Professional Documents
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Discipline
Strategies for
ADHD Children
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2 ADDitudeMag.com
50 Smart Discipline Tips
for Your ADHD Child
By ADDitude’s Experts
Y ou’ve told your child to pick up his dirty clothes from the bedroom floor. Not a single sock has been put in
the hamper. Did he not hear you—or did he ignore you? Annoyed, you shout and, worse, feel yourself get-
ting angry and nearing a power struggle. Then come the threats—no TV for a week, no friends visiting for a
month, and whatever else you can think of in your fury.
The incident costs everyone dearly: Your child feels angry and demoralized, and you feel like anything but a lov-
ing parent. And for what? A pile of clothes in need of a washing machine.
All parents want their children to be happy and well adjusted. But parents also want them to be respectful and
obedient. Of course, kids—particularly children with ADHD—have their own ideas. Rather than do what’s asked
of them, children with ADHD ignore their homework, torment their siblings, and forget to feed the dog. They leave
wet towels on the bathroom floor and dump Lego in the living room. They talk back, whine, sulk, or otherwise mis-
behave. Each day brings fresh chaos—and occasions for a parent’s discipline.
Parenting experts have devised all manner of discipline techniques. Here you will find 50 of the best.
4 ADDitudeMag.com
ing to let your child attend Ultimately, if you want
a party, or something else, your rules to be followed,
consequences work best enforce them consistently.
when they are imposed as That means not “forgetting”
soon as possible following about them or occasionally
an infraction of the rules. suspending them because
The severity of consequenc- you feel guilty or because
es should fit the crime. your child (or spouse) pres-
Overly harsh consequences sures you to do so. If you
will encourage your child to make empty threats, you’re
resent the rules and your au- sacrificing your credibil-
thority—and generate more ity and undermining your
anger and rebelliousness. authority as a parent.
15. Deal with dishonesty. 17. Disciplining an over-
For children with ADHD, reactive child.
lying is often a coping Although most children may
mechanism. A lie may be a protest a bit about being dis-
way to cover up forgetful- ciplined, kids with ADHD may
ness, to avoid criticism or react with intense indigna-
punishment, or to avoid tion and anger. Keep in mind
dealing with feelings of guilt that chronic overreaction to
19. Say no, in a calm, tunity to remind your child
matter-of-fact tone. that he doesn’t get to choose
and shame over repeated discipline—particularly when
When a child wants a second your reactions. You do. Even
failures. The first step in intense feelings of anger or
ice cream cone and keeps though you feel embar-
dealing with chronic dishon- frustration is involved—may
whining, don’t say, “Why do rassed, frustrated, and re-
esty is to find the reasons not be the result of ADHD. Is
you always have to whine?” sentful, you are not going to
that underlie it. If your child the child overreacting because match the child’s screaming
lies to avoid consequences she feels criticized? Unloved? You tell your child that you
are weak and vulnerable. with your own. Yelling will
for irresponsible behavior, Inadequate? Helpless? Over- escalate the confrontation.
you must monitor those whelmed? Are your expecta- To the child, it seems that
there is a chance of get- Instead, assume a calm pos-
behaviors more closely and tions unrealistically high? In ture. Sit down, cross your
discipline any act of decep- some cases chronic anger may ting what he wants if he
legs. Color with crayons and
tion. If he lies in order to indicate childhood depres- pushes. Kids hear “No” and
ask your child to help. Pull
cover up failure and shame, sion or bipolar disorder. “Maybe” at the same time.
your child into an activity
encourage your child to be Instead, parents of ADHD
18. Does your child tune children should say no in
with you. Being calm says
honest—and provide appro- you out? that you are in control of the
priate help so that your child an unemotional, flat tone.
Do a self-check. Have you situation — not him.
can overcome whatever he’s Say, “It’s not happening.”
become too negative or 21. Use the same basic
struggling with. No lecture, no explanation.
critical toward your child? sentence structure when
This tells your child, “You
16. Get your child to Do you focus too much on
can count on me, because I issuing a command.
take you seriously. problems and not enough For example, “Justin, you
don’t change my mind. You
There could be any num- on solutions? Has conversa- need to turn off the televi-
can ask 7,000 times and the
ber of reasons why a child tion turned into a series of sion” or “Justin, you need
answer will still be no.”
fails to respect you or your lectures, instead of give-and- to put your shoes in your
rules. Are the rules clear? take? No matter what your 20. Put out the emotional closet.” When parents do
Important rules need to child’s age, it can be helpful fire. this consistently, the child
be put in writing. Does the to involve him in the process What happens if your calm soon realizes that anytime
child refuse to accept the of establishing the household “no” sets off a meltdown? he hears his name followed
rules because she consid- rules and setting conse- Whining didn’t work, so by “you need to,” he must
ers them unfair? In that quences for breaking them. A now it’s time to embarrass comply. If he does, he earns
case, the child’s objections, child who feels included in the you at the burger place one point toward some
and the parent’s reasons, making of family rules will be with a full-blown temper reward. If the child doesn’t
warrant further discussion. more likely to respect them. tantrum. Take this oppor- comply, he faces a negative
6 ADDitudeMag.com
are privileges you’ve given and leads to an escalation of
her, not her right. Kids need frustration and hostilities.
to know that access to the Save the long lectures and
phone, TV, and computer the “I told you so.”
has to be earned by showing 48. Let your teen vent.
positive behavior and a good Your teen’s frustration, dis-
attitude.
appointment, or resentment
44. Explain consequenc- can quickly turn into anger.
es for misbehavior ahead Acknowledge angry feelings,
of time. but don’t criticize them as
Having a clear plan of action long as they are expressed
before an incident occurs responsibly — verbally,
will help guide you when without becoming abusive
bad behavior happens and (no name calling or insults).
won’t surprise your child. Make it clear that there is a
“have to have an answer Instead, give clean and suc- These consequences should big difference between angry
right away” mode. cinct like “Please pick up involve taking away privi- feelings and angry acts. Set
36. Ignore minor issues. your coat from the floor.” If leges. Really bad behavior, firm limits against physical
Homes become combat zones your child doesn’t respond like hitting, should result in anger toward people or prop-
when parents complain to to your first request, try an extended time-out. erty. If those limits are not
saying it another way. Kids respected, be prepared to call
their child about everything. 45. Stick to the conse-
respond differently to the police, if necessary. Some
37. Don’t beat a dead quences, no matter what.
requests, so saying things in lines cannot be crossed.
horse. Discuss the behavior and
different ways may lead to a
If your ADHD child has make sure your child under- 49. Calm her down
better response from your
already paid for his misdeed stands why it was wrong. A before she misbehaves.
ADHD child than repeating
or screw-up (lost his new parent has to be 100 percent If your child starts to act up at
the request again and again.
digital camera, say) or has consistent in addressing bad a fast-food restaurant or the
been disciplined by a teach-
41. Insist on eye contact. behavior. Otherwise, the mall, get her to calm down
When you look at each other behavior may persist or even by asking her to imagine that
er, the police, ask yourself,
eye-to-eye, your child can’t get worse. there is a candle painted
“Is another consequence
ignore you and will listen to on her palm. Then have her
needed, or am I ticked off 46. Make rules you can
what you’re saying. Ask your hold her hand with her palm
and out for vengeance?” enforce.
ADHD to child look at you facing toward her face, and ask
Never fight a battle you
38. Don’t take argu- when you explain why a cer- her to blow out the imaginary
can’t win, and never set a
ments personally. tain behavior is bad or when flame. Deep breathing settles
rule you can’t enforce. “Be
Ignore your child’s “you you are requesting a change
home by 10 o’clock” is an out-of-control children. An
don’t trust me” protests. in behavior, like waiting pa-
enforceable rule. “Don’t alternative: Keep a balloon or
Monitoring is a parent’s job. tiently or cleaning up a mess.
spend time with your friend two in your purse and ask her
Expect flak—and don’t take
42. Spend unstructured Sandy, who tends to get you to blow one up.
it to heart.
time together. in trouble” is not. You can’t 50. Agree on a plan.
39. Show your love. Just 15 minutes a day with tag along with your daughter Before going to the grocery
When your child walks your child lays the ground- and choose whom she sees store or the video-game
through the door, do you work for a strong bond with when she leaves the house. parlor, ask your ADHD child
bark or smile? Discipline him your ADHD child. The closer 47. Stay in the present. what would calm him down
or show your affection? Let you are, the more likely he if he gets upset. If he does
Nothing is more counter-
your eyes fill with light, and will listen to you the next have an episode, you will
productive when disciplin-
make your words loving. Put time he misbehaves. have a plan because your
ing your child than bring-
problems on the back burner. 43. Let your children child has delivered it to you.
ing up past problems or
40. Don’t ask, tell. know who’s boss. mistakes while trying to deal His ownership of it should
Don’t start your requests Explain to your ADHD with a current situation. pretty much guarantee that
with “Would you mind?” child that playing video Rehashing the past distracts he will cooperate with your
or finish them with “OK?” games and watching TV from the problem at hand, enforcing it.