Habits of Listening

In this article, we are going to take a look at what some poor and good listening habits
might look like.The more you know about good and poor listening habits, the better you
will be able to identify and avoid them.

Listening Habits

Poor Listening Habits Good Listening Habits

People find the conversation boring and
allow that to affect their concentration or
lead them to tune the speaker out.
A listener does not pay attention,
daydreams, or becomes distracted rather
than listening to the person speaking.
Those speakers who overreact to something A good listener that disagrees with the
they disagree with generally tune the
speaker out or just focus on what they want
to say in rebuttal.
Poor listening habits would include finding
fault with the speaker. Criticizing the
speaker may mean that you find fault with
the way he or she looks, dresses, or speaks.
Poor listeners will try to zone in on just the
facts that the speaker may make, rather
than listening to everything and hearing the
support for the facts.
People who are really listening will not
allow a subject matter to keep them from
paying attention to the key points. They
also will make sure they continue paying
attention and avoid distractions.
A good listener would not fake paying
attention or engage in daydreaming. She
or he knows the importance of making eye
contact and showing interest.
speaker or something the speaker has
said will remain calm and wait for an
appropriate time to inquire about the point
of disagreement.
Good listening habits include not
evaluating speakers on the way they look
or trying to find fault with them.
Good listeners will look more at the bigger
picture and listen to everything, rather
than just nitpicking particular points.
 Inappropriate listening includes listening
with a closed mind, bias, and/or prejudice
regarding the person or topic.
A poor listener may engage in doodling,
checking text messages, making phone
calls, snapping gum, or any number of other
tasks, when listening should be the focus.
Poor listeners pay no regard to body
language when it comes time to listen. They
may keep their back to the speaker, avoid
eye contact, close their arms as they listen,
or even make faces in response to what
they are hearing.
A poor listener would interrupt the speaker
to make his or her own point, attack what is
being said, etc.
Those who multitask as they listen to
someone are not demonstrating good
listening habits. They may be talking on the
phone, looking at their computer, etc.
Poor listeners will let their emotions get the
best of them. They may interrupt, attack, or
tune out because of them.
Want to learn more? Take an online course in Listening Skills.
A good listener approaches speakers with
an open mind and attitude, showing
respect to the speaker.
Good listeners will minimize or remove
distractions when they know they should
be listening. By doing so, they have
demonstrated to the speaker that they are
attentive and engaged in active listening.
Good listeners realize that a good portion
of communication is done through
nonverbal means and that body language
often says much more than words do.
Good listeners make sure their body
language is open, relaxed, and inviting.
A good listener would wait for an
appropriate time to bring up his or her own
points or ask questions about what has
been said. The listener also would do it in
a non-threatening or attacking manner.
In order to be a good listener, you have to
demonstrate that you are engaged. You
should look at the person that is speaking,
even if it means stopping your work or
whatever else you may be doing.
Good listeners have a handle on their
emotions and will keep them in check in
order to listen. When it is time to ask
questions, get clarification, or counter a
fact, they do so in a respectful manner and
try to use "I" statements, rather than "you"
ones.
Overcoming the Poor Habits

As we all know, habits may be something that we are used to, but they are also
something that we have the ability to change. Most experts believe it takes about three
weeks to break a habit. In light of this, make it a conscious goal for the next three to four
weeks to try to address any poor listening habits you may have. After you have followed
good listening habits for several weeks in a row, you will have overcome the poor habits
and replaced them with good ones.

Irritating Listening Habits

We all have habits, whether good or bad. We know that it takes about three weeks or so
to break a habit and create a new one, but how does one get started in the first place?
Just like Aristotle said, we are what we repeatedly do. When you continuously do things
over and over, they become a habit. That is why, when you are trying to create a new
habit, it is important that you perform the desired behavior each day for at least three
weeks. That will help get rid of an old habit and replace it with a better one.

When it comes to listening skills, there are some habits that can be quite irritating. Not
just irritating to the speaker that you should be listening to, but also to those around you.
We all have probably been in a conference, class, or even a movie when someone is
not listening attentively, and it is irritating. Whether the person is fidgeting, shaking a
leg, or tapping a pen, it can distract the speaker as well as everyone in the area.

Identifying Irritating Habits

Here is an easy way to identify some irritating habits when it comes to listening skills.
Make a list of at least five things off the top of your head that you can think of that would
annoy or irritate you if someone were doing them while you were speaking. A good rule
of thumb is that if a behavior would irritate you, then it will irritate others.

Compare your list to some of these other potentially irritating listening habits:
1. Interrupting the speaker, for whatever reason.
2. Looking everywhere but at the person speaking.
3. Making the speaker feel as though he or she is being rushed or is a bother.
4. Trying to finish the thoughts of or suggest words for the speaker.
5. Drilling the speaker with questions about every little detail.
6. Choosing to not respond when called upon.
7. Trying to dominate the conversation or top the speaker's story.
8. Drawing, doodling, pen-tapping, or fidgeting.
9. Maintaining a blank expression as if you are not actually listening.
10. Bringing up unrelated topics or stories.
11. Repeatedly looking at your watch or the clock to see how much longer you have
to go before you can stop listening.
12. Snapping chewing gum or unwrapping candy or food, which makes irritating
noises when people are trying to listen.
13. Answering the cell phone or text messaging.
14. Faking an expression of paying attention.
15. Not paying attention to body language, so that the listener may be displaying a
closed body language or even one that makes the person appear angry or hostile.
16. Just not being polite to the speaker and those listening.

All of these are examples of behaviors that may be irritating to a speaker or someone
else trying to listen to the speaker. This is in no way an exhaustive list. There are many
other things that people could do that would be considered irritating. This is a good
start, however, and being able to identify these will help you avoid them and become a
better listener.

Engaging in irritating listening habits ends up breaking other people's concentration if

there are others listening. It can do the same to the speaker. As well, it is also a sign
that you are not paying attention.

A Word about Note-taking

By now you have read several times that while listening you should not be doodling.
That does not mean you should never take notes. There are many times when taking
notes is not only appropriate but encouraged. You can get a lot out of note-taking, and if
you are really taking notes, the speaker likely will be able to distinguish that from merely
doodling or not paying attention.

Body Language
Did you realize that the vast majority of communication actually is done in a nonverbal
manner? It is true! Oftentimes, it is what we do not verbally say that expresses so much.
Body language is the area of communication that is nonverbal. It consists of evaluating
someone's gestures, poses, facial expressions, and even eye movements in order to
gain a better understanding of what someone is saying, hiding, or how they feel about
something.

Having a basic understanding of body language can go a long way toward helping you
understand what others are feeling, as well as helping to keep your own in check while
listening to others. Body language is just another helpful way to "read" someone. You
have probably been reading people's body language since you were a child, knowing
when the adults around you were angry, upset, or relaxed, without them needing to say
word.

What Body Language Looks Like

Have you ever seen someone using their hands as they speak? That is body language.
Other examples include pointing, rolling your eyes in disgust, playing with your hair,
crossing your arms, and even putting your hands on your hips. Each of these displays
of body language says something about the person who is doing them, as well as how
that person may feel about what she or he is listening to.

As a listener, it is important to be aware of the types of body language you may be

displaying. If, for example, you are in a conference or meeting and listening to someone
speak and you put your elbow on the desk and lean your head up against your hand, as
if you are holding your head up, it may appear that you are bored. If you are sitting in
your chair or standing and have your arms folded across your chest, it may appear as
though you are closed off or against what you are listening to.

When we listen to someone, there is so much more to it than just the words that come
out of the speaker's mouth and go into our ears. A good exercise is to purposely
observe this in action. For the next day or so, pay attention to the nonverbal
communication that you see taking place around you. Pick up on as much of it as you
can and see what it helps you determine about the speaker and what is being said.

Common Examples of Body Language

Here are some of the most common signs of body language that you are likely to come
across or even engage in, along with the usual interpretation of such actions. While they
may not be set in stone, they are general interpretations that hold true for the majority of
people.

NONVERBAL BODY
INTERPRETATION
LANGUAGE

Walking tall and briskly means ... the person is confident.

Standing with both hands on the

a sign of aggression.
hips is seen as ...

Sitting with the legs crossed and

kicking one leg back and forth the person is bored.
suggests ...

Sitting down with the legs apart

the person is relaxed and open.
or comfortable means ...

Arms crossed over chest the person is on the defense or

suggests ... closed off.

Walking slumped over with

the person is sad.
hands in the pockets means ...

Having a hand on the cheek the person is thinking or

means ... evaluating something.

Touching or rubbing the nose

a sign of lying or doubt.
is ...

Rubbing the eye is ... a sign of disbelief.

Clasping the hands behind the

the person is angry or frustrated.
back shows that ...

Locking the ankles together while

the person is nervous.
sitting down means ...

Resting head in hands and

the person is bored.
looking down indicates ...

Hand-rubbing can be ... a sign of eagerness.

Sitting with legs crossed and the

a sign of confidence or feeling
hands clasped behind the
superior.
person's head is seen as ...

Open hands or palms indicate ... the person is open.

Tapping the fingers on the

the person is impatient.
table ...

Playing with the hair suggests ... the person feels insecure.

Tilting the head indicates ... the listerner is interested.

Using the hand to stroke the chin the person is trying to make a
means ... decision.

Looking down and turning the

the listener is in disbelief.
face away shows ...

Biting the nails or skin around

the person is nervous.
nails indicates ...

Pulling the ear means ... the person is showing indecision.

Body Language as the Listener

As a listener, you can use body language cues in two ways. First, it is helpful in learning
more about what the speaker is trying to communicate. As a listener, you can pick up on
how the speaker feels about the subject matter. Also, as a listener, you can use body
language to make sure you are displaying the type of nonverbal communication that you
intend.

Keep in mind that there always are going to be exceptions to these body language
gestures. Some people may be in wheelchairs, using crutches, or have other such
issues that may keep them from doing certain things and prompt them to do others.
However, this information applies to most people, especially those without such issues.