around me because of the zombie
apocalypse but as long as I’m with him, it would all work out.”’
“Wow,” Diego said, glancing at Brett.
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“I know…I’m just so…taken aback. The couple of girls I secretly

dated never made me feel this way.”
“You sure that wasn’t just because your parents might find out?”
Brett chuckled. “Definitely not. It would be way worse if my
parents found out I was dating a guy, right? So, that wasn’t it. I
simply didn’t realize I was gay.”
Diego nodded. “Must feel better. I mean, I don’t know. I’ve
always liked girls—so it’s not like I’m having a…revelation, for lack
of a better word.”
“I know what you mean,” Brett said, smiling.
But what about Jameson? What about all the things he’s been doing to
me? He excites me in a way I never thought possible…in a way that’s not
even possible with Tommy right now.
But, do I want that with Tommy?
Or is Jameson just…a bit on the side while I figure out if this thing with
Tommy works out? Or, is Tommy’s idea of slow and steady what I’m really
interested in? Would it hurt to do both? Is it okay because we go to different
schools?
“Hey, where’d you go?” Diego asked.
“What?” Brett said, his mind ripped from his thoughts back to the
present moment.
“You just got lost in your thoughts. I could tell because you were
staring at nothing.”
“Oh, sorry, I just…” Can I tell him? Should I tell someone about what
Jameson and I have been doing?
“Do you want to talk about it?” Diego asked. “You know you can
tell me anything. I already know your most private secret.”
True.
“So, there’s this thing going on…”
“Okay.” Diego pulled over on the side of the road and put the car
in park. “Out with it.”
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Brett half-smiled. “It started back at Samantha’s party, when

Jameson kissed me.”
“Okay.”
“Well, he’s approached me since then, and we’ve…uh…fooled
around…twice.”
“Fooled around?”
Brett nodded. “Making out and jerking each other off.”
Diego’s face exploded with surprise. “Oh, wow, okay. Where?”
“Um…once in the bathroom at school, and once in the men’s
room at church.”
“You jerked off in church?” Diego exclaimed, his voice screechy
with shock and horror.
“Shush,” Brett said, afraid someone would hear them.
“What, no one’s around. No one can hear us. Unlike the
bathrooms at school and church. Holy shit, you jerked off in a
church?”
Brett shrugged. “I…don’t know how to say no to him. He’s so hot,
and when he starts kissing me, I…melt. Everything feels so damn
amazing.”
“Wow,” Diego said.
Shit, he’s shell-shocked.
“So, wait, did these things happen before you met Tommy
or…like recently?”
Brett sighed. “They’re all together. Everything started with
Samantha’s party, remember? That’s when Jameson first asserted
himself and figured out I was gay because he saw I had a raging
boner when he kissed me. I met Tommy the next day, and well, the
time at school was before our first date, and the second was before
our second date.”
“So, you’re doing…two guys?”
“No. Tommy and I aren’t fooling around, and I’m not dating
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Jameson.”
“But you’re screwing around with Jameson and trying to date
Tommy?”
“Uh…yeah. Is that bad?”
Diego shrugged. “I don’t know how it works in the gay world. I
mean, I guess you can have more than one boyfriend…and it’s not
like you and Tommy are exclusive, right?”
“We’re not. That hasn’t even come up. Jameson is convenient, and
Tommy is…hard to get to. It’s not like we have classes together or can
hang out after school.”
“But, is Tommy worth the wait? Do you see a future with Tommy
or with Jameson?”
Brett nodded. “I see your point.”
“Let me put it to you straight…literally…if I was trying to get
with a girl that I really liked, you can bet your balls I would not be
screwing around with another chick. That would only end in disaster
for everyone.”
“It makes sense when you frame it in a straight relationship.”
“Well, it should be the same, right? Monogamy is monogamy no
matter who the partners are or what their sexuality is. Assuming
that’s what you want, of course.”
“I think so. I haven’t really thought about anything else.”
“Then choose the guy you want to be with. If it’s Tommy, it
means work, but that’s not a bad thing. If it’s Jameson, it means you’ll
live a closeted life for a while because we all go to Benedictine. But, it
sounds like the sex is amazing.”
Brett laughed. “Yeah, it is.”
“But, to quote my mom, those are fleeting moments. Will it really
last with Jameson?”
“What do you mean?” Brett asked, eyeing his best friend with
curiosity.
“Well, Jameson has a reputation for being a ladies’ man. What if
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he’s really screwing around in secret with any gay guy he knows he
can work his magic on?”
“You think I’m not the only one?”
“I didn’t say that. But if you choose Jameson and I’m right, you’re
in for a world of hurt. Tommy seems like a genuine guy. I think you’ll
be happier with him in the long run. That’s just my opinion, of
course.”
“Hmmm.” He has a point. Jameson was forward and direct…there has
to be other gay guys at school, and he seems to be able to detect them way
better than I can. I think I know what I need to do. “Thanks, Diego. I know
what I have to do.”
“Glad to help. And remember, if this does blow up, be honest.
We’ve seen enough sappy romance movies to know what lying does.”
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17 | Man-date
Tommy
During the final minutes of an intense dodgeball game, Tommy

found himself in the position of last man standing, an experience he
had become used to. What happened next was one of those magical,
once-in-a-lifetime events you had to see to believe.
“Not this time, Tommy,” a sweaty and cocky Gregg shouted. He
wound up and slung the blue dodgeball at Tommy with speed and
precise aim, but the redhead didn't flinch. With unexpected, mystical
agility, Tommy smirked, extended his hands, and caught the ball,
ending the game. Zach and his teammates cheered as Gregg and
Michael sulked at their loss.
“No fucking way,” Gregg exclaimed, dumbfounded.
“Language!” Coach Tomlin shouted. “Drop and give me two
hundred.”
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“Two hundred?” Gregg protested.

“It’ll be four if you open your mouth again,” Coach replied.
Gregg frowned and dropped to the gym floor to begin his first set
of push-ups.
“All right, boys and girls, hit the showers,” Coach announced,
clapping his hands.
Tommy jogged over to Zach, who had bent over to tie his
shoelace. “Still interested in hanging out after school?”
Zach looked up and nodded. “Yeah. Wanna keep it simple and
walk over to Starbucks?”
“Works for me. I could use a jolt of java after today. I don’t know
why I’m so damn tired.”
“Cool.” Zach pushed himself to his feet and the boys made their
way to the locker room to shower and change.
After school, Tommy and Zach walked into the Starbucks coffee
shop that was located a few blocks from campus. Zach chuckled as
they waited in line. “You know, this is our first official man-date with
no video games to help time pass by.”
Tommy laughed and fidgeted with his hands, rocking back and
forth on his heels. “Yeah, I hope there’s something we can talk about
besides destroying the Rebellion.”
“Hi guys, can I take your order?” the barista asked. The boys
stepped forward, placed their orders, and paid. They moved down
the counter and waited for the baristas to make their coffees.
“Are you always this…excitable outside of school?” Zach asked.
“What do you mean?” Tommy asked.
“You haven't stopped vibrating since we got here,” Zach
commented.
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“Vibrating?” Tommy echoed.

“Fidgeting. You’ve been in perpetual motion even though we’re
just standing here.”
“Oh, sorry. I can't stop thinking about Homecoming,” Tommy
replied, blushing.
“Are you going?”
“Yeah, are you?”
“Yep. I asked Sarah Milton and she said yes.” Zach proudly
puffed out his chest.
Tommy looked at Zach with wide eyes. “Aw, you’ve always
fancied her right?”
“Fancied her?” Zach echoed with a small laugh. “What is this,
Downton Abbey?”
Tommy rolled his eyes. “Well, I do watch that show with my
parents. But, in all seriousness, I’m happy for you.”
“Why? Did you think a nerd like me couldn't score a cute girl?”
Tommy burst into laughter. “That's not what I meant, but now
that you mention it, sure.”
Zach rolled his eyes, but smiled. “Are you bringing someone to
Homecoming?”
“Brett Kinkade,” Tommy proudly answered with a nod.
Zach scrunched his face. “I don't think I know him.”
“You don't. He doesn't go to our school.” The barista served their
coffees, and the boys moved to a table in the corner of the coffee shop.
Tommy explained who Brett was and how they met.
“My cousins go to that school,” Zach said, sipping his coffee.
Oh no, this isn’t good. “You can't tell anyone,” Tommy said with a
panicked voice. “If anybody finds out he's gay, they'll destroy him at
that school.”
Zach raised his hands in surrender. “Don't worry, your secret is
safe with me. My cousins are brainwashed with all that religious stuff
165
and they’re so obnoxious whenever they come over. Everything is

about serving God and Holy Mother Church.”
Tommy relaxed and sat back. “So, it's really that bad over there?”
He sipped his coffee.
“Yeah, that school and its church are very conservative. If his
parents are as bad as you say, then him coming out will be a total
disaster. It's families like his that push kids towards suicide.”
“Holy shit,” Tommy said.
“I’m not saying he'll do that, I'm just saying it's really strict.
There's only one way for them to live, and it's being good little
Catholic boys and girls.”
Tommy chuckled. “Apparently though, they find ways to be
naughty Catholic boys and girls.” He shared the details of Brett’s Spin
the Bottle antics and described what went on at those parties.
“Wow, sounds like a fun time.”
Tommy laughed. “Maybe. I think it's more amusing that they
strategically hide their devious, sinful activities.” He altered his voice
to sound sinister as he spoke.
“Don't we do the same, though? It's not like our parents would
celebrate a bunch of horny teenagers getting naked for a hot tub
night, right?”
“Yeah, you're right.”
“I just hope Sarah lets me touch her boobs after the dance, you
know?”
Tommy looked at him with surprise. “That’s it?”
Zach chuckled and shook his head. “I figure if I set my
expectations low, I won't be too disappointed if nothing exciting
happens.”
“Would you have sex with her if you had the chance?” Tommy
asked.
Zach shrugged. “I don't know. I really want to, but I'm nervous
about it. Like, I think I know what to do, but I'm afraid I would screw
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it up.” Zach took a sip of coffee.

Tommy wrinkled his brow and looked at his friend with curiosity
for a moment before replying. “Aren't you supposed to be like all
machismo and talk about how you’ll smash that vagina and other
things the hetero bros say?”
Zach burst into laughter, nearly spraying Tommy with hot coffee.
“It's different around you.”
“Why?”
“Because you're gay.”
“What difference does that make?” Tommy asked. Should I be
offended or affirmed?
Zach looked up and thought about his response. “I don't know,
it's like I don't have to defend myself or brag to impress you. Maybe
it's because we like different things.”
“But sex is sex,” Tommy argued.
Zach shrugged again. “I don't know what to tell you. I don't feel
threatened by you. I feel like I can be honest with you and I like that.”
Tommy smiled. “I like it, too.” I feel like I can be honest with you as
well…and I think I need to ask you something. I want an outside opinion. I
know what Tracy, Skyler, and the others would say.
“What about you? Are you hoping to get lucky with Brett or
something after Homecoming?”
Tommy chuckled. “I’m a romantic. I'm hoping for an amazing
first kiss. I doubt we'll have time for anything else because we have to
sneak him back to his friend’s house before curfew.”
“Oh right, the whole secrecy and deception thing.”
Tommy frowned. “It sounds bad, doesn't it?”
“Yeah, but what else is he going to do? If he's honest, he's
damned. It must suck having to live a double life. I’d probably do the
same thing.”
That’s good to know. Tommy nodded. “I’ve thought the same
thing.” He sipped his coffee.
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“Do you think he likes you?”

Tommy smiled, a feeling of warmth filling his heart. “Yeah, I
think so. Given the hoops he's jumping through to attend the dance
with me, there has to be something real there.”
”I agree,“ Zach said, sipping his coffee. “I think it's great you got
Skyler to go along with it. I mean, Skyler’s the kind of guy who will
do anything for his friends, but this is definitely one for the enigmatic
Book of Amazing Friends.”
Tommy sipped his coffee and nodded. “Can I ask you a
question?”
“Of course,” Zach replied.
“I know what my other friends would say, but I want someone
else’s opinion.”
“Shoot.”
“I really like Brett. I mean, I know it’s crazy because we’ve only
had two dates and we go to different schools and he’s not out of the
closet—all that to say we haven’t spent a lot of time together, but
when we’re together, I’m lost in him. Like, sometimes I struggle to
talk because I just want to look at his beautiful face.”
Zach smiled. “Aww, okay.”
I knew you’d be cool talking about these heart-matters. Tommy felt
himself flush as his heart filled with warm fuzzies. “I want to ask him
to be my boyfriend during Homecoming, maybe during one of the
slow dances. But I’m afraid he might say no…or that it’s too early.
Like, we should have three more dates or something.”
Zach frowned. “What makes five dates the magic number to
becoming an official couple?”
Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know. I know it sounds silly, but even
now, my heart is beating a mile a minute just thinking and talking
about him.”
“Like, good or bad?”
“Good, really good. I’m hot, woozy, and probably blushing.”
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“You are.”
“See? He does this to me. I’ve only felt that way with Cody, but I
know that’s not going to be a thing.”
Zach sipped his coffee. “Yeah, you and Cody…the unrequited
public love story.”
Tommy laughed. “No kidding.”
“So, here’s what I’m thinking,” Zach said. “Is it fair to say Cody is
your first crush? Like, a serious crush, not some imaginary celebrity
crush like uh, Zac Efron or something?”
“Oh, he’s hot too.”
“Figured you’d like him. But, am I right?”
Tommy slowly nodded. “Yeah, I think it’s fair to say Cody is the
first guy I’ve had serious feelings for.”
“And you’re lucky Cody is comfortable with his sexuality and can
be flirtatious with you back. To me, you always seemed to know
where the line was, and that’s an outsider’s perspective. You never
vibrated when Cody came up. You got a little doe-eyed, but with Brett,
it’s something completely different and your body knows it.”
“He’s wonderful. He’s cute. He’s perfect.”
Zach rolled his eyes and smiled. “Right, of course. So, with Brett,
you have something attainable. You could really be in a relationship
with him and that’s set your heart and mind on fire. Your passions
are ignited—or will be soon enough. Just wait till that first kiss at
Homecoming.”
Tommy smiled. “Mi hombre caliente,” he said in Spanish,
clutching his heart.
“Whatever that means, sure. Do you get my point?”
“Um, I think so,” Tommy said, scratching his head. “I think you’re
telling me Brett is the real deal and my feelings are more…intense or
something like that. Am I close?”
“Yeah, which translates to—and I’m reading into your emotions
here—wanting to have him as your boyfriend as soon as possible.”
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“I understand,” Tommy said, his shoulders dropping in

disappointment.
“Whoa, don’t be sad, bro. I can’t tell you if asking Brett to be your
boyfriend at Homecoming is good or bad. All I’m saying is—to use a
Battlefront analogy—stand back and observe the battlefield. See
what’s really going on with your head and your heart instead of
rushing into something that would prove deadly or unnecessarily
hurtful.”
Tommy burst into laughter. “Now that makes perfect sense to me,
Zach.”
They tapped their paper coffee cups together and sipped.
“Thanks, I needed to hear that.”
“I’m sure Skyler would have said the same thing,” Zach replied,
dismissively gesturing with his hand.
“Maybe, but he’s not here. You are. So, thank you.”
“Anytime, buddy,” Zach said, winking at him.
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18 | The Wrath of God
Brett
It was Wednesday night. Brett and his parents started eating

dinner like they did most nights. A few minutes into dinner, Brett
realized his parents were unusually quiet. I wonder what’s wrong?
“So, today at school, Sister Scholastica commented on how much
our writing has improved since last year,” Brett said, attempting to
encourage a dinner conversation. Weird, this is something my parents
usually do.
“That’s nice, dear,” his mother said. His father didn’t respond or
look up from his plate.
“Is everything okay at work?” Brett asked, wondering if his dad
had been laid off, or worse.
“Everything is fine, why do you ask?” his father replied, his eyes
still glued to his plate.
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“I don’t know,” Brett replied. Then he took a risk. “You guys are
just…quiet.”
“Are we?” his father asked, glancing at Brett.
Well, at least you acknowledged me this time.
When they finished dinner several quiet and uncomfortable
minutes later, Brett loaded his dishes into the dishwasher then went
back to his room to do his homework. The awkwardness in his home
that night was unprecedented and he figured his parents needed
space.
He was fifteen minutes into his English essay when his father
called him from the bottom of the stairs “Brett, come downstairs,
please.”
“Be right there,” Brett answered, noting the unpleasant flatness in
his dad’s voice. He sighed, then closed his notebook. Looks like I’m
about to find out what’s bugging them. I hope it’s nothing serious.
He went downstairs and meandered through the house until he
found his parents sitting at the kitchen table. It was clean and blank,
except for a pamphlet in front of his mother. His dad’s phone lay
perfectly placed in front of him, the long side parallel to the table’s
edge.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“Have a seat,” Paul said, pointing to the chair on the opposite side
of the table.
Oh boy, they only confront me like this when there’s something really
wrong.
Brett sat down and looked at his parents. He met his father's gaze
and saw a flicker of worry in his eyes. That's not worry, that's fear and
extreme disappointment.
“Remind me where you said you went last weekend?” Paul asked.
Without hesitation, he answered, “I went to the Colonie Mall with
Diego and Priya.”
Paul looked at Jennifer, his tongue scraping across the inside of
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his bottom lip and lower teeth. “Anyone else?”

Oh fuck, they know.
Brett’s stomach sank through the chair and settled on the floor
near his feet. He wasn't good at lying to his parents, and his mind
raced with what his response should be. Emotions surged from his
soul and pushed up from his stomach, but he cleared his throat and
swallowed, keeping them at bay for the moment.
“We met up with some cool kids and hung out with them for a bit.
Why?”
His father tilted his head down slightly and glared at him. “I don't
know which hurts more, the fact that you're lying to us, or the fact
that we know you're lying to us.”
Brett’s stomach flip-flopped. His father usually made a moral
highroad statement before his mother went in for the jugular.
“Who is this boy, Brett?” Jennifer asked as his father picked up the
phone, unlocked it, and flipped it around.
Brett's jaw dropped when he saw the image on the screen. It was a
photo of him and Tommy holding hands while walking through the
mall.
He was about to deny it was him until his father swiped to the
left, revealing a photo of him and Tommy holding hands across the
table at the Cheesecake Factory.
His father swiped once more, and Brett stared at the new image
on the screen. What the hell, do I have a stalker?
It was a photograph of Brett kissing Tommy's cheek at the kissing
booth under the headline Valatie Harvest Fair Welcomes Diversity. The
photo looked like someone had taken a picture of the newspaper page
it was printed in.
“Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be presented
with photographic evidence of someone who looks just like your son
who is engaged in compromising, sinful activities with…a boy?” his
father asked, his voice flat.
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Brett didn’t know what to say.

“Who is he?” Paul patiently asked. The emotionless tone of his
voice unnerved Brett.
“His name is Tommy.”
“I don't recognize him from school,” Jennifer commented.
Brett sat back in his chair. “That's because he doesn't go to my
school,” he mumbled.
“Where did you meet him?”
“At The Java Grind,” Brett admitted.
Paul sat back and looked at his wife once more. “Why are you
holding hands with this boy?”
“Because…” Brett's emotions choked him into silence. What do I
tell them? Do I tell them we were playing a game, or do I tell them we were
on a date? They can already tell when I lie, so is there really no escape from
this?
“We were…” An uncomfortable bubble caught in his throat, and
he cleared his throat. I can't lie. Everything I've been feeling, everything
about who I am, I started to figure out when Jameson kissed me, then Tommy
held my hand. I know who I am. I'm gay, I am their gay son. I was on a date
with that boy.
“On a date,” he squeaked out.
“You were on a date,” Paul echoed.
“A romantic date?” Jennifer asked.
Brett nodded. “Yes.”
“Why?” she asked. His father looked at him with equal curiosity.
The question stunned Brett. Of all the things he expected them to
think or say, he never anticipated his parents’ reaction to be one of
confoundedness.
“Because I would rather date boys instead of girls.”
“What?” Paul asked.
“I like boys, not girls. I'm gay.” The words tumbled out of his
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mouth faster than he expected and he snapped his jaw shut, fearing
the worst.
“That's preposterous,” his mother said, waving her hand
dismissively.
“You're not gay,” his father snapped.
Brett made an awkward, throaty noise that sounded like a small,
unpleasant groan. Wait, do they not believe me? Is the idea so foreign or
horrible to them that they can't even fathom their son might actually be gay?
“Then what do you think I was doing in the pictures?” Brett
asked.
“Clearly, associating with a teenager we haven't approved of,”
Jennifer replied.
“And the hand-holding?” Brett asked.
“You're not gay,” Paul repeated. “It's just a phase. You're
confused and exploring your sexuality.”
His father cleared his throat and straightened his posture. “It's
clear this boy is attempting to lead you astray, and you need to go to
confession right away.”
If anyone has led me into sin, it's Jameson.
“You need Jesus Christ in this part of your life, to heal you and
put an end to this aberrant behavior.”
Oh my God, are you kidding me? “Dad, I don't know what to tell
you, but I am gay. I like boys, and I like Tommy.”
“No, you don’t, is that clear?” Paul snarled.
“Um…” Brett stared at his father, dumbfounded.
Jennifer raised her hand, gesturing for him not to talk. “We
brought you this from church,” she said, sliding the pamphlet in front
of her across the table. “I want you to read it.”
Brett picked up the pamphlet. The title Courage adorned the front
of it. He immediately recognized the name as the anti-gay church
group Bennyboy had discussed in class on the topic of homosexuality.
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Wait, you went to church over this?

“What do you mean, brought me this from church?” It’s not like
they have this stuff lying around. At least, I’ve never seen it.
“We spoke with your guidance counselor, Sister Cornelius
about…”
“Oh my God,” Brett exclaimed, shoving his chair back and
jumping out of his seat. “You went to the school over this?” His hands
balled into fists at his side and his face flushed with anger. “Why
would you go to my school over this?” he shouted at his parents.
“Sit down,” his father barked, pointing at Brett’s chair.
“You didn’t have to go to my school’s guidance counselor over
this! What’s wrong with you?” Brett shouted back, ignoring his
father’s command.
His father stood, and Brett knew he was in trouble. His father’s
eyes blazed with anger that just about shot him dead with ferocity as
his glare bore through his soul. “You will sit down now!” his father
boomed, pointing at the empty chair behind Brett.
Brett felt hot as his body tensed and his hands quivered with
anger. If I don’t fight back, I’ll never be able to live my life the way I want to.
“You don’t get to tell me what I am and what I’m not, you
pompous ass,” he shouted back, surprising his father.
“Brett!” his mother yelled.
“No,” Brett screamed back. “All you want is to pretend your
family is perfect no matter what. You don’t care about me, you only
care about your reputation. You’re already trying to sweep me under
the carpet. Well, you can’t. I’m you’re son, and I’m gay. I’m your gay
son, okay? Deal with it.”
Brett turned and stormed out of the kitchen.
“Come back here!” Paul yelled, but Brett flipped him the finger,
knowing his father couldn’t see through walls. He thought about
running up to his room to hide, but he realized his father would
pursue him there. Instead, he grabbed a sweatshirt and his running
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sneakers from the entry way and ran out the front door, awkwardly
hopping as he pulled on his sneakers. When he was out of the
driveway, he paused to tie his sneakers, pulled on his sweatshirt, then
ran up the street as fast as he could, ignoring his father’s calls from
the front porch.
Brett stood in the front yard of his perfect suburban house. It was
a white colonial with navy blue shutters that adorned each window.
The first-floor windows had flower boxes with dying
chrysanthemums his mom had yet to remove. The lights in the living
room were on, and Brett knew his parents were waiting for him.
Although he only ran for ten minutes before running out of steam, he
meandered through the neighborhood, allowing his anger to melt into
frustration.
Here we go again. He approached the front door and opened it. To
his surprise, it was locked. Aw crap.
He rang the doorbell and waited. He listened carefully for the
sound of approaching footsteps. He stepped back, then looked at the
doorknob. I don’t want to look him in the eyes.
His father opened the door and sighed with frustration when he
saw his son. “Brett. In the living room, please.”
“Fine.”
Paul stepped back and Brett slid past his father and joined his
mother in the living room. He sat in the middle of the couch,
assuming his father would return to his recliner. His mother sat in her
recliner. When his father returned, he sat, arms folded across his
chest, and glared at his son.
His mother spoke up. “Brett, I feel this is our fault. We let it slide
when you convinced us you didn’t need to go to youth group because
you studied religion in school, attended Holy Mass, and special
church functions with us, and didn’t need any more…God-time, as
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you said, in your life.”

“You seriously think an extra two hours at church in youth group
would have prevented me from being gay?”
“Don’t interrupt your mother,” Paul snapped.
Jennifer regarded her husband with an annoyed expression, then
returned her gaze to Brett. “It’s clear you don’t have enough healthy
connections with your peers, and this is why you think you are gay.”
Brett threw his head back in frustration. “Mom, I don’t think I’m
gay. I am gay.”
His father glared at him, but remained silent.
“It’s a very confusing time for you. Your body is changing and
your hormones are going off like fireworks on the fourth of July.”
“Mom, I’m sixteen, not twelve. I’ve gone through puberty.”
“Technically you’re at the end of puberty. Your hormones are still
raging.”
Brett sighed. It doesn’t matter what I say. They won’t listen to me.
“It’s normal to experience confusion at your age and think you’re
attracted to boys, maybe even act out in sinful ways, but you can be
cured.”
Oh God, I don’t want to have the sex talk with you again. Everything is
a fucking sin in our religion.
Jennifer stood and handed him the Courage pamphlet again. “We
want you to look into this. We’ve already made appointments for you
to speak with Sister Cornelius…”
“There is nothing wrong with me!” Brett shouted, completely
exasperated.
“Don’t yell at your mother,” his father snapped.
“Then don’t yell at me!” Brett spat back.
Paul became cross. “That’s it. I’m fed up with you. You are not
going out with Diego this weekend. You are grounded, mister. Hand
me your phone.”
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“What?”
“You heard me,” his father insisted, extending his hand. Brett
grunted and tossed his phone at his father.
“You need to calm down,” his father bellowed, fumbling to catch
Brett’s phone.
“And you need to lighten up! This isn’t a phase. I’m gay, Dad, and
you’re going to have to get over it.”
Brett jumped to his feet and headed for the door to the kitchen.
“We’re not finished talking.”
“I’m finished talking with you,” Brett spat back, and stormed off
to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.
“Let him go,” he heard his mother say. “This has been enough for
one night. At least he has the pamphlet.”
Brett stared at his left hand. Though it was balled into a fist, he
held the crumpled pamphlet. He spotted the trashcan and thought
about immediately tossing it, but he decided to take it up to his room.
Even I know when the fuse is short around here…
He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with filtered
water from the refrigerator. Behind him, his parents silently entered
the kitchen. Out of the corner of his eyes, Brett watched his father
place his iPhone in the utility drawer in the kitchen near the
microwave. I know what I have to do. I’ll get up in the middle of the night,
sneak down here, and text Tommy. He has to know I’ve been fucked over or
he’ll think I’m a complete asshole for going silent without warning.
His father broke the tense silence. “I assume it goes without
saying, but just in case you get any ideas, we forbid you from seeing
that redheaded boy or any of his friends. Is that clear?”
“Yes, sir,” he mumbled. When his glass was nearly full, he went
upstairs to his room and shut the door behind him.
Standing next to his bed, Brett sucked down half the glass of
water and set it on his nightstand near his iPhone charger.
He sighed, then flopped onto the bed. The crumpled pamphlet in
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his hand formed a sharp, folded point that poked his palm.
“Ouch.”
He carefully smoothed out the Courage pamphlet and read the
title: Mom & Dad, I’m Gay–How Should a Catholic Parent Respond?
He flipped it over and read the back. There, in big, bold capital
letters, it said: PRAY THE GAY AWAY | COURAGE. And under that
text, it said: Encouragement for parents to pray for God to cure their
children of homosexuality through intense conversion therapy.
Holy shit, do they really want to send me to a gay cure group?
He crumpled the pamphlet into a ball and tossed it in the general
vicinity of the trashcan near his desk. Fuck that.
He set his alarm clock for two-thirty in the morning so he could
sneak downstairs and text Tommy. With nothing to do and no mental
focus to do his homework, he stripped off his clothes and climbed
into bed. Then he wept for several hours until sleep overcame him.
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19 | Worth the Risk
Tommy
Tommy felt unusually restless in bed that night and didn't know
why. Frustrated by his inability to fall asleep, he glanced at the blue
LED alarm clock and sighed. It was two-thirty in the morning. I might
just suck it up and do something productive.
As if on cue, his bladder told him he needed to pee. When he
finished, he washed his hands and quietly tiptoed back to his
bedroom. Maybe that was keeping me from falling asleep.
He climbed back under the covers and lay still on his back, staring
at the darkened ceiling.
I know what usually helps me fall asleep… He slid a hand into his
sleep shorts and grasped himself, but his body wasn't interested in
self-gratification. That’s a first. It feels like there's something wrong. Why
do I feel this way?
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His phone vibrated on his nightstand, and he reached over to pick

up. There was a new text message from Brett in the Signal app. He
smiled, then swiped to open the message, which read: My parents
found out about us and it’s really bad. They took my phone but I
snuck downstairs to text you in the middle of the night. They refuse
to believe I'm gay and want me to do some kind of counseling. I'm
grounded, but I'm going to find a way to get to Homecoming.
Hopefully I can convince Diego to stick to the plan. Communication is
going to be hard without my phone. Otherwise, I'm so sorry. Don’t
text until I text you first. I don't want my parents reading anything.
Tommy sat up in surprise. Oh no.
His heart sank to the pit of his stomach as sadness arose in his
soul and tears streamed down his cheeks.
This can't be happening, not two days before Homecoming.
His phone vibrated in his hands, and it startled him. It was an
incoming phone call from Brett.
“Hello?” Tommy said in a hushed whisper.
“I'm so sorry,” Brett said, his voice strained. He sniffled, and
Tommy could tell he was crying. “I saw you were active in the app, so
I called you. Why are you up this late?”
“Couldn't sleep and had to pee. I kind of thought something was
wrong, but I didn't know it was this.” How could I have known?
“I'm going to do everything I can to get there, I don't care if it
means disobeying my parents.”
“Brett, you don't have to do that. That's only going to make things
worse.”
“Eh, it's already bad. They refuse to believe I'm gay and think it's
some kind of phase. They're convinced you're an agent of Satan and I
need to be prayed over or something like that in order for Jesus to
cure me. It's bullshit,” Brett said, his voice full of tears and emotion.
“Not so loud, your parents will hear you.”
“I don't give a fuck,” Brett replied. “They have no right to do this
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to me.”
“I'm sorry you have to go through this,” Tommy said, unsure of
what to say.
“Diego already has my suit. I snuck it to him this morning. All I
have to do is leave the house on Saturday afternoon and get to
Skyler's house. Diego will pick me up down the street so my parents
won't know he's helping me, but I think my parents will figure out he
helped me go somewhere that involves you. I'm pretty sure they
figured out the double feature is a ruse.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes, I need to do this. I have to do this for me and I want to do
this for us, Tommy. I feel so much like myself in ways I never thought
possible whenever I'm with you, and I don't want to lose that. I know
it's only been a few weeks, but I really like spending time with you. I
don't care what my parents say. I've watched enough coming out
videos on YouTube to know that it gets better. But it's going to suck
for a while, I think.”
“You're risking a lot.”
“I know, but you're worth it. I gotta go, I think one of my parents
just got out of bed. Bye.”
The call disconnected, and Tommy stared at his phone.
Holy shit, he's risking everything for me? To spend time with me, to be
with me? No, don't be selfish. He's doing this because he believes he must,
for himself.
Tommy set his phone back on the charging pad and rolled over in
bed, hugging one of his pillows as he lay on his side. He
absentmindedly stroked the pillow as he reflected and began to weep.
I wish I could hold you right now, I wish I could console you and tell you
everything will be all right. You're risking everything, and there's nothing I
can do to help you right now. This sucks.
Minutes turned into hours and Tommy wrestled with anxiety and
worry over what would happen to Brett in the next few days leading
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up to Homecoming. Eventually, he drifted off to sleep until his alarm

clock rudely awoke him.
Tommy groaned and rolled over, blindly swatting at his
nightstand until he silenced his alarm clock. He curled into a ball
under the covers and settled in for more sleep.
A sharp knocking at the door startled him. “Tommy, are you up?”
his father asked. “You need to leave for school in fifteen minutes.”
“I'm awake,” he shouted, scrambling to get out from under the
covers.
Today is gonna suck, I can already tell.
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20 | The Day After
Brett
Brett’s father pulled into the drop-off zone near Benedictine High
School’s main entrance and slowed the car to a stop. “I expect you to
go straight home after your counseling appointment with Sister
Cornelius after school.”
“Fine,” Brett replied, getting out of the car as fast as he could.
“Brett…”
“What?” he snapped, glaring at his father.
“We’re doing this for your own good.”
“Bullshit.” He slammed the door and hurried away from the car
before his father decided to chase him down.
Anger kept his tears at bay as he stormed up the long walkway to
the main doors of the school, brushing past students who chided him
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for being careless and rude. With no cell phone, he couldn’t text
Diego or Priya and tell them what happened.
Samantha saw him and beelined for him, her face and walk
bubbly and excited. He looked away and walked faster, ignoring her
as she called after him. Assuming his friends would be in the cafeteria
eating breakfast, he made his way there. His route took him past Sr.
Cornelius’ office, but she wasn’t in yet. He frowned, dreading his
appointment with her. Moments later, he entered the cafeteria and
looked around.
Diego’s waving hand caught his attention and he made his way
through the throng of early-arrival students to their table.
“Dude, why aren’t you answering my texts?” Diego asked. Priya,
who sat next to him and sipped a juice box, frowned and looked at
both boys with interest. There weren’t too many students near their
table, so Brett knew he could talk without being overheard.
Brett dropped his backpack on the table. “My parents found out
about me and Tommy.”
Priya’s eyes bulged and Diego’s mouth dropped open. “No way!”
“Oh my goodness, what happened?” Priya asked.
Brett dropped into the seat and sighed. “I dunno. Someone
recognized me at the mall and took pictures of me and Tommy
holding hands at the Cheesecake Factory. They sent them to my
parents.”
“Are you shitting me?” Diego asked. “Who would do such a
thing?”
“It gets worse. Someone also sent them a photo of a newspaper
clipping from the harvest fair. The picture showed me kissing
Tommy's cheek at the kissing booth under a welcoming diversity
headline.”
“Oh man,” Diego said, his shoulder slumping.
“What did your parents say?” Priya asked.
Brett looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping.
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Then he told them about the massive fight he had with his parents.
“They took my cell phone, which is why I couldn’t respond to you.”
“What are you going to do about Tommy? Does he know?
Homecoming is like, two days away,” Diego said.
“I’m still gonna go, if you’ll help me,” Brett replied, his voice
tentative.
“What do you need?”
“I still need a ride. But there’s a really strong chance my parents
will figure out one of you drove me somewhere. I didn’t tell them
about Homecoming, but they already know we’re supposed to watch
a double feature. I assume they’ll discover it’s a lie at some point.”
“So, are you grounded or not?” Diego asked.
“I’m totally grounded. The only place I can go is school and
church. Oh, and counseling with Sister Cornelius now.”
“Ouch,” Priya said.
“So, basically your secret is starting to get out,” Diego replied.
Brett shrugged. “Maybe. I’m not really sure. I guess it depends on
who my parents have spoken with and whether they’ll talk. Will you
still give me a ride?”
Diego sat back and sighed. “You really like him?”
Brett nodded. “More than anything. I’ve never felt more like
myself than when I’m around him. No offense intended.”
“None taken,” Priya said, and Diego nodded. “All right, what the
hell. What’s the worst thing my parents could do, ground me as
well?”
“Okay, I need you to pick me up down the street, though. Same
time. You’ve already got my suit, so all I need is a ride to Skyler’s
house.”
“We can do it,” Priya said. “I’ll be there, too. If you’re going to go
down in a blaze of glory then I should be there with you.”
Diego looked at her. “Really?”
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Priya nodded. “Absolutely. And just maybe I’ll get a shot at

giving Mister and Missus Kinkade a piece of my mind for treating
their only son like this.”
Brett smiled. “Easy, you don’t want to end up in some dungeon
cell next to mine,” he quipped. “But seriously, thank you.”
Sr. Cornelius was a larger woman who wheezed as she walked

through the school hallways. As the Director of Guidance and
Wellness, she didn’t lead by example when it came to health—
something the students often joked about. Despite her size, she
remained a formidable opponent on the student-teacher volleyball
tournament the school held every spring.
Brett sat outside her office, waiting to be summoned. His right
knee bounced with nervous energy.
“Come in, Brett,” she bellowed.
He sighed, stood, and pushed himself up from the pleather chair.
When he stepped inside, she gestured for him to close the door
behind him.
“Have a seat.”
Brett did as he was told, shoving his book bag and jacket between
his feet. Her desk was neat and clean, something he had come to
expect of the Benedictine nuns and monks who ruled the high school
with a tight, traditional, iron fist.
“So, you have had an eventful few days, hmmm?” she asked.
Brett nodded. She must know why I'm here.
She didn't speak for several seconds. “Have you nothing to say for
yourself?”
Brett cleared his throat. “I assume my parents told you
everything?”
She nodded. “They told me what they wanted me to hear, but
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now I would like to hear your side. What do you want me to know?”
Tears welled in his eyes, and he embarrassingly wiped them with
the back of his hand and sniffled. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Start from the beginning.”
From Jameson's first kiss at Samantha’s? No…even my parents don't
know about that. Hmmm…I know…I’ll start with me.
“I'm not like the other boys in my class, Sister.”
“Mhmm.”
“Basically, I like boys, and my parents don’t like it. I know it goes
against everything the Church teaches but I can’t help it.”
“When did you discover you liked boys?”
“Well, it was only a few weeks ago but I’ve never shown any
interest in girls.”
Sr. Cornelius steepled her fingers in front of her face and rested
her elbows on her desk. “Mhmm. Did something trigger this
revelation?”
Tell her carefully... Brett hesitated, then nodded. “I kissed a boy and
I liked it, a lot.”
“The redhead in the pictures?”
Oh, shit. He shook his head. “No, a different boy.”
“There are two boys?”
Brett blushed. “Yeah. My parents don't know that and I don't
want them to.”
“Mhmm. Very interesting. And what did your parents say?”
“Um, they told me that I’m not gay. They seemed to look beyond
the hand-holding and kissing in the pictures and were more upset I
was hanging out with someone they hadn’t pre-approved.”
“I see. What is your relationship with the first boy?”
“We're just friends.”
“What is your relationship with the second boy?”
“His name is Tommy. We're dating. At least, I think we are. We've
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been on two dates, but I guess that counts as dating, right?”

“That seems reasonable. Do you like Tommy?”
“Yeah, a lot. Wait, how come you don't seem upset?” Brett asked.
“Why would you think I would be upset?”
“Well, I've sat through enough lectures with Father Benedict to
understand the Church’s position on sexuality.”
“Yet you still believe you are gay?” she replied.
He nodded. “I do.”
“That takes bravery, to believe something about yourself that goes
against the very fabric of your upbringing and religion.”
“But should it?”
St. Cornelius smirked. “How do you mean?”
“Well, if God is good and we’re all made in God’s image, why is it
so hard to accept that God made sure some of us would fall in love
with the same gender?”
“What would Father Benedict say?”
Brett rolled his eyes. “That gay people are called to celibacy
because they are intrinsically disordered. But that doesn’t make
sense.”
“Why not?”
“Well, the whole argument of natural law is based on man and
woman, like from Genesis. But, if we’re not supposed to interpret the
Bible literally and instead use the historical critical method, why don’t
people understand those Old Testament anti-gay verses were written
to a specific audience in a specific time to keep people from straying
to the sex cults and idol worshippers?”
Sr. Cornelius smiled. “Someone’s been paying attention in class.”
“I guess. So, are you going to tell me I’m going to hell because I’m
intrinsically disordered?”
Sr. Cornelius shook her head. “Oh no. I only asked what you
wanted me to know so I could hear what your parents didn’t tell me.”
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“Which is?”
“I see with my eyes and I listen with my heart. You are not the
first gay student to come through my door, and you will not be the
last. I have seen both the terrified student and the irate parent, and for
most, it works out for both.”
“But, aren’t you supposed to tell me I’m going to hell or
something?”
The rotund nun heartily chuckled. “I understand this is a
conservative school community and the Church hasn’t done a great
job ministering to people with same-sex attraction. But Brett, who am
I to judge? I oversee student wellness. It wouldn’t be in my best
interest to pass judgment on students every time they screw up or
challenge the system. I will encourage you to be faithful to the
Church’s calling for a young man in your current state of life, and that
is to honor your mind and body by choosing chastity, no matter how
difficult it may be for you.”
That’s not gonna happen. “But, don’t my parents think you’re going
to scold me or something?”
“I listened to your parents and gave them the information they
wanted to hear. I’m sure they gave you the Courage pamphlet?”
“Yeah.”
“I told them I would listen to you and hear your side of the story,
then we would come together, the four of us.”
Brett threw his head back in surprise and anger. “Fucking Christ,
why does this have to be so damn complicated?” Then, he looked at
Sr. Cornelius with horror, realizing he swore and took the Lord’s
name in vain. “I’m sorry.”
Sr. Cornelius smiled. “Believe me, even the Good Lord
understands how complicated it is. Courage may work for some, but I
don’t believe it can or should work for everyone. If you truly believe
you are a gay young man, then that is where we start, even if it means
helping your parents accept this is not a choice or a phase on your
part.”
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“Seriously?”
“I suggest you hold off on telling them that until we meet. They
will receive it better from me than you at this point. Things will still
be difficult, but I’ll try to get them in here Monday or Tuesday of next
week.”
After Homecoming…
“So, I will encourage you to choose the path of holiness. Like a
heterosexual sixteen-year-old young man, you can choose chastity or
promiscuity. Like I said earlier, I suggest you choose the former. I
think it’s safe to say you’re not ready to get married, so we’ll leave
that out of the equation.”
“I wouldn’t be able to get married in the Church anyway.”
“No, you would not…at least not yet. But civil marriage is
available to everyone.”
Brett nodded.
“Did you want to talk about anything else?”
Brett shifted in his seat. “How do I deal with my parents? Like,
why don’t they believe me?”
“Why do you think?”
“Honestly? It’s because my dad is so concerned with his
reputation on the pastoral council. My parents want to maintain the
image of a perfect Catholic family no matter what. They put that over
me, and I’m shocked.”
“That is a difficult position and I’m sorry to say I agree with your
assessment, based on my conversation with your parents. It is not
going to be easy, but you must remember the Gospel of John, chapter
eight, verse twenty-three: ‘and you will know the truth, and the truth
will set you free.’”
“It feels weird using the Scriptures in my defense. In defense
of…”
“Something so sinful?”
“Yeah,” Brett answered, nodding.
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“God only makes good things, Brett. You are good. The love you
will share with a man, perhaps Tommy for now, is worthy of being
celebrated…but you will have to keep it quiet around here.”
Brett’s annoyed face melted into wonderment. Wait…is she telling
me it’s…okay to be in a relationship with Tommy?
“Now, if there’s nothing else, I’ll see you with your parents next
week.”
Brett smiled and grabbed his backpack. “Thanks, Sister. I…” He
stopped speaking as his emotions rose and threatened to spill over
into tears. “Thanks.”
She winked at him. “Behave. Now, get out of here.”
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21 | Don't Let the Haters Win
Tommy
Tommy made it through his morning classes without an

emotional breakdown, but it was a close call in English class because
they read a literary tragedy where the lovers were pulled apart, never
to be reunited again. It left him with a bitter aftertaste about his
budding romance with Brett: I’m only fooling myself, this is never going
to work.
It was now lunchtime, and he navigated the crowded hallways to
the cafeteria where he sat with his friends, who commiserated.
“Why do you look like you got hit by a bus?” Tracy asked.
“Yeah dude, what's wrong?” CK asked. Tommy sat down and
opened his mouth, but only tears flowed from his eyes.
“Oh my gosh, what's wrong, Tommy? Has someone died?” Tracy
asked.
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Tommy shook his head. “No one died,” he replied, wiping his
eyes. His friends listened attentively as he shared the details of his
phone call with Brett.
When he finished, he looked across the table at Skyler, the only
one who might truly understand Brett’s situation. Skyler's face was
twisted with anger and hostility, something Tommy had never seen
before in the otherwise jovial youth.
CK put his hand on Skyler’s shoulder, but it didn't calm him
down. Then, to Tommy surprise, Skyler begin weeping. His shoulders
heaved as he cried, and CK wrapped an arm around him. Kalin took
his hand in his.
What on earth?
Tracy put her arm around Tommy's shoulder. “This is really
personal for Skyler. You know some of his story, but the entire reason
he's here is because of people like Brett's parents.”
Tommy nodded. “I know.”
“I'm sorry,” Skyler said wiping his eyes. “That really hit home.
The only difference in the story is that Brett isn’t a foster kid. It's not
as easy to throw him out like my foster parents did to me.”
“What are you going to do about Homecoming?” Tracy asked,
steering the conversation away from Skyler’s emotions for a moment.
“Well, like I said, he's going to try and get there. I guess it's all up
to whether Diego feels he can give him a ride to Skyler's house
without getting into too much trouble himself.” If I still want to go…do
I?
“Wow, this is just so fucked up,” Kalin said. “Tommy and I have
been out for some time now and have had no problems with it. I can't
believe people still have an issue with that in this day and age.”
Tommy took a deep breath. “Guys, I don’t want to go to
Homecoming this year.”
“What?” Tracy exclaimed. “Why not?”
“I don’t want to go if Brett won’t be there. It’s gonna suck
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knowing he’s suffering and there’s nothing I can do. If he can’t have
fun, then I can’t have fun.”
“Tommy, you can’t think like that,” CK said.
Tommy glared at him. “I can, and I will. I think I want to be alone
now.” He grabbed his backpack and unopened lunch bag and left the
table, leaving his friends speechless. The cafeteria was too noisy and
he needed a quiet place to think. Exhaustion from not sleeping had set
in and he searched for a quiet place he could eat his lunch without
getting into trouble. The gym and the library were off-limits, so he
found a quiet corner in a hallway and tucked himself against the cool,
polished cinderblock and tile wall. He pulled out his peanut butter
and jelly sandwich and began eating it, wiping tears from his eyes
with his other hand.
I can’t do this. I thought making it with Brett would be easy, but I dunno
if I can do this with him. His parents are never going to accept him and that
means they’ll never accept us. I don’t think I can handle dating someone
who’s carrying that kind of burden. Is that selfish of me?
No, you have to take care of yourself first. My instincts about dating
someone in the closet were right, and I need to remember that. I should have
listened to myself. The minute I found out he was in the closet, we should
have gone into the friend zone.
All right, that’s what I have to do. The next time Brett contacts me, I
have to tell him we can’t be boyfriends.
Approaching footsteps pulled him out of his thoughts, but he
didn’t bother to look up because it was probably a teacher ready to
scold him for eating in the hallway. To his surprise, the person sat
next to him, their shoulders touching. Tommy looked over with
frustration, but he softened his expression when he saw Skyler’s
somber face.
“What?” Tommy said.
“Hey. I thought it might be easier to talk one-one-one instead of
dealing with the gauntlet of Tracy’s and CK’s questions.”
A smile forced its way onto Tommy’s face, and he nodded. “Yeah.
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I didn’t get much sleep and I don’t have the patience for them today.”
“Understandable. Can I share something with you?”
Tommy nodded. If anyone can check my sanity right now, it’s you.
“I want to encourage you to rethink your decision and come to
Homecoming with us.”
Tommy sighed. “Okay…”
“Hear me out. When the Tinsdales kicked me out for being gay, I
thought my world was coming to an end. What they did to me really
hurt me. I didn’t trust anyone for a while, and the last thing I wanted
to do was move into a new family and have them find out I’m gay. I
couldn’t handle being kicked out again, so I made the decision to play
it straight and hide my secret. Except, seeing Daren running shirtless
tipped CK off when I couldn’t pull my eyes away from him.”
Tommy laughed. “He does have a nice body.”
Skyler smiled. “Of course, I didn’t know my new family already
knew my secret, but they were waiting for me to tell them.”
“Why didn’t they just tell you they knew?”
Skyler shrugged. “Who knows. But that’s not how it happened.
Then, I started meeting you guys. Do you remember when you asked
me if I was gay?”
“When I asked you if we were on the same page?” Tommy asked.
“Yup. Do you remember how uncomfortable I was?”
Tommy laughed. “Totally.”
“It felt so good to admit my truth to someone outside of my new
family, but it was incredibly hard for me to trust any of you. That’s
how hurt I was. In fact, it took what felt like forever for me to trust
Kalin with my secret—and we were clearly flirting from day one.”
“I remember that,” Tommy said with a smile. “We all knew
without you saying a word.”
Skyler chuckled. “I'm sure, but, you know what I’ve realized
since? Not backing down and not being afraid is the way to win. If
you don’t come, you let his parents win, even if he doesn’t show up. If
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you stop living your life and being Tommy Brinn because of some
gay-hating parents, they win. Don’t let them win, Tommy. Come to
Homecoming and have a good time. Do it for Brett.”
Tommy nodded. “Okay. I will. I'll be sad without him, but I'll
come. You're right, they shouldn't win over my life, too.”
Skyler smiled. “You want to join us in the cafeteria? I'm starving.”
Tommy smiled back. “Yeah, let's go.” He picked up his things and
walked back to the cafeteria with Skyler, a smile dancing on his face.
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22 | Homecoming
Tommy
Tommy’s parents dropped him off earlier than expected at the

Homecoming dance and he found some classmates to chit-chat with
outside. He tried to pay attention to the conversation, but he
nervously watched the arriving cars and the students walking in from
the parking lot. Rocking back and forth on his heels, he sighed as
students approached but none of them were his friends, or Brett.
Around him, black and gold spray-painted cardboard tubes with
handmade, flickering LED light fixtures mimicked the gilded
lampposts of the Pont Alexandre III in Paris. The lampposts adorned
the walking path to the school’s gymnasium.
The Homecoming theme, An Evening in Paris, excited the
students who went all out to decorate the gymnasium—inside and
out. French flags hung from the trees outside while images and art of
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famous French men and women were set upon easels near the
entrance.
There they are!
Tommy spotted a familiar car pulling into the student parking lot.
He watched it navigate to an empty space near the end of the row. It
was Cody’s car, but it was too dark to see who was inside with him. A
moment later, he spotted CK’s car parking next to Cody’s car. He
assumed Skyler and Kalin were in the back seat—hopefully with
Brett.
Moments later, six figures made their way from the far end of the
parking lot to the gymnasium entrance. CK and Tracy walked arm-in-
arm, Skyler and Kalin walked hand-in-hand, looking sharp in
matching suits, and Cody walked with Lawrence, a female to male
transgender student. Behind them, Bryan and Trevor from the
football team followed, hand-in-hand.
So that’s who Cody was taking. He has such a big heart…I bet once he
found out I had a date he reached out to Lawrence. This school may be
accepting of LGBT students, but no one asked him to the dance. That’s sad.
There was no seventh person…no Brett. Tommy’s shoulders
slumped as his friends approached, their faces conveying unspoken
sadness as they stared at him.
He didn’t make it.
When his friends were in earshot, Tommy tried to ask where Brett
was, but he choked on his emotions. Wow. I didn’t think I’d be this
heartbroken.
“I’m sorry, Tommy, but he never made it,” Skyler said, reaching
out to embrace him. Tommy accepted the hug and his friends
encircled him. Trevor and Bryan stopped with them.
“He didn’t call?” Tommy asked.
Skyler shook his head. “No. I thought you said his parents took
his cell phone?”
“Right, they did.”
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“We didn’t have Diego’s number, and it started getting late. We

had to leave.”
“I understand,” Tommy said, sulking.
CK spoke up next. “If he shows up, we asked Mom and Dad to
direct Diego here or bring him here themselves. They’re not going
anywhere tonight so that won’t be a problem.”
Tommy cracked a small smile. “Thanks. Where’s Daren?”
Cody shrugged. “He’ll be a little late. He and his date decided to
go to dinner first.”
“Oh.”
Tracy stepped forward and took Tommy’s hands in hers. “We’re
really sorry. We know how much it meant to you to bring someone to
the dance tonight. Will you still come in with us?”
Tommy smiled at her. “Yeah. This isn’t a complete surprise, but
it’s more disappointing than I thought it would be.”
”Who was supposed to be here?” Trevor asked.
“His name is Brett. He was my date tonight.”
“Gotcha. That sucks. Sorry man.”
“Well, we can be sad out here or we can attempt to have a grand
old time in gay Paris,” Kalin said, attempting his best French accent.
“I’m up for a gay old time,” Bryan said, laughing.
“Me too,” Skyler added.
“Yeah, let’s do this,” Tommy said. The group of friends moved as
one across the replica Pont Alexandre III and made their way in to the
school.
At the entrance, they were greeted by faculty who spoke with
them to ensure they hadn't been drinking. Mr. Davies, who was part
of the welcoming committee, frowned when he saw Tommy was
alone, but he didn't push the issue.
Inside the gym, an Eiffel Tower replica stretched from the floor to
the ceiling, adorned with Christmas lights and a rotating spotlight at
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the top. Painted cardboard replicas of famous Marais and Champs-

Elysées buildings and bistros created the illusion of Paris at night.
The tables around the room had been decorated to resemble
street-front cafés and bistros, and parent volunteers were dressed as
French waiters and waitresses, serving Parisian-inspired hors
d'oeuvres.
Tommy and his friends found their assigned table and stood
around it, unsure of what to do. Small talk ensued, and soon the
parent waiters and waitresses brought them multiple platters of
Parisian food and an assortment of sodas and fruity beverages.
Twenty minutes later, Tommy laughed along with his friends as they
joked and enjoyed one another’s company, catching up with fellow
students as they came by while snapping selfies and posting tons of
photos to social media.
Brett
Brett knew his parents’ typical movements on a Saturday morning

and he watched the clock like a hawk, eagerly anticipating the
moment he would jailbreak later in the afternoon and head to Skyler's
house.
When his parents went to do groceries in the morning, he went
into the kitchen to use his phone, but the battery had died and he
didn't dare charge it in case they checked it. Instead, he went upstairs
to his computer—which he could use for school purposes only—and
emailed Diego a location and time to meet up. He also asked him to
plan for a thirty-minute window in which to get to Diego's car.
Hopefully, he'll get this and nothing will screw up my plans.
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After lunch, he sat in his room and worked on his history of the
Rocky Mountains geography report for social studies, which helped
pass the time.
When it was quarter to five, Brett’s father knocked on his
bedroom door. “I could use your help with a small project in the
basement. It will take about an hour.”
Are you fucking kidding me? You never asked for my help this late.
Brett’s shoulders slumped, but he quickly shifted in his chair so as
not to alert his father.
“Yep,” he replied, his heart sinking lower into desperation. Damn.
I should have disappeared sooner. Now I’m stuck and I have no way to alert
Diego. “I’ll be down in a second, I gotta pee first.”
“All right.” His father headed downstairs and Brett walked over
to the bedroom window that faced he street. He sighed and stared at
the darkening sky. This sucks. Please God, I need a miracle. I have to…
A familiar car slowly drove past and pulled over, parking one
house over on the opposite side of the street.
Diego. I could tell Diego what’s up, or I could just go.
“Brett!” his father called from the bottom of the stairs.
Damn.
He surrendered to his circumstances and went downstairs to meet
up with his father.
Almost ninety minutes later, after heaving, lugging, and
rearranging storage crates and boxes on the wall shelves in the
basement so the Christmas decorations would be more accessible,
Brett was back in his room.
He looked in the mirror and saw his face had smears of dust or
dirt on it, and his hands were dirty as well. Smelling his armpits, he
realized he stunk and needed a shower—or lots of cologne. He
checked outside again, but this time he didn’t see Diego’s car.
If he got my email, he’s down the street, but I should have been there
almost forty-five minutes ago. It’s gonna be an hour by the time I get there.
203
Maybe I should cut my losses…it’s almost dinner time.

Fuck it, I’ve got to try. I just hope Diego is still waiting for me. Given
the dirty work I helped dad with, a shower won’t seem suspicious.
He dashed across the hall, stripped, and took the world’s fastest
shower on record for a sixteen-year-old boy. After shaving and
applying deodorant, he styled his hair as best he could but held off on
spraying cologne, which would be a telltale sign of his intentions.
Instead, he threw the bottle in a duffel bag and pulled on jeans, a T-
shirt, and a heavy sweatshirt to keep him warm enough for the brief
jog to the meeting spot. Grabbing his wallet from the dresser, he
carried his running sneakers and quietly stepped into the hallway,
listening for his parents. He heard water running and assumed his
father was showering in the master bathroom. A kitchen utensil
tapped on the side of a cooking pot several times, identifying his
mother’s location.
With Batman-like stealth, he snuck down the stairs, carefully
avoiding the squeaky parts of the wooden steps. Near the front door,
he peeked around the corner to make sure his father wasn’t in the
living room.
It’s clear. It’s now or never.
Grabbing his house keys from the table near the door, he quietly
opened and shut the front door until it latched shut behind him.
Outside, he pulled on his sneakers and cut across the lawn, then
jogged down the street and around the corner to the prearranged
pickup location.
Except, Diego wasn’t there.
Fuck.
Brett slowed to a brisk walk as he scanned the neighborhood for
signs of Diego’s car. Maybe he’s driving around and will be back…or
maybe he gave up, thinking I wouldn’t show up.
Headlights up the road caught his attention, but it wasn’t Diego’s
car.
He sighed, then decided to wait. My parents will probably have
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figured out I’m not in the house by now…there’s a slim chance I can sneak
back in without being caught. At this point, I’m fucked one way or the other.
Brett sat on the side of the road and leaned against a large oak
tree. Several more cars drove past, but none slowed or belonged to
Diego. Ten minutes passed, and he started to shiver. He tucked his
feet against his buttocks and wrapped his arms around his knees,
determined to wait another fifteen minutes.
Five minutes later, a slow-moving vehicle approached and Brett’s
heart pounded in his chest. Is that…oh shit, it’s the cops.
The police cruiser stopped, and the officer lowered the driver’s
window and greeted him. “Evening, young man.”
“Hi, officer.” Be polite, show her you have manners, and she’ll go way. I
hope.
“Whatcha up to?”
“I’m waiting for my friends to pick me up. We’re going to the
movies at Colonie.”
The officer nodded and looked around. “Okay. Just wanted to
make sure you were okay.”
“Thank you, ma’am.”
The officer waved and then slowly drove off, continuing her
patrol through the neighborhood.
Brett watched the officer’s brake lights flash on and off several
times, and he zoned out watching the slow-moving vehicle.
Bright headlights startled him and made him jump. They were
aimed at him, and he thought a car was about to hit him. Instead, the
car swerved and came to a stop.
“Where the hell were you?” Diego shouted as the passenger
window came down.
“Oh man, you have no idea,” Brett said, pushing himself off his
feet and dashing to the car. When he saw Priya in the front seat, he
jumped into the back seat and saw his other duffle bag with his suit.
Someone had ironed his dress shirt and hung it from the hook above
205
the driver’s side back window.

“Let’s go, I’ll explain on the way to Skyler’s house.”
Diego shook his head. “We’re not going to Skyler’s house. The
dance already started and I’m sure they didn’t hang around.
Unfortunately, we don’t have his number so we can’t text him. Do
you have his number in your phone?”
Brett groaned. “I don’t have my phone, dude. My parents
grounded me, remember? I don’t have anyone’s number.”
“Damn.”
“It’s okay,” Priya said. “Get changed, we’ll take you straight to the
dance. We have the power of GPS.”
Brett chuckled as he unbuckled his jeans and pulled them off, then
yanked off his sweatshirt and T-shirt with one smooth motion.
“Why weren’t you here like an hour ago?” Diego asked as he
drove.
“My dad randomly decided it was time to reorganize the
basement and needed my help. I got so dirty from the dust I had to
shower, so that made me late. I saw you drive by the house but I
couldn’t get outside to tell you. He was all over my ass to help him.
What made you come back?” He fumbled through the duffle bag and
pulled out his suit.
Priya responded. “We just figured you should have a chance. We
drove past your house several times waiting to see if your bedroom
lights would turn off, but they didn’t. I realized I forgot the
boutonnières and I had to pee so we went back to my house really
quick, then came back and found you.”
“Wow, I’m really glad you did,” he said, arching his back as he
pulled on his suit pants and threaded the belt through the belt loops.
“Wait, boutonnières?”
“Of course. You need to make a good impression with your man,”
Priya said with a smile.
“Thanks. I’ll find a way to pay you back.”
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“Yeah you will,” Diego quipped.

He sat forward and pulled on his dress shirt, carefully buttoning
it. “Whoever ironed this, thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Priya replied as Diego drove them south to
Kinderhook on Interstate 90.
When he finished dressing, he fumbled with his tie and did the
best he could to make himself look presentable. Twenty-five minutes
later, Diego pulled up to the drop-off zone of Temple High School,
which had been decorated to look like a bridge.
“Aww, it looks like France. Your theme must be European or
something,” Priya commented.
“I actually have no idea what the theme is,” Brett confessed.
“Come on, get out,” Priya said, opening the front passenger door.
Brett climbed out the back door, then patiently stood as she fussed
with his tie and hair. Then she sprayed his cologne and instructed
him to walk through the mist. She fixed a stray hair and affixed his
boutonnière. Diego came around the front of the car and watched.
“When you get inside, find Tracy. She’ll know how to put this on
Tommy’s lapel.”
“What makes you think I don’t know how to do that?” Brett
asked, pretending to be insulted.
She responded with a knowing look and said, “Please.” Then she
gave him a hug and wished him well. “Have fun, and we’ll do the
best to cover for you…but who knows what your parents will do.”
Brett shrugged. “Thanks, I owe you guys my left nut.”
“Yeah, you do,” Diego replied, giving him a hug. “Cuz we’re all
gonna be grounded for years over this.”
Brett smiled and sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Eh, we’re good Catholic kids. If this is the worst we can dream
up, our parents ought to applaud us for creativity.”
They shared a laugh, then Diego said, “So, we’ll be back after the
movie to pick you up, okay?”
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“Sounds great, thanks. I’ll make sure Skyler gets your number so
you guys can communicate.”
“Perfect.”
“Go have fun!” Priya said.
Brett turned and made his way to the front entrance with
Tommy’s boutonnière in hand. Entering through the main doors,
several heads gawked at him as he walked in. The sound of dance
music and a gym full of excited students echoed around him.
Three young teachers—a man and two women—sat together at
the welcome table.
Wow, it’s weird to see women teachers who aren’t nuns. The man stood
and called out to him. “Good evening, young man, may I help you?”
He had blond, spiked hair and startling blue eyes, which narrowed on
him. “Do you go to school here?”
“Hi, um…no, I don’t. I’m Tommy Brinn’s date, but I couldn’t get
here with him.”
“And your name is?”
“Brett Kinkade.”
“Ah,” the teacher said, as if recognizing him. “Where do you go to
school, Brett Kinkade? Do you have a school ID?”
“Yeah, hang on.” Brett pulled out his wallet and showed the
teacher his ID.
“Benedictine High, huh? Doesn’t strike me as the kind of place
that would welcome and support people like us.”
Like us? Brett regarded him with confusion.
The teacher smiled. “My husband is also a teacher at this school.”
“Oh, cool,” Brett said, stunned. So, you’re gay. Wow, a gay teacher?
What’s that like?
Then he extended hand to Brett. “I’m Mister Davies.”
Brett shook his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Very well, Mister Kinkade. Let’s go find Tommy,” Mr. Davies
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said, handing back his student ID.

“Um, he probably thinks I couldn’t make it and I kinda want to
surprise him. Can you find Skyler Phoenix instead? Then I can sneak
inside and surprise Tommy.”
“Oh, how wonderful,” Mr. Davies said, clapping his hands twice.
“Wait here, I’ll be back in a jiffy.”
Mr. Davies stepped out from behind the table and made his way
into the school to find Skyler.
“Tommy will love your surprise,” one of the other teachers said,
smiling at him.
The other chimed in, “Yeah, especially if he’s not expecting you!”
The two women beamed with pride, and he smiled at them.
He slowly stepped away and pretended to admire the trophy case
on the other side of the lobby until Mr. Davies returned with Skyler
about two minutes later.
“Hey, Brett, what happened?” Skyler asked, shaking his hand.
“Ugh, my dad demanded I help him with a project and it screwed
up my timing, then I missed my ride but they came back.” I don’t want
to go into details in front of a teacher.
Skyler nodded. “He’ll be really glad to see you. He was pretty
disappointed, but he knew there was a chance you might not make
it.”
Mr. Davies’ right eyebrow went up.
“I want to surprise him, can you help me? That’s why I asked
Mister Davies to get you.”
“Sure,” Skyler said, smiling. “Walk behind me so he doesn’t see
you, okay?”
“All right.”
Skyler led the way and Brett followed him, marveling at the
incredible decorations that made him feel like he stepped through a
dimensional portal and into the nightlife of the Paris streets.
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Tommy
Tommy danced with some of his classmates in a circle, singing

along to the song Love Shack by the B-52’s at the top of his lungs. In his
periphery, he saw Mr. Davies and Skyler walking through the throng
of dancing students to the entrance. Zach jumped in his face and they
screamed the chorus at each other while fist-pumping the air. When
they finished, the students cheered as Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO
started playing.
A set of hands grabbed Tommy’s shoulders and he danced his
way backward for a moment, thinking one of his friends was being
funny. When the fingers of the mystery hands gently squeezed him,
he turned around and saw Brett’s smiling face.
What?!
“Oh my gosh, you’re here!” he shouted, grinning like a fool as he
stared into Brett’s brown eyes. He stepped back and looked him up
and down, from his shoes to his tussled hair. “You look hot in a suit!”
Brett smiled as Tommy jumped forward and wrapped his arms
around his beau. He jumped as he hugged Brett. “I’m so happy you’re
here!”
“Me too,” Brett said in his ear, embracing Tommy. When they
separated, he held up the plastic case that contained his boutonnière.
“Aw,” Tommy said, blushing. He presented the left side of his
chest to Brett. I didn’t even think of doing boutonnières!
“I don’t know how to do this. Where’s Tracy? Priya said she
would know what to do.”
Tommy laughed and shouted over Brett’s shoulder, “Hey, Tracy!”
Brett turned around, and when she saw him, she screamed with
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delight and dashed toward him, bouncing on her toes as she hugged
him. “You made it! Yay!”
Brett blushed, not expecting such a warm welcome. When she let
go, he held up the boutonnière. “Priya said you could put this on
Tommy for me.”
She smiled. “Of course I can. Come here, Tommy.” He stepped
forward, and moments later his boutonnière was in place. Tommy
smiled and beamed with pride as he showed off the boutonnière to
his friends. I can’t believe Brett did this for me. He’s so sweet.
“Thank you,” Tommy said, turning to Brett and gazing into his
brown eyes.
Brett smiled. “You’re welcome. But I can’t take credit for it.”
Tommy smiled. “I know, Priya.”
They shared a laugh. “Are you hungry?” Tommy asked.
“Starving!”
“Then let’s go see what’s left for hor d'oeuvres.”
Although the food station had been consolidated because the
dancing had begun and the heavy appetizers sit-down portion of the
evening was over, Brett managed to fill his plate with food and picked
at it as they walked over to one of the remaining tables and sat down.
Despite his joy at seeing Brett, he couldn’t help but feel worried
about his presence at the dance.
“Are you going to get in trouble for being here?” Tommy asked.
“Oh yeah,” Brett said, smiling through a mouthful of French
Piped Potatoes and Pork Rillettes. “But it was worth it because I
wanna have a great time with you.”
Tommy smiled and swooned. “Well, my night just got a whole lot
better.”
When Brett finished eating, Tommy took his hand. “What do you
think of the decorations?”
“They’re amazing. What is the theme?”
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“An Evening in Paris.”

“Wow. Your school goes all out for these things.”
“It really depends on the steering committee. We’re lucky to have
a really creative group of kids on the committee right now.”
“If this was my school, the decorations would be limited to
painted poster boards and glitter writing with a few balloons. That
huge Eiffel Tower is amazing.”
Tommy smiled. “They did a great job. Wanna go dance with
everyone?”
Brett smiled and laughed. “No, I want to dance with only you, but
we can dance with your friends, too.”
Tommy laughed and grabbed Brett’s hand, then led him back
through the throng of students to where his friends were dancing and
singing to Can't Hold Us by Macklemore. As the song finished, the DJ
switched the lighting to a deep blue and the song Unsteady by X
Ambassadors came on. Tommy and Brett looked around as couples
formed and began slow dancing.
Tommy gently pulled on Brett’s hand, suggesting they slow dance
together.
Brett smiled at him and stepped forward. “I’ve never done this
with a guy before,” he confessed.
“Well, then I’m happy to be your first,” Tommy replied. They
awkwardly raised their arms together, but Tommy quickly dropped
his arms and settled his hands around Brett’s waist. He inhaled and
caught the scent of Brett’s cologne, which smelled exhilarating.
Brett put his hands on Tommy’s shoulders and asked, “Have you
danced with a guy before?”
“Yeah, last year with friends and some of the other gay guys here,
but I wasn’t dating any of them.”
“So, we’re dating?” Brett asked, amused and happy.
Tommy grinned and nodded. “I think so. Would you like to make
it official?”
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“What do you mean?” Brett asked.

“Brett, would you like to be my…”
“Holy shit,” Brett exclaimed, staring over Tommy’s shoulder.
Huh?
Brett
Brett stared in disbelief at a gay couple dancing behind Tommy,

and his body tensed with paranoia.
“What’s wrong?” Tommy asked, pausing their dance.
As the six-foot-four familiar face swung around his date’s head as
they slow-danced, a set of brown eyes locked with his and widened
with shock and awe.
“What are you doing here?” Brett and Jameson said together.
Jameson’s date turned and looked at Brett. “Do you know him?”
Tommy spoke up. “That’s Jameson, Daren’s mystery boyfriend.
Do you know him?”
Oh my God, he has a boyfriend…and he’s fooled around with me on the
side. Brett nodded. “We go to the same school.”
Tommy’s jaw dropped with surprise. “Oh, wow.”
Jameson jerked his head to the side, then whispered something to
Daren.
“Can you excuse me a minute? We need to talk,” Brett said,
pulling his arms away from Tommy.
“Um, okay, sure,” Tommy replied, stepping back and frowning.
Then Brett followed Jameson to a quiet area of the gym to speak.
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“The fuck you doing here, Kinkade?” Jameson asked, his voice
pitchy and nervous.
“Me? What the fuck are you doing here? I’ve been dating
Tommy.”
“And I’ve been dating Daren. Well, fuck.”
Brett chuckled. “Guess it should have been obvious we needed to
look outside the school for love.”
Jameson glared at him.
But apparently not sexy time. I can’t fool around with him anymore.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were dating a guy?” Brett asked.
“Um, hello, do you remember where we go to school?” Jameson
snapped.
“Like that stopped you from fooling around with me?”
Jameson relaxed and rolled his eyes. “I’m always horny, what can
I say?”
I need to be faithful to Tommy, no matter what.
“Are you gonna tell anyone I’m here?” Jameson asked.
“Why the fuck would I do that?” Brett replied. “We’ll both get in
so much trouble. I presume you’ll keep your mouth shut, too?”
“Of course,” Jameson said, nodding.
“Unless…you think it’s time to come out? You know, strength in
numbers?”
Jameson’s face twisted into angry astonishment. “Are you
insane?”
“Not really. My dad’s gone apeshit since he discovered I was
gay—actually he refuses to believe I’m gay—and I’ve been thinking it
might be the only way to get them off my back.”
“I can’t come out,” Jameson said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry.
You’ll be on your own.”
“Oh,” Brett said, disappointed.
Jameson looked over his shoulder and said, “All right. They’re
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coming over here.”

Diego was right: What I had with Jameson was fleeting and superficial,
what I had been building with Tommy was long-lasting. Jameson is only
concerned about himself.
Brett turned around and saw Tommy and Daren making their
way through the crowd. When they were within earshot, Tommy
asked, “Everything all right?”
“Yeah, we’re good.”
“So, you guys go to the same oppressive school or something?”
Daren asked, eyeing Brett.
Brett nodded. “Yeah, we do.”
“You’re not like, fighting or something, are you?” Daren asked.
Jameson chuckled and put his arm around Daren’s shoulders.
“No, babe, we’re not. It’s all good. We were just about to return to the
dance floor. Shall we?” Jameson flashed Brett his award-winning
smile, but Brett picked up on the unspoken subtext: Don’t fuck this up
for me.
Daren took Jameson’s hand and led him back to the dance floor,
leaving Brett and Tommy alone.
Tommy
“You okay?” Tommy asked. You don’t seem happy to see

Jameson…or maybe you didn’t expect to see him.
Brett sighed and looked at Tommy. “Yeah, sorry. Before coming
here, I had a fear of being spotted by someone from my school. Like,
one of the other kids at my school who might be dating someone
215
down here…I’m really glad it’s Jameson, though.”

“You two seemed to know about each other being gay.”
Brett nodded. “Remember when I told you about the naughty
parties we have at Samantha’s house?”
“Yeah,” Tommy replied, narrowing his eyes.
“Well, we figured each other out while playing Spin the Bottle.”
“Oh. So, you’ve kissed him.” Well, that doesn’t seem to have sparked
anything between you, so I guess I have nothing to worry about. “Okay, I
get it. Why aren’t you secretly dating him since he goes to your school
and is probably a heck of a lot easier to get together with than me?“
Brett shrugged. “It just…never came up. I think we’re both too
terrified of dating each other, so I never thought it would be a
possibility. Besides, if Jameson and I were dating, I wouldn’t have
been at The Java Grind and you and I wouldn’t have met.”
Tommy grinned and felt giddy inside. “I like that. Wanna get back
to dancing?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
Good, because I need more fun times with you. I hope there’s another
slow dance.
Forty-five minutes later, Tommy and Brett danced and sang as
they laughed with Tracy, CK, Cody, Lawrence, Daren, Jameson,
Skyler, and Kalin. All the boys’ jackets had come off, and some of
them had unbuttoned their sweaty dress shirts. The gym smelled like
overworked deodorant, failing cologne, and unrelenting teen spirit.
The DJ switched the lights up again and played the song Heaven by
Troye Sivan. After the students widely cheered at the song, Tommy
and Brett embraced and fell into a slow dance, surrounded by
Tommy’s friends.
This time, they adopted a tighter embrace and melted into each
other’s arms. Tommy momentarily panicked because his hormones
diverted his blood to his groin, but when he felt Brett poking him, he
relaxed and wrapped his arms around Brett’s waist.
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Damn, you feel really good in my arms.

Brett hugged Tommy’s shoulders as Tommy closed his eyes and
sighed. Since Brett was taller, Tommy rested his head on Brett’s right
shoulder, feeling the sweaty dampness through Brett’s shirt from the
evening of dancing.
“I love holding you,” Tommy said.
Brett uttered a low moan. “And I love being held by you. You
make all the problems of the world fade away.”
“Aw. You’re too much,” Tommy said, briefly lifting his head to
admire Brett’s smile.
“It’s true,” Brett replied.
“Well, thanks.” He rested his head on Brett’s shoulder again.
“Hey, what were you going to ask me before? You said something
about making us official.”
Tommy lifted his head and gazed into Brett’s dark brown eyes.
“So, this is like our third date, right?” Tommy asked, amused and
happy.
Brett nodded and smiled. “Yeah…”
Tommy grinned and nodded. “Would you like to make us
official?”
“I think so. What do you mean?” Brett asked, nervously biting his
lip.
“Brett, would you like to be my boyfriend?”
Brett grinned a grin that nearly split his face in two. “I’d love to.”
“Then kiss me,” Tommy said, nervously licking his lips.
Brett licked his lips and tilted his head down. As their lips
connected, their eyes closed.
Tommy shuddered at the amazing feeling of a long-awaited kiss.
Sexual energy shot through his body when he felt the softness of
Brett’s lips against his own.
As their lips tentatively danced with one another, Tommy
217
whimpered when he felt Brett’s tongue gently press against his lips.
He relaxed his lips and met Brett’s tongue with his own. Brett’s
fingers pressed into his back and pulled Tommy closer to him, and
Tommy held Brett tightly at the waist.
This was so worth waiting for. He’s the right boy for me.
When they broke their kiss, they tenderly rested their foreheads
together. “Wow, that was amazing,” Brett said.
“Yeah,” Tommy said, exhilarated and momentarily speechless. He
was about to speak when he caught sight of an angry adult
approaching them from behind Brett. The man’s hand came up and
then clamped onto Brett’s left shoulder. He looked pissed.
Uh-oh.
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23 | Heaven's Fury Descendeth
Brett
“There you are!” a man shouted, spinning Brett around.

Oh shit!
“Oh fuck,” Jameson exclaimed behind Tommy.
“You've got a lot of nerve, mister, a lot of nerve!” Paul shouted,
his eyes burning with anger at his son like red hot laser beams.
Tommy reached out and put a hand on Brett’s right shoulder, but
Paul snapped at him. “Get your hands off my son.”
Tommy flinched, then pulled his hand away. Mr. Davies, who
was standing behind Brett's father, gently shook his head, advising
Tommy to back off.
“Is there a problem here?” Cody asked, appearing out of nowhere,
using his imposing height and muscular build to intimidate the
219
aggressive adult.
Wow, they're ready to defend me, but it doesn't matter what they do. It's
over.
Brett’s father glared at Cody and said, “Yes, the problem is my
son isn't supposed to be here.”
Cody frowned, but didn't say anything.
Then Paul addressed his son. “Get your coat. You're leaving.”
Tears bubbled up and streamed down his cheeks as Tommy's
friends looked at him for an explanation.
Brett turned to Tommy and spoke. “I'm sorry, this is my dad, I
have to go.”
“What? Why?” Tommy asked.
“Are you Tommy?” Mr. Kinkade asked, his angry expression
focused on the shocked redhead.
“Yes,” Tommy hesitantly replied.
“You will stay away from my son, do you understand me? I don't
need you corrupting him.”
“Corrupting him?” Tommy responded, an expression of shock on
his face.
“He's not gay,” Mr. Kinkade said. “He might be confused or going
through a phase, but he doesn't need someone like you dragging him
into sinful living.”
“Someone like you?” Cody echoed, his voice brimming with
anger as he stepped forward.
Brett rounded on his father. “How many times do I have to tell
you, it's not a phase?”
“Don't presume to tell me what's best for you,” Paul snapped.
Then he grabbed his son by the right arm and hauled him off the
dance floor. Mr. Davies mumbled something and followed them out,
leaving Tommy and his friends—and the gawking students around
them—to watch the spectacle with horror.
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“You don't have to be such an asshole,” Brett snapped.

“Watch your tongue,” his father yelled over the music. “You're in
enough trouble as it is.”
Brett wrenched his arm free from his father's grasp. “Then I guess
it doesn't matter if I piss you off just a little bit more, does it?”
Paul incredulously stared at his son. “I don't know who you've
become. This is all Tommy's fault. My straight, Catholic son would
never speak to me this way.”
“And I thought my Catholic father would always listen to me,
treat me with compassion, and accept me for who I am no matter
what. So, clearly we're both wrong.”
“Excuse me?” his father yelled.
Brett rolled his eyes, shook his head, and marched out of the
school, his father hot on his heels. When they were outside, Paul
grabbed Brett’s shoulder.
Brett spun around and knocked his father’s hand from his
shoulder. “Stop manhandling me,” Brett shouted.
“You are so grounded, mister!”
“I am already grounded, so what does that even mean? Are you
going to chain me to my desk or lock me up in the basement?”
“Don't be wise to me,” his father said advancing on him.
“Brett!” Priya yelled, running up from the drop-off zone where
Diego's car was parked behind Paul’s car.
“What are you two doing here?” Mr. Kinkade bellowed,
appearing dumbstruck. Diego jumped out of his car and ran up to
meet Priya, Brett, and his father.
“Why are you not at home, grounded for what you've done?”
“Seriously? When we explained what we did to help Brett, our
parents applauded us,” Diego answered.
“That's preposterous,” Mr. Kinkade said, frowning.
“Then you tell me what we're doing here,” Diego replied. “Maybe
221
you're the one with the problem, not Brett.”

“Stay out of this,” Mr. Kinkade shouted, his face reddening with
anger.
“No, we’re his best friends, and best friends stick up for one
another. What you're doing is wrong,” Diego said. “Your son is gay,
and you need to get over that.”
“He's not gay!” Mr. Kinkade shouted, nearly bursting a blood
vessel in his head.
“Yes, I am!” Brett shouted back, exasperated. “Why can't you
accept that?”
His father ignored him. “You've already created enough of a
headache for us by helping him get here, not to mention the lies and
deceit you fostered by helping Brett go on dates with that…boy.” Paul
spat as he spoke.
“Tommy is my boyfriend,” Brett said. I can officially say that now,
no matter what you think.
His father glared at him. “No, he’s not.” Then he turned back to
Diego and Priya. “I can't believe your parents are completely fine
with this…debauchery you willingly participate in: Helping my son
fall into a lion’s den of sin and immorality.”
“Would you listen to yourself?” Diego said, his hands extended in
exasperation at his sides. “He's gay, and falling in love with a boy, not
masquerading as a drug czar or promoting prostitution in a high
school drug cartel!”
“We'll see about that,” Paul said. “You two are in for a serious
world of hurt when I tell your parents what you've done to my son.”
“We haven't done anything to your son, except help him be who
God made him to be.”
“Be who God made him to be? Ha! He's an embarrassment to my
family and our church. He’s an abomination to God!”
“No, you are the embarrassment to God,” Priya snapped at Mr.
Kinkade, walking up to him and getting in his face with her pointing
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index finger.
Brett stared at her with disbelief. Holy shit. Did she just challenge my
father?
His dad blinked in surprise at Priya and stepped back. His mouth
opened and shut, as if didn’t know what to say.
Priya put her left hand on her hip and pointed her finger at Mr.
Kinkade's face, then proceeded to lambaste him. “You have one son.
Instead of putting him first, you put yourself and your reputation
with the school and church ahead of everything else. You’re more
concerned about making sure he fits your white, cookie-cutter mold
of perfect Catholic Christianity than accepting who he is.”
“Priya, I…” Mr. Kinkade said, but Priya advanced a step and
silenced him.
“I’m not finished. Instead of standing up for him and loving him
for who he is, you have pitted yourself against him. You’ve brought
down your unholy wrath and lashed out against him. You think you
have sided with the monks and nuns at Benedictine High and Saint
Peter-Damian, Holy Mother Church, and maybe even God himself.
But what you’re really trying to do is turn everyone against Brett
simply because you refuse to accept the simple fact that he is different
from you and was created by God to love another man.”
“Priya, that is enough!” Paul snapped.
“No, it is not enough, Mister Kinkade, because you do not see
how harmful what you are doing is. You should be siding with your
son—defending him and encouraging him to seek holiness in his life
as he is—not working to change him into something he can never be, a
straight man. The fact that he is gay is as irremovable as the color of
my brown skin! No matter what I do, I will always be Indian. I will
never be Mexican or Japanese. I will be Indian, and I will be who God
created me to be. Brett will always be your son, but he is your gay son
and there is nothing you can do to change that. Nothing! You ought to
be ashamed of yourself,” Priya said with disgust.
Brett watched his father fume as he silently glared at Priya. Oh my
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God, girl, back down or you’ll be excommunicated from whatever messed up

version of the Catholic Church he thinks we belong to.
But then, intense curiosity overcame him and he wondered if
Priya was right. “Is that what it is?” Brett asked. “Are you too
embarrassed by me now?”
His father snorted and opened his mouth to speak, but no words
came out. His mouth slowly closed as realization spread across his
face.
“Unbelievable,” Brett said.
A few awkward moments of silence passed until his father spoke.
“Get in the car.” His voice was soft and seemingly defeated.
Brett waved goodbye to his friends and slumped his shoulders as
he walked to the car. It's hopeless, I'll never see Tommy again. I was
stupid for thinking I had a chance.
Tommy
Tommy helplessly watched Mr. Kinkade haul his son away from
the dance floor with Mr. Davies in tow. The crowd of gawking
students parted like the Red Sea for Moses, but they quickly returned
to dancing as the trio passed through.
“What just happened?” Tommy asked as Tracy came up to him
and Cody put his arm around Tommy’s shoulders.
“Hatred and bigotry,” Lawrence said, shaking his head. “Sorry,
Tommy.”
Tommy turned and looked for Jameson, but he only saw Daren.
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He frowned. Then he saw Jameson cowering behind Daren, having

lowered his height so Mr. Kinkade wouldn't see him. Tommy
immediately felt angry and lashed out at Jameson. “Why didn’t you
say something?” Tommy yelled, his voice muffled by the dance
music.
Jameson shook his head and stepped forward. “You saw what
kind of bigoted monster he is. I couldn't let him see me here, too.”
Daren narrowed his eyes and looked at Jameson. “You didn't
grow up with a monster, I did.”
“You didn’t even try to stand up for him!” Tommy shouted,
shaking Cody’s arm from his shoulder.
“There’s nothing I could have done,” Jameson replied, furling his
eyebrows. “Do you think it’s fun being forced into the closet because
of where we go to school?”
“You have choices,” Tommy responded. “You can’t be the only
two gay kids at that school.”
Jameson shrugged and shook his head. “If that man found out
about me, he’d go straight to the football coach and I’d be fucked.
We’d both be fucked. You have no idea how bad it would be for us.“
“Useless,” Tommy spat. “Why am I even bothering with you?” He
stormed away from Jameson and his friends. Tears blurred his vision
and he aggressively bumped into classmates who gave him dirty
looks when he didn’t apologize. Moments later, he found himself
sitting with his back against the cool, cinderblock wall, sobbing in the
corner behind the Eiffel Tower where no one could see him.
Suddenly, Cody’s strong arms wrapped around his shoulders and
pulled him close, and Tommy leaned into the muscular body that
embraced him and he cried. He didn’t have to worry about soaking
Cody’s half-unbuttoned shirt with tears because it was already sweat-
soaked from dancing.
“Why…?” Tommy uttered through deep sobs, but he didn’t have
the stamina to finish his thought out loud. Why does the world have to be
so mean to people like us?
225
“It sucks, but it’s gonna be okay, little buddy,” Cody said, gently
stroking the back of Tommy’s sweaty head.
“I don’t know why I bothered, or why I even thought it could
work with a kid from another school,” Tommy said, sniffling as he
spoke. “And it sucks because I really like Brett and I can see
something long-term with him.”
Recovering, he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Cody let
him go, and Tommy sat up. “I need to go.”
“Do what you need to do. Do you want me to drive you home?”
Tommy shook his head. “No, I’ll call my parents.”
“Are you sure? We’d love to hang out with you.”
“And all your dates? While I hang out alone?” Tommy asked.
Cody frowned.
“No thanks, I’ve wanted to be here with someone for a while. It’s
just not the same. We can all hang out tomorrow or something.”
Cody sighed. “All right.”
Tommy pulled out his iPhone and texted his parents, then waited.
A feeling of numbness descended upon him.
“Can you say bye to everyone for me?”
Cody looked at him with concerned eyes. “You don’t want to do
that yourself?”
Tommy shrugged. “Not really.”
Cody pointed to the other side of the Eiffel Tower replica. “Well, I
think you’re gonna have to say goodbye. Everyone’s concerned about
you.”
Tommy looked over and saw his friends—and Mr. Davies—
awkwardly huddled and watching him and Cody. He sighed and
pushed himself to his feet, and Cody stood with him. “It’s better if it
comes from you.”
Tommy walked around the foot the Eiffel Tower and stepped into
Tracy’s open arms. “Are you okay? Can we do anything?” she asked
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as she embraced him.

He shook his head. “No, but I’m going home.”
“What?” CK said. “We’re having so much fun!”
Cody reached out and put his hand on CK’s shoulder. The best
friends looked at one another and CK got the nonverbal hint.
“We understand,” Kalin said. “It sucks you have to leave, but it
sucks for Brett more.”
“Yeah,” Lawrence said. “You aren’t the one going home to that
hellish nightmare.”
Tommy nodded. “Thanks. I’ll see you guys Monday.”
As Tommy walked through the jumping and dancing throng of
students, Mr. Davies followed him out of the gymnasium. When they
were in the lobby, he said, “Tommy, I have to ask you a few
questions.”
“Okay,” Tommy replied.
“Was Brett supposed to be here?”
“Yeah, why?”
Mr. Davies frowned and sucked in his left cheek for a moment.
“His father said he was grounded and he convinced his friends to
bring him here so he could be with you.”
“I think so, yeah?” Tommy replied, too tired to care where his
teacher was going.
“So, he wasn’t supposed to be here.”
“No, he was supposed to be here. His parents found out he was
gay this week and threw him in the dungeon. Can you blame him for
sneaking out? What does it have to do with me? I was already here
and didn’t think he was coming. It’s not like I helped him escape.”
Mr. Davies sighed. “You have a point. Believe me, I understand
what it’s like to be oppressed and have the world reject you. I needed
to make sure you or your friends didn’t help him. I don’t want
anything blowing back on you or the school.”
227
“Everyone was here. It was his friends who helped him.”

“Yes, a Hispanic boy and an Indian girl, right?”
That’s oddly specific. Tommy looked at Mr. Davies. “How do you
know that?”
“They showed up while Brett and his father were fighting out
front. I couldn’t hear everything they said, but she’s feisty. She got
right in his face and let him have it.”
“Brett’s face?”
“No, his father’s face. He was unimpressed, I’m afraid.”
Tommy shook his head. “Figures.”
A car pulled up, and Tommy waved at his father. “Gotta run, it’s
my dad.”
“Be thankful your parents accept you, Tommy. And send Brett all
the positive energy you can.”
“I will. Thanks for walking me out.”
Mr. Davies winked at him. “See you on Monday.”
“Bye.” Tommy walked to his father’s car and climbed into the
passenger seat.
“Hi Tommy, rough night?” his father asked.
“Yup,” Tommy replied as he fastened his seatbelt.
“Do you want to talk about it?” his father asked as he drove away
from the curb.
“Not really, but maybe tomorrow, okay?” Tommy said, his voice
low and tired.
“No problem, buddy. Hope you don’t mind a little music.” His
father switched on the radio and some classic rock played out.
“Not at all.”
Tommy settled into the front seat and stared out the window,
absentmindedly watching things zip past. When they got home,
Tommy thanked his dad for picking him up and went to his room to
sulk. After undressing, he showered and washed away the sweat and
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tears of the evening. Then he found his way under the covers of his
bed and cried himself to sleep.
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24 | Apocalypse
Brett
Brett awoke with a start, propped himself up on his elbows, and

looked around.
Something roused him from deep sleep, but he didn’t know what.
Daylight streamed in through his bedroom window, so he knew it
was morning.
A loud, obnoxious pounding on his bedroom door made him
jump and he swung his head around. The handle turned and the door
swung open. His father stood in the doorway, wearing a bathrobe. “I
asked if you were awake,” he said, scowling at Brett. His father’s
voice was terse and punctuated.
“Yeah, I wasn’t,” Brett uttered, barely cognizant.
“Get up, get breakfast, make your bed, then get showered. We
leave for church in one hour.” His father walked away but left the
door open.
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Make my bed? My parents haven’t told me to make my bed since I was

like…nine. Brett groaned and dropped back onto his bed, frustrated
and tired. Unpleasant memories from the previous night slipped into
his consciousness and he felt nauseous again.
The uncharacteristically silent thirty-minute ride from Temple
High School in Kinderhook to their home in Loudonville exploded
into a loud, verbal barrage between Brett and his father in the living
room. Brett tried to assert his position, but his relentless father would
not back down and threw everything but the church’s gold-plated
altar candelabra at him.
What a nightmare.
He rolled out of his bed, pulled on a T-shirt, then made his way
downstairs to get something in his stomach—despite feeling sick—
before church. Regret encroached on his mind and soul next, and his
body felt heavy and fatigued as he ate a cold, brown sugar cinnamon
Pop-Tart. Eating was a chore, and he trudged back to his room to get
ready for church. He heard his parents getting ready in their room
which meant they’d probably leave him alone because he was self-
sufficient, unless his father decided to micromanage or relentlessly
check on him.
I was a fool to think I could make it work with Tommy—that I could be
myself, come out to my family, and expect the world to be okay with who
Brett Kinkade really is.
After finishing his breakfast, he grabbed a towel and went to his
bathroom to shave and shower. When he finished washing himself,
he let the hot water run over his body for a few moments longer
because it was the only thing his father hadn’t taken away from him
that night.
I need this to go away. I can’t deal with being gay anymore. My dad is
right, it’s just a phase and I need to knuckle down and get my life in order—
God’s order. I should dig the Courage brochure out of the trash and read it.
Tomorrow after school, I’ll tell Sister Cornelius and my parents that I’ll do
it.
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Brett’s parents were non-conversant as his father drove them to

Saint Peter-Damian Abbey Church that morning. He sat in the back
seat and absentmindedly watched things zip past. New, deeper
feelings of guilt and remorse set in long before he saw the steeple of
the gothic church building.
When his father parked, Brett walked ahead of his parents.
“Where are you going?” his father asked, irritated.
“I’m going to the side chapel. I need to go pray by myself for a
few minutes.” Translation: I need to be alone and far away from you
assholes for as long as possible. “I’ll come sit with you before Mass
starts.”
“That’s wonderful, dear,” his mother said, grabbing her husband
by the arm and redirecting his body and mind from thoughts of
pursuing Brett.
That worked.
Although it was part of the main church, the side chapel was used
for daily Mass and could hold extra churchgoers as needed, like on
Christmas, Ash Wednesday, and Easter. Usually only the old ladies
went there before Mass, but today, Brett found he had the side chapel
all to himself.
He mustered the courage to kneel at the chapel’s altar rail. He
rested his elbows on the cool marble, folded his hands, and bent his
head. Then, he softly wept. The rehearsing choir and the large pipe
organ accompanying them drowned out his weeping as he let his
emotions bubble over for a short time. Moments later, he sniffled and
looked up at the replica of the Byzantine Crucifix by Cimabue at
Santa Croce.
What did I do to deserve this?
…
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God, are you even listening to me? Do you ever listen to me?
…
I want you to take this away from me, please. I don’t want to be gay,
okay? It’s too much. My dad’s turned into the biggest jerk and I don’t
recognize him anymore. I think he hates me…or doesn’t want me to be a part
of his life. My mom doesn’t say much, and although my friends did
everything they could to help me, I feel alone.
Don't abandon me, whatever you do. I can’t have you turning your back
on me. I don’t think being gay means turning my back on you, but…it
doesn’t matter because I don't want to be gay any more. It's too hard.
Can you make me straight again like I was before Samantha’s party?
Wait, is that what this is about? Are you punishing me because we
inappropriately goofed off by playing Spin the Bottle?
Do you hate me, God?
…
Brett sighed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. He
glanced around, but no one had entered the chapel area. He focused
on the icon-styled crucifix again and continued.
What is so wrong with me that you had to punish me by making me gay?
What did I do to piss you off? I go to school, I get good grades, and I come to
church every weekend, even the holy days.
Why do I have to suffer when I thought I did everything you asked until
now?
…
Are you there, God?
…
Why don’t you say anything or give me a sign?
…
Why have you let me fall into such…depravity? Why did you let
Jameson do the things he did to me…and let Satan into my life when I needed
my Guardian Angel to protect me?
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Now, with everything falling apart, you turn your back on me…when I
need you the most. Everyone that matters is against me…even you. Why
should I keep trying to be good when this is so difficult?
…
Ugh, God, I don't know what to do. It really sucks to be me right now,
trust me. My dad turned into the biggest jerk and I don’t know if I can
handle him anymore. I’ll talk with Sister Cornelius and my parents
tomorrow after school.
I won’t risk everything by being gay…
I’ll go back in the closet and please everyone…
That seems to be what you want, anyway.
The church behind him became quiet, and Brett knew Mass would
start any minute. He sniffled and wiped his eyes the best he could,
then made his way into the nave and found his parents in their usual
spot in the pews.
As he crossed the front of the nave, he spotted Jameson in the
sixth row sitting with his family. When Jameson met his gaze, he
winked, then quickly looked away.
Ugh, I can’t with you, I just can’t.
Brett sat with his parents. As the cantor was welcoming the
churchgoers and announcing the opening hymn, Brett’s father leaned
over and said, “I hope you had a good talk with God.” Then he sat
straight and stood as the organ began the opening hymn, All Are
Welcome.
Brett sighed took a deeply and exhaled quietly. All are welcome,
except those who are gay.
After the Gospel reading, everyone sat down and listened to
Abbot Placidus preach the homily. Brett was about to tune him out
and reflect on his problems when the aging Abbot said, “The greatest
honor we can give to God with our lives of Christian service is to be
who he created us to be, boldly and without reservation.”
Stunned, and without thinking, Brett looked at his father, who
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shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“To be anything less,” Abbot Placidus continued, “would be an
affront to God and the very act of love present in the genesis of our
human souls.”
Someone behind him cleared their throat, but the words of the
sage Abbot echoed in Brett’s mind.
Is he serious? This goes against everything I’ve ever been taught since I
was a kid. The answer to the question why did God make me is
straightforward: To know him, to love him, to serve him, and to be happy
with him forever in the heaven. Every other question in our faith comes back
to this, whether what we’re doing with our lives honors God and us, his
creation.
But what the Abbot is saying is…different…like I’m supposed to be more
than a lemming.
Brett continued to listen, taking in every word Abbot Placidus
said, especially when he quoted from the beatitudes and reminded
everyone that Jesus chose to hang out with the poor, the meek, the
sick, the downtrodden, and the unapproachable. Abbot Placidus went
further to modernize the message, stating that the Church had a duty
to reach out to present day untouchables, singling out refugees,
immigrants, minorities, and the LGBT community as prime
candidates for the blessings of God’s love from everyone seated in the
Church.
As Brett’s eyes popped open, he noted the tension in the pews
around him as the conservative parishioners silently disagreed with
his assessment of the present state of Christianity. Brett discreetly
glanced at his mother and to his surprise, he noticed tears running
down her face. Though she quickly dabbed her tears with a tissue, he
saw them nonetheless.
What’s up with that?
He glanced at his father and saw he had folded his arms across his
chest and his right leg nervously—or angrily—bounced a mile a
minute. The scowl on his face told Brett his father was upset, but it
235
also meant he hadn’t misunderstood the Abbot’s message.
Immediately after Mass, Brett made small talk with several

parishioners while his dad left to deal with some urgent parish
council business. Then he and his mom made their way to the parish
hall for coffee and donuts and a little fellowship. Diego and Priya’s
families didn’t sit with them that week, and Brett was sure his friends
were in deep shit after the stunt they helped him pull off—especially
when they came back. He knew his father had called their parents and
tattled, but since he was cut off from communication he had no idea
how bad their situations were.
Brett still had no appetite, so he sat quietly at the table and
listened to his mother make small talk with some of the other
parishioners about Abbot Placidus’ message. They argued over the
homily’s inappropriate message because it would foster rebellion and
heresy within the Church. Brett couldn’t understand how they had
completely missed the point, but he didn’t bother bringing up his
opinions. To his surprise, his mother didn’t seem to agree with them,
but she didn’t argue with them, either. Instead, she politely ate a
donut and sipped her coffee. When his father rejoined them, he
appeared incensed his mother allowed Brett to attend coffee and
donuts after Mass, but there wasn’t anything he could do to politely
extricate his family.
At last, it was time to go, but Brett smelled trouble coming when
he saw Priya and Diego approaching with their families.
Oh boy, I guess we’re all fucked.
Priya looked angry and Diego seemed perturbed.
They must be in serious trouble. Crap.
“Good morning, Paul, Jennifer,” Priya’s mother said, not
extending her hand to greet them. Without letting Brett’s parents
respond, she pointed a finger in their faces and said, “I hope you were
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listening to Abbot Placidus’ message today.”

Not missing a beat his father said, “Yes, and I’m sure we’ll all
agree that kind of liberal nonsense has no place—”
Priya’s mom’s eyes bulged with fury and she stepped forward.
“How dare you speak of the Love of God with such pompous
disrespect and arrogant self-righteousness. You do not speak for the
merciful Lord.” Her Indian accent became thicker as she became more
animated and passionate about her message.
“Excuse me?” Paul said, and Brett stared at Mrs. Ramesh with
shock. Priya winked at him. Abbot Placidus walked into the hall and
noticed the strained conversation, along with several other
parishioners who gawked from their seats.
“Just because you are the Parish Council President and think you
run the place doesn’t mean you know the mind and heart of God or
that of your son."
“How dare you!” Paul nearly shouted.
“Don’t you set your plagued heart upon me. What you are doing
to your son is unconscionable and as far as I’m concerned, sinful. He
is who he is and you have no right to change him. In God’s eyes, he is
good and pleasing because that is who God created him to be,
whether you like it or not.”
Oh…my…God…please don’t out me in the middle of coffee and donuts.
Brett looked at Abbot Placidus, who winked at him. Oh man, he
knows as well. Wait, does that mean he tailored his homily for me, or for my
dad?
Paul pulled his shoulders back, drew himself to his full height,
and glared down at Mrs. Ramesh. Mr. Ramesh raised his hand,
startling and silencing Brett’s dad. “As fathers, we are called to
treasure the gift of our sons and daughters because they are gifts from
God and creations of his love, and the love of their parents. Reflect
long and hard on that, Paul.”
Then, they respectfully bowed and walked away.
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“Huh,” Priya uttered, then she followed her parents out.

“And what do you have to say?” Brett’s father snapped at Diego’s
parents. “Surely you must be furious at Diego’s actions for driving
him to meet up with that…boy…and go on dates with him?”
His parents looked at each other and Mr. Martinez shrugged.
“Diego didn’t lie to us. He told us where he was going and what he
and Priya were doing to help Brett.”
“What?”
What? Your parents know? Damn, my secret is getting out fast.
“Diego and Priya went to the mall and the harvest fair with Brett.
Why would it matter to us if Brett met someone there and went on a
few dates?”
Brett’s father was speechless.
They didn’t out me…yet.
“But the Homecoming thing?” Paul asked, his voice sounded
defeated.
Mrs. Martinez chuckled. “We talked about the problems
associated with helping a grounded friend break their punishment,
but when we found out how you reacted, we accepted why his best
friends chose to risk everything to help him.
“This is what friends are for, Paul. Don’t tell me you didn’t do
something crazy like that when you were sixteen or seventeen. Think
about it, it’s not like they’re doing drugs or selling themselves on the
streets for money.”
Paul’s jaw dropped open with surprise. Then Mr. Martinez turned
to Brett’s mother and greeted her with a nod. “Jennifer.”
She nodded back, and the Martinez family walked away. Diego
winked at him as he turned and left with his parents.
“We’re leaving,” Paul said, frowning. “Get your coats.”
Brett and his mom obeyed. When they were outside in the
parking lot, Brett’s father opened the back driver door for him and
looked Brett hard in the eyes. “I don’t care what you heard in there
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today. Don’t get any ideas.”

“Yes, sir.” Brett climbed into the backseat and rode home with his
parents in stunned silence.
Weird.
My mom hasn’t said anything in all this.
I wonder why?
239
25 | Back to Square One
Tommy
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you before you left the dance,”
Zach said as they played Battlefront together on Sunday afternoon. “I
thought you were coming back, but Skyler told me what happened.
Brett’s father is kinda scary, huh?”
Tommy nodded and crept around a corner, keeping a watchful
eye for stormtroopers.
“Are you there?” Zach asked.
“Yeah, sorry,” Tommy replied, momentarily forgetting he was
online in a private chat and Zach who couldn’t see him nodding.
“He’s an asshole.”
“It was pretty ballsy for him to sneak out and meet you at the
dance. Talk about sticking it to his dad.”
“Yeah.”
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“He must really like you, Tommy.”

“I really like him.”
“I know, and that’s why it sucks.”
“Yup.”
Several minutes passed as they fought a group of stormtroopers
and captured a location with the help of several team members.
“So, what are you two gonna do?” Zach asked.
Tommy felt a tear run down his left cheek. “I think it’s over. I
don’t think his father will take his eyes off him and he’ll probably be
grounded for all eternity.” He smirked at the religious connotation.
“So, you're back to square one. Will you date someone at school?”
Tommy shrugged again, even though Zack couldn't see him. “Just
for the sake of dating someone? No. It has to feel right. I can’t just
hook up with someone. I’m not wired that way.”
“Are you demisexual?”
Tommy raised an eyebrow. “You know what that means?”
“Yeah, you need an emotional connection with someone to
experience sexual attraction.”
“Maybe,” Tommy said. “I hadn’t really thought about it that
much.”
“Could you get it on with Cody?”
Tommy laughed. “If I am demisexual, he’s probably my one
exception to the rule.”
“Not really, if you think about it. You two have been friends for
several months. I’d say your crush quickly turned into an emotional
bond with him. I saw him supporting you after Brett left the dance. I
don’t think any of your friends could have consoled you, but Cody
could because he has a special place in your heart.”
Tommy scrunched his face and stared at Zach’s avatar walking
ahead of him. “When did you get so damn smart with all this
relationship stuff?”
241
Zach laughed. “My mom’s a therapist. We get all kinds of

psychology and therapy magazines. I read a lot of the articles because
I like human behavior. Think I want to be a therapist, too.”
“Huh.”
“The sex therapy articles are the best. There’s some really weird
shit people do, or have problems with.”
“Does your mom do sex therapy?”
“I think so, yeah.”
“Wow.”
“I’m demisexual,” Zach admitted. “Kinda the reason why I’m not
dating anyone this year. I figured it out last year while dating Kylie. I
felt nothing emotionally between us and when she wanted to blow
me, I couldn’t get hard. I thought something was wrong with me until
my mom explained it to me.”
“Ew, that must have been weird!”
Zach laughed. “It was, but what she said made sense.”
“Wait, so what happens if you emotionally fall for a guy?”
“Well, to be honest, I recently started thinking I might be
bisexual.”
“Wait, what?” Tommy said, stunned at Zach’s revelation. He
lowered his game controller and stared at the screen, watching
stormtroopers kill his character, but he didn’t care in the moment.
“Sorry, I didn’t think it was important to announce. I mean, it’s
not like you walk around with a hat that says I’m Gay on it, right?”
“True, but we’re friends.”
“And I’m telling you now. I guess it’s the right time.”
“Why don’t you go to the Gay-Straight Alliance at school?”
“I just…I dunno. I just figured this out. Do you think I have a
place there?”
“Zach, of course you have a place there. Even if you were straight,
you could attend as an ally. Now, you’re one of us.”
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Zach laughed. “All right, I’ll come to the next meeting.”

“So, are you doing any kind of coming out or anything?”
“Nah. If people ask, I’ll tell them. My parents know, but I don’t
need to come out. I mean, if I start going to the GSA, people will
naturally think I’m gay or whatever. I don’t care. Whether it’s a guy
or a girl I’m attracted to, I still need the emotional connection. I
think.”
“Huh,” Tommy said, lifting his game controller again.
“Caught you off guard?”
“Yeah, totally.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad I know. We can check out hot
guys together now.”
Zach laughed again. “Well, I don’t know if I’m ready for that…I
think I favor girls, but like I said, if I emotionally fell for a guy…I’m
totally down to explore where that goes.”
“Cool,” Tommy said, firing his blaster rifle at some stormtroopers.
“Well, that was a weird tangent from talking about Brett.”
“Whatever,“ Tommy replied. “He’s old news, as much as it hurts
right now. I’m just glad this didn’t happen six months in. I’d be such a
basket case.”
“You’d survive. I know that’s cold and unfeeling, but you’d
survive.”
“Yeah, I would. Hey, wanna do coffee after school tomorrow?”
“Sure,” Zach replied. “I’d like that.”
“Great. Now, let’s focus, our team is losing and we’re not helping
them out much.”
Zach laughed. “Stay on target!”
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26 | End Game
Brett
Brett exhaled sharply as he pressed the barbell above his chest for
the last repetition. His arms shook as he guided the heavy weights to
the metal holder and lowered the barbell. It stopped with a loud
clanking sound and he dropped his hands to his chest.
With no practice or game in the next few days, he knew the empty
weight room would be the perfect place to release his frustrations
during his free period.
Throughout the morning, several teachers asked him if he was
distracted and although he denied it, he found himself stressing over
his parents’ dramatic intervention and victory at Tommy’s
Homecoming, effectively forcing him deeper into the closet with no
hope of ever coming out.
He moved over to the biceps machine, and when he finished, his
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arms and body felt pumped and he admired his shirtless, post-
workout reflection in the mirror.
“You look hot, just like you did at Homecoming,” a familiar voice
said. “Only now there's less to take off.”
Using the mirror’s reflection, Brett looked over his shoulder and
saw Jameson leaning against the doorway of the weight room. His
body immediately diverted blood to his crotch as Jameson stepped
forward and closed the distance between. His erection became
obvious in his gym shorts.
Shit. I haven’t had time or interest to take care of that itch…
“Very nice,” Jameson said, rubbing himself through his khakis.
”Too bad your parents fucked up your night with Tommy. I bet the
two of you would have had a good time together. It would have been
your first time with him, right?”
“Yeah, it would have,” Brett replied, staring at the growing
distraction in Jameson’s trousers. I can’t…
“Maybe we could have a good time right now, just you and me,
while no one else is around. Ever done it in the shower before?”
Tempting. Are we really going to do this here in the locker room? I know
how hot it was in the church bathroom, but it was so wrong. The thrill of
being caught is…strangely exhilarating. But, this isn’t what I want. This
whole gay thing…just isn’t working out for me. I have to stop right mow.
Brett shook his head. “But I'm all sweaty and gross.”
“I don't mind that at all,” Jameson replied. “In fact, it's kind of a
turn on for me.”
That is way too much information. I understand why you like Daren, but
me? I don't fulfill your jock fantasy.
No, we can't do this here, at school, in an open locker room and shower.
There has to be a line. Besides, what about Tommy? What would he think if
he knew I was screwing around with Jameson?
Wait, why do I care?
Does it even matter?
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Would I be upset if he was screwing around with another guy at his

school? No, I can't think like that. Cheating is cheating. Ugh, what am I
talking about. There’s nothing with Tommy…my parents have already made
sure of that.
“I’m sorry, Jameson, I can’t do this with you anymore.” Brett’s
eyes widened with shock as he watched Jameson become visibly
angry. His expression darkened, becoming sinister.
“Why not?” Jameson flatly asked.
“Isn't it obvious? You’re with Daren, and I'm with Tommy.” I
don’t have to tell Jameson it’s over between us, but I need him to go away.
I’m too hurt.
“So? Neither one of them are here right now, and I'm horny.” His
expression softened a bit.
Brett looked at him with disgust. “So am I, but that doesn't mean
we should cheat on them,” he replied.
“Cheat on him? Are you exclusive with Tommy?” Jameson
scoffed.
“We haven't talked about it…” But if I had a chance, I would be…not
that it matters. Why do I care so much? I should just give in…
“Then you're not,” Jameson interjected flatly, crossing his arms
over his chest.
“Um, are you exclusive with Daren?”
“That's none of your business. What matters is this,” Jameson
said, reaching for Brett’s gym shorts. “Let's be honest, Brett. You don't
get to see Tommy as often as you want which means you don't get the
release you need from your boyfriend.” Jameson hooked his index
and middle fingers into the waistband of Brett’s gym shorts and
tugged, reaching for Brett’s erection.
God, I want to so much…but…
Am I really going to fight for Tommy and let my parents win when I
know they're wrong? Is a boyfriend what I really want?
Better yet, am I going to fight for me? Completely defy God and my
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parents?
Is this what it takes? Jameson’s hand on my dick to clear my head? This
is so fucked up.
Brett pulled Jameson's hand out of his gym shorts and stepped
back. “I'm sorry, I can't.”
“Are you seriously gonna play the innocent virgin right now?”
Jameson asked. “The nice, hard cock in your gym shorts says
otherwise.”
Brett sighed in frustration and backed away. “I know it does, but I
can't. I don't want to screw things up with Tommy.” If there’s any
chance with him, I need to act like I would want to be treated…I need to be
respectful and trustworthy.
“But I want your cock in my mouth. Don’t you want to know how
good that feels?”
Oh my gosh, let him do it…No, I need to hold my ground. I want to be
with Tommy. I'll figure out a way.
But, it would be so much fun to screw around with Jameson one last
time. Would it really be that bad?
Jameson's hand reached out and gently grazed the tenting front of
Brett’s gym shorts, sending a wave of pleasure through Brett’s body.
Brett shuddered, then backed away again. ”I'm sorry, Jameson,
Believe me, I really want to, but I can't. We can't. We shouldn't do this
to our guys.”
“Our guys?” Jameson echoed with a short laugh. Then, his
expression became cross. “It must suck being the only gay kid in
school. I bet that would be really embarrassing if people knew your
secret.”
“Um, I’m not the only gay kid in this school,” Brett replied.
“That’s not how this goes down,” Jameson snarled.
“What? But you’re gay, too,” Brett said, confused.
“No,” Jameson replied. “There are no queers on the football
team,” he sneered. “You will be the one to suffer, not me.” He
247
grabbed Brett by the shoulders and pulled him close, so they were
nose to nose. Jameson’s strong fingers dug into his shoulders, and
Brett became fearful as he stared into Jameson’s anger-filled eyes.
“Catch my drift, faggot?”
Brett’s hand curled into a fist and sprang forward, landing in the
center of Jameson’s gut. The football star grunted and let go of Brett,
backing away to protect his stomach and catch his breath.
“Message received, loud and clear, Jameson,” Brett spat, feeling
the urge to tackle him, but he held back.
Jameson smirked, then left him alone in the locker room.
“Fuck,” Brett exclaimed after the door closed. The last thing I
needed was to make an enemy out of Jameson Argyle.
Standing in front of his locker, Brett exchanged his books with the
ones he needed for homework that night. Diego approached, his face
grave.
“Good luck this afternoon. I hope your parents come around.”
“I doubt it. It’s not like I will be able change their minds. Besides,
maybe it’s better to be straight. I’ve been giving some thought to
doing the Courage stuff Sister Cornelius gave my parents.”
Diego’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding, right?”
Brett shook his head.
“Didn’t you hear what Abbot Placidus said at Mass yesterday
during that amazing homily?”
Brett shrugged. “What good is being myself if all it does is piss
everyone off and make my life a living hell?”
Diego stared at him. “Dude, you can’t let your father win.”
Brett slammed his locker shut. “You don’t get it. It doesn’t matter
what Abbot Placidus said because my dad already won.” He turned
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and walked away from Diego, feeling his best friend’s gaze on the
back of his head. When he approached Sr. Cornelius’ office, he saw
his parents waiting in the anteroom. His mother appeared sad while
his father remained angry, his jaw clenched and his arms crossed over
his chest.
“She’ll be with us in a minute,” his father said.
Brett nodded. “Sure.”
After several minutes passed, Sr. Cornelius poked her head out of
the office and apologized for keeping them waiting. They followed
her into the office and Brett shut the door behind him. Sr. Cornelius
had arranged three chairs in a semi-circle. Paul took the farthest chair
to the right, his mother took the middle, and Brett took the leftmost
chair. As he sat, his father shifted his chair so he was facing Brett and
crossed his legs, left over right. His mother sat with her purse in her
lap, her hands clasped together.
Sr. Cornelius grunted as she sat, and Brett watched her discreetly
study the family dynamics. Then she addressed them. “Paul, Jennifer,
thank you for coming. I understand we have a bit of a situation that
you would like to discuss regarding Brett’s sexual orientation.”
Paul glared at Brett. “Brett is heterosexual, but he claims to be
homosexual and has been seeing a boy from another school whom we
have not approved and certainly do not approve of, Sister.”
Sr. Cornelius frowned. “Is that what you think I want to hear?”
Paul blinked and stared at her, confused.
Brett fought back a grin. Ooh, this could get interesting.
“Why do you think he’s not gay?” she asked.
Paul shifted in his seat at her use of the word gay, then replied,
“He’s Catholic. He’s not gay. That doesn’t happen to people like us.”
“What does being Catholic have to do with his sexuality? The last
time I checked Catholicism is a religion, not a proclivity toward
sexual organs.”
“Must you be so vulgar?” Paul snapped.
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“Must you be so uptight?” Sr. Cornelius snapped back.

Paul regarded her with incredulous silence. Brett’s eyes shifted
between his father and the feisty nun. Wow, I have never seen anyone
take on my dad like that before. Usually he intimidates the fuck out of people
and they back off and do whatever he wants…but what is going on here?
Paul took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Perhaps coming to
see you was a mistake.”
“Me? What's wrong with me? Perhaps I have what you need to
hear, whether you realize it or not.”
“Sister Cornelius, my son thinks he’s gay and that is against the
Church teachings.”
“I don’t need you to lecture me about what the Church teaches,
I’m well-versed in the Catechism, thank you very much.”
Paul frowned.
“Are we quite finished vying for dominance in this conversation,
or would you like to continue? Personally, I’d like to discuss what’s
going on in Brett’s world.”
Jennifer leaned forward and said, “I’d quite like to discuss our
son, Sister. Paul could we move on?”
Paul uncrossed and crossed his legs, this time right over left.
“Fine.”
“Brett, I’d like to hear from you. Would you tell me what you told
me the other day? And Paul, I’d like you to listen without
interrupting him, please.”
Brett looked at his father, who shifted his eyes to Sister Cornelius
for a moment, then glared at him. Brett swallowed nervously.
“Um…all right. Basically, I like boys, and my parents don’t like it. I
know it goes against everything the Church teaches but I can’t help it.
It’s who I am, but my parents refuse to believe it.”
“Your father refuses to believe it,” his mother interjected.
Brett regarded his mother with confusion. Have you changed your
mind or something?
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“Continue, Brett,” Sr. Cornelius said.

You’re not getting off the easy way, mother dear. “I had a boyfriend
who I met at The Java Grind and—”
Brett’s father scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“Let him speak,” Sr. Cornelius boomed before Paul could open his
mouth.
Paul reluctantly complied and Brett noticed his stature diminished
ever-so-slightly.
“His name is Tommy and he’s sweet, kind, and I really like him.”
“And how do you reconcile this with what you’ve learned in
Father Benedict’s moral theology classes?”
Brett looked down at the floor. Here goes nothing. “I am
intrinsically disordered and I need to pursue the healing that Courage
can provide me.” He looked up at Sr. Cornelius, whose mouth had
fallen wide open. “That’s not what you told me last week.”
“I was wrong,” Brett said. “Being gay is too hard. It’s destroying
my family and it’s all my fault. I have to fix this, I have to go back to
being straight.”
Silence settled upon them as his father grunted with satisfaction.
Sr. Cornelius’ mouth opened once, twice…then closed.
“No, you don’t,” his mother said.
It was Brett’s turn to be shocked, along with his father. Both stared
at Jennifer with confusion.
Jennifer glanced at her husband, then sat forward, took Brett’s
hand, and addressed him. “None of this is your fault. Your family is
not broken because you are gay, and you don’t have to fix anything
because nothing is wrong.”
“What?” Paul and Brett said together.
Sr. Cornelius’ chair squeaked as she sat back.
“I’ve always known,” Jennifer said.
“You…you have?” Brett said. Oh my God…is this for real?
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She offered a small smile and nodded. “I carried you for nine
months. I know you so well, my beautiful boy. You are kind, loving,
and compassionate. I regret siding with your father and not speaking
up sooner. I was too stunned by his unrighteous anger.”
“Jennifer!” Paul exclaimed.
“Hush,” she said, raising a hand and gesturing for him to be
silent. “My son is good, my son is gay, and we must accept who God
made you to be, even if we don’t understand.”
“We most certainly do not!” Paul, snapped, standing.
“Sit down, Mister Kinkade,” Sr. Cornelius ordered, slapping her
hand on the desk.
This is my chance…my mom is…on my side? Holy shit, were you really
listening to me, God?
Paul pointed an angry finger at Sr. Cornelius and shouted, “You
have infected my wife with your…liberal propaganda!”
Sr. Cornelius sucked in a deep breath and slowly pushed herself
to her feet. The chair groaned and creaked as she stood. “I have done
no such thing. Now, sit down!” she boomed.
Like a petulant child, Paul crossed his arms and sat. Brett saw the
veins at his temples throbbing as he fumed. Sr. Cornelius sat as well,
and her chair groaned and creaked, surrendering to her great weight.
Ignoring her husband, Jennifer leaned forward. “Do you love
Tommy?”
I can finally be honest with my mom. Brett shook his head. “No, not
yet, but in time I know I could fall in love with him. He’s really
wonderful, Mom. I’d love for you to meet him.”
“I don’t believe what I’m hearing. You can’t possibly love another
boy. It’s unnatural,” Paul said, exasperated.
“Do you know what the definition of love is?” Sr. Cornelius
asked.
Paul smirked and quoted First Corinthians. “Love is patient, love
is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not
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rude, it does not seek its own interests…”

Sr. Cornelius rolled her eyes and waved her hand dismissively. “I
didn’t ask you to quote scripture. I asked you what the definition of
love is.”
Paul regarded her with indignation, but he didn’t offer a rebuttal.
Sr. Cornelius handed Jennifer an index card across the desk.
“Would you read this aloud, Jennifer?”
“Certainly, Sister,” Jennifer replied.
“Love recognizes no barriers
It jumps hurdles,
leaps fences,
penetrates walls
to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
Jennifer smiled. “This is Maya Angelou, isn’t it?”
Sr. Cornelius nodded.
“I love her,” Jennifer said, beaming. “Thank you.”
“I don’t see how that gibberish is relevant,” Paul commented.
“Real love accepts people as they are with room for who they
become,” Sr. Cornelius said.
“He’s only sixteen-years-old!”
“And that’s quite old enough to know who he’s sexually attracted
to, Paul.” Sr. Cornelius countered. “When you were sixteen, I’m fairly
certain you knew you were attracted to girls, am I right?”
Paul took a deep breath and looked at his son, his face awash with
impending defeat. “How do you know you like boys?”
“How did you know you liked girls when you were sixteen?”
Brett responded, springboarding off Sr. Cornelius’ perfect setup.
“What? I just…did.”
“Exactly,” Brett said.
His father sighed and ran a hand through his thinning hair. “I
don’t believe you could possibly know.”
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“So, when did you figure out you were straight?” Brett asked.
“I always knew I was straight because that was expected of me!”
his father shouted. “You randomly chose to be gay this year.”
How do I counter that one? I didn’t choose it, but I figured it out by
kissing Jameson…but I’m definitely not bringing that up.
“No, Paul,” Jennifer replied. “He’s never shown interest in girls. If
you were paying attention, you would have noticed.”
“Excuse me?” Paul said, glaring at his wife.
She turned in her chair and sternly addressed her husband. “We
cannot stop our son from loving in the way God made him to love, no
matter what the Courage pamphlet says. Our son is gay, and you
need to accept that.”
“What demonic influence has entered this family?”
Jennifer ignored her husband’s religious drivel and held her
ground. “The sage advice of Abbot Placidus, Mister and Missus
Ramesh, and Mister and Missus Martinez. Did you hear Mister
Ramesh’s words, Paul?”
Paul blinked, then narrowed his eyes in anger. “I’ve already
dismissed their liberal poppycock.”
“What’s so liberal about loving your son, Paul? If I remember
right, he said, ‘As fathers, we are called to treasure the gift of our sons
and daughters because they are gifts from God and creations of his
love, and the love of his parents.’ Can you really stop loving your son
because he is gay? Or, after sixteen wonderful years, do you truly
believe God plagued you with an abomination?”
Paul’s eyes became wide and he stared at Brett.
Brett met his father’s gaze, but noticed something different his
Paul’s eyes. The cold, icy stare had begun to melt.
“Because if you do, you can find another place to sleep tonight,
tomorrow night, and for as many nights as you choose to hate the
God-given gift of your son.”
“Jennifer!” Paul whispered, shocked.
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“All you care about is your reputation in this church, and you lord
that over your family. Well, I’m sick of it. Enough is enough. I will
continue to love my son without barriers as I have since the day we
found out we were pregnant. Do you remember the day I told you I
was pregnant? Do you remember how you cried with joy and called
all of your friends and family?”
Brett saw his father’s face soften. I…did not expect this.
“But, the Church…”
“Shouldn’t matter,” Jennifer said. “All that matters is our baby
boy. Do you remember cutting the umbilical cord? Holding him
against your bare chest for the first time?”
Tears streamed down his father’s face.
“You would sacrifice our marriage…”
Jennifer nodded. “If you won’t accept and love our son, then yes, I
would. Show me I didn’t marry a monster. Honor your promise to
God.”
His what?
Several moments of silence passed, and Brett saw his father’s
anger fade away. Then his mother went in for the jugular.
“Remember the first time he called you Dada?”
Paul’s shoulders slumped and he broke down. Brett stared in
amazement as his father cried in his seat, his face now resting in his
hands as his shoulders heaved up and down.
Well, this is awkward. Am I supposed to hug him or something? Maybe I
ought let him suffer a little for a change.
When Paul regained his composure several moments later, and
despite the tears that streamed down his cheeks, he looked at his son
with sorrow and hope in his eyes. He clutched his heart with his
hand, then spoke, his voice strained and emotional. “I’m so sorry,
Brett. I…this isn’t going to be easy. I’m…
Maya Angelou was right. Love wants to arrive at its destination, full of
hope.
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“Dad, I’m gay.”

Paul sighed, then nodded. “Okay.”
“Say the words,” Jennifer said.
Paul glanced at her, then whispered, “My son is gay. I accept
that.”
A thousand pounds lifted off Brett’s shoulder and his emotions
bubbled up from deep within his soul. The tears came, and he
hesitantly inched forward in his chair, suddenly desperate for his
father’s embrace.
Paul noticed, and stood. He extended his arms toward his son,
and Brett leapt into them. They cried together, and Paul gently
stroked the back of his son’s head. “I’m sorry, Brett. I hope you can
forgive me.”
Brett nodded. I can, with time…this isn’t gonna be magically fixed
because you cried in front of the nun. But…if this is real…I’ll take it.
His mother joined in and wrapped her arms around them. When
their family moment concluded, they all wiped their eyes and
returned to their seats.
Sr. Cornelius smiled. “There’s still the problem of Brett being
grounded…for being gay.”
Paul sheepishly rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair
again. “That…was an overreaction. But, technically, he was grounded
for lying to us.”
“Can you blame him?” Sr. Cornelius.
“No, we can’t,” Jennifer said. “We weren’t hearing what he was
saying because we refused to listen with our hearts. Brett, you’re not
grounded anymore.”
Brett smiled. “Thank God.”
“What?” Paul said, staring at his wife. “What about his jailbreak?”
Aw, crap.
Jennifer glanced at her husband with amusement. “I seem to
remember a certain young man telling my father one thing and doing
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another while we were dating. It seems our son has inherited your
antics. They’re certainly not from my side of the family.”
Brett grinned.
“But he lied…”
“He had to lie. We wouldn’t listen. I accept that.” His mother
turned to him. “No more lies, understood?”
Brett nodded. “I didn’t want to lie. I wanted to tell you, but…I
knew how you would react, and well, you did exactly what I thought
you would.”
Jennifer sighed. “I know, dear. We would, however, like to meet
Tommy.”
Brett smiled. “I want you to meet Tommy.” Then he looked at his
father. “As long as you’ll be nice to him, and us. We’re a couple. He’s
my boyfriend.”
“I will,” his father mumbled, nodding. Brett didn’t sense
anger…only anxiety at rapidly accepting the reality his father had
stubbornly refused to acknowledge.
“Well, now that that’s settled,” Sr. Cornelius said, “perhaps we
should rejoice in God’s blessing and schedule a few more sessions to
follow up and discuss how Brett’s truth is integrating into the family.
Does that sound acceptable?”
“Very,” Jennifer said. “Right, dear?”
Paul nodded, and Brett nodded with him. His insides were ready
to burst with joy at the completely unexpected turn of events that
seemed to forever change his family dynamics—all thanks to the
amazing Sr. Cornelius who put God’s love over the outmoded
teachings of the Church.
When they finished scheduling dates, Sr. Cornelius escorted them
to the empty hallway. Minutes later, Paul drove them home. Though
they were mostly silent, the energy between them was light and gay.
Brett smiled, realizing he needed to call Tommy as soon as his phone
had a decent charge. Then he planned to FaceTime Diego and Priya to
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tell them the good news.
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27 | Second Chances
Tommy
After hanging out and laughing with Zach after school at

Starbucks, Tommy went home and changed into cool-weather
running clothes. Despite track having ended, Coach Tomlin expected
the team to run off-season. After running eight miles, he stripped off
his running tights and was about to jump in the shower when his
iPhone buzzed on his dresser. With the water running, he glanced at
the caller ID and froze, his eyes wide with excitement. His heart
skipped a beat, but then frustration and disappointed washed away
his excitement at seeing the name Brett Kinkade.
Should I answer or should I let him leave a voice message? What if it’s
his father?
The phone insistently vibrated, and Tommy sighed. He grabbed
the phone and swiped to answer, cringing until he heard Brett’s voice.
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“Tommy!” Brett’s voice sounded excited and renewed.

“Yeah?”
“I have a lot to explain, but the short story is…my parents came
around. We went to counseling with Sister Cornelius and she didn’t
back down when my dad got all pissy. It was awesome. I officially
came out to them and my parents are okay with me being gay. Holy
shit, that sounds awesome to say and hear out loud.”
“Okay…”
“Tommy, do you understand what this means?”
“Um…you’re dad isn’t mad you came out now or something?”
Brett laughed. “Well, yeah. My parents finally accept that I’m gay,
but I’ve been trying to do that for weeks, but it’s better than that.
Tommy, we can be boyfriends!”
Tommy’s heart skipped a beat, but caution and a sense of
foreboding remained between him and Brett. “What?” he asked, his
voice lacking any excitement. After what your father did at Homecoming?
“It’s a complete reversal, I know, but we had counseling and my
father cried and he basically came around like I said and he accepted
that I’m gay and that I have a boyfriend.”
“Oh.” Do I want to go through this heartbreak again?
“I thought you’d be more excited?”
I thought I would be, too.
“Wait, are we still boyfriends?” Brett asked, his voice suddenly
apprehensive.
Tommy sighed. “Well, I thought your dad broke us up.”
“Me too, but like I said, I'm not grounded any more. There's just
one thing.”
Here it comes. “What's that?”
“My parents want to meet you. They usually approve my friends
but understand this is a little different. Any chance I could take you to
dinner Saturday night? If you came here, you could meet my parents
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and we can get it over with.”

“Um, after what your dad said to me at the dance?”
“I know, he was an ass and I’ll get my mom to make him
apologize. Can you trust me? I have a chance to be with you, Tommy,
and I don't want to screw it up.”
After all that, you still want to be with me?
“Okay. Tentative yes until I confirm with my parents.”
“Yes!” Brett excitedly hissed over the phone. “I need to call Diego
and Priya. Can I call you later and tell you everything?”
Brett’s words fanned his heart and the dying embers of joy and
the thrill of being with Brett. As they sparked with new life, Tommy
smiled. “Yes, I want to hear everything.”
“Wait, so you’re officially dating him now?” Tracy asked as they

group-FaceTimed later that night after Tommy spoke at length with
Brett.
“Yes!” Tommy shouted with much more excitement than he
initially felt when Brett shared his news with him after his run.
“So, after his dad bounced him from the dance and he had the
worst weekend imaginable, he’s pulled a one-eighty and is suddenly
okay with him being gay?” Cody asked.
Tommy nodded. “It’s crazy, huh?”
“How is that possible?” Cody asked.
“I’m not entirely sure, except that when he went to counseling at
school with a nun named Sister Cornelius, she didn’t back down
when his father challenged her. I guess he’s used to getting his way.
But, the best part was his mother. She’s the one who ultimately got
under his dad’s skin.”
“Huh,” Cody replied.
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“So, what happens next?” Skyler asked.

“Well, his parents want to meet me, but…we’re going to go on our
first out-of-the-closet date Saturday night.”
“Do you need a ride?” CK asked.
Tommy chuckled. “No, my parents are gonna bring me so they
can meet his parents and get that out of the way. That seems to be the
biggest hurdle.”
“If you want, I have the perfect suggestion for your first date,”
Skyler said.
Kalin furiously nodded and smiled, clearly knowing and agreeing
with his boyfriend’s unspoken suggestion. “Are you excited?” he
asked.
“Are you kidding me?” Tommy replied. “There’s a part of me that
thinks his dad will change his mind, and I know I’m being a bit
careful, but yeah, I’m stoked. And yes, Skyler, I’m open to
suggestions.”
“What about the long-distance thing? You sure you don’t want to
date someone closer to home, like Jolan or Caleb?” Cody asked.
Tommy laughed. “Nope. Caleb is nice, but Jolan is way too out
there for me.”
“Not into blue hair and painted fingernails on guys?”
Tommy shook his head. “Brett’s the one for me.”
His friends smiled and several minutes later, they signed off and
Tommy set the phone on his desk. Then, he raised his hands above his
head in victory and spun around in his chair, staring at nothing on the
rotating ceiling above him.
Finally…I have a boyfriend.
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28 | The Start of Something

New
Brett
To his surprise, the week passed by without incident. Though his

father didn’t bring Tommy up, the unchecked anger he had directed
at Brett was gone. It was his mother who made sure to ask about
Tommy at dinner each night, and Brett noticed how his father
attentively listened to their conversation.
Saturday finally arrived, and Tommy was coming over with his
parents so everyone could meet. Then Tommy’s parents would drive
them to Fangiolo’s, a popular Italian restaurant known for going the
extra mile to make romance, dates, and special occasions top priority.
Apparently, Skyler recommended it to Tommy, and since they didn’t
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want to go back to the Cheesecake Factory, Brett’s mother confirmed

it would be a wonderful location for them.
Brett finished showering and dressed in his room, pulling on his
best jeans and a pair of red socks matching a red and white striped
dress shirt.
Slipping a brown belt into the loops of his jeans, he turned when
his father knocked at the door and leaned against the frame, folding
his arms across his chest.
“Yeah?” Brett said, buckling his belt and reaching for his dress
shirt. “Not gonna change your mind, are ya?” Brett asked, half joking,
half serious.
“Undershirt,” his stoic father replied.
“What?”
His father smiled—something he hadn’t seen since his parents
discovered the renegade charge for breakfast at The Java Grind.
“You’re wearing a mostly white shirt. You should wear a light-gray
undershirt. It looks better, crisper, and cleaner. I would think that is
the impression you want your date to have of you.”
Always concerned about reputation…but…he’s right.
The right corner of Brett’s mouth curled up and he went to his
bureau to grab an undershirt. As he pulled it on, his father entered
and picked up his dress shirt. He held it out to him.
“Thanks,” Brett said.
“You’re welcome.”
When Brett pulled on the shirt, his father stepped forward. “May
I?”
Brett froze, unsure of what his father meant. Paul smiled and
reached for Brett’s neck. Then, he flipped down his up-turned collar.
“You know, I imagined myself doing this with you for years when the
day came for your first date. I always expected you would date a girl,
but…at least I got to do that part.”
“Are you disappointed?” Brett asked, not sensing any awkward
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tension. He finished buttoning his shirt and tucked it into his jeans.
His father sighed and sat on Brett’s bed. After staring at the carpet
for a moment, he looked up at Brett. “Last week, for the first time, I
was disappointed, and it hurt, a lot. The pain caught me by surprise
and I didn’t know how to constructively process it.”
“And now?” Brett asked, leaning against his bureau.
“I’m still in shock, son. I know what century it is and I’m not sure
why this is so difficult for me. But there’s one thing I know for sure: I
was disappointed with myself. You are not a disappointment to me.”
“Nor me,” his mother said. Brett and his father jumped, not
realizing she was leaning against the doorframe. “Hope you don't
mind me stopping by.”
Brett shook his head. Maybe it’s time I find out what really happened
on Monday. “So, what happened on Monday afternoon, Dad? You had
daggers in your eyes when we walked into Sister Cornelius’ office but
had tears by the end of it. And Mom…you were ready to send me off
to get…cured.”
His parents regarded one another, then his dad wiped a tear from
his left eye and spoke first. “Abbot Placidus. Mister Ramesh. Mister
Martinez. Priya. Diego. But most importantly, your mother. What she
said in Sister Cornelius’ office hit home. You see, after you were born,
when I held you in my arms for the first time against my bare chest in
the delivery room, I made a promise to God to love you no matter
who you grew up to be. There were no conditions on that promise,
but for some reason I recently created one regarding your sexuality. I
didn’t think your mother remembered me telling her about it a few
days after I made that promise. Apparently, she did. I’m sorry I
became so angry and treated you with such animosity.”
Brett nodded. “What about the people at church when they find
out you have a gay son? What about your precious reputation?“ He
tried to soften his tone, but he sensed it had an abrasive edge.
His father smirked, seemingly picking up on Brett’s tone as well.
“I’m more worried about how your peers will treat you at school
265
should you decide to come out,” his father said. “Looking at our
behavior over the past few weeks, I understand how vicious our
community can be. If I had a say in how you come out—which I
realize I don’t—I would suggest you take it slow. As for the mob, I
can handle them, and I will. If anyone has a problem with my son
being gay, they can go somewhere else.”
You’re right, you don’t have a say. Brett smiled. “Thanks, Dad. I
don’t plan on rolling out a rainbow carpet tomorrow, but I don’t want
to hide anymore.”
“You’re not worried about backlash?” his father asked.
“Of course I am, but I know I’m not the only gay kid at school.
Maybe I’ll be the one to help them find acceptance in a place that
otherwise thinks we’re pariahs.” He looked at his mom. “What about
you?”
She smiled. “Abbot Placidus’ homily struck my heart. I didn't
realize how profoundly it affected me until I heard the other moms
bickering and dismissing his years of wisdom in favor of being seen
as more holy and faithful to the Church. It distressed me greatly. I
prayed Sister Cornelius would have words of wisdom because I
didn't think I could persuade Paul on my own.”
“And when Mom told me that after we met with Sister Cornelius,
that hurt a lot. I didn't like how unapproachable I had become,
especially to my partner-in-crime.” He winked at Jennifer.
“When your father became unusually stubborn and downright
rude during our session, I prayed for the right words and well, you
saw what happened.”
His dad looked him squarely in the eyes. “Bottom line, we're
really sorry. I let things get out of hand, and I can't take back the
things I said. I wish I could.”
Brett stared at the floor, suddenly consumed with anger. “You
embarrassed the hell out of me in front of Tommy and his friends at
the dance,” he growled.
“Yes, he did,” his mom said. “We talked about how inappropriate
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and overzealous his response was. Still, you shouldn't have snuck out
of the house. Given the circumstances, we've agreed to let it slide.”
Brett nodded. Thank God.
His dad spoke up next. “I'm sorry, Brett, I really am. I know
there’s nothing I can do to take that back, but I hope I can set a
healthy precedent tonight with Tommy. I owe you both that.”
“Are you gonna apologize to him, too?” Brett asked. Did mom
convince you?
Paul nodded. “I think that's more than appropriate, don’t you?”
Brett nodded. That would be a nice gesture, as Mom would say.
Hopefully Tommy will appreciate it.
His father stood. “Really. I hope you can forgive me for being
such a terrible father over the past few weeks. I’ve been an ass.”
Brett chuckled and nodded. “I forgive you, Dad.” He stepped
forward and hugged his dad. His father took a deep breath and let it
out slowly, gently squeezing his son. “Thank you, Brett.”
His father released him, then fished for his wallet. He pulled out
four crisp fifty dollar bills. “Here, I would have done this for your
first date regardless of who you were going out with. I want you to
have a great time.”
“Wow,” Brett exclaimed, taking the cash from his father and
glancing at his mother, who approached with extended arms and
hugged him.
“Well, why don’t we let Brett finish getting ready,” his mother
said, smiling.
“All right, see you downstairs, son,” his dad said. Then Paul
followed Jennifer out of Brett’s bedroom and left him alone with his
thoughts.
Wow. I can be me…and my parents still love me.
Just…wow.
Brett stared at the floor for a moment, wiped a tear from his right
cheek, then made his way to the bathroom to finish getting ready.
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After styling his hair and brushing his teeth, Brett returned to his
room and stood in front of the mirror that hung on the wall behind
his bureau. Setting his hands flat on the top of his bureau, he stared at
his reflection and held his breath. He felt consumed by conflicting
emotions rising through his soul: dissipating anger, happiness,
frustration, nervousness—but most importantly—relief.
This week could not have gone any better. It was weird, but good…and
now I have my parents’ support. I’m lucky. It could have gotten much worse.
He swept his eyes over his outfit and frowned. Something’s
missing. Oh, I know…
Brett went to his closet, selected a light-gray vest, put it on, and
buttoned the four buttons over his abdomen.
Perfect.
Outside, the sound of car doors closing in the driveway alerted
him to Tommy’s arrival.
Oh my God, he’s here!
Happy with his appearance, he fussed with his hair for a moment
and spritzed himself with cologne. He slipped on his brown loafers,
dashed out of his room, and jogged down the stairs. When the
doorbell rang, he shouted, “I’ll get it,” grinning as he noticed his
parents standing in the entryway. They smiled at him and let him
answer the door.
Brett came to a full stop, took a short breath, exhaled quickly, then
reached for the doorknob and pulled open the door. His gaze fell
upon Tommy’s emerald green eyes, and a smile found its way across
his face. Tommy’s usually tussled fire-red hair was styled with a
blown look, and his freckled face grinned at him. Under his
unbuttoned letterman jacket, he wore a white dress shirt with a light-
blue sweater paired with dark-wash blue jeans and black shoes.
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LOVE’S HOPE
“Hi,” Tommy said, extending his left hand forward.

Brett glanced down and saw a solitary lavender rose with a sprig
of baby’s breath presented in a plastic tube in Tommy’s hand.
“Aw, enchantment,” Brett heard his mother whisper.
Brett looked up at Tommy and said, “You’re sweet. Thank you.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds.
I can’t believe he’s really here.
“Are you going to invite them in?” his mother said softly.
Brett stepped back and gestured for them to enter. Tommy smiled
again and stepped forward with his parents.
Moments later, Tommy introduced Claire and Liam Brinn to Brett,
who introduced Paul and Jennifer to Tommy and his parents. When
they moved to the living room, Brett and Tommy sat together in the
love seat for what seemed like hours as their parents became
acquainted. The parental conversation was polite and pleasant, with
no mention of the Homecoming dance.
Maybe his parents will be gracious enough not to mention it. Still, I hope
my dad brings it up. It’s the elephant in the room.
They looked at one another and smiled, and when they looked
away, Brett noticed Tommy had upturned his hand and moved it
closer to Brett’s leg.
Oh my gosh…he wants to hold my hand…in front of my parents…am I
ready for that? Is my dad ready for that? You know what…I can’t live my
life waiting for him to be comfortable with things. He apologized…time to be
free, and time to be me.
Brett slid his hand off his leg and took Tommy’s hand in his,
interlacing their fingers together. Several minutes passed before his
mother’s eyes gravitated toward their hands. She smiled.
Holy crap, she smiled!
Several more minutes passed and the conversation naturally died
down. Brett became tense, wondering when he and Tommy could
finally escape the meeting of the parents and head to dinner.
269
“Well, we should probably head out. These boys have a

reservation at Fangiolo’s,” Mr. Brinn said.
“You made a reservation?” Brett asked Tommy, who smiled at
him.
“Technically my mom made it, but yeah,” Tommy replied with a
smile.
“Aww, that’s sweet.”
Paul cleared his throat. “Um, Before you guys head out, Tommy, I
need to apologize to you. It's no secret I reacted badly when we
learned Brett was gay, and we’ve discussed that here at home.
However, what I did at the dance, snapping at you and pulling Brett
from the dance—that was rude and I apologize for ruining your
evening. I was so angry that I wasn’t thinking straight.”
Tommy nodded. “Thanks.” His parents acknowledged Paul’s
apology with a nod.
Moments later, Brett grabbed his jacket and pulled it on, then
followed Tommy out the front door. As they walked to the car,
Tommy slowed and held out his hand. Brett smiled and took his
hand.
“You look cute,” Tommy said, grinning.
“Thanks,” Brett replied with a grin. “You’re pretty shipshape
yourself.”
They laughed, then climbed into the back seat of the car and held
hands all the way to Fangiolo’s restaurant.
Fangiolo’s turned out to be an incredibly warm and romantically

set Italian restaurant. When they arrived, Tommy was not shy about
them being on a date. He held Brett’s hand from the moment his
parents dropped them off to the moment the Maître D’ sat them at
their table. When their hands weren’t occupied with a menu or
270
LOVE’S HOPE
silverware, Tommy had one hand across the table, either holding
Brett’s hand or gently stroking the top of his hand.
As he had done when they arrived, Brett looked around the
restaurant while Tommy used the restroom, checking the
temperament of the guests seated around them. He observed mixed
ages and diversities enjoying the restaurant’s fine dining, including
other same-sex couples. A sense of peace descended upon him, and
he sat back in his seat, casually watching a college-aged gay couple
enjoy their conversation and pasta dishes.
He unknowingly grinned, realizing that although he couldn’t be
out at school or church right now, he had nothing to fear in the other
areas of his life. I can be me…and I can be with Tommy and the world
won’t end.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Tommy asked, returning to his seat.
Brett gestured with a nod toward the gay couple a few tables over.
“Look at them. No one seems to care that they’re gay, and that’s the
best part. I can be myself now and be with the guy I like, and no one
cares. It’s normal.”
“It’s pretty cool, huh?”
He looked at Tommy. “I didn’t know this would be my normal,
but I’m really glad it is.”
Tommy smiled. “Me too.”
“You know what the best part is?” Brett asked.
“Nope,” Tommy replied, his emerald eyes sparkling in the
romantic lighting.
“Everything’s gonna be okay.”
The waiter dropped off their check in the middle of the table, and
Tommy reached for the bill. Brett also reached for it and said, “My
dad gave me some cash for tonight. I don’t mind picking up the bill.”
Tommy laughed. “So did mine. Wanna go Dutch?”
Brett frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means we split the bill.”
271
“Oh, sure.”
“Then we can go buy ice cream across the street.”
Brett chuckled. “I’m so full, but I’m sure I’ll have room in a few
minutes.”
They left cash for their waiter with the bill, then grabbed their
jackets and made their way out of the restaurant. After Brett pulled on
his jacket, he checked the time on his iPhone. “So, we have like an
hour to kill before my parents pick us up.”
“Wanna walk the neighborhood? It’s really nice with all the lights
and shops. Some of them might be open, too. I know the ice cream
shop is,” Tommy asked with a smirk.
“Sure,” Brett said.
Hand in hand, they sauntered down the street, window-shopping
until they came to an opening that led to an adjacent park with a
gazebo.
“I think we need a redo,” Tommy said, pointing at the gazebo in
the park. He led Brett there, laughing as he picked up the pace to a
light jog. They climbed the stairs of the gazebo and stood in the
middle, the Christmas lights wrapped around the gazebo twinkling in
the night. There was no one in the park, so they could enjoy the
moment alone.
Tommy grinned and nodded. “Brett Kinkade, would you like to
make us official?”
Brett grinned a grin that nearly split his face in two. “Thomas
Brinn, I’d love to be your boyfriend.”
“Then kiss me,” Tommy said. He stood on his tiptoes, raising his
face to Brett’s. The corner of his lip rose as he licked his lips, and Brett
instinctively wrapped his arms around Tommy. Then he licked his
lips and tilted his head down. As their lips connected, their eyes
closed.
Brett felt sparks fly between them as they shared a redo of their
first official kiss as boyfriends. Excitement shot through his body
272
LOVE’S HOPE
when he felt the softness of Tommy’s lips against his own.

As their lips danced, Brett gently pressed his tongue against
Tommy's lips. Tommy whimpered and parted his lips to meet Brett’s
tongue with his own. Despite their passionate connection, Brett’s
heart filled with joy as a powerful feeling of peace settled about him.
He’s the right boy for me.
When they broke their kiss, they tenderly rested their foreheads
together. “Wow, that was even better than our kiss on the dance
floor,” Brett said.
“Yeah,” Tommy said, his breathing heavier than normal.
Brett started laughing. At first it was a quiet chuckle, but it grew
into a hearty laugh that Tommy shared with him for unknown
reasons.
When Brett settled down, Tommy lowered himself to his feet and
looked up at Brett with amusement and expectation. “What was that
about?”
Brett grinned at him. “For the first time in a long time, I'm happy,
and it's all because of you.”
Tommy smiled. “I only had a small part in helping you figure
yourself out. Hell, I didn't even know how bad it was for a while. You
should celebrate yourself, for being brave enough to own your truth
despite what people will think.”
“That's why I love you, Tommy. You think of others before
yourself.”
Tommy's green eyes popped open with surprise. “Did you just
say you…love me?”
It was Brett's turn to open his eyes wide with shock. “Um, I didn't
mean it that way, at least, not yet.”
Tommy smirked. “Don't worry, I'm not crazy. But if we’re being
completely honest, my heart swells every time I think of you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I'm so happy to have you as my boyfriend. But I want to
273
enjoy that, Brett. I don't want to do anything fast just because one of
us thinks we have to follow some unwritten rules about teenage gay
relationships.”
Brett nodded. “We are on the same page, Tommy, but I don't want
to wait too long for you know what.”
Tommy chuckled. “Agreed, but let's not force it.”
“Okay, I'm glad kissing isn’t forcing it, because this is me taking it
slow,” Brett said, pulling Tommy in for another tender, yet passionate
kiss.
Yup, everything’s gonna be okay.
THE END
274
LOVE’S HOPE
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The Guardians Series

Finally, an LGBT Superhero series!
Discover for yourself why hundreds of readers are thrilled with

the LGBT Guardians superhero series. It’s full of amazing
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love with or love to hate.
When high school juniors Quinn McAlester and Blake Hargreaves wake
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277
About the Author
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into the exciting lives of his characters and the fantastic space battles
and romances they endure so they'll stop taking over his dreams at
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matter how bad your day is at work, it’s always important to be grateful that
you don’t work for a Sith Lord.
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LOVE’S HOPE

Love Grows in Honest Places

Purple Spekter™ Press

All rights reserved. No part of this may be reproduced in any form or

KDP Paperback ISBN-13: 9781080198054

This book is dedicated to all LGBTQ youth and young adults

My husband and handsome hero Tim, for his constant

Online Bonus Content

Sister Scholastica’s obnoxious habit of pontificating about the

“Come on, you have to,” Priya pleaded.

earned merit points would be officially recognized at the end of the

Brett nodded. ”I’m in.”

Church teaches homosexuals must be accepted with respect,

“Of course not.”

“Please,” Annabelle retorted, waving a dismissive hand.

“Kinkade!” Diego Martinez shouted, rousing Brett from his

Brett looked up. “Me?”

Tommy watched the opposing dodgeball team’s captain line up a

caught the ball anyway. He then attempted several fake-out moves,

piss one of them off.

wouldn't bother including an underclassman in their friend circles.”

crap screwed to the walls.

“Now, now, nobody likes a sore loser!” Samantha quipped,

“Sounds good to me,” Jameson said, winking at Brett.

“Oh, lucky me,” Sarah said, blushing.

“Oh, snap,” Diego said, chuckling.

tongue forward, and when their tongues connected and swirled

showcasing himself with a grand wave of his right hand.

He looked at her and tried to smile. “I…” He paused, startled by

tub,” Chris said, grinning like a fool.

he managed to say, “I…didn't expect to feel anything tonight, that's

on down the hallway.

Brett smiled. “Like, good weird.”

some bullshit like that.

“So, what happened with Larkin yesterday after school?” Tracy

Skyler looked at his boyfriend with feigned shock. “What do you

Tommy shook his head.

“Stormtroopers on your left,” Zach said into Tommy’s two-way

“I see them. Grenade!” Tommy exclaimed. They were playing Star

depleted his personal shield and most of his health.

turned right and spotted DeathByPhoenix. “There he is!” Tommy

brushed his teeth.

Tommy accidentally overslept and had barely finished showering

Tracy hooked her arm in his. “He is cute.”

“Trust me, that’s not his girlfriend,” Tracy said, side-stepping to

5 | The Java Grind

“Why won't you tell me where we're going?” Brett asked,

He smiled and followed her up the sidewalk. Ahead, he saw signs

breakfast. When Brett received his coffee, he doctored it with cream

“This is a lot of food.”

The corner of Tommy’s lip curled up with amusement. “Yeah, but

“Do you come here often?”

started crushing on you before they walked in. His friends

“Oh my gosh,” Tommy said, flopping down onto Skyler’s bed. He

“Please?” Tommy interjected, his voice high and pitchy as he

“So, what are we talking about?” Cody asked.

“Brett, I’m sorry, I thought I was helping…”

attention. His iPhone vibrated and he saw a text message from

8 | Taking the Leap

because the trees grow and can handle more leaves.”

After dinner, but before he logged onto Battlefront to play with

through his veins as his heart pounded in his chest.

9 | His First Gay Days

Brett calmed himself as he took his seat in their regular pew.