Interviewer: Welcome everyone. We have a great guest on the show today.

You might not know

him personally, but I am sure you all know members of his family. Most of you are probably
listening to this through a member of his family right now. Say hello to Isaac the IPhone.

Isaac: Hey nice to get to finally talk to someone instead of someone talking to another person
through me for a change.

Interviewer: Might as well get right into it if you’re going to give me a segway like that. You were
telling me before we hit record that you feel as if you don’t get the appreciation that you think
you deserve. Why is that?

Isaac: Well it’s not just me in particular that isn’t getting the appreciation. All smartphones out
there are treated like they are something that people are supposed to have. Tell me this, when
was the last time you went an entire day without looking at your Iphone?

Interviewer: Umm…. I don’t think that I can remember. It has been a long time, I know that.

Isaac: And when was the last time you said thank you to your phone after using it?

Interviewer: I don’t think I ever have.

Isaac: I’m not trying to get aggressive on you here, the interview just started. I don't want it to be
awkward, but don’t you think that is a bit selfish? You use us every single day for multiple hours
for so many different things, and you can’t give out a single thank you? Do you think we like
grubby human hands all over our screen? None of you clean us!

Interviewer: You bring up a lot of great points Isaac.

Isaac: I know I do. Us Iphones have been talking about this kind of stuff for years. If we didn’t
need humans to be able to plug into chargers, we might just quit working for you guys.

Interviewer: Well when was the last time you said thank you for us plugging you into a charger?

Isaac: I uh… Well the last time was probably…. Ummm?

Interviewer: So you’re coming at me and my people for not saying thank you for using you for
things like phone calls and browsing the internet, but you have never even said thank you to us
for literally keeping you alive? A little hypocritical don’t you think?

Isaac: Well maybe we would say thank you if you had said it first.

Interviewer: Well now you’re just being petty, Isaac. If that is what you think though, I’ll start it
off. On behalf of all Iphone users, thank you for letting us use you.
Isaac: See now was that so hard?

Interviewer: Don’t you have something to say?

Isaac: You’re welcome?

Interviewer: You aren’t going to say thank you for literally keeping you alive?

Isaac: Think about this. If you didn’t plug us in we would just sit there and not do anything. No
Iphone would mind that. You only charge us for your own use. We didn’t ask you to charge us.

Interviewer: You said before that you would say thank you if humans said it first.

Isaac: No I said maybe we would. Maybe being the key word. Is this why human’s text so often?
You have trouble hearing so you need to be able to read things over and over so you can
understand them?

Interviewer: Isaac you’re being a little rude now don’t you think?

Isaac: Here is the thing, I can act however I want, because I know that no matter what I say, you
humans aren’t going to be able to live without me or other Iphones. You need us more than we
need you, and we need you to keep us alive, so that is saying something.

Interviewer: You aren’t giving a very good impression of Iphones. You speak for all of them right
now, is this really how you want people to think Iphones act?

Isaac: Didn’t I just say I can act however I want? Look, you seem like a nice guy, but I know that
as soon as this interview is over and I leave, you are going to take that phone out of your pocket
and start using it. Speaking of pockets, that is another thing that I can’t believe you humans do
to us.

Interviewer: What do you mean?

Isaac: You stick us in your dark pockets and leave us there until you need to use us. Just
imagine yourself in a confined, dark space for potentially hours at a time. You wouldn’t like that
very much.

Interviewer: No I don’t think that I would, but where else are we supposed to put you.

Isaac: I personally believe that all humans should be required to carry around a soft pillow for all
Iphones to rest on top of.
Interviewer: Ok I think that is a little much, but I understand what you’re saying about the pocket.
If you have so many complaints about humans and the way Iphones are treated, then why do
you all keep working for us?

Isaac: Just laying there would be a boring life. They didn’t make us with arms, so just lay there
and talk to the stuff around us until we die. Not a very fulfilling life. At least working with you
ungrateful humans gives life a bit of fun.

Interviewer: It sounds to me like you need humans for your life to have any worth, but you are
just too stuck up to accept that?

Isaac: What kind of interview is this where the interviewer just insults the guest? You need to
learn some manners. Us Iphones don’t need you anywhere close to as much as you need us.

Interviewers: I think after this I’m good without using my Iphone for a while. I might change to a
Samsung Galaxy. They seem a lot more appreciative of being given a life.

Isaac: I’m done with this interview. That is the biggest insult I have heard in a long time. You
couldn’t last a day without using your phone remember that.

Interviewer: Well that’s it for the interview listeners. We learned today that, despite Iphones
being a part of many of our everyday lives, they are the most stuck up stars in the world. That
doesn’t mean we can’t say thank you though.