He said... Do u love me just coz my father left me a fortune?

She said... No stupid, I'd love u no matter who left you the money!

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Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three?
Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

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Teacher: Peter, why r u late for school again? Peter:

Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football & the game went into extra time.

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A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly ?

The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!

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What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel.

A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!

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I want to share Everything with you.

Your JOYS, Your SADNESS, Your HAPPY MOMENTS Every single
second of day Let us START with your ATM Password first.

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Museum administrator: That's a 500 year old statue you've broken.

Banta Singh: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!

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When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

Answer : On their Wedding !!

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Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Bcoz they are already leading a dog's life!

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Q: Why doesn't the India law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

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 Should Women Have Children After 35?
Banta Replied: No, 35 Children Are More Than Enough!

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Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?

Student: I don't know.
Teacher: They r called Turks.
Now What r the people of Germany called?
Student: They r called Germs.

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Some Realties of Life. "U love someone U marry someone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or
husband. And the one u loved becomes the password of ur mail id"

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If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!

But I'm only a cartoonist!

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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams.

Her husband sent telegram to her parents - Ruby First Class in Bed!

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2 days of powrcut in Delhi had made life miserable worst affected was "Delhi metro statin where families of
Banta n Santa were stuck for 48 hrs on.... Escalators

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Sardarji was asked, what is a adult joke? Reply came any joke which is eighteen years old.

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GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest. BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

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History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ? Student: Sir, I am not sure but I think from
page 15 to 26.

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Q: What kind of food does a race horse eat? A: Fast food

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2day, 2morrow & 4ever, there will be 1 heart that would always beat 4 u. U know whose?? YOUR OWN

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Heartbeats are countless .... Spirits are ageless .... Dreams are endless..... Memories are timeless.... A
friend like you ....... Shameless!!!

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To live a life, one needs brains, reflex, perception, looks, IQ, knowledge, way of expression & many more
mental qualities. Hats off 2 u coz u manage 2 live without them!!

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Santa (reading from book of facts) "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't
u use a mouth wash?"

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 What is the similarity between CIRCUS and a BEAUTIFUL GIRL'S HEART? Both have space for 1 more
clown...

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What do I do when I see someone extremely Gorgeous, Attractive, Terrific, Cute, Fabulous.... I Stare, I
smile, And, when I get tired..... I put down the mirror !

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In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!

Saint: I don't have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.

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The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman
with her mouth shut!

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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes,
dear I know, but I was in love and didn't notice."

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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my
Mom is a good cook.

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 What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?
A kiss is so dear,
a car is too dear and
a monkey is U dear.

What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a
monkey is U dear.

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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

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Do u know that your Smile takes 1000 People to Death ? Save The World......... So Plz start brushing
regularly

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I saw U on Road today. U were lukin SO fine, Ur face SO divine, Ur walk SO perfect. My Heart started
singing a Sweet Song: Who Let The Dogs Out!

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When u get ths SMS, snd it to 1 person U luv, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of & 1 u wish to kill. now keep
guessing why I send it to u!!

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Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?

Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

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Difference: It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if
suicide is better or being murdered

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The smile is like a simcard & life is like cellphone, Whenever u insert the simcard of a smile, a beautiful day
is activated Keep Smiling.

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Based on Newton's 1st Law: Law of love Love neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can be changed
frm one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

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Why r Women are like the stock market... Coz they're irrational n can bankrupt u if u're not careful.

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wen tings go rong, wen tears flow 4rm ur eyes, wen sadness fills ur heart, plz inform me-coz my frnd sells
tissues BUY ONE GET ONE FREE

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Birds love u,
Giraffe love u,
Goat love u,
Elephant love u,
Go to zoo,
They all miss u.

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I want U 2 know dat our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry I cry, U Lauf I Lauf, U Jump out of da window... I
look down & den.. I lauf again
 Send to Friends

Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Every 1 can c it but only U can feel its true Warmth, Thank U 4 being
the pee in my pants..

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Wht's d similarity between a girl & petrol? 1. both r explosive 2. both r hot 3. both r dangerous when kept in
open

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Eyes: To look at you Hands: To pray for you Mind: To care for u Heart: To love you and Legs: To kick u if u
forget me.

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The big tomato said 2 the slow little tomato: ketch up!!

A group of elephants were sitting on the street. A sexy female elephant passes by... What does the loafer
elephant say? Wow... 3600-2400-3600

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Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I butter not tell you, It might spread!!

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What is the height of Bravery, Patience & Laziness combined? A: Sitting on the sea shore waiting for
TSUNAMI to clean up ur ASS

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Sweet fruits r nice 2 eat.. Sweet words r nice 2 say.. But sweet people r really hard 2 find..My goodness,
how da hell did u manage 2 find me!

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Sincere Apology:
If u dont like ny of my SMS or dont like 2 read or if my msgs disturb u,then plz dont hesitate,feel free 2
Throw Ur Mobile!!

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I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

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Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his
examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

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As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

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What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.

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Q: Why don't men often show their true feelings?

A: Because they don't have any. 1
 Send to Friends

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm
looking for the man who shot my paw."

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What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that thing?

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How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

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Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth

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What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

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This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog,
seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

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CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one
of the dogs is reading this.
 Send to Friends

Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me,
you've always been a headache

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

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Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

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If u read dis, I'm SMART. If u save dis, you agree dat I'm SMART. If u fwd dis, u r spreading dat I'm SMARt
& if u delete dis, u r jealous coz I'm SMART

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Hubby: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle. Wife: Yes darling I still do, only difference is
earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

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Q:- what do u get when u cross a librarian and a lawyer? A:- "All the information you want, except you can't
understand it."

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Q:) Why do Gods stay up in heaven? A:) Because they are afraid of what they have created!

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 Funny Answering Machine Messages Please leave a message However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business?
Student: "Father in law".

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They say Love is in the air... shit if only I had a plane right now!

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Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it.

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Seeking luv iz a mission... finding luv iz a complexed ambition... so y not go wiv the asian tradition, and let
the parentz make the decision...

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Regular Naps Prevent Old Age... Especially If You Take Them While Driving!

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Think Well Work Well Eat Well Sleep Well Play Well and also put ur Mobile inside the same well Because
you r not messageing me... well

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 I'm sorry that I'm running late! There is a power failure and I am stuck on the escalator.

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What is the difference between Mother & Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying... & the other
ensures you Continue to do so!!

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U r a Stupid Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand...

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Sugar is sugar, Salt is salt, God made you dumbo, not my fault!

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Whn you r alone, Whn you r crying, whn you r upset, Don't think of me!! just call me Bcoz incoming is free
for me... my friend!!

Every Indian women is RANI KAXMI BAI in her life. RANI - Before marriage. LAXMI - After marriage. BAI -
After children.

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Why did God Create 'you' before Me....? Ans: B'cause he wanted to Create a 'Sample', Be 4 Creating A
*Master-Piece*

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Days are 2 Busy, Hours are 2Fast, Seconds are 2 Few But there's always Time for Me 2 disturb You
 Send to Friends

Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? A: Knock on the door.

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SMS Heaven! Q) Why do Gods stay up in heaven? A) Because they are afraid of what they have created!

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A woman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her. Hi, honey, he says. Want a little company? Why? asks
the woman. Do you have one to sell?

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There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her
bed! And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!!

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Do you take me 2 be ur lawfully loveable fren, 2 have and 2 hold, 4 rich qoutes or corny jokes, in text
meassging & in poor signal, till low batt do us part?

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Husbd: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle. Wife: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is
earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

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Teacher: Why is your nose red? Max: I smelled a b-rose. Teacher: But there is no "b" in rose. Max: There
was in this one!
 Send to Friends

Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I have to leave, I can't find a brain.

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What do you call a female who never laughs? "HASINA"

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Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I have to leave, I can't find a brain.

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Confidence and Confidential Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential Dad says, u are my son, I am
Confident. Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential.

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Sign post outside our collage- "Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!".

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A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, "send me a brother". santa wrote back, "send me ur mother".

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Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain... Kindly tell them
ur age...
Send to Friends
 What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r
trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The
first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

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God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't b
everywhere he made a mother-in-law.

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Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange? Because the lime was engaged.

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A good friend is like a computer I 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2
opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory!

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An engineering student to his sweeper brother: I have got degree, I have got knowledge, I can sit in
society. What do you have? Sweeper: I have the job.

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sorry 4 disturb u. can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has comeup actually, we r playing
a cards and I lost the joker

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Q:) What does a buffalo produce during an EarthQuake? A:) MilkShake

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When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye
specialist!

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When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye
specialist!

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r mosquitoes religious? Yes They first sing over u & then prey on you
Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from
your dreams..

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Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

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Woman: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

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Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

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For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

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How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

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What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

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 Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

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Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

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Q: What is the thinnest book in the world? A: What Men Know About Women.

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Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering.

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Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

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I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and
a half.

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Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The
judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of
evidence.
 Send to Friends

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!!

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Q: Why was the leper caught speeding? A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

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Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any. 1

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God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third
one was caught reading this txt message.

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My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when
you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

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 Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

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First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

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Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

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I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep,
tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

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Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

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Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving
faster than you is a maniac?

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Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

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 Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

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A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we
don't serve food here".

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What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

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I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

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How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

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Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

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What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

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What's the difference between wife n neighbours wife? Wife is a chocolate, can have any time. Neighbour's
wife is like an ice-cream, shud hv immediately

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

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If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

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All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less
than what I feel for you.

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We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN

found...!

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Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.

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It's the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop
doing it. It's called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.

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Girls r 70% beauty Girls r 75% sweet Girls r 85% naughty Girls r 90% cute Girls r 100% lovely totally
70+75+85+90+100= Girls are pakka 420. Be care full....
 Send to Friends

u have only 2 option in life {accept,or change}try 2 acceptwhat u cant change .try 2 changewhat u cant
accept

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3 options to break a mirror: 1. Throw stone on mirror…. 2. Take mirror and just drop it…. 3. U just go and
stand before the mirror & SMILE.

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FACT ONE:YOU CAN'T TOUCH ALL YOUR TEETH WITH YOUR TONGUE. FACT TWO: AFTER
READING THIS SMS 99 OUT OF HUNDRED IDIOTS WOULD TRY IT

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When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I am babe so I play with boys!!

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Thought of the day: "if u help a gul when she is in prob, she will alwayz remember u only when she will be
in prob again..!!"

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Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

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3 Guys were introduced to a girl. Hi, I’m Peter, not a saint. I’m Paul not a POPE. I’m John not
a Baptist. The girl replied. Hi... I’m Mary, not a VIRGIN.
 Send to Friends

Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling,
Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.

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Increase its size Stretch it more Exercise it more Bigger the better B'coz nothin looks better on ur face than
THAT NAUTY SMILE

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An in-depth study has shown that the bird flu virus hits the best chicks first. I thought I'd warn you
immediately..

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Women are like blue jeans, They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced

If u r stressed, you'll get pimples.. if u cry,u'll get wrinkles.. So, y don't u smile & get dimples?

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Do u know whats A B C D E F G? A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl Now reverse da order, can u guess
the full form of: G F E D C B A ? Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again

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Friendship is a network tht needs: no recharge! no roaming! no validity! no activation! no signal problems!
juz dont switchoff ur Heart.!

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 Definition of a Nurse A young and beautiful woman who fingers u in all places n holds ur hand and then
expects ur pulse to be normal

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Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur
daughter!

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"I hear that you drop some money in Stocks. Were you a bull or a bear?" "Neither, just a plain simple ass."

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A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? Bcoz her husband
is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows

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Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d
abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!

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Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u
and ur parents.

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A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call
for backup."

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 A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly? The father says to him, don't stress my son u
should see the one who is reading this!!

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Her Job & My Job Her Job is to Bitch! Mine is to give her a Reason!

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"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?" "Please wait someone else is using it."

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Can v do romance in the evening today? I'm in a good mood Just a little bit of kissing and biting reply me
soon! urs lovingly "MOSQUITO"

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"I hear that you drop some money in Stocks. Were you a bull or a bear?" "Neither, just a plain simple ass."

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A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? Bcoz her husband
is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows

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Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d
abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!

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 Advice Always listen to ur hubby, He gives sound advice: 99% Sound & 1% Advice....

There is always a "DRIVE SLOW" board near boy's schools, but n ot near girl's college.. Why? COZ
vehicles automatically go slow....

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hey listen she asked me u r details...so i gave her u r cell number. so she will meet u soon.... her name is
smile.... i think she came.

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Why do men like smart women? Rare things are always sought after!!

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A Mother makes her son Intelligent in 20 years, but a Girl can makes him Stupid in 2 minutes.

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Life Paradox what u want u don't get(luv), what u get, u don't njoy(marriage), what u njoy is not
permanent(galfriend), what is permanent is boring (wife)

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"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me I just can't stop my hands shaking!" "Do you drink a lot?" "Not really
- I spill most of it!"

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U r the 1st thing that comes 2 my mind. I wish I could start my day with U in my bed. I jus luv ur feel to my
lips. U just make my day, I love U NESCAFE!
 Send to Friends

A Love Letter from BISCUIT MAKER- Dear Marie, Today is Good Day, U r Anmol for me... But U have
Crackjacked my Heart, Bcoz I have a Little Heart, Now I m in 50/50 position...

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New style of proposing a girl: I have spent many sleepless nights in ur love, & I don't want my son to do the
same 4 your daughter, So lets make them brother & sister.

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Its difficult 2 understand GOD, He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into
Wives!

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Court Order !! U R Accused of Crawling into my inbox & Hijacking My Smile with your cute massages. U R
Sentenced 2b MY SWEET FRIEND 4 LIFE

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Never think of the past It brings tears... If you think of the future It brings fears... So, live life in the present
And drink chilled beers!

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True Love is like a pillow U could HUG it when u r in trouble U could CRY on it when u r in pain U could
EMBRACE it when u r happy Want True Love? Spend Rs50 BUY A PILLOW

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Husband 1: Why do u take your wife only to night clubs? Husband 2: Buddy by the time she gets ready no
other place is open!
Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur
daughter!

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A sardar falls in luv wit a nurse.. After much thinking, he finally writes a luv letter 2 her: "I LUV U SISTER"

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This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on ur name and
didn't even tell me? Animal Planet!

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Phonebook Dilemma Why r there no phone books in China? Coz there r so many Wing's and Wong's, they
r afraid u will Wing the Wong number.

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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa:
Why don't u cook something else. .

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Galileo used 2 study in smal lamp. Graham Bell used 2 study in candle light. Shakspeare used 2 study in
street light. Mujhe ye samajh nahi aata ke yeh sab Din Mein Kya Karte the?

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Ek conductor ki shadi ho rahi thi, jab Dulhn phero ke waqt uske pas akar baithi to vo bola thoda pas ho k
baith, ek sawari or baith sakti hai.

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How True.. .A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min, a beer shortens your life by 4 minutes, a working day
shortens your life by 8 hours!

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True bravery is 2 arrive home…..fully drunk……a late night out…..& wife waiting with a jhadu and u ask:
Hey abhi tak safai kar rahi ho?

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Well, they do say opposites attract… So I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest,
intelligent, and cultured. Gud Day!

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Two frinds,who hadn’t seen each other in several years, met on the street. 1st: Who are u working 4 now?
2nd: Same people, My wife & 4 children.

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Raamnavami aanewali hai, isiliye hum apna man kewal Pooja, Arcahna, Sadhna, Aarti mein lagaana
chahtey hain. So… aapke pados mein in mein se koi ho to bataao.

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Mil Gaya, Oye Hoye Mil Gaya, Balle-Balle Mil Gaya, DHINCHAK DHINCHAK Mil Gaya, Apna Sara Kaam
Chod Ke Fizool ka SMS Padnewala Ek aur…”BEWAKUF”Mil Gaya!

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A women’s prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him and Patience
for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I’ll beat him to death!

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 Dog is truly a man’s best friend. If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment: Lock your dog and your
girlfriend in the boot of the car for an hour. When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?

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Aunty, mummy ne chini mangi hai. Aunty: Aacha aur kia kaha mummy nay? Kid: Agar woh kamini na de, to
Pinki aunty se lay aana.

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Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life? Because, women don’t have a wife.

Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet. Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could
have posted it.

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A genuine reason for having two girlfriends at a time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition
improves service!

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How do u identify a true music lover? A man when hears a woman singing in the bathroom, puts his ear to
the keyhole instead of his eye!

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Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you
think changes the water?

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Telling a Lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor, and a matter of
survival for a married man.
 Send to Friends

New Examination Patttern in India (Revised): General Students: Answer All questions OBC: Write Any One
question SC: Only read questions ST: Thanks for coming. Cheers to Reservation

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It’s wrong that Alcohol makes u fat… It doesn’t! It actually makes u LEAN… against bars, poles, walls,
friends & strangers! Cheers!

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Teacher class mein apne baby ko doodh pilate hue boli: Ale ale mela beta dudh p k doctor banega. Santa:
Mam! Thoda hame bhi pila do hum compounder hi ban jaayenge.

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Ek shrabi sadhu se takra gaya. Sadhu: Oh murkh, mein tuje shrap deta hoon… Sharabi: Ruko, me glass
leke ata hoon.

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How do u identify a true music lover? A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom and puts his
ear to the keyhole instead of his eye!

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Ek Church k gate pe likha tha: Jo paap kar k thak gaye wo meri sharan me aaye. Ek callgirl ne niche apna
mob no likh diya: Jo nahi thake wo meri sharan me aaye.

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Ma: Beta ladoo Khayega? Beta: Nahin Mama: Chocolate? Beta: Nahin Mama: Khana? Beta: Nahin Mama:
Marjana apne peo te Gud afternoon. Aap g de sare pariwar nu sunday di lakh-lakh wadhahi hove.
Parmatma kare aap g de jeevan de har hafte da satwan din Sunday hove. Happy Sunday.
 Send to Friends

When somebody who’s deeply in love with you tells you that you’re cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree.
That’s true, believe me, I swear because love is BLIND!

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It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.

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Sometimes you might catch me staring at you. It’s not because you are cute but bcoz my mom told me that
devils have tails and I’m just wondering where’s yours?

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Wife: I Have Changed My Mind. Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?

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A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not
supposed to see? Boy: Yes, I saw dad!

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Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing? Clerk: Yes. Robber shot him dead & asked d
next clerk: Did u? 2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!

Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi kyon theek karti hain? Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat
ki hifazat ka khayal Aata hai!
 Send to Friends

Why are Egyptian Children always confused? Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.

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Everything about you is perfect – your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You’re lucky to be
born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.

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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to
unzip your fly.

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Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!

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gaya hai, sirf jutiyan hi khayega.

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Gud afternoon. Aap g de sare pariwar nu sunday di lakh-lakh wadhahi hove. Parmatma kare aap g de
jeevan de har hafte da satwan din Sunday hove. Happy Sunday.

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When somebody who’s deeply in love with you tells you that you’re cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree.
That’s true, believe me, I swear because love is BLIND!
 Send to Friends

It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.

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Sometimes you might catch me staring at you. It’s not because you are cute but bcoz my mom told me that
devils have tails and I’m just wondering where’s yours?

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Wife: I Have Changed My Mind. Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?

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A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not
supposed to see? Boy: Yes, I saw dad!

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Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing? Clerk: Yes. Robber shot him dead & asked d
next clerk: Did u? 2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!

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Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi kyon theek karti hain? Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat
ki hifazat ka khayal Aata hai!

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Why are Egyptian Children always confused? Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.
 Send to Friends

Everything about you is perfect – your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You’re lucky to be
born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.

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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to
unzip your fly.

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Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!

Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? “Of course, why would Friday be an
exception?”

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A pregnant lady went to an astrologer. Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby’s father will die. Lady:
Thank god! My husband is safe!

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At a party, someone yelled: All married guys plz stand next to one person who has made ur life worth
living. The bartender was almost crushed to death.

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Suraj ki pahli kiran aapko Khusi de… Dusri kiran hasi de… Teesri tandurasti… Chouthi kamyabi… Bas ab
aur nahi garmi lagegi. Good Day.

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 Ek Gujju ka sapne mein kisi ne rape kar diya di. Next day Gujju ne apna Bank acccount band karwa diya
kyon ki Bank mein likha tha: Hum aap k Sapno ko Haqeeqat mein badal denge.

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Amitabh: Mere pas Gaadi he, Banglaw hai, Bank Balance hai, tumhare paas kya hai? Shashi: Mere paas
bhi Gaadi hai, Bunglaw hai, Bank Balance hai… Silence for few Minutes… Amitabh: Abey to phir Maa
kahana hai?

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Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist? A: Tooth-Hurty!

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Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok k puchha: Aap ka helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega. Jaat:
Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4 wheeler hai !

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Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo Roopvati, Gunvati, or Sarasvati hai. Beta: Lekin papa
mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon or vo.. Garbhvati hai.

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Gandhigiri ki safalta ke baad, pesh hai. Messagegiri jisme aap msg kare ya na kare, ham msg bhejte
rahenge, kabhi to aapko sharm aayegi. Gud Day!

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Height of Marwari Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata Nano Car…….preferably with Gas Kit!!!
 Send to Friends

Hasi ke liye gam kurban, khushi ke liye aansoo kurban, dost ke liye jan bhi kurban, agar dost ki girlfreind
mil jaye to saala dost bhi kurban.

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Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted ! Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as I had
advised ? Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !

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Doctor, cut off my dog’s tail. Vet: Why do u want to do that? Coz my mom-in-law is visiting us & I don’t
want anything to make her think she’s welcomed.

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Most of my friends are normal, sane, cultured, decent, intellectual & well-behaved persons… Just wanna
thank you for breaking the monotony!

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Police arrestd a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin? Man: I’m goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who’ll lecture at midnite? Man: My wife…

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Grammar Teacher: Rahul sharaab Nahin Peeta Hai. Is sentence mein Rahul kya hai? Pappu: Madam!
Rahul chutiya hai…

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Valentine special: Dunyia wich reh k rangaa wich kho jao.. Kise nu apna bana lao ya kise da ho jao.. Je
kuchh vi ni hunda taan….Chakko Rajaai te so jao.
Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business? Student: Father-
in-Law!

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Agar aap chahte hain k apke face pe dhool-mitii na lage to Roz subah lagaiye Asian Paints ka Apex Ultima
jo dhool-mitti ko tikne na de!

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What’s the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?

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Alcohol contain female hormones. Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional &
stupid, start fighting without any reason.

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Advice of dentist. “Treat ur girl friend like a toothbrush. Don’t let any body else use it, and get a new one
every three months.

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Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai. Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai? Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi
to hai. Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali. Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!

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What building has the most stories? The Library.

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 A teenage boy to his father: Here’s my report card and a list I’ve compiled of entrepreneurs who never
finished their High School.

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Asmaan mai tum ho, samundar mai tum ho, zamin pe tum, hawa mai tum, jahan b dekho tum hi tum ho.
DOMEX wali aunty thik kehti thi KITANU har jagah hote hain.

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Girl announced her engagement to her father. Father: Does this fellow has any money? Girl: Oh! Dad, U
men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!

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Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

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If time doesn’t wait for you, don’t worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

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Education is incomplete without 5 B’s B – Bikes B – Beers B – Babes B – Bunks and the most important B
– Backlogs!

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Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will
never find a wife as good as his father did.

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 Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait? He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used to say ‘Keep
Quwait, Keep Quwait’.

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Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart. Then why do people get heart attack when they are
tensed and why people get mad when they are in love?

Only once in your life u’ll get a right person with whom u’ll get married, so, till than keep enjoying with the
wrong Ones! Gud Morning! Aap ye soch rahe honge ki Raat ko Gud Morning kaise? Simple! Phone mera,
Paise mere, Msg mera, toh marzi bhi meri! Jo marzi aayega wo bhejunga.

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Elephant falls in Luv with Ant, but Ant’s parents were against their marriage. Guess why? They gave a
Solid Reason: Kehnde Munde de dand Bahar ne.

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Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga, ghar aaya te kisi hor de nal suti si. Dad: Puttar
galti mobile company di aa, jede time nal sms nahi bhejde!

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Beauty isn’t measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try
going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration! Janwaran di party chal rahi cee Chua 4 peg la ke set
cee. Billi: J ajj party na hundi ta mai tenu ajj kha jandi. Chua: Ja tur ja saliye, loki kehan ge khadi piti wich
janani kut diti.

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I pray to God that any person who tries to fuck ur happiness, may his ass begin to itch & his hand grow
shorter that he can’t reach his ass to scratch. Ek Tapori ki wife: Sunte ho ji, Apne chinku ne aaj pehla aadha
shabd bola. Tapori: Achcha, Kya bola ? Wife: Behan…

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 He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company
refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die! Ek samay ki bat hai, Mata Lakshmi ji ka ULLU
unse rooth gaya aur bola, ‘Apki sab puja karte hain, mujhe koi nahin puchhta’ Lakshmi ji boli: Ab se har sal
meri puja se 8-10 din pehle tumhari puja hogi. Us din Ullu puje jayenge. Tabhi se Diwali k pehle us din ko
KARWA CHAUTH keh kar manaya jata hai!

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10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of
accidentsarer due to driving without drinking! Piyo Sar Utha Ke! How 2 catch squirrels? It’s simple. Just
climb a tree & sit, Squirrels will come in search of U… U know Y? Coz They Love NUTS!

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Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind mite be dangerous coz
people say… I’m MIND BLOWING.

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My Marriage is Fixed Surprisd? Dekho free di party da sun k kivein khush hunde ne.

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Banta: How do you say Topless in Urdu? Santa: KHULE AAM…

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The successful marriage depends on one simple equation: Wife having Beauty Secrets and husband
having Secret Beauties.

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There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK.
Whatever u are thinking… is right. Good Day.
 Send to Friends

Tum sab dost meri zindagi ho, aur aur aur aur aur Lahnat hai aisi zindagi pe!

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True relatives always stand behind u during bad times. Check ur marriage album. All ur relatives were
standing behind u!

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Commerce joke: Do u know y in a couple’s photo man is on the right side & woman on the left? Because
as per balance sheet liabilities are on left side and assets on right!

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Girl anounced her engagement. Father: Does this fellow have any money? Girl: Oh! Daddy, U men are all
alike, that’s exactly what he asked me about you!

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Some translations in Punjabi: Yo baby! Wassup? Ve kaka, a uttey ki tangeya va? Listen buddy, dat chick is
mine! O bhaoo, o nikki kukree meri aa ! R u nuts? Tu akhrot an oye? Rock the party. VATTEY mar jashan
ch. Lets hangout! Aja bahar lamkiye.

Young Malkin & Pappu Naukar were kidnapped & raped by robbers. Malik to Naukar: Shakal Dekhi thi un
logon ki? Pappu Naukar: Bibi ji se pucho mujhe to ulta litaya hua tha!

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Daru se Nasha badhta hai, Nashe se junun. Junun se mehnat, Mehnat se paisa, Paise se izzat. Isliye
Izzatdar wohi hai jo Daru pita hai !
 Send to Friends

Chandni raat thi, nadi ka kinara tha, asmaan me taro ka nazara tha, Bihari premi ne pyar se muskarate hue
Biharan premika se kaha: Ae Susma, Bidi Piyegi ?

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A Solid reason for having two girlfriends at one time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition
improves service!

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If u don’t have a gf/bf, don’t have a nice job, don’t like partying & dancing, just have a boring life, then don’t
worry just log on to www.rabba chukk lay.com

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A cute Nurse came 4 the interview. Dr: What salary U Xpect? Nurse: Rs.10,000. Dr was overjoyed & said:
My Pleasure. Nurse: With pleasure it’s 25,000

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Which is the most confusing day in America? Thinking? Still thinking? Fathers day!

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Om Namah Shinay! Jai Sri Ram! Wahe Guru! Jai Sri Krishna! Darr Mat, kisi ko forward nahin karna hai,
khud hi jap le… PAAPI.

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In life, never look down on anybody, unless you are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!
 Send to Friends

A Chinese couple Mr. & Mrs. Hua got twins without marriage. What did they name them?!!!? JO-hua, SO-
hua

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Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru We should learn to love our enemies- Mahathma Gandhi
Dasso hun bapu di maniye ya chache di?

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There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & GOOD _ UCK.
Whatever u are thinking… Is right. Gud Day.

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When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flows from your eyes always say these
words… Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

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Dil ke operation ko BYEPASS kyo kehte hain? Kyon ki agar operation theek ho gaya to… PASS varna
Hamesha ke liye BYE!

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Breaking News: Latest sponsor of the Indian Cricket Team: Whisper Ultra. BCCI felt it appropriate as the
team is undergoing its worst PERIOD!

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Lalu: Rabri, tum to hamara CHAND ho. Rabri: Na ji hamka CHAND VAND mat kahiye, ye sasure America
wale roj Chand pe chadte utarte rahte hai.
 Send to Friends

Gud looks catch the eyes, but gud personality catches the heart. You are blessed with both! Flattered?
Don’t Be! It was sent to me, and I just wanted you to read it.

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There was a man who never romped or played. He never smoked or drank, nor kissed a girl. And he
passed away, insurance was denied. Since he had never lived, they claimed he never died. So live it up.
CHEERS

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: Will you marry me? She replied: No! And the guy lived happily ever
after.

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Daily Prayer: O GOD, give us strength & capacity to pay Income Tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Excise Duty,
Octroi, TDS, ESI, FBT, Prop.Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Prof. Tax, Road Tax, Edu Cess,
Congestion Levy & many more. Besides don’t forget Gunda Hafta, Bribes, Donations, Chanda, Beggers
etc… If we have some time & money left after that, we will do some Business. Cheers to Booming Indian
Economy! Gud Day!

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Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied men! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an
exhausted man…!!

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All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

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There’s a small gap between confidence and over-confidence. You can kiss your girlfriend is Confidence.
Only you can kiss your girlfriend is Over-Confidence.
 Send to Friends

What would confuse a mentally challenged person? Answer: A pineapple. Confused…? I knew you would
be!

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How to catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own.
Because they just love NUTS !

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A highly successful flirt was once asked: Which one is ur best gf? He replied: The next one! Always aim
high n continuously improve ur performance.

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The most interesting thing about this sms is that by the time you realize that nothing is written in it…. it
would be too late for you to stop reading it!

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Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge
because you are a vegetarian!

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If I was a painter, u would be my painting. If I was an author, you would be my story. If I was a poet, you
would be my poem. But unfortunately I am a psychiatrist.

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Hi, keep messaging me and win exciting prizes: 3rd Prize: Lots of Luv. 2nd Prize:Longlasting friendship.
1st Priz: Free stay for Lifetime in my heart.
 Send to Friends

No matter how high the sky is, how deep the ocean is, how strong the wind is, how wide the river is, I just
wanna tell u… it’s none of ur business.

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Ladies….it is okay to wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime have some fun with the
wrong ones.

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Well, they do say opposite attracts… So I sincerely ‘hope’ you meet somebody who is attractive, honest,
intelligent, and cuultured.

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A teenage boy to his father: Here’s my report card and a list I’ve compiled of entrepreneurs who never
finished high school.

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In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the
remaining is only 36-24-36

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Miss U Miss U sab kahein, par actually miss kare na koi. Agar koi kisiko miss kare to fir SMS band kyun
hoye!

Law Professor asks a Student: Which is the most imp LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business? The
Student replies: Father-in-Law

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A motorist hit a sparrow. He took d unconscious bird, put in cage with bread & water. Bird wakes up, luks
around & screams: Salakhen! My God! I’ve killed the motorist.

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M_rkh, St_pid, B_dh_, D_ffer, Bewak_f, Ghoch _, _ll_, Bhondu_, dekha… Everything is incomplete without
‘U’

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As u face a brand new day, bow ur head & say this prayer: Thank u Lord for having this amazingly gud
luking sender. May his smartness increases everyday.

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A good friend comes 2 visit u in the hospital with flowers n goes. A True friend sits near u n says: O yaar,
nurse bahut sunder hai… aaram se theek hona!

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Q: Where do Indian batsmen perform their best? A: In advertisements.

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Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick? A: 3 runs in 3 balls.

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Q: What is the height of optimism? A: Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.

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What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen? The walk back to the pavilion.

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Someone has kidnapped the Indian cricket team and demanded Rs 50 crore or else he would burn them
with kerosene. Please donate. I have already donated 25 litres.

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Feeling bored? Wondering, what to do? Open the zip! Enter your hands in between your zip… take out
your… book from your bag and study!

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Wat a RIP OFF! I saw a book in the store titled: 37 Mating Positions. I took it home, sat in my room,opend
it. Damn it…It was a book on CHESS!

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Today if anyone praises U for ur beauty, nature, style, attitude… kick them… How dare they fool U before
APRIL 1st.

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Aisa hai pyar humara, main kishti tu kinara, mai dhanush tu teer mai matar tu paneer, mai barish tu badal,
mai rajmah tu chawal, mai hot tu cool, main April tu Fool…ha ha ha!!

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Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great, I know this is too much for u, so here is
a shortcut – Just think about ME!

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 Do u remember the day we travelled in a car? I put my dog out of the window, u put ur face out, then
people started shouting ‘TWINS TWINS’

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Tip to reduce alcohol consumption: Before marriage drink only on the days when u r sad, after marriage
drink only on days when u r Happy!

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Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Is ko waqt se pehle kyon mara? Yumraj: Kya karun, March end
mein target jo pura karna tha.

Kunwaro se log puchte hai ki tumhari ab tak shaadi kyon nahi huye? Kunware bhi jor se kahte hai: Jaako
rakhe sayeean mar sake na koi.

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Boy: Ki mein tera hath chum sakda han” Girl: Kyon Haramjadeya mere bullan te koi kande lagge ne ?

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Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of
Survival for a married man. Gud Luck!

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Dear reciever, I’m a Blonde Virus. I’m not so advanced, so pls delete all ur files urself and also help me to
spread by sending to all. Thank U !

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Ladkewaale: Ladki ka naam kya hai? Ladkiwaale: Hamari pyari, aapki pyaari sabki pyari, Rampyari. Ladke
ka naam kya hai. Ladkewale: Hamara Gu, aapka Gu, ham sabka gu JAGGU
 Send to Friends

Log kehte hain ki khuda ne aapko badi fursat mein banaaya hai… Theek hi kehte hain, faltoo kaam fursat
mein hi to kiye jaate hain.

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Colour of ur underwear reflects ur mood: Red: Wild Black: Sexy Blue: Romantic Pink: Seductive White:
Calm Yellow: Time to change it…

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Everyday same wishes! Are U bored of it? Let it be difft this time: Let the devils sing around U, Mummies
dance around u, Vampires sit beside U. Have a horrible day!

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Ek c Raja… Ek c Rani… Dono mar gaye khatam kahani. . . . . . Na thalle hun ki dead body labni hai?

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Meaning of ABCDEFG : A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls. Reverse the letters GFEDCBA Girls Forget
Everything Done & Catch new Bakra Again

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Kabhi ye mat socho tumhare gf/bf ya wife/hubby ne tumhe kitna romantic msg bheja hai, sirf yeh socho ke
Use kisne bheja hoga ?

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Height of Kanjoosi: A Bania’s house has caught fire & he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade!
 Send to Friends

A Baniya walking on the road suddenly bent & touched d road n said furiously: ‘Loki thuk vi aewein sutde
ne jiven Rupeya peya hove!’

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A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that she looks extremely beautiful
when her lips r closed !

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What did the Zero say to the Eight? Nice Belt

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Saif: My dil goes hmmmmmm…! My dil goes hmmmmmmm….! My dil goes mmmmmmMMm……!! My dil
goes mmmmmmm…..! Javed Jafri: Is this da dils or da makhis…?

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Boy: Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain! Gal: Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge? Boy: Bilkul nahi! Gal:
To phir rehne do…

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A lady to another lady: Jab tera divorce hua tha tab to ek hi baccha tha aur ab 3 kaise? She says: Woh
kabhi kabhi maafi mangne aa jate the…