Sample Paper 1 - Evaluation

Criterion A: Understanding and Interpretation

3 - The response demonstrates an understanding of the literal meaning of the text. There is a satisfactory
interpretation of some implications of the text. References to the text are generally relevant and mostly
support the candidate’s ideas.

The response demonstrates an understanding of the literal meaning of the text by pinpointing its primary
message and its intended primary audience. Implications presented within the response are supported
by textual evidence as well as the author’s interpretation of each example. However, further investigation
into these implications, others present in the text, and possible secondary audiences is encouraged. The
response presents references to the text that, at times, detract from the efficacy of the response’s
arguments.

Criterion B: Analysis and Evaluation

3 - The response demonstrates a generally appropriate analysis of textual features and/or authorial
choices

The response identifies important textual features and authorial choices that affect and engage its target
audience. However, there is little exploration into how these features and choices shape the meaning of
the text or how they affect the text’s intended audience (e.g., the large image placed at the center of the
advertisement and how it engages its intended audience before they even read the title.)

Criterion C: Focus and Organization

3 - The presentation of ideas is adequately organized in a generally coherent manner. There is some
focus in the analysis.

Ideas within the response are organized in a generally coherent manner as the paragraphs are
separated to focus on specific aspects of the analysis. However, these ideas do not transition easily and
it is difficult to discern the focus within the analysis at times. An example of such a time is the end of
paragraph three, when the response mentions the irony between the text’s promise and the expected
delivery time. While this is interesting, it does not directly relate or support the paragraph’s focus.

Criterion D: Language
2 - Language is sometimes clear and carefully chosen; grammar, vocabulary and sentence construction
are fairly accurate, although errors and inconsistencies are apparent; the register and style are to some
extent appropriate to the task.

Language used within the response is sometimes clear and carefully chosen, and further thought into the
author’s choices is encouraged. The vocabulary of the response is generally informal, opting to use the
shortened “advert” rather than “advertisement”. Grammar is used incorrectly at times, such as the
excessive and sometimes unnecessary use of quotation marks in the second paragraph, and several
sentences read awkwardly due to overuse of some terms or words missing from sentences. However,
the response is written in a formal, imperative register, which is appropriate for this task.
Sample Paper 1 - Feedback
When providing feedback to students, it is important that the feedback is both timely and specific. These
qualities will ensure that the feedback is immediately applicable and relevant to the student so that they
have the opportunity to learn from past work in order to improve. Feedback should both celebrate
student achievement displayed in the assessment and outline directions or suggestions for growth. This
recognizes the efforts that the student has put into their work while encouraging them to continue
developing their skills and knowledge.
For this sample paper, I would tell the student that they had a good understanding of the intention of the
text, which was to market a product. The student also realized the intended primary audience was men
who were passive and felt insecure in their ability to compete with more aggressive men. They also
recognized the use of rhetorical questions and informal tone to establish a connection with the reader.
However, I believe the student could have also considered possible secondary audiences. The
advertisement also addresses men in general, and instructs them that past “aggressive” methods of
gaining female attention are no longer effective. Even more so, the advertisement insists that wooing
women of the 90’s is easier than expected, claiming the endeavour requires zero effort on their part.
“You did a great job of identifying the intention of the text (marketing a product) and the primary
audience. I would encourage you to explore possible secondary audiences, as well as how the
implication of the text (that attracting women takes zero effort) might affect those audiences.”
The student is also successful in identifying the use of multimodality to subtly impress upon the readers
the effects of the products advertised. The eye contact that the women in the photos maintain with the
camera give the reader the impression that the women are looking directly at them. Furthermore, the
larger image, the cover of the book advertised, does display a man gaining the affections of an attractive
woman with little effort. I believe that the student could have noted the large size of the photo as well as
its placement at the very centre of the page. More than the title, this would have grabbed the attention of
a reader who was flipping through the pages. It would have also kept the reader’s attention on the
product as they literally would have had to read around the image.
“The use of multimodality is important in this text and you have done well at explaining the effects the
images have on the reader. However, it is also important to consider the physical layout of the text. For
example, consider why the main image is such a large size and why it is placed directly in the centre of
the text, going so far as to interrupt a paragraph.”
Lastly, I would remind the student of expectations for formal writing. The student did well in maintaining
an informal voice and tone throughout the response. However, their choice of vocabulary and attention to
grammar are areas I believe they can improve in.
“You’ve done an excellent job of maintaining an informal tone throughout your response. The next step in
developing your writing skills could be to consider your choice of diction. For example, choosing to use
“advertisement” rather than using the casual slang of “advert” may be more appropriate for this style of
writing. Additionally, be sure to read through your work for any grammatical errors or choices that may be
improved upon.”
The end of the feedback provided should provide the student with a summary of their accomplishments
as well as outline the next steps for improvement. I believe it may also be beneficial to suggest methods
or resources for improvement in the feedback.
“This is a good start to developing the skills necessary to critically analyze texts. You’ve demonstrated a
clear degree of insight in identifying intention, the use of language, and the effects of multimodality. Keep
up the great work in continuing to develop these skills.”