HOW TO HAVE BETTER CONVERSATIONS

Conversing, networking and building good relationships is at the centre of both business and life success: being able to
converse freely, confidently and briefly signals to those around you that you’re clever, in control and self-assured. And,
most importantly, that you care about other people.

Writer and radio host Celeste Headlee argues that because of the increasing use of technology, we’re losing our ability to
converse face-to-face. We now often use conversation as a platform for our own thoughts and feelings, rather than a
place of discussion and understanding.

Here are 5 out of 10 of her rules to having a better conversation.

1. Listen

The most fundamental concept of all good conversations (and life in general) is the ability to listen. It’s the
hardest thing to do but it’s the most important.

“When I’m talking, I’m in control. I don’t have to hear anything I’m not interested in. I’m the centre of attention.”
Celeste says of our obsession with talking instead of listening.

“Buddha said, ... ‘If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.’”

You are listening to understand, not just reply, and it’s something that people often, but should never forget.

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3. Don’t pontificate

A classic mistake that nobody likes. Does anyone really appreciate listening to a sermon without the possibility
of agreeing on a healthy mid-point of ideas?

You’re not having a conversation if you’re just talking at someone.

“You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn… sometimes that means
setting aside your personal opinion.” says Celeste.

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6. If you don’t know, say you don’t know

Admitting that you don’t know something doesn’t make you look stupid – it makes you look honest. As they
say: “honesty is always the best policy” and it should always be that way for conversations.

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8. “Try not to repeat yourself”

Put simply: it’s boring. And it makes the listener feel like you care more about yourself than them.

“Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we have a point to make, so we just keep
rephrasing it over and over,” Celeste points out.

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10. Be brief

This one is simple. No one likes it when people trap them in conversation for hours and hours. We don’t like
being talked at. A conversation should be dynamic and not unnecessarily long.

Celeste quotes her sister on the subject: ‘A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain
interest, but long enough to cover the subject.’

Now watch​: ​https://www.ted.com/talks/celeste_headlee_10_ways_to_have_a_better_conversation

and complete the other 5 suggestions she gives in the video.