PH

Search

Avatar image
cleaned by Adblock for Youtube™ Share
How to stop feeling anxious about anxiety | Tim Box | TEDxFolkestone
684,121 views•Oct 15, 2019

22K

349

SHARE

SAVE

TEDx Talks
30.4M subscribers
NOTE FROM TED: While some viewers might find advice provided in this talk to be
helpful as a complementary approach, please do not look to this talk for medical
advice. This talk only represents the speaker’s personal understanding of and
experiences with anxiety. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers.
The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here:
http://storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...

What if it turned out that anxiety isn’t actually our enemy? What if we suddenly
realised our fear was trying to help us? What would happen if we stopped trying to
fight anxiety and embraced it as a trusted friend?

Tim Box is a therapist, author and anxiety expert, and in his youth experienced
debilitating levels of social anxiety.
Tim has spent a large part of the last 10 years helping people understand and
control their anxiety response and at some point during the last decade he started
to get the distinct impression that most people dealing with anxiety were thinking
about it in entirely the wrong way.

In this talk Tim explains why we need to think about anxiety differently, why the
help we are being offered often exacerbates the problem, and how a very simple
shift in the way we think about our own emotional responses can free us from our
diagnoses and help us all feel a lot less anxious about anxiety. Tim is a remedial
hypnotist and mind management expert. He helps people get back in control of the
way they think, feel and behave.

Having overcome his own social anxiety in the past, he now specialises in treating
anxiety issues. In 2017 he published his first book; Clear Your Head: The simple
guide to enjoying your life without anxiety getting in the way. This went on to
become an Amazon number 1 bestseller in its category. This talk was given at a TEDx
event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local
community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx
Transcript
00:00
[Music]
00:13
hello my name is Tim box and I feel
00:18
anxious I feel anxious about whether or
00:21
not I'm gonna remember what I came here
00:22
to say I feel anxious about whether or
00:25
not you guys are going to agree with
00:27
what I came here to say and if I'm
00:29
completely honest up until about 30
00:30
seconds ago I felt a little bit anxious
00:32
about the possibility of tripping up
00:34
this rug on the way out but I think
00:36
feeling anxious about these things while
00:38
seemingly unhelpful is perhaps
00:41
understandable
00:42
after all it's important to me that I
00:44
say exactly what I came here to say that
00:46
my message gets heard and I achieved
00:50
this without falling flat on my face
00:53
yeah right now anxiety makes sense but
00:59
there was a time in my life when I
01:00
anxiety really didn't make sense I used
01:03
to feel the kind of anxiety that meant I
01:04
would struggle to even walk into a room
01:06
with this many people in it let alone
01:08
stand at the front and give a talk now
01:11
obviously something has changed since
01:14
then otherwise I wouldn't be standing
01:15
here now and I think the main thing
01:17
that's changed is that whilst I still
01:18
experience anxiety I no longer suffer
01:22
with it but I didn't achieve this shift
01:25
by trying to get rid of it now don't get
01:28
me wrong back in the day that's exactly
01:30
what I was trying to do I would do all I
01:32
could to avoid any anxiety inducing
01:35
situation I would arrange my daily
01:37
movements specifically avoiding social
01:39
situations if I felt anxiety starting to
01:41
flare up I'd run away I do all I could
01:44
to retreat to safety and then employ
01:46
various distraction techniques to take
01:49
my mind away from the horribly
01:50
uncomfortable feeling that something bad
01:52
was about to happen it turns out that
01:57
was my big mistake you see you don't get
01:59
rid of anxiety by trying to get rid of
02:02
it truth is you don't get rid of anxiety
02:06
at all now by some twist of fate or
02:10
perhaps as a direct result of what I
02:11
went through back then
02:13
I now work with anxiety sufferers to
02:15
help them understand and ultimately
02:16
overcome those feelings I spent a large
02:19
part of the last ten years talking to
02:21
anxiety sufferers about their anxiety
02:24
and whilst all those I spoke to had
02:27
their own individual story their own
02:29
personal journey with anxiety every
02:32
single one of them at some point
02:33
expressed exactly the same desire that I
02:36
used to have the desire to get rid of
02:39
anxiety completely can you imagine if we
02:43
all achieved that a world without
02:45
anxiety what would they even look like
02:48
well for example this room would
02:51
probably look empty anxiety is the
02:55
feeling that tells us when something is
02:56
worth demanding our attention so in some
02:59
small way it was anxiety that reminded
03:02
you you had somewhere to be today
03:04
without it none of us would have turned
03:06
up and those that accidentally did will
03:08
be watching an empty stage none of us
03:11
would have businesses careers because we
03:14
wouldn't have regarded studying gaining
03:16
qualifications as worth bothering with
03:17
and none of us would have boyfriends
03:20
girlfriends husbands or wives either
03:21
here or at home because we just wouldn't
03:24
have seen the value of washing and
03:26
dressing up to make a good impression on
03:28
that all-important first date that we
03:31
probably forgot to turn up to so it
03:35
seems anxiety is important but of course
03:39
there are those that don't feel anxiety
03:41
there are two very distinct groups the
03:43
first group dead people
03:48
dead people don't feel anxious you know
03:51
and I think that's okay
03:52
they're dead they've got enough to not
03:56
worry about the second group would be
03:59
those we might refer to as Psychopaths
04:02
those people that for whatever reason
04:04
lack the ability to have any concern for
04:07
the consequences of theirs or anyone
04:09
else's actions now I don't know how you
04:12
were brought up but when I was a kid I
04:14
was given the distinct impression that
04:15
being part of either of these two groups
04:17
would be undesirable so if being free of
04:22
anxiety would be such a bad idea why do
04:25
we regard feeling anxious so negatively
04:29
now I think the very obvious answer that
04:31
question is that it feels horrible when
04:33
we suffer high levels of anxiety over a
04:34
long period of time it can very quickly
04:36
start to dominate our life even go on to
04:39
define our existence of course we're
04:41
gonna try and get rid of it but what if
04:44
we can't what if all of our attempts to
04:46
control our anxiety response ultimately
04:49
fail and where do we go I think most
04:53
people go along to their local doctor
04:55
and I should say at this point I'm a big
04:57
fan of doctors they've saved my life on
05:00
more than one occasion and I feel a
05:02
tremendous amount of sympathy for them
05:03
when it comes to treating anxiety issues
05:06
because it's really not what they signed
05:08
up for and it's certainly not what
05:10
they're trained for when it comes to
05:12
anxiety doctors are restricted in three
05:15
important ways firstly time you get
05:19
somewhere between 8 and 11 minutes for
05:21
an appointment with your local GP which
05:23
is nowhere near enough time to
05:24
effectively diagnose and treat an
05:26
anxiety issue secondly knowledge doctors
05:30
are taught that anxiety is a mental
05:32
health condition and yet they're not
05:34
mental health specialists if a doctor
05:36
wishes to become one of those they have
05:38
to train for a further five or six more
05:39
years to become a psychiatrist and
05:42
thirdly resources doctors are given
05:46
precious little support when it comes to
05:48
actually treating anxiety I can put you
05:51
on a 12 to 16 week waiting list for some
05:54
form of counselling but by the time we
05:56
got to the doctor we're probably in such
05:57
desperate need of assistance that being
05:59
told we now have to wait three or four
06:00
months to talk to some
06:01
is not helpful that leaves the only
06:05
other option medication I'm not a fan of
06:10
medicating anxiety now whilst I'm well
06:13
aware that taking drugs can change the
06:16
way we feel back in the 90s I witnessed
06:19
many of my friends on a Saturday night
06:20
discovering that very simple truth but
06:24
with medication comes all sorts of
06:26
unpredictable and unpleasant
06:27
side-effects and in the unlikely event
06:30
we do find the drug that agrees with you
06:33
that calms your anxiety response without
06:35
any side effects then of course it's all
06:38
too easy to now regard ourselves as
06:40
dependent on that drug and then the
06:43
possibility of developing a dependency
06:45
on our anti-anxiety medication just
06:47
becomes something else to feel anxious
06:50
about the truth is a medical solution to
06:55
a non-medical problem will not solve
06:57
that problem it will at best just patch
07:00
over it for a short while now the irony
07:03
here is that most of the people I've
07:06
spoken to they already know all of this
07:08
they know the doctor is not a great
07:10
option for our anxiety which then begs
07:13
the very obvious question so why do we
07:14
go there I believe we go there because
07:18
these days we are told anxiety is an
07:21
illness and this is perhaps the one
07:24
certain result of going to the doctor
07:26
for your anxiety you will come away from
07:28
there labelled with an anxiety issue
07:30
maybe even diagnosed with an anxiety
07:33
disorder and now you have a brand new
07:37
thing to feel anxious about during the
07:41
thousands of conversations I've had with
07:43
anxiety sufferers there was a common
07:45
thread when asked what they felt most
07:48
anxious about the answer was generally
07:51
how anxious they felt and if it would
07:54
ever stop this concern is almost
07:57
entirely created and fueled by the idea
08:00
that anxiety is an illness anxiety is
08:05
not an illness anxiety is an emotion
08:10
every emotion is important every emotion
08:14
has a purpose
08:16
every emotion is a natural and vital
08:18
part of our human experience in that
08:22
respect anxiety is no more sinister than
08:23
any other feeling we might have if we
08:26
didn't feel anxiety would be one emotion
08:28
short of the full set that really would
08:30
be a disorder I want to share with you
08:34
now an analogy that might go some way
08:36
towards helping us understand our
08:38
emotional responses I want you to think
08:41
of your mind like a ship every ship has
08:44
a captain and a crew in this analogy the
08:48
captain is your logical rational
08:50
conscious part of your thinking it's the
08:53
part that knows where you want to go why
08:55
you want to go there and has a fair idea
08:57
of how you think you gonna get there
08:59
unfortunately the part of our mind that
09:01
has its hands and all the things that
09:02
steer and sail our ship that's the crew
09:05
that's your subconscious your
09:07
subconscious is in charge of all of your
09:09
automatic responses so your patterns of
09:12
thought and behavior your belief systems
09:15
and perhaps most importantly your
09:16
emotions your crew sail your ship by
09:20
triggering the appropriate emotional
09:22
responses so for example if we regard
09:25
something is dangerous
09:26
our crew might trigger the feeling of
09:29
fear we've become uncomfortable and this
09:32
feeling will encourage us to move away
09:34
from the danger to return to comfort if
09:38
we believe we've been wronged a member
09:40
of our crew might trigger anger will
09:43
energize and our focus will be drawn
09:44
towards taking whatever action is
09:46
necessary to right the wrong so what
09:51
about anxiety why do our crew trigger
09:54
that particular emotion now no doubt
09:57
every single one of us will have our own
09:58
idea about what anxiety means to us but
10:01
put simply anxiety is the emotion that
10:04
tells us when something is too important
10:05
to simply lose focus of it's the voice
10:09
of concern about an upcoming event or
10:11
situation that refuses to be ignored
10:13
it's the crew saying to the captain you
10:17
need to pay attention to this now here's
10:20
the important part your crew are
10:22
operating on one very simple principle
10:24
they're trying to find the best strategy
10:26
for the most happiness
10:28
yes safety is important after all safety
10:31
is a huge component part of happiness we
10:33
can't feel happy if we don't feel safe
10:35
but ultimately at all times your crew
10:38
are trying to steer you in the direction
10:39
of happiness as the American author Jon
10:43
shed once wrote a ship in Harbor is safe
10:45
but that is not what ships are built for
10:49
so even when your crew are making you
10:51
feel awful telling you things about
10:53
yourself you really don't want to hear
10:54
those seemingly self-destructive
10:56
thoughts I'm not good enough I'll never
10:58
succeed unlovable even these harsh words
11:01
are simply designed to steer you away
11:03
from any situation that might lead to an
11:06
unhappy experience they're not trying to
11:09
sink the ship
11:09
they just tryna sail it away from the
11:11
stormy seas that we fear we might not be
11:14
able to cope with but every decision
11:17
your crew makes is based upon the things
11:20
you've learned throughout your life and
11:22
because many of these things will learn
11:24
when you were very young some of them no
11:27
longer apply some of them were just
11:29
wrong in the first place
11:31
what this means is that as far as
11:33
anxiety is concerned your crew will very
11:36
often make mistakes but just because
11:40
they get things wrong doesn't make them
11:42
the enemy and yet this is a sentiment I
11:46
hear all the time
11:48
anxiety is the enemy people want to
11:51
throw those crewmembers overboard and I
11:54
can understand that after all if we
11:56
regard a part of our mind as now
11:58
actively trying to destroy us then of
12:01
course it would be easy to view it as
12:03
the enemy if we then believe our mind
12:05
has actually turned against us it'll be
12:09
easy to conclude our mind is broken it
12:13
would be easy to believe that person
12:14
that told us the way you feel means you
12:17
are ill I started this talk by telling
12:20
you I used to suffer debilitating levels
12:22
of social anxiety so how did I get
12:25
control of that what did I actually do
12:28
to reduce it there are three main things
12:31
I did that I think helped me change the
12:35
first thing I did I refused to believe I
12:37
was ill of all the things I felt anxious
12:41
about
12:41
I decided not to feel anxious about
12:44
feeling anxious I recognize that every
12:47
time I felt anxiety it wasn't random
12:49
it was always triggered by a situation
12:51
or a thought process once I understood
12:53
this I could do the second thing that's
12:56
to listen to my crew I spent too long
12:59
pushing them away trying to ignore what
13:01
they were telling me when you ignore
13:03
someone with an important message
13:05
they might just start to speak louder to
13:07
get heard if you continue to ignore them
13:10
they might start to shout the only way I
13:14
was going to stop anxiety from shouting
13:15
at me to listen to it
13:18
to hear what it was saying to me I
13:20
sought to understand what my crew were
13:23
trying to achieve with these feelings
13:24
and to turn my enemies into my friends
13:27
and the funny thing is when you start
13:30
listening listening to what your minds
13:32
trying to tell you you can stop shouting
13:36
when the crew stop shouting
13:38
the captain can be heard that's the
13:41
point where you're more logical thinking
13:42
gets to have some info you get to decide
13:45
is this feeling appropriate or
13:47
inappropriate is it helpful or unhelpful
13:51
once you have the ear of your crew and
13:54
you know what you would want from them
13:55
the third thing maybe the most important
13:58
thing is to always always be kind to
14:02
them if you're anything like me you
14:05
spent a large part of your life beating
14:06
yourself up over the things you did
14:09
wrong or the things you didn't quite do
14:11
right or just about the way you feel for
14:14
all the criticism and negativity you've
14:16
received from others throughout your
14:17
life the person has given you the most
14:20
it's probably you this has the
14:23
cumulative effect of destroying morale
14:25
aboard your ship a demoralized crew
14:28
equals low self-esteem and low
14:30
self-esteem means nail the slightest
14:33
challenge will create anxiety but the
14:37
good news is you can repair the damage
14:39
that's been done very easily simply by
14:41
deciding from now on to always talk to
14:43
your crew to yourself with kindness and
14:48
positivity
14:51
people do their best work when they feel
14:53
empowered to achieve your crew are no
14:55
different put simply if you beat
14:58
yourself up you just end up beating if
15:01
you build yourself up who knows how far
15:04
we can reach this is why I think it's
15:07
okay maybe even important to feel
15:10
anxiety every single day of our lives
15:12
it means the crew are still sailing the
15:15
ship and still trying to get it in the
15:17
right direction it's a part of you that
15:20
makes you reread the important email
15:21
before you send it it's the part that
15:24
makes sure you check your keys or in
15:25
your pocket before you send the front
15:27
door on your way out in the morning and
15:29
it's the part that makes your heart skip
15:31
a little bit when you think about giving
15:32
that important presentation at work or
15:35
in a theater truth is I still feel
15:40
anxious all the time for example every
15:43
Friday morning I wake feeling anxious
15:45
because Friday is dustbin day
15:53
my crew wake me with the thought I need
15:56
to go and take the bins out now it's not
15:59
debilitating anxiety it's barely a
16:02
whisper it's just loud enough to get
16:03
heard and then when I've taken the bins
16:05
out it's gone
16:05
and this might seem like a really
16:08
trivial example but this is exactly the
16:10
sort of thing that will trouble us if we
16:12
believe the way we feel is not normal
16:15
I wonder if back in the day when I'd
16:17
suffered high levels of anxiety if I've
16:19
been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder
16:21
would I now dread Friday mornings would
16:25
I feel anxious about the prospect of my
16:27
anxiety flaring up again would I curse
16:31
myself for still not being free of
16:32
anxiety there tend to be too popular
16:37
positions on high anxiety the first
16:40
states it's a mental illness it's the
16:43
way you're wired there's little we can
16:44
do about it the second states is not
16:47
real it's all in your head you just need
16:48
to get over it
16:50
neither of these positions are helpful
16:52
and both are wrong the last 10 years
16:58
have taught me the truth lies somewhere
16:59
in the middle of course it's real
17:01
we don't ask to feel this way and yet we
17:03
do even though we feel this way now
17:06
doesn't mean we can't change it the
17:10
first step towards changing is to accept
17:12
it once we accept anxiety as a natural
17:16
part of our human experience and treat
17:18
it not as our enemy but as a trusted
17:20
friend you'll be surprised how quickly
17:23
the crew just get back to sailing the
17:26
ship and we start to feel a lot less
17:28
anxious about anxiety so how do you feel
17:35
today do you feel anxious about
17:36
something good I mean you're alive
17:41
it means as a part of you trying to tell
17:42
you something that regards is important
17:45
have a listen it's here to help my name
17:50
is Tim box and now 18 minutes later I
17:56
feel a lot less anxious thank you very
17:59
much
18:00
[Applause]

18:37
NOW PLAYING
Master Shi Heng Yi – 5 hindrances to self-mastery | Shi Heng YI | TEDxVitosha
TEDx Talks
8.7M views
1 year ago

Mix
NOW PLAYING
Mix - TEDx Talks
YouTube

14:20
NOW PLAYING
Living With High Functioning Anxiety | Jordan Raskopoulos | TEDxSydney
TEDx Talks
1.4M views
3 years ago

15:09
NOW PLAYING
The Super Mario Effect - Tricking Your Brain into Learning More | Mark Rober |
TEDxPenn
TEDx Talks
9.8M views
2 years ago

10:12
NOW PLAYING
How Drawing Outside the Lines Keeps Opening Doors | Anne Shutan | TEDxYouth@Vail
TEDx Talks
1.9K views
2 days ago
New

13:31
NOW PLAYING
Why I live a zero waste life | Lauren Singer | TEDxTeen
TEDx Talks
3.6M views
5 years ago
17:37
NOW PLAYING
How not to take things personally? | Frederik Imbo | TEDxMechelen
TEDx Talks
6.3M views
1 year ago

13:11
NOW PLAYING
How do you define yourself? | Lizzie Velasquez | TEDxAustinWomen
TEDx Talks
11M views
7 years ago

14:45
NOW PLAYING
Is Social Media Hurting Your Mental Health? | Bailey Parnell | TEDxRyersonU
TEDx Talks
2.6M views
3 years ago

7:59
NOW PLAYING
Why You Think You're Ugly | Melissa Butler | TEDxDetroit
TEDx Talks
1.6M views
2 years ago

Hope invites | Tsutomu Uematsu | TEDxSapporo

TEDx Talks
5.3M views
6 years ago

Isolation is the dream-killer, not your attitude | Barbara Sher | TEDxPrague

TEDx Talks
2.7M views
5 years ago

Own Your Behaviours, Master Your Communication, Determine Your Success | Louise
Evans | TEDxGenova
TEDx Talks
3.4M views
4 years ago

The most important lesson from 83,000 brain scans | Daniel Amen | TEDxOrangeCoast
TEDx Talks
15M views
7 years ago

Allow things to unfold and you will find your purpose in life | Peggy Oki |
TEDxQueenstown
TEDx Talks
3.5M views
4 years ago

Live in the Moment: Delete Social Media | Ryan Thomas | TEDxAshburnSalon

TEDx Talks
377K views
3 years ago

The skill of self confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph | TEDxRyersonU

TEDx Talks
21M views
9 years ago

How to cope with anxiety | Olivia Remes | TEDxUHasselt

TEDx Talks
2.2M views
3 years ago

The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong | Amy Morin | TEDxOcala

TEDx Talks
16M views
5 years ago

The first 20 hours -- how to learn anything | Josh Kaufman | TEDxCSU

TEDx Talks
25M views
8 years ago