Essay Preparation – Tsunami – ORIGINAL VERSION

Plan
Beginning
Set the Scene: Holiday of a life time, Southern India
Ancient temple ruins
Hot/Dry and Dusty
Middle
End of Day Pool
Tsunami strikes
Flotation devices
How felt while drifting in the water
End
Rescue
Donation
TSUNAMI
This was going to be a trip of a life time, my first visit to India , as a
Christmas holiday. As it was it became a trip of a life time for a very
different and ominous reason.
Southern India is scorching hot and extremely dusty. They call it the „
garden of India ‟, but at the time we were visiting it I think my father
was right in calling it the „dust bowl of India ‟.
On that fateful day I had spent the whole day sightseeing with my
father, exploring around a 5,000 year old temple ruin. The intense heat
and plumes of dust was getting to us, so we decided to head back to the
hotel.
The cool air-conditioned hotel lobby with its polished marble floors could
not have been more welcoming.
“Hey Kush , you wanna go to the swimming pool?”, my dad asked
quizzically, one eyebrow raised, as he collected the room keys from the
concierge. I definitely did not need a second invitation. In a flash I had
got to my room, got changed, and was waiting in the lobby for dad all
set for a swim. Dad caught up with me moments later and we made our
way through to the pool at the back of the hotel overlooking the Bay of
Bengal .
The huge pool was oversubscribed. Hundreds of tourists were crowded
around the turquoise water like bees around a hive. Out of the corner of
my eye I spotted a smaller pool at the side of the hotel, completely
empty! I nudged my dad and beckoned him to follow me.
As we inched closer to the pool it became apparent that this was a
toddlers pool, depth 0.4 meters.
“Doh” I exclaimed in my best Homer Simpson impression. Dad just
rolled his eyes, sweat careering down his face.
“You could not drown an ant in this” observed dad.

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“We need more water” I declared as if I was having an Archimedes
Eureka moment. Those words could not have been more badly timed, for
just then a thunderous sound shock the ground beneath us and as we
turned a wave of water four stories high engulfed us both. I remember
shouting “Not that much water!” but I don‟t think anyone heard me. Dad
had the foresight to grab two plastic cushions from a nearby deck chair
at that precise instant the wave struck.
Before we knew it hundreds of us were swept out to the sea, bobbing up
and down. My dad tugged my hand and said use this. He pushed one of
the plastic cushions underneath me and it acted like a floatation device.
Hours went by and we drifted further and further out to sea, and further
and further apart with each passing wave. Soon I could barely see land
or any of the other tourists around me. I was getting really scared as it
was getting dark and it seems that I was miles from the coast and the
nearest person. I could no longer see dad.
Suddenly there was another rumble, and a powerful light beam
appeared overhead. It was a helicopter. I waved frantically, and the
helicopter swooped overhead twice before holding itself stationary
overhead.
A rescuer lowered himself at the end of the line and plucked me out of
the sea and pushed me into helicopter. Inside lots of tired and shivering
faces greeted me and then suddenly a familiar mocking voice “We need
more water”. I turned around and it was dad, I gave him an enormous
hug while he busied himself to cover me with a blanket. Words failed
me.
The helicopter landed at Chennai Airport . After a quick medical check
and a hot soup we were released from the hospital. A representative
from the British High Commissioner advised us that our hotel was
destroyed by the Tsunami and he suggested that we take the special
flight laid on to return us to London .
We arrived home to an emotional re-union with friends and family. We
all immediately set to raise as much money as possible for those less
fortunate than us.
It really turned out to be a trip of a lifetime.
THE END

Page 2 of 4
Essay Preparation – Tsunami – CORRECTED VERSION
Plan
Beginning
Set the Scene: Holiday of a life time, Southern India
Ancient temple ruins
Hot/Dry and Dusty
Middle
End of Day Pool
Tsunami strikes
Flotation devices
How felt while drifting in the water
End
Rescue
Donation
TSUNAMI
This was going to be a trip of a life time, my first visit to India , as a
Christmas holiday. As it was it became a trip of a life time for a very
different and ominous reason.
Southern India is scorching hot and extremely dusty. They call it the „
garden of India ‟, but at the time we were visiting it I think my father
was right in calling it the „dust bowl of India ‟.
On that fateful day, I had spent the (whole day) my time sightseeing
with my father, exploring around a 5,000 year old temple ruin. The
intense heat and plumes of dust was getting to us, so we decided to
head back to the hotel.
The cool air-conditioned hotel lobby with its polished marble floors could
not have been more welcoming.
“Hey Kush , you wanna go to the swimming pool?”, my dad asked
quizzically, one eyebrow raised, as he collected the room keys from the
concierge. I definitely did not need a second invitation. In a flash I had
got to my room, got changed, and was waiting in the lobby for dad all
set for a swim. Dad caught up with me moments later and we made our
way through to the pool at the back of the hotel overlooking the Bay of
Bengal .
The huge pool was oversubscribed. Hundreds of tourists were crowded
around the turquoise water like bees around a hive. Out of the corner of
my eye I spotted a smaller pool at the side of the hotel, completely
empty! I nudged my dad and beckoned him to follow me.
As we inched closer to the pool it became apparent that this was a
toddlers pool, depth 0.4 meters.
“Doh!” I exclaimed in my best Homer Simpson impression. Dad just
rolled his eyes, sweat careering down his face.
“You could not drown an ant in this!” observed dad.

Page 3 of 4
“We need more water,” I declared, as if I was having an Archimedes
Eureka moment. Those words could not have been more badly timed, for
just then, a thunderous sound shock the ground beneath us and as we
turned, a wave of water, four stories high, engulfed us both. I remember
shouting, “Not that much water!” but I don‟t think anyone heard me.
Dad had the foresight to grab two plastic cushions from a nearby deck
chair. At that precise instant, the wave struck.
Before we knew it, hundreds of us were swept out to the sea, bobbing
up and down. My dad tugged my hand and said use this. He pushed one
of the plastic cushions underneath me and it acted like a floatation
device.
Hours went by (and with each passing wave) we drifted further and
further out to sea, and further and further apart with each passing
wave- moved. Soon, I could barely see land or any of the other tourists
around me. I was getting really scared as it was getting dark and it
seemed that I was miles from the coast and the nearest person. I could
no longer see my dad.
Suddenly, there was another rumble, and a powerful light beam
appeared overhead. It was a helicopter. I waved frantically, and the
helicopter swooped overhead twice, before holding itself stationary
overhead-don't need repetition.
A rescuer lowered himself at the end of the line and plucked me out of
the sea and pushed me into helicopter. Inside, lots of tired and shivering
faces greeted me and then suddenly a familiar mocking voice said,“We
need more water”. I turned around and it was my dad. I gave him an
enormous hug while he busied himself to cover me with a blanket.
Words failed me.
The helicopter landed at Chennai Airport . After a quick medical check
and a hot soup, we were released from the hospital. A representative
from the British High Commissioner advised us that our hotel was
destroyed by the Tsunami and he suggested that we take the special
flight laid on to return us to London .
We arrived home to an emotional re-union with friends and family. We
all immediately set to raise as much money as possible for those less
fortunate than us.
It really turned out to be a trip of a lifetime.
THE END

Comments: Again very good, you have a vivid imagination and can put
your ideas down well. Just check your work carefully and remember those
commas! Try not to use too many ands, it is better to use a full stop and
begin a new sentence.

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