IMPROVE

YOUR

LIFE
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 Do you feel stressed, overwhelmed or confused
should be doing with your life and how to make the biggest
impact? Then ‘| Am Enough’ is for you...

Experience personal breakthroughs as you learn techniques to

permanently break free from self-sabotage and rewire your mind
for success, So you can enjoy a happy, healthy and confident life,
not just sometimes, but ALL of the time.

www.iamenough.com/try
Get instant access to ‘| Arm Enough’ by Marisa Peer

What is ‘1 Am Enough’?
‘iAm Enough’ is anaward-winning online program that will help you activate abundance
and accelerate your potential for the life you desire. Designed to help you massively increase
your sense of self-worth and confidence, you can finally eradicate destructive thoughts and
behaviours and live a happy, motivated and confident life.

Eight key areas to redefine your life

Life purpose Attracting and maintaining wealth

The secrets of your mind The secrets of success

Your relationship with your body Attracting a loving relationship

You are enough Having a powerful sex life

Marisa Peer is a globally-renowned celebrity therapist with over thirty years’

experience working with clients from royalty to rockstars, celebrities to CEOs
and even Olympic athletes. Having achieved unparalleled results, she founded
the multi-award-winning Rapid Transformational Therapy™ (RTT) to share her
approach with the world, so as many people could benefit as possible.

|am doing the ‘I Am Enough’ program, which has been transformational for me.
lama completely different person than I was 6 months ago. Lorna
5) 5)
| AM ENOUGH
By Marisa Peer
 Contents
FEATURES
6 SELECTION BOX OF DREAMS
Ellen Tout is overwhelmed with ideas,
but which ones are the right ones?
10 BE HAPPIER IN A JOB YOU DON’T LOVE
Oliver Burkeman's simple, proactive steps
to create a meaningful work environment
12 FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT
When Amy Pierce pushed herself, she
found she was capable of so much more
16 MY LIFE, MY WAY
"You have to believe in what you do,’ says
shop owner Suzanne O'Leary
24 GETTING NOWHERE FAST?
Change the way you think to change the
way you work, writes Oliver Burkernan
28 ‘IT’S THE TRAVELLING LIFE FOR ME’
Would the life of a digital nomad live up to
the fantasy for itchy-footed Anna Behrmann
32 MY LIFE, MY WAY
‘lwantto do the impossible’, says physicist
84 FLY HIGH AT WORK
and environmentalist Melanie Windridge
Curious Lizzie Enfield asks: is following
38 UNCHAIN YOUR DESIRES your dream the only route to gratification?
Fed up with limiting beliefs hindering her
MY LIFE, MY WAY
progress, Heidi Scrimgeour seeks help
Inspired by her mum's recipe, Kate Griffin
41 FIND WORK THAT INSPIRES YOU handecrafts natural gins and spirits
Emma Rosen's ways to rethink your
95 SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
career and figure out what's right for you
Thinking of leaving your job? Harriet
44 THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT Minter offers advice on making your exit
Are you a perfectionist? If so, you need
98 HOW TO BE KIND AT WORK
damage control, writes Hannah Davies Positive psychology expert Vanessa King's
48 MY LIFE, MY WAY book club suggestion on mastering civility
Gabriela Lerner shares her wholistic
lifestyle through coaching and retreats DOSSIER
54 THE CONTENT COMMUTER
58 STOP HIDING AND START SHINING
Oliver Burkeman helps us find peace, and
PHOTOGRAPH: PLAIN PICTURE; COVER ILLUSTRATION: ANDREA DE SANTIS.

Anita Chaudhuri explores common ways

even satisfaction, on our way to work
you may be sabotaging your career
68 THE BETA FEMALE
64 WHAT’S REALLY IN YOUR WAY?
Power and influence aren't only for the
Take Sally Brown's test to find out what's
office alphas, discovers quiet Ellen Tout
stopping you from reaching your potential
72 MY LIFE, MY WAY
Chef Thuy Diem Pham sought success to
OUR BRAND PARTNERS
show her heartfelt gratitude to her parents
78 HOME OFFICE RULES
Newly self-employed Ali Roff Farrar tells
us how to boss being a freelancer
botman.. OLUE
83 SOAR AND BE SATISFIED
SUPER “2,
Buddhist monk Haemin Sunim’s
N MARISA PEER POWERS
observations on a living a fulfilling life

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT3.

 CONTRIBUTORS
Meet three of the people who have taken part in the making of Create The Career You Want
Ww
Ali Roff Farrar
Journalist, author and yoga
and mindfulness teacher
Aliis a yoga and mindfulness teacher
and author of The Wellfulness Project,
which will be published by Aster in
December. Ali is Wellness Director at
Psychologies and co-founded retreat
company, The Remedy Retreats, with her
husband, James Farrar. When Ali started
‘living the dream’ working from home, she
found more to negotiate than learning to
switch off and social isolation. Read about
her path to a work-life balance on page 78.
OUR TEAM
Editor-in-Chief Suzy Walker
Art Directors Lynne Lanning, Emily Owen
Creative Director Laura Doherty
Production Editor Vee Sey
ADVERTISING & PRODUCTION
TigerBee Media, Commercial Director
Nikki Peterson (020 3510 0849)
nikki.peterson@tigerbeemedia.co.uk
Copy Production Manager Melanie Ratcliffe
(01733 362701) kelseylifestyle@atgraphicsuk.com
MANAGEMENT
Chief Operating Officer Phil Weeden
Chief Executive Steve Wright
Chairman Steve Annetts
4 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
Oliver Burkeman
Journalist and author
Oliver is an award-winning journalist
for The Guardian and the author of
The Antidote: Happiness For People Who
Can’t Stand Positive Thinking (Canongate,
£8.99). He shares his alternative,
science-based perspective on being
happier in a job that you don’t love on page
10 and, on page 54, he explains why the
commute to work doesn’t have
to be asoulless endeavour that we try
desperately to escape, but rather an
opportunity to enhance our wellbeing.
Managing Director (Lifestyle Brands & Circulation)
Kevin McCormick
Finance Director Joyce Parker-Sarioglu
Retail Director Steve Brown
Retail Distribution Manager Eleanor Brown
Audience Development Manager Andy Cotton
Subscription Marketing Manager Rebecca Gibson
Events Manager Kat Chappell
Publishing Operations Manager Charlotte Whittaker
Senior Print Production Manager Nicola Pollard
Print Production Manager Georgina Harris
Print Production Controller Alicia Stewart
DISTRIBUTION & PRINTING
William Gibbons, 28 Planetary
Road, Willenhall,
Wolverhampton WV13 3XT; 01902 730011;
williamgibbons.co.uk
Seymour Distribution Ltd, 2 East Poultry Avenue,
London ECiA 9PT; 020 7429 4000; seymour.co.uk
TEN
Sally Brown
Therapist and writer
Sally is a qualified therapist and coach who
writes about psychological and emotional
health. She compiles the test for our
Dossier, helping us identify what’s really
standing in our way at work and stopping
us reaching our full potential. ‘It’s easy
to get sucked into an unhelpful thinking
spiral and destructive habits or
behaviour, she says. ‘I hope the test gives
readers the chance to pause for a few
minutes, and perhaps gain insight into
an unhelpful pattern or mindset.’
Note to contributors: articles submitted for consideration by the editor must be
the original work ofthe author and not previously published, Where photographs
are included, which are not the property of the contributor, permission to
Teproduce them must have been obtained from the owner of the copyright.
The Editor cannot guarantee a personal response to all letters and emaits received.
The views expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those the Editor or
of
PHOTOGRAPHS: LAURA DOHERTY; NINA SUBIN; SYRIOL JONES
the Publisher, Kelsey Publishing Lid accepts no fiability for products and services
offered by third parties.
PRIVACY NOTICE Kelsey Publishing Ltd uses a multi-layered privacy notice,
giving you brief details about how we would like to use your personal
information. For full details, visit kelsey.co.uk, or call 01959 543524, Ifyou have
any questions, please ask, as submitting your details indicates your consent,
until you choose otherwise, that we and our partners may contact you about
products and services that will be of relevance to you via direct mail, phone,
email or SMS. You can opt out at ANY time via email: data,controller@kelsey.
co.uk or 01959 543524.
CCA KELSEY media
 EDITOR'S LETTER

You have the power

How do you create the career you really want?
Congratulations! By buying this bookazine, you’ve taken the
first step. The next is to carve out time and space to explore
what the reality of your ideal career looks like for you, so you
can put together an action plan to make your dream a reality.
Ellen Tout’s feature on page 6 will help you find clarity on
your ambitions; which to pursue now to satisfy your core
vw

ROA
needs and which are fantasies that bring you pleasure. the office dog

Anna Behrmann explores this topic on page 28 - she found

the idea of being a digital nomad enticing, but would the
reality match up; and how did it fit in with her other aspirations in life? And
Ali Roff Farrar finally gets the chance to work from home on a permanent
basis, with some surprising realisations. She shares her wisdom on page 78.
Whether it’s a few tweaks to your current situation or a big leap into the
unknown, these pages are packed full of advice from leading experts and
inspiration from real women who have gone out and grabbed their dream
careers. From an Everest-climbing scientist to brave readers opening yoga
studios, restaurants and even agin distillery, our case studies give honest
advice about their journeys and the joy of living lives that reflect their values.
We also explore your inner world, revealing the latest thinking and
psychology that will help you overcome the obstacles that keep you stuck
—
is perfectionism or impostor syndrome standing in your way? On page 12,

Amy Pierce throws off the shackles of self-doubt and discovers she is more
capable than she had ever imagined, plus we consider the power of the beta
female on page 68. Truly enlightening for those who operate in a quieter way.
Lastly, our 12-page Dossier (page 56) outlines five ways you may be
sabotaging your career and looks at strategies and tips to start thriving.
It’s time to put the wheels in motion to create the career you want!

<
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 5

hat do I want to do with
my life? They say the most
interesting people never
have just one ‘thing’ they
want to pursue, and that chimes with me,
iy
rn) Inthe past couple of months, I’ve signed.up
for anovel-writing course, which I’ve not had
ee:
7 ‘tirtie to complete; had ideas for new vegan
products, which I don’t know how to launch;
and dreamed of turning my love of yogainto.a
eareer.Qh, and I’vescrolled through Instagram
and decided that, actually, want to buy.an
I
old van, turn it into a camper and escape te
get SGM Menta
I flit between plans, not knowing whether
want to chase any of them. I feel like.
7
aa _2.should somehow _ -
be jugglingthemall-in.
ar
addition to my job as a features writer.
~
Italk to coaeh Carolyn McDonald. Canshé.
help me work out what will really light me
up? Or whether I should stick with what
I’m doing? “Happiness is often defined as
pleasure, meaning and engagement,’ she
starts. ‘What gives you pleasure? What
brings you meaning? And how do you
actually activate and engage in those things
She asks how I would define happiness.
There are lots of things: feeling fulfilled
creatively, walking my dog, time with
friends and family, work that matches
my values, experiencing new things and
spending time in nature. McDonald says
Ihave agood groundingin what makesme ~_:
feel content so where is this itch for
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 7

change coming from? She
encourages me to explore my core
needs, which are intrinsically linked
to happiness. ‘It sounds as if
fulfilment to you means flexibility
and being present in experiences
that enrich your life - they meet core
needs in you,’ she says. For example,
switching off for a few hours in the
countryside is a need hence my
dream of travelling in Scotland. ‘But
how do you manage that enrichment
and know your boundaries? If you
spread yourself too thinly, it detracts
from your enjoyment and your core
value of being present is impinged,
This is alight-bulb moment - I see
I’ve been committing to so many
opportunities, I’m overwhelmed
and unable to properly enjoy each
experience or work task. It’s at these
times that I fantasise about change.
Too much ofa good thing
McDonald says that to appreciate the
good in our lives, and pinpoint what
needs to change, we must find balance
and space. ‘You can’t constantly be ina
place of peak happiness - you would be
exhausted,’ she says. If I experience
the high of something that excites me
- like climbing a mountain - every day,
I would get weary. I love writing, but ifI
write all day, every day, I will tire of it.
The admin part of my job creates a
pause in my engagement with writing.
So, am I simply overwhelmed? When
I fantasise about change, it’s often
triggered by feeling that I don’t have
enough time. I suggest social media
plays a role, particularly for millennials
like me who, branded the ‘want-it-all
generation’, can reject the idea of one
re
To appreciate the
good in our lives,
we must find
balance and space...
You can’t constantly
be ina place of peak
—
happiness you
would be exhausted 7”
lows, too. That aspect is missing
in social media.’ These idealised
snapshots don’t show the mundane
parts of life that are not only inevitable,
but what we need; a change of pace.
They make you feel like you’ve failed if
you haven’t travelled, volunteered and
juggled a portfolio career.
I’ve looked with envy at posts by
friends who went travelling straight mine are more about the pressure
after university — selfies dancing on I put on myself - ‘IT should make the
Thai beaches or climbing to Everest most of life’ - which stems from
Base Camp. That’s when my ‘shoulds’ believing that life is short. But, by
and ‘what ifs’ come up. But, do I enjoy seizing the day, Iam drowning in too
the fantasy of leaving to go travelling many commitments, and unhappy.
more than the reality? I know that To regain balance, McDonald
when I’m away for more than two recommends I try viewing the
weeks at atime, I miss my home. ‘shoulds’ as ‘coulds’: ‘I could study
When I catch up with a school creative writing’, ‘I could take a gap
friend who has spent the past few year’, ‘I could sell vegan cakes’. This
years backpacking across Asia, she small switch in our self-talk releases
tells me how envious she is that I some of the pressure.
‘seem to have everything figured out’
—a good career, a partner and my Baby-step thinking
own flat. We laugh when I admit that We then take an item from my bucket
I feel the same about her! I think list and try to break it down further.
these feelings come from an ‘Rather than saying “I want to write
idealised perception of others’ lives, a novel”, say “I want to see what

job for life. know if I’m feeling lost, I

I which is intensified by social media. would happen ifI tried to write a
fall into Instagram’s lure. ‘Social media Trealise I need to listen to what I novel” so it isa more manageable
PHOTOGRAPHS: LUMINA/STOCKSY

representation is of that ultimate
moment, all the time,’ says McDonald.
‘We don’t see the in-between. There’s
an expectation that it’s always sunny.
Ifyou want the highs - the travel; the
good job - you must accept there are
actually want, rather than what
social media tells me I should want.
McDonald encourages me to
explore these ‘shoulds’ further. She
says they often come from family,
friends or colleagues, but I think
leap,’ McDonald explains. This feels
less intimidating and more like an
opportunity to explore my options.
With any fantasy, says McDonald,
itis helpful to start toturnitintoa
doable reality, to see if you want to

8 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT

 self

Ambition assessment
Doyou have a dream, but don’t know ifyou want
topursue it? Answer these questions honestly

@ First
steps: Do you
know what you need to
do now? Have you tried
committing 10 minutes
to it every morning? Why
have you been putting it
off? Is this your impostor
syndrome saying you're not
good enough? Do you lack
time, or is it just a fantasy?
@ The
fantasy: Think
of someone who does the
thing you crave — say a
novelist. What's their daily
life like? Is your picture
realistic or idealised? Could
you see yourself doing
that every day? Have you
considered the challenges
or lows of the reality?
@ Core needs: What
values are you yearning
to fulfil? Do you have a
core need for flexibility,
freedom, routine, control
or creativity, for example?
Could you first tweak your
life as it is to meet these?
How can you engage with
your values and your dream?

for us, after all. ‘If we engage with
“By engaging with our desire, it’s no longer a fantasy,’
the reality of our McDonald says. ‘As long as it feels
unattainable, an aspect of ourselves
aspiration, we will we're not meeting in our day-to-day
soon learn ifit’s life, we can put lots of feelings into it.
Sometimes, if it becomes what we
something that actually do, we don’t want to engage
the inspirational stories of real
people and writing environmental
and travel pieces, combining my
interests of veganism and exploring.
Could they be what I want to write
abook about? I also realise I need to
be more selective with work - to give
me the control I need. vow to I

lights us up and we any more and lose the fantasy.’ explore new avenues in my job. By
making small changes, I step closer
want to pursue it, or if The nitty-gritty of want to my dream while testing the water.

it’s notforus afterall 77 I realise that what I’m actually
continue. She lists questions to
consider in my journal: ‘What is the
first action you need to take? What
will be the long-term result? What is
its benefit? List things you could do to
move your dream forward. What may
get in the way and howcan you deal
with that? What would you say to
someone else facing the same dilemma?’
By engaging with the reality of our
aspiration, we will soon learn ifit’s
something that lights us up and we
want to pursue it or, in fact, if it’s not
craving is control and being
creatively fulfilled. When I fantasise
about my start-up, I’m really yearning
to be the decision-maker. As a writer,
penning a novel feels like something I
‘should’ want. Yet, when I look closer,
Irealise that many of the authors I
admire write memoirs and non-
fiction. I am seeking another creative
outlet, but it may be journalism,
blogging or writing a factual book.
‘Can you meet your desire in your
daily life?’ asks McDonald. I decide
to commit time to figuring out what
I want to write about. I love telling
Although I enjoy the fantasy of the
open road or my own business, I see
now that I don’t need to follow every
dream at once. Fantasy is healthy
but, in the future, P’ll ask myself:
what do you really hope to gain?
By breaking down ideas into realistic
steps, Ican choose to pursue some,
and see others as escapism. Right
now, anew vision of writing an
environmentally conscious book
about walking is bubbling away.
And my other dreams? Some may
remain just fantasies, and that’s OK.
Carolyn McDonald is a coach, mediator,
consultant and director ofAdapter Consulting.
See adapterconsulting.com and bit.ly/2RvJele

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 9

 psychology
The last word on...
Being happier ina
job you don't love
Try these simple yet proactive steps to help create a more
meaningful working environment, says Oliver Burkeman
hen it comes to the workplace, happiness
advice tends to assume that you hate
your job or, alternatively, that you're
—
about to begin your dream life as a surfing instructor on
a tropical island. But what if you're one of the millions
of people with work that’s perfectly OK, but leaves you
yearning for greater fulfilment? Of course, you may be
able to demand better terms (like more flexible hours,
which are linked to happiness) but, even without a big
change, there are ways to make your job more satisfying
by putting yourself in the driving seat of your career.
Choose your own meaning. Every organisation
has its reason for existing, but it’s often not personally
inspiring, Instead, get clear on why your job matters
to you. Perhaps you enjoy helping others solve their
problems or youre able to express your creativity.
Even if youre only there for the money, that still counts:
supporting your family or financing your hobbies are
worthy goals in themselves. Whatever the reason,
own it, and you'll find work much more meaningful.
PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK
Define progress, then celebrate it. Happiness
at work depends on experiencing ‘small wins’, argues
business scholar Teresa Amabile. They matter more
than long-term milestones, which are usually too far
10 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
off to make a difference. Begin each day by clarifying
the two or three achievable tasks that would make the
most difference - and when they’re done, make sure
you savour the moment with a break or reward.
Look after your workspace. However small, it’s
worth keeping it tidy, and personalising it as much as
you can. Partly, that’s because ‘outer order contributes
to inner calm’, as happiness expert Gretchen Rubin
observes. It’s also because a degree of autonomy is
crucial to workplace wellbeing, and customising your
immediate environment is a simple way to regain
control. Include some hint of nature if you can;
research shows that a plant, or even a photograph
of greenery, can make a measurable difference.
Establish momentum first thing. Use the
first hour of the day to focus on your most important
work and youre less likely to spend the day ina
depleting haze of distraction. It’s tempting to believe
that the way to make unsatisfying work more pleasant
is to distract yourself from it. But, the truth is, the
more proactive and focused you are, the more
your nine-to-five will feel like time well spent.
Oliver Burkeman is author of ‘The Antidote: Happiness For
People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking’ (Canongate, £8.99)
ad

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 11

new thinking

Fake it till
you make it!
When a contact suggested Amy Pierce pitch for a
well-paid job in a new field, her reaction was, | can't
do that!’ But she pushed herself, and discovered she
was more capable than she had ever imagined

aves of panic engulf me.
It’s 3am and I can’t sleep,
thinking about the
meeting later. I get up
to check that I have concealer to hide the
developing dark circles under my eyes, which
would give me away - the confident, forthright,
capable person I am at work would sleep
soundly, sure in her ability... But then, she isn’t
the real, shy, intimidated woman lying here.
Tam faking it till make it.
I
‘Faking it’ is not about pretending you can
do something you are unqualified for - instead,
it involves imitating authority, positivity and
confidence until you change your mindset
and achieve those qualities. Thankfully, our
brains are programmed to help us, explains
Jackee Holder, leadership coach and author
of The Write Prescription (Step Beach Press,
£15.95). ‘Ifyou are doing and saying, “This is
where I want to be and what I want to do,”
you give energy to the part of your brain that
has developed to help you progress,’ she says.
More and more women are ‘faking it’, and
with good reason. Research shows that while
aman will apply for ajob based on the one skill
he has on alist of required attributes, awoman
will abandon the application if she sees one skill
that she does not have, which may be part
of the
reason there are more male CEOs represented
on the FTSE 100. Men have been putting on their
game face for years; it’s time we do the same.
Iam my own obstacle
Six months ago, a former colleague for whom
Ihave worked — a proud fake-it-till-she-made-it
- told me about a company that needed a
communication consultant for one day a week.
She said I could do it, even when I told her I had
no experience in that industry, and in parts
of the job, such as engaging new business,
speech writing, dealing with crisis >>>

12 CREATE THE C AREER YOU WANT

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>>> media inquiries and delivering uptake
in social media. I barely tweet. The
day rate she said I should go for would
pay my mortgage every month!
Brushing aside my protestations,
she told me to ditch the impostor
syndrome and fake il..\s 1 thoughtit
over, I realised the only thing holding
me back was me - which gave me the
push I needed to go for it.
I worried for days in the lead-up
to the interview, but told myself shh

over and over that they wouldn’t have

if
asked me in if they didn’t think I
was good enough. Still, us I entered
the meeting room, I felt nauseous
and shaky. Several times, nerves
made my mind go blank. Normally,
I would have apologised; instead, I
hoped my pauses made me look
measured, rather than terrified.

Wall Street bravado

As the interview progressed, I could iN
see where my skills were needed,
such as changing the tone of their
corporate language and gaining
media attention. During the pay
discussion, I remembered my
contact’s words: if you go low, your
abilities are doubted; aim high and
they will value you. I felt like Gordon
Gekko when my mortgage-paying
day rate was agreed.
As my starting date got nearer,
I almost bottled it, even composing
an email to say that I couldn’t make
it. But, as Holder points out, ‘There
will never be the perfect time to start
faking it; life just isn’t like that.’ needed to draft important documents, Iwas starting to feel more
During my first days, I was so out I frantically emailed an ex-boss of comfortable when, in a meeting,
of my comfort zone, it felt like Iwas mine for her know-how. several managers robustly challenged
looking down on my freshly suited- Three weeks in, I had to prepare my ideas. This had never happened
and-booted self. (I normally wear asenior manager for a Q&A at an to me before and I started speaking
vintage.) I would go to the office loos important event. I barely slept the very quickly, which I do whenI am
to psych myself up. My mantra was: night before. I researched what she unsure. I felt uncomfortably close to
PHOTOGRAPHS: GETTY IMAGES

“You are doing this. Smile!’ which, in would need down to the minutest being unmasked as ‘the fake’. wasI

fact, is scientifically sound - smiling detail, and she didn’t guess it was my concerned I had become so fiustered
produces hormones that can make first time. That night, I went to bed about ideas that I knew would work, so
you feel more positive. the same time as my youngest child I booked a career confidence-building
Several times, particularly when I and slept for 12 hours straight. course. There, I met others who felt as if

14 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT

 new thinking

Lessonsfrom thefake-it trail

Amy Pierce’s pearls ofwisdom on showing your best badass self
© Stand up and sit you if you’re battling preparing for a particular © When doubts arise,
straight. Good posture impostor syndrome. task find daunting.
| think of something upbeat.
helps you to breathe e Prepare and make e Make sure everyone’s Create a gremlin and pass
properly, which is notes, These are a comfort voice is heard. By over self-limiting beliefs!
invaluable when delivering blanket, and you can encouraging around-the- e Be positive; be polite;
what you want to say always read them aloud if table opinion-sharing, you pay a compliment they all
—

effectively, with authority. you have a blank moment not only give everyone a demonstrate confidence.
e Pay itforward.
help or training. platform to speak, but you
© during a presentation or
Get
Improving your knowledge meeting. These days, my afford yourself a breather. Sharing your insight with
will assist in areas where husband often finds me © Faking it tillyou make someone who is struggling
you have skills gaps, or find listening to work-related itis hard, but the more you is a kindness that will
a mentor who can guide TED Talks, learning and do it, the easier it becomes. boost you both.

they were faking it, and admitting it
made us all feel better. The trainer
helped us identify that confidence is
feeling comfortable in your own skin;
you don’t need to feel threatened by
others, or to compare yourselfto them.
Aim to be polite and ready to credit
others, while retaining gravitas.
Fearlessness toolkit
Ilearned to slow down my speech
and to adopt open body language. The
trainer pointed out that I touch my
neck when I am nervous - asign of
vulnerabilityIneeded to be aware
of. Another helpful technique was to
get rid of self-doubts by visualising
handing them over to a gremlin
—
mine looks like the chief executive!
Tlearned that when other people
ramp up your self-doubt, it speaks
volumes about them, not you. I
discovered ways to create a mental
barrier: Iimagine myself, standing
sure-footed and well balanced, with
that person trying to push me, but
being unable to do so - I am stronger
than them. Holder also suggests
writing a letter to my future self
giving encouragement - I tell myself
my self-doubt has gone and how
¢¢
T
imagine myself,
standing sure-footed
and well balanced,
with that person
trying to push me,
but being unable
todoso- lam
7?
stronger than them
invigorating that is. Having this on
paper with me is useful when I need
a quick boost in self-esteem.
Thave also learned by watching and
listening. Iam fascinated by my boss,
who is respected and liked, while still
tenacious and driven. Several times,
she has supported my ideas when
others have not, and she makes sure
I get credit for my achievements.
She is unapologetic that she has
little communications experience
even though it is part of her current
role. She is calm and confident while
enabling her team to flourish. During
meetings, she makes sure everyone is
heard, and it’s often those who come
across as less sure of themselves who
make excellent contributions. Iam
learning a lot about confidence, and
how to operate, from her.
Mentoring and being me
And Iam trying to pass it on. Also
around the table is ajunior member
of staff who is far more able than she
thinks. She reminds me of myself and
I don’t want her to go through years
of self-doubt like me. I encourage her,
whether it’s speaking up about ideas
or pursuing promotion. I am learning
that doing this makes me more aware
of my achievements, too.
Istill put on my figurative game
face and savvy attitude every time
I go to the office. With my other
freelance jobs, I chat about my family
and friends with colleagues, but lam
not ready to do this here yet, it feels
too personal — but I no longer have to
psych myself up for work. Last week,
Iswapped the suit for my favourite
vintage dress. This was a milestone,
as it continues to sink in that the
can-do, sassy, faking-it-till-she-
makes-it woman sitting at the
boardroom table is not fake at all.
She is the real me. jackeeholder.com

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 15

 my life, my way

~ Ad

é;/

Ve

dil
my life my way

ig

air

ia
sida

ABOVE AND RIGHT

All the shop fittings are
made from reclaimed
and upcycled wood;
the window display
To
and tables are made
aA;
from pallets and the
display shelves from ~
a ¥
he
reclaimed floorboards A

Be |

rae

Clana handmade
prom Brighton

/ was The worst

“Whew
|
firsb became self-employed,
AEE
mal
manager
Ih ever bad tecause ! was really critical
—— of myself and. never leb myself have brea! Now,
w

A), |
actively try be more positive Towards myself”

18 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT

 iG LEFT From jewellery,
scented candles,
fabric products and
ceramics, the shop
is a treasure trove
of handmade items

RIGHT AND BELOW

Colourful felt slippers,
made by women in
Nepal, are hot sellers in
Little Beach Boutique

F
hor
ON
foray Ni ae Wi
AiG
Whe
1
We

eX
“|
feel like
I’ve made it
I’ve /
as gone along
Aud [?m Sill learning”

uzanne O’Leary wanted her shop, Little Beach
Boutique, in Brighton, to feel like a nurturing,
positive space. ‘My goal was to create a place where
people can come to feel uplifted, she says. Having worked
for a decade as a support worker for women’s abuse charities,
owning and running a shop was achange of career, but there
are some similarities. ‘I don’t know if it’s because of the work
Tused to do or because of the space I’ve created, butI feel
areal connection with the people who come into the shop,’
While she was working at the charities, Suzanne’s mum
gave her a voucher for a fused glass workshop, which began
alove affair with creating glass pieces. ‘Glassmaking helped me
decompress after a demanding day at work, she says. [learned
how to cut glass, layer it and make shapes out of it. started
I
making coasters and dishes; I loved the alchemy of it, how
the glass changes colour and becomes something beautiful.
Irented a former fisherman’s arch on Brighton seafront with
my friend, Alice, a jeweller, and started selling my glass to see
if could make an income from my creations. The name “Little
I how and where something is made, it makes a real difference;
Beach Boutique” seemed very apt for the space we were in,
Solo and bespoke
In spring 2014, the arches flooded and it felt like the right
time for Suzanne to take a leap of faith and find more
permanent, less seasonal, premises and branch out on
her own. ‘It felt very scary, she remembers. ‘I found a shop
with a private lease on a popular street, which felt quite
exposed compared to the arch. My friend, Sam, helped me
fit out the shop; it’s entirely furnished from reclaimed wood,
with vintage floorboards for shelves and pallets for tables.
The shop sign is also made from pallets and the workshop
at the back is made from old scaffold boards,’
Suzanne creates all the glass products onsite by screen-
printing her own illustrations onto glass, decorating it with
gold or silver flakes, or colourful crushed glass, layering it and
firing it in the kiln. She also offers glassmaking workshops
for beginners. ‘The shop has a basement and I knew I wanted
to use it to run classes,’ she says. ‘I feel you need to offer
people an experience as a reason for them to come into your
shop. The basement flooded a few months after I moved in,
which was a setback - it had to be gutted and repaired - but
it’s nowa functioning space, and I hire people to teach
knitting and aromatherapy there, too. If people can find out
people seem to care more about that now than ever.’
Every item in the shop tells a story and Suzanne buys almost
all the products directly from the makers, many of whom are
working from their kitchen tables. ‘I try and find people who
haven’t sold in other shops before or are just setting up their
business and need a platform, and that’s what I’m most >>>

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 19


| va
ON
“Uf people can find outhow and
where is made, it makes
something
areal
AL
seem care
5 Then, To
more about that now than ever”
>>> proud of - the range of products we stock is heartfelt and
nearly all made in the UK, she says. One range that isn’t
British is the colourful felt slippers, handmade by women
in Nepal. ‘T’d been visiting Nepal regularly, working as a
volunteer in a children’s home since 2009 and, when I opened
the shop, I started working directly with a small business
in the Kathmandu Valley, which makes the slippers for me.
The business supports women and the local communities.
We work on designs together; I'll see what new colours
they have and they work with my ideas and my customers’
requests. I love it when people ask where the slippers are
made - I feel passionate about telling the story behind them?
A happy mistake
Suzanne has a tattoo in Sanskrit on her forearm which she
originally thought meant ‘bliss’ or ‘happiness’, but someone
in Nepal told her it actually means ‘good enough’. ‘I like
that, she laughs. ‘Good enough suits me fine! The tattoo
represents a life-changing time for me; I’d recently turned
20 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
ay
mm
LEFT AND ABOVE Suzanne also teaches
Suzanne and regular introductory
employee Solveig in glass-fusion
the studio finishing workshops and offers
a wholesale order the space to others
for their Brighton- for craft and ‘make
themed coasters your own’ sessions
30, ended a 10-year relationship that wasn’t right and,
although I loved working for the charity, the job was taking
its toll. travelled on my own to Nepal, which was the first
I
time I’d ever done something like that, but it felt right,
How did Suzanne cope with the career change, from
being a support worker in a charity to owning and running
a shop? ‘I used to work in a shop whenI was at university
and I remember how the manager priced items and how
she worked with her suppliers. I also used to make jewellery
when I was younger to sell at craft fairs. But I do feel like
I’ve made it up as I’ve gone along! And I’m still learning.
“When I was working at the charity and selling on the
seafront, I saved money whenever I could so, when the shop
lease came up, I could pay the deposit. Although I didn’t
have much to sell to start with, I had faith that it would
grow - if I had focused on filling the shop with stuff to sell,
I probably wouldn’t have taken the leap. I just wanted to
open the shop and go from there. The scariest part was
when the solicitor explained that, as the lease is 12 years,
 my life, my way

RIGHT AND BELOW

Suzanne has created y
screenprints from her
own illustrations and
makes glass coasters
and pictures which she
kiln-fires onsite and

4
sells alongside locally
sourced products, such

an
as this Royal Pavilion
bag by Joanna Corney

~~ ~

Lue
“My charity, work
gave me meaning
and purpose and the
shop fell Put”
tw
comparison, but! Ap feel
ve created w

it’s abig commitment

- but I knew I had to go for it. orders or changing a display. remember telling people when
I

“My charity work gave me meaning and purpose; I was
proud of what I did and felt like was making a difference,
I ever had because I was really critical of myself and never let
and the shop felt a bit “fluffy” in comparison, but I do feel
I’ve created a nurturing and meaningful space.’
Suzanne admits she made mistakes with her accounting.
‘Until a couple of years ago, all the sales were written ina little
red notebook and I would sit there with a calculator, trying
to work it all out, she laughs. ‘I’ve also had to learn what it
means to form a company and have employees. My biggest
lessons have been financial and I’ve had to embrace technology
because of that, so the VAT return now gets done at the click
of a button. My husband is self-employed and he helped me
-ifT hadn’t met him, I think Id still be using my red notebook!’
The hardest taskmaster
How does she stay positive in this uncertain retail climate?
‘Tlook day-to-day to see how shop takings are going, she says,
‘and there is always something to do, whether that is making
I first became self-employed that I was the worst manager I’d
myself have a break! Now, I actively try to be more positive
towards myself. I will take my dog for a walk in the morning
and use that time as a moving meditation, trying to find joy in
nature and the world around meas a way to get out of my own,
sometimes self-critical, headspace. And now that I employ
two people, it’s helped having someone else here so we can
bounce ideas off each other and be each other’s cheerleader.
‘If you want your dream to work, you have to believe in
what you do and let yourself make mistakes, It’s important
to remember there are more good days than bad, she says.
‘There are ways I’d love to grow - wholesale and more
website sales — but it doesn’t feel right to take a gamble.
Instead, I’m enjoying the results of nearly five years’ hard
work and making it the best version of what it can be’
Little Beach Boutique, 74 North Road, Brighton BN11YD; littlebeach
boutique.com; follow on Facebook and Instagram @littlebeachboutique

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 21

 ae
. a

Throw your dreams into space like

akite, and you do not know what it
will bring back: anew life, anew
friend, anew love, anew country 99
ANAIS NIN

—-
ro ae
ie se
nen

‘as sll 3

OP
dee at an
 ee —_
7 ete
-_L a
-
ee7
——

POD

OU WANT 23
 Getting
nowhere fast’?

Are you working too
hard? You may be:
workers gave £32billion
to the UK economy in
unpaid overtime last
year. Oliver Burkeman
looks at changing the
way you think so you
can change the way
you work
s you tapouta reply to
yet another work email
on your glowing phone,
in bed, at 11.30pm, it
would be easy to believe that being
overworked is simply an unavoidable
fact of modern life. And we certainly
do work hard: employees contributed
astaggering £32billion to the UK
economy in unpaid overtime in 2018,
according to the Trades Union
Congress. What’s even worse is that
the problem is self-perpetuating.
Whenever we feel starved of time,
researchers have shown, we tend
to make foolish, hurried decisions —
such as taking on even more projects
- so we end up busier still.
But busyness isn’t solely a matter
of ever-lengthening to-do lists. It
also results from unhelpful messages
PHOTOGRAPH: ALEXANDER CRISPIN/GETTY IMAGES
we've internalised about the meaning
of work. That’s excellent news, as it
means that by questioning those
messages, there’s hope of reducing
the sense of overwhelm. Here are
five ways we make overwork worse
by the things we tell ourselves — and
how to think about work more
calmly and realistically instead:
“T have to work this
hard — I’ve got too
much to do!”
The easiest way to explain why you're
still sitting at your desk at 8pm, or
catching up on emails at home at
night, is simply that you have no
choice: after all, few of us get to pick
and choose which parts of the job we
feel like doing. There is certainly
some truth in that - but we usually
ignore another truth: in the modern
workplace, there will always be too
much to do. Plus, it’s a vicious cycle:
the quicker you are at replying to
emails, the more emails you'll get
back. The more you build a reputation
6¢ In aquiet moment,
ask yourself these
two tough questions:
do you genuinely
love your job — and,
ifyou don’t, is it truly
beyond your control
to make a change? 7”
in the workplace for handling
projects efficiently, the more projects
and tasks will land in your lap.
What to do? Instead of telling
yourself that with one more heave
you'll get everything done (you
won’t!), focus instead on making sure
that the right things get priority. For
example, your boss’s emails might
need a quick reply, but maybe others
can wait; some meetings are crucial,
but perhaps others can be skipped.
Ultimately, it’s liberating to realise
that work will never be ‘done’: it
means you can stop blaming yourself
new thinking
for not keeping up, as it’s impossible
to keep up with everything.
“They can’t manage
without me. If I don’t
work this hard, the
company will fold”
It’s highly tempting to believe that
you're utterly indispensable - and if
you were to cut back on work, you’d
be betraying your colleagues. Partly,
that’s because we're social creatures,
who naturally feel an obligation
towards others. But it’s also partly
because the alternative - the idea
that things would be fine without you
- is much scarier to contemplate. Yet
the truth, says Laura Vanderkam,
author of the time management book
I Know How She Does It (Portfolio
Penguin, £9.99), is that ‘if any of us
dropped dead tomorrow, the earth
would not crash into the sun. It would
keep spinning on its axis as usual.
And not only would the earth keep
spinning, but our organisations
would keep functioning too,’
That seems harsh but, really, it’s
areason to relax. ‘Once you get your
head around that idea, it’s easier
to get a bit of perspective,’ says
Vanderkam. ‘You can take a holiday.
It’s perfectly OK,’
“The company
culture dictates
that I work myself
to the bone”
Too many workplaces confuse effort
with outcome: managers send the
message that what really counts is
being at your desk and being busy,
instead of getting the best results.
When you stop to think about it, a
really good boss shouldn’t care how
hard you work: if you’re doing the >>>
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 25
 new thinking
>>> job brilliantly, it’s nobody else’s
business how much elbow grease it
takes. But such enlightened attitudes
are rare. The next best alternative is
to set simple, consistent boundaries.
Be the person who always leaves at
6pm sharp, rather than the person
who finds a different reason to
grumble about each new project;
soon, nobody will notice your leaving
time. (It is also better to reliably reply
to emails within a day or two, rather
than sometimes answering instantly,
and other times not at all.) When
you set limits on your work hours,
something curious happens: with
surprising frequency, you'll find work
gets done in the time you’ve allotted
for it, leaving you time to breathe.
“I’m far less
talented than
everyone else, so
I have to work harder”
Most of us are familiar with the
sense of feeling like a fraud — as if
we somehow tricked our way into
the job and, any day now, we willbe
exposed. Even the ultra talented
aren’t immune to this: ‘I have
written 11 books, the celebrated
author Maya Angelou once said,
‘but each time, I think, “Uh-oh,
they’re going to find out now. I’ve
run a game on everybody and they’re
going to find me out.” But this is
based on a psychological error.
The reason you think you’re alone
in your self-doubt is that you only
get to hear your internal monologue
- when it comes to judging everyone
else’s competence, you rely on their
words and actions, and never hear
their inner panic.
Research suggests that if you don’t
feel like an impostor - at least some
of the time - that’s probably because
you are actually too incompetent to
realise you’re incompetent. And so,
ironically, feeling like a bit of a fraud
is probably evidence that you aren’t.
26 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
6¢
Many workplaces
confuse effort with
outcome: sending
the message that
what really counts
is being at your desk,
instead of getting
the best results 99
“T enjoy workin:
this hard - reaiy! 33
If you love long hours anda
24/7 commitment to the job, don’t let
anyone tell you you’re wrong: there’s
no law decreeing that you must live
a ‘balanced’ life of work, children,
partners, hobbies and so on. (Think
of your heroes campaigners, sports
people, celebrities - and you'll realise
Howto know when it’s them,
We bring busyness on ourselves in many ways - but how do you
know when your employer really is asking too much?
® When you can’t raise the issue.
If there’s no senior person willing
to discuss your workload, it’s a sure
sign your company culture is toxic.
®@ When ‘just a few weeks’ becomes
forever. Sure, you may need to put in
extra sometimes. But you shouldn't
be asked to do so indefinitely.
® When work takes a toll on your
health. Pushing beyond your physical
capacities is no use to anyone
—
including your company, as the
quality of your work will drop.
® When bullying is how you’re asked
to do more. Extra work is a sacrifice.
lf your manager uses guilt, insults or
shouts, start looking for a new job.
many of them have decidedly
‘unbalanced’ lives.) That said, it’s
dangerously easy to convince yourself
you love hard work when really it’s a
kind of avoidance. Perhaps it’s too
mind-boggling to contemplate that
what you really want is to cut your
hours and income in order to see
more of your children? Maybe your
matriage is strained and it’s easier
to hide out at work than confront the
problems at home? (Though overwork
will make such problems worse.)
Busyness, writes essayist Tim
Kreider, is often a way of convincing
ourselves that we’re fulfilled when
we're not: ‘Obviously your life
cannot possibly be meaningless or
trivial if you are busy, completely
booked and in demand every hour
of the day.’ Ina quiet moment, ask
yourself these two tough questions:
do you genuinely love your job, and
- if you don’t - is it really beyond
your control to make a change?
not you
® When it's not ‘all hands on deck’.
If all the extra work is being piled on
you alone, you're being exploited.
 4 ISSUES
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LNVM NOA YASNVO_ FHL EBa eP-lek14

>>> enjoy travelling at my own pace and,
years later, nomadic life is an idea that
-
keeps returning but I have concerns,
too. Would my relationships with family
and friends lose their intimacy? As
I moved on, who would share my
memories? I remember one detail my
flatmate shared about his wandering
life - that kissing a girl in a nightclub
was once the emotional highlight
of his month. I am hoping to meet
someone special and I have little
interest in casual flings.
A fork in the road
Iseek advice from Ellen Bard, a
seasoned nomad and freelance
occupational psychologist. As we speak
over Skype, she apologises for the
beating of her fan in the Bangkok heat.
Originally from London, Bard has
travelled for several years in South East
Asia, America and Europe. A few years
ago, she bought a place in Thailand,
initially as somewhere to rest between
trips. She now considers it her home,
although she still travels. “Travelling has
been so interesting and thefreedom
—
being able to go anywhere!’ exclaims
Bard, who has also spent time in Iran,
Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Dubai, Singapore,
Indonesia, China, Hong Kong, Malaysia,
Indonesia, Cambodia and Vietnam.
However, she warns me to be wary of
bloggers ‘selling the lifestyle’; funding
unrealistically glamorous trips through
sponsored posts. ‘Dig deeper, and you
will find people who have fascinating
backstories and who have made the
change for interesting reasons. Usually,
wy
66
She keeps up with
her friends and family
inthe UK online and
being anomad gave
her the flexibility to
live inthe UK when
it was necessary 7”
Thailand and decided to try the lifestyle.
While she has livedin countless places,
she has always come back to Chiang Mai,
where there is acommunity of nomads.
‘Toriginally got a house which I only
occupied for athird of the year, because
Icouldn’t cope with having to unpack my
bag all the time. It meant I didn’t have to
cope with “change fatigue” constantly’
She remembers one disorientating year in
BS...
which she took 130 flights and woke up
in hotel rooms, unsure ofwhere she was.
Bard met her boyfriend,a Frenchman
living in Thailand, father toa six-year-old,
ata party. Her previous experiences
of dating, meeting people in various France and Germany, among others.
countries on Tinder, had been fun, but She met her partner at an event for
transient. A big difference between her and digital nomads and now travels with
I, however, is that she had no fixed plans to him and their dog.
start afamily, which meant she could enjoy
the travelling life while single. Were I to Lost in one place
become nomadic, I would certainly feel Griffis writes a popular blog about
under more pressure to find a partner. her travels, and is open about her
Bard keeps up with her friends and difficulties with mental health. She
family in the UK online andbeinga bought a one-way ticket to Europe after
nomad gave her the flexibility to live asession with her therapist. ‘I took to
in the UK when necessary. Her the road because I needed to ona soul
grandparents died within afew months level. was battling with depression and
I

they are more open-minded because they
have made a courageous decision to leave
behind a more typical lifestyle’
Bard started travelling when she
realised her ambitions had changed in
her corporate career. ‘I was burning out,
and the thing that triggered my leaving
was abig promotion - one I’'dlong been
waiting for!’ After a ‘crisis weekend’,
when she handed in her resignation,
Bard visited a digital nomad friend in
of each other, and she was able to spenda
couple of months with them beforehand,
something she would never have had the
time to do during her corporate career.
Ialso wanted the perspective of
American Gigi Griffis, who became a
digital nomad in 2012. She isa freelance
copywriter and also writes travel books
and, inthe past few years, has been
to Canada, the Czech Republic,
Switzerland, Belgium, Belize, Croatia,
felt disconnected from my home and
community. I felt lost.’ She adds, ‘It
wasn't that travelling cured me, but it
was the first time I had done something
just for me. Itempowered me. I realised
my joy matters.’
Griffis had her worst experience
when she fell ill with an infection alone
in Malta. She feels more secure now that
she is travelling with a partner. ‘After my
illness, I felt unsafe. What ifI ended up in

30 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT


6¢
After illness,
my
I felt unsafe. What
if] ended upin
hospital again?
Now there is
someone who
has got my back 7?
hospital again? Now there’s someone
who has got my back’
Ifindit reassuring that while both
women created new travelling lives, they
both sought out a base. This might be
aphysical place for Bard but, for both,
nomadic life has been enriched by
PHOTOGRAPHS: GETTY IMAGES
sharing their experiences with another.
While they are still keen travellers,
both stress the importance ofallowing
yourself to settle in one place if thatis
something you crave. I have learned that
being a digital nomad isn’t about being
directionless and ambitionless, it’s about
organising alife you want. I'd imagined it
as asolitary figure with a laptop, moving
endlessly. I’ve concluded that you can
design your own life, and it doesn’t have
to fit any narrow definition. And so, my
dream is taking shape: maybe as a partial
nomad, where I balance living in London
with working abroad for afew months
every year. I have also decided that
I would prefer to travel with a partner.
Inthe meantime, I feel it’s important
to maintain the attitude ofa traveller.
That is not only about seeing newsights,
itis about staying curious; stepping
outside my routine, discovering new
pleasures, like swimming outdoors,
joining an art class, meeting people or
venturing inside historic buildings. I see
now that my happiness is precious, and
Ishould appreciate everything around
me, whether I remain in one place, or
discover countries around the world.
inspiration
Goyour own way
Digital nomad and author
John Williams gives his insight
©
It’s your choice. Stay in one place
or relocate every month or week;
become a nomad permanently or
just for a year, or start by spending a
season in a different country — it’s
freedom, and completely up to you!
© Get connected. Consider how to
avoid loneliness as a digital nomad
and make plans. Search Facebook
for groups at your destination, for
example, ‘Ubud digital nomads’
if you're heading to Ubud in Bali.
Explore meetup.com and sign up.
If you’ve selected a comprehensive
digital nomad hub (check out
nomadlist.com), you should have a
full social calendar before departure.
®
Visit co-working centres.
These are great places to meet
like-minded people while you
complete practical tasks.
® Set realistic expectations.
Like any lifestyle, being a digital
nomad will have its high and low
points. The lows might include
moments of homesickness and
catching the occasional bug.
The highs include happening upon
scenes of everyday beauty, laughing
with the locals, discovering that you
can make friends all over world, and
the knowledge that you are living the
richest life that you possibly can.
®
Tryit out. You don't have to
pack up your entire life for good
before becoming a digital nomad.
Try living somewhere exciting for
a month or two. If you like it, you
can start planning how to make it
amore permanent way of life.
John Williams is the bestselling author
of ‘Screw Work Break Free’ bury Publishing,
£12.99) andfounder of The Ideas Lab, which
helps people turn their ideas into successful
businesses, books and brands. Williams has
run his business from Bali, Australia, Italy
and Portugal, for up to two months at a time.
Download tools to start making your ideas a
reality at screwworkbreakfree.com/resources
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 31
OD
Pang
COCK ROCCO!
COCCCCCHECC COE
CHOONeee
CCC CACO
IL
el
my life, my way

Me

ABOVE AND RIGHT Melanie hopes

to create an abundant, safe and
“¥ til
cost-effective source of energy

BELOW Passionate about her

work and its objective, Melanie
communicates with colleagues,
investors, the public and students

Foes
le pot or,
As
enviroument mountains,
—
“Because of my passion for the
snow, glaciers, the Arche
- t
| want
contribute to
This work me real purpose”
something bigger. gives

ed
pe ae om

MES

34 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT

 RIGHT Melanie walks
on The Ridgeway in
Oxfordshire. Being
outdoors — trekking,
skiing and running
-
Ve helps her unwind
LEFT AND BELOW
The tokamak device
at Tokamak Energy,
a leading laboratory
»
in fusion, aims
Ne to heat plasma to
temperatures of more
than 100 million
degrees celsius
to generate energy
elanie Windridge loved science and experiments
at school. ‘I’ve always been curious and liked
playing with objects, she remembers. ‘Physics
was my favourite subject, which was rather unusual at girls’a
school. By the time I did my GCSEs, I knew that I wanted to
study physics at university. She spent a year of her degree
course studying in France and later, during two years of
travelling, Melanie fostered her passion for exploration
and the outdoors too. “While travelling, I spent time in the
mountains and got my first taste of walking at altitude on
the Inca Trail,’ she says. ‘Being in nature, I began to see the
effects of climate change - like coral bleaching in Thailand
and glaciers retreating in the Himalayas.’ Unsure of where
her physics degree would take her, Melanie began researching
fusion — a way of creating clean, green energy.
During her PhD in fusion energy, Melanie led university
visitors’ tours and, one day, she was asked to fill in for another
expert and give a talk something she now does regularly. ‘I
was terrified!’ she says. ‘I felt exposed. It was not natural for me.
But, because I care about the subject, I’ve learned to see it as
just having aconversation about mywork. If youd told me I’d
doa TED Talk and speak publicly all the time, I wouldn’t have
believed you. It’s amazing when people provide feedback. You
don’t get that reward unless you open up and give of yourself’
Why is she so passionate about fusion? ‘Fusion is like
building a miniature sun on earth. It’s the reaction that powers
\
lke
by pictur
To do som
That is
spring
will one
Aan change
the world is
the sun and stars all the time, she explains. ‘As scientists, we
want to replicate those conditions to create clean, abundant
energy with no greenhouse gases, I believe that the energy
problem is fundamental to our civilisation. Because of my
passion for the environment — the mountains, snow, glaciers,
the Arctic - I want change to happen and to contribute to
something bigger. This work gives me a real purpose’
A story about saving the planet
Melanie is a freelance physicist and science communicator,
which means that she explains science-related topics to
non-experts, but she had expected to pursue amore traditional
role. ‘When I didn’t find work in academia, I had acrisis of
confidence and identity. I always thought that was why I was
studying physics and that was the way my life would go. It
was tough to find my path, she says. But, sharing her work
through talks, outreach in schools for The Institute of Physics
and ablog, which later became a book, took her ona different
journey. ‘Someone at Tokamak Energy, a leading laboratory
in fusion, for which I’ve worked for five years, spotted my work
and decided they needed someone who can tell the fusion
story to the world, she explains. It was tiny then, but perfect
for me because I like the big picture. To do something that
is inspiring and will one day change the world is a privilege.
‘Tjuggle my time between work and personal projects
- books, talks and trips. I’m lucky that l’mabletowork >>>
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 35
 LEFT Melanie spent
a year training and
researching how
science supports
mountain climbers
——
meets
“Tl can do it’ became
|
plodded along te. There was no
qrestion Ww my
mind... | had faith”
>>> while going on expeditions that I love, and it’s all science!’
One such exploration took Melanie to see the aurora
(Northern Lights). ‘Both fusion and the aurora involve plasma
so, as a plasma physicist, I wanted to see this spectacular,
natural plasma phenomenon. I took an Arctic science course
and had to go and see this intense movement in the sky!’ Her
experience inspired Melanie’s book, Aurora: In Search Of The
Northern Lights (William Collins, £12.99). ‘I thought, “What
must it have been like for indigenous populations and
explorers, seeing this marvel in the sky before science knew
what it was?” I realised I could write about the science, but
weave in landscapes, people and travel. Before I even hada
book deal, I had the confidence to say, “I’m going to do this
insane thing; I’m going to commit time and money to this.”
A pioneering mind
Extraordinary things have always fascinated Melanie.
‘Everest, the aurora, fusion — they seem unconnected, but
I think they’re linked by the notion of impossible things, she
says. ‘People say fusion is impossible. I like to challenge myself
and to walk in the footsteps of explorers; of the people who
36 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
BELOW LEFT Melanie’s
Ay
boots. She's fascinated ah
by how the chemistry
2
of clothing protects
from the elements
aS.
beri@
weld
RRS
the mantra
did the impossible. I have a strange fascination with things
that others think are impossible. History has shown us that
just because something is impossible now, it doesn’t mean
that it will always be impossible. We don’t know when fusion
is going to happen - it’s science; it’s an exploration,
Melanie is vice president of the Alpine Club, the world’s
first mountaineering club, which ignited her dream to climb
Everest. ‘Before joining, Everest was this crazy, big mountain
that I thought you'd have to have a death wish to climb - not
anything I'd ever do!’ But, after some research, she realised the
role science played in the first successful summit in 1953.
‘People talk about the strength of the human spirit but not the
science. Asa scientist, I found that interesting, she says. “What’s
hard about Everest is the altitude. It’s so high that youre
literally dying; your body is shutting down. It took a scientist to
identify how to overcome that. I read loads about it and realised
that, actually, could probably climb Everest. Once I had that
I
thought, I couldn’t walk away from it. I didn’t want to spend
the rest of my life knowing that I didn’t take my opportunity.
Melanie spent more thana year researching and training,
then seven weeks preparing on the mountain and, in March

eS
nae
LEFT Spending seven RIGHT Her Everest
weeks on Everest challenge kit
helped Melanie included thermals,
acclimatise and train boots, a down suit,
at its different bases helmet and ice axe
2018, she reached the summit. ‘T had been walking for nine
hours through the night, but I was focused. I reached the
top first in my group! Suddenly, the sun came up and it was
incredible. I was able to enjoy sunrise at the top of the world.
My overwhelming emotion was relief’ Ten per cent of
climbers to conquer Everest have been women. Did she
consider turning back at any point? ‘The altitude makes you
feel like you have a permanent hangover. It was hard, but I
wasn't going to give up. To keep going, I sang in my head, “I can
do it.” That became the mantraI plodded along to. There was
no question in my mind that I would do it. I had faith’
PHOTOGRAPHS: ROBERT HOLLINGWORTH; BRUNO DUPETY
Paving the way for women
During the expedition, Melanie created a series of YouTube
videos to highlight how science improves safety and
performance on the mountain. ‘I wanted to bring the science
to life in a different context; to show how science is relevant
and enables us to do this impossible challenge - altitude,
acclimatising, the body, oxygen, communication, rescue, the
chemistry of my kit and clothing... I’m writing a book about it
which I hope will inspire people, particularly women and girls.
my life, my way
“D Tho came ib
sum up and
was incredifle. | was able to enon,
Sunrise at the tow of the world. My
emoliow was
overwhelming relief”
Hf
ay
‘Not only am Ia female in science, which is male-dominated,
but also in adventure. I want girls to see that they can do
exciting things and that there are opportunities for them, she
says. ‘I think the perception is that you've got to be super smart
or geeky to be a scientist, but that’s not true. It’s about finding
your niche,’ Melanie is keen to encourage more women to
pursue scientific careers. ‘It makes me sad to think that people
believe “that’s not for me because I’m not aman” or “I’m not
smart enough”. I’ve had girls ask me at talks whether pursuing
acareer in science is OK. Girls need to be able to look at
professions like mine and see where they fit.’
When Melanie isn’t climbing mountains, nature plays an
important part in her life in Buckinghamshire. ‘I like to notice
and experience things: to see blades of grass and hear stones
under my boots, she says. ‘While climbing, I realised that we
don’t spend enough time thinking nothing and doing nothing.
When you areforced to - sitting in a tent without anything to
read, or walking for hours - you're in your own world and you
can reflect. Being in nature is my time to think, detach, let my
mind go and allow my eyes to focus on the distance,
melaniewindridge.co.uk; @m_windridge; tokamakenergy.co.uk; bit.ly/Everest
Vids
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 37
ae e+ see

Unchain
your dream
Are your self-limiting beliefs holding you back?
After years of turning down career-changing
opportunities, Heidi Scrimgeour sought expert help
romotion is not for me;
Istruggle with responsibility
anyway; myboss doesn’t
even like me... Welcome
to the perpetual soundtrack inside my
head. These negative thoughts have
been the backdrop to my working
life for the past 20 years. They are
so familiar that, until recently,
Tassumed that they plague everyone.
But that’s not true - these are not
‘normal’ thoughts, says psychoanalyst
and cognitive hypnotherapist Steve
McKeown. These are self-limiting
beliefs, and they have been holding
me back in my professional life for
far too long. The good news is that
there is a way to clear my professional
future of these mental roadblocks.
Making assumptions
ILLUSTRATION: ROY SCOTT/GETTY IMAGES
‘The first self-limiting beliefs we
develop in early childhood are low
self-esteem and social anxiety, says
McKeown. ‘Beliefs and self-limiting
beliefs act as arule book to how we filter
and react to the world around us,’ he
says. ‘A belief is an assumed truth, and
our self-limiting beliefs serve to protect
us from being judged by others.’ We each
have our own self-limiting beliefs, but
the common ones are:
® I’m not management material
®T cannot express myself
®
My colleagues don’t take me seriously
® I’m lacking in motivation
® I’m easily distracted
®
1
feel uneasy in large groups
®Tcan’t handle the workload
Identifying the culprits
McKeown says self-limiting beliefs are
easy to spot - ifyou are consciously
managing your thinking and cognition.
‘Tcall this policing your thoughts and
feelings, he explains. ‘Most people are
unaware of their self-limiting beliefs
because they act as a defence mechanism,
allowing us to avoid situations that may
cause us emotional harm or threat’
Ina nutshell, if you are feeling held
back or restrained in your career, then
you are probably harbouring, or even
nurturing, a self-limiting belief. My
light-bulb moment came whenI realised
that my self-limiting beliefs weren’t only
psychology
affecting my thoughts; they were
also causing me to walk away from
opportunities at work to pursue the
very things I’d spent years dreaming
of doing. For instance, I had long toyed
with the idea of branching out into
training other freelance journalists
—
teaching them how to pitch their ideas
to editors and sell engaging features.
Then, whena friend of mine who
dreamed of writing for a living was made
redundant, she asked me if I would put
together a training course for her.
Instead ofjumping at the chance to
start my consultancy at last, found
myself mentally running a mile. madeI
excuses: I haven’t really got the time
to compose a bespoke course; I’m not
qualified to teach other writers; it will
probably be rubbish, and I'll end up
souring the relationship, I told myself.
These were all, [came to recognise,
self-limiting beliefs that were
sabotaging my professional future.
Time for change
‘Addressing and challenging your
self-limiting beliefs canbeeasily >>>
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 39
 psychology
>>> achieved - if
you are determined to
change and take responsibility, says
McKeown. The key is to find out what
you truly want, and then determine
what is stopping you from going after
it. Often, when you focus on what you
desire, you will also find alist of excuses,
or self-limitations, that follow it - these
are holding you back,’ says McKeown.
‘Tf you really want to change your
circumstances, then you need to be
honest with yourself and ask yourself
ifyou are making excuses,’
Iwas clear about what I wanted: to use
my experience to help other journalists
to develop their careers — not to devise
atraining course for writers — in a way
that would allow me greater freedom
and flexibility in my working life.
Then, I had to examine the endless
justifications that I make to absolve
myself from not pursuing my goal.
Allofthese, I came to see, were fuelled by
self-limiting beliefs, rather than actual
truths. They went like this: I haven’t
-
got the time to teach not initiate-a
training course until my youngest child
starts primary school; my workload is
too heavy and I won’t cope with the
added pressure; I’ll drop the ball ifI
commit to anything else at the moment.
Executing a U-turn
To change self-limiting beliefs, you have
to challenge them, says McKeown. That
involves asking yourself questions such
as: ‘Am justifying howI feel simply to
avoid failure, or because I am afraid?’
Initially, I thought that was the case;
that I had a deep-seated fear that my
course would not be good enough to bea
success. But, as I delved deeper, I realised
that was asmokescreen for my real
fear: that it might take off; that I might be
propelled along a path that I was longing
to explore but of which Iwas somehow
—
unworthy. Mine was not a fear of failure,
but afear of success.
McKeown says that dedicating time
toreframing your limiting beliefs and
40 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
667 thought Ihada
deep-seated fear that
my course would not
be good enough to be
asuccess. As I delved
deeper, I realised that
was asmokescreen
for my real fear: that it
might be asuccess 77
feelings can bring results quickly.
Achieving this meant challenging
each excuse with an alternative, more
truthful, perspective — one that is
unconstrained by fear. I needed to tell
myself: ifyou keep putting it off, someone
else will beat you to it, and you'll regret
missing the boat; multitasking is one of
your biggest strengths; you thrive and
are at your best when you are juggling
lots of things. Starting something new
will energise you, not overwhelm you.
As I worked though this process, my
confidence grew, and I started taking
action towards realising my dream.
In less than a year, I have gone from
resisting the chance to start anew
business to running a successful
training consultancy doing what I love.
I’ve also had mybusiest year albeit
—
not my highest annual earnings - since
striking out as a freelancer almost
a decade ago. But the effort is ongoing.
As McKeown says, ‘You have only
properly succeeded in overcoming
your self-limiting beliefs if you can
honestly say that you have tried to
challenge all your excuses,’
Are we there yet?
Once my business was up and running,
an opportunity emerged to invite
another freelance journalist to help
me take the consultancy forward. Of
course, my self-limiting beliefs reared
their ugly heads immediately: she will
be far too busy; if it doesn’t work out
professionally, you will have ruined a
brilliant friendship; she probably won’t
be interested in working with you and
that will make things awkward between
you until the end of time.
Instead of internalising these beliefs
and letting them fuel excuses for not
asking my friend if she’d like to help me
develop the business, I challenged them
directly. I said to myself: This could
bejust the thing she is looking for; our
friendship is strong enough to sustain
some risk-taking, and ifit works out
we'll be even closer; she can only say
no-but she might say yes.
Bravery overcomes fear
It worked. Soon after my 40th birthday,
I plucked up the courage to approach my
friend and ask her if she would like to
take the plunge and go into business with
me. She said that she would be ‘honoured’
to collaborate, and we have been working
together ever since. Had I listened to
my impeding self-limiting beliefs, we
would never have reached this point.
With McKeown’s help, I have learned
to stop my self-limiting convictions in
their tracks. Whenever they whisper
in my ear - I’m not talented enough
to write for leading magazines, and who
amI to presume to tell people how to cast
aside their self-limiting beliefs? - I now
pluck them from the air, just like Neo in
The Matrix, dodging all those bullets.
Ialso focus my attention on the
underlying fear that the self-limiting
belief is trying to protect, which helps
to disarm its power. The fear that I might
be uncovered as an impostor; that
Isometimes feel unworthy of ajob I love;
or that people might think I’ve got ideas
above my station are all compelling fears
—
they’re just not ones I’m prepared to
let hold me back a moment longer.
Steve McKeown runs The McKeown Clinic and Mental
Makeover, aprogramme that addresses self-limiting
beliefs, as well as overseas retreats, themckeownclinic.
co.uk; mindfixers.co.uk; healthandfitnesstravel.com
 emotional intelligence

HOW TO... as & fe.

Find work
that you love
Emma Rosen, author of The Radical
Sabbatical, outlines ways to rethink your
career and figure out what’s right for you aX
‘ty’
ivy

H
6 ate your job? You are not alone.
Seventy-two per cent of millennials
want to change career completely, says der.
Emma Rosen, who wrote a book about quitting her
job and spending a year trying 25 different careers
before her 25th birthday. Here are four things to
look at before you resign:

Reflect. What is it that you dislike about

1 your job? Think about both the actual
work and your office environment, as well as
your colleagues — 44 per cent of people leave
their jobs because of a bad boss, reveals Rosen.

Ponder. If you could try out any career, what

yy would you choose? What do you enjoy doing
at work? Leading a team? Freedom to work
independently? Words- or numbers-based roles?

3 Be clear about what you want.

Responsibility? Recognition? Something new?
Do you want to make a difference? What kind of
work environment do you want? A small or big firm?
Your own business? Travel? Working from home?

4 Explore all options. Can you work

from home one day a week? Could
WORDS: SUZY WALKER. PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY

you take a sabbatical? Consider a portfolio

career - what might that look like?

‘The Radical Sabbatical:

The Millennial Handbook
To The Quarter LifeCrs
by Emma Rosen (John Cat
Educational, £12) a

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 41

Now ts the
right timefor
our business
reakthrough
Get the confidence, support and money you need
ou have a brilliant business
idea. You are passionate about
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Small businesses provide almost half
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What holds women back?
The review found that ‘access to funding,
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That's why NatWest has teamed up with
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42 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
A
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 in partnership with Back Her Business, NatWest and Crowdfunder

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INCREDIBLE CROWD POWER IN ACTION Mairi
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WoC longboarding crew and the Boarders more than that —
it’s about community and Maya
Without Borders initiative. Armed with a list harnessing the power of people. The Back
‘The coaching gave
of inspirational and empowering goals, they Her Business programme was a blessing and me confidence and the
knew they could ensure a brighter future gave us the extra boost and confidence to cash made it real!’
for all women in the sporting arena. reach our goal. It's given our crowdfunder an Sofia
With a community of 463 supporters and additional layer of sustainability and allowed
expert coaching from Crowdfunder, they people to see we are being backed by a huge
raised £30,624 in 30 days with an extra bank, which has made our campaign even
PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCK

grant of £5,000 from Back Her Business.

‘|didn’t know much about crowdfunding;
explains Amna. ‘| assumed it was a way to
more credible’ girldreamer.co.uk
«Cw
raise money over the internet. It is so much
¥ Crowdfundercouk NatWest
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 43

everal years ago, after I had
rewritten a feature that
I'd been working on for the
best part ofa week, my boss
"4
labelled me a perfectionist. At first, I felt
flattered. I assumed she was impressed
by my meticulous attention to detail,
my drive to excel and my commitment
- but a quick look at her face told me that
she hadn’t meant it as acompliment.
Iwas baffled. Surely, working on
abusy magazine, beinga perfectionist
was agood thing? It was only when I
confided ina trusted colleague that
Irealised what myboss really meant: my
| perfectionism signified that I was rigid
in the way I believed things should be
done, controlling —
bullish, even - in
meetings, and that I had unrealistically
high performance standards, not just
for myselfbut for our team.
The truth hurts
My colleague’s confirmation stung
but he was right - I’d crossed the line
between being conscientious and
obsessive — where anything less than
perfect had become unacceptable.
There’s quality control and then
there’s control freak, and I was definitely
leaning towards the latter. ‘There’s
adivision in the workplace between a
healthy striving for excellence and
unhelpful perfectionism, and that’s
areally important distinction to make,
says psychology professor Roz Shafran,
co-author of Overcoming Perfectionism
(Little, Brown, £12.99). ‘Perfectionists
think that the harder they work, the
better they'll do, but it can become
counterproductive. Your performance
at work can deteriorate because you're
exhausted and it can have an impact on
your mental and physical health, as well
PHOTOGRAPHS: GETTY IMAGES
as your relationships with colleagues.’
Iwas shattered. I was almost always
the last one in the office, poring over
copy looking for mistakes. I’d also
begun to procrastinate, fearing failure
new thinking
so much that I'd put off starting
certain tasks. Even worse, I was
horribly self-critical, and even when
I did complete a project, feature or
presentation, I was rarely satisfied.
Is it making you ill?
Research at Brock University in
Ontario, Canada, examining the
relationship between perfectionism and
physical health, found that perfectionists
were more likely to feel unwell and
complain of upset stomachs, poor sleep,
shortness of breath, pain and fatigue,
and that they took more sick days.
Numerous studies have also linked
perfectionism to clinical depression,
eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive
disorder, general anxiety, severe stress
and low self-esteem. So why had it taken
so long for me to put the stress I’d been
feeling down to my perfectionist streak
and not just simply the nature of my
job? According to Shafran, unhealthy
perfectionism is under-acknowledged
and can be difficult to see in yourself.
‘Often, others are better at spotting it in
you, she says. ‘Fundamentally, it’s when
it begins to interfere with your work
rather than enhance it. You might
procrastinate over doing presentations,
for example, because youre so anxious
about getting them just right, or you
might avoid extra responsibilities
because they’re too overwhelming,’
Signs of unhealthy perfectionism
can be evident in early childhood: ‘While
—
growing up, perfectionism having
high standards, being clever and
working hard — is often rewarded and
praised, which can mean your self-
evaluation becomes overly dependent
on success and achievement, she says.
Looking back, I felt pressure to be
acertain kind of perfect. Although
they only ever wanted me tobe happy,
my parents believed that academic
success was crucial for a good career
and, withit, financial stability. >>>
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 45
new thinking
>>> Atprimaryschool,I relished getting
gold stars on my work and, by the time
Iwas at university, I took caffeine pills
so I could stay up all night and revise.
The truth was I'd never known where to
draw the line between ‘healthy striving
for excellence’ and perfectionism.
have made a throwaway
My boss may
comment, but she’d opened acan of
worms. Realising
my perfectionism
was affecting my career and had taken
me to the edge of burnout, I turned
to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).
Fighting with myself
Admitting that something wasn’t right
went against the very nature of my
perfectionism. It was hard to accept
the cracks in my perfectionist shell,
but CBT helped me to understand
my perfectionism and put it into
perspective. I learned that I was
striving for perfection in order to
maintain a sense of self-worth.
Doing things perfectly was the way
Imeasured myself and, ultimately, I
was afraid that my boss and colleagues
would see me as I really was and that
Iwouldn’t meet their standards.
Look, I made a gaffe!
‘Perfectionism is closely linked to
aperson’s self-worth or self-esteem
and their deep-seated fears of not being
good enough, explains Alex Hedger,
clinical director at Dynamic You
therapy clinics. ‘CBT challenges that
by testing people’s assumptions about
what will happen ifthey don’t live
according to their perfectionistrules,’
I believed that if made so muchas
I more conscientious worker. I don’t
aspelling mistake, my job would be on
the line. My therapist gave me exercises
that challenged the rationality ofthat
thinking, beginning with deliberately
sending an email to my boss that
included a typo. It was never mentioned.
Equally, I always felt I had to contribute
in meetings, which made me appear
controlling. assumed that ifI didn’t,
I dynamicyou.org
46 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
6¢ | believed that
if |
made so much
as aspelling mistake,
my job would be
on the line. My
therapist gave
me exercises that
challenged the
rationality of that
thinking, starting
with me deliberately
sending my boss an
email with a typo 7?
everyone would think I was
unprepared. CBT challenged me Doyou have
to only speak up if I had something
useful to say. Hedger also suggested unhelpful
time restrictions for tasks: ‘Limits
act as warning signs that you’ve done
perfectionism?
Write down the answers
enough, based on what’s reasonable
to thefollowing in
for the job’ The goal should be to finish
an exercise, not make it perfect. yourjournal:
Part of my ‘recovery’ was letting ®@ Do you strive to achieve
things go and considering what was excessively high standards
at work?
right for me. For so long I'd fitted into
® Do you focus on what you
an idea of what I thought other people
believed I should be, and it had made haven't achieved instead of
what you have?
me miserable. It was also about
trusting my skills. I’d been pushing
®@Do your colleagues tell you
that you set standards that
myself to impress but I’ve since made
are too high?
strides to become less perfectionist,
®@Are you afraid of failing to
work late any more and ‘nobody’s meet the standards you've set
for yourself?
perfect’ is now my mantra.
Ihaven’t lost my perfectionist ®@ Is your self-esteem dependent
streak totally, but now that I knowhow on achieving your career goals?
self-defeating it is, Imonitorit. I only ®Do you work late, even if it means
checked this feature twice for errors, missing out on other things in life?
instead of spending all night agonising @ Do you delay tasks because
over it, which shows how far I’ve come. you're afraid of failure, or not
meeting your own high standards?

H
|
Join Ollie’s army
Ever wanted to make a difference and train to become a coach?
With the Ollie School, you could be changing lives before you know it
espite the very best efforts
of our education system, it is
struggling to cope with fully
supporting the emotional wellbeing
of our children within the curriculum.
Ever felt that you would love to help, but
were powerless to act? Well, here’s your
opportunity to do something positive.
The Ollie School has opened its doors,
with plans to build an army of coaches
who can make the world a better place,
one child at a time. Ollie Coaching is
an holistic approach that leads all our
youngsters to a place where they can
thrive in the chaos of modern living.
So many schools are battling to provide
an appropriate mental health environment,
and busy parents are up against it in our
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES
fast-paced lives ruled by social media.
That's why Alison Knowles, who
was challenged throughout her life
New dates added! Dueto unprecedented demand, start datesfor additional Ollie
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in partnership with Ollie School
Wy
with undiagnosed dyslexia, decided
to set up the Ollie School.
Transformational work
The Ollie methodology is all about empowering
Geil iyi hoeiei.
Yoo
children to seek solutions and take control of
their emotions, rather than be controlled by them. To train to become
The Ollie School trains coaches in a blend of an Ollie coach, find
methodologies that brings together NLP, CBT, a coach in your area
EFT and play therapy, to make sure they cover or book an event, visit
The Ollie methodology is all about
all bases. ollieandhissuperpowers.
com, or contact us
personalisation and identifying which
via email at info@
technique will work with each individual child
ollieandhissuperpowers.
—
no one-size-fits-all approach here.
com. We would love
The Ollie School graduates are awarded to hear from you!
acertified qualification in NLP and a licence
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and their families to be more emotionally SUP
resilient appeals to you, contact us for a
prospectus and let's talk about getting
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CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 47
 i
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you'rrein,you % A .
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50 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT


te: BAS
“7
ty, to
fl
estled in woodland, at the end ofa secluded lane,
Gabriela Lerner’s home embodies the values of her
work - from the beds of vegetables growing outside,
to the kombucha fermenting in the kitchen, the vision board
above her desk and yoga mats in the corner. She shares her
home, near Shaftesbury, from where she coaches and runs
retreats, with her husband, photographer Neil Baird, their
pug, William, and cat, Misty.
Gabriela begins the day with yoga, and often a trip to the
farmers’ market. ‘I try to wake and live by the rhythm of
daylight, she says. ‘I start with a cup of lemon juice and ginger
while I meditate. I then practise yoga and enjoy a green juice.
I thrive on this and know that ifI don’t have it, I don’t feel the
same. I may then write my blog, answer emails or do my work’
Gabriela’s passion for her business was born out of her
experience of fibromyalgia and stress. She worked previously
as aconsultant and in pet product distribution. ‘My life was
$8
v2
wake and live rh
Py the tnen of
light... thrive
| ow this and know that
don’t have it, | dou’ tfeel the same”
stressful, pressured and, frankly, no fun, she says. ‘I suffered
with fibromyalgia and had been for 18 years. I could manage
it but had little energy and was in pain all the time” When she
was diagnosed, she describes it as a ‘relief’. ‘I knew then what
was wrong with me, but it was also a curse because I started to
identify with it, and everything I did was filtered through the
lens of, “I can’t do this or that.” My life was organised around,
“Will I be able to cope with this?”
Crunch time
Her world was changed forever when Neil was diagnosed with
prostate cancer in 2011 and began researching healing diets and
lifestyle changes. ‘I was initially resistant. Change was scary,
Gabriela says. ‘Once I understood what Neil wanted to do, I
gave 100 per cent of myself to it. became his ally and support.
I
Ishifted my mindset from feeling like a victim of fibromyalgia
to focusing on Neil’ Together, the couple experimented >>>
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 51
my life, my way
“1 noticed clients
Aida Cpust
want recipes, They wanted to
le... That
li
share the
sends them
anan, aspired”
>>> witharaw, plant-based diet. ‘looked in the fridge and thought,
“What am I going to eat?” remembers Gabriela. ‘I think our
children and friends thought, “Oh, here they go again!”
A decision to live well
After further reading, Gabriela realised she wanted to commit
fully to their new lifestyle. ‘That day, I decided to go raw and
stop putting toxins into my body. I wanted to know if it would
really help, she explains. ‘My symptoms began to fade and
Thaven’t taken a painkiller since. There’s more to it than just
diet, but it was a major factor in helping me realise that I can
thrive.’ With that came more realisations. ‘I was stuckina
business that was struggling after the financial crash. I needed
to find a way out and live more at ease, and that wasn’t easy’
Gabriela decided to leave her profession and discover how
she could use her experience of healthy living to start a fresh
venture. ‘I wanted to share my journey. I knewI neededa
new career and it was exciting!’ She opted to train as arawfood
chef, teacher and health coach. ‘I was an accomplished cook
and I wanted to be able to create amazing raw food, too,
Reducing expenses helped support this leap. “We live in
such a beautiful place, but it’s costly. We decided to convert
52 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
LEFT Yoga and walking
pug William help
Gabriela unwind
BELOW She loves creating
a new take on her
favourite dishes — like
raw risotto with
dehydrated tomatoes
al
ay
Mp
part of the house into a studio and create our eco glamping
pod, which we rent on Airbnb to give us a buffer. I felt under
less pressure to earn and working became somethingI wanted
to do’ With large windows and views across the woods, dotted
with fruit trees and a pond, their home is beautiful - and
environmentally conscious. ‘We harvest our rain water, use
non-toxic paint, have solar panels and an electric car. We have
alow-impact life, and that also applies to the business,’
Gabriela realised this made her home not just her base for
work, but the perfect setting for retreats. ‘I noticed clients
didn’t just want recipes, they wanted to share the lifestyle, she
says. ‘When people come for a retreat, they get meditation,
movement, our garden and home, our story and our philosophy
—
that sends them away inspired. I love showing people that
whatever life situation youre in, you can shift your focus.
When you clean up your life in that way, your awareness
becomes bigger and you view the world in a different way.
This led Gabriela to a more spiritual outlook - something
she says she had previously denied. ‘Doing meditation and
yoga, my spirituality felt stronger and I was more connected.’
She has had lots of coaching and is keen to continue learning.
“WhenI was suffering with fibromyalgia, I would go to bed and
 (%; LEFT Nurturing
each other’s health
BELOW Gabriela has
always been at home
helped motivate in the kitchen and
Gabriela and Neil to loves inspiring others
discover raw food to experiment more

ae)
Po

Ve

e~
“Lr walk my talk, bub
l’m nob
or asain... |
have tad days, bul |’ve-
made a commitmentto live this lifestyle”

spend that time feeling upset and guilty. I do still sometimes
get pain and I used to drop back into that downward spiral.
NowI recognise those thoughts and switch out of it’ She has
developed a meditation for this, which she shares with clients.
Learning to overcome hurdles
Gabriela’s typical week consists of time dedicated to preparing
food — her husband is responsible for making nut milk and
fresh juice as well as coaching, giving talks, hosting retreats
—
and connecting with members of her Conscious Raw Vegans
Facebook group. ‘I love giving talks and coaching. I look
forward to every coaching session; seeing the changes in
a person’s wellbeing is wonderful, she says. ‘I enjoy public
speaking because I see people become inspired. If they make
one little change, or open their mindset, thenI feel I’ve done
my job” Leading videos, however, was not as natural for her.
‘Tused to think it just wasn’t me, but tooka course and
I a gathering for young women who want to create businesses
overcame my fear. I realised that ifI think of the camera as
my audience then I can get my message across well. It’s a
GILES
made acommitment to my clients, audience, family and
myself to live this lifestyle fully. I can’t imagine living any
other way now. These days, her decisions are motivated by
her values. ‘Ifa project doesn’t feel right, I don’t do it, and
it also has to be fun and feel authentic, she says.
Gabriela is grateful for her experience. ‘I live more fluidly,
which I wish everybody could do. IfI feel stressed, I stop, get
my dog and go walking. I like to walk barefoot through the
fields” she says. And she emphasises that this is attainable
for all. ‘I teach that it’s about fitting it into your life, moment
by moment. Just taking a deep breath can be amoment of
meditation; or getting out a chair consciously can be exercise.
Inotice when mybody, mind or spirit need care. I try to teach
this awareness — to be aware of what you need in that moment.’
Gabriela hopes to grow her online coaching and to support
other people in establishing ‘soul businesses’. ‘I'd like to build
in the vegan community, she says. ‘Being older, I’d like to give
something back and to support the women who are emerging in

great way for people to get to know me. business and are so excited, and who have such amazing ideas’
FOOD: JASMIN

What motivates Gabriela? ‘T really walk my talk, but I’m For more about Gabriela, see gabrielalerner.com, follow @gabrielalerner
andjoin her Conscious Raw Vegans group on Facebook
not perfect or a saint, she says. ‘I have bad days, but I’ve

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 53

 The last word on...
, Beinga er
commuter —.
ie, Oliver Burkeman helps us find peace, and even satisfaction,
in the daily grind of getting to and from our place of work

ak

sychologists and
workers
ye eae) Fix mit
that commuting is atria ‘long commute fora shortone: =a,

found that the average person commutingan.

a
ows day. ene being linked topoorer hour each way would need a.40 per cént pay
Beeler ks rise to be as happy
as someone living around, :
ort
oem te tiara) merle! Pierce
gt cm el eV Aneelane C8)
oe
PEM

M Tet (lems ae anything that you can to make part ofyour

i
COU NB ae

4 aL -secommute outdoors, and on foot or bike—even,

Dare bubihqresge

canes eae 4pest

tomakeit bearable, two -
Roe -

54 CREATE THE CAR

'
 psychology

gies
an
'

ay
cy

.Focugon planning, not fun. Scientists earbuds, or the crawl ofthe car in front—
found th&t-people are not happier using calmer you'll feel. Trying to ‘i
the commute to play games, watch videos mentally leads to added ester a \

or zone out. They are happier engaging in noise, smell or jostle feels like more of an invasion;
-
_

another reminder that you are stuck where youare.

a ena
‘prospection, or planning the day, because people
‘the
cial rather than Relax. Aside from planning your day, ditch.
work. Ploughing through emails sounds
productive but, because work is endlesi it
mayjust feel like climbing a mountain. Ifyouneed
Pele Cole CME Kee Kozy
ome
Fa

Oliver Burkeman is:author of ‘The Antidote: Happiness

Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking’ (Canongate, £8.99)

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 55

 reyou
sabotaging
your career? 1
Mee 35

DO YOU FEEL READY to move up the career

ladder but never quite seem to find your
footing? In this special Create The Career
You Want Dossier, we explore the obvious,
and subtle, ways you might be hindering
your professional success and setting
yourself up for stagnation and lack of
fulfilment. Top coaches, authors and
experts reveal the five most common traps
we fall into and what we can do about them. gf
Some of them may surprise you but
awareness Is the first life-changing piece
of equipment in your progression toolkit.

Take our test and discover your real

stumbling block at work and be inspired
to finally believe in yourself and make that

triumphant career leap. Go get ‘em!

56 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT

 t

mm

fu

>

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 57

Dossier
Stop hiding
and start shining
Anita Chaudhuri explores five common ways you may be
sabotaging your career and what you can do about them. Prepare
to reveal your dazzling light to the world and get what you deserve
he other day, I stumbled upon
an ‘inspirational’ quote on
Instagram, which eliciteda
groan. ‘Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in
your life.’ It was written by Confucius, no
less. Well, I’m afraid I’ve got bad news for
the ancient Chinese philosopher. That
might have been salient advice back in
469BC, but that was before the invention
of LinkedIn profiles, corporate team-
building initiatives and emails from head
office pinging into the wee hours.
However much you adore your job,
chances are that you still find yourself
scrambling to keep up with workplace
expectations, as well as your own. And what
if you don’t exactly love your job, but you’re
moderately happy with it, if only you could
improve certain things? What if you don’t
want a side hustle or to give it all up to open
an artisanal dog biscuit bakery? You just
want to be able to try a few new things, get
the acknowledgement you feel you deserve
and, yes, maybe a bit more money, too.
These days, a fast-changing office culture
means that, regardless of what type of work
you do, there are certain common issues
that hold you back from fulfilling your
potential. You yearn to thrive, rather than
merely survive , yet you don’t know how...
So, what exactly is standing in your way?
58 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
BRAGGING MAKES
YOU CRINGE
It’s a familiar scenario. There’s a colleague
who, in your humble opinion, is way less
productive and efficient than you. Yet, at every possible
opportunity, they pipe up to take credit for everything
that’s going well in front of the boss. You go home
seething. Of course, you could play that game, too,
but you don’t want to be that sort of person.
Sally Helgesen, co-author of How Women Rise
(Cornerstone, £13.99), is all too used to this. ‘From an
early age, women get the message that they should be
modest and that their role should be supporting others.
So, at work, they can have a hard time speaking up about
their achievements while still feeling like a good person.
Women are held back by the fear that they will be
perceived as obnoxious braggarts,’
Such negative core beliefs can block success and create
resistance to it. Anna Fels, psychiatrist and author of
Necessary Dreams: The Vital Role OfAmbition In
Women’s Changing Lives (Anchor Books, £13.32), found
that women often associate ambition with negative
words, such as egotism, selfishness and self-
aggrandisement. ‘I hear women displaying “either-or”
thinking around the issue,’ she says: “If I have to act like
PHOTOGRAPHS: LUMINA/STOCKSY
that idiot, then I would rather not be noticed.”
‘But we cannot let ourselves be held back by the fear
that someone, somewhere might think we’re all about
self-promotion, says Helgesen. ‘Find a middle ground.
If we let ourselves be held back by that, then we’ll never
change perceptions. The fact is, in office life, people are
still not used to hearing women own their achievements’ > >>
6G LNVM NOA Y4aduVO FHL ALVAYO
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4
Dossier
THE SOLUTION
Practice makes perfect
Helgesen advocates that we practise bigging ourselves
up until it feels natural. ‘Don’t try and change alone
- enlist other people. Tell a friend or family member
that you’re trying to get better at talking yourself up.
Write a script. Include specific examples like: “My team
achieved an ambition we’ve been working on for six
months and I was a crucial part of that,” or, “I recently
got an award for...” Ask the other person for honest
feedback. Did you help your cause, or is there another
way you could frame it? The more you practise, the
more you'll take away the fear and
discomfort around it. Remember, “The more you
bragging is not a personality trait, *
it’s askill that can be learned’ pr actise, the more
Coach Sorrel Roberts
you'll take away the
acknowledges that such thinking
can be problematic. ‘Some of the Bragging is
fear...
women I work with come to me with not a personality
:
trait, itsa skill that
. °
a view of and 9
negative confidence
leadership. Therefore, it’s
important to ask yourself what can be mastered
success looks like to you personally.
What would your recipe for confidence be? What does
it mean to you and what does that look like in practice?
There’s no one way to do anything. For one person, it
might be addressing thousands of people; for another,
it could be asking their boss for a pay rise.’
YOU DON’T KNOW HOW
TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
Often, when we want to ask for something
at work, we make it personal. Unfortunately,
that’s not always helpful because it takes the focus off
the issues at hand. I know I’ve done this in the past: ‘I’m
going to ask for six weeks’ unpaid leave to go travelling...
Oh, I won’t ask her now, she’s in a bad mood,’
Kathryn Sollmann, author of Ambition Redefined
(Hodder & Stoughton, £18.99), believes that we often
approach our bosses in the wrong way. Focusing only on
ourselves, responding emotionally and not understanding
how to ask for what we want are all common scenarios.
“Say you want to work from home on Fridays and you
decide to tackle your boss at the end of a long meeting
that has nothing to do with work schedules. Most bosses
would prefer to keep their employees in the office so,
faced with your simple request on a busy day, they may
not react positively. Also, don’t go in with a basic ask
60 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
when what’s needed is a professional pitch. It’s vital
to know the difference between the two, she says.
THE SOLUTION
Learn to communicate assertively
When speaking to the boss, it can be tempting to use
minimising words like ‘chat’ and ‘stuff’ to make it feel
less scary. But Sollmann counsels against this. Instead,
she advises creating a well-researched proposal and
then scheduling a time to formally present it to your
boss. ‘Take the same care, with the same research and
professionalism, as if you were pitching to a client for
newbusiness. Be specific about what
you’re asking for and be clear about
exactly how it’s going to work. Don’t
put the onus on your boss to figure
out the details.’
Sollmann also stresses that it’s
important to present your idea as
a win-win, demonstrating how your
will be of benefit to both
proposal“You could offer to
” parties. change
your hours on the home-working day
in away that would help clients or
colleagues in other time zones, for example,’ she says.
It’s also a good idea to show that you’ve considered
what could go wrong with your plan. Include how you
intend to communicate with the team, how you are
going to attend meetings, liaise with clients and how
flexible you are willing to be if there’s an emergency.
Offering to try out the plan as an experiment for a trial
period will indicate that you’re adaptable and thinking
about other people, and not just your own interests.
YOU’RE TOO GOOD
AT YOUR JOB
If you’re looking for a promotion, the
natural inclination is to think that you need
to do the best possible job in your current role. You
strive for mastery but, strangely, your efforts are
overlooked. What’s going on? ‘We overvalue expertise,’
says Helgesen. ‘I’ve spoken to dozens of women who
took it for granted that if they became the absolute best
at their job, that would be recognised. Unfortunately,
becoming excellent in your role only proves your
greatness at the job you're already in. If youre
indispensable to your boss, they won’t promote you.
‘Also, this focus on perfection can make you somewhat
risk-averse. You might tell yourself that you’re five per >>>
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CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 61

 cent away from being ready to make a move - I hear that THE SOLUTION
Dossier

alot, she says. By way of example, Helgesen tells me Think big and go the extra mile
about an encounter she had with a lawyer. ‘She had ‘Bosses are looking for leaders who are flexible, agile
spent 14 years striving to write the and good at multitasking. Sign up for
best legal briefs in her firm. She told 6 training in an area that’s not in your
me: “You know what? It didn’t get me Many women. job description, or join a committee
anywhere except being asked to write are haunted by that allows others to see you display
more briefs. No one looked at me and
said, ‘Wow, you write so well, I think
sc epti c al phr ases different says Helgesen.
skills, volunteer to
If appropriate, help
you're ready to bea partner. Instead, such as: I m not another department when people
they thought I was ready for more sure youre re ady. are on holiday or there’s a big project
briefs.” It doesn’t matter what the 099 to deal with. When you look at people
sector or level, so many women have it’s a big step in senior positions, they tend not to
had to deal with scepticism early in be detail-oriented, she says.
their careers. We’re haunted by phrases such as: “I’m ‘Their strengths usually include motivating others,
not sure you're ready, it’s a big step.” So, we believe that co-ordinating projects and delivering big ideas about
by being perfect, we can immunise ourselves from new markets and products. People who progress tend
criticism. Boy, does it keep you stuck,’ to be big picture and strategic thinkers,’

YOU DON’T KNOW

WHAT YOU WANT
How to manage your We’ve never had so many choices in work
and life. Yet, in popular culture, the way
emotions at work successful women at work are presented hasn’t moved
on much from the seminal movie Working Girl, with its
Coach Sorrel Roberts’s coping skills to rein shoulder pads and ambition as spiky as the protagonist’s
in negativefeelings that don’t serve you well heels. As aresult, many of us can get confused or
sidetracked about what success ought to look like.
holiday rota, take ‘All the narratives about women’s empowerment at
When experiencing a deep breath and the moment are about getting to the top. We have to get
strong emotions, try this contemplate where on away from this idea that you’re only successful if you’re
exercise. Breathe in to a the scale that upset in the corner office, says Sollmann. ‘You can be
count of seven; breathe falls. At the most, it’s successful and ambitious at every level, and you can
out to a count of 11. It likely to be 50. This also be that in your own ventures, if that suits you. Yes,
calms your adrenals and helps you recalibrate of course there should be more women in positions of
nervous system. and avoid overreaction. power, but we also have to acknowledge that not all
women aspire to those jobs; that what some need isn’t
REALITY CHECK CHOOSE HOW fast-track leadership programmes, but help with
Another useful exercise TO RESPOND blending life and work, so they can remain part of the
is the ‘Scale of We have a choice, no workforce and keep their careers alive while caring for
awfulness: Visualise matter what happens. children or older family members, if that is their choice.’
a scale where, at zero, Instead of telling
everything is fine and yourself ‘X happened, THE SOLUTION
you're not stressed which made me do Y;, Forget about the ‘shoulds’
and, at 100, things are explore the choice point Give yourself permission to reimagine a working life
as bad as you can between the two. We that fits in with all the other parts of your life, even
imagine; think of a real can choose not to say if it seems impossible, suggests Roberts. If you want
catastrophe! The next what’s on our mind or amore flexible schedule to accommodate childcare or
time you have a row not to send that email. further study, factor that in. ‘Rather than fixating on
with your boss over the Rethink and act later. “should” goals, like “I want to be a director by the age

62 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT

of X”, ask yourself what you really want? What does ‘Her boss revealed how he’d turned down the request
it feel like? What does it bring you? What do you truly on the grounds that he couldn’t do without her,’ says
value in life, and why is it important to you? Just Helgesen. ‘Her initial response was to feel flattered. Then
knowing what you want can change things,’ she says. she realised that, at some point, this man must have left
ajob he cared about to get the next one.
3 Eventually, she told him she wanted a
YOU’RE TOO LOYAL At some point, promotion and asked if he would help
Yes, you did read that this man left ajob her. She got that promotion.’
correctly! While loyalty is
a desirable trait, it can also
cared about to
he THE SOLUTION
bea hidden factor that’s stopping you
get the next one... Focuson how your SUCCESS
from moving on. shown
‘Research has
that women put a higher premium on
She told him she will help otherpeople
‘Whether you're aiming for a
x3

loyalty and see it as more valuable

a
wanted promotion
trait than men,’ says Helgesen. ‘I’m not
saying it isn’t a terrific quality — but, ask yourself, are
you turning down opportunities that would help you
achieve your potential because you’re concerned that
your boss or team might view you as disloyal? Or because
you feel disloyal even looking for other opportunities? You
could be sabotaging yourself with this way of thinking,’
Helgesen had a client who worked at a large technology
company. One day at lunch, her boss mentioned that
management had recommended her for a promotion.
promotion within your organisation
or seeking a new role elsewhere, your
moving on and up is likely to benefit your team more
than if you remain with them, says Helgesen. “You could
be a more powerful source of influence and support, for
example. Think about how your achievements could help
your current team — it could give them greater access to
influential people and better resources.’ If you’re ajunior
team member considering a move, think about how well
your success will reflect on your boss, rather than
dwelling on leaving them in the lurch.’

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 63

Dossier
hat’s really standing
in your way at work?
If your professional success falls short of your expectations
despite your best efforts, take our test to find out what’s
stopping you from reaching your true potential
On the whole, it’s most
1 important for
you to feel:
@ Safe
¥ Accepted
@ Engaged
@ Incontrol
When you have to make a
decision, you get stuck on:
@ Whether you will regret it
¥ Getting it 100 per cent correct
@ What people will think
@ Wanting someone else to do it
3 Deep down, you believe
success is:
¥ About trying hard enough
@ Something that happens to others
@ About making the right choices
B Always just out of reach
4 Sometimes, you wonder if
you'd be more successful
if you were more:
Focused
@ Dynamic
@ Confident
¥ Assertive
What was your main
reason for leaving
your previous job?
¥ Feeling taken for granted
Feeling out of your depth
54 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
Feeling stuck
@
M@
Feeling restless
What concern is most
likely to keep you
awake at night?
@ Wondering if you are on the
right path
¥ Feeling you've let someone down
@ Taking on a new challenge
@ Abig meeting or presentation
that you can't avoid
Which statement best
sums up your attitude
towards delegating?
you present something in the
right way, most people are happy
to get involved
@ Most of the time, it’s easier to
do it yourself
¥ You would rather put pressure
on yourself than other people
@ You can always think of someone
else who can do it better than you
What would you find
hardest to deal with
in a colleague?
@ Talking over you or taking credit
for your ideas
@ Aclosed mind and unwillingness
to embrace new ideas
¥ Unkindness or deliberately
stirring up conflict
@ Arrogance or an overinflated ego
Which of these most
closely matches your
work ‘mission statement’?
¥ Collaborate and build
meaningful relationships
Feel inspired and passionate
about what you do
@ Grow as a person and feel like
you're making a difference
@ Work hard and be recognised
10 Sometimes, you
wonder if your
colleagues:
@ Feel more confident than you
¥ Really respect you
@ Worry as much as you do
lM Feel as restless as you do
WORDS: SALLY BROWN. PHOTOGRAPHS: LUMINA/STOCKSY
Circle the answers that
most closely apply to you,
then add up the symbols.
Read the section (or
sections - sometimes
there is more than one)
you circled most, to
discover the potential
stumbling blocks to
your work success.
> >>
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CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 65
 What’s your occupational stumbling block?
Dossier
People pleasing
The world can never have enough compassionate and
warm people and there’s no doubt that nice people
make great colleagues. But, if your loveliness comes
with an inability to say no, you risk being taken
advantage of, or becoming overwhelmed. You may
be aware of your people pleasing, which often goes
hand in hand with perfectionism, and setting higher
standards for yourself than for others. You hate the
idea of letting anyone down, or annoying them, and
you may be adept at defusing conflict. But do you feel
frustrated or resentful at times? Ask yourself if you
are actually driven by a need to be liked.
We can never completely control the opinions
that people have of us, no matter how hard we try.
Even being ‘too nice’ can seem inauthentic. Setting
boundaries will allow you to get the respect you need,
and help you feel better about saying no more often.
When you catch yourself in people-pleasing mode,
ask yourself: what do I really want to do here?
What is driving my response, and is it helpful?
Personalpresence
Not everyone wants to take centre stage or is a natural
leader. Some of us are team players, who care more
about getting the job done, or doing something that
matters, than basking in the limelight. But it’s hard to
reach your potential if you let others take the credit for
your work. We can get stuck in passive or reactive ways
of working when we’re lacking self-belief. Lurking
under areluctance to step up and take responsibility
is often fear or worry. When your self-belief is shaky,
it feels safer to keep your head below the parapet. Not
everyone needs to be a superstar, and it’s true that hard
work and conscientiousness are the foundations of
success but, if you feel frustrated that others are leaving
you behind, it may be time to step out of your comfort zone.
Taking charge might come easier to some than others,
but it’s a skill that can be learned. Finding your own
style of leadership is the key, whichmay be inclusive
and compassionate. Next time you resist the chance to
step up and take the lead, make a leap. The pay-off for
the discomfort may be work that truly inspires you.
66 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
Fear ofsuccess
Do you feel success is for other people? You might be
talented and hard-working but, if you are prone to
self-sabotage or lack motivation just as things start
to go well, chances are you're subconsciously keeping
yourself in the ‘striving’ zone, with your goals just out
of reach. When you do achieve, impostor syndrome
can creep in, telling you it was a fluke or luck, rather
than your own talent that brought success. There may
be a difference between how you present yourself to
others and how you feel. Fear of success can be bigger
than fear of failure because, if you get to the top,
you’ve got to stay there, and ‘prove’ you deserve it.
The key to closing the confidence gap is knowing
your strengths, then crafting your working life
to make the most of them. It may also help to find
a mentor who has succeeded, despite starting froma
similar place to you. If no one springs to mind, choose
someone famous, read their biography or follow them
on social media. Also, spend time with people who
believe in themselves - confidence is contagious.
IF YOU SCORED MAINLY
Commitment
You’re not short of enthusiasm and are at your
best with a new challenge - but you have limited
tolerance for routine, and perhaps even a fear of
getting stuck. This can lead you to overcompensate
and take a fragmented approach at work; always
looking for the next move. When you feel engaged,
you radiate energy but, for free spirits, the confines
of working life can be stifling. When you get itchy
feet or become disinterested, even when you’re
normally conscientious, your feelings of apathy leak
out in your behaviour, whether it’s finding it hard
to be on time or disconnecting from colleagues.
It may be that your restlessness is a phase;
alife stage in which you are still forming your
sense of self. New challenges energise and bring
experience, but developing a sense of mastery in
one area can boost long-term happiness. It may feel
counterintuitive but, if you ‘lean in’ rather than
move on next time you feel restless, you may find the
deeper sense of connection and fulfilment you crave.
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———————— CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 67

new thinking
Beta female
Quiet and uncompetitive, Ellen Tout worried she would need a
personality change if she wanted to be successful and not fade
into the background — until a fascinating book opened her eyes
urteamisina meeting at
work; everyone is talking
at once but I haven't said
aword. Working like this
has never felt right for me. I’m not
competitive, my default is to avoid
confrontation and I’m more productive
when I have time to reflect. But worry:
I see I’ve bought into this, even to the point
Do they think I don’t understand? Or that
I’m daydreaming? Or uninterested?
Author and journalist Rebecca Holman
describes people like me as ‘beta’. ‘What
people can’t see is that while everyone
else is being sucked into a pointless
argument, you're making notes and
thinking things through, she says.
“Youre trying to solve the problem. To
save time, you'll probably email your
thoughts after the meeting. You may not
get credit, but it’s the easiest way to doit.’
This is exactly how I operate, and
hearing someone put it into words is
refreshing. So is her insistence that betas
are as essential to ateam as alphas. I’ve
often questioned myself and worried
whether colleagues overlook me or
assume I don’t have anything to contribute.
Iknow that I get the job done, but I’ve felt
like I don’t fit in - that I need to be louder
and more assertive if I’m going to progress.
68 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
Holman believes that we are sold a
‘one-dimensional’ image of success.
Think of any film or book, she says, and
it’s likely that the powerful women are
represented as loud, confident, alpha
leads, while the beta characters are often
timid, fleeting and on the sidelines. I can
of trying to change who Iam. Butsurely
this is restrictive to alphas and betas?
The chameleon factor
Holman suggests that we’re actually all
onaspectrum, with each of us sharing
different alpha and beta qualities [see
table overleaf], which adapt to suit our
environment. Now an editor, Holman,
like me, doubted her ability to manage a
team or be taken seriously. Itwasn’t until
-
she embraced her beta qualities empathy,
adaptability, listening, pragmatism and
teamwork - that she realised their value
in achieving authentic success.
The subtitle of Holman’s book Beta
(Hodder, £18.99) reads: Quiet Girls Can
Run The World. She believes that while an
alphacan inspire others, betas are quietly
leading from behind, not making a fuss
and calmly getting things done. ‘We're
taught that success is a personality type,
not amark of our achievement, she says.
‘It’s not about changing who we are to fit
in better; it’s about making better use of
the tools we already have at our disposal’
She explains that modern workplaces
need our skills.
A
report by the World
Economic Forum found that emotional
intelligence has become one of the most
desirable traits in an employee, along
with persuasion and the ability to teach
others — all strong beta qualities. By
nurturing, rather than doubting, these
‘soft’ skills, we can make the most of
being beta. For example, by reflecting and
giving honest, well-thought-out feedback,
betas can build trust and help others
shine, too. Betas’ ability for observation
and introspection can be invaluable for
sparking creativity and ideas, in ourselves
and in ateam. The more you practise these
skills, the more comfortable you'll feel.
PHOTOGRAPH: DIEDRE MALFATTO/STOCKSY
Asa beta, I’m often labelled quiet or shy.
I'm great one-to-one but, in meetings or
presentations, I can leave feeling hopeless.
Vdalways assumed that the people who
talk the most must feel confident and
Tenviedthem, but Holman questions this,
saying: “We mistake the volume of
someone’s voice, and the frequency with
which they speak up, as competence.’ > >>
 new thinking
>>>
Maybe more people share my self-doubt?
Irealise that while betas worry and
internalise their thoughts, alphas might
cover up their insecurityby talking alot.
Negative leanings
Holman explains how betas can take
criticism to heart. ‘While an alphamay
confront criticism, a beta may internalise
it, and start to believe it, she says. Ido
have a habit of latching onto comments
and overthinking them and, especially if
Tm nervous or put on the spot, I struggle
to question feedback or explain my
thoughts. By being aware of this, I find
T’mableto listen to what’s being said, and
remind myself to think laterally about it.
The alpha-beta dynamic feels
enhanced by social media. There’s an
unwritten pressure to be out there, and
often our ‘world champions are shouting
the loudest both in real life and online’.
Holman says: ‘Youre expected to project
aversion of yourself to other people for
scrutiny, judgement and approval.’ But,
she believes, ‘The only authenticity you
can get from someone’s social media
output is how much time and energy
they’re willing to put into curatingit/
She advises focusing on what real, rather
than assumed, success looks like.
Holman suggests reframing personal
qualities as strengths. So, although I feel
uncomfortable in the limelight, know
I
I’m absorbing the problem fully before
taking time to think and do research
before offering a considered suggestion.
When alpha colleagues are discussing
ideas, that’s my time to listen and decide
what I can offer. Holman says this makes
betas ‘natural conflict negotiators’.
‘When I’m in aroomful of alpha women,
I'm more about managing their agendas
than pushing mine, And that’s acrucial
role in balancing the dynamic ofa team.
Holman stresses that because we are
easy to work with,
flexible and proactive,
colleagues appreciate betas. ‘They are
more likely todo mea favour ifI ask, she
says, ‘so, my agenda still gets pushed, just
70 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
inamoreroundabout way. When Ithink Are you an alpha
aboutit, realise long-term colleagues
I
or beta personality?
rate my workand take the time to tell me.
While we are all on a spectrum,
Understanding what motivates you
and your alpha co-workers means you can
you are likely to have more
alpha or beta qualities in your
collaborate and maximise the benefits of
make-up. What’s your type?
your differing approaches. Ifyou always
avoid confrontation, say, an alpha may
perceive this as being uncommunicative.
@ Leads the team
‘Tembrace the beta characteristics that
@ First to speak up
make me good at my job, but I keep an eye
® Keen to voice opinions
onones that are less helpful, she says.
@ Questions feedback
It’s arelief to feel I don’t have to change
@ Competitive
to achieve my goals. ‘Alpha orbeta, the
® Driven
only way we stop feeling like impostorsis ® Decisive
ifwe start being honest about who we are, ® Happy to query ideas
rather than tryingbe a one-size-fits-all ® Comfortably extroverted
template ofa working woman.’
6“ ®@ Feels uncomfortable
We
stop feeling in leadership roles
like impostors if @ Processes ideas before
speaking up
were honest about @ Finds emails easier
than meetings
who weare, rather
®@ Good listener
than trying be a one- ® Team player
@ Empathetic
size-fits-all template @ Works for the overall goal
ofaworking woman 7” @
®
Adaptable
Avoids confrontation
HOW TO THRIVE AS A BETA
Ofcourse, it’s beneficial to push myself
-
beyond my comfort zone in networking, ®@Work out what motivates
for example - but without losing sight you as a person. How can you
of my needs and the advantages of my make your job work for you?
natural way. Holman suggests tackling ® Try to take on challenges
and don’t always turn down
manageable mini challenges every few
months. ‘I try new things; do things that the things that scare you
@ Remember the worst-case
are hard, then ease off. Ilearn from these,
scenario is never that bad
but am not constantly ina state ofstress.
@ Don't assume your colleagues
Inowalso appreciate my alpha
are just being polite. If you're
-
colleagues more and the concept of
doing a poor job, someone
adynamic workplace where we can will no doubt tell you
all flourish. Alpha, beta or somewhere @ Give yourself time and
in between, real success is about finding headspace to do your job
our own authentic way. After all, without well, and take breaks
the betas quietly questioning the norms, @ Listen to feedback from
uniting teams and leading others with others and embrace the
empathy, where would we all be? value of your differences

Are you
serious
about
change?
The Hoffman Process is acourse
that helps you discover who you
truly are, freeing you to make
conscious, life-changing choices
icture the scene. Your phone
rings. You answer, and it’s a
former colleague who explains
that they're launching a new venture and
want you to be involved. Finances are taken
care of and they have enough investment
to guarantee you a handsome salary.
Impressed by your potential, they want you
to be part of their team. You don’t have to
-
stay tied to your past role this could be
your dream job. But you hesitate.
What’s holding you back?
Notice your reaction to the job offer.
Are you open to considering it, or are
you immediately mistrustful? Are you
flattered? Enthusiastic? Suspicious?
Are you really worthy of such a great
offer? What if it all goes wrong? Maybe
you want to do something completely
different, but know it would be safer to
stay where you are.
Identify any emotions going on for you.
Are you fired up at the prospect of change?
Terrified? Or are you shut down and don't
know what you're feeling?
How does your body react as you
contemplate this new opportunity? Do you
have butterflies in your stomach? Do your
shoulders relax — or tighten?
in partnership with Hoffman Institute
YOU Can
HANGE
YOUR
Lge
What does your spirit say? Can you tune Testimonials
into it, despite all the negative chatter
If I
had completed the
telling you that you're not good enough? Process when I was younger,
it would have changed
Time to get to work the trajectory ofmy lifea
The Hoffman Process doesn’t differentiate lot sooner’
David Hanscom, consultant
between the personal and the professional.
spinal surgeon
What you bring to work is you. The
automatic reactions, feelings and ‘Tdid the Hoffman Process
behaviours that drive you in your private in 2015 and sent my whole
life don't disappear when you go to work. management team to the
The Process teaches you how to identify Institute the year after.
Developingpeople
the negative internal messages that hold
individually is the single
you back. It shuts up the chatter. It most useful thing you can
allows you to be open to positive change dofor your company’
and ready to make conscious — rather Lisa Myers, CEO
than automatic —
choices.
Free yourselfto enjoy your life and career. ‘Making the career transition
from teaching to artisa
dream come true, I’ve made
sucha massive leap thanks to
..noffman... the courage and confidence
Igained during the Process’
Lizi Hill, sculptor
hoffmaninstitute.co.uk
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 71
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“[t’s my mission to be
successful; to show my
gratitude to myparents
jor all they've done”
Chef Thuy Diem Pham’s Vietnamese background, together with
her upbringing in England, inspire her to create dishes made with love.
From hosting supper clubs to opening a restaurant and writing
a cookbook, she’s paving the way for Vietnamese food to be centre stage >>>

WORDS DANIELLE WOODWARD PHOTOGRAPHS LEANNE BRACEY

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and energy
yd have
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your food
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AMAZ
hen chef and restaurant owner Thuy Diem
Pham first travelled to England from Vietnam
as aseven-year-old refugee, she was scared by
the food. ‘They served us sausages and eggs and this brown
liquid on the plane, she remembers. ‘I thought it would make
us ill - it was brown! It was just cola, but I’d never seen it
before; it scared me.” Thuy remembered this when she
was setting up her restaurant, The Little Viet Kitchen,
and deliberately tried to make it as warm and welcoming
as possible, to diffuse the scary feeling of trying different
food for the first time. The decor is pale and light, with natural
materials adding warm tones; chairs are covered with
soft cushions, fresh flowers bring it to life and chandeliers
I
twinkle from the ceiling. want people to feel like theyre
walking into my home, so they are comfortable and enjoy
the experience, says Thuy. ‘All my food is cooked with love;
Ilearned this from my mum who wasn’t naturally affectionate
when my sister and I were growing up, but she would spend
hours cooking a broth, and making sure we had enough
to eat — that was her way of saying “Tlove you”?
Thuy lived in Vietnam until she was seven, when her father
made the brave decision to travel to England by boat in search
of abetter life. It was a risk; so many people didn’t survive the
my life, my way
FAR LEFT AND husband, Dave, have
BELOWFreshblooms put their heart and
and chandeliers soul into the place
make The Little Viet LEFT Thuy's mission
Kitchen a welcoming is to introduce people
space. Thuy and her to Vietnamese food
PIT
(Fra
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, whew
journey, says Thuy. ‘When they ran out of food on the boat,
my father must have felt like giving up. But luckily, a British
ship found them and took them to England’ Her parents are
Thuy’s inspiration: ‘I knewI had to make something of my life,
not only to make myself proud, but to make my father’s journey
worthit, she says. ‘My mum, too; she used to go to the city to
sell food when we lived in Vietnam and sometimes came home
with nothing to show fora day’s work - but still smiling, putting
onabrave face for her children. It’s my mission to make their
sacrifices worthwhile; that’s where my drive comes from,’
A moment of clarity
After studying for a marketing degree and working in
advertising, travelling all over the world, the light-bulb
moment came for Thuy one day on the morning commute.
‘Twas sitting on the train looking around at everyone else, and
they all looked so unhappy, she says. ‘T realised that I’d look like
that too one day if I didn’t step away from the rat race. wanted
I
to feel different; to do something that would make me happy:
Thuy started cooking in her spare time and posting about
it on Facebook; then ran supper clubs in her home with
the help of her husband and sister. “Word spread and the
supper clubs were sold out months in advance; I thinkifyou >>>
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 75

my life, my way
ep RT
“Looking back,
|don’t
know how we didit.
We'dk Tern our
loving
room into w restaurant’
by moving the sofa and
using Some cheaprflo Wwers
and menus”
printed
>>> believe in what you're doing and you put enough of your
heart into it, everything you produce will be your best,
says Thuy. ‘Looking back, I don’t know how we did it.
We'd turn our living room into a restaurant by moving
the sofa and using a cheap table and some pretty flowers
and printed menus. It was valuable bonding time with
my sister, too; if we made a mistake and burned the food,
it didn’t matter; we had each other’s backs. It was great
to welcome guests into my home; they make friends
sharing a mutual understanding of how wonderful
adish tastes. That connection and energy when you
have that many people enjoying your food — it’s amazing’
When she began posting her food on Instagram, Thuy’s
following grew. ‘T thought maybe this was the time to set
up arestaurant, but I still doubted myself, she says. T’d
never cooked for more than six people before and the best
cook I knew was Mum and she didn’t own a restaurant, so
why did I think I could? But the encouragement I got from
everyone was incredible. We began by organising pop-ups,
76 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
he
{ wee
Mati fag df
where we'd take over someone else’s restaurant for a night
—
the first time I cooked for 50 people with 11 courses was
so hectic, but I knew then that I would do it again and again;
when you feel like that, you know you're on the right path’
The value of a team effort
Family is crucial to Thuy and when she and her husband,
Dave, decided to buy the property in London where
The Little Viet Kitchen is now, they helped her overcome
the challenges. ‘I do freak out when things go wrong,
Thuy admits, ‘but that’s when my mind thinks of
solutions. We ran out of money after three months,
so Dave sold his house and we lived in my parents’ shed
for a while — that was a definite challenge. But we were
prepared for the hurdles; having done the pop-ups and
supper clubs, we just learned how to get past them. I don’t
believe there is a secret to creating a successful business,
but having a supportive team around you really helps,’
Thuy has big ambitions for her restaurant paving the
 “One / would
oarho
love Dif going out
for a Vietnamese meal
Was
as familian
people
as or one
for

se i.

fae re
wa
ii ¢,
e

tik
nei
nieaca

ii
aaa
+? er

OPPOSITE AND LEFT

Thuy is happiest in the
kitchen, making food for
people to enjoy. Fragrant
herbs and spices bring
a simple Vietnamese
salad (top) to life

way for Vietnamese food in the UK. ‘I want to take everything
I’ve learned from growing up in London, together with my
Vietnamese background, and put that ona plate for people
to enjoy. One day, I'd love it if going out for a Vietnamese
meal was as familiar for people as an Italian or Chinese.
My cookbook shows how Vietnamese food is accessible and
anyone can make it. I also get messages from Vietnamese
people who have lost connection with their background and
they ask me about acertain dish — if I can help others get in
touch with their roots through food, it makes me happy’
Turning failures into positives
It’s been a big learning curve for Thuy since opening
The Little Viet Kitchen in 2015, but she’s learned to deal
with failure: ‘IfI fail trying something new, it doesn’t
matter; it’s how you deal with it; how you turn it intoa
positive learning curve that matters. To fail now is better
than being old and resentful and saying: what if... My
values are honesty, hard work and loyalty, and they are
key points to creating a strong, powerful team. My company
now has 15 people, and it’s demanding being the boss, but
this is the path I’ve chosen and [ have to stick to it. It’s
important for women to stay true to what they feel, no
matter what society says; at the end of the day, you can’t
teach someone to have drive and passion - when nothing
goes well, it will be your drive and passion that wake you
up at 6am thinking of new dishes to try and, if no one eats
them, then you try again. I have stories to tell and if I do
have children one day, I want to be able to tell them about
the failures as well as the successes, because it takes
someone close to you to reveal the truth. It is not always
nice to hear — but it’s what helps you learn’
Ultimately, Thuy feels that she is lucky to love what she
does for a living: ‘I never want it to feel like this is my job; the
day my passion turns into just ajob, I’ll stop enjoying it. I fear
this and it’s what keeps me finding new ways to enjoy it.
‘The Little Viet Kitchen’ by Thuy Diem Pham (Absolute Press, £22).
thelittlevietkitchen.com; @the_little viet_kitchen;@LVK_ISLINGTON

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 77

inspiration

Home office rules

Many of us fantasise about a freelance
life with no boss, no commute and the
freedom to manage our own time. But,
as Ali Roff Farrar discovers, there are
lessons to be learned along the way
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when creagivity
ach, so my evenings are free... would be in charge of my own
I

time as my gwn boss - maybe I’d even see more ofthe world with
aworking holiday here and there...
This was my freelance dream. As you may have quent .
some aspects never came to fruition, and less attractive
KO gtiests, such as perfectionism and guilt, settled in their place.
But, several months in, I was determined to make my working
life look the way I wanted it to - it belonged to no one but me,
a
_ after all. So, I decided to ask for an intervention by Tania
Diggory, author of This Is Calmer (United Grooves, £9.99), to
see if I could nudge my reality a little >>>
~
.
closer tomy dream.7

Sas ao
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
 Dealing with
Lesson new ‘colleagues’
(partners, children
and housemates)
can be treacherous territory
I’m free of office politics, yet I find myself
in anew predicament with my actor
husband, whois often at home learning
scripts. An extrovert, he’s excited to have
anew buddy - for him, it feels like the
weekend, and he wants to go for acoffee,
awalk, or to chat. But I have deadlines
to meet and find it difficult to manage
his expectations —-andI am also
disappointed that I can’t enjoy spending
more time with him. Wasn’t the point
of going freelance being able to do that?
‘Tt can be easy to forget that your partner
or children don’t know the intricate
details of your working life, says Diggory,
‘but they also need your attention, just as
you need theirs. Knowing when you have
towork and when to switch offisa
balancing act and one that takes practice,
She advises me to have an honest chat
with him about my responsibilities:
‘Choose a regular time when you and your
partner can talk about your week - what’s
going on, any challenges and the support
you may need from each other. Also, agree
ona time to put aside each week to do
something unrelated to work: managing
the house, ticking off things on your to-do
lists... Time to just be together,’
We decide that - when he isn’t working
ona Friday we'll go for breakfast. He’s
—
pleased about our plan, and it being
scheduled allows me to manage my work
without stressing about whether I can
spare the time, so I enjoy our outing, too.
Athome though, he continues to
interrupt me, and I continue to get
short with him. I practise Diggory’s
¢¢
My husband
interrupts me...
I get short with him
and say: ‘I have to
concentrate on
this, so ’'m going
to shut the door’ 7?
Donot
underestimate
cabinfever
Cabin fever is one of those things that
creeps in through the back door when
youre not looking and, once inside, it
can be difficult to shake. I love my time
at home but, if I’m indoors all day, I
begin pacing in circles of claustrophobia.
Diggory knows all about this, being
self-employed herself. ‘Working from Introducing these little habits creates
home has great flexible benefits, although alaunch pad for them to grow- and now
too much time alone can leave you I’ve got my yoga mat rolled out behind
feeling detached and without a sense of my desk for spontaneous practice.
community. Explore flexible, affordable
solutions such as co-working offices, cafes
and communal spaces — coworker.com is Weim Freelancelife
ahelpful starting point, she says.
iiinaam@ canbelonely
Ipre-empt climbing the walls by Without my co-workers
heading to the gym each morning before around me all day, I miss our chats at
the workday begins. I realise can take my the kettle; the ‘how was your weekend?’
laptop and tap away in the bustling social catch-ups; the relationships. Yes, I’ve got
club there after my workout — I love the more time to spend with friends now I’ve
sound of low-level background chatter regained the hours I used to devote to my
while I work. (Diggory likes noisli.com’s commute, but they don’t have more time.
coffee shop chit-chat, to create a ‘social ‘We need to nurture our mindset before
environment’ at home.) I find that gym anything else, says Diggory, and she gives
time gives me achange of scenery and me adisassociation technique to help me
atmosphere before I go home for lunch. realise I have achoice. I focus on howI feel
Ienjoy breaking up my day like this, but in working day asit is now. hear the
my I

communication tips instead of

—
snapping, I say: ‘Ihave to concentrate on
this for two hours, so I’m going to shut the
door’? I find when I set boundaries, and
make them clear verbally and physically,
he respects them with asmile. It’s
working and I’m enjoying being together.
I find one more sticking point whereverI
am, being attached to my keyboard all day
isits own version of cabin fever. All my
grand plans of lunchtime walks and yoga
breaks have failed to materialise, so I start
small:a downward dog between emails;
aturn around the garden before a cuppa.
thwack of the keyboard, smell my herbal
teaand feel stuck in the isolation. Itis grey.
Then, I take a step back and see myself
in the same situation as an observer, from
afresh perspective. I still look hunched
and unhappy. I take another step back, and
imagine what it might look like ifI were to

80 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT


¢¢
T realise it’sonlyme
standing in the way of
finding a community.
Isetupa day of
meetings... Itgives me
that buzz I love from
real connection 7”
have the old interaction in my new
freelance life. feel more fluid and free;
I come across resistance, even from people
Isee light, sky and smiles. I realise
it’s only me standing in the way of
finding acommunity. I set up aday
of meetings: old acquaintances and
new contacts. It gives methat buzzI
love from real connection.
PHOTOGRAPHS: VEAVEA/STOCKSY;
Ofcourse, I can’t do that every day,
PREVIOUS PAGE, PLAIN PICTURE
sol begin to use an online discussion
forum and I now havea place where
Icanenjoya little natter. There are loads
of these to choose from and I can dipin
whenever I want to connect.
Dealing with
jour other people’s
opinions aboutyour
freelance life can be demoralising
From being warned ‘losing my pensior’
isamistake, to pals who askifI’m battling
for work, to friends who’ve never even
asked howit’s going, there have been times
when I’ve felt people I care about don’t
support me. ‘The brain is hardwired to
resist change. You are stepping out
ofyour comfort zone and embracing
uncertainty with passion driving you, but
this path isn’t for everyone, soit’s natural to
close to you, explains Diggory.
She sets mean exercise to drawa spider
diagram with my ‘inner circle’ in the
middle. ‘Write the names of people
in your network who support and
nurture your dreams: family, friends, your
professional network, mentors and
coaches. Thisisa great way to find clarity
on who you go to for different kinds of
support. The listis endless! Irealise how
luckyIamand that I don’tneed everyone
to give me support. I canevenseethata
inspiration
perceived lack ofsupport maybe people
looking out for me by letting me get on
with it. feelI
joy that Ihaveso many people
Icanturntowhen Ineed encouragement.
Beware of
being
your own tyrant
It’sironic: gave myself
I
freedom with one hand, and tookitaway
with the other. Beingmyownbossmeans
Inolonger haveamanager looking over my
shoulder, but it didn’t take longfor meto
chain myselfto my desk, and [feel guiltyif
TYmnotworking. Diggory asksifTidentify
withbeinga perfectionist (yes!) and advises
meto: ‘Prioritise findinga way tomanage
perfectionism alongside wellbeing, She
asks meto pictureacontainer. ’mallowed
tofillit with perfectionist thoughts and
tendencies, butnottoletit overflow. Idrawit
inmyjournal, which helps mesee on paper
howmanysillyhabits Ihaveinthis regard:
Iwrite to-do lists for far-offdeadlines, then
chastise myselfdaily when I don’t get tothe
endofmyimpossible lists. The containertool
helpskeep my guilt manageable andit feels
morerealisticto approach tasks this way.
Baby steps towards
living the wfh dream
“Youre not going to have it
allfigured out at once, said Diggory but, six
months later, I feel like I’m getting there.
Myinvaluable newtools help me visualise
howl want to feel, and work out whatIneed
todotomake that feelingreal. After our
teething problems, my husband and are
closer than ever. ’'m travelling and working
along the way. Mynew way of connecting
withothers has created atruly wonderful
network, which means I’mbeing offered
more opportunities. ’'m in love with my
freelance life and there's no goingback.
I’vepromised myself freedom forever.
Join Calmer on its Five-Year Burnout
Campaign. Calmer is on a mission to help prevent
burnout and stress affecting entrepreneurs, so they
can thrive in business and in life.
To find out more, and to receive your Calmer
ambassador welcome pack, and to buy ‘This Is
Calmer’ by Tania Diggory, go to thisiscalmer.com
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 81
 FOR PEOPLE
WHO WANT TO

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Our ICF & University accredited course incorporates a mix of coaching theory &
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Oy BAREFOOT
ew COACHING

HOW TO...
Succeed and be content
International bestselling author, Buddhist monk and teacher
Haemin Sunim shares his observations on living a fulfilling life
] Do not beg for the attention
of other people. As you
discover and develop your unique
strengths and talents, people will
automatically pay you attention.
If we see a person who is
) passionate about their
work, we naturally feel drawn
to them. We can’t take our eyes
offthem. Passion is contagious.
3
Do not be afraid of
making mistakes, only
of not learning from them.
4 If life was free of adversity,
we wouldn’t have opportunities
to grow. It’s in struggling to solve
life’s challenges that talent is honed
and endurance built.
5 The more we mature, the
more we see how others have
contributed to our successes, When
we express our gratitude for that,
the next success will follow.
When you finally achieve
something you've wanted
for along time, it seems like you'll
emotional intelligence
be happy forever, but waves
of despondency flood in, and
success gives way to a backlash
you never anticipated. Instead
of postponing happiness until
you have achieved your goal, live
alittle and enjoy the moment.
/ The opposite of greed
is not abstinence but
knowing how to be content.
‘Love For Imperfect Things:
How To Accept YourselfIn A
World Striving For Perfection’
by
Haemin Sunim (Penguin, £9.99)
d
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 83
new thinking
Fly high
at work
We are told to follow our dreams,
but is that the only route to enjoyable
and satisfying employment?
Lizzie Enfield looks at an alternative
uring my university holidays,
Thad a temping job witha firm
of local furniture removers
- office-based admin work
with a businessI had little interest in - but
I loved it: talking to people from all walks
of life, being organised, sorting problems
and the office camaraderie.
In fact, I enjoyed it so much I almost
applied for their graduate trainee scheme,
but I stopped short of doing so, asking myself
if this was really my dream job?
I became a writer instead and have
enjoyed a varied and rewarding career - and
yet, every time I see my father, he says, ‘If you’d
continued in furniture removals, you’d
have been head of UK operations by now!’
Who knows? I never experienced doing the
job day in and day out, but my spell there showed
me that it’s possible to find enjoyable work in
unexpected places. There’s a lot of advice out
there about finding your dream job or turning
84 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
your hobby into a business but, for every
story you hear of someone who turned
jam-making into a profitable industry, there
are plenty of people who took a job because
they needed one - and then grew to love it.
Jane Meyer, a bank clerk, is living proof
that the adage ‘hard work is its own reward’
can be true. ‘I spent my 20s trying, and failing,
to make it as asinger and eventually founda
job at a bank to make ends meet, she says.
‘loved the routine and the fact that there
was nothing subjective about the work; no one
telling me myvoice was not right, just things
that needed to be done. AndI put the job to bed
at the end of the day, leaving me free to pursue
music as a hobby and truly enjoy it,’
All work and no play
Task a friend who began his working life
as a professional cricketer if he still plays
the game. ‘Absolutely not!’ he replies.
‘T hate it now. Playing professionally >>>
 ~~ « Be
tame
Funatis
Manrk
etorg Mech
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63 o 2°3 xt yen
a Deonk
s with C
luse a
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 new thinking
>>> stripped the game ofallits pleasure.’
Another friend, who supplies cakes
to local cafes and other venues, no
longer enjoys baking at home.
‘There is always a risk that in
pursuing your dreams, you end up
devaluing what you already have,’
says journalist and author Oliver
Burkeman. ‘One important question
to ask yourself is what you truly value
in your daily work: working with
interesting people; being able to
help others; learning about a certain
industry; or simply being able to
leave work behind at the end of the
day and focus on other things.’
Soothing shelf-stacking
At my son’s school, ‘stacking
supermarket shelves’ is often cited
as the stick in the carrot-and-stick
equation: fail your exams and
you'll end up stacking shelves! But
after years working in hospital
management, Nikki Haynes gave up
her career to look after her children
and, when she returned to work, it
was at her local supermarket.
‘I wanted something that fitted
around my children and was
relatively stress-free. I wasn’t
expecting to get much out of it, but
Tactually found the repetitive tasks
soothing, loved contact with a wide
range of people and I got much more
positive feedback than I ever did
working for the NHS,’
‘Almost any job is more fulfilling
if it’s done with care and attention,’
says Burkeman. ‘There can be
something meditative about the most
routine and seemingly “boring” jobs.’
Conducting your own regular
workplace ‘appraisals’ can make a big
difference to what you get out of ajob,
says life coach Paul Sheppard, aka
The Life Doctor. ‘It’s vital that
we have a sense of pride and
accomplishment and to be part of
something larger than ourselves. You
can greatly increase your chances of
86 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
feeling good about your work by
regularly taking stock of what you
bring to the workplace, what it gives
you materially and what else in your
life it allows you the freedom to
pursue and experience.’
I think previous generations may
have understood this better than
we do. In my early 20s, remember
I
complaining to my aunt about a temp
“¢
Almost any job
ismore fulfilling
ifit’s done with
care. There can
be something
meditative about
the mostroutine
and ‘boring’ jobs 77
job I was finding abit dull. ‘But
are the people you work with
sympathetic?’ she countered. ‘Is
the office in a nice place? Do you feel
you have achieved something at the
end of the day?’
If you think of your job as a tool, it’s
easier to make it work better for you.
Does it earn you money? Do you meet
interesting people through work?
Does it mean you can live somewhere
that you’ve always wanted to live?
Vocation location
For many, the latter is akey
consideration. One of my university
friends works as an administrator for
a holiday lettings company on the
Norfolk Broads, after a high-flying
early career in the city. She’d
eventually had enough of finance and
just wanted to live somewhere scenic.
For Bryony Fletcher, location was
the reason she moved to Cornwall
and, having got there, she turned
down a ‘dream job offer’ — to go into
business with a friend who was
setting up a surfing school - in favour
of a ‘dreamier life’. ‘I was working at
a hotel on the coast, so that I was in
the right place and had the time to
pursue the sport I loved, and the idea
of turning surfing into my career was
tempting, but I decided against it.
Now, when I look at my friend
fretting about balancing the books
and marketing her business - hardly
ever out on the water — I think I made
the right decision’
Make work work
Whether you follow your dreams or
make anyjob work for you may have
alot to do with your personality type,
says Leo Soloman, director of the
advisory firm Career Analysts.
“Understanding your personality
type is key. It helps to define what role
and working environment would suit
you best. Some people are focused on
pursuing their dreams and may be
happy to lose a little work-life balance
in pursuit of that, while others are
content to sit back and put quality
of life over ambition. It’s useful to
recognise the kind of personality you
have and then figure out what sort of
work will best suit you.’
You can test your personality type
on websites such as career-test.co.uk.
Career consultants like Soloman use
avariety of determiners, such as the
popular Myers-Briggs indicator to
direct people towards roles and
working environments that are
most suited to them.
Tlogged on to Twitter the other
day and found I had a new follower
called David, someone who worked at
the furniture removal company with
me all those years ago. And guess
what? He’s still in that business - the
general manager ofa family-run firm,
marathon runner, football fanatic
and father of three. ‘I’ve considered
turning gardening into a business or
 Howto be happy
inyour work
Lucy Standing, vice chair
of The Associationfor
Business Psychology, on
what it means tofindyour
true calling andfeeljoyin
whatever work you do

]« are told to ‘follow our

dreams’ and ‘find a job
we love’ But, in my view, people
who love their job or feel it is a
calling are those who:
@ Have worked for longer; those
who have built up skills, expertise
and reputations to a point where
they are the go-to person.
@ Do a job that helps and makes

a difference to others.
@ Have autonomy and control

over their work.

®@Work in a field that they’re
interested in. Over time, this
becomes a passion, but it
rarely starts there.

2 With our ageing

population, several
career changes ina lifetime
is our new reality.

To do this successfully:
@ Start with an interest.
@ Get experience —
owning a bookshop, he says, ‘but
staying on this path has given me
6¢
Ifyou think of volunteering, internships
and job shadowing are great

stability, allowing me to enjoy my your job asa tool, investments before committing
money to retraining. Career
hobbies more. I’ve had a regular
it’s easier to make it guidance service ViewVo
income all my life and derived great
satisfaction from dealing with people work for you. Does it has a‘try before you
buy’ approach (viewvo.com).
at a stressful time in their lives,’
That could have been me. Instead,
earn you money? Do @ Stay long enough to become
great at the work you do.
I chose to pursue a dream and I’ve you meet interesting @ Remember: we don’t find the
been lucky it’s worked out - but,
talking to David, I got a glimpse of
people? Can you live job of our dreams — we earn it
by investing time, effort and
another life, one I can see myself inaplace you've energy into something we're
having enjoyed, too. interested in.
always wanted to
‘Ivy And Abe’ by Elizabeth Enfield (Michael Joseph,
live because of it? 7”
Find out more about TheAssociation for
£12.99); oliverburkeman.com; the-life-doctor.co.uk Business Psychology at theabp.org.uk

CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 87

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ABOVE AND RIGHT

Production, events, retail and
admin all take place at Kate’s
rer
‘gin palace’ in Hampshire

BELOW With the help of

a local interior designer,
Kate honed her vision with
i
bespoke furniture, paint
and accessories

LIFE HAPPENS»
GIN HELPS

[EST

90 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT


or 10 years, Kate Griffin taught English ina
secondary school. T never imagined I'd end up
manufacturing gin!’ she says. ‘I loved teaching;
when I walked into the classroom, I knew what I was doing.
But, to the children, youre not areal person, just a teacher.
Now, however, my work is quite personal.’ Despite the
difference in ‘clientele’, Kate’s teaching skills come in handy.
‘As a teacher, youre used to putting on an act to become what
you need to be in that moment. That experience helps mein
situations where I don’t feel confident, like approaching pubs
or restaurants to ask them to sell my gin, she explains.
Kate was familiar with small-scale gin production and had
an understanding of the process, with childhood memories of
her mother making sloe gin. ‘I use the same methods as my
mum to create my infusions, she says. It was after Kate’s
daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate that Kate began
to struggle balancing work and caring for her children, Thomas,
eight, and Alice, now five, and wondered whether a new career
could be the answer to a healthier work-life balance.
i
wee
“T have memories
of my
mother mateing sloegu.
|
use the same methods To
create my, infusions”
‘My husband, Matthew, has a business mind and, although
he doesn’t drink spirits, he suggested I set up a distillery. I
thought he was joking!’ says Kate. His encouragement was the
catalyst for Kate launching Wessex Spirits two years ago. ‘T’d
still be thinking about it and all the ways it wouldn’t work, but
Matthew encouraged me to take the leap. He believed in me,
would always be honest with me and kept saying, “Just do it!”
Start small, dream big
Before moving to Kate’s ‘gin palace’, production took place in
her grandad’s annexe. ‘At first, it wasn’t scary because I had very
few overheads. I didn’t really think it through, itjust happened.
It felt more scary as it became real. Now, I feel terrified at
times,’ she laughs. As demand grew and Kate occupied more
of her grandad’s space, she realised the business would need
alarger base. ‘I looked at lots of places but had no plans fora
tasting room or shop; it was just going to be production
facilities. When I moved into our new premises, the space
felt enormous, so I created multifunctional rooms, >>>
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 91
 \l
fs.
“1 feel
so can’ timagine
lucky. |
going back to the nine -be
-five.
| can wear
My, slippers To
work!”
>>> As wellas providing stock for an online store, craft fairs and
farm shops, the new premises in Andover, Hampshire, allowed
Kate to connect with customers and host intimate tasting
experiences and parties. ‘People buy my gin because of the
story behind it, she says. ‘When I see someone take a bottle
off the shelf, I still find it amazing’
Kate handcrafts each stage of the process. ‘T tell people that
-
every bottle sold makes a real difference to me and I think
they like being part of that. Most days, I get a batch on early in
the morning, then take the kids to school before coming back
to the shop to do admin. In the afternoons, I filter, bottle and
label the gin,’ she says. “There’s no machinery, I do it all - I stick
on every label and seal bottles by hand. I even do deliveries.
It’s so rewarding, especially when someone says they like it’
The joy of freedom
Although Kate has help with marketing and says finance
is her weak point, she enjoys having ownership of each
phase. ‘T like the fact that I do everything, and it’s varied.
I’m learning all the time. I love that can plan my day
I Kate. ‘There’s was a point when I thought I wanted to sell the
and have the flexibility to do what I want, when I want,’
92 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT
\
LEFT Each gin is herb-infused and
naturally produced. This makes the
taste more subtle and aromatic
than popular high-street brands
Kate has always enjoyed being creative. “When I was a child,
Imade all sorts of things, but I stopped when I grew up. I enjoy
the process of making something from start to finish, Her first
product was Test Valley Gin, for which her mum still grows the
basil and thyme. Then she developed different infusions,
working with a local chef to source home-grown ingredients.
‘T work with all-natural herb infusions and don’t use sugar
or flavourings, she says. “The best bit is when I’m trying
new flavours. I often make it up as I go along, and it’s trial
and error. I’ll have stacks of jars all over my kitchen and
experiment with timings and quantities to see what works.
Then I can upscale my recipe to bigger batches,’
Working naturally means each brew is slightly different.
‘This can be tricky, says Kate. ‘The colour of the gin, for
example, is not consistent, but I think that’s rather nice.
The herbs are always fresh so, in hot weather, the gin is
darker and, in the cold weather, it’s lighter.’
But did she expect her product to be so popular, despite the
craft gin trend? ‘It’s taken me a while to get to this stage, says
business and go back to teaching, but nowI feel so lucky to be

“There’s no
machinery,
| do Gall — | Hickon
every label and seal
bottles by hand. | even
Ao deliveries. [b's
»
so
rewarding
able to do this. I can’t imagine going back to the nine-to-five.
Thad a revelation the other day that I can wear my slippers
—
to work! It’s silly but that felt quite symbolic.’
Camaraderie and connection
‘Tthink my biggest hurdle has been fear - doing something
completely different and out of my comfort zone. It’s been
aprocess of working it out, muddling through and having to
learn to ask for help, says Kate. She hopes to be more selective
with time management in order to create harmony with
her family life. ‘I’m working on time blocking, because it can
often feel like I’m flying around all over the place. I can’t always
spend as much time as I feel I should on the business, but my
goal is to make it work around my family. Flexibility is crucial,
so I can manage my daughter’s hospital visits and care’
Kate is grateful for the encouragement she has received
from her community. T’ve been overwhelmed by the support
people have given me. I’ve really benefited from it. I’m
astounded at what people will do for each other. I had no idea!’
she says. ‘My products are locally focused, and I enjoy working
with nearby businesses. There’s been nothing but support,
my life, my way
LEFT Sociable Kate enjoys
connecting with customers
for gin-tasting experiences
and says she ‘reads the
room’ because every group
and event is unique
BELOW Kate is hands-on
for all phases of production
V.
|
even from other gin makers, and I was truly surprised by that.
Neighbours also mucked in with the shop’s design and DIY
makeover and photography. ‘Interior designer Stephanie
Briggs, from La Di Da Interiors, offered me her help when
I moved into the shop and said to give her a shout at any time.
People always say that, but she actually meant it!’ says Kate.
‘Steph helped me create vision boards and mood boards, and
then made bespoke paint for the walls and furniture; she
really went over and above what I expected.’
What does the future hold? Kate is excited about the
upcoming launch of herrum brand. ‘The gin craze is amazing,
and I’ve been incredibly lucky, but I don’t want to have all my
eggs in one basket. I think rum is on its way!’ Her new creation
is inspired by the colourful history of Cornish pirates and
smugglers. ‘It’s blended, spiced and salted with Cornish sea
salt. It’s called Resting Place Rum; a “resting place” is where
smugglers’ boats would lie in wait for the rising tide, so they
could bring their goodies to shore. I enjoy experimenting,
and thinking about the potential of my business,
For more, see wessexspirits.co.uk and @testvalleygin on Facebook and
Instagram. Visit Wessex Spirits, 4 Dene Road, Andover, Hampshire SP10 2AA
CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT 93
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or should go? I
tinking of leaving your job, but unsure how? Harriet Minter offer
some advice on making your exit and finding career freedom

few years ago, whenever I told someone what

I did, they'd respond with, ‘Wow, you must havi
the best job in journalism,’ It was true, I did, but
my enthusiasm for it had ended. We all hit a pointin our
”
career when we start to suspect it’s time to move on, but
‘we're not sure what the next step might
look like. We may;
fear that we'll be seen as flighty if we move around too
much, or wejust don’t know where we'll go.
We know that men are more likely to change compar
more often. They’ll jump ship every few years, building fot

their experience and their salary as they go. There are

of reasons given for this: that women stay for maternity .
leave or because they've negotiated flexible working, Ox.
because we're less likely to try and blag our way into
role than our male colleagues. I also think that men are.
more inclined to take the risks that come with moving
@!
jobs; they’re less worried about not liking the new boss;.am
not being able to do the work or not gettingonwith
@@

Plus, I suspect they simply believe they di

es.

in a way that women still haven’t quite mastered.

this is: leave before you'ye
he best advice F've received on
to go; don’t
}

be afraid
to stretch a bit further than

think your experience will allow. Don’t wait until you’

ith your current
role. For me, being unhappy
ac

me there longer. I thought the unhappiness was my"

it

lot of time
and wasted a trying
to fixit when,
2

Eshould have just recognised that

it was to move
a sign
Ewise
woman once said: ‘Never stay where you an
fyou're clashing with your manager or not
Ssupport
you need, this isn’t your problem to manage.
ember, no company will ever be as loyalto youas you
are to it; don’t wait around for recognition, just pack your:
__ pencil case and go. Whatever the breaking point is for you,
aiour it. You aren’t meant to stay in ajob that doesn’t;
sifil
you. There is something
bigger and better waitin
out there for you it’s time to leave and find it.
—

hernewsletterat
for
 mor *
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES

96 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT

hap book club
$s “4

Llow to be
kinder at work
Vanessa King of Action for Happiness, author of 10
Keys To Happier Living, recommends Mastering Civility:
A Manifesto For The Workplace by Christine Porath

as someone ever been rude to you at work?

Chances are they have. It’s an that issue
Christine Porath says is widespread and MASTERING
rising, having an impact on people’s confidence, their
CiViLity
ability to reach their potential and their health — plus, it A Cap

affects the profits and performance of the organisations ellen

for which they work. ‘Incivility is in the eyes of the
recipient, according to Porath. What matters is not
whether we have actually been rude in some way, but
CuRisy tue
whether the recipient feels disrespected, and individuals P
ORar
all vary in terms of what they experience as uncivil.
Akey question to ask yourself is: Who do you want Mastering Civility: Manifesto
A

For The Workplace by Christine

to be at work today? Someone who lifts people
Porath (Little, Brown, £12.99)
around them, or someone who pushes them down?
Porath shares a helpful checklist of ways we may be
doing the latter without realising it: for example, not
Questions to discuss
saying thank you, keeping people waiting, eye rolling or
@Who are energisers for you at
smirking, interrupting, talking down to people, cutting
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them off when they are speaking... the list goes on.
And what if you are on the receiving end of incivility? spend more time with them?
® Has there been someone
This practical book helps with that, too. There are tactics
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get even. Porath gives useful guidance on how to take did their behaviour have on
steps to ‘inoculate’ yourself against the viral impact of the team or organisation?
rudeness: for example, making sure you spend time with
ILLUSTRATION: LESLEY BUCKINGHAM

@Think of a person you

people who energise you and taking care of your health. consider to bearole model for -

Importantly, Porath says that you probably have civility. How do they interact
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respond and the action that you take. This makes a or say that lifts people? Could
massive difference to whether you let incivility eat you adopt aspects of their
away at you or refuse to allow it to push you down. behaviour today?

98 CREATE THE CAREER YOU WANT

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