KNOW YOURSELF

by Ramil Sorillo

“A wonderful realization will be the day you realize

that you are unique in all the world.” - Leo Buscalia

If you were given a chance to do anything and succeed, what would you choose to do?
This is an interesting question. It usually starts our imagination working excitedly on
dreams and possibilities, grand plans, great ambitions and pictures of heroic feats performed to
the applause of many.
However, if you were to ask me this question and I were given only one choice, I would
choose to do something that would benefit my life most. Life is full of choices - that’s a fact. But
it has long since dawned on me that among all the important choices I have in life, there is one
that comes before anything else. It is a choice that, I firmly believe, would serve as the right
foundation for all the succeeding life choices I have to make.
The choice? It is to know myself.
This make strike you as rather unstriking. But let me tell you, other choices in life may be
important and more exciting than this but when it comes to order of priority, the choice to know
and understand one’s self clearly comes first.
Through the years we may have learned a lot about life and how things work. We may
have spent much time in studying the life and works of people - great and small, famous and
infamous - and gained knowledge and wisdom in the process. However, the sad thing is, many of
us have failed to cast an inward glance into our own lives and give time and attention to
examining our own selves.
Why is it crucial to know oneself? The answer to that is quite simple:
AUTHENTICITY. A person needs to know himself in order for him to be honest to himself, to
be himself, and to live a full and rewarding life according to who he is and his limitations and
gifts and not somebody else’s.
Admiring others is not bad. Heroes and role models can inspire us and help bring out the
best in us. But let us realize that we can never become precisely like our heroes. I can only be
“me” and you can only be “you”. It just isn’t possible for me to be you or vice versa. God
created us as unique beings with our own unique mix of physical, psychological, emotional and
mental attributes that we can never completely succeed in our attempts to be somebody else
other than who we are.
Not that it would be rewarding if we do succeed in becoming the carbon copy of
another. Within each of us, God has put enough material for building a life of meaning, beauty,
success, love and happiness that only we can put together successfully. The same goes true for
others – the materials God placed in their lives, they alone can construct into the beautiful life
God meant for them. Attempting to construct a life exactly like that of another with our
materials can only bring failure and frustration.
We are unique. Why copy others when we can be just as beautiful, happy, fulfilled and
successful in ourselves? We just have to make a conscious decision and take the time to focus
and build on what we have rather than on what others have.
 In her poem entitled, “Take These Thoughts with You on Your Journey Through Life”,
Jacqueline Schiff says:

Don’t ever forget that you are unique.

Be your best self
and not an imitation of someone else.
Find your strengths
and use them in a positive way.
Don’t listen to those
who ridicule the choices you make.
Travel the road you have chosen
and don’t look back with regret.
You have to take chances
to make your dreams happen.
Remember that there is plenty of time
to travel another road - and still another -
in your journey through life.
Take the time to find the route
that is right for you.
You will learn something valuable
from every trip you take,
so don’t be afraid to make mistakes.
Tell yourself that you’re okay
just the way you are.
Make friends who respect your true self.
Take time to be alone, too,
so you can know just how terrific
your own company can be.
Remember that being alone
doesn’t always mean being lonely;
it can be a beautiful experience
of finding your creativity,
your heartfelt feelings,
and the calm and quiet peace deep inside you.

Please don’t ever forget that you are special

and very much loved.

Each of us needs to develop what Hyrum Smith calls “a strong sense of identity”. Study
the life of the people in the past that made a difference in the world. They had one thing in
common: they all possessed that special knowledge of who they were.
Now, let me ask you: Do you know who you are?
Here are some pointers to help you discover and develop the real you.
1. Be True To Yourself

Of all knowledge, the wise and the good seek most to know themselves.
This above all: to thine own self be true. - Shakespeare

How important is it to be true to oneself?

We do not allow anyone to deceive us. We do all we can to prevent others from putting
one over us. Yet without our knowing it, how many times have we deceived ourselves? How
many times have the deceitfulness of our hearts left us unsatisfied even in the midst of
plenty? Oftentimes, in the face of success and achievement, we feel empty and
unfulfilled. Where others say we have arrived, we feel lost. Happiness eludes us. We do not
know who we are, therefore, we do not know what we want and what will really satisfy us.
If we are to know ourselves, we must take the following steps:

1. Acknowledge the truth about who you are – that you are unique and special.

Consider the following:

 There is none exactly like you in the entire world. There’s only one you, isn’t
there?

 You are endowed with a drive, skills, talents, abilities, and personality that are
uniquely yours.

 You have strengths and weaknesses that differ from others’.

 Your situation and circumstances in life are not the same as that of other
people.
- We were born to different families, with a different set of parents,
siblings and relatives.
- We have different upbringing. We grew up in different environments,
cultures, neighborhoods, and schools. We were exposed to different
people who have influenced us much in life.

 All these combined helped you shape a different perspective in and approach
to life.

Acknowledging the truth about who you are involves the following:

Acknowledging the truth of where you are in the journey of life and acting accordingly.
 There are different stages in life. Each stage carries different responsibilities.
Recognizing our present stage in our life journey is indispensable to successfully carrying
out the responsibilities it demands.
For example, being a student is a stage in life that demands a corresponding
responsibility on your part. As a student, of course, you must pay attention to your studies
more than to any other things. You do so not only for you not to fail but also for you to be
the best you can be. If you neglect to do your duty the consequences can be disastrous.
Take a look at the following consequences:

1. Waste of money. Your parents’ may have deprived themselves of comfort just so
you could go to school and look, their hard-earned money obtained nothing for
them at all!
2. Waste of Time. If you fail to pass all your subjects you’ll have to spend another
year/semester in school again.

3. Waste of Effort. You’ll study, do homework, projects and papers, take

exams, deal with teachers and classmates, and trudge to school and back a second
time around for the same subjects.
4. You will disappoint your parents. If you have done your best and you still fail that
might be understandable. But if you fail because you did not do your part, that
will certainly be something hard for your parents to accept.
5. Transcript of records. Companies hire the best they can for the money they pay,
and oftentimes, when it comes to hiring fresh graduates, “best” for them means
good grades in school.

Acknowledge the truth that you can change the things that can and need to be changed in
your life.

Believe me - you can choose to change anything that can be changed in your life if
you want to. I say, “the things that can be changed”. You know why? It is because we
have to admit that there are things or circumstances in life that cannot be changed. And
they need not be changed. You need to accept them because you can do nothing else no
matter how hard you may try. As Tony Athos, author and former Harvard professor,
reminds us: “Some challenges are for solving and others are for living with.”
But take note of the things that can be changed. These are our responsibility. These
are the things we can do something about.
Reinhold Niebuhr’s prayer summarizes these points best:

God, give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things that can be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
2. Make a Statement of Who You Are

This has nothing to do with religion, but I believe the best example I can give on this is Jesus.
He knew exactly who He was. He was so certain about himself, His identity and what He
stood for that no one could convince Him otherwise.
Take for example when the devil tried to tempt him in the wilderness. There, Jesus was
given clear choices. We know that Jesus had prayed and eaten nothing for forty days. When
the devil said, “Then satisfy your hunger, and turn these stones into bread,” Jesus answered,
“No. Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of
God.”
Then the devil said, “Throw yourself off the pinnacle of the temple and test your power
to spring back to eternal life.” Jesus looked Satan in the face and said, “No. It is written: ‘Do
not put your God to the test.’”
When the devil’s tricks did not work and he was so desperate that he began to reveal
what he really wanted and said to Jesus, “Worship me” with a promise that if Jesus did
He “will own the world,” Jesus again said, “No.” He told Satan to go away, “For it is
written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only.’”
Do you know why it seemed easy for Jesus to say “No” to Satan and reject his offer? He
didn’t have to give in to the temptation of the devil. He knew who He was.
Take a look at the following statements Jesus made about himself:

The “I AMs” of Christ

- I am the Messiah (John 4:26)

- I am the Bread of Life (John 6:35)
- I am from Above (John 8:23)
- I am the Eternal One (8:58)
- I am the Light of the World (John 9:5)
- I am the Door (John 10:7)
- I am the Son of God (John 10:36)
- I am the Resurrection and Life (John 11:25)
- I am the Lord and Master (John 13:13)
- I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John14:6)
- I am the True Vine (John 15:1)
- I am the Alpha and the Omega (Revelation 1:8)
- I am the First and the Last (Revelation 1:17)

LOOK CLOSELY AT YOURSELF AND ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS:

- Have you thought about who you are?

- Are you clear about who you are?

 - How well do you know yourself?

- How do you see yourself?

- What do you believe about yourself?

- Does your belief about yourself build you up or pull you down? Have you developed a
healthy self-image?

- What do you tell yourself or feed your mind about who you are on a daily basis?

- Make a list of who you believe you are. (Make your list of your “I ams”)

3. Learn to Accept Yourself Unconditionally

“I find that when we really accept…ourselves…exactly as we are, then

everything in life works.” - Louise Hay

“No one can make yourself inferior without your consent.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt

A poem by Dona Fargo has this wonderful insight about accepting one’s self (boldface
mine):

We need to accept ourselves, just as we accept

the color of our eyes. They’re either brown,
blue, green, or of some variation. One color is not
better or worse. They are all beautiful, and we
wouldn’t try to change them.

Our personalities are developed from influences,

such as family, society, school, and church. We
are the result of all that has collected on us to
make us unique. Much like the color of
our eyes, our ways are set. This doesn’t mean we
we should not try to change something that we
really want to change, but rather, it is about
using acceptance as a catalyst to make changes
happen. If we’re in a state of acceptance, there
is more freedom of choice and, therefore, a
better opportunity to succeed.

Ask yourself these questions: Is putting

myself down getting the job done? Do I
respond better to criticism or acceptance?
 Am I more motivated by turmoil or ease?
Do I find it easier to do something if I have
to or just want to? How long have I been
trying to make this change using the same
tactics I’ve been using?

Sometimes listening to your own answers is

more helpful than “should have’s” or “could
have’s.” As you search to get along better in
life and try to understand your own nature
and resistance to change, maybe you need
to hear more acceptance of yourself than
reprimands.

Criticism often takes away the freedom to

choose to do something. Acceptance helps us
believe we can change or do something we
want to. Sometimes we need to take off our
running shoes and boxing gloves and stop the
lectures and criticisms. We need approval and
acceptance of our imperfections, the same
kind of simple acceptance we have for the
color of our eyes.

You’re good, unique, and special.

Accept yourself!

KNOW YOUR UNIQUE PURPOSE FOR LIVING

by Ramil Sorillo

Strange is our situation here on earth. Each of us comes for a short visit,
not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose.
- Albert Einstein

The secret of life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to,
something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life.
 - Henry Moore

If you have read my book, “Winning Attitude, Smart Choices,” it would be obvious to you that
I’m a big fan of John Maxwell, America’s well-known authority on leadership. Not only do I
admire the way he expresses his ideas, I also admire the depth of his insights. In one of his books
that I read, he emphatically says: “Nothing can take the place of knowing your purpose.”
Now, if you’re anything like me, you would likely pause for a while to ponder on that
statement and wonder, “Why did he say that?” John Maxwell explains: “If you don’t try to
actively discover your purpose, you’re likely to spend your life doing the wrong things.”
That, my friends, I heartily agree to.
Of course, nobody wants to spend his life doing the wrong things! But, like it or not, that is
exactly what will happen if we don’t discover and pursue our own purpose for living. Not only
that, we will also miss the experience of living the kind of life we were born to have.
A few years back, I remember reading the story of Dr. Clyde Wilson, Jr. as told by another
author, Myles Munroe. I believe it illustrates the principle Maxwell shared with us best.

“It was the moment for which everyone had been waiting all evening. The
thunderous applause of the excited crowd filled the air after the mayor made the
announcement. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to present the annual
Outstanding Citizen of the Year award to Dr. Clyde Wilson, Jr., for his distinguished
service to this community.’
A well-built, clean-cut young man rose to his feet and walked confidently toward
the stage. Sitting at the table he had left were his father, Mr. Clyde Wilson, Sr., and his
mother, Emily. This was the moment for which they had waited all their lives – to see
their son become all they had ever envisioned for him. As pride filled their hearts, they
knew that no one in the room could understand their sense of accomplishment,
satisfaction and fulfillment.
Mr. Wilson had always dreamed of being a medical doctor. While his son was still
quite young, the father had told him that he would do whatever it took to see the son
become the doctor the father had never been. Young Clyde’s parents had labored at
many jobs over the years and had lived without the conveniences of life just to make it
possible for their son to attend medical school and complete his internship. This
evening made those sacrifices worthwhile, as Clyde junior now brought honor and
respect to the family.
As Dr. Wilson stood on the stage, holding the plaque, the crowd rose to their feet.
Cameras flashed and shouts of adulation filled the room. Everyone waited for the
response of the good doctor. For a moment he stood erect, poised to speak. Then his
composure broke and, with tears flooding his eyes, the young doctor pleaded with his
parents in a loud voice that mirrored the despair in his eyes, ‘Please, Mom and Dad,
forgive me. I’m sorry, but I can’t go on.’
Bewildered and embarrassed by the moment, the chairman helped the doctor off the
stage. The crowd stood in questioning shock. What could possibly be stealing this great
moment from this successful individual?
As Clyde and his parents drove home that evening, Clyde attempted to explain to
his perplexed parents the cause of his uncontrollable behavior. As his words spilled
over one another, he tried to describe the frustration that had built within him over the
 past ten years. ‘Everything I have accomplished and achieved during these years has
been done to please you, Dad, and to fulfill your life-long dreams. I have become what
you wanted me to be, but I have never become who I am,’ he said. ‘In spite of all the
cars, homes, and other material things I now have, my life is empty. I never wanted to
be a doctor like you did, Dad. In truth, I hate being a doctor. I always wanted to be a
musician, but you and Mom would not allow me to follow that dream.
‘Please understand. I love you and respect you deeply. I know all you have sacrificed to provide
me with my education, and I thank you for it. But tonight I realized that I cannot continue living to
fulfill your dreams and expectations. I must start fulfilling my own. When I accepted that award
tonight, I felt like a hypocrite. Someone I don’t even know earned that award because I don’t know
myself. I want to live. I want to come alive. I want to be what I was born to be. Please set me free
and let me live.’”1

LIVING WITH A PURPOSE

What is purpose? And why is it vital that we discover our purpose in life?
Put most simply, “purpose” explains and reveals the meaning of one’s life. Purpose is the
reason why we exist. In other words, purpose answers the questions, “Why am I here? What’s
the reason for my being?”
The question of personal purpose, I believe, is something that we all should ask
ourselves. All of us need to realize that we only have one shot at this thing called life. Unless
we live life with a purpose we, like most people, will just squander this one precious,
irreplaceable shot.
Drifting through life aimlessly is tragic. Dr. Rick Warren says, “The greatest tragedy is not
death, but life without purpose.” Life without purpose lacks direction, hope, sense and
meaning. It becomes little more than “an endless string of activities with little or no
significance.”
We were born with a purpose and our first responsibility is to discover that purpose.
Knowing our personal reason for being - what drives us and makes us want to wake up in the
morning - is crucial for unless we do so, none of us will be able to participate in life fully and
experience a richer, more rewarding and fulfilling existence. Indeed there’s nothing more
important than knowing your purpose in life, and there’s nothing more rewarding than living and
achieving that purpose.

BENEFITS OF LIVING YOUR PURPOSE

In his wonderful book, “THE PURPOSE-DRIVEN LIFE”, Dr. Rick Warren cites five benefits
for living the purpose-driven life. Let me share his insights with you:

1. Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life. We were made to have
meaning…When life has meaning, you can bear almost anything; without it nothing is
bearable…
 Without meaning life has no significant hope…Hope is essential to your life as air and
water. You need hope to cope. Dr. Bernie Siegel found he could predict which of his cancer
patients would go into remission by asking, “Do you want to live to be one hundred?” Those
with a deep sense of life purpose answered yes and were the ones most likely to survive.
Hope comes from having a purpose.
If you have felt hopeless, hold on! Wonderful changes are going to happen in your life as
you begin to live on purpose…

2. Knowing your purpose simplifies your life. It defines what you do and what you don’t do.
Your purpose becomes the standard you use to evaluate which activities are essential and
which aren’t…
Without a clear purpose you have no foundation on which you base decisions, allocate
your time, and use your resources. You will tend to make choices based on circumstances,
pressures, and your mood at that moment. People who don’t know their purpose try to do too
much – and that causes stress, fatigue, and conflict.
…Purpose-driven living leads to a simpler lifestyle and a saner schedule.

3. Knowing your purpose focuses your life. It concentrates your effort and energy on what’s
important. You become effective by being selective.
It’s human nature to get distracted by minor issues. We play Trivial Pursuit with our
lives. Henry David Thoreau observed that people live lives of “quiet desperation,” but today
a better description is aimless distraction. Many people are like gyroscopes, spinning around
at a frantic pace but never going anywhere.
Without a clear purpose, you will keep changing directions, jobs, relationships, churches,
or other externals – hoping each change will settle the confusion or fill the emptiness in your
heart. You think, Maybe this time it will be different, but it doesn’t solve your real problem –
a lack of focus or purpose…
If you want your life to have impact, focus it! Stop dabbling. Stop trying to do it all. Do
less. Prune away even good activities and do only that which matters most. Never confuse
activity with productivity. You can be busy without a purpose, but what’s the point?

4. Knowing your purpose motivates your life. Purpose always produces passion. Nothing
energizes like a clear purpose. On the other hand, passion dissipates when you lack a
purpose. Just getting out of bed becomes a major chore. It is usually meaningless work, not
overwork, that wears us down, saps our strength, and robs us of our joy.
George Bernard Shaw wrote, “This is the true joy of life: being used up for a purpose
recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish
little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to
making you happy.”
5. Knowing your purpose prepares you for eternity. Many people spend their lives trying to
create a lasting legacy on earth. They want to be remembered when they’re gone. Yet, what
ultimately matters most will not be what others say about your life but what God says. What
people fail to realize is that all achievements are eventually surpassed, records are broken,
reputations fade, and tributes are forgotten…
 Living to create an earthly legacy is short-sighted goal. A wiser use of time is to build an
eternal legacy. You weren’t put on earth to be remembered. You were put here to prepare for
eternity.
One day, you will stand before God, and he will do an audit of your life, a final exam,
before you enter eternity. The Bible says, “Remember, each of us will have to give a personal
account to God.”

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Let me share with you three points:

1. Pay attention to what’s going on in your life.

Make a reality check: Is your life working the way you want it? A forthright answer to this
simple question will reveal the truth about what’s really going on in your life right now. Be
brutally honest and tell yourself exactly the truth about your present situation. Look at the
results you’re producing today. Ask yourself, “Are these the results that I really want in the
long run?”
If it’s not, then you need to know the reasons why. Awareness is very important - it leads
to realization. Realization, it seems to me, is the father of new resolves in one’s life.
Not too long ago, a certain guy from Iloilo City happened to read my book, “Winning
Attitude, Smart Choices.” He sent me a text message thanking me for this book which made
him realize his need to change his life. His message read, “Mr. Sorillo, I find your book very
helpful. It helped me realize how much I have lost myself, my confidence and respect from
everyone. Anyway it's not too late for me to follow your words…” That’s the power of
realization!
Have you read the parable of the lost son? The story illustrates well how realization can
lead to a new resolve. An account can be found in the writings of Dr. Luke:

“There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give
me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant
country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything,
there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went
and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.
He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him
anything.
When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have
food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and
say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy
to be called your son; make me one of your hired men.’ So he got up and went to his
father.
But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with
compassion for him; he ran to his son, throw his arms around him and kissed him.
 The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no
longer worthy to be called your son.’
But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a
ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a
feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is
found. So they began to celebrate.3

Take note of the phrase, “When he came to his senses.” This marks the turning point in
the young son’s life. Only when a person realizes how things stand can he decide on what to
do best in any given situation. This is why each of us needs to pay careful attention to what is
really going on in our lives.

2. Decide. What do you really want to do for the rest of your life?
Have you ever asked yourself that question before? If you haven’t, now is the time to do so.
Believe me, doing this will make a major difference in your life as it did in mine! So I
challenge you: give yourself a favor. Stop anything you’re doing for a moment and just think
about this one question: what do you really want to do for the rest of your life?
I asked you to do this exercise because this question is seldom asked, considered or
answered by many. Of course, I understand that it is often difficult to answer this. For one, a
truthful answer requires serious thought and many of us are loath to think hard and
deep. Two, we don’t usually think long-term; thinking long-term means putting everything
together and seeing the big picture. And three, answering this question requires discipline
and a time and place where we could be totally alone, free from distractions, so that we could
think clearly, and these three commodities are not that easy to find. However the centrality
of this question to living a meaningful life and the necessity of deeply probing ourselves to
find a truthful answer to it requires that we make a deliberate decision to invest time, effort
and resources to settle it once for all.
Somebody says that we don’t invent our purpose, we detect it. To help you in this effort
of detecting your purpose, you need to answer the following questions posed by some experts
on the subject. And when you do, I want you to think in terms of a lifetime and not just of a
day, a month or a year.

Stephen Covey, author of “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”:

If you have unlimited time and resources, what would you do?

When you daydream, what do you see yourself doing?

When you look at your life, what activities do you consider of greatest worth?

Are there things in your life that you feel you really should do?

Daniel Peters, author of “Life Goals”:

What can [you] live for, work for, serve for, and die for?
 What goal will make full use of [your] gifts, abilities and energies?

What will hold [your] attention and excitement until you die?

To what cause would you give yourself for a lifetime?

Cherie Carter-Scott, author of “If Life is a Game, These are the Rules”:

Why are you here?

What do you want your life to be about?

What contribution do you want to make to the world?

What legacy do you want to leave behind?

Finally, let me ask you: If you really dig deep into your heart, what is it that matters most to
you? What is that one thing in which you are willing to invest not just 50%, 75%, 95% or
even 99% of yourself but the whole of your life?

3. Choose to live life with a sense of purpose.

Again, I’m going to quote Stephen Covey. What he says is something we all need to listen
to. He says, “Having a sense of purpose often will improve the quality of your life now as
well as in the future.” I couldn’t agree more.
Pursue your purpose. Go for it! Be sure that all your life’s agenda relates directly to what
you want to accomplish in your life.
How exactly are you to live everyday with a sense of purpose? Three things are a must:

1. Always think about your purpose. Remember, your life flows in the direction of your most
dominant thoughts. Emerson once said, “We become what we think all day long.” Where you
constantly focus your attention also matters a lot. As Bryan Tracy says, “Life is a study of
attention.” So wherever you are, whatever you do, always remind yourself of your purpose
The purpose in life you have identified must be the basis and the focal point of everything
you do day after day after day.

2. Make your purpose a part of your daily affirmations. Affirmation means assertion or
declaration. According to the Merriam-Webster Pocket Dictionary, the word literally means
confirmation or ratification. In other words, by making your purpose a major part of your
daily affirmation you are actually confirming the validity of your purpose. You are, in effect,
making your purpose not only another thing you just want to see fulfilled but rather an all-
consuming passion in life.

3. Find a way everyday to move yourself closer to the fulfillment of your purpose. You
need to keep yourself doing your assignment every single day. To do this, ask yourself this
 question daily: “What’s the next thing that I must do?” Then do it! It’s the sure way to move
yourself towards the rich fulfillment of your purpose.