Reader-Response Critique of Okonkwo in Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

Under Holland’s Notion of Projection

Marjorie Balajadia

BSEd 2-A
 Reader-Response using Holland’s Notion of Projection

Okonkwo is the main character in the novel Things Fall Apart written by Chinua Achebe.
The main character is a very prideful and tough man. He upholds an image of strong masculinity
depicted above all by having three wives. His masculinity and being authoritarian was shown by
telling his son Nwoye and his debtor Ikemefuna what to do and also what to think. Okonkwo’s
behavior was greatly affected by his past with his father. Okonkwo’s father-Unoka was described
by Okonkwo as a woman for not winning in his life.
 
“Okonkwo never showed any emotion openly, unless it is the emotion of anger. To show
affection was the sign of weakness; the only thing worth demonstrating was strength.” Above all,
this passage makes me raise my eyebrow. As I have noticed in our society right now, most
fathers and even just young boys are like Okonkwo they tend to hide their feelings if it is not for
the expression of anger, they are always quiet as if anger is the only acceptable emotion for being
a man. Most of them think that if a man expresses themselves like smiling, exhibiting sadness or
crying is a shame. It is a shame for them to show such feelings and they regard those boys who
show their emotions and are being expressive as gays, so instead, they remain silent and cold.
 
Research says men mature late than women. They mature most likely at the age of 40
(Tan, 2019). As we can see, Okonkwo is not expressive aside from expressing his anger. This
makes me dislike men and have trust issues with them even more. My aspiration of having a
caring and understanding husband defects the fact that today most men are like Okonkwo.
 
I reacted that way, of raising an eyebrow to Okonkwo, on being hateful towards men
because of what I have seen in movies and teleseryes where the fathers of each household are
like Okonkwo may it be from the well-off families or from the people living in poverty, men are
very much alike, they are overflowing with pride. Especially in our country which is very
patriarchal (Medina, 2015). In my opinion and observation, Filipino men think highly of
themselves.
 
From my experience, I heard from my siblings that once my father was like Okonkwo. My father
is a very strict person maybe because of his childhood and his battles both in his life and in the
field. 

Just like Okonkwo he hates his father, my grandfather , he hates how his father raised them.
Even his father died many years ago, I heard from my siblings that he is still contemplating his
father's decisions, of how his father decided for him to stop going to school for my uncle to start
college and of how his father tolerate his brothers and sisters stubbornness.

My father thinks he is always right. He is a perfectionist that if you misheard his order
you will receive a scolding. He always discusses whenever he is angry, of how he dislikes his
father’s way of being considerate. Also, my father said that had his father practiced being strict
in their household on how he raised his children they may be living a better life now, all his
siblings might have already finished college and most of all, they might be a professional in their
chosen fields. My father is very similar to Okonkwo, he shares that same disposition with
Okonkwo that a lousy man is a woman. One time I realized why he is being like that towards his
father, it made me think of this passage, “Okonkwo ruled his household with a heavy hand. His
wives, especially the youngest, lived in perpetual fear of his fiery temper, and so did his little
children. But his whole life was dominated by fear, the fear of failure and weakness. It was the
fear of himself.” Okonkwo maybe did not want to be a failure anymore that made him tough.
The same with my father, he was not able to finish college because he was advise to give way for
my uncle. My father has a dream of becoming a veterinarian but was unable to accomplish it.
Instead, he became a police officer by first entering Philippine Constabulary way back in 1980.
Growing up with a father like Okonkwo is disturbing; maybe I notice those passages above all
because of having experiences with such man. It made me dislike and develop annoyance
towards Okonkwo.
 
Upon reading this passage, “Okonkwo never showed any emotion openly, unless it is the
emotion of anger” made me relive of those memories with my father. Growing up with a father
like Okonkwo is not easy as you always fear what might make him angry. You always tend to
stay away from him for the fear that your action might make him mad and that every day you
just hope that nothing will make him angry because if there will, he will rant the whole day and
he will again discuss those past mistakes you have done in the household.

I tried to understand him before. I thought that maybe because of his profession, it drives him to
be a tough and strict father. Maybe he was just tired from work. He is not always strict but then I
did not let my guard down. I became conscious of my actions every time is around and as much
as I can I stayed away from his shadow. All of my childhood memories with him is blurry, I
cannot remember us having a father and daughter bonding except when he asked me to get his
uniform before going to his work. Each day that our house is quiet makes me happy.
 
Maybe that is the reason why I find peace in silence that made me silent today, afraid of causing
discomfort towards everyone. Maybe those experiences shaped me into who and what I am today
(Rosenberg&Wilcox, 2006). I am an introvert. I find happiness in solitude. I can go wherever I
want without having a company at the same time does not make me feel sad or lonely. I talk less
and speak less anxious to be judged and misunderstood, which turned me into being antisocial
because I have developed this feeling of fear towards almost everyone (Scott, 1998; Simons et
al., 2007). Mostly towards men, I cannot have a decent eye-contact whenever I converse with
them. I have this difficulty of socializing and talking with men extremely if they are strangers
(Lyons-Ruth, 1996; Simons et al., 2007). It always happens that whenever I walk and there is a
guy age 45 to 70 approaching my way my heart skips a beat and my palms were sweating cold as
if those guys would hurt or harass me (Bowlby, 1969). Those experiences have a great impact on
my social well being (Levine Coley,
1998).  
 
Moreover, reading this specific line, “Okonkwo never showed any emotion openly,
unless it is the emotion of anger” made me reflect on what I have already written. Even before
reading Things Fall Apart for analysis, I already have those things running in my mind. I
perceive Okonkwo as my father and as most Filipino men nowadays, from the young boys up to
the old men. For me, they are very much alike with Okonkwo. It might be hard for Filipino men
not to think or behave that (Okonkwo) way since the Philippines is a patriarchal society, we were
ruled by a lot of male presidents. Our heroes mostly were men, which may conclude why
Filipino men regard themselves highly above women. Men think that they alone can do it all
without the help of others. No man is an island but in my opinion and observation, Filipino men
are.
 
Also this passage, “Inwardly Okonkwo knew that the boys were still too young to
understand fully the difficult art of preparing seed yams. But he thought that one could not begin
too early. Yam stood for manliness, and he who could feed his family on yams from one harvest
to another was a very great man indeed. Okonkwo wanted his son to be a greater farmer and a
great man. He would stamp out the disquieting signs of laziness which he thought he already saw
in him”, of course, fathers think that way for the future of their children but it is an improper
way. They were not helping. In their minds, if they become gentle and tell their children to work
hard, they will not be taken seriously since I also admit and agree that children nowadays are
hard-headed. In this passage, I could not blame how Okonkwo managed his sons.
It is just that again, he is very hideous of his feelings. The word “inwardly” struck me in awe.
Why can’t he said it so that his children could get a better understanding of his emotions and his
intentions of making them work so hard? It is for the good of all if only Okonkwo could just
speak his mind. That made me include these passages, because of Okonkwo's pride and all the
men like Okonkwo who is making their life harder because of their pride which forbids them of
speaking their minds.
 
I am annoyed with these passages because some fathers have complicated relationships with
their children because of pride. I and my father are one of those, we are not that complicated, it is
just that we are not close to talking over dinner. We live in the same house but the conversations
I have with him can be counted on my fingers (Levin & Currie, 2010). Being a prideful man can
greatly affect the relationships of every household.
 
One time I stumble on a local game show Minute to Win It where sons were competing
and they bring with them their parents then they reached that point where the companion of the
player should give a word of encouragement for that is the final stage of the game, they need to
say messages, which is from son to father. A player once said that they were not that much
expressive with his father and they talk just a little, the same goes between me and my father.
   
We may not address this issue right now in our society but we children, are greatly
affected by how our fathers treat us, by how they behave and how we perceive those
“encouragements” as purely criticisms (Resendiz & Romero, 2007). The problem is the pride of
those fathers and the fear that they infuse towards their children and their careless action which
they thought is not a big deal for us children. It is sad living with those realities. It is even sadder
to receive that kind of treatment from the man whom we supposed to receive care and protection
(Chaplin et al., 2005).

After all, we cannot blame men like Okonkwo and my father because they were mold by
their experiences but at least they should communicate for the betterment of everyone’s mental
health. 
References:

Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss, vol. 1, Attachment. Basic Books. Retrieved from
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Jeffrey Rosenberg and W. Bradford Wilcox, (2006). Fathers and Their Impact on Children’s
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Levin, K. A., & Currie, C. (2010). Family structure, mother-child communication, father child
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