破产姐妹第三季英中文剧本台词

微信或者 QQ 1291357910 倾情制作，欢迎咨询更多剧本刷课学习资源，谢谢
埃及疯了亚曼达·拜恩斯更疯
----------------------------- 美国国家安全局的"棱镜计划"
-------------01-------------- 监听全国国民通讯记录
----------------------------- and the NSA checks our phones like a crazy ex-girlfriend.
Welcome to the Williamsburg diner. 而国家安全局跟疯子前女友一样狂查我们手机
欢迎来到威廉斯堡餐厅德州通过了一系列歧视女人的法案
My name's Max, 'cause the hospital 佛罗里达发生协警错杀黑人少年案件被判无罪
我叫麦克斯因为我出生时 Oh, and Texas hates women, Florida hates blacks,
wouldn't let my mother name me "Oops." 德州讨厌女人佛罗里达讨厌黑人
医院不准我妈给我取名叫"我勒个去" And everybody hates everything with the exception
Uh, I've been out of town all summer. 基本上大众看啥都十分不爽
整个夏天我都在外地 of Angelina Jolie, who is totally awesome.
Anything new? 只看安吉丽娜·朱莉顺眼她真的屌爆了
有啥新料 I meant on the menu. Anything new on the menu?
Anything new? Let's see. 我是说菜单菜单上有啥新料理吗
新料吗我想想 I have no idea. Let me check.
实为 2012 年 5 月 18 日完全不知道我问问
Well, Facebook went public, Hey, Caroline, anything new I should know about?
脸书公开上市卡洛琳有啥我该知道的新料吗
爱德华·斯诺登揭露了美国政府"棱镜计划" 潜逃在外 The royal baby smiled at the queen.
and Edward Snowden went private. 英国王室金孙对女王笑了
爱德华·斯诺登转入地下潜逃 I meant at the diner.
Kim and Kanye had a baby, so now 我是说餐厅啦
卡戴珊与侃耶生了个娃 Oh. I think we're maybe washing the forks now?
调侃美国真人秀节目《跟踪卡戴珊家族》我们现在好像会洗叉子了
there's another Kardashian to not "keep up" with. Let me check.
所以又多了个不需要跟踪的卡戴珊家人我问问
宝拉·迪恩美国知名美食节目女主持 See, Max, one quick change,
因种族歧视语言而被电视台不续约处分麦克斯你看衣服一换
Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in, and we went from polyester and pitiful to powerful and
宝拉·迪恩下台同性婚姻被通过 proud.
And a teacher in California is out 我们就从聚酯衣可怜虫变成强大自信女
Just like superman.
加州一名女老师下台
for letting her students get it in. 就跟超人一样
Except that superman changed in a phone booth,
因为她跟她学生私通过
被狗仔控诉撞伤他后逃逸已无罪释放人家超人是在电话亭里换衣变身
Justin Bieber got a hit and run, Not a stall that says, "For a good time, call Max."
贾斯丁·比伯肇事逃逸而不是在写着"致电麦克斯包爽"的厕所隔间
已无罪释放 Well, if you have a problem with it, why did you write it?
Chris Brown got a hit and run, 你要是看那句话不爽你干嘛还要写
克里斯·布朗也肇事逃逸 'Cause I didn't have enough eyeliner to write,
讽刺蕾哈娜常被男友克里斯·布朗打是因为我的眼线笔不够我再写上
"For an interesting time, call Caroline."
却还继续跟他在一起的虐恋
- Rihanna got hit and still didn't run. "致电卡洛琳包傻"
- 蕾哈娜被男友打但还是没逃逸 Look. Look, Earl, we're wearing our
奥普拉旗下电视台拍摄厄尔你看我们又穿上了
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes" T-shirts again.
林赛·罗韩生活纪录片的酬劳
Oprah gave Lindsay $2 million, 麦克斯自制小蛋糕的制服了
See the logo?
奥普拉给了林赛·罗韩两百万
看到标识了吗
Cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer,
Well, actually, I try never
迈克尔·道格拉斯舔阴得喉癌
一直以来我一直避免
此美国男影星在受访喉癌病情时 to look you ladies in the "chestal" area.
表示是由舔阴导致感染 HPV 病毒直面你们两位的胸部区域
and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere It keeps things on the up and up.
他给了全天下男性又多一个这样才能对你们无邪念
another excuse not to do that. Oh, Earl, you are one in a million, literally,
不为女人口交的理由厄尔你真是百万里挑一的好男人
埃及与 2013 年八月的抗议造成数百人死伤 'cause 999,999 men have only looked me in that area.
亚曼达·拜恩斯女童星起家近来行为各种失控因为 99 万 9 千 9 百 99 个男人都只看我那个区域
Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier, Well, I got to go home.
第 1 页 /共 192 页
我得回家了 What's the difference between a soft one and a hard
上世纪末的美国知名情景喜剧 one?
I'm binge-watching Dharma and Greg on Hulu. 软的跟硬的区别在哪啊
我疯狂在网上追《老公老婆不登对》 You want me to show him?
Oh, I missed so much growing up in Korea. 要我展示给他看看吗
我太想念在韩国长大的日子了 Thanks, but we're cool.
- What, like puberty? 谢了我们不需要
- 比如错过青春发育期吗 Seriously, it won't take me a minute.
Max, in my country, I'm average height. 说真的我只需不到一分钟
麦克斯在我国家我是中等身高 It's fine, Oleg.
And in my mind, I'm still rich, 不用了奥列格
在我脑海里我也还是富家千金 Just so you know, I'm already there.
and my health care plan isn't Flintstones chewables. 告诉你们一声我已经"硬"了
我的医疗保健计划也不是幼儿维他命丸 Get ready, this room's had an amazing transformation.
So who wants to go in the back 做好准备这房间被我们大改造了一番
谁有兴趣跟我们到后边 - Rachael Ray? - I mean, it's fine, whatever.
and see how amazing our brand-new cupcake shop is? - 瑞秋·芮 -还行啦随便吧
看看我们全新的小蛋糕店有多赞 Han, before we go in, close your eyes.
美国知名女艺人厨师说话十分激动有活力阿憨进去前先闭上眼睛
Bring down the enthusiasm, Rachael Ray. I want you to get the full effect.
收敛一点你的热情好吗瑞秋·芮我想要你有最完整的体验
Right, we're not supposed to get all excited about this Yeah, and I want to trip you.
opening tonight. 对啊我也想要绊倒你
对我们不能为新店开张的事兴奋过头 - She's kidding. - No, she's not.
Last time, we made a big deal, - 她开玩笑的啦 -她才不是开玩笑
上次就是搞得很隆重 Yeah, I'm not.
and the shop didn't do so well. 没错
结果店后来也不太好 Han, I promise, I won't let her trip you.
Ha! That's like saying the people 阿憨我保证我不会让她绊倒你
笑死人了这就跟在核弹爆炸点 Now, close your eyes.
near the nuclear explosion didn't do so well. 快闭上你的眼睛
附近的居民说他们只是不太好一样 - What? - Now, I thought she was going to hit me.
Girls, I am so proud of you two, - 又咋了 -我刚才感觉到她要打我
女孩们我很替你们高兴 - She was not. - Yeah, I was.
getting back up on that horse. - 她才没呢 -其实有啦
东山再起上马再战 Okay, no more blind eye bull crap.
After my first jazz record didn't sell,
够了别搞这狗屁闭上眼了
我当年第一张爵士专辑卖不出去后 Just show me the damn smelly back room.
I turned to a life of drinks, drugs, and loose women.
快他妈的让我看那破房间
我就开始喝酒吸毒玩骚货的生活 Let me turn off the lights for a more dramatic impact.
Funny how sometimes things just work out right.
让我先关上灯好营造更大的视觉冲击
结果山穷水尽疑无路柳暗花明又一村啊 What? I didn't do anything.
But how can you be opening your cupcake window right
叫屁啊我又没干嘛
now? It was me.
但你们怎么会是这个时间开张呢是我干的
- It's 2:00 A.M. - Our hours are 2:00 to 4:00. He now knows what hard is.
- 现在半夜两点呢 -我们就开二到四点我让他感受了一下来"硬的"
We're targeting the "post bars" demographic. I cannot believe my eyes.
我们主要目标客户是从酒吧玩完的人群我真不敢相信我的眼睛
Drunk Williamsburg guys. I felt the same way when I first saw you.
威廉斯堡醉酒男性我第一次见到你时也是同样的感觉
That's my target when I'm by myself Original tan, original tile, original too.
他们是我独自一人时的目标全部都是原创原装哦
And now my target at the new shop. What do you think, Oleg?
也是我们新店的目标奥列格你觉得如何
Funny how sometimes things just work out right. Nice.
真是柳暗花明又一村啊不错
We have no big expectations about the opening tonight. "Nice"? All you got is "nice""
我们对今晚的开张完全没有任何期待不错你就这么一句"不错"吗
- It's a soft opening.
This place was like great adventure for rats!
- 今晚算是软开幕
这里本来像是老鼠的主题公园
第 2 页 /共 192 页
They were waiting in line to bite us. "创伤后苏菲性闹腾大戏障碍"
它们还排队要进来咬我们呢 There's no drama.
Caroline, show them your bite marks. 才没有什么大戏呢
卡洛琳给他看看咬痕 And the award for the best drama goes to...
- I'd rather not. - Nice? 最佳大戏的奖项得主是...
- 还是不要吧 -不错 not us. Right, Oleg?
It used to smell like the place poop comes to die. 绝非我们对吧奥列格
以前这里闻起来像是屎的坟场 Yes, we're friends now.
Or death comes to poop. 没错我们现在是朋友
又或者是死亡来拉屎的地儿 See, girls, I cheated on her,
And look what we did! We created the greatest, 女孩们我出轨了
但你看这成果我们亲手打造了这最棒 So she smashed in my car windows.
coolest, chic-est cupcake shop, and I love it! 所以她来砸烂了我的车窗
最酷最潮的小蛋糕店我爱死了 and my apartment windows.
But you know, no enthusiasm. Just a soft opening. 以及我公寓的窗户
但也没啥激情啦就软开幕罢了 And your stereo and your flat screen.
And, Han, this was all possible 以及你的音响与平面电视
阿憨能有这一切 And my brother's flat screen and his daughter's
because you gave us the space rent-free. computer.
也是因为你不收我们租金以及我兄弟的平面电视与他女儿的电脑
Rent-free? Now, refresh my memory. Yeah, she surprised me.
什么免租给我说说对啊她吓到我了
When exactly did I say "rent-free?" She wasn't supposed to be home.
我什么时候说过这话她当时不应该在家的
On the 27th, 4:15 P.M., you said, We got it out of our systems. Good night, friend.
在 27 号下午 4 点 15 分你说这些都是过眼云烟了晚安朋友
"I don't care about that dump, you can have it for free. Good night, friend.
"那个垃圾堆你要免费拿去晚安朋友
burn it to the ground, for all I care." And, Oleg?
还是一把火烧了我都无所谓" 对了奥列格
I knew learning English would come back to bite me in That is one lucky horn.
the ass. 真是根幸运的喇叭呀
我就知道学了英语有一天我会遭报应 Honey, look. Look, some customers.
Soone's already knocking? 宝贝你们看有客人
已经有人来敲窗口啦 Hey, cool guys!
That's a really great sign, Max. 帅哥们
是很棒的兆头啊麦克斯 Come over here and eat something from the girls' soft
Time to open. opening!
是时候开店了快过来这两姑娘的"软"开幕里吃点东西
Look, girls, I'm blowing this party horn for you. That is so not the way I would've gone,
女孩们我来为你们吹派对喇叭庆祝啦完全不是我计划中的广告方式
Thanks, Sophie, but we didn't want to make a big deal, But I'll take it.
谢了苏菲但我们不想搞得太隆重但这客人我也接受了
it's a soft opening. Hello, hello.
就是个软开幕而已你们好呀
- Oh, I love a soft opening. What have we got here?
- 我可喜欢软开幕了你们这里有什么呢
- Hello, Sophie. - Oh, hello, Oleg. Welcome to Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
- 你好啊苏菲 -你好奥列格欢迎来到麦克斯自制小蛋糕
Sorry, Sophie, about this uncomfortable meeting. In England we call 'em "fairy cakes."
抱歉苏菲害你们尴尬碰面了在英国我们叫它"仙女蛋糕"
If we had known you were going to surprise us, Fairy cakes? Damn it.
要是知道你会来给我们庆祝叫这"仙女蛋糕" 我靠
We wouldn't have invited Oleg. Why are the hot one's always gay?
我们就不会请他来了为什么帅哥永远是基
Yeah, I was there when you two broke up Here you go darling, give us the whole lot.
你们俩个分手那会我也在给宝贝整盘给我们吧
正常为"创伤后精神紧张性精神障碍" Oh, my God!
and I'm still suffering from PTSD. 我的天啊
我现在还有 PTSD 呢卡中之王不设透支上限不接受申请
"Post-traumatic Sophie drama." A black American Express card?
第 3 页 /共 192 页
美国运通黑卡 I can.
I haven't held a black one in my hands in years. 你没听过很正常
我手里多久没有握着黑的了啊 Your go-to jam is the soundtrack from Newsies.
- I would've guessed you hadn't held a black one ever. 你没事听的音乐是迪士尼音乐剧
- 我还以为你从没手握过"黑"的人呢 Yesterday a rock star, and today he's gone.
Sorry, it's our first night. Cash only. 昨天还是摇滚明星今天就挂了
抱歉今晚刚开张只收现金 You never know.
Oh, wow. He is really out of it. 世事难料啊
他感觉都嗑傻了啊 That's why I ordered us breakfast
- What is he on? - Besides me later? 所以我跟街角那家
- 他嗑啥了 -等会就是上我啦 from the fancy breakfast place on the corner.
Do not know, but am jealous. 华丽早餐店订了早餐
不知道磕了啥但好嫉妒啊 You ordered from Magna Cum Latte?
And now I'm really jealous. 你从荣誉精学餐厅订了早餐啊
我现在真的超嫉妒他啊 Every day when I pass by it, I think two things:
- I'm sure he'll be fine. 每天经过他的店我都想着两件事
- 他没事的 one, I wish I had a gun.
Oh, I'd say he's more than fine. 一我好希望有把枪
我觉得他不只是很棒啊 And, two, someday I'm gonna order breakfast to be
I'd say he's my next boyfriend. delivered
他必须是我下一个男朋友啊二有一天要跟它们订早餐让它们送
Roland, mate, wake up. with one of their fancy-ass croissants.
罗兰兄弟醒醒啊那个牛逼哄哄的牛角面包来
He's not breathing. Who knows, tonight I could do too much heroin
他停止呼吸了谁知道我今晚会不会吸食海洛因过量
I can't wake him, call 911! and die an unexpected death.
叫不醒他快叫救护车然后莫名其妙死了
Call 911! But at least then I'd die doing something my mother
叫救护车啊 loved.
Let's all just calm down. 但好歹我也死於一件我妈爱做的事之下
大家冷静一下好吗 You're right, Max. You only live once.
I have seen this happen a lot. 你说得对麦克斯人生只有一次
这种场面我见多了 Yolo.
One summer I had a part-time job "人一"啊
有年暑假我去打工 And you only live till the next time you say "Yolo."
as a lifeguard at a crack house. 你下次再说"人一"的时候就是你的死期
去吸毒所当紧急救护员 Oh, no. More bad news.
He'll come to in a second. 惨了更多坏消息
他很快就会醒来了 According to my google alert for Max's Homemade
He's dead. Cupcakes-
他死了我设置的麦克斯自制小蛋糕店谷歌搜索提示
Called that wrong. You have a google alert for our business?
预言错了你还设置对我们小店的搜索提示啊
Max, the guy who died in front of our shop last night I only have a google alert for "Oprah goes topless."
麦克斯昨晚死在我们小店门口的人我只对"奥普拉裸上身"有设提示
was a rock star. I'm not saying it's gonna happen,
生前是摇滚明星呢我不是说这一定会发生啦
He used to date Kate Moss. but I'm saying, if it does,
他跟凯特·摩斯约会过呢但如果真发生了
英国女超模情史颇为丰富 I'm gonna be the first one to know.
No offense, but dating Kate Moss 我会是第一个知道的人
无意冒犯但跟凯特·摩斯约会 Look, it's online that Roland Glass died in front of our
is like a law in England. shop.
就像是英国法律一样网上都在传罗兰·格拉斯死在我们店门口
Everyone has to do it when they turn 21. - And now my phone just died. It's an epidemic.
每个人满 21 岁的时候都得上她一次 - 现在我手机也死了死亡在传染啊
- His name was Roland Gass, and he has two gold Oleg, what are you still doing with the arrow from our
records. shop?
- 他叫罗兰·格拉斯有两张金唱片奥列格你还拿着我们小店的箭头在干嘛啊
I can't believe I've never heard of him. I thought you said that was hung.
真不敢相信我没听说过他你不是说挂好了吗
第 4 页 /共 192 页
- No, I said I was hung. That'll be $7, cash only.
- 我是说我鸟大多谢 7 块钱只收现金
And I can't put it up now Mira, can you break a 50?
而现在也没法去帮你挂了老妹给你一张 50 的能破开吗
with that crowd of people in front of your window. Max!
你们窗口外有太多人了麦克斯
There are people in front of our window? Yeah, what do you need?
有人在我们窗口外吗什么事
Dude, is this where my man Roland died? - Change for a 50. - Got it.
兄弟这里就是罗兰死的地方吗 - 一张 50 块给人找钱 -好的
Yeah, right over there. I mean, why, God, why?
对啊就这儿我是说 "好"可惜呀
Then I'm gonna put this here next to paddington bear. * Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door *
那我要把这个放这小熊放旁边 * 敲呀敲敲开天堂之门 *
I caught this at his last concert. Ten, ten, ten, ten.
我在他上次演唱会上接到的给你四张 10 块
- And I also caught this.
* Heaven's door *
- 然后还染到了疱疹
* 敲开金钱之门 *
So, like, what, dude? He just dropped to the ground?
Max, we're almost sold out in here.
兄弟所以他就这么倒下了吗
麦克斯这里的小蛋糕快卖完了
Actually, he hit right here first, smiled, then fell.
- I need more cupcakes from the kitchen. - Got it.
他是先撞到这里笑了然后才倒下
- 你去厨房多拿点过来 -好的
He smiled? Dude.
I'll come right in.
他还笑啦兄弟
Max, can I see you over here? 我马上回来
Earl?
麦克斯能过来说两句吗
Sorry for your loss. And dope hat. 厄尔
Same split as before. 30 cents on every dollar you sell.
我也感到很遗憾但帽子很屌哦
Thanks. I found it in a dumpster. 分成跟以前一样啊我七你三
What a waste.
谢谢我在垃圾堆捡到的
Max, what are you doing? 真是白费劲
You know how much money we could make if we sold
麦克斯你在干嘛
Don't tell them he hit our counter. pot?
别告诉人家他有撞到柜台啊你知道如果我们卖大麻能挣多少钱吗
We need to distance ourselves from the entire event. Oh, you want in on that too? Same split.
我们得让蛋糕店跟这事情撇清关系那个你也想加入呀分成照旧哦
This spells disaster for our new business. 嬉皮士酷爱广藿香精油将其看作是和平的象征
Oh, man, that hippie patchouli smell
这对我们的新生意犹如灾难
Dude, can I get three dozen cupcakes? 天啊嬉皮士的广藿香味
is worse than the poop was.
兄弟能来三打小蛋糕吗
Or it spells success. 比这里本来的屎味还难闻
Han, shh. These people are in mourning.
也可能是成功
I have beaucoup friends coming here for the midnight 阿憨小声点人们在哀悼呢
Show some respect.
vigil.
放尊重点
我有爆多朋友要来参加守夜活动
Me? Me show some respect?
How much are your cupcakes?
我吗居然让我放尊重点
你的小蛋糕卖多少钱啊
What will you two do next,
$7.
你们俩接下来要干嘛
7 块钱一个
sell cupcakes at the diabetes wing at the children's
That's a lot.
hospital?
好贵啊
在儿童医院的糖尿病科卖小蛋糕吗
Dude. Roland would've wanted it that way.
How dare you doubt my sincerity?
兄弟罗兰会希望是这个价的
你胆敢质疑我的真心
* Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door *
I personally have shooed a homeless man
* 敲呀敲敲开天堂之门 *
我曾两次亲自赶走
And he hit right here before he fell. away from peeing on that shrine twice.
摔倒之前他的头撞到了这里一个要在悼念圣坛上撒尿的流浪汉
And as he fell, he looked up at me and smiled. I don't care what I may or may not have said
而摔倒时他抬头看着我微笑我不管 27 号下午的 4 点 15 分
Content. Peaceful.
on the 27th at 4:15 P.M.
一脸满足和平静
有没有说过什么话
第 5 页 /共 192 页
Your business is booming, and now I want rent. 给他看你前面的咬痕
你们的生意现在这么红火我要收租金 No! That's too personal.
No way, Han. That man could've overdosed anywhere. 不要这太私密了
没门那家伙本可以死在任何一个地方 - Sorry you had to do that. - So am I.
But God made him overdose in front of our window as a - 让你得秀咬痕真凄惨 -我也这么觉得
gift. - It's healing nicely. - Don't lie to me.
但上帝把他送到我们窗前死这是神赐之礼 - 伤口愈合得不错嘛 -别骗我了
And, yes, we are accepting that gift because you only I think it's nice of us to add our flowers to the others.
live once. 我觉得把我们的花跟其他人的放在一起很不错
没错因为人生只有一次所以我们接受这份礼物 Shows respect.
Yolo. 以示尊敬
人一 You're acting like you didn't steal them.
This isn't "yolo", It's "hodo"" 说得好像这花不是你偷来的一样
才不是应该是"死一" Max, it's the thought that counts.
He only died once. 麦克斯有这份心就行了嘛
人只能死一次 And I thought it'd be cheaper to pull them out of
I'm surprised you aren't selling "hodo" T-shirts. someone's garden.
我真惊讶你们居然没把这句话印成 T 恤来卖而且我觉得从别人花园摘更便宜啊
How dare you again? Wait, where's the shrine?
你怎么能这样说呢等等悼念圣坛去哪儿了
We are simply providing some comfort food Look, Han moved it over to the diner door.
我们只是给需要安慰的人瞧阿憨把它挪到餐厅门口了
to people who need comfort. That insolent charlatan!
提供一些安慰食物那个厚颜无耻的伪君子
And, I might add, we are doing it with the utmost Whatever that means.
respect. 不懂但我支持你
而且我要说我们心怀着最崇高的敬意 * Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door *
* Knock, knock, knocking on the Apple store's door * * 敲呀敲敲开天堂之门*
* 敲呀敲敲开苹果专卖店的大门 * Can you believe this, girls?
That's it, your business is booming, 姑娘们你们能相信吗
够了你们现在生意好得不得了 He's cashing in on a man's death.
I want rent. 200. 他居然赚死人的钱
我要收租金 200 块 Without us.
A year? 不带上咱们
一年吗 And in his honor, tonight we are serving
A month, and it's a bargain for my beautiful space. 为了纪念他今晚本餐厅供应
是一个月对于这么漂亮的地方算是很低啦 Chicken a la Roland!
This space is only beautiful because we made it 罗兰风味鸡排
beautiful. At a mourner's discount of just $8.95.
这地方漂亮是因为我们把它变漂亮的特别给大家打一个哀悼折扣只需 8 块 9 毛 5 哦
Yeah, show 'em your bite marks! Looks like Jiminy Cricket turned to the dark side.
对啊给他看你的咬痕看起来纯真的小蟋蟀转投黑暗面了
Max, I'd rather not. I also have rock star pudding.
麦克斯我不要还有摇滚明星布丁哦
You will pay me $200 a month, Nope. No way, Max. This is our shrine.
你们一个月要交租金 200 块这样不行麦克斯这是我们的悼念圣坛
and there is nothing you can do to change my mind! Grab a handful of bears.
我意已决你们做什么都没有用把公仔熊拿过去
- Show him your bite marks! - Fine! We're moving the dead guy shrine back?
- 给他看你的咬痕 -好吧我们要把死人的悼念圣坛挪回去吗
A rat bit her ass? Wait, let me just light a candle for my dignity.
她的屁股被老鼠咬了等等让我先为我的尊严点根蜡烛
Okay, 195. It died here too.
好吧那就收你们 195 块它在这里死掉了
No rent, Han. That wasn't the deal you made us. Max, do you want to be successful or not?
不许收租阿憨当初我们可不是这么说的麦克斯你到底想不想成功
This is not personal, it's business. Because if you do, grab one of these poems
这无关私人情谊这是公事公办因为如果你想就把这些
I want a slice of grief pie! that doesn't follow any of the rules of poetry,
人家也想分一杯羹嘛一点也不遵守诗词格律的烂诗撕下来
Show him your front bites! and move it back to the cupcake window.
第 6 页 /共 192 页
粘回我们蛋糕店的窗口 No! Stop!
Because this is our death. 不要啊住手
因为这笔死人财是属于我们的 That's my wallet!
I think maybe you're being a little harsh. 那是我的钱包
我觉得你可能有点过于严苛了 Ooh, stop! That's not my wallet.
"Rock out in heaven. Love, Kevin." 住手那不是我的钱包
"在天堂摇滚爱你的凯文" Stop!
That's gold. 住手
金句呀 Stop!
Oops, knocked over a candle. 住手
哎呀把蜡烛弄倒了百老汇最受欢迎的音乐剧
Ooh, small fire, small fire. Cast of Rock of Ages, stop!
没事小火小火《摇滚年代》的演员们住手
Fire on my shoe. - Put him down. He's cool.
烧到我的鞋了 - 把他放下来他很酷
If I don't get this out, it's gonna be my memorial service. Even with those clothes and that head.
如果我不把火弄灭这就成了我的追悼会了即使衣着老土样子老气
Look, look. I mean, really.
大家快看我问你一句
Those girls are disrupting the shrine of a dead man! Are we that desperate for success?
这两个女人在破坏逝者的悼念圣坛我们有这么渴望成功吗
Look, look, a roach got out of the diner! We'd let Han be torn apart?
大家快看有蟑螂从餐厅里跑出来了宁愿阿憨被人五马分尸也在所不惜
Quick, step on it! I'm thinking.
快踩死他我在想
Look, hippies, look! Put down those bongs and look. - Caroline- - Max, I'm thinking.
嬉皮士们快看把大麻烟枪放下看一眼 - 卡洛琳 -麦克斯我说了我在想
They're moving the place where a man died Well, no one's knock, knock,
她们为了自己的利益现在没人来敲呀敲
for their own financial gain! knocking on our door now.
居然转移逝者死亡的地方敲开我们的大门了
Hey, that's so not cool, man. It's more dead out there
这样做可不酷哦伙计现在外面安静得
- Yeah, come on. - Yeah, boo! than when there was a dead guy out there.
- 对啊快回来 -呸呸呸比有人死在外面还要死寂一片
- He's the not cool one. - Yeah, look at him! I'm having second thoughts about how we behaved
- 他才是那个不酷的人 -对啊看他 today.
Roland Glass died a horrible death 我重新考量了我们今天的行为
罗兰·格拉斯是在我们可爱的 I mean, how could we have let Han live?
in front of our adorable cupcake window. 我是说我们怎么可以保住阿憨的小命呢
小蛋糕店窗前可怕地死去 Hello.
See? "Horrible, adorable"? 你们好呀
听见没 "可怕地可爱地" I brought you some rock star pudding to say thank you.
That rhyme just came right off the top of my head. 为了表示感谢我给你们带了摇滚明星布丁
我脑子随便一转想出来的词多押韵啊 Oh, rock star pudding. What's in it, pills?
Hey! Hi. Hi. 摇滚明星布丁里面都有啥药
你好你好 Broken dreams? Tear-stained panties?
He knows! 破碎的梦想还是带着泪痕的女生内裤
他知道 Caroline?
I told him to stop peeing on the shrine 卡洛琳
我曾告诉他不要在悼念圣坛上撒尿 - I'm not as easy as Max.
when it was still over there! - 我可不像麦克斯那么好哄
当时圣坛就是在这边 Said every girl in my seventh grade class.
Isn't that right? 我七年级的时候班里每个女孩都这么说
对不对 Look, I was wrong.
Yep. That's the bitch. 我错了
对就是这个贱人 No, Han, I was.
Yes! Yes! I'm the bitch! 不阿憨是我错了
没错我就是那个贱人 We should pay rent.
So not cool, dude. Let's get him out of here. 我们应该给你租金的
这样可不酷兄弟把他扔出去 I wasn't talking about the rent.
第 7 页 /共 192 页
我不是在说租金 choked on a Max's Homemade Cupcake.
Rent? Who said anything about rent? 是被麦克斯自制小蛋糕噎死的
租金谁刚说租金了 This is a disaster.
I was wrong when I said 这下真的是灾难了
我错了是因为当我说 Hey, where's your enthusiasm now, Miss Rachael Ray?
it wasn't personal, it was business. 你的热情上哪去了瑞秋·芮小姐
这无关私人情谊这是公事公办 This place is the balls!
After Max stopped me from being torn 这小店最牛逼了
在麦克斯阻止那群臭哄哄的嬉皮士 And it's just a matter of time
limb from limb by the smelly hippies, 要不了多久
把我碎尸万段后 till those sicko hipsters are lining up
I realized, with us, it is mostly personal. 那些心理变态的嬉皮士就会来
我意识到我们之间大部分是私人情谊 for "one of those cupcakes that killed that dude""
And a little business. 排队要买"噎死罗兰"的小蛋糕了
只有小部分要公事公办 Open the window! We're back, baby!
A little business? 打开窗户我们继续营业
小部分公事公办 But we can't count on a guy dying every week.
What other kind could you have? 但我们也不能指望每周都有人死啊
你的"事"能有多"大"啊 I mean, I have a positive attitude,
- Max, let's not be hard on Han. 没错我是有乐观积极的态度
- 麦克斯不要嘲讽阿憨嘛 but that's too pollyanna.
He's giving us this space rent-free. 但这也太过分乐观了吧
他不要我们的租金 We don't have to.
No one said "rent-free." 不需要啊
谁说不要租金了 That's what's so great about this window.
I came up with a number I think is fair. 这才是这扇窗最棒的地方
我想到了一个公平的数字 Who knows what'll happen?
- $250,000. - Yeah, sounds fair. 谁都不知道下一秒会发生什么事
- 25 万 -是呀真公平 Right, and we won't have to chase business down
I remembered that was your original cupcake shop goal. 也是我们也不必努力找生意
我记得这是你们俩第一家蛋糕店的目标 because we'll be right here on the street
So when you hit that amount, we can talk rent. 因为我们就在这条街上
所以等你们达成那个目标我们再说租金的事 waiting for it to come to us.
Han, that is so sweet. 守株待兔
小憨憨你真是太好了 Max, I feel so good about the possibilities.
And I'm not gonna ruin it by bringing up the fact 麦克斯我对未来的各种可能感觉好极了
我不会把刚才她说的那句"阿憨硬了" One night it could be a black American express card,
that she just said "hard on Han." 昨晚是一张美国运通黑卡
说出来破坏气氛呢 And the--
Really, Han, it's so, so generous. 而另一晚
真的阿憨你真是太好了 Max, is it...
But I don't know if we're comfortable with it. 麦克斯是不是那个
但我不知道我们承不承担的起 Other nights, it's a friendly little visit
What if we offered you a small piece of the business? 另一晚是流浪汉
要不我们分你点股份吧 from our homeless guy.
I'll wait for the rent. You two are good friends. 友好地来拜访我们
我还是等租金吧你们两个才是好姐妹好搭档目前资金
A woman finally offers Han a piece, 目前资金
终于有女人愿意让阿憨"分一杯羹" 最新余额
and he turns it down. 最新余额
他却拒绝了最新余额
Max. Google alert. -----------------------------
-------------02--------------
麦克斯谷歌快讯
Oprah's topless? -----------------------------
奥普拉裸上身吗 Oh, hey.
Max, let that go. That's never gonna happen. 你好啊
麦克斯别想了那是不可能的 You ready?
Not with that attitude. 能点菜了吗
你这态度就肯定不可能了 I can't. I just can't.
No, the autopsy says Roland Glass 偶不能偶真的不能
验尸报告表示罗兰·格拉斯 Everyone feels like that the first few times you eat here.
第 8 页 /共 192 页
每个第一次来这里的客人都有这感觉是的女士
It's like heroin. It makes you sick, Okay, you want to play? I'll play.
就跟海洛因一样吸食后难受行你想玩是吧那咱们来玩
and you think,"I'll never do that again," Hey, sir. Hey, big manny man.
让你觉得"我下次不会再吸了" 先生你好你好啊大汉子
and here we are. Why don't you show me your penis?
结果就上瘾到现在怎么不把你的鸡鸡亮给我瞧瞧
No, we put our project on Kickstarter, Han, you know I don't have a penis.
不是我们放项目上圆梦网了阿憨你明知道我没有鸡鸡
Kickstarter 以公众集资方式提供人们进行创意项目的 It's the only thing we have in common.
美国筹集资金网站这是我们两个唯一的共同点啊
and we're getting major funding right now. Where's Caroline?
我们正要拿到一笔大款项呢卡洛琳呢
- And I can't. I just can't. In the back at our cupcake shop.
- 偶不能偶真的不能啊在后面我们小蛋糕店里
Kickstarter-- that's the website Why you don't open your walk-up window
圆梦网就是那个为什么你们不等这边的工作结束了
where strangers give money for crap Till you close here at night?
网民送钱给那些现实生活中才开你们的小店
that no one in the real world would invest in, right? She's getting a jump on our side work.
没人会投资的狗屁项目的网站吧她先一步开始干"别的活儿"
Exactly, but our project isn't crap. What? We can't do ours and yours.
没错但我们的项目不是狗屁我们不能两边都干啊
It's bananas. - Relax, Marjorie.
是超屌好吗 - 放松嘛玛德丽
We design candles with arms. Keep it up, Max,
我们设计了有握把的蜡烛麦克斯你就接着挑衅我
I can't. I just can't. and one day I will show you my penis.
偶不能我也不能了... 有天我会亮我的鸡鸡给你看的
Don't you have a passion project-- - And you'll be sorry.
你难道没有个激情的梦想吗 - 你会后悔
something you've always wanted to do? Yes. Yes, I will.
一个你一直很想做的事情是的我会的
Yeah, you can't just want to be a waitress your whole That's it! New rule!
life. 够了新规矩
对啊你总不会想当一辈子的女服务员吧 No more making fun of the boss!
Actually... 不许再取笑老板
其实呢 Han doesn't want us calling him names anymore.
I do have a Kickstarter idea. 阿憨不许我们再乱给他取绰号了
我还真有个圆梦计划 It's like, if you don't want to be called names,
kickstarter 直译是踢+开始要是不想被取绰号
I'd like to start kicking your asses! don't look like that.
想"圆"我想踢爆你们屁股的"梦" 就别长成那副德行吗
You know we work for tips, right? * Disclosure - 《When a fire starts to burn》
你知道我们干活是为了挣小费吧 Why is the window open? What is all that?
Yeah. This one got away from me. 为什么打开窗口了那些人在干嘛
这两个就当老娘放她们一马吧 It's me, if I had lived.
Okay, listen up, it's Tuesday, 我没破产"死"的话那就是我
大家听好了今天是周二 - Oh, my God. Did you see that rack?
美国著名黑人民权领袖名言"我有一个梦想" - 天啊你看到那一架子衣服了吗
And like Martin Luther King, I have a dream. See it? I have to carry it around all day.
我与马丁·路德·金一样都有一个梦想何止看到我还得整天挂着走呢
Tonight you will do side work. I've been wearing the same clothes
今晚你得干其他活儿我已经每天都穿
Hold up, girl. I have ten minutes till my shift starts. every day for two years.
等等姑娘我还 10 分钟才开工呢同样的那几套衣服两年了
Max, that is not appropriate. Now, I know that's your dream scenario,
麦克斯你太不礼貌了我知道这是你梦想场景
I'm your boss. Don't call me "girl" but to me, it's a horror show.
我是你老板不许叫我"姑娘" 但这对我就跟惊悚片一样
Yes, ma'am. Go get new clothes.
第 9 页 /共 192 页
那去买新衣服啊 who occasionally sleep together,
Just go to the place around the corner 偶尔打一炮的朋友关系
去街角那家店美国偶像节目的男主持与男评审常被调侃两人像老
and buy some cheap ones. 夫老妻
买点便宜新衣服 Like Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell.
Max, they sell clothes by the pound. 就像瑞安·西克雷斯特与西蒙·考威尔那样
麦克斯那些衣服是按"磅"计价的 Oh, okay, I see what you're doing.
That's why it's called the Fashion Pound, 我知道你是在玩哪招了
所以人家叫"潮流磅磅棒"啊 You're pretending like we don't have
and that is why it is awesome. 你是在装我们没有用电影角色名
就是这样才超酷啊 movie-character names for our private parts.
Look, I'm willing to cut a lot of other things, 来称呼我们的性器官吗
我很乐意"割舍"很多方面的东西了 Well, good-bye, Miss,
including my wrists, 再见了女士
包含"割"腕电影《窈窕奶爸》里男扮女装的男主角
but I need quality clothes. and give my regards to Mrs. Doubtfire.
但我要上好材质的衣服替我向道菲尔太太问好
The only reason I've been able to wear these pants 电影《E.T.外星人》里的外星人
every day Okay, E.T., go home!
这裤子就是因为材质好好的 ET 回家去吧
is because they're quality. Here's your mail, girls.
才耐得住我天天穿啊姑娘们这是你们的信
Well, that and a lot of Febreze, Max, Sophie had a new purse.
还得配合大量除臭清新剂麦克斯苏菲买了新包
which reminds me... Everybody has something new.
这也让我想起大家都有新的东西
I used to smell like money. Even the homeless lady on the bus had a new barrette,
我以前身上散发着大钞香连公车上的流浪女都有个新发夹
Now I smell like pennies. and even though her feet were split open,
现在只剩硬币味吧虽然她双脚都开裂了
And, Max, you need a hit. I still felt jealous.
麦克斯你也该来一发了我还是好嫉妒
'Breze me. Oh, this is not a bill.
喷吧这不是账单呢
Hi, girls. Now, that's a first.
姑娘们真新鲜
Did you see the high-fashion model shoot? "We are offering you a new phone,
看到高级时装模特拍摄了吗 "我们要赠送给您一台新手机
苏菲本人身高为 1.78 米纯属剧中搞笑哽 as older flip-model phones such as yours have been
I was too short to be a model in Poland. degraded."
我当年在波兰因为太矮不能当模特因为您手上的老型翻盖手机已经落伍了"
Well, I guess you can't have it all, right? They're slut-shaming phones now?
看来我也只能十全九美了他们现在开始羞辱手机了吗
Do I smell Febreze? I don't want a new anything.
我闻到了除臭清新剂味吗我不想要任何新东西
That's my second-favorite scent. And I like my old flip.
那是我第二爱的香味我喜欢我的老翻盖手机
Oh, and there's my first-favorite scent. Where's my damn letter from the pants company,
我第一爱的香味就在那里呢裤子公司怎么不给老娘寄封信来说
Hey, Sophie. saying, "Girl, those things are tired--
苏菲你好啊 "姑娘你裤子都被你穿累了
I'm sorry. Have we met? Here's a new pair for free"?
抱歉我们见过面吗免费送你条新的吧"
I'm not good with faces that I never want to see again. If you want something for free,
我时常记不起我再也不想见到的人的脸你想要免费的东西
What happened? why don't you just go on Kickstarter like everyone else?
怎么了怎么不跟其他人一样上圆梦网呢
I thought you guys were gonna be friends. You can't use it for clothes.
你们不是说当朋友吗你不能在上面弄钱去买衣服啊
Yeah, messed-up, passive-aggressive friends Can you?
关系一团乱笑中藏飞刀可以吗
第 10 页 /共 192 页
And if you can, can I? Now, I need that letter.
要是能我可以吗把信给我吧
- Why not? It's no stupider than candle arms. Oh, here it is. I have it.
- 为啥不行买衣服都没握把蜡烛蠢有的就在我这边
Now, if the candles had real arms It's in my purse.
如果那些蜡烛真有手臂在我包里
and could slap the idiots who bought them, What's her story?
而且可以扇白痴买家的巴掌她是怎么回事
I'd invest in that. Why is her hand on her ass?
那我绝对会投资她干嘛把手放屁股上
Max, we have nothing, - Her staples popped.
麦克斯我们一无所有 - 她订书针爆了
And if anybody is giving us something for free, Lap band?
如果有人愿意白送我们东西减肥胃束带吗
We're taking it. Happened to my cousin.
我们就得收下我亲戚也发生过
You are getting that free phone, She had a diet 7 up and exploded.
你得去拿那个免费手机她喝个健怡七喜然后就爆了
And I am begging for free clothes. Then she got M.S.
我也要去求免费衣服然后她被诊断有多发性硬化
Things are looking up. According to Judge Joe Brown,
形势正在好转啊但法官乔·布朗宣判
You might want to Kickstart some underwear. 美国电视法庭节目法官乔·布朗会决定两方人谁说谎
要不要先圆个有内裤穿的梦 it was not related.
Well, obviously, they don't have anything. 这两者间并无关联
一看他们就没啥东西 Uh, here, I'll just take this one.
Let's go. 这台吧我就拿这台
我们走吧 Slow down, now. Take a look around.
Max, stop. My pants just ripped some more. 别着急啊慢慢看
麦克斯别走我裤子又多裂了点 You got a whole world of possibilities.
I have to fix them again. 你有各式各样的选择呢
我得再补一下 Pick 'em up, get a feel,
Hey, quality, why don't you just take them 都拿起来摸摸试试
好材质妹你怎么不带这条裤子 Hold it in your hand for a while.
to Office Depot and get them tailored? 握在手里好好爽一把
去办公用品卖场找人"缝补"一下 Chiandra, it's a phone, not Bruno Mars.
Let's shop. 西安卓这只是手机不是火星哥
开逛吧 Oh, "Texting is easy
Uh-oh, they're ripping again. "轻松发短信
惨了又开始裂了 with the new finger friendly keyboard."
I feel a breeze up in my febreze. 试试全新手指便利键盘"
我的水帘洞感觉到一股清风吹过 - My fingers are already too friendly.
How can I help you? - 我的手指绝对"友善"啊
有何能为你效劳 Ask my fourth-grade boyfriend.
Oh, hey. Hi, uh, Chiandra. 问问我的四年级男友就知道
你好啊西安卓 These sample texts are getting kind of racy.
Where can I get a new flip phone? 这些范例短信越来越猥亵啦
我可以去哪里弄个新翻盖手机 "Bad news--I think the condom broke last night."
Mm, let me think. "坏消息昨晚的避孕套好像破了"
让我想想 Why would anyone put that on a display model?
- Guatemala.
怎么会有人放这种短信在展示机上啊
- 危地马拉吧 That's mine.
I'll miss you, phone. 那是我的手机
我会想你的小机机 I left it there by accident.
This is breaking my heart. 我不小心把它放在上面
我的心都要碎了 But that's not your problem.
Come on, boo. 但不关你们的事
宝贝别这样 Now, tell me, what are your phone needs?
布鲁诺·马尔斯火星哥美国知名流行情歌歌手告诉我你需要什么功能的手机
It's a phone, not Bruno Mars. Uh, my needs are simple.
这只是个手机不是火星哥我的需要很简单
第 11 页 /共 192 页
I need a phone that can draw a mustache on people 她应该上"不能开踢网"吧
我需要一台能给别人乱画胡子 Oh, I'm no longer working with them.
and occasionally will call my mother and hang up. 它们跟我中止合作了
偶尔会打给我妈再自动挂电话的手机 They denied my project.
And she needs one with a good camera, 它们拒绝了我的计划
她还需要有好相机的手机 Apparently, I'm not artsy enough
because I have to film my video pitch for new pants. 它们说我不够有艺术感
因为她要帮我录讨新裤子的视频 and have too many legs.
I have a hole in my butt. 而且还有太多条腿
我的屁股有个洞 So now I'm on Go Fund Yourself.
You know you're supposed to, right? 所以我上了"为己投资网"
你知道谁的屁股上都有个洞对吧 Oh, perfect.
Max, I might be a virgin again. 正好
麦克斯我好像又变处女了 - I've been telling you to go fund yourself for years.
I love my new phone! - 我也叫你去死好久了
我爱死新手机了 The future of my pants hinges on the video pitch.
It's so cool and red. 我新裤子的未来就靠这个视频了
又酷又红 The tone needs to be sad and pathetic.
It feels like anything could happen! 气氛语气一定要又可怜又凄惨
感觉充满了无限可能呢 Uh, preparation done.
But it probably won't. 那你已经不用练习了
但应该是不会啦 What's sadder than former billionaire Caroline Channing
My first call. 还有什么比前亿万富翁卡洛琳·钱宁
我的第一个电话 asking for money for pants?
What do I do? What do I do? 上网求人给钱买裤子还惨
我该怎么做该怎么接电话 Oh, they're not gonna know it's me.
Oh. Hello? 他们不会知道是我
你好 Are you being funded by Al-Qaeda?
Oh, hey, girl, good for you. Bye. 资助你的是恐怖组织吗
小妞恭喜你啊再见 If they're buying, I'm taking.
Chiandra's not pregnant. 他们要是真愿意资助我也照收不误
西安卓没怀孕 And action.
Max, why are you taking calls from Chiandra? 开拍
麦克斯你为什么在接西安卓的电话 Hi. I can't tell you my name,
We have to do my video. 大家好我不能告诉你们我的名字
你应该来拍我的视频啊 and I can't show you my face because I'm too ashamed.
I had to take her call. 我也不能露出我的真容因为实在太难为情了
我必须得接她电话 Sadly, I find myself in a situation
She gave me a bunch of free apps-- 可悲的是我发现自己处于一种困境
她送了我好多免费软件 where I am no longer able to provide myself
Angry birds, Doodle Jump. 就是我再也买不起衣服
"愤怒小鸟" "涂鸦跳跃" with the garments I need in order to be the best
If you want to look like a dog, I could do that. 让自己在日常生活中
如果你想看起来像只狗也能弄哦 in my day-to-day life.
Look, here's me as a St. Bernard. 看起来明艳照人
你看这是圣伯纳犬版的我 I'm aware that this is not a problem for everybody.
圣伯纳犬犬常为救难犬在阿尔卑斯山地区我知道这对各位来说可能不是个问题
有着脖子上装着小酒桶的救难圣伯纳犬 Stop, stop! I need to take a picture of myself
See my neck keg? 停等下我得自拍一张
看到我脖子上的酒桶了吗 having the most fun I've ever had.
Okay, I've done some research, 因为我现在处于人生最欢乐的时刻
我研究了下 Your nose is coming out of your eyehole.
And here's some things other people want money for. 你鼻子从你眼洞冒出来了
这些是别人想网上募款弄的东西 No.
One woman wants money for a new leg. 不行
一个女人想募款弄一条新假腿 No, no, no, Max, don't stop.
Scrolling. 不行麦克斯不能停啊
页面往下 I'm in a groove.
Wait. If she only has one leg, 我正进入状态呢
等等如果她只有一条腿 No, you're in a bag.
Shouldn't she be on can't-Kickstarter? 错你进入的是纸袋
第 12 页 /共 192 页
Please let me take a picture of you in a bag 打开相机
拜托让我拍一张你戴着纸袋的照片 And action.
and then turn it into a dog 开拍
然后弄成狗的版本 I'm sure a lot of you are probably thinking,
and then call it a doggie bag. 我知道你们大多数人会觉得
这样就是俗称的"外带狗食袋"了 "Look at this spoiled, indulgent, clueless girl."
Go, Max, I'm running out of oxygen, "看这个被宠坏任性没大脑的蠢妞"
继续拍麦克斯我快不能呼吸了 Well, I am.
and I think there was cheese in here. 没错我是这样想的
而且我觉得袋子里有残留的芝士 And you're also probably thinking,
And action. 而且你们甚至还会产生
开拍 "God, I want to slap her."
If I achieve my goal-- "天啊真想冲上去给她一巴"的想法
如果我能达到目标 Well, guess what. You can!
specifically, a new pair of quality pants-- 如你所愿这个还真可以有
尤其是能凑够钱买一条高品质的裤子 For $500, you can come here
then I promise I will give back to the community, 只要捐出 500 块你就可以亲自上门
我答应大家我一定会穿着那条裤子 and slap my spoiled, clueless face.
wearing said pants. 往我宠坏白痴的脸上使劲甩一巴
去回报社会 And cut.
All I need is $1,500. 停
我只需募集一千五百美元 Pretty good, huh?
Stop! Whoa! $1,500? 很不错吧
停什么一千五 Genius. Now, here, take the camera.
How many pounds of clothes are you getting? 太有想法了来现在换你拿相机
你要买多少磅的衣服呀 I want to film my video to raise $500 to slap you.
Look, it's for one pair 我要拍一个募集 500 块甩你耳光的短片
听着这是一条 Earl, look!
德赖斯·范诺顿比利时著名提花设计师厄尔瞧
of amazing Dries Van Noten silk brocade pants-- I just got 20 more dollars from one of my backers!
德赖斯·范诺顿设计的丝织锦缎裤的价格我其中一个赞助人刚又给我多捐了 20 块
super cute. Now, let me get this straight.
超级好看的哦让我把这件事搞清楚
And, yes, it's a lot, You just ask people for money,
没错这笔钱是不少你管人们要钱
but my investors will get something in return. and they give it to you--
但我的投资者会得到相应的回报然后他们就给你
For $5, they will get without using a weapon?
只要捐出 5 块钱全程没有用到武器吗
the feeling of goodwill in their heart. Well, Earl, I guess desperation cuts like a knife.
他们的内心将充满善意的喜悦厄尔我的绝望就跟刀割一样令他们就范吧
Pbbt! Man, being White is easy.
放屁当白人人生就是简单模式啊
For $10, I'll send them a selfie Um, we're ready to order.
捐出 10 块钱我会送他们我们准备好点餐了
in the new pants that they bought. Caroline, I just unlocked the candy hammer.
我穿着新裤子拍的自拍照卡洛琳我刚解开新道具糖果锤
For $20, I'll send them a selfie without pants. 《糖果粉碎传奇 Candy Crush Saga》是一款消除游戏
捐 20 块的我会送他们不穿裤子的自拍照棒棒糖铁锤是可以用来敲碎某一糖果的道具
Nobody is gonna give you money for the stuff you Can you go over there and take those girls' orders?
offered. 你能过来帮着俩妹子点餐吗
没有人会因为你所谓的"回报"白给你钱 I can't. I just can't.
"Goodwill in their hearts"? 偶不能偶真的不能
"内心充满善意的喜悦" Oh, no way! I just hit $1,000!
This is the internet. We're animals. 不是吧我居然募集到一千块了
拜托现在是互联网世界人们都是衣冠禽兽 That's almost both legs paid for!
You're right. 这钱够买两条腿的布料了
你说得对 Uh, hello?
I have an idea. 你们好
我想到个主意 You're dinging and donging right in front of my face.
Camera up. 你们俩当着我的面玩手机也太过分了吧
第 13 页 /共 192 页
Can't you at least put your phones on vibrate? I wasn't finished!
至少把手机调成震动行吗我还没秀完呢
I don't like to mix business with pleasure. No, I was.
我不喜欢把工作和"乐趣"混在一起但我看够了
You two need to be off your phones and working. Max, I didn't want to tell you this,
你们俩不许玩手机了给我干活麦克斯我本来不想告诉你的
- Now. And no back talk. but I was secretly worried my booty was gone.
- 现在就去不许回嘴但我曾私底下担心我的翘臀没了
Totally. Turns out, it was just the pants.
完全正确但结果是裤子的问题
Totally. It's still there. Take a picture of it.
完全正确老娘的翘臀还在快拍个照留念
- Totally. - Totally. Okay, let me see.
- 完全正确 -完全正确好的给我看看
Oh, I know what's going on. Perfect!
我知道这是怎么回事了太完美了
You're group-texting insults about me! Now, let's send a group-text to our diner family,
你们用群聊来暗骂我快群发给我们餐厅的群成员
We are not. And I'd like you to copy me on that,
我们才没有对了你也要给我发一份
I got your text! because I want to send it to my dad in prison.
我收到你们的短信了因为我想把这照片发给我监狱里的爸爸
Han does look like those minion things in Despicable He'll be so proud.
Me! 他肯定会为我感到骄傲
阿憨的确看起来像《卑鄙的我》里面的小黄人 Yeah, 'cause I'm sure he's not seeing any asses there.
And I thought bullying would end when I hit four feet. 是啊他在监狱里肯定"见不着"什么屁股
我还曾以为长到 1 米 2 后就没人会欺负我了 You know what I love about these pants?
Oh! Oh, my God! 你知道我喜欢这条裤子什么吗
天啊 How they make my butt look--
I'm getting my new pants! 它让我的屁股看起来
我筹够钱买新裤子了 Can you see it through the window?
I just got a $500 pledge! 你关了窗户还能看见吗
刚收到了 500 块定金 I got new pants.
Somebody wants to slap me! Somebody wants to slap 我有新裤子啦
Hey, Earl, you got my text, right?
me!
厄尔你收到我的短信了吗
有人想赏我巴掌有人想赏我巴掌呢
You mean that picture of Caroline in her pants
Just one person?
你是说那条卡洛琳穿着新裤子
居然只有一个人吗
that said, "I'm so sick of her"?
Hey, Han insists we can't leave tonight
然后上面写着"我烦死她了"吗
小憨憨说了今晚不把其他活儿做完
without doing our side work, I know, right?
就不能下班回家对就是那条
So I made him into a chihuahua wearing a diaper. If she ever gets a new shirt, just kill me.
所以我把他的头改到穿着尿布的吉娃娃图上哪天她弄到了新衣服就直接杀了我吧
Check your phone. I hear you, Max, but I just can't believe
快看你的手机我懂你的意思麦克斯但我不敢相信
Caroline? you included her on the text.
卡洛琳你还把这条短信发给她了
Someone got some new pants! Yeah. What?
某人终于有新裤子啦是啊什么
* When a fire starts to burn, right * Oh, my god. I didn't take her off the chain.
* 当激情开始四射 * 天啊我群发忘了踢她出群聊圈了
I mean, if you're gonna trash a child,
* And it starts to spread *
如果你要说一个孩子坏话
* 当激情开始蔓延 *
you got to take her off the chain.
* She gonna bring that attitude home *
一定得先把她踢出圈子啊
* 她会把这激情带回家 * Look, Earl, they're here!
* Don't wanna do nothing, what they like *
瞧厄尔新裤子来了
* 不想做自己不爽做的事 * Look what your $10 is buying you!
* When a fire starts to burn, right * 瞧你捐的 10 块钱给你什么好处
* 当激情开始四射 * Uh-uh, not looking. Don't want to know.
第 14 页 /共 192 页
不想看不想知道阿憨别问原因快点头
I'm taking myself off the chain. Oh, no, last time you asked me to do that,
我要自己退出这圈子不要上次你让我这么做
Uh, hey, Caroline. I wound up on a date with an albino.
卡洛琳结果我跟得了白化病的人约会
- Uh, did you get my text? - Not yet. And who didn't call who back?
- 你有收到我的短信吗 -还没那后来是谁没给对方回电的
The front of the diner is a bad reception area. I don't know how they're so confident.
餐馆前门的手机信号很差我都不知道她们哪里来的自信
Uh, no, no, no, no. Max, you said you were sick of me.
别看别看麦克斯你说你烦我
Don't reach for that. Oh, why are you so upset?
别拿手机出来了你干嘛这么生气
安珀警报是当发生儿童绑架案时 I say worse things to you all the time.
通过商业广播或交通信号灯等向社会大众传播的一我经常对你说一些更难听的话
种警戒通知 Yesterday I said you were sad and pathetic.
It's probably just an Amber alert. 昨天我还说你可怜又可悲
可能只是安珀警报 But that was to my face.
Why are you acting weird? 但那是当着我的面
你干嘛怪怪的 I can't believe you talk about me behind my back.
Oh, are you jealous of my new pants? 我真不敢相信你居然在背后说我坏话
你是不是嫉妒我有新裤子 It's bad. I am sorry.
No, but I may have texted something about you 这是我不好对不起
不是但是我可能在短信里 What can I do?
that I didn't mean, 你要怎么惩罚我
乱说了你一些事 Hit me. Punch me.
So just please don't look at your phone. 打我揍我
所以拜托不要看你的手机 Tell my mother where I live.
Uh, okay. 还是告诉我妈我的地址
好的 Congratulations, Max.
If it's something bad, I don't want to see it anyway. 恭喜你麦克斯
如果说的是坏话那我也不想看 Now you're like all my old girlfriends,
She's gonna look at it, isn't she, Earl? 现在你就像我以前的朋友
她一定会看的对吧厄尔 talking behind my back.
I would. 专在背后说我坏话
是我肯定会 Stop looking at that. Delete it.
She just did. 别看了删掉它
她刚看了 This is not what I think.
You're so sick of me? 这不是我的真实想法
你烦死我了 - I'm not sick of you. - Really?
'cause it's funny! - 我没有烦你 -真的吗
闹着玩嘛 'cause when I see it in writing, it feels like you are.
"I'm so sick of you" 可我看着这几个字就觉得你的确是烦我
"我烦死你了" It's not me. It's this phone.
You know, said funny. 这不是我是这手机在作怪
你懂的就闹着玩而已 It brought out the ugliness that was kind of already
You know how I am. Ask earl. there.
你了解我的嘛不信问厄尔它把我本来就丑恶的那面给揭露出来了
Earl, help. There!
厄尔救我你看
Oh, I am off the chain. I killed it because it hurt you.
我已经退出圈子了因为它伤害了你所以我毁掉它
Oleg, help. I swear I didn't mean it.
奥列格救我我发誓我不是故意的
I'll be in my car. You have to believe me.
我在车上等你你一定要相信我
Oh, look, look! Here's Han! It's fine, Max.
瞧阿憨来了没关系麦克斯
He knows how I'm always just joking. I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
他知道我经常开玩笑闹着玩我感觉我要吐了
Han, nod your head and don't ask why. There... I french-fried my phone.
第 15 页 /共 192 页
瞧我把我的手机炸了 If I had known it was an option,
What else can I do? 如果早知道可以这样
你还想我怎么样 I would have thrown my name into that hat.
I mean, really, it is technology's fault. 我也参与捐款了
真的这是科技的错 Well, time to put this on.
It's turning us against each other. 是时候把这个戴上了
它让我们彼此翻脸 That's my $500 pledge.
Caroline, I swear, I will never accidentally say 那可是我价值 500 块的承诺啊
卡洛琳我发誓我再也不会意外说出 - I'll go. - What?
anything about you again that I never meant. - 我去吧 -什么
任何我不是真心说你的坏话 I'll take it. I deserve it.
I have to get ready for work. It's fine. 我替你挨巴掌我活该
我得开始干活了没关系啦 You've already gotten a slap in the face from me.
Stop saying that. 你已经被我扇了一耳光了
别这么说 But she's expecting to see me.
Please stop saying it's fine. 但她要见的是我
拜托不要再说"没关系"了 No, she's expecting to see a clueless woman
"Fine" doesn't mean fine. 错她要见的是一个戴着纸袋的
"没关系"就是有关系 wearing a paper bag.
The scale goes great, good, okay, 白痴女人
形容事情好坏的顺序是很棒很好还行 And even though I wasn't planning
not okay, I hate you, fine. 虽然我本计划是 20 25 年后
不行我讨厌你没关系 on becoming that woman for another 20, 25 years,
If "fine" meant fine, that'd be great, 才打算变成这样的女人
如果"没关系"真的是没关系那当然是最好 I owe you.
but it doesn't, okay? 但今天算我欠你的
但它不是 Seriously? You're not gonna stop me?
You're right. It's not fine. 真的吗你不打算阻止我吗
你说的对的确有关系 Nope.
It sucks. I'm hurt. 不打算
这太过分了我受伤了 And, Max...
You're the one person I care most about. 对了麦克斯
你是我最在乎的人 I love you too.
No, you are the one person I care the most about. 我也爱你
不你才是我唯一让我最在乎的人 I'm so sick of you.
Well, right now it doesn't feel that way. 我真是烦死你了
但现在感觉就不是那样目前资金
It has to feel that way! 目前资金
必须是那样最新余额
You are my best friend, Caroline! 最新余额
你是我最好的朋友卡洛琳最新余额
I love you. -----------------------------
我爱你 -------------03--------------
Oh, my god, now I'm really gonna throw up. -----------------------------
天啊现在我是真的要吐了 - Max. - No,
Max, is that the first time you said "I love you"? - 麦克斯 -不
麦克斯这是你第一次说"我爱你"吗 don't come over here with that "I'm the boss,
Don't look at me. I'm embarrassed. 少来我面前摆出那"我是老板
不要看人家人家害羞啦 you are the waitress" look,
Now what do we do? 你是小二"的姿态
现在我们干嘛 'cause I could just as easily give you
So you're not sick of me? 因为老娘也可以立刻回敬你
所以你并不烦我吗 the "I'm the murderer, you're the victim" look.
You are the only person in the entire world "我是杀手你是待宰羔羊"的姿态
你是全世界我唯一 The muscular woman at table two
I am not sick of. 第 2 桌的金刚芭比
不会觉得烦的人 is sending her bagel back.
Caroline... 退了她的贝果
卡洛琳 She said she ordered a plain one.
There's a woman here who said she paid to slap you. 她说她点了原味
有个女的说花了钱要赏你巴掌 I'm sorry, did you say she wanted a multi-grain?
第 16 页 /共 192 页
抱歉你说她点的是杂粮口味吗 Max, we can't.
No, plain. 不行麦克斯
是原味 We can't become cat ladies.
Whole grain? 我们不能变成猫痴女
全麦口味吗 And it always starts out innocently,
No, plain. 她们一开始也都是发善心
是原味 rescuing a stray,
- Garlic? - No. 救一只小野猫
- 大蒜口味 -不是 but then you have to get another one
出自电视剧《神秘岛》剧中一个侏儒角色的知名语但之后就得再弄一只
句 so that they can entertain each other while you're at
- The plain! The plain! work.
- 原味原味去上班时它们才有个伴
It took me two years, And then somewhere along the line, four more sneak in,
虽然等了两年接着不知不觉就多混了四只进来
but I finally got him to say it. and you think, "We're good. We're cool.
但终于让他说出这台词了你会想 "没事啦没问题的
Are you telling me you don't hear that cat? We're the cute girls with six cats."
别告诉我你没听到那猫叫声我们是有六只猫的姐妹花"
We have to let it in. And then, one day, there you are on Animal Cops,
我们得放它进来之后某天就是你上了《动物警察》节目
It's clearly a stray, 动物星球频道的节目拯救居住于饲养环境
明显是只流浪喵星人主人照顾不周环境的宠物
or this marine I met last week at a blood drive. screaming, "Don't take my babies!
或是我上周在捐血车附近碰到的海军男哭喊"别带走我的小天使
Last week there was a man outside our door screaming, These 27 angels is all I got!"
上周有个男的在门外大喊这 27 只小天使是我的一切"
"I've been stabbed," That's how it goes, Max.
"我被人捅了" 事情就会是这样麦克斯
and all you did was yell, "shut up." Once you get one, you get 27.
而你只是回敬他一句"闭嘴" 一旦收留了第 1 只最后就会变成 27 只
Because he said, "I think I've been stabbed"" - Not true. - Really?
因为他说他"好像"被人捅了 - 才不是呢 -是吗
You're either stabbed, or you're not stabbed, my friend. - How many garden gnomes do you have under your
要么是被捅要么是没被捅朋友 bed?
- Listen, it sounds like the cat's saying hello. - 那你床下收了多少只花园矮人
- 你听那个喵星人像是在说"哈喽" 27.
Hello, hello. 27 只
哈喽哈喽 What?
Listen, it's talking. 干嘛
你听它在说话呢 They understand I'm only keeping them there
It's saying, "Help. Can I come in" 他们理解这只是暂时的在等我有院子的那天
它在说"帮帮我让我进来" until I get a yard.
Really? 就把他们放出来了啊
是吗 Come on. I want a kitty.
'cause I think it's saying, 拜托嘛我想要一只小喵喵
我觉得它是在说 Kitty for Max. Kitty for Max.
"I'm fine. Go back to sleep." 麦麦的小喵喵麦麦的小喵喵
"我没事你们回去睡吧" Max, we already have a horse.
Come on, it clearly just said, 麦克斯我们已经有匹马了
你听这句明显是在说 We can't afford another animal.
"Let me in. Ignore the blonde. 我们养不起新宠物了
"让我进来别理金发妞 - We're broke. - Come on.
She's a bitch" - 咱们没钱 -拜托嘛
她是个贱人" Chestnut needs a friend.
Look, you can't just let in everything 栗宝需要一个朋友
你不能有人来我们家门口 He is dying to trash us to someone,
that shows up at our door and says hello. 他超想跟别人吐槽我们
说声"哈喽" 就让他进来吧 and all he's got is that rat
Yeah, I can. I've done it. 但对象只有那只
为啥不行姐就这么干过 who is super self-involved.
第 17 页 /共 192 页
只管自家事的老鼠 Go away on its own?
Who the hell is that? It's so late. 自己走掉
是哪个王八蛋啊都这么晚了 It's a stray cat, not my father.
It's probably the cat, 它是流浪喵星人不是我老爸
可能是那喵星人 Good night, Max.
or the guy who's raping girls in Brooklyn. 晚安麦克斯
也可能是布鲁克林连环强奸犯 Fine. No kitty for Max.
Open the door, and roll the dice. 行麦麦没小喵喵
开门看运气吧 No kitty for Max.
Oh, please. 麦麦没小喵喵
拜托 See, Max, I told you the cat would stop.
Please, somebody tell me 麦克斯你看我就说它会消停吧
拜托告诉我 Max?
they killed that damn cat. 麦克斯
有人已经宰了那只贱猫 Max.
And where did it learn how to say hello? 麦克斯
还有那只猫去哪里学说"哈喽"的啊 Can we keep it, mom? Can we keep it?
Told you. 妈我们能养它吗能养吗
我就说吧 Earl, you don't want a cat, do you?
It's been keeping me up all night. 厄尔你不会想要一只喵星人吧
被它害得我整晚不能睡 A cat? God, no.
This poor cat has been crying at our door 喵星人我死都不要
这可怜的喵星人在我们门外 Cats steal your weed.
every night trying to get in, 喵星人会偷你的大麻
叫了好几晚想进来 See, Caroline?
trying to get a little warm milk, 卡洛琳你看
想蹭两口温牛奶 Nobody wants the cat.
maybe a skosh of tuna. 没人想要喵星人
可能再加两口鲔鱼 We're keeping it,
Max, that's our dinner tomorrow. 我们来收留它
麦克斯那是我们明天的晚餐 now 现在音似 meow 喵
Wait. Be careful. and I think we should start celebrating right meow.
等等你们要小心我觉得现在可以开始办庆喵宴了
A cat is not always a cat. Max, you didn't even try to convince him.
猫不见得一定是猫麦克斯你都没试着说服他
Oh, please continue. Come on, Earl.
请继续往下说拜托厄尔
In Poland, we believe if you die outside, Don't you want a cat?
在波兰我们相信如果你横死野外你不想要只猫吗
you're reincarnated as a cat. Kitty for Earl. Kitty for Earl.
你会转生为一只猫厄尔来只小喵喵厄尔来只小喵喵
Am I the only one who thinks Poland I'm too old to have a cat.
我是唯一觉得波兰我老得不能养猫了
sounds like a real freak show? I'm about six months away
像是真实版奇人异事秀吗我估计再过个半年
So never let a cat in, from crapping in a box myself.
绝对别让猫进来我就得拉屎在"人"砂盆里了
because it's just a person that's been reincarnated Oleg, how do you feel about cats?
因为那只是某个转生的人奥列格你对猫有何感觉
会带各种"坏犹太"进来 Loved it. Saw it nine times on Broadway.
and will bring in all the bad jews？爱死了去百老汇看过九次
I think you mean juju. 《猫》是世界上最成功的音乐剧之一
你是想说坏运气吧所有的演员都扮成了猫
Oh, do I? Very clever show,
是吗很有才的音乐剧
Nighty-night. but a little expensive.
晚安啦但有点贵
Look, we just have to put up with it, - The most I've ever paid to see a pussy dance.
我们只需要忍它一会 - 这辈子花最多钱看的猫跳舞
and after a while, it'll go away on its own. So far we're keeping the cat.
等上一阵它就会自己走掉了目前还是我们收留喵星人
第 18 页 /共 192 页
Hey, Han, do you want a cat? 我得承认感觉是挺爽的
阿憨你想要只猫吗 Excuse me.
You could finally have a friend your own size. 打扰一下
你终于能有个跟你一个大小的朋友了 I overheard you two asking people
Come on, you could ride it to work. 我听到了你们在问人
来嘛你能骑它来上班呢 if they want a cat,
No, I can't have a cat. 有没兴趣收留猫
不我不能养猫 And I'd really love one.
They're lazy, moody, and judgmental. 我真的很想要一只
它们懒惰脾气坏又爱鄙视人 Really? Well, we have your cat.
I don't need another you. 真的吗我们正好有一只
简直就是你的翻版 Whoa. Whoa. Not so fast.
- Plus, they don't show affection. - Sure they do. 等等等等别着急
- 而且它们又不会表达爱意 -当然会啊 I got a couple of questions first.
You just have to know how to get it out of them. 我得先问几个问题
你知道怎么让它们展露就行了 Do you smoke?
Cats love to be lightly spanked on their bottom. 你抽烟吗
喵星人喜欢被人轻轻打屁股 Yes.
I don't understand why a cat would like that. 抽
我无法理解猫为什么会喜欢那样 Drink?
It's so mysterious. 你喝酒吗
太难懂了 Yes.
Kitty. Kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty. 喝
喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵 Prescription drugs.
Kitty. Kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty. 处方药呢
阿喵阿喵阿喵阿喵阿喵 Occasionally.
Well, I can't have a cat. 偶尔
我还是不能养猫 Forget the cat.
I work all the time. 别管喵星人了
我整天得上班 Will you take me home?
Why did I like that so much? 带我回家吧
我为什么会喜欢刚才那种感觉 Kitty, you're gonna love this lady.
I don't know. 喵喵你会喜欢这小姐的
不知道 She smokes, drinks, does prescription drugs,
Something with boobs was touching you. 她抽烟喝酒又嗑处方药
因为被有咪咪的人碰了吗 Which we all know means Oxy.
People with boobs touch me. 明显是强效止痛药上瘾
也有别的有咪咪的人碰我啊 Hi.
She means aside from your mom. 你们好啊
她指除了你妈以外的人 Oh, my God. These she is.
Then, no. 天啊她来了
那就没了 She's purr-fect.
Well, we've asked everyone we know, 她真是太"它喵"可爱了
我们问过所有认识的了 Come in. Welcome home, you.
and now I'm depressed, because this 进来吧欢迎回家
问完我好伤感因为这些人 See, Max? It's great.
is everyone we know. 你看麦克斯太好了
就是我们所有认识的人 What the hell is going on in here?
Let's start asking people in the diner. 这里是什么情况啊
开始问餐厅里的人吧 Look at all these cats
We need to find it a place to live. 你看这堆猫
我们得为它找个家 crammed in this little space.
Why? 塞在这小房子里
为什么 It's so sad.
Why can't it live right here in my arm 也太惨了
为什么它不能住在我怀里 The only thing missing is Sarah Mclachlan
in between my hot and naturals? 现在就只差萨拉·麦克拉克伦
睡在我天然火辣胸器之间加拿大知名女歌手也是防止虐待动物协会的成员
Kitty. Kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty. 曾为该组织录制过广告与歌曲
喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵 singing in the corner.
I have to admit, that does feel kind of good. 在角落唱歌了
第 19 页 /共 192 页
What? It's fine. 走吧
还好吧 In less than five minutes,
There's not that many. 在刚才的五分钟里
也没这么多 It went from 24 to 31,
They're attacking! 就从 24 只变成了 31 只
喵星人袭击啊 and I saw two cats in the corner
Sorry. He loves blondes. 我还看到两只喵星人在角落
抱歉他喜欢金发妞 doing it doggie style,
And apparently pooping on the carpet. 用"狗"爬式做爱呢
还喜欢拉屎在地毯上呢 So in two months, we could be looking at 50 cats.
No, Twinkles, no. 再过两个月估计就能突破 50 只喵星人了
不行闪闪不可以 - Max, you can't get pregnant doggie style.
Oh, okay, quick introductions. - 麦克斯用狗爬式不会怀孕啦
好吧我来简单介绍一下 Right?
That's Bethany, Radford, Cellars, 对吧
这些是贝贝福福窖窖 We can't go back in.
Franklin, Eleanor, 我们不能进去了
林林诺诺 There's so much hair in there,
Pudding, Mustachio, Mitzi, Meredith, 里面毛掉得满坑满谷
丁丁髭髭兹兹梅梅 I saw a cat using a lint roller.
Baxter, Bernie. 我看见一只喵星人在用粘毛刷呢
特特尼尼 Okay, but if we don't leave her here,
She remembers all of their names? 好吧但如果不把她留在这里
她居然记得他们全部的名字 We only have one other option.
I don't even remember the name of the guy 我们就只剩一条路了
我连破我处的男人 No, kitty is not going to a shelter.
I lost my virginity to. 不行不许送喵喵去收容所
名字都不记得 Why? Lots of cats get adopted
Best I can do is "coach" something. 为什么很多猫都被人收养
我最多就记得是某某教练 and end up in beautiful homes.
Well, Catherine, I think it's lovely 然后住进一个漂亮的家
凯瑟琳我觉得这很有爱 Look, I didn't want to say this,
That you have such a big, loving hairy family, 我不想说出口
你有个一个庞大又多毛的家庭 but she's not pretty enough.
该家族成员众多体毛浓厚但她不够漂亮
金·卡戴珊就曾为激光除毛产品代言 What are you talking about?
kind of like the Kardashians. 你在说什么呢
跟卡戴珊家族一样 She's not pretty enough.
There's only 24. 她不够漂亮
只有 24 只而已啦 Come on, she doesn't have classic good looks,
31. 别这样虽然她没有经典的美猫脸
变成 31 只了 but she's adorkable.
Let's go before one of these rabid cats bites us 但也呆萌呆萌的啊
在这些狂猫病疯猫咬我们 We cannot take her to a shelter.
and we become half-human, half-cat hybrids 我们不能送她进动物收容所
把我们变成流浪街头却从来不冷的 She'll die there.
who wander the streets but are never cold. 她会死在里面
半人半猫混合体前开溜吧 And, yeah, everyone says they want one with a nice
We're just gonna go have a little conversation in the hall. personality,
我们得去走廊上讨论一下而且虽然大家都说想要性格好的
And F.Y.I., the mother looks but they really just want a hot, sexy, young kitten
顺便一说那只母猫但真正想要的还是性感热辣"小野猫"
like she's eating the little one. - who still gets excited about balls in her face.
好像在吃小猫呢 - 看到球在面前还会很兴奋的那种
Just a thought. Everything okay, ladies?
我就随便说说姑娘们一切还好吗
I'm only saying that 'cause it's in her mouth. No, everything is far from okay.
但我说的原因是因为那小猫在她嘴里不一点都不好
Mitzi, release! My boots are now UGGs,
兹兹松口我的皮靴变雪地靴了
Let's go! thanks to all the cat hair in there.
第 20 页 /共 192 页
真的谢谢你里面漫天飞舞的猫毛 - 所以不是可卡因 -不是
Ow! Stop it! Well, why would I want a cat?
不许抓我干嘛要养一只猫
Sorry, that's Gina. I'm a crackhead.
抱歉是娜娜老子爱的是嗑药好吗
She's bipolar, and she refuses to take her meds. Well, kitty,
她有躁郁症而且还不愿意吃药小喵喵
Ow! Ow! Stop it, Gina! as hard as this is,
快停手娜娜虽然这个决定很艰难
I'm sorry, Catherine. I think it's time to let you
凯瑟琳对不起了我觉得是时候让你
This isn't gonna work out. back out there into the world.
这事情看来是不行了重回这个世界的怀抱了
It's nothing personal. At least we leave you in a rich neighborhood;
其实不是你不好至少我们把你放在一个有钱人的住宅区
It's just that you're crazy. You'll have a better shot at life.
只是你是个疯子让你新生活的起点更高
Truly, I'm heartbroken. Max, you are okay with this?
我真的好心碎啊麦克斯你真的狠得下心吗
I already have a name picked out for her. Well, I was more okay
我都替她取好名字了呢我当初把我亲戚家的熊孩子
Veronica two. when I did this with my cousin's baby.
薇薇二号扔在街上时比现在还狠得下心
Ow! Stop it! There you go.
停下你自由了
I got to go! Oh, yeah. Move him to the next house.
我得先进去了对把她放到隔壁房子
Who wants treat? South-facing sun. Pre-war building.
谁想吃猫零食朝南向阳还是战前风格建筑
Um, just so we all know, She'll love it.
我就确认一下她肯定会喜欢的
Veronica one committed suicide, right? There you go.
薇薇一号是自杀的对吧走吧
Kitty, we're gonna find you a nice home. You live in Park Slope now.
喵喵我们会给你找户好人家你现在住公园坡区
Want a cat? You can adopt an African baby
想养只喵星人吗这里的人喜欢收养一个非洲宝宝
Free cat? and wheel it around in a $900 stroller.
要免费喵星人吗然后把它放在价值 900 块的婴儿车里到处晃悠
Want a cat? Can you believe that was my plan "B"?
想养只喵星人吗你怎么知道这是我的后备计划
You are going to love it here. Run! Run away.
你一定会爱上这里的走快走开
比佛利山庄有"全世界最尊贵住宅区"称号 Go.
Park Slope is like the Beverly Hills of Brooklyn. 走吧
公园坡区就像是布鲁克林的比佛利山庄 Ah, screw it. She lives here now.
Here comes a good one. 算了她现在就住这里
貌似来了个有钱人 Look.
Hey. Want a cat. 瞧
想养只喵星人吗 They have a piano.
Excuse me? 这家人有台钢琴耶
你刚说什么 You can make videos.
Cat? 你可以录玩钢琴的视频
喵星人 You'll be a Youtube star.
Yeah, I'll take some crack. 你肯定会成为网上红猫
好给我来点可卡因 Bye, kitty.
She said "cat." 再见了小喵喵
她说的是"喵星人" Wow, I'm shocked you didn't stop me.
We're looking for a nice home for a cat. 我真惊讶你居然没拦着我
我们在为猫找一个完美的家 Stop you?
- Oh, so no crack. - No. 拦着你
第 21 页 /共 192 页
If I had known that was option, 虽然是宠物灭蚤颈圈但总比...
如果我早知道可以这样 Why did it take you so long to put the signs up?
I would have had you stuff me in there. 你为什么过了这么久才来贴传单找猫
我会让你把我扔到那房子里面 Um, what's happening?
I wonder what kitty's doing 你们是怎么了
我在想小喵喵现在 Um, here's what's happening:
in her fancy town house right now. 事情是这样的
在她的豪华别墅里干嘛 we are more than happy
She's probably snuggling with 我们非常乐意
她可能依偎在一个 to put up this flier of your cat,
an older gay guy who likes to read. 把这个寻猫启事贴上
喜欢阅读的老基佬身旁 which we have never, ever seen.
You know, 'cause gay guys 虽然我们从来没见过这只小猫咪
因为基佬是现在 I mean, seriously, where did all the cats go?
are the only ones who still read. 说真的现在猫都跑到哪里去了
世界上唯一还在阅读的族群 Queens? Staten Island?
They're probably on the couch right now 跑到皇后区吗还是斯塔顿岛
他们俩可能窝在沙发上 'cause they're not in this neighborhood.
with A Tale of Two Kitties. 反正它们绝不可能在这一带
一起看《加菲猫 2 双猫记》 Okay.
I'm proud of us. 好吧
我真为我们感到骄傲 This was weird.
We selflessly gave that cat a better life 你们俩好奇怪哦
我们无私地给予了那只猫 Is there any way this cat isn't kitty?
than we could ever afford for ourselves. 这只猫是你的小喵喵吗
我们永远也无法给予的好生活 Nope, that's her.
Oh, don't try to get in on that. 就是她
别想跟着沾光 Same green eyes, same notch in the ear.
I did the right thing. 一样的绿眼睛一样的耳朵轮廓
是我干了一件好事 Hello. Hello.
You tried to leave her 哈喽哈喽
你差点把她 Oh, God. Oh, God.
at that crazy lady's pussy riot. 天啊天啊
扔在那个疯女人的疯猫窝里 Hey, girls. What's shaking?
Hi. Excuse me. 姑娘们干嘛在垂头丧气
打扰你们了 Not me, 'cause I'm all held in.
Would it be okay if I put this flier next to your window? 我就不会紧身衣把我包得紧实挺拔
我能不能把这张传单贴在你们窗户旁 Sorry, Sophie, the cupcake window
- No. - Sure. 抱歉苏菲小蛋糕窗口
- 不行 -当然行 isn't open during the day.
We lost our cat, Jinxy, like, 白天不营业
我们的猫金科希丢了 I don't need your life story.
a week ago in this neighborhood. 又不是要你说整段人生经历
大约一周前就在这附近丢的 I just need a damn cupcake.
Have you seen her? 老娘就买个小蛋糕而已
你们有见过她吗 Sophie, do you remember that cat
- No. - No. 苏菲你还记得那只
- 没有 -当然没有 that was crying outside our building?
I haven't seen a cat in a long time. 在我们楼外大声哀嚎的喵星人吗
我很久没见过猫了 Yeah, you put it down?
I was just saying to her yesterday, 记得你把它灭了吗
我昨天还跟她念叨 We thought it was a stray,
"I haven't seen a cat in a long time." 我们以为她是一只流浪猫
"我好久没见过猫了" so we tried to find a home for it,
Um, how come you didn't have a collar on her? 所以我们试图找人收养她
你怎么会不在她脖子上弄个项圈呢 but couldn't.
And where's her I.D. Tag? 但找不到
她连身份标签都没有 So you put it down.
Even my mother had an I.D. Tag on me. 所以你把它灭了
就算是我妈也会给我弄个身份标签 No.
Well, it was a flea collar, but... 没有啦
第 22 页 /共 192 页
We left it in a really nice neighborhood. 等着我保证她就在这
我们把它扔在一个超级好的住宅区 Jinxy!
Oh, so a rich person put it down? 金科希
所以某个有钱人灭了它吗 Jinxy!
It turns out it wasn't a stray at all. 金科希
后来我们发现它根本不是流浪猫 Nancy.
We just met its owner. 南希
我们刚见到了它的主人 - Nancy! - Nancy!
This is the cat, Sophie. - 南希 -南希
这就是那只猫苏菲 - Nancy! - Nancy!
Her name's Jinxy. - 南希 -南希
她叫金科希 Come on, Nancy!
Oh, wait a minute. 快出来南希
等一下 Nancy, it's Sophie!
Wait a minute. 南希我是苏菲
等一下 I'm here to apologize!
You remember how I told you 我来跟你道歉了
你们还记得上次我跟你们说 Um, what's happening?
that if you die outside in Poland, 这又是玩的哪一出
如果你在波兰横死野外 Oh, my God. It's Nancy.
you come back as a cat? 天啊南希真出来了
你会转生为猫 I mean, Jinxy.
Yeah, that's kind of hard to forget. 我是说金科希
记得这种话很难让人忘记 I mean, kitty.
That's not Jinxy. That's my friend Nancy. 就是小喵喵啦
那不是金科希那是我的朋友南希 Hello. Hello.
Look at her. 哈喽哈喽
你们看 Hi, baby.
Same green eyes, 小宝贝
一样的绿眼睛 Kitty, kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty.
same notch in the ear. 喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵
一样的耳朵轮廓 What she's doing, they like it.
same whiskers. 猫咪都喜欢被这么拍
还有一样的胡须 I know, because I liked it.
I don't think that this is Nancy. 我懂因为我也很喜欢
我觉得它不是南希 Anyway, we found your cat.
Oh, yes. 总之我们找到了你的猫
就是她 Isn't that great?
She and I got in a big fight 皆大欢喜了吧
我跟她大吵了一架 Actually, she's my boyfriend's cat.
and how she's come back to haunt me. 其实她是我男朋友的猫
现在她阴魂不散回来缠着我了 I'm keeping her.
She died waiting for an apology from me, 我要留下她
她到死都在等我跟她道歉 Max, just close your eyes and look away,
and now she's back. 麦克斯把眼睛闭上转过头去
而现在她转生回来了 like you do whenever those people ask you
Guess what. 就像每次有人问你
不过 if you have a minute to save the earth.
She's not gonna get it. 有没有时间听他们拯救地球的大道理一样
我死也不会跟她道歉的 Just stick it in here.
Jinxy! Jinxy! 把它扔里面就行
金科希金科希 "- Just stick it in here"?
Jinxy, come on, girl. - "把它扔里面就行"
金科希快出来小可爱 That's what I say when my hand gets tired.
Look, I said on the phone, 每次我手累了时我都这么说
我在电话中有说过 Maxy. Maxy.
this area is where we randomly spotted her. 麦麦麦麦
我们曾意外在这一带看到过她 Maxy, Maxy, Maxy.
I wonder how Jinxy got all the way to Park Slope. 麦麦麦麦小麦麦
奇怪金科希怎么会大老远来到公园坡区 Now do me.
Just wait. She's here, I promise. 现在换你拍我
第 23 页 /共 192 页
First of all, 好吧麦克斯你何不直接说
首先 I put the cat in an abusive home.
I own the diner now. 我把猫扔去了一个虐待家庭
现在餐厅归我了 You put the cat in an abusive home.
Secondly, don't ever do that again. 你把猫扔去了一个虐待家庭
其次再也别做这事 I have a gift for you.
I guess I'll just have to spank myself. 我有份礼物要送你
看来我只能孤屁自打了 No way! No way!
No surprise there. 不可能不可能
必须得 Oh, yeah, it's Jinxy.
I hope you're happy. 对就是金科希
现在你开心啦 It's Nancy. Jinxy was her slave name.
I found Jinxy's owners on Facebook. 是南希金科希是她的奴隶名
我在脸书上找到了金科希的主人 Oh, Nancy, I missed you.
Not one pic of kitty, 南希我想死你了
里面连一张小喵喵的照片都没有 I missed you so much.
not even a status update 我超级超级想你
甚至找到猫了也不更新状态 What did you do? How did you get her?
saying, "We found our cat." 你做了什么你是怎么拿回她的
说"我们找到我们的猫了" Well, it was really complicated.
But she is more than willing 情况有点复杂
相比之下 I went to their apartment, and I said,
to talk about her Reverse French Manicure 我去他们家跟他们说
她更喜欢在上面谈论她的法式美甲 "You don't love that cat,"
and posts pictures of a meal "你们根本不爱那只猫"
而且还上传食物的照片 and they said, "You're right. Take it."
I know she's gonna make herself throw up later. 于是他们说 "你说得对送你吧"
不过她等下肯定会抠喉咙吐出来的 Oh, my God!
Come on, Max. 天啊
别这样嘛麦克斯 Is this what happiness feels like?
There's got to be one photo of kitty. 这就是幸福的感觉吗
肯定会有小喵喵的照片 So what made you change your mind?
You found one? 是什么让你改变了主意
你找到了吗 Because two years ago I was outside your door,
No, that manicure is heaven. 因为两年前我也是在你家门外
没有但那美甲真漂亮 saying, "Hello. Hello."
Max, photos or not, 说着"哈喽哈喽"
麦克斯不管有没有照片 And you let me in, and it changed my life.
we need to focus on the fact 你让我进门改变了我的生活
我们都得面对事实 That's kind of different, though,
that the cat is back with the guy who loves her. 有点不一样啦
那只猫已经回到了爱她的人身边 because I didn't want to let you in,
The guy who loves her? 因为当时我并不想让你进来
爱她的人 and I did want to let the cat in.
He doesn't love kitty. 而我是真心想让喵星人进来
他才不爱小喵喵呢 But you did let me in.
If he did, why aren't there any pictures of her 但你还是让我进来了呀
如果他爱她的话为什么他第一次结婚 You let me in, and you gave me food
at his first wedding? 你放我进来给我食物
小喵喵都没合照到 and shelter and love.
What, he couldn't spring for a cat tuxedo? 给我住处和爱
干嘛难道他买不起猫咪穿的西服吗 Not the way I wanted to give to the cat.
They're, like, 20 bucks. 我想给小喵喵的可要"深刻"得多
也就 20 块钱而已 Max, are you trying to equate a person's love
I know because I have one on my garden gnome. 麦克斯你想把人的爱与对猫的爱
我知道价格是因为我给我的花园矮人买过 with a cat's love?
This is not a loving home. 划上等号吗
这不是一个有爱的家 Not really.
Pics, or it didn't happen. 其实不一样
无图无真相 A cat's love is eternal.
Okay, Max. Okay, just say it. 对喵星人的爱是永恒的
第 24 页 /共 192 页
Hey, girls. 最新余额
姑娘们 -----------------------------
I'm heading over to the bodega salad bar. -------------04--------------
我要去杂货店沙拉吧 -----------------------------
They just added hot ribs and a sneeze guard. Hi, how can I help you?
他们上新菜单了有麻辣排骨和防鼻息食品罩有何能为您效劳的
You need anything? And by that, I mean,
你们俩需要点什么吗我是指
Sophie, we got the cat back. what's the least I can do to help you?
苏菲我们把喵星人带回来了在最不费力的范围内
She was in a house where she wasn't wanted. I'll have the burger with the fries.
她的主人根本不想养她我要来一份汉堡加薯条
Oh, yeah. She'll have it with the salad.
是吗把她的薯条换沙拉
That is so Nancy. But I want the fries.
跟南希的遭遇一样啊可是我想吃薯条
Sophie, do you want to see the cat? Well, you want them, but you don't need them.
苏菲你想见那只猫吗你想吃是一回事但吃了会胖不健康
She's in the apartment? Fine, the salad.
她现在在你们家里吗好吧那就换成沙拉
No, no, no. I have to pee.
不不不我要去洗手间
No, no. - Hi, what's your name? - David.
不要 - 你好你叫什么名字 -大卫
I can't see her right now! David, you should go.
我现在不能见她大卫你该滚了
It's too much! I'm sorry?
超出我的承受范围了你什么意思
I'm happy for you, Nancy! You want her to have salad, she wants you to have hair.
南希我为你感到高兴你想她吃沙拉她想你有头发
But I can't do this right now! Neither one's gonna happen tonight.
但我死也不会跟你道歉的今晚这两件事都不会发生
Wait, where did the cat go? Yeah, it's not gonna work out between you and french
等下猫咪去哪里了 fries.
Oh, no, Chestnut. 你跟薯条妹不会有好结果的
天啊栗宝 Oh, maybe it will for a week or a year.
I left the back door open. 或许能好个一周或一年
我没关后门 Depends if she was molested as a kid.
Oh, my God. Look. 如果儿时受虐过就能忍比较久
天啊快看 But one of these days, she's coming after you.
She's on top of Chestnut. 但只要某天爆发了她肯定跟你玩命
她躺在栗宝的背上 Probably in the dark, probably with a knife.
They like each other. 月黑风高夜手里提着刀
他们喜欢彼此 And she's gonna cut off one or both of your balls.
Why wouldn't they? 手起刀落砍掉你一两颗蛋蛋
肯定会喜欢啊 And you won't think a side of fries matters
She's a foxy redhead, 到时你就不会介意她点薯条了
她是性感的红法妞 - when you have zero balls.
and he's a stud. - 因为你已是没蛋人
而他是一头种马 She'll have the fries.
You did the right thing. 给她上薯条吧
你做了件好事 Yes, she will.
Kitty, kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty. 那是必须的
喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵 Look at us.
Why do I like that so much? 你看咱俩
我为什么这么喜欢这种感觉呀 We saved another woman's dignity
'cause something with boobs is touching you? 守住了一个女人的尊严
因为被有咪咪的人碰了吗 and another man's balls.
目前资金以及一个男人的蛋蛋
目前资金以心理医生菲尔为卖点的热门访谈节目
最新余额后来被人发现他其实已没有行医执照
最新余额
第 25 页 /共 192 页
Yeah, we're like Dr. Phil but more qualified. 我是唯一去过美术馆的人吗
我们就像是更合格版的菲尔医生 Uh, excuse me.
Well, here I am, the owner, waiting on tables. 放尊重点好吗
瞧我做老板的还得去伺候客人 I've been to the art section of Bed Bath & Beyond.
Does Barack Obama unclog the white house toilets? 姐也是去过寝洗具大卖场艺术摆设区的人
奥巴马会去通白宫马桶吗 What if I told you I already got you what you want?
What's wrong with this picture? 如果说我已经实现了你们的愿望呢
你不觉得这有什么不妥吗 A high-end cappuccino machine?
Well, off the top of my head, 高端卡布奇诺咖啡机吗
我首先想到的问题就是 Listen, blonde ambition.
I ordered a coffee ten minutes ago, 听好了金发野心妹
我十分钟前就点了杯咖啡爱情喜剧电影《美眉的野心》直译就是金发野心
and you still haven't gotten it. I know you only want me to get one,
你现在还没给我端来我知道你想我买新咖啡机的原因
- Hey, man, I'm in the weeds here. so you can use it at your cupcake window.
- 别这样我都要忙不过来了是因为方便你们小蛋糕窗口也能卖咖啡
Well, if you got weed, cancel the coffee. How dare you?
如果你有大麻那咖啡就不要了你怎么能这么说
Uh, ladies, you're late. Unless you're comfortable with that.
姑娘们你们迟到啦但如果你乐意的话那也行啊
《锦绣童年/天才宝贝》讲述妈妈没空教育天才儿子 No, I meant the new day waiter.
所以把他送入特殊教育学校的电影不我说的是上白班的员工
And Little Man Tate over there is in a mood. He's in the kitchen.
天才"小"宝贝在不高兴呢他就在厨房里
Why, is he teething again? Go train the new guy.
为啥他又开始长牙了吗去训练新人吧
Uh, hello. What happened to the guy we told you to fire?
你们可"好" 我们叫你炒掉的白班员工去哪了
You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago. We loved him.
你们十分钟前就应该到了我们很喜欢他呢
In Korea, your heads would be on sticks Okay, we'll go train the new guy now.
在韩国你们的头会被砍下好我们现在就去训练新人
outside the Samsung factory, But about that coffeemaker,
插在三星工厂外的棒子上示众但新的咖啡机
and you would still have to work. what if go halfsies with you?
而且你们还是得继续工作呢要不我们跟你一人出一半
There is no coffee prepped for your shift. We can't afford to go halfsies.
你们上班要的咖啡也没有先备好我们出不了一半
英国男艾尔顿·约翰的歌曲 We can't even go quarter-sies
F.Y.I., Tiny Dancer, 连四分之一都出不起
or eighth-sies or whatever's after eighth-sies.
"小小"女舞者我告诉你
八分之一与八分之一后的也出不起
Prepping coffee is that lazy-ass day waiter's job,
Sixteenth-sies.
没备好咖啡是上白班懒鬼的错
十六分之一
so don't blame us.
Shoot yourselves.
你可别赖我们
你们都去死吧
It's not our fault you hired an incompetent waitstaff.
Did he say train the new guy or new gay?
你请了不中用的服务员不能怪我们啊
他刚说训练新人还是训练基人
Hurry up. You two need to make coffee.
Hi, you must be the new day waiter.
快点你们俩得去做咖啡
你好你一定是新的白班服务员
And you need to hire a new day waiter.
Ah, you must be the late girls
你也得去请新的上白班的员工
你们一定就是上晚班
And maybe while you're getting new things around
who are supposed to train me.
here,
要负责训练我的女孩们
说到你要给餐厅弄新的人事物 Yes, I'm Luis.
how about a brand-new coffeemaker?
是的我叫路易斯
买台新的咖啡机如何 Did he say Luis or Louise?
美国绘画大师爱德华·霍普生于 1882 年
他是说路易斯还是露易丝
以描绘寂寥的美国当代生活风景闻名 I'll be out in a minute.
One that isn't from an Edward Hopper Painting.
我马上就好
买台没出现在爱德华·霍普画中的新机 - I have to let this cream dry on my face.
Am I the only one who's been to a museum?
第 26 页 /共 192 页
- 我得等我脸上的面霜干了 Yes, but I don't bring that to work.
Oh, I always wait for the cream to dry. 有的但我也不会上班说
我向来也都是等它自然干的 And I'm in love with you.
It's the polite thing to do. 我已经爱上你了
这样比较礼貌 Don't do that.
I'm Max. 别这样
我叫麦克斯 Don't fall in love with me.
Oh, Max is funny. 别爱上我
麦克斯真搞笑 You know those gays that don't like women?
Look at her. 你知道那些不爱女人的基佬吗
瞧她 I'm one of them.
Oh, funny to mask the pain. 我就是其中之一
用搞笑来掩盖悲伤 Is that the theme song from Sex and the City?
I see you. 你的铃声是《欲望都市》的主题曲吗
我看懂你的忧伤 You know it is.
Oh, and you're both pretty. 这还用说吗
你们俩都很漂亮啊 I'm a Charlotte.
Look at blondie. 我是夏绿蒂那一型的
看这金发妞 So am i!
What have you had done? 我也是
你整过哪里了 There's not a lot of us.
Oh, me? 像我们这一型的不多呢
我吗 I'm all the dead girls from American Horror Story.
Nothing, but thank you. 我是《美国恐怖故事》中所有死去姑娘的那型
没整过谢谢夸奖啊 Well, let's get this train on the tracks.
I'm Caroline. 言归正传该干正事了
我叫卡洛琳 Follow me, Charlotte.
Well, nice to meet you, but we won't be friends. 跟我来夏绿蒂
幸会幸会但我们不会成为朋友 I'm not giving up on our cappuccino machine.
I don't get attached. 新咖啡机的事我可不会就此放弃
我不与人发展情谊 - I'm gonna work Han hard until he gives it to me.
All my life, I've been a waiter, 27 years. - 我会使劲给阿憨上"活儿"到他给我为止
我干了一辈子的服务员大概 27 年了 Yes, I just heard how that sounded.
I've been a waiter 27 years too, 不用说我也听到自己语中的歧义了
我也干了 27 年的服务员 Okay, Luis, here's how the tables work.
and I'm only 26. 路易斯桌子是分成这样的
而且我才 26 岁呢 We got the four-tops. We got the two-tops.
And I don't get personal, 有上限四人桌也有上限两人桌
我不会过问你们的私事 - Are you a top? - Oh, please.
so don't ask me how old I am. - 你也在"上"面吗 -废话
所以也别问我几岁 No one is pushing this $25,000 face into a pillow.
I am 53. 价值两万五的脸蛋哪能做"受"被压枕头上
我 53 岁了 I'm ready to order.
But my face is 5. 我准备好点餐了
但我的脸蛋看上去只有 5 岁 Luis, why don't you take that table?
You look amazing. 路易斯你去搞定那桌吧
你看起来容光焕发 It's part of your training, and I don't want to.
I've only been waiting tables two years. 这是你的训练而且我也不想去
我只有两年的服务员经历 Earl, that's the new day waiter.
My main focus is our cupcake business. 厄尔他是上白班的新服务员
我的主要重心摆在我们的小蛋糕生意 He's also the new gay waiter.
We just opened a walk-up window-- 他也是新的"基"务员
我们新开了一个外卖窗口... Oh, I love the gays.
Honey, honey, I don't need to know your life. 我爱死男同们了
亲亲我不用知道你的人生 They turned an old crack house in my neighborhood
You don't need to know mine. 他们把我家那边一间老吸毒房
你也不用知道我的 into a cheese shop.
Did my father put a gun in his mouth 装修成了奶酪店
我爸爸有在我 I heard that cheese shop has really good crack.
at my seventh birthday party? 我听说那家奶酪店卖的毒品很不错呢
七岁生日派对上饮弹自尽吗 What's the soup of the day?
第 27 页 /共 192 页
今天的例汤是什么 Well, this is starting exactly like I imagined.
What does it say on the board? 这开场白跟我想的一模一样啊
你没看见板子上怎么写的吗 Shut it!
And you're trained. 快关上
你已经出师了 Oleg, where did you get this?
Max, Han said no, 奥列格你去哪弄来的机器
麦克斯阿憨拒绝了 Shut up!
and we need that cappuccino maker for our shop 闭嘴
我们店里需要一台好咖啡机 Are those sirens?
if we're ever gonna compete with the Starbucks around 外面是警铃吗
the corner Shut up!
不然我们怎么跟街角的星巴克闭嘴
or the other corner or the other corner. Does it come with instructions?
以及另一个街角还有另外个街角的店斗呢有使用说明书吗
Or the one that's currently being built in my ass. The instructions are to shut up.
还有正在我屁股上大兴土木的那家使用说明就是"闭上嘴"
What? It's prime real estate. We don't want it if it's stolen.
干嘛我那也是黄金地段好吗我们不要偷来的赃物
Everything else in Williamsburg is taken. I still feel guilty about shaking down that redbox
威廉斯堡地区已经没有任何空位了我现在还对不花钱把 DVD 自动租赁机的光盘
Caroline, you need a cappuccino machine? for I don't know how she does it.
卡洛琳你想要卡布奇诺咖啡机吗给弄出来而愧疚但我本人绝对不知情
I can get you one cheap. I know a guy. I did not steal it.
我能帮你弄到便宜的我认识个人这不是我偷的
And if you need clean urine or a micro pig, I knowingly bought it from a man who stole it,
哪天需要干净尿液样本或迷你猪我是在知情的情况下跟偷它的人买了
I also know that guy. and I'm selling it at a profit.
我也有认识的人然后再转手卖了获利
Oh, my God. Who was that? It's the Armenian way.
偶的天啊他是谁这是亚美尼亚人的方式
Oh, that's-- that's Oleg. You're not Armenian.
刚才是奥列格你又不是亚美尼亚人
He's the cook. I know, I'm just saying, it's the Armenian way.
他是厨子我知道我只是说"这是亚美尼亚人"的方式
He is gorgeous. It retails for $600,
他真是太正点了这零售价是六百块
I'm so excited. but I'll give it to you for free
我好兴奋但我愿意免费给你们
Our new machine will be here any minute. if you do me a favor.
我们的新机器马上就要到了只要你们帮我做件事
Our lives are about to get a lot more cappuccino-y. Free?
我们的生活要飘出卡布奇诺香啦免费吗
Or should I say a latte more cappuccino-y? Okay, I guess Max can do you
或者说是卡布奇诺拿铁香好吧那让麦克斯跟你去
No, you should not say any of that. in that closet over there.
不这些白痴话你就不应该说旁边的更衣间来一炮吧
And as for that "special price" Oleg said he'd give us? What?
至于奥列格说要给我们的"特别价" 干嘛
In all my three-ways, Now that I see it, I have to have it.
先说好玩 3P 我不能让到嘴的鸭子飞走呀
I'm up to bat first, and I don't kiss. All right, I've been saving this pill for something.
我得先上以及不许亲吻好吧养药千日用在一时
During the day, it is hot in herrr. Talk to Sophie.
白天这里面儿可真是热去探探苏菲的口风
亚瑟小子美国知名 R&B 流行歌手与演员 See if she wants to get back together.
Thanks for the weather report, Ursher. 看她有没有兴趣跟我复合
谢谢你的天气报告亚瑟儿小子 But don't tell her I'm interested.
Here it is. 但别告诉她我有这想法
货到了 - Do it discreetly. - Deal.
Shut the windows and shut up. - 低调行事 -行
关上窗子然后闭嘴 And, Oleg, I'm touched and a little surprised.
第 28 页 /共 192 页
奥列格我好感动也有点惊讶啊她来了我来负责套话吧
I didn't know you knew the word "discreetly" It's kind of in my wheelhouse.
我不知道你还懂"低调行事"这词这方面算是我的强项
Oh, yeah. I have a word-a-day calendar near my bed, You have a wheelhouse,
我床边有个每日一词日历你有个房子
next to my big pump jar of pineapple lube. wheelhouse 有强项或驾驶舱的意思
就在我那一大罐的凤梨味润滑剂旁直译也有房子的意思
For when you're horny and hungry. and we're living in this dump?
发浪肚饿都能挤一发我们为啥要住在这垃圾堆里
Max, why'd you take it? Morning, Sophie.
麦克斯你干嘛还吃早安啊苏菲
You don't have to have sex with him. You caught me.
你又不用跟他来一炮被你抓个正着
I know, I'm celebrating. I'm doing the walk of shame.
我知道我这是在庆祝我现在是炮后羞愧地走回家
Hey, I can't find any of the instructions on here You know what that means, right?
我在网上找不到我们咖啡机的你们懂意思的吧
for our coffeemaker. I was having sex all night with a stranger.
使用说明书啊我昨晚跟一个陌生人"大战"了一宿
In fairness, I haven't been looking. I had sex with a guy all night once.
也不怪它我压根没找我也跟个男的床战一宿过
I got sidetracked by this buzzfeed list At least that's what he said. I fell asleep at 10:00.
我被网上一个"刺青写错字"合集的反正他是这么说的我十点就睡着了
of misspelled tattoos. Sophie, come in.
帖子给吸引住了苏菲进来吧
- This girl got "You go grill" on her neck. We wanted to ask you something kind of important.
- 有个女孩刺脖子上次了"妹子烧烤" 我们想问你一件要紧事
She must really like to cook outside. Oh, okay.
她一定是很喜欢在外面煮东西好
Did you put yourself in a time-out? Well, I'll tell you.
你罚自己罚站面壁思过吗好吧那我就说了
No, I'm looking for Sophie. I don't think you're gonna make it in the cupcake
我在蹲点等苏菲 business.
She's not upstairs. 我觉得你的小蛋糕生意不会成功
她不在楼上 Not what the psychic in the subway told me,
Look, this is a long way to go 地铁站的灵媒跟你说的相反
为了拿免费东西 But duly noted.
to get something for free. 但我会铭记在心的
这代价也太大了 Actually, it's more of a personal question.
I was happy to walk into Sears 其实是想问你个更私人的问题
我很乐意去百货公司里 Oh, okay. Well, I personally
and stuff a cappuccino machine down my pants. 行我个人认为
把咖啡机藏到我裤子里偷出来呢 don't think you're gonna make it in the cupcake
I'm not doing it for the free cappuccino machine. business.
我不是为了免费拿咖啡机才这样你的小蛋糕生意不会成功
I'm doing it for the money we'll make No, the question is about Oleg.
我是为了免费咖啡机能为我们这问题跟奥列格有关
from the free cappuccino machine Oh, yeah, he agrees with me.
赚到的钱才这么大费周章他也同意我这么说呢
And maybe to help Oleg and Sophie get back together. God's sakes, just tell her before she tells us
顺便帮奥列格与苏菲复合嘛求你了就直说吧免得等会
帕克出自莎士比亚的《仲夏夜之梦》 we're gonna wind up in some disgusting apartment,
书中的仙王仙后曾让小精灵帕克为有情人牵线她开始描述我们以后会躲在某个烂公寓
You know, it's a page out of Shakespeare, and I'm Puck. hiding from our pimp.
就像莎士比亚书中的故事我就是帕克躲我们鸨母的未来
美国真人秀节目帕克是在 1994 年的成员 Okay, okay, Sophie.
Puck from The Real world? 好啦好啦苏菲
《真实世界》里的帕克吗 Do you ever think about getting back together with
Am I the only one who's read a book? oleg?
我是唯一读过书的人吗你有想过跟奥列格复合吗
Oh, here she is. I'll do the talking. Oh, God, no.
第 29 页 /共 192 页
天啊当然没有 Okay, let's see. Here's the steam one.
I'd rather accidently have sex again with my cousin. 好吧我看看这个按钮是蒸汽
我宁愿再发生次意外跟亲戚做爱的惨事呢 And here's the button for-- ow!
I hate when that happens. 这个按钮是...
我可讨厌碰到这情况了 My neck!
Why, did-- 我的脖子
干嘛问 It burned my neck!
did he ask about me? 它烫伤了我的脖子
他问我的事了吗 And that was my best feature.
Oh, no, no. I was just wondering. 那可是我最迷人的部位了
没有啦我就自己好奇 Luckily you're not taller.
He never even mentions you. 还好你不够高
他从来没提过你 You would've burned your vagina.
Oh, good. 不然你烫伤的就是阴道啦
那就好 That cappuccino machine might have just
'Cause I moved on, baby. 那台卡布奇诺咖啡机刚可能
因为姐已经不再留恋他了宝贝 given me a grande hysterectomy.
Oh, no. No, I-- 给我做了个"大杯"级子宫切除术
惨了惨了我... Caroline, I know this might not be a good time.
I left my Spanx on that Staten Island stoop. 卡洛琳我知道现在时机可能不好
我把我的塑身衣忘在斯塔顿岛了 I heard about your recent clambake.
And they're the good ones, you know, 我听说你的"烤鲍鱼"事件了
是好的那套呢你懂吧 But what did Sophie say?
with the pee hole in them. 但我想知道苏菲怎么说
有尿洞的那种 I'm sorry, Oleg. Sophie's moved on.
I gotta go grab 'em. 抱歉奥列格苏菲对你已不再留恋
我得去拿回来 She's seeing other men.
All right. Bye-bye. 她现在跟其他男人约会
好了再见 Yeah, but not in your neighborhood.
Okay, good. Now we've got the power on, 对但不是在你的那一区
好了我们已经把电源插上了 She's classy.
but how do we steam the milk? 她很会"做"
但是要怎么蒸牛奶 She had the decency to do it on a stoop in Staten Island.
Maybe it's on this touchpad thing. 她很尊重地跑到斯塔顿岛的一个小门廊"做"
也许是要按这触控板 She went to the island without me?
Holy mother of God!
她居然没叫上我自己去那个岛
我去你个亲娘七舅老爷斯塔顿岛是美国纽约湾对面的岛屿
I just steamed my vagina. We were going to travel the world together.
我的"小妹妹"被蒸熟了我们说好要一起环游世界的
Max, Caroline, your shift started three minutes ago. Oleg--
麦克斯卡洛琳你们三分钟前就该上班了奥列格
Who cares about sidework? Oleg, are you crying?
谁还在乎这份烂兼职奥列格你是在哭吗
I probably can't have children. No, I have a booger situation.
我可能这辈子都生不了小孩了不我只是鼻屎太多堵得慌
What is wrong with her? Says the man who cooks the food.
她怎么了此话出自我们餐厅大厨之口
She just had her carpet steam-cleaned. Hey, what's this area back there?
她刚用蒸汽清洗了她的"地毯" 那里面是什么地方
You two still haven't figured out this machine? Uh, it's our closet, why?
你们俩还没搞懂怎么用这台机器吗那是我们的衣橱怎么了
Move away. I'm Asian and a man. I should check it out.
走开我是亚洲男人我应该进去看看
I'm good with this kind of stuff. I'm always looking for places
我对这种东西很在行我一直在找地方
Well, Han, actually, it's pretty dangerous. to have sex with women who are not Sophie.
阿憨算了吧这玩意挺危险的能让我带不是苏菲的女人去做爱
Hey, Han's a man, according to recent lore. Is Oleg in here?
你最近没听说吗人家阿憨是个"男人" 奥列格在这里吗
Let him save the day. I thought I smelled him.
让他来拯救世界吧我闻到他的体香了
第 30 页 /共 192 页
That delicious mix of man and butter. for a corporate coffee place.
男人味和奶油混合在一起的香味一家连锁恶霸企业咖啡店上班
Oleg's in the closet. This might be the lowest point of my life,
奥列格在"柜里"呢这或许是我人生的最低点
Oh, honey, I could've told you that. and my mom once lost me
亲爱的你不说我也知道我妈有次在赌场后面玩垃圾游戏
Really, luis, Oleg is straight. in a craps game behind a casino.
路易斯奥列格真的是直男把我弄丢我都没这么低落
Wait till you see what happens Hi, we're here to be trained.
等我下菜单的时候你好我们是来受训的新员工
when I place an order for a bone-in rib eye. I know. That's unfortunate.
要一份"硬骨"肋眼牛排你就知道了我知道真是太不幸了
It's true. He shows us his penis every-- My name's Devon.
真的他几乎每天露鸟都给我们看我叫德文
Ah-ah-ah-ah, boundaries, girls, boundaries. Well, that's unfortunate.
底线啊姑娘们底线那才叫不幸呢
So is it a nice one? Let's get this over with.
那他那只是神雕吗咱们赶紧开始吧
Well, it did open a door for me once. I have a lot of other places I need to be.
他的"雕兄"有次还帮我开门了呢我还有很多地方得去呢
Hey, Luis, maybe you can help us. Like your mom's basement?
路易斯或许你能帮我们个忙比如你住的老妈家地下室吗
Since you're a lifer, Hey, you don't have to give me attitude.
你是个生活家你没必要在这给我甩脸色
you have to know how to work this thing. I don't have to, but it's my pleasure.
你肯定知道这咖啡机要怎么操作我是没必要但我爽这样做
No, no, no, no, no, no, I work for a diner. Sorry, Devon. It's just that it's hard for her,
不不可能我是为餐厅工作抱歉德文她可能有点难以接受
I don't work for you. 'cause your name is Devon.
又不是为你俩工作因为你的名字叫德文
Don't bring me into your drama. 这个名字跟很多负面的刻板印象有关联
别把我牵扯进你们的事里废话多的傻逼欲女变态等等
Oh, I have to get this. So what are you girls? Writers?
我得接下电话你们俩到底是什么俩作家吗
It's my mother. She's on death watch. Folk duo? Just bitches?
是我妈她在守灵民谣二重唱还是俩贱人
But we used to have the same machine Nailed it, loser.
但我在星巴克工作时说对了废柴
When I worked at Starbucks. Max, pace yourself.
用的咖啡机跟这台一样麦克斯别咄咄逼人了
- Mami, como esta su lou gehrig's? We need this job for another hour and 50 minutes.
- 妈咪你还好吗我们只需再忍 1 个小时 50 分钟就好
No, I am not working at Starbucks. Okay, but for real, how long do you gotta work here
不我才不去星巴克打工好吧说正事我得在这工作多久
That's not what I was gonna say. before the health insurance kicks in?
我没想要这么说呀才享有医保待遇
Just for two hours. And is there dental?
只是去打两小时工而已嘛包括牙医吗
We can quit after we learn how to work this damn 'cause I got a dead tooth doing nothing for me.
machine. 因为我里面有一颗没用的烂牙
The insurance kicks in after 30 days.
等我们学会怎么用之后就可以不干了
Hey, I am not a quitter. 工作 30 天之后才享有医保
老娘从不说撤就撤 But it's a PPO, not an HMO.
I get fired. That's my wheelhouse. 这是工会提供的不是廉价的那种医保
老娘只能是被炒这是我的强项 Oh, we just got an HMO at our other job.
I can't believe we got hired so quickly. 我们另一份工作里已经有一位基佬了
真不敢相信这么快工作就到手了 HMO 医保与 Homo 同性恋相似
And I can't believe I'm a medium apron. He's a Charlotte.
我也不敢相信我居然得穿中号的围裙他是夏绿蒂那型的
And I can't believe I'm working Okay, here we go.
我也不敢相信我在好吧开始了
第 31 页 /共 192 页
Look, this is the machine we use for everything. - 收到了吗麦克斯 -没有
我们做什么咖啡都要用到这台机子 Where's those drinks, Max?
It's incredibly easy to work 咖啡好了吗麦克斯
操作非常容易 Working on it, getting close.
unless you're stupid, 正在做快好了
除非你是笨蛋 And I finished all over myself.
In which case, tell me now. 结果全"喷"到自己身上了
如果是的话请趁早告诉我 That's so me.
Devon, we're not your mean stepdad. 果然是我的风格
德文我们不是你恶毒的继父 Come on, Max, it can't be that hard.
Just show us how to use the machine. 拜托麦克斯没这么难吧
快教我们如何操作这台机子吧 You two, switch.
Listen up. 你们俩换一换
听好了 I gotta put out more napkins.
Unlatch the portafilter from the group head. 我得多拿点纸巾出去
先从热水流出来的口把过滤斗拿出来 That Women's Breakup Support Group is here,
Press here for an ounce of grounds. 那个女人分手互助协会来了
按这里弄出一盎司的咖啡粉 And they tap us out.
Tamp it in, pack it down, turn it on. 她们会用光咱们的纸巾
再塞进去压实打开按钮 Think they're crying now?
I didn't get that, did you? 你以为她们现在就在哭吗
我没听明白你呢 Just wait till we run out of cake pops.
Honestly, all I heard was group head. 等没了蛋糕棒棒糖你再听听
老实说我只听见流水的头 I'll have a tall cap, triple-shot half caf.
So you tamp, pack, turn the knob, 我要中杯卡布奇诺三份浓缩半低咖啡因
反正就是塞进去压实扭把手 Small scrap, nipple slap, half half.
Wait 3, blast for 30, then you pour the shot. 小渣渣打奶头半半
等 3 秒水烧开需 30 秒然后把咖啡倒出来 That's not what I said.
Place the steam wand halfway in the pitcher 这不是我的原话
把蒸汽棒倾斜 45 度角 Tall cap triple-shot half caf?
at a 45-degree angle until the milk is 103 degrees. 中杯卡布奇诺三份浓缩半低咖啡因吗
插进奶缸一半处把牛奶热到 103 度为止 Girl, you're good at this.
So what you're saying is it's easier to make meth? 姑娘你还真行
你是想说做制作冰毒比制作咖啡简单多了吗 You should work at Starbucks.
Syrups, powders, whipped cream is right here. 你真适合在星巴克工作
糖浆咖啡粉生奶油都在这里 I am good. I think I'm getting the hang of this.
You ever work with one of these? 我是很厉害我觉得我会操作这台机子了
你们俩有用过这玩意吗 Now I just have to--
I think I can handle it. I went to Wharton. 现在我得先
我觉得应该不难我是华顿商学院毕业的 Holy mother of-- ouch!
- Well, I went to Harvard. - And I went to juvie. 我擦咧疼死老娘了
- 我还是哈佛毕业的呢 -我是少教所毕业的 This thing hates women so much,
And we're all here wearing an apron. 这台咖啡机一定是仇视女性
而结果我们仨都穿着围裙在这里打工因为德州通过了一系列歧视女人的法案
A grande double cap, non-fat. We should call it Texas.
大杯双份无脂卡布奇诺我们应该管它叫"德州"
Grande double cap, non-fat. 俄亥俄州有不允许怀孕 20 周以上妇女堕胎的法令
大杯双份无脂卡布奇诺 Or Ohio.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. 或是俄亥俄州
喵喵喵喵喵 Or, to be honest, most of America.
A venti triple cap, no whip. 或者老实说美国大部分地区都这样
超大杯三份卡布奇诺不加鲜奶油 I'll have a tall drip, extra hot.
Venti triple cap, no whip. 我要一杯热腾腾的中杯滴滤咖啡
超大杯三份卡布奇诺不加鲜奶油 Uh, what's your name?
Meow, meow, shmeow, meow. 请问你您贵姓
喵喵喵喵喵 Gregg, with thres "G"s.
Grande double soy latte. 格雷格木字旁的格
大杯双份豆奶拿铁 Yeah, you're gonna be this picture of a penis.
Grande double soy latte. 好的我就画一个鸡鸡的图案好了
大杯双份豆奶拿铁 That's rude.
- Got it, Max? - Nope. 你也太没礼貌了
第 32 页 /共 192 页
Now it has a hat on it. Hola, chicas.
现在我再送它顶帽子你们好呀姑娘们
It's saying, "Good day." How's it going with your new machine?
它在跟你说"你好" 你们的新咖啡机用得怎么样了
Do you want me to talk to your manager? Not that I care or am invested at all.
你想让我去找你们的经理谈谈吗就问问完全没有关心成分
Yeah, in about 20 minutes, Oh, I think mine's coming.
没错再等 20 分钟我觉得我的要做好了
after she learns this machine. I think mine's coming.
等她学会怎么用这台咖啡机再去要来了
Hi. - You don't even know if you're coming or not?
你好 - 自己来不来你都不知道啊
I'll take a non-fat venti drip for Vera That's so you.
维拉要一杯超大杯无脂的滴滤咖啡果然是你的风格
And a tall latte for Fran Have you seen Oleg?
弗兰要一杯中杯的拿铁你们有见到奥列格吗
And a gingerbread latte with 11 splendas. - No, not since he came out of the closet.
再来一杯加 11 包代糖的姜汁鲜奶拿铁 - 从他出柜之后就再也没见过他了
Can you two explain what this is? Why are you looking for him?
你们俩能给我解释一下这个吗你找他干嘛
I'd say it's pretty obvious. How is this your business?
这不是显而易见的吗关你什么事
That's a penis wearing a hat. Because you said, "Have you seen Oleg?"
那是一个带着帽子的鸡鸡因为你问我 "有没有见过奥列格"
Why? You got me.
为什么对哦
Because it's bald and a little insecure. Look at you.
因为它秃头没安全感啊瞧瞧你
Dudes, you're, like, fired. So much spice, so much pain.
好吧你们俩被解雇了嘴巴那么毒内心一定有很多苦吧
Come on, Devon. You got me.
拜托德文被你发现了
We just need 20 more minutes to learn that machine. Hey, everybody.
再给我 20 分钟学习怎么用这台机子各位好呀
- Please? - No. Hola, Oleg, and Oleg's sister?
- 拜托了 -不行你好呀奥列格这位是你妹吗
Return your aprons and caps. This is Sasha.
把你们的围裙和帽子摘下交回她是萨莎
And do not even think We met last night
还有不要想着我们昨晚认识的
about putting sandwiches in your pockets. and a few times this morning.
把三明治装到口袋里带走早上又重新"认识"了几次
What? But do me a favor.
太没天理了帮我个忙
A girl can't get a morning bun? Don't tell Sophie about this?
辛苦"做"了那么久连个面包都不给拿吗不要告诉苏菲吗
No and no. No, do tell her.
不行绝对不行不尽管告诉她
And take this "crappuccino" you made with you. I've moved on.
还有把你们做的这杯"屎不奇诺"带走老子也看开了
Oh, yeah, that is not quite right. I filled that hole she left.
的确味道不太对她留下的那个"洞" 我已经填满了
And it hit my dead tooth. Come on,
我的烂牙都开始疼了走吧
How you doing with that milk? let's get you back to your uncle's house
你牛奶弄得怎么样在你叔叔没醒之前
Great. before he wakes up.
很好赶紧送你回去
著名的饶舌歌手 Oh, it happens to a lot of gays.
Mine's more whipped than Nick Cannon. 很多基佬都会这样
我打出来的奶泡比用尼克·卡农的舌头还厉害 They come out, they freak out,
第 33 页 /共 192 页
一旦出柜他们就会恐慌 here,
they go back in. 带着你的假波士顿东区印度口音滚出去
然后又躲进去 or I'll call the cops.
But I see him. 不然我就叫警察来
但我看到了他的心 Dude, stolen credit card, and you choose to eat here?
And I'll be here until he sees me. 兄弟偷了信用卡还来这破餐厅吃
我会一直在这里等着等到他看见我的心 That's the real crime.
Hola, mami. 这才是大罪啊
你好呀妈咪 Hey, Rajeev.
Charlotte's headed for a fall. 拉杰夫
夏绿蒂注定是飞蛾扑火啊 Rajeev, my man.
I did it. I made a perfect cappuccino. 拉杰夫我的好兄弟
我成功了我做了一杯完美的卡布奇诺 Rajeev Gudikanda.
75% of my body is burned, but I did it. 拉杰夫·古德康达
虽然我全身有 75%被烫伤但我成功了 You know what? This one's on me.
So how is it? 这样吧这顿我请
味道如何 I have trust issues.
We are so putting the small scrap, 我这人有信任无能的病
我们一定要把这小渣渣 That's weird. We still have three red velvets left.
nipple slap, half half on the menu. 真奇怪居然还剩了三个红丝绒小蛋糕
打奶头半半咖啡加入餐单 I guess that bulimic girl didn't come in today.
目前资金那个催吐妹今天没来吧
目前资金 No, she's here. She's in the bathroom.
最新余额她来了啊在厕所里吐呢
最新余额 Hmm, if I save these for her,
最新余额如果我帮她保留了
----------------------------- would that be helping or hurting?
-------------05-------------- 这算是帮她还是害她呢
----------------------------- Hey, everybody.
You waitress just went on break, 大家好啊
你原来的服务生去休息了 Speaking of hurting,
and I'm just someone who like dressing 说到烦
我只是个爱穿聚酯热狗装 Here comes a pain in my ass.
as a polyester hotdog, 最让我烦的人来了
打酱油的路人 Han, do you want the last red velvet?
so I'll take that whenever you are ready. 阿憨你要最后一个红丝绒吗
所以等你要结账时再喊我吧 The other two are for the bulimic girl.
There you go, no rush. 另外两个要留给催吐妹
给慢慢结吧 I made the call.
Ok, mister Rajeev Gudikanda. 我做了决定
好的拉杰夫·古德康达先生 No more cupcakes for me.
I have to say, that's a pretty gutti scheme 我不再吃小蛋糕了
不得不说你这小把戏 I've been on a juice cleanse for six days.
gutti 古德音似 good 好我在做六天的果汁排毒疗程
you got going there, Han's on the prowl,
很"古德"啊阿憨要猎艳
konda 康达音似 kinda 有点 and I got to keep this body tight, son.
but I guttikonda don't believe it. 必须保持紧实体态啊
但我"康达"不信 I'm in the dating pool, you know.
What are you saying there? 我也是约会池里的泡妞大将呢
你什么意思呢 Yeah, the shallow end.
What am I saying there, Boston? 儿童潜水池吗
波士顿老兄你问你我是什么意思 You know those cleanses never work, right?
I'm saying I believe you watched Slumdog Millionaire 你知道排毒疗程一点屁用都没有吧
我相信你窝在你妈家地下室的 Really? Then how do you explain this?
on a sticky couch in your mom's basement, 是吗那你怎么解释这个
肮脏沙发上看过《贫民窟的百万富翁》 I don't know.
拍摄地点与故事背景皆在印度的知名电影我不知道
but I'm not buying that you're Indian. - Am I supposed to rub it and make a wish?
但打死我也不信你是印度人 - 是要我摸摸肚皮然后许愿吗
So take your fake, east Boston, indian accent out of Not bad for having three kids, Han.
第 34 页 /共 192 页
生过三孩子的妈来说你身材不错哦 The only time I like seeing women's jeans that high
What? You don't see my abs coming in? 女性牛仔裤能被穿到这么高的唯一时刻
啥你们没瞧见我的腹肌吗 is when I'm giving Han a wedgie.
I see one large ab coming in. 只有阿憨被我玩拉高内裤套头时
我看见了一团大腹肌 Also, what's a cronut?
That's at least a two-pack. 而且什么是牛角圈啊
这起码也有两块 Cronut is what we called my Croatian cousin
美国饶舌歌手图派克艺名音似两块腹肌克罗蛋是我克罗埃西亚那个
他在 1996 年已被人枪杀身亡 with one testicle.
Han, the real Tupac is more alive than your two-pack. 独蛋侠表哥的绰号
阿憨图派克本人都比你那两块还生龙活虎 He hung himself.
I'm gonna give this last cupcake away as a free sample. 他后来上吊自杀了
我要把这最后一块当免费试吃样品 Okay, well, in America,
My promotional tweets haven't been getting much love 好吧在美国
lately. 由纽约名厨 Dominique Ansel 月 2013 年五月推出的甜
我最近的推广微薄反映好像不太好品混血儿
What'd you say? 被誉为是纽约的食尚潮流
你说啥了 it's a half-croissant, half-doughnut.
I black out whenever you use work words. 那是指牛角面包与甜甜圈的混合体
你提到跟工作有关的词我就大脑断电 They're on the news, Twitter, Instagram.
All I said was "promotional tweets" and "sample." 新闻微博图片分享网上都在说
我就说了"推广微博"与"样品" People can't stop talking about them.
What? 是目前最热门的话题
什么 If cronuts had tongues,
Here you go, ladies, 如果牛角圈能说话
姑娘们送你们麦莉·赛勒斯美国女演员歌手
a Max's homemade cupcake on the house. 近来时常发表各种言论
免费请你们吃个麦克斯自制小蛋糕 they'd be the Miley Cyrus of pastries.
Nah, I'm cool. 那它大概就是甜品界的麦莉·赛勒斯
不用了谢谢 You're right. They sound stupid.
I'm saving my calories 有道理听起来蠢爆了
我要把我今天的 Stupid delicious. Where can I get one?
for one of those fabulous new cronuts. 蠢到超美味啊哪里可以买到
卡路里配额留给超酷的新牛角圈 You can only get them at this one pastry shop in SOHO,
Plus, cupcakes are so over. 只有在 SOHO 区一家甜品店有卖
而且小蛋糕已经过时了据说为了保证 cronut 的质量每天只卖 300 个
《绽放》1991 年电视剧女主衣着也是这样每个人只能买两个如果要订的提前两周
该剧女主是《生活大爆炸》里的艾米 And people start lining up at 4:00 A.M.
Well, so is Blossom, but... 很多人半夜 4 点就开始排队呢
《绽放》也过气超久啊 Boy, times do change.
it didn't stop you from wearing that outfit. 哎哟时代在改变啊
但你们还不是照穿里面的衣服 Back in the day, 4:00 A.M. was when people would snort
Those flower power skanks over there-- lines,
那俩权力归花儿的贱货以前半夜 4 点人们只会"吸一排"
"权利归花儿"美国 1960 年代末嬉皮士反文化活动口 not stand in 'em.
号而不是"站一排"
他们身穿绣花和色彩鲜明的衣服头上戴花分送花 Who has the time to wait in line all day
"Flower power skanks."
谁这么闲能有空排队一整天
"权力归花儿的贱货" for a piece of lame pastry?
See, these are words I recognize and hear. 就为了买一块白痴甜品啊
你看说这种词我大脑就不会断电了 Hey, everyone.
Anyway, she said she only cares about cronuts 大家好啊
她说她只想要什么牛角圈 I got a cronut.
and that cupcakes are over. 我买到了牛角圈
还说小蛋糕过时了 I waited in line for two whole days.
Cupcakes are classic, right? 我排了足足两天呢
小蛋糕是不朽经典对吧 Sophie, you bought into the hype too?
Don't listen to them. 苏菲你也在赶这股潮流啊
别听她们放屁 Oh, come on, you know your girl Sophie is always on
They're wearing high-waisted jeans. trend.
她们穿着高腰牛仔裤呢废话你明知道姐永远走在潮流尖端
第 35 页 /共 192 页
I was the first one wearing Crocs. I hate all these stupid trends.
我是第一个穿洞洞鞋的人呢我烦死这些潮流商品了
I brought the Crocs craze to America. Cleanses, cronuts, condoms.
美国的洞洞鞋潮流就是我传来的排毒牛角圈避孕套
When I was rich, I sent 10,000 pairs of Crocs Excuse me, sir,
我有钱那会我送了一万双洞洞鞋先生打扰一下
to children in Africa. My name's Caroline.
给非洲孩子穿我叫卡洛琳
Why, to make them less cool? I'm a trend researcher.
好让他们看起来像傻逼吗我是一个潮流分析员
Look, girls, here I am in the cronut line. I'm Chuck. I sell magnets.
你们看这张是我在排队我叫查克卖磁铁的
And here I am still in line. What made you want to spend an entire day
这张我也还在排是什么原因让你排队一整天
Oh, and--oh, and here I am riding a baby elephant. in line for cronuts?
这张是我骑一只小象只为了买到牛角圈
and here I am eating a cronut. I like croissants. I like doughnuts.
这张就是我吃着牛角圈啦我喜欢牛角面包也喜欢甜甜圈
Max, as stupid as it is, we've got to go over there. I'm a fat guy. It all adds up.
麦克斯虽然这东西蠢爆了我们还是得去我还是个胖子不言自明了吧
We need to figure out what they have that we don't. That's true. You are a fat guy.
去了解一下什么是人家有而我们没有的的确你是个胖子没错
Oh, I'll tell you what they have. And there's a doughnut shop right across the street.
我现在就能回答你对街就有一家甜甜圈店
Cronuts. So why don't you just stop there, get a damn doughnut,
是牛角圈你为啥不去那边一趟买个甜甜圈呢
Oh, my God. Look at this line. and save yourself the last 200
天啊瞧这队排得也拯救你於之前那 200 步
I knew we should have gotten here sooner, possibly life-threatening steps to here?
我早说了我们应该早点过来随时都可能倒下的路程呢
but, no, I had to be a good person, Look, it's two things I like put together.
但某人要装好人这东西把我两个所爱食物合二为一
I had to carry that torso man End of story.
要帮忙人家把还需要解释吗
on the skateboard up the subway stairs. That's it, Max.
滑滑板的假人给搬上地铁楼梯就是这个麦克斯
All this is for a croissant and a doughnut? It's the two things together.
排这么长就为了吃牛角面包加甜甜圈重点在合二为一
Those things already existed. One thing isn't enough anymore.
这俩东西早就发明了单纯一个已经不够了
Where was all the fanfare when I combined the sleeping Yeah, that's why Oleg's cousin hung himself.
pill 所以奥列格的表哥才上吊自杀啊
我当年混合了事后避孕药与安眠药时 I'm serious.
with the morning after pill and called it 我是认真的
我的广大粉丝热潮都上哪去了 When's the last time you did just one thing?
the "sleep-through- the-morning-after" Pill? 你上一次只做一件事是什么时候
那药我命名为"事后睡一觉避孕药" Like, watch a movie
How did these things get so popular? 比如没一边看电影
这东西怎么会这么火爆啊 without playing a game on your phone?
There's no science to this trend stuff. 一边在玩手机
潮流本来就是很不科学的东西 Magic Mike.
It's all decided by one bitchy gay guy 看《魔力麦克》时
就只是某个死贱基男《魔力麦克》由众多帅哥男明星主演的脱衣舞男电
typing in his room, making it all up. 影
在房里瞎掰报道捧起来的 Wait, does playing with yourself count?
Well, then we have to do some trend research. 等等边看边"玩自己"算吗
那我们得研究一下这潮流啊 Come on, let's get to the end of the line.
We've got to figure out how to make 走吧我们去最后面排队吧
得研究出怎么样把 End of the line?
Max's homemade cupcakes the next cronuts. 最后面排队
麦克斯自制小蛋糕捧成下一个牛角圈 That's for rookies.
第 36 页 /共 192 页
那是新手干的事 And I'm Garry.
I'm a line pro. 我叫盖瑞
我是排队大师 I'm Jerri, he's Garry.
My mom and I waited in line for food stamps, 我是洁瑞他是盖瑞
我和我妈总需要排队等食品救济劵 I'm tall, he's small.
Bob Seger lawn seats. 我高他矮
演唱会场外草地位 Cute, right? That's our thing.
We spent a Saturday in the "Guns for cash" line. 有爱吧这是我们的特色
不过我们有个周六在"枪换钱"活动排了一天 I'm Caroline, and this is Max.
美国警局活动把枪交到警局可换得现金我叫卡洛琳她叫麦克斯
不符合规定的枪支则会被不付款没收 That's it. We don't have a thing.
Now that's a line you don't want to cut in. 就这样我们没啥特色
因为那个队绝对不能随便插 So what drew you here today?
Follow my lead. 是什么吸引了你们来呢
跟着我 Oh, well, we're trend-chasers.
Hey, man, cronut line. 我们就是流行的弄潮儿
兄弟排队买牛角圈呢 When something new hits, we are on it
What do you want to do after this? 一有新东西开始流行我们就得追
买完之后打算干嘛 like sea salt on dark chocolate.
Okay, all right, all right. Back of the line. 比如那些海盐黑巧克力啊
好啦行行行我们去最后 We did Pinkberry,
Everybody relax. 优格吧
大家别激动 dippin' dots, kale, quinoa, Kombucha.
Guess my mom being topless 氮气冰激凌丸羽衣甘蓝藜麦茶菌
原来我的插队技术 All the ka's. Just' cause.
had more to do with my line skills than I thought. 只要流行我们必追
影响力远没有我妈裸上身来得大啊 Can you tell we don't have kids?
Oh, great. Look at the cronut line. 看得出我们没有孩子吗
这下好了你看着牛角圈排队人潮 She couldn't.
I told you we should have left sooner, 她生不出
我早说了我们应该早点过来 Garry!
but, no, you said we had to stay at temple. 盖瑞
但你说不行我们得待在庙里 Actually, it's true,
- You're the rabbi. 其实他说的是真的
- 你可是拉比啊 And you can read all about it in his memoir.
Yeah, a career I was forced into 欲知详情可以读他的回忆录
我会去当全都是你逼的 It's called...
because someone wanted to write his memoir. 书名叫...
因为某人想写一本回忆录 You know what? Jerri, Garry.
We get it, Garry. You're adopted. 好了洁瑞盖瑞
盖瑞你是被领养的大家知道了 I think we got too close too soon.
Move up, hon. You gotta fill the gap. 我们好像熟得太快了
亲往前走啊队伍都往前挪了 Maybe we need a little space.
I would if you would stop trying to fill my gap. 大家还是先保留点空间吧
你别挤上来我我就会往前走了 We got to move up in line
What difference does it make? 我们得赶紧插前面去
这有啥差别啊 to get away from these people.
You're still gonna have the same amount of time to wait. 不然跟他们在一起没完没了
往不往前走等的时间还是一样 Should I just take my top off?
And then, in 30 years, 需要我露奶吗
而 30 年后 - Next in line. - It happened!
we're all gonna die from wi-fi cancer. - 下一个 -终于啊
我们也全都是要死于无线网癌的 We made it to the front of the line!
Okay, let's all just take a breath. 终于排到最前面了
好了大家平心静气 We're the front people!
It looks like we're gonna be here for a while. 我们是领头人
我们还得在这排上好一会呢 Yeah, we're the front people!
You know what? You're right. 我们是领头人
你说得对 Back people suck!
Hi, I'm Jerri. 后排人都是傻逼
我叫洁瑞 No, no, I said "back people," "back people."
第 37 页 /共 192 页
不是不是我是说"后排人"不是"黑人" Craigslist.
- Baruch hashem. 里面说到分类广告网站上有牛角圈黑市
- 赞美上帝 Craigslist? Oh, no.
改编自真人真事的 2013 年电影分类广告网不行
讲述一位服侍过八名美国总统的黑人管家 I don't want one bad enough to let some guy
We loved The Butler. 我没这么想吃到愿意再让
我们都爱看《白宫管家》 lick my armpit for an hour again.
You know, we've been through a lot. 变态男舔我腋下一小时了
我们一起经历了不少 They're not for us.
Tempers flared, things were said. 不是我们俩吃
剑拔弩张唇枪舌战 We'll sell them at our window,
I'm fairly certain that Dutch guy back there died. 是放到店里卖
我很确定队伍后面那个荷兰人挂了 just to attract attention,
But we made it, and you guys are good people. 好吸引客人嘛
但我们终于排到了你们也是好人 and then, when they sell out,
The sea salt of the earth. 等牛角圈卖光了
跟海盐一样好的好人 we'll effortlessly switch to cupcakes.
- Who's next? - We are. 我们就轻松继续卖他们小蛋糕
- 谁是下一个 -我们 Classic bake and switch.
I can only take a party of two. 经典的偷圈换糕之计
我们只能接待两位顾客 All that work for some stupid fad?
- Are all four of you together? - Nope. 为了这傻逼潮流这么费劲吗
- 你们四个是一起的吗 -不是 fad 潮流音似 fag 死基佬
We don't know them. I said "fad."
完全不认识他们我是说"潮流"
- Guys? - Cut 'em loose, Gar. 2013 年由迈克尔·道格拉斯与马特·达蒙主演的同性恋
- 你们... -甩开她们盖盖爱情电视电影
All sold out. We're closed. We loved Behind the Candelabra.
全卖完了我们要打烊了我们都很爱《烛台背后》哦
I know you're driven mad with the power of being Try texting him again.
我知道你是被当面包店门童的再给他发短信试试
a doorman at a bakery, but come on! He's 15 minutes late.
权力冲昏头脑但也别这么绝吧他已经迟到 15 分钟了
Max, you know what I want more than anything? You're really surprised that a guy reselling pastries
麦克斯你知道我现在最想要什么吗你居然相信一个在分类广告网站上
To kill Jerri and Garry? in the "Rants and raves" section of Craigslist
杀了洁瑞与盖瑞吗 "发牢骚"那区的转卖甜点的男人
'Cause I'm totally on board. isn't the punctual type?
我绝对支持你会是守时的类型
No, I want our business to have a line. This is so exciting.
不我是想我们的生意也有人排队真是太令人兴奋了
I want to sell out. I've never bought anything on the black market before.
我也想卖光光我以前从来没在"黑"市上买过任何东西
I want people to turn against each other for our I'm still afraid to go to that
product. 我甚至不敢去
我想要别人也能为了抢我们产品而反目成仇 Filipino market around the corner.
Again, I could just take my top off. 转角那个菲律宾市场
行啊我说了我能露奶 Are you the guy?
I know, and thank you. 你是那个人吗
我知道谢谢你 I don't know. Are you the girl?
We have that in our back pocket. 我不知道你是那个妞吗
让我们有这个秘密武器 So far, this musical sucks.
But I have an idea we can try first. 靠这两句台词好烂
但我有个能先试试的主意 What's the password?
I'm gonna use work words now, so listen up, skank. 暗号是什么
我准备要说公事用语了听好啦贱货 Cronut.
I'm listening. 牛角圈
我在听 Was "1234" already taken?
I read in The Wall Street Journal "1234"这种被别人用了吗
我读了《华尔街日报》 Meet us by the door.
that there's a whole black market for cronuts On "去门那碰头"
第 38 页 /共 192 页
Which is code for, meet us by the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. About that.
就是去门那碰头的暗号对对关于价格方面
Which is code for, "You're really bad at code." I be getting mad offers for these things tonight.
也是你"想暗号水平超烂"的暗号今晚好多人想跟我高价买呢
Okay, let's talk about our plan. I actually got to raise it to 300, or I walk.
好啦我们先说下计划我要加价到 300 块不买拉倒
It's a classic good cop/bad cop. Bitch.
我们一个唱红脸一个唱白脸贱人
I'm gonna ask the guy for ten cronuts, Ooh, ow, ow, ooh, your hands are cold.
我管那人订了 10 个牛角圈哎哟哟你的手好冰
and he's gonna quote me 250. What'd you call me?
他会跟我要 250 块你刚叫我什么
Right, then I play bad cop and act outraged. - Nothing. - That's what I thought.
好然后我就唱红脸装作勃然大怒 - 没什么 -我也这么认为
And then I play good cop, and we settle at 200. She said 200. We'll pay 200.
然后我来唱白脸最后以 200 块成交她刚说 200 块我们就给你 200 块
Yeah, and don't worry about me. And you'll take it.
好的你不用担心我的演技而且你要乖乖收下
I'll improv some good stuff on the spot. Hanes Her Way 是 Hanes 旗下品牌
我到时候会现场即兴加些料最有名的产品是女士内裤
Are you sure you don't want to run it by me first? You'll shove it in this Hanes Her Way hoodie you're
你确定不用先在我面前试试吗 wearing,
I was in an improv group at Wharton. 你要把钱塞进你穿着的这件"恒适女士"帽衫
我在沃顿商学院时曾是即兴表演组的一员 you'll say, "thank you, Max"
We were called "The fun percent." 跟我说 "谢谢你麦克斯"
我们组叫"搞笑的 1%" And you'll hit the bricks, capisce?
And I can imagine myself not laughing 然后你就会滚出去知道了吗
我觉得我就跟其他 Caroline, cash.
With 99% of the audience. 卡洛琳钱
99%的观众一样笑不出来 - Thank you, Max. - What'd you say?
Let's make it quick. - 谢谢你麦克斯 -你说什么
我们速战速决 Thank you, Max!
- You're not the only girls in town who want my nuts! 谢谢你麦克斯
- 你们不是这城里唯一想要我圈的妞 I've got the chills now. Do you guys serve tea?
I assume you mean cronuts. 我被吓得打寒颤你们这里有热茶吗
你是说你的牛角圈吧 How's that for bad cop?
No, I'm also a male prostitute. 我这红脸唱得怎么样
不我还是一名男妓 Riveting.
Let's see the product. 太精彩了
先验货吧 I felt like I was watching SVU: bakery edition.
She meant the other baked goods. 我还以为自己在看美剧《特殊受害者之蛋糕店特
她说的是其他可以"吃"的货辑》
You got to be clear. Okay, here we go. This is the last one.
你们得把话说清楚点好了这是最后一个了
Pretty maids, all in a row. You want this cronut?
清一色的好货色你想要这个牛角圈吗
Let Mama get a taste. Lift up your shirt and let me see 'em.
让老娘尝一口把你衣服撩起来我看看
That's pure. How much for ten? Go get Han.
口感很纯 10 个多少钱去把阿憨抓过来
I know I said 250 earlier, but... I want to show him what an ab is.
我知道之前是开价 250 块但... 我要给他看看什么是真正的腹肌
Bullcrap! 150 or we walk, bitch! Max, you should see the line.
胡扯给你 150 块不卖拉倒贱人麦克斯你真该去看看那队伍
It's halfway down the block.
Okay, let's all just calm down.
都排到街区的一半了
好啦大家冷静点
We have a line. It's working.
It's a really good deal, Max.
也有人为我们排队了计划奏效了
这笔买卖真的很划算麦克斯
But what's gonna happen now?
How about we settle at 200 and call it a night?
但现在要怎么办
不如我们各让一步 200 块怎么样
I worked at Target the Christmas
第 39 页 /共 192 页
某年圣诞我在塔吉特百货工作 I went right from baby food into fries in frosting.
they ran out of tickle me Elmo, 我直接从婴儿食品升级到糖霜薯条
当"挠痒娃娃"卖完时 Is it good? It looks disgusting.
and there was so much blood. 会好吃吗看起来很恶心啊
场面可是相当血腥啊 It is both. Just taste it.
As planned, 又好吃又恶心你尝尝
按原定计划 These are pretty good.
we'll just calmly switch to our delicious cupcakes, 的确挺好吃的
我们只需淡定换上我们美味的小蛋糕 Sweet and salty. Cupcakes and fries.
and then those'll sell out too 又甜又咸小蛋糕和薯条
然后坐等卖光光 That's two things.
Because they're that good. 那是两样事物
因为小蛋糕也很好吃啊 Cake fries. We're millionaires.
Okay. 蛋糕薯条我们要挣大钱了
看我的 My willingness to eat anything finally pays off!
Attention, everyone. 我什么都吃的爱好终于有回报了
各位注意了 Wait, are you sure it's not just us being desperate?
Everyone, can I have your attention? 慢着你确定我们不是病急乱投医吗
各位请注意啦 Like, when Adam Levine made that music video in
Actually, we are very sorry, Brooklyn
我们非常抱歉就像亚当·莱文在布鲁克林录 MV 时
but we are now sold out of cronuts. and you walked past the set all day in a wet tank top?
但牛角圈已经卖完了那天你湿身穿着紧身背心从人家场景里不断来回走
We do, however, have something even better-- - It can't hurt to put them out there.
但是我们还有更好吃的 - 反正试试也无伤大雅
Max's homemade cupcakes. That's what you said that day too.
麦克斯自制小蛋糕那天你也是这么说的
All right, go! Just sit down for a second, Han.
好吧走吧走吧你就乖乖坐下来嘛阿憨
Leave. Chase your stupid trends. But this is the middle of a shift.
离开这去追逐白痴的潮流去吧但现在正值上班之际呢
But we're not worried! Cupcakes are classic! I'm gonna tell everyone
但我们一点都不担心小蛋糕才是最经典的如果你不乖乖坐下
We're Audrey Hepburn! you're in the middle of a male-to-female shift
我们是业界的奥黛丽亚赫本我就告诉大家你现在正值
Max, cupcakes are over. if you don't sit down.
麦克斯小蛋糕过时了 "由男变女"之际
And you know why? All right.
你知道为什么吗好啦
Because cupcakes are just one thing. - You are here tonight to taste the next big thing.
因为小蛋糕只是一样事物 - 今晚邀你们来是尝尝下一样热门事物
If we had two things, then we'd be something. Okay, now you're just repeating my pick-up lines back to
如果我们能把两样事物合二为一就不得了了 me.
That does it. I'm calling the dealer.
你们为啥要对我说我的泡妞金句呢
说得对我打电话给卖家 No, it's a new dessert,
I don't think we should order more cronuts.
才不是我说的是新甜点
我觉得我们不该再买牛角圈了 and we've assembled the perfect focus group--
Oh, no, I mean my drug dealer.
我们组了一个完美的典型群众小组
不我说的卖家是我的药头 A black man, a pig, and a health fanatic.
I need to take the edge off.
黑人猪健康脑残粉
我要舒缓下压力 Y'all know who you are.
This sucks. I feel worse about myself
你们各自对号入座吧
真郁闷我把假人摔地上那会 I suppose I have been trying to eat better lately.
than I did when I dropped the torso man.
我最近的确是试着吃健康一点
都没这么自我感觉糟糕 Hey, extra, extra! Read all about it!
What are you doing with those fries?
号外号外各位注意了
你拿那些薯条干嘛呢 I'm bisexual now!
I'm dipping 'em in frosting.
我现在是双性恋啦
我拿它们沾糖霜呢一般 LGBT 是指 Lesbian Gay Bisexual
I do it when I'm depressed.
Transgender
我每次不开心都这么吃 Oh, perfect, now we have the LGBTQ community
第 40 页 /共 192 页
represented. 别看我姑娘们
完美我们现在又有 LGBTQ 群体代表来加入 You've released the kraken.
- What's the "Q"? - Questioning. 你们把饿狼放出来了
- 后面那个"Q"是什么 -疑问者 Damn. That is tasty.
Q 是指对其性别认同感到疑惑的人靠真是太好吃了
And answered. Now you may have given me diabetes,
他已回答你们俩可能害我得了糖尿病
Hey, everybody. Meet Veronica. as I have just lost the feeling in my left foot.
各位这位是维罗尼卡因为我现在左脚没知觉了
She's cute, she's black, she has short blonde hair, You know what, I think I might be trisexual
她是漂亮的黑人头发还是金色的短发我觉得我可能会变成"三性恋"
She's exciting. because I'm having a love affair with these cake fries.
她很令人性奋因为我爱上了这些无性别的蛋糕薯条
And we met in soul cycle class. Oh, my gosh, this is gross.
我们是在灵魂周期课上认识的天啊这太恶心了
Yes, we did. And it's very messy.
没错而且还黏糊糊的
I slipped in her sweat and she bought me a Luna bar. Oh, come on, then what was earlier?
她的汗水害我摔跤就送了我一根能量棒道歉拜托那之前你吃我的时候怎么不说
Now? Now you're bisexual? Okay, everyone, this is all very helpful.
现在你现在才玩双性恋好了各位你们的意见非常有用
Well, yeah, you got to keep up with the trends. We're still working some things out.
没错我要紧跟现在的"双"潮流我们还在尝试中
Okay, focus group. My tummy feels funny.
好了各位群体我的肚子感觉怪怪的
Let's focus. You mean your ab is hurting?
大家听我说你是说你的腹肌处在疼吗
This is our new product, called cake fries. Han, your first food in a week probably shouldn't have
这是我们开发的新产品叫蛋糕薯条 been
Cute, right? 阿憨你断食一周了一开始要吃清淡点的
很可爱吧 A fistful of fries and frosting.
You just take a fry from the left side, 而不是一大堆薯条和糖霜
只需从左边拿一根薯条 You know what, guys? We've all worked hard today.
dip it into the cupcake frosting on the right, 算了各位今天我们都很辛苦了
沾到右边蛋糕的糖霜上 Let's call it a night.
and enjoy your sweet, yet savory dessert. 今晚就这样吧
然后就慢慢享受这美味可口的甜点吧 But it's only 9:00.
Is this woman seriously trying to teach me how to eat 但现在才 9 点
food? Pardon me. Excuse me.
这女人是很认真地在教我怎么吃东西吗不好意思我先走了
Oh, no, this looks very fattening, You don't want to see that.
不要这看起来一吃就会发胖这场面估计谁都不想看见
and I've been on a fast. Look out!
我现在在断食呢注意闪开啦
One lick isn't going to kill you. Move it. Move it or lose it.
"舔"一口又不会死让开快让开不然就完了
Yeah, just ask Sophie. Move it or I lose it.
对啊你问苏菲就知道了让开不然我就完了
Okay, one bite. Out of my way, out of my way now!
好吧就一口闪开别挡着我
Now I don't want any of you to hold back. Oh, dear.
我不想你们保留任何意见哎哟妈呀
be completely honest in your criticism. This is more embarrassing than when Han fell asleep
我希望你们能诚实地作出评价这比阿憨睡着时奥列格在他脸上画鸡鸡
- Well, I feel like... - Shut up, Han. and Oleg drew a penis on his face.
- 我觉得 -闭嘴阿憨还要尴尬
No, I was gonna say this is very good. I traced that penis on his face.
不是啦我是想说这很好吃我把鸡鸡放他脸上然后描边而已
Too good. Now you dip the fries in the frosting,
超级好吃你把薯条沾到糖霜里
Uh-oh, look away, girls. but I find the best way to eat this
第 41 页 /共 192 页
但我觉得吃这个最好的方式最重要的两样事物我和你
is to first make sure you feel super empty inside. We're kinda like cake fries.
就等肚子里面空空如也的时候吃我们有点像蛋糕薯条
Not gonna be a problem. I mean, salty and sweet.
绝对没问题又咸又甜
These are adorable. - I'm sweet. - And I've been assaulted.
真有爱 - 我的甜的那个 -我是被"咸"湿佬袭击那个
Could you please take a picture of me with it? 目前资金
你能帮我和它拍一张照吗目前资金
It's so cute. 最新余额
好可爱哦最新余额
And make sure you hashtag that picture 最新余额
记得你把照片传上网时 -----------------------------
"Max's homemade cake fries" when you post it online. -------------06--------------
标签要写"麦克斯自制蛋糕薯条" -----------------------------
A sad girl smiling with our cake fries. Oh, I closed out the cupcake register.
忧郁的女孩居然对我们的蛋糕薯条露出微笑我结算了小蛋糕店的收银机
Once that hits Ivillage, Here's our rent money.
一旦上了女性门户网站这是挣来的房租钱
we'll be knee-deep in Canvas Totes and Cankles. Gimme back the envelope though,
我们就要被汹涌人潮压扁啦钱拿去信封袋还我
Here you go! 'cause it's also my jewelry box.
给那袋子也是我的珠宝首饰盒
Sorry, that was our last cake fries. I closed out the register.
抱歉那是我们最后一份蛋糕薯条了我也结算了收银机
We'll have more tomorrow. I have our rent money.
明天我们会做多点的我这也有一份交房租的钱
Wait. We sold out? Max, do you know what this means?
慢着都卖完了吗麦克斯你知道这代表什么吗
We sold out! Unless I was hit in the head by a piece of farm
我们售罄了 equipment,
Oh, my god! We sold out! 如果我脑子没有被驴踢了
天啊我们居然全卖光了 it means we have extra money.
Yes! I'm a sell-out! Let's buy a helicopter! 就表示咱们有盈余啦
太棒了我做的甜点卖光光了咱们去买飞机吧 I wanna do the extra money dance,
Hi, girls. 我好想来一段盈余庆祝舞
姑娘们 but we don't have one
Oh, hey, Sophie. 但我们没有这一套舞
苏菲 because we've never had extra money!
We're sorry, but we just ran out of cake fries. 因为我们的钱从没有过盈余
抱歉但我们的蛋糕薯条卖完了 The only extra money dance I know
Oh, that's fine by me. 我唯一会的挣钱舞
没关系啦又名"十八招" 常由东南亚女性表演
I'm going back to the basics. 由下阴"吞入""喷吐"乒乓球的成人表演
我要回归基本喜好 involves ping-pong balls
Cupcakes and penis. 需要用到乒乓球
小蛋糕和鸡鸡 and I'm really out of practice.
Here's your cupcake. We don't sell the other basic. 而我也久没跳技艺生疏了
给你小蛋糕另一个喜好我们这没有 Earl, I brought you your favorite.
You know, it's nice to eat something 厄尔我给你带来了你的最爱
其实不用每 5 分钟 A half-black, half-Chinese belly dancer?
you don't have to compliment every five minutes. 黑人华人混血肚皮舞女吗
就发微博称赞的食物也挺好的 A coconut cupcake.
You know what, Max? 椰子味小蛋糕啦
我想开了麦克斯 Look at Caroline over there.
Cupcakes, cronuts, cake fries, whatever. 你看卡洛琳
无论是小蛋糕牛角圈还是蛋糕薯条 She's flirting harder with him
We're gonna be successful because we have the two 使出浑身解数跟人调情
things than I flirt with heart disease.
我们都会成功的因为我们拥有比我对抗心脏病还卖力
that really matter-- you and me. Stop, stop!
第 42 页 /共 192 页
不许不许说 Well, it's already funnier than most of your stories.
I'm only on episode two of season one. 是比你大多数故事都好笑了
人家才看到第一季第二集 Oh, look, there's another hilarious story!
I will kill you! 你看又一段"爆笑故事"
敢说人家打死你 Okay, Max, I have a confession to make.
Then... to be continued. 好啦麦克斯我得坦白件事
那... 下回分晓吧 I have hair extensions.
Oh! It's gonna be continued. 我有做过接发
那就是还有下回咩 I also have a confession to make.
Well, then, we will continue this 我也有件事想坦白
好呀那我们下回分晓时 I murdered a man in Rhode island.
when we continue this. 我在罗德岛杀过人
再来下回分晓吧 I just have a few. It gives me volume.
If that's your game, 我就接了几段让头发有点层次
如果你尽全力就这程度 Too bad it doesn't give you depth.
you're gonna be living with me forever, fran. 可惜它不能让你有点深度
那估计你这辈子都得跟姐住了妹子 Now I have to go and try and reattach these.
He's been in my section three nights in a row 我现在得想办法把它们重新接上
他已经连续三晚来我这区 These weaves are supposed to last.
for the turkey club. 这接发不应该这么容易掉啊
点火鸡肉三明治了 This is unbe-weave-able!
I'm calling him "the turkey club cutie". 我真不敢"接"信会这样
我叫他"火鸡三明治帅哥" I found this in the lettuce.
I'm calling poison control. 我在生菜里发现了这个
听得我想"叫救命" Any sign of a nuva ring in there?
I think he's getting ready to ask me out. 里面有发现阴道避孕环吗
我看他应该差不多要约我了 'Cause I can't find mine.
He wanted to know if I live around here 因为我的不见了
他问我是不是住在附近 Caroline's losing her hair, isn't she?
and what time I get off. 是卡洛琳在掉头发吧
还问我几点下班 Is she sick?
If a man's gonna wait for you to get off, 她是不是生病了
一个愿意等到你下班的男人 - Does she have cancer, the big "C"?
he's a keeper. - 她是不是得了癌症得了大"C"
绝对要留住啊 No, little you.
So... 才不是小东西
那就... She doesn't have the big "C".
See you next time. 她没有"大 C"
下次见啦 She barely has the double "A"s.
I will see you next time as well. 她连"AA"罩杯都没有
那我们就下次见啦 Han found more of your hair.
Bye. 阿憨发现了你的头发
再见 He knows about the extensions?
- What's that? - I don't know. How would I know? 他知道我接发的事了吗
- 那是什么 -不知道我哪会知道 No, he thinks you have cancer.
Because it came out of your head. 没他以为你得了癌症
因为是你头上掉下来的啊 Oh, good! So no one knows.
I don't have hair extensions, Max. 那就好没人知道就好
麦克斯我才没有去接发 Hola, ladies! Your night just got sexier.
Okay, I'll throw it out. 安安姑娘们今夜因我而性感啦
好吧那我拿去扔了 Luis, you punched out hours ago.
No! I'll keep it for this story! 路易斯你早就下班了
别下次能当故事说 What are you doing here so late?
What story? 你这么晚还来餐厅干嘛
什么故事 - On your way homo?
The story about how we found - 回基的路上吗
某天晚上我们 Good one, hooker!
a blonde hair extension out of nowhere that night. 牙尖嘴利呀小贱人
无缘无故发现一段金色接发的故事 No, I'm between clubs.
It's hilarious! 我在夜店跑摊
超好笑啊 Circus just became a straight club,
第 43 页 /共 192 页
马戏夜店现在是直男吧了这是床裙啊
And satellite doesn't become a gay club for a half hour. My bed doesn't wear skirts. It's a dude!
卫星夜店还得再等半小时才会变成基吧我的床才不要穿裙子它是大老爷们
So...I'm here to have a cocktail with my bro Oleg. I know, because it pokes me in the back while I'm
所以就来跟我兄弟奥列格喝杯鸡尾酒啦 asleep.
Luis, we told you. Oleg is straight. 看它在我睡觉时从背后顶我就知道是爷们
路易斯跟你说过他是直男了 I got you new bedding,
阿拉巴马州反对同性恋我帮你买了新寝具
学校老师必须教导学生同性恋是违法的 and me some cute new flannel jammies.
Oh, please! So am I in Alabama. 帮自己买了套新法兰绒睡衣
拜托我在阿拉巴马州也是直男 They have eiffel towers on them.
Well, he left already. 上面还有埃菲尔铁塔的图案
他已经走了 They were marked down because everybody hates
But I told him I was gonna stop by. French people.
我都跟他说我会来坐坐了大家都讨厌法国人所以这衣服超便宜的
Typical man. Fear of intimacy. These don't even have stains!
男人都这样惧怕亲密感情这上面连"污渍"都没有
Oh, Carolina, while I'm here... How am I gonna know which is the top now?
卡洛琳儿趁我过来这样我怎么知道哪边是上面
This is yours. I found it during my shift. Max, what's the problem?
顺便把我上班发现的东西还你麦克斯这有啥不好
Ooh, tips from my tables? You've had those old sheets forever.
我没拿走的小费吗你的旧床单都用多久了
More like hair from your head. You don't even have a spare set.
是你没收好的头发你连替换的都没有
I knew this was all too good to be true. A spare set of sheets?
我就知道你那头秀发不可能是真的替换的床单
You have extensions. Who am I, the queen of England?
你做了接发你当我谁啊英国女皇吗
No, I have cancer. You're so frustrating, I'd pull my hair out...
不是我是得了癌症你真没劲气得我都想扯头发了
No, you have extensions. Good try. But I'm not sure which of it is mine.
屁咧你做了接发少唬我但我怕不小心扯到接发
Later! Look! Look! Are you happy?
回见你看这下你高兴了吗
Hey. Notice anything different? Chestnut's upset. He knows we're fighting.
看出我有何改变吗栗宝都不开心了他知道我们吵架
I took some of the extra money and got new hair Good!
extensions. 很好
我用小店盈余去弄了新接发 He should know that if he goes out for a bag of chips,
And I also got you a surprise. I put it in your room. 是该让他知道哪天他出门买包薯片
我还给你准备了份礼物放你房里了 he could come home to find
Go look! 很可能一回来
去看看 you replaced his saddle with a thong.
I'm not interested unless it's a potbelly pig 就发现他的马鞍被换成丁字裤了
我感兴趣的只有大肚猪 I got you a present.
or a potbelly pig in a pilgrim costume, 我可是送你礼物呢
打扮成早期移民的大肚猪 Would you be this angry at Santa Claus?
or a pilgrim in a potbelly pig costume, 你会气圣诞老人吗
或打扮成大肚猪的早期移民 Who's that?
- or just pot. 他是谁啊
- 或大麻 Max, please.
Hint, hint. I put it on your bed. 求你了麦克斯
提示我放在你床上哦 Just for a change, try sleeping on something nice.
What do you think? Do you love? 做点改变睡在好寝具上面嘛
觉得如何爱不爱啊 Fine!
Okay... why is all this crap on my bed? 行
为啥这坨屎会在我床上 But if I wanted to sleep on something nice,
And what the hell is it? 但我要真想睡在好寝具上面
这他妈是什么玩意啊 I would have hooked up with that guy
That's a bed skirt. 我就跟那个搬回家照顾
第 44 页 /共 192 页
who moved home to take care of his sick mother. Those sheets were really special to me, okay?
生病老母亲的男人走就好了那套寝具对我有很特别的意义好吗
Watch your back, Chestnut. Oh, did you lose your virginities on them?
小心提防啊栗宝你在上面失去贞操的吗
Watch your back. I don't have sex in beds. That's where I eat.
防火防盗防小人我不在床上做爱那是我吃饭的地方
Where are my old sheets, bitch? Caroline, I have a confession.
你个贱人我的旧寝具呢卡洛琳我有件事要坦白
Why? - What is it? - You have hair extensions.
为什么 - 什么事 -你有接发
Why are you calling me a "bitch" at night? Okay, I'll tell you, but look away.
为什么要大半夜骂我贱人好啦我说但你不许看我
I was sleeping in my new jammies. It's the pillowcase. I've had it since I was a kid.
人家穿着新睡衣睡觉呢重点是那个枕套我小时候就开始用了
Well, I can't sleep without those sheets. It's like soft and nubby
没我的旧寝具我睡不着它又软又有触感
So where are they? I checked all your drawers. and it had this edge that I'd like...rub,
你所有抽屉我都看过了你藏哪去了还有边边我可以摸
And by the way, and it relaxed me when things were crappy,
对了在倒霉的日子也就是每一天
Who hides their vibrator in a Starbucks cup? which was all the time.
谁会把电动棒收星巴克杯子里啊都能让我放松
You already know the answer, so I'm going back to I guess I still need that pillowcase to sleep or whatever.
sleep. 我需要那个枕套才能睡着
明知故问我继续睡觉了 Max, that's so sad.
Why! 麦克斯你好可怜哦
为什么呀 Of course it's sad!
Why am I on the floor in my new jammies? 当然可怜啊
为什么穿着新睡衣的我会在地上 When has it ever been a happy tale?
Where are they? 我有过欢乐童话故事吗
到底放哪去了 All right, I need to crawl in here.
I don't have them. I gave them to the poor. 好啦我得爬进去
不在我这我送给穷人了 Max, you're just gonna crawl into that dirty box?
You took them from the poor! 麦克斯你要爬进这脏箱子啊
你从穷人那里偷过去的 We don't know where that bin's been.
And the poor wants them back. 我们都不知道这箱子有多脏
现在穷人想讨回来 By the way,
Well, it's too late. 对了
已经迟了 "- dirty box" was my nickname in continuation school.
I put them in the Salvation Army donation bin. - "脏箱子"也是我当年在学校的绰号
我放到救世军的慈善捐助箱了 I need help.
Well, get up. You're going to the army, bitch. 帮忙一下
那起来你得去军中一趟了贱妇 Would you rather I step on your back or your head?
Whyyyy? 你是要我踩你背上还是踩你的头
为什么呀 My head? Hardly. Not at these prices.
Why are we here in the middle of the night? 想都别想这么贵的头会给你踩吗
为什么我们大半夜得跑来这里 Come on, gimme ten fingers.
What are we doing? 来吧十根手指伸出来
我们要干嘛 I already did.
Here it is. Come on, follow me. 给过了
就在这了跟我过来 Behind your back while we were walking here.
Max, is this where you kill me? 来的路上伸过十次中指
麦克斯你要在这杀我吗 No, like this, so I can step into it.
'Cause I always knew it was gonna happen, 是让你这样我就能踩着上去
我一直都知道会有这么一天 You know, like a finger basket.
I just didn't know when. 就跟个手指篮子一样
但我不知何时会发生 - Finger basket?
This feels right though. - 手指篮
但这里很有那感觉啊 Is that another nickname of yours?
I should kill you. 那是你的另一个绰号吗
我是应该宰了你 No, but for one summer, it could've been.
第 45 页 /共 192 页
不是但某年夏天本来可以的 She's the loudest person we know.
Forget this, just let me pull this stuff over. 她是我们认识最大嗓门的人了
那算了来帮忙搬东西让我踩吧 Even black people at the movies tell Sophie to be quiet.
Max, I feel like we're not even acknowledging 电影院里爱喧哗的黑人都嫌她吵
麦克斯我觉得我们一直在突破下限 I am going to Sophie's to get a sleeping pill.
our low points anymore. 我来她家是想要个安眠药
下限都成路人了 Or as she likes to call them, "night candy".
Okay, Max, now be very careful. 也就是她口中的"晚安糖"
麦克斯千万小心 You don't need a pill.
And on the count of... 你不需要吃安眠药
等我数到... Listen, I have a great sleep technique
Wow! You could've been a great gymnast, 我有一招很棒的入眠方法
你完全能当体操员啊 that my sleep coach taught me.
if you'd had money, coaches, and a breast reduction. 是我的睡眠教练教我的
如果你有钱有教练做了缩胸手术的话 I have slept with my fair share of coaches,
Are you okay? 我也跟一堆教练"睡"过
你没事吧 and if anything, they kept me awake.
Max? 他们的唯一用处就是让我不能睡
麦克斯 Max, it's 3:00 A.M.
Gonna need some voice contact. 麦克斯凌晨三点
发点声音出来啊 Any normal person is sleeping right now.
I'm not in here alone. 正常人应该都睡了
吾路不孤 Hi, girls.
What do you mean you're not alone? 姑娘们
你说吾路不孤是个什么意思 Just doing a puzzle and listening to Elvis.
I mean, I'm not in here alone. 我一边听猫王一边拼拼图呢
意思是里面不只我一个人 You two want a mai tai before you get too ty-ty?
Stay calm! I will get you out of there. 趁你们还没累累先来杯酒酒吧
别慌我马上救你出来 No, thanks, but speaking of ty-ty,
No, I won't. 不用了但说到累累
不我做不到 I was hoping I could snag one of your sleeping pills.
I'm looking for a lever on the inside. 我想问你要一颗安眠药
我在找打开门的把手 Oh, sure, I can hook you up.
Get outta my house! 没问题我能给你
滚出我家 I never use them.
I just wanna check and see if you're on my pillowcase. 我从来不用
我只是想看看你是不是压在我的枕套上 I only need three hours of sleep at night
- Max, no! - I need my sweet sheets! 我晚上都只需要睡三小时
- 别啊麦克斯 -我要我亲爱的寝具 and six during the day. Come on.
Let it go. 白天再睡个六小时进来吧
放弃吧 Sophie...
If your sheets are under there, they're no long sweet. 苏菲
如果被他压在身下了那也不亲不爱了 Notice anything new?
Get outta my house! 发现哪里是新的吗
滚出我家 Oh! Yeah!
Close the door! 有啊
关上门 You planted more hair on your head.
Okay! Okay! 你头上接了更多头发吗
行行行 I heard.
God, sheez. You'd think we'd slept together. 我听说了
真是的咱俩也算睡过了真无情 Max! You told her?
What am I gonna do? 麦克斯你居然告诉她
这下我得怎么办 No, it was on CNN.
I can't sleep without those sheets. 没这事都上新闻联播了
没那套寝具我就睡不着 They led with Syria,
I'm so angry at you! 先报导了叙利亚的新闻
我恨死你了 and then did a solid five on your hair.
I'd be even angrier if I hadn't found this great bra. 然后连续报道了五分钟你头发的事
要不是发现这件好奶罩我会更气 Here we go-- pills and spices!
Why are you going to Sophie's if you're trying to sleep? 来啦药跟香料
你想睡觉为啥还要来苏菲家 You have a spice rack full of pills?
第 46 页 /共 192 页
你有满香料架的药吗你不是应该泡个热水澡吗
You gotta cook me dinner sometime. I was, but when I put the stopper in,
改天下厨做顿晚餐请我吃吧本来是但当我把塞子塞进去时
Let's see. something pushed it back out again.
我看看有东西又把它给顶出来了
Fish oil, penicillin, amoxicillin... Where's that pill?
鱼油盘尼西林阿莫西林药片在哪里
Skittles. I've got it on my person,
彩虹糖我藏在身上呢
Oh, and this is my German pill and if this doesn't work I'll give it to you.
这是我的德国神药如果这些都不管用我就把它给你
in case they release the bombs or I'm ever abandoned Oh, I'll go elbow-deep for that pill.
in space. 为了药片整只手伸入你洞内找
哪天核弹大爆发还是我被放逐外星时吃 And don't think I won't.
Here you go, Max. Nighty-night. 我都会做哦
给麦克斯睡个好觉 Max, meet your new sheets.
Oh, you know what? 麦克斯这是你的新寝具
这样吧 New sheets, meet--
What the hell! I'm gonna have one too. 新寝具这是...
管这么多干嘛老娘也来一粒 Don't make me meet the sheets. I'm not a mental
It's a slumber party! patient.
这是睡衣派对用不着互相介绍我又不是神经病人
- Oh, now you got another rack full of pills. If I was, I'd be living in a much nicer place.
- 你又有另一架子的药了如果我是那住的地方会比这好多了
Oh, you know what? And all my pillowcases would have edges.
算了吧而且我所有的枕套都会有花边
Don't wait for me, Max. This might be a while. Wow, even your pillowcase had an edge.
别等我了麦克斯估计得找一会哇你的枕套居然有花边啊
Max, do you really need to take that? What was it like anyway?
麦克斯你真的得靠药物吗你的枕套到底是什么样的
People do weird things on sleeping pills. It was kinda like the end of your new PJs,
吃完安眠药很多人会做怪事就像是你新睡衣下面那样
My friend Candice Travelstead but not the queerest thing I've ever seen.
我一个朋友但你的睡衣是我见过最基的东西
buttered a wallet and tried to eat it. A candle? What are we, witches?
梦游用奶油涂满皮夹还打算吃下去还点蜡烛你以为我们是女巫吗
Don't worry, I don't have a wallet. Now, imagine yourself in a relaxed, beautiful place.
别担心我没皮夹现在想象自己处在一个轻松美丽的地方
Wait a minute! Wait a minute. Breathe in and out.
等等等等让呼吸自由进出
Is that the sleeping pill, In and out.
你那颗是安眠药吸气呼气
or is that my emergency space pill that kills you? Look, if there's one thing old finger basket know how to
还是我的紧急自杀太空药 do
Either way, I'll get some shut-eye. 听着手指篮姑娘唯一了解的事情
两种都能让我闭眼安眠 it's in and out.
Max, no! 那就是"进跟出"
麦克斯不许 Gimme the pill.
You are not gonna die and leave me here alone. 把药片给我
不许你抛下我一人在这世界上 I'm not finished yet.
I still don't know how to go east on the "L" Train 我还没说完呢
在没有监护人带领的情况下我还没搞懂 But just so you know,
without a chaperone. 但先提醒你
怎么坐 L 火号车去东边 that pill has changed colors three times in the last hour.
Max, it's 3:30 A.M., 那颗药片在一个小时里变色了三次了
麦克斯现在是凌晨 3 点 30 分 So it's either deadly, or an Everlasting Gobstopper.
and sleep coach Caroline here 要么会吃死人要么就是五彩糖球
睡眠教练卡洛琳 I am so mad at you. You took my one thing.
will have you asleep by 3:45 the latest. 我真是被你气死了你就拿走我唯一一样
最晚能让你在 3 点 45 分安然入睡哦 That pillowcase was my one special thing.
You're supposed to be taking a hot bath. 我生命中有特别意义的东西
第 47 页 /共 192 页
In my whole life of people taking things away from me, 我对我的头发才没有什么病态的依赖心理
我的人生中人们从我身边拿走了很多东西 Oh, really.
that was the one thing no one took, 是吗
唯有那个枕套从来没人会拿 You're a monster!
and now I'm never gonna sleep again. 你个禽兽
而现在我再也睡不着了 I'm sorry, I can't sleep.
And I love sleeping. 对不起人家睡不着嘛
我爱睡觉 I'll be fine. Just give me the pill.
Dreaming is the closest thing I have to cable TV. 只要你把药片给我我就没事了
做梦是我离有线电视最接近的时刻了 No! It's all in your head!
Enough, Max! 只是你心理作用
够了麦克斯 Go to sleep!
I've been very patient with this weird attachment you 快去睡觉
have I tied the doorknob to my bed with a rope
在你对"一张床单"过分依赖的事情上我用绳子把门把和我的床绑到一起
to this little piece of sheet. and locked all the bedroom windows.
我已经够耐心了然后把卧室所有的窗户都关上了
You're a piece of sheet. Are you trying to hurt me or turn me on?
你才是"一坨屎"呢你是想伤害我还是想让我欲火焚身啊
Listen, if I learned anything when I lost everything, Brace yourself, Earl.
在我失去一切时我懂得两个道理你要做好心理准备厄尔
It's that, "A," there's no wiggle room When Max gets here, she will not be in a good mood.
那就是第一麦克斯今天上班的心情不会太好哦
when it comes to cottage cheese expiration dates, Caroline, if I wanted to work around people in a good
白干酪的保质期限说到就到了 mood,
And "B," You can't get attached to material things. 卡洛琳如果我想跟一群天天好心情的人共事
第二你不能过于依赖物质事物 I'd go work at Google.
Okay, extensions. 我早去谷歌上班了
得了吧接发不算吗 She hasn't slept since yesterday
What does that mean? 她从昨天开始就睡不着
这话什么意思 and is furious because I won't give her a sleeping pill.
It means that your material things 因为我不愿意给她安眠药她现在超级火大
意思就是准确来说 Smart move.
are literally attached to your head. 明智之举
你依赖的事物粘了你满脑袋 Sleeping pills mess you up.
Not the same thing at all. 安眠药只会把人搞得更糟
完全不一样好吗 I took one once, woke up a day later
Your dependency on that pillowcase is all in your head, 我曾经吃过一次结果在一天后醒来
你满脑子都是你对那个枕套的依赖 on the roller coaster ride in Coney Island.
you don't need it. 发现自己科尼岛的云霄飞车上
而你却不需要它 I love roller coasters.
Oh. You don't need this. 我喜欢云霄飞车
那你也不需要这个 Me too, when I'm in a seat.
You owe me $14. 但得是坐在座位里我才喜欢啊
你欠我 14 块 Oh, hello!
Run a tab. 你们好啊
先记账吧 How are you two tonight?
I'm not about to sit here and take this abuse 你们俩今晚好吗
我才不要坐在这里忍受你的侮辱 Oh, no. She's nice.
because you have an unhealthy attachment to a 天啊她太友善了
pillowcase. She must've gotten a pill somewhere.
就因为你对一个枕套有着病态的依赖心理她肯定从哪里搞到安眠药了
Good night, Malibu Barbie. No. No pills. Just had some clarity.
晚安马里布芭比不我没吃药只是想明白了
I hope you're not trying to insult me, - Follow me, please. - Oh, okay.
希望你不是想要侮辱我 - 请跟我来 -好吧
because she's gorgeous! Did you smoke or snort this clarity?
因为你这话是在赞美我你是"抽"明白了还是"吸"明白了
And for the record, Yeah, since you were nice enough to get me new sheets,
对了郑重声明既然你这么好送我新床单
I do not have an unhealthy attachment to my hair. I got you something in return. Here.
第 48 页 /共 192 页
我也有东西作为回礼给谢啦
Oh, is this like an apology, And I love that you have an outfit
这是表示歉意的同时我爱死你永远能找到一套
thank you kind of thing? for everything I ask you to do.
兼表示谢意吗适合我让你干的事的衣服
Now watch. Where's the blonde narc, Max?
给我看好了那个金发缉毒特警呢麦克斯
This is how one graciously accepts a gift. Oh, my God!
人接受礼物时就应该这么优雅天啊
What the hell is this? Did Caroline join a bowling team?
这是啥玩意啊卡洛琳加入保龄球队了吗
A wig? Max! No!
假发麦克斯不行
Either that or you scalped a lesbian from the '80s. Aw, crap!
不然就是你剥了 80 年代拉拉的头皮糟糕
Yep, I grabbed her bolo tie 英国老派摇滚歌手发型类似
是的我一把抓住她的波洛领带 Rod Stewart just busted us.
- and climbed up on her shoulder pads. 被罗德·斯图尔特逮个正着
- 然后爬上她的垫肩 Let her have some fun. What's the big deal, square?
You took away my security thing-- 让她爽一下吧有啥大不了的老古板
你夺走让我有安全感的东西 The big deal is that Max thinks she needs these pills
the pillowcase-- 因为她觉得自己需要这药的理由
我的枕套 because I threw away her blankie.
So now I'm taking away your security thing-- 是因为我丢了她的小被被
所以现在我要夺走让你有安全感的东西 It was a pillowcase, and I need it to sleep.
your hair. 那是个枕套有它我才能睡着
你的头发 She has to rub it.
You can wear that on your head tonight 她得摸着才能睡
你今晚可以戴着那玩意 In Poland,
and then tell me again how this is all in my head. 在波兰
然后告诉我一切都只是心理作用可以克服 I had this little thing that I liked to tickle
Did you have to get the ugliest one they had? 我也有样小东西
你非得买人家店里最丑的那一顶吗 before I went to sleep.
What do you want for 37 cents? 喜欢在睡觉前玩
3 毛 7 的东西你还想要求什么 But my aunt threw it away.
Fine! I'll put this roadkill on my head 但也被我姨母扔了
好吧我会把这个烂玩意顶头上 What was it?
Just to prove to you that I am so much more than my 那是什么
hair. It was my cousin Nora.
向你证明我的价值不只是这头秀发我的诺拉表妹
I am my attitude, my spirit, my brain, my bravery. - Give me the pills. - Nope.
还有我的态度心灵大脑和勇气 - 把药给我 -不要
- Put it on. - Max, I'm scared. And, Max, you were wrong. See?
- 戴上它 -麦克斯我好害怕麦克斯你是错的瞧我
- Go. The bangs go in the back. I'm not attached to my hair.
- 快把刘海拨到后面我一点都不依赖我的头发
That's my kinda woman. In fact, I am loving my new look.
我就喜欢这种女人老实说我开始爱上我的新发型
Cobb salad, pick-up! Am I a single mom trying to keep it simple?
科布沙拉上菜我是个懒得打扮的单亲母亲
Uh...hey, Sophie. Am I an assistant D.A. in over my head?
苏菲或是助理地方检察官呢
Are you here for the mafia widow discount? Or am I Charlize Theron in the Jon Bon Jovi story?
你是知道有黑手党寡妇折扣才穿着这样吗又或是邦·乔飞故事里的查理兹·塞隆
Earl, I'm incognito. Maybe, and I'm fine with it.
厄尔我在保持低调或许吧我完全不介意
I'm making a drug drop for Max. 'cause I am not my hair.
偷偷来给麦克斯送药的因为我一点也不看重我的头发
- Hey, Max! I got your drugs! Oh, my god, turkey club cutie! Hide me!
- 麦克斯你的药来了天啊火鸡三明治帅哥掩护我
Thanks. On your knees in a bad wig.
第 49 页 /共 192 页
戴着难看的假发双膝跪地那我就会变成无下限
Listen, girl, I've been there. Turkey club cutie didn't ask me out,
姑娘我也有过这样的经历火鸡三明治帅哥没有约我出去
No, I just don't wanna be seen. probably because my hair was so messed up from the
不我只是不想被人看见 wig.
Caroline, Caroline, I love you, 可能是因为我的头发被假发弄得太乱了
卡洛琳卡洛琳我爱你 Don't be so hard on yourself.
But I can't hear anymore. 别对自己那么苛刻
但我听不下去了 it could've been your personality too.
That hair was hard enough to look at in the '70s. 也有可能是讨厌你性格啊
这顶假发即使在 70 年代也让人不忍直视 You really think he only liked you for your hair?
Fine! You were right, I was wrong. 你真的觉得他是因为头发才喜欢你吗
好吧你是对的我是错的 I only like me for my hair.
Now help me get this off. He can't see me like this. 反正我是
帮我把假发脱下来我不能让他见我这样 Told you. You're attached to it.
That's right, gimme the pills. 早说了吧你就是爱它
没错把药给我 So attached to it!
Max, no. You don't need them. 我超级爱我的头发
麦克斯不你不需要 Twirling it, tossing it, flipping it.
We don't know where they've been. 用手转着玩甩着玩翻着玩
我们都不知道这药哪来的 Feeling it on my neck, on my shoulders, on my back.
Fine! 在我的脖子肩膀还有后背感觉它
好吧 Caroline Channing without the option
I'm going home to try to sleep. 没有光滑发髻的卡洛琳·钱宁
那我回家睡觉 of a sleek updo is not Caroline Channing.
Since this is all your fault, you can finish my shift. 就不是卡洛琳·钱宁了
既然这都是你的错那你来替我上班吧 And I'm sorry.
You're on your own, 对不起啦
你自己上班吧 I'm sorry I judged you
lady who lived across the street from Al Bundy 很抱歉我因为
80 年代肥皂剧那个住在对面街的女人 for having an attachment to something
I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed I can do this. 你对某物过于依赖而批评你
不得不说我真佩服我自己也能接发 when I'm no better.
It's not so hard. 而我也没好到哪去
其实没那么难嘛 And I'm sorry I got rid of your sweet sheets.
I don't know what Chanice is always bitching about. 抱歉我把你亲爱的寝具扔了
我不懂钱妮丝干嘛老抱怨 Max.
I guess that's who she is. 麦克斯
或许她就是个爱抱怨的贱人吧 Max?
I can't believe I still haven't slept. 麦克斯
真不敢相信我到现在还没睡着 Night, Max.
I'm gonna be awake forever. 晚安麦克斯
我这辈子都别想睡觉了 Whyyyy?
电影讲述的是一名医生在偶然的机会通过一种尚未为什么啊
通过临床研究的药物 Why can't I ever have anything nice?
使得病人走出了几十年的梦境为什么我就不能拥有点好东西呢
It's gonna be like that movie Awakenings, but not at all. 目前资金
最后会像那部电影《唤醒》但我是想睡死过去目前资金
Max, you can rub me. 最新余额
麦克斯你可以摸我最新余额
Wow, that wig changed you. 最新余额
哇那顶拉拉假发把你掰弯啦 -----------------------------
No, here. -------------07--------------
不是这里 -----------------------------
Rub the edge on the bottom of my jammie top Max, Caroline.
摸我睡衣下面的花边麦克斯卡洛琳
- like it's your pillowcase. - No. Look, here comes Han carrying an iPad mini.
- 把它当成是你的枕套 -不要是阿憨拿着迷你 iPad 走过来
If I rub the bottom of your jammies, Or is it an iPad carrying a mini Han?
如果我摸你睡衣的下面还是 iPad 拿着一只迷你阿憨而来啊
that would be my bottom. Han has a mini iPad?
第 50 页 /共 192 页
阿憨居然有迷你 iPad No, catfishing is when you pretend to be someone
iPad 名字里的 pad 也有卫生巾的意思 "鲶鱼"是指在网上伪装成别人
We can't even afford a Maxi pad. 词的来源是一部 2010 年的纪录片电影"鲶鱼"
我们连大号卫生巾都买不起讲一段从未见过面的网络情缘到最后见面的故事
- I am so upset. I'm stuck in a lie. you're not on the internet.
- 好不爽我说谎坑死自己了隐藏真实的自己
Well, it's better than the time You know, like everyone on the internet.
那也好过你上次基本网上的人都那样
you got stuck in that backpack. All my mother wants is for me to be happily married
把自己困在背包里啊我妈唯一的心愿就是我有一段
Seriously, you guys. I'm in trouble. like my father and her.
别闹了我有麻烦了她跟我爸一样的美满姻缘
I just opened this email, All my mother wants is a cure for hep-c.
我刚看到邮件我妈唯一的心愿就是能治愈丙型肝炎
and my mother is coming to visit. Look, here she is.
我妈要来看我我发了她的照片
You have a mother? "Korean beauty June Kim, aka Sapphire"?
原来你有妈妈啊 "韩国美女金君恩艺名蓝宝石"
I thought you came to life Han, you chose a prostitute?
我还以为你的诞生阿憨你居然找了个妓女
after a kid in a toy store made a wish. She's not a prostitute. She has a website.
是因为玩具店里某个小孩许了个愿她才不是妓女只是有个人网站而已嘛
Han, your mother's coming all the way from Korea to Yeah, and I know a guy with business cards
see you. 我还认识个男的名片上写着
阿憨你妈妈千里迢迢从韩国来看你 whose "job" it is to relax your rectum.
Isn't that great news? 专业"菊花放松师"呢
这不是该高兴吗 It says she's an exotic dancer
Is this the face of great news? 上面写她在曼哈顿的
我这脸看起来像高兴吗 at this gentlemen's club in Manhattan.
See, my mother thinks I have a girlfriend. 一家男士夜总会里当脱衣舞女
重点是我妈以为我有个女朋友 So just go there and hire the hooker
My father still thinks I wasn't in the car 那你就去那请这位妓女
我爸也以为我朋友 to pretend to be your girlfriend.
when my friend hit that grifter in the Hamptons. 来当你女朋友就好啦
在度假地撞死骗子的时候我不在场啊 And there's a sentence I never thought I'd say.
She thinks I have a girlfriend 我从没想过我会说出这句话
她以为我有个女朋友 I tried, but the bouncer told me to wait in the alley
because I might have told her I did. 我试过了但门卫让我去巷子里等妈妈来
是因为我貌似有说过这话 for my mother like all the other children.
Did you or didn't you? 像其他没大人领着进酒吧小孩一样
你是说过还是没说过 So I was hoping you guys could go for me.
I-I might have. 所以我想麻烦你们帮我跑一趟
貌似有 Han, we are not doing that.
And I might have sent my mother pictures of someone 阿憨我们不会帮你的
我貌似也有发了一个女人的照片给我妈 Strip clubs, lies-- that's not my scene.
and told her that she was the woman I'm dating. 脱衣酒吧谎言太掉我的价了
跟她说那就是我女朋友 That's not your "scene"?
Han, you might have catfished your mom? 太掉你的"价"
阿憨你"鲶鱼"了你妈吗 You have a scene?
I might have. 你还有个价吗
貌似是吧 What is your scene, Caroline?
Catfishing-- right. 符合你价的情景是怎样啊
鲶鱼嘛我懂 I haven't seen your scene.
That's when you pick up a woman in a bar, 我好像还没见过啊
就是指在酒吧钓上了个妞 In fact, you haven't seen your scene in two years.
and when you get her in the light, 你自己都两年没见过你符合你价的场景了
等带她到灯光明亮的地方时 Trust me, this is your scene now.
you realize she has whiskers. 听姐的这情景就是你现在的价
才发现她有长胡须 Oh, I understand.
P.S.-- doesn't bother me. 行我明白了
对了爷照"上"不误 Just one question--
第 51 页 /共 192 页
我就问一件事 Hi, ladies. You ready for a good time?
Did I or did I not let you have 女士们准备好要爽一把了吗
我到底有没有 Been waitin' my whole life.
the cupcake window rent-free? 等一辈子了
免你们小蛋糕窗口的租金呢 Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Wow, Han. That's a cheap shot. 你好很高兴见到你
靠阿憨你这招够狠啊 I'm Caroline Channing,
Low, bitchy-- I respect that. 我是卡洛琳·钱宁
又损又贱敬佩敬佩 and this is my colleague, Max Black.
We'll go to the strip club, 她是我的同事麦克斯·布莱克
我们帮你去脱衣酒吧 Yo, how's this gonna work? I don't do two at a time.
But if it's nude, nude, nude, 所以今天怎么搞我不能一次服务两人
但如果里面都是脱脱脱 So who wants to watch, who wants to ride?
I am leaving, leaving, leaving. 你们俩谁想看谁想"骑"
我绝对走走走 Oh, right.
That's the first time Han's ever been able 这样吗
这绝对是阿憨生平首次 Neither of us will be riding, per se.
这句话也有靠亏欠感与罪恶感让别人帮你忙的意思基本上我们两个都不"骑"
to hold something over someone's head.
Hold your roll, girl.
把东西举过别人头上啊
妹儿话先别说太早
Sapphire will be right with you, ladies.
We're spending a lot of Han's money here.
姑娘们蓝宝石马上就来
咱们砸了阿憨不少钱进来的呢
Thank you, my good man.
If I want a ride, I'm getting a ride.
谢谢了老大哥
姐姐若是想要骑就得骑
Give me a 20 from Han.
Um, is it June or Sapphire?
拿张阿憨给的 20 块给我
该称呼你君恩还是蓝宝石呢
You gotta tip at these places or they'll murder you. You can call me Paul if you pay me.
这里绝对得给小费不然会被人砍死的只要你给钱叫我保罗都行
Thanks, doll. June, we're not here for a dance
谢了美女君恩我们不是来看大腿舞
You'se twos can have a seat on that couch. or any of the other things you do that I don't judge you
你们两位可以坐在沙发上稍待片刻 for
Oh, no. No, Thank you.
或来享受你其他我完全没意见的服务
不不用了谢谢 because I'm very open-minded.
I'm not catching--
我思想很前卫哦
我今天... I've been to Amsterdam.
not catching "Sypha-gonna-titus" today. 我去过阿姆斯特丹红灯区
可不想染上"梅淋肝"... I'm on camera so I gotta dance for someone
Well, if a whore's bath is appropriate anywhere, 这里有监视器在看我必须得跳舞
全世界最适合洗"妓女澡"的地方 or my bosses will fire me.
妓女澡在客人与客人之间清理腋下与胯下的简单清不然我老板会炒了我
洁 And then it's back to waiting tables.
it's here. 然后就得回到女服务员生活
就是这里了吧 told myself I'd never sink that low again.
Max, please be professional when she comes in. 我答应过自己不会再堕落到那地步
麦克斯人家进来后请以专业眼光看待 Yeah, we say that every day when we get dressed for
No sexual comments. work.
不许乱开黄腔我们每天换上制服前也这么对自己说
Considering she's used to walking in on dudes Okay, sit. Let's do this.
凭她每天一进来就得面对坐下我们开始吧
who have their junk in their hand like a sad present, It's fine. I think I got all the stains.
手上握着鸡鸡好像那是礼物似的男人没事我应该都先擦干净了
I am sure I can manage to not offend her. 黑光灯能照出各种"体液"痕迹
我肯定不会做出让她不爽的事 It's official! We've paid Han back.
I'm just saying that despite where we are, let's 我们现在正式还清欠阿憨的人情了
remember, Um, could you turn the other lights on?
我的意思是要记得无论工作场地为何能麻烦你换另一种灯光吗
she's a business woman like us. She's allergic to the truth.
她与我们一样都是商场英雌她对事实过敏
The chairman of the board is here. So, June, here's the thing. We have this boss.
董事会主席已经到位君恩是这样的我们的老板...
第 52 页 /共 192 页
Yeah, girl, work that. so that sounds perfect.
小妞使劲接着跳这真是太适合了
I'm being encouraging, businesswoman to Here, Earl, when my mother comes in,
businesswoman. 拿去厄尔等我妈进来
我是在给她鼓励职场女性互相勉励啊 pretend you are reading this.
Anyway, his name is Han Lee, and see, 你就假装在读这个
言归正传他叫李憨 Ooh, the Bible.
his mother is coming to visit. 传说中的圣经啊
他母亲要来探望他 You know, I remember when this first came out.
Oh, nice move there. 我还记得这书刚上市那会呢
这招棒啊 Didn't think it would be a hit.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I wasn't encouraging. 压根没料到会变得这么火
不不不不我不是激励你过来 Earl, we're talking about our lord, Jesus Christ!
Just commenting. 我的老天厄尔别拿我们的主开玩笑
纯评论而已源自于迈克 · 杰克逊的歌曲《 Wanna Be Startin'
Oh, peek-a-boo, there's your head. Somethin'》
哎哟妈呀你的头出现了曲中歌词"Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa"音似妈
Anyway, he needs a girlfriend, 妈
总之他妈希望他找个女朋友 So, no sign of mama-say-mama-sah-ma-mama-Han?
so he sent his mother pictures of you 还没有"妈妈妈妈大人妈妈憨"的影子吗
所以他就发了你照片给他妈 I don't know. I don't know what she looks like.
and said you were his girlfriend. 不知道我不知道她长什么样
然后说你是他女朋友 She's here.
I think it's her turn. 她来了
轮到她了吧 엄마
Oh, uh-- the gist is, 妈妈
今天来目的就是 Han!
he's willing to pay you to pretend to be his girlfriend. 阿憨
他愿意付你钱请你假扮他女朋友 I can't tell if she's a smaller him
And I'm willing to pay you to show me 我不知道憨妈是缩小版阿憨
我也愿意付你钱请你教我 or if he's a smaller her.
how to do that with my hips. 还是阿憨是年轻版憨妈
怎么用我的丰臀使出这招 엄마 오셨어요 너무 좋아요
Ooh, you would make a great stripper. 妈妈你来了我好高兴啊
你绝对能当个好脱衣舞娘啊 여기 는 Williamsburg diner 에요
I know, I just have a fear of success thing. 这里是威廉斯堡餐厅
我知道我只是害怕成功 네. 고맙다.
Can we turn the music off? 谢谢
我们能先关上音乐吗 식당이 상상 보다 훨씬 커구네.
'Cause I'm getting disoriented 这食堂比想象中还大啊
我开始有点晕头转向了 You must be Han's mother.
and, in all honesty, a little turned on. 您一定是阿憨的妈妈
而且老实说还有点性奋 I'm Earl.
And I cannot be a latent bisexual 我是厄尔
但我现在事情已经够多 I was just reading the Bible,
with everything else already on my plate. 我刚刚还在读圣经呢
实在不是个变疑似双性恋的好时机 'cause when am I not?
How much? 因为我无时无刻都在读啊
你们出多少钱 Mother, this is Caroline.
Whatever your rate is for sex, 母亲大人这位是卡洛琳
我们付你跟人上床的费用 안녕하세요.
but you won't even have to have sex. 您好
但你都不用出卖身体 어머님이 뉴욕에 오셔서 환영해요.
At the most, just kissing. 欢迎来纽约
顶多就是亲亲小嘴 Hay-yo!
- Kissing is $500. - I love you. 嘿哟
- 亲嘴要收费五百 -我爱你 Caroline, I didn't know you spoke Korean.
Okay. I can give him the "girlfriend experience" package. 卡洛琳我都不知道你会说韩语
我可以给他来个女友体验套餐 I took it as an elective after I mastered Japanese.
He has no girlfriend, no experience, and no package, 在我彻底掌握日语后学了韩语当选修
他没女友没经验更没大雕 I had a hunch Asia was gonna take over the world.
第 53 页 /共 192 页
当年有个预感有天亚洲会一统世界这样你就不会知道我们到底住哪儿
And congratulations, right on track. But I have your address on your work forms.
恭喜恭喜我没猜错但工作表上有填你们的住址啊
Caroline, your Korean is very good. No, you don't.
卡洛琳你的韩语说得很好会填这里才怪
And this is Max. Max, I think he can take it off now.
这位是麦克斯麦克斯我觉得可以把眼罩摘下了
Nice to meet you, Mrs. Lee. It's been an hour,
幸会幸会李女士都蒙了一个小时了
What does that face mean in Korean? and we spun him around three times.
那表情在韩语里代表啥意思而且我们还带他绕了三圈
It means zip up your top. Well, someone's been to a flea market.
表示你该把上衣拉链拉上看来我是到跳蚤市场了
Here, mother, sit. You must be hungry. And it smells like pot in here.
来母亲请坐您一定饿了这里闻起来有一股大麻味
I'll get you a menu. So I smoked up a little before work. I got to.
我去给你拿菜单人家上班前抽了一点而已啦没办法
That's weird. My boss is a real butt munch.
奇了怪了谁让我老板是个烦人精
These usually bring joy to the people. Okay, our call girl is here.
这对宝贝从来都是给人们带来欢乐啊我们的应召女郎到啦
Han Lee, where is your girlfriend? Another sentence I never thought I'd say.
李憨你的女朋友呢我也从未想过我会说这句话
You'll meet her at dinner tomorrow. I look like I've had a call girl before, right?
明晚吃饭就能见到了我看起来像打电话叫过小姐的人对吧
She wanted to be here, Han, you don't look like you've called a girl before.
她也想来阿憨你看起来就像从没给女人打电话的人
but with church and all her work in brain surgery, I need to calm down.
但她要去教会还要帮人做脑部手术我得平静下来
she's very busy. Do you have any chamomile tea?
她实在抽不开身你这有甘菊茶吗
And I thought it was unrealistic No, because I'm not a divorced woman
在你说你的女友没有我又不是那种在秋风中
when you had a girlfriend that didn't need an air pump. on a balcony in the fall.
不是"充气的"时我就觉得假没想到你还... 呆坐在阳台的离异妇女
Han, what are you thinking? But I do have something that will help you relax.
阿憨你想什么呢但我的确有东西能帮你放松
How are you ever going to pull this off? Ooh, you mean--
你要怎么去圆这个谎你是说
With the help of my two best friends? Yes, I'm gonna lull you to sleep with a tiny, invisible
靠我两位死党的大力帮忙啊 whistle.
Oh, good. Who are they? 是的我要用一个看不见的小口哨哄你入睡
那挺好啊他们是谁 So, June, are you working your way through
Please, have June come to your apartment 君恩你干这行是为了要赚学费
拜托了约君恩去你们家 graduate school or something?
- and we can brief her. 还是有难言之隐
- 我们先跟她对台词 No, I like getting paid for sex.
Well, if it's with you, it's gonna be brief. 都不是我喜欢做爱有钱赚
跟你"一起" 肯定"快"啊 I mean, what's a handy every now and then if it pays
- Remember, you owe me. - No, Han. 你不觉得时不时就有钱交我那套
- 别忘了你们欠我的 -才不是阿憨 the mortgage on my Parkview Terrace apartment, right?
At that club, I saw a pregnant wall. 全景阳台豪华公寓的按揭不是很方便吗
在酒吧我看见一面感觉会怀孕的墙 Life is so funny sometimes.
So... 生活有时真的很有意思
所以... Just when you think you're better than someone,
I think we're even. 正当你窃喜自己比别人好时
you're not.
人情债已经两清了
If I'm here to meet June, why am I blindfolded? 却惊觉其实不然
Here we are, all relaxed.
我是来见君恩的为什么要蒙我眼睛
So you can never find your way back to our apartment 我们好了整个人都放松了
And that was wild,
again.
第 54 页 /共 192 页
刚才真是疯狂他们的某部位"合"上了
like getting your hamster stoned. and that's a fun thing for her?
感觉就像小仓鼠抽大麻抽嗨了而且她还感觉很爽吗
Okay, June, this has all the details Oh. L-O-L.
君恩这些是阿憨告诉他妈妈笑死姐了
that Han sent his mom about you. Oh, this is one of those things
有关你的所有细节这事就属于那种
You told your mom I'm a Harvard-educated Christian that you think about later and you laugh.
doctor 过了一会想起来还是会忍俊不禁的类型
你告诉你妈我是一个哈佛毕业的基督徒医生 Look, look, Caroline, look.
and also a renowned classical pianist? 对了卡洛琳瞧
还是一个有名的古典乐钢琴家 I brought you your crosses.
Yes, we met at church and are crazy in love, 我把十字项链拿来了
对我们在教堂相遇然后疯狂爱上对方 Sophie, do you have anything smaller?
but we're waiting till marriage. 苏菲你就没有小点的吗
但我们都遵守戒律不结婚不上床 It's a date, not an exorcism.
Oh, well, the virgin experience is 1,000. 这是约会不是搞驱魔
好吧处女服务要一千 Oh, well, you gotta say that.
Will you take 800? 好吧谁让你不早点说
八百行吗 All right, I'll be right back.
- Max! - What? 好吧我马上回来
- 麦克斯 -干嘛 You see, I'm thinking about it later and I'm L-O-L'ing.
I was unconscious when I lost mine. 瞧过了一会我想起来还是笑死姐了
我失身的时候不省人事 Well, I gotta go. I got this.
And I want to see what it's like. 我得走了这事妥了
我也想见识一下是怎样 But that's a lot of material.
Oh, I hope that's pizza. 但这材料有很多呢
希望是披萨来了 You don't want to stay and cram it?
'cause I could go to third base 你不打算留下来死记硬背一下吗
因为现在我够胆 How much for that?
- on some crazy bread right now. 这又要多少钱
- 跟面包团来个亲密接触 No, it's cool. I can fake it.
No! It's Sophie. 不要钱没关系我超会装的
不是苏菲啦 You're sure you can fake it?
I asked her to bring down some crosses 你确定你可以吗
我让她带几条十字项链给君恩 Can I fake it?
for June to wear when she meets your mom. 那你们来评评看
好让她见你妈妈时戴上 Oh, God. Oh, God.
What? Sophie knows I hired a prostitute 天啊天啊
什么苏菲也知道我请妓女 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
to be my girlfriend? 好爽好爽爽死了
来当我的女友吗 She's sure.
No, I didn't tell her anything. 装得一脸好高潮啊
没有啦我什么都没说 I wonder why Han and his girlfriend are late?
But this will be a good test to see 怎么阿憨跟他女朋友还不来
但这是一个测试的好机会 Maybe something came up
if you two pass as a couple. 或许临时有事
看看别人会不会觉得你们是一对 and she had to take care of it.
Hey, what's Han doing with that hooker? 他女朋友得处理一下
阿憨跟那个妓女坐在一起干嘛 That's actually probably exactly what happened.
Sophie, this is June. 其实可能就是这样
苏菲这位是君恩 I hope my hair looks all right.
We hired her to pretend to be Han's girlfriend 希望我的头发看起来还行
阿憨的妈妈来了所以我们请她 I'm wearing it the other way.
while his mom's in town. 因为我今天把假发反过来戴
来假扮阿憨的女朋友 It looks pretty.
Oh, wait, so his mom 看起来很漂亮
慢着所以他妈妈 Yes. Very pretty.
is supposed to believe that 是啊完全看不出来
会真的相信 I am just so excited that my Han
their parts match up somehow 我的小憨憨终于找到了
第 55 页 /共 192 页
finally found the perfect girlfriend. 我不懂祷告时要说什么
完美的另一半我好兴奋 No, no, I'll do it, mother.
Oh, you know, his June is a brilliant brain surgeon. 不用我来吧母亲大人
他的君恩是一位优秀的脑外科医生 But first please, can I get a Moscow mule?
Well, she certainly knows a lot about head. 但首先我能来杯莫斯科骡子鸡尾酒吗
她的确非常了解各种"头"部 Go, June. Please, pray.
And she also goes to church every Sunday. 来嘛金恩快祷告
她每个周日都会去教堂 - Oh, God.
- Yep, that girl is always on her knees. - 上帝啊
- 是啊她总是"跪在地上" Oh, God. Oh, God.
- And she is a classical pianist. 上帝啊上帝啊
- 她还是位古典乐钢琴家 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
She is making this too easy. 上帝啊上帝啊上帝啊
她这些话真是槽点满满 And amen!
Oh, there they are. 阿门
他们来了 Oh, okay.
Han! Han! 好吧
阿憨阿憨 I-I don't know that one.
And girlfriend of Han. 我还不知道有这种呢
还有阿憨的女朋友 Hey. I am starving.
Mother, may I present June? 我快饿死了
母亲大人这位是君恩 That's quality.
June, this is my mother, Su-min Lee. 真是天赋异禀
君恩这是我妈李素敏 - Such a good appetite. You ate the whole thing.
Please, call me Su-min Lee. - 你胃口真好一整根直接吞下去了
你就叫我李素敏行啦 Didn't even chew.
Which means, so mean to me. 都不用牙
"素敏"的谐音就是态度差 June, the piano is free.
It's a pleasure to meet you. 君恩现在没人弹钢琴了
很高兴见到你 Oh, you must play something for us.
I've heard such a great deal about you. 你来为我们弹奏一曲吧
一直以来久仰大名 No, she can't play.
Oh, and Han has told me how you two met. 不她不能弹
阿憨也跟我说了你们相遇的经过 Yeah, but you told me that she was--
What a beautiful story. 但你跟我说她能啊
真是个美丽的故事 I mean, now.
Oh, yes. 我是说现在
没错 I mean, she can't play the piano now.
That was beautiful when we met at... 她总不能现在跑去弹钢琴吧
的确很美我们是在 Look, look, Mrs. Lee.
Upstairs on the roof-- 瞧李女士
楼上屋顶 The chrysler building.
Church! We met in church. 快看克莱斯勒大厦
是教堂我们在教堂相遇的 - It has the word "Chris" in it.
Upstairs on the roof of church. - 上面有"克莱斯"几个字呢
教堂楼上的屋顶 Hey, Han, you dropped your knife.
We wanted to be closer to God. 阿憨你的餐刀掉了
我们想离上帝更近一点 You better calm down. You're gonna blow it.
We are both so holy! 你最好冷静一点不然会穿帮的
我们俩都是虔诚的信徒 - You can't afford to blow it.
Is it hot in here? Or is it just the situation? - 穿帮的代价你可付不起
这里是不是很热啊还是因为现在这情况 You can't even afford to kiss it.
Oh, look, the appetizers Mrs. Lee 你连接吻的钱都付不起
瞧李女士花钱点的 I'm getting tense all over again.
is paying for are here. 我又开始紧张了
开胃菜上桌啦 Help a brother out.
Before we start on the appetizers, 快帮兄弟一把
在我们开始吃开胃菜前 What, you think I just carry that stuff around with me
June, please pray. 你觉得我会把那玩意放在我手包里
金恩要先祷告 in my purse in an Altoids container
I don't know any prayers. 装在一个外面贴有独角兽贴纸的
第 56 页 /共 192 页
with a lisa frank unicorn sticker on it? the wrong impression of Max.
薄荷糖盒子里随身带着吗可能有点偏差
Max, what is going to happen? No, she is after my son
麦克斯接下来该怎么办不她追我儿子
I've got a more pressing question-- for his big successful diner.
我有一个更想知道的问题就是想得到他那家成功的餐馆
How does someone with a mouth so small Oh, you have another son?
一个人的嘴巴这么小你还有另一个儿子吗
get a joint so wet? I am on to you.
怎么会把烟卷弄这么湿呢我看穿你了
When June cannot play the piano, You are just a money-grubbing,
一旦知道君恩不会弹钢琴你就是一个拜金爱钱
mother will discover my lie. Big-booby, dirty nasty girl.
我妈就会发现我在撒谎胸大淫荡的下流女
It will be a big, big disappointment. Well, I wish I could say you were wrong.
她肯定会非常非常失望我也想说你说错了但的确是啊
I am the star of my family. Mother, stop!
我可是我们家的荣耀啊母亲大人别说了
So, if your family were the Jacksons, You cannot talk to Max like that.
也就是说如果你们家是杰克逊家族的话你不能这么跟麦克斯说话
You'd be Michael? She is a good girl, and a friend, and--
那你就是迈克·杰克逊吗她是个好女孩好朋友
迈克·杰克逊的二哥 Wha?
'cause I see you more as a Tito. 什么
我觉得你的身形更像提托 Okay, yes, you caught me.
Actually, petite-o. 好吧被你逮个正着
老实说应该是娇小版的 I smoke weed.
Han's mom is right behind me. 我抽大麻
阿憨的妈妈就跟在我后面 Yes, I'm living the fast life
She saw you two come in here. 没错跟你担心的一样
她看见你们俩进来了 in New York city just as you feared.
I tried to stop her, 我在纽约过着快节奏的生活
我试图阻止过她 Wha?
but she has strength, and it is all core. 什么
但她力气好大动力十足啊 But I only toke up
Han, hide. 但我只有在
阿憨快躲起来 when I am under a lot of pressure.
I'm sweating through the price tag. 压力很大的情况下才抽一口
我直冒冷汗都把标价签给弄湿了 See, mother,
And I have to return this. 母亲大人
这身衣服我还得还回去呢 I don't have a girlfriend.
If I'm going down, 其实我没有女朋友
如果这次失败了 June is a prostitute I paid to pretend,
I'm going down high. 君恩是我花钱请来的妓女
我也要爽着失败 so you would think we were happy as you and father.
It's 500 for kissing. 好让你觉得我们跟你和爸爸一样幸福
光是接吻的价格是五百块 Give me that.
You can't afford to go down. 把那玩意给我
你可付不起往"下"这份钱 Wha?
What is going on between you and my Han? 什么
你跟我的小憨憨是怎么回事 I too am under a lot of pressure, son.
You two have been whispering all night. 我的压力也很大儿子
你们俩整晚都在说悄悄话 The truth is your father and I are no longer together.
Poor June. 其实我和你父亲已经分开了
可怜的君恩啊 He had an affair with another woman
- Poor June? 他跟别的女人偷情
- 可怜的君恩 who has big fake ones like her.
Poor June lives in a doorman building. 那女的咪咪就跟她的一样假
可怜的君恩住的可是有保安的豪华公寓 Max's breasts are real, Mrs. Lee.
Mrs. Lee, I think you might have gotten 麦克斯的咪咪是纯天然的哦李女士
李女士我觉得你对麦克斯的印象 God bless.
第 57 页 /共 192 页
上帝厚爱你啊我假扮成一个波多黎各籍犀利放浪
Mine are too, in case you were wondering. who still likes to cuddle.
如果你想知道的话我的也是哦喜欢抱抱的基男
I wasn't. That there's gay chum, my friend.
我不想知道一钓一个准啊
Son, are you disappointed in me? Ooh, I hooked a big one. Get the net.
儿子你对我失望吗你看钓上大鱼了拿好渔网
Mother, are you disappointed in me? Hi. Was a muscular Puerto Rican guy just here?
母亲大人你对我失望吗刚才是不是有个威猛的波多黎各哥哥来过
No, Han. When is there not?
不阿憨一直都有啊
You are the star of our family and my heart. Would you like to purchase a delicious cupcake while
你是我们家族和我心里的荣耀 you wait?
I love you. 你要不要在这等他时顺便买个小蛋糕呢
我爱你 Well, maybe, while I wait.
Aw, me too. 反正要等何乐而不为呢
我也是 My phone says he's right here.
Okay, that's enough. 我手机上显示他人就在这里啊
好了够了 Here, this is on the house,
And another problem solved by weed. 给免费请你吃
又一个用大麻解决的问题 Because the muscular gay guy, that's him.
Hey, Han's mom. It's puff-puff-pass. 因为所谓的"威猛基男" 就是他
阿憨的妈妈是时候该换人了 It's cool that you're transitioning,
Am I super high 你还在变性过渡期不是问题
是我嗨昏头了 but you really should let people know you're not Puerto
or is that whore playing the piano? Rican.
还是那个妓女真的在弹钢琴啊但你能不能别假装是波多黎各人啊
目前资金 Thank you.
目前资金谢谢
最新余额 He said he was 22 and butch, so I'm mad too.
最新余额他说自己 22 岁而且不娘我也是受害者啊
最新余额 - Earl, I need my checks for tonight.
-----------------------------
- 厄尔给我今晚的点菜单
-------------08--------------
- Beautiful? - Check.
-----------------------------
- 美吗 -打勾
Thank you.
- Sexy? -Check.
谢谢惠顾
- 性感吗 -打勾
That was like our tenth gay guy tonight.
- Cool? - Check.
咱们今晚都来了有十个基男客人了
Let's hope our gay buzz lasts longer than Adam - 酷吗 -打勾
Lambert's. Sorry I'm late.
希望这基男热潮的比亚当·兰伯特的持久抱歉我迟到了
I was ten minutes early for my shift,
亚当·兰伯特《美国偶像》选秀节目上的知名参赛者
我本来早到了 10 分钟
是已出柜的男同性恋曾引起一阵讨论热潮
Oh, it will. I'm all over it. so I thought "well, I have 20 minutes to kill,"
会的我现在正在搞呢我就想"我还得消磨 20 分钟才开始上班"
And by "it," I mean I'm all over Grindr. and I wandered into this cool surf shop
至于方法嘛就是去"磨磨"上搞刚好就逛进了一家冲浪用品店
Max, why are you on that app? And saw this guy polishing a surfboard.
麦克斯你怎么也用这应用然后看到一个男的在给冲浪板抛光
You're not a gay man looking for anonymous sex. A surfer here?
你又不是想约炮的基男在这带混的冲浪者
Don't put me in a box! You don't hang ten in Williamsburg,
少自己给姐定位威廉斯堡不是冲浪的圣地
You told me to find ways to drum up business. hang ten 冲浪直翻则是吊十
你让我想办法招揽客人 You hang yourself.
Well, I'm drumming it up by showing off 是上吊的宝地
而我招揽客人的方法就是 I'm with Max, the only waves we get in Brooklyn
This guy's "bid'ness." 我同意布鲁克林这里唯一有的"浪潮"
用这男人的"巨蟒"揽客 are heat waves and crime waves.
I pretended to be a rough and ready Puerto Rican guy 只有热"浪"跟犯罪"潮"
第 58 页 /共 192 页
Earl, you never go out to the beach? 我能打电话叫残疾人接送车送他回家
厄尔你没去过海滩吗 It's the surfer asking me out to dinner!
You crazy? 冲浪男约我去吃饭呢
你疯啦 And he thinks he can get us into the hot, new spot,
I'm ain't gonna get eaten by some shark. 而且他说能带我去那间超火的新餐厅
老子才不要去喂鲨鱼 Harlow and daughters.
ain't nobody got time for that. "哈洛与女"
也没那个闲工夫 Oh, that's that trendy restaurant that replaced
The chances of you being bit by a shark are, like, 就是取代本来那家美味热狗连锁餐厅的
0.0001%. a perfectly good Hot Dog On a Stick.
人被鲨鱼咬的几率只有大概百万分之一吧新开张潮流餐厅嘛
Not if you're black. Good night, broke-ass divas.
黑人就不是这几率了晚安一屁股债姐妹花
Sharks are racist as hell. Good night, brokeback waiter.
鲨鱼超有种族歧视啊晚安断背服务生
That's why they call them "great whites." I'm gonna go get a massage,
不然人家干嘛叫它们大"白"鲨我要去做个按摩
Marc, the surfer, and I really hit it off, And then, who knows? Maybe give one.
冲浪男马克跟我超投缘啊之后就不知道了也帮人"按两下"吧
And he is so cute, like a young Matthew Mcconaughey, Oh, who am I kidding? I'm coming back here pregnant.
他很帅像年轻版的马修·麦康纳我糊谁呢我肯定被人搞大肚子回来
马修·麦康纳美国男演员 Luis, can you work for me tomorrow?
曾有传言做了植发手术路易斯明天可以帮我代班吗
but with real hair. Absolutely not, no.
但他头发是真的当然是不行
So nothing like Matthew Mcconaughey. Oleg's working, and I'll ask him to wear his fishnet tank
所以基本上是一点也不像 top.
I hope he texts me. I love surfing. 奥列格明天上班我会叫他穿渔网背心
希望他会给我发短信我超爱冲浪 Then yes.
I never go in the water, 'cause I know if I start drowning, 那好
我从不下水哪天万一我溺水了 Dinner with a cute guy
I'm not gonna fight it. 跟帅哥一起吃晚饭
我肯定不会挣扎 who has connections to the "A"-list place?
When I used to summer in St. Barths, 而且还在抢手餐厅有人的帅哥
我以前夏天会去圣巴斯岛度假 I'm living my old life.
there'd be these sexy Italian surfers, 感觉又回到了以前的生活
那边好多性感意大利冲浪男 Hey, everybody.
and they'd invite us to sunbathe on their boards. 大家好吗
会邀请我们躺他们冲浪板上做日光浴 Did your old life have one of these?
I mean, they robbed us, but it was amazing. 你从前生活也有这玩意吗
虽然还抢劫了我们但还是很棒的回忆 Caroline, what is my number-one diner rule?
Caroline, if you're looking for that kind of guy, 卡洛琳我餐厅的头号规矩是啥
卡洛琳如果你喜欢那种男人 Don't tell anyone the meat isn't real?
I have a cousin who loves the water. 别告诉别人我们用假肉吗
我有个亲戚就很喜欢海边 Come on. If you can see it, it's real.
It's the only place he can move his legs. 哪有啊你们眼能见就是真的啊
因为下了水他的脚才能动 Don't tell anyone you buy the shrimp
Oh, sweet. No thanks. 别告诉别人你是从朋友后车厢
挺好啊但不用了谢谢 out of your friend's trunk?
Well, think about it. 买来的虾子吗
你好好考虑吧 He lays down a blanket! No.
You'll be at the front row of every concert, 他有垫一层布不是这些啦
跟他去任何演唱会都能坐最前排 No phones.
and he doesn't move around a lot when he sleeps. 是不许用手机
而且他睡觉的时候也不太会乱滚 Max, he got us the reservation!
Here, give old ironside my number. 麦克斯他订到位了
给轮椅哥我的电话吧 I'm going to dinner at the new "it" place.
What? I love music, and if he bugs me, 我要去最新的潮店吃晚餐了
我喜欢音乐嘛而且他要骚扰我 Ooh, the "it" place!
the city has one of those free vans that'll take him 哎哟潮店呢
home. "Let's have dinner at the 'it' place."
第 59 页 /共 192 页
"咱们去潮店吃晚饭吧" - Perfect, 'cause I'm snow-bored with this conversation.
How come this isn't the "it" place? - 厉害因为我也开始觉得雪板了
为什么我这里就不是"潮店"呢 What do you think? These things on full display?
This isn't an "it" place. 你觉得怎么样这对宝贝看起来够露吗
这里何止不是潮店 I hate to be that roommate,
It's more of an "it" hole. 我不想当小气室友
这里是"潮坑"吧 but I didn't say you could borrow my breasts.
Okay, so how do we become an "it" place? 但我有准你借我的胸部去用吗
好那我们怎么能变成潮店呢 What? It's just a push-up bra, chicken cutlets,
First, burn the place down, start fresh. 就是集中托高胸罩外加隐形胸罩
首先烧掉这店重新盖过 a little tissue, and some tape.
Then you create hype by making it 再塞一点纸巾以及贴胶带
然后你要弄起一波热潮 You know, natural.
impossible to get a reservation. 你懂的纯天然嘛
让这里能火到位子都订不到 Just go on your date already!
You basically refuse to let anyone in. 赶紧滚去约会吧
基本上就是谁都不让进 Nancy and I have been really looking forward to you
Can I be the first? leaving
能第一个不让我进吗我跟南希一直在等你走呢
Okay, I've put my date purse together. so we can walk around naked and do some lines of cat
好的我整理好我的约会包了 nip.
I've got my gum, my gloss, and a $20 bill 我们要在家脱光光顺便吸吸猫毒品
放了口香糖唇蜜以及一张 20 块钞票 Ooh, that must be him.
to make it seem like I have money, 肯定是他吧
好显得我不是一分钱都没有 Don't worry, he's not coming inside.
which I will return to the register at the diner tomorrow. 别担心他不会进来
当然我明天就会把钱放回餐厅收银机 He better not, cause we can't afford a baby.
Well, you're welcome to use my date purse. 那最好我们养不起多一个白痴婴儿了
也欢迎你用我的约会包啊 Oh, it's just Sophie.
It's a ziploc with a cigar and a change of boxers. 就苏菲啊
是一个装着雪茄与四角裤的密封袋 "Just Sophie"?
And my phone is fully charged, "就苏菲"
我的手机电也充好了 That was the name of my talk show in Poland.
so I can call an uber car to take me home. 我在波兰的脱口秀就叫这名字
确保到时候有电叫接送公司 Oh, how I wish I could have been a guest on that show.
An uber car? 真希望我能上你节目当来宾
豪华接送公司吗 No, there were no guests. It was just Sophie!
You can't afford a fancy town car. 没有来宾啊 "就苏菲"而已
你哪有钱叫豪华轿车接送啊 Oh, you getting ready for your big date, Caroline?
Yesterday, you used an english muffin to exfoliate. 卡洛琳准备好要去重要约会了吗
昨天你还用英式松饼去角质呢 How did you hear about my date?
Yeah, and then I ate it. 你怎么知道我有约会
是啊弄完我还吃了它 Oh, well, your voice travels.
Plus, it's on our joint credit card, 你的声音响彻云霄
而且还是用我们联名信用卡付 Yeah, I hear everything that does and doesn't happen
which means every time you make a dumb purchase, 我听得到任何你这里你"那里"
每次你犯傻乱花钱 down here and down there, so...
- you owe me a joint. 有发生或"没发生"的事情...
- 你就欠我一根大麻 So let's just say I'm very glad that you're going on a date.
I don't want to have him take me home 总而言之我很庆幸你要去约会
我不想让他送我回家 Oh, and I got you a little present.
and give him the wrong idea. 我给你带了小礼物
这样他会误会的 Cinnamon mints, for your first kiss.
Oh, please do give him the wrong idea. 肉桂薄荷糖为接吻做好准备
拜托你让他误会吧 Oh, that's so sweet, Sophie.
Stay out all night with the surfer. 你人真好苏菲
跟人家冲浪男在外鬼混一夜 Yeah, and I got you a big grab bag of condoms.
- ride his half-pipe. 还给你带了一大袋避孕套
- 滑人家的 U 型池 I got all sizes.
That's not surfboard, that's snowboard. 各种尺寸都有
那不是冲浪那是雪板滑的场地 I got magnums, I got super magnums,
第 60 页 /共 192 页
这里有巨号超巨号我有一次等了一个男的三天呢
I got regular, and... But he showed up with the ransom money,
也有一般大小还有... 但他带着收到的赎金来了
"He's got a great personality." and you don't see me living in a fridge anymore.
"他是以性格取胜"的适用套从此我也摆脱住冰箱的生活
Here you go. Okay, fine.
那去吧好吧行行行
Usually, a "great personality" Nobody got stood up.
通常碰到"性格取胜"鸟某人没被放鸽子
is the only birth control I need. So I'll just sit here and text while we wait...
我避之唯恐不及套套完全可以省掉我就在坐在这发发短信顺便等...
Thank you, but I am a lady, You know, forever.
谢谢但我是个淑女你懂吧一辈子
and I won't be needing these until our third date. And then, finally, when it dawns on you,
我们约会没超过三次绝对不会上床直到你哪天醒悟了
Well, you better hurry up and get dressed. we can call our friend oleg, and he can go put a hit on
那你赶紧去换衣服吧 him.
Sophie, I'm already dressed. 我们就打给奥列格让他去下江湖追杀令
苏菲我已经换好了 You know what, maybe he thought we were meeting
You are? there.
换好了咩他有可能是以为在餐厅见面
And I like what I'm wearing. I'm calling the restaurant to see--
我喜欢我这一身衣服我打去问问看吧
You do? Yes, hi, has a Marc Faison checked in yet?
是咩你好请问马克·费森到场入座了吗
Well, just put on a little makeup. He has not.
好吧那就化点妆还没
I'm fully made up. What about now?
我全化好了那现在到了吗
You are? It's just that he was supposed--
化好了咩因为他本来...
Oh, well, you know, maybe when you do your hair. Well, I'm busy too.
那好吧那就顺便弄弄头发我也忙啊
Okay, I'm a little behind on my hair. Don't be so snooty,
我头发的确是有点没弄完干嘛这么拽啊
My boobs were a bigger project than I thought. You used to be a Hot Dog On a Stick.
我胸部的工程比我想象中大所以... 你们那边以前也就是家热狗店
And I like what I'm wearing, and I don't have time to Just a heads up, if he doesn't show,
change 先说好就算他没来
我喜欢我这一身打扮也没时间换了 I'm still getting naked.
'cause he's already 20 minutes late. 我也一样会脱光
因为他已经迟到 20 分钟了 Ooh, there he is!
20 minutes late? 他的短信
迟到 20 分钟了啊 No, it's from Amazon.
That's a no-show. 不是亚马逊的通知
那看来是不来了 Someone's sending me a copy of He's just not that into
You've just got stood up. you.
你被人放鸽子啦有人送了我一本《他其实没那么喜欢你》
You got stood up somethin' awful. Yeah, I'm here for you, girl.
被人狠狠地放了鸽子是啊姐在这挺你
I did not get stood up. I've never been stood up. Well, I got stood up.
我才不是被放鸽子我从来没被人放过鸽子好吧我被放鸽子了
In fact, I wouldn't even know if I was being stood up, Remember where you are, Max.
而且就算被放鸽子了我也不会知道记得你现在所在地点
because that's how little I know about being stood up. This was the day Caroline Channing got stood up.
因为我完全不知道什么是被人放鸽子今日是"卡洛琳·钱宁被放鸽子纪念日"
Am I being stood up? Well, screw him for standing you up.
我被放鸽子了吗管他这个放你鸽子的王八蛋
No, you are not. Guys are always late. And from now on, never trust a guy
没有啦男人很会迟到而且从今往后永远不许再相信
I once waited three days for a guy. - who surfs anything besides porn.
第 61 页 /共 192 页
- 冲任何非黄片以外东西的男人你们先去吧台喝点东西吧
Oh, look, Harlow and Daughters and I'll call you when your table is ready.
你看 "哈洛与女" 等有位子了我就叫你们
Has a real old-timey, general store kind of vibe. Thank you, thank you, Brian-Brian.
这店好有旧时杂货店的那种范儿谢谢谢谢布莱布莱恩
I guess they take "Throwback Thursday" I'll be right over.
看来他们很认真在办这个我很快过去
really seriously here. Go use your new boobs to get us a seat at the bar.
"怀旧周四之夜"啊用你的新咪咪去帮我们搞两个座位
I mean, it's 1840. Hi, I know what "wait by the bar" means.
简直就像重返 1840 年你好我知道"在吧台等带位"的意思
Yeah, I wanted to take you back to a time I've been working in restaurants
是啊我想带你穿越回姐在餐厅做服务员时
before you were stood up. since your clothes were in style.
你还没被放过鸽子的时候你这身衣服还没过时呢
Thank you for making me take the reservation, Max. It means I'll seat you when your--
麦克斯谢谢你鼓励我来这里那句话的意思就是等有位了我就带...
I mean, otherwise, I was just gonna Brian-Brian, Bri-Bri, B.B., come on.
不然我本来打算布莱布莱恩布莱布莱小布布别假了
get in bed and be depressed. You and I both know there's no guy coming.
趴床上自怨自艾呢我和你都知道不会有男人来
You were in bed and you were depressed. My friend got stood up, so please don't make things
你刚就是趴在床上自怨自艾啊 worse.
Don't rewrite history just 'cause these folks have. 我的朋友被人放鸽子了所以请不要雪上加霜
别学这帮人一样搞重写历史好吗 Just take out your cool, little hunting knife
I mean, we are smack in the belly of Williamsburg ironic 快把你酷劲十足的小猎刀拿出来
chic, and cut us some slack.
我们正在威廉斯堡讽刺的潮流中心里帮我们一把吧
and I want to smack it. This is where I'd tip you with cash or offer you sex,
我真想拍死他们我本想给你点小费或是肉偿这份人情债
Look, they even have a country clothesline but I'm kinda broke and you're kinda gay,
他们还有这乡下风晒衣绳但我是个穷光蛋而你是个同性恋
Hung with baby clothes. so just be nice.
还吊着婴儿衣服所以你就当做善事吧
We should get this for Han. We don't really need to bring my sexuality into it.
我们应该带这件回去给阿憨穿其实真的没必要牵扯到我的性取向
I mean, that is the most pretentious thing I've ever seen. I understand, it's hard to be out 100 years ago.
这玩意简直是我看过最"装"的东西了了解一百年前出柜的确很辛苦
Hi, welcome to Harlow and Daughters. Oh, funny.
欢迎来到哈洛与女餐厅有意思
I'm the host, Brian-Brian. Right this way, Mr. Faison.
我是招待员布莱布莱恩这边请费森先生
No, that is. Wow, that was quick. They're so nice here.
这才是最装的这么快就有位子啦他们人真好
Yes, hi, um, Brian-Brian. Yep, just regular folks,
你好布莱布莱恩对啊都是些普通人
We have a reservation. Faison, party of two. sitting around designer pickle barrels.
我们有订位费森两人坐在设计师设计的咸菜桶上
Is your whole party here? - All right, here's your table. Have a seat. - Sure, where?
你们都到齐了吗 - 这是你们的位子请坐 -坐哪里
Well, I don't know how whole I could ever hope to be, On these Amish birthing stools we're all calling chairs?
我不知道我这这人能有多完整坐在我们称为椅子的阿米什产凳上吗
as I'm illegitimate. Stick to the gay jokes.
因为我是私生的继续取笑同性恋就够了
Yes, we're both here. Thank you. Our wifi password is on the ox hide.
是我的我们俩都到齐了谢谢我们的无线密码写在牛皮上
So both you and Mr. Faison are here? Your waitress will be right over.
所以你与费森先生都到了是吗服务员马上就来
Yes, I'm transitioning. Ask around. Max, a waitress will be right over,
我在变性过渡期你可以去问人麦克斯服务员马上过来服务咱们
You can have a drink, and it won't be us.
第 62 页 /共 192 页
而不是咱们服务别人 Well, he might.
Look, dirty sawdust floors. 他可能会来啊
瞧脏兮兮的木屑地板 See, I was supposed to have a date with this guy--
If we got a bag of wood chips, 我今晚本来是要跟这个男的约会
如果我们有一麻袋的木屑 You don't care. So, the soup?
our apartment could be the new "it" place. 说了你也不在乎那说回汤吧
咱们家也能成为新的潮店 Actually, I'm just taking drink orders right now.
Hello, my name is York. 老实说现在只能点饮品的
你们好我叫约克 Wow, who loved you?
Hard to believe, but a man named Brian-Brian 真是爱死你了
真是难以置信但布莱布莱恩这个名字 Eh, I'm guessing she never went to a father/daughter
has been dethroned. dance
在"装"这方面完败给她了我猜她从未跟贩毒给她妈的毒贩子
York? That's fun. with her mom's weed dealer.
约克有趣的名字一起参加过父女交谊舞会
"York" as in "New"? You don't know, Max. Maybe he lost his phone
是"纽约克"的"约克"吗你又不知道麦克斯或许他手机丢了呢
- York as in York. Just York. and he didn't have my number, so he's on his way
- 是"约克"的"约克" 别想太多 running here.
So what's this bit? 他联系不上我所以他正跑着赶过来
那你这身穿着又是怎么回事 You think he's just gonna rush in soaking wet
Okay. Well, um, York, 你觉得他会浑身湿哒哒地冲进来
好吧约克 and be like, "Oh, I'm so sorry. The traffic was terrible.
we'd like to start with some drinks. 然后跟你说 "抱歉堵车了
我们想先点点喝的 The waves were bumper-to-bumper."
Having a girls' night out. 车浪也一波接一波地迎来"
今晚是闺蜜之夜 This is not a Katherine Heigl movie.
- All the single ladies put ya hands up! 这可不是什么烂俗爱情片
- 所有单身女性请把手举起来 Sorry, "movie."
Yeah, you can't force it. 抱歉是"电影"
好吧这不能强求 Fine, he's not coming.
Our special libation this evening 好吧他不会来了
我们今晚的特饮是 And I'm not getting into the Katie Heigl thing.
is "The small pox." 我也不会陷入那种烂俗情节幻想中
"小瘟疫" Not here, not now. Let's just enjoy our acorns.
It's absinthe, cloves, orange bitters 反正此时此刻不会我们吃橡子吧
是将苦艾酒丁香桔子苦汁 Ooh, "Blocked number."
hand-muddled in a mason jar. 哎哟 "未显示号码"
放入玻璃罐用手搅拌 Maybe it's him. Hello?
擅长拍摄苦乐参半的悲喜剧形式电影也许是他哦你好
Was that drink directed by Wes Anderson? Hang up. He's not coming.
这酒是韦斯·安德森导演的作品吗挂掉他稳逼不会来了
Can we just get two of your "Ye olde" cheapest beers Our drinks are right there.
能尽快给我们上两杯你们最便宜的我们的酒都好了
as soon as possible? I can see them over yonder, on ye olde bar.
"古老"啤酒吗就在那在古老的吧台上
源自电视剧《Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman》美国加州 1892 年一起命案的嫌疑犯
讲述的是 1867 年一位女医生的故事跟服务员的造 It's been an hour, where is our waitress, Lizzie Borden?
型是同一年代都过了一个小时了我们的服务员丽奇·伯顿呢
Because Dr. Quinn, I need some medicine, woman. Probably in the back deciding
因为女医生我到时间吃药啦可能在后面算计着
York, does the special soup have any garlic? which words to pronounce weirdly.
约克特制浓汤里面有蒜吗要把哪个字读得很怪异吧
Oh, my God, no way! - I'm starving. Bust out those chicken cutlets.
天啊不是吧 - 我要饿死了把你的鸡排拿出来吃
What? Is someone making soap? No wonder they don't have any bad Yelp reviews.
怎么了有人在做肥皂吗怪不得点评网站上没有这家店的差评
No. No garlic? No one's ever tasted their food.
不是不吃蒜没人能吃着他们的食物
You still think the surfer's coming. Hi. Um, our drinks?
你还在幻想那个冲浪男会出现你好我们的酒呢
第 63 页 /共 192 页
And did you ask the chef about the soup? On the house.
你有问厨师汤的事吗请你喝
You know, I haven't had a minute. Is that the "Dandelion chickpea and other things
我很忙的这是那道叫"蒲公英鹰嘴豆和其他
She hasn't had a minute? that don't belong in a dish together" thing?
她居然说自己很忙不应该放在一起煮"的菜吗
电影《与狼共舞》描述着 1860 年代的故事 All right, your dandelion chickpea,
What's she been doing, dancing with wolves? 你们的蒲公英鹰嘴豆
她在忙什么与狼共舞吗 a chardonnay, and a sauvignon blanc. Enjoy.
I mean, have you ever? 一杯夏敦埃一杯白苏维浓请享用
请问你们有没有 What do you think you're doing?
I know, can you even? 你这是在干嘛
就是你们能不能 Waiting on tables. Look into it.
Byron and I have been here forever, 服务顾客好好学学
我和拜伦坐在这里好久了 York, York, don't be mad.
and have yet to see our dandelion chickpea foie-gras. 约克约克别生气
还没有等到我们的蒲公英鹰嘴豆鹅肝 Byron was starving and we're thirsty.
He's hypoglycemic and I'm Lila. 拜伦饿坏了我们也渴坏了
他是血糖过低我是莱拉 Don't kick us out, we're too weak to go anywhere else.
And I'm pissed. I'm getting our drinks. 别赶我们出去我们没力气走出这个门
而我是气坏了我要去拿我们的酒 The soup has garlic.
- Would you get us some wine? - Oh, sure, what kind? 汤里面有蒜
- 能给我们拿点白葡萄酒吗 -当然要什么 Oh, then no. The salmon, please.
A chardonnay for me, 那就不要了麻烦来份三文鱼
我要夏敦埃 Bring her the damn soup, she ain't kissing nobody
- and Byron will have a sauvignon blanc. - Max, no, tonight.
- 拜伦要白苏维浓 -麦克斯别去把汤端上来她今晚不用跟任何人接吻
they'll kick us out and-- And I'll have the free-range chicken
他们会把我们赶出去的这样的话我要一份以为自己能逃出生天的
And what? What, Caroline? that thought it had a chance.
这样的话是怎么样卡洛琳自由散养土鸡肉
You won't be here when he arrives? For your help. Byron wants you to have it.
等冲浪男来的时候你会不在吗谢谢你帮忙拜伦给你的
Dear lord, the man is not coming! Well, Byron is the only real old-fashioned thing in here.
上帝啊那个贱男不会来了拜伦是这里唯一真正的守旧派
I know that, Max, and he's not coming because he died. I hope you both survive the winter.
我知道麦克斯他不会来是因为他死了希望你们俩能活过这个冬天
He died, that's the only reason I can accept. Hey, can I join you?
他死了这是我唯一能接受的理由我能加入吗
What's up? How we all doin' tonight? Ooh, I think that "Can I join you?" was to you.
你好啊今晚过得如何我觉得他那句话是对你说的
Not so good. Oh, sure, have a seat.
不是很好当然可以请坐
My girlfriend just broke up with me. You're pretty. You have a good body.
我的女朋友刚跟我分手你真漂亮你身材真好
Oh, yeah? You like blondes? Wow, thank you.
是吗你喜欢金发妞吗谢谢你
'cause I got one who's ready to pop. That's actually kind of nice to hear,
我正好认识一个好勾搭的妞老实说这话听得很舒服
No, man, I'm into Asian chicks. because this is hard to believe,
不必了我喜欢亚洲妞因为虽然这难以让人置信
Yeah, who isn't? but I got stood up tonight,
谁不喜欢但我今晚被人放鸽子了
Except for Asian guys. and it kind of makes me feel good
除了亚洲男人吧而你夸我漂亮和身材好
Hey, do me a favor, just wait a minute, when you say I'm pretty and I have a good body.
帮我个忙几分钟后让我心里感觉好多了
and then come over to my table and flirt with my friend. What are you doing?
去我那桌跟我的朋友调情你在干嘛
Why would I do that? Oh, I'm on Tinder. It's the straight Grindr.
我为啥要这么做我在玩"陌陌" 是异性交友版的"磨磨"
第 64 页 /共 192 页
I just got a hit. Well, I'm out. 1860.
有人对我有兴趣我要走了我不知道大概是 1846 年到 1860 年之间吧
Thanks for the drink. And it is so great to be back in 1974.
多谢你的酒真高兴回到 1974 年
You paid a guy to say I'm pretty? Well, Han, you did a good job of making this place
你居然花钱请人来夸我漂亮 exclusive.
And then he blew me off? 阿憨厉害啊把这地方弄得像是人少的潮店
而那个人又丢下我跑掉 There is literally nobody here.
Oh, my god. I just realized something upsetting. 严格说来就是空无一人
天啊我刚意识到一件令人沮丧的事 It wasn't my doing, there was a possum in the men's
What, that we could be enjoying room.
什么我们本可以吃不是我干的刚男厕有只负鼠
delicious hot dogs on sticks right now? Correction, there is a possum in the men's room.
美味的热狗棒吗纠正一下那只负鼠现在还在男厕呢
No, I'm a "B." Oh, the ingredients are escaping the kitchen again?
不我是个"B" 食材又跑出厨房啦
No, you're an "A." Well, I gotta go to the men's room
才怪你是 A 我得去男厕
That bra just makes you look like a "B." - and pull out the possum.
只不过这个胸罩让你看起来像是 B 罩杯 - 把那只"负鼠"抓出来
No, I mean me, as a woman. Oh, is that what you do when we're not here?
不我是说作为女人我们不在的时候你是不是也都这么干
I'm a "B." Okay, let's sit down in that authentically
我拿到的分数是"B" 好吧我们去真正上了年头的
You know, all this time, I kinda thought I was an "A," run-down old booth and eat something.
一直以来我都觉得自己是"A" 破旧卡座里坐着吃点东西吧
but maybe I'm just a "B." Yeah, see, those stains aren't fake, that's real blood.
但或许我只是个"B" 瞧这些污渍不是假的那可是真血
That's why he walked away and why the surfer stood me I was right here when that guy got stabbed.
up. 那个男的被捅的时候我就在这
所以他走掉所以冲浪男放我鸽子 Like I said at the time, "Call me 'honey' one more time,
Caroline, I really want to be here for you right now, 记得当时我说 "再叫老娘宝贝
卡洛琳虽然我现在真的很想陪着你 and I will stab you."
but I gotta get a gin fizz to the prospector in the corner. 我就捅死你"
但我得给角落的矿工拿一杯杜松子汽水酒 You know what I just realized?
Max, am I a "B"? Why didn't he come? 你知道我刚意识到什么吗
麦克斯我真的是个"B"吗为什么他不来 Even if I am a "B," at least I'm an authentic "B."
All I know about that surfer is that he is a "D" 即使我是个"B" 至少我也是个真正的"B"
我只知道那个冲浪男是个 I don't pretend to be something I'm not.
followed by three other letters. 我不会去伪装自己
后面还有三个字母的"D" You do kind of pretend to be something you're not.
I'd spell it out for you, 你的确是在伪装自己
我本想把这个词说出来的 A "B."
- but I'm literally afraid I'd get it wrong. 你不是"B"
- 但我真担心我会拼错 Finally, I have some customers.
Interesting that you didn't say I wasn't a "B." 终于有顾客上门了
奇妙的是你居然不直接说我不是"B" You know, I've been sitting in the back
Look, I don't give myself letters in life. 我一直在后厨坐着
听着我这辈子从来不给自己评分 - watching Oleg shuck his corn all night?
To me, it is clearly a pass/fail situation. - 看着奥列格在拨玉米皮
对我而言只有过关和失败两种情况 Thank you.
And you're sitting up, 谢谢啦
而你还能直起身坐着 Now, Luis knows how to give service.
not drooling on yourself, so pass. 路易斯就知道该怎么"服务"他人
没有流口水到自己身上这就是过关 Come on, chica, don't set me up like that, it's too easy.
Well, well, well, 拜托小妞不用这样太没挑战性了
哎哟稀客啊 Max, I think I'm gonna let go of letter-grading myself
where have you ladies been all night? 麦克斯我打算不再用字母给自己评分
你们俩姑娘整晚去哪儿了 and adopt your pass/fail system.
I don't know, I'd say somewhere between 1846 and 我要采用你的过关和失败系统
第 65 页 /共 192 页
And sitting with you right here is so not a fail. Sorry, but things have gotten kind of messy at home.
跟你一起坐在这里绝对不是失败抱歉嘛但最近我们家里有点脏乱
Oh, it's just Oleg and Sophie. Yesterday, I had to take a shower
是奥列格和苏菲昨天我得洗第二次澡
Oh, my god! You looked 'cause you thought to shower off the shower I took.
天啊你刚才的样子就像才洗干净我第一次洗澡时弄脏的
it was gonna be the surfer! Epic fail! You two should get a cleaning lady.
你以为是冲浪男来了超级大失败你们俩应该请个清洁工
Hey, what are you two doing together? I have a woman I pay to clean my apartment.
你们俩在一起干嘛我有花钱请个妞来帮我打扫公寓
Oh, Sophie and I had some business to take care of. She is expensive, but she may charge you less
我和苏菲有点事情要处理她收费挺高的但如果不包括上床的话
Right, Sophie? if you don't also have sex on her.
对吧苏菲她可能会少收一点
Oh, yeah. Caroline, we got your back. I'll look into it.
没错卡洛琳我们支持你我帮你们问问看吧
That Mike won't be out there surfing again for quite a My grandmother cleaned the house free of charge.
while. 我奶奶以前打扫房子都不要钱
那个麦克很长一段时间都不能去冲浪了 Of course she didn't have a say in the matter.
The surfer's name isn't Mike. It's Marc. 当然不是她不要而是没人给
冲浪男叫马克不是麦克 Let's just ask Sophie. She has a cleaning service.
No wonder he kept screaming, "My name is not Marc!" 我们问问苏菲把她有个清洁公司
怪不得他一直在大喊 "我不是马克" We have to do something.
Well, I'll tell you one thing, 我们必须得采取行动了
告诉你一件事 Yesterday, I saw a roach walk out of our apartment.
we may have seen a lot of fake things tonight, 昨天我看见一只蟑螂爬出了我们的公寓
今晚我们可能看见了很多假东西 Look.
but that's a for-real possum. 听着
但那绝对是一只真负鼠 I'm gonna tell you what I told that guy
Wow, Han's possum is bigger than I thought it would be. 对于此事我的回答就跟有人曾问我
阿憨那只"负鼠"比我想象中大多了 who asked me to use my butt to smuggle opium.
目前资金能否用我的屁股帮他走私鸦片时一样
目前资金 I'll do it!
最新余额当然好啦
最新余额 Be ready, Max.
最新余额快准备好麦克斯
----------------------------- We have to leave as soon as the cleaning lady gets here.
-------------09-------------- 等清洁工一到我们就得走啦
----------------------------- It's housekeeper etiquette.
Stealing Han's dishes 这是屋主不成文的规矩
把阿憨的盘子偷回家 In my old life, I go to spin class and lunch with friends,
so we don't have to clean ours at home is genius. 我以前会去健身馆上单车课然后跟朋友吃午饭
我们的就不用洗了这做法太聪明了 but you and I will just go outside
And a little sad. 但现在我们只能去外面
同时也有点小可悲 and watch the guy who just got out of jail
Are you kidding? 看那个刚从监狱放出来的家伙
开什么玩笑 do pull-ups on the light post.
This is the greatest thing that's happened to me 在灯柱上做引体向上
这是早上来大姨妈后 Calvin's out?
Since I got my period this morning. 卡尔文出狱了吗
发生在我身上最棒的事情了 I'm not gonna leave.
Max, Caroline, you're stealing my dishes? 我才不会走
麦克斯卡洛琳你们居然偷我的盘子 I want to watch her clean up my mess.
Damn it, I didn't think you could see up this high. 我要看着她收拾我弄的烂摊子
靠我还以为这么高你会看不见呢 Yeah, baby.
And I didn't think you could sink this low. 没错宝贝
我也以为这么低贱的事你们干不出来呢 I've waited my whole life to have a servant.
Okay, stop, you're already robbing me blind 我等了一辈子终于等来个仆人了
住手我们已经用"我是个服务员"的把戏 I thought you were gonna be it for the first few weeks
with your "I'm a waitress" scam. 开始那几周我以为你会成为我的仆人
骗走我很多钱了 and then I realized you can't do anything.
第 66 页 /共 192 页
但后来我发现你什么都不会做 Wait, before you do, one question.
And even though Sophie gave us a discount, 慢着在开工前问你个问题
即使苏菲给我们打了个折 How'd you lose it? James Franco situation?
the maid still has to call me "Your highness." 你的胳膊怎么没的像詹姆斯·弗兰科那样吗
那女仆还是得称我为"殿下" 詹姆斯·弗兰科在电影《127 小时》中
Mostly because I'm pretty "highness" right now. 被困在峡谷里不得不割断自己胳膊以逃生
主要因为我现在抽大麻嗨"高"了 You had to cut it off to get loose?
Hi, girls. 为了逃命必须把胳膊割断吗
姑娘们 You're not saying no.
Here I am. 沉默等于默认
我来啦 Oh, you know what, let's not go there.
Sophie from Sophie's choice cleaning service. 算了吧还是不要深究了
"苏菲的选择清洁公司"的苏菲 You know, it happened, it was in the past.
Meet your cleaning lady Paulina. 都发生了就让它过去吧
这位是你们的清洁工宝琳娜 I was trapped under this big truck.
Paulina, meet the girls. 我被困在一辆大卡车下
宝琳娜这两位是屋主 We get it.
She'd shake hands, but she only has one arm. 知道啦
她也想握手但她只有一条胳膊 I drove over your arm.
Sophie, she can hear you. 是我从你胳膊上碾了过去
苏菲她能听到你说话 Hey, don't even bother looking for my good jewelry in
So what? I know I'm missing arm. there
那又怎么样我知道我少了条胳膊别费力气去卧室翻我的好首饰了
It's not news. because I'm already wearing all of it.
这又不是什么新闻因为我已经全部戴在身上了
So she lost an arm. Oh, I'm jealous I don't have arm
她不就是丢了条胳膊嘛真是羡慕死我了我居然没有胳膊
I lost my gold earring down the garbage disposal to wear cheap jewelry.
我的金耳环还丢在垃圾处理机了呢戴这种廉价的首饰
but I was too afraid to reach into it Max, I feel bad for her.
但我不敢伸手去拿麦克斯我觉得她很可怜
Because, well, yeah. See? This is why you leave.
因为你们懂的瞧这就是我们要离开的原因
Don't worry. In case they show up with too much makeup
别担心以防清洁工妆太浓
I have one arm but I clean like I have three. and not enough arms.
打扫起来我一条胳膊顶三条用而胳膊太少
I put on more makeup, then I start. Relax, she's tough.
我去补补妆然后就开始干活放心她很坚强
I'm sorry. Reminds me of a young me.
不好意思让我想起年轻的我
I didn't realize when I ordered a cleaning lady Which means I better go hide my pills from her.
我真不知道请清洁工时也就是说我要去把药藏起来以防她找到
I had to specify I wanted one with two arms. Max, don't leave, she scares me.
还得特地说明我要两只手都能干活的麦克斯别走我怕她
You can't afford two arms. - Oh, come on, she's armless.
两条胳膊的你请不起 - 拜托她没有手好吗
You said you wanted a good price. Everything okay? You need any help?
你说了要便宜点一切顺利吗需要帮忙吗
Half the arms, half the price. I didn't get this far in this business by taking help.
所以一条胳膊一半价格我在打扫这行能有今天可不是靠别人帮忙的
Is that how she lost the arm, Sophie? Help me! Can't you see I got one arm?
所以她那条胳膊才没的吧苏菲帮帮我你没看见我只有一条胳膊
You cut it off so we could get a discount? Not gonna be a problem.
你为了给我们打折所以打折了她的胳膊没问题
Oh, yeah, sure. I would occasionally help my maid--
是啊没错我偶尔也会帮我的女仆
Yeah, I sawed off her arm so I could save you 10 bucks. You're not interested.
我把她的胳膊锯下来只为了给你们省 10 块钱你不想听是吧
I start in bedroom. Lift!
我先从卧室开始抬起来
第 67 页 /共 192 页
Lift, weak girl. Lift. so I brought you your uniform.
使劲小弱鸡抬起来所以我把你的制服带来了
Max, come here. We need help lifting your mattress. Max?
麦克斯过来我们要把你的床垫抬起来麦克斯
Can you give us a hand? I live here now.
你能帮我们一把吗老娘现在住这里了
No! Leave it alone! Leave it alone! My new roommates, the broom and the mop,
不别抬放下来我的新室友扫把和拖把
Don't lift up the mattress! don't sneak around looking at my stuff.
不要把床垫抬起来不会鬼鬼祟祟乱翻我的东西
Ah, porno. I got everything I need.
黄书这里什么都有
Your mind is as dirty as your apartment! Whiskey, toothbrush, toothpaste.
你的思想跟你的公寓一样脏威士忌牙刷牙膏
Yes, it's porn. So what? What's the big deal? Well, maybe your new broommate
是黄书怎么样有什么大不了的或许你的扫把室友
It's just the body in its natural form, will hold back your hair when you drink too much.
那不过是人类正常的肉体会在你喝醉狂吐时把你的头发往后拉
spread-eagle on a motorcycle. Which, from the looks of it, will be in about an hour.
在摩托车上叉开腿卖骚而已依你现在的状态看离狂吐还有不到一小时
Why is so much of it from the 80's? Max, we really need to talk about this brochure.
为什么大部分人看着都像 80 年代的啊麦克斯我们真的谈谈这本宣传册
I like mustaches, okay? Look, just because I have a pastry school brochure
我喜欢小胡子可以了吗就因为我有一本烘焙学校的宣传册
And it's multitasking. I'm looking for my father. doesn't mean I'm actually gonna go to pastry school.
而且我还有另一项任务就是寻找我的生父并不意味着我真的想去
Stop looking. Stop looking right now. Just like having those porn magazines
别看了不许看了就像我有很多黄书
Why are you suddenly embarrassed? doesn't mean I'm actually gonna ride around on a tiger
你干嘛突然不好意思啊也不意味着我会真的骑着一只老虎
世界上最出名的色情网站 performing unspeakable acts with sailors, probably.
Porn Hub is your homepage. 跟水手们做一些很黄很暴力的行为大概不会吧
你的主页就是"色情之家" Pastry school is the same as porn.
Hey, is this a brochure for pastry school? 烘焙学校就跟黄书一样
这是烘焙学校的宣传册吗 It's just a dumb fantasy.
Why are you hiding a pastry school brochure? 不过是愚蠢意淫而已
你为什么要把烘焙学校的宣传册藏起来 Pastry school is not like porn.
Your face is a pastry school brochure! 烘焙学校才不像黄书
你妹才藏烘焙学校的宣传册呢 There is nothing in this brochure about a girl-on-girl
Max, it's great you're interested in pastry school. croissant
麦克斯你对烘焙学校感兴趣很好啊这本宣传册上完全没有提及"女女合欢"羊角面包
I don't know why you're embarrassed. That's good toothpaste.
为什么你要不好意思呢这牙膏真不错
Your face is embarrassed! Please stop brushing your teeth.
你妹才不好意思呢拜托别拿酒刷牙了
Come on, I really think that this is We have a shift to do later.
别这样嘛我真的觉得我们晚点还要上班呢
something we should talk about. Okay, the Manhattan school of pastry--
我们该好好谈谈这事曼哈顿的烘培学校
Your face is something we should talk about! Your face is the Manhattan school of pastry.
你妹才要跟你谈呢你妹才是曼哈顿的烘培学校
You made the scary one mad. You know it isn't.
你把吓人的妞气跑了我也希望是
That was dumb move. Max, you could go here for real.
真是愚蠢之极啊麦克斯你真的可以去上
Your face was a dumb move! Tuition is only $3,000 a year. A lot, but doable.
你妹才愚蠢之极呢学费一年才三千虽然很多但上得起
Max? A lot but doable?
麦克斯虽然很多但上得起
Max, you never came home after you stormed out, Are we talking about pastry school or fat guy at last call?
麦克斯你冲出去就再也没有回来我们说的是烘焙学校还是快打烊时使劲点餐的胖子
第 68 页 /共 192 页
Here we are, Max. Your dream starts now. 你们的宣传册给她留下深刻的印象
我们到了麦克斯你的梦想从现在开始 Oh, pastry school. Exciting, right?
What, the one where I'm a black mermaid? 烘焙学校令人兴奋对吧
我要变成黑色美人鱼了吗 I was a chef here once. And then I wasn't.
Would you relax? 我曾是一位大厨但后来就不是了
放松点行吗 Oh, look. Found the application.
We're just gonna look around and get an application. 瞧找到申请表了
我们就四处看看然后拿份申请表 Really didn't think I was gonna be able to handle that.
See all that gorgeous equipment you get to use if you 真的没想到我能处理好这件事
went here? Bebe, if you--
如果你来这学习就能用所有这些高档的设备碧碧如果你...
Finally you'd have a mixing bowl - Bonjour. Good morning.
你终于要有一个真正的搅拌碗了 - 早安早上好
that's not a hollowed-out watermelon. Chef Nicolas, these girls are here for an application.
而不是中间挖空的西瓜尼古拉斯主厨这两位姑娘是来拿申请表的
Can you help me? Don't worry, I handled it.
能救救我吗别担心我处理好了
She's holding me against my will. Almost didn't, then I did.
我是被她挟持的人质差点失败但我成功了
She's kidding. Nice work, Bebe.
她开玩笑呢干得好碧碧
If you keep this up, young lady, Oh, do I detect a French accent? Oui?
小姑娘如果你一直这样我好像听出来有法国口音哦是吗
you are not getting ice cream after. Oh, my god, I can't watch.
别想有冰淇淋吃天啊我看不下眼了
Fine! French, indeed. I'm chef Nicolas Saintcroix,
好啦其实我是法国人我是主厨尼古拉斯·圣克劳
Come on, here's the office. Owner and head chef. Bienvenue.
过来办公室在这校长兼厨师长欢迎你们
Whatever. Are we almost done here? Caroline Channing.
随便啦完事了没啊我是卡洛琳·钱宁
I got a court date later. Is it over yet?
我等下要出庭受审呢你丢脸丢完了吗
Hi. This is Max. The application's for her.
你好这是麦克斯是她要申请你们学校
Hi. 'Sup, Frenchie? You eat snails?
你好你好法国佬你吃蜗牛吗
Hi. It looks like bebe forgot the second page.
你好貌似碧碧忘了给你们第二页了
Hi. Oh, boy, forgot the second page. That's not good.
你好天啊忘了第二页这可不好
I'm not sure we're in the right place. I thought I handled it. Didn't handle it.
我不确定我们是否来对地方了我以为我能处理好但还是失败了
Are any of us really? It's okay, Bebe. Breathe in.
我们仨都没来对吗没关系碧碧吸气
We'd like an application. Could you help us? Breathe out.
我们想要份申请表你可以帮个忙吗呼气
Oh, god, I hope so. That's good stuff.
天啊希望可以的确是好方法
I wasn't expecting something this high-pressure She was quite brilliant.
我没想到第一天回来就会碰到她曾经非常优秀
my first day back. Then she wasn't.
这么高强度的工作但后来就不优秀了
Let's just say I've been under observation at the Here. Fill that out.
nuthouse. 给把这表填了
我之前在精神病院留院观察了一段时间 And the next step is the pastry exam.
Okay, application. 下一步就是烘焙测试
好的申请表是吧 Applicants will have to make a classic tart,
It's for Max, here. 申请者要做一个经典的水果塔
是麦克斯要的 bring them in tomorrow for me to taste,
She was very impressed by your brochure. 明天拿给我尝尝
第 69 页 /共 192 页
and we will go from there. Sound good? 戏
然后再决定录用与否可以吗玩家可以任意辗压过路行人游戏画面血腥暴力
Whatever. Maybe I'll think about it. Oh, screw it. This one's gonna be there in a minute.
随便啦或许我会考虑下不管了反正这个等下也要进垃圾桶
Okay, well, maybe you will. Let's just get it over with.
好吧或许你会还不如先扔进去呢
Nice meeting you both. No, you can do this. Here. Here.
很高兴见到你们俩不你不能这样做来
Hope to see you tomorrow, chef. This still looks ready to go.
希望明天能看见你哦大厨这个看起来还不错
He called me chef! Look at me. Look at me. I'm a waste of two arms.
他刚叫我大厨看看我真是白瞎了我有两条胳膊
- Yay! Let's go get ice cream! - No! I can't make a tart!
- 太棒了咱们去买冰淇淋吧 -不行我连水果塔都做不出来
You should get started on that tart. How's the tart coming?
你应该开始做水果塔水果塔做得怎么样了
It's due tomorrow. Han, you're not safe. Leave.
明天就要交了阿憨这里不安全快走
I got plenty of time. You haven't even finished the shell?
我有大把时间呢你连塔皮还没有做出来
Besides, pressure ups my game. That's the easiest part!
再说了有压力才会有动力这可是最简单的部分啊
I perform my best when there's a gun to my head. Han, this is your face.
当有人拿枪指着我的头时我会做得更好阿憨这是你的脸
Ask any of my ex-boyfriends. Well, I should get going.
不信问我以前的男朋友好吧我还是走吧
- This is so not how I prepare for tests. I didn't know she could take bitch to the next level.
- 我可不会这么对待我的考试真不知道她能把坏脾气上升到暴力事件
I studied three weeks for a pap smear. I am so screwed!
就连子宫颈抹片检查我都得先研究三周我彻底完了
Don't worry, I got this. I finally found a situation my boobs can't get me out of!
别担心我能行终于出现一种情况不能靠我的大胸过关了
A tart's just like a cookie with some pudding on it, right? Hey, Max. Now, I have all the faith in the world in you.
水果塔就是往饼干上放点布丁对吧麦克斯我对你超级有信心
Max, what is going on in here? But here's a tart from Stop 'n Shop
麦克斯这里是什么情况但这是我从便利店买来的水果塔
Turns out a tart's more than a cookie with some in case you wanted to hand this one in.
pudding on it! 以备明天不时之需
原来水果塔不止往饼干上放点布丁那么简单 No, Earl. Max is not a cheater.
You've been in here six hours. You said you had this. 不行厄尔麦克斯从不骗人
你都在里面六小时了你说过你能行的 Since when?
I thought I had this! Turns out I don't! 谁说的
我以为我能行但原来我不行 She is going to make her own tart.
I haven't even finished a shell. 她要靠自己做出水果塔
我甚至连塔皮都没做出来 You, out.
I didn't know there was a shell. Did you know there was 你出去
a shell? I am never gonna make this shell.
我都不知道到底有没有塔皮你觉得有吗我肯定做不出塔皮
Everybody knows there's a shell! I can't even get it in the pan right.
水果塔当然有塔皮啦我连放到盘里都放不对
What the shell is wrong with you? Max, that looks right.
你的脑子怎么了也没皮了吗麦克斯你放对了
- I'm a tart who can't make a tart! Oh, my god! I got it in the pan right!
- 我是一个不会做水果塔的贱人天啊我放对了
You could've made nine shells by now. - I can do this! - You did it! I knew it!
到现在你早应该做出九个塔皮了 - 我可以做到 -你做到了我就知道
I did. They're all in here. Look. I helped you. We're besties.
我做了啊它们都在这呢看我帮了你我们是好闺蜜
It's like Shell-Mageddon! - You're not safe. Leave. - Okay.
这就是"死亡塔皮" - 这里不安全快走 -遵命
源自一款名为《死亡赛车 Carmageddon》的赛车游 I'm telling you, Max, I've tasted a lot of tarts,
第 70 页 /共 192 页
告诉你麦克斯我吃过这么多水果塔 Oh, and here's your ATM card. I lifted it from your
and yours is delicious. wallet.
你的最好吃这是你的银行卡我从你钱包拿的
You are not the first man to tell me that. Oh, and here's your wallet.
你不是第一个这么说的人对了这是你的钱包
The first man to tell me that is in jail. There was $40 in here.
第一个这么说的人现在在蹲牢子呢里面不是有四十块吗
Here he comes. There sure was.
他来了那是以前的事了
Look at him. Here he comes. At least give me back my gift card from Sephora.
快看他来了至少把我丝芙兰的礼品卡还给我吧
Afternoon, ladies. Caroline, Han wants his Sephora gift card back.
下午好女士们卡洛琳阿憨想要回他丝芙兰的礼品卡
- Bien fondue, Eiffel tower. Oh, that's not happening. It's already on my face.
- 芝士火锅艾菲尔铁塔要不回来了全用在我脸上了
Okay. Max, look, it's from the pastry school.
好的麦克斯烘焙学校寄来的信
Thank you for coming. Shall we begin the tasting? My acceptance letter!
感谢你们的到来可以开始试吃了吗我的录取通知书
This is exciting, huh? Lot of people talking about my chili in that bathroom.
真令人兴奋对吧厕所里有很多人在讨论我做的辣椒啊
Keep it in your pants. Oleg, come here. Han, Earl, stay.
勒紧你的裤子奥列格过来阿憨和厄尔待在原地
And now for the tart. You guys are about to owe me big.
这是水果塔你们都要感谢我
It's Max's first ever. I am gonna let you witness something extremely rare.
这是麦克斯第一次做因为我要让你们见证一件极其罕见的事
I ate a slice earlier and it was like More rare than a sighting of bigfoot or a UFO or Han's
我之前吃了一小块 penis.
having a little piece of heaven. 比看见大脚怪 UFO 还有阿憨的小鸡鸡还罕见哦
尝起来宛若天堂啊 You held me here so I could hear that?
Don't do anything you're doing. 你不让我走是为了让我听这句话吗
快给我闭嘴 Behold, the rarest sight of them all.
It's flaky, creamy... 各位观众全世界最罕见的事情
塔皮薄里馅滑 You are about to see something good actually happen to
For a first attempt, I am very impressed. me.
第一次就能做成这样我很惊讶你们即将看见有好事要发生在我身上
Don't be. I made a tart. Listen to this.
别惊讶我不过做了个水果塔注意听啦
It's not like I cured herpes "Dear Ms. Black, after careful consideration
又不是治愈了疱疹 "亲爱的布莱克小姐在对众多申请者
or invented a reverse microwave to instantly chill sodas. of our large pool of applicants,
或是发明了能立刻冷冻苏打水的逆向微波炉进行深思熟虑之后
Okay, Max. we regret to inform you..."
好的麦克斯我们抱歉地通知你"
I will talk it over with my faculty Oh, I guess I didn't get in.
我和其他教员商量一下我猜我没被录取
and we will let you know. Looking back, we probably should have insisted
你们回去等通知吧回头想想我们当初应该坚持
I'll let you know. she read that to herself first.
你也等我通知吧让她自己看那封信就好
Nailed that. I know why she didn't get in. Her name.
成功啦我知道她没被录取是因为她的姓
Max! - They saw the word "Black" and stopped reading.
麦克斯 - 他们一看见"布莱克"这个词就把申请表扔一边了
Stop stealing my things! You got a cleaning lady! That's why I didn't get into law school.
别偷我的东西了你已经有清洁工了这就是为什么我没被法学院录取
Relax. I am returning what I took. I also didn't apply.
放心我是来还东西的当然我也懒得申请
Here's your plates. This is terrible. I'm gonna go see if she's okay.
这是你的盘子这太糟糕了我去看看她还好吗
第 71 页 /共 192 页
Who does that French frog think he is? No, no, no, that's just my attitude.
那只法国青蛙以为自己是谁啊不我对什么事都是这态度
He thinks he can have the time of his life tasting my tart I act like I don't want anything
他觉得在品尝完我的水果塔后我表现得我不喜欢任何事物
and then never see me again? because I never got anything I wanted.
就可以拍拍屁股走人吗是因为我从来没得到过我想要的
He won't let me into his school? But I do want to go to this school
他的学校不录取我但我的确很想来这个学校
Well, I won't take no for an answer. more than I've ever wanted anything.
我不允许别人拒绝我超越我以前所有热忱
I am going down there right now It's my fantasy and my dream,
我现在就杀过去这是我的幻想也是我的梦想
and giving him a piece of my mind. and please stop making me use these horrible, horrible
告诉他我的真实想法 words!
I am storming out. 拜托不要再让我继续说这些恶心的词了
气死我了 Just let me in, okay?
And I am storming back in. 求求你录取我吧
我又死回来了 Okay.
It is dark outside. That school's not open. 好吧
天黑了学校不开门 - Wait, for real? - Yes.
Hey, you. - 等等真的吗 -真的
喂就是你 I needed to see if your passion was as good as your
Tart tease, we need a word. pastry
水果塔混球我有话跟你说我只想看看你的热忱是不是跟你的水果塔一样棒
- Oh, boy. - What? and you just showed me it was.
- 天啊 -怎么了而你已经表现给我看了
You love my pastries and then regret to inform me I'm thrilled to have you on board, chef.
你说你喜欢我的水果塔然后抱歉地通知我非常高兴你加入我们大厨
I'm not good enough for your school? Thanks, chef.
我不够格念你的学校谢谢主厨
Well, I regret to inform you that I am good enough Bebe is having a panic attack and needs to hold her
我抱歉地通知你我绝对够格 lemon.
and I want to know why you won't let me in here. 碧碧恐慌症发作她说要抱她的柠檬
我想知道你不录取我的原因 lemon 在同人小说中指明显的性描写
Okay, uh, your voice is an anxiety trigger for me. Has anyone seen her lemon?
你的声音会触发我的焦虑症有人见过她的柠檬吗
I'm going to have to remove myself from the situation Caroline, he let me in. I'm going to pastry school.
现在这状况不适合我我要离开这里卡洛琳他录取我了我要上烘焙学校啦
and go sit in the hallway. Everybody has to call me "Chef" now!
去走廊坐着从现在开始人人都得叫我"大厨"
Can you come with me? You have a very calming You did it, chef!
presence. 你成功了大厨
你能陪我去吗你的存在能安抚人心 You're going to the pastry school from the brochure!
Thank you. So few people think that about me. 你被宣传册上的烘焙学校录取了
谢谢很少有人会这么觉得 Aren't you glad I looked at your porn?
But I should stay with Max. 你是不是该高兴我看了你的黄书啊
但我应该陪着麦克斯 We're roommates. Both single. Quelle surprise.
No, I got this handled. You can have her. 我们是室友都是单身很惊喜吧
去吧我能处理好你可以带她走 So Max, once you fill out these,
This is the last time you give me to someone. 麦克斯只要把表填了
这是你最后一次把我扔给别人 you will be officially enrolled.
Max, your tart was excellent. 你就算正式人学了
麦克斯你的水果塔做得很棒 And of course we will need your tuition check.
The problem was your attitude. 当然你还得先交学费
但问题在于你的态度 Yup. $3,000. It's a lot for us.
You showed no passion of wanting to be in this school. 三千块嘛这对我们来说是一大笔钱
你对这个学校没表现出半点热忱 But if we make some cutbacks, 1/2-ply toilet paper.
And that is why you didn't get in. 但我们可以削减开支厕纸省着用好了
这就是你没被录取的原因 Who am I kidding? No toilet paper, diner napkins.
It seemed like you didn't want it. 开什么玩笑厕纸和餐巾纸都不要了
因为你看上去并不想来这 No, tuition is 24,000.
第 72 页 /共 192 页
不学费是两万四 I'm not going anywhere until you let me know to my
But the brochure said $3,000 a year. face.
但宣传册上是写一年三千啊我哪儿不去直到你当面告诉我
You misread it. It's $3,000 a unit. With your face. Your beautiful, beautiful face.
你看错了是一课时三千用你那张帅气迷人的脸蛋告诉我
There is eight units per year. 24,000. Max, we're not poor enough?
一年有八个课时呢一共是两万四麦克斯我们还不穷吗
It costs $24,000? You're starting a hobo trash fire in our apartment?
学费要两万四你居然在公寓里像流浪汉一样烧垃圾生火
We can't pay that. Yup. I'm burning my porn and pastry school brochure.
这我们可付不起是啊我把黄书和烘焙学校的宣传册都烧掉
Oh, my god, now I'm never gonna be able to come here You know, all my fantasies.
天啊我再也不能来这里了也就是我全部的幻想
and I just admitted I wanted to! If I learned anything in life
而我刚才却承认了我很想来我这一生中学到一件事
I take back everything I ever said about wanting it's that nothing's more flammable than my dreams.
anything. 就是没有什么比我的梦想更易燃
我收回我刚说的话我什么也不想要 Are those my slipper socks in there?
Max, you can't just storm out. 那是我的鞋袜吗
麦克斯你不能就这么一走了之 Yeah, those needed to die too.
Your face can't just storm out! 是的它们也该死
你妹才一走了之 Well, while you were in our living room
Look, I will do anything for that girl to go to this school. 当你在我们的客厅
为了让她上学我愿意做一切事情 hosting a Burning Man Festival,
In exchange for tuition, I could work in the office. 举行"火人节"时
我可以在办公室帮忙以换取学费 I was at the pastry school getting us
Bebe clearly needs someone to help take the pressure 我在烘焙学校努力说服他们
off a work-study arrangement.
碧碧显然需要人来帮她解除压力让我们半工半学
And who better than a mentally stable And...
我是沃顿毕业而且精神稳定然后
Wharton graduate like myself? - You're going to pastry school. - No way!
没有比我更合适的人选了 - 你要去烘培学校啦 -不是吧
But I'll do anything. Here you go. Your school uniform.
但我什么都愿意干给你的校服
I'll even wash your floors, okay? This is where my name's gonna go!
甚至连洗地板都行我的名字要绣在这上面
Although I'm sure there's something better than that. My chef name, Conchita Bonfire.
虽然我觉得肯定有比这更好的活我的主厨名肯小鲍·篝火
But if you need me to wash the floors, Thank you for this.
但如果你需要我洗地板谢谢你
I will wash the floors. And for everything.
我就洗地板为我做的一切
Really would prefer to do anything else, You don't have to thank me.
虽然我更想做其他工作你不用谢我
but I'll do it, 'cause I'll do anything 'cause with your new skills I'm gonna use you
但我还是会做因为为了她因为我以后要利用你的新技能
to get her into this school. like Kim uses kanye.
我什么都愿意做就像金·卡戴珊利用坎耶那样
Please no floors. 金·卡戴珊是有名的话题女王经常会登上大小媒体的
拜托不要让我洗地板头条
Okay, I will talk it over with my staff
其男友是美国著名饶舌歌手坎耶·韦斯特
好吧我和其他员工商量一下 Or Kanye uses Kim. I'm not sure which of them is
and I will let you know.
winning.
你回去等通知吧
或像坎耶利用金·卡戴珊那样我不确定谁搏的版面比
Oh, no, no.
较多
不不行
What kind of work-study arrangement did you make for
I've seen what happens
me?
我知道你那句
when you give people the "I'll let you know." 我到底要怎么半工半学法
It's more of a work-study arrangement for us.
"回去等通知"的后果
其实是我们一起半工半学
第 73 页 /共 192 页
I'll be working in the office helping out bebe, Stay here a few more minutes.
我会在办公室工作帮忙碧碧再待一会吧
so I'm working, you're studying. Why?
也就是我工作你学习为啥
You're working at my school? Are we having an intervention for Max?
你居然要去人家学校工作我们要开麦克斯的批斗大会吗
Mom! Hey, everybody.
不是吧老妈大家安安
----------------------------- Oh, I hope I'm not late for Max's
-------------10-------------- 我还没错过"欢庆麦克斯
----------------------------- first day of school surprise party.
Okay, Max, I figured out our new schedule. 首日上学惊喜派对"吧
麦克斯我知道新时间表该怎么排了 Sophie, we hadn't surprised her yet.
And I figured out the cheap toothpaste 苏菲我们都还没给她惊喜呢
我也才知道我们用的便宜牙膏 Oh, but she's right there.
we've been using is really diaper cream. 她站在这都听见啦
其实是放尿布疹软膏 You just blew it, Han.
On the plus side, that rash cleared up on my gums. 惊喜都被你剧透光了阿憨
但好歹我牙龈上的尿布疹都消了 Aw, a surprise party.
We'll do our diner shift from 6:00 till 2:00, 有惊喜派对呢
晚上 6 点到清晨 2 点在餐厅上班 - Isn't this sweet, Max? - I don't trust it.
then sell cupcakes here from 2:00 to 4:00, - 是不是很温馨啊麦克斯 -我才不信咧
清晨 2 点到清晨 4 点卖小蛋糕 Last time Oleg yelled "surprise" at me,
make the cupcakes in the morning from 7:00 to 11:00, 上次奥列格给过我"惊喜"
早上 7 点到 11 点做小蛋糕 his penis was on a hot dog bun.
And then pastry school from 12:00 to 4:00. 他把鸡鸡塞在热狗面包中间了
然后中午 12 点到下午 4 点去学校 One meat lover's pizza.
- Forget anything? - Just poopin' and sleepin'. 一盒肉香满溢披萨
- 有忘了什么吗 -拉屎跟睡觉时间 And one meat lover.
Now, I have to go rewrite the schedule. 一位肉欲满溢爱人
现在我得去重安排时间表了 Max, come on. Get it while it's hot.
Let's go, Max, you have a huge, huge day tomorrow. 麦克斯快来 "趁热享用"哦
来吧麦克斯明天是你的超超大日子 You're opening that box.
First day of pastry school. 你去打开那盒子
第一天上烘焙学校 Hm, who's got a ten
Stop saying it's huge. 谁有十块钱
别说"超超大"了 to tip the cute pizza delivery guy?
Whenever I think something's gonna be huge, 给这个可爱的送披萨男小费啊
每次以为要看到"超大东西"时 Sophie, this is Luis, the day waiter.
It just turns out to be all balls. 苏菲他是路易斯白班服务生
最后都只看到"大巨蛋" Oh, you're Sophie,
I splurged and had my blouse cleaned. 你就是苏菲啊
Oleg's ex.
我花钱干洗了我的衬衫
Dry cleaning bags remind me of when I had money. 奥列格的前任
Sister, I know all about you.
这干洗袋让我想起了当有钱人的时光
Really? They remind me of 姐妹我对你了如指掌
Oh, do you?
那袋子只让我回想起
when my mother tried to suffocate me. 真的咩
Do you know all about me?
我妈曾想把我闷死
Allegedly. Let's go. 你真的对我从里到外都了解吗
I'm his good friend.
据说而已啦走吧
Wait, wait. Max, you can't go yet. 我是他的好朋友
You know, I'm having trouble hearing your accent.
等等麦克斯你还不能走
I need you to stay and help with something. 你的口音有点重我听不太清楚
Did you say "good friend" or "girlfriend?"
我需要你留下来帮忙一件事
Han, I told you-- it's bend and wipe, 是"好朋友"还是"女"朋友啊
阿憨我都教过你了 Please, mami. I wish.
then up come your big boy pants. 拜托我倒想呢
弯下身擦屁股裤子拉上穿穿好 I like the entertainment.
Yeah, Han's right. You can't go. 我喜欢这娱乐节目啊
阿憨说得对你不能走 It's better than the magician at my friend Stephanie's
第 74 页 /共 192 页
16th birthday 我送的无限乘坐哦
比我朋友妮妮 16 岁生日派对上的魔术师好 - Oh. Unlimited rides?
that made her virginity disappear. - 无限"骑"吗
他把我朋友的贞操变没了 Is that what your tramp stamp says?
Max, we're all so proud of you. 你屁股上的骚货纹身是这个吗
麦克斯我们都以你为傲 I was gonna get mad, but that was a damn good one.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. 本来要跟你吵的但你这吐槽实在是妙
明天是你后半生的第一天 What's this? Han's house?
Aw, crap. I gotta do this again? 这又是啥阿憨的房子吗
靠我又得再活一遍啊 A simple "thank you" would suffice.
All right, but this time, 你简单说句"谢谢"就够了
行但是这次 Thank you for your house, Han.
I'm not seeing Trouble With the Curve. 谢谢你送我你的房子阿憨
我不要再看励志电影了 It's a pencil case, and I love it.
You are about to do something very big. 铅笔盒我好喜欢啊
你即将要干一番大事业 And I was sitting here, thinking how you were
Yes, she is. Such a big step. 我刚才还干坐在这想着你们会不会
对啊向前迈大步 all ignoring my part of the big day.
Big step for both of us, 忘了明天也是我的大日子呢
我们一起迈进一大步 And then, you give me this pencil case
'cause I'll be using my business acumen 然后你们就送了我这个
因为我也得用我的商业头脑 to use in the office and prove me wrong.
working in the office to help pay the tuition. 带去上班用的铅笔盒证明我想错了
在办公室里工作来帮她赚学费 That's for Max.
Shh. I'm talking about Max. 那是送麦克斯的
别吵我是在说麦克斯呢 What the hell is wrong with you people?
So we all chipped in to get you something 你们他妈脑子是哪有问题啊
我们大家都凑钱给你买礼物 Max doesn't even need pencils.
for your first day of school. 麦克斯都不需要用铅笔
庆祝你首日上学 She'll be baking.
- It's my first day too. - Caroline, please, 她会在烘焙东西
- 也是我的第一天 -卡洛琳拜托了 - Well, she'll be baked.
I can't hear Han talking about Max, okay? - 她是会晕乎乎才对
你害我听不到阿憨说麦克斯什么了 Take a look.
Here you go, darling, 打开看看
给小宝贝 Joints.
A book bag for school. 大麻烟
上学的书包 Earl, that's so sweet.
So what, then? Is my surprise party after this one? 厄尔你真是太好了
所以给我的惊喜派对是在这之后吗 These should last me till recess.
What is happening? 这一盒够我抽到今天休息时间了
这是怎么一回事 Wait, where's the Chef's coat Sophie had
People doing nice things for me and smiling? monogrammed?
有人笑容满面地对我好等等苏菲要送的绣名厨师制服呢
Am I transferring foster homes again? Han, that was supposed to be a surprise.
是不是又要换寄养家庭了阿憨这是我要送的惊喜呢
And there's more stuff inside. Oh, I know. Karma's a bitch.
里面还有别的东西哦我故意的报应来了吧
That was supposed to be a surprise too. Oh, well.
你又把惊喜先剧透出来了好吧
Oh. Surprise! Look.
惊喜吧给
Max, open it. Look inside. My name's on this.
麦克斯打开看看里面东西上面有我名字呢
Yeah, Max, see what's inside for your big day. the only thing my name's ever been on before
对啊麦克斯看看里面有啥唯一上面有过我名字的东西
Big day for Max. Big day for me as well. is a urine sample.
麦克斯的大日子也是我的大日子哦是验毒尿检杯
A metrocard? No way. Thank you, everyone.
一张交通卡不是吧谢谢你们大家
From me. Unlimited rides. So there is nothing in that bag for me?
第 75 页 /共 192 页
所以那书包里没一样东西是给我的吗 The only thing my mother ever sent me to school with
Nothing? 以前我去上学我妈唯一给我带的东西
毛都没有吗 was a note that said "Check me for lice."
I'd even take Oleg's penis in a hot dog bun right now. 就是张写了"帮忙检查虱子"的字条
现在如果送我奥列格的鸡鸡热狗我都愿意收下 It was so sweet of everyone to give you that,
I'll be right back. 大家送你书包真是太贴心了
马上给你做 even though I didn't sleep all night about it.
- Getting on. - Please move. 虽然这害我一整晚睡不着
- 要上车啦 -请让让 And it looks kind of expensive.
- Getting on. - Please move. 而且看起来不便宜呢
- 上车啦 -让让啊 Check for a designer label.
- Getting on. - Please move. 看看是什么牌子的
- 姐要上车 -拜托让让 Why? It's the thought that counts.
- On! - Move! 何必呢心意最重要嘛
- 上啦 -让啊 Since when?
- On! On! - Move! Move! 胡说八道
- 上上 -让让 Let me see it.
I love the subway. 让我看看
我爱死地铁了 Second avenue station.
It's the perfect place to get out aggression. 第二大道站
发泄怒气的完美地点 This is second avenue.
I just punched someone in the kidney. 这里是第二大道站
我刚才锤了一拳别人的肚子 No, no, no, Max!
It was me. 惨了麦克斯
正是在下 No, he got the book bag. Good, Max, good.
I know. 他抢到了书包很好麦克斯
我知道 Don't let go.
Oh, oh, bad smell, 千万别放手
好臭的屁味 What if the train starts to leave
Like someone hooked up with a falafel. 万一车子发动了
是谁吃了中东蔬菜球啊 and my arms pop off?
- It was me. - I know. 然后我手断了咋办
- 正是在下 -我知道 How will I go to pastry school?
- Max. - Sorry. 我还怎么去上烘焙学校啊
I'll be one of those people decorating cookies
- 克制点 -抱歉
我就得跟那些残疾用嘴来
Subways, planes, and mosh pits, I let it ride.
with a bag in their mouth.
地铁里飞机上舞池中我任屁自放
装饰饼干的人一样了
I love the smell of this fresh, dry-cleaned blouse.
You are the devil.
我爱死这件上衣干洗后清新的味道了
你是个魔鬼
I am so excited to be out of that waitress uniform,
The devil.
我好兴奋我能摆脱那服务生制服
魔鬼
and back in my chic business clothes,
You have nothing.
重新穿上我的时尚工装
你就是个渣渣
and, you know, going to my office,
Pull, Max, pull! Pull it from the devil!
然后走进我的办公室
拉麦克斯快拉从魔鬼手上拉走
where I'll probably save the day
Can't. The devil works out.
在那里运用着我的沃顿才华
拉不走啊这魔鬼有健身
using some of my Wharton magic.
My bag.
拯救办公室於水火之中
我的书包
You know, I think I like you better without hope.
My blouse.
我更喜欢你内心希望全灭的样子
我的衬衫
Max, you know this school is expensive, right?
My weed.
麦克斯你知道这学校学费很贵吧
我的大麻
You're going in with a good attitude, right?
Oh, great, look. Class has started.
你会抱着积极心态去上课吧
这下好了都开始上课了
No, that's what Earl's pencils are for.
My new life already blows.
不是啊不然厄尔的"铅笔盒"是干啥用的
我的新生活已经搞砸了
Don't worry, I'll do my best. Oh, look. There's Chef gorgeous.
别担心啦我会尽力帅气大厨在里面呢
I mean, look, I have a book bag. I don't want him to see me like this.
你看这次我有个书包呢
第 76 页 /共 192 页
我不想让他看到我这么狼狈结果没洗掉还弄得像要参加
I'm gonna go to the restroom and see in a wet t-shirt contest.
我去洗手间看看性感"湿身"选美赛了
if cold water can get out any of the stain. Um, that's a lot of energy for me,
能不能用冷水把这脏污弄掉负面能量太多我扛不住
- Go, Max. - But I don't have my chef coat or book bag. So I'm just gonna need to sit here
- 快进去上课 -可是我的厨师服跟书包没了先让我坐在位子上休息
I know I only had them for a couple of hours, for a second and be quiet.
我知道它们只在我生命中存在过几小时然后平静一会吧
but it was the best part of me. I know we're being quiet, which I'm all about,
但那是我最美好的时光我知道我现在该让你平静我也支持
You'll do great. but cute dogs.
你能行的好可爱的小狗啊
First, do me a favor. Check me for lice. Oh, thanks. They're cocker spaniels.
先帮我个忙检查我有没有虱子谢谢这是可卡犬
This course is designed to introduce you I rescue them.
这门课是设计来向你们介绍我拯救了他们
to the skills and techniques required You know, people rescue greyhounds and pit bulls,
一些技术与技巧大家都想着去拯救灰狗斗牛犬啊
in the production of yeast bread, but everyone ignores the cocker spaniel.
来制作如发面面包但都没人想到可卡也需要拯救
short pastry doughs, custards, pate a choux, They're like, "Ew, eye goo. Shoot it."
酥皮面团奶黄饼泡芙都觉得可卡犬恶心要宰了他们
and cake batters. - I have three cockers.
以及蛋糕糊等等 - 我养了三只可卡
Chef Max, you are late. Do you have any pets?
麦克斯大厨你迟到了你有宠物吗
Wait, are sure class doesn't start at 10:17? I have a horse, Chestnut.
你确定课不是 10 点 17 分开始吗有匹马叫栗宝
Sorry, I got robbed on the subway by some jerk. He's a thoroughbred.
对不起我在地铁上被混蛋给抢劫了他是只纯种马
Hey, hey, hey, I'm right here. Well, what can I do first?
喂喂喂干嘛指鼻子骂我我该从哪里开始帮忙呢
I ran out of options, and I didn't wanna What's this? Why am I holding a juice menu?
我没钱走投无路这是什么为什么给了我果汁菜单
strip my way through pastry school. Every day, we get fresh-pressed juice
又不想跳脱衣舞赚学费所以... 每天我们都为所有学生与员工
That's an option? for the students and the staff.
可以靠脱衣舞赚学费吗买新鲜的鲜榨果汁
All right, Chefs. Let's focus. What a treat.
好了厨师们专心点太享受了
- Did he say he wants to "foke us"? Fresh juice is such a scam
- 他刚是说他想"搞我们"吗新鲜果汁是纯骗钱的
越洗越糟了 unless someone else is payin'.
Morning, Bebe. 但是别人请的就不算
早安啊碧碧 I'll take the greens number three.
Hi. Oh, my God. What happened to you? 我要一杯绿色三号
天啊你这是怎么了 Uh-huh, well, put it on the list
And I should tell you my doctor says 好的写上单子
我先提醒你我的医生说 when you get the other ones.
I'm not allowed to hear bad news for another month. 然后去问别人要喝什么吧
我接下来一个月内都不应该听到坏消息 Wait, I'm supposed to get the juice?
I apologize for my appearance. 等等所以是我得去买果汁吗
抱歉我这么狼狈来上班 Oh, boy, it's like I'm a bad news machine.
We got robbed on the subway, 我就是坏消息集中地
但我们在地铁上被抢了 Okay.
and then someone hit me with hot coffee. 没关系
然后被拿着热咖啡的人弄了一身 Happy to do it. Surprised, but happy.
Then, I went to wash cold water on the stain 乐意效劳没意料到但很乐意帮忙
然后我去用了冷水想洗掉咖啡渍 Uh, maybe I could change into one of those cute Chef
and somehow wound up entering myself jackets.
第 77 页 /共 192 页
那我可以借一套那可爱的厨师服穿穿吗 - It's not gonna have cream popping all over the place.
Oh, Chef Nicholas only permits pastry Chefs to wear - 奶油就不会喷得哪儿都是了
these. Words to live by.
尼可拉斯大厨规定了只有烘焙厨师能穿警世良言啊
But I can't meet everyone on my first day looking like I have the opposite problem.
this. 可惜我恰恰相反
但我不能第一天就这么狼狈的出场吧 Yo, my cream's poppin' right now.
I mean, it's already bad enough I'm the juice girl. 瞧我的"奶油"喷涌而出
当买果汁的人已经够惨了吧 What are you doing?
I have some workout clothes you can wear. 你这是干嘛
我有一些健身衣服可以给你穿 You told me you were gonna take school seriously.
Don't worry. I haven't worn them yet. 你答应过我会认真上课的
你放心我一次都还没穿过 It's not me. That guy's a bad influence.
But I will someday. 不能怪我是那家伙带坏我
但总有一天会穿的 Look at him.
Hi. Hi, everyone. 你看他
你们好大家好啊 He looks like someone who sells drugs on Sesame
I'm here to take the fresh juice orders Street.
我是来问你们喝什么鲜果汁他长得就像芝麻街卡通里买毒品的人
and also to say this is not what I came to work in. You're gonna get in trouble,
也顺便说一声我本来上班穿的不是这个你敢玩出火就杀了你
What I came to work in had less eyes. and I am not wearing a cocker spaniel
我穿的衣服可没瞪着大眼的狗头我牺牲穿可卡犬衣服
Caroline, welcome. so you can get kicked out of class.
卡洛琳欢迎你可不是为了看你被踢出去
- How is it going in the office so far? - So great, Right. I hear you.
- 在办公室干得怎么样 -很好好我知道了
and so not what I came to work in. Now, where's my juice?
我今天真不是穿这个来上班话说我的果汁呢
I'm usually wearing Chanel, not le chien. Hey, Chef Max. Check out my technique.
通常我穿的都是香奈儿而不是犬衣麦克斯大厨快看我的独家技能
That's "dog" in French. Awesome gross sound bonus.
那是法语"狗"的意思超棒超恶心的声音
Oh, 'cause it's "dork" in English. Chef, if you find this so funny,
那也是英语"二"的意思大厨你要觉得这样玩很有意思
Well, it is lovely to see both of your faces. why don't you take a fiver?
很高兴见到你们俩不如你出去跟"五指"姑娘玩吧
Class, we start with the basics. Isn't this how your saying goes?
同学我们先从基本的开始反正你不就爱说这些吗
No, no, no, you in the back-- I don't have a saying,
不不后面的同学我没爱说这些
Juice, miss? Care for a juice but if I did, it'd be more like
喝果汁吗小姐想从一个但如果我有那应该是
- from someone who scored 1560 on her SATs? "Eatin' ain't cheatin'."
- 高考成绩 1560 分的人那点果汁吗 "口交不算偷吃"
You can score more than 500? Anyone else who finds something hilarious
你居然考超过 500 分如果有人觉得有东西很好笑
Why the hell are you wearing that? can also go into the hall.
你干嘛要穿这件衣服啊可以跟他一起去走廊
I didn't think your chest could get any sadder. - Chef Max? - Nope, nothing 'ilarious.
这让你的胸部显得更平更悲哀 - 麦克斯大厨 -不用了一点都不好笑
It's Bebe's. Teach on.
这是碧碧的衣服继续上课吧
Max, taking juice orders is not what I came here to do. Enough with the dirty jokes.
麦克斯我来这工作不是帮人点果汁的不许再开黄腔了
I hear you. I'll have the ruby red. - We are all here to become master bakers.
我懂你意思我点一杯宝石红 - 我们来这的目的是成为优秀的面包师
I always keep the edge clean, - Master-baking is something I work really hard at it.
我总是保持花嘴干净 - 我在掌握烘焙这方面可是下了不少功夫
So when I'm squeezing it, - To be a master baker-- - I'll be in the hall.
这样当我挤的时候 - 要成为一名优秀的烘焙师 -我自己去走廊吧
第 78 页 /共 192 页
- Hi, I'm Deke. - Did you say "Freak?" 又花了我 12 块钱
- 我是迪克 -你刚是说自己是"怪胎"吗 I have spent more money dry cleaning this blouse
- Deke. - Did you say "Geek?" 我干洗这件衬衫的钱
- 是迪克 -是"怪咖"吗 than I have on health care.
Deke, as in "Big Deke." 比我健康保险上花的钱还多
大"鸟"迪克的迪克 Health care? You mean that box of band-aids
Mine's bigger. 健保你是说我们从 9 毛 9 店
我的更大 We got at the 99 cent store?
We should be lab partners. 买回来的那一盒子止血贴吧
我们应该成为搭档 I just have to look good tomorrow.
Come on. It'll be bitchin'. 我明天一定要漂漂亮亮地去上班
来嘛这组合超棒的 Today was mortifying.
- Max and Deke, making cakes. 今天太丢脸了
- 超大号大鸟一起做蛋糕 They called me "sad dog" at the juice place.
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, 我被果汁店员叫"倒霉狗"
周日周日周日 "Sad dog, your juices are ready."
with a special performance by Creed. "倒霉狗你的果汁好了"
主义乐团要为我们带来特别演出 Sad dog, pick up.
Okay, now stop, stop, stop. 倒霉狗上菜了
好了别玩了别玩了 Can you take these to table ten? I'm backed up on the
I am trying to be a good student, booths.
我在努力当个好学生你能拿去十号桌吗我在照看卡座区
so you just stay away from me. Can you? I'm kind of just sitting here a minute,
所以你离我远点你去吧我要坐在这休息一会
You are a bad influence. enjoying not being told what to do.
你会带坏我的享受不被人使唤的美好时光
And I know I nailed that speech 'cause kids at school I get enough of it at that school.
我这番话肯定超顺因为小时候我在那间学校真是受够了
used to say it to me all the time. Look.
同学们总对我说这番话听着
- Time to change your tampon? - Yep. If you're gonna do the mother thing, do it right.
- 到时间换卫生棉了吗 -是的如果你要学人老妈使唤小孩学像点
Day two. Serious flow. Stick your hand in boiling oil or even more painful,
经期第二天流量超大把你的手伸进油锅或更惨一点
Killer fanny pack. Where's your tribal poncho? 讲述加州比佛利山的伊朗裔美国人如何
腰包真可爱你的最炫民族风披肩在哪里在种族传统和美国现代文化之间寻找平衡的故事
Ah, keep my needles in this. binge-watch Shahs of Sunset on Bravo.
那是用来放针的狂看精彩电视台的《日落沙哈》
You're a drug addict too? I need to talk to you in the kitchen now.
你居然还是个瘾君子现在就进厨房我有话跟你说
God. You are irresistible. Leave, someone's about to get schooled about school.
天啊想不跟你一起混真难出去有人准备因为培训的事而被训
It's--it's insulin. I'm a diabetic. - This looks like it's going to get dirty and ugly.
是用来打胰岛素的我是个糖尿病患 - 貌似场面会变得丑陋不堪
A diabetic pastry Chef. May I film it?
一个患有糖尿病的甜点大厨我可以录下来吗
Wow, you're even more self-destructive than me. And if so, may I then sell it on the internet?
你的自毁倾向比我的强多了如果可以录我能放到网上卖吗
So diabetes, how is that? Look. You can't just do this for me.
糖尿病什么感觉啊听着你这么做不能只是为了我
Disappointing. I put in for syphilis. - You're right. So we're out? - No, we're not out,
很没劲我宁可得梅毒 - 说得对那我们退学吗 -当然不行
Stop laughing. I have to carry 27 juices you said you were gonna do this for me.
别笑了老娘要穿着这衣服你说过你会为我这么做的
2 blocks wearing this. I know, but you just said
去两个街区外扛 27 杯果汁我知道可你刚不是说
Why'd you let the dog lady talk to you like that? I can't just do it for you,
你干嘛让狗头女这样跟你说话啊我不能为了你才这么做吗
She's my friend, even in that shirt. And I agree.
即使穿着那件傻逼衣服她还是我的朋友我觉得你说得对
Well, there goes another $12. - I mean, who was I kidding? - Me.
第 79 页 /共 192 页
- 我的意思是我骗谁啊 -我啊就像这样事情可以由坏变好
You were kidding me. Well, not totally good.
你骗我也不算完全变好
I went in there thinking I was gonna use my business They still haven't gotten me anything.
skills, 我依旧毛都没有
我去那里上班是想施展我的商业才能 Caroline, you didn't not get anything.
and whatever hope I had of a flirtation 卡洛琳有你的礼物
而我曾经希望跟法国佬 Here, your very own pencil case.
with Frenchie McFrench went out the window 给你专属的铅笔盒
调情卖骚现在也没戏了 But no pencils. My pencil dealer got busted.
when he saw me wearing that T-shirt that said, 但没"铅笔" 我的"铅笔"供货商被抓了
因为他看见我穿着那件 T 恤上面写着 Thank you, guys. I'm touched.
"Don't forget to spay and neuter me." 谢谢你们我感动死了
"记得节育勿忘阉割" I was not expecting it.
Fine, I can quit. It's fine. 真是万万没想到啊
好吧我退学没关系 Really? 'cause you kinda bullied us all into it.
- It is? Really? - No, it's not fine. 是吗你可是拿一哭二闹三上吊来强迫我们
- 真的吗 -假的当然有关系啦 So that's a 780 on verbal,
- Who am I kidding? - Me. You were kidding me. 我的 SAT 成绩语言成绩是 780 分
- 我骗谁啊 -我啊你骗我 and a 780 on math.
Well, you've gotta figure out something 数学成绩也是 780 分
你一定要在那里找到 And with my degree in Finance,
there to keep you interested, 而且我拿的是金融学位
能让你保持兴趣的东西 jackass-ing around the city getting juice
because you can't go to pastry school just for me, 在市里跑来跑去买果汁这种事
因为你去烘焙学校不能只是为了我 could be seen as a waste of my talents.
and I'm not gonna not go to pastry school for you. 完全是在浪费我的天赋啊
而我也不会为了你而退学 And as the valedictorian at my graduation said--
Okay. You're right, Max. 我毕业典礼时的优秀学生代表说过
好吧你说得对麦克斯 and I'm stealin' from myself here,
Of course I'll do it for you. 也就是我自己说过
我当然会为你这么做 "I've seen the future of Finance,
I just had a bad day. "我看见了金融界的未来
我只是今天过得很糟糕 and it's us."
I mean, we both did. 也就是我们"
我们都是 So you want me to get the juices?
You lost your man's briefcase and your drugs, 所以你是想让我去买果汁吗
你丢了书包和大麻 Just for today. Please?
and I lost my dignity and a possible love interest. 就今天拜托了
而我丢了自尊和可能有的小恋情 Meringue cookies are a simple way
Surprise! 法式蛋白餅乾是练习
惊喜吧 to practice our pastry bag technique.
See, that's how it's supposed to go. 裱花袋技巧的最简单的方法
瞧惊喜就应该是这样 Hm, interesting technique you got going there, Chef.
We got you a new book bag. 真是个有趣的技巧啊大厨
我们给你买了个新书包 Dude, we gotta ditch these deadbeat partners.
Yeah, and a new Chef's jacket. 伙计我们得抛弃彼此的无聊搭档
一套新的大厨制服 I'm stuck over there with grandma.
And a switchblade. 我被一位老奶奶拖累
还有一把弹簧刀 No, I'm staying with the big guy next to me.
Yeah, 'cause we're not buyin' another Chef's jacket. 不要我不想换掉我旁边的大胖子
对啊因为我们不想再买第三套大厨服了 He's not gonna get me in trouble.
Max, you know what this means? 他才不会让我惹麻烦
麦克斯你知道这意味着什么吗 He never talks. Get outta here.
That I got two surprises, and you got nothing? 他从不说话快走开
我得到两次惊喜礼物而你毛都没有吗 Go back to your own table, Fat Albert.
No, that everything's gonna work out at that school. 回到你的桌子上去胖子阿伯特
不在学校一切都会好的《胖子阿伯特》是美国 70 年代开始风行的热门卡通
I mean, in the blink of an eye, 剧集
我是说眨眼之间主角是一名黑胖子
just like this, things can change from bad to good. Okay.
第 80 页 /共 192 页
好吧 I actually physically can't say that.
I'm going back. 我的身体不允许我说出这种话
我回去 I would rather walk in there and yell,
And the Fat Albert thing was 'cause I'm black, 我宁愿冲进去大喊
但你叫我胖子阿伯特是因为我是黑人 "I have crabs, and three of them just escaped."
Not fat, right? "我有阴虱刚刚有三只逃跑了"
不是胖对不对 Call 9-1-1. Call 9-1-1.
'cause I go to the gym two, three times a year. 快叫救护车快叫救护车
因为我一年怎么也去两三次健身房吧 Something's happened to the adorable mixed-race one.
I hear talking, but no baking up front. 那个可爱的混血男出事啦
我听到前面只有说话声没有干活声 Deke?
No, no, no, you only hear baking. 迪克
不不你听到的只有干活声 He's diabetic. He needs insulin.
Just furiously master-baking up here. 他有糖尿病他需要打胰岛素
这里在激烈地"干"呢 Has anyone here ever administered a needle?
The meringue needs to have nice peaks. 这里有人会打针吗
蛋白餅乾要有漂亮的尖角 Uh, administer means the same thing as "shove it in,"
- You are looking to make moist, pointy peaks. right?
- 你们要做出湿湿的尖尖角 "打针"就跟"把针插进去"的意思一样对吧
I like to pinch them. Good, good, good, Max. Come, come, come.
我最喜欢捏"它们"了很好很好麦克斯你过来
Chef, seriously, man-to-man, Okay, uh, his syringes are in his fanny pack.
主厨咱俩私下说一句好的他的注射器在腰包
we got a problem. I've actually never done this
有个问题老实说我之前干这种事时
I don't think Max should be stuck with that big guy. without Iron Maiden playing in the background,
我觉得麦克斯不应该跟那个大胖子在一组都得听着重金属摇滚乐
He's not cool. But I'll give it a shot.
他太猥琐了但我来打打看吧
I was just over there, Just put it anywhere in my hot bod.
我刚在那边在我性感的身躯上随便打一针就行
and the only pointy peaks he's interested in are hers. God help us.
他唯一感兴趣的尖尖角在她身上上帝保佑
Talkin' boobies here, Chef. Oh, I hate needles. I can't look.
我说的是她的咪咪主厨我讨厌针我不敢看了
Chef John, Chef Deke here Get it together, ladies.
约翰大厨迪克大厨女士们别惊慌失措好吗
Seems to think you are sexually harassing Max. This is why I'm not allowed to hold babies.
似乎觉得你在性骚扰麦克斯所以医生不准我抱小孩
Oh, please. Max, I think you and Deke should be lab partners from
拜托哟 now on
If I was harassing anyone, it would be you, Chef. 麦克斯从现在开始你和迪克一组
如果人家要性骚扰别人那人肯定是你 in case something like this happens again.
I mean, come on. 以防今天的事再次发生
你的魅力无法挡嘛 - Is that okay? - I guess if I have to.
Be right back, big Mary. - 没问题吧 -我别无选择
马上回来姐们儿 Max?
You know it. 麦克斯你呢
你真懂我 I guess if I have to.
Where's my juice? It's been an hour. 我也别无选择
我的果汁呢都过了一个小时了 What, did you not take your insulin on purpose?
The mood swing elf's getting them. 你是故意不按时打胰岛素吗
情绪波动的精灵去拿了 I really wanted to be your partner.
Look, I'm coming in there To flirt with Chef Nicholas, 人家真的很想做你搭档嘛
听着我要进去跟尼古拉斯主厨卖骚 Bebe, I can't find a Chef jacket anywhere in here.
and when I enter, I need you to say, 碧碧我在这里找不到大厨上衣
当我进去的时候我要你说 And I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to wear one,
"Caroline, you look amazing." 很抱歉我知道我不应该穿那个
"卡洛琳你看起来美呆了" but I'm really cold,
No. 但我真的很冷
不行 and I can't walk around like this all day.
第 81 页 /共 192 页
我不能一天都穿着这身衣服走来走去 There is no wrong way to wear a thong,
Maybe I can help. 丁字裤怎么会穿反呢
或许我可以帮你 as long as it's uncomfortable.
You can't stand there wet and cold. 只要不舒服就对了
你不能又湿又冷地站着 And with you, the bra is just for decoration.
- Take my jacket. - Oh, no, no, no. 而且你穿胸罩也只是摆设而已
- 穿我的上衣吧 -不不 I have to wear one because you get a ticket
You don't have-- oh, that'll work. 而我是必须得穿
不用了那也行 for not put the kids in a car seat.
I'm sorry about the no shirt under, "孩子"不放安全座椅上是要吃罚单的
不好意思我里面没穿衣服 See you in class guys, I gotta say good bye to my wife.
but I just get so hot when I'm teaching. 教室见我得先跟我老婆道别
我上课的时候总是觉得很热 You think I was gonna kiss you?
- Yeah, hot. So hot. 你真以为我要跟你吻别吗
- 是啊热太热了 Yes.
- Oh mon dieu. 对啊
- 我的天啊 I'm the wife, you are the husband
- I was just giving it to Caroline. 我是你老婆你是我那位
- 我正准备给卡洛琳呢 who I caught wearing my cloth one day,
I mean, she needs something to wear, 某天被我发现你有异装癖
我是说她需要换件衣服 but I don't say anything about it.
and--and now, she has it. 但我却没戳穿的老公
我就把我的给她了 Morning, guys.
Chef, I will see you later. 早安啊二位
大厨晚点见 Oh, hi, Bebe.
Caroline. 早安碧碧
卡洛琳 Surprised to see me, right?
Max, I think I found something to keep me interested. 见到我很惊讶吧
麦克斯我我找到让我性致昂扬的东西了 Everyone always thinks I'm not gonna make it through
This is weird. So I'm the good student now? the night,
这下奇怪了现在我成了好学生大家总以为我会在夜半时分自杀
And you're the one sleeping with the teacher? but here I am, even surprised myself.
而你却成了跟老师上床的那个但我还活着连我自己都惊讶
We're not sleeping together. What's it like working in an office
我们又没上床跟一个随时会崩溃的人
Why? Do you think he wants to? with someone who's about to snap like a breadstick?
干嘛这么说你觉得他想要我吗在同一间办公室工作是什么感觉呢
I don't know, but you better hurry it up Not as much fun as you'd think.
我不知道但在胖子姐们儿扑过去前绝对没想象中这么有趣
before big Mary gets him. But Bebe's sweet, and working here
你最好早点下手但碧碧人很好而且在这工作
目前资金 is putting you through pastry school.
目前资金主要是为了替你挣学费
最新余额 - Okay, bye. - Bye.
最新余额 - 好啦再见 -再见
最新余额 - I want a divorce. - I already filed.
----------------------------- - 我要离婚 -早去申请了
-------------11-------------- Hey, wife, I need $5
----------------------------- 老婆我要五块钱
And, time. to pay for a spatula I broke yesterday.
停止计时赔昨天弄坏的工具
37 minutes, I was having a Gordon Ramsay moment.
37 分钟我昨天突然戈登·拉姆齐上身了
we got from the apartment to the subway, 戈登·拉姆齐英国知名厨师与电视名人
从家里出发到坐上地铁脾气火爆时常骂人
to the pastery school in record time. I'd have sex with him, by the way.
最后到达学校又刷新记录了有机会我不介意跟他睡哦
I mean, I'm not wearing a bra, Why? He'd just be yelling at you
虽然我来不及穿胸罩为啥他肯定也是会吼你
and my thong might be on backwards. and telling you you're doing it wrong.
而且丁字裤好像也前后穿反了然后说你"做"错了
第 82 页 /共 192 页
Yeah, sex. You just said that at Chipotle.
做爱不都这样吗这话你已经在墨西哥快餐店说过了
Take it. It's in my purse. And then you said it again ten minutes later,
拿吧钱在我包里然后十分钟后你又说了一遍
Yo, Bebe, you got any extra pills you're not taking? also at chipotle.
碧碧你有偷偷不吃的药吗也是在那家快餐店
No, I'm taking them all. Show some sensitivity.
没有我全都有吃有点同情心好吗
Oh, my God, no. I was crying because my nanny died.
老天爷别啊我当时哭是因为我保姆死了
What? I just wanted one. Or two. And also because our grief brunch was at Chipotle.
干嘛我也就想要个一颗两颗也因为我们悼念的早午餐是在一家快餐店
Just to take the edge off. Caroline, your nanny passed?
就想减减压卡洛琳你的保姆过世啦
I have a whipped cream final at 3:00. My sympathies, sweetheart. That's a shame.
三点我有一场生奶油考试我深表同情宝贝太遗憾了
No. In the obituaries. But there is nothing better than a black funeral.
是报纸里的讣告但没有什么比黑人葬礼更棒的了
I know this person. I'm still hung over from my grandpa's in '84.
我认识这个人我 1984 年时参加了我爷爷的葬礼至今宿醉未醒
"Antonia Florentino, 80, Earl, my nanny was white.
"安东尼娅·佛罗伦蒂诺享年八十厄尔我的保姆是白人
Died peacefully in her sleep." Your nanny was white?
在睡梦中安详过世" 你的保姆居然是白人
That's a suicide, right? Child, you were rich.
明显是自杀嘛对吧小姑娘你的确是富二代啊
She was my nanny. Have you seen Han?
她是我的保姆你看见阿憨了吗
You still have a nanny? The funeral's in Philadelphia tomorrow,
你现在还有保姆啊葬礼明天在费城举行
Lucky. and I need the day off.
真幸福我得跟他请一天假
She took care of me most of my childhood. Well, I think I saw him earlier.
我小时候大多数时间都是她带大的我之前好像看见他了
I loved her so much. But then again, it might have been a cat.
我好爱她但话说回来那也有可能是一只猫
So sorry. Hey, we both need the day off.
节哀我们俩都需要请一天假
That's kind of how I felt I'm going with you for moral support/
我对我的老邻居卡拉我要陪你去无论是出于精神支持
about my old neighbor, Carla. my first cheesesteak/
也有这种感觉还是为了吃第一个费城牛肉三明治
I mean, she didn't take care of me, I want to ride the liberty bell like a wrecking ball.
虽然她没有养育我或我想使劲甩独立钟里面的那个大球
but when I was a kid, she used to let me I just read the craziest article in this Popular Science
但在我小的时候她都允许我我刚在《科技新时代》看到一篇超级疯狂的文章
drink out of her hose. - about White Dwarfs, black holes, and Uranus.
喝她家花园水管的水 - 是关于"白矮"星黑"洞"和天王星
The last time I saw Antonia, she was driving me Oh, no. Let me start over.
我最后一次见安东尼娅是她载我不对让我重新说一遍
妮莉·费塔朵加拿大女歌手曾赢得过青少年选择奖 Han, we need tomorrow off. My nanny died.
and a sloppy Nelly Furtado to the Teen Choice Awards. 阿憨我们明天要请假我保姆过世了
和邋遢鬼妮莉·费塔朵一起去参加青少年选择奖 She was like a mother to me.
Oh, are we allowed to cry at work now? 她就像是我的母亲
现在可以在办公室里哭了吗 But she was not your mother.
'cause I only do it in my car. 但她不是你的母亲
我一般只在车里哭 And diner rules clearly state
Max, you know what I just realized? 餐厅有明确的规定
麦克斯你知道我意识到什么吗 you can only take off for the death of a family member.
This is the first time I've been here since my nanny died. 必须是自己家人的葬礼才能请假
这是我保姆死后我第一次走进这家餐厅 Well, the rules also say no drinking on the job,
第 83 页 /共 192 页
餐厅还规定不许在上班时候喝酒呢 and swing by Connecticut to drop it off.
but... 然后再送到康乃迪克州
但现在 Oleg, is there anything illegal about this delivery?
Okay, yes, you can go. 奥列格这个包裹里有违法的东西吗
好吧你可以去 No, it's just some shoes...
Because in my culture, 没有只是几双鞋
因为在我们国家 stuffed with cocaine.
it's important to honor the elderly. 里面塞满可卡因而已
对长辈是十分尊敬的 Also the shoes are made of hashish.
I shared a bunk bed with a 97-year-old 对了鞋子是用印度大麻做的哦
我跟一位 97 的老人同睡上下铺 I'll call Bebe.
till I was 22. 我还是打给碧碧好了
一直睡到我 22 岁呢 Okay, but I'm sitting in the back
Were you on the top or bottom? 好吧但我要坐后座
敢问你是在"上面"还是"下面" 'cause I don't want the crazy to get on me.
Oh, I was always the bottom. 因为我不想沾染到她的疯气
我向来是在下面啊 Bebe, I can't thank you enough
Oh, no. Let me start over. 碧碧你送我们去葬礼
不对让我重新说一遍 for driving us to the funeral.
Hey, Caroline. 真是太感谢你了
卡洛琳 We're only going 20. You can go faster if you want.
I got your nanny death text. 现在车速才 20 迈其实你可以开快点的
我收到你保姆过世的短信了 Yeah, we just got passed by a tree.
So I'm wearing black out of respect. 是啊刚有一棵树超过了我们
所以我出于尊重穿上了一身黑 And I'm especially thrilled your nervous cocker spaniel
And also, I got my period. 你那只爱放屁和神经紧张的可卡犬
而且刚好我的月事也来了 with gas and hot spots got to join us.
Thanks, Sophie. That's lovely. 也跟着来真让我尤为振奋
谢谢苏菲太有爱了 Okay, now you're going 100.
It is? Which part? 够了你现在都开到 100 迈了
是吗哪部分 We can go slower if you want.
You know, back in Poland when my nanny died, 其实你可以开慢点的
在波兰我保姆死的时候 Sorry. Extremes-- that's my thing.
I was so heartbroken, I could barely eat her. 抱歉我的专长是做事极端
我心都碎了难过得都吃不下她了 One time I moved to Tokyo for a day.
You ate your dead nanny? 有一次我搬家到东京住了一天
你居然吃你死掉的保姆 - Max, it just hit me again. - I know.
Well, a goat's a goat. - 麦克斯又来了 -我知道
山羊终究是动物 It's like she feeds him broccoli.
It doesn't matter what you name it. 貌似她给那只狗吃了西兰花
称呼改变不了本质 No.
It's still good goat meat. 不是啦
它仍是美味的羊肉 That Antonia is really dead.
All right, I'll be in my booth. 是我又想到安东尼娅真的去世了
好了我去我卡座里坐着了 Well, the good news is, according to Yelp,
I'm going to order a tuna melt and three Midol, please. 好消息是根据点评网
一份金枪鱼三明治和三颗痛经药谢谢 she's dead about two blocks
Wait, how are we gonna get there? 她葬礼距离最出名的那家
等等我们要怎么去费城啊 From the famous philly cheesesteak place.
Oh, Bebe said she had a car, we can just ask her. 费城牛肉奶酪三明治只有两个街区
碧碧说她有车我们可以问问她 Max, show some respect.
I don't want to get in a car with her. 麦克斯放尊重点行吗
我不想跟她坐同一辆车 Well, I didn't know her.
I don't even want to get in a conversation with her. 我又不认识她
我连跟她说话都不想 In fact, I only know her as the lady who brought me
I can drive you. 老实说我只当她是帮我和牛肉三明治
我可以载你们去 and cheesesteaks together.
We just have to stop at my sister's in Bucks County, 牵红线的媒人
但我们得先去我巴克斯县的姐姐家 Even though we've never met, it'll mean so much
pick up an unmarked package, 即使我们从未见过面但对于安东尼娅的家人来说
拿一个没有任何标记的包裹 to Antonia's family that I came out of respect.
第 84 页 /共 192 页
我的出席对他们来说意义重大万圣节圣诞节复活节每一个节日
It'll mean so much to my therapist Really, every day.
对我的心理医生来说也意义重大每一天
that I left my safe zone She was really like a mother to me.
因为我离开我的安全区她就像我妈妈一样
and only brought one of the dogs. Where was your real mother?
还只带了一条狗那你真正的妈妈呢
Max, do you think in addition to my eulogy, Hey, what kind of dog is that?
麦克斯你觉得除了我的悼词之外这只是什么品种的狗啊
I should read something from my childhood journal? I mean, besides "Sad"?
我还应该念几段我儿时的日记吗除了"苦瓜脸品种"外
I don't, but I think you're gonna do it anyway. Her mother had an affair, got pushed out.
不应该但我觉得你还是会执意念她妈妈跟人偷情然后被扫地出门
"Christmas morning, 1997. That's her hot spot, so don't lick it.
"1997 年圣诞节早上那是她的痛处所以别随便碰
Antonia woke me up with a cup of hot cocoa It's okay, Max, I don't need any protection.
安东尼娅用一杯热可可和一根我最爱的没关系麦克斯我不需要任何保护
and my favorite peppermint stick, - You don't need protection?
薄荷棒棒糖叫醒我 - 你不需要任何保护
and then we opened presents." Who are you, every guy I've ever dated?
然后我们开始拆礼物" 你是谁跟我约过会的男人吗
Christmas morning, 1997. Bebe, yes, my mother was unfaithful to my father,
1997 年圣诞节早上碧碧没错我妈妈是背叛了我爸爸
I threw cold water on my mother's face. so she was sent away.
我冲我妈脸上泼了一杯冰水所以她被赶走了
New year's day-- still no movement. But I had Antonia and she took care of me.
直到元旦那天她人还是没反应但我有安东尼娅她照顾我
This is the only picture I still have of us. She was my family.
这是我手上唯一一张我们的合影她就是我的家人
It was our first Halloween together. That must have been hard. Everybody needs a mother.
那是我们一起过的第一个万圣节那一定很难熬人人都需要妈妈
I was four. I'd be crazy without my mother.
我当时四岁我没有我妈一定会疯掉的
Look at that cute little baby chick costume she made She drives me to all my appointments.
me. 我看病都是她载我去的
瞧她给我做的那身可爱的小鸡装束 But you drive.
Peep, peep. 但你不是会开车吗
唧唧唧唧 Yeah...
Aw, so cute. 是啊
真可爱 But I'm not supposed to.
Car. 但医生不让我开
看车 It's okay I asked Bebe to wait in the car, right?
I never had a Halloween costume. 我让碧碧在车里等着没事吧
我从来没穿过万圣节服装 I mean, she'll be okay. We cracked a window.
I used to put my hair in a messy bun 她不会憋死的有扇车窗留了一条缝
我通常是把头发乱糟糟地扎起来 Yeah, and she's got a bowl and a chew-toy.
and stumble from door-to-door 是啊她有个碗和一个宠物用咀嚼玩具
然后跌跌撞撞地挨家挨户敲门 Come on, let's sign in.
telling people I was my mother. 来吧过来签到
告诉大家我就是我妈 Max, I have to keep it together when I meet the family.
This Halloween, I went as my doctor, Michael. 麦克斯当我见到她家人时我要振作
今年万圣节我打扮成我的医生迈克 I can't be all emotional.
And I dressed up my buddy here 我不能太动情
我把我的狗狗打扮成 Look, my hand's shaking. This is terrible.
As his lover, Joseph. 瞧我的手在抖太可怕了
他的爱人约瑟夫 What? It was a terrible signature.
We lost. 干嘛刚才的签名丑死了
我们后来情不自禁 And there were only five other names on the page.
Antonia was always there for me-- 而且那页也只有五个其他人的名字而已
安东尼娅一直陪在我身边 Get rid of it.
Halloween, Christmas, Easter-- every holiday. 处理掉它
第 85 页 /共 192 页
"Get rid of it"? "Yo, other little rich kid!
"处理掉它" "喂其他有钱的小屁孩
Who are you, every guy I've ever dated? My nanny can snap your neck."
你是谁跟我约过会的男人吗老娘的保姆能轻易折断你们脖子哦"
"Caroline Channing." Oh, look. There are her sisters, Cecelia and Angela,
"卡洛琳·钱宁" 瞧那俩是她的姐妹塞西莉亚和安吉拉
Here, Max. and there are her nieces and nephews.
给麦克斯这几个是她的侄子和侄女
Oh, look. And there is not me anywhere.
瞧这些照片居然没一张有我
The flowers and everything are so beautiful. You know, my picture must be in the coffin
这里的花和一切都好美我的照片肯定跟其他重要人物
There you go. With the other V.I.P.S.
好了一起放在棺材里
You signed "Phil E. Cheesesteak"? If you're a V.I.P., can we get some bottle service?
你居然签"费成·三明智" 如果你是个重要人物能叫人上酒吗
You told me not to mention it anymore, Good afternoon, ladies.
你告诉我不要再提这件事了下午好女士们
so it's just a reminder. I'm Anthony, Antonia's nephew.
所以那只是个提醒而已我是安东尼安东尼娅的侄子
Okay, Max, there are gonna be a lot of people It's sad day, huh?
麦克斯到时候一定会有很多人真是令人难过的一天
who will want my attention, so please be patient Yes, it is.
想要得到我的关注所以拜托要耐心没错
and stand next to me for the occasional supportive lean. Think I just got a little less sad.
站在我身边偶尔给我支持的依靠我觉得我现在也没这么难过了
And if someone starts to get too weepy, Oh! Anthony!
如果有人开始哭得太夸张安东尼
push them out of the way Stop. We're family.
立刻把他们从我身上拉开住手我们可是一家人
because I can't get tears on this dress. I'm Caroline Channing.
因为这条裙子可不能沾上眼泪我是卡洛琳·钱宁
It has to be back to Barneys by 9:00 A.M. You're Caroline "Hot," is all I know.
我明天九点前还得退给百货公司我只知道你是卡洛琳辣妹
You're here. You ladies need cash envelopes
你来了你们俩是要用信封装钱
Here we go, Max. or you guys cool?
开始了麦克斯还是要不要都行
I was talking to him. I always need a cash envelope.
我刚是跟他说话我最缺的就是装钱的信封了
Of course you were. It's a very sad day for us all. I'm sorry, envelopes for what?
当然当然今天对我们来说都很伤心抱歉信封要拿来装什么啊
That was rough. Well, at Italian wakes, the mourners give the family
真是太伤了根据意大利葬礼的习俗哀悼者瞻仰死者遗容后
Max, look. a donation after they view the deceased.
麦克斯看会捐一点钱给死者家属
This is Antonia. So it's pay-per-view?
这就是安东尼娅所以是要"按次收费"瞻仰吗
She looks really nice. That was a good one.
她看起来人很好这句吐槽太犀利了
She was. Hey, you want to go get a pop later?
的确晚点要一起喝一杯吗
I didn't know she was in the military. We're leaving right after, but yes, Anthony.
原来她还在军队待过我们完事就走了但好吧安东尼
美军规定床单要掖进床垫下四个角要折成 45 度 Thank you. We'll take an envelope.
But it does explain those fabulous bed sheet corners. 谢谢麻烦给我们个信封
难怪床单四个边角弄得那么利落 The body's right through there.
Wait, you didn't know your nanny was a marine? 遗体就在前面
等等你居然不知道你的保姆是海军吗 Go right ahead.
That's too bad, 'cause I'd be all, 一直往前走
真是太糟糕了如果是我就会炫耀 Anthony, stop.
第 86 页 /共 192 页
安东尼住手别捡了快过来
I'm really nervous. I am so, so sorry about that.
我真的好紧张啊刚才的事真是非常抱歉
I've never seen a dead body before. My nerves got the best of me. You understand.
我以前从来没见过尸体我实在是太紧张了你懂的
I've seen a bunch. I'm Cecelia, Antonia's--
我见多了我是塞西莉亚安东尼娅的
A couple of them were my fault. Sister. I know.
有几具还是拜我所赐妹妹我知道
I don't have any cash. I see the resemblance.
我没有现金你们俩长得很像
- Do you have any money? - Let me check my wallet. I'm Caroline.
- 你有带钱吗 -我看看我的钱包我是卡洛琳
This is a real Ziploc, not one of those knock-offs. Caroline who?
这是名牌密封塑胶袋可不是什么山寨货哦谁啊卡洛琳
Make sure you seal the envelope, Oh. Caroline Channing.
一定要把信封封好卡洛琳·钱宁啊
so people think it's all quarters. Caroline Channing who?
好让别人觉得里面都是 25 美分的硬币谁是卡洛琳·钱宁
Max, we're next. You're having a hard time processing. Understandable.
麦克斯下一个到我们了你现在心情不好想不起可以理解
I'm afraid. Hold my hand. It's been a very emotional day for us all.
我好害怕牵住我的手今天对我们所有人来说都非常难过
Hold hands? What are we? Who is this girl?
牵手你以为我们是什么这个女孩是谁
该网站是最大的信仰性在线约会网站之一 You, I feel like I've seen somewhere.
On a ChristianMingle fifth date? 你我倒觉得我在哪里见过你
基督徒约会网站上第五次约会的男女吗 Are you Ricky's girl From Rochester?
Please, Max. I'm nervous. 你是里基在罗彻斯特的女友吗
拜托了麦克斯我好紧张啊 I could be. What's in it for me?
- Oh, God. - Thank you. 有可能是的话对我有什么好处
- 天啊 -谢谢 Antonia used to take care of me when I was little.
Okay. Now give it back. 安东尼娅在我小时候照顾过我
好了松手 Oh, Antonia was your baby-sitter.
What? That was just my longest relationship. 安东尼娅是你的临时保姆啊
干嘛这已经是我维持最长的一段感情了 Very nice of you to come.
Plus, I need it to put this change in the envelope. 你能来真好
再说了我得把这些零钱放进信封里 Well, she was hardly my "baby-sitter."
Oh, she looks so peaceful. 她不是我的"临时保姆"
她看起来一脸平静 She took care of me every day for ten years.
Hi, Antonia. It's me, Caroline. 她十年来的每一天都在照顾我
安东尼娅我是卡洛琳 Caroline. Caroline Channing.
Should I kiss her? The family is right there watching. 我是卡洛琳卡洛琳·钱宁啊
我应该亲她吗她家人在旁边看着呢 I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are, sweetheart,
The lady before us kissed her. 很抱歉但我真不认识你亲爱的
前面那个女士就亲了 Though it seems to be what you're hammering me
Go for it. Doesn't look like she'd fight you. about.
亲吧反正看样子她也不会推开你虽然你一直在向我施压逼我假装认识你
Okay, on the count of three. If you'll excuse me,
好的数到三容我失陪一下
One, two-- I need a cigarette.
一二我要去抽根烟
No! Max, hold my hand again while I-- And then I got to remove
不行麦克斯牵着我的手抽完了我还得去捡
What do we do? some of those pennies off of my sister.
我们该怎么办掉在我姐姐身上的钢镚
Wait, leave it! We were giving it to them anyway. It's a coffin, not a wishing well.
住手别捡了反正我们也要给她家人的那是口棺材不是什么许愿井
Not all of it. That's our cheesesteak money. - This funeral turned out to be very depressing.
不是全部都给啊那可是我们买三明治的钱 - 这个葬礼变得好令人感到沉重
Leave it. Come on. Well, yeah.
第 87 页 /共 192 页
没错你凭啥上去念悼词啊
Dead body in the room, generally a buzz-kill. Because I'm Caroline Channing.
有个死人躺在这里不死气沉沉都难因为我是卡洛琳·钱宁
Unless it's an Irish wake-- Who?
除非这是爱尔兰式守灵谁呀
爱尔兰人爱喝酒啤酒乒乓是一种喝酒游戏 Caroline Channing.
then you're playing beer pong off the coffin. 卡洛琳·钱宁
这样你就可以隔着棺材玩啤酒乒乓啦 Caroline Channing.
No, I mean, how is it possible 卡洛琳·钱宁
我的意思是这家人 Antonia was my nanny.
that the family doesn't even know me? 安东尼娅是我的保姆
怎么可能没一个人认识我呢 My family was rich,
Did Antonia never even mention me? 我家过去超级有钱
难道安东尼娅从来没提起过我吗 but then my father robbed everyone,
Let's focus on the positive. 但后来我父亲骗走了全世界的钱
你应该往好的方面想 and we became the scourge of society,
Anthony really liked your ass. 于是我们沦为害群之马
安东尼真的很喜欢你的小屁屁 overshadowed a little bit by Mel Gibson
I know what Antonia and I had. 同一周梅尔·吉布森仇视犹太人的言论
我知道我和安东尼娅拥有过什么 hating the Jews that same week.
This is what we had.
盖过了我家丑闻风头一点点
这就是我们拥有的回忆 Surely, you remember?
Peep, peep.
你们绝对应该记得
唧唧唧唧 Honey, I don't even remember how I got here.
That's what we had.
小宝贝我连怎么来这里的都不记得了
那是我们的美好回忆 I can't believe this.
Well, that's a lot.
真是难以置信
那已经很多啦 I constructed my entire "Happy" Childhood
But I guess no one in this family wants to admit that,
我整个童年之所以"快乐"都是因为
但我猜这家人不会承认我们的回忆
On the fact that even though my mom left
and it's a shame too,
我坚信就算我妈离开了我
这真是太遗憾了
and apparently didn't love me,
because I had a great eulogy.
就算她不爱我
因为我准备了很棒的悼词
Antonia did.
You do?
但还有安东尼娅爱我
是吗
And now I get here and I realize
Yes. I do.
而我来了这里我意识到
是的没错
no one loved me, I was just a paycheck.
Would you like me to share it with you?
没人爱过我她只是为了挣钱
你想让我跟你分享吗
One of the many kids she baby-sat.
I most certainly would.
我只是她照顾的众多小孩中的一个
当然想啊
I don't even know why I bothered to come.
You are not seriously eulogy-bombing
我甚至不知道我来这里的意义是什么
你不是真的要拿你的烂悼词
I'm going to the restroom and then we can just leave.
that old lady, are you?
我去一趟洗手间然后我们就走
去精神轰炸那位老太太吧
Excuse me. Hi.
She asked me about my great eulogy.
打扰一下你好
是她先问起我的悼词的
Max, Ricky's girl.
She's a hundred.
我是麦克斯里基的女友
她都一百岁了
I know this is a hard time for you,
She probably thought you said you had a great urologist.
我知道现在你很难过
很可能听成你说你有一位很棒的泌尿科医生
but it's a hard time for my friend as well.
Do you have a pen?
但对我朋友来说她也很难过
你有笔吗
And even though you never heard of her,
I'm getting the name of her doctor.
即使你从来没有听说过她
我要记下她医生的名字
I was wondering if you could just go over there,
No, ma'am, I didn't say, "urologist."
但我恳请你能否过去
不夫人我说的不是"泌尿科医生"
and say you just remembered her,
- I said, "eulogy." A great eulogy.
对她说你想起来了
- 我说的是"悼词" 很棒的悼词 and that Antonia talked about her all the time?
Why would you give the eulogy? 安东尼娅经常在你们面前提起她
第 88 页 /共 192 页
I know it's a 180 on your original story and a lie, She loved you.
我明白这是要你说谎推翻你之前的话她很爱你
and I'd offer to pay you for your trouble, And she loved making you that costume.
我也乐意给你辛苦费她也喜欢给你做那套装束
but my 401k is laying in that box on top of your sister. Took the whole kitchen table up with all those sequins,
但我的养老金全在装着你姐姐的盒子里了整个厨房餐桌上全铺满了亮片
Look, I only permitted you two to stay But she knew you deserved to sparkle.
我是看在你男人里基的面子才没赶你俩走她知道你就该是最耀眼的那一个
'cause your Ricky was so nice to uncle Joe She loved you so much, I couldn't begin to complain.
要不是去年乔舅舅从楼顶摔下来时她非常爱你我根本没办法抱怨
when he fell off the roof last year. I'm so sorry. What was your name?
全靠他出手相救不好意思请问您是哪位
But now, you gotta go. I'm Meg O'Hara. I was her roommate.
但现在你们还是离开这吧我是梅格·欧哈拉我是她的室友
Okay. Be that way. And lover.
好吧随便你好了兼爱人
But don't expect Ricky to pick up Uncle Joe for dialysis. We were together 30 years.
但下次乔舅舅要去做透析时里奇不会去接他的我们在一起 30 年了
Max, what are you doing? The military!
麦克斯你这是干什么军队拉拉情
The family asked me to put it up. I know, right? I mean, come on.
是那家人让我贴上去的没错明眼人一看就知道了
They just remembered you. That's me with my arm around her on that tank.
他们想起你来了当时在坦克那我的手可是搂着她啊
Oh, my God. And the family still had no clue.
天啊而那一家子蠢蛋却还是看不出来
I'm so pathetic, you have to put up my picture Vintage lez-- very cool.
我有这么可悲吗需要你粘照片老一代蕾丝边超级酷啊
to make me feel better? I know Toni would have wanted you to have these.
来哄我吗安东尼娅会希望你收下这些照片
In a way, yes. Oh, thanks for coming, chicken.
在某种程度上是的感谢你的到来小鸡仔
It belongs up there. You're probably the only person in the world
这照片本来就应该贴在这里你大概是这世界上唯一一个
Who wouldn't want to know that kid? who loved her as purely as I did.
谁不想会认识这个孩子啊对她的爱像我一样纯粹的人了
Nice to meet you, Antonia. Max, look.
很高兴见到你安东尼娅麦克斯看
Please don't haunt us. Christmas.
千万不要做鬼来找我们圣诞节的照片
Now, let's hit the road and get some freaking And my birthday.
cheesesteaks! 我生日时的照片
快上路吧我们还要买牛肉三明治呢 And the Teen Choice Awards.
Max, please take that down. 还有参加青少年选择奖时的照片
麦克斯快把照片弄下来 I'm sorry for your loss.
It's so embarrassing. 节哀顺变
太丢脸了 Thank you.
Nobody here knows anything about me. 感激不尽
这里没人认识我 Philly cheesesteaks for everybody!
They didn't know me either, chicken. 费城牛肉奶酪三明治人人有份啦
他们也不认识我啊小鸡仔 And you really haven't lived
Hey, who you callin' chicken? 我终于活过来了
你叫谁小鸡仔呢 until you've driven two hours in a Chevy
Me. That was Antonia's nickname for me. 之前在雪弗兰里跟九个牛肉三明治
我那是安东尼娅给我起的昵称 with nine cheesesteaks and a gassy animal.
You know who I am? 和一只爱放屁的动物待了两个小时都要死了
你知道我是谁吗 What? I ate mine in the car.
Of course I do. 这有啥我不就在车上吃完了
我当然知道 Hey, Earl, you missed one hell of a funeral.
Antonia's little chick, her peep. 厄尔你错过了一场精彩的葬礼
安东尼娅的小鸡仔她的小唧唧 You should have come.
第 89 页 /共 192 页
你真应该去的 It's more of a menopause thing.
There were some hot octogenarians, 那只是更年期导致的
那有不少八九十岁的老辣奶 He can't afford a cupcake.
and I got a definite "jungle fever" vibe from one of 他才没钱买小蛋糕
them. He can't even afford two wheels.
而且我接收到其中一位超强的"求欢"信号他连两个轮子的单车都没钱买
Girl, at my age, you don't go anywhere near funerals. Hi. What can I get you?
像我这种年纪的人可不想在葬礼上出现您好请问需要什么
You accidentally doze off, you spend six hours I'll take one vanilla.
只要你一不小心打个瞌睡就得花上六小时我要一个香草口味
digging yourself out of the ground. That'll be $4.
把你自己从地里挖出来四块钱
Hey, how you holding up, chicken? Actually, madam,
你还好吧小鸡仔女士其实呢
I'm okay. Thanks. tonight I'll be paying with a poem.
我没事多谢关心我今晚打算用一首诗付账
And Max, when I die, We're paying with a poem, madam.
麦克斯我死的时候人家要用诗付账呢女士
I don't care who else is at my funeral, I pull. Shadows push.
我不在乎我的葬礼都有谁出席我拉影推
as long as you're there. I was a child then.
只要你来了就行那时我是个孩子
Of course I'll be there. I was a child then.
我当然会去那时我是个孩子
The murderer always shows up to throw off the cops. Spit it out.
凶手向来为了甩掉警察而出席葬礼给老娘吐出来
Also, save the money on a casket Hey, you want a poem?
对了棺材别花太多钱你想要诗是吧
and just toss me in a hole wearing Dior and a smoky Roses are red, violets are blue,
eye. 玫瑰花是红的紫罗兰是蓝的
给我一套迪奥寿服化烟熏妆扔洞里就行了 Get a job!
Unless I'm fat-- then burn me. 找份工作吧
如果到时我很胖那就火葬了吧 And another wheel!
Well, I don't want a funeral. 以及另一个轮子
我不想要葬礼 That felt good.
When I die, just shove my corpse into a cannon 感觉真爽
等我死的时候把我尸体塞进大炮里 I get why you do that.
and blow me directly into the Trump casino. 我理解你为啥爱这样了
直接冲着大西洋城特朗普赌场来一发送我过去 Wait till you get actual fist-to-face contact.
目前资金等你有机会赏人脸上一拳吧
目前资金 That's a real high.
最新余额那才是真的过瘾
最新余额 Welcome to the Williamsburg diner, Deke.
最新余额欢迎光临威廉斯堡餐厅迪克
----------------------------- 美国真人秀节目知名大厨戈登·拉姆齐
-------------12-------------- 帮助失败餐厅重振业务
----------------------------- Where'd you hear about us? Kitchen Nightmares?
Good evening, ladies. 你怎么知道我们餐厅的《厨房噩梦》吗
晚上好女士们 Okay, Max, let's get to it.
No. 麦克斯说正事吧
别想 We have to decide what we're each gonna make
Max, what are you doing? 我们得决定学校的烘培作业
麦克斯你这是干嘛 for our pastry school homework.
I know this neighborhood is a circus, 我们分别要做什么
我知道这一带的奇葩多 Or true to form, I'll blow it off,
but our window's becoming a freak show. 或者按照老规矩我不做
但咱们这窗口要成怪胎秀了 beat you up, and take yours.
Max, I don't think that bearded lady earlier 揍你一顿拿你的去交
麦克斯之前那个大妈 Of the top of my giant head, I'm thinking sticky buns.
was doing it on purpose. 我的大脑袋里目前想到了焦糖肉桂卷
不是故意留胡子的吧 Deke's dark sticky buns.
第 90 页 /共 192 页
迪克的暗黑肉棒卷 Know what I'm sayin'?
We're talking about dessert, not what's going on in your 你懂我的意思吧
pants. Deke, this is just private best friend stuff between girls.
我们是来谈甜点不是你裤裆里的事迪克这是闺蜜间的私密谈话
Well, I would've baked brownies You know, that you're not a part of.
我本来想做布朗尼蛋糕的跟你完全没有关系
- until I remembered I smoked all the ingredients. Can I not be a part of it?
- 后来想起来原料被我抽完了也能跟我没关系吗
Oh, my God, guess who texted me again. And since Chef Nicolas is your teacher
天啊你猜谁又发短信给我了尼可拉斯主厨是你们的老师
Dame Judi Dench? and I work at the school,
朱迪·丹奇女爵士吗我也是学校的职员
英国老牌女演员获奖无数新 007 电影中的 M 夫人 I'd appreciate it if we kept this just between us three.
Dame Judes texts me all the time. 这件事能保持我们三个知道就好吗
她给我发过无数次短信了 And me. I saw it over your shoulder.
She's thirsty. 我也知道我从你后面偷看到了
她超饥渴啊 Doesn't hold a candle
More like "Damn, Judi Dench." 完全比不上我的
她是朱迪·丹奇女爵"湿"吧 to my series of pantless meatloaf videos.
Oh, hi, Deke. Didn't know you were here. 光下身肉卷系列视频啊
迪克我不知道你来了 Meatloaf. Pick up.
You're everywhere. 肉卷上菜
你真是无处不在啊 Okay, okay, Max, if you have time to lean,
Pastry school, 好了麦克斯有时间靠着休息
烘焙学校里 you have time to clean.
on the phone with Max talking about pastry school, 就有时间打扫
之后还要跟麦克斯在电话中聊学校 And if I have time to give you a punch,
and now here at the counter talking about elder sex 如果我有时间揍你一拳
现在还坐在这里讨论与受人敬爱的 we have time to have lunch.
with a beloved star of stage and screen. 我们就有时间吃饭
老年舞台剧电影女演员的性爱 Max, should we help him find his mom?
- You're like-- - What? 麦克斯我们该帮他找妈妈吗
- 你简直就像... -啥 Oh, no, now there's two of them.
Denzel Washington trapped in Channing Tatum's body? 惨了现在有两只了
电影《小魔怪》中的怪物有自我复制能力
被困在查宁的身材里的丹泽尔吗
Like gremlins.
查宁·塔图姆曾任男模特的美国演员身材很棒
跟小魔怪一样
丹泽尔·华盛顿美国知名黑人演员十分有才
Now, come on. This is a diner, not study hall.
I get that a lot.
快干活这里是餐厅不是自习室
常有人这么说 You're working.
Anyway, Max,
你在上班呢
言归正传麦克斯 I call it "spiritually dying,"
this is the fourth time Chef Nicolas
我称在这里做的事情为
这是尼可拉斯主厨 but working's a good word for what we do here too.
has texted me outside of school.
"灵魂慢慢死去" 但叫"工作"也可以啦
第四次私下发短信给我了
We could figure it out tomorrow night over some drinks.
And this time he sent me a video. Look.
我们可以明晚边喝点小酒边谈啊
这次还发了个视频呢你看
Couple of white wine spritzers. Know what I'm sayin'?
Then, Caroline, you spoon the fat from the pan...
喝几杯白气泡酒明白我意思吗
卡洛琳然后把油从平底锅里舀...
That you're a recently-widowed woman on a girls' trip in
It's him making breakfast with his shirt open.
Boca?
是他敞开衣服做饭呢
你是跟闺蜜在海边度假的寡妇娘们吗
What do you think it means?
Well, I already ate my water, so I'm good to go.
你觉得这是什么意思
水喝完了我可以走了
That he doesn't have a fear of bacon splatters.
I am out the door.
他不怕煎培根时被油溅到
爷要闪人啦
He's totally flirting with me, right?
Hi, I'm Deke. Bye, Max.
他完全是在跟我调情吧
我叫迪克再见啦麦克斯
Totally. Chef Nicolas is hot for ya.
Oh, he's your friend?
绝对的尼可拉斯大厨对你有性趣
他是你的朋友啊
He has to double up on aprons when you're around,
For a minute I thought he was that kid
你在身边时他就得别两层围裙
第 91 页 /共 192 页
我本来以为他是我跟 I'm gonna kick you on your outsides.
琳达·伊万斯现年 71 岁的美国美丽女演员我就要踹你的"外面"了
I had out of wedlock with Linda Evans. Okay, so as far as my dessert homework goes--
琳达·伊万斯生的私生子呢所以我的甜点作业呢...
Okay, why are you in here not working? He just texted me again.
你为什么在里面打混不干活他又给我发短信了
And why are you doing it without me? "Ou es-tu?" "Where are you?"
你为啥打混不叫上我 "你在何处"就是你在哪
Look, I've been texting with Nicolas. And he used "tu" not "vous."
你看我跟尼可拉斯在发短信聊他用了"你"不是"您"
He thirstay. We've gone there.
他很饥渴感情到那儿了
He wants me to meet him for a drink after his dinner Then why are you still here?
tomorrow. 那你人怎么还在这儿啊
他想在他明天晚饭后找我喝一杯 Because I can't go there, Max, I'm not ready.
After his dinner. You know what that means. 因为我还不能去那儿啊我还没准备好
晚饭后你懂意思吧 Oh, wax situation?
That he thinks he doesn't have to buy you dinner 阴毛没刮吗
他觉得他不用请你吃晚饭 Guys don't care about that.
before he makes you his slampiece? 男人才不在乎呢
就能把你变炮友吗 So as far as my dessert goes, I went all-out
After dinner is a booty call. 我的甜点作业呢我发愤图强
晚饭后约就是约炮啦 and actually did some real research.
Or as they say in France, "A call du bootay." 真的去查了些资料
或者是法文里的"打炮之约" You googled desserts with dirty names?
So I need you to hang out with me, 你搜了有名字歧义的甜点吗
所以你明晚得一起来 Correcto.
because if I don't have anything else to do at that time, 没错
因为到时候如果没借口离开的话 And it was harder to pick one than I thought.
I won't be able to resist him. 比我想象中的难下决定啊
我会没理由拒绝他 I mean, you got your bundt cake, your lady fingers,
I don't see it. 比如说有"洞洞"蛋糕啊 "金手指"
我觉得他不会吧 Kumquat pie...
Maybe because he never pulled a knife on me, 金桔派
可能是因为他从没拿刀逼我做爱 "Kum" and "quat"
but to me he's, like, asexual. 金桔
但在我看来他是无性生物 It was right there the whole time. How could I not see
Yeah, like a sexual object. it?
是无性不欢的生物吧这么明显的同音双关我怎么一直没发现
Okay, well, I told Deke I'd help him with his homework, So I dug deep, and I have the winner.
好吧我答应迪克要帮忙他弄作业了在仔细思考后我有了答案
so you can hang out with us. - Croquembouche.
你可以跟我们一起 - "在嘴咬嚼"
Hang out with Deke? I don't know what that is, but she sounds like a whore.
跟迪克一起吗完全不知道那是啥但一听就是个骚货
《布偶秀》美国知名布偶电视节目 It's a traditional French wedding cake
迪克与其中角色有些形似是一种传统的法国结婚蛋糕
I didn't even like The Muppets on TV. with vanilla cream-filled profiteroles
我又不爱看《布偶秀》干嘛跟他一起用满是香草奶油的泡芙叠塔
But fine, it'll-- it'll keep me busy, dipped in hand-made caramel.
行吧我有事做也好再淋上手工制作的教堂
Because Max, when Nicolas looks at me, Said the only person here not in pastry school.
因为呢麦克斯每当尼可拉斯看着我由这里唯一不读烘焙学校的人说出
it does something to my insides, Oh, cool. I didn't know what it was.
我的里面都会有反应不错啊我本来都不知道是啥
and I want this to be a relationship Maybe I can help.
而我想要先确定关系我可以帮忙啊
before he does something to my insides. I happen to know Nicolas loves a pear tarte tatin.
才能让他对我的"里面"干嘛干嘛我刚好知道尼可拉斯很爱梨子鞑靼塔
If you keep talking about your insides, Ta-ta-tan! No.
你再继续说你的"里面" 哒哒哒才不要呢
第 92 页 /共 192 页
I thought I'd distract myself by going out with you guys, 别这样麦克斯我们就开心一下而已嘛
我还以为跟你们一起出来能分心不紧张 It's just that you're our teacher,
but it feels like the day in high school 只是你是我们的老师
但感觉这像是我高中时 and your spittle is all over her mouth.
I hung out with the smokers for street cred. 而你的口水都到她嘴里了
为了赚点街头名声故意跟抽烟屁孩混 We're not in class. Do you see batter or bowls?
And I used to hang out with rich geeks like you 我们又不在教室里这里有面粉糊或碗吗
我以前也是为了午餐钱 - Well, we're hoping not to see any balls.
when I needed lunch money. - 我们希望不用见到任何蛋蛋
故意跟你这样的有钱书呆玩啊 I see the outline of one of 'em.
I'm texting Nicolas. 我看见了其中一颗的轮廓
我要发消息找他了 Just don't think of me as a teacher right now.
What? You said you didn't want him to think you were 现在不用把我当成老师
什么是你自己说不想让他以为能当炮友 Well, I'm kind of learning a lot.
up for a wham-bam, thank you, mademoiselle. 但我学到了不少呢
才跟过来的真谢谢你啊这位小姐 You know, for someone who wasn't gonna have sex,
You're right, Max. I shouldn't text him. 对一个不打算上床的人来说
你说得对麦克斯我不应该找他 She's having sex.
He just texted me again. What's one drink? 她已经在做爱了
他又发短信来了喝一杯多少钱 I'm leaving.
$18. 我要走了
十八块 I haven't felt this awkward since my mom had sex
It is? Yeah, you better text him. 自从我妈跟我毕业舞伴在礼车上做爱
真的吗那你赶紧找他来吧 with my prom date in the limo and made me drive.
We need a grown-up to pay for the drinks. 还叫我开车后我就再也没这么尴尬过了
我们需要个大人来付酒钱 Your mom sounds cool.
I'll just say I'm with friends, and he can join for a drink. 感觉你妈是个辣妈啊
我就说我跟朋友在一起他可以来喝一杯 Come on, you can't leave. We just got here.
Isn't that what people do? I forget. 别这样你不能走我们才刚到呢
正常人都是这么做的吧我忘了 Well, she's about to get there, and I don't wanna see it.
I haven't been a person or done anything in so long. 她也快要"到"了我可不想看
我好久没做过正常人或做过啥体面事了 Well, we can make out.
Or done a person in so long. 我们也可以亲热啊
也好久没"做"过正常人了 You wanna make out? With me?
I won't let it get that far. 你想跟我亲热吗
我不会让事情发展到那地步 No, a comedy make-out.
And by that I mean you won't. 不是啦就搞笑亲热
应该说是你不能放任他那样 You know, like...
I'll give you a signal and then you'll say we have to go. 比如这样
我会给你信号你就说我们还有事得先走 Well, you make it look so tempting.
What's the signal? Full penetration? 你让我看得好有兴致啊
什么信号他完全插进去吗 Come on, it'll be hilarious.
No, before that. 来嘛会很好玩的
是在那之前 Let my mouth be your tongue's panic room.
So just the tip? 让我的嘴成为你舌头的避风港
"头"刚进入时吗 And Chef Nicolas could use a few pointers.
I think I'll just wink. 也可以给尼可拉斯大厨指点一番
我就眨眨眼吧 Yeah, he's really bad at it.
So, croquembouche? 是啊人家技术可"差"了
所以做"在嘴咬嚼"吗 All right, why not?
I can't pretend to talk. 好吧有何不可
我假装不了在聊天 It might even get their attention.
I hope his tongue is wearing protection. 说不定还能引起他们注意
希望他的舌头有戴避孕措施吧 On the count of three.
Are we making you uncomfortable? 数到三开始
我们让你们感到不自在了吗 One, two...
No, no, it's just that I usually like to fast-forward 一二
没有没有只是我看黄片时 Did they look?
through the kissing parts when I watch porn. 他们看了吗
通常习惯快进跳过接吻的部分 No, he's busy rounding third.
Come on, relax, Max. We're just having some fun. 他忙着在她"三"垒打转呢
第 93 页 /共 192 页
My turn. No, it was not, Max.
轮到我了才不是呢麦克斯
Max, what's happening? Yes, there might have been a tasteful graze,
麦克斯这是怎么了没错可能是鉴赏性地摸了一下
He's licking your face. just to figure out how European he was down there.
他在舔你的脸只是为了估计他下面的尺寸有多欧洲
Leave them alone. Good news, it's not wearing a floppy beret.
不要管他们了好消息是 "头顶"不是软趴趴的贝雷帽
Deke seems to know what he's doing. So we are right on track for a perfect fairy-tale romance.
迪克感觉也很懂行所以我们会发展成为完美的童话式爱情
Respect. Yeah, the princess and the penis.
客气客气是啊美国公主和法国阳具
Well, hate to comedy make out and run, See you at the diner, Max. Au revoir, mes amis.
虽然我很不想搞笑亲热完就跑餐厅见麦克斯再见朋友们
but, well, I'm already mentally at Yummy Donuts I have to kinda tell you something
但我的心已经到了甜甜圈店里我有件事要告诉你
trying to binge eat this image out of my mind. that you have to promise you kind of
尝试疯狂吃掉脑海里的这画面你要答应我
Hold on, Max. The signal. definitely won't tell Caroline.
等等麦克斯信号来了绝对不会告诉卡洛琳
See, this is why I don't do girlfriend. Are you about to tell me that when she speaks French
你看这就是为啥我不爱当人闺蜜你是想告诉我她说法语时
Come on, we have somewhere to go or be, something it makes you want to slam your head
like that. 你也会有想把头用力
走啦我们得先走去办事之类的 through that plate-glass window too?
We have to go. 撞向玻璃窗的冲动吗
我们得走了 Heh. Well, the thing is he's married.
See you later. 我想说的是他结婚了
再见啦 He's married? How do you know?
Au revoir. 他结婚了你怎么知道的
再会 He's not wearing a ring, and he doesn't seem dead
'sup? inside.
近来如何他又没戴戒指而且他不像是已婚麻木男啊
Not much. His wife called him after you guys left.
没啥大事昨晚你们走后他老婆打来电话
'sup with you? How could he do that?
那你呢他怎么能这样呢
Sorry, I have to get this. It's my wife. He's French?
抱歉我得接个电话我老婆打来他是法国人嘛
Girrrl... And not tell Caroline.
老妹啊而且还不告诉卡洛琳
Oh, I totally forgot to tell you. He's French?
我完全忘记告诉你了他是法国人嘛
You're terrible at making out. What a jerk.
你亲热的技术烂爆了真是个混蛋
Well, I never had a father to teach me. Fronch?
我没爸爸所以没人教我法国人嘛
Hey, big Mary. I'm telling her right now.
胖子姐们我现在就要去告诉她
Hallway lunch. Love that for you. Wait, wait, wait, Max, do me a favor.
走廊吃午餐真"羡慕"你们等等等等麦克斯帮我个忙
And you. Can you just wait until after I turn in my
还有你 croquembouche?
This could've been your walk of shame right now 能不能等我交了我的作业再说
如果不是我把及时把你拉走 I'm already on thin ice with "au bon pain in my ass."
if I hadn't stepped in, winky. 我跟"让我很烦咖啡厅"老师关系很不好
现在你就是做完羞愧地走进来眨眼妹 au bon pain 是一家美国连锁咖啡厅
Yes, last night got a little out of hand. pain in my ass 则是有"让我很烦"的意思
是啊昨晚局面有点失控 This sucks.
Oh, it was pretty much in your hand. 太过分了
是几乎在你"掌中"吧 He's married, and Caroline has this weird thing in her
第 94 页 /共 192 页
head 这件事说出来你都不会信
他都结婚了而卡洛琳的思维又很奇怪肯达尔·詹娜是美国名媛金·卡戴珊的妹妹
that she has to marry someone who isn't married. 16 岁后就开始涉足时尚圈和真人秀
她非得跟没老婆的人结婚 Kendall Jenner is applying to colleges?
Bonjour, Bebe. Ca va? 肯达尔·詹娜要申请大学吗
早安碧碧你好吗 Come on, Max, no.
Oh, boy. 拜托麦克斯有可能吗
天啊 Nicolas is--and get ready-- married.
I'm not really good with any languages. 尼古拉斯听好了已经结婚了
我不是很擅长外语 I kissed a married man. I'm so mortified.
They think it's because I got hit by three cars. 我居然跟一位已婚男人接吻太有失身份了
医生说是因为我被三辆车撞过 Please don't ever tell anyone I kissed a married man.
FYI, if you ever get hit, just stay down. 千万不要告诉别人我跟一个已婚男人接吻
提个醒如果你被车撞别立刻起身 Okay, I won't tell anyone.
Well, guess what. 好的我不会告诉任何人
对了 Tell anyone what?
I got you and me salads. Girls' lunch. 告诉任何人啥
我给咱俩准备了沙拉闺蜜午餐 Caroline kissed a married man.
Well, I usually just have Peanut butter 卡洛琳跟一个已婚男人接吻
我通常都是在阴暗处偷吃 But don't tell anyone.
and crackers in the dark. 千万不要告诉别人哦
花生酱和饼干 All right, I want to go on the record
I hear so much about salad I've always wanted to try it. 好吧我要公开说明下
我慕名沙拉已久一直很想试试 that I didn't know.
Sure. Sit. Have some salad. 我事先并不知道
坐下吧一起吃沙拉 Kissing a married man has never been in my life plan.
You and me, me and you. 我的人生规划中并不包括跟已婚男人接吻
你和我就咱俩 It's not on my vision board or in my dreamscape.
Getting to know more about each other. 这既不我的愿景板上也不在我的梦景里
增进对彼此的了解 I am not that kind of person.
So Bebe, tell me everything about Nicolas. 我不是那种人
碧碧我想知道尼古拉斯的一切 But she is the kind of person who has a vision board
He's the best. 但她是那种既拥有愿景板
他人超棒 and says "dreamscape," So let's judge her on that.
He has the heart and eyes of a dog. 又说出"梦景"这个词的人大家快来鄙视她
他拥有狗狗的心灵和眼睛 I won't judge you, Caroline.
So Nicolas, where do you think he is? 我不会鄙视你的卡洛琳
尼古拉斯你觉得他现在在哪 I once went out with a married woman.
He just said he had a lunch date. 我曾跟一位已婚女子约会
他刚说有个午餐约会 I didn't know she was married
Date? 直到她的配偶打了我一顿
约会 until her spouse came and beat me up.
Did he use the word "date," 我才知道她已经结婚了
"约会"这个词 Lesbians are strong.
or are you just using the word "Date"? 拉拉们可猛了
是他说的还是你说的 Listen, married, not married, don't be so American.
I mean, it's not like he's dating anyone. 看待已婚和未婚不要这么美国化
我意思是他不像是有约会对象啊 You know, in Poland, the wedding vows say,
Is he? 在波兰我们的结婚誓词是
有吗 "Do you take this woman...
No, why would he be dating anyone? "你愿意娶这个女人
没有他怎么会在跟人约会 and maybe some others?"
Exactly, why would he be dating anyone? 和其他几个吗"
就是他怎么会在跟人约会 Well, not Polish, and not a lesbian yet.
Yeah, I mean, he's married.
我不是波兰人也还没变拉拉
对啊他都结婚了 So I'm very upset.
Married?
所以我非常郁闷
结婚了 And, Max, why are you just standing there?
You know, salad tastes just like lettuce.
麦克斯你为什么光站在这儿
沙拉尝起来就像生菜啊 Why haven't you said anything?
You are not going to believe this.
你不发表发表意见吗
第 95 页 /共 192 页
I kind of knew. 我知道非常沉重
我早知道了 We're back here, and I have to deal with the fact
Wait. You kind of knew he was married? 回到学校我必须面对
站住你早就知道他结婚了吗 that I was dry-humped by a married man.
You kind of knew and didn't kind of tell me? 我被一个已婚男人隔衣干搞的事实
你早就知道却没有早告诉我 No, I think he meant his dessert is heavy.
What kind of friend are you? 不是他是说他的甜点很重
你算哪门子朋友啊 But yeah, you got a lot going on.
I just found out myself. 但没错你的心情很复杂
我也是刚知道 So what do you want us to do?
Well, then why didn't you tell me? 你想让我们帮你做什么
那你为什么不告诉我 Should we throw down? Mess his ass up?
I was going to, but then Deke asked me not to 打他一顿吗还是玩爆他的菊花
我是想告诉你但迪克让我 Kick him in the face?
until he handed in his homework. 踢他的脸一脚
等他交了作业再说 Or just ignore it so I don't get kicked out of school?
And also I thought you might cry. 还是什么都不做免得被踢出学校
而且我怕你会哭 No, I'll deal with Nicolas later.
Oh, and you didn't want to upset me? 不用了晚点我自己找尼古拉斯
你是不想让我难过吗 You sure?
Nah, I didn't want to deal with it. 你确定吗
不我只是不想遭殃 'cause I've always wanted to kill a French person.
'cause when you cry, you don't just cry once. 我可是一直都想杀一个法国佬
因为每次你哭你不是只哭一段 Again.
It's like a six-cry thing. 再杀一次
每次都哭够六个阶段 Thanks, but stay out of it. I've got this.
You've got the first shock cry, the silent cry, 谢啦但你别管了我能处理
一开始是号啕大哭接着是呜咽不语 I'm gonna rip him a new one.
the ugly cry, the cry because you're crying, 我要把他碎尸万段
再接着痛哭流涕然后是因为哭而哭 - Bonjour, Caroline. - Bonjour, Nicolas.
the cry after you say you're not gonna cry anymore, - 早安卡洛琳 -早啊尼古拉斯
再然后是你刚说完不哭又开始哭 That wasn't a rip. Wasn't even a tear.
and then the final cry, which is probably my fault. 那不算碎尸碎花都算不上
至于最后那阶段估计都是被我弄哭的 Go, go, you two.
Well, you're wrong, Max, I'm not gonna cry over this, 你们俩快进去
你错了麦克斯我这次不会哭 Got a big, hot bundt here.
because I haven't gone far enough down the road. 给新鲜出炉的大洞洞蛋糕让路
因为我对他的感情还没有这么深 Go, go, don't be late.
Yes, I was just beginning to think about our future, 去吧别迟到了
没错虽然我是开始幻想我们的未来了 You sure that's a croquembouche?
but I'm not that invested. 你确定这是"在嘴咬嚼"吗
但我还没那么全心投入 'cause it looks like a coyote poop tree.
Then what's this? 看起来就像是土狼的粪堆
那这是什么 Caroline, can you watch the phones for me
- My dupe pad. - That's right. 卡洛琳你能进去帮我看着电话吗
- 我的小本子 -没错 while I give Chef Nicolas this note from his wife?
And look what I found written on the back. 我要传尼古拉斯老婆的留言给他
瞧瞧我在后面发现了什么 You know what? I'll give it to him.
"Caroline and Nicolas Saintcroix." 要不这样我给他好了
"卡洛琳和尼古拉斯·圣克劳" I have something I have to say to him anyway.
"Mr. And Mrs. Saintcroix." 反正我也有事要找他
"圣克劳夫妇" Oh, for next girls' lunch, have you ever had sandwiches?
"Caroline Saintcroix." 下次闺蜜午餐你吃过三明治吗
"卡洛琳·圣克劳" 'cause I'm thinking of trying one.
That's just being silly. Every girl does that. 因为我在考虑要不要尝尝
那只是犯傻而已每个怀春少女都会这样 Not you.
You're 40. 不是你
大姐你都 40 岁了 You have got this. You have got this.
Oh, man, this is heavy. 你做得到你做得到
天啊又沉又重 You broke up with a Kennedy cousin.
I know, very heavy. 你都甩过肯尼迪家的高富帅了
第 96 页 /共 192 页
You can do this. 是的
你能做到 Caroline, you are a smart, sexy, delicious woman.
Caroline, do you need something? 卡洛琳你是一个聪明性感又可口的女人
卡洛琳找我有事吗 And now that I've kissed--
I just wanted to give you this phone message you just 现在我已经吻过...
got. Do you have something in your eye?
我只是来送电话留言给你你眼睛里有东西吗
From your wife. No, no, no, no, no.
是你老婆留的没有没有
From your wife. Juliette. It's never you!
你妻子朱丽叶从来不是你
- I know her name. - You're married. I'm sorry, what is happening?
- 我知道她的名字 -你都结婚了不好意思到底什么了
Yes, you just got a message from my wife. Chef Nicolas, uh, you need to get back in there
是啊刚才留言的就是我老婆啊尼古拉斯主厨你得赶紧进去
I feel like something's getting lost in the translation Because the Chef with the neck tattoo
here, 因为脖子有纹身的大厨
我觉得是不是咱俩语言不通有歧义 is trying to pass off a store-bought tiramisu.
So let me be clear. It's over between us. 想拿从店里买来的提拉米苏充数
那恕我直言我们之间完了 There is one every year.
Why? 每年都有一个
为什么 Caroline.
Why? Because you're married. 卡洛琳
为什么因为你有老婆了 Are you okay? What did he say?
Again, I know that. But why? 你没事吧他说什么了
我知道我有老婆啊但是为什么 He said he's married, and it's confusing,
What--what do you mean "why"? 他说他结婚了反正一片混乱
你老问"为什么"干嘛 and I'm delicious.
Why? Because you are married. Vous est marie! 而我很可口
原因就是你已经结婚了您结婚了 Okay, well, he's married, it's confusing, and you're
And note, I did not use "tu" delicious.
注意我刚没用"你" 好吧他已婚事混乱你可口
because we are back on the more formal "vous" terms. So you're Mrs. Delicious Saintcroix.
因为我们回到要用"您"这样正式的关系所以你是可口·圣克劳太太
Look, Caroline, my wife is in France, So it's over, right?
卡洛琳我的老婆在法国你们结束了对吗
and we have an understanding. Yeah, of course it's over. No drama, no more crying.
而且我们达成了共识当然结束了没有大吵大闹没有哭哭啼啼
Well, I'm having a hard time understanding any of this. I would never be with a married man.
我对你们的共识表示完全不能理解我绝不会跟已婚男人在一起
And whatever arrangement you and Juliette have, Yeah, that's more my thing.
不管你和朱丽叶的协议是什么是啊那更像是我会做的事
it's over between you and me. Oh, my God, Max,
反正我们玩完了天啊麦克斯
Here. you know what I just realized?
给你知道我刚意识到什么吗
You are very cute when you're angry. I once said I would never be a waitress.
你生气的时候好可爱我也曾说过我绝不会当服务员
I am? Girrrl...
是吗老妹啊
Actually, you are very cute all the time. 目前资金
老实说你一直很可爱目前资金
Cute and sexy. 最新余额
可爱又性感最新余额
From the moment I saw you, I wanted to... 最新余额
-----------------------------
从见到你那一刻我就想...
-------------13--------------
put my lips onto yours.
-----------------------------
吻上你的唇
You did? Fresh warm cupcakes!
是吗刚出炉热气腾腾的小蛋糕
Yes. Enjoy this winter wonderland with some hot, hot cocoa!
第 97 页 /共 192 页
来杯热可可好好享受这冬日仙境吧是铲雪车的声音
Why are we open and selling to no one Now, people will be able to get to us.
我们早该打烊躺在地板上打盹了铲完雪顾客上门就轻松了
when we should be closed and taking a floor nap? I told you, it is gonna be one of those
为什么还坚持开门营业卖蛋糕给暴风雪吗跟你说了今晚也会是个
Yes, Max, it's a blizzard right now, magical New York city nights.
没错麦克斯现在是暴风雪纽约城神奇魔法之夜
but in an hour, it could be 65! Do it again!
但一个小时内温度将会升到摄氏 18 度老天麻烦再爱她一遍
That's the beauty of global warming. Why are we here?
这就是全球变暖的好处我们还待在这干嘛
You, stop! It's still snowing, and we have no customers.
你给我站住外面还在下雪店里一个客人都没有
I'll give you a peppermint stick! I had to put money in the cash register
我送你一根薄荷彩棒哦我都得靠自己塞钱进收银机里
That is a straw with red stripes. just to steal it.
那只是一根红色条纹吸管而已才能满足偷钱欲了
Well, what sounds better, Max, We can't just leave. Han's not here.
那哪个听起来比较好麦克斯我们不能说走就走阿憨还没来啊
a peppermint stick or... Maybe the trains aren't running,
薄荷彩棒还是可能火车停止发车
"a straw with red stripes"? or Han got knocked out by a snowflake.
"红色条纹吸管" 或者小阿憨被一片雪花给击晕了
First of all, great impression of me. Well, you know the diner rule, the one I just made up.
首先我要说你学我还真像餐厅的规矩我想你懂就我现编出来的这条
And second, no one in their right mind If he's 30 minutes late,
其次现在这种鬼天气如果他迟到超过 30 分钟
is stopping for cupcakes right now. we grab whatever we can fit in our pockets and leave.
没有一个正常人会停下来买蛋糕的我们就偷走所有能塞进口袋里的东西开溜
Oh, hi, girls! Of course, if he's 31 minutes late
姑娘们行啊如果他迟到了 31 分钟
Guess who wants a cupcake. and there's no one here, we all get fired.
猜谁想来个小蛋糕发现店里没人在大家就全被炒了
It's me. But I say we roll the dice.
是我哦但要我说就碰运气吧
Here you go, Sophie. Well, whatever happened,
给苏菲先不管他发生了啥事
See, Max, we have a customer. we can't run the diner if Han's not here.
麦克斯瞧我们有顾客了但他不在我们就没法营业啊
And just so you know, I'm not gonna pay. That's right, who's gonna walk around here
对了如你所知我不会付钱的哦有见地那我们谁要负责在店里转悠
I am so glad you stay open guessing what a vagina looks like?
真开心你们还在营业然后想着阴道到底长哪样
even with all this snow everywhere. Uh, me?
雪花满天飞还坚持不懈我咩
You know, good for you. Pick up.
你们俩干得很好上菜
You two are really committed to this little cupcake I like this cold weather.
window, 我喜欢这种冷天气
真的把心血都倾注到这小蛋糕窗口上了 I get to wear my chin-cheetah hat.
Even when it's stupid. 我可以戴上我的金豹帽
即使明知没人买也还坚持营业 Chin-cheetah? That's not even a real animal.
That's it, we're closing. 金豹世上哪有这种动物啊
够了咱们收工吧 Yes, it is. This was the last one.
These streets need to be plowed 真的有我这帽子就是用最后一只做的
这街道该铲雪的程度 Who's that food for? We don't have any customers.
more than that poor married Jonas brother. 那食物要给谁店里都没客人
比那个老婆肚子大了的明星还严重 It's for me and Deke.
No, wait. Listen! 是我跟迪克要吃
先等等你听 We're studying pastry school stuff in the cupcake shop.
It's the snowplow. 我们要在小蛋糕店里读烘焙学校的东西
第 98 页 /共 192 页
We're also putting rocks in snowballs and throwing Okay, so I pick you.
them 好吧那我选你
也要在雪球里包石头用来丢那些 Me?
at hipsters wearing those stupid stuffed animal hats. 我吗
戴着白痴填充动物帽的嬉皮士 You pick me out of all these two people?
Max, you think school will be open? 你从两个人选中选了我吗
麦克斯你觉得明天还用去学校吗 Luis, are you blushing?
I was hoping it'd be closed, 路易斯你脸红啦
我还希望能休息一天 No! I'm wearing blush.
so I'd have at least have one day 我只是有擦腮红而已
让我有一天时间清静 Don't worry, everyone!
where I wouldn't have to deal with the drama 大家不用担心了
不用再烦心我跟尼可拉斯大厨之间 I survived!
between me and chef Nicolas. 我没死
烦人的情事 Still don't know where Han is,
Oh, is that the married man you kissed? 还是不知道阿憨上哪了
就是你亲了的那个已婚男人吗 but the new Bond villain just arrived.
Who told you? 但新的 007 电影坏人登场了
谁跟你说这事的《007 之八爪女》是 007 系列的第 13 部电影
You! Like a hundred times. Now there's an even bigger octopussy in town.
你啊说了几百次比"八爪女"更厉害的八"逼"女来了
Let's play a snow day game. I'm very sorry I'm late.
来玩个下雪天游戏吧迟到真是太对不起了
Like what, guess the code to the safe in Han's office? I got stuck in a snow bank,
比如来猜阿憨办公室里保险箱的密码吗我被困在雪堆里了
I know the first two numbers are eight and nine. and I had to pee myself out.
我知道头两个数字是 8 与 9 靠撒尿才融出一条逃生道
How about-- if you could have sex Where's Max? And I know she's not trapped in the
如果得在我们这群人中 storm,
with anyone here, who would it be? 麦克斯呢我知道她肯定不是被困雪中
选一个人做爱你们会选谁 'cause she's the one who taught me
"Could have" or "forced to have"? 因为她就是教我
是"想要与之"还是"被迫与之" how to pee my way out.
Oleg, you go first. 尿出一条雪路的人
奥列格你先来吧 Max, what is the French name for this pastry
I pick Caroline. 麦克斯这看起来像一堆闪亮蛋蛋的
我选卡洛琳 that looks like a bunch of glazed balls?
Oh, thank you. That's gross. 法国糕点叫做什么名字呢
谢谢真是恶心爆了 A sha-sha-sha?
No, Caroline got mauled by a bear in the snow. 叫瞎瞎瞎吗
不能选她她在雪中被熊一掌拍死了 No.
I did? 不是
真的吗 A doh-doh-doh-doh-doh?
No, it was me in a bear costume. 叫呼噜呼噜呼噜吗
不是是我穿着熊衣服干的 Oh, so close. It's a "Pata-chow."
She never saw me coming. 很接近了是"啪嗒秋"
我下手时她完全没料到 French and chemistry for pastry school?
So my only two choices are you or Earl? 烘焙学校还得读法语跟化学
所以我只能在你跟厄尔之间选吗 I thought class was gonna be like,
No, Earl passed away in his sleep. 我本来以为上课只会是
不厄尔在睡梦中去世了 "which is better, cake or bread?
Of course, you'll feel terrible "哪个比较好蛋糕还是面包
是是是等过几周 They're both great, duh.
when that happens in a couple of weeks. 当然是两种都好啦
你一语成谶了我看你笑不笑得出来 Here's your degree."
Now, if you'd excuse me, I'm going to go home 很好学位证拿去吧"
抱歉失陪了我要回家 I have terrible news.
and roll me a fatty. 我有个坏消息
好好爽一发了 Han's not dead, and he wants us to do side work.
Her name is Denise. 阿憨没死还要我们帮忙干别的活
她的名字叫蒂妮湿 Do you mind?
第 99 页 /共 192 页
能别打扰吗 You're right, nothing sexual there
Harry Pothead and I are trying to study. 你说得对完全没有任何情欲
我跟哈利·大麻特在学习呢 unless you like adult men in underoos.
Oh, Max, I know how we'll pass. 除非你对穿着儿童内裤的大人有性趣
麦克斯我知道怎么过关了 Well, there's Nicolas. I was not prepared for this.
We can ask that girl next to us in class for help. 要看到尼可拉斯了我真心没心理准备
我们可以请教我们学校隔壁桌的那个女生 Really? 'cause we spent the entire subway ride
She speaks French. 是吗老娘整趟来这里的地铁上
她会说法语 preparing you for this.
You know, the one with the bubble butt, Judy? 都在帮你做心理建设
就是那个屁股大如球的女人朱迪 Okay, look, should I brace myself
Oh, yeah! Judy with the booty. 你们两个会尴尬到
知道大屁股朱迪嘛 for weirdness between you two?
You don't know her that well. 我需要现在就做好准备吗
你跟人家没熟到可以叫小名 And by that, I mean should I hit this?
Please, call her "Judith with the boodith." 我是指现在就先开始喝吗
请称呼人家全名"大屁股小姐朱迪丝" No, I'm cool. Cool as a cucumber.
Max, can I interrupt this episode of "Ass chat" 我会冷酷对待酷到狂拽屌炸天
麦克斯我能打断你们这集"屁股有约"吗 Ll Cool J. Never been cooler.
and talk to you outside for a second? 冷酷冰雪女王天下第一酷
然后跟你到外面谈两句吗 Ugh! Why didn't I drink before you said that?
- Sure. - Hey, Max. 我这口酒应该留到你说完这傻话再喝
- 行 -麦克斯 Oh, yeah. I am gonna ice him out.
Her butt's so big, she walks into the room doggie-style. 放心吧我会对他冷眼相待
她屁股大到得用狗爬式才能进屋 Well, maybe lose a couple of those cubes,
Like I said to my uncle when he came into my bedroom 你还是稍微收起你的冷酷范吧
我要说的话就跟我叔叔半夜走近我房间时 because he is your boss,
in the middle of the night, "this better be good." 毕竟他可是你老板
我说的话一样 "最好是够爽" and the only reason I can afford to go here is
Does it bother you when Deke talks 而我能念得起这学校全是靠
'cause you work in the office.
迪克跟你像好兄弟之间
about other girls with you like you're a guy? 你在办公室的工作换来的
Don't worry, he'll never know.
聊别的妞的时候你不会不爽吗
Not as much as it bothers me 放心他不会察觉
Pretend you're Nicolas.
你把我当闺蜜一样
when you talk to me like I'm a girl. 假装你是尼可拉斯
Hello, Caroline.
谈天说地时我更不爽呢
Look, Deke and I are just bros. 你好啊卡洛琳
I am a man, but I am pretty like a lady.
迪克跟我只是兄弟
I don't want to sleep with him. 我是个貌美如花的美男子
Good morning, how are you?
我对他又没"性趣"
早安今天好吗
Not that there's anything wrong with
Ooh, that was good.
虽然说两个兄弟变成基友
好演技
two bros sleeping together.
'Sup, Max?
睡一起也没啥不好
麦克斯早上好
I'm not bromophobic.
- Look who I got to ride up with. - Hey, Max.
我又没有兄弟恐惧症
- 你看我跟谁一起搭电梯上来了 -麦克斯
It's just not what this is.
Hey, Jude. You ever heard that one before?
但我跟他就不是那种关系
So you're sure there's nothing sexual 嘿朱迪你听过人家这么叫吗
《Hey Jude 嘿朱迪》披头士乐队的知名歌曲
所以你确定你跟他之间
going on between you and him? Yeah. Is that, like, a thing?
没有任何一点情欲元素吗听过啊这是啥流行语吗
Yes, I'm sure. Thanks for the ride up, Deke.
我确定迪克谢谢你了
No! Caroline.
瞎了眼了卡洛琳
Watch, I'm gonna take a snow swim. I thought we were gonna have to take the freight
看好了我要去雪泳 elevator.
Not that cold. 我本来以为得跟她搭货物运送电梯了
也没多冷嘛 Really? I assumed you guys would take the ass-calator.
第 100 页 /共 192 页
是吗我以为你们是要搭屁动扶梯呢 More like dat ass dough.
Oh, hello, Caroline. 是那屁股面粉吧
你好啊卡洛琳 You need to wet the dough with water
Good morning, how are you? 你们得往面团里加水
早安你好吗 to keep it moist and supple.
Very well, thank you. 才能保持湿润与柔软
很好谢谢问候 Wet your bread, everyone,
Can't you see I'm mad at you? 把面团弄湿大家
你看不出来我在生你气吗 wet your bread.
Then why are you smiling? 把你们的面团弄湿
那你为什么在笑 Mine's pretty wet. How's yours?
This is my fake face. 我的挺湿了你的呢
这是我假客套的脸 Mine would be, but it's on antidepressants.
Then what does your real face look like? 本来是但吃抗忧郁药后湿不起了
那你真的表情是怎么样呢 Work with your partner, help each other out.
How dare you kiss me when you're married? 跟你的搭档合作帮助对方
你个已婚男人居然还敢亲我 Here, let me help, Max.
I prefer the fake one. 来我帮你吧麦克斯
我还是喜欢你假客套的脸 Yeah, mine's not as smooth as yours.
Bonjour, class. 对啊我的好像没你的光滑
大家好吗 Mm, keep kneading it. You need more water.
Bonjour, chef Nicolas. 继续揉吧还需要更多水
尼可拉斯大厨好 It's better, right?
Today, we will be concentrating on the chemistry of 现在好多了吧
baking Yeah, I think wetting it helped.
我们今天要特别多讲讲烘焙的化学知识对啊把它弄湿挺管用的
for tomorrow's test. Caroline, something is really wrong with me.
因为明天考试会考卡洛琳我出大问题了
I don't know about the damn test, Don't freak out. I'm here for you.
我不知道考试结果会如何先别慌有我呢
but I would ace a pop quiz on that ass. Unless it's something I can catch.
但如果考玩她屁股我一定满分除非那是能传染给我的"问题"
- Oh, sorry. - I'll get that. Something weird happened.
- 真不好意思 -我去捡出了件怪事
Let Judy pick it up. I think I might have feelings for Deke.
让朱迪捡啊我可能对迪克有好感
It's a chance to see it in motion. Oh, God, no!
好有机会看到她屁股晃动的样子天啊不是吧
名媛金·卡戴珊的身材是著名的巨乳肥臀 I mean, that is interesting. Let's talk about that.
You think she got that thing at a Kim Kardashian 我的意思是这事有意思咱们来谈谈吧
backyard sale? I don't know what to do.
你觉得她那屁股是从金·卡戴珊家买的吗我不知道该怎么办了
When you add water to the flour to hydrate the two We're bros, and I don't want to ruin the friendship,
proteins, 我把他当兄弟我不想破坏我们之间的友情
当你加水进面粉团中水合两种蛋白质 which is really unlike me.
glutenin and gliadin, 这太不像我了
麦谷蛋白与醇溶蛋白 I always ruin friendships.
those two proteins are drawn to each other, 我向来都是友情破坏王
这两种蛋白质会被对方吸引 I've been trying to ruin ours since you moved in.
and they bond. 打从你搬进来我就一直想破坏我们的友情
从而融为一体 Well, what changed with Deke?
Like I like to say, they're hot for each other. 迪克有何变化让你动了心
我喜欢称之为对方欲罢不能 It was so weird-- he was wetting my bread,
Max, look, they were drawn to each other, 当时情景特别奇怪他帮我加湿我的面团
麦克斯你看它们被对方吸引 And then my bread was wet, if you know what I'm
they bonded, saying.
融为一体然后揉着揉着我"下面"包也湿了你懂的
and now, we've got our own big butt. Okay, thank you. I'm finally off bread.
现在生出了我们自己的大屁股了我懂多谢你我终于不爱吃面包了
Dat ass, though! Look, I understand.
那屁股真粉我完全理解你
第 101 页 /共 192 页
You can't always help who you're attracted to. What about your opinion of me?
有时候人们就是会控制不住喜欢上谁那你对我的印象就没影响吗
It's like with me and Nicolas-- Eh, it's already pretty low.
就像我和尼可拉斯本来就已经很差了
This is not the same as you and Frenchie. What am I gonna do about Deke?
我们才不像你和那个法国佬呢我跟迪克到底该怎么办
I wasn't attracted to Deke before today. He's coming over to study tonight.
我是今天才开始对迪克有好感他今晚还要过来学习
The first time you met Nicolas, Oh, God, I sound like such a girl from the '50s.
而你第一次见尼可拉斯时天啊我好像 50 年代的怀春少女
your vagina fell on the floor and tried to crawl up his leg. Gonna go cry into my princess phone.
你的阴道都立马掉到地上想爬上他大腿了我要去抱着我的老式电话机哭了
Yes, but I scooped it up and snapped it back on You should tell Deke how you feel,
没错但我立刻捡起来并立马装了回去你应该告诉迪克你的真实感受
Because I was not born to have sex with a married man. And tell him tonight,
因为我天生就不是跟已婚男人乱搞的浪荡女今晚就告诉他
If I was, I would have flirted with Matt Lauer because I think that Judy girl likes him,
如果我是我早就在马特·劳厄尔因为我觉得那个朱迪也喜欢他
when he came over for the Christmas tree lighting at my and I think he might like her too.
house. 而且我觉得他也可能喜欢她
来我家参加圣诞树点亮仪式时跟他调情了 Why do you say that? I literally don't care at all,
马特·劳厄尔 NBC 著名主持人你为何这么说虽说我完全不介意
Matt lauer-- that guy's got game. but I just want to know, why would you say that?
马特·劳厄尔那家伙可招妞喜欢了但我只想知道你这话从何而来
No hair, but game. 90 年代著名歌曲《Baby got back》的歌词
虽然头发少但妞多 Max, he likes big butts, and he cannot lie.
Hey, everybody, good news! 麦克斯他喜欢大屁股他否认不了
各位好消息 "At what temperature does sugar crystallize?
Oh, I passed that kidney stone. "糖会在什么温度下结晶
我的肾结石没了 fahrenheit and celsius." Go, Max.
Yeah, I think the skiing loosened it. 华氏度与摄氏度几度" 快答麦克斯
没错我觉得是滑雪让它滑出来了 Max.
Oh, I felt like I was birthing a baby through my eye hole. 麦克斯
感觉就像从我眼洞里生出了个小宝宝 Why are you looking at me like that?
Did you save the stone? 你干嘛那样看着我
你没有留着那些石头吗 This doesn't make any sense!
'cause only three more, and you can make me that 我完全无法理解
necklace. Well, your book is upside down.
再三块就能给我做条她那样的项链了那是因为你的书拿倒了
Max, don't change the subject. Hey, hearing a lot of chitchat in here.
麦克斯别试图转移话题我听到你们在叽叽喳喳的
What are you gonna do about Deke? Just wanted to make sure you two are studying.
迪克的事你打算怎么做过来确认下你俩是否有在学习
Oh, wait, I love giving advice. Stop studying. Kiss him.
慢着我最喜欢给人建议了学个屁啊快亲他啊
I had my own advice column in Poland. All right, well, I better be going.
在波兰我有自己的建议专栏好啦我还是走吧
It was called "Don't do that!" Just pretend I'm not here.
名字就叫"千万别啊" 你们就当我不在好了
Sophie, have you ever had sex with a friend? I always do.
苏菲你有跟朋友上过床吗我向来如此
Oh, no. Are you two gonna do it? Hey, um, this is weird, but before we study,
不是吧你们俩要上床了吗有件事很奇怪但在我们学习之前
No, that is not what-- I kind of have something to tell you.
当然不是她的意思是我有话要对你说
Oh, don't do that! Weird, 'cause I kinda have something to tell you.
千万别啊奇怪我也有话要对你说
No, it will ruin your relationship That is weird. Maybe it's the same thing.
不要这会破坏你们的友情那真是太巧了或许咱俩说的是同一件事
and my opinion of Max. Someone wants to have sex with me.
也会破坏我对麦克斯的印象有人想跟我做爱
第 102 页 /共 192 页
How did you know that? Can, not a bottle. You know the deal.
你怎么知道要罐装的不要瓶装的你懂的啦
'cause Judy with the booty just texted me, He's going to have sex with Judy.
因为大屁股朱迪刚发短信给我他是去上朱迪
"Would you like to study tonight You were right, he's into her.
"你今晚想跟我一起学习你说得对他也喜欢她
and then have sex with me?" I'm so glad I didn't say anything.
然后顺便做个爱吗" 还好我没说什么
I think you've interpreted that correctly. that would have felt terrible.
我觉得你对她意思解读的很到位会让我觉得很难过的话
Wow, she's direct and, I might add, slutty. How do you feel now?
哇她真直接而且有够淫荡的那你现在感觉如何
I know, she's got balls to go with that butt. Terrible.
我知道她屁股大胆子也大很难过
So what were you gonna tell me? But at least I didn't embarrass myself.
你刚想跟我说什么但至少我没让自己丢脸
Oh, I was going to tell you what you just told me, I was this close to showing him my gnomes.
我刚想说的话跟你刚告诉我的一样我差点要给他看我的小矮人们了
That Judy with the booty wants to have sex with you. Wow, you must really like him
大屁股朱迪想跟你做爱你一定很喜欢他
Glad she got up the guts to tell you. if you were willing to let him know
很高兴她能鼓起勇气告诉你你都愿意让他知道
So go for it. that you're an insane person.
那你去上她吧你是个神经病
Wait, you want me to go for it? Well, I'm about to be more screwed than Judy,
慢着你想我去上了她吗我很快就要比朱迪被操得更惨了
Yeah, totally, go for it. because I didn't study at all.
对啊没错上她因为我完全没学习
She seems kind of clean. Go get it. I know French. I can help you.
她看起来也不像有性病上吧我懂法语我可以帮你
But we're supposed to study. You can help me with the keys you have to Nicolas'
但我们说好了今晚要学习 office.
I wouldn't want to bail on you just to go hit that. 你可以用尼可拉斯办公室的钥匙帮我
我不想为了上她而放你鸽子 We are breaking in and stealing the test!
Hey, if you don't, I will. 我们要潜进去偷试卷
如果你不去那我去 Why are you covering his ears? He knows you steal.
You're really gonna pass that ass up? 你干嘛还要捂着他的耳朵他知道你是惯犯
你真的不想上那对大屁股吗 You took him from someone's yard.
Now get going, 'cause I have to memorize 你就是从别人院子里把他偷走的
快走吧因为我得记住 I can't believe we're sneaking into his office
what temperature cho-cho-cho turns into chan-chan- 真不敢相信我们为了偷你的试卷
chan. to steal your test.
在什么温度下糖糖糖会结成晶晶晶偷偷潜进他的办公室
So you're telling me to go? This is cheating.
所以你是让我去吗这完全是作弊行为
I'm saying, "Ta-ta-ta." - Oh, don't worry, I hear my teacher's kind of into
我就是说"走走走"吧 cheating.
Go get her bread wet. Make it rise, bro. - 别担心我听说我的老师喜欢作弊
把她的"面包"搞湿让它膨起来兄弟 Can't argue with that.
Okay, then, bro. 一针见血
好吧兄弟 Max, please hurry. Find the test,
I guess I will go, but with that butt, 麦克斯麻利点找到试卷
那我就去了但那大屁股这么诱人 and let's get out of here because we shouldn't be in
if I come back a crack addict, it's your fault. here
如果我回来后染上股沟瘾那就全怪你赶紧离开这里因为我们不该来这里
Where's he going? Is this a condom run? and it smells like him and I like it.
他去哪里是不是跑去买避孕套了这里都是他的味道我好喜欢这味儿哦
Is he going on a condom run? Okay, one of these papers has to be it.
他是跑去买避孕套了吗好啦其中一份肯定就是
'cause if he is, can you text him to pick up a diet coke? Oh, no, everything's written in secret code!
如果是的话麻烦短信他顺便买健怡可乐不是吧这上面都是用密码写的
第 103 页 /共 192 页
Max, that's French. 你知道这样是不对的你已经结婚了
麦克斯上面是法语 Now, if you'll excuse me,
How is it possible he's even better-looking in photos 不好意思
他人已经那么帅了照片怎么能比 I have to go snap something back on.
than in real life? 现在我得去把某物装上了
真人更好看呢 Well, here are the test answers,
Max, hurry up. I can't be around his stuff. 这是试卷的答案
麦克斯快点我不能靠近他的东西 but I don't know what the questions are
My vagina's trying to get out of my pants again. 但我不知道问题是什么
我的阴道又试图想逃出我的裤子了 because I only got half the test,
Well, get her out here! 因为我只拿到一半试卷
那就把她放出来 and I'm only half sure those are the answers.
Maybe she can help me look for the test, 而且我只有一半确定那上面的是答案
或许她可以帮我找到试卷 Whoa, dude, how did you get this?
'cause you're useless. 兄弟你怎么搞到的
因为你一点用都没有 I turned Caroline into a whore.
Oh, no, it's Nicolas. 我让卡洛琳出卖了灵肉
天啊是尼可拉斯 Can you figure out any of this?
I can smell him in the hall, and I like it. 你能看明白吗
我能闻到他在走廊里我好爱 I don't have any idea what these questions could be.
Max, let's get out of here. 我完全猜不到这些问题会是什么
麦克斯咱们快走吧 Ugh! I didn't study either.
Okay, well, you have to stay and distract him, 我昨晚也没学习
好吧你得留下来分散他的注意力 Judy and I got to talking, and it got pretty involved.
so I can sneak out. 我和朱迪聊天而且聊得很深入
这样我才能溜走 Well, now we're screwed.
Just pretend you're not mad and you came in to see 现在我们都搞砸了
him. I mean, you already got screwed.
你就假装你没生气你是来找他的我是说反正你已经"搞"过了
I can't just turn it on like that. Congrats. Proud of you, bro.
我不能瞬间转变态度啊恭喜以你为傲兄弟
What am I, an actress at a cocktail party? Max, we're gonna flunk this test.
你以为我是鸡尾酒派对上的女演员啊麦克斯这次考试我们要不及格了
You have to, it's the only logical explanation Better go to the men's room
你非做不可这是你出现在这里的我最好先去男厕所
You have for being in here. and write all the answers on my penis.
唯一合理解释把所有答案抄上我鸡鸡了
Caroline. Don't worry, they'll fit.
卡洛琳别担心能全写下
I've missed you. I'm in your office. I hope you're happy,
我很想你所以我就来你办公室了这下你开心啦
That's the only logical explanation I have for being in I've now kissed a married man twice.
here. 我跟已婚男人接吻了两次
这是我出现在这里的唯一合理解释 Oh, and here, I grabbed this from Nicolas' office.
Oh, sorry. Did I hurt you? 给这是从尼可拉斯办公室拿来的
抱歉我弄疼你了吗 That's not the test. It's a phone bill.
Oh, no, I'm sitting on something. 那不是试卷这是话费单
不是我坐在什么东西上了 I know, I wanted you to see he doesn't call his wife
Oh, sorry. Oh, those are the exams for today. much.
不好意思这是今天的试卷我知道我想你看他都没怎么跟老婆打电话
Oh, well, let me just give us some room Fire! Everyone get out!
那我把这些试卷全扔地上着火了大家快出去
while I push these exams on the floor. Move your big ass! We're gonna burn! Scoot.
好腾出地方让我们亲热挪开你的大屁股不然我们都要死在这里滚
Now, kiss me again, but this time, lay on top of me, Oh, my God, Max!
继续吻我不过这一次要整个人趴在我身上天啊麦克斯
so your legs are out of the way. Now, go! I hope Nicolas is okay!
这样你的脚才不会碍事快点我希望尼可拉斯没事
Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Don't worry about me, I'm right behind you!
慢着慢着停下来别担心我我就在你身后
You know this can't happen. You're married. Caroline, I want you to be safe. Come with me.
第 104 页 /共 192 页
卡洛琳我要保证你安全跟我走没着火啦是迪克拉响的警报
You're married. I'll just stay here and burn. I wanted to kiss her.
你都结婚了我就留在这烧死算了我想亲她而已
Caroline, don't be crazy. Yeah. Turns out he's into dudes.
卡洛琳别傻了对啊结果发现他喜欢基情
This is all your fault. 目前资金
这都是你的错目前资金
Don't worry about me, I'm right behind you! 最新余额
别担心我我就在你身后最新余额
Max, wait. 最新余额
麦克斯别跑 -----------------------------
It's just a false alarm. I pulled it. -------------14--------------
这只是假警报而已是我拉响的 -----------------------------
So classy. Max, that car has been parked outside for a week now.
厉害麦克斯那台车都在外面停一周了
You weren't gonna pass that test, Do you think they're selling drugs?
不然你肯定考不过你觉得他们在贩毒吗
and I need you in that class with me. Let me rephrase that.
我需要你跟我一起上课我应该这么说
You did this for me? Are they selling drugs to you?
你是为了我才这么做的吗他们是在贩毒给你吗
Yeah, and for me too, I wasn't gonna pass either. No. They're not buying, either.
当然也是为了我自己我肯定也考不过不是他们也不是来跟我买的
But, look, when you were talking about me and Judy Hi. We have a new mochaccino cupcake.
just now, 你们好我们有全新的摩卡奇诺小蛋糕
但当你刚才谈到我和朱迪时 Oh, no. No, no, no. That car's not with us.
you seemed kind of weird, and-- 不别走那车跟我们无关
你看起来怪怪的 Well, that's the third customer that didn't stop
Oh, hey, I just had a weird moment yesterday 这是第三次有客人因为那台放饶舌音乐的车
我只是昨天突然有一刻感觉奇怪 because of that rap car.
when you were getting my dough wet 而直接走掉了
当你在帮我弄湿面团时 To be fair, this place wasn't Walmart on Black Friday
and I kinda got turned on, 老实说这车没来之前咱们这里也不是
我好像变得有点性奋 before the car showed up.
sort of thought I liked you. Yeah, gross, right? 人挤人的大卖场啊
有点觉得自己喜欢你很恶心对吧 - I'm gonna go ask it to move. - Cool.
Oh, right, yeah. Totally gross. - 我要去叫他挪下地方 -有种
对啊超级恶心 I'll tell your horse you died brave.
Anyway, dude, we're just bros. 我会告诉你的马你死得勇敢
总而言之我们是哥儿们 Stupid, but brave.
Okay, bro, but just so you know, 虽然死因很白痴但勇敢
好吧哥们但我要告诉你 At least take this pan,
nothing happened between me and Judy last night. 起码也带上这锅
昨晚我和朱迪什么事都没干 - and cover the part you wanna get shot in the least.
That's lame-- if you like a girl, - 挡住你最不想被射的部位
太逊了吧如果你喜欢一个女生 Hi. Can I talk to you for a second?
you should just grab her and kiss her. 您好能跟您聊两句吗
你应该紧紧抱住她亲她 I need to see your head at all times.
Okay. 你的脑袋不许离开我的视线范围内
好吧 First of all,
Was that weird? 首先
这会让你觉得奇怪吗 they're obsessed with me.
Yeah. And I liked it. 人家觉得我超正的
会不过我喜欢 Second of all,
Max, come on! 第二
麦克斯快走 I handled it.
Sorry to interrupt, 姐成功搞定了
抱歉打扰了 Have I been shot?
but we're supposed to evacuate the building. 我不会中枪了吧
但所有人都应该撤离这栋楼 Well, I did it. I saved the neighborhood.
There's no fire. Deke pulled the alarm. 我成功了我拯救了这一带
第 105 页 /共 192 页
You had a car towed. 我一直以为是从后往前擦
你就是让人把车拖走 What's up, Nat King Cool?
You didn't burn down the Bed Bath & Beyond. 你好吗纳·京·酷哥
你又不是把那件破寝具用品店给烧了纳·京·高尔是美国知名杰出黑人钢琴家与歌手
It wasn't the blue one with the tinted windows, And, my brother from a Jewish mother.
不会是那辆车窗黑色车身蓝色的车吧我老妈是犹太人的好兄弟
aka, the murder car? Hey, my daddy that just smoked a fatty.
又名杀手车我刚抽完一发的老爹
Aka, the murder car? Oh, look, Max, it's your boyfriend.
就是又名"杀手车"的那辆车你看麦克斯你男友来了
Tell me that's the name of the make and model, He's not my boyfriend. We just made out.
告诉我那只是车子车型的别名他不是我男友我们就亲热过而已
like, "The Toyota Murder"" I make out with people all the time.
像是"丰田杀手款" 我整天都有跟别人玩亲热
Are you sure you're not thinking of the Honda Stabbing? I made out with a guy in the diner last week.
你确定那款不是"本田捅人款"车型吗我上周还跟餐厅里的男的亲热呢
Caroline, some guy stopped by asking for you That wasn't making out.
卡洛琳有个男的来找你那才不是亲热
with a festive bandana and a teardrop tattoo. He was choking, and you gave him mouth-to-mouth.
他头戴节日头巾脸上还有泪滴刺青他是噎着了你给他做人工呼吸
A festive bandana and a teardrop tattoo-- Yeah, but it led to sex. Go away.
节日头巾还有泪滴刺青但后来就开房了走开啦
are you sure it wasn't my mother? Hey, Max, I came in to ask you something.
你确定那不是我妈吗麦克斯我来问你点事
He said he wanted to talk to you about his car, They're natural, and they hurt my back.
他说他想跟你谈谈他车子的事这对巨乳是纯天然的常害我腰酸背疼
so I gave him your number. I also wanted to know
所以我把你手机号给他了我也想知道
- Han! - I thought he was your friend. If you want to hang tomorrow night.
- 你不是吧 -我以为他是你朋友嘛明晚要不要一起出去
I don't have friends with tattoos. We could watch TV with our shirts off.
我才没有身上有刺青的朋友我们可以一起裸上身看电视
I don't even have friends with split ends. Maybe.
我的朋友甚至连头发都不能有分叉好吗看看吧
You gave a stranger my number. And I'll buy you some dinner if you put out.
你把我的手机号给了陌生人如果你愿意献身我就请你吃晚饭
Your number, your E-mail, and your address. Ooh, so like a date.
不止手机号还有电邮和地址所以算是约会吗
What? You're a busy girl. I'm willing to throw $10, $15 at this thing.
干嘛你是大忙人我愿意为这个花个 10 到 15 块钱吧
I didn't know the best way for him to reach you. You want to throw $15 at my thing?
我不知道他用哪种方法才能联系上你嘛你愿意为我"那个"花 15 块钱吗
Oh, my God. Max, am I in trouble? Great.
天啊麦克斯我是不是摊上事了太爽了
Pick-up, dead meat. I usually charge $5.
上菜死肉一团我一般只收 5 块
What does that mean? You came all the way here to ask me out?
这话什么意思你大老远跑来就是想约我出去吗
It means it's never a good idea to have I'm old-fashioned.
意思就是叫人拖走车窗全黑的车我这人比较老派
a car with tinted windows towed. Plus, I dropped my phone in the toilet.
从来都不是个好主意还有就是我手机掉马桶里了
That's rule number one. - See ya tomorrow. - Okay.
这不是天字第一号规矩吗 - 明天见 -好
I thought rule number one was, Now go. I have a job to not do.
我以为天字第一号规矩是走开啦人家还要偷懒不干活呢
"always wipe front to back." - Okay. - Go, idiot.
"女生擦屁屁要从前往后" - 好啦 -快走啦白痴
- Max, I'm worried. - Me too. Okay, dummy.
- 麦克斯我好担心啊 -我也是走就走你个傻瓜
I thought it was back to front. Okay, Han, I can't hold you up anymore.
第 106 页 /共 192 页
阿憨我手没劲了撑不住你了 Call Deke and cancel,
Max, I think I just saw the murder car go by, 打给迪克取消约会
麦克斯我好像看到杀手车 or else you might come home to find me in a pool of
out the bathroom window. blood.
从我们浴室窗子外经过不然你回家可能会看到我倒卧血池之中
What exactly did you see? Oh, I always wanted a pool.
你实际上看到了什么我一直想要有个池子呢
A car. - Oh, no, it's them, here to kill me. - It couldn't be.
一台车 - 惨了是他们要来杀我了 -不可能
No, seriously, I think it followed me home. I haven't paid them all the money yet.
我是认真的我觉得他跟踪我回家我还没跟他们结清全款呢
Well, three years ago, you followed me home, Oh, hi, girls.
三年前你也"跟着"我回家啊姑娘们
so we're even. You know, I just came from the dentist's office.
所以互不赊欠我刚从牙医那边回来
There you go, Nancy. Did you know that Michael Jackson died?
去吃吧南茜你们知道迈克·杰克逊死了吗
Okay, I'm off on my date. 法拉·弗西活跃于上世纪 70 年代的美国女星
好我要出门约会去了 Oh, and Farrah Fawcett too?
You can't leave me here alone. 还有法拉·弗西也死了吗
你不能就这么丢下我 Oh, no, I've got to sit down.
There's a murder car out there. 不是吧我得坐下来缓缓
外面有杀手车在蹲点杀我呢 Well, since you're here,
Relax. No one is after you. 既然你都来了
别吓唬自己没人要追杀你 do you want to stay and have a girls' night?
Oh, really? 你想留下来过个闺蜜之夜吗
是吗 Oh, that's sounds like fun.
What about the person who yelled, 听起来很不错
那我们回家路上听到的那声 It's just me and you. Max has a date.
"watch yo back, bitch" when we were walking home? 就我跟你而已麦克斯得去约会
"罩子放亮点贱人" 那人又是啥意思 And Caroline's afraid to be alone.
That was me, to that girl scout. 其实是卡洛琳害怕独处
那是我对女童军喊的 Well, if you don't want to be alone,
If you tell someone you're carrying thin mints, 如果你害怕独处
她们卖饼干时敢说有薄荷味饼干 then why do you act the way you do?
you best be carrying thin mints. 那你为啥平常还表现出一副作女样
最好保证是真的有大麻饼干 I got to go meet Deke.
Max, you're coming back tonight, right? 我要去见迪克了
麦克斯你今晚会回来的吧 We are going out to get wasted,
I'm kind of afraid. 我们要喝到酩酊大醉
我真的有点怕 hopefully to the point of blowing chunks on each other's
I've never been here alone at night. shoes.
我从来自己晚上一个人在家里待着最好是醉到能往对方鞋子上呕吐那样
If you don't want to be alone, why don't you call Han? But imagine it a little less romantic than it sounds.
你不想一个人的话为什么不打给阿憨请别把它想象得跟字面上那么浪漫
Very funny. Well, Caroline, it's just me and you.
笑死人了卡洛琳就剩我和你了
I did. Han's busy. I know. I thought it'd be fun if--
我打过了他没空对啊我觉得会挺好...
He's going to a country square dance on Second Life. Well, we tried.
他要在"第二人生"里赴乡村方块舞之约我们尽力了
It's an online game, Good night.
这是一款网游晚安
but he says it's more of a lifestyle. Don't go.
但他说那更像是一种生活方式别走啊
Don't you have to have a first life Dangerous people are after me.
他现实第一人生都玩不转了有危险人物盯上我了
to have a second life? You know, in Poland, when the Cossacks came,
还敢学人玩第二人生在我们波兰哥萨克人来袭的时候
Max, please stay. we would boil water
麦克斯求你别走我们会煮一大锅热水
第 107 页 /共 192 页
and then throw it in their faces 然后自认为"没事可以说给她听"吗
然后往他们脸上泼 No, my brain was like, "don't say it,
and then make soup. 没我的脑子在想"千万别说
然后熬汤喝 don't say it, don't say it, don't say it"
Anyway, have a good one. Wait. 绝对别说千万别说"
好了晚安等等 And then it was...
Hello? 然后又变成想
谁啊 Brown chicken, brown cow.
Rula? Yes. 捅了个洞洞
萝拉是的 Well, this is me.
No, I have absolutely nothing to do tonight. 我家到了
不忙我今晚超级无敌闲 What do you want me to say--
Well, Nancy, looks like it's just you and me. 你想我说什么
南茜看来今晚我们只有彼此了 "Congratulations. You live in a building"?
Yep, you and me and this magazine from 2009. "恭喜你你住大楼里吗"
我和你再加上这本 2009 年的杂志 No, that would be lame. I don't live in a building.
Ah, 2009-- 那样多逊啊我不住楼里
2009 年 I live here.
the last year I had anything. 我住这里
那是我当白富美的最后一年 Where? All I see is a dumpster.
Let's see, Nancy. 哪里我就看到一个垃圾箱
来看看南茜 Yeah, it's my apartment.
What are we gonna read here? 对啊那就是我的公寓
来看看里面写了什么 I converted it, and I live inside.
"New York city more dangerous than ever." 我把它改装了然后住里面
"纽约犯罪率达到历史新高" It's totally green.
Okay, that's it. We're done. 完全绿色哦
够了不看这破玩意了 I mean, it's horrible for the environment,
That's just a horn, right? 不是环保的那种绿色
只是普通按喇叭吧 but it's the color green.
Or is it a signal? 是外边油漆是绿色的
还是这是什么信号 Oh, you're not kidding.
No offense, Nancy, 你真不是在开玩笑啊
南茜不是看不起你 You live in a dumpster?
but we really need a dog in this situation. 你真的住垃圾箱里吗
但这情况我们真的很需要一条狗 This is usually the part where the girl says
Oh, guess what. 通常跟我回来的女生都是在这环节
你猜怎么着 she has to be up early tomorrow
We happen to be in my neighborhood. 说她得回家明早得早起
这里正好是我的地盘呢 or call the police.
Oh, you are smooth. 或者打电话报警
你泡妞可真有一套 - So do you have to go? - Yeah.
Also, you aggressively steered me here - 所以你也要走了吗 -对啊
你明摆着硬拉我来这一带 I have to go inside the freakin' cool dumpster.
and stopped at a bodega to buy me condoms. 我要走进这屌爆的垃圾箱啊
经过杂货店时还进去给我买了保险套 And if you think it's cool now, watch this.
So you want to come back to my place, and... 更屌的还在后头你看
你想要跟我回家然后... My dumpster's a grower, not a shower.
- Brown chicken brown cow? 我的垃圾箱是"越变越大" 不是"乍看挺大"
- 捅了个洞洞吗 Holy crap. This is amazing.
Brown chicken what? 我靠太赞了
捅了个什么来着 You have a sink in here and a stove.
最早来自歌曲 Bow Chika wow wow 你这里面还有水槽跟炉灶
后来常被用来表示发情淫荡 Is it heated in here, or did you teach the rats
You know, "bowm chica wowm wowm," but I made it... 这里面是有暖气还是你教了老鼠
本来不是"啪了个啪啪"吗我改编成 to shovel coal into the engine?
brown chicken, brown cow. 怎么铲煤进蒸汽机里
捅了个洞洞嘛 Yes, but there's also solar panels on the roof.
So you thought of that in your head, 没错还有屋顶上的太阳能板
所以你脑海里想到这个哏 And a microwave
and your brain was like, "That's okay to say"? 还有微波炉呢
第 108 页 /共 192 页
and a bathroom right here. This is really nice.
这里还有马桶呢这感觉真好
You have a microwave next to your toilet? Yeah, it is.
你的微波炉放在马桶旁边啊是啊
You're a genius! - I got to go. - You got to go?
你真他妈是天才 - 我走了 -你得走啦
That's the smartest way to eat a burrito. Yeah, I live, uh, all the way over by the diner.
全天下最聪明的吃辣味墨西哥卷的方法对啊我住在餐厅附近那边
I think of everything. Plus, I got to pull these boots on.
我考虑周到嘛而且我还得穿上这些靴子
And if you don't like your neighbors, And I got a horse and a cat,
如果你不喜欢你的邻居们我还有一匹马和一只猫
you push your house to a new street. possibly a dead roommate, so...
就可以直接把家推到新的街上去还有个可能挂掉的室友所以...
Or you could just kill them Right. You got to be up early.
或者直接杀了他们懂了你明天得早起
and throw their bodies in here. Yeah, but not like that.
然后把尸体都扔这里面是但不是你想的那样
Added bonus--no rent. It's just, like--
还有个好处不用租金就只是...
And the chinese restaurant next door where's the door handle?
而且隔壁的中餐馆门把在那里
always tosses their garbage on my roof. Is it the coffee pot?
还老是把他们的垃圾丢来我屋顶是这个咖啡罐吗
Free delivery, yo. I can't get out.
免费外送爽我出不去
You don't have to tell me. I'm used to climbing out of these things.
这里不用你介绍我一般出垃圾箱是用爬的
I read all about this place in "Dumpster Living." Ah, it's right here.
我在"垃圾箱生活"上有读过了就在这里
I'll take it. Oh. Sure you don't want to stay?
我要了你确定你不留下吗
All right, but it comes with a very handsome Chinese restaurant just delivered.
行但随屋附赠一只中餐馆的外卖刚送来了哦
stuffed animal of a man with hair that gets him There's that horn again.
有着被百货保安怀疑跟踪的发型的那喇叭又响了
followed by security at Macy's. There is no way this is not about us.
超帅气充气玩偶这绝对跟我们有关
I'm not just saying this 'cause you live in a dumpster, Max, it's me again.
我这么说不是因为你住在垃圾箱麦克斯又是我
but I'll take some... Why do you even have a phone
但现在你要是都不接电话
brown chicken, brown cow right now. if you're not gonna pick it up?
我的洞洞想被捅几下要手机来干嘛
So what was your first time having sex in a dumpster And also, you are a grown lady.
like? 还有你已经是成年人了
所以你在垃圾箱里的"初体验"感觉如何 Why is your outgoing message a fart?
A lot like the other times I've had sex in a dumpster. 为什么你的彩铃是屁声呢
跟我以前在垃圾箱里的体验很像啊 And I am sure you're in the middle of
Next time I'm gonna be naked. 我相信你现在正忙着做
下一次我就会全裸上场 having very silly sex,
Next time I won't be wearing this hat. 无聊的性爱
下一次我也不会戴着帽子 but it is a nightmare around here.
I hope you don't mind. 但家里已经乱成一团
希望你不要介意 Chestnut, Nancy, and I are all convinced
- I sleep like this. - Aah! Get off me. 栗宝南茜跟我都觉得
- 但我都这么睡觉 -放开我 that the murder car is still circling
Oh, so nice to have a live body under me for a change. 那台杀手车在外面打转
换个活人在我身下的感觉就是好啊 and about to take us all out.
Stop! You're crushing me! 准备把我们全部干掉
别弄了我要被你压扁了 So self-involved.
第 109 页 /共 192 页
她这人真自恋这态度也变太快了吧
This water is taking forever to boil. We're all entitled to Obamacare.
这水烧开得也太慢了吧不是全民都能用奥巴马医保吗
The best I could do now is offer the killers That's what that Rachel Maddow guy said.
我现在顶多也只能给杀手们电视上的主持人就这么说的
warm tea before they dismember me. 奥巴马医改方案该法律规定所有人民都应拥有健康
在肢解我前泡上一壶茶医疗保险
That'd be funny if you got jokes. 而其网站注册的技术问题至今未能完全解决所以未
如果你们能听懂一定觉得好笑能全民推行
Okay, guys, here's the plan. I'll need more information than that.
两位计划是这样我需要更多资料
If they come in that door, we go out this door. Password, Malia?
如果他们走前门咱们就从后门撤密码是玛利亚
If they come in that door, Chestnut, you block them, You clowns need to figure out your insurance
如果他们从后门来栗宝你就挡住他们 information
and, Nancy, you go for their eyes. 你们俩傻逼得先回家想想你们的健保资料
南茜你就去抓瞎他们 and come back to me in about two hours
You know what? Let's just say our good-byes now. 然后两个小时后再回来
算了大难临头各自飞吧 when I'm on my sofa,
Boil, boil, boil. 而到时我会在沙发上
快烧开快烧开啊 drinking whiskey out of a coffee mug.
No time! 用马克杯喝着威士忌等你们
没时间了 Max, let's just sit.
Whoever you are, I have a pot of pretty hot water! 麦克斯先坐下
门外的人我手上有锅很烫的水 They have to take us, by law.
What is all this junk? 按法律他们一定得让我们就诊
这堆玩意是怎么回事 I know because I used to complain about that.
My legs! My beautiful legs! 我以前常抱怨这点所以我知道
我的腿我的美腿啊 Max, can you take that flu season pamphlet
I burned my toe cleavage. 麦克斯你能拿那个流感小册子
我的脚指沟烫伤了 - and fan my feet? - No.
And it's the only cleavage I have. - 帮我扇扇脚趾吗 -不要
那是我身上唯一的"沟"呢 I'm not touching anything in here,
If it helps, your toes do look bigger. 我才不要碰这里面的任何东西
但好歹你的脚趾看起来的确"大"了 'cause I was never vaccinated...
Thank God I have these flip-flops 我从没接打过任何疫苗
幸好我还有这双拖鞋 or loved.
I used to wear in your shower before I gave up. 或被疼爱过
是以前进浴室穿的后来索性跟你一样不穿了 - Who is it? - It's Deke.
Yes, hi, I have a complete emergency. - 谁啊 -是迪克
你好我的伤势十万火急 You're not gonna answer it?
My legs are burned. 你不接电话吗
我的腿烫伤了 No, right now, I am very concerned about your legs.
Okay, I hear you. 不要现在我比较担心你的腿
好我明白了 Aw. You're lying.
I'll put you right behind the guy whose legs just came 真会撒谎
off. What happened between you and Deke?
我帮你排到那个断了腿的男人后面吧你跟迪克怎么了
Thank you. I appreciate that. Why did you even come home tonight?
谢谢太感激你了为什么你还会跑回家呢
See, I just got burned with pretty hot water, Was the sex bad?
我刚才被很烫的水给烫了对"做"得不够好吗
and I wear a lot of peep-toe shoes. Did you hit him?
而我很常会穿露脚趾鞋你是不是打他了
- Insurance provider? - I'd like to use my Obamacare. No, the sex was fine.
- 健康保险公司是 -用我的奥巴马医保其实"做"得还行啦
Oh, Obamacare? Why didn't you say so? Actually, it was better than fine.
奥巴马医保啊怎么不早说呢其实不只是还行
Come right in. It was great and I wanted to stay.
快进来而是超棒而且我也想留下来过夜
What is the problem? - So...? - So I left immediately.
第 110 页 /共 192 页
- 所以呢 -所以我立刻走人啦 Uh... uh, very sweet, and you seem great,
Max, don't take this the wrong way, 你这番举动很贴心你也像是好人
麦克斯别误会我意思 but I'm already in a relationship
but it sounds like you found someone 但我已经跟一个戴红头巾的人
但听起来你终于找到了 with a guy in a red bandana.
who finally makes you happy 在一起了
一位能让你开心的人 No worries. Just thought I'd ask.
and you're trying to ruin it. 没关系我就问问
但你却故意破坏这段感情 What did you just do?
Oh, that's what this feeling is. 你刚才干嘛了
原来我的感觉是这么回事 You never say no to a guy with tinted windows.
- Well, I got to get rid of it. - Why? 永远不要拒绝车窗贴黑的男人
- 我得抽离这段感情 -为什么 That's rule number two.
I wasn't raised to be happy. 这是天字第二号规矩
我从小就被培养成不开心的人 Well, his number's on here. I can always call him back.
I was raised to believe canned meat is as good as it gets. 他的电话在上面我随时可以找他啊
我从小就被灌输罐装肉就是最好的肉 Then we can both be in relationships
Earl, I spilled hot water on my feet. 然后我们就可以一起跟
厄尔我的腿被热水烫伤了 we don't want to be in.
You can't imagine how much pain I'm in. 不喜欢的人处对象了
你绝对想象不到我正承受着多大痛苦 - Relationship? - Deke.
Well, I kicked heroin in a 7/11 bathroom - 什么对象 -迪克啊
我把自己关在一家 7-11 的厕所里 You're gonna see him at pastry school tomorrow.
for three days. 你明天就会在学校见到他
戒了三天的毒 He's gonna wanna know.
But sorry about your burnt tootsies though. 他肯定想知道被甩的原因
但你的脚趾被烫到真是太可怜了 Guys never wanna know.
Caroline, sorry I didn't text you back. 男人从来不想知道
卡洛琳抱歉没回你短信 In fact, they are dying not to know.
I would've come over last night, 他们死都不想知道原因
本来我昨晚愿意过去你家的 Max, why'd you leave last night?
but my Second Life wife had a baby. 麦克斯为啥你昨晚要走
但我"第二人生"里的老婆生了孩子 I wanna know.
I just can't believe you had 我想知道原因
我真不敢相信 I mean, you were all like, "Wham-bam, thank you, man."
fake sex nine months ago and didn't tell anyone. 你昨晚本来都已经是"捅捅捅谢赏炮"
九个月前你就跟人假做爱了却一直保密到现在 And yeah, my brain was like, "Don't say it,
Excuse me. 我的脑子刚才也在说"千万别说
打扰一下 don't say it, don't say it, don't say it,"
I'm looking for a skinny blonde that works here. 绝对别说千万别说"
我想找在这里工作的金发瘦妞 but I said it.
Uh... She died. 但我还是问了
她死了 What's going on?
- She right over there. - Ooh, she came back to life! 到底怎么回事
- 她就在那边 -她复活了 Uh... The sex was bad.
Hallelujah! 做爱做得太差劲了
赞美上帝 What about the scratches on my back?
Hey, I got something for you. 那你在我背上留的抓痕是怎么回事
我有东西要给你 I was trying to get away.
No! 我是想挣脱
不要啊 I'll just leave you two alone.
- It's a mix tape. - No! 我就不当电灯泡了
- 是自制专辑 -不要啊 I'll just be over here, looking at my mix tape.
I made it for you. 我就在一边看看我的自制专辑吧
我特别为你制作的 Oh, track one, "Make It Nasty."
I'm sorry my brother threw that cupcake at you. 第一首歌 "淫荡点"
我兄弟拿小蛋糕丢你真是对不起 You're right, Max.
He's gluten-free and upset about it. 你说得对麦克斯
他对谷蛋白过敏所以闹脾气 The sex was bad, really bad.
So can I take you out sometime? 昨晚做爱超差劲超不爽
我有机会带你出去约会吗 And it was worse when we did it the second time.
第 111 页 /共 192 页
我们做第二次的时候又更差劲 Look.
And that third time was a disaster. 听好
而第三次简直就是场灾难 If you want me in that dumpster,
I mean, I only lasted 47 minutes, and you screamed. 如果你想要我进那垃圾箱
我只坚持了 47 分钟而已而你尖叫个屁啊 you'll have to get me there the traditional way.
Okay, walking away has to be 你就得用传统的方法带我进去
忍痛走远点也比不上 Duct tape my wrists,
less painful than hearing this. 胶带捆我手腕
听这对话来得难受 throw a bag over my head, and toss me in.
No, stay, Caroline. We'll go outside. 布袋盖我头然后扔我进去
不用卡洛琳我跟她去外面谈 - Awful, huh? - So bad.
Max, come with me for a second. - 很不给力吧 -太差了
麦克斯跟我来 Want to do it again later,
I wanna show you something. 想等会再来一发
我想让你看个东西 and then sleep over tonight, and then do it again?
Just whip it out here. 然后在这过夜然后再来一发吗
直接"放鸟"出来吧 Sure.
You wouldn't be the first guy to do that tonight. 好啊
反正你也不会是今晚这里第一个露鸟的人 Are we ever gonna do it naked?
Nor will he be the last. 我们能有光着身子"做"的机会吗
也不会是最后一个 Yeah, when you move into a place
Okay, what do you wanna show me? 等你搬进一个有足够空间
你到底想让我看什么 big enough for me to take my pants off.
Is that your dumpster? 让我的巨臀出鞘的地方吧
那是你的垃圾箱之家吗 Look, I got to warn you.
Look, you said you couldn't stay over 我得先警告你
你说你不能留下是因为 I don't know how to be happy.
because you lived all the way over by the diner, 我不知道怎么开心
餐厅离我那太远了 Then why do you have that big smile on your face?
so I moved it here to figure out 那你脸上为什么有这么大的笑容
所以我就把它拖过来 I'm faking it.
what your next excuse would be. 那是假笑
看看你下次要用什么借口 Why is it shaking? Are we still having sex?
Um, I'm racist. 为什么床还在摇我们还在做爱吗
我有种族歧视 Thank you, sir. Enjoy your cupcake.
Yeah, me too. White girls are a hassle. 谢谢你了也请好好享用小蛋糕
我也是白人女最事儿精了 Max?
What else? 麦克斯
还有呢 Don't tow us. This is Deke's house.
You have a bird on your shirt. 别拖走我们啊这是迪克的家
你的衣服上有鸟图案 He lives in a dumpster?
You love it. 他住在垃圾箱里吗
你明明很爱 Yeah, but on purpose.
I do. 是啊但他是故意的
的确 But you're coming home tonight, right?
What else? 你今晚还是会回家的对吧
还有吗 Max, Max!
- I got nothin'. - Good. 麦克斯麦克斯
- 想不出了 -非常好 Han?
So what do you say 阿憨
所以何不 Han, what are you doing tonight?
you stop being such a stupid face, 阿憨你今晚有空吗
别再像个白痴一样目前资金
and get your sweet dumper 目前资金
赶紧带着你性感屁屁最新余额
into my dumpster right now, 最新余额
爬进我的垃圾箱吧最新余额
where a brown chicken and a brown cow -----------------------------
"棕鸡"跟"棕牛"正耐心地 -------------15--------------
are waiting patiently for you. -----------------------------
在里面等着跟你啪啪啪呢 Max, your boyfriend is naked
第 112 页 /共 192 页
麦克斯你的男朋友正裸身大家安安
and waving from the dumpster he calls his apartment. I just heard two hobos getting freaky in the garbage.
从他称为公寓的垃圾箱家中跟你招手我刚听到了俩流浪汉在垃圾箱里瞎搞呢
Make sure it's Deke. Sophie, that was Max and Deke.
先看清是不是他苏菲那是麦克斯跟迪克
Last time you said that, I went over, Oh, I get it.
上次你也这么说结果我过去我懂了
and it was just a naked meth head in a normal You gotta do crazy things to keep it fresh.
dumpster. 要玩点刺激才能保持新鲜感
那人只是个在普通垃圾箱里裸体的瘾君子 You know, I once had sex on a bus,
I mean, we had a blast, but still. 我曾经试过在巴士上跟人乱搞
虽然也爽了一晚但还是要看清楚 and I was driving it.
Well, at least that meth head bought a bunch of 而且我还是司机哦
cupcakes. Boy, were those kids late to school.
好歹那瘾君子还买过不少小蛋糕可惜啊车上的孩子上学还是迟到了
I mean, he thought they were alive, That's it, I am marching over there
虽然他是以为小蛋糕是活物够了我要杀过去那里
but he bought them. and putting my foot down with Max.
但好歹有掏钱买啊跟麦克斯谈判
Hey, I'm gonna cut out early. No one has sex on my clock.
我要提早闪人了没人能在我的上班钟点乱搞
You're sleeping over again? Well, maybe your clock's not big enough.
你又要去过夜吗可能是因为你的"钟点"不够大
Seriously, Max, sleeping in a dumpster? That's it. No more free jell-o.
不是吧麦克斯真又去睡垃圾箱吗够了以后你没免费果冻吃了
Are you trying to bring SARS back? Max!
你是想让非典卷土重来吗麦克斯
Well, I did bring it in the first time, Max, open up.
非典也是我第一时间传进美国的麦克斯开门
And that is the last time I hook up I'm very upset.
那也是我最后一次我现在超火大
with a bat in Thailand. More upset than that time
在泰国跟蝙蝠瞎搞比你上次替我报名
Hey, Max. you enrolled me in little league.
麦克斯参加少年棒球联盟还火大
Max is 45 minutes late. Hey, it was your decision to play the full season.
麦克斯迟到 45 分钟了但是你自己决定要打完整季的啊
And she better not say she have a prostate exam Oh, goody, I was hoping for some hecklers at this,
她最好别再说是去做前列腺检查了太好了我最低潮的时候正"想要"有人
'- cause I'm not falling for that again. my lowest moment.
- 这次我不会再上当受骗了在旁唧唧歪歪呢
Relax, she's just down the street at Deke's place. Hey, if the dumpster's rockin',
别这样她就在隔壁迪克家如果垃圾箱在晃动
You know how it is when you first start sleeping with 出自歌曲《If the house is rockin'》歌词
somebody, "如果屋里正在摇滚就不用费心敲门了"
你应该懂当你新处一个对象的时候 don't bother knockin', baby.
and you can't keep your hands off each other. 敲破门也没人理你
都会爱不释手整天想腻在一起 Hey, man.
Yeah, just take my word for it. 你好小兄弟
总之你信我说的就行了 Hello, little girl.
I know I couldn't keep my hands off my first love. 你好女童军
我就对我的初恋"爱不释手" I'll take three boxes of samoas and a thin mints.
I'm talking, of course, about my penis. 我要三盒萨摩亚与一盒薄荷口味饼干
当然我说的是我的"大雕" Don't forget my tagalongs.
I've had enough! 我也要盒香花巧
我受够了 They're called peanut butter patties now.
You two girls walk all over me. 现在那口味是叫"香草花生巧克力"
有你们俩妞这么踩我的吗 Why must I be that person?
A baby can walk all over you. 我为啥要这么讨打
连个婴儿都能踩你吧 What up, fools?
Hi, everybody. 你们好啊呆瓜们
第 113 页 /共 192 页
Hey, girl. 赢了的队伍可以免一周的学费
你好啊小荡妇 and also--how do you say-- bragging rights.
Max, you're 48 minutes late for work. 而且还有怎么说呢可以使劲显摆
麦克斯你上班迟到 48 分钟了 Hurry!
Look, little Debbie, 快点啊
张君雅小妹妹 - Move faster, Lindsay Slow-hands.
We're in here preparing for - 动作快点琳赛·罗韩
我们是在这忙着准备 Forget about it, big Mary.
a big pastry school competition tomorrow. 放弃吧大玛丽
明天烘焙学校的重要比赛 These competition is ours.
And having sex. 这比赛我们赢定了
以及做爱 Deke and I are broke. We need this more than you.
And if you ever interrupt me while I am studying... 迪克跟我都是穷逼我们比你更需要赢
如果你胆敢怒犯姐威打扰姐学习 15 seconds!
And having sex. 倒数 15 秒
以及做爱 Bonjour, Caroline.
Again, I will dropkick your baby-powdered ass 你好啊卡洛琳
姐就要把你那擦了爽身粉的屁屁 This is a real treat.
back to the shire with the other hobbits. 见到你真是赏心悦目
给踢回去跟其他哈比人团聚 Don't do that. You're married.
I told her. 少来这套你结婚了
我警告她了 I'm only here in an official capacity.
Did you? 我来这里纯粹是为了公事
有咩 Bebe's in an emotional ball in the hall.
All flowers must be set on top of the cakes 碧碧理智线断了在走廊里发疯呢
蛋糕花得在我们喊"时间到"前 Ten seconds!
by the time we call "time." 倒数 10 秒
就统统摆上蛋糕 Come on, girl.
- Everyone, final touches. 加油妹子
- 大伙们最后装饰 Bring it home, bring it home!
That's what I used to say 把花放上去快放上去
这句话也是我还在 I am way too excited about this.
when I finished my shift at Hooters. 我对这事真是亢奋过头了
猫头鹰餐厅打工时下班前会说的 Okay, everybody.
猫头鹰餐厅专门请巨乳辣妹当店员好了各位
制服十分曝露 I see a clear favorite here.
Hot. You still got that uniform? 最好的蛋糕花很明显了
性感啊那制服还有留着吗 But, Caroline, in truth,
Oh, not sure it'd fit me anymore. 但卡洛琳说实话
不知道还合身不 if I were to pick the prettiest flower in the room,
I used to have really big boobs. 如果是要我选这里最漂亮的一朵花
我以前可是有对超巨乳 I'd pick you.
Bebe, how much time is there left? 我会选你
碧碧还剩多少时间 That is...incredibly obvious
For all of us? 那...不是明摆着的吗
我们所有人吗 and incredibly accurate.
Oh, oh, gosh, I'd say two months, tops. 你的选择十分正确
天啊我们最多还剩两个月可以活吧 Oh, come on! Get a stairwell!
No, no, for the cake competition. 克制点好歹去楼梯间再搞吧
不是我是说蛋糕比赛 - Your timer. - Merci.
Oh, 60 seconds. - 你的计时表 -谢谢
还剩 60 秒 Just tell us who won.
Only 60 seconds? Come on! 快说谁赢了吧
只剩 60 秒了不是吧 The winners are, I am very happy to say...
I'm sorry, I can't handle this pressure. 我很高兴宣布赢家是
抱歉我承受不了这么大压力 Max and Deke.
It's only a matter of time 麦克斯与迪克
再这么紧张下去 You were amazing! I love you.
before I start eating my eyelashes again. 你刚才太牛了我爱你
我很快又要开始吃自己的眼睫毛了 I love you too.
The winning team will earn a free week of class. 我也爱你
第 114 页 /共 192 页
Wait, you do? 这家伙就住在垃圾箱里呢
等等真的吗 You are such a snob.
Do you? 你真势利眼
那你说真的吗 It doesn't bother you he has to move his house
Yeah...I do. 你不觉得他每到收垃圾的日子
没错我是啊 every Tuesday between 10:00 and 2:00?
Yeah, well, I do too, 就得把他的垃圾箱挪走很烦吗
好吧我也是 No, I've always wanted to travel.
So suck on that. 没我一生放荡不羁爱旅游
恭喜你倒大霉啦 Come on, you can't really be in love with him, right?
Okay, two important things. 你不是吧你不会真的是爱他吧
好吧两件重要的事 I mean, you can't love Deke.
One, I'm the guy you've been talking to on OkCupid. 你怎么能爱上迪克
一我就是在百合网上跟你聊的那个人 Max, you're in love with that cute mochaccino homeless
And two, I need five minutes of girl talk guy
二我想跟你有五分钟的姐妹淘聊天时间麦克斯你爱上那咖啡色皮肤犹太爆炸头
and not a minute more with the jew-fro?
五分钟就好无家可归的小伙了吗
because I'm worried it'll turn me into a girl. He is not homeless.
因为时间多了我怕我会变成女人他才不是无家可归
Go. Tell me. He lives in a beautifully decorated dumpster.
来说吧他住在一个装修精美的垃圾箱里
Leave nothing out, leave everything in. So homeless?
知无不言言无不尽也就是无家可归
I said something today I never thought I'd say. I get it.
我今天说了一句我从没想过会说的话我理解你
"Thank you"? You know, I used to be engaged
"谢谢"吗我以前也曾经跟
I said "I love you" to Deke. to a man who lived in the sewers.
我对迪克说"我爱你"了一个住在下水道的男人订过婚
He said, "I love you," and I said it back. Yeah, the heart wants what it wants.
是他先说"我爱你" 然后我也说了没办法心之所向身之所往
Oh, cool. Good for you. Plus he told me he was friends
很好恭喜你而且他说他跟
Wait, that's it? with The Mutant Ninja Turtles,
等等就这样吗 "忍者龟"们是好友
I finally decide to cave and be a girl for you, and they were a huge deal at the time.
我最终决定低下头跟你当闺蜜当年他们可是风靡全球啊
and you hang me out to dry? At the time?
你就这么把我晾着吗什么当年
I've seen movies. If he can introduce me to Donatello, get him back.
我看过电影好吗如果他能介绍我跟紫乌龟认识麻烦跟他复合
You're supposed to jump around and say, How did you know you loved this...sewer man?
你应该是要跳起来然后说那你怎么知道你是不是真的爱这个...下水道男
"this calls for a Margarita!" Well, he made me laugh.
"鸡尾酒庆祝时间到啦" 他总能让我笑
This calls for a Margarita! He was very passionate,
"鸡尾酒庆祝时间到啦" 他也热情四射
Too much, too late. and I wanted to be with him constantly.
太假也太晚还我无时无刻都想跟他黏在一起
Your first reaction said everything, Probably because he got me hooked on heroin.
你的第一反应就说明了一切可能因为他让我染上海洛因毒瘾吧
and your second one was just annoying. That was a crazy summer.
而你的第二反应只是让人恶心那一年的夏天真疯狂
I'm sorry, I just didn't think See? I feel the same way.
对不起嘛我只是没想到你看我也有这种感觉
you were taking him so seriously. Minus the heroin part, unfortunately.
你会对他这么认真可惜的是没有海洛因这一部分
He has no money. Can I use your bathroom?
他一毛钱都没有我能用一下你的厕所吗
I mean, the man lives in a dumpster. I have to tinkle, and there's a wasp in mine.
第 115 页 /共 192 页
我想嘘嘘可是我家厕所里有胡蜂你还有"爱"别的东西吗
Go ahead, Sophie. Well, I loved the Karate Kid movies
去吧苏菲我以前也爱《功夫小子》这部电影啊
What's that look? 《功夫小子》1984 年经典电影在 2010 年时翻拍
你那是什么眼神由威尔·史密斯的儿子与成龙主演评价一般
Is the wasp behind me? until will smith's kid ruined them.
胡蜂在我背后吗直到后来被威尔史密斯的儿子毁了
I can't believe you. Okay, can we please be serious for a minute?
我真不敢相信我们能正经说两句吗
Even after three years of being friends with me, Did you just say "I love you" because I said it first?
你都跟我做了 3 年的朋友了你说"我也爱你"时是因为我先说的吗
you still have a thing against poor people. Look, honestly, yes.
你心里还是歧视穷人老实说的确是
Max, you love him, I can love him. But I definitely meant it, I think.
麦克斯你爱他我也能喜欢他但不只是顺口回答是真心的吧
I just have to get to know him better. Look, I suck at this stuff.
但我需要多了解他一点表白我很不在行
Invite me over to the garbage can This and not laughing when kids fall.
邀请我去那垃圾箱里看到小孩跌倒不笑的功力也很差
for a wine and cheese party. Just know that if/when I say it again,
办一个奶酪美酒派对啊但如果有天或当我再说出口时
Wait a minute. Wine and cheese party? I will mean it.
等等奶酪美酒派对吗我绝对是真心的
Oh, I'm gonna bring my new boy toy. I can totally wait-- I love you, Max.
我要带我的新男宠过去我能等我爱你麦克斯
He's the caesar salad pepperer at the Olive Garden. Nice try, sneaky.
他是自助餐店里的凯撒色拉撒胡椒专员你这招还真"隐晦"啊
No dates, Sophie. Oh, hi. Come on in.
不能带伴苏菲你来啦进来吧
The place is so small, And be nice. Remember, you barely have a bed.
那里面小到别毒舌你那张床也不是真正的床
I once accidentally took it home in my purse. Don't worry. I love this area.
我有一次不小心就放包里带回家了别紧张我好喜欢这一区
This camembert smells like feet, I met your neighbor, the mattress.
这卡忙贝尔奶酪一股脚臭味我见到你邻居了那张床垫
so you know it's good. - Oh, that queen?
所以肯定是好货 - 那"女王"吗
Look at you, Mayor McCheese. So would you like a cabernet or a shiraz?
你看你芝士堡市长要解百纳还是西拉
芝士堡市长麦当劳的故事虚拟人物中一员 Shiraz.
So fancy.
稀拉
真奢华 Oh, that's a real name?
It's just the usual diner crew, you know.
真有葡萄酒叫这个啊
就是餐厅的熟人而已嘛 Some interesting pairings here.
We serve imitation imitation crab.
这里的搭配挺有意思的
我们餐厅里卖假的假蟹肉呢 In fact, I'm looking at one as we speak.
Well, I just wanted to class the place up for you.
其实我眼前这对情侣也是
只是想为你提高一下这里的档次嘛 Please, someone else come right now.
You know, get some wine, get some cheese, flush.
神啊赶紧让下一位客人来敲门吧
摆上葡萄酒和奶酪外加上完厕所冲水 Hi, everyone!
You did not need to do that.
大家好啊
你不用这么大费周章啦 I'm here.
I love that you live here.
我来啦
我爱你住在这里 Please, someone else come right now.
And if a dumpster was good enough for me as a baby,
赶紧让下一位客人来敲门吧
我一生下来就不介意被扔在垃圾箱里 I brought some homemade kimchi bin dae duk.
it is still good enough for me as an adult.
我带了点自制的泡菜煎饼
所以现在的我也不会介意住这里 Would you like to try it,
Oh, you love that I live here.
你们想试试吗
你"爱"我住在这里啊 or should I just throw it right into the garbage?
Do you love anything else? 还是要我直接扔进垃圾箱里
第 116 页 /共 192 页
It took me a year to get this kind of smell out of here, 你对葡萄酒的了解是在哪里学的
以前这里面也有这臭味我花了一年才散掉 Well, I wanted to impress you,
but thanks, Han. 我想给你留下好印象
但还是谢谢了阿憨 and I keep my adult grape juice game on point.
Oh, what a dump. 恰好对成年人的葡萄汁有些了解罢了
真像个垃圾堆 So where are you from originally?
I thought of that on the way over. 你到底来自哪里
这双关是我在来的路上想的 Did you grow up in a storage facility or--
All right, let's do this. 你是在仓库里长大还是...
大伙开始吧 Will you stop?
I'm ready to rage all night, baby. 别问了行吗
我准备好要彻夜狂欢啦 He looks nervous like the fat guy at a birthday party
Oh, hell no. 他紧张的样子就像生日派对上的胖子
靠不是吧 when he finds out there's a pool.
I am too old for this. 突然发现大家得下小泳池玩
这不适合我这把老骨头 Coming, coming.
Sophie, watch your head. 来了来了
苏菲小心头 Good. We have the right dumpster.
You might wanna take your heels off. 还好我们找对垃圾箱了
你可能得脱下你的高跟鞋 I brought some wine. Bebe brought cheese.
Take my heels off? 我带了瓶葡萄酒碧碧带了奶酪
脱下我的高跟鞋 Kind of.
Communist Russia couldn't get me to take my heels off. 勉强算是奶酪吧
当年苏联入侵都不能要姐脱下高跟鞋 Hey, guys, thanks for inviting me.
Hey, Earl, you wanna go get drunk somewhere 各位非常感谢你们能邀请我
厄尔你想去一个我们想"弯腰"才"弯腰" Happy to be included.
we don't have to bend over till we want to? 很开心加入你们
不用听人指挥的地方买醉吗 All right, another babe.
Indeed, I do. 好的又来一个妞
正有此意 - Throw your keys in the bowl.
Not to brag, but I'm the only one - 把你的钥匙扔进碗里
我不是要炫耀但是我是这里面 Right now, it's just me and Han, and...
who can stand up in here. 现在里面只有我和阿憨的钥匙
唯一能把腰板挺直的人 that ain't happening.
Cool brag, Han. 你别做梦了
的确值得炫耀阿憨 What is Nicolas doing here? Hide me.
So, Deke, tell me about yourself. 尼可拉斯来这里干嘛快把我藏起来
迪克跟我说说你吧 I think you're gonna run into him.
Hey, stop Guantanamo bay-ing him. 无论怎样他都会看见你的
不许采用最高监狱的讯问手段审问他 Sorry, I thought you were into him.
Well, I go to pastry school, 抱歉我以为你喜欢他呢
我在烘焙学校学习 I'm not into him.
I live in a dumpster, 我才不喜欢他
我住在垃圾箱里 Please, Caroline, relax.
and I was thrown out of One Direction 拜托卡洛琳别紧张
我因为长得太帅被英国男子组合 It's just a party. I'm here as a friend.
for being too handsome. 这只是个派对我们只是朋友
"一世代"踢出乐队 Then where is your hand?
That's about it. 那你的手放在哪儿呢
就这么多 On your beautiful bottom.
There must be more to you than that. 放在你美丽的翘臀上
肯定不止这么多 Sorry, it's crowded.
I mean, I'm surprised to see 抱歉这太挤了
因为在一个垃圾箱派对上 It was either there or in the sink.
法国最著名的奶酪之一对产地要求严格我的手要么放着上面要么就放水槽里
a roquefort cheese paired with a 2001 Syrah Please remove it.
居然会出现洛克福奶酪搭配请你拿开你的手
法国葡萄酒顶级产区罗纳河谷最好的年份之一 I-I did.
from the Rhone region of France at a dumpster party. 拿开了啊
法国罗纳河谷的 2001 年的西拉葡萄酒 That one's mine, baby.
Where'd you learn about wine? 那是我的手宝贝
第 117 页 /共 192 页
Come on, it's 8:45, 那可是一个非常豪华的度假酒店
拜托现在都晚上 8 点 45 分了 I once saw them tell Barbra Streisand
and nobody's got their tops off. 我有一次看见他们让芭芭拉·史翠珊
大家居然还衣冠整齐地站在那里 to take it to the Holiday Inn.
Somebody's gotta do something. 去住普通的假日酒店
得有人采取点行动才行 - Caroline, you want some of my triple creme?
Oh, one time I played Seven Minutes in Heaven. - 卡洛琳你想尝尝我的三重奶酪吗
我曾玩过"天堂 7 分钟"这个游戏 I don't want any of your creme.
"天堂 7 分钟"通常是青少年在派对上玩的游戏我不想尝你的任何"东西"
规则是把一男一女关进衣柜 7 分钟内做什么事都可 You know what, it's getting a little crowded in here.
以这里开始越来越挤了
Well, I got hit by a bus, I'm just gonna slip out without anyone noticing.
就是我被一辆巴士撞了我要趁人不注意时偷偷溜走
and I was dead for seven minutes. Oh, excuse me.
然后昏死过去 7 分钟让一下
Bebe, do you want some wine? Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
碧碧你想来点葡萄酒吗借过借过借过
Sure, why not? Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
好啊等下等下先别走
I don't have anything to do tomorrow So...
反正我明天也没事做那你觉得
except move to Canada. Deke--what do you think? Do you like him now?
除了要搬去加拿大迪克怎么样你现在喜欢他了吗
What? Well, before tonight,
什么在今晚之前
Yeah, no biggie. I thought he was the guy who walks around
不是什么大事啦我以为他是一个在大街上闲晃
Long story short, singing "When you're sliding into home
长话短说还一边高歌"当你回到家
They found me. and your shorts are full of foam, diarrhea."
他们发现了我屎全拉裤子里"的腹泻之歌的小屁孩
Caroline, looks like it's gonna be just Now I find out he knows all about cheese
卡洛琳看来以后办公室现在我发现他很了解奶酪
you and me in the office. and has been to this massively expensive resort,
就剩咱们俩了而且他还去过要价不菲的度假酒店
Nicolas, please. so I'm even more confused.
尼可拉斯别这样这让我更加困惑了
What did I tell you about your hand? What's confusing?
我刚都说手不要乱放有什么好困惑的
That's me! The foam is diarrhea.
那是我的手因为腹泻屎才会拉裤子里啊
I was trying to push my way to the cheese. Caroline, wait.
我只是想挤过那边去吃奶酪而已卡洛琳等等
Hey, Bebe gun, if you're ever in Alberta, - Let me walk with you. - No, no, no. I'm good.
碧碧如果你去了亚伯达省 - 我送你回去吧 -不必我自己可以回去
hit the Fairmont at Banff-- super fun. Please, at least take my scarf. It's cold.
记得去班夫的费尔蒙酒店超级好玩那至少戴上我的围巾现在很冷
I got wasted and cannonballed into the lake there once. No, I'm fine--
我曾喝醉了然后冲进那边的湖里不用了我不冷
It was frozen. Shattered my pelvis. - Are you okay? Here, let me help. - No, Nicolas.
当时湖面结冰了我盆骨都碎了 - 你没事吧我来扶你 -不用了尼可拉斯
Good times. I am not going to be the other woman.
美好的时光啊我不会当小三的
Hey, I know that place. Despite the fact that I am literally lying in trash,
我知道那地方虽然我现在正躺在垃圾堆里
Fairmont Chateau on Lake Louise? I am not trashy.
路易斯湖城堡酒店吧但我不是那种垃圾女人
曾被《福布斯》评为全球景色最美的十大酒店之一 Caroline, listen.
We used to winter there. 卡洛琳听着
我们以前冬天常去那边玩 Things aren't always what they seem.
That's a really exclusive resort. 事情并不总是像表面看起来那样
第 118 页 /共 192 页
Just because that is garbage on the outside 但我想起来我把药落在这里了
因为它从表面看是个垃圾箱 Okay, now where's the big one?
doesn't mean that it cannot be 好了大袋的在哪里呢
并不意味着它里面 Well, as long as you're here,
a nice apartment on the inside. 既然你在这
不能是一间装修精美的公寓 could you show me where the student financial files
Just because I'm married on the outside are?
因为我从表面上看似已婚你能告诉我学生的财务档案放在哪里吗
doesn't mean I'm married on the inside. Sure, they're here in this folder
并不意味着我心里面真的有我老婆当然它们被放在一个
Life is complex. I've labeled "depressing."
人生很复杂名为"压抑"的文件夹
Your whole thesis is hinged on the fact I wanna check Deke's file and see if he's on scholarship.
你的整个理论都是基于我会认为我想看看迪克是不是靠奖学金念书
that I think that dumpster is nice on the inside, He's definitely not on scholarship.
那个垃圾箱里面装修得还不错他怎么可能靠奖学金念书
which I don't. Good night. His family's super rich. He's a Bromberg.
但我我一点也不这么认为晚安他家超级有钱他是布朗伯格家族的
- Oh, Caroline-- - Nicolas, please don't beg. Wait, Bebe. Bromberg?
- 卡洛琳 -尼可拉斯别求了等等碧碧你是说布朗伯格吗
- I just-- - Maybe another world, another life. I thought Deke's last name was just "Berg."
- 我是想说 -或许下辈子吧迪克的姓不是"伯格"吗
- I want-- - You can't leave your wife for me. As in "Ice" Or "Pitts."
- 我想 -你不能为了我而抛弃你的老婆像是"冰山"或"皮茨" 就两个字
- No, it's just-- - Seriously! You don't have to say it. No, he just goes by Berg for short.
- 不是的 -说真的你什么都不必说了不是他用"伯格"是为了省事
No, I do. You know, like me, my full name is Bebebebe.
不我一定要说像我我的全名是碧碧碧碧
You have a diaper on your back. So you're telling me Deke is from the Bromberg family,
你衣服后面粘上纸尿布了所以你是说迪克是布朗伯格家族的
I am aware. As in the Bromberg elevators--
我知道就是那个著名的布朗伯格电梯
What are you working on there? the ones that are in every building in the city?
你在那弄什么呢全市每一栋大楼用的电梯都是他们生产的
Is that a family having a picnic at a park? As in the Bromberg colo-rectal center
是一家人在公园里野餐吗就是那个在纽约医院有以布朗伯格
No, it's the letter "G"! at the New York hospital?
不这是字母"G" 命名的肛肠检查中心吗
I haven't written anything by hand since 1996. Yeah.
从 1996 年开始我就没怎么用手写过字没错
Well, my writing's really good. You know, I once left a purse
我的字可是很牛哦我曾在那丢过一个钱包
I forge a lot of checks and prescriptions. and 2 feet of my large intestine there.
我伪造过很多支票和医药处方还切掉过我两英尺的大肠
I'm kind of a famous doctor. Nice knowing you. Bye.
我也算是个著名"医生" 很高兴认识你再见
You're really saying it. Ooh, I'll be right back.
你真的说出来了我马上回来
That says, "I love you." If you mess up our batter,
你写的是 "我爱你" 如果你把我们的奶油搞砸
No, it's Khloe Kardashian windsurfing. I'll cut your thing off.
不这是卡戴珊她妹在玩风帆我会把你那玩意切下来
Yes, Deke, I love you. Sweet, I could stand to lose 5 pounds.
没错迪克我爱你好啊少个 5 磅对我来说没什么关系
Oh, Bebe. I have some exciting news to share.
碧碧我有个好消息要跟你分享
I wasn't expecting you today. I thought you moved. Unless it's about an off-season shamrock shake,
我还以为你今天要走不会来办公室了除非是关于淡季的三叶草奶昔
I'm on my way. My car's outside, I don't care.
我是要走啊我的车就在外面否则我不感兴趣
but I remembered I left my medication here. Your Deke--dumpster Deke--
第 119 页 /共 192 页
你的迪克垃圾箱迪克在我们互诉爱意之前
is actually Deacon Bromberg. until after we say I love you
真名叫迪肯·布朗伯格我从未告诉别人我的家世
of the Manhattan Brombergs! He's rich! because I don't want money to change anything.
是曼哈顿布朗伯格家族的他是有钱人因为我不想让钱改变任何东西
What are you talking about? That is crazy. Money changes everything!
你在瞎说什么这太扯了吧钱能改变一切
I would know if he were rich. Now excuse me.
如果他是有钱人我会知道恕我失陪
I wouldn't have just told a rich guy I love him. I gotta do my second job,
我绝不会对一个有钱人说我爱他我要忙我第二份工作的事了
It's all right here. Isn't this amazing? which you wouldn't know anything about.
资料都在这里是不是很棒想必你对这方面完全没有过体验吧
This is like buying a dress you love Don't you have an ascot convention to get to?
感觉就像你买了一条喜欢的裙子你不是得去个啥领巾大会之类的吗
and finding out it's rich. Still here.
结果发现这裙子很有钱我还在
Whoa, why'd you do that? Also, two customers just showed up.
你干嘛这样做你们来了两个客人呢
- You're rich. - Max, wait. We don't need their money!
- 谁让你是有钱人 -麦克斯别走我们才不需要他们的钱
You pretended to be poor. Liar. We're big, fat liars pretending to be poor too.
你还在那装穷骗子我们也是假装穷人的大骗子
Ooh, lordy be. Mm, yeah, my mom invented dogs.
我的老天没错我妈发明了狗
This kind of drama's the reason Any time someone buys a dog, we get 10%!
我就是爱看这样的戏码只要有人买狗就会有一成卖价进我们的口袋
why I quit the Ohio state football team. Now I can't believe it.
所以我才退出俄亥俄州立大学足球队现在换我不敢相信了
Why are you so upset? Even after three years with me as a friend,
你为什么这么郁闷你都跟我做了 3 年的朋友了
Lying about being rich is at most a little white lie. you still have a thing against rich people.
隐瞒自己是个有钱人是最善意的谎言了你心里还是仇视有钱人
It is literally the whitest lie I have ever heard, I do, because rich people suck.
这是我听过最白痴的谎言没错因为有钱人都是混蛋
and it's a huge deal. They think they're better than everyone
这事很严重他们觉得自己强过所有人
I never would have fallen in love with someone who has and are generally sucky.
money. 而且通常都是烂人
我从来不会爱上一个有钱人 So he has money, I don't want it.
We are drastically, massively, 所以他有钱姐不想要
我们真是超级非常 Again, just wildly different people.
monumentally different people. 又一次证明你我完全是两类人
十分不同的人 And, Max, just because he's rich on the outside
- Hey, Max, can we talk? - Oh, I don't know. 麦克斯因为他表面看起来是有钱人
- 麦克斯能说句话吗 -我不知道 doesn't mean he's not like you on the inside.
Depends on who I'm talking to. 不代表他内心里面跟你就不一样啊
那要看跟谁说话了 Life is complex.
Am I talking to Deke or Deacon Bromberg, 人生很复杂
我是跟迪克还是迪肯·布朗伯格 I don't wanna see you right now!
the elevator king? 我现在不想看到你
电梯大王讲话 Hey! I don't wanna see you either.
Man, if you're this upset about the money, 我也不想看到你
天啊如果你因为钱反应就这样 Just toss me something chocolate
how are you gonna react when you find out 给我丢些里面有奶油的
如果你发现我其实是女人的话 with some cream in the middle.
I'm really a woman? 巧克力口味小蛋糕就行
那反应会是怎么样 And speaking of cream in the middle,
We wouldn't care. 说到里面有奶油
我们不介意的 your little homeless boyfriend is trying to get your
I never tell anybody I'm rich attention.
第 120 页 /共 192 页
你的无家可归小男友想吸引你注意呢 We know how long you've been waiting to say that to a
我真的真的很爱你 woman.
He's not homeless. He's not my boyfriend. 我们知道你等着对女人说这句话有多久了
他不是无家可归他也不是我男朋友 Okay.
He's rich. 好的
他是有钱人 No sign of Deke, the cops, or nosy white folk.
Rich? And he's single? 没有迪克条子与多管闲事白人
有钱人而且还单身吗 Let's break in.
Oh, maybe I will take off my heels. 快来私闯他家吧
看来姐还是去"脱下高跟鞋"吧 I don't understand
目前资金我不明白
目前资金 why we're breaking into your boyfriend's dumpster.
最新余额我们为啥要闯进你男人的垃圾箱里
最新余额 The only thing I understand less is how you pee standing
最新余额 up.
----------------------------- 但我更不懂你是怎么站着尿尿的
-------------16-------------- Why? How do you pee?
----------------------------- 为啥不然你怎么尿的
Welcome to the diner ATM ribbon cutting ceremony! I am breaking up with Deke,
欢迎来到餐厅的提款机剪彩仪式我要跟迪克分手嘛
Everyone knows he's holding so now's the part of the relationship
大家知道他拿的是所以现在就到了感情中
normal-sized scissors, right? where I sneak in his place and get my stuff out
普通大小的剪刀吧那段闯进他家拿回我东西
Han's just excited that there's something in the diner to avoid telling him I'm breaking up with him.
阿憨只是在兴奋餐厅里终于有东西免去当面说分手的阶段啦
the same size as him. Well, you just cut an hour out of
跟他是一个高度的了所以你直接跳过了每部浪漫爱情喜剧
Han, this is just another waste of time, every romantic comedy.
阿憨你这是在浪费时间一小时左右的剧情
like when you opened the diner. You're welcome.
就像当时你开这家餐厅一样免礼平身
This machine is now open for business! This is the first guy I dated that has a crank.
这台机器现在正式投入营业他是我第一个有摇把的对象
After you're done with those, - most of them just did crank.
你剪刀用完了给我 - 其他的都只是吸食冰毒
I need to do a little manscaping on my love mound. Okay, so here's the plan.
我的"神龙巢"需要做点杂枝修剪所以计划是这样
And after you're done with that, you can throw them I'm gonna climb up on the garbage,
away. 我计划爬上垃圾箱
等你修剪完可以直接把剪刀扔了 unsnap the windows, dive in the dumpster,
Hey, everybody! 解开窗子钻进垃圾箱
大家安安 and grab his spare key on the counter.
What's that yellow tape? 然后拿走他放桌上的钥匙
这黄带子是干嘛 Do you look at life as just a game
Did someone die again? 生命对你来说是否就是一场
又有人死了吗 of "Set new lows for Caroline"?
No, Sophie, we got an ATM. "让卡洛琳再突破下限"的游戏
苏菲不是啦餐厅有提款机了 Why do I have to do it?
I thought we already had an ATM. 为什么要我来做这些事啊
我们本来就有"ATM"了啊 I'm on parole, Caroline.
"Asian Transgender Male." 卡洛琳我还在假释期呢
"亚裔变性男" We're breaking into a dumpster.
Well, thank you for saying "male." 我们是要闯进一个垃圾箱里
谢谢你承认我是个"男"的 I don't even think that's illegal.
Well, move outta the way! 这事想非法都难
好吧给姐让个道 I didn't either. That's why I'm on parole.
This broad's gotta do some bankin'! 如果是真犯罪我就不会只是假释啦
本宫要从国库取点银子 Light on the right, key on the left.
Be careful, you're the very first. 灯开关在右边钥匙在左边
小心点用你是第一个呢 We did this once after Deke left his keys at our favorite
第 121 页 /共 192 页
bar, 不会打扰到你坐在你象牙垃圾殿中
有次我们把钥匙忘在最爱的酒吧里时也这么干 to sit around and fart diamonds.
which is actually just a liquor store where they let you 无所事事下下金蛋玩的时间
drink. So don't get the wrong idea, Uncle Pennybags.
其实那也只是家让人随便喝的贩酒店所以千万别误会啊阿土伯
They turn a blind eye. I'm not here to be Aunt Pennybags.
他们都当没看见我不是来当你的阿土婶的
Well, the guy is blind. Max, who's Uncle Pennybags?
因为那店员是真瞎子麦克斯谁是阿土伯
Yeah, Deke always found cool places. Is he one of the ones who touched you?
迪克总能找到有意思的地方以前性骚扰过你的大叔吗
Then why are you breaking up with him? He's the monopoly man.
那你为什么还跟他分手啊是大富翁游戏里的那个老头啦
He's perfect for you. See? You guys are perfect for each other.
他跟你是天生一对你看你们两个真是天造地设的一对
You both think living in a tuna can is an acceptable Yeah, Max.
habitat. 对啊麦克斯
你们都觉得住在个罐头里是可以接受的 We're like a more awesome version of John and Yoko.
So what if he has money? 我们就像是约翰与洋子的完美版
他是土豪又如何啊披头士乐队主唱约翰·列侬与妻子小野洋子
People with money don't live in the same reality. 小野洋子并不受到世人待见
有钱人与普通人不住在同个现实里 Meaning, like, just John.
唐纳德·特朗普美国地产大亨与电视名人也就是... 只有约翰他自己
有过各种怪异发型来掩饰秃头 Who cares if I got a few million dollars?
You think Donald Trump would have that hair if he were 就算我有个几百万又如何
poor? A hundred few million.
如果特朗普是个穷鬼他能有那头"秀发"吗是几个亿
Now, come on, let's get my toothbrush and scram. And that's on the low end, according to Bing.
来吧赶紧拿上我的牙刷就开溜根据微软必应搜索结果最少也有这么多
You bought a toothbrush? Oh, you really liked him. Well, I'll be by later, Deke.
你买了牙刷吗你是真的喜欢他啊迪克我晚点再来坐坐
Wait, Max, is that one of your gnomes? Come on, Caroline.
等等那是你其中一只花园矮人吗走吧卡洛琳
Oh, my God, you were practically moving in! No, Max, you won't.
天啊你之前就是要搬来同居了麦克斯你才不会来呢
and it's your favorite one, You're taking your stuff 'cause you're breaking up with
而且还是你最爱的那只 me
Gnome-o-sexual! 你来拿东西就是想跟我分手
"矮呀是小受" and you're too big a baby pants
No, this is my second-favorite. 但是你个小孬孬
才不是他是我第二喜欢的 to tell me you're breaking up with me.
My favorite is "Gnome more drama." 不愿意直接跟我说分手
我最喜欢的是那只"矮呀别搞事" What?
And he's not here because he don't want no more 你说什么
drama, I am not breaking up with you.
而没带他来是因为他很烦这些事我才没有要跟你分手
And frankly, neither do I. I just needed my toothbrush
说实话我也烦这些事我来拿牙刷是因为
Come on, let's go. because I had dollar shrimp for lunch
来啦我们走吧我中午吃了廉价虾子
You don't have to ask me twice to get out of a dumpster. and I still have some shells in my teeth.
你一声令下我巴不得立刻逃出垃圾箱现在还有些虾壳卡在牙缝里呢
If it isn't Max-a-million. I will see you later tonight for sex
这不是麦百万吗今晚晚点我再来跟你滚床单
Or should I say, "Max who hates my millions"? and various whatnots.
还是应该说"恨我百万的麦克斯" 以及做其他有的没的
Shouldn't you be occupying Wall Street or something? I am not breaking up with you.
你不是该在忙着占领华尔街抗议有钱人吗我没有要跟你分手
I am just here for my toothbrush, That breakup was brutal!
我就是来拿回我的牙刷刚才分手得好狠啊
and then I'll leave you in your ivory dumpster Yo, Max, I hear our boy Deke got major money.
第 122 页 /共 192 页
麦克斯我听说咱们的迪克是土豪啊 Max, I really wish you'd reconsider
I shoulda known, 麦克斯我真心希望你重新考虑
我早该想到了 breaking up with Deke.
'cause the weed he gave me was real quality. 跟迪克分手的事
因为他给我的大麻那可真是特供级的货啊 I mean, you guys get along great.
And free. 你们俩真的很合得来
而且不要钱 He lives in a trash can,
Earl, money changes people. I know. 他住在垃圾箱里
厄尔金钱能改变人我深有体会 he shares your love of pee-pee jokes.
Every time the food stamps came, my mother was all, 也跟你一样喜爱尿尿笑话
"Max who?" He can hide things in his hair.
每当到了发救济食品券时我妈就忘了我是谁他的头发能藏东西
'ello, my good people! Aren't those the things you didn't like about him
在场的各位父老乡亲们在知道他是有钱人之前
You are quite fortunate today, before you knew he had money?
今儿个算你们行大运了这不都是你讨厌的点吗
for a rich person has come to dine in your Yes, but people can change.
establishment! 是啊但人是可以改变的
有大土豪来你们这儿下馆子 So change and like him.
Caroline, I would like a tabletop in Max's section, please. 改变自己喜欢他吧
卡洛琳替我在麦克斯那片儿给我弄一桌 Come on, just keep an open mind.
Because it's high time she met the person 别这样嘛至少保持开明的态度
这会儿应该让她开开眼见识见识 In fact, why don't you sleep on it?
I've been pretending not to be. 你何不现在就上床去想想呢
我一直隐藏的真实身份 Right now. Go. Go to bed.
The veil has been lifted. She was correct. 现在去去吧上床去
现在不用遮着掩着她蒙对了 Go, go, go, go, go.
I am the monopoly man. 去去去去去
我就是大富翁游戏的老头 Boy, are you eager to masturbate.
Right this way, sir. 天啊你就这么着急要自慰
先生这边有请 Hey, friend.
I believe I have a table here in the overacting section. 你好啊伙伴
超浮夸演技区正好有空位 Come on, get in.
All right, I'll give it up. You got me laughing. 来吧快上床来
好吧我不得不承认被你逗笑了 - I told you I can't see that anymore. - Why?
And I would miss all this if we didn't hang out, - 我都跟你说我不能再看见它了 -为什么
如果我们真的断绝关系了我很想你的 You're my friend, he's my friend.
So I guess we can still be friends 你是我的伙伴他也是我的小伙伴
所以我们还是当朋友 We're all just friends.
and pastry school partners. 我们都是伙伴而已嘛
和烘焙学校搭档吧 Where did you get a key?
Pastry school partners? 你怎么会有我家钥匙
什么烘焙学校搭档 Don't be mad. I asked her for help.
Your breasts are named in my will. 别生气我请她帮忙了
我都把你的咪咪加进我遗嘱里了 Caroline, get in here!
Come on, you can't be serious about this. 卡洛琳快滚进来
不是吧你不会是真的要跟我分手吧 Can't. I'm masturbating!
Don't worry, we can still do all the stuff 不行我在自慰呢
别担心我们还是可以一起做 Caroline, what are you doing?
we had planned for our future. 卡洛琳你在干嘛
我们计划好未来要做的事啊 Are those new shoes?
Like tping Han's apartment on the 14th-- 那些是新鞋子吗
比如 14 号那天把阿憨家挂满卷纸 Uh, yes.
I'm not a monster. 是的
我可不会翻脸不认人 Where did they come from?
- Max... - Deke, you can't be my boyfriend. 它们从哪来的
- 麦克斯 -迪克你不能当我的男朋友 They were just here.
From now on I'm like welfare. 一回家就在这了
现在起我就是穷人救济金 In your size?
You have to be broke to get some. 刚好合你的脚吗
你得是穷人才能拥有 It's a miracle.
第 123 页 /共 192 页
这是神迹啊 Are you taking suggestions from the audience,
They're from me. 你是想要观众给点意见呢
是我送的 or do you really not know the names of two religions?
I got 'em for her as a gift. 还是你真不知道两个任意宗教的名字
我买给她的礼物 Let's say...
What makes you think you could buy my roommate? 比如说
你凭啥觉得你能收买我的室友 a witch and a smurf.
She said, "I'll give you the key if you buy me new shoes." 一个女巫与一个蓝精灵
她说"你给我买新鞋我就给你钥匙" Question answered.
For love! 你的问题有答案了
是为了爱情 So it's like I'm a witch and you're a smurf.
I did it for love! 比如我是个女巫而你是个蓝精灵
我是为了爱情啊 We could never be together. Everybody knows that.
You two belong together. 大家都知道我们是不可能在一起的
你们俩应该在一起 I've only lived like a witch. I've never lived like a smurf.
Like me and these shoes. 我一辈子都当个女巫没当过蓝精灵
就像我跟小鞋鞋一样 So I don't get you.
Come on, just give me a chance to express 所以我完全不懂你
别这样求你给我一次机会 What's it like being blue and soft?
my deep feelings about this. 又蓝又软弱是什么感觉啊
告诉你我内心深处的感受 I don't know, I'm a witch. I'm green and all-powerful.
Max, what I'm trying to say is... 我不知道我是个女巫我又绿又强大
麦克斯我想说... So you're saying you can't relate to me
I don't wanna be your friend. 所以你是说咱俩不是同一个世界的人
我不想当你的朋友 because you've never been a smurf?
I wanna be your boyfriend. 因为你从没当过蓝精灵吗
我想当你的男朋友 Wow. That's heavy.
Well, right now it looks like you want to be my girlfriend. 哇五雷轰顶啊
你现在看起来像要当我的女朋友 Well, I'm gonna go.
Maybe I can help clear things up. 好吧我该走了
我给你指点迷津一下吧 Oh, I better take off this silly robe and put on my skirt.
How much is this gonna cost me? 我最好脱下这傻袍子换回我的短裙再走
这又得花我多少银子 And she's giving back the shoes.
Nothing. Look... 她也得把鞋子还回去
分文不收好吗 Oh, no, she is not!
Max doesn't think she deserves someone rich 别想她才不会还
麦克斯觉得自己不应该拥有个有钱人 "Language preference:
because she has... "语种选择
因为她... English, Spanish, Chinese, French."
- Well, low self-esteem. - Wrong. 英语西班牙语中文法语"
- 自尊心超低 -错了 They should've made this more specific to the diner.
I have no self-esteem. 这玩意应该根据餐厅人群来定制语种
姐没有自尊 "Hipster, hobo, junkie, pregnant teen."
And I can see the bottom of your balls. "嬉皮士流浪汉瘾君子少女孕妇"
还有我现在能看到你的蛋蛋底 Don't forget "Ballerina with a head wound."
Max, remember two days ago 别忘了还有"撞伤头的芭蕾舞女"
麦克斯还记得两天前 "Would you like to see your account balance?"
when you loved the bottom of my balls? "您是否要查看账户余额"
你曾是个爱我蛋蛋底的姑娘吗 That ATM's a real bitch.
That's when they were poor and I felt sorry for them. 那台提款机就是一贱人
那时候以为它们很穷我心疼它们 - Yeah, I got a hot 17 in here that's dying to get out.
Come on, you two belong together. - 我有个 17 岁的辣妹想出来
何苦呢你们是天生一对 So did Oleg when that cop pulled him over.
You're like the Romeo and Juliet of ball banter. 之前奥列格也这么说后来被警察拦了下来
像是蛋蛋笑话界里的罗密欧与朱丽叶 Caroline, look at this receipt.
I'm sorry, it's just never gonna work. 卡洛琳瞧瞧这收据
抱歉但这就是不行 This can't be right.
It's like we were raised with different religions, like... 肯定是出错了
我们就像是两个不同宗教家庭长大的像... I haven't seen this many zeros in one place
What are two religions? 上次同事见到这么多零
宗教有哪些啊 since the diner Christmas party.
第 124 页 /共 192 页
还是在餐厅的圣诞派对上呢站在我身后的男人给
That says $1,000,017. A 12-pack of triple-a batteries for you.
上面显示你有 100 万零 17 块给你一盒 12 节的 7 号电池
Han, your ATM's broken. And yes, they did have to open the glass case at CVS
阿憨你的提款机坏了没错便利店的人专门为我打开玻璃橱
It just gave Max $1 million. for me to get these.
它刚让麦克斯的账户多了 100 万我才能拿来送你
Out of my way! Out of my way! Out of my way! Here, lady on the other side.
闪开闪开闪开站在我旁边的女人给
This is it--the faulty ATM that gives out millions. A shampoo and conditioner!
我终于等到了提款机出错乱给人钱洗发水和护发素
I thought it was an urban legend like HPV. Herbal Essences, no big deal.
我以为这跟尖锐湿疣一样只是坊间传闻而已伊卡璐的不值几个钱啦
Everybody freeze. And don't think I forgot about you, peek-a-boo hair.
大家别动我不会忘了你那份的怪发妹
The damn thing must be busted. A Godiva box of chocolates.
那破玩意肯定是坏掉了送你一盒高迪瓦的巧克力
And to think I bent over backwards to get that ATM. No, you're not dreaming. I said "Godiva"!
为了搞这台提款机我腰都要累弯了你不是在做梦这真的是高级巧克力哟
Well, I bent over forwards to get a "B" in Spanish. Max, I have great news.
我也曾为了西语能得 B "弯下腰"求老师麦克斯我有个好消息
Damn it. My account's exactly the same. And you, woman who sold me out for shoes.
靠我的账户还跟以前一样还有你为了一双鞋子出卖我的女人
Frozen. I got you something very special
冻结中我出去扫货的时候
So, Deke left this note for you earlier. when I was out gift shopping.
对了迪克之前有留张条给你为你挑了一份特别的礼物
I forgot 'cause I'm 120. You know how you always say,
我都 120 岁了能想起来就不错了你还记得你经常说
Now you know what it's like to be a smurf. "Who do I have to bang to get a chip clip around here?"
现在你知道当蓝精灵是什么感觉了 "我要跟哪个学员搞才能搞到一个食品封口夹"
Can you believe this? Deke gave me $1 million! Me!
说出来都没人信那 100 万是迪克给我的答案就是我
So that's real money? Wait, you spent money?
所以那是真的钱吗什么你花那笔钱了吗
The money's real? How much of our million did you spend on your...
那钱是真的吗我们那 100 万你花了多少
You have $1 million? we'll call it a shopping spree.
你有 100 万在你这次"疯狂购物"上
We're a millionaire? Almost all of it.
我们成了百万富翁了差不多全花掉了
Oh, good morning, my good man. $143!
早上好我的朋友一共 143 块
I recently came into some money, Okay, our public schools have failed you.
我最近突然得到一笔钱看来公立学校连花钱都没教好
thus the candy tiara. Or they would have if you'd went.
所以给自己买了个糖果皇冠但你没去上过它们想没教好你都没机会
And I wanted to spread the wealth. But I'm too excited to care.
我想跟大家分享我的财富但我现在太兴奋顾不上这个了
Here. First things first. When do we quit the diner?
给先说重要的我们什么时候辞掉餐厅的工作
Have a pound of coffee. What are you talking about? We're not quitting the
这罐咖啡送你 diner.
福爵咖啡是美国最常见的廉价咖啡品牌之一你在瞎说什么我们才不会辞职
It's Folgers, since I'm a millionaire now. I'm giving the rest of the money back.
福爵牌的哦因为我现在是百万富翁啦我要把剩下的钱还给他
Best part of waking up rich! Hold on, hold on, pump the brakes.
这是"一觉醒来变有钱人"最爽的部分等下等下这念头就此打住
I come bearing gifts for all my best friends. What's the problem? You got a chip clip--you're set.
我为所有的好朋友们都准备了礼物有什么问题吗你已经得到你想要的封口夹了
Here, guy who stands behind me... I only spent it to make a point to Deke.
第 125 页 /共 192 页
我花钱是为了向迪克表明我的态度 Okay...
You can't give it back. I have plans. Big plans. 别冲动
你不能还回去我已经计划好了大计划 Obviously, she is not mentally competent enough
After we quit the diner, 她现在精神状态明显不能够
我们先辞掉餐厅的工作 to handle her finances.
I found a guy who can turn that measly million into 3. 正确地处理她的财务
然后我认识个人他可以把这小 100 万翻三倍 This is like when my grandma
And don't worry, he was not named 就像当时我奶奶
别担心他的名字不在 wanted to give all her money to that orphanage,
in my father's Ponzi Scheme. 想把她所有的钱都捐给一个孤儿院
我爸庞氏骗局的涉案人员名单中 so they had her diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
Well, not by the name he goes by now. 所以我们不得不对外说她有老年痴呆症
至少他现在这个假名不在 Here.
What up, smurfette? 还你
你好啊蓝妹妹 I can't believe I'm losing all of my money
Oh, hello, Deke. 真不敢相信我会有一个
你好迪克 twice in one lifetime.
You just missed me passing out 两次失去所有钱的人生
你刚错过了我用你这 100 万 who has an inhaler?
all the gifts I bought with your million, 谁有哮喘吸入器
给大家发礼物的豪气场面 And check it. I even put your name on there.
But you're here in time to see me 注意看我还把你的名字写上了
但你正好及时赶到可以见证 "Deke Mc-Richy Mc-Never-Had-Yo-Work-For-Anything"?
buy Big Mary as my lab partner. "超级有钱一辈子无需为五斗米折腰的迪克"
我收买大玛丽当我搭档这一刻 Oh, sorry, I probably should've added,
Who says I'm for sale? 抱歉我还应该写上
抱歉我是非卖品 "Richy Rich Pretended-He-Was-Poor-instein"
A fireman's calendar... "爱装穷人的有钱佬"
猛男消防员日历 So they'd know it's you.
and another fireman's calendar. 好让人们知道那是你
再加壮汉消防员日历 Here, I'll fix it.
Sold. 来我改一下
成交 Oh, yes. I treat myself well.
I bet you didn't think I'd spend that money, hmm? 没错我也赏了自己好东西
我猜你肯定没想到我会花这笔钱吧 You know what, Max? Stop.
Well, you were wrong. 麦克斯别闹了
那你就大错特错了 I've tried everything to show you
I spent $143! 我竭尽全力向你证明
我花了整整 143 块 I'm not some cartoon rich guy,
Max, I wanted you to spend the money 我不是卡通里的那种土大款
麦克斯我就是想让你花这笔钱 and you still think I'm a joke.
so you know what it's like to be rich. 可你还是认为我是个笑话
好让你知道当有钱人是什么感觉 You only see me as my money, but I'm not.
Now we're both smurfs. 你眼里只看到了我有钱但我不止如此
现在我们都是蓝精灵了 That's how much money means to me.
You can relate to me again. 这就是金钱对我的意义
我们有是同一世界的人了 But you were right.
Wanna go do hand stuff by the ovens 但你说得对
想像上周二那样去烤箱那 It's not gonna work with us.
like we did last Tuesday? 咱俩的确不合适
干点"手工活"吗 Max. Oh, I got your gift.
Oh, so you were just trying to buy me with the money? 麦克斯我收到你的礼物了
所以你是想用这笔钱收买我吗 I love my new vibrator.
Well, I'm not a high-priced call girl. 我超爱我新的电动棒
我不是那种高价的应招女郎 It's not a vibrator, Sophie.
超级碗周末常会有那不是电动棒苏菲
高价妓女搭配毒品的"派对套餐" It's a Dustbuster.
'cause Super Bowl weekend's over. 那是吸尘器
因为超级碗的欢乐周末已经结束了 Well, there's no dust there anymore.
Here. I'm giving you the rest of the money back. 好吧现在我"那里"也一尘不染了
给剩下的钱还给你 I'll be in my booth.
第 126 页 /共 192 页
我去我卡座坐着啊你都不知道我要说什么呢
Waitress. Waitress. Whatever it is, no.
小二小二不管是什么都给老娘闭嘴
"Waitress"? Who's she talking to? We have $1 million.
"小二" 她在喊谁呢我们有 100 万
Miss... Yeah, we have $1 million.
小姐是的我们有 100 万
This salmon tastes like chicken. Yeah, we have $1 million, and I quit!
我的三文鱼吃起来像鸡肉没错我们有 100 万老娘不干了
That's weird, 'cause it's pork. And I quit too, baby!
那就奇怪了因为那是猪肉做的老娘也不干了小宝贝
I don't need attitude from some waitress. I have hated this hellhole from day one.
就个小二跟我耍什么脾气我从上班第一天就恨这个破地方
Who is this waitress you keep referring to? - Sayonara, short stuff!
你一直喊的小二到底是谁啊 - 再见小矮子
Your job is to take my order, I don't know what's more offensive.
你的工作是帮我点餐我不知道哪个词更过分
put a smile on your face, and serve me. "Sayonara" or "short stuff"!
对我笑脸相向然后好好服务我是被当做"小日本" 还是"小矮子"
Oh, hell, no! I would go with "Sayonara," short stuff.
当然不是我觉得是"小日本"比较狠小矮子
I don't have to take this.
That got off quicker than
老娘才不用受你的气
这脱衣速度比 12 岁的小毛孩
Let me show you something, doll.
梅根·福克斯曾在《变形金刚》中担任过女主角的
我给你看样东西肥婆
This is my receipt from the last time I used the ATM. 好莱坞性感女星
a 12-year-old looking at Megan Fox.
这是我上次用提款机时打的余额单
You see where it says "Account balance" at the bottom 看见梅根·福克斯的"缴械"速度还快
there? Quick?
你看见最后一行的"账户余额"有多少吗快吗
I've been trying to get out of this thing for three years.
Read that number to me, please.
三年以来我一直梦想着脱掉这身制服
麻烦念给我听谢谢
This zipper is stuck! This is like a horror movie!
If you have $1 million, why would you be working here?
拉链卡住了这就像部恐怖片
如果你有 100 万你干嘛还在这里工作
Help me! Get this damn thing off me!
Good question.
帮我快帮我把这死玩意脱下来
问得好 Tear it off, cut it off, light it on fire!
You seem cranky. You want to use my Dustbuster?
扯下来剪烂再一把火烧了它
你好像很暴躁要用我的吸尘器治疗"积怨"吗 Well, watch my hair.
That woman just asked me
但小心我的头发
那女人刚才问我 Oh, who cares! I'll buy new hair!
if I have $1 million, why am I working here?
无所谓了反正我有钱可以买新头发
如果我有 100 万我干嘛还在这里工作 Damn it, I'll just go over.
That's what I've been saying. 靠我从上面脱吧
我之前不就说了嘛 Yes! We're out of here.
I mean, I have $1 million. 太棒了我们解脱了
我是说我有 100 万耶 No more diner, no more cupcakes.
That's what I've been saying. 再也不用想着餐馆和小蛋糕店了
我之前不就说了嘛 Wait, wait, no more cupcakes?
I don't need to be in this dump! 慢着连小蛋糕店也不要了吗
老娘不用在这垃圾地方上班 What are you talking about?
Again, that's what I've-- 你在说什么啊
重申一遍我之前不就... With all this money, we can grow our business.
You've been saying! I know, I'm an idiot! 我们可以用这笔钱扶植我们的事业
你是说了我知道我是个白痴 Oh, I'm not growing anything
I'm keeping that money! 我什么都不要扶植
钱我决定不还给他了 except a big-ass weed plant on my nightstand.
That's what I've been saying! 除了我床头柜那株超级大麻
我之前不就说了嘛不能还啊 But it's our dream.
- Max, Caroline-- - No. 但那是我们的梦想
- 麦克斯卡洛琳 -闭嘴 I don't need a dream. Dreams are for poor people!
You don't even know what I was about to say. 我不需要梦想穷人才需要梦想活下去
第 127 页 /共 192 页
I have $1 million. and you build dumpsters, you do lots of stuff.
老娘有 100 万还盖了一个垃圾箱房子你努力做了很多事
I'm not going to pastry school, Hey, you're not even familiar with my charity:
我不要去上烘焙学校了你还不知道我搞的慈善事业呢
I might not even go to the bathroom. Orgasms for old people.
我甚至连厕所都不用去上了 "为老人谋高潮"机构
And I am definitely not getting out of bed. I hope you're not joking.
我余生要死赖在床上不下来了这最好不是你开玩笑的
I will never do anything again! Look, the truth is I couldn't see past your money.
我以后什么事都不用干真相是我不能忽略你的钱
Oh, my god, I'll never do anything again. All I saw was smurf.
天啊我以后什么事都不干了但我只当你是个蓝精灵
We're not quitting. And I thought witches and smurfs couldn't be together,
我们不能辞职我之前认为女巫和蓝精灵不能在一起
I knew it! but I was wrong.
我就知道我错了
Between you and this zipper, I'll never get outta here. Yeah, you were.
拜你和这拉链所赐我永远也摆脱不掉这身制服没错
I can't. You heard what I'd be like with $1 million. Max, did you get back the check yet?
我不行你也听见我有 100 万后会变啥样麦克斯你把钱要回来了吗
I'd be dead at 30. Because I just found a different investment guy.
我肯定 30 岁就死了因为我刚找到另一位投资人
But isn't that what you've always wanted? A legit one in Germany.
但这不是你一直以来的愿望吗德国的合法投资人
Hey, Uncle Pennybags, you home? His name is Herr Schluffen.
阿土伯你在家吗他名叫赫尔·斯路芬
I mean, you dumpster? Well, I'm sorry. I'm giving it back right now.
我是说你在垃圾箱吗抱歉我现在就要把钱还回去
Hey, can I come in? Herr Schluffen can schluff off.
我能进去吗赫尔·斯路芬可以去死橹粪了
Or did you already move on? Wait, Max, can I hold the million?
还是你已经放下了等下麦克斯我能握一下这 100 万吗
- 'cause I'd get it if you did. - Nah, come in. For just one more second, I want to be upper-middle
- 如果是我也能理解 -没进来吧 class.
Just sittin' in here fartin' diamonds. 一秒就好让我重温上层中产阶级的感觉
我无所事事下下金蛋玩呢 Caroline, give it back.
Look, I think I owe you an apology. 卡洛琳把钱还回去
我觉得我欠你一个道歉最新余额
You know how I called you a lazy mc-richy rich who 最新余额
never 最新余额
之前我称你为"住在象牙垃圾殿里最新余额
had to work for anything and lives in an ivory dumpster? 最新余额
超级有钱一辈子无需为五斗米折腰的懒蛋" 目前资金
Is this part of the apology 目前资金
-----------------------------
这是道歉的一部分吗
Or just the recap of mean things you've said to me? -------------17--------------
还是你在重述你伤我的心的过分句子 -----------------------------
Just listen. Hey, I'm sleeping at Deke's house tonight.
乖乖听着我今晚要在迪克家过夜
Well, I was right, you never did have to work for Wink, wink, winky-wink.
anything. 眨眼眨眼你懂的
我说得对你的确无需为五斗米折腰 Deke's house? You mean your boyfriend's dumpster?
Okay, I'm starting to think you don't know what an 迪克家你是指他那个垃圾箱吗
apology is. Yeah. So I need a, uh--
我开始怀疑你到底懂不懂什么是道歉了是啊所以我需要...
But even though you never had to work for anything, Tetanus shot?
但即使你天生无需为五斗米折腰打破伤风疫苗吗
You do. Higher standards?
但你却付出努力还是提高择偶标准
You actually get up, you go to pastry school, No, a condom.
你真的有乖乖起床好好上烘焙学校都不是是要个套套
第 128 页 /共 192 页
I'm about to have sex, and I want it to feel bad. Why would you spit in the face of God?
我今晚要跟他做爱我想要过程不舒服你为什么要糟蹋上帝的杰作呢
I should have one in my purse from the last time I had Everybody, calm down.
sex. 大家冷静
我上次做爱后我包里好像还有剩避孕套 Those aren't going anywhere.
They had purses the last time you had sex? 这对胸器哪也不会去
你上次做爱时世上就有包包了吗 And if they are, I am going with them.
No, we carried animal hides tied with sticks. 如果它们真要走我也会跟着它们走
还没呢我们用棍子绑住动物皮当包用 I got some cooling patches to soothe her muscles.
It hasn't been that long. 我这有些退热贴可以让她舒缓肌肉酸痛
没有这么久啦 And when that doesn't work,
Oh, here's one next to this movie ticket stub from 如果不管用
Precious. I have another brand called "Maui wowie."
这有一个旁边还有《珍爱》的电影票存根我有另一牌叫"哒嘛"的可以用
Okay, it's been that long. Pickup.
好啦是很久了上菜
{\fn 微软雅 - I'll see you later. Love you. - Love you.
黑 \fs18\an8\b1\bord1\shad1\3c&H2F2F2F& 《珍 - 晚点见爱你 -我也爱你
爱》2009 年电影讲一个被父亲强奸又被众人嘲笑肥 Deke, breath. What is that?
胖迪克你嘴里那是什么味道
心中有着小幻想却又被无情现实打击的故事 Teriyaki beef jerky. Why, is it bad?
You saw Precious without a condom? 照烧牛肉干味很难闻吗
你看《珍爱》的时候居然没戴套啊 No. Give me another hit.
It says, "Best if used before september 2012." 不会再给我香一个
上面写着"最佳使用日期为 2012 年 9 月前" That is delicious.
Just like the milk here. 真好吃啊
就跟店里的牛奶一样 You know it.
I wish I knew a guy with a condom. 必须的
真希望我有认识有带套套的男人 Max, since you guys are getting serious,
A man, any man. 麦克斯既然你们认真要谈恋爱
男人是男人就行 why not go on the pill,
Oleg, do you happen to have-- 干嘛不直接吃事前避孕药
奥列格你身上有带... so every night you won't have to play
Okay, this should get you through the night. 这样你就不用每晚都玩
好这些应该够你今晚用了 "What can we turn into a condom?"
But if it doesn't, you can use this freezer bag "来找还有啥能当避孕套"的游戏了
但如果不够可以用这个冷藏袋 The pill is, like, 50 bucks a month.
and a rubber band. 避孕药一个月分量的好像要 50 块
然后用橡皮筋绑上 That's more than it costs to raise a damn baby.
Max, I laid out the little cups, 那他妈的比养个娃还贵呢
麦克斯我把小杯子都摆好了 Well, your boyfriend's rich. He can afford to pay for it.
so all you have to do is fill them with cole slaw. 你的男朋友这么有钱他付得起
你只需要把沙拉装进去就行了 Great, now I'm a white trash mom.
Said the girl who was on the Forbes 我这下成了白人穷鬼无良妈了
这话居然从曾被福布斯评为 Uh-uh, no way.
"Top ten to watch" list. 不要
"值得关注的十大新星"的人口中说出 I'm saving Deke's fortune for more important things,
I can't do my side work tonight. 我要把迪克的钱留在更重要的事物上
今晚我干不了这些杂活 Like Doritos Dinamita.
Normally I'd say it's because I'm drunk, 像是多力多滋的辣味薯条
通常我会说是因为太醉 Pretty much the filet mignon of corn chips.
but tonight it's because my back hurts and I'm drunk. 那算是玉米饼界里的至尊了吧
但今晚是因为我又背痛又太醉 I mean, I'd be on the pill right now,
Here, babe, I got you something 我巴不得开始吃那个药呢
宝贝我有个能帮你 but the one man interested in me is married,
that might help your back feel better. 可惜现在唯一对我有兴趣的男人结婚了
减缓背部疼痛的东西 so I guess that's more of a bitter pill.
A breast reduction? 所以我现在能吃上的只有苦药吧
缩胸手术吗 - Seriously, Max. Think about it. - Fine.
No! - 说认真的麦克斯考虑考虑 -好吧
别啊 Why don't guys have to take the pill?
第 129 页 /共 192 页
为什么需要吃药的都不是男人 - 麦克斯 -你叫麦克斯干嘛
We have to take all the pills. Birth control, midol, I want to make sure I haven't lost my mind.
roofies... 我想确认一下我还没疯
什么药都得是女人吃避孕药经痛药迷奸药 Nicolas said he told his wife about me,
Bonjour, Caroline. 尼可拉斯说他跟他老婆说了我
你好卡洛琳 and she gave him permission for us to sleep together.
Chef Nicolas. What are you doing in the diner? 而他老婆同意我跟他上床
尼可拉斯大厨你来餐厅干嘛 Ha! Good one!
Oh, no, I never wanted you to see me wearing this. 高招
天啊我可不想被你看见我穿这制服 My boss at Quiznos once told me his wife's dying wish
Yeah, so be a gentleman and take a step back, 我以前打工的快餐店老板说他老婆的遗愿
所以麻烦你绅士点往后退一步好吗 was that I let him motorboat me.
'cause as bad as it looks, it smells worse. 是我让他用脸蹭我的胸
因为这衣服不仅样子难看味道更难闻 Okay, so she may have been motorboated out of
I think you look beautiful. Quiznos.
我觉得你看起来很美她可能被快餐店老板蹭过胸
Your wife looks beautiful. But I am not falling for this.
你老婆看起来才美呢但我不信你这套
Oh, yeah. Get it, girl. Yes, I thought you wouldn't believe me,
行啊姑娘上我猜到你会不相信我了
May I see you alone over there in the, uh... So I set up a Skype call with her from France on Friday.
聊一会儿行吗就在... 所以我跟她约好周五你们两个视频聊天
I guess one would call it a restaurant? Wait, you want me to Skype with your wife about sex?
某些人称之为"餐厅"的地方等等你要我跟你老婆视频谈跟你上床的事吗
But just for a minute. I'm working. Am I on Dr. Phil?
就给你一分钟我还在上班呢我现在是在访谈节目上吗
What's that smell? Hey, everybody.
那是什么味道啊大家安安
That's today's special. Beef pot pie. I got a new dress, and it's bitchin'.
那是今日特别套餐牛肉派我买了件屌爆的新连衣裙
Oh, it doesn't smell like beef. Hey, look at him. Oh.
但闻起来不像牛肉啊快瞧瞧他
That's because it's not beef, - Nobody told me they added beefcake to the menu.
因为不是牛肉做的 - 没人告诉我菜单上新加了牛肉饼啊
It's not made today, and it's not special. Excuse me, beefcake has been on the menu
也不是今日做的而且一点也不特别不好意思菜单上猛男这道菜
Listen, Caroline. since I started working here.
卡洛琳你听我说在我开始在这上班后就加上了
We have all this relationship drama, Finally...
虽然我们的关系如同恋爱那般大起大落终于啊
and we're not even in a relationship. There's somebody in the diner as good-looking as me.
但我们根本没有在谈恋爱餐厅里终于有跟我一样秀色可餐的人了
Please get to know me better. Hi, I'm Sophie Kuchenski.
我希望你能更深入地了解我你好我叫苏菲·科臣斯基
Come to my home for dinner. Nicolas Saintcroix.
来我家吃顿晚饭吧尼可拉斯·圣克罗伊
Dinner at your home, just you and me? And he's French too?
去你家吃晚饭就我们俩吗而且他还是法国人吗
How do you think your wife would feel about that? Oh, come on!
你觉得你老婆会怎么想呢太棒了吧
We have an open relationship. I'm sorry, I was in the middle of a conversation with
我跟她是开放式的关系 Caroline.
Did you think I'm the type of man 抱歉我刚才跟卡洛琳还没说完呢
你觉得我是那种 Who?
who would have sex with another woman 谁啊
会偷偷跟其他女人做爱 Me, the one whose feet you're standing on.
without asking my wife? 我那个脚正被你踩着的人
而不先问过我老婆的人吗 Oh, wait a minute.
That is so American. 等等
美国人才那么搞好吗 Is this the married guy?
- Max? - Why are you calling Max? 他就是那个已婚男人吗
第 130 页 /共 192 页
Oh, girl! 妹儿你真是伶牙俐齿
行啊老妹 That's a little cold.
I'm gonna give you two days' head start, and then he's 水温有点冷
mine! I'm sorry, what was your name again?
姐先让你两天之后他就是我的囊中物了抱歉你叫什么名字来着
Why do you care what his wife thinks about your hair? Dan.
你干嘛要在意她老婆觉得你头发如何啊丹
You're not gonna be sleeping with her. Uh-huh. Dan? So just Dan?
你又不是要跟她睡丹就丹一个字吗
Although you'd be a lot more interesting if you did. You're not, like, a Danny or a Dantrell?
虽然说你跟她睡会更让你变得更有趣不是什么丹妮还是丹翠儿之类的吗
I'm not gonna be sleeping with him either. Dan.
我也不会跟他睡就丹
And when I tell his wife that, I want to look good doing I need to get conditioner.
it. 我去拿点护发素
我希望我告诉他老婆这件事时我能美美地说 Damn it, Max, I got a straight one.
I have to look 20% better than her. 靠麦克斯我的美发师是直男
我得比她好看两成 What makes you think he's straight?
And since Skype makes you look 20% worse, 他哪里让你觉得他是直男了
而人在视频上会丑个两成 He keeps pushing my head down before I'm ready.
I have to look 40% better than I do now. 我都没准备好他就一直把我的头"按下去"
所以我得比现在好看四成才行啊 Is the water too warm?
You realize talking about math in a hair salon 水会太温吗
你知道在发廊里跟我聊数学 {\fn 微软雅
is my worst nightmare, right? 黑 \fs18\an8\b1\bord1\shad1\3c&H2F2F2F& 著名恶作
是我最大的恶梦对吧剧手段趁要整的人熟睡时
Welcome to the Tristan Evans salon. 把他的手放入温水中会害他尿床
欢迎来到本发廊 Why? Are my pants too wet?
Hi, hello. We're here for the... student haircut. 为啥问我裤子尿太湿了吗
你好我们是来做... 学生剪发的 Girl, are we in love?
I'm sorry? 我真是爱死你了
再说一遍 Max, I need you to give me your gay.
The $6 haircuts for poor people 麦克斯把你的基男给我
6 块钱的穷人剪发 Yeah, right.
from the people who don't really know how to cut hair 你想得美
yet. I'd give you my left nut before I give you my gay.
让也还不是很会剪头发的人剪的那种我把我左蛋蛋给你也不给你我的基男
Max, that's not true. This is the Tristan Evans salon. You weren't even gonna get your hair done.
麦克斯才不会呢这发廊很出名呢你本来都没想要弄头发
I'm sure that everyone that's enrolled here is a genius. Yeah, but I always wanted to know
我相信会在这里学习的都是天才美发师但我一直想知道
At least tell me they're gay. what it felt like to get a shampoo
他们至少都是基男吧被人上洗发水时
Just have a seat over there. - without a school nurse running that tiny comb through
请你们到一旁就座 my hair.
I'll have somebody come up from the hair school and-- - 不用被学校护士用细梳子梳头的感觉
shh! Dan?
我会让美发学校部的人上来... 丹
So loud. I have a magazine over there
小声点我那边的杂志上有张
Hair school. Got it. with a photo of a chic, piece-y, choppy bob.
美发学校部没问题时尚又有棱角的短头发型图
We'll just take a seat over there till they arrive. - You can do that, right? - Sure.
我们会乖乖坐在一边等他们 - 你能弄那个发型对吧 -没问题
Girl, you just sit there, relax, Piece of bob. Got it.
妹儿你就坐好放轻松简单棱角短没问题
and let jameis make this head major. - 'sup? - Dan, Dan, Dan!
让我杰米丝来把你的头发弄得超霸气 - 姑娘不错哦 -丹丹
- So weird, 'cause I majored in head. Okay, done. You're ready to cut.
- 真巧我主修的就是头呢好洗完了可以剪了
Girl, you are all everything. Let's go. I can't risk some discount hetero cutting my
第 131 页 /共 192 页
hair. {\fn 微软雅
走吧我可不想冒险让打折收费的直男剪头发黑 \fs18\an8\b1\bord1\shad1\3c&H2F2F2F& 据说法国
I'll see you at home. I'm pretty close to a hairgasm. 女人不剃腋毛只有妓女才剃腋毛
我们家里见吧我都快要头发高潮了 'cause I didn't have time to grow out my pits.
That should've been mine. 是因为我不够时间留腋毛
这本来应该是我的福利 Okay, the call is in one minute. I'll just do it from here.
I haven't had a hairgasm in years. 电话一分钟后就来了我就坐这里说吧
我都几年没有过头发高潮了 I was planning to be holding my Louis Vuitton shopping
She hasn't had any gasm in years. bag,
她这几年什么高潮都没有过我本来还打算提着我 LV 的购物袋呢
Oh, my God! but the cat took a dump in it.
天啊但那只猫在里面拉了屎
Max, is that hair your new form of birth control? And, Max, bring that lamp closer to my face,
麦克斯这发型是你的新"避孕措施"吗麦克斯把那台灯拿靠近我脸一点
You look like Dame Edna. So I don't have eight Skype chins.
你看起来像是埃德娜夫人这样视频上我不会看起来有八重下巴
{\fn 微软雅 Fine, but if I get too close to the bulb,
黑 \fs18\an8\b1\bord1\shad1\3c&H2F2F2F& 埃德娜夫行但如果我太靠近灯泡
人由澳洲男谐星 my hair might blow up.
男扮女装而成的谐星歌舞老太婆我的头会爆炸
That's what I asked for! Here she is.
我就是照着她的发型做的她打来了
Hellooo! Sophie, good-bye.
泥嚎啊苏菲慢走不送
Now my outside matches my inside Oh, no, I'm not leaving, baby.
现在我的外表终于与内心一致了别想我才不走呢宝贝
because I've always been an old drag queen That French hottie and I are perfect for each other.
因为我的灵魂是个老年异装癖男那法国帅哥跟我是天造地设的一对
trapped inside the body of a young black girl. I mean, look at me.
被困在一个年轻黑妞的身躯里你瞧姐
Hellooo! I'm wearing a beret. I have a baguette.
泥嚎啊我戴着法式贝雷帽包里还有法式长棍
Oh, hi, Max. Bonjour, bitches!
你好啊麦克斯贱人们姐来啦
Oh, I used to wear my hair like that. Okay, take a deep breath, and remember, this is
我以前也留过这发型 ridiculous.
I used it to smuggle cheese and cigarettes into the 深呼吸然后别忘了这事真是狗屁不通
prison. Bonjour, Caroline.
是为了方便夹带起司跟香烟进监狱里你好卡洛琳
Oh, hey, Caroline. Bonjour. You must be Juliette.
卡洛琳你好你是朱丽叶吧
Just checking. It is nice to meet you.
我就想确认一下幸会幸会
Still not sleeping with that French guy And you as well, Juliette.
还是不要跟我要"睡"的我也是
that I'm sleeping with? I just want to set the record straight about Nicolas and I.
那个法国佬上床吗我想先跟你声明尼可拉斯与我的事
Still not, Sophie. He's married. I am not the type of--
就是不要苏菲他结婚了我绝对不是那种...
Well, good. Yes, you have my permission to sleep with Nicolas.
那就好可以我同意你跟尼可拉斯上床
'cause I'm here to talk to that wife Au revoir.
因为我是来跟他老婆谈的再会
and throw my hoo-ha into the ring. That's it? She's gone?
人家的"洞洞"也要参赛就这样啊她这就挂了
I even bought myself a flat French hat I didn't even get to say "hos before bros" in French.
我还买了一个法式贝雷帽我没来得及用法语说"姐妹至上男人滚蛋"
to make me more French. So much more to say.
好让自己更有法国味人家还有很多话想说呢
Yeah, I got me the hat What more is there to say?
另外我买帽子的原因还有什么好说的啊
第 132 页 /共 192 页
She said we could sleep with him. 干一些激情四射的坏事
她都说我们可以跟他睡了 Well, we should go.
No, I'm never sleeping with Nicolas, 我们该走了
不我绝对不会跟尼可拉斯睡 No. You're not staying for dessert?
no matter what his wife says. 别你不留下来吃甜点了吗
他老婆说什么都没用 You're breaking my heart.
Good, 'cause you could never share a French guy. 这真让我伤心
很好因为你绝对不会跟人分享法国男人 Well, maybe just one piece. We can share it.
You won't even share your French toast. 那就吃一块吧我们可以分着吃
你连法式吐司都不愿意跟人分享 I thought you didn't want to share.
Thanks for coming. 我还以为你不喜欢跟人分享呢
谢谢你们陪我来 He's not married to his dessert, Max,
I promise, just one drink at Nicolas's, 他又没跟他的甜点结婚麦克斯
我保证在他家喝一杯就走 And it's just one piece.
and then we'll go to the movies. 而且只是吃一块而已
然后我们一起去看电影 We're here, so he doesn't get a piece.
And, Max, I can't believe you went out with that hair in 我们来这的目的就是让他半点便宜都吃不着
public. You got a pretty sweet setup for a married man who's
话说你居然真敢顶着这个发型出门 single.
I like it. 你这个已婚单身男人一条龙服务得挺到位
我喜欢 Creme caramel au coconut cake.
{\fn 微软雅奶油焦糖椰子蛋糕
黑\fs18\an8\b1\bord1\shad1\3c&H2F2F2F&美国 70 年 Well, it's no Fudgie the Whale.
代著名情景喜剧《桑福德和儿子》中人物不是软糖鲸鱼蛋糕啊
麦克斯与其发型相像 Thanks.
You look like my Aunt Esther, but not as hot. 多谢
像我的艾斯特阿姨只不过没她那么辣 I love to cook for friends.
Oh, Caroline. 我喜欢为朋友们做饭
卡洛琳 Beautiful friends.
I see you brought Deke and... 尤其是漂亮的朋友
你还邀请了迪克和... Nicolas, just because your wife gave me permission
Max's mother? 尼可拉斯就算你老婆同意我这么做
那位是麦克斯的母亲吗 does not mean I'm gonna let you take me over
The only thing this hair and my mother have in common 也不意味着我会让你把我抱起来
is to that king-size bed with
这发型和我妈的唯一共同点扔到那张床单看起来很有档次的
- they're both high. what looks like really good sheets
- 就是吹"高"和嗑高特大号双人床上
Nicolas, I'm not staying. and make love to me all night long.
尼可拉斯我不会久留然后跟我疯狂做爱一整夜
I know you went to a lot of trouble with dinner, and then again that morning.
我知道你为这顿晚餐费了很多心思直至早上也不停歇
So I didn't want to be rude, So how's your back, Esther?
所以我也不想失礼你的背好点了吗艾斯特
but we can only stay for one drink. Oh, Morty.
但我们喝一杯就要走了莫蒂
God, you look beautiful. I have to tell you something.
天啊你真漂亮我有话要对你说
Maybe two drinks. Is it your heart?
其实喝两杯也行你的心脏不行了吗
But definitely no dinner. No, I'm on the pill.
但绝对不留下来吃晚餐不是啦是我在吃药
Well, that dinner we weren't staying for was delicious. I know. You're on a lot of pills.
我们本不该留下来吃的这顿饭真是美味我知道你磕的药还不少呢
Yeah, we should not stay more often. No, a pill-pill.
是啊我们应该多多"不久留" 不是啦是那个药
I like your loft, man. The pill-pill-pill?
我喜欢你的小阁楼传说中的那个药吗
It's the perfect place to live Yeah, see?
这地方超级适合是啊你看
if you like to commit really sexy crimes. You just pop 'em out one at a time.
第 133 页 /共 192 页
一弹开盖子一颗药就会自动蹦出来没有可卡因
They're like pez for sluts. Why would you call anyone into a bathroom if you don't
就像是给荡妇专用的糖豆 have coke?
Speaking of sluts... 你没有可卡因还把人叫进洗手间干屁啊
说到荡妇 That's rude.
Oh, boy, this is awkward. 真是太过分了
天啊这场面太尴尬了 No, I was just gonna talk to you.
And I've testified against half my family. 不是啦我只是想跟你谈谈
比我出庭作证指控自己半数家人还尴尬 Oh, then I'm definitely gonna need coke.
I agree, Max. 那我绝对要来点可卡因才听得进去
我同意麦克斯 Okay, look. You are not sleeping with him.
Things are a little uncomfortable. 听着你不能跟他滚床单
现在的场面是有点怪怪的 Of course not.
So why don't we just make this as weird as possible? 当然不会
所以我们何不让它变得更加奇怪呢 But tonight I'm thinking there's something special here.
Damn it, I knew he was gonna kill us. 但今晚我觉得情况有些不一样
靠我就知道他会杀我们灭口 I mean, we talked, and we laughed.
Tango, anyone? 我是说我们相谈甚欢
有人会跳探戈吗 What is this, "Previously on Caroline"?
Honestly, I prefer if you kill us. 你这是干嘛 "卡洛琳前情回顾"吗
老实说我宁愿他杀了我们 If you guys are doing blow in here without me,
Okay, well, we gotta go, Esther. 如果你们俩扔下我在里面嗑药
好了我们该走了艾斯特 I'm gonna be so pissed.
No, morty, sit down! I'm not missing the show. 我一定会非常生气的
不行莫蒂给我坐下来看戏 I wish.
It comes with dinner. 我倒想呢
这是餐后表演呢 No, Caroline wants to have sex with Nicolas.
Tango? Nicolas, you cannot be serious. 不是啦卡洛琳想跟尼可拉斯滚床单
探戈尼可拉斯你在开玩笑吗 Even after that tango?
Oh, maybe you cannot dance, Caroline? 跳了那探戈之后还这么想吗
你是不是不会跳舞啊卡洛琳 Listen, now I'm thinking I want to sleep over,
Can't dance? 听着现在我是想留下来过夜
怎么可能 but not have sex.
One summer, I taught ballroom dance to homeless 但是绝不做爱
teens. Is that where he puts it in but doesn't move it around?
某年夏天我曾教无家可归的青少年跳社交舞所以是让他放进去但是不动的意思吗
Because when you're dancing, you're not hungry? That's what I do when you're passed out.
因为人在跳舞的时候就不会觉得肚子饿吗每次你醉得不省人事我就会这样
Fast-forward. That's what I do when you're passed out.
快进快进每次你醉得不省人事我也会这样
{\fn 微软雅 Look, nothing is going in anywhere.
黑 \fs18\an8\b1\bord1\shad1\3c&H2F2F2F& 《亚当斯绝不会有任何"东西"进"任何"地方"
一家》是美国 60 年代黑色幽默哥特式情景喜剧 I just want to get to know him better.
剧中家人常有跳舞桥段我只是想多了解他一些
This is my least favorite part of the Addams Family. You really think you can sleep in his bed with him
这是《亚当斯一家》里我最不喜欢的桥段你真的觉得你可以跟他睡在同一张床上
- Look at his pants. - I know. - and not use his penis as a body pillow? - Of course.
- 你瞧他的裤裆 -看见啦 - 却不把他的鸡鸡当抱枕吗 -当然
That tango is giving him even less ball room. I've done that with every boy on the upper east side.
他的鸡鸡在裤裆的舞池里跟着起舞我跟上东区的每一个男生都试过
Stay. We don't have to have sex. That's why they called me the east side snuggler.
留下来我们不一定非要做爱所以他们称我为"东区抱抱员"
- We don't? - I promise. And trust me,
- 可以吗 -我保证相信我
I have to go to the restroom, Max. So do you. even though his wife begged me to have sex with him,
我要去洗手间一趟麦克斯你也是即使他老婆求我让我跟他做爱
Come in, come in, come in, come in, come in. I'm not going to.
进来快进来快进来但我也不会这么做
Okay, where's the coke? But didn't you tell us the whole reason you dragged us
可卡因在哪儿 here
There is no coke. 但你之前把我们拖来这的理由
第 134 页 /共 192 页
was because you were afraid of being alone with him? 千万不要让臭虫"钻进"你的身子里
不是因为你害怕跟他独处吗 Uh, you and I are gonna do it, right?
What is this, "Previously on Caroline"? 可是我会钻进你身子对吧
你这是干嘛 "卡洛琳前情回顾"吗 Oh, yeah. Think I took my pill this morning.
Look, I get it. 当然我今早应该吃药了
我懂你们的意思 Either that or I didn't take my pill.
And if you two really don't think I'm capable 不然就是我没吃
如果你们俩真的觉得 Wow, Max, this is a big step
of not having sex with him, 麦克斯你今天有或没有吃药
我会把持不住的话 that you may or may not have taken today.
then hang out for a bit until you're sure that I'm fine. 对我们的感情来说都算是垮了一大步呢
那你们可以待到觉得我可以了再走 You know if it's too much trouble,
Fine, but we are not staying all night. 如果太麻烦的话
可以但我们不会在这耗一整晚的 we don't have to go off condoms.
Here are some blankets for you, Max and Deke. 我们可以继续用避孕套啊
麦克斯和迪克这是给你们的毯子 So you're the one guy in the world
You can take the couch. 所以你就是当今世上那个
你们可以睡沙发 who wants to still wear a condom?
Caroline and I will take the bed. 唯一想戴避孕套的男人吗
我和卡洛琳睡床 Do you have something?
Once again, our apologies. 你是不是有什么隐疾啊
再次抱歉是我们不好 No, it's not like that.
We are just too drunk to go. 不才没有呢
我们醉得走不了 I'm just saying the pill is a big commitment.
Too drunk! 我只是觉得开始吃药是个很大的承诺
真是太醉了 Oh, so do you not want to take this step?
You did share that one glass of wine. 所以你不想进展到这一步吗
你们俩才就分了一杯红酒 Because I already went to Planned Parenthood,
Yup, we are too drunk. 因为我已经去过计划生育组织了
没错我们都喝高了 and I never plan anything.
So too drunk to walk? 而我从未"计划"过任何事呢
所以醉到走不了路吗 - Max, I guess I'm just surprised-- - Hold that thought.
Well, I don't know. You be the judge. - 麦克斯我只是有点意外 -等下再说
我不知道那你来判断下 - I hear nothing. - So?
I am so sorry about this. - 怎么没有声音 -那又怎样
我对此感到非常抱歉 So that's what Caroline sounds like during sex!
It's fine, Caroline. 卡洛琳做爱的时候就是没有声音
没关系卡洛琳 Keep talking like I'm here.
I know what's going on here. 假装你在跟我说话
我知道这是怎么回事 Ah, oh, yeah, baby!
Oh, and, Nicolas, before you go, 太爽了宝贝
尼可拉斯在你上床前 Right there! That's the spot!
I just wanted to say thanks again for the drinks, 那里就是那里
我想再次感谢你今晚的美酒 Yeah, now slap my face with 'em!
the dinner, 现在把我脸按上去吧
晚餐 Well, if you were still here, that's what I'd be saying.
the dessert, 如果你在这我就会说这种话啊
甜点 I'm sorry, I'll switch it up.
my pillow, 抱歉啦我换一下
我的枕头 Uh, go fish, Max.
and Deke's pillow. 上吧麦克斯
还有迪克的枕头 Max, what are you doing?
We get it, grandma. Good night. 麦克斯你在干什么
我们懂你意思了老古董晚安 What are you doing?
We'll be right over there. 你们又在干什么
我们就睡在那边 We're fine.
And I'll be right over here. 我们没干嘛
我就睡在这边 We're just lying here talking.
Good night, sleep tight, 我们只是躺着说话而已
晚安好好睡 No, we're not. I'm really turned on.
don't let the bedbugs have sex with you. 其实不是老娘已经欲火焚身了
第 135 页 /共 192 页
Why? What's he doing to you? but how about a nuvaring?
为什么他对你做什么了所以我送你一个阴道环
It's not him, it's me. I'm the predator here. A nuvaring?
不是他是我自己我是肉食女阴道环
You were right. You better stop me. How did you know my size?
你说得对你最好快阻止我你怎么知道我里面大小
Get up here with us. I can't wait to try it on.
上来跟我们一起睡我迫不及待要戴进去了
I'm not getting in bed with you. Well, I am not throwing you a shower for that.
我才不要跟你同睡一张床我可不会为你开个净身洗礼派对
Max, get in the bed. After I saw how you maybe forgot to take your pill on
麦克斯你上床睡吧 day one
I know a jaques-block when I see one. 自从我目睹你第一天的药就貌似忘了吃
我这人很知情识趣的 and then took pills all day just to be safe,
I am so sorry. 结果隔天一整天乱吃药来确保安全后
真是对不起 I thought you'd need a little help.
- This is silly. I know it must be hard for you. 我就想你可能需要点小帮助
- 这样很蠢我知道这对你来说太难了 So there, Max. Will you not have children with me?
Uh, not anymore. 所以麦克斯你愿意跟我一起避孕吗
现在不是了 You're damn right I won't.
You know, last night when you and I were in bed, 我当然愿意
昨晚当我们一起在床上时 Oh, wait, I think these take a couple days to work.
I realized I guess Nicolas is just gonna be one of 慢着这玩意戴上后还得过两天才管用
我意识到尼可拉斯可能就是那位置入阴道后约有一个月的药效之后自己取出替换新
those people in my life that I'm always gonna 的即可
我人生中差点发生关系 Where are we gonna get a condom for tonight?
almost have sex with, but I never will. 我们今晚要去哪里弄避孕套呢
但我又永远不会这么做的人之一目前资金
You know? 目前资金
你懂我意思吗最新余额
Yeah, like me and you. 最新余额
懂就像我和你最新余额
- Hey, Deke. - Hey, Earl. -----------------------------
- 你好迪克 -你好厄尔 -------------18--------------
Best conversation I had today. -----------------------------
我今天最棒的谈话 Hi. Today's special is clam chowder,
Max, last night I got the idea that maybe you thought 你们好今日的特餐是蛤蜊浓汤
麦克斯昨晚我想你可能误会我 and today's advice is don't eat it.
that I didn't want to take our relationship to the next 而今日的建议是别吃
level. Do you have Eggs Benedict Cumberbatch?
认为我不想让我们的关系更进一步你们这里有蛋"卷福"吗
What is this, "Previously on Deke"? 本尼迪克特·康伯巴奇在英剧《神探夏洛克》中
你这是干嘛 "迪克前情回顾"吗饰演的福尔摩斯有着卷发所以又被粉丝叫"卷福"
And just to prove that I do want to go to the next level, You are really killing it tonight, Mary,
为了向你证明我的确想跟你跟进一步玛丽你今晚真是笑"杀"四方啊
I got you a ring. and leaving no evidence.
我给你买了个环而且没留下任何证据
Oh, my god, Max! I'm so happy for you! We're coming from Sherlock-con.
天啊麦克斯真为你感到开心我们刚参加完"神夏大会"
Even though I thought I'd be the first one to get It's like Comic-Con, but for Sherlock Holmes fans.
engaged. 像是"动漫大会"的《神探夏洛克》版
虽然我一直以为我会是先订婚的那个 So it's way cooler.
I think we all thought that. 比"动漫大会"酷多了
大家肯定都是这么认为的 Excuse me for a sec.
Deke, I don't know what you're gonna pull out of your 原谅我失陪一下
pocket, There's another waitress here
迪克我不知道你要从口袋里掏出什么东西店里有另一位服务员
but it better be a gun. who is gonna be a big fan of all of this.
但那最好是一把枪一定会很乐意看到你们的一举一动
Actually, I know you don't want a ring-ring. You're welcome for what I'm about to show you.
其实我知道你肯定不会想要那种指环带你看样东西不用谢我了
第 136 页 /共 192 页
Look, guess what they are. Didn't I tell you to keep my name out your mouth?
你猜她们是什么来路大爷不是让你连我名字都不许提吗
Time-traveling lesbians. So, girls, what do you say we make it fun, huh?
穿越时空的拉拉吗姑娘们我们把干活弄得好玩点如何
- We're not lesbians. - I am. I'll read a chore. You raise your hand.
- 我们不是拉拉 -我是我念出一项工作想做的人就举手
What is this? What just let out? Scrape the fat puddle from under the stove!
她们是哪个活动结束后放出来的吗清理灶台周围的油脂脏污
A sale at the Burlington Coat Factory? No takers?
低档商场大拍卖吗没人要去吗
They're Sherlock Holmes super-fans Next.
她们是《神探夏洛克》的死忠粉下一项
coming from a convention, Clear the spider community in the walk-in!
刚参加完"神夏大会" 清除冷藏库里的蜘蛛团伙
which means there are a lot of cats home alone right No takers?
now. 没人要去吗
现在肯定有无数猫在家中独守空闺啊 Next.
Well, I'd say the only mystery 下一项
现在唯一的谜题是 Clear the spider community in the dish room!
is who here gets laid the least. 清除洗碗盘区的蜘蛛团伙
谁"阴门最鲜为君开"吧 No takers?
Hello. 也没人要去吗
你们好啊 Han, sorry, I can't clean. I have carpal tunnel.
Cracked it, Watson. 阿憨抱歉我不能清理我得了腕隧道症
华生咱们突破盲点了 The doctor says I can't put any pressure on my wrist.
One of those Sherlock ladies 医生说我的手不能出力
有个神夏粉 And I can't clean either, Han. It's my jaw.
left her carpal tunnel brace in here. 阿憨我也不能打扫我下颚有病
把她的腕隧道症护腕忘在这里了 I've got real bad "T.M.Z."
No address, but there's a card that says, 我得了"T.M.Z"病
里面没有主人地址不过有一张写着 Oh, you girls are so full of crap,
"In case of emergency, dial 1-800-chocolate." 你们俩妞真是信口雌黄
"如发生紧急事故请拨打 1800-巧克力" Like that third stall in the men's room.
许多公司喜欢选能与产品有关联的号码跟满是屎的男厕三号间一样
chocolate 对照电话键盘上的字母即是电话号 Any takers?
And I'll take that. 有人要去吗
这我收下了 She was so friendly in the job interview.
Okay, everybody. It's that time again-- 她当初面试的时候明明还很友善呢
好了各位又到了这重大时刻 Bonjour, Max.
The diner's big spring clean! 你好麦克斯
餐厅的春季大扫除 Oh, Chef Nicolas.
Oh, my God, has it been six years already? 尼可拉斯大厨
天啊六年一度又到来了吗 Why am I seeing you outside of pastry school?
Too bad I just developed carpal tunnel. 为什么我会在不是学校的地方见到你呢
可惜我刚得了腕隧道症 Is it about my flan?
好发于得做重复性腕部活动的职业是因为我的果馅饼作业吗
能造成手部麻木无力疼痛等症状 Because no one likes that stuff anyway.
Max, do you think you can fake a stroke? 反正也没人爱吃那玩意嘛
麦克斯演得出假中风吗 Oh, no, that's not why I'm here.
Fake a stroke, fake an orgasm, 我不是为了那个而来的
假中风假高潮 I want to speak to Caroline.
basically anything that will get me out of work. 我是想来跟卡洛琳谈谈
只要能偷懒我啥都假得出 But, yes, I gave your flan a "C"-minus.
Okay, we have lots of chores to do, 不过我的确给了你的果馅饼"C-"的分数
我们有很多的活要干 It was flat.
and somebody will have to double up, 太平淡了
而且有人还得做二人份 I'll go get her. Wow.
because Earl asked me not to speak to him 行我去叫她
因为厄尔叫我今晚 First time a teacher's ever called me flat.
for the rest of the night. 第一次有老师说我"平"呢
不许再跟他说话 Ow, ow, ow! Oh, my wrist!
第 137 页 /共 192 页
我的手腕啊我就跟你共进晚餐"
Oh, I thought you were Han. And se-end.
我还以为是阿憨来了呢送出出
Please, I'm twice the man he is. If you ever say "se-end" again,
拜托我比他还爷们两倍你以后再敢说次"送出出"
Nicolas is here. we're not gonna be "fri-ends."
尼可拉斯来了我就会让你"滚粗粗"
What? No, no, no! Hey, everybody!
什么不不行大家安安
He can't be in my personal life! I just got back from Sundance.
他不可以闯入我私人生活我刚从圣丹斯的独立电影节回来
I'm having a hard enough time 马克·鲁法洛美国知名演员
在学校躲他曾出演多部电影如《复仇者联盟》《惊天魔盗团》
avoiding working with him at pastry school. I saw ten Mark Ruffalo movies,
就已经费了我很大劲了看了 10 部马克·鲁法洛电影
Did I just call the diner my personal life? and I got to watch Catherine Keener DJ.
我刚才把餐厅称为我的私人生活吗还看到女演员凯瑟琳·基纳当 DJ 呢
I think so. I wasn't listening.
Well, whoever that is.
好像吧我没在听
又或者是别人吧
So what do I tell him?
I was in an indie movie once.
那我该怎么跟他说
我也曾经出演过独立电影
Tell him he's married, and I don't go out with married
Well, a guy filmed me eating a sloppy joe
men.
一男的拍我在运动用品店里的
说我不跟他这种有妇之夫约会的 in the dressing room of a Sport Chalet.
Tell him what we had was a passing flirtation.
更衣室里吃着邋遢乔三明治
跟他说我们之前只是调戏挑逗罢了 Sophie, how did you get into the Sundance film festival?
Tell him now it's over, and he has to move on.
苏菲你是怎么进圣丹斯电影节的呢
一切到此为止别纠缠了 - Oh, I'm dating one of the bigwigs.
Got it, you died in a grease fire.
- 我跟一个大亨约会了
懂了你死于厨房油脂走火
He drives the Miramax party bus,
She's not here yet.
他是电影公司派对车的司机
她还没到
and he wears a big wig.
Oh, well, will she be coming?
而且戴了顶大假发
那她会来吗
So I'm thinking about producing my own movie.
Will she be coming? Nope, not anytime soon.
所以我也在考虑自己拍一部片
她会来吗短时间内是不会了
You know, getting into the biz, babe.
Okay, I'll text her. Au revoir, Max.
你懂得混进圈子嘛宝贝
好那我发她短信再见啦麦克斯
Sophie, if you need an actor, let me know.
Sir, don't take this the wrong way,
苏菲如果你需要演员就告诉我
先生别误会我的意思
But I'll only do full frontal.
but you are one fine-looking man.
但我只愿意正面全裸
但我想说你很帅
I'll also do partial frontal or just penis close-ups.
Well, thank you very much.
正面局部全裸或"神雕"特写也行
谢谢夸奖
And back at you. And if you need someone to play God, a judge,
你也是如果你需要人来扮演天神法官
Tell me something I don't know. 黑人影星摩根·费里曼曾在电影《冒牌天神》
能说点我不知道的吗《虚荣的篝火》《贝拉的魔法》中饰演过这些角色
Look at this. Nicolas already texted me. or an old guy sitting on a porch,
你看尼可拉斯给我发短信了或者当个坐在前院的老头
"Will you have dinner?" What should I do? I'm your man.
"愿意共进晚餐吗" 我该怎么办找我准没错
Just ignore it, like I'm doing with that table Everyone, keep piping your cakes.
装没看见啊就跟我对那桌大家继续给蛋糕裱花
that's flagging me down right now. Keep piping.
正对我招手的人一样继续裱花
I'm putting a stop to this Nicolas thing. Max, vite, vite. You need to pipe that more.
我要为这尼可拉斯的事划下句点麦克斯快快点得多婊点花
"I'll have dinner with you That's funny, because my high school guidance
counselor
"等你跟你老婆离婚了
When you leave your wife." 有意思想当年我高中时的辅导员
- told me I need to pipe way less.
第 138 页 /共 192 页
- 总叫我少抽点大麻 I don't.
Max, you are falling behind today. 我就没
麦克斯你今天进度落后了 I just eat, digest, and then an angel comes
- Where's your Deke? 我就吃消化然后会有天使
- 你的迪克呢 and takes it away in the night.
In my pants, where it always is. 乘着夜色飞来将便便取走
跟平日一样收在我裤裆里呢 Excuse me, John. This is private.
Oh, you mean Deke. 抱歉强哥这是私人谈话
你是指迪克啊 It's just between us girls.
He's got the flu. It's everywhere. 是我们姑娘们之间的密语
到处都在传染流感他也染上了 I know. That's why I'm standing here.
No one can shake it. It's like Taylor Swift. 我知道啊所以我才站在这边
这感冒甩都甩不掉跟泰勒·斯威夫特一样 Okay, I'm ready. Let me just grab
Yeah, or pitbull. 好了我也好了等我拿上
也像咬人的斗牛犬 the medicine I got for Deke.
Okay, everyone, that's time. 这个买给迪克的药吧
好了各位下课时间到了 Aw, that's sweet. You got him antibiotics?
I will see you all tomorrow. Au revoir, class. 真有爱你给他买抗生素了吗
下课大家明天见 No, I got him vicodin. I want him to feel better.
Au revoir, Chef. 不是我买了维柯丁我想他舒服点
大厨再见是一种鸦片类麻醉性镇痛药物
Let's go. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. 是处方药有成瘾性《豪斯医生》的爱用药
走吧走走走走 I just have to make it down the hall
Come on, come on, hurry. Let's get outta here. 我只要走过走廊到达电梯的期间
走啦快点赶紧走人 until the elevator without Nicolas catching me.
What's the hurry? 不要被尼可拉斯看见就行了
干嘛这么着急 Oh, like sexual frogger.
You sound like my mother whenever the real people 就像是成人版的青蛙过街游戏
我妈发现我们偷住的房子 Game over. Your frog just got hit by a car.
who lived in the house would come home. 游戏结束你的青蛙被车碾死了
主人回家时就会像你这么催我 Caroline, there you are.
We need to leave now, 卡洛琳你在这里啊
我们现在得趁 I can't help feeling you're avoiding me or something.
while Nicolas is in his office. 我总觉得你可以在故意避开我
尼可拉斯在他办公室里时开溜 Avoiding you? No! I've been...
I don't want him to see me. 哪有避开你我是去...
我不想被他看到 Pooping.
I said everything I needed to say to him in my last text. 拉屎了
我上一条短信就跟他把该说的说清楚了 For five hours?
Ooh, I smell scandal. 整整 5 小时吗
我闻到了奸情 She had a reluctant stool.
So I've been hiding in the stairwell all day. 她的便便有点宅
所以我在楼梯间里躲了一整天了 Oh, is that not helping?
Guess where those stairs go. 帮倒忙了吗
你猜楼梯间通向哪里了 Caroline, I have something to tell you.
A room where ten Vietnamese women 卡洛琳我有事想跟你说
一间有十个越南女人的房间 Can we talk?
are making next year's "Prada." 能聊两句吗
她们正在山寨明年款的普拉达 We're all waiting.
And they do not like visitors. 我们都在等呢
她们十分不喜欢"访客"哦 You know in your text how you said that
Oh, is that where you were? 你还记得你那条短信中说
原来你跑去那里啦 you won't have dinner with me while I'm still married?
'Cause he asked me, so I told him you were pooping. "只要我还是有妇之夫你就不跟我共进晚餐"
他之前也问过我我就说你去拉屎了 Better clear some space on my DVR.
Max, don't tell him I'm pooping! 我的电视硬盘录像机得清点空间了
麦克斯你怎么能说我去拉屎了 There's a new Scandal.
There's no shame in it, Caroline. 新的《丑闻》要上映
这事又没什么好可耻的卡洛琳 Well, you can have dinner with me,
Everyone poops. 你现在可以放心与我共进晚餐
人生自古谁无屎 because I'm leaving my wife.
第 139 页 /共 192 页
因为我要跟我老婆离婚了 who wants him to leave his wife.
Uh, hello? What happened? 会破坏别人婚姻的人
你是怎么回事啊 No, you're the type of person
Dude told you he was gonna leave his wife, 对你是那种
他刚跟你说要跟老婆离婚 who almost wants him to leave his wife.
and you left faster than Vladimir Putin at a gay bar. 差一点就要破坏别人婚姻的人
你就逃得比误进男同酒吧的普京还快 Yes! Yes, that's me!
俄罗斯总统普京去年七月立法禁止"非传统两性关系" 没错没错我就是这样
并可应用到同志或支持同志的外国旅客 I'm the "almost" girl.
It's all a blur. I blacked out. 我就是传说中的"差一点"女孩
我惊讶到记忆直接断片了 I almost lost my virginity 25 times.
I don't even know how I got here. 我曾 25 次差一点失去我的童贞
我都记不得我是怎么来这里的了 This was my conversation with my friends
I think I took the train, but, Max, 我高中时每周一跟我朋友的
应该是坐火车吧麦克斯 every Monday in high school:
I might have taken the bus. 对话就是这样
但也可能是堕落到坐了公车 "Did you?"
It came out of nowhere. "那个了吗"
他这消息太突然了 "Almost."
I never expected him to leave his wife. "差一点"
我从没想过他会跟老婆离婚 Funny, 'cause I almost went to high school.
It came out of your thumbs
有意思因为我差一点就去念高中了
这消息的源头 Max, I have to figure out what to do about Nicolas
when you texted it to him.
麦克斯我得想办法阻止尼可拉斯
就是你发给他短信的贱拇指 before he almost makes a big mistake
Look, when I texted him that,
以防他差一点就铸成大错
我跟他发那条短信时 and leaves his wife.
I was just being flirty.
离开他的老婆
就只是在挑逗他嘛 He's not leaving his wife for you.
Flirty is me not wearing underwear
他才不会为了你而离开他老婆
姐不穿胸罩去时代广场的 It's just a thing you say
to the Times Square M&M store.
男人对美女说这种话
巧克力豆店才叫挑逗好吗 to pretty women to get them into bed.
So you really don't want him to leave his wife?
只是为了骗她们上床
所以你真不想他跟老婆离婚吗 Like, "I'm a Russian prince,"
No!
就好像"我是俄罗斯的王子"
当然不想 Or, "That was a good story."
I mean, sure, maybe I fantasized about it,
或是"你的故事真有意思"
我的确是有这么意淫过
With a tank top collection like yours,
but in my fantasy we were on a ski trip,
你有这么多款式的紧身小背心
但幻想中我们是在雪乡滑雪
I'm surprised you have to say anything.
and I was jumping up and down, excited,
哪还用得着编瞎话骗女人上床啊
然后我很兴奋地跟我最好的朋友
I know, right?
with my best friend Jennifer Lawrence.
就是说嘛
珍妮佛·劳伦斯一起上蹦下跳
So you don't really think he's serious about leaving her?
美国年轻女演员出演过《饥饿游戏》系列
所以你觉得他不是真的要离开他老婆吗
《美国骗局》等已得过奥斯卡最佳女主与女配奖
No. I've told dozens of women
Cool, maybe call Jen next time
不是我跟大把女人说过
你下次被垃圾桶边的负鼠吓到时
I'm leaving my wife for them,
the possum traps you by the garbage cans.
我会为了她们离婚
记得打电话让你好友阿珍来救你啊
and I'm not even married.
Look, I thought we were just having a fun distraction.
而我根本没有结婚
我以为我跟他就只是在消磨时间图一乐嘛
Here in America.
You know, a couple kisses, a dry hump here and there.
至少在美国没有
也就是随便亲几下偶尔"磨蹭磨蹭"
That was nice of Oleg.
Oh, like the cheerleaders with the good grades.
奥列格太好了
那种只乱不淫成绩高分的"校花"吗 Just when you think you've seen every part of a person--
美国学校里的拉拉队成员通常都是校园美女当你觉得你对一个人已经有全面的了解时
但她们普遍成绩较差私生活颇为淫乱 'cause he's shown you on his phone--
Exactly. I'm not the type of person
因为他把"每一面"都用手机发给你看了
没错我不是那种
He surprises you.
第 140 页 /共 192 页
他却给你惊喜我得阻止这件事
Oh, I feel so much better. I have to go over to his place tomorrow
我现在感觉好多了我明天就去他家
Nicolas is not going to leave her. and tell him face to face.
尼可拉斯不会离开他老婆面对面跟他说清楚
No, why would he leave her for you? Tell him face to face?
当然不会他怎么会为了你离开他面对面跟他说
Well, you don't have to be nasty about it. I don't even have sex face to face.
你也不用说这么难听的话吧姐连做爱都不面对面做好吗
Max, I just got another text from Nicolas I hope Nicolas takes my breaking it off with him okay,
麦克斯尼可拉斯又发短信跟我说但愿尼可拉斯能接受我斩断情丝这件事
about him leaving his wife. Because in my fantasy when I told him,
他要离开他老婆因为在我与他分手的幻想中
Oleg, now he says he's telling his wife he wouldn't take no for an answer,
奥列格现在又说他明天四点他不愿意接受我跟他分手
tomorrow at 4:00 that he's leaving her. bought me a plane,
就要跟他的老婆摊牌还给我买了架飞机
You got a timeframe? and I gave Jennifer Lawrence a ride home.
还有时间表啦我就用飞机送了詹妮弗·劳伦斯回家
Oh, if he puts a clock on it, it's happening. In my fantasy,
如果他有订下时间表那就是真的了在我的幻想中
Pick-up, cantaloupe. a talking dragon gave me a cape
上菜了甜瓜一条会说话的龙给了我一条
Max, there's a clock on it. that belonged to Jesus.
麦克斯他连摊牌时间都定好了属于耶稣的披风
But isn't his wife in France? But that's probably because I took too many
他老婆不是在法国吗不过可能是因为我早些时候
Yeah, but they Skype every day. of Deke's vicodin earlier.
是啊但他们每天都视频聊天吃了太多迪克的维柯丁
《摩登原始人》的科技太空版本 The lobby told me you were on your way up.
They're like the French Jetsons. 楼下管理员说了你要上来
他们就像法国版的《杰森一家》 Caroline, I did not expect you.
He's gonna Skype break up with her? 卡洛琳我真没料到你会来
他要用视频来说分手吗 But you knew I'd be coming?
That is low. 所以你料的是我来吗
这招太贱了 We need to talk, and Max is here for moral support.
And smart. Might steal that move one day. 我们需要谈一谈麦克斯是来给我打气的
也很聪明或许某天我会偷来用 I know how this works by now.
Oh, good, I see your wrist is better, 我已经知道她的作用了
太好了我看你手腕好很多了嘛 Come in.
and I'm gonna need some help. 进来吧
过来帮帮我吧 Okay, how do I put this?
The cleaning situation has gotten a little complicated. 好吧我该怎么说呢
大扫除变得有一点点小棘手 How do I put this?
The spider communities are at war. 我该怎么说呢
两个蜘蛛团伙正在大战呢 Nicolas, I came here today to tell you...
Han, I can't clean. 尼可拉斯我今天来是要告诉你
阿憨我没空打扫 To not do that.
I'm in the middle of ruining someone's marriage. 不要这样做
我正忙着处理破坏别人婚姻的事呢 But why? I want you so much.
Then, Max, please. Things are escalating quickly. 为什么我超级想要你
那拜托你了麦克斯战事正急速加剧 Okay, you-- you don't want me.
There was a discarded piece of ham, 不是的你才不想要我
因为有一块掉在地上的火腿 You don't even really know me.
and apparently both kingdoms thought it was theirs. 你根本不了解我
现在两国都认为那是它们的 I do.
Oh, no takers? 我了解你
没人要去吗 You're sexy and funny and pretty and smart.
All right, enough with all this texting. 你性感风趣漂亮聪明
好吧看来发短信没什么用 Okay, you know me a little.
I need to stop this. 好吧你是有那么点了解我
第 141 页 /共 192 页
Look, I am not the type of person who breaks up She can't find me here. I can't be this girl.
marriages. 不能被她发现我在这里我不能成为这种女人
我不是那种会破坏人家婚姻的女人 I don't want to be the whore he's leaving her for.
No, she's the "almost" girl. 我不能成为破坏他们婚姻的婊子
对她是那种"差一点"女孩美国二十世纪最卓越的儿童文学作家之一
She almost breaks up marriages. That's my favorite Dr. Seuss book.
她只差一点破坏别人婚姻那是我最喜欢苏斯博士的一本书
Yes, yes, that's who I am. Caroline, what are you saying?
对没错我就是那种人卡洛琳你这话是什么意思
So I don't want you to make that call You were just leading me on this whole time?
所以我不想你打给你老婆难道一直以来你都在误导我吗
and break up with your wife over Skype. Hold it, Pepe Le Pew.
然后通过视频聊天跟你老婆离婚别这么说法国臭鼬
I am not breaking up with her over Skype. And, yes, I've been saving that one for after finals.
我不会在视频聊天时跟她提离婚没错我一直等考完试才敢这么叫你
Okay, great, perfect. No Skype. It is not just Caroline.
好非常好那就不视频不能全赖卡洛琳
No. You're been chasing after her harder than a fat kid
不视频你追她比滚动甜甜圈大赛中
Because that's her in the lobby. in a Rolling Doughnut contest.
因为现在在大堂按铃的就是她追着甜甜圈的小胖仔还紧
I'm breaking up with her in person. - That's true. - Wait, wait, Caroline.
我要当面跟她说离婚 - 没错 -等等卡洛琳
Oh, my God, that's your wife in the lobby? Do we still have a shot or not?
我的老天按铃那个是你老婆吗我和你到底还有没有可能
Your wife is here? No.
你老婆来了吗没可能
What are we gonna do? Then better go hide in the bathroom.
我们应该怎么办那你最好赶紧躲进浴室
Calm down. I can fix this. I don't want this screwing up my marriage.
冷静我能搞定我可不想为此而婚姻破裂
You need a fake mustache, a fistful of paprika, What?
给我一撮假胡子一把辣椒粉什么
and a new passport. Well, if you're not going to be with me,
和一本新护照如果你不打算跟我在一起
If you don't have all three of those things, I'm going to have to stay with my wife.
如果这三样东西不全那我干嘛要离开我老婆
I can make it work with two, I mean, I'm a man. I cannot be alone.
只有两样也行我可是个血气方刚的男人离不开女人
as long as one of them is a mustache. Now, go, go, go.
但假胡子一定要有赶紧躲起来
There's no other way out. She cannot find you here in our apartment.
这里没有其他出口不能被她发现你在我公寓里
Come on, Max, we have to get out of here now. Why don't you just tell her the truth,
快点麦克斯我们得马上离开这你干嘛不直接告诉她
Oh, oh, yeah, and, uh, that nothing happened between us?
对了还有咱俩之间是清白的
don't leave your wife for me. She will not believe me.
不要因为我而跟你老婆离婚她不会相信的
Whatever we had, it's over. I have a history.
我们到此为止因为我有前科
Oh, and... There are two of us here.
还有可这里有两个人呢
this shouldn't reflect badly on me in school, I also have that history.
这事不应该拖累我在学校的表现我也有那种前科
'cause I worked hard for that c-minus. Nicolas, c'est moi.
老娘废了半天劲才得到那个 C-呢尼可拉斯是我
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Now go, please.
先别走站住站住拜托你赶紧走
Okay, but only because she just got out of the elevator. That's the least you can do after ruining my life.
好吧不过是因为她刚出了电梯你都要毁掉我人生了赶紧行行好吧
第 142 页 /共 192 页
Almost. Almost ruined your life. 斯蒂芬妮就这么做
是差一点差一点就毁掉你的人生 Who's Stephanie?
Come on, Max. 斯蒂芬妮是谁
快走麦克斯 That's...not important.
This is totally inconvenient. 那不重要
这场面真是太让我为难了 She's fine.
My "C" better go up to a "B." 重要的是她人没事
你最好把我的分数从 C 提到 B Now go. You have to go.
This is crazy, us hiding in a married man's bathroom 快走你们必须得离开
太没下限了我们居然像两个廉价妓女 Unless you think you and I still have a shot.
like a couple of cheap floozies. 除非你觉得我们之间还有可能
躲在已婚男人的浴室里 I'll be on the ledge.
So far, I'm just hearing a factual depiction 我现在就上窗沿
到目前为止我听见的只是 Come on, Max.
of what's happening here. 快点麦克斯
你对事实的陈述 No way, not happening, Lucy.
Let me see what's going on. 不要不可能露西
我去看看什么情况 If he loses his bad marriage,
I can't understand them. 如果他失去这段烂婚姻
完全听不懂 I'm responsible.
I thought you spoke French. 那我就是凶手
我以为你懂法语呢 Almost. Almost responsible.
Only enough to impress Americans. 差一点差一点就是凶手
只能在美国人面前显摆 Max, I wouldn't even be in this situation
- Je dois utiliser les toilettes. 麦克斯如果不是为了把你弄进烘培学校
- 我要去厕所 if I wasn't working with him to
Oh, my god. Les toilettes. 我就不用跟他一起工作
天啊厕所 put you through pastry school.
Les toilettes, that's where we are. 更不会沦落在今天这个田地
她说的就是这里 Oh, so this is my fault?
She's coming in here! What should we do? 所以怪我咯
她要进来了我们该怎么办 Max, please just let it be your fault.
Pretend we're hot plumbers? 麦克斯你就当是你的错吧
假装我们是性感的水管工吗 It's completely doable.
Hide in the shower. 完全是可行的
快躲进淋浴间里 By the way, it's raining.
I think she might notice us. 对了外面在下雨呢
我觉得她会看见我们呢 Come on. We can do this.
You know that's all glass, right? 走吧我们可以的
你们知道这全是玻璃吧 We've crawled 15 feet on our roof
Let me just get you a clean hand towel. 我们在家楼顶爬上 15 英尺高
我给你拿个干净的擦手毛巾 to get illegal cable.
She has to pee-pee. 就为了偷电视信号
她要尿尿 Yeah, for the Breaking Bad finale!
She can't come in here to use the toilet, 那是为了看《绝命毒师》的最终集
她不能进来用马桶 Something worth dying for!
'cause my life is in it. 就算摔死也在所不惜
因为我屎一般的人生先占了 Oh, my God, are you insane?
I know, this is unfortunate. 天啊你疯了吗
我知道这真是太不幸了 Get back in here!
So go out the window. 快进来
那你们从窗户走吧 Max, maybe you're right.
What? 麦克斯或许你是对的
你说什么 We should've taken the hot plumber route.
It's not a problem. 我们应该用性感水管工的那招
没问题的 I'm coming back.
There's a ledge wide enough for you to walk 我现在就回去
外面有个足够宽的窗沿你们可以从那 My legs won't go!
to the neighbor's terrace, jump, and get away. 我的腿吓得走不动了
走到邻居家的阳台然后跳过去逃走 Max, help me back!
Stephanie did it. 麦克斯拉我回去
第 143 页 /共 192 页
Damn it. Damn it, bitch. 超屌的
妈的我恨死你了贱人 It was kinda like a Die Hard movie,
She's in the bathroom. 有点像电影《虎胆龙威》
她进厕所了 if they ever let girls do cool stuff in those movies.
Oh, she closed the window. 如果他们在电影里也让女人耍酷的话
她把窗户关上了 The necks all right?
and she locked it. So go. 脖子还好吗
而且还锁上了现在没回头路了 We have whiplash, and I have some bruises on my back.
Go, go! 我们颈部扭伤了我背部也受伤了
往前走吧 Max took the brunt of the fall but feels nothing
If Stephanie did it, we can too. 麦克斯摔得最重不过她不觉得疼
如果斯蒂芬妮能做到我们也能 because she's mostly made of vicodin.
I can't believe we're up here all because of him. 因为她体内主要成分是维柯丁
真不敢相信因为他我们得"铤而走险" Well, I'm glad you survived,
I am such a bad judge of character. 很高兴你没事
我看人真是没眼光 because I don't know what I would do
Of course you are. I'm your best friend. 因为如果你不在我身边
废话看你选我当你最好的朋友就知道 without you around here.
Max, I'm sorry. This is bad. 我不知道该如何是好
麦克斯对不起这真是太惨了 Aw, thanks, Earl.
Well, at least it can't get any worse, unless we fall. 这话真窝心厄尔
至少不会更惨了除非我们摔下去 I meant you.
Oh! Or it starts to hail! 其实我指的是你
或者开始下冰雹 I know.
Ow! Ow! Hurts like "hail!" 我知道
哎哟砸"雹"老娘了 Max, how were you ever strong enough
It's clear! Come on! 麦克斯你怎么会这么有劲
他们走了快走 to hold me up with one arm?
- I don't wanna die! - Me neither! 用一只手就把我拉回来
- 我不想死 -我也是 It's the arm I used to drag my mother
That's weird. 我小时候就经常用那只手
真是奇了怪了 out of bars with as a baby.
For the first time in my life, I don't want to die. 把我妈从酒吧里拽出来
我人生中第一次不想死 Well, I want to say something to you.
I have a boyfriend and my first "B." 我有话要对你说
我有了男朋友和我人生第一个"B" I hope you know that if you were the one
Oh, God, I'm getting soft! 我想让你知道如果在窗沿
that slipped on that ledge--
妈的老娘内心变柔软了
I can't die! I haven't made my comeback yet. 滑倒的那个人是你
I would be dead.
我不能死我还没东山再起呢
In my fantasy, you and I move into that penthouse 我肯定就死了吧
Well, I'm glad that's out in the open.
我还幻想着咱俩会搬进我从詹妮弗·劳伦斯
很高兴你能明白这个道理
I bought from Jennifer Lawrence.
Hey, everybody!
那里买来的的顶层公寓
各位安安
Right over there, with the roof garden, see?
I have an update about my life!
还有屋顶花园哦就在那边看见了吗
我有近况要通报
Are you two all right?
What happened to you two?
你们俩没事吧
你们俩怎么搞的
I mean, whoever you are.
Sophie, we had an accident. It's a long story.
虽然我不认识你俩
苏菲我们发生了意外说来话长啊
Am I dead?
Yeah, all of yours are.
我死了吗
你的故事都很长
Almost. Almost dead.
Well, I'm out of the movie business.
差一点差一点就死了
我要退出电影圈
Oh, my God.
I broke up with my bigwig from Miramax.
我的老天爷
我跟电影公司的的那位大假发分手了
What happened to you two?
We got in a huge fight,
你们俩怎么搞的
我们大吵了一架
Well, we crashed through a window.
And he threw his big wig at me.
我们撞破了一扇窗
他还拿他的大假发扔我
It was pretty dope.
第 144 页 /共 192 页
He told me I'd never eat lunch in this town again. 麦克斯我说过我很讨厌圣帕特里克节
他警告我永远别想在这城市里吃上午饭 because the only people who go out are drunk trash--
And I said, 因为会上街庆祝的人都是醉鬼废柴
而我说 We prefer to be called "Intoxicated garbage."
"Hey, if I'm in town, 请叫我们"喝茫废物"好吗
"如果我在市里 But that was before I knew that drunk trash carried
I'm eating lunch, baby!" cash.
姐饿了就会去午饭宝贝" 但那是因为我不知道醉鬼废柴都会带现金
Oh, no. No, no, no, Nobody gonna pinch me today, 'cause I got all this
不是吧甭装了 green.
I don't have spider bites over half my body 满手绿油油的钞票今天我最大
我全身到处被蜘蛛咬得遍体鳞伤 Oh, money's involved,
so you two could fake another injury. 一捞到钱
不是为了让你们俩能继续装病的 and all of a sudden you're Erin go Bragh?
Nice try. 你就立刻喊"爱尔兰万岁"了吗
想得美 Or in your case, "Erin go training bra"?
Ooh, I'll bet that hurts. 或者你应该是"小咪咪万岁"
一定很疼吧 Who wants cupcakes?
目前资金谁想吃小蛋糕啊
目前资金 It was so worth being open this morning.
最新余额今早开店做生意真是太值了
最新余额 We can use this St. Patrick's Day money
最新余额有了这笔圣帕特里克节外快
----------------------------- to spring for some new pillows.
-------------19-------------- 我们的新枕头有着落了
----------------------------- Or even just pillows.
Happy St. Patrick's day. 应该说是枕头有着落了
圣帕特里克节快乐 Or just go to a bar and fall asleep on a couple of fat
爱尔兰国庆日但在多个欧美国家也都会庆祝 guys.
会有各式绿色服饰装扮甚至有绿色啤酒也可以去酒吧里醉倒在几个肥男身上啊
Guinness and Irish cream cupcakes for everyone! Okay, how much did we make? Show me the money.
送大家黑啤与爱尔兰奶油口味小蛋糕我们今天赚了多少钱亮给姐看看
Enjoy your blackout! $351!
祝你们醉得开心 351 块
These are the last 12 cupcakes. Show me the rest of the money.
这是最后 12 个小蛋糕了把其余的钱也亮给姐看看
Actually, two of them are just potatoes from the diner. Fine, I took $3.
其实其中两个是餐厅拿来的土豆好吧我私藏了 3 块
At some point I started That's it?
我做累了开始偷懒就这么多吗
putting green icing on anything I could find. Fine, I took 5.
把糖霜加在任何能拿来充数的东西上好啦我拿了 5 块
Max, we haven't been so busy since someone
Can't a bitch get a foot-long?
麦克斯打从上次有人
屌丝吃个赛百味不行啊
spray-painted free sex stuff on the wall outside.
But we worked so hard.
在外墙上喷"免费送炮"后就没这么忙过了
我们都这么卖命了
And you said I'm not good at marketing. I have so much green under my fingernails
瞧你还说我不懂推销我指甲底下都弄得全绿了
Happy St. Patrick's Day. It looks like I had really good sex with Shrek.
圣帕特里克节快乐看起来像我跟史莱克"爽"过了呢
Bridget, Patrick, John, Mary,
What other kind could you have with him?
布里姬特派崔克小强玛丽
跟他除了爽还能有别种感觉吗
And you, the little one, come over here.
Green guys make black guys look like white guys.
还有你最小的过来
绿人让黑人"那里"看起来像白人的好吗
We're here to pick up our order.
I love St. Patrick's Day.
我们来拿订好的小蛋糕
Huh. Should be here to pick up birth control. 我爱死圣帕特里克节了
Tell me one good thing about it.
应该订避孕药才是吧
Coming right up. 跟我说一个这节日的好处
- Top o' the mornin'!
马上来
Max, I know I told you I hated St. Patrick's Day - 早上可好
第 145 页 /共 192 页
Look, it's a lepre-Han. That is revolting.
你看是小憨精真让人受不了
爱尔兰传说中小妖精会在彩虹的尽头藏黄金 Put me down for five.
想抓到小妖精绿色衣物与三叶草最吸引他我要订五件
So what do you think? You might also be interested in my other choice
你们觉得如何 product.
I'm concerned. If you're out here, 你可能也会对另一个产品有兴趣
我挺担心的你人在这里其实最早是亲位于爱尔兰的"巧言石"
美国某牌早餐麦片的图案能得到"口若悬河"般的能力
正是小妖精守着他的麦片 Pee funnels.
who's guarding your lucky charms? 嘘嘘斗
那你的麦片谁看守啊 I might also not be interested in that product.
You laugh now, and probably all night long, 我也可能对这产品没兴趣
你现在取笑我或取笑我整晚 It's a disposable funnel for upwardly mobile, elegant,
but with this costume, 这个抛弃式的尿斗是给想像个爷们一样
但小爷这身服装 young ladies who want to stand
my chances of getting laid are higher than ever. 在街上站着撒尿的
能让我泡妹上床的成功率达到最高点啊 and pee in the street like a man.
So zero? 上流优雅年轻女性使用
0%的几率吗 I mean, have you seen those parade port-a-potties?
Nope, 100%. 你们也都见识过游行时的移动公厕吧
不是百分之百 Seen 'em? I was conceived in one.
What makes you so confident? 何止见识过我在里面出生的呢
你哪里来的自信 Just slip one of these babies into your pants
'Cause the only answer I can think of right now 把我这产品塞入裤子里
我唯一能想到让你自信的理由是 and go pee in the park, no muss, no fuss.
is that you have cocaine in your wee pocket. 去公园里爱咋尿就咋尿轻松没负担
你的裤袋里有可卡因能钓毒妹 Well, a little muss, some fuss.
Hey, I can see it. 其实有些小麻烦与小负担
我能理解呢 And possibly a very unpleasant paper cut.
You're out drunk on St. Patrick's Day, 并可能有十分恼人的被纸割伤问题
女人在圣帕特里克节喝到酩酊大醉 That's revolting.
and it seems like a good idea to bang a leprechaun. 真让人受不了
跟小矮妖打一炮感觉也挺不错啊 Put me down for five.
Like the President's day I hooked up with a guy 我要订个五个
就跟总统纪念日的时候我跟一个 Better make it six, 'cause if it's for ladies,
dressed like Uncle Sam at the used car lot. 算了六个吧如果是女性产品
穿着美国山姆大叔服的男人搞上了 Han's definitely gonna need one.
This costume is my ace in the hole. 阿憨肯定也需要一个
这套衣服是我的杀手锏 Max, barhopping with a horny leprechaun
Well, it does make you look like an ace hole. 我们跟发情期的小矮精与嘘嘘斗销售员
的确是让你看起来像个傻屁精 and a pee funnel salesman?
Nice outfit, Han. 去各酒吧喝酒真的好吗
阿憨衣服不错啊 Not exactly my scene.
You look like a pimp I used to use in Vietnam. 太掉我的价了
很像我在越南时找的一个皮条客 Can't you just go with Deke?
Come on, let's hit the parade. 你就不能跟迪克一起出去吗
走吧参加节日游行去 This is boyfriend stuff, meaning he's gross like you.
Look, Oleg, this is America. 这种事就应该跟男友去因为他跟你一样无下限
奥列格这里可是美国位于美国科罗拉多州的滑雪胜地
You could have an accent or a suspicious package, I know, but he's snowboarding somewhere called Vail
你可以有口音也可以有可疑的包包是啊可是他在个叫韦尔的地方滑雪
- but you can't have both. with something called a family.
- 但两者合一可不行跟一帮所谓"家人"的人一起滑
Relax. It's just my inventory. Here, we gotta lay down a layer of grease
别紧张只是我的货而已给我们得先在肚子里垫油脂
I'm gonna sell T-shirts. to absorb all the booze we'll be drinking tonight.
我要去卖 T 恤帮助我们吸收今晚喝下去的酒精
节日中很常说到的话 This'll hold us over till our 3:00 A.M. street meet,
有亲爱尔兰人得到好运的习俗这能帮我们撑到半夜三点大伙碰面的时候
亲我我是爱尔兰人 which'll hold us over till our
第 146 页 /共 192 页
然后我们就能挨到 If you touch my horn again, I cut your hand off!
noon-30 rooty-tooty fresh and fruity breakfast. 再按我的喇叭我就砍了你的手
中午过后去吃水果松饼培根蛋早饭 Okay, big shot.
Come on, start layering. 行啊你牛逼
来吧开始垫胃吧 Do it. Do it, if it'll get us there faster.
I miss my old St. Patrick's Day tradition. 砍啊砍吧能让我们快点到你就砍吧
我想念我以前过这节日的传统 Look, I know I said I'd spring for a cab, but it's $70!
- Wanna hear it? - Hell, no. 我知道我说过会出车钱但这都 70 块了
- 想听吗 -当然不想 And I'm gonna need that for a junior king room
Well, from 16 to 21, my friends and I-- 这钱我还得拿去租快捷酒店的
在我 16 岁到 21 岁的那几年我跟我朋友 at the Holiday Inn express!
boys were there too, 小孩大床房呢
也有男生哦 Don't worry, Han, we'll chip in.
even though technically they weren't allowed-- 阿憨别担心我们也会出
虽然按道理是不允许他们来的 No, we won't. We need that $356.
By 16, I was thrice divorced 我们才不出那 356 块花不得
姐 16 岁时已离过三次婚 That's all we made today.
and a member of the electricians' union, but go on. 我们今天就赚了这些
而且还是电工协会的一员了你继续说吧 It has to last till we're 82.
We'd rent a big suite at The Plaza overlooking the 这笔钱得坚持到我们 82 岁呢
parade, This is our funeral money, Max.
我们在广场酒店订了大房间从上面看游行那是我们的棺材本啊麦克斯
and we'd fill balloons with champagne and-- Don't worry, we'll make more money.
然后我们用香槟灌满气球不用担心钱再赚就有嘛
and throw them down at the parade crowd! Not much more, but a little bit.
砸楼下的游行群众大钱没有小钱还是有的
So fun, right? Damn it!
超好玩对吧我靠
Oh, wait, that was you guys? I can hear the bagpipers coming this way.
等等原来那是你们啊我能听到风笛手往这方向来了
One year you hit me and my friend Archie. They're playing Closing Time.
有一年你们砸到了我跟我朋友阿齐他们在吹打烊曲了
He sells car seat covers in Rhode Island now. That means the parade's over.
他现在在罗得岛卖汽车座套表示游行结束了
He's doing pretty well. Now I'm never gonna sell the pee funnels.
过得还挺不错这样我永远没机会卖掉嘘嘘斗了
Max, why are you dragging ass All right, I gotta move some T-shirts.
麦克斯你为什么要在好了我得赶紧卖掉些 T 恤
on the night I'm supposed to get some? Heads up, peoples!
我能骗到炮的夜晚拖拖拉拉呢走过路过不要错过
Stop talking about sex wearing that body. "Kiss me I'm Irish" crotch tees. $15.
能别用小孩的身躯说性事吗 "亲我我是爱尔兰人"胯下 T 恤只要 15 块
It's gross. Or two for 25! Five for 60!
感觉好恶心或两件 25 五件 60
I could've had 37 Guinnesses by now. You nobody!
本来这时候我都喝完 37 瓶吉尼斯黑啤了你个死穷逼
We've been stuck in traffic for, like, an hour. You can't sell those out the window.
我们堵在车阵里有一个小时了吧你不能挂窗外卖东西
And broken the Guinness World Record for most That's illegal. You need a permit!
Guinnesses. 这是违法的得有许可证才行
并打破吉尼斯世界纪录之喝最多吉尼斯黑啤 Just drive, grandma.
Is this cab even moving? 开你的车就行了老太婆
这台出租车有在动吗 I can't believe you call yourself Russian.
Is that a new McDonald's or the same one? 俄罗斯人还自称战斗种族
这是另一家麦当劳还是同一家 Doesn't seem like you're rushin' anywhere.
It's the same one, 也不见你杀出一条血路啊
就是同一家 You say that again, and I'll cut your tongue out!
unless that bum's on a masturbation tour of Manhattan. 你再敢说一遍我就把你舌头割了
除非门口那个打飞机的流浪汉在做巡回演出 Oh, now you're gonna cut out my tongue?
Come on! Make 'em move! Hit the horn again! 现在又要割我舌头了吗
开啊让他们让路再按喇叭 Why do you want to punish all the women in the tri-
第 147 页 /共 192 页
state area? 就是这精神
你为何要让三角洲一带的女性失去"快乐泉源"呢 And who knows? Maybe you'll meet a cute, Irish guy.
Look, oh, my God, it's Earl! 而且说不定你能碰上爱尔兰帅哥呢
你看天啊是厄尔 Happy St. Paddy's Day!
Earl, what're you doing here? 圣帕特里克节快乐
厄尔你在那里面干嘛 Blarney Bill.
Hey, y'all! 布拉尼·比尔
你们好啊 Are you the owner of this colorful establishment?
黑爱尔兰人指的是头发为深色这间色彩缤纷的酒吧是你的吗
肤色也较深的爱尔兰人 I'm not even the owner of these pants.
This is my bagpipe group Black Irish. 我身上穿着的裤子都不是我的
这是我的风笛团体"黑爱尔兰人" Where's me kiss?
I'm black, they're Irish. 我的亲亲在哪里
我个黑人加他们爱尔兰人 Blarney Bill is like the mascot of this place.
Why didn't you tell us you were coming to the parade? 布拉尼·比尔就像是这店的吉祥物
你怎么没跟我们说你会来游行 Every year I kiss him for good luck.
Well, I kinda like to keep my skirt wearing on the D.L. 每年我都让他亲求好运
我穿裙子的事我想"深藏柜中"嘛 And when does that luck kick in?
When did you learn how to play bagpipes? 那些好运什么时候会到位呢
你什么时候学会吹风笛的啊 Where's me kiss?
I do not know. 我的亲亲在哪里
我也不知道 I left it in me other purse?
I took too much acid once, and, when the trip ended, 在我没带来的那个包包里
有一次我嗑药嗑多了等那趟旅行结束后 Wow. That's a wet moustache.
I could play the bagpipes and drive a stick. 那胡子还真湿啊
我发现我学会吹风笛跟开手动档的车了 Scotch and fish.
- I'll catch up with you at Blarney's. 威士忌与鱼
- 我们之后在布拉尼酒吧见吧 What?
Han, pay the man. 什么
阿憨付钱吧 That's why it's wet!
It's ten blocks away. We can walk. 所以才湿啊
十个街区而已我们能走过去 Man, he's the best.
- In these shoes? - In these shoes? 他最棒了
- 穿这鞋走吗 -穿这鞋走吗 The best what?
Ugh, green beer. 他哪里最棒了
绿啤酒 Hey, girls!
Is this really how we honor the Irish, 姑娘们
用绿啤酒来向这个拥有过 Sold my last shirt.
some of our greatest writers and poets? 连最后一件 T 恤都卖掉了
许多伟大作家与诗人的国度致敬合适吗 Hey, told you that small would fit.
Oh, did they come up with, 都说你穿小号就行
是他们想出来的 Look at Han at that table with all those...
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, 你看阿憨在那桌跟那帮...
"尿尿如果抖了抖 I want to say "girls..."
be a sweetie, wipe the seatie"? 我想说是"妞们"吗
乖乖擦擦小便斗"吗 Waiting to take pictures with him.
First of all, not a real poem. 排队想跟他合照
首先这不是真的诗 Mm, Becca!
And as the person who shares your bathroom, 贝卡
而我作为一个跟你共用厕所的人 Be-Becca!
maybe take that advice. 贝卡
建议你身体力行那首诗 Over here.
Maybe take that frown and get it drunk. 这边
你就甩开烦恼大口喝酒吧 Oh, no, you're not Becca.
Okay, sure, we're two young girls on the town 不你不是贝卡
行啊我们两个年轻貌美的姑娘 Hey, though.
on what's probably America's most dangerous holiday. 不过... 你好吗
参与美国最不安全的节日的庆典 Oh, my God, you look so much like my friend Becca.
Why--why have our wits about us? 天啊你跟我朋友贝卡真是长得好像
我们干嘛要"保持警惕"呢 Are you guys in line to take pictures with the
That's the spirit. leprechaun?
第 148 页 /共 192 页
你们也是在排队想跟小妖精拍照吗我的生活到底怎么了我堕落到哪里了
- No. - $5. Blarney's!
- 不是 -收费 5 块布拉尼酒吧
Wait, what? Oh, God, it's Blarney Bill.
你说什么天啊布拉尼·比尔又来了
Ah, yes, we are the leprechaun's Mcagent and Hey, that's my name!
Mcmanager. 你在叫我吗
没错我们是小矮妖的经纪大人与管理大人 Where's me kiss?
It'll be $5 to take a selfie with the leprechaun. 我的亲亲在哪里
跟小矮妖玩自拍收费 5 块 Oh, well, I--
That is a great deal. 我...
太划算了 I have to go to the ladies' room
- Max, I am not doing this. - Fine. 我要去厕所
- 麦克斯我不做这种生意 -好啊 and wash whatever is on my mouth and in my mouth
Then we'll have to use the cupcake money for our cab 把我嘴上的异味和嘴里的异物
home. off my mouth and out of my mouth.
那我们唯有拿小蛋糕的钱打车回家了通通弄干净
Okay, that there is virgin leprechaun. We've been in this line so long, now I actually have to
好吧那可是只处男小矮妖 pee.
So it's $10. 等厕所等了这么久害得我都想尿尿了
所以起步价是 10 块 Max, are you eating chicken?
10 for a picture, 15 for a kiss, nothing below the waist. 麦克斯你是在吃鸡肉吗
一张照 10 块亲一口 15 块不许碰腰部以下 She didn't have 10 bucks to tickle Han,
That's 'cause there's nothing below the waist. 抠门女没钱逗阿憨
因为腰部以下也没"东西"了 so she paid me in purse chicken.
Will you take a 20? 所以她用自带的鸡肉付账
I think I came out ahead.
我只有一张 20 块
我觉得我还赚到了呢
I mean, I guess.
Uh, sorry, back of the line. No cuts.
也行啦
不好意思去后面排队不要插队
Just so you know, if you're an orphan, I'm interested.
Please. I'm feeling sick.
如果你是孤儿我会对你很感性趣哟
拜托我好难受
Are you over here making money off of me,
Sorry, no cuts, no buts, no coconuts.
我什么时候成了你们的摇钱树
不准插队没有可是不要废话
you wolves of Wall Street?
Is that one of those famous Irish poems too?
你们两只华尔街之狼
那也是爱尔兰的名诗之一吗
We're just taking advantage of drunk people.
I totally understand. Yeah, I get it.
我们只是趁机占占酒鬼的便宜而已
我完全明白我知道了
It's a St. Paddy's tradition,
Just let her cut. It's St. Patrick's Day.
这可是这节日的传统
你就让她插队嘛现在可是过节
like corned beef or punching a cop.
She's having fun.
就像吃咸牛肉和打警察
不要扫人家的兴
Well, then maybe you can get them to take advantage of
Not to bring up my St. Patrick's Day tradition at The
me.
Plaza...
那你可以让女酒鬼们也占占我的便宜吗
我不是故意要提我在广场酒店过节的传统
Get a little handsy on Hansy.
Oh, good.
对"小小憨"毛手毛脚
又来了
I've got my eye on that buxom paralegal. But it was so much better than this place.
我看上了那个丰满的律师助理但那里比这地方好太多太多了
The one over there who brought in outside chicken? I mean, there were no lines.
那个自带鸡肉来酒吧的女人吗比如那里上厕所不用排队
Hook daddy up! We'd sit like non-animals in the Palm Court and sip
快帮老子牵线 bellinis.
So I'm going up to the woman
我们优雅地坐在棕榈阁餐厅浅酌鸡尾酒
你要我去拜托那个 I'm taking you to palm court
who brought her own two-liter of coke to a bar
如果你再提那个故事
自带两升装可乐来酒吧的抠门女 - if you tell that story one more time.
to ask her for money to touch you.
- 我就要带你去棕榈法院了
掏钱来对你毛手毛脚吗
Guys.
That's the gist.
两位
说到点子上了
I just threw up.
What's happened to my life? Where am I?
第 149 页 /共 192 页
我刚吐了我恨死你了麦克斯
And you're carrying it around like a baby chick? How do I do this?
你还小心翼翼像捧小鸡一样端过来吗我该怎么做
I-I think I'm gonna need some water. Well, I do have my master's in public urination from
我需要漱漱口洗把脸 Devry.
I have to drive a school bus in four hours. 姐可是拥有公共场所随地小便的硕士学位
因为四小时后我得开校车去接小孩 Just unzip, put it in your pants,
You're a great American. 拉开拉链放进裤裆
你真是个伟大的美国人 and let a river run through it.
I know what I am. 让那一江尿水向下流吧
我知道我是 No one's looking, right?
Where's me kiss? 没人在看我对吧
我的亲亲在哪里 Nope.
Uh, she has it. 没人看啦
在她那里 Hi, Caroline.
Dodged a bullet. 你好啊卡洛琳
躲过一劫 Sophie, you were in the parade?
Bullet found ya. 苏菲你也参加游行啦
在劫难逃 Of course I was.
Come on. I have to find another bathroom. 当然啦
快点我得找别的厕所 You can't be a volunteer firefighter
I'm not peeing anywhere near Blarney Bill. 不去参加游行
我要去一个没有布拉尼·比尔的地方尿尿 without being in the parade.
I don't want him to find "me kiss" 怎么能带志愿消防员呢
我不想在我脱下裤子时 You're a volunteer firefighter?
when I have me pants down. 你是一名志愿消防员吗
问我他的亲亲在哪里 Well, I do go down to the station voluntarily.
I gave him your number. Is that cool? 我的确是自愿去的消防站
我把你的电话告诉他了没关系吧 Besides, every fire station needs a Pole,
- Oh, no. I don't think I'm gonna make it. 再说了每个消防站都需要一个波兰人
- 天啊我觉得我撑不过去了 and I'm it, baby.
You mean in life? Yeah, me neither. 不就是我嘛宝贝
你说生命吗我也撑不下了 Anyway, we're all going to Blarney's.
No, it's all that green beer. 我们都要去布拉尼酒吧
都怪那个绿色的啤酒 Shots on me.
And if I wet myself here on 53rd Street,, 烈酒我请客
如果我在 53 街尿裤子 - And by that I mean shots on me.
I'll be forced to abandon you, move to the Midwest, - 我的是指"请射我身上"
那我就一定得丢下你搬去中西部 Come on.
and start a new life. 走吧
重新开始我的人生了 When the firemen's Pole offers you drinks, you say yes.
I have a bathroom you can use. 消防员的波兰杆说请你喝酒你一定要去
我有个厕所你可以用 Max, I am not going back in there.
I'm sorry, there's some chicken in it. 麦克斯打死我也不进去了
抱歉里面还有一点鸡肉 In fact, I'm treating you to a drink at The Plaza.
I've hit some very low points today, 其实呢我要请你去广场酒店喝酒
我今天已经掉到人生很低谷了 You know that money we were saving for our funeral?
but I'm not about to pee through a paper penis in 我之前说我们留着办葬礼的棺材本
public. That's no longer an issue because I just died right then.
但我绝不要在公众场所用纸鸡鸡尿尿已经成为过去因为我刚才丢脸"死"了
Here, quick, just pop a squat over here behind the float, Rest in pee, Caroline.
给麻利点去彩车后面撒这个里面尿息吧卡洛琳
I'll block you so no one'll see, Look, Max, our bellinis.
我帮你挡着保证没人看见麦克斯我们的鸡尾酒来了
and the 15 high school marching bands'll Thank you, Claude.
15 支高中游行乐队也会帮忙谢谢克劳德
mask the sound of you hitting rock bottom. He's a Plaza institution.
掩盖掉你人生中最没下限的声音他是这酒店的名人
Gimme that thing. And I just remembered his name is Rolph.
把那玩意给我我刚想起来他的名字是欧图
Damn it, Max. Damn it! You forgot the name Rolph
第 150 页 /共 192 页
你居然忘记欧图这名字 'cause I feel like I got a text about it and ignored it.
after we just saw a girl do that in her Hands? 因为我好像收到过通知短信但被我无视了
我们不是才看见一个妞手里捧着"呕吐"物吗 Even this bellini doesn't taste as good.
Isn't it lovely here? 就连这鸡尾酒都没以前好喝了
这里很好吧 I knew it, my taste buds must have committed suicide
Less Blarney's, more Barney's. 我就知道我的味蕾早在我吃了第一块
少一分嘈杂多一分高贵 after my first 7-11 sushi.
And trust me, these bellinis are famous. 廉价寿司后就自杀了
相信我这里的鸡尾酒很出名 I mean, nothing is the same.
Why? Did they make a sex tape? 一切都不一样了
为什么它们有拍性爱影片吗 Why did I think this was fun?
Ooh, kind of tastes like the time 我以前怎么会觉得这里好玩呢
味道有点像那次我把 Because before you met me, you didn't know what fun
I put canned peaches in my boxed wine. was.
罐头黄桃放进我的盒装葡萄酒因为在你遇见我之前你根本不知道什么叫好玩
Max, a Plaza bellini is a far cry from boxed wine. I get your point, Max,
麦克斯这两者有云泥之别好吗我懂你的意思麦克斯
Well, my rule is, if I have to refrigerate it, it's fancy. But I did own a Caribbean Island with six jet skis.
我的原则是一旦冷藏过就是高档货但我以前拥有一座加勒比海小岛和六辆水上摩托车
据说将没电的电池拿去冷藏可以重新恢复使用一阵 Oh, come on, get over it.
或者可以让电池较为耐久拜托忘掉过去吧
I'm talkin' to you, batteries. Drink up. It's not that bad.
说你呢电池干杯现在也没那么惨
You know, tonight is really bringing up Can you just let me feel sad?
今晚真是让我你就不能让我自怨自艾一下吗
how much I miss the old me. No!
无比怀念过去的我不行
Yeah, tonight is really bringing up Not on St. Patrick's Day.
是啊今晚真是让我至少在圣帕特里克节不行
How much I miss my friend Archie. You have a good time,
无比怀念我的朋友阿齐你要好好享乐
Who? and you don't think about your problems.
谁不要再想不开心的事情
The guy you hit with the champagne balloons. That girl who threw up in her hands,
被你用香槟气球砸过的那个人那个吐在手里的女孩
Sells car seat covers in Rhode Island. she didn't sit around saying, "eh, meh, my life sucks."
在罗得岛卖汽车座套她也没有坐在那里抱怨 "我的人生糟透了"
You know how I said he was doing really well? No, she threw her hands in the air,
你还记得我说他过得很好吗她举起双手用力一甩
Truth is I haven't talked to him in a year. hit a lot of people with the vomit,
其实我有一年没跟他说话了把呕吐物砸向大家
Really dropped the ball. and kept the party going.
我真是犯了个大错然后继续派对
And the most exciting thing about this place-- Yeah, the party was all over everybody's shoes.
这地方最让人兴奋的一点是是啊她的"派对"都沾在大家的鞋上了
those elevator doors can open, Look, it doesn't matter that this is literally
那些电梯门随时会打开听着虽然这地方是我这辈子
and you never know who's gonna step off. the stupidest place I've ever been in my whole frickin'
你永远也不知道会是谁走出来 life.
Max, this is nice. 去过最傻逼最做作的地方
麦克斯感觉真好 Let's get another $40 Roberto Benigni
Max, this is boring. What happened? 但我们再点一杯 40 块的名导鸡尾酒
麦克斯好无聊啊怎么搞的 bellinis 是贝里尼鸡尾酒
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
而 Roberto Benigni 罗伯托·贝尼尼是名导演
没得搞啥搞头都没有 and keep our party going.
Now I'm thinking maybe this wasn't
继续我们的派对吧
现在我开始怀疑或许 Come on, let's go. There's no party here.
as much fun as I thought it was.
算了走吧这里没有派对
这里没我想得那么好玩 There may be a $3 million bat mitzvah happening
Now I'm thinking Archie's dead.
upstairs,
现在我开始怀疑阿齐死了
或许楼上花费三百万的犹太成人礼有派对
第 151 页 /共 192 页
but there's no party here. 或赚不到了
但咱们这里绝对没有 Look at you throwing the cash around.
But I do know where there is one. 瞧你撒钱的样子
但我知道哪里会有 You know, girl, there might be hope for you yet.
We'll just take the check, Rolph. 美女人生路上说不定还有希望呢
麻烦结账欧图 Jeanine, I'm good to go.
And I just remembered his name is Dennis. 珍宁我准备好啦
我突然又想起来他应该叫丹尼斯 Told you, girls. 100%.
Max, I'm sorry if I rained on your parade today. 我就跟你们说了百分之百
麦克斯抱歉在你过节的时候倒苦水 Looks like they're both gonna get unlucky tonight.
Well, peed on it. 看来今晚他们俩都要"不爽"一发了
好吧是尿 Hey, Max, Caroline, over here!
Don't worry about it. 麦克斯卡洛琳这边
别担心 I save ya a couple of seats.
Everything that means something to me gets peed on. 我帮你们留了位置
一切对我来说有意义的东西都会被尿 And a couple of firemen.
Hey, girls! I heard you left! 还留了几个消防员
姑娘们听说你们走了 Uh, there's no place to sit.
You missed me winning the hula-hooping contest. 没有位置坐啊
你们错过我赢得呼啦圈大赛那一刻 Oh, you are so green.
When did you learn how to hula-hoop? 你真是太嫩了
你什么时候学会扭呼啦圈了 'Sup?
Once again, I do not know. 你好
再说一遍我不知道 Happy st. Paddy's day! Where's me kiss?
You're still rocking the bagpipe ensemble. 圣帕特里克节快乐我的亲亲在哪里
你这身风笛手服还是很好看啊 Scotch and fish!
I thought you wanted to keep 威士忌与鱼啊
你不是说你穿裙子的事目前资金
your skirt wearing on the low-low. 目前资金
想要保持低调 "深锁柜中"吗最新余额
That was before I discovered the sensation 最新余额
在我感受到我裙底的风"笛"与风"囊" 最新余额
of a cool breeze circling my bag and my pipe. -----------------------------
被凉风吹过的爽快感后我就无所谓了 -------------20--------------
Hey! Max, Caroline! -----------------------------
麦克斯卡洛琳 Good morning. Name?
Excuse me, move it. Move it. Move it. 早安名字
不好意思借过借过 Ha! Not until I see my lawyer.
Hey, move it. Wanna break my big-ass clover? 等我律师到场再说
让开想弄坏老娘超大的三叶草吗 And by the way, I was with them last night.
Girls, where did you go? 对了我昨晚还跟他们在一起呢
姑娘们你们去哪里了 Max, it's just for the spring semester.
We went to The Plaza, and I realized my life 麦克斯这只是春季学期检查而已
我们去了广场酒店然后我发现 Sorry, she watches a lot of Lockup: Raw.
may actually be richer now than when I was rich. 抱歉她看太多美剧《破茧威龙》了
心灵的富有比金钱更让我感到富有 Uh, actually, I'm here to return checks.
Oh, no. Is it too late to walk away? 其实我是来还支票的
不是吧已经来不及抽身了吗 There is no spring semester.
Can you girls loan me some cash? 不会有春季学期了
你们俩能借我点现金吗 The pastry school has been closed.
I met a girl, and I need money for the bus 烘焙学校关门了
我泡到了一个女孩我从她姐姐在 What?
back from her sister's condo in Jersey city. 什么
新泽西的公寓回来时需要一点公车费 Feel free to collect any personal items
She said we've got to be quiet, but I make no promises. 你们可以进教室
她说不能太大声我说这我可不能保证 you may have left in the workspace.
Sure. I gotcha, Han. What do you need, a 20? 把自己的私人物品拿走
我支持你阿憨你需要多少 20 块吗 You get the weed, I'll get the other weed.
Oh, what the hell? Take 50. We can always make more. 你去拿大麻我去拿另一份大麻
管它的拿 50 块去吧钱还可以再赚 This is insane.
Or not. 这太夸张了吧
第 152 页 /共 192 页
How can school be suddenly closed? You're acting like I'm the only one
学校怎么能好端端的就关门了你干嘛把我说得像是史上
Oh, good, John's here. He'll know what happened. who ever closed a pastry school down.
很好强哥在这他肯定知道为什么第一个害烘焙学校关门的人
What makes you think he knows? Can't you just go to Deke's without me?
你凭什么觉得他会知道你去迪克家干嘛非要拉上我
He's a big queen, Max. I'm too down in the dumps.
麦克斯他就是个大妈型基佬我的心情像跌入垃圾堆
He'll know why school's closed, Then what better place to be than in a dumpster?
他绝对知道学校为什么关门这时候去垃圾箱里待着不是很应景吗
and why Lady Gaga's last album failed. And Deke said to make sure to bring you.
也会知道为什么女神卡卡上张专辑没火迪克也说了一定得带上你
Where's chef Nicolas? And relax, it's not a three-way situation.
尼可拉斯大厨呢放心不是让你来搞"三人行"
France. When we made our three-way list,
法国我们写过三人行对象排行
With his wife. you were at the bottom with Taylor Swift.
跟他老婆回去了你跟泰勒·斯威夫特一起排在最下面
Why is he in France? Well, at least I'm with Taylor.
他怎么会回法国至少有泰勒跟我作陪
Hmm, turns out someone in this room, On the three-way list, who's above me?
貌似在场的某人在三人行排行榜上谁在我之上
maybe someone I'm looking at right over there, Vicki what's-her-name
比如我正盯着看的那个人那个叫薇琪什么的
had an affair with him and his wife found out all about from Real Housewives of Orange County.
it. 真人秀《桔子镇贵妇的真实生活》里的那个
跟大厨有婚外情被他老婆给发现了 Is that the one with all the face work?
Deke! 整容很夸张的那个吗
迪克 You're gonna have to be more specific.
Shocking! I didn't even know chef Nicolas was gay! 你得描述精确点她们全是整容货
不是吧我都不知道尼可拉斯大厨是基 Welcome, welcome.
Oh, please. 欢迎欢迎
别装了 Wipe your feet on the way out.
If he was gay, I would've been all over that. 出去时记得擦擦鞋
他如果是基我早扑上去了 Deke, I'm warning you right now,
Like a gorilla on a breadstick. 迪克我先警告你
像只大猩猩压法国面包棍 I am not in a partying mood.
Lady, we all know it wasn't Deke. 我现在没心情派对
小姐我们都知道不是迪克 Ain't no party like a Caroline party,
Okay, yes, yes, fine. It was me. 所有派对都比不上卡洛琳派对
是是是就是我 'cause a Caroline party don't start.
And my parents say I'm loose as a goose. 因为卡洛琳派对从不开始
我爸妈说我骚时肯定没见过你这狐媚子 I'm heavy with guilt,
But it was not an affair. 我有沉重的负罪感
但我跟他不是婚外情 and that cheese omelet we just split.
We made out once, in six different places, 刚分吃的芝士蛋卷也让我胃部沉重
我们就亲热过一次在六个不同地点 We're not partying, but I did snatch back the weed,
on eight different occasions, 我们没有要派对但我有搞回一包大麻
八个不同的时刻 'cause I's perfect.
and then I ended it. 因为我是完美男人
然后我就结束了这一切 Good. I got it from Earl
You ended that, and you ended this! 很好我也从厄尔那弄了点
你结束了那段奸情也结束了这间学校 and he says it knocks you out so hard,
All of this! Forget my spatulas! 据说能让你嗨到昏死过去的大麻
结束了这一切再见我的抹刀 he once used it and faked death
Forget my whisk! It's over! 他有次用来装假死
再见我的搅拌器全结束了 to cash in a life insurance policy.
- Brigadoon is over! 好领回他的人寿保险钱
- 《南海天堂》结束了 Well, we might need to do that too after what I did.
Thanks, Caroline! 我干了这样的事我觉得我们也得来这招了
谢谢你全家啊卡洛琳 Deke, I am so sorry about all of this.
第 153 页 /共 192 页
迪克我真的深感抱歉 I own the damn place!"
I am filled with regret 这学校是老子的"
我内心充满了悔恨 Wait, is this even possible?
and those home fries I just ate. 等等这有可能性吗
胃里也"充满"了让我悔恨的薯条 I mean, it'll cost millions.
We all so sad pastry school got all closed. 这得花几百万吧
烘焙学校关门大吉我们都好难过 Who cares? He's rich!
We don't know what to do. 管它的他有的是钱
都不知道怎么办了 Now I get the whole idea of money.
I know what to do. 现在我懂有钱的意义了
我知道怎么做 It's lovely!
Eat the pound cake in my purse. 太爽了
吃我包里的奶油蛋糕 It's the greatest idea ever!
Okay, so we all loved the pastry school, right? 这真是史上最棒的主意了
我们都很爱烘焙学校对吧 I know!
Eh, it was all right. No big deal. 对啊
还行吧不算啥大事 And since we're doing it together,
No big deal? We had sex in like 既然我们要一起搞这个计划
什么没那么爱我们在 you'll both have to come meet my parents.
every classroom and both stairwells. 你们两个都得来见我爸妈
每间教室里与两个楼梯间都做过爱 Max, they've been asking to meet my girlfriend anyway.
And on Caroline's desk, but, eh, no big deal. 反正他们也想见我女朋友很久了麦克斯
还在卡洛琳的桌上做过不算啥大事 Meet your parents?
"Eh," kind of a big deal. 要见你爸妈吗
算是事好吗 Eh, the pastry school wasn't all that.
Was it a Tuesday, on top of the New York Times? 烘焙学校也就那么回事儿而已啦
是在某个周二在我的纽约时报上做的吗 Nope, don't belong here. Hold the doors, Bub!
And did you eat my cranberry Clif Bar after? 完全与这里格格不入等等我鲍伯
你们做完还吃了我的蔓越莓棒吗 The elevator opens right in your apartment?
'Cause I made someone cry about that. 电梯居然直通你家公寓
我后来可是让某人惨哭了呢 We're okay. Thank you, James.
Okay, yes, it was fun. 不必了谢谢你詹姆士
是啦学校是蛮有意思 Max, just do the opposite
But it's over, and that's life. 麦克斯你只需要做
但都结束了这就是人生 of everything you would normally do.
Pastry school, no pastry school, eh, no big deal. 跟你平常相反的事就行了
烘焙学校没烘焙学校都不算啥事 I already am. I'm here!
- I'm gonna buy it. - What? 已经做了不然怎么会来
- 我要把它买下来 -什么 Deke, hello.
Yes! 迪克你好吗
太好了 Go, be warm.
Yes, I love that frickin' place! 去吧温暖的拥抱
太好了我他妈爱死那地方了 Hello, Mrs. Bromberg. I'm Max.
We had sex on your desk while eating your clif bar. 你好布朗伯格太太我是麦克斯
我们一边在你桌上做爱一边吃了你糖果棒 I'm the housekeeper.
It was awesome there! 我是管家
那里真是太棒了 This is Iris. Been with us for years.
Deke, what are you talking about? 她是艾瑞丝在我们家很多年了
迪克你是什么意思 Well, it was a lovely hug.
I'll ask my parents to buy it as an investment. 但你的拥抱很有爱
我叫我爸妈当做投资把学校买下来 I'll tell your parents that you've arrived.
Caroline, you can run the school. 我去通知您父母你们到了
卡洛琳你可以管理那学校啊 So, what, Max?
You're already killing it in the office. 怎么麦克斯
你现在在办公室里就做得超棒 You think any black woman you see here
And Max and I can be the badass students 你觉得这里任何一个黑女人
麦克斯跟我可以当校园双霸 could be my mother?
who won't take guff from no damn teachers. 都可能是我妈吗
完全不屌学校里的傻逼老师 Well, any white man I see anywhere could be my father.
"How 'bout you stuff the cannoli again, bitch? 任何一个白人男都可能是我爸呢
"贱人你自己去重做奶油煎饼卷 Let's go. I already screwed up.
第 154 页 /共 192 页
咱们走吧我已经出丑了 a signal to the rich people
No, you heard Iris. It was a lovely hug. 帮助你给有钱人们发送
才没有你也听到她说了拥抱很有爱 that says, "I'm one of you."
But then again, she is being paid. "我也是你们的一份子"信号
不过她也是拿薪水的 Like seeing another hells angel wearing a vest
Here, better wear my pearls. 就好像重型机车党看到另一个
给还是戴上我的项链吧 with a patch that says, "Suck it, pig."
Yeah, right! 穿着"去死吧傻逼"的背心会倍感亲切
才不要 Well, Deke better give me a signal
Me in those pearls is like a monkey in baby clothes-- 迪克最好在他亲妈走进来时
我戴你项链就像猴子穿婴儿服一样 when his actual mom comes in,
Just plain wrong. 给我个信号
太不和谐了 because the way I'm going, I'd hug Oprah.
Relax, Max. 因为照现在这样子奥普拉我也会去抱
麦克斯放轻松嘛 Oprah doesn't like to be hugged.
What, are you crazy, touching me? 奥普拉不喜欢被抱
你疯啦这时候碰我 A mistake I made at her legends ball.
Your mother comes in here right now, and she's like, 我在她的传奇人物舞会上犯过这错
如果你妈妈现在走进就会说美国知名女星奥普拉曾在 2005 举办的
"Oh, there she is, the hooker from the projects... 为 25 位有杰出成就的非裔美国女姓长达 3 日的庆祝
"就是她贫民窟的婊子会
getting it on with our son in the-- One hug and 20 minutes later,
跟我宝贝儿子在... 抱了她一下 20 分钟后
What, fancy-ass book room?" my place setting was moved next to La Toya Jackson.
高档到爆的书房里厮混" 我就被换去坐在拉托亞·杰克逊旁边了
Deke, you have a Warhol soup can? 麦克·杰克逊的二姐事业并不成功
你还有知名艺术家的金宝汤罐头画啊 Thanks, girl.
该系列画作价值非凡墙上这幅若为真品可达千万美谢谢了姐妹
金 You're Max.
Uh, yeah, it used to be in my bedroom. 你就是麦克斯
是啊以前挂在我房间里 I'm Deke's mother, Genet.
It got moved out here after I scotch-taped 我是迪克的妈妈吉尼特
后来我用胶带在它上面贴星战的海报后 Uh, mom, this is our friend, Caroline.
a star wars poster over it. 妈这是我们的朋友卡洛琳
就被移出来了 Thank you for inviting us.
Okay, okay. 谢谢您邀请我们来
好了好了 Amazing art collection.
See, now, here is something we have in common. 您的艺术收藏超棒
你们看现在我们有共同点了 Oh, thank you.
I used to drink that soup. 谢谢夸奖
我以前也喝过这汤 I'm afraid my husband and I are pop art junkies.
I can talk about that. 我跟我丈夫算得上是流行艺术脑残粉
我可以聊这个 I eat soup.
Perfect, yeah. 我喝汤哦
太棒了好啊 Speaking of my husband...
Talk about that. 说到我丈夫
就聊这个吧 - David! - "I eat soup"?
Okay, see, when my mother was on a bender, - 大卫 -"我喝汤哦"
以前我妈酗酒的时候 He was right behind me.
I would bust open the can on the kitchen counter
他刚才还在我身后呢
我都靠砸的来把这罐头打开 Oh, sometimes I swear,
'cause I could never find the opener
有时候我真觉得
因为我总是找不到开罐器 I should just leave a trail of bread crumbs.
'cause she'd use the sharp tip of it
我应该在身后留下面包碎的踪迹
因为她都会拿去用尖端 That's funny.
to clean out her hash pipe.
真好笑
去清她的大麻烟管 Okay, hold on a second there, folks.
- Give her the damn pearls. - Give me the damn pearls.
你们稍等我一下
- 妈的快给她戴项链 -妈的快给她戴项链 I'm just sending some business emails.
It's just a little help-- 我在发一些生意上的电邮
这只是个小帮手 Actually, I'm not.
第 155 页 /共 192 页
其实不是啦 Sit, let's talk.
I'm looking at celebrities without their makeup, 坐下聊聊吧
我在看明星卸妆照 Yes, let's sit down,
- and I gotta say, Hugh Jackman? 是啊都坐下
- 不得不说啊休·杰克曼 Have a nice conversation,
Better without makeup. 好好聊一聊
卸妆比较好看 get to know each other better.
I'll take that. 彼此互相认识一下
我帮你拿着 So, tell me about pastry school.
All right. 所以跟我说说烘焙学校的事吧
好吧 Yes, tell us about pastry school.
And what's in your mouth? 是啊跟我们说说烘焙学校
你嘴里是什么 Well, we went to class the other day and it was closed,
- Sour ball. - Give it to me, please. 我们那天去上学结果发现学校关门了
- 酸爽糖 -请你给我 And John, this big, gay pastry chef, was freaking out.
Genet, I'm a grown man. I can have a sour ball. 强哥一个人很大只的基佬烘焙师都疯了
吉尼特我是大人了吃个酸爽糖没事吧 Max does a great impression of him.
You asked me to help you stop eating candy. 麦克斯很会模仿他
你叫我监督你不让你吃糖 No. No, I don't.
- It's just one sour ball. - Spit it out. 没有我才没有呢
- 就一颗酸爽糖而已嘛 -吐出来 Yes, Max, it's really funny and totally charming.
- I can't. - Why not? 麦克斯你会的很有趣又很讨喜
- 做不到 -为什么 Oh, uh, okay.
It's a mini 3 musketeers. 那好吧
因为其实是迷你巧克力棒 Uh, he's like 6'5"--
There he is! 他大概有 196 公分吧
他来啦 Stand. You gotta stand.
There's my son, 站你得站起来
我的乖儿子 Yeah, okay, okay, okay.
until we get the results of the paternity test back. 好吧我站起来
但在我们拿回亲子鉴定表之后就不知道了 And he had his arms up in the air like this...
I love him! 他双手像这样高高举起来
我爱死他了 Um, I think his arms were down.
Ugh, hey, come on. 我觉得当时他的手是放下来的
别这样 No, they were totally over his head.
No tongue in front of my girlfriend. 不他双手绝对是高举过头
别在我女朋友前伸舌头 Yeah, she's right, they were down.
Max, come over here. 她说得对他的手是放下来的
麦克斯过来抱一个 Way down, like a crocodile.
Fine, but no tongue till after dessert. 放得特别低像鳄鱼
行但要等吃完甜点后才许伸舌头哦席洛·格林美国著名饶舌歌手
"No tongue till after dessert" 身材矮胖四肢粗短
"等吃完甜点后才许伸舌头" Or CeeLo.
She's pretty and funny. 或像席洛
她人又漂亮又幽默 What are you talking about?
Who's your bodyguard? 你们胡说什么
你的保镖是谁呢 They were way up here.
This is my friend... 他双手明明举到这里
她是我的朋友 Way over his head, and--
Mm, help me out. Totally blanked. 举过头顶
替我接话我脑海一片空白 Oh, yea--they were down.
Oh, she's a little nervous. 对他双手是放下的
她有点紧张 You know what? I think he was sitting--
Hello, Mr. Bromberg. I'm Caroline. 我突然想到他当时是坐着
你好布朗伯格先生我是卡洛琳 And was really quiet.
Drink before dinner, yes? 而且相当安静
用餐前喝一杯好吗 Excuse me, I have to use the powder room.
Yes, but just one. 不好意思我想去一下洗手间
但一杯就好 - Max, would you come with me? - Try and stop me.
But not because I'm pregnant! What? - 麦克斯你要一起吗 -求之不得
绝对不是因为我怀孕了不能喝酒哦 Max, it's over here.
第 156 页 /共 192 页
麦克斯这边我...
We're not making a break for it? Caroline, do you mind if I speak to Max, alone?
我们不是要逃走吗卡洛琳我能跟麦克斯单独聊聊吗
Trapped. Trapped like rats. Our neighbors have just stopped by.
完了我们是被困住的小白鼠我们的邻居来了
What is wrong with you? They've opened a bottle of champagne.
你到底怎么回事他们还开了一瓶香槟
Why are you sweating so much? It's French, wonderful. Enjoy.
怎么会出这么多汗法国货超好喝慢慢享受
I think we'd be better off just wetting the whole dress. Girl, you need to chill.
直接把整条裙子都弄湿还比较好呢小妞冷静点
I know. It must be the pearls. Um...uh, excuse me?
我知道肯定是这串项链害的你说什么
My white trash body is working overtime to reject them. You have got us all wrong.
我这穷逼白人的身体奋起排斥都累得出汗了你完全误解我们了
Ooh, okay. Raise your arms. You walk in here, see this fabulous apartment
好啦把手举起来你走进我家看到这么棒的公寓
Why bother? They already hate me. and all of this "fabulosity," and you think--
别费劲了他们已经讨厌我了还有这么棒的女人然后
Max, they do not hate you. You think I'm some rich bitch.
麦克斯他父母才不讨厌你你就觉得我是那种有钱的贱人
Well, they will. I am.
他们会的我的确是
This is Tommy Dolan all over again. But I wasn't born that way.
汤米·多伦事件又要重演了但我不是生来如此
Who's Tommy Dolan? 皇后区穷人多环境差
谁是汤米·多伦 I am from Queens, New York.
And FYI, great upper arm workout. 我来自纽约的皇后区
顺便说一句这锻炼上臂的方式真棒《珍妮本色》是珍妮弗洛佩兹的冠军单曲
He's this rich kid I liked in eighth grade. 讲述的是小街区出来的女孩虽名利双收却不改本色
他是我八年级时喜欢的富家子 Yeah, that's right, I'm just Genet from the block.
And by rich, I mean his family could afford the acne 没错我就是现实版的《吉尼特本色》
medicine. Wait, then how did you get
我所谓的富是指他们家能买得起祛痘药那你怎么会有钱到
He asked me out, but his parents said no your own elevator and fish wallpaper?
他约我出去但他父母不同意拥有自己的电梯和鱼图案墙纸
because I was poor. Well, when David met me, I was a dancer.
因为我是穷人当大卫遇见我时我还是个跳舞的
And, to be clear, that was before I shot the ten BB's Oh, you mean like on Broadway?
事后我怀恨在心然后用 BB 枪在百老汇里跳吗
into their front picture window. Yeah, well, close to Broadway.
冲着他家落地窗打了 10 枪在百老汇附近跳
Max, you're not in eighth grade. The point is that we fell in love so completely
麦克斯你已经不是八年级的小孩了重点是我们无法自拔地爱上对方
This is a grown-up relationship. that I even stopped taking his money after the third
visit.
这是一段成年人的感情
Tonight's not just about a pastry school, 以至于他第三次来光顾时我都没收他钱
Tell us, Deke,
今晚不光是为了烘焙学校
it's about you and Deke, so get it together. 告诉我们迪克
why a pastry school of all things?
还是为了你和迪克所以好好表现
You have a lot on the line, and I have a neck cramp. 为什么偏偏要买一个烘焙学校
Who cares? We're just thrilled
这事非同小可而我脖子抽筋了
Ladies, it's Genet. 无所谓他不混马戏团
he's no longer in the circus.
女士们我是吉尼特
Trapped. Trapped like more rats. 我们就谢天谢地了
Girls--
惨了要变成人鼠同笼了
Is everything all right in here? 姑娘们
I didn't take anything.
里面一切还好吗
I didn't take anything. 我什么都没拿
Amy and Adam have lived in the building since Deke was
一切都在我什么都没拿
I-- little.
第 157 页 /共 192 页
迪克还小的时候艾米和亚当就住在这里了你们知道这就是我不回家的原因啊
Mom, don't tell Max I'm little. Why would I tell you?
妈别跟麦克斯说我"小" 我为什么要告诉你们
I've convinced her I've got She didn't steal the money, he did.
我好不容易让她相信偷你们钱的又不是她是她爸
the biggest one she'll ever have. Deke does have a point.
我是她见过最"大"的迪克说得有道理
Oh, Deke! - It wasn't Caroline, and her father is serving time.
迪克 - 不能怪卡洛琳而且她父亲也入狱了
Naughty, dirty, funny. Ah, speaking of serving, there are like nine forks here.
又坏又黄又好笑说到上菜我面前有九把叉子
Andy and I love naughty comedy. Where do I go next?
安迪和我喜欢看性喜剧我应该先用哪一把
- We watch Bill Maher. It's easy for you to say, Deke. You didn't lose money.
- 我们常看比尔·马赫你站着说话不腰疼迪克你又没亏钱
This pastry school would be Amy and I had to move from the penthouse
这个烘焙学校我和艾米因为她爸从顶层公寓
a huge financial commitment, David. to the fourth floor.
需要投入一大笔钱大卫搬到了四层普通公寓
Why don't you just go down to Union Square The fourth floor, Deke!
你何不直接去联合广场四层啊迪克
and light a bag of money on fire? That's three above the doorman.
把一大袋钱烧掉更省事只比看门的高三层
Mr. Chase, I agree, it's a huge undertaking. Only five bedrooms, and I can hear the "Whoosh-
蔡斯先生我同意这是一个很大的项目 whoosh"
And if you'd like, we can discuss a business plan. 只有五个卧室我整晚都能听见
如果你愿意我们可以讨论一下商业计划 of the damn elevator all night long!
I did graduate top of my class from Wharton. 那个该死的电梯发出的"嗖嗖"声
我是沃顿的优秀毕业生 Genet, I cannot believe you would invite
Wharton. In Philadelphia. 吉尼特真不敢相信你居然会
沃顿商学院位于费城 a Channing into your home.
Philadelphia 在希腊语中的意思是"兄弟之爱" 邀请钱宁家的人来你家做客
The city of brotherly love. Sir, if you say another bad word about her,
兄弟之爱城先生如果你再说一句她的坏话
And let me tell you, it certainly is. I'm gonna "whoosh-whoosh" you off that chair.
我告诉你们那里很多相爱的"兄弟" 我就让你"嗖"的一声从椅子上摔下来
Our son, Hunter, went to Wharton. Max, these are our friends.
我们儿子亨特也是沃顿毕业的麦克斯他们是我们的朋友
He's about your age. Yeah, well she is my friend,
他跟你年纪差不多卡洛琳也是我的朋友
I'll text and tell him we've met you. and she's had it pretty rough.
我要发短信给他说碰到他的校友了她已经过得够苦的了
What is your last name, Caroline? And I'm not gonna sit here and let them insult her.
你贵姓卡洛琳我不会干坐在这里让他们羞辱她
Channing. Oh, you only have five bedrooms?
钱宁你只有五个卧室吗
Caroline channing? Well, she sleeps in the wall.
卡洛琳·钱宁告诉你她在墙上睡觉
Your father isn't Martin Channing, You rich people are all the same.
你父亲不会是马丁·钱宁你们有钱人都一个德性
the one in prison for the Ponzi scheme? Max, take it down.
那个因为庞氏骗局坐牢的骗子吧麦克斯坐下
Amazing fish! I-I love this tilapia. You're gonna "whoosh" you did later.
这鱼真好吃我爱吃罗非鱼你晚点会"嗖嗖"地为现在的行为后悔
It's almost a chicken-y fish. No, Deke. I mean, look at this table.
这鱼尝起来像鸡肉不会迪克你看这张桌子
Deke, you never told us about this. Seven forks and ten knives, for what?
迪克你怎么没告诉我们七把叉子十把刀子有什么用
What, that the fish was chicken-y? You know what we have at our apartment?
告诉你们什么这鱼尝起来像鸡肉吗你知道我们的公寓有多少餐具吗
You know that's why I don't come home anymore. Five chopsticks and a spork from Kentucky fried chicken,
第 158 页 /共 192 页
五双筷子和一个买炸鸡送的叉匙 It only took me two hours to decide, and I picked you.
and we do fine. 我只花了两小时就决定了我要你
我们完全够用 I wish it took you two hours.
We don't need to sit here and gravel-- 你要是真考虑了两小时就好了
我们不需要坐在这里鞠躬尽瘁 You didn't even think it over.
Grovel. Whatever... 你连想都没想
是卑躬屈膝随便啦 You were out of there immediately.
For your money or their approval. 直接就跟我们走了
求你们的投资或求他们的同意 Deke, how are you gonna live without money?
All I can say is, you rich people are lucky 迪克没有钱你怎么过呀
我只能说算你们这些有钱人走运 Hey, I already live in a dumpster.
those cops took my BB gun. Let's go, Caroline. 我早就住在垃圾箱里了
我的 BB 枪被警察没收了走吧卡洛琳 I'm used to roughing it.
No, this is my fault. I'll go. 我习惯过苦日子
不这是我的错我走 Who bought the dumpster?
No, you know what? We'll all go. 这垃圾箱谁买的
不我们仨都走 They did.
Deacon, sit down. 我父母
迪肯坐下 Who bought the solar panels on the roof?
You are not leaving the table with them. 顶上的太阳能板谁买的
你不许跟她们一起走 They did.
I go where she goes. 我父母
她去哪儿我就去哪儿 But I bought that cool skateboard poster.
Except not in the bathroom, 但那个很酷的滑板海报是我买的
除了上厕所 Deke--
because we like to leave a little mystery. 迪克
因为我们喜欢留点小神秘 Okay, it was in a box of honeycomb.
I mean, what is the big deal, anyway? 好吧是蜂窝早餐麦片里送的
我不理解问题在哪儿 - And who bought the honeycomb? - They did.
You have a problem with her because of her father, - 那个早餐麦片是谁买的 -我父母
你们因为她爸而对她有意见 Max, it'll be fun.
but no problem with his mom being a stripper? 麦克斯未来会很好玩
但迪克妈是脱衣舞女你们就没意见吗 Oh, come on. How hard could it be?
What? You were a stripper? 拜托没钱能有多难
什么你以前是脱衣舞女吗 Look, I get up tomorrow, I get a job here,
Mom? 我明天起来就去找份工作
妈 zippity-boo, get another job there.
Max! 然后再找一份工作
麦克斯 Now I got 20,000, then zippity-pow,
Oh, is that not common knowledge? 很快我就会挣到两万块
这事不是大家都知道的吗 make another 20,000, zippity-zang.
I feel so bad. 然后接着再挣两万块
我好内疚啊 Then I'm lousy with honeycomb.
Don't. I should have guessed. 最后我钱会多得要死好吗
不必我早就该猜到了 Now, cheechity-chong, where did I put Earl's weed?
My mom's way too limber at tennis. 话说我把厄尔的大麻放哪里了
我妈打网球的时候身体太柔软了 What's the emergency? Are you all right?
And it totally makes me respect my dad more. 有什么紧急情况你没事吧
这让我更敬重我爸 I'm fine, but Deke's insane!
A jew marrying a black woman is impressive. 我没事但迪克疯了
犹太人敢娶黑人已经够了不起了 He thinks he can make it as a poor person.
Marrying a black stripper is awesome. 他认为他没钱也能过得很好
而他娶的还是黑人脱衣舞女屌爆了 You never know, I did.
No, I feel bad about your parents 不要把人看扁我就做到了
不是啦我是为你父母 Sure, the first-- what's today, Monday?
cutting you off financially. 当然一开始的...今天是周一吗
切断你的经济来源而内疚 Sure, the first thousand days were hard, but--
But you're okay with outing my mom? 当然一开始的一千天很难熬但
但你揭我妈老底不觉得内疚吗 Deke is nothing like you!
Look, they gave me a choice, my money or you. 迪克根本不像你
他们有让我选选钱还是你 You are resilient and smart and creative and driven.
第 159 页 /共 192 页
你适应力强聪明有创意会发愤图强或推到我们其中一人摔下布鲁克林桥为止
No one could do what you did. You're amazing. We can never get it there, Max.
没人能像你这样你超级厉害我们推不了这么远麦克斯
Max, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Then we'll get it as far as we can,
麦克斯这是你对我最大的赞赏那我们就有多远推多远
Oh, don't get all wet. and then at least when Deke wakes up
别这么快就"湿"了至少等早上迪克醒来的时候
You're still at the bottom of the three-way list. he won't be stuck here with me in the morning,
在三人行候选名单里你还是垫底他不是在我身边跟我一起过穷日子
My point is, I can't let Deke give up his money. and he can have a life.
重点是我不能让迪克放弃他的钱他可以过回以前的生活
It's his decision. I was wrong earlier.
这是他的决定我之前说错了
And it's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. This is the most romantic thing I've ever seen.
而且这是我听过最浪漫的事这才是我见过最浪漫的事情
It's crap! Yeah, don't cut yourself on the dumpster
是最烂的事吧推的时候小心点不要被划伤
I care about Deke more than I have ever cared about or you'll get lockjaw. Push.
anyone, 否则你会得破伤风的快推
我从来没有像现在一样在乎过一个人 Oh, Max.
so I have to give him back. 麦克斯
所以我得把他送回去 Even better upper arm workout!
I just called his mother. 这个锻炼上臂的方式更棒
我刚打给他妈了 Only you would say that!
At 2:00 a.M., and she picked up the phone? 只有你才会这么说
凌晨两点她居然还接你电话目前资金
Oh, right, I forgot. She was a stripper. 目前资金
对哦我忘了她以前是脱衣舞女最新余额
She's used to picking things up at night. 最新余额
很习惯在晚上"接东西" 最新余额
And she said they'd take Deke back, -----------------------------
她说他们同意迪克回家 -------------21--------------
but he has to come to them. -----------------------------
但前提是他自己回去 Who or what did you do to get this $20 tip?
That's great. 你是"做"了什么让人家给你 20 块小费
那很好啊 Because I wheeled a customer home the other night,
So, come on. 我昨晚推一位坐轮椅的顾客回家
所以快点 and all I got was a 5.
You and I are pushing him home... 才拿到 5 块小费
我们要把他推回家 And that was after we made out and I gave him a bath.
in the dumpster. 而且我跟他亲热完还帮他洗了个澡
连人带垃圾箱一起送回去 The lady at that table asked me what was special here,
Pushing it to the upper east side? 刚才那桌女士问我们这有什么特别的
把这玩意一路推到上东区 and I said, "I used to be," and then I burst into tears.
Yes! 我回答"我曾是特别的姑娘" 然后就喷泪
是的 I pull that out whenever I need a manicure.
He's totally knocked out on Earl's weed. 我缺钱做指甲时都会用这招
厄尔的大麻让他昏睡过去了 Well, it's that time of year again.
He will not feel a thing. 又到了每年的这个时候啦
他不会有感觉的 I'm so jealous.
Come on, help me push right now 真是羡慕嫉妒恨
快点过来帮我推 I can't believe you only get your period once a year.
before I realize what I'm losing 你的大姨妈居然一年只来一次
不然我怕我晚点回后悔 It's tax season, and my accountant said
and change my mind. Go! 是纳税季节啦而我的会计说
然后会改变主意快 I'm getting a refund.
You take that side, I'll take this, 我有退税款能拿呢
你推那边我推这边 He also complimented these moccasins,
And we won't stop till we're there 他还赞美了我的莫卡辛呢
不到目的地决不停下来 which are also controversial around here.
or one of us falls off the Brooklyn bridge. 而在这里只会被你们耻笑
第 160 页 /共 192 页
Well, they do have the word "mock..." 我比我的胸罩还累
因为那鞋子都叫做"莫" Whoa, good, you're still open.
- "ass..." - " And "Sin." 太好了你们还没关门
- "傻" -"逼"了 My fiancee wants a cupcake,
This is why I never wear overalls, 我的未婚妻想吃小蛋糕
这也是为什么我从来不穿全身服 and she always gets what she wants.
'cause you two would be... 她心一想事就得成
因为你们俩会... Hi.
- Over.. - disgusted? 你们好
- 全身... -想吐吗 I mean, I really want a house in the Hamptons,
Precisely. 我也很想要在度假胜地有小别墅
but I'll take a cupcake.
正是如此
Oh, Earl, that reminds me. 但是来一个小蛋糕也行啦
I'm nothing like that sounded.
厄尔看到你我想起来
I forgot. Here you go. 我其实不是我话中的那种人
Don't apologize.
我忘了给你拿去
I finished your taxes. 不用道歉
I'm everything like that sounded.
我帮你报完税了
And for the future you cannot claim 我完全就是你话中的那种人
Oh, I'll be right back, babe.
以后你不可以再把你的
- your weed dealer as a dependent. 宝贝我马上回来
There's a homeless guy building a shopping bag house
- 大麻药头列为"抚养亲属"了
有个流浪汉正用购物袋在我的保时捷上
I don't know why. I'm very dependent on weed.
around the porsche.
为什么不行我很依赖大麻啊
盖他的窝呢
Max, since I've been helping everyone with their taxes,
- Too bad. That homeless guy almost had a front
麦克斯我最近都有在帮忙大家报税
porsche.
mostly because the only other time I get to use my
- 可惜了流浪汉差点就有前保时捷了
financial degree
He hates this neighborhood.
主要是因为除了报税我的金融学位就只剩
is counting how many q-tips we have left, 他很讨厌这一带
So you've been held up at gunpoint one or two times?
数家里剩多少棉花棒时能用上
Five-- 他也不过就是被人拿枪威胁过一两回嘛
It's like, grow a pair, right?
剩5根
带种一点你们说是吧
Three. I dropped two in the toilet,
So what are you eating?
是三根我掉了两根进马桶
你想要吃什么口味呢
and the cockroach is using them as oars for his boat.
Um, chocolate.
蟑螂兄拿去当他小船的船桨了
巧克力味吧
Ha. That'll be cute.
But, wait, now I'm thinking red velvet.
画面一定很可爱
等等我想还是红丝绒吧
Look, there are two things I won't talk about--
Tim put my ring in one when he proposed.
有两件事我是不会跟你谈的
蒂姆求婚的时候把戒指放红丝绒里了
Taxes or your flying dreams.
Oh, he proposed with one of our cupcakes?
我的税务和你的飞行梦想
他用我们的小蛋糕求婚的吗
Face it, Caroline. You're not going anywhere.
That's so sweet.
别傻了卡洛琳你哪都去不了
真是太浪漫了
Okay, well, we have to talk about our taxes
Yeah, it was.
那我们也得谈谈我们小店的税务
是啊
and what we're gonna claim,
I mean, it was like a whole thing because I swallowed it,
以及我们要索回哪些税款
如果我没把戒指吞下去一切都很完美
- and, no, you cannot claim I'm ruining your life.
but, once it passed,
- 还有你不能表示我毁了你人生
但在"屎落戒出"之后
Why? I did that last year and got $10 back.
really so pretty.
为啥我去年这么做还拿回了 10 块钱呢
戒指的确很美
2:00 A.M., closing time. Let's go. I gave him a 20 to move to that Mini Cooper
半夜 2 点关门时间到走吧我给了 20 块让他移去迷你库柏边
It's only 12:30. instead of our car.
才 12 点半好吗别在我们车边筑巢了
- Nice try, Max. - Come on, let's leave early. Remind me to start calling Han "Mini Cooper."
- 麦克斯想得真美 -别这样早点走嘛记得提醒我下次叫阿憨"迷你库柏"
I'm more exhausted than my bra. Babe, I've been thinking.
第 161 页 /共 192 页
宝贝我在想... You can do this, Max. You went to pastry school.
Uh-oh. That's never good. 麦克斯你能行你都上过烘焙学校了
惨了这下不妙了 I also went to high school,
No, it's great, babe. Listen. 我也去上过高中啊
宝贝很妙的听我说美国男演员曾在电影中饰演过一名虚拟的总统
So, since you proposed to me with one of their but I can't tell you which president Rock Hudson was.
cupcakes, 但我也不知道洛克·哈德森演的是哪个总统
既然你是用她们的小蛋糕跟我求婚的 I don't do wedding cakes.
I was thinking that these girls should do our wedding 我不做结婚蛋糕
cake. Okay, I know this may not be the best time for you
我在想那就让她们包办结婚蛋糕吧好啦我知道由于你最近刚分手
But, babe, we already ordered a wedding cake. to make your first wedding cake because of your recent
但宝贝我们已经订了结婚蛋糕了 breakup.
$1,300. Remember, babe? 所以让你做第一个结婚蛋糕有点不合时宜
一千三呢还记得吗宝贝 Oh, it's not about Deke.
I know, but, babe. 跟迪克无关好吗
我知道可是宝贝 If you remember, I'm the one who sent his 'fro out the
They said babe less in the movie Babe. door.
电影《小猪宝贝》里都没说这么多次"宝贝" 你忘了扫爆炸头男出门的正是小女子了吗
So do you guys do wedding cakes? Weddings are just stupid.
你们这里承办婚礼蛋糕吗婚礼蠢爆了
- No. - Yes. This whole idea of celebrating love?
- 不做 -做这件庆祝爱情的蠢事
I don't. She does. 他于 2009 年当选美国新泽西州州长
我不会做她会做 I mean, love works out less than Chris Christie.
She's the baker, and, yes, 拜托爱情比克里斯·克里斯帝还狗屁不通
她才是烘焙师 Right through here.
we do tons of wedding cakes. 走过这扇门
而我们这里也常承办结婚蛋糕 There you go, miss.
Gay weddings, straight weddings. 小姐就是这里啦
同性恋结婚蛋糕异性恋结婚蛋糕 Thanks.
- Bed wettings. 谢谢
- 尿床 Did you want something else?
Claire, you do whatever you want, 你还有事吗
克雷儿你怎么高兴怎么来 I'll take whatever I can get.
but I'm gonna wait in the car. 能有什么我全要了
但我要先上车等了 Okay, we're done.
I just can't do the cake stuff again, babe. 好了没你的事了
我承受不了再搞一次蛋糕的事宝贝 You're lucky. This morning, a cannoli shell
He doesn't want to do the cake stuff. 你很幸运了今天早上
他不想搞蛋糕的事中间充满奶油的柱状食物
Well, I don't want to do the butt stuff. pressed sexual harassment charges against him.
我还不想"搞屁眼"的事呢一个奶油甜馅煎饼卷告他性骚扰呢
You know what I mean? Oh, my God, you guys.
你懂我意思吧天啊两位
- No. - Yes. Your shop is so adorbs.
- 不懂 -懂你们的店超口爱啊
Why don't you come in and we can talk about it? I'm Claire, by the way.
要不你进来我们里面慢慢谈吧对了我叫克雷儿
- Enter through the diner. - Okay. I owned a store on Bedford Ave.
- 从旁边餐厅进来 -好我在贝德福德大道有家店
A dress shop called "Get the frock out."
See you guys in a sec.
是一家女装店叫"女装逼就滚"
等会见
What is wrong with you? Oh, I remember that place.
你脑子有病啊我记得那家店
I told you I didn't want any more white girls in the shop. Wasn't it right next to the hair salon,
我不是说过店里不许再有更多白人蠢妞了吗是不是就在一家叫
And since when do we do wedding cakes? "Unbeweavable"
而且我们什么时候开始做结婚蛋糕了 "编发不思议"的美发店旁
Since that guy said $1,300. Yeah, yeah, between "Unbeweavable"
从她男人说一千三的时候是啊就在"编发不思议"
第 162 页 /共 192 页
and the kosher smoothie place 穿着嘲讽 T 恤讨人厌到爆的蛋糕吗
跟一家犹太净食的奶昔店中间 But, wait, now I'm thinking pastels for spring.
called "The wandering juice." 等等我现在又在想柔和的春天风
奶昔店是叫"流浪犹太汁" Oh, but, wait, now I'm thinking,
传说中一名犹太人曾在耶稣上十字架前对耶稣不敬再等等我现在又在想
后被诅咒流浪天涯海角直到耶稣再临 colors. I love clowns.
I love their menorah-nge juice. 色彩缤纷我喜欢小丑
我很喜欢他们的犹太烛台橙汁 Wow, she changes her mind more than I change my
Yeah, you know, it was always my dream to have a dress underwear.
shop. 她改变想法的次数比我换内衣裤还多
我一直梦想着有天开家女装店 So twice?
But then after a year hardly anyone was coming in, 所以就两次吗
但开了一年生意一直很差 Sophie, on your tax form here,
and I was like, maybe I should get the frock out. 苏菲在你的报税单上
然后我就想也许该"滚"的人是我 you listed your occupation as "Sophie."
- So I bailed. - I totally get it. 你写了你的职业是"苏菲"
- 所以我放弃了 -我完全懂 Yeah, it's a full-time job, baby.
Our first shop failed, but we got up, 是啊这可是个全职工作宝贝
我们第一间店也倒了但我们爬起来 And who claims $5,000 worth of mascara?
dusted ourselves off-- 还有谁会要退五千块钱的睫毛膏税金啊
拍掉身上的灰 It's a business deduction for my cleaning business.
Well, Max went on a four-day bender, 这是我清洁生意的公司营运费用
麦克斯则是连续四天喝得醉醺醺 I give it out to all the underage girls from Poland as
but I found her and dusted her off, treats.
但我还是找到了她替她拍拍灰那是我给我的波兰未成年女工的奖励
Then we started again. Just because you're scrubbing toilets
然后我们东山再起虽然她们手边刷着马桶
Yeah, good thing you downloaded the "Find your drunk doesn't mean your eyes can't pop.
roommate" App. 但不代表她们的眼睛就不能美啊
多亏你去下载了"寻找醉酒室友"手机软件 Do you have any legitimate anything
Oh, so you guys kept going, even though you failed? 你有任何正当的东西
所以你们虽然失败了却还是没放弃吗 that we can use for anything?
Why? Don't you have boyfriends? 是可拿来用在任何事上的吗
为啥你们没有男朋友吗 Here's a big receipt.
So when are you two getting married? 这有张数目大的发票
所以你们什么哪天结婚 $2,500 for stolichnaya.
Oh, in three days. 两千五的伏特加
三天后 You can't write off liquor.
Three days? You're so calm. 酒品不能抵税
三天后你好淡定啊 No, Irina Stolichnaya.
Yeah, well, I was in the plane that crashed in the 是伊莲娜·芙特佳啦
hudson, Yeah, she waxes my eyebrows.
09 年客机迫降哈德逊河我就在机上她是帮我修眉毛的
so after that everything's just kind of been "meh." And my downstairs eyebrows.
在那次事情后我什么都不怕不怕啦以及我"下面的眉毛"
So do you know what kind of cake you want? Okay, well, there's no line on this form
所以你知道要哪种蛋糕了吗这表格上没有地方是给
Absolutely. Something traditional, for downstairs eyebrows,
当然要传统一点 "下面的眉毛"的
something very old school, you know, very romantic, so I'm just gonna list it as home office.
比较老派一点就是比较浪漫所以我就写入家庭办公室吧
But, wait, now I'm thinking Yeah, well, I do work out of it.
等等现在我在想我的确是靠"它"办了不少公
You guys are so cool, Caroline, where's Max?
你们俩都这么酷卡洛琳麦克斯呢
what if we did something with a weird hipster As much as I enjoy a two-hour break
Williamsburg vibe? 虽然我很享受两个小时
要不我们做有威廉斯堡嬉皮士风的怪蛋糕 from being called a tiny woman,
So you want an obnoxious cake on a trust fund 不用被叫为"小女人"的时光
所以你要个坐拥信托基金 She's supposed to be working.
wearing an ironic t-shirt with HPV? 但她不能不干活啊
第 163 页 /共 192 页
Max, how's the cake going? Love you too.
麦克斯蛋糕如何了我也爱你
That bride's a mess. Max, I know you worked hard,
那新娘就是个疯婆子麦克斯我知道你费了很多功夫
She changed her mind while she was changing her and you're probably upset about having to change it.
mind. 也知道你心里听到要修改会很不爽
她在改变主意的过程中又改变了主意 I'm sensing a lot of hostility
Not the good stuff on the top shelf! 我感觉到了浓厚的杀气
别用上层柜子的好货啊 that has nothing to do with that couple
Oh, you can't reach it anyway, Mini Cooper. 而这杀气跟那对新人无关
反正你平常也拿不到迷你库柏 and may be more about you
Joke's on her. I have a collapsible ladder. 反而是跟你与某位
她傻逼了吧哥有折叠梯 and a certain groom that didn't happen.
Oh, hi, Claire. Max is working on it right now. 有缘无分的新郎比较有关
你好克雷儿麦克斯正在做呢 What, you can't light a couple's head on fire
Oh, you've been thinking? 什么难道把一对新人的头烧了
你又有在想吗 without it being about your ex-boyfriend?
Caroline, can I get anything for a panty liner? 就一定得是跟前男友有关吗
卡洛琳卫生巾钱能抵税吗 Max, I know you're sad about it.
- I'm on the phone with Claire. 麦克斯我知道你很伤心
- 我正在跟克雷儿通电话 I heard you crying last night.
You mean un-Claire? 我昨晚都听到你哭了
你是说脑子不清楚那位吗 That was you crying.
She wants to make a couple changes. 哭的人是你
她想要做几个改变 Well, someone was crying.
- What should I tell her? - Tell her I hate her. 好吧反正某人哭了
- 我该怎么回她 -告诉她我恨她 Oh, my God. Max. It's beautiful.
No, you know what, I'll tell her. 天啊麦克斯太漂亮了
不用这样吧我来告诉她 You did an amazing job.
I love to tell people things. Give me the phone. 你做得真是太出色了
我喜欢告诉别人事情电话给我 That's quite a cake cake cake.
Max, I beg you. $1,300. 这蛋糕真是赞赞赞
麦克斯我求你了一千三呢 Calm down. I made a cake. I didn't fold a fitted sheet.
Oh, my God. She is so crazy. 淡定我不过是做了个蛋糕又不是折好床单
天啊她太神经病了 Ooh, and I like the new bride and groom.
I should just make a giant cake 我喜欢这对新的新郎和新娘
我应该直接做个超大的蛋糕 By the way, I fished the other ones out of the garbage
and have a psychiatrist pop out of it. 对了我把垃圾堆那那对拿出来了
让一个精神科医生从里面跳出来 in case we ever get a burn victim wedding.
Give me the phone. 以防下次会接到烧伤患者婚礼的订单
电话给我 Okay, I got the extra icing. Let's go.
Hey, Claire, babe. What's happening, babe? 我把备用的糖霜拿上了走吧
克雷儿宝贝怎么啦宝贝 Now grab it with two hands
Max, I've been thinking, 我们要用双手抓着
麦克斯我在想 and lift with your knees.
And I know I said I didn't want the fondant frosting, 然后用膝盖顶起来
我知道我说过不要翻糖糖霜 Oh, is that how you think it should go?
but now I just saw a photo of another wedding cake 你觉得应该这么弄过去吗
但是我刚才看到另一个结婚蛋糕的图 'cause I was gonna grab it with my head
that was so gorge. 我本来还打算一头栽进去
翻糖蛋糕美翻了 and lift it with my face.
And I started thinking... 用我的脸顶着走呢
所以我就在想... Got it. Got it. Got it.
Uh-huh. Sure. No problem. 搞定搞定搞定
行没问题 Ooh. Oh, wait.
So then we can do the fondant? 等一下
所以我们可以做翻糖吗 Got it. Got it. Got it.
Yes, definitely fondant. 搞定搞定搞定
当然绝对翻糖 Got it. Got it. Got it.
Perfect. Bye. Love you. 搞定搞定搞定
太好了再见爱你哟 - Grease puddle. - Got it.
第 164 页 /共 192 页
- 地上有油 -搞定 Max, I think we got it.
Got it. Got it. 麦克斯我们应该是搞定了
搞定搞定 Don't got it.
- Roach. - Got it. 完全没搞定
- 蟑螂 -搞定 Got it.
Bedford avenue. 搞定了
贝德福德大道 Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it.
Got it. Got it. Got it. 搞定搞定搞定搞定
搞定搞定搞定 This cake looks perfect. You would never know.
Got it. Got it. 这蛋糕看起来完美无缺谁都看不出来
搞定搞定 That's why I'm fond of the fondant. Covers everything.
Watch the doors. 所以我才喜欢用翻糖它能遮盖一切
注意开关门 We'll be long gone by the time they realize
- Max, this is so heavy. - I know. 等他们意识到这蛋糕是一半蛋糕
- 麦克斯这太重了 -我知道 it's half cake-half styrofoam from the Radio Shack
We're two grown women who can't afford a taxi. garbage.
我们俩成年人居然打不起车一半无线电器材公司的泡沫塑料时我们早走了
Oh, there's a seat over there. We can put this down. Hi. I'm the wedding planner/ my own funeral planner
那边有个座我们可以把蛋糕放下了你们好我是这场婚礼兼自己葬礼的策划人
Got it. Got it. Got it. 'cause it ain't going great.
搞定搞定搞定因为我快要被这场婚礼搞死了
I blame science. You the cake girls?
我怪科学你们是蛋糕妹吗
People shouldn't be living this long. You think just 'cause we're two girls
没事干嘛让人活这么久你觉得因为我们俩都是女的
- Max, I need a break. - Me too. with a giant cake we're the cake girls?
- 麦克斯我需要休息 -我也是而且还站在一个大蛋糕旁边就是蛋糕妹了吗
Maybe just like two weeks apart. You think 'cause I'm fake smiling
或许休息个两周你觉得因为我在假笑
Like, no phone calls, nothing. I won't throw you down a flight of stairs?
没电话没你与世隔绝我就不会把你们踢飞出去了吗
I mean the cake. You do that? Do you have a card?
我是说抬不动蛋糕啦你会这么做吗麻烦给我你的名片
And you love me. Sorry. We had a rough morning getting this here.
而且你是爱我的抱歉我们早上历尽千辛万苦才把蛋糕弄来这里
Other side. Less crowded. You? She changed the menu again.
去那边吧那边人少就你们辛苦吗她又把菜单改了
Oh, this guy can't see. Just our luck. I spent the whole morning making 17 turkeys look
这家伙看不见真倒霉我为了那个疯婆子花了一个早上的时间
To the left, sir. like 17 hams for that crazy bitch.
往左走先生想办法让 17 只火鸡看起来像 17 只火腿
Other left! Oh, come on, that's a little har--
是你的左边啦拜托这么说有点过吧
Oh, what, is everybody blind now? What? She won't come out of her room?
搞毛啊现在流行瞎子吗什么她不愿意出房门
who are you even dancing for? The bride has cold feet.
你们跳舞给谁看啊新娘临阵退缩了
Everyone's blind. That crazy bitch.
整个车厢都是瞎子那个疯婆子
Got it. Got it. Got it. Here's a crazy idea.
搞定搞定搞定我有个疯狂的主意
Losing it. Losing it. How about the check for the cake?
没力了没力了不如先把蛋糕钱付了
Holding it. Holding it. Losing it. All right, I'm gonna tell you two what I told
坚持住坚持住没力了我把之前跟"自己做冰棒"那家伙说的话
Second wind. Got it. Got it. the make-your-own-popsicle guy.
恢复元气搞定搞定再跟你们复述一遍
First Avenue. First Avenue station. Nobody gets paid until the bride walks down the aisle.
第一大道第一大道站到了新娘没走上红毯前谁也拿不到一分钱
There, there. Put it down. Nobody.
那边那边快放下来谁都别想
第 165 页 /共 192 页
There's gonna be popsicles? as soon as you get back in this dress.
婚礼上会有冰棒吗只要你穿回这套婚纱
She's not that crazy. Or that dress or that dress.
看来她没那么疯嘛或是穿上那套或那套
So what are we gonna do now? Okay, I feel like you guys are forcing me into this dress.
我们现在该怎么办我感觉你们在逼我穿上婚纱
- Let's go. - Max, we can't go. That's ridiculous.
- 走吧 -麦克斯我们不能走才没有
We need this money. Forcing you into a dress for money?
我们需要这笔钱我们怎么可能为了钱逼你穿婚纱
We also need a shower curtain that doesn't give us Now where's that freaking veil?
rashes. 那该死的头纱呢
我们还需要一个不会传染皮疹的浴帘 Nope, not that one.
But, wait, we really need this cake money. 不是这个
等一下我们真的很需要这笔钱 This was just a backup veil.
We also really need a toilet 这是备用头纱
我们也真的很需要一个 You can't even see my face.
that flushes everything the first time. 会完全挡住我的脸
冲一次就能冲干净的马桶 It was in case I got herpes.
While you were doing the cake, I was doing our taxes. 是以防我长疱疹准备的
你在做蛋糕的时候我在算我们的纳税额 You know how it is.
- And we owe Uncle Sam $1,500. 你们也知道长疱疹有多可怕
- 我们欠山姆大叔一千五 - Yeah. - No.
Man, why does every Uncle I know try to screw me? - 我知道 -不知道
靠为啥我认识的每个大叔都想"搞"死我 - Anyways, I'm thinking... - What,
So what are we gonna do? - 总而言之我在想... -想什么
所以我们该怎么办 like seven different things all resulting in us not getting
You heard that woman-- paid?
你也听到那女人怎么说了七件能导致我们一分钱都拿不到的事情吗
nobody gets paid until the bride walks down the aisle. Listen, I'm thinking
新娘没走上红毯前谁也拿不到一分钱听着我在想
Nobody. that maybe I bailed out of my shop too soon.
包括我们自己或许我太早放弃了我的服装店
Knock-knock. There's the gorgeous bride. I mean, I left after only a year.
我们进来啦原来明艳照人的新娘在这里我才开了一年就不干了
Your dress is beautiful. Why? 'cause I was just scared?
你的婚纱真美难道就因为害怕吗
It's a beautiful dress to get married in Well, everybody's afraid of failure.
穿着这么美的婚纱就应该人人都会害怕失败
right now in the next room. No, not failure.
立刻去隔壁房间结婚不不是失败
No, I hate it. I'm taking it off. There was a gang shooting in front of my dress shop.
我不喜欢我要脱掉有一群黑帮在我服装店门口枪战
I'm not wearing this dress I had to bury two mannequins.
我不会穿这套婚纱害我不得不埋了两个家人模特
or that one or that one. For future reference, just draw a teardrop on your face,
更不会穿那套或是那套给你个建议供以后参考在脸上画颗泪珠
Because I'm thinking marriage is stupid. 脸上画/纹泪珠常见于杀过人或失去过好兄弟的罪犯
因为我在想婚姻是愚蠢的几颗泪珠代表失去/杀过的人数
- So stupid. - Max . and they'll move it to Banana Republic.
- 太愚蠢了 -麦克斯他们就会把战场挪到香蕉共和国
Stupid beautiful, and everyone should do it. Well, I mean, it wasn't easy for you guys, right?
既愚蠢又美丽人人都应该这样做我是说对你们来说开店也不容易
Nope. It's not for me. But you hung in there,
不不适合我但你们没有放弃
林赛·罗韩在现实生活中 and now you have this big, successful cake business.
曾多次被狗仔队拍到裙下没穿内裤所以现在才拥有一个成功的大蛋糕店
Like underwear. - We lied. - It's terrible.
就像内裤 - 我们撒谎了 -生意很糟糕
Oh, you'll feel fine - We're losers. - Get married.
你会没事的 - 我们是废柴 -快去结婚吧
第 166 页 /共 192 页
Claire, the only thing harder than building a business Wait, Max.
克雷儿唯一比开店还难的就是等等我麦克斯
is finding love. Max, wait, wait!
寻找真爱麦克斯等等
Look at her. She just lost someone she loves, Wait, Max!!
你看她刚刚跟心爱的人分手等等我麦克斯
and quite frankly she doesn't think Now just walk down the aisle like it's your special day.
老实说连她自己都觉得走红毯时要像今天就是你的大日子一样
it's ever gonna happen for her again. Go. The bride never talks to the cake lady.
这辈子不会再遇见这么合适的人了退下新娘才不会跟蛋糕妹说话
I mean, none of us do. People are like, "Who's that?"
其实我们大伙都这么想人们会问"那是谁呀"
Not even Han? If you think they're like, "who's that?" now,
连阿憨也是吗如果你觉得他们现在在想"那是谁"
No, he's the one who brought it up. wait a few minutes till that veil gets lifted.
是啊就是他开始提起这事的等会你头纱掀起时他们会更有那感觉的
Claire, who knows you better than us? Can't believe it. She's actually walking down that aisle.
克雷儿有谁比我们更了解你呢难以置信她居然真的走上红毯了
You're getting married. Yup, that's totally her walking down the aisle.
你得结婚是呀走红毯那个绝对是她
You're right. I should get married. So the check, you can hand it to me now.
你说得对我是该结婚所以你现在可以把支票给我了
- But not to Tim. - What? You look stunning, babe.
- 但不是嫁给蒂姆 -什么你真美宝贝
You guys will tell him for me, right? Come on, come on, come on.
你们会帮我转告他的对吗快点快点
Tell him I'm no good. Tell him I'm sorry. I'll just take whatever check's on top.
告诉他我配不上他是我对不起他直接给我最上面那张就行了
You know what, tell him whatever you want. Babe, babe, wait.
算了你们想怎么说就怎么说宝贝宝贝慢着
You guys decide. I'm easy. Now I'm thinking I do want to get married.
你们决定好了我很随和的现在我想结婚了
You know what she's not? Easy. Babe, if you're there, who is...
她随和个屁最难搞就是她宝贝如果你在那那这是谁
You heard that woman-- 'Sup?
你也听到那女人怎么说了你好呀
nobody gets paid until the bride walks down the aisle. Babe, I know I said I didn't want any kids,
新娘没走上红毯前谁也拿不到一分钱宝贝之前我说不想要小孩
Now, remember, don't lift this veil but now I'm thinking four.
在策划人把支票给我前但现在我想要四个
until the party planner hands me that check. Babe, you should have said that before the vasectomy.
记得千万不要把头纱撩起来宝贝这话你应该在我结扎之前说的
Why don't you have to wear the dress? You can always reverse it.
为什么不是你穿婚纱你可以解除的嘛
You're practically a virgin. Again.
你基本上就是个适合嫁人的纯洁处女你不早说
Max, somebody has to walk down the aisle, and I can't So you're the father, huh?
do it. 你是新人的父亲吗
麦克斯必须有人穿婚纱走红毯而我不行 And you stuck around.
Marriage means something to me, 而你居然没抛妻弃子
婚姻对我是有意义的 That's an interesting way to play it.
- and I only plan to walk down that aisle once. 你这么做也挺有意思的
- 而且我这辈子只打算走一次红毯 Okay, I got the check. We can leave.
You also said that about the yeast infection aisle at CVS, 我拿到支票了我们可以走了
你在药店卖宫颈感染药的过道也这么说过 Not now. I'm doing the father-daughter dance.
but there you were last Saturday 现在不行我们在跳父女舞呢
但上周六你又去了 May I cut in?
pretending to buy children's cough syrup. 介意换人吗
还假装是买儿童止咳糖浆 Oh, no, with her.
Let's go. 我是要跟她跳
走吧 If you're trying to hook up with me,
第 167 页 /共 192 页
如果你想泡我三
you're a little late. Hey, cake girls.
那抱歉你来晚了蛋糕妹
That dad just slipped me his room key. Styrofoam?
那位爸爸刚把房间钥匙偷塞给我了泡沫塑料
You really do make a lovely bride. It's gluten-free.
你当新娘的样子真可爱那个不含麸质哦
Oh, thanks. You know I have one 目前资金
多谢你知道我把目前资金
Of those ham turkeys in my underwear, right? 最新余额
一只火腿火鸡塞到我内裤里了对吧最新余额
Oh, I thought you were just happy to see me. 最新余额
我还以为你的爽样是因为看到我呢 -----------------------------
This is nice. -------------22--------------
这感觉真好 -----------------------------
And that cake really is beautiful. I called this staff meeting because lately,
那个蛋糕真的很漂亮我开这个员工会议是因为
Thanks. I've noticed our diner family is drifting apart.
谢谢餐厅小家庭成员最近渐行渐远
Wish I could have showed it to... Good work, everybody. Good work.
真希望可以给... 干得好各位继续努力
Deke. Let's start off this powwow
迪克看今日的会议就从
Yeah. by sharing our highs and lows of the week.
是啊互相分享每个人本周的最高与最低点吧
So are you really okay? 美国饮料公司斯奈普出产饮料的瓶盖上
你真的没事吗都印有各式各样的冷知识
I know you loved him. My high was getting a particularly interesting Snapple
我知道你很爱他 fact.
I did, which is the worst 我的最高点是学到了一个很有趣的冷知识
我是爱他这样才惨 And my low was--
because it made me feel almost like a person. 而我的最低点是...
因为会让我感觉更像个有血有肉的人 Your entire body?
Max, Caroline, hi. 你全身的高度吗
麦克斯卡洛琳你们好 I'll go.
I just wanted to say thank you for everything. 我来分享
我想感谢你们为我做的一切 My high was finding a barrette in the bathroom,
And I was watching you guys dance together, 我的最高点是在厕所里捡到了一个发夹
我刚看见你们俩一起跳舞 and my low was imagining my new life without it.
and now I'm thinking I might be into girls. 而最低点是想象新人生中没有它
现在我在想或许我开始喜欢女人了 Max, your high?
Can I call you? 麦克斯你的最高点呢
我可以打给你吗 - I certainly am.
- Yes. - No. - 我正高着呢
- 可以 -不行 And my low will be when it wears off.
Great. 而最低点则是在药效过了的那一刻
太好了 Well, my high was catching a glimpse
What do you mean the bottom of the cake says Radio 我的最高点是瞄到一眼
Shack? of a customer's lacy g-string,
你说什么蛋糕下面写着无线电器材公司顾客的蕾丝丁字裤
That's our cue. And my low was seeing his junk.
我们该走了而最低点是我看到他鸡鸡的时刻
Wait, wait, I haven't thrown the bouquet yet. My low is this meeting.
等等我还没抛手捧花呢我的最低点就是参加这会议
Hey, single ladies. And my high is when it wraps up.
各位单身妹子而最高点就是会议结束的那一刻
Here we go. Can everybody take this serious--
准备好了还能不能认真地开会啦
One, two, I have a new low.
一二我有个新低点了
Three. - I have a new high. - Me too.
第 168 页 /共 192 页
- 我也有个新高点了 -我也是一间浴室里长草的破公寓啊
Everybody, please. I love our toilet lawn.
大家别这样好吗我爱我们的浴室草坪
Han just clearly injured his vagina. It's gross.
人家阿憨明显是伤到"小洞洞"了恶心死了
That's not my phone. Max, look at this place.
不是我的电话响麦克斯看看这里
My ringtone is Let it go, and you know that Our refrigerator door is held on by scotch tape,
你知道我的铃声是《冰雪奇缘》"随它吧" 我们冰箱的门是用透明胶带固定住的
'cause you threaten to beat me every time it rings. And, I mean, there is black mold in there.
因为每次响起来你都恐吓要揍我那里面还长黑霉了呢
Well, it's not mine. At least the black mold made the other mold
也不是我的但至少黑霉把其他种霉菌
I keep my phone on vibrate move out of the neighborhood.
我的电话永远保持震动模式都赶出这一带了呢
out of respect for those around me, Come on!
一方面是尊重我周围的人乖嘛
and also for little orgasms. Someone from the real estate company
一方面也是给自己点小"高潮" 不动产公司估计已经派人来
Max, it's the landline. is probably on their way over to make sure
麦克斯是座机检查一下租下这间屋的租客
Oh, God! Why is it ringing? the original tenant still lives here.
天啊它为什么在响是不是还住在这里
You said that phone only rings if we're in trouble All right, let's ride!
你说过这电话只有在我们有麻烦时才会响好了开溜吧
or if it's you calling from the future I know a guy that can drop off some fake passports
或者是未来的你打电话来我认识一个人可以把做好的假护照
to tell us we're in trouble. for us in an airport locker.
通知我们有麻烦了放在机场的置物箱里给我们
Ruh-roh. Well, you know him too. It's Oleg.
惨喽那个人你也认识就是奥列格
That's gotta be the landlord. The lease is up. Pick up that phone already!
肯定是房东租约要到期了行行好接起电话吧
Fine, we'll just renew it, even though I thought Sounds like a damn PBS fund-raiser down here.
好吧那就续约吧虽然我以为听起来像 PBS 台募款活动的捐款来电呢
they would have condemned this place by now. Sophie, it's the landlord calling.
他们早该报废这栋楼了苏菲是房东打来
I mean, I did find a used condom in the hallway I just found out we've been subletting illegally.
yesterday. 我才发现原来这里是非法转租来的
毕竟我昨天还在走廊看到"报废"的套套呢 Oh, well, I always wondered how you girls
- Hello? - No! 我早就好奇你俩
could afford to live in this building.
- 您好 -不行
是怎么付得起这里的房租
Hang up. We're not on the lease.
And I ruled out prostitution once I saw Caroline dance.
快挂掉我们俩没在租约上
但在看过卡洛琳的舞技后我确定了不是做鸡
ごめんなさい今ちょっと話せないの
Good news.
抱歉现在不方便说话
Good cover. Now we just have to hope 有好消息
I dug around the apartment
编的不错现在我们就祈祷
the original tenant is a Benihana chef. 我在公寓里四处翻翻后
And I found the original lease.
原来的租客是个日式铁板烧厨师吧
Okay. 我找到了原来的租约
Also found a copy of my birth certificate.
好
We don't have much time. Quick! 还找到了我出生证明的副本
Turns out my father's name is "Mother has no idea"
我们时间不多快点
Grab two things you love. 原来我老爸的名字是"老妈不知道"
选两样你爱的东西拿上跑 Forget that lease.
I-I love nothing in here! 不用管那租约了
这里没有我爱的东西 I've already found a new place for us.
And why are we even trying to keep an apartment 我已经为我们找到新家了
而且为毛我们要试着留住 A two-bedroom for $1,300 in Manhattan.
that has grass growing in the bathroom? 曼哈顿两间卧室只要一千三
第 169 页 /共 192 页
Oh... Manhattan, Kansas. 明天有空来看看
慢着是堪萨斯州的曼哈顿 This place is $1,200?
We can't afford to lose this lease. 这里要一千二啊
这租约一定得保住 $1,250. It just went up since we been talking.
As soon as they find out this Lester Donovan 一千二百五就在我们说话时又涨价了
只要他们发现莱斯特·唐纳文 We can't fit in here.
is no longer living there, the rent will get higher 这里对我们来说太挤了
已经不住在这里租金就会涨 I'm not talking about me and you.
- than Justin Bieber on a plane with his dad. "我们"指的不是我和你
- 涨到像比伯跟他老爸在飞机上一样嗨 I'm talking about me and my boobs.
有消息指出歌星贾斯丁·比伯与他父亲是我和我的巨乳
拒绝依照机长指示停止在飞机上抽大麻 Nice retirement home.
So I tracked down this original tenant guy, Lester. 挺不错的养老院啊
所以我找到了这个原租客莱斯特 Why don't we just live here?
He's still alive. 我们为何不就住这里呢
他还活着 Bingo tournaments, unlimited hard candy,
Ugh! Can't catch a break. 宾果游戏大赛无限量的硬糖果
真是没完没了啊 and you get to crap your pants!
He's at a rest home in Sheepshead Bay. 而且想在裤子里拉屎就拉屎
他住在布鲁克林区一家养老院里 Lester?
We just have to go there and kidnap him. 莱斯特
我们只需要去把他绑架来就行了 That must be him.
We'll tie some cream of wheat to a pole and lure him 这估计就是他了
out. I don't know who I am anymore, but that must be him.
把一碗老人小麦粥绑鱼竿上再钓他出来我已不知道我是谁但那肯定是他
First of all, in what world Hi, Mr. Donovan.
首先在哪个平行时空里你好唐纳文先生
do we have cream of wheat pole money? Lester?
咱俩有钱买老人小麦粥鱼竿莱斯特
And secondly, I am not gonna go shake down some old Max, is he dead?
man. 麦克斯他是不是死了
第二我才不要去勒索一个老头子 No, he's alive, but just...
You won't have to. 还活着但也就剩一口气了
才不需要自己动手 This is so sad.
- He's probably already shaking. 太可怜了
- 那老头估计都自己在抖了 Look at how we treat our elderly.
If you're looking, I know a place. 看看老年人都是怎么被对待的
如果你们在找房我知道一个地方 Wake up!
You share a twin bed with two other girls. 快醒来
你们跟另外两个妞分享一张双人床 I-I-I need you to wake up for this!
Oh, and there are cameras. 我需要你醒过来
而且里面还有摄像机 We are currently subletting your old apartment,
But you're paid $4.99 a minute 我们是你以前公寓的转租客
但你每分钟能赚到 4 块 99 and we need you to pretend
and get to meet all the singles in your area. 我们需要你回去假装
tou still live there for a day.
而且还有机会认识附近所有单身痴汉
Are you one of the singles in the area? 你还住里面一天就行
Or just to pretend you still live.
你也是"附近的单身痴汉"中的一员吗
或者假装一下你还活着
Technically I'd be your costar.
Ladies, you're wasting your time.
正确来说我是你的合演者
姑娘们你们是在浪费时间
Like it or not, we have to hold on to our apartment.
He can't speak, and he doesn't like girls.
无论你喜不喜欢我们的公寓都得保住
他不能说话也不喜欢姑娘
Max is right--there are two things in life you cannot lose.
- He's a vegetable and a fruit.
麦克斯说得对世上有两样东西不能失去
- 他是个植物人加基佬
A rent-controlled apartment and bladder control.
Lester Donovan.
受租金管制的公寓与自己的膀胱控制力
Actually, there's an apartment in my building 我是莱斯特·唐纳文
其实我大楼里有一间公寓 Oh, you're Lester! Oh, thank God.
that just became available. 你才是莱斯特啊谢天谢地
整好要出租呢 Listen, Lester, we need you--
Stop by tomorrow. You can see it. 莱斯特我们需要你...
第 170 页 /共 192 页
I know, I know. You want me to pretend 他的中间名是伟哥好吗
我知道你们想我回去假装 Olivia!
I still live in your apartment. I overheard everything. 奥利维亚
还住在你们公寓里我在外头都听到了 Well, there's no point hanging around here.
We're not all comatose, darling. 现在也没必要留在这里了
亲爱的我们不是每个人都在昏迷中筒状器具套住阴茎后抽气使筒内形成真空状态
But I'm afraid--ahem-- it's not gonna happen, girls. 进而造成强行勃起
但很抱歉姑娘们我可能帮不上忙了 I'll just grab my penis pump, and we're outta here.
'cause I got a big week. 我去拿上我的阴茎帮浦就能走了
我这周有大事要忙 Why is he gonna need that?
My special lady is moving in with me. 他为什么会需要用到那个
我的心上人要搬来跟我同居了 Here we are, "home, sweet...
'Cause this guy's not gonna be around much longer. 到啦 "甜美温馨
因为这家伙活不了多久了 at least it's not a rest home""
18 hours...tops! 至少不是养老院的家里"
最多再活 18 小时 Lester, not that I minded pushing you 35 blocks, but...
Oh! Here's my princess. 莱斯特虽然我不介意推着你走了足足 35 条街
我的公主来啦 you could walk at the home.
Olivia! 但是你在养老院时还能走路
奥利维亚 why can't you walk now?
He's still with us. God bless. 为什么现在不能走路了
上帝保佑他还活着 I'm too depressed to walk.
So we'll have to push the move to Monday. 内心苦闷走不了路
所以你的搬家大计得挪到周一了 I've been depressed since I learned to walk.
Yeah... about that, Lester. 我从学会走路时就一直苦闷
说到这件事莱斯特 I mean, I was nine. It was time.
I'm not ready to move in with you. 那时我九岁也是时候了
我还没做好搬来同居的心理准备 I have just lost the love of my life!
Olivia, wh--what do you mean? 我刚失去了我一生挚爱
奥利维亚你这话什么意思 Have you ever made love to a lady with no teeth
- Max, we should go. - No way! 你跟没牙齿还装有人工屁股的妞
- 麦克斯我们该走了 - 才不要 and two plastic hips?
美国电视真人秀由一名单身男子从众多女参赛者中做爱过吗
挑选伴侣 I, for one, have not.
This is like watching an elder version of The Bachelor! 小女子我就没试过
这就像在看老年人版的《单身汉》一样 Max?
Literally... The final rose! 麦克斯呢
现在基本就是最终环节了呢 No. But it just rocketed to number one on my bucket
Lester, it's not you. It's me. list.
莱斯特问题不在你在我没但这事直接登上了我死前愿望的第一名了
That's still in play at their age? - I lived here from 1954 to studio 54.
他们这把年纪还用这招吗 - 这里我从 54 年住到 54 俱乐部的时代
I'm just not ready to settle down. 美国女演员与歌手曾在 54 俱乐部表演过
我还不想定下来 Liza Minnelli threw up in that corner.
Too many other fish in the sea. 丽莎·明尼利曾在那角落呕吐
林中太多鸟海中太多鱼 The only time I ever saw anybody
I know--it's about that new kid on the block, 我的人生中唯一一次看到
我知道了是新搬进来的那小混球对吧 take three bows after a vomit.
Morty what's-his-name. It's about Morty, isn't it? 有人在呕吐后还三鞠躬谢幕的
莫蒂啥来着是因为那个莫蒂对吧 Why did you leave?
Lester, please. 那你为什么离开了
莱斯特别这样 You always think you're gonna find something better.
I don't want it to be weird 人总是觉得能找到更好的
我不想之后我们在 Yep. The toilet grass is always greener.
when we see each other at bingo. 浴室芳草绿隔岸风景好
宾果游戏见面时变得很尴尬 Okay. That's the building rep, Lester.
You should know this about Morty-- 大楼物业代表来了莱斯特
我告诉你莫蒂这家伙 Do we need to go over our cover story again?
he's not a real man like me. 需要再复习一下假的背景故事吗
不是我这样的真汉子 It's pretty easy.
His middle name is Viagra! 很简单的
第 171 页 /共 192 页
I'm Carlotta Spaghetta... and it's still a little awkward between us.
我是卡洛塔·伊搭丽面而且我们之间还有点小尴尬
Mild-mannered pet trainer by day, Oh, uh, this is Sophie. She lives upstairs.
白天是个温柔的宠物训练师这位是苏菲她住在楼上
hot-tempered Nigerian spy by night. As you can see, Roger, no problems.
晚上是脾气火爆的尼日利亚间谍你也看到了罗杰没有任何问题
Lester, only listen to me. Everything's totally legit.
莱斯特听我的就好一切完全合法
Max is your granddaughter, Hey, who's the old guy?
麦克斯是你的孙女这老头是谁
and I'm her sober companion-- She lives upstairs, and she doesn't know Lester?
而我是她的戒酒陪护员她住在楼上而她居然不认识莱斯特
which is the only part of our story that's true. She knows him--this is just a sexual game they play
整段故事中只有这是真的当然认识这只是他们常玩的一个性爱游戏
It's him--now, just sit and smile and nod. called "Who are you?"
他来了你就坐着微笑点头即可名叫"你是谁"
I'll nod, but I'm not gonna smile. That doesn't sound like a sexual game.
我可以点头但我才不微笑那语气听起来可不像在玩性游戏
Welcome to my grandfather's It is when she's saying it to his penis.
欢迎来到我爷爷等她冲着他的鸡鸡问时就像了
happy, happy home. There's his couch. Sophie, this is the guy from the agency
欢乐幸福的家那是他的沙发苏菲这是房地产公司的人
There's his kitchen. who just came by to verify
那是他的厨房他是过来核实
What's this? that Lester actually lives here.
这是什么莱斯特是否真的住在这里
There's his bong. Oh, yeah!
那是他的大麻烟斗当然
His bong. He lives here every day!
他抽大麻吗他每天都住在这里
- Glaucoma. - Chemo. Yeah, and we play that game forever.
- 青光眼缓解 -化疗止痛而且我们一直在玩这游戏
Well, good afternoon. Who are you?
好吧下午好你是谁呀
I'm Roger from building management. Come closer. He can't hear you.
我是大楼管理派来的我叫罗杰靠近点他听不见
I'm here to verify this lease, I'm feeling better already.
我是来核实租约的我已经感觉好多了
and I'd like to do it So the main takeaway here
我想要在所以主要的信息就是
before the rest of this doorway caves in. is that they both live in the building legally.
这走廊坍塌前就搞定这件事他们是这栋楼的合法居民
And of course you know my dear, Now, let's just sign that lease.
想必你肯定认识我赶紧签租约吧
dear grandfather Lester. Mr. Donovan, I just need your signature here,
最最亲爱的爷爷莱斯特唐纳文先生麻烦您在这里签字
I just have a few questions, Mr. Donovan. and this'll lock you into the lease for another four years.
我就循例问几个问题唐纳文先生这份房租的合约期是四年
Have you ever made love to a woman with a silicone What's your hip situation?
hip? 你的屁屁状况如何
你有没有试过跟硅胶屁屁的女人做爱 Oh, I'm as hip as they come, baby! Yeah!
It's amazing! 纯天然不加料宝贝
超爽的哦 Now, that's a looker!
Okay! I can cross that one off my list. 真是个美人呀
好的我可以把这条从我清单上划掉了 - Here ya go. - Yep! All done.
Hey, girls. - 签好了 -手续办好了
姑娘们 You have the apartment for another four years.
I came through the back 你还可以在这里多住四年
我之所以从后门进来 Enjoy it?
'cause this junkie's on the front stoop, 好好享用
是因为那个瘾君子在前门台阶那 Oh, and I'm required to say: Traces of cancerous stuff
第 172 页 /共 192 页
按要求我得告知你们这里有些公寓 Caroline sings so much
have been found in some of the apartments. 卡洛琳经常唱歌
被发现有致癌物 she should have animated birds on her.
Have a nice day! 她身边应该有一只卡通鸟
祝你们愉快 Look, there's no way I'm going back to that retirement
Four more years! Four more years! home.
再住四年再住四年听着我是绝对不会回养老院的
We get to stay in the place I feel alive for the first time since...
我们还能继续住在这里这是去年我曾短暂挂掉后
I never thought I'd want to stay in. since I died briefly last year.
一个我从不认为我会想住的地方头一次觉得自己还活着
Oh, Lester, you're up. Feeling better? Oh, my God, really?
莱斯特你起来啦感觉好点了吗天啊真的吗
Like a million bucks. Yes, some nurse tripped over the power cord.
感觉棒极了是的某个护士把电线碰掉了
I feel like my old self again. A-and besides, it's really helping me get over Olivia.
仿佛我又变回原来的自己再说了在这里能帮我忘记奥利维亚
Oh, hey, it's been 18 hours. I'm finally realizing there are plenty of other fish in the
已经过了 18 小时了 sea.
Let's go see if your friend's dead. 我也终于意识到大海里多的是其他的"鱼"
我们快回去看看你室友死了没 Hey, everybody!
Yeah, Lester. Let's get ya home. 各位安安
对莱斯特我们送你回家吧 And there's one of 'em.
What are you talking about? I am home. 她就是其中一条大鱼
你们瞎说什么我现在就在家 She puts the "ass" in "bass."
What do you mean? This is our place. 鲈鱼中的翘臀鱼
你在瞎说什么这是我们的家 Friend, I'll be in my booth.
Not according to that lease I just signed. 朋友我去我的卡座啦
刚才我签的那份租约可不是这么说的哦 Hey, Sophie. You remember Lester.
I'll be in my bedroom. 苏菲你还记得莱斯特吧
我要回我的房间了 Lester, you remember when they discovered fire.
Good to be home! 莱斯特你还记得火是什么时候发现的吧
回家的感觉真好 Please, please, join me.
- Ruh-roh... - Ruh-roh. 快请快请坐我这
- 惨喽 -惨喽 May I buy you an egg cream?
Ladies, this is delicious! 我能请你喝蛋蜜乳吗
姑娘们这太好吃了 Oh, I do love an egg cream.
You know, at the home they keep salt on lockdown. 我超爱喝"蛋"蜜乳的
在养老院他们都把盐锁起来了 Oh, excuse me, I gotta go powder by nose.
Salt and the dementia patients. 抱歉我要去一下洗手间
同被锁的还有痴呆病人 Girls...
Well, it doesn't look like bad grandpa's leaving tonight. 姑娘们
看来这贼老头今晚是不会走了 Girls, I know you want your apartment back
Maybe I can help. 姑娘们我知道你们想要回你们的公寓
或许我可以帮忙 and I'm a reasonable man,
I can put some ground glass in his salisbury steak. 我是一个讲理的人
我可以在他牛肉饼里放点毛玻璃 so all I want before I go is a little you-know-what.
It's called a Ukrainian divorce. 所以我离开的条件是你们懂的
这称为乌克兰式离婚 More jell-o?
Eh...I'll try this jell-o first. 更多果冻吗
我还是先试试果冻好了 I'm talking about sex. Rebound sex!
Yeah, it's so old, it might kill him. 我说的是做爱疗情伤性爱
是啊过期了那么久没准能毒死他 Rebound sex?
Lester, I brought you some jell-o. 疗情伤性爱吗
莱斯特请你吃果冻啊 - Are you sure you'll even be able to rebound from
- Would you like some? - That's very nice of you, having sex?
- 想吃吗 -你真好 - 你确定你做完爱后你还能直起身来吗
but I'm not going anywhere. Are you kidding?
但我是不会走的开什么玩笑
Lester, really, you don't want to live with us. There's nothing but sex at that retirement home.
莱斯特说真的你不会想跟我们住的养老院里除了做爱就没别的
第 173 页 /共 192 页
Why do you think I put myself there? 一直说想买古董的人也是你
不然你以为我干嘛要进去 So, behind that door are both.
It's wall-to-wall whoopee, 现在打开门即可拥有这两者
在那里可以随时随地做爱 And, Max, I think you cheated in that straw pull.
and you don't even have to drive home after. 麦克斯我觉得你抽签时作弊了
而且完事后还不用开车回家 Of course I cheated!
Now, I have in mind a certain elegant lady. 我当然作弊啦
我已经有人选了是一位优雅的女士 Look, I have had a lot of crazy sex.
Ahh, you're out of T.P.! 我虽然做过很多疯狂的爱
妈的你们的厕纸用完了 I once did it with a clown at a funeral.
You can set me up for one night with your friend, 我曾经在葬礼上跟一个小丑做爱
你帮我牵线和你的朋友共度一晚 But I cannot see that penis pump.
and I will gladly leave the apartment. 但我无法直视那个阴茎帮浦
然后我将很乐意离开 I won't be able to come back from that.
I'll be in your booth. 我会一辈子做恶梦的
我去你的卡座等你 You think I can?
Hey, Sophie, you'll get with that old guy, right? 那你觉得我不会吗
苏菲你能忍受和那老头上床对吧 I do, I think the science part of your brain would enjoy
Are you fricking kidding me? it.
你他妈开什么玩笑啊是的我觉得你大脑科学那部分会很喜欢那玩意
Lester, she didn't go for it. Ladies, I've stretched.
莱斯特她不愿意姑娘们我做完伸展运动了
I'm not going back to that retirement home I'm ready.
那我不要拖着我两腿之间的"尾巴" 可以开始了
with my tail between my legs. Fine, I'll take the bullet.
灰溜溜地回养老院好吧这颗子弹我来挡
I gotta sleep with someone to make Olivia jealous. I don't think there are any bullets in that gun.
我一定要跟某人上床好让奥利维亚嫉妒我觉得他那把"枪"也没"子弹"了
There's a new thing that kids are doing called "Lying." Are you sure?
其实呢有一种新事物叫做"撒谎" 你确定吗
Why don't you just make something up? 'cause I don't wanna have an old baby.
你就不能瞎编点什么吗我可不想怀上一个老宝宝
Pics or it didn't happen. This is ridiculous
无图无真相这太荒谬了
I need a selfie with whoever I hook up with that we're even entertaining the thought
我要跟每一个我勾搭的人拍一张自拍照我们都开始自娱自乐了
for my facebook page. of doing anything with an old man that isn't a trump.
放到我脸书的主页上无论跟那老头干嘛都不是妙招好吗
And if it's not gonna be Sophie, Max, I can't do this.
如果那个人不是苏菲麦克斯我做不到
my guess, it's gonna be one of you two up in bed... One of us will just have to take
我猜床上的只能是你们俩其中一个了看来我们俩有一人
Slugger. that apartment in Earl's building
强打者得去厄尔楼里的公寓住
- Slugger. and you will find another place.
- 强打者而你就另找住处吧啊
* Take me out to the ball game * But then we'd have to live apart.
* 带我去看球赛 * 但这样的话我们就要分开了
* Take me out * I know, but I don't see another choice.
* 带我去 * 我知道但别无选择
Now I know why Liza threw up. I'm not ready to live without you.
现在我知道丽莎为什么会吐了可我还不想跟你分开
Now I'm depressed. I'm not ready to live without you.
现在换我内心苦闷了我也还不想跟你分开
So you lost the straw pull What?
你不过是抽签怎么了
for who's gonna sleep with Lester. I saw the pump! Pack your things!
不幸抽中了要跟莱斯特上床嘛我看见那帮浦了你收拾东西滚蛋吧
Look, you've been saying you wanted to have sex Max, I can't believe you were almost willing to do that
听着一直说想做爱的人是你麦克斯真不敢相信你为了不跟我分开
and you've also been saying you wanna go antiquing. to live with me.
第 174 页 /共 192 页
差点就牺牲了自己 Yeah, that's why I haven't gone there.
You know what, I'm going in. 没错所以我才没这么做
我太感动了这次换我来 You know, I was all excited about--about all the--
Because the thought of not seeing you 虽然我对海里多的是其他鱼
因为想到不能一周七天 all the other fish in the sea.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, would kill me! 感到十分性奋
一天二十四小时都见到你我就难过得要死 That was a great white shark!
We'll meet every Saturday morning for coffee. 但里面那条可是大白鲨啊
我们还是每周六早上一起喝咖啡好了 Hey, come on!
Less and less over time, of course. 快进来
当然相聚会随着时间越来越少 I just stretched. I'm ready.
That was a good start. What else you got? 伸展运动完毕可以开始了
挺不错的开始你们俩还有什么招 Look, uh, could we get a quick pic?
Nothing! 要不我们来拍张照好了
没了 I might've gone there, too, if I knew he had an iPhone
Ah, I'm really liking this whole back door thing. 5s.
我现在真的好喜欢从"后门"进早知道他有 iPhone 5s 我就牺牲一下了
Wow, that's the first time I've ever said that. - Try to be as sexy as possible. - Oh, okay, yeah.
这是我第一次说这种话 - 尽量性感一点 -好的
Don't get used to it, Sophie. When Olivia sees that, she's gonna say, "Morty who?"
别变成习惯了苏菲当奥利维亚看见这照片时她肯定不会再想着莫蒂
You never do. Girls, enjoy your apartment.
你从没有过姑娘们好好享用这间公寓
No, I mean, we're gonna have to leave this place. I had some lovely times here.
不我是说我们要离开这间公寓了我在这里过得很愉快
We couldn't do it with Lester. Thank you so much, Lester.
我们实在没办法跟莱斯特上床非常感谢你莱斯特
I know, that's why I'm here. Bye, grandpa.
我知道所以我来了再见爷爷
You don't have to do this for us. Maybe sometime we could come visit you in the home.
你不必为了我们这样做或许有时间我们可以去养老院看你
If you two didn't live in this building, Email me. We'll talk.
如果你们俩离开了这栋楼发电邮给我到时候再说
then we'd drift apart That's still in play at his age?
那我们会渐行渐远他这把年纪还用这招吗
and we'd only see each other on Saturdays for coffee. Hey, thanks for the blue balls, Lester!
只能在每周六早上喝咖啡的时候见个面谢谢你让我没爽到啊莱斯特
Well... I'd probably only go once. Nighty-night, girls.
而我大概只会去一次吧安安啦姑娘们
Look, just give me 90 seconds. Max, we get to stay together!
给我 90 秒麦克斯我们又可以在一起了
- I mean, he's got a pump. How hard could it be? And even better, He left his wheelchair!
- 这家伙都得用辅助工具能有多难呢更棒的是他忘了把轮椅带走了
She's amazing. Push me into the kitchen, I wanna crack open a beer.
她太见义勇为了推我进厨房我要开一瓶啤酒喝
We should probably get her something for this. I wonder if I'll be pushing you like this when you're 70.
我们应该送她点东西作为报答不知道你 70 岁的时候我会不会像这样帮你推轮椅
What would be appropriate? You'll be pushing me like this when I'm 30.
送什么合适呢我 30 岁的时候你就可以帮我推轮椅了
That good candle under the sink? There's no place like home.
水槽下面那根好蜡烛吗金窝银窝比不上自己的狗窝
We've only used it once. I'll go get the scotch tape.
我们只用过一次我去拿透明胶带
That seems right. 目前资金
就送那个吧目前资金
I don't know what that was, but I'm not up to it. 最新余额
我不知道那是什么但我无福消受最新余额
I-I don't think my heart could take it. 最新余额
我觉得我的心脏会招架不住 -----------------------------
Afraid sex with Sophie would kill you? -------------23--------------
担心跟苏菲做爱会害死你吗 -----------------------------
第 175 页 /共 192 页
Okay, Chestnut, it's time to play that game 姑娘们快看我买了新 iPhone
栗宝又到了玩游戏的时间啦 and Siri thinks I'm hilarious.
where we take shots while we pay our bills Siri 觉得我超幽默呢
我们边喝酒边交账单的游戏 I hear that phone has a great camera for selfies
That Max so cleverly named, 听说那台手机镜头很适合自拍
麦克斯神来之笔的取名为 or, in your case, elfies.
"That game where we take shots while we pay our bills." 而你的应该是矮人自拍
"我们边喝酒边交账单的游戏" Smile, Max.
Hey, if you want me to think of a better name, 麦克斯笑一个
如果你想姐取个更好的名字 Nice. #willdiealone.
we should probably stop taking shots while we pay our 漂亮微话题"孤独终老"
bills. Oh, already got a like.
那我们就该停止在付账单时喝酒哇已经有人点赞了
If this bill says first warning, Hey, everybody.
如果这账单是首次警告信大家安安
we take a shot, and Chestnut gets a carrot. Big news.
我们就喝一杯另赏栗宝一根胡萝卜大消息宣布
If it's a final notice, I finally met the man of my dreams.
如果是最终警告我终于遇到了我"来自梦里的他"
Chestnut gets two carrots, and we take a double shot. Sophie, that's not news. You've known me for years.
就赏栗宝两根胡萝卜我们喝双份酒苏菲这哪算新闻咱俩都认识几年了
And if it's gone into collections, Oh, Earl, another place,
如果是已转交到收债公司厄尔或许在不同地点
we shoot ourselves, and Chestnut gets three carrots. another time, another woman,
我们就"饮弹"自尽并赏栗宝三根胡萝卜不同时间不同女人
And also, I'm gonna take shots whenever I want to. another man.
另外姐想喝的时候就要喝不同男人的情况下吧
All right, only a couple bills to go Hey, girls, you better wipe down my booth.
好啦只剩几张账单姑娘们来清理下我的卡座吧
and $149 to pay them. My boyfriend's parking his Lincoln outside.
但我们口袋也只剩 149 块钱我男朋友在停他的林肯轿车
That's an odd number. Shots! Yeah, he dropped me off first 'cause he's a class act
149 是单数喝他先放我下车一方面是绅士
Man, our electric bill is $72. and 'cause he had to put his pants back on.
我们的电费是 72 块一方面是为了要穿上裤子
That's an even number. Shots! - There she is. There's my peanut.
72 是双数喝 - 你在这儿啊我的小可爱
- Next up, I have gas. You hear that? He calls me his peanut.
- 接下来我有煤气你们听到没他叫我"小可爱"
Ah, thanks for the heads-up this time. Holy crap,
多谢你这次事先警告啊我勒个去
We have $77, and the bill's only $76.84. she's looking even prettier than the last time I saw her.
我们还剩 77 块而账单是 76.84 块才分别一会她又更漂亮了
Numbers! Shots! What'd you do,
是数字喝你做了什么
This is the first time we've ever broken even. get some beauty creams on the way from the car to the
这是我们第一次收支打平 diner?
Wait, what do we do when we break even? 下车走到餐厅的路上你抹了"美颜霜"吗
等等我们收支平衡时该干嘛啊 Oh, maybe.
Shots? 可能是哦
喝酒吗 Sophie, it's nice to see you so giddy about something.
I'm so proud we paid all our bills 苏菲很高兴看到你爱得爽歪歪的
缴清账单神清气爽 Yeah, you're like me sitting on
and with actual American dollars this time. 你的样子就跟我
真钱付款我最骄傲 that broken washer at the laundromat.
There might've been a couple of pesos in the mix, 坐在洗衣店爆震的机器上时一样爽
里面可能有掺杂到点古巴比索 I'm Nicky, but my friends call me
古巴的一元比索上有只驴子我叫尼奇但我的朋友叫我...
that or the nickel has a sweet new donkey. when they need money.
不然就是那个硬币有只新驴子时都是为了借钱
Look, girls, I got the new iPhone, I'm Caroline. This is Max.
第 176 页 /共 192 页
我叫卡洛琳她叫麦克斯尼奇是大牌私人庄家
I'm gonna ask you the same question 好血统的约克夏并不便宜
我每次看到你这个年纪的男人 with a yorkie and a membership
I ask every guy around your age. 有一只约克夏
我都会问同个问题 to the vip lounge at the race track.
Are you my dad? 还有赛马场的贵宾室会员
你是我亲爹吗 A yorkie and a green leather jacket?
Maybe one of you dolls can get me 有约克夏还有绿色皮衣
能请其中一位美女 Are you even real?
a glass of water to wash down my tums? 你简直梦幻得不真实
帮忙倒杯水我好吞下抗胃酸钙片吗 I love horse racing.
Sexy and he has an ulcer. 我超喜欢赛马
他又性感又有胃溃疡 I used to go to the track all the time,
Sure, I'll go get you some menus and the wine list. 我以前常去赛马场
行我顺便去给你们拿菜单跟酒单 and not to brag, but I do own a thoroughbred.
Don't get excited. 不是我显摆但我有一只纯种马
不用太开心 Oh, yeah, she does.
That's just a list of everything 她是有一只
单子上只有 I see it eating out of the garbage can from my window.
- Caroline's whined about in the last year. 我从窗户看过它吃垃圾桶里的东西
- 卡洛琳去年唧歪过的事情而已 Here, that's Chestnut.
罗伯特·德尼罗知名美国电影演员和制片人你看这是栗宝的照片
What's up with Robert De Zero over there? That's a beauty,
那位罗伯特·得脑弱是什么来路长得真美
I used to have a leather jacket like that. but not as much a beauty as my peanut right here.
我以前也有过那样的皮衣但还是没有我身边的小可爱美
Then I realized, when you have the right to bear arms, Oh, he just compared me to a horse,
但我发现男子汉大丈夫能露手臂他刚才把我跟一匹马比了
you bare them, baby. But I like it anyway.
就必须露之宝贝可姐还是听得心花怒放
Omelet. Pick up. Why don't you two dolls join us
煎蛋上菜两位美女何不跟着我们
I think Oleg just got jealous. at the track's turf club some afternoon?
奥列格是在嫉妒吧明天下午一起去赛马场的贵宾室
I think Oleg just got underarm dandruff in these eggs. Oh, we're busy, and it's all the way out in--
奥列格还掉了不少腋毛屑在蛋上我们很忙而且那里很远...
Enjoy. - Are you paying? - Of course.
请享用 - 你出钱吗 -当然
Here are your menus, Oh, then we're there.
这是你们的菜单那我们一定去
and we're out of everything in the pictures since 1974. In fact, can we go right now?
菜单上有配图的从 1974 年开始就没货我们何不现在就去
So the little girl smiling eating a waffle, Yeah, we're not doing anything.
图上笑着吃松饼的小姑娘是啊我们俩现在也没事
she's a grandma now, and she calls Penn Station home. Max, look, the turf club.
已经当上奶奶宾州车站就是她的家麦克斯你看这马场贵宾俱乐部
Here you go, dolls, for your trouble. Us way up here,
美女们拿去麻烦你们了我们高高在上
100 bucks? It's like free money. The horses down there on the track
一百块这就像天上掉钱一样马匹在下面的赛道上
Can you imagine what he would've given us being forced into their starting gates.
如果给他的是干净的杯子被人强行拉进起跑门栅
if the glasses were clean? This is so exciting.
他会给多少小费啊太让人兴奋了
All this money and I didn't even do anything. 赛马场必有的音乐
啥事都没做就赚到这么多钱 Girl, we've been here 30 seconds,
金·卡戴珊曾在推特上发过与姐妹们贴上假胡子的照小姐我们才刚到 30 秒
片 - and you already blew your bugle.
I'm one mustache away from being a Kardashian. - 你就已经兴奋地吹号了
我再加撇小胡子就能当卡戴珊了 Pace yourself.
Yeah, Nicky's a big-shot bookie 控制一下好吗
第 177 页 /共 192 页
Max, Caroline, Who do you like, besides me?
麦克斯卡洛琳除了我之外你喜欢哪个
Over here! Sophie, go with Mess In a Dress.
这边苏菲赌"裙装混乱"这匹马
Wow, I haven't seen Sophie this happy She had great morning sprints,
我好久没看苏菲这么开心了她早晨的冲力很足
since that girl slipped on the ice first-time blinkers,
上次还是她在我们大楼前首次戴赛马眼罩
in front of our building. Jockey weighed in a pound under,
看到有人在冰上滑倒骑师称重低于标准一磅
That girl was me, Max, And at The Preakness,
那人是我麦克斯在另一赛马大赛中
And I really hurt my coccyx. She was second in seven furlongs,
那次真的伤到我尾椎了 1.7 公里长的比赛她排第二
You have a coccyx? You want to go out sometime? And this race is only six furlongs.
你有尾椎这么酷炫啊改天约一下啊而这场比赛只有 1.2 公里长
Hey, girls. Yeah, you're talking for long.
姑娘们好你说得太长才是真的
Come on, peanut. Get a little closer to me. Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with number three,
小可爱坐过来一点我觉得我要赌三号马
Closer. Little closer. My Uncle Hank.
靠近点再靠近点 "我的汉克叔叔"
Closer. Little closer. My uncle Hank?
靠近再靠近一点我的汉克叔叔
What can I say, girls? I can't get close enough. He's out of jail?
姑娘们我能说啥离她再近都不够他出狱了吗
Do you hear that? He can't get close enough. Yeah, we should probably eat this and head out.
你们听到没他再近都不够那我们赶紧吃完就走人吧
Thank you so much for inviting us. Oh, see, that's my horse.
太感谢你邀请我们来了看那是我选的马
It feels great to be back at the track again. My horse, Uncle Hank.
回到赛场的感觉真是太好了我的马 "我的汉克叔叔"
Ah, horse racing is, after all,
And look, see? He just pooped.
毕竟赛马可以说是
看他刚拉屎了
the sport of kings.
He's trying to get away from it.
王族的运动
他想装没事逃跑
I'm more interested in the sport Of king crab legs right
I know about that. That's how I am.
over there.
这事我懂我也是这样的
我对那里的帝王蟹运动比较感兴趣 Okay, got to make the donuts, but first,
So is this an all-you-can-eat deal here,
好了得去工作赚钱了
所以这里是吃到饱呢 give me that kisses, sister.
or will a waiter come drag me away?
但老妹先给哥香一口
还是吃到被服务员拉走的那种 Aw, so romantic.
Knock yourself out.
真浪漫
爱吃多少吃多少 Max, maybe we should get in on the action.
How much could a girl like you possibly eat?
麦克斯或许我们也该加入玩一把
你这样的姑娘能吃多少呢 Nah, that's a lot of tongue for me.
You know how a cobra can swallow an entire pig?
不要他们太"舌来舌往"了
你知道眼镜蛇能吞下一整只猪吗
No, I meant place a bet.
It's like that.
我是说下注啦
她就像那样
And, Max, I think I'm in a three-way.
Hey, Caroline, you want two or three?
麦克斯我好像被强制加入"三人行"了
卡洛琳你想要两只还三只
So Max tells me you met Well, you look exactly the way I imagined
麦克斯说你们是你加入"三人行"的样子
at 24 Hour Fitness 24 hours ago. you'd look in a three-way--reading.
24 小时前在 24 小时健身房碰到的跟我想象中的如出一辙无聊到读书
Yup, he spotted me in a handstand. Come on, we have that free money,
是啊他在手倒立区发现的我来嘛我们不是有天上掉下的钱吗
Nicky, who am I gonna bet on? and you love to gamble.
尼奇我该下注哪只而且你明明就爱赌博
Yeah, but nothing stupid, just, like, not using a condom.
第 178 页 /共 192 页
但我不赌傻逼东西只赌不戴套之类的事 We won! We won.
Oh, what the hell? 我们赢了赢啦
算了管它的 Are we being winners right now?
Wait, wait, Nicky, Nicky, here. 我们现在是赢家吗
等等尼奇给 I don't know how to be that.
Here's your money. 200 on Mess In a Dress. 我都不知道怎么当个赢家
这钱给你 "裙装混乱"下注 200 快 Suddenly I don't know what to do with my hands.
Oh, wait, I think I have a mess in my dress. 我突然都不知道我的手该放哪了
等等我觉得我裙中也"混乱"了 Nothing.
You got it, doll, 啥都没有
没问题美女 I mean, who in the hell would order popovers
and I'm sending over some of those special popovers. 谁会没事点个酥饼
我会叫人再送点特制酥饼过来 and not hide a diamond ring in it?
Sophie, make sure you get one. 然后里面不藏钻戒啊
苏菲记得吃一个 Here you go, dolls. 6 big ones.
Oh, do you hear that? 拿去吧美女们六百大洋
你们听到了没 Max, this is incredible.
There's gonna be a ring in one of those popovers. 麦克斯太棒了
其中一个酥饼里面会有戒指 We had 200, and now we have 600.
I didn't hear any of that. 我们本来有两百现在有六百
我完全没听到这句 Even more free money.
Well, why else would someone order popovers 天上掉下来更多的钱
如果不是为了藏戒指 And, waiter, bring my peanut one of those banana splits.
unless they were gonna hide a ring in it? 服务员给我的小可爱上一份香蕉圣代
谁会没事点酥饼啊 You hear that?
I just ate the entire cast of Finding Nemo. 你们听到了吗
我刚才把《海底总动员》的全剧组都吃了 There's a diamond ring
I'm not saying I'm sick. 在香蕉圣代的最下面
我不是吃到恶心 in the bottom of the banana split.
I'm just saying that clown fish wants out. 有一只钻石戒指
只是胃里的那条小丑鱼很想逃出来 And, Leon, for your trouble.
Afternoon, ladies. Enjoy the popovers. 利昂你的辛苦费
女士们下午好慢慢享用酥饼 Really? 100?
And are you finished with that? 真的吗一百块
你吃完了吗 Yup, I was a waitress before I was rich.
Ah, let's just say it's finished with me. 是的在本宫有钱之前也曾是个女服务员
应该说它们跟我玩完了 And also after that fish,
And they're off. 而且在我吃了那鱼之后
它们出栅了 I might need you to carry me to the subway.
This is so exciting. 我可能需要你背我去地铁站
太刺激了 Whoever that is going through my pants,
I know. I wonder which one it's in. 正在摸索我裤子的人啊
是啊不知道藏在哪个里 you should know I have a gun.
Oh. Oh, not that one. 老娘可是有枪的人
好吧不是这个 Max, it's me, Caroline.
All right. Whoops, not that one. 麦克斯是我卡洛琳
好吧惨了也不是这个 Why do you think I bought the gun?
Look, look, there's our horse, 所以我才买了把枪啊
你看这是我们的马 Okay, Max, you know how today we won 600 on our 200
Mess in a dress. 麦克斯你也知道我们就下了一次注
"裙装混乱" after just that one horse race?
She's in the lead. 就用 200 块赢了 600 块吧
她领先呢 Yeah, that was weird, but not as weird
Oh, no, not that one. 没错那是很离奇但远不如
不也不是这个 as waking up to see you standing in the dark
Yes, yes, yes. 我睁开眼看见你站在黑暗中
好耶好耶好耶 going to third base with my pants.
No, no, no. 跟我的裤子"上三垒"这么离奇
不要不要不要 If I bet our winnings with the three-to-one odds
And the winner is Mess In a Dress. 如果我明天用今天赢来的钱去下注
赢家是"裙装混乱" on this horse tomorrow,
第 179 页 /共 192 页
赔率一赔三的马上次我晚上把咪咪放出来
Do you know how much I can make us? they didn't come home till 4 A.M.
你知道我能让咱们赚多少钱吗结果她们到凌晨 4 点才回来
Let's see. 2, carry the 1--Get out. and couldn't tell me where they'd been.
我想想 2 进位到...滚出去而且还记不得自己去过哪
I have the racing form right back here. Max, just take it out of there, please.
我这有一份赛马快报麦克斯麻烦把钱拿出来
Don't bring that over here. That's been in your crack. Nope, I'll tell you what I tell every guy
那玩意碰过你的股沟别拿上我的床不要我要说出我跟每一个
See? Right here. who wants to get in there.
瞧这里想伸手进去的男人说过的
源自《白鲸记》中的经典名句 It's 12 bucks for adults and 10.50 for seniors.
First race tomorrow-- There She Blows. "成人票 12 块敬老票 10 块半"
明天第一场比赛 "喷气飞鲸" Fine, I'm doing this for both of us.
If she's blowing that early in the morning, 好吧我可为了咱俩才这样做
如果她这么早就起来吹箫 Still think you don't have a problem?
she deserves our money. 还觉得自己没深陷赌海吗
那这钱也算花得值了 Geez, where is it?
I've done all the research 妈的在哪儿呢
我做足了研究 Is there a map or a tour guide?
and checked it with Chestnut. 没有地图或导游吗
还跟栗宝确认过了 Coming up on your left. You're about 20 minutes away.
It's a sure thing, like the sun coming up tomorrow 就在你的左前方大概还有 20 分钟的路程
我有十足的把握就像明天太阳一定会升起 It's quite a walk. You might want to take the tram.
巴克德·阿巴蒂凭借在《菲利普船长》中扮演索马里 "山峰"比较高或许你该坐缆车
海盗 Got it.
成为第一位获得奥斯卡提名的索马里演员找到了
Or that Somali pirate Feel good about yourself?
或是那个索马里海盗自我感觉还良好吗
never getting another acting job again. I will after that race tomorrow.
很难再有机会接戏一样明天比赛后就会很好了
You go out and get addicted to horse racing And I promise I'll never do that again.
你说染赌瘾就染还光明正大我保证不会再有要"伸手"的情况
after I worked so hard to put pills and weed on the That's what my Uncle Hank said.
table? 我汉克叔叔也是这么说的
而老娘费尽心思才敢公开我嗑药抽麻 No, I meant I'll never ask you for money again.
I am not addicted. 我是说绝不会再伸手跟你要钱啦
我才没有染赌瘾 That's what Uncle Hank's wife said.
Now, where's your cash? 汉克叔叔的老婆也是这么说的
快说你的钱在哪里 No more gambling.
'cause it wasn't in your piggy bank, 绝不再赌钱
我知道钱不在小猪扑满里 Now I feel like you read the transcript of Uncle Hank's
which someone-- not me--broke. case.
因为某个不是我的人把它打碎了你是不是看过他的案件资料每句话都学他
You think you don't have a problem? Oh, wait, you forgot some.
还觉得自己没染赌瘾吗等下里面还有呢
Then, fine, you can have the money. Just kidding, it's late, and it felt kind of good.
那好你可以把钱拿走逗你玩的太晚上被人抓挺爽的
You won't be sorry. Where is it? Max, I hope Caroline gets here soon,
你不会后悔的钱在哪里麦克斯希望卡洛琳能快点来上班
In my bra. 'cause if that girl walks in one full hour late,
在我的咪咪罩里因为要是她上班迟到了整整四个小时
Where's your bra? I'll have to respect the hell out of her.
那你的咪咪罩在哪我会忍不住对她跪地膜拜
On my boobs. She's still at the track,
罩在我的咪咪外她还在赛马场
You sleep in your bra? and I'm dying to know how our horse did.
你居然穿着咪咪罩睡觉我超级想知道我们那匹马赢了没有
Have to. So much suspense.
没办法这种心悬在半空的感觉
Last time I let them out at night, I feel like I should be peeing on a stick.
第 180 页 /共 192 页
让我想在验孕棒上尿尿来应景一下 Buck That and Little House on The Gary.
You girls are still playing the horses. "削他先生"和"盖里街的小房子"
你们俩还在赌马啊 Little House on The Gary -- that's my friend Eddie's
Keep that in check. horse.
注意适可而止 "盖里街的小房子" 那是我朋友艾迪的马
My gambling problem got so bad We don't have time to pretend
当初我的赌瘾愈演愈烈我们没空陪你玩
I couldn't even afford my drug problem. you have a friend named Eddie right now.
最后都没钱应付我的毒瘾了你有一个朋友叫艾迪的游戏
You're back! So how did we do? I do. Eddie jones.
你回来啦情况如何是真的艾迪·琼斯
We did great. He's a famous jockey. We met at the tailor.
旗开得胜他是个有名的骑师我们在裁缝店认识的
We won our bet on There She Blows. We got to talking as we were both having our jeans
我们下注"喷气飞鲸"赢了 hemmed.
Yes! How much did we get? 我们在裁裤腿的时候聊了起来
太棒了赢了多少杰西潘尼是美国最大的连锁百货商店之一
美国赛百味的外加牛油果被某些人认为是骗钱 Where'd you buy them, J.C.Puny?
Are we talking "add avocado" money? 你在哪里买的牛仔裤杰西潘小尼百货吗
有赢到加得起牛油果那么多吗 Han, please, you have to help me.
Well, we did do great, and then we did not great. 阿憨拜托你一定要帮我
一开头旗开得胜接着不温不火 You have to talk to your friend Eddie
And then we did bad, and then we did real bad. 去跟你的朋友艾迪聊聊
然后情况急转直下之后一落千丈 and get me the scoop on the race tomorrow.
And then we did terrible. 帮我搞到明天比赛的消息
最后一败涂地 Okay, I'll help on one condition:
Long story short, I'm out of tums, 好吧但有一个条件
长话短说我的抗胃酸钙片吃完了 No more short jokes from Max.
and we owe Nicky $3,000. 不许麦克斯再嘲笑我矮
还有我们欠尼奇 3 千块 She can do that.
You--you owe Nicky. 她可以的
是你你欠尼奇 3 千块 You can do that, right, Max? Don't answer.
When I got addicted to pizza Pringles, 你可以的对吧麦克斯不要回答
当初我沉迷于吃披萨味的品客薯片时 So no more short jokes starting right--
I didn't make it your problem. 所以从现在开始不许再说嘲笑矮子的...
我可没赖你让你遭罪哦 Okay, wait, but first,
Your breath made it all our problems. 好吧但首先
你的口臭让大家都跟着遭罪 didn't I see you on a baby food jar?
Max, Nicky's not, like, dangerous, is he? 我是不是在婴儿食品罐上见过你啊
麦克斯尼奇不是什么危险人物吧 A mouse set a trap for you.
I bet he's not, but even if he is, 老鼠弄了个小小捕鼠器来抓你
应该不是就算他是 And don't you have to bring a ring to Mordor?
don't worry. 你个霍比特人不是要把魔戒送到魔多吗
也不用担心 Okay, let's do this.
You can survive in the trunk of Lincoln 好了可以了
你可以轻松在林肯车的后备箱里 Eddie said he'd meet us down here.
for five, six days easy. 艾迪说让我们来下面找他
被关五六天不死绝对没问题 Han, I really appreciate this.
Max, I know I can make all of this money back 阿憨真是太感谢你了
麦克斯我可以把所有钱都赢回来 You're doing me such a big, big favor.
if I just win one more race. 你真是帮了我一个很大很大的忙
只要再赢一把就行 Yeah, and we're surprised you can do anything big.
I just need a sure thing. 我们都很意外你能做任何跟"大"有关的事
只需赌一把有十足把握的 Okay, that's it.
There is no such thing as a sure thing, 我受够了
根本没有什么事能有十足把握 Han, wait.
except my mother never picking me up from school. 阿憨别走啊
除了我妈从不来学校接我这我有十足的把握 I don't need it!
Look, there are two horses tomorrow that look really 老子不干了
good, Max, see what you did?
明天有两匹马看起来赢面很大麦克斯瞧你做的好事
第 181 页 /共 192 页
What? I was on autopilot. 你最近赌运不佳吗
怎么了我现在是自动模式 Bad bet and beyond.
What did I say? 何止不佳简直糟透了
我刚说什么了 Well, let me give you a little tip.
Han, please, Max won't say anything. 跟你说个"小"贴士
阿憨麦克斯保证不会再犯了 I'll be outside.
Good, 'cause I've had it up to here. 我在外面等你
很好因为我的容忍是有限度的 And coming down the home stretch,
You don't have it up to there. 最后冲刺
个子小所以肚量也小吗 Little House on The Gary has the lead.
Don't need it! "盖里街的小屋子"暂时领先
老子不干了 Come on, Little House on The Gary!
Max! 加油 "盖里街的小屋子"
麦克斯 Run! Run like Caroline after sundown
Please, you have to stop with the short jokes. 快跑就像卡洛琳在日落后
求你不要再开这种玩笑了 in an ethnic neighborhood.
This is my life. 经过外国人社区那样狂奔
这可事关我的人生 The hoof, the hoof, the hoof is on fire!
But that's my life. 马儿马儿快快跑
但吐槽不倦就是我的人生 He's winning. He's winning.
Keep it up, and I'm gonna be at the bottom of the East 要赢了要赢了
River He's winning!
那你继续很快我就会被扔进东河底要赢了
with that hipster artisan cheese truck Oh, no, what's happening?
跟你从布鲁克林大桥推下去的天啊怎么回事
you pushed off the Brooklyn bridge. He's falling behind.
那辆嬉皮士手工奶酪车双宿双栖他落后了
You're right. No more short jokes. Oh, lord. Oh, my sweet, sweet lord.
你说得对我不会再开那种玩笑了上帝啊我最最亲爱的上帝
Maybe I should wait outside. He's losing. He's losing.
要不我还是在外面等吧要输了要输了
骑师由于有体重限制所以普遍都是矮子 He's losing.
So, Han, where's Eddie? 要输了
阿憨艾迪在哪里 Han, what is happening?
I think we should talk to him as quickly as possible 阿憨你怎么解释
我们得在麦克斯憋昏前 Well, maybe I'll take off.
before Max passes out. 或许我该走了
尽快跟他把话说完 Your friend said it was a sure thing.
I don't see him. I'm sure he'll be here shortly. 你朋友说过有十足的把握
我没看见他但等的时间应该会很"短" There is no sure thing
And I just bit the inside of my mouth. 都说不存在什么十足的把握
我都憋到内伤了 except another Taylor Swift breakup song.
Hey, it's Han! 除了泰勒·斯威夫特一定会再写分手歌
阿憨 And Little House on The Gary
I haven't seen you since we took our little trip. "盖里街的小屋子"
自从上次简"短"的旅程后就再没见过面了 falls to pieces as Falls to Pieces wins.
No, man, I saw you after my small business 摔个狗啃泥而本次冠军正是"狗啃泥"
哪有上次我主办的"小"店主垒球赛 So what do we win if our horse finishes last
owners softball game. 如果我们的马最后跑完
结束后我还见过你 and wanders around the track with a giant erection?
Hey, I got new car, a Mini Cooper. 还硬着个大鸡鸡闲晃我们能赢啥
对了我买了辆新车 "迷你"库柏哦 All that and we lost?
This is hell. I'm in hell. 费了半天劲居然输了
这就是地狱老娘身在地狱 Thanks for lunch.
Eddie, hi, 谢谢你的午餐
你好艾迪 Han, you're so small your house is a Tic Tac box.
is there anything you can tell me about today's race? 阿憨你小到可以把迷你糖果盒当房子
你能跟我说说今天的比赛吗 You're so small you ride in your car cupholder.
Is there a sure thing? 你小到可以坐进你车的杯架里
有没有稳赢的 You're so small your parents
Oh, you get yourself a bad bet? 你小到让人怀疑
第 182 页 /共 192 页
are a ladybug and a tater tot. Still got that thoroughbred?
你的父母是瓢虫和小炸土豆块你的纯种马还在吗
I could see that, actually. I'll come by tomorrow to get it.
眉宇之间还真看得出来我明天过来把它带走
I don't need it! He can't take my horse.
老子不干了他不能夺走我的马
You see, Caroline? What am I gonna do?
瞧卡洛琳我该怎么办
This is why I quit gambling, You can always move to New York and change your
所以我才退出赌坛 name to Max.
This and the escalator was always broken. 你可以搬去纽约改名叫麦克斯
因为理智和自动扶梯总是会崩溃 Wait, I already did that.
All right, let's just calm down. 等等我已经这么做了
好啦消消气 What is wrong with me?
This is the turf club, not Goodfellas, 我真是脑子被马踢了
这里是赛马场不是黑帮电影《好家伙》 I should have known better.
Though that was placed on real-life events 我早该明白
虽然这是根据真人真事改编 My father has problems with money.
And took place not that far from here. 我爸就是因为钱进监狱
而且就发生在离这不远的地方 It's in my DNA.
Right, and maybe he won't be so hard on us. 我肯定有遗传他
好吧或许他不会对我们这么狠 And now all because of a stupid bet,
Nicky is Sophie's boyfriend. 现在因为这一次愚蠢的赌马
尼奇是苏菲的男朋友 I'm gonna lose Chestnut.
Well, I just broke up with Nicky. 我要失去栗宝了
我刚和尼奇分手了 If it makes you feel any better,
Why? 如果能让你感觉好过点
为什么 my mom once lost me in a bet.
I just saw him beat the crap out of some guy that owed 我妈有次打赌还把我输了呢
him money. 《窈窕淑男》1982 年的美国爱情喜剧电影
我看见他把一个欠他钱的人打个半死罗伯特·雷德福美国男演员并未出演该电影
Oh, no, here he comes. Still can't believe she thought Robert Redford was in
完了他来了 Tootsie.
There you are, dolls. 她居然认为罗伯特·雷德福有演《窈窕淑男》
你们好啊美女 We can't lose Chestnut.
My leg is next. 我们不能失去栗宝
下一个折断的就是我的狗腿 Damn it, damn it, damn it, people.
Tough break. 我靠我靠都怪你个笨蛋
真倒霉 Make me come out of retirement
I'm gonna take my 3 grand and go. 害我得再出江湖
我得拿上我 3 千块走人了 just save your gambling asses.
Peanut just broke up with me, 帮你们擦赌输的屁股
小可爱跟我分手了 Now, all I need is 100 bucks.
so I'm gonna go home 我只需要 100 块
我要回家 Hey, Caroline, how fast can you have a baby?
and get in bed with my dog and my wife. 卡洛琳你怀孕到生孩子要多久
跟我的狗和我老婆一起上床休息了 Hey. Hi, Leon.
I have to come clean. We don't have your money. 你好利昂
我得对你坦白我们没钱还你 Remember us, the ones who tipped you 100 bucks?
I got out of control. 还记得我们吗给了你 100 块小费那俩
后来我失手了 Oh, of course, it's hard to find
Doll, relax. I'm a reasonable man. 当然记得在这里
美女别紧张我是个讲理的人 that kind of generosity in this place.
We can work out something. 很少有出手这么大方的人
我们可以商量的嘛 It gives you hope again.
Oh, good. 顿时让我再次心怀希望
那就好 Yeah, we're gonna need that back.
Hope he shoots me first. 不好意思你得把钱还给我们
希望他先开枪打死我 Well, actually, I need all my money.
I'd rather be dead than hear you beg. 老实说我需要这钱
我宁愿死也不想听你求他 I support my mother.
第 183 页 /共 192 页
我上有高堂啊是烘焙学校的毕业证
Yeah, maybe not today. No, seriously, what's the surprise?
改天再好好孝顺吧别闹了快说到底是什么
Max, I can't believe it. 盖尔·金黑人女主播奥普拉的好朋友
麦克斯我真不敢相信 I'll even take Gayle.
I screwed me and the horse I rode in on. 盖尔我也能接受哦
我不但害了自己还害了我骑的那匹马 You would've graduated if the school hadn't closed,
Why don't you film that and get your money back? 如果不是学校关门你本来能毕业
你何不"骑"着它拍部电影把钱都赚回来 And Oleg knows a guy who fakes documents, so...
Caroline, look. 奥列格刚好认识个办假证的人所以...
卡洛琳瞧 You're a pastry school graduate,
Earl, you did it. 你现在是烘焙学校毕业生
厄尔你做到了 And I'm a real estate agent and a French citizen.
You saved Chestnut. 而我有房产中介证跟法国公民身份
你救了栗宝 I'll be able to show houses in France.
Yeah, well, we brown studs 我可以在法国带人看房子哦
是啊我俩都是棕色种马 And how are you getting there?
have to stick together. 请问你怎么去法国
当然要互相支持 I'm also a licensed pilot.
And I'll take that. 我还是个持照飞行员哦
这钱我来收 Look, I am not a pastry school graduate.
And since I don't trust myself, 我不是什么烘焙学校毕业生
因为我也不相信我自己 I'm not even a high school graduate.
I'm donating this 200 to my favorite charity, 我连高中都没毕业
所以我要把这 200 块捐给我最爱的慈善机构 The only thing I graduated from was a Scared Straight
So here. Program,
给我只有从一个"吓弯取直"的课程毕业过
Now, no more betting, which is why I'm not gay anymore.
不许再赌了所以我现在不再是"弯"的了
'cause the only sure thing in life is death. Max, you really didn't graduate?
人生中唯一有十足把握的就是人必有一死麦克斯你真的高中没毕业吗
Have a nice day. I always thought you were kidding about dropping out
祝你们愉快 of high school,
One for you, and one for me. 我以前一直以为你说你高中辍学是开玩笑
一张给你一张给我 Like when you say that Howard Stern is your dad.
200, we're back to our free money, 就跟你总说霍华德·斯特恩是你老爸
200 块又回到了天刚掉钱那会霍华德·斯特恩知名电台与电视主持人曾在《美国
And this time, it's going right in the savings account. 达人》出任评审
这一次要立马把钱存起来 '- Cause he is. Look at our eyes.
Well, it's not earning much interest in there. - 他真的是看我们眼睛多像
那家银行"利息"不"大" And I did drop out.
Here. 我也真的辍学了
存这里 I was like, "Later, suckas.
We're keeping this in a bank with two major branches. 当时我说 "滚吧傻逼们
这家银行有两家"大分行"哦 I'll find a water fountain somewhere else""
目前资金天涯何处无饮水器啊"
目前资金 Water fountains? Gross.
最新余额
饮水器吗真恶心
最新余额 In private school,
最新余额
在私立学校
-----------------------------
we never bent down to put our mouths on something
-------------24--------------
我们从不弯腰拿嘴接东西
-----------------------------
- unless it had a yacht.
Max, I have a surprise, and it's right behind you.
- 除非那东西有游艇
麦克斯有惊喜要给你就在你身后
I didn't need a piece of paper from high school,
Before I turn around, is it Oprah?
老娘当年就不屑高中的那张纸
转身前我想问是奥普拉来了吗
and I don't need this fake piece of paper,
美国知名黑人女主持深受广大女性喜爱
'Cause I will die. 也不需要这张假的破纸
because I don't fake things.
我会乐死的
It's a diploma from pastry school. 因为老娘从不玩假的
except orgasms with guys who don't know
第 184 页 /共 192 页
除了对做爱时不懂怎么拉女人头发的男人或许这个能让你改变主意
how to yank hair good. when you find out that the Principal--
我会假高潮你当年的历史老师
Well, I'm glad you called back, your old history teacher, Mr. Huck--
"还好你有回电也就是现在的校长哈克老师
You slimeball. said you can come back and take the test this Friday,
你个软脚虾" 说你这周五可以回校考试
Oh, good. and if you pass, you'll get your diploma.
太好了如果你考过了就给你发毕业证
When you weren't here when I woke up, I got worried. If that's Mr. Huck, I will murder your face.
我醒来发现你不在时很担心呢如果是哈克老师我会把你碎尸万段
1974-1979 年播出的家庭喜剧 Max, please don't kill me.
So worried you decided to eat cookies and watch 麦克斯求你别杀我
Mama's family? I can live here, but I can't die here.
担心到坐着边吃饼干边看《老妈一家》吗我可以住在这里但不能死这里
We all grieve in our own way. Hey, girls.
每个人表达悲痛的方式都不同姑娘们安安
Guess I should cancel the strippers. I got Google glasses.
看来我得让脱衣舞女别来了我买了谷歌眼镜哦
So I found out something interesting today See, right now, I'm looking at you
我今天发现了一件我现在一边看着你们
that has to do with you. and ordering tapioca on Amazon.
跟你有关的趣事哦一边在亚马逊上订木薯呢
Aw, crap, you found out what happened in Orlando? Now is not a great time, Sophie.
靠你知道我在奥兰多干的好事了吗苏菲现在不太方便
Why? What happened in Orlando? Max is upset with me
何出此言你在奥兰多干过啥麦克斯在不爽我
Don't tell me you slept with Mickey Mouse. because I'm trying to help her graduate from high
你不会是"睡"了奥兰多迪士尼的米老鼠吧 school.
Well, I slept with someone With suspenders and four 因为我想帮忙她高中毕业
fingers. Aw, you're sure she's just not upset with you
我跟了穿吊带裤的四手指人物"睡"过你确定她不爽你不是因为
'cause of the way you chew?
- I'm assuming it was mickey.
你嚼东西的样子欠揍吗
- 我想那应该是米老鼠没错
I'm sorry I have to chew, everyone.
Either way, it was heaven.
抱歉我吃东西得嚼是我不对
总之那真是爽到九重天了 I found out Max can go take one history test in her
Well, I found out
hometown,
我发现
我发现只要麦克斯回老家考一场历史考试
that you're not the badass you claim to be.
and then she'll get her diploma.
你当年才不是你说的那种狠角色
她就能拿到高中毕业证
I talked to your old high school Principal,
Max, you know I've never been a big fan
我跟你当年高中的校长聊了
麦克斯你知道我一直对这货...
and he said the only reason you didn't graduate
of hers...
他说你没毕业的唯一原因
is 'cause you failed to show up for one history final. 没好感
But I like the idea of you getting that degree.
是你缺席了一场历史期末考
My high school's still standing? 但我觉得你能拿到那毕业纸挺好的
I mean, I'll never live down
我的高中还没烧毁吗
Guess I didn't flick that cigarette far enough. 像我就永远忘不了
not graduating from school for the deaf.
看来我当年那烟头弹得不够到位
I cannot believe you'd invade my privacy like that. 没有从那失聪学校毕业的事
You're not deaf, Sophie.
你居然敢这么侵犯我的隐私
Invade your privacy? 苏菲你又没有失聪
I know. It was really hard.
侵犯你个屁隐私
You shave your junk with the door open. 是啊所以读得辛苦啊
Well, I don't care who she called,
你还开着门给你"鸟巢"修枝剪叶呢
我才不管她是跟谁联络了
So?
'cause I'm not gonna do it.
那又怎样
反正我绝对不会去
To the apartment.
And if Mr. Huck thinks I would ever step foot
开的是家里大门
如果哈克老师觉得我这辈子
Well, maybe you'll change your mind
第 185 页 /共 192 页
back in his Mr. Know-it-all university, and on behalf of all white people,
有可能再回他装逼的教室里我要代表全体白人
I have two words for him. I would like to apologize for everything ever.
我有几个字送他向你们黑人为我们所做过的一切道歉
"Huck u." Well, apology accepted for everything ever
"哈"你妈我接受你为你们做过的一切道歉
That's what Mr. Huck said you'd say. 盖璞美国青少年时尚休闲服饰品牌
哈克老师早猜到你会这么说了 except for slavery and The Gap.
He also said that senior year, 除了奴役黑人与开盖璞的事
他还说高四那年 Here, Max, I brought you the history book
you sold "Huck u" T-shirts 给麦克斯这是我为了要考
你曾兜售过"哈你妈"文化衫 which I'm studying from for my citizenship test.
and that you have no ambition and no follow-through. 美国公民考试在读的美国历史书
他还说你这个人没追求没恒心 Aren't babies automatically citizens?
That's when I knew he was really your teacher. 婴儿不是直接能拿公民吗
听到这里我才确定他真是你老师 I don't know why I root for you.
No ambition? 我都不知道我为啥要帮你
我没追求吗 Here, your country has a very rich past,
I made enough off those shirts 给你们国家的历史很丰富啊
老娘卖衣服挣来的钱 unlike Korea, which had its past stolen by the Japanese.
to do nothing for, like, a month. 不像我们棒子国历史都被日本鬼子偷了
让我一个月啥都不用干 Han, we are not talking about European history.
Look, I got two bus tickets to Rhode Island. 阿憨有丰富历史的是欧洲历史
我弄了两张去罗德岛的大巴票 We are talking about American history.
I didn't even know you could buy bus tickets ahead of 不是美国历史
time. Oof, you're going to be working here forever.
我都不知道坐大巴能提前买票呢你这水平看来只能一辈子当服务员了
I thought you just showed up, and if you looked like Good luck, lady.
我还以为只要到汽车站人看起来像姑娘保重
you made enough mistakes in life, they let you on. Okay, Max, I've come up with a way
这辈子犯过足够多的错误就能上车了麦克斯我想出了个办法
Come on, Max. for you to work and study at the same time,
去嘛麦克斯能让你边工作边读书
I haven't waited this long to hear someone say yes Like when you shop and steal at the same time.
我好久没试过等了这么久就为了听人说"好" 就跟你边逛街边偷东西一样
since I was at school for the deaf. I know, when they show it to me on those security
上次还是我在失聪学校时呢 cameras,
Fine. 是啊每次他们给我看监视录影带时
好 I'm always impressed.
Fine, I'll go. 我总是超佩服自己
好吧我去 I mean, I really don't know anyone else who's doing it.
But only because Mr. Huck thinks I won't. 我真的没听说过有人会我这招呢
但只是为了证明哈克老师是错的 Max, pick-up. Burrito for table eight.
Aw, okay, well, I'm gonna let you two start studying. 麦克斯上菜八号桌的玉米煎饼
我就不打扰你们俩读书了 Ugh, jeez, I just walked in.
And in full disclosure, 不是吧我才刚到
我得坦白 Why do I have to have all this burrito drama?
I watched some porno during this conversation. 为啥总有这么多煎饼破事缠着我
在你们俩废话连篇时我看了点黄片 First, Caroline says I have to quiz you
See ya later. 卡洛琳说每次你来拿菜
再见啦 every time you come to the window, so...
Hey, Max. 我都得考你一题所以...
麦克斯 Who was the sexually virile male pop singer
Caroline told everyone the good news 请问热门歌曲《杰西的女朋友》
卡洛琳跟我们大伙说了 responsible for the hit song Jessie's girl?
about you going back to take that American history test. 是哪位爷们流行歌手创作的
你要回去考美国历史的好消息了 Rick springfield.
Good for you. 里克·斯普林菲尔德
干得好 Burrito's all yours, smarty.
Yeah, I started studying last night, 真聪明玉米煎饼拿去吧
是啊我昨晚开始读书了 Oleg, no.
第 186 页 /共 192 页
奥列格不行你是在怕什么啊
You have to ask questions from the flash cards I The bathroom.
provided. 那厕所啊
你得从我给你的问题卡中提问 I will use a public bathroom.
They're color-coordinated by century 我愿意使用公厕
我用颜色区分了问题的年份 I will use a public bus.
and subdivided by President. 也愿意乘坐公共大巴
再依照当时的总统做了细分 But I will not use the public bathroom on a public bus.
Don't look at me like that, Max. 但我不愿意使用在公共大巴上的公厕
麦克斯干嘛这么看我 Next card.
I'm a fun person. I taught myself the Dougie. 下一题
我不是死书呆好吗我自学了道基舞呢 No, give me a Twizzler. I know enough.
Okay, here goes. 不要给我颗糖我学够多了
好我要问啦 No candy. Study harder.
Which amendment to the United States constitution 不许吃糖认真点读
美国宪法第几修正案 You're looking at a solid "D."
guarantees a woman's right to... 你绝对只能拿个"D"了
给了女人们... 麦克斯实际胸部是美国 36DD 下胸围 91CM
- vote? Well, my grades should match my boobs.
- 投票的权利我的分数得跟我的胸部大小一样啊
Wait, women can vote? Next question. Okay.
等等女人可以投票啊下一题
So when you say women can vote, In what city was the constitution written?
所以你们说女人可以投票时美国宪法是在哪个城市诞生的
you mean, like, besides for American Idol? No idea.
是指除了给《美国偶像》投票之外吗不知道
Max, you think you're not smart, but you are. Philadelphia?
麦克斯你自觉不会读书其实不是费城吗
You just need to come up with little tricks Oh, damn it, I almost said that.
你只需要想出几招记忆妙方靠我差点要回答这个呢
- to help jog your memory. It's right there.
- 来帮忙唤醒记忆这么明显
My memory doesn't jog. Philadelphia makes cheesesteaks.
我的记忆才不会慢跑费城出产牛肉奶酪三明治
I've smoked so much pot, it's in one of those hospitals - The constitution is cheesy.
我吸过太多大麻它现在正在某家医院 - 宪法很俗气
learning to walk again. Why do I doubt myself?
重新学习怎么走路呢我为什么要质疑自己呢
What was the Great Compromise? How much further?
"伟大的妥协"是什么还多远啊
You mean besides you moving in with me? I thought Rhode Island was supposed to be a tiny state.
除了让你搬进我家之外的吗我还以为罗德岛只是一个小州呢
It created the two houses of Congress. When are we stopping?
让美国设了参议院与众议院什么时候能下车啊
Next question: What was the movement Well, we have to pass Cranston, Providence,
下一题禁止贩卖得先经过克兰斯顿普罗维登斯
against the sale or drinking of alcohol called? - and then our stop is Hope.
与饮酒的运动叫什么 - 然后我们在霍普下车
The bowel movement? Wait, Max, you were born in a town called "Hope"?
大肠运动吗麦克斯你是在叫做"希望"的小镇出生的吗
No, the temperance movement. - Well, just outside hope.
不是禁酒运动啦 - 在霍普之外
And don't mention the bathroom. and success and money.
也别再提厕所了也在成功与金钱之外
I've had to pee since we passed that last town Well, there's no hope for me.
之前经过那个不知以前产啥的小镇时好吧我是没希望了
that used to make something. I have to pee so badly. I'm going in.
我就想尿尿了真憋不住了我要杀进去了
Just go to the bathroom. Leave the Twizzlers.
那就去上厕所啊把糖留下
What are you so afraid of? Here, study.
第 187 页 /共 192 页
给快读书这地儿咋这么多小桌子啊
Oh, my God. Oh, I'm sorry.
天啊抱歉
You know the toilet isn't just there as a suggestion. It's teachers and delinquents only
你们知道马桶不是装饰物而已吧只有老师与小流氓们
Wow, North East high. beyond this point.
东北高中可越过此线
Never thought I'd be here again. You can wait out there.
从没想过我会再踏足这里你可以在这里等
This sure brings back no memories. - Are you nervous? - A little.
完全没勾起我任何回忆啊 - 你紧张吗 -有一点
It's cute. I forgot I have a joint in my purse,
挺有爱的我忘了我包里有大麻烟
You know, in an underfunded public school kind of way. and I don't want to get expelled.
资金不足公立学校风格的那种有爱法我可不想被老师开除啊
Wait, are you in high school? Max, you can do this.
等等你是高中生吗麦克斯你行的
Oh, my God, I'm a hundred. I think you think you can't,
天啊我简直是千年老妖我知道你觉得自己不行
Oh, there it is, 2-C. but I know that you can.
就这里 2C 教室但我知道你能行
Hold on. Look at me.
等等看着我
Why are you covering those up? You are smart.
为什么你把它们关起来了你很聪明
They're the only reason I passed chemistry. What are you?
我化学能过都是靠它们的呢你是什么
Max Black. Smart.
麦克斯·布莱克聪明鬼
Mr. Huck. See, you already got one question right.
哈克老师你看你已经答对一题了
I'm surprised. Okay, kids,
我很惊讶好了孩子们
That I showed up? - put on your thinking hats.
惊讶我会来吗 - 开始动脑筋吧
No, that you're alive. Ay, yo, I thought we couldn't wear hats in the classroom.
不惊讶你还活着我以为在教室不许戴帽子呢
You and me both, sister. I'm going to ignore that,
我也有同感姐妹这句话我就当没听见
And you must be Caroline. because if I don't, I will weep.
想必你就是卡洛琳了否则我会被你蠢哭的
Oh, you look just like the girls "In 1775, Paul Revere warned which two men
你看起来就像是 "1775 年保罗·里维尔警告哪两个人
Max used to give wedgies to in the cafeteria. 美国独立战争时期的一个英雄人物
以前会被麦克斯恶整的那种姑娘 that the British were coming to arrest them?"
Still does. 说英国人要来抓他们了"
她现在还会呢 In the Beastie Boys song Paul Revere,
Oh, ladies, this is Hector. 在野兽男孩的歌曲《保罗·里维尔》中
女士们他叫赫克托 he had a horsie and a quart of beer.
Hector will be joining us today, 保罗有一匹马和一夸脱啤酒
赫克托今天会跟我们一起考试三姆啤酒是美国知名啤酒
as he was not in attendance during exam day. 与山姆·亚当斯同名
因为他考试时没有出席 Sam Adams is a beer, and if you have too much,
Ay, yo, Mr. Huck, that's 'cause my sister didn't wake me 山姆·亚当斯是啤酒如果喝太多
up you end up giving a John a hancock.
哈克老师我迟到是因为我姐没叫我起床会醉到帮某个叫约翰的陌生男子打飞机
'cause she's a bitch. 两者皆为美国独立战争的领袖
也因为她是个贱人 Sam Adams and John Hancock!
Very good. 所以答案是山姆·亚当斯和约翰·汉考克
很好 I wasn't this nervous when I waited for the results of a
This place is filled with tiny tables, yo.
hep C test.
第 188 页 /共 192 页
我在等丙肝测试结果时都没这么紧张 Uh, yes.
Then again, I didn't study for that one at all. 好啊
反正我也完全没学那玩意 You want to go to graduation?
Ay, yo, I think I nailed it. 你居然想去参加毕业典礼
我觉得我过了 That's so me of you.
You failed, Hector. 你太有我的风范了
你挂了赫克托 Well, I busted my "A" to get that "B,"
For real? 我一个学渣拿出了学霸的魄力
真的假的 and I want to get the whole package.
For really real. 我当然得享受全套服务啦
是真的 That's great.
You even got the answer wrong 太好了
就连麦克斯好心 Well, we'll see you tomorrow at 10:00 A.M.
that Max so graciously said out loud. 那我们明早 10 点见
大声说出来的答案你都写错了 And, Hector, we'll see you in front of the Am/Pm
Aw, that's cool, Mr. Huck. 赫克托那我们就在你平时让陌生人
没关系啦哈克老师 asking strangers to buy you beer?
Next time, right? 给你买啤酒的那个便利店门口见啦
再接再厉嘛 I call the bed. You can have the table.
Sure. 床归我桌子归你
是啊 Max, that bed is so tiny,
Max, I'm sorry to tell you that... 麦克斯这床太小了
麦克斯很抱歉 we're gonna have to spoon.
I was wrong to doubt you. 咱俩得抱着睡了
我不该质疑你的 The only spoon that's ever been in this room
You got a "B." 这房间唯一有可能出现抱抱的情况
你的成绩是"B" was hovering over a flame.
You passed. 是起火后我们抱着跳出火堆
你过了 Well, it's cute.
You lying son of a bitch. 这房间蛮可爱的
你个爱说谎的死老头 I'm not vaccinated for anything in here, but...
It's true, Max. 虽然我来这之前没有打预防疫苗但
是真的麦克斯 it's cute.
In fact, I went over it three times 这里蛮可爱的
老实说我前后看了三遍 And safe.
to make sure I wasn't insane. 还很"安全"
以确保不是我发疯 Yeah, they have cable,
Whatever that friend of yours there did to help you, 是啊这里有有线电视
你那位朋友用来帮你的那些方法 and you can rent rooms by the hour,
it really worked. 房间也可以按小时租
的确奏效了 so I used to come here to watch Sex and The City
I'm sorry, but I can't stand out there any longer. 所以我以前经常跟一个叫小麻吉的妓女
抱歉但我实在不能在外面站着了 with a prostitute named Tiny Marge.
I've caused a small pandemic of erections in freshman 来这里看《欲望都市》
boys. She'd bring me banana bread and hang out.
不少高一新生得了会对我"起立"敬礼的传染病她会给我带香蕉面包然后我们一起玩
I passed! I got a "B"! It was fun.
我过了我得了个 B 真欢乐
卡洛琳实际胸部是美国 32A 下胸围 81 Oh, great.
Now my grade matches your boobs! 这下可好
我的分数跟你的咪咪大小一样 There's no coffeemaker.
I'm getting that stupid diploma 这里居然没有咖啡机
我要拿到我不在乎的 Never mind, found it.
I said I didn't care about. 算了我找到了
那个白痴毕业证了 Your mom wasn't worried when you'd come down
You can do more than get that diploma, Max. here?
麦克斯除了拿学位证你还可以干别的呢你以前来这里你妈不会担心吗
Graduation is tomorrow, and if you stay overnight, No.
明天就是毕业典礼如果你在这过夜不会啊
you can walk with the class in the morning. She was a little jealous that I was hanging out
明早可以和同学们一起参加典礼她还有点嫉妒因为
第 189 页 /共 192 页
with Tiny Marge without her, but... 就过来看看吧
我跟小麻吉玩不带她但... Max!
The only thing my mom ever worried about was herself. 麦克斯
我妈唯一担心的也只有...她自己 What? That was a first draft.
She's selfish. 干嘛那只是草稿啦
她很自私 Hit three, delete, rerecord.
She missed my birth 按 3 号键删除重录
她因为"有事" Hey, it's me, Max.
'cause she "had a thing." 是我麦克斯
错过了我的出生 Look, I'm getting my degree tomorrow at the high
Come on, she can't be that bad. school.
拜托她不可能这么糟糕明天我要去高中领毕业证
Turns out, you're not that big of a high school dropout, You know, that's the building between the bar you drink
而且事实证明你不算是高中辍学的学渣 at
and she's probably not that big of a monster. 地点就在你喝酒的那间酒吧
所以你妈可能也不是一个人渣 and the bar you dance at, so...
I mean, she raised you alone, and you didn't die. 和你"跳舞"的那间酒吧之间
至少她独自抚养你没把你弄死啊 Hit three, delete, rerecord.
I did actually, twice. 按 3 号键删除重录
其实我都死过两次了 Hey, it's Max.
But in fairness to her, she wasn't there either time. 我是麦克斯
但帮她说句公道话那两次她都不在 I'm graduating from high school tomorrow.
Max, why don't you invite her to your graduation? 明天是我的高中毕业典礼
麦克斯你何不请她来参加你的毕业典礼 If you can make it, it starts at 10:00.
And don't say you don't have her number. 时间是早上 10 点希望你赏光
别告诉我你没她电话 Okay, bye.
I know it's in your phone under "lady I came out of." 再见
你手机里那个"爬出她洞洞"的联系人就是她 - See, that wasn't hard.
I also know I'm in your phone as "fart monster." - 瞧不是很难吧
我还知道在你手机里我的称呼是"屁精" This duvet is, but that wasn't.
That's because I know, like, three Carolines. 这床被子是但打电话不是
那是因为我认识三个卡洛琳要区分 How come they only give you one of these?
- No, you don't. - Busted. 为什么帽子上就一个流苏穗呢
- 胡说 -被你发现了 Okay, Max, maybe don't say anything else,
Here, I'll dial, You just leave the message. 麦克斯要不你还是别说话了
我来打你来留口讯 or they'll take your diploma back.
- Here. - No! 我怕他们把毕业证收回去
- 给 -不要 Okay, graduates, it's time.
- Max! - Fart monster! 好了毕业生们时间到
- 麦克斯 -屁精 Everyone line up alphabetically,
Just do it. 大家按字母顺序排队
听话 and let's make our way.
You'll be so happy when you see her there tomorrow. 出发去礼堂吧
明天你看见她一定会很高兴的 Oh, and congratulations.
If we live through the night. 恭喜
提前是我们能活过今晚 You did it.
Hey, it's me, Max. 你做到了
是我麦克斯 Max, you look so smart in that robe.
Brown hair, lived in you for 7 1/2 months 麦克斯长袍加身的你看着好聪明呀
那个棕色头发在你肚子里只住了 7 个半月 I'm not that smart.
due to your inability to read the warnings 其实没有啦
就因为你眼瞎不会看香烟盒上的警告 I just found out you're supposed to wear clothes under
on the side of cigarettes. this thing.
而被赶出来的人我刚发现原来袍子里面是要穿衣服的
Listen, I'm graduating from high school tomorrow, Max, I never asked you.
听着明天是我高中毕业典礼麦克斯我从未问过你
so if you're not busy looking for pills under the stove You were so close to getting your diploma.
如果你不忙着从炉子底下找药片你离毕业证只差一场考试
or selling the neighbor's cat for beer money, Why didn't you take that test?
或抓邻居家的猫去换酒钱的话你为什么不去参加呢
why don't you come? I was going to, but my mother
第 190 页 /共 192 页
我本来想去的但我妈 When you are the sole reason she didn't graduate in the
kept me out of school that day to go to the mall. first place.
那天不让我去上学非要拉我去逛百货而且你还是害她当年没能毕业的罪魁祸首
On finals day? I mean, who takes their daughter to the mall on finals
在期末考试那天吗 day?
美国青春偶像歌手谁会期末考试那天带女儿去逛百货啊
曾主演迪士尼最成功喜剧《天才魔女》 What kind of mother are you?
Was there at least a special appearance By Raven- 有你这么当妈的吗
Symone? And all the times I've defended you to Max--
是不是雷文·西蒙尼大驾光临你们的百货一直以来我都在麦克斯面前帮你说话
No one good ever came here. not to make it about me, but it was a lot--
有名气的好人不会来这里我不是在夸自己但我的确常常
Just like my mother didn't come here today. saying, "She's not that bad. She's not that bad."
就像我妈今天不会来一样说"她其实没那么糟糕啦"
There's still time. Maybe she'll come. Well, I guess you are that bad. Max is right.
还有时间或许她会来但你的确就是这么糟糕麦克斯说得对
Maybe. You are a monster.
或许吧你是个人渣
I mean, my dad was late to my graduation If you're on your way, we're in the second row.
我毕业典礼时我爸也迟到了如果你已经在路上了那我们在第 2 排等你哦
because his helicopter needed to refuel. I have blonde hair.
因为他的直升飞机要加油我是金色头发那个
Yeah, that's probably what happened to my mom. Christina Bayers.
是啊我妈可能也碰到这种情况了克里斯蒂娜·拜尔斯
But her helicopter's probably passed out on top of her. Whoo, that's my granddaughter!
但她的那架飞"鸡"可能已经睡死在她身上了那是我孙女
I have never been more confident, Salazar Belmonte.
我从未像今天这般自信萨拉查·贝尔蒙特
because as I stand here and look out at all of you That's my boy!
today... 那是我儿子
因为今天我站在这里看着你们大家 Max Black.
I was my class valedictorian. 麦克斯·布莱克
我以前也是致词的优秀毕业生 Max Black.
I realize nobody can stop us.
麦克斯·布莱克
我意识到没人可以阻挡我们前进 That's my downstairs neighbor!
Mm-hmm, yeah, I thought that too.
她是我楼下的邻居
是啊我也曾天真如你 So what, you called them all?
We are the future.
所以你打电话把他们都叫来了
我们就是未来 Yeah, you know, just in case.
Sure we are, until you have to pee on a bus in ten years.
是啊以防万一嘛
没错等 10 年后你得在大巴上尿尿就梦醒了 Max, you were right, and I was wrong.
Thank you, Amy.
麦克斯我错了你是对的
谢谢艾米 Your mother's really as bad as you said.
It's hard to imagine not hearing that voice
你妈真的就像你说的那样糟
我"不敢想象"在接下来的 4 年里 Mm, oh, it's not that bad.
every day for the next four years. 其实没那么坏啦
我每天都听不到这声音了 What do you mean?
Thank you. 怎么不是了
谢谢 She took you to the mall on finals day.
Hi, Mrs.--Ms.-- Max's mom. 明明是她在期末考试时带你去逛百货
那个那个麦克斯的妈妈 Yeah, but it was the greatest day we ever had.
This is Caroline Channing, your daughter Max's 是啊但那天是我们过得最开心的一天
我是卡洛琳·钱宁你女儿麦克斯的 We got ice cream,
best friend and roommate and business partner. 我们买了冰淇淋
好友兼室友兼生意伙伴 we ate it in the massage chairs at Brookstone,
I didn't want to leave this on a voice mail, 我们坐在超市的按摩椅上吃
虽然我很不想给你留言 And then a kid fell in the fountain,
but I cannot believe you didn't show up 然后有个小孩掉进喷泉
但你居然缺席自己女儿的毕业典礼 and we died laughing.
to your own daughter's graduation 我们都快笑死了
这种行为让我无法理解 Well, I guess you can graduate high school any day,
第 191 页 /共 192 页
哪天都能高中毕业
but you can only watch a kid
但看到小孩差点淹死
almost drown in a fountain once.
这种好事可不是天天有
It is okay that she wasn't there today,
她今天不来没关系
because you were.
因为你来了
And none of this would have been possible
而且如果没有你推我一把
if you hadn't pushed me.
这一切都不可能发生
And that kid wouldn't have almost drowned
当然如果不是我推了那小孩一把
if I hadn't pushed him.
他也不会差点淹死
Little different.
还是稍有区别的吧
Bottom line, you had faith in me
总而言之你对我有信心
like Thomas Jefferson had faith in Lewis and Clark.
就像托马斯·杰斐逊相信路易斯和克拉克一样
美国第三任总统杰斐逊派路易斯和克拉克对美国西
部进行探险
28 个月后他们完成了美国历史上最伟大的军事开拓
Oh, no.
天啊
Now you're both nerds!
现在你俩都是死书呆了
目前资金
目前资金
最新余额
最新余额
最新余额
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
微信 QQ 同号 1291357910 倾情制作
300 多部美剧英剧电影中英文纯英文台词对白音频；
6000 多门学习视频本科考研自学课程；
超星智慧树知到智慧职教中国大学 MOOC 优课联盟
等 30 多个平台的课程刷课代看代刷，人工代刷，保
证质量。
微信公众号：易用美剧剧本台词字幕音频视频
微信 QQ 同号 1291357910
第 192 页 /共 192 页

破产姐妹第三季英中文剧本台词

Uploaded by

Document Information

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

破产姐妹第三季英中文剧本台词

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

微信或者 QQ 1291357910 倾情制作，欢迎咨询更多剧本刷课学习资源，谢谢

You might also like