破产姐妹第二季英中文剧本台词

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Me? I'm fine.

----------------------------- 我很好呀
-------------01-------------- A little bummed: It's truffle season,
----------------------------- 有点失望现在是松露季节
I can't believe you guys are still staring over there! and no one I know knows what a truffle is,
你们居然还在盯着那看而这里却没人知道松露是什么
Some other's tend to breast feed for a lot longer for but...
these days, 不过
现在很多人选择持续喂母乳到孩子更大 Oh! Our estate auction?
亲密育儿主旨是我们的财产拍卖会吗
母亲最好亲自母乳喂养孩子到儿童阶段 Yeah, I think I heard something about that.
it's called the "attachment parenting". 知道啊我是有听说过
这叫"亲密育儿法" But honestly, daddy, I haven't given it a second thought.
When the kids that big, it's called "dating". 但老实说爸爸我一点都不放在心上
孩子那么大了应该叫"亲密约会法"吧 No, you don't have to worry about me.
I mean, he's gotta come up for air at some point. 不你不必担心我
而且他总得伸出头来喘口气吧 I am not at all emotional about it.
No, he doesn't. 我情绪平和一点也不激动
不不需要 Wha--
Isn't he too old to drink from the tit? 这...
他过了从奶头喝奶的年龄很久了吧 Thank God it's not flip-flop Friday.
The kid is my height. 幸好今天不是周五拖鞋上班日
那小孩就我这么高 Well, wait, I'll ask her.
Don't get any ideas. 等等我问她
想都不要想 My father wants to know if you'll come out to the prison
Well, it's happened: I've lived too long. 我老爸想请你跟我一起去监狱见他
这事还真发生了我果然活太久了 - and finally meet him. - Sure.
Miss, I'm ready to order. - 然后大家见一面 -没问题
服务员我要点餐 Great. We'll see you tomorrow.
I can't. I mean, I respect it all, 很好那我们明天见
我不想去我能尊重她们 Bye.
but I'll throw up. 再见
但看了还是会想吐 I'm not going.
I'll go. I can't afford HBO, 我才不去
我去好了没钱订 HBO 台 What? Why'd you say yes?
and it's the closest I can get to seeing Game of Thrones. 为什么那你刚才还答应他
《权利的游戏》中的乱伦戏码趁现在看吧 'cause you never tell a man in prison no.
Hi, what can I get you? 不可以拒绝在坐牢的人啊
你好请问要点什么 He could hang himself with his belt.
He's obviously good drink-wise. 他会用皮带上吊自尽的
他已经喝得很香了您呢 Do not give me that look.
I'll have tea and a turkey club. 别用那种眼神看我
我要杯茶和一个火鸡培根三明治 It happened to me twice already.
Anything for him? Coffee for the milk? 我已经碰过两次了
那他要什么来杯咖啡配"奶"吗 Oh, God, has anything not happened to you twice
Burger? Fries? already?
汉堡还是薯条拜托哦什么事情你没碰过两次啊
I'll have fries. Max, come on. It's really important to me
薯条好了求你了麦克斯你能跟我的父亲见面
Ooh! Late night phone call. that you meet my father.
哇大半夜还有电话对我来说很重要
Ring-a-ding-dang. Well, you never met my father,
找人午夜寻欢哟你也没见过我爹
Someone's gonna get their freaky freak on. and you don't see me dragging you
有人要胡搞瞎搞啦我也没有拉着你
It's my father. to every railroad boxcar in the country trying to find
是我爸啦 him.
I don't judge. 试图去全国所有的货运火车上找他啊
我很开明的 Come on, it's gonna be a really hard week for me.
Hey, daddy. 求你了这周我已经够不顺心了
爸爸 Has any week ever not been hard for you?
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你有哪一周是顺心的吗 How is this romantic?
Everything I've ever owned 这哪里不浪漫
我过去拥有的一切东西 It's gold.
is being auctioned off to the public. 有金子就浪漫啊
通通要被拿去拍卖给社会大众了 Wait, is that the catalog from Caroline 's estate auction?
I'm humiliated. 那不是卡洛琳家财产拍卖会的目录吗
我颜面无存 Yes.
Would this be a bad time to tell you 是的
那想必现在不是个告诉你 I found it in the trash out behind our building.
your one long face hair is back? 我在我们大楼外的垃圾堆看到的
你那根超长脸毛又长出来的好时机 Caroline threw it there 'cause she doesn't wanna see it
Well, there's something they can't take away from me, again.
看来有些东西是他们抢不走那是卡洛琳扔的因为她不想再看到
and apparently, I can't either. You better give it to me before she comes out here
而我自己也除不掉的你最好赶紧给我不然等会她出来看到
Well, well, here comes the sun, and lights you on fire. She kinda does that now.
哎哟哎哟阳光美女驾到会放火烧你的她最近有这癖好
and the moon is looking great too. Sophie, let go, seriously.
身后两轮满月丰臀也美丽动人苏菲快放手
Oh, Earl, your flirting is just the right amount of dirty, No, you're never gonna win, Max.
厄尔你那七分调戏外加三分挑逗麦克斯你赢不了我
and that's not easy. You know, when I was born, the doctors tried
总是如此"咸湿"合度我出生时医生费了好大的劲
Sophie's here. Quick, how's my hairnet? to pry my dead twin sister from my hands,
苏菲来了我的发罩还有型吗也撬不开我攥在手里的死去双胞姐妹
I'm about to go over and ask her out but I never let go.
我要去邀请她与我共赴一场但我怎么都不放手
on a romantic date. She was my first doll.
浪漫约会于是她成了我第一个娃娃
A date? Isn't that a waste of time? Hey, Sophie, you don't happen to have any tweezers, do
约会这不是脱裤子放屁吗 you?
I mean, you guys already have sex so often, 苏菲你身上有带拔毛夹子吗
你们两个的上床频率 Like, the really good industrial kind?
I took a pregnancy test. 就是那种很好用的工业拔毛夹
比我验孕还频繁 Oh, you know about the hair?
Evening, Sophie. 你也知道你的那根毛啊
晚上好啊苏菲 'Cause I was gonna have to take you out for a beer
As you know, we have now been together 本来还想带你去喝个酒
如你所知我们一共做过了 and talk about it.
for 468 sexual encounters. 然后趁你喝醉时告诉你呢
468 次的"床上运动" Max, what is that thing that you have behind your back?
I believe it is time I take you out on a romantic date. 麦克斯你身后藏着的是什么啊
也该是时候带你来一场浪漫约会了 What? No, nothing.
Aw, I don't know. 什么没有啊
我不知道呢 Yes, right here.
Who has time to go out anymore? 有啊就在这里
这年头谁还有空出去约会啊 Is that the auction catalog
Can't you just come over and ruin my sheets 刚从你双腿之间落下的
你就跟平常一样来我家 that just fell between your legs?
like you usually do? 是我家拍卖会的目录吗
"滚乱"我的床单不行吗 No, you're watching an episode
Oh, just say yes. 不是你是在看现场版的
你就答应我嘛《糊涂妈妈进产房》探索频道的节目
I'll take you anywhere you want. 讲述直到孩子要出生了才知道自己怀孕的女孩故事
你想去哪里我都带你去 of I didn't know I was pregnant.
Then take me to the Channing family auction 《糊涂妈妈进产房》
那就带我去钱宁家的拍卖会 What is this thing doing here?
and buy me something gold. 为什么这会在这里
给我买点金子做的东西 Isn't it enough I have a 2-foot face hair?
How is this romantic? 我有根两英尺长的脸毛还不够惨吗
这哪里浪漫了 Nice, Han. She's upset again. Happy?
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干得好啊阿憨她又不开心了简直就像乡村俱乐部
Sorry, I thought we were playing some kind of hiding I mean, I think I saw a list for mixed doubles where we
game. signed in.
抱歉我还以为在玩你藏我找的游戏签到时我好像看到了不少混双球员名单
Oh, reach for me like that again Max, I know your idea of a country club's
你下次再这样麦克斯我知道你觉得森林里的弃置车辆
and we'll be playing a different game an abandoned car in the woods,
我就跟你玩另一个游戏也算是乡村俱乐部
called "Guess which part of Han I cut off." but look around.
叫做"猜猜我又砍下阿憨身上哪个部位" 但你看这里
Yeah, that's right. There's security cameras and bars on the windows.
你们学乖就好有监视器跟加了铁网的窗子呢
You better walk away. All right, so it's a rough country club,
还不赶紧闪人好嘛这是一间硬汉乡村俱乐部
Now, can I have my catalog back? where the strongest golfers make the caddies their
我可以拿回我的目录了吗 bitch.
You brought this in here? 强壮高球员会把杆弟当小妞搞
是你带进来的啊 Max, my father's in prison.
I can't believe it, Sophie. 麦克斯我爸爸是在坐牢
我真不敢相信苏菲 Be more sensitive and stuff.
I can't believe you think it's okay for you 考虑一下人家心情什么的嘛
你觉得坐在这里随意翻阅 Look, I get it. You're protective.
to just sit here and casually flip through this catalog 我懂他是你亲爹
我家以前的财产目录合适吗 He's your father and you love him,
that contains everything I love from my old life. 你护着他你爱他
我以前所有珍爱的东西都在里面啊 but I'm sorry, not everybody feels that way.
I just think it's really insensitive and stuff. 但不是大家都会这么觉得啊
也太不考虑一下别人心情了 - Daddy. - There she is.
I mean, what are you thinking? - 老爸 -乖女儿
你脑子里想什么啊 - How's my little girl? - I'm great, daddy.
What is wrong with you, - 我的乖女最近好吗 -挺好啊老爸
你是哪有毛病啊 Yeah. I like the new uniform,
I mean, besides your obvious choice 你这套新制服不错哦
更别说你这身 and it isn't at all prison-y.
of bad fabric and color. 完全没有囚服的感觉
丑色的烂衣服了 Yeah. I don't know what's worse: being locked up
Oh, no. 我也不知道哪样比较惨是被关呢
你好样的 or looking like you work at a Banana Republic.
You back up your truck, bearded lady. 还是穿的像香蕉共和国店员一样呢
你给我闪开点长毛女为美国大众普遍接受且喜欢的潮牌之一
I'm insensitive? Now, wait a minute. This can't be Max.
我不考虑别人心情吗等等你不会就是麦克斯吧
I'm the thief who stole all those people's money? The stories I've heard, I was expecting more
是我偷了全城人的钱吗以前听你的事我还以为你会是
And you don't think this color is happening? of a truck driver.
你难道看不出这配色能衬托我的美貌吗卡车司机型的猛女呢
Pick up a copy of Polish Vogue. Hey, Brian, you might wanna look the other way.
去买本波兰版《时尚》杂志学学吧布莱恩你头先别过去吧
All right, okay, okay. I think Max is here to break me out.
好了好了够了麦克斯是来带我越狱的
It's all getting a little tense. Isn't that right, Max?
这有点太剑拔弩张了对吧麦克斯
I think we're all clear Martin Channing.
我想大家心知肚明真会说笑马丁·钱宁
about what needs to happen right now. Shall we?
该怎么样解除这尴尬场面请坐吧
Plink. Okay, fine, your dad is awesome.
我拔好啦你爹棒呆了
Wow, this prison's a lot better than the last one. Well, our projected cupcake business growth ratio
这个监狱比上次那个好太多了我们小蛋糕生意的预期增长比
It's more like a country club. isn't where I want it to be, but with autumn here,
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虽然还没达到目标但秋季马上要到了 Martin, you know I'd do anything for you.
We have a lot of hope in the launch 马丁你知道我愿为你做任何事
我们很看好要推出的新产品 Anything.
of our new pumpkin spice flavor. 任何事
南瓜香料口味小蛋糕 But it's true. We're broke.
Honey, I love you very much, 但我们俩真的一穷二白了
宝贝我很爱你 - Time is up. - Seriously, daddy,
but we're almost out of time, - 时间到了 -老爸这是真的
但我们时间不多 I use the box our soap comes in as a wallet.
and I can't talk anymore about cupcakes. 我用肥皂包装盒来当钱包呢
我没时间听你多说小蛋糕了 Man, that is hard to hear.
Just wanted to pick your brain. 天啊这也太闻者心酸了
想听听你的意见嘛 Max, you're my girl, right?
Now, Max, I asked you to meet me here today 麦克斯你也是我的好女孩吧
麦克斯今天请你来 Am I?
because I wanna ask you a favor. 我是咩
是想请你帮我个忙 I want you to find a way to get that cup.
You want me to smuggle something in? 我希望你想办法弄回那个奖杯
是想我偷带东西进来吗 No matter what she says, make sure she gets that cup.
Something out? I'm good either way. 无论她怎么抗拒一定要买回来
还是要偷带出去两项我都行 You follow me?
I want you to take Caroline to the estate auction. 跟得上吗
我想请你带卡洛琳去财产拍卖会 You want me to follow you?
Daddy, no. 你想我跟你进去啊
老爸不要 Can I even go back there?
Why would I put myself through that? 狱方会允许我进去吗
为什么要我去承受那些痛苦 No, you can't, Miss.
Why would I ever go where everybody knows who I am 小姐您不能
去个大家都认识我的地方 Oh, follow you, like follow your thought.
and be publicly humiliated? 哦你是说跟上你的思维
然后被众人讪笑啊 It's important for her,
I know it will be hard for you, 那东西对她很重要
我知道这事情很难熬 and it's important for the both of you
but I promise it'll be worth it. 而且对你们都很重要
但我保证你会不虚此行 For your futures, all right?
There's one thing at that auction 对你们的未来很重要
在拍卖会上 Get the cup. What are you getting?
that I really care about that I want you to have. 弄到那奖杯回答我我要你弄什么呢
有件我很在乎很想你拥有的东西 The cup, Martin?
What? 那奖杯吗马丁
什么东西 I love you, sweethearts.
The painting of me as a baby? 我爱你们两个小甜心
是我婴儿期的那幅画像吗 Love you too, daddy.
The sculpture of me as a five-year-old? 老爸我也爱你
还是那个根据我五岁时样子做的雕像 And don't worry, we'll get that cup.
the tapestry of me at 14? 别担心我们会弄回那奖杯的
或是按照我十四岁样子织的壁毯 I'm not getting that cup.
I have a pretty good police sketch of me at seven. 我才不会去买那奖杯
我有张七岁时被警察画的犯人素描像 What? Then why did you say you would?
I want you two to go there 什么那你干嘛答应他你会买
我想你们去拍卖会 You can't tell a man in prison "no".
and get the loving cup you won jumping with chestnut. 不可以拒绝在坐牢的人啊
买回你骑着栗宝得到的马术纪念杯 He'll hang himself with his belt.
I know how much that meant to you. 他会用皮带上吊的
我知道那奖杯对你多重要 It happened to you twice already.
Even if I could bring myself to go through all that, 你都碰过两次了
就算我能够忍受出席的痛苦 We have to go get that cup.
we need every penny we have for the cupcake business. 我们一定得去买回那个奖杯
但我们真得省下每一分钱来用于生意 Why?
Tell him, Max. 为什么
告诉我爸爸麦克斯 There's money in the cup.
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奖杯里有钱但我有个重要的问题
What are you talking about? How much are we willing to bid?
这话什么意思要花多少钱来标这纪念杯吗
He said we needed it for our future, No, about my disguise.
他说你的未来需要那个奖杯不是是我的易容
then he winked. I know I'm a brunette, but do I have bangs?
然后眨了眼我可以扮个褐发妞但要留刘海吗
It was either that, or he was hitting on me, Actually, I need two: one for me,
不是暗指有钱就是他在对我放电我要两份一份给我
which, I'm not gonna lie, I wouldn't hate. and one for my friend Zooey Deschanel.
坦白说那样也不赖一份给我的朋友佐伊·丹斯切尔
《神探南茜》是讲一个少女小侦探的电影佐伊·丹斯切尔知名女演员深色头发
How would he even hide money in a cup, Nancy Drew? 作品《杰茜驾到》《和莎莫的 500 天》
他为什么要藏钱在奖杯里啊神探南茜 - What? You look like her. - Everybody does.
Well, what does a loving cup look like? - 干嘛你看起来像她啊 -谁不像她啊
那纪念杯长什么样子 It's the least expensive look you can do and still get laid.
Is it like a bowling trophy? 她造型最省置装费又有人愿意"睡"
跟保龄球奖杯差不多吗 God, this is from storage. I haven't seen it in years.
How dare you.
这些是储物间里的东西都好多年没见到了
你居然贬低我的奖杯 Wow, you had all these closets,
Does it have, like, a wood base?
你们拥有这些衣柜
是不是有个木头底座啦 and no one in your family is gay?
Yup, I used to hide my stash in my mother's bowling
家族里却没人"出柜"吗
trophy,
Look! It's the Louie the XVI I used to have in my
没错了我以前也藏大麻在我妈的奖杯底座
playroom.
And you're telling me the man who invented a way
这路易十六的衣柜以前是放在我游戏房呢
你觉得一个能够想出方法
My cousin Peter and I used to climb in here
to defraud most of New York isn't as clever
以前我都跟我表弟彼得一起爬进去
骗尽大半个纽约的天才
and play French Revolution.
as a stoned 12-year-old with a butter knife?
然后重演法国大革命
想不到十二岁嗑药妹就能想出的法子吗
I'd be Marie Antoinette,
Well, it was weird how it was all about the cup
我扮演玛丽·安托瓦内特
他都不听我说小蛋糕
and so little about the pumpkin spice cupcake. 玛丽·安托瓦内特法王路易十六的王后
只顾着说奖杯的确有点古怪 and he'd help me put my hair up in a high chignon.
Right? 然后他会帮我把头发弄上假髻
对吧 Oh, now I'm feeling bad for his wife.
And you don't think your father 原来他是基他老婆真可怜
而且你觉得那位 So where do you think the cup is?
who spent a fortune to turn you into a sculpture, 那个奖杯会放哪里呢
愿意花大钱来做你的雕像 Let's look over there.
presumably nude, wouldn't try to figure out a way 看看那边吧
可能还是裸体雕像的老爸 Oh, this is from the summer house.
to take care of his only daughter? 这是避暑别墅的东西
不会想办法给女儿留后路吗 Max, you know the expression
The man's a criminal genius, 麦克斯你听过有句话叫
他是个犯罪天才 "born with a silver spoon in your mouth"?
and he found a way to put money for your future in the "含着银汤匙出生吗"
cup, This is mine.
他想到这个替你未来留后路的方法这是我的
and clearly, that's why he dragged me out to prison, Miss, do not handle that.
所以他才要我千里迢迢地过来谈小姐请勿触碰
because he knows you'll do what I say I'm asking you to put it down right now.
因为他知道你会听我的话请您立刻放下
'cause I'm the boss of you, Hey, you might wanna relax the attitude.
因为我是你的老大你最好注意一下你的态度
and pretty soon, I'm gonna be your stepmom. You really think my friend Jennifer Love Hewitt,
而且很快还会升级成你继母你觉得我朋友詹妮弗·洛芙·休伊特
I hear what you're saying, 詹妮弗·洛芙·休伊特知名女演员也有一头深色头发
你的意思我明白了 international movie and LifeTime channel superstar,
but I just have one big question. 这位国际电影明星与生活台巨星
is gonna steal a used spoon?
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会偷人家用过的汤匙吗而这底座有它的三倍的大
Sorry, I didn't recognize you. So 60,000.
抱歉前面没认出来就表示装了 6 万吧
Now I see it. $60,000?
现在认出来了 6 万块吗
I thought I was Zooey Deschanel. That's like a million dollars!
我不是佐伊·丹斯切尔吗就跟一百万一样多啊
Eh, six of one. So I could have $60,000 in an hour?
半斤八两啦再一个小时我就有 6 万块了吗
All you hollywood brunettes look alike. Well, we. We could have it.
好莱坞褐发女星都长得差不多是我们我们就有
The auction is starting, ladies and gentlemen. Did I say I? How weird.
先生女士们拍卖会即将开始我说了"我"吗真奇怪
Hi, Max. And sold.
你好吗麦克斯成交
I'm so excited to be here. Wow, you're getting everything.
好高兴来这里东西都被你买走啦
Oh, hello, Caroline . Yes, we are.
你好卡洛琳是啊都被我们买走了
Sophie, I apologize for the other day. Aren't we, Miss Pickle?
苏菲我为我那天的行为道歉对不对啊泡菜小姐
I was really tense, and I didn't mean it. I'm Hamish Mcdonough, by the way.
我那时太神经兮兮了不是有意的我叫哈米斯·麦克唐纳
I think you have a unique sense of style. 凯蒂·赫尔姆斯知名女演员有一头深色头发
我觉得你的风格十分独特汤姆·克鲁斯的老婆
You do so much with so little fabric.
Oh, I'm Max, and this is my friend Katie Holmes.
少少的布料大大的美丽
我叫麦克斯她是我朋友凯蒂·赫尔姆斯
I do...
We won't speak of it...
的确
And I see you took my advice and got Polish Vogue. 我们不谈那件事
But I just have to say: well done!
看来你听我的话去看波兰版《时尚》杂志啦
How nice is this? 不过我想说离得好
And if you ever need anything, don't hesitate.
这样真好
We are finally on a romantic date. 如果哪天你需要什么千万别客气
Oh, you have your own shop?
我们终于开始浪漫约会
We just came from lunch at Rainbow Room, 你有自己的店啊
"Just the two of us" Antiques.
我们刚在高档餐厅吃完饭
And I'm wearing my best Fila tracksuit. "二人世界"古董店
我也穿着我最好的一件飞乐运动服 Is that you and Miss Pickle?
Yah, now, he's going to buy me something golden. 是你跟泡菜小姐吗
现在他要买金的东西给我了 No, dear, I'm not insane.
Yah, I want to be covered in gold. 亲爱的我又不是疯子
没错我就想要全身被黄金覆盖 Next item for auction:
Golden shower: 一字多义也有性爱时下一件要拍卖的物品
撒尿在对方嘴里获得快感的意思 A 19th century ivory and gold bedside table,
I want a golden shower. 十九世纪的象牙黄金床边小桌
想要个黄金淋浴 Oh, say it again.
Let's see. If I was a loving cup, 再说一次
想想如果我是个纪念杯 This is highly unorthodox, but I shall repeat the item.
where would I be? 有点不一般的要求不过我再说一遍
我会在哪里 A 19th century gold and ivory bedside table--
Some place with a lot of cash shoved up inside you. 十九世纪的象牙黄金床边小桌
某个你体内被塞了很多钞票的地方 I'm a very lucky man, yes?
How much do you think is in there? 我是个很"性"福的男人对吧
你觉得里面会有多少钱啊 We start the opening bid on this item
Well, let's see. The wooden base of the cup is about this 这间物品的起标价是
big, at $50,000.
看嘛奖杯的木头底座大概这么大 5 万块
and I know you can get 20,000 in an Altoids tin, I'm out.
你可以在口香糖罐里塞 2 万我退出
and this is about three times that size, - 50,000. - Here.
第 6 页 /共 198 页
- 5 万 -这里是啊但你想象一下
Do I hear 60,000? to see Miss Pickle taking a bath in that
有人出 6 万吗拍一张泡菜小姐用奖杯洗澡的照片
- 60,000! - 60,000 over here. for my christmas card?
- 6 万 -这位先生出 6 万来当圣诞卡一定超可爱
- Do I hear 70,000? - Here. Do I hear 70?
- 有人愿意出 7 万吗 -我有人出 70 吗
- 70,000. - Do I hear 80,000? My cup is not a puppy bath.
- 7 万 -有人要出 8 万吗我的奖杯不是狗狗的澡盆
Yes, you do! - 70 -80
有的我出 - 70. - 80.
80,000 going once, going twice, Back out now, ladies. I'm a paddle bitch.
8 万一次两次放弃吧小姐们我乃竞价小贱哥
Sold. Well, I'm a bitch bitch. 100.
成交我还是贱人贱贱姐呢 100
Hamish, you killed it. - 125 -150
哈米斯你威震全场啊 - 125. - 150.
Yolo! - 175. - Hamish came to play.
及时行乐嘛 - 175 -哈米斯想斗
And the next item up for bid So did we, I broke my hymen getting that thing.
下一件要拍卖的物品我们斗死他我处女膜是练马给练没了的呢
is a silver-plated tin loving cup, Is that why it's called a loving cup?
是一个镀银锡制纪念杯所以才叫纪念杯吗
Property of Caroline Channing. 200. I have 200.
卡洛琳·钱宁所拥有过的物品 200 我出 200
How much do you think this is going to go for? Do I hear 225?
你觉得这东西会喊到多高的价有人出 225 吗
Kitsch is always a wild card, but it has no real value. Look, Hamish.
这类东西起伏大但本身都没实际价值听我说哈米斯
No real value? Please. I know you have no interest in what I would normally
没实际价值拜托哦我知道你对我平常拿来说服人的"本钱"
I won that when no one thought I could. offer you to get what I want.
那我是在没人看好的情况下赢来的没有兴趣
I jumped 14 hurdles in the rain with walking pneumonia. Don't be so sure. I was bisexual till I was 62.
我身染肺炎雨中骑栗宝跳过十四个栅栏话别说太早 62 岁前我一直"男女通吃"
It's worth something. Look, Katie Holmes really wants this,
这可是相当价值的凯蒂·赫尔姆斯真的很想要这东西
Yeah, 'cause it has money in it. and she's been through a lot.
是啊价值来自里面的钞票你看她经历了那么多苦难
We start the bidding at $50. True. It's yours. I'm out.
起标价 50 块好吧你们拿去我退出
50. 200 going once, going twice.
50 块 200 块一次两次
51. Sold. Yes, I'm rich!
51 块成交爽啊我有钱啦
Sir, it's in increments of $10. Did you just say "I'm"?
先生加价幅度是 10 块钱你又说了"我"吗
Then, I'm out. I think you're hearing me wrong.
那我退出是你听错了吧
Sorry, the Rainbow Room really sucked me dry. Okay, before we use all this money on the business,
抱歉嘛吃高档餐厅把我的钱都榨干了在我们把钱花在生意之前
Hm, guess what else is pretty dry right now? we should take a vacation. How 'bout it?
你猜猜我现在身上哪里也很"干" 先去度个假吧你说如何
Do I hear 60? You, me, Chestnut, jet skis.
有人出 60 吗你我栗宝水上摩托车
60. Okay, here we go.
我出拿出来吧
What are you doing? You said it had no real value. No, no, no. Don't open it now.
你在干嘛你不是说不值钱吗别别别别现在打开
I know, but wouldn't it be camp There are cameras here.
第 7 页 /共 198 页
这里有摄像头 No, it's not her fault, daddy.
We can just go over there and open it 老爸这不是她的错
那我们去那边打开吧 It's yours.
Right next to that thing where you 是你的
你跟你的娘炮亲戚 You were supposed to take care of me, and you didn't.
and your little queen cousin played dress-up. 你本应该好好照顾我可你却没有
玩变装游戏的那衣柜旁边 You didn't think about me at all,
Seriously, how could I not have known that? 你从没为我想过
说真的我当年怎么没看出来 And it's not just me. You hurt a lot of people.
When we played cowboys and Indians, 不只是我你伤了那么多人
我们玩牛仔大战印第安人 Do you ever even think about them?
he played the Indian's makeup artist. 你想过他们的感受吗
他总是扮印第安化妆师 Yes, I do.
I have to say, Max, 有啊
我得说麦克斯 Now, every day,
it'll be nice to have some money again, 我现在每日每夜地想
能再拥有一点钱真的很开心 but I also think about what I did to you
but what's really nice is that now you see who my father 但我也想到我对你做的事
is, every day, all day.
但更开心的是你看到了我爸的为人整天都在想
a man who, despite all of his flaws, I mean, back then,
一个虽然有不少缺点我是说以前
never stopped thinking about what he could do when I figured out a way to get free money,
但是总是想方设法当我想到如何捞不劳而获的钱时
to take care of his little girl. all I could think about was the money.
照顾他宝贝女儿的好父亲我脑子里想的全是钱
It's empty? I hear that.
居然是空的嗯哼
Son of a bitch. But I really did wanna give you something for your
那个老混蛋 future, sweetheart,
Martin, we just have one question. 可我是真心想送你的未来一份礼宝贝
马丁我们有个问题 which is why I asked Max to make sure
Where's the money? 所以我才请麦克斯来确保
钱呢 that you got that cup.
I'm sorry, what? 你会去把奖杯弄到手
抱歉你说什么 And I know it's only tin,
Where's...the money? 虽然只是个锡奖杯
钱在哪里 but it's the most valuable thing I could give you,
What? 但那是我能给你最有价值的东西了
什么 because it'll remind you
She's asking where the money is. 因为它能提醒你
她问你钱藏哪去了 that no matter how hard the circumstances,
Oh! Uh, what money? 无论境况有多糟糕
哦什么钱啊 you could get over any hurdle,
The money in the cup, daddy. 没有你越不过的难关
奖杯里的钱啊老爸 even the ones I put in front of you.
The money you hid in the cup that was supposed to be 我给你带来的阻碍你也能大步跨过
for my future? Okay, well, we should go. Our time's up.
你为我未来所预留的钱啊好吧我们该走了时间到了
Where's my 60 grand? Yeah, but--what? You just got here.
我的 6 万块在哪里这么快要走啊你才刚到呢
Which, for anyone who might be watching my lips, Well, I think I'm done for today.
给所有可能在读我唇的人我今天已经听够了
we were going to give all to charity. Boy, I've dreaded the day you looked at me like this.
我们是要拿那笔钱去做公益我一直都害怕有天你会用这眼神看我
Sweetheart, why do you think I would hide money, Now that it's here, it's even worse.
宝贝你怎么会觉得我有藏钱呢但真见到了才知有多撕心裂肺
Besides the fact I'm here for hiding money? I only hope that one day
虽然我被关就是因为藏了钱我只希望有一天
Well, that might have been my fault. you could look at me again
这可能是我的错你会换个眼神看我
第 8 页 /共 198 页
the way you did the day you won that cup. The vagina's gone mainstream.
用你赢得奖杯那时的眼神看我阴道变成流行词汇了
I love you, honey. What's next? A clothing line at Target?
宝贝我爱你接下来呢在百货公司推出服装品牌吗
I love you too, daddy. Aw, Max, I'm sorry.
老爸我也爱你麦克斯我也替你难过
Oh. Sorry. It's your favorite word.
抱歉那可是你最爱的词
You meant her. And my favorite body part.
你是对她说那也是我最爱的部位
See you next week? But now everyone's saying it.
下周见吗可现在人人都把它挂嘴边
Wow, having a father is rough. Well, we can pick another word for it.
有老爸的日子也不好过呀我们可以换个词来替代它嘛
- Are you okay? - I will be, Something cute, like cookie.
- 你没事吧 -会没事的想个可爱点的比如"小饼干"
Because despite what everyone else may think, Yeah, it sounds like a good idea
无论其他人怎么想是啊乍听之下还可以
he's not just a thief. He's my father, Until you walk past a bunch of girl scouts
他都不止是个贼他是我的父亲但哪天你碰到一群在大街上卖
And I love him. selling their cookies on the street.
我爱他 "小饼干"的女童军就尴尬了
Look, if it's any consolation, Well, we've gotta pick something,
不知道这能不能让你觉得安慰我们还是得找个新词
I now see how that could've happened to him. 'cause vagina's everywhere.
但我看出他为何会有今日了毕竟"阴道"已经烂大街了
I'm not condoning it, Where?
我不会原谅他哪条街
but I see how people can get caught up, Previously on 2 broke girls...
只是我懂为何别人会被拐了《打工姐妹花》前情回顾
'cause I am pissed as hell that next week This is invitation to metropolitan museum annual gala.
但我还在生气气下周这是大都会博物馆年度晚会的邀请函
I won't be riding a horse who's riding a jet ski. We have the invitation. She'll be there.
我骑不到那只正骑着水上摩托车的马了我们有邀请函她又会在场
----------------------------- You are talking about us stalking Martha Stewart.
-------------02-------------- 你是说我们去跟踪玛莎·斯图尔特吗
----------------------------- So you want me to taste your cupcake in the ladies'
hi, I'm gonna be your waitress, room?
你好我是今晚的服务生所以你要我在女厕所吃你的小蛋糕吗
'cause my mother drank. What's inappropriate about that?
谁让我妈是不争气的酒鬼呢还有比这更不合时宜的吗
We need a sec. That is our beer batter
稍等一下这是我们的酒混面粉
Feeling' kinda generous, take two. maple bacon spring break cupcake.
姐大方点等你们两下好了加枫蜜培根的特制春假小蛋糕
Then he said to me, "dude, your vagina is weird." Quite tasty.
他对我说"妹子你的阴道长得也太奇葩了" 蛮好吃的
Dude, that's insane. Do you girls have a card?
他也太扯了吧你们有名片吗
It is so not weird. Martha Stewart likes our cupcakes!
你那里一点都不奇葩啊玛莎·斯图尔特喜欢我们的小蛋糕
Your vagina's awesome. 时至今日
你的阴道棒呆了 Max, have you seen my phone?
Okay, I'm ready. 麦克斯你看见我的手机了吗
好了我可以点餐了 I wanna take a picture of this bad tip
Now I need a sec. 我要把这点少得可怜的小费拍下来
现在换你们等我一下 and put it on Instagram.
Well, it's over. 然后放到图片分享网
好了一切玩完了 Getting loose change used to be so depressing,
I can't say it anymore. 以前收到这么散的零钱会难过
那个词我再也不能说了 but now I can share it with strangers.
第 9 页 /共 198 页
但是现在我可以跟陌生人分享一下你好大的胆子
Let me sum it up. Martha Stewart is not a cake tease.
我来总结一下玛莎·斯图尔特才不是敢说不敢做呢
Twitter is stupid. Nothing worse than a cake tease.
推特已经够蠢了敢说不敢做的人最差劲了
And Instagram is twitter for people who can't read. Ask any man.
而图片分享网就是给不识字的人看的推特不信你随便找个男人问问
Where is my phone? Yeah, you shower, you powder your sack.
我的手机在哪儿你兴冲冲沐浴更衣还给蛋蛋擦香香
I could've sworn I left it right here, next to yours. For what?
我发誓我把它放在你手机旁边了不给搞算毛啊
Oh, I'll just call it. Look, Max, relax. She'll call.
我打个电话就知道了麦克斯别紧张她会打给我们的
Oh, that's not necessary. Everything's gonna work out.
没必要吧一切都会水到渠成的
I'm sure it'll turn up... I mean, a year ago,
它会自己跑出来的... 一年以前
* My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard * we didn't even have a cupcake business.
* 老娘的"奶"昔招蜂引蝶一流 * 我们连小蛋糕事业都没有
美国黑人女歌手酷莉丝名曲《奶昔》 Look how far we've come.
* and there like it's better than yours * 现在进步了这么多不爽吗
* 随便一比都比姐们你牛 * I haven't come at all,
In my pocket. 全怪那个敢说不敢做的人
在我口袋里 thanks to the cake tease.
Max, why are you hiding my phone in your apron? 我一点"爽"感都没有
麦克斯你干嘛把我手机藏在你围裙里 Oh, your cupcake is quite tasty.
Is that the big question, really? 你们的小蛋糕真好吃
这不是重点好吗 Do you have a card?
'cause I think the bigger question is, 你们有名片吗
我觉得重点是 Max, that's a good Martha Stewart.
Why is your ringtone 麦克斯你学她可真像
你的铃音为什么会是 I know, 'cause I can't get her siren voice out of my head.
"my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"? 我知道因为我忘不掉她蛊惑人的声音
"老娘的"奶"昔招蜂引蝶一流" Wow, Han.
If you have to ask that, 哎哟小憨憨
如果连这你都不知道 You look you were hit by a mardi gras
You clearly have not seen my milkshake. 你就像被一辆狂欢节花车撞完
那想必你是没看见过我的"奶昔" and a gay pride float.
Okay, here. I'm busted. 然后又被一辆男同游行彩车撞到
好吧还给你被你逮到了 I have just returned from the exciting
I was checking to see if Martha Stewart called us yet. 我刚从激动人心的
我检查玛莎·斯图尔特给我们打电话了没 Manhattan restaurant trade show.
You checked it again? 曼哈顿餐馆贸易展览归来
你又检查啊 Look at all this free swag.
You check it, like, every 15 minutes. 快看这些免费的赠品
你每 15 分钟就要看一遍 And I've got stress balls.
I know! I am acting like a little bitch. 我还拿了很多减压球
Well, just go in the back and take care of yourself.
是啊我现在就像个没骨气的妞
Max, Martha Stewart has our business card. 那你去后面好好"自己玩"吧
麦克斯玛莎·斯图尔特有我们的名片 Listen up, everybody.
She liked our cupcakes. She'll call. 各位听着
I have a big announcement.
她喜欢我们的小蛋糕她就会打电话
Look, in my defense, she asked for our card. 我有大事宣布
Well, more like a 5'1 annoucement.
我想说的是是她先开口要的名片
She got us all hot and bothered. And then what? 哪能多大顶多一米六
I am changing the diner to state-of-the-art
把我们搞得既兴奋又期待然后呢
Nothing. 我要把餐厅改造现代化的餐厅
computer "Power touch" ordering system for food and
音讯全无
Martha Stewart is a cake tease. checks.
玛莎·斯图尔特敢说不敢做点餐和结账采用电脑智慧触控式系统
I am not learning anything new.
How dare you!
第 10 页 /共 198 页
我才不学什么新东西呢 Asian woman?
I work here because I have no skills. 亚洲姑娘
老娘来这上班就是因为没啥能力 You mean Han?
You don't have to learn it, Max. 你是说阿憨吗
这系统不必学麦克斯 Sophie, Han's a man.
It's very smart machine. 苏菲阿憨是男的
它是台很智能的机器 If you say so.
It will help you. 你说是就是吧
它会帮你的 Is there anything special tonight?
That's how it started with machines in The Matrix. 今晚有什么特别菜吗
《黑客帝国》里的机器一开始也是那样啊 Yes.
Next thing you know, the human race was enslaved. 有的
结果很快人类就变成了电脑的奴隶 Here I am...
Been there, done that. 特别菜来也
我亲身体验过了 with treats for my sweet.
I'm with Max. 还带了礼物给我的小甜心
我支持麦克斯 Day-glo zebra?
We are doing it. 荧光斑马纹
不行也得行 That's my favorite animal.
It's important to move the business into the future. 我最爱斑马了
让生意与未来接轨是十分重要的 Oh, and edible underwear!
So get with it, you Luddites. 可食用内衣裤
慢慢习惯吧卢德分子们 That's my favorite snack.
19 世纪对抗工业革命那是我最爱的点心呢
反对机械代替人力的人们 Yeah, and they're crotchless, so less carbs.
Girls, we got big trouble. 而且内裤无裆让你少吃点碳水化合物
姑娘们咱们有麻烦啦 Oh, and my favorite microwavable lube.
If he starts using a new system, 还有我最爱的可微波润滑液
他要是搞了这个新系统 And what's this?
I won't be to use my old system, 这是什么
我就没办法用以前的系统 Toothbrushes?
where I skim somethig of the top. 牙刷吗
也就表示没办法捞油水了 Oh, that's going to hurt you, but okay.
Earl, skimming? 你会疼的吧不过你喜欢就好
厄尔捞油水吗 No, I want to leave them at your house,
I'm kind of shocked. 不我是想把这些留在你家
我真不敢相信你会这样 Now that you and I are exclusive.
I don't do it for me. 毕竟我们俩现在是专属情人了
我又不是为了自己 Exclusive?
You know how once a month you girls 专属情人吗
你们俩不是每个月都会 Wait, hold phone.
have a really good night in tips? 等等我先问清
有个小费满满的夜晚吗 Are you telling me that you and I
You are welcome. 你觉得我们俩还没到
大恩不言谢记心里就行 are not exclusive?
I have been lying awake at night trying to figure out 专属情人的地步吗
我那晚整宿睡不着就是想不明白 Exclusive?
how we made that 200 bucks with her skills. 专属情人吗
就她那样我们怎么可能赚那么多小费 Oh, come on.
- Hey, girls. - Hey, Sophie. 哎哟逗死我了
- 姑娘们 -你好啊苏菲 Stop it now. Go on Jay Leno.
You know, every time I come here, 要被你逗死了接着说笑啊
我每次来光顾都在惊讶 Caroline, did you think Sophie and I were exclusive?
I'm surprised you're still open. 卡洛琳你觉得我和苏菲到专属对方的地步了吗
你们店怎么还没倒闭 Well, you have stopped showing us your penis.
Here you go, Sophie. 你现在的确是不对我们露鸟了
给苏菲 Exactly!
Where's the little asian woman 就是嘛
那个每次都给我递菜单的 If that's not exclusive, I don't know what is.
That always hands me my menu? 这都不算对你一心一意那什么才算
小亚洲姑娘哪去了 Exclusive!
第 11 页 /共 198 页
还一心一意呢 What's wrong with you?
Oh, my God. 你这是怎么回事
我要笑死了 I was a virgin before Martha, okay?
Oh, come on, stop it, before I-- 玛莎破了我的处行了吧
别逗我了不然我要... No one ever told me I was good at anything before her.
It happened. 在她之前从来没有人夸过我行
来不及了 And you never forget your first rich white woman.
I split my spanx. 人生"第一个"大款白女人哪能说忘就忘
我的塑身衣笑崩了 With or without Martha Stewart,
Martha Stewart, please. 无论有没有她的帮忙
请接玛莎·斯图尔特 We're gonna build our cupcake business
- It's Michelle Obama. 我们都会建立起自己的小蛋糕生意
- 我是米歇尔·奥巴马 And be a success, I just know it.
What's this about? 然后飞黄腾达我看得见那未来
找她什么事吗 How? How do you know that?
My sheets shrunk and I am pissed. 你怎么看得到你怎么能肯定
我的床单洗缩水了老娘很不爽 I know because you have the talent,
Hello? 那是因为我知道你有天赋
还在吗 I have the vision, and because I feel it.
Max, it didn't work when you were Mick Jagger 我有洞察力因为我能感觉到成功在望
你假装是米克·贾格尔说 I feel it here.
滚石乐团主唱打从心里感觉到
with a busted muffin tin, Oh, blegh! Your heart?
你的松饼托烤坏了没用恶心啊还你的心呢
美国知名女歌手 No. My pearls- my lucky pearls.
Or Alicia Keys with a wonky shower curtain. 不是啦是我的幸运珍珠项链
装艾丽西亚·凯斯说浴帘摇摇欲坠也没用 By lucky, do you mean ugly?
And it really didn't work when you were Steve jobs 是幸运还是丑爆啊
你假装是死而复生的史蒂夫·贾伯斯 I've worn these every day
苹果电脑前首席执行官自从我被驱逐出我家之后
back from the dead with thoughts on her panini press. since I was evicted from my townhouse.
说要指点她的三明治机更没人理你我就天天戴着它
Stop sober dialing Martha Stewart! This pearl necklace brings me luck.
别在清醒时一直打电话骚扰人家了这珍珠项链给我带来好运
Who says I'm sober? You--
谁说我清醒了你...
Max, give me your phone. You think your life is lucky?
麦克斯你的手机给我你觉得你好运吗
* My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. * This morning you used toilet paper as a coffee filter...
* 老娘的"奶"昔招蜂引蝶一流 * 今早你用厕纸当咖啡机滤纸
Now give me my phone. and then used it as toilet paper.
把我的手机换给我滤完之后再拿回去当厕纸用
Okay, take it, done. I know this sounds silly to you,
拿去行了吧我知道你觉得我白痴
I'm over her. But there is something about
我看开了但每天我只要一戴上
When is she gonna call me? putting on these pearls every day
她什么时候才会打给我啊我的珍珠项链
My milkshake would totally bring her to the yard. that makes me feel strong, confident,
我的"奶"昔一定能把她招来的就会觉得自己既坚强又自信
and like anything is possible.
Max, this isn't you.
好像一切皆有可能
麦克斯这不像你啊
And as long as I have these lucky--
I mean, you're strong.
而只要我还有幸运项链的陪...
你是女强人
You're a badass. Oh, no. Oh, no!
女硬汉不是吧不是吧
You beat H.P.V. with tylenol. No, no, no, don't freak out.
你吃止痛药就能消灭乳突病毒了别别别别恐慌
某些种类可随性行为入侵人体后引起疣或癌症 Don't freak out. We'll get em.
And it wasn't even the name brand. 别恐慌我们快捡回来
而且你是吃的还是杂牌货 My pearls!
第 12 页 /共 198 页
我的珍珠 My mother, but then she found her way back.
My lucky pearls! 我妈啊不过后来她又自己跑回来了
我的幸运珍珠 Look, I am done waiting for Martha to call.
Yes, yes, we have identified the problem. 我受够了一直等她回电
是是是我们知道有什么麻烦 I say we go down there with some cupcakes,
Just pick them up. 不如我们再做点蛋糕去找她
快动手捡起来吧 remind her how much she liked them,
Looks like somebody found breakfast. 提醒她当初她有多喜欢它们
看来有人先行享用早餐啦 and suggest she puts us on her show.
No, chestnut! 然后建议她邀请我们上她节目
栗宝不可以 No, I mean, I can't go without my pearls.
I'm still using that. 不行我珍珠都没了怎么去见人啊
这锅我会继续拿来做哦 And it's more than just the luck.
Well, nothing's gonna work out now. 它不仅仅代表着好运
现在做什么都是徒劳无功 It's who I was before I lost everything.
Here comes the bad luck. 还代表着我破产前的身份
厄运已经降临了 You know how I always say,
Don't be ridiculous. 你知道我说
说什么傻话 "Hi, I'm Caroline Channing,"
Your luck couldn't get any worse. "你好我是卡洛琳·钱宁"时
你本来就衰到不能再衰了 and then touch my pearls?
Or could it? 每次都会摸摸珍珠吧
原来真的一切皆有可能 I'm not just introducing myself.
Okay, Earl. 我不只是在自我介绍
你看厄尔 I'm reminding myself.
This is the L-520 order system touch pad. 那也是在提醒我自己
这是 L-520 点菜系统触控板 Well, let me remind you of something else.
Look how simple. See? 那让我也提醒你另外一件事吧
你看有多简单瞧 Yesterday you told me
I'm telling you, 昨天你告诉我
你听我说 we were going to rule the world with cupcakes.
I can't figure this tricky little thing out. 我们能靠着小蛋糕征服全世界呢
我学不会这复杂的玩意 Yeah, that was the pearls talking.
Earl, it's an on/off button. 有珍珠撑腰说话自然气壮
厄尔刚才的是开关钮 Okay, well, now I'm talking.
Oh, slow down. 那现在轮到我说了
不会吧 There is no luck.
It does both? 幸运是不存在的
那一键还两用啊 There is only work.
Let me just charge this up for you right here. 努力才是硬道理
我先帮把这宝贝充上电吧 And right now, you're working my last nerve.
This thing has been plugged 可你现在只让我想对你使用暴"力"
这块插线板 So I am going down there myself.
more than the Kardashian sisters. 所以我打算自己去找她
比卡戴珊姐妹被"插"得还满啊 and if Martha won't help me,
I better check the old wiring in diner first. 如果她不愿意帮忙
我还是先检查一下餐馆这老电路吧 I'ma bust her kneecaps with a rolling pin
Max, now I feel like everyone's staring 我就用擀面棍打爆她膝盖
麦克斯我现在感觉大家都在家政女皇常说"这是一件好事"
at my chest area. and then say, "now that's a good thing."
盯着我胸口看然后说"这样才是一件好事"
Well, welcome to my life, Okay, what if we just send Martha an E-mail,
欢迎来到我的世界这样吧我们给她发封电邮如何
Every day since I was nine. so we're not just standing in her office,
我九岁之后就过着这样的生活这样就不用去到她办公楼
That necklace meant something special to me. begging some receptionist?
那珍珠项链对我有特别意义求前台放我们进去了
Didn't you ever lose anything sentimental - That won't do anything. - Yes, it will.
难道你没有失去过你拥有很久 - 那样一点屁用都没有 -有用的
you had for a long time? I craft amazing business E-mails.
感情深厚的事物吗我超会写商业电邮呢
第 13 页 /共 198 页
I went to Wharton. 她是我们唯一的希望了
我可是沃顿高材生呢 My lucky necklace is gone.
Please don't, Max. That's all I have left. 我的幸运项链没了
求你嘴下留情我就剩这点资本了 We can no longer just wait for magic to happen.
Max, Caroline, I found something 我们不能再坐等奇迹发生
麦克斯卡洛琳 Uh, thank you, by the way,
at the restaurant trade show 对了谢谢你啊
我在餐馆贸易展览里 for never telling me that our former plan was magic.
you might be interested in. 从没告诉我原本的计划是等天降鸿福
发现了点你们会感兴趣的东西哦 We'll just reintroduce ourselves and our cupcakes to
The only restaurant trade I'm interested in Martha
我唯一有兴趣的餐馆贸易我们向玛莎重新介绍自己和我们的小蛋糕
is if we can exchange you for anybody else. and impress her all over again,
就是看能不能把你以物易物走然后让她再次记住我们
You won't be laughing in a minute. Even though I'm wearing a necklace that I hate.
看了你就不会笑我了虽然现在的我戴着一条我讨厌的项链
Look, it's a cupcake from the new It's limp, anemic, and lackluster.
你看这是我从最新研发的这项链没个性没活力没光泽
state-of-the-art cupcake ATM machine. I have an Olsen twin around my neck.
自助小蛋糕机买来的小蛋糕我脖子上戴着的彷佛是奥尔森姐妹
Sprinkles cupcakes plans to be put them everywhere. 奥尔森姐妹是美国的电视明星和街拍明星
人家连锁小蛋糕店打算城里广设这机器特点是衣着随意脸色苍白
Soon, everyone will be able to just push a button, here.
很快大家只需按下按钮拿着
Day or night, and get the cupcake. what are you doing?
无论白天黑夜随时都能吃到小蛋糕你这是干嘛
So, I guess what I'm saying is, so Martha will recognize me.
所以我想说的是这样玛莎就能认出我了
You might be screwed. Hi, excuse me. Two questions.
你们俩可能完了打扰了问你两件事
Delicious... Which floor is Martha Stewart on?
美味可口玛莎·斯图尔特的办公室在几楼
And no attitude. And should I lose this necklace?
不用受气我应该拿掉这条项链吗
well, more bad luck. Well, your silence speaks volumes.
坏运气接踵而至好吧沉默说明一切
I thought you were kidding, Hi, I'm not crazy,
我原本以为你在开玩笑你好我不是疯子
but the machines are taking over. so you can just tell me the floor number.
但机器真的要取代人类了你可以把楼层告诉我
We can't compete with that. Elevator right over there, 15th floor,
我们斗不过机器 15 楼电梯在那边
The business is done. Game over. Martha Stewart living omnimedia.
我们的生意完蛋了游戏结束玛莎·斯图尔特生活媒体公司
Man, you are never gonna make it in the future. Just got a little damp.
天啊你这种态度怎么在未来混啊有点小兴奋
This is where the humans fight. Thanks for your help. Feels better.
人类就应该在此时奋起反击谢谢你的建议感觉好多了
This is where we march down to Martha Stewart Smart, getting necklace advice
我们就应该在此时向玛莎·斯图尔特示威真聪明问一个没有脖子的人
and demand a damn blurb, from a guy with no neck.
要求她帮我们大力宣传你的脖子该不该戴项链
So we can compete with the machines... Wait. Is that--
这样我们才能跟机器斗慢着那不就是...
《终结者》是一部讲述机器人和人类斗争的科幻电 That's the cupcake machine that han was talking about.
影那就是阿憨说的小蛋糕自助机
- Just like in "Terminator 2: rise of the desserts." 自助小蛋糕机是真实存在
- 甜点的觉醒》全美目前唯一的一台位于加州比佛利山庄
Fine. Let's go see Martha. Ugh, no!
好吧我们去找玛莎天啊
She's our only hope. I was hoping it'd be ugly,
第 14 页 /共 198 页
我还希望它会很丑呢 room.
but it's pink and really cute. 玛莎·斯图尔特在女厕所要了你们的名片
但它居然是粉色而且很可爱 Okay.
R2-D2 电影《星球大战》里经典的机器人角色好吧
It's like a gay R2-D2. Don't make it sound like that. It happened.
就像一台基佬版的 R2-D2 别说得好像是我们瞎掰的事实就是如此
Well, a gayer R2-D2. We cornered her in the ladies' room and--
R2-D2 已经够基了它更基一筹我们在女厕所堵她然后...
Who wouldn't want a cupcake from this? okay, don't make it sound like that either.
谁会想吃从这玩意出来的小蛋糕啊好了也别说成是这样
No one. We went to a gala on the off chance
没人我们去晚会上碰运气
- We have to mess her up. - What? that she would be gracious enough
- 我们要给它点"颜色"看看 -什么希望玛莎能和蔼地尝一个
Why are you carrying spray-paint in your purse? to try one of our cupcakes and she did.
你怎么会在包里随身带着喷漆呢我们做的小蛋糕结果她的确尝了
For the same reason I carry a tampon. She was very gracious.
跟我随身带卫生棉条是一个道理她十分和蔼可亲
'cause you never know. Yeah, maybe cornered was the wrong word.
以备不时之需嘛对啊或许"堵"这个词用得不太对
We are not gonna destroy someone else's property. It's not like we went there to hunt her down.
我们不能破坏人家的东西我们又不是去那里追捕她
Well, we have to do something, it's not like you went there to hunt her down.
我们必需得做点什么啊你们又不是去那里追捕她
'cause it's that machine or us. It's not.
我们不搞死它它就会玩死我们真的不是
Oh, I know. Okay, I hear your tone.
我知道了好吧我听出你的语气
We can open the little door and put a poop in it. I see what's going down here.
我们可以打开那扇小门放坨屎进去知道你的把戏是什么了
Not one of mine. Jeez! You think I'm some kind of a problem.
当然不是我的啦天啊你觉得我们是来找麻烦的
What am I, a pig? Well, for the record, Martha came on to me.
你把我当成什么了猪吗我要声明一句是玛莎先撩我的
Well, I'm not doing it. All right. Okay.
反正我是不干好吧算了
No, we just get some puppy poop from the street. This is not going as well as we had hoped.
不是啦我们可以从大街上捡点狗屎回来此行不如我们预期般顺利
No! Don't know how it could without my magic pearls.
不要没了我的魔法项链果然一事无成
We are not that desperate. Okay, look.
我们没绝望到那种程度好吧听着
And I'm out of wetnaps. I get that you're not gonna let us up there.
而且我的湿巾纸用完了我明白你不会放我们进去
No, see, we already met Martha. And I don't blame you,
不是的我们以前跟玛莎见过面我也不怪你
We're just stopping by to say hi. what, with this one talking about magic.
现在只是过来跟她问声好因为这家伙在扯什么魔法
You've already met Martha. But just so you know, we are not lying.
你们以前跟玛莎见过面但我得澄清我们没有说谎
- You're just stopping by to say hi. - Yes. It happened.
- 现在只是过来跟她问声好 -对确有此事
Martha Stewart asked us for our card. And after we hunted her down--
玛莎·斯图尔特要了我们的名片在我们逮到她后
Martha Stewart asked you for your card. Because, yeah, you got us on that, we did--
玛莎·斯图尔特要了你们的名片没错是你让我们不得不说出实话
And where should I tell Martha she asked for your card? Martha told us
那我能问下玛莎在哪里要了你们的名片吗玛莎对我们说
In the ladies' room. she liked our entrepreneurial drive.
女厕所她喜欢我们俩白手起家的精神
Martha Stewart asked you for your card in the ladies' Well, that does sound like Martha.
第 15 页 /共 198 页
这话的确像是玛莎会说的 Might as well face it.
Okay, I'll send these up. Have a seat. 借此面对现实吧
好吧我帮你们送上去先请坐吧 You and I are on our own.
Ahh, thank you so much. 我们俩只能自食其力
太谢谢你了 And not just because of Martha either.
And here, uh, please take one, 这不只是因为玛莎的这件事
给你拿一个试试吧 Because there is no such thing as good luck.
Just so you can see for yourself 而是因为这世上没有所谓的"好运"
这样你也能亲自验证下 Never seen it.
why Martha asked for our card. 见都没见过
为什么玛莎会要我们的名片 And all lucky charms are stupid,
Well, I was gonna get a cupcake 所有的幸运物都愚蠢无比
好吧我本来也打算等会 except for the Lucky Charms,
from that cute machine downstairs later. 唯一的例外是"幸运物早餐片"
去楼下机器弄个小蛋糕吃 which are magically delicious.
Oh, don't. 它奇迹般地好吃
千万别去 Look at it over there.
I heard someone found something nasty in that... 看那台自助小蛋糕机
我听说 "一个小时后"有人会在里面 Gay R2-D2 just laughing at us.
in about an hour. 基佬 R2-D2 都在笑我们了
发现怪东西呢 You were right, Max.
Max. 麦克斯你之前说得对
麦克斯 You and I are on our own.
And this is our beer batter 我们俩只能自食其力了
这是我们的酒混面粉 We're just a little start-up cupcake company
Maple bacon spring break cupcake. 我们只是一家刚起步的小蛋糕店
加枫蜜培根的特制春假小蛋糕 in a hard, hard world.
I can see why Martha-ow! 在这乱世中求生存
我知道为什么玛莎会... And we gotta take matters into our own hands.
What the-- 我们得亲自动手扫除面前障碍
什么 Cover me.
I cracked my tooth! 掩护我
我牙齿裂了 Wait, wait, no.
What? Oh! 等等别啊
什么 No, don't do it now.
What is that? Is it-- 别现在干啊
什么东西啊是 - The guard is right there. - Hey, you!
Is that glass? - 警卫就在那里呢 -喂你
是玻璃吗 Stop that!
No, it's a pearl. 快住手
不是是珍珠 What kind of freaks deface a cupcake machine?
I'm so sorry. 怎么会有变态想要乱喷小蛋糕机啊
真抱歉 Run run run.
Sorry? You're sorry? 快跑快跑
抱歉抱歉有屁用 Okay, stop, stop, stop. We lost him.
I've been wearing invisaligns for 11 months! 行了停停停甩掉他了
我都戴了 11 个月的透明矫正器了 You know you only tagged the wall, right?
Well, there goes our big break. 你知道你没喷到机器只喷到了墙吧
我们生意的大突破就此告终 Yes, I have no luck.
Never would've happened if I had had my necklace. 知道啊我真是倒霉透了
如果我的幸运项链在的话就不会发生这种事了 No one has any luck...
The one with the lucky pearls 世上没人有好运气
你说的是那条有着幸运珍珠林赛·罗韩美国知名年轻女星
that broke into the batter and that woman 曾多次犯事而反复出入监狱
结果线断珍珠撒还掉进面粉糊里 with the possible exception of Lindsay Lohan's lawyer.
just spit into her hand mixed with saliva and blood? 除了林赛·罗韩的律师吧有她这个回头客
害人家口破血流口水滴的项链吗 Look, it's Martha!
That lucky necklace? 你看玛莎在那里
是那条幸运项链吧 She's getting in that car. Give me the cupcakes.
Yes. 她要上车了把小蛋糕递给我
对啊 I'm going after her before she talks
第 16 页 /共 198 页
我要在那个吃到珍珠的女人 Hi, um, sorry, we're closed.
to that lady whose mouth we broke. 您好抱歉我们关门了
告状之前先跟她谈谈 I do not wish to eat.
- Max, don't jiggle the cupcakes! - Don't worry. 我不是来吃东西的
- 麦克斯别晃坏了小蛋糕 -别担心 I just got collect call from Oleg.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 奥列格打电话让我上门
老天啊上帝啊耶稣啊 She said we are closed.
Max, are you all right? 她说关门了
麦克斯你没事吧 Oh? And who are you?
Are you all right? 是吗你哪位啊
你还好吧 I'm the last person you will see
I'm fine. 我是你被人废了双腿之前
我没事 before you learn how to walk again.
No broken bones, 见到的最后那个人
也没骨折 Stay away from Oleg,
which is surprising, because when I was kid, 离奥列格远点
真是奇迹啊因为我小时候 Or I'll pull your intestines out through your nose
we couldn't afford milk. 不然老娘会把你的肠子从鼻孔拉出
没钱喝过牛奶补钙 and give them to her to wear as new necklace.
Actually the only time my mother bought milk 然后送给她当新项链戴
我妈唯一买过一次牛奶 Fine.
- was when my face was on the side of the carton. 行
- 还是因为牛奶盒上有我的照片呢 I will leave.
Are you sure you're all right? 我走
你确定你真的没事吗 But only because you have eyes of a python,
Yeah. 但我是给你蟒蛇般煞气的双眼面子
没事啦 And I have possible U.T.I.
I guess there is such a thing as luck. 还有我最近貌似尿道感染了
原来世上真的有幸运这么一件事 Sophie...
And tomorrow night 苏菲
从明晚开始 Why don't you just admit it, you and Oleg?
when you come in for takeout, Sophie, 你就承认你跟奥列格关系不一般嘛
当你再次步入餐厅呢苏菲 What?
All Max has to do is hit this little thing. 什么
麦克斯只需要轻击这个小东西 It's not like I want him.
Well, if I'm allowed to hit little things, 不是我想要他
如果我可以这么做的话 It's just that where I come from,
You're next. 只是我家乡那里的习惯是
我一定击爆你这个小东西 You never throw anything away.
Change makes everyone so tense. 我用完了也绝对不扔
改变令大家都紧张兮兮 Here you go, ladies.
Kitchen is now closed. 拿去吧姑娘们
厨房现在关了 Enjoy the extra tips from your credit cards,
I have plans. 享受从刷卡的客人身上捞来额外小费吧
我还有约 because when Han flips that switch,
Big plans. 因为阿憨一旦按下那个改朝换代的按钮
重要的约呢 The only tip I can give you is,
Sophie, I understand 我能给你们的小费
苏菲我知道 don't wash your hair every day.
your relationship with Oleg is complicated, 就只剩别天天洗头发了
你跟奥列格的关系很复杂 It dries it out.
So let's simplify it. 头发会丧失水分的
所以我就简单一问 Okay. Here comes the future.
Are you having sex in our building tonight, 好啦一起迈向未来吧
你今晚会在咱楼里做爱吗 One, two--
and do I have to wear earplugs? 一二
我需要先戴好耳塞吗 This old building sucks me so hard.
I will be alone... 这破楼真他妈要把我搞死了
今晚我独守空闺 Congratulations, ladies.
But wear them anyway. 恭喜你们俩啦
你还是戴着以防万一吧 This is your lucky night.
第 17 页 /共 198 页
今晚是你们的幸运夜 "Haven't forgotten about you, girls.
Speaking of luck, "我可没忘了你们俩姑娘哦
说到幸运 Martha Stewart."
here are your pearls. 玛莎·斯图尔特"
这些是你的珍珠 Just when I thought I was out,
I found most of them, but I think 我才以为人生已经无望
我找回了绝大多数 She pulls me back in again.
Chestnut ate a few. 她又重燃我希望之火
但我猜栗宝吃掉了几颗 -----------------------------
You can dig for those later yourself. -------------03--------------
你之后自己去慢慢"挖掘"吧 -----------------------------
Max. Max, I can't wait to go home
麦克斯麦克斯我等不及要回家
And it won't look the same, and illegally download that documentary about
但它是弄回不了原样了 performance art.
because you have to string them on this cheap-ass wire 非法下载那个行为艺术的纪录片了
因为你得自己用这便宜烂线穿上 And I can't wait to go home
I got at the hipster bead store... 我也迫不及待想回家
这是我在嬉皮串珠店买的 and watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
Beading off. 看《甜心波波来啦》
店名叫"得以珠之" 美国 TCL 台的真人秀节目屌丝胖子一家的生活记录
We can add this Earl bonus money 观众爱骂又爱看
我们可以把厄尔给我们的额外收入 But first, you have to see this.
to our cupcake business total. 但你得先跟我看这纪录片
加到小蛋糕生意基金里啊 Her name's Marina Abramovic.
Yeah, that 150 will really put a dent 她的名字叫玛丽娜·阿布拉莫维奇
加上那 150 块咱们离目标全球闻名的行为艺术家自称"行为艺术的祖母" 以风
in the 250,000 we need. 格粗犷、狂野与大胆而闻名
又迈进了"一大步"呢 In the '90s, she and her boyfriend
We'll get there, Max. 在 20 世纪 90 年代她和她的男友
有志者事竟成嘛 did this piece called Confrontation
Because you and I have something Martha Stewart and 共同创作了名为《对峙》的作品
machines don't. - where they just slapped each other's faces for days.
因为我们有着家政女皇跟小蛋糕机都没有的东西 -Oh, yeah?
Unpaid bills? - 内容就是两人不停互扇耳光 -是吗
未缴的账单吗 My mom and her boyfriend did that too,
Mushrooms growing on our bathroom rug? 我妈妈和她男友也干过这"艺术"
还是浴室门口地毯上长的小蘑菇 but they called it, "Who smoked the last cigarette"
No, each other.
不过他们的作品名为《谁抽了最后一根烟》
我们有着彼此嘛 No, really, it was pure art.
Aww, a year later you're still
不我说真的这是纯艺术呀
哎哟都认识一年了 She's a genius.
trying to get me to feel things.
她可是个天才
你还在想着让我有点人性 How about you and I do a little art right now?
Do you wanna know the real reason
我们俩现在也来搞"艺术"如何
你想知道我觉得
What are they doing?
I thought this necklace was so lucky?
她们在干嘛
它是幸运项链的真正原因吗
I think they might be doing a scene
I was wearing it the day I met you.
我觉得她们可能在演绎
遇见你的那天我就戴着它
畅销情色小说三部曲之一内容涉及捆梆虐待 SM 等
So, I'm gonna have some extras.
重口味性爱内容
会有多余的珍珠呢
from Fifty shades of grey.
Do you wanna make one for yourself?
情欲小说《五十度灰》里面的场景
你想给自己也做一个吗
- Ah, okay, stop. - Okay.
Nah, I've had plenty of pearl necklaces,
- 好了住手 -好吧
不用我有过很多"珍珠项链"了
That's for suggesting we make a lip-synch video
也有性爱完男人射精在女性脖子周围的意思
and I find them more sticky than lucky. 这巴掌是因为你拐我跟你录
加拿大年轻女歌手卡莉·瑞·吉普森的知名歌曲
我觉得它们是黏腻而不是幸运
Max, ms@MarthaStewartinc.Com to Call Me Maybe.
麦克斯玛莎斯图尔特网寄信来了《Call Me Maybe》的假唱影片
第 18 页 /共 198 页
What's up, my man? You look pretty down. here.
怎么了伙计你看起来很低落呀但我不知道你能收多少钱上来哦
My mother in korea is working I mean, most of these customers pay with coins
厄尔我远在韩国的妈妈因为这里大部分的顾客都是用硬币
my last nerve, you know, Earl? or fresh tomatoes from their garden.
快让我精神崩溃了或自家花园的新鲜番茄买单
Well, uh, I didn't expect a back and forth here. Uh, Earl, listen up.
我只是假客套问一下没想到你会回我厄尔听着
Uh, Max, do you wanna move in? We're being robbed by that man in the suit,
麦克斯你来帮我接一下吧那边穿着大衣的男人是来抢劫的
Han, you can't let your mommy keep bullying you. and he wants everyone to empty their stuff into this
阿憨你不能老让你妈骑你头上欺负你 bag.
Stand up to her. You're a 53-year-old man. 他要求大家把财物都丢到这个袋子里
要起身反抗你都 53 岁了 Uh, Max, I've been on both sides of this situation,
Max, I am 29. 麦克斯抢人与被抢我都有经验
麦克斯我才 29 岁 and the best thing to do is play along.
What? 顺着他的意才是上策
怎么可能 Okay, Caroline, I'm gonna tell you something,
I am 29. 卡洛琳我要跟你说件事
我就是 29 岁呀 and I don't want you to react.
电影《本杰明·巴顿奇事》的主人翁但我不想你做出过激反应
剧中男主人公本杰明以老人形象降生人世之后越活 I knew you were gonna get pregnant. Damn it!
越年轻我就知道你的肚子会被人搞大靠
What do you got, a case of the Benjamin Buttons? All right, fine.
那你是怎么了跟本杰明·巴顿一样吗算了
Caroline, Han says he's 29. - We'll get through this together. - No!
卡洛琳阿憨说他才 29 岁 - 我们可以一起度过这个难关 -不是啦
What? Look, we're being robbed,
怎么可能听着我们被人抢劫了
Han, are you sure? and that guy in the suit might have a gun.
阿憨你确定吗那个大衣人可能有枪
Yes, what makes you think I'm older? No, no--just do what I say, and stay calm.
当然你们为什么觉得我很老呢别这样照我说的做然后保持冷静
Well, everything-- your hair, your clothes, I need you to empty your purse into the trash bag.
从头到脚都老啊你的发型衣着把你钱包里的东西都倒进这个垃圾袋
The $5 check you gave me for my birthday. I can't believe this is happening
你像老人一样开 5 块钱的生日红包支票给我我真不敢相信刚省出 2 块钱
Hi, can I help you? just when I saved $2.
您好有何能为您效劳就被人抢走了
Ooh, that sounded so sincere. Max, I can't die,
哇这语气真诚得我都要掉眼泪了麦克斯我不能死
Well, when you're in my section, you'll meet the real and I certainly can't die in this ugly uniform.
me. 就算死也不想死在这丑爆的制服里
I mean, it looks good on you.
等你坐到我那区你就会见识到真实的我啦
I have one question. 你穿是很好看啦但...
我有个问题 Are you having a heart attack?
Do you wanna live? 你是不是心脏病发了
你想活吗 I'm peeing.
Actually, today, I could go either way. 我尿尿
以今天来说嘛... 都可以吧 What do you mean?
You see this? 什么意思
I'm really freaked out, and I'm peeing.
瞧见了吗
Go around the diner and have everyone fill it 我不是吓"屎"了我是吓"尿"了
去叫餐厅里的所有人把包里的财物 I can't stop!
with the contents of their purse, 我还停不下来了
都扔进去这袋子 Just stop, stop! Clench it.
and if you do, nobody gets hurt. 快止住夹紧
你乖乖合作大家都能平安无事 Okay.
Okay, okay, okay, 好的
好啦知道了 No, can't.
but, uh, I don't know how much you're gonna collect 办不到
第 19 页 /共 198 页
Step out from behind the counter. Well, some of us.
从柜台后面站出来某些人除外
Sorry, sir, I can't. Oh, yeah, I had a trauma, and I urinated.
抱歉先生办不到是呀我刚精神受创所以失禁了
- Why? - Well, um, I'm peeing. Ha ha! That's hilarious.
- 为什么 -因为我在尿尿哈哈哈笑死人可以了吧
Still? Yeah, you might need some counseling.
还没尿完啊是啊你可能需要心理咨询
Out of the way, girls. I'll take down this-- I could drop you off at a therapist on the way to my
姑娘们让开让我来收拾这个混... 在我去"被人当过人肉盾牌"的互助小组路上
Get away from him. "I was a human shield" support group.
站离他远点可以顺路带你见心理医生
Miss, you need to get out from behind the counter now Am I ever gonna live this down?
小姐你最好现在就从柜台后面出来你什么时候才能忘了这事啊
- before I-- - Uh, please take her, not me. It happened, like, ten minutes ago.
- 否则我就... -你要人质抓她吧别抓我十分钟前才发生的事啊
- What's happening? - Han, we're being robbed. Okay, let's move on.
- 发生什么事了 -阿憨人家来抢劫好吧说别的
So sorry. Oh, look, someone left a coupon for free movie
抱歉打扰您抢劫了 popcorn.
Please take everything 看有人留了张电影院的免费爆米花券呢
我腰包里的东西 Oh, I'd love to escape to a movie after my--
that is in my manny-pack. 我非常想远离一切尤其是经过了这...
请您通通拿去吧 Well, I'd just love to escape.
Would it be possible if I took my prayer beads out? 我就想远离这一切
可以求您让我保留念珠吗 How much are movies now, like 200 bucks?
They've been in my family for hundreds and hundreds 这年头看电影要多少钱啊要 200 块吗
of-- Unless you go with me, in which case, it is free.
它是我家的传家宝传了好多好多代了如果你跟我去就分文不花
I don't think so, homeboy. I'll take you tomorrow.
小混球想都别想啊我明天带你去吧
You're in my house now, bitch. I've been sneaking into theaters since I was two.
敢在太岁头上动土狗东西我从 2 岁就开始偷溜进电影院了
Here's what's left in the bag. I crawled into The little mermaid
袋子里就剩这个了当时我偷爬进去看《小美人鱼》
Nope, sorry. I don't see your dignity. 迪士尼知名卡通儿童电影
抱歉没找到你的尊严 with a sack full of cheerios
Max, don't. 还一手揣着一袋麦圈
麦克斯别这样 and a baby bottle full of diet coke.
Isn't it enough that I'm wearing dishwasher whites 和满满一奶瓶的健怡可乐呢
难道我现在身穿洗碗工的大白褂还不够丢脸吗 You know, chestnut,
that have been around since the invention of B.O.? 栗宝你知道吗
这玩意就是伴随着狐臭出生的 the only thing that got me through that robbery was
Oh, look at that, something ate right through the swiffer, you.
快瞧瞧拖把居然被某液体腐蚀了你是我撑过那场劫案的唯一精神支柱
and I don't think it was the bleach. I kept thinking, "who will take care of you?"
罪魁祸首貌似不是漂白剂哟我一直在想"我挂了谁来照顾你"
How will you ever live with the shame? Because you can't count on blondie selfish-pants
犯下奇耻大辱你以后怎么做人呀毕竟你完全不能依靠金发自私妞
Can you believe that is the man who saved us? who used me as a human shield and then peed herself.
你能相信是那个男人救了我们吗她不仅把我当人肉盾牌还尿了裤子
Yeah, I did not see a gun coming. Do not tell chestnut I peed myself.
就是完全没想到他会掏枪别告诉栗宝我失禁的事
I saw nunchucks, ninja smoke, He's the only one from my circle who still talks to me.
我可以想象双节棍忍者烟雾他是我旧圈子里唯一还跟我说话的了
maybe some hairpulling, but not a gun. As I was saying, chestnut,
或者拉人头发但没想到他会掏枪正如我刚说的栗宝
Well, good night, ladies. I would have taken a bullet for her,
晚安姑娘们我会愿意为了她挡子弹
I thought we all acted very brave tonight. but she put herself first,
今晚的我们都非常勇敢但她却只想着自己
第 20 页 /共 198 页
And that's okay. It's fine. 你们好呀姑娘们
没关系我不介意 Oh, I heard what happened.
Max, I'm surprised you're even affected by this. 我都听说了
麦克斯我真没想到你会在意这事 Max, you got pushed in front of a gun.
I mean, weren't you shot as a baby? 麦克斯你被人推到枪口上
你不是婴儿时期就中过弹了吗 You must be very pissed.
I feel like you told me that. 想必非常恼羞成"尿"吧
我觉得你好像告诉过我的呀 Caroline, oh, what a nice outfit.
- No, I told you I drank shots as a baby. 卡洛琳你这身衣服真漂亮
- 我是说我婴儿期就喝烈酒了 On a scale of one to ten, you're an eight.
My mother hated to drink alone. 如果按 1 到 10 评分我会给你个 8 分
我妈不喜欢独自喝酒 Get it? Urinate.
Okay, what free movie should we see? 姑娘尿 8 不是罪
好了我们该看哪部免费电影呢 How do you even know what happened?
好莱坞红极一时的童星姐妹你都是听谁说的呀
Maybe something with a Fanning in it? Oh, well, Oleg told me when we were upstairs
要不看有范宁姐妹的吧听奥列格说的呀那时候我们在楼上
I'll see anything playing "hide the penis,"
我无所谓玩"藏鸡鸡"的游戏
unless it's in 3D. And we laughed so hard, we almost peed ourselves,
3D 除外我们捧腹大笑差点失禁
I mean, if something's gonna be flying at my face, but we didn't because we're not you.
如果有"东西"要在我面前飞来飞去但我们没尿因为我们不是你
I'd better get a free prime rib out of it. Actually, we're going to a movie.
起码得先请我吃顿牛排其实我们要去看电影
So what do we do, Max? What do we do? Oh, well, that's nice.
我们应该怎么做呢麦克斯怎么做呀那不错呀
Hide in the back alley till the coast is clear, I hope you're gonna wear your big girl pants.
躲进后巷等待最佳时机希望你有穿上成人的尿不湿
and when the door opens, make a break for it? - Max. - What? It's silly and funny.
门一打开就冲进去吗 - 麦克斯 -干嘛这又傻又好笑
No, 'cause it's not the 1940s. She's like a polish fart cushion.
不必现在又不是 20 世纪 40 年代她就像波兰版的搞笑放屁垫
We just go right up in the usher's face, Look, if it makes you feel any better,
我们就直接走到带位员的面前如果能让你感觉好过点
make an excuse, and then boldly walk with purpose. there can't be any pee jokes left.
编个借口踏着自信又有所图谋的步伐进去我敢说她尿尿的笑话用完了
Okay, well, just show me how. What are you seeing,
好吧那你演给我看你们准备看什么电影呀
You can direct me. I've done a lot of plays. 尿尿 Pee Pee-13 音似 PG-13 是美国电影分级制度中
你可以指导我我演过不少话剧呢的一级
《卖花女》是爱尔兰剧作家萧伯纳的戏剧 something rated "pee pee 13"?
主人公是在伦敦街头卖花满口乡音的少女伊丽莎尿尿-13 级的电影吗
I could do my "Eliza Doolittle before she was civilized" Fart cushions are funny.
walk. 放屁垫果然很搞笑
我可以用"变身为大家闺秀前的卖花女"姿态走路 There's the guy. I'm getting a little nervous.
- Hello, governor. 那个人在那我开始紧张了
- 你好大人《异乡劫历》讲述的是西方旅行者
Wow, that was just ugly. I wish I hadn't seen it. 在世上某些最危险的地区被逮捕挣扎求生的故事
哇丑爆了我真想自戳双目 I'm starting to sweat like those people on Locked up
All right, just watch me. abroad.
好了看我的我在狂出汗了就像《异乡劫历》里的人一样
Walk, walk, walk, hair flip, walk, walk. I don't know why. I haven't swallowed a heroin balloon.
走走走甩下头发继续走也不知道为什么我没走私海洛因啊
Walk, walk, walk, hair flip, walk, walk. Okay, let's go.
走走走甩下头发继续走好了走吧
黑人影星威尔·史密斯的女儿有一首以疯狂甩头为主 Pretend we're out of breath.
题的单曲假装我们上气不接下气
Good, but easy on the hair flip, Willow Smith. Out of breath, not out of your mind.
很好但是甩头发的时候轻点维罗·史密斯是喘不过气不是脑子坏
Oh, hi, girls. Hey, sorry.
第 21 页 /共 198 页
抱歉快点啦一开场就会告诉观众
Can we just run back into the theater for a second? where he gets his superpowers from.
我们能回到影厅一下吗男主角的超能力是怎么来的呢
I left my iphone in there, Hey, Hallelujah here is doing the best he can.
我的手机落里面了喂哈利路亚已经尽力了
and the prescription for her anti-seizure medication's on I mean, based on his name,
it. 我是说从他名字看来
里面存着她的抗癫痫药处方呢 his parents clearly had bigger dreams for him,
Yeah, which theater were you in? 他的父母显然对他有更高的期望
你们刚才哪个厅 and it is not his fault you guys showed up two minutes
Theatre five. Went to the 11:15. 你们自己拖到开场前 2 分钟才来
5 号厅看的是 11 点 15 的电影 before the show starts.
Got out at 1:20. 又不是他的错
1 点 20 出来的 Maybe next time, you'll show up ten minutes early
A little long. Could've cut ten from it. 或许下次你们可以早来个 10 分钟
片子有点长有十分钟的场景完全可以删掉 without the attitude and the fidgety exhaling.
Wow, your walk with purpose is getting 然后态度好点唧唧歪歪少点
你踏着自信又有所图谋的姿态 You think Hallelujah doesn't hear that?
almost as impressive as Han's "bang, bang, 你们以为哈利路亚听不见你们唧歪吗
跟阿憨的"敢在太岁头上动土" He does.
You're in my house now, bitch!" 相当清楚哟
一样让我令我刮目相看 Sorry to be such a problem.
I know. What about Han? 抱歉给你造成麻烦
就是阿憨怎么样 We'll just take whatever you've got ready.
Before yesterday, we thought he was 53 and unarmed. 我们随便来点现成的就好了
事发前我们还觉得他是个没枪 53 岁老头 No, girl. I got you.
Guess we learn something new about people every day. 不姑娘我挺你
看来我们每天都能多了解别人一点 I'm gonna make you a fresh batch.
Yeah, like having to learn that when you get nervous, 我要给你做一桶现做的爆米花
对啊我就了解到了当你一紧张 Hallelujah, could I have some fresh too?
I'm disposable. 哈利路亚能给我也来点现做的吗
就可以推我去死 You'll get the burnt ones and like it, nerd.
That was very uncharacteristic of me. 烤焦的给你吃不吃随便死宅男
那完全不是平时的我嘛 Let's sit down here.
Hi, um, Hallelujah. 咱们去那边坐吧
你好哈利路亚 Ooh, I'm not sticking to the floor yet.
Cool name, by the way. 地板上还没任何东西黏住我的鞋
名字不错 Fancy theater.
How are you doing today, Hallelujah? 看来这影院很高级呀
今天过得好吗哈利路亚 Oh, hey, guys.
Bitter. 伙计们
有苦说不出 Hope I wasn't too hard on you out there.
They wouldn't let me put an exclamation point on my 希望刚才没有对你们太过分
name tag. Nice cape.
他们不让我在胸牌上加感叹号斗篷不错
Um, is there any way you could make a fresh batch of Thanks. I had it in my backpack.
popcorn? 谢谢之前收在背包里了
你能不能给我们现做份爆米花 I wasn't sure.
I could, but it takes ten minutes, 不确定该不该披
能是能但做新的要等 10 分钟 You made the right choice.
and your show starts in two. 你做得对
She likes my cape.
而你们的电影还有 2 分钟就开场了
Actually, it takes 3 1/2, 她喜欢我的斗篷
Technically, she likes your sister's cape.
其实还有 3 分半
严格说来她喜欢的是你姐姐的斗篷
and I can miss a few trailers.
Okay, so I don't know anything about these superhero
而且预告片不看也无所谓 movies.
I used to work at a Cineplex Five.
我对这些超级英雄的电影一无所知
我以前也在电影院打工过 It's a remake of a prequel to a sequel?
Oh, so now you just know everything about life?
这是翻拍的续集电影的前传吗
所以你已经看透人间百态了是吗 - I'm already confused. - Okay, stop.
Come on, the opening scene sets up
第 22 页 /共 198 页
- 我脑子已经不转了 -好了别说了 to block her from the flying debris.
So there's always a nerdy guy... 来当人盾抵挡飞射的破片残骸
主角总是那种书呆子宅男 Are you ever gonna let this go?
and he's either been wronged or bitten 你什么时候才会说够啊
要么被人冤枉或被某生物咬 I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big deal.
or exposed to something toxic. 我不知道这件事对我影响很大
要么就是接触到什么毒 You put my life in danger.
It gives him superpowers. 你置我于危险之中
然后就有了超能力 Well, I've apologized about it twice.
He's in love with a pretty girl who his rival tries to kill 我都道过两次歉了
他爱上漂亮女人而敌人则会试图杀她 I don't know how much more I can do.
but then won't because they have to make another 我不知道还有什么能做的了
movie. Yeah, I could have died,
但女人不会死因为还要拍第二部是啊我差点丧命
Also, partial nudity, but you apologized twice, so I guess we're good.
而且通常有半裸镜头但你都道过两次歉了我们也算"扯平"了
product placement, dope explosions, I don't like this movie.
植入式广告超棒爆炸场面我不喜欢这部电影
知名好莱坞电影配乐家成功作品无数如《蝙蝠侠 It's violence against women.
系列》配乐好多针对女性的暴力
and a killer score by Hans Zimmer. 美国著名女演员代表作多为浪漫爱情喜剧
还伴随着汉斯·季默作曲的配乐 Let's go see that katherine Heigl rom-com sequel.
Okay, your knowledge of these superhero movies 我们去看凯瑟琳·海格尔的爱情喜剧系列吧
你对这些超级英雄电影的理解 Talk about violence against women.
is kind of turning me on right now. 你有什么资格说"对女性的暴力行为"
让我现在觉得性致盎然啊 I am gonna go spend some time with Katie Heigl.
Wait. Are you kidding me? 我要去看凯瑟琳·海格尔了
慢着开什么玩笑 At least she won't make me feel guilty.
The hero has red hair as a child? 至少她不会让我觉得内疚
英雄小时候是红发啊 See ya.
Um, weird, 'cause when he grows up, 回见
奇了怪了他长大后 Enjoy three Walking on sunshine montages.
he has black hair. 享受三首情歌 MV 拼出来的烂片吧
头发可是黑色的 I don't wanna go to a movie by myself,
Was there some sort of chemical spill, 我不想独自看电影
是有化学品泄漏导致突变吗 and you're right. I'm sorry.
Which, by the way, wasn't in the original comic book! 你说得对我很抱歉
而那跟漫画原作差了十万八千里 I hate the way I acted.
- What am I, dumb? - Okay. 我也讨厌自己那天的行为
- 你当我是什么啊傻子吗 -好了 I'm a spoiled rich girl, and I always put myself first,
Okay, come on. 我是个被宠坏的富家女总是想着自己
好了别说了 and I know that's something you would never do.
Come on, let's go to another movie. 我知道换做你你一定不会这样做
走我们去看其他电影吧 Shut up.
What are you talking about? 闭嘴
你在说什么啊 Max, I think I just saw Han.
Well, you obviously hate this. 麦克斯我好像看见阿憨了
你明摆着不喜欢这电影 It is Han. What's he doing here?
You're yelling at the screen. 就是他他在这里干嘛
你都冲着大屏幕嚷嚷了 Why is he sitting all the way in the back?
Yelling at the screen is the best part of going to the 为什么他要坐这么靠后
movies, I don't know, maybe he's afraid of blocking absolutely
冲着大屏幕嚷嚷是看电影最爽的部分 no one's view.
and more white people should learn that. 不知道以为自己能挡住任何人的视线吧
你们白人应该多学着点 And who is that guy and girl he's sitting with?
Oh, wow, look at that. 跟他在一起的男人和女人是谁啊
哇快看啊 Is Han in a threesome?
That car just exploded in front of those two girls, 阿憨不会是在玩 3P 吧
那辆车在那两个女生面前爆炸了 - Does he secretly have game? - Please.
and one didn't use the other's body - 难道他是游戏女人堆的浪子 -拜托
而其中一个居然没有用另一个的身体 "one, two, buckle my shoe"是儿歌歌词
第 23 页 /共 198 页
The only game Han has is "one, two, buckle my shoe." 我只是不想跟他有那种关系
阿憨唯一能玩的"游戏"就是唱儿歌 You mean the kind of relationship
Wait, he's leaving, 你是说在电影院
慢着他走了 where you see someone you know at the movie theater
and so is the guy he was sitting next to. and say hello?
他旁边坐的那家伙也走了撞见熟人得打招呼的那种关系吗
Did Han just get more interesting? Yeah, I definitely don't want that.
阿憨是不是变得比电影更有趣了对我绝对不想这样
We have to follow him. Ladies, may I see your tickets, please?
我们得跟着他女士们我能看一下你们的票吗
He can blast a wall apart with his thoughts, Tickets? Max, do you--
他可以用意念把一堵墙炸掉票啊麦克斯
but he can't get out of Handcuffs? Can I see your tickets, please?
却挣脱不了一副手铐吗我能看下你的票吗
Even I could get out of Handcuffs! I saw you go into another theater.
连我这种普通人都能把手铐搞定我看见你们俩刚去了别的影厅
Have fun being lied to. Caroline?
祝你们被电影骗得愉快卡洛琳
You're right. You're always right. Hi, honey.
你说得对你永远是对的亲爱的
Are you seeing anyone? Hello?
你有对象了吗你好啊
That was hard to watch. Honey, I forgot my ticket.
我都看不下去了亲爱的我的票忘拿了
Why is he going to the bathroom with that stranger? He has my ticket.
为什么他要跟那个陌生人去厕所呢我的票在他那
美国同性恋共和党参议员克雷格曾在机场男厕所里 Han, this nice usher man thinks I snuck Into the theater,
欲行不轨阿憨这个好心的带位员以为我是溜进影院的
Is Han also a republican senator? so just show him the tickets.
难道阿憨是共和党参议员吗麻烦把票给他看一下吧
Usher. You two are together?
带位员你们俩是一对吗
Are all men's rooms this depressing? - Yeah, why? - Oh, it's nothing.
所有的男厕所都这么悲哀吗 - 是啊怎么了 -没事
We are such different people. It's none of my business,
我们果然不是一国人这不关我的事
I was just gonna say how nice it is. but he just seems too old for you.
我刚想说这个男厕还算不错但他这么老配不上你吧
I don't hear sex sounds, - He's 29. - What?
我没有听到做爱的声音 - 他才 29 岁 -怎么可能
and he's not on the changing table, Uh, I'm gonna have to see you
阿憨人也没"趴"在桌上那我要看一下你
so maybe drugs are involved. and your girlfriend's ticket.
所以可能是跟毒品有关和你女朋友的票
You think Han's an asian drug dealer? Uh, I thought I put the ticket in here.
你觉得阿憨是个亚洲毒贩子吗我记得我把我的票放这里了呀
What's he selling, crystal math? Tickets. You put two tickets in there, honey.
他能卖什么难不成还卖冰毒吗你把"我们"的两张票都放里面了亲爱的
Oh, look. Han's coming. Um, okay.
瞧阿憨来了好吧
- Aw, gross! - No, no! I cannot find it.
- 恶心死了 -不是来高潮我找不着了
I meant he's coming this way. Damn.
我是说他朝咱们方向过来了完了
Hey, you're running. Don't run, it's Han. Sir, you know that sneaking into a theater's a felony,
你跑什么不用跑那可是阿憨 right?
For him, every step we take is like a 100-meter dash. 先生你知道偷溜进影院是重罪吧
我们走一步对他的小短腿就是百米之遥 It is?
Sorry, you're the one who doesn't want Han to see us. 是吗
抱歉是你不想让阿憨看见我们的呀 Han, what's that face?
I just don't want that kind of relationship with him. 阿憨你这是什么表情
第 24 页 /共 198 页
It's the same face I made when I peed-- the girl who couldn't walk fast enough?
我当时失禁的时候也是这个表情《走不快女孩》故事谁来传唱啊
Oh, honey. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
小宝贝哟不不不是这样的
How will I live with the shame? Don't turn this around.
如此奇耻大辱我以后怎么做人呀你少颠倒是非黑白
Well, at least your fanny pack Now, I see it, the whole "Max" of it all.
至少你腰上的小腰包我算看清了你"麦克斯"的为人
isn't the most embarrassing thing about you anymore. When we got caught,
不再是让你最丢人的事物了当我们俩被逮到时
Well, well, well, look who it is. you only thought about saving yourself,
哎哟喂瞧瞧那是谁你只想到要保住自己小命
Hair flip and go. and you weren't defending poor Hallelujah.
甩头走人姐你当时也不是替哈利路亚说话
I don't know what you're doing, but it feels weird. You just wanted fresh popcorn for yourself.
我不知道你在干嘛但感觉好奇怪你只是想吃刚出炉的爆米花
Now, look who's walk, walk, walking with purpose What can I say? I guess you're on to me.
瞧是谁在走走走有所图谋地走我能说啥你真是了解我呀
away from me again. You said you'd take a bullet for me.
再次抛下我走掉你说过你会为我挡子弹呢
What? It wasn't a big deal. You'd never take a bullet for me.
干嘛啊那又不是什么大事你才不可能为我挡子弹呢
Really? 'cause I went to movie jail with Han. Probably not. No one ever takes a bullet.
是吗我可是跟阿憨蹲了影院的牢子应该不会吧谁会没事中弹啊
- Cool. - We have a mug shot. It's just something people say that they don't mean,
- 不错嘛 -人家还拍照存档了很多话都是拿来"光说不练"的
We're a notorious gangster couple now down at the like, "How was your day?"
Cineplex. 比如"你今天好吗"
我们现在成了影城臭名昭著的黑帮情侣 or, "We'll stop if it hurts."
That's right, Han-nie and Clyde, 或者"你疼我们就停下"
没错雌雄大盗憨妮和克莱德 Wow, so this is who we are, huh?
《雌雄大盗 Bonnie and Clyde》是本片根据美国历史原来我们是这种人啊
上 Two selfish girls who always put ourselves
著名雌雄大盗邦妮·派克和克莱德·巴罗的真实经历拍两个自私自利的女人只在乎自己
摄的 before everyone else and are willing
But you know what, I'm fine. 为存活可以毫无底线
不过我没事 to do anything to survive?
I'm thrilled, actually, 也不会管他人死活
老实说我兴奋不已 Guess we are.
because you walking away gave me one thing. 应该是吧
你抛弃下我的事情给了我一样东西 Man, we're gonna crush the cupcake competition.
An unobstructed view of my sweet, sweet ass? 我们肯定可以在小蛋糕比赛大杀四方
给了你一览无遗看我翘臀的机会吗 But, Max, even though we're ruthless,
No, the satisfaction of knowing 麦克斯虽然我们俩无情无义
不是给了我一种满足感 every now and then, on our own behalf,
that you are just as selfish as me. 但我要为咱俩说一句公道话
你让我知道原来你跟我一样自私 we do put ourselves second,
What a selfish thing to say. 我们偶尔也有为对方着想
你说这话真是太自私了 and I guess that's what makes us best friends.
You can walk, walk, walk away from me, Max, 所以这就是我们成为好朋友的原因吧
麦克斯你可以走走走抛下我走掉 I don't think I've ever done that.
but you can't walk away from knowing that you split the 我觉得我没为你着想过
scene. Yes, you have.
但你逃不出当时恶意卖友保命的事实你有
What? I thought you were behind me, You let me stay on your couch
什么我当时是以为你紧跟着呢在我无家可归的时候
and besides, we couldn't both get caught. when I had no place to stay.
而且我们不能同时被抓啊是你让我睡在你沙发上
Who would live to tell the tale of the great Caroline I guess I did.
Channing, 你说有就有吧
不然伟大的卡洛琳·钱宁的那 And I gave you--
第 25 页 /共 198 页
而我呢... Sometimes people bug me, and I need some time away.
Go ahead. 有时候人们让我心烦我需要静一静
说啊 You know what, Han?
Well, there must be something where I didn't put myself 老实说阿憨
first. You're cool.
我肯定有为你着想过的时候你蛮酷的
Let me know when you find it. We're gonna hang sometime.
你想到了告诉我改天我们可以一起出去玩
Sophie, just look at you. Not now, not in a week,
苏菲瞧瞧你不是现在也不是这周
You couldn't look more scrumptious. but in the future.
秀色可餐到了极点不过未来可以考虑
Oh, maybe I could Just sayin', I got my eye on you.
也不是不能突破哦你赢得了我的注意哟
With a little chocolate drizzled on me. -----------------------------
只要在我身上洒点巧克力就行 -------------04--------------
Oh, good, there you are, Han. -----------------------------
太好了你在呀阿憨 Max, look at all these customers
I just have one question that I have to ask you. 麦克斯瞧瞧这午夜骑行活动
我有个问题想问你 from Brooklyn midnight ride,
What is your favorite musical? 给我们带来多少顾客
你最喜欢的音乐剧是什么 I smell of diner success!
《The Wiz 绿野仙踪》经典音乐剧 Wiz 也有尿尿的意我闻到了成功的味道
思 Really? 'Cause I smell baked crotch.
Is it The Wiz? 真的吗我只闻到胯下烤焦的味道呢
是《绿野先尿》吗 Can balls fart?
Whiz, Max! I found another one, right? 蛋蛋也能放屁吗
我太聪明了麦克斯我又想到一个笑点 Because I feel like I'm smelling that too.
How do you even know about this? 我感觉好像闻到了蛋屁味
你怎么会知道这事 Where is Oleg with my orders?
Oh, Oleg told me while we were having phone sex. 奥列格怎么还没上我的菜
奥列格在我们玩电话性爱的时候告诉我的 If my tables don't get food soon, they're gonna--
And by phone sex, she means we were using the phone 我的客人再没拿到吃的他们会...
我们的电话性爱是指在做爱的过程中 Oh, my God, they're raising their arms.
in the sex. 天啊他们果然举手示意了
用上了电话哦 Ugh! Well, we know it wasn't a charity ride
Don't worry, Han. 我们也可以确定这次骑行
别担心阿憨 to raise money for deodorant.
A lot of older men can't control their bladder. 不是为除臭剂募捐善款了
很多男人上了年纪都控制不住膀胱 Oleg, where are my burgers?
I am twenty-freaking-nine! 奥列格我的汉堡好了吗
老子真的是 29 岁啊 I'm a little in the weeds right now.
Ooh, what? 我现在有点大麻
怎么可能 You mean you smoked a little weed right now?
I'm humiliated, Max. 你是说你抽了点大麻吧
我感觉好受辱麦克斯 It's medicinal.
Hey, listen to me. 是药用大麻
听我说 Helps with my chronic erection.
You didn't sell Caroline out. 压制我"长勃不倒"的毛病
你当时没出卖卡洛琳 Grateful Dead 感恩而死乐队美国史上第一支在吸毒
A lot of people would have, 后即兴表演的乐队
很多人都会出卖朋友 Can someone who's not in the Grateful Dead
but you just stood there like a man 有非感恩而死乐队成员
可你没有你像个爷们一样站在那里 tell me how we're gonna get food?
and peed your pants. 能告诉我怎么才能弄到食物吗
吓得尿裤子 Follow me.
That's true. I did. 跟我来
那倒是我就是这么做的 You do plates, buns, coleslaw.
By the way, Han, why were you at the movies in the 你搞定盘子汉堡面包卷心菜沙拉
middle of the day? I'll do burgers, fries,
对了你为什么大中午的去看电影啊我来搞汉堡薯条
第 26 页 /共 198 页
and any guy who has no future. She's Lance Armstrong's left nut.
以及"搞"任何没未来的男人她是兰斯·阿姆斯特朗的左蛋蛋
Can you imagine if we were born inside shells, - What? - Nothing.
你能想象如果我们生在贝壳里 - 看你妹啊 -不看不看
and then even bigger animals cracked us open to eat? Caroline,
然后有更强大的动物破开壳吞我们下肚吗卡洛琳
Fries on the plates! You know I'm not one to gossip,
薯条要放上盘子了你知道我不喜欢说人八卦
Is anybody writing this gold down? but just about 30 seconds ago,
没有人把这句金玉良言记下吗但就在 30 秒之前
All right, Oleg. I want in. I saw Max drop some major attitude
好了奥列格我要加入我亲眼看见麦克斯耍脾气
Where's the-- and blow a chance with a possible cupcake customer.
你抽的在... 葬送了一个争取小蛋糕潜在客户的机会
or the-- That's your gossip?
或是... 你的八卦就是这个吗
or the-- That Max has an attitude?
又或是... 谁不知道麦克斯脾气大啊
Oh, my God, am I deaf? What are you gonna tell me next,
天啊老子成聋子了你接下来还要跟我八卦什么
Wait, where is it? 艾尔顿·约翰英国著名同性恋歌星
慢着我把它放哪里了 that Elton John is gay?
I put it somewhere. 艾尔顿·约翰是同性恋吗
我记得放在某处了 Anyways, I'm just saying about Max,
- Ooh, a french fry. 总而言之我就说说而已
- 哇有薯条吃 bitch needs to take it down a notch.
I don't know where you guys are in your bike training. 那贱人不该气焰这么嚣张
我不知道你们自行车练到什么程度了 Bitch needs to mind his own business.
Are we doping or desserting? 那你这个贱人应该少管闲事
是要来点兴奋剂还是上甜点呢 Max, did you blow a possible cupcake customer tonight?
I can help you either way. 麦克斯你今晚是不是吹了一个潜在的客户
我都能帮你们搞到哦 You know I don't mix business with pleasure.
We're thinking about dessert. 我可是公私分明干活时候从不"吹"
我们想吃甜点 We have to keep pushing our cupcakes.
Cool, how about a Max's homemade cupcake? 我们必须不断地推销小蛋糕
很好那来个麦克斯自制小蛋糕如何 Every table, every time,
Eh, I don't think so. 每个餐桌每次点餐
不要 - "Max's homemade cupcakes." - I did.
- How's that cherry pie? - Nice. - 都要强推"麦克斯自制小蛋糕" -我有啊
- 樱桃派怎么样 -还不错 I said my name to that table more times
The family of mice that lives in it just renewed their 刚才我说我名字的次数
lease. than my mother said it my entire life.
住在派里的那家老鼠刚续租了比我妈这辈子叫我的次数还多
So, a Max's homemade cupcake? But you can't just say the name.
还是来个麦克斯自制小蛋糕吧你不能光说名字
You keep saying "Max's homemade cupcakes" You have to really sell it.
你干嘛一直提"麦克斯自制小蛋糕" 你得用心去推销
like it's a thing. You should see me out there.
好像多出名一样你真应该向我学着点
I've never heard of it. "hope you saved room for
我从来没听说过这玩意 "希望您肚子还有空位
I haven't either. And we know a lot. one of our delicious "Max's homemade cupcakes.
我也是我们可是很懂行的呢吃我们美味的麦克斯自制小蛋糕"
And yet you put that headband on this morning. - "they're moist, delicious, creamy--" - Stop.
但你出门还是系了这个二逼头巾 - "湿润味美带汁液" -别说了
- So who's Max? - Yeah, who's Max? I can't believe I'm saying this,
- 那个麦克斯是谁啊 -对啊是谁啊没想到我会说这个
Who's Max? but I am not a whore.
谁是麦克斯啊但老娘又不是妓女
兰斯·阿姆斯特朗美国环法自行车赛冠军曾因罹患 Oh, you're a cupcake whore,
睾丸癌切除右睾丸你就是个小蛋糕妓女
第 27 页 /共 198 页
and right now I'm your pimp, so... 什么是高大节呀
而现在我是你的皮条客所以... Oh, Duza day is huge holiday in Polish community.
- how many did you sell tonight? - Two. 高大节是波兰的重大节日
- 你今晚卖了多少 -两个 When a polish girl reaches six feet,
Don't hit me, daddy! 当波兰姑娘长到 1 米 82 时
别打我皮条老爹 You give her big party.
Okay, how many did you sell tonight? 得给她办个派对
好吧那你今晚又卖了多少 I had mine when I was seven.
I sold... 我是在七岁的时候办的
我可是卖了 Is this private giggling
Two. 是"私事"在笑
两个哟 or can anyone join?
Okay, we're bad whores. 还是我也可以加入啊
好吧我们是一代烂妓 - What are you watching? - My favorite show.
No, we are tired whores. - 你在看什么啊 -我最爱的节目
不我们只是累了的妓 Abby & Brittany, the show about those
It's not the end of the world. "阿比与布莱缇"的节目吗
急什么又不是世界末日 cute conjoined twins with two heads, one torso?
We're just letting a few El-Caminos drive by 连体婴姐妹一个身子两个头
我们不过是因为"手腕累了" Already watched it.
because our wrists are sore. 看过了
才放过几个开老爷车的过路客 They fought about a necklace.
I love you for that. 她们为了一条项链吵架了
我就爱你这样 Now I'm watching Cupcake Wars.
You just put everything into perspective. 我现在是看决战小蛋糕之巅
你看待事物总是有独到见解 If our team wins Cupcake Wars,
So I says to Caroline, "it's so bad for business." 如果我们队伍赢了比赛
于是我跟卡洛琳说这样对生意不好 we're gonna use the $10,000 prize
And right now they're in the kitchen having huge fight. 我们将用这一万元奖金
她们现在正在厨房大吵特吵呢 to finally open up our own storefront.
I really worried that-- 来开一家属于我们的小店
我真的很担心... Wait, $10,000? What kind of show is this?
Lady chatterbox says your business is in big trouble. 等等一万元这是什么节目
八卦小天后说你们的生意有"大麻烦" I thought Google eliminated the need
Please, everything seems big to Han. 我还以为有了谷歌之后
拜托对小不点来说什么不"大"呀 to ask questions out loud, but fine.
Ready to go, Sophie? 就不会有人随口问蠢问题了
可以走了吗苏菲 It's a show on Food Network
And girls, sorry to hear your business broke up 这是美食频道的节目
姑娘们听说你们的生意失败 where teams make cupcakes and compete for money.
and you aren't speaking. 队伍们制作小蛋糕然后比赛赢取奖金
还撕破脸了啊 And why are we not on it?
We scared him. 那为什么我们不参加
我们吓到他了 Look at that dumb-dumb!
Now he's gonna run under the stove. 看那个傻蛋
这小鼠辈要躲回灶台下了 She just dropped the pastry bag.
I'm gonna make some calls to help you. 她裱花袋都掉地上了
我会打几个电话帮帮你们 Hey, they're called hands,
Get you some big party jobs. 那器官叫"双手"
给你们接几个大派对单子 learn how to use them, dumb-dumb!
That's so nice of you, Sophie. 学学怎么用它们吧傻蛋
你人真好苏菲 And that is why we're not on it.
We really appreciate it. 这就是为什么我们不去参加
我们感激不尽 Not everyone's as judgmental as you.
You girls can make some big money. 不是每个人都跟你一样爱批判
你们俩姑娘可以挣大钱哦 Oh, everyone's as judgmental as me.
As you know, Duza day is coming up. 哪个人不跟我一样爱批判啊
你们也知道高大节要来了 And I don't need some snarky bitch
Um, no, I do not know. 我也不想有无礼的臭三八
不我不知道 pointing at us on her TV going,
What the hell is Duza day? 指着她的电视说
第 28 页 /共 198 页
"oh, look at that blonde dumb-dumb because I'm uncomfortable with you
"快看电视上那金发傻蛋光是你跟我坐这么近
and her hot friend trying to do something." even sitting this close to me.
跟她那个性感努力在忙活的朋友" 我就浑身不舒服了
Max, why don't you ever let yourself dream? Well, if we're making an audition tape to be on a reality
麦克斯为什么你从不让自己有梦想呢 show called,
Because in my dreams, 如果我们要给名为"世界最不舒服 T 恤"的
因为在我梦中 "The world's most uncomfortable T-shirt,"
spiders are always eating my eyes. 真人秀拍试镜带
我眼珠总是被蜘蛛吃了 We have already won.
This might be the big push we need. 那我们已经赢了
这没准是我们需要的大机遇 Yes, I could have gotten us
We can go on Cupcake Wars, 我是可以买更贵的衣服
我们可以去决战小蛋糕之巅 a more expensive shirt at American Apparel,
or we can keep being cupcake whores. 例如去 AA 美国服饰店买
也可以继续当小蛋糕之妓 but then we would just look like people pretending to
Think about it. be poor.
你考虑一下吧但那样只会让我们看起来像装穷
We wouldn't have to go car-to-car anymore, And 13, and probably in the sex trade.
我们不用路上逢人就求"卖" 估计还像卖淫的 13 岁屁孩
we could actually open a brothel. I cannot believe you used your flat iron
而是可以开家正经的妓院我没想到你居然省到用直发器
Wait, if brothel's on the table, to put these letters on.
等等如果可以选择去妓院来把图案给烫上
why don't we just forget about this cupcake thing? Well, I can't believe you once used it to make a panini,
那我们还想着这个破蛋糕生意干嘛我也不敢相信你会用过这来压三明治啊
'cause that's a job I can do without pants. but--that's what happens now.
做那份工我就可以不穿裤子上班了但你还不是做了
Seriously. Let's at least go to the Food Network and Where's the scissors?
apply. 剪刀呢
说真的好歹也去美食频道试着报名看看吧 I gotta give this thing some flave.
That's not how it works. 我要给这衣服加点风采
不是这样的 Max, what are you doing?
You fill out an application online, 麦克斯你在干嘛
你得在网上先填报名表 Crew necks are for squares and Mormons.
submit a two-minute home video, 圆领衫是给乡巴佬跟摩门教徒穿的
并上传一个两分钟的自我介绍短片 Oh, cute! Should we do mine?
and then wait eight to ten days for a response. 真可爱我该学你吗
然后节目组会在八到十天后通知你 I don't know.
Huh, caught you dreaming. 我不知道
让我逮到你有过这个梦吧 If you have no car, why open the garage?
All right, so maybe I thought about it for, like, a second, 内里无"车" 何须打开"车库"
行我是曾经想过那么一秒钟 So, I thought we'd shoot it over here
when we first became a team. 我觉得我们就站这里拍
在我们刚刚组队的那会 in our adorable, scrappy, low-income kitchen.
But then I remembered the world's a dead-end 在我们有爱凄凉又穷酸的厨房里
但我想起人生就是个死胡同 Why are you talking like that?
and nothing good happens ever to anyone. 你干嘛这么说话
好事永远也不会降临 Because that's our brand.
There's a gun in that drawer. 这就是我们的品牌风格啊
那抽屉里有把枪 I've watched a ton of Cupcake Wars,
Do you want to just kill ourselves? 我看了无数集决战小蛋糕之巅
不如现在就饮弹自尽吧 and it's a lot about branding.
Oh, Max. 打出自我品牌是很重要的一环
麦克斯 And what are we?
You finally called us a team. 那我们是什么
你终于承认我们是一个团队了 The girl who knows how to make cupcakes
We are so going on that show. 会做小蛋糕的女孩加
我们绝对要上那节目 and the girl who doesn't?
Seriously, I don't know how Abby and Brittany do it, 不会做的女孩组合吗
说真的我真不知道连体婴姐妹忍受的 Max, I'm not worried about that.
第 29 页 /共 198 页
麦克斯我才不担心这个我们的时间就不好拿捏
You'll just tell me what to do, like you always do, 上世纪 80 年代末的美剧姐妹花拍档
你会告诉我怎么做就跟往常一样 to Cagney and Lacey.
and we'll be the two scrappy girls with so little 是我有眼不识泰山
然后我们就扮演两个凄凉穷苦的女孩 Oh, I didn't know I was talking
you can't help but love them. 不知道你们是警花拍档
哪有观众会不心疼我们啊 Yeah, well, suit yourself.
I hate them already. 好吧随你们
我已经开始讨厌这俩妞了 We're sorry, Sophie.
Okay, that's Oleg. 对不起苏菲
奥列格来了 You have every right to be mad.
You did tell him he's filming us for an audition 你完全有权气我们
你有告诉他是来拍试镜带 Would a cupcake help?
and not making a porno, right? 吃个小蛋糕心情会好点吗
而不是来拍黄片的吧 Always.
Yeah, I made it very clear. 当然会
有的我说得非常清楚 Well, I just texted the third girl not to come,
Why are your tops still on? 我发短信叫另一个女孩别来了
你们怎么还穿着上衣啊 So let's get this over with.
And why isn't the plastic down? 咱们速战速决吧
塑料布怎么还不铺好啊 This is so exciting. We're gonna be great.
You're gonna get oil everywhere. 好兴奋哦我们可以的
油会溅的到处都是呢 - We got this, girl. - Okay, stop.
Oleg, Max told you - 我们一定行姐妹 -停
奥列格麦克斯说过了 On every reality show,
we're not gonna make that kind of movie. 我们绝不许说
我们不是要拍"那种"电影 people say lame things that we can never say.
I know, but so did every girl that I worked with 每个真人秀都会有人说的烂句
但每个跟我合作过"后庭新娘"电影的 No fist bumping. No high fives.
on "Backdoor Brides". 我们不许击拳击掌
女孩也都这么说啊 You can't tell me to "bring it," "shut it down,"
And then again on "Backdoor Brides II." 不许叫我"使出全力" "发功"
然后拍续集时又说了一遍 or "put our cupcake business on the map."
But five minutes later, it was "here comes the bride." 或说要将小蛋糕生意名扬天下
但开拍五分钟过后就成了新娘"来"了 You can't tell me to "go, girl""or "bring my 'A' game,"
Oh, good. 也不许说 "加油妹子" "使出十成功力啊"
太好了 And we don't "got this". Cool?
You still have your tops on. 我们也没有"一定行" 懂吗
你们上衣还在 Cool.
Yeah, they don't have to make Girl-on-girl porn film for 懂
money. - But we do got this, right? - Yeah, we got this.
她们不用拍女女黄片赚钱了 - 懂但我们一定行对吧 -那当然
I got you big Duza day party. Okay, here we go, girls.
我帮你们接到了高大节的单好的姑娘们好戏上场
300 cupcakes! Arch your backs. Sorry, force of habit.
三百个小蛋糕翘起你的屁屁抱歉职业病
Oh, my God! That's $1,200. Action.
天啊能赚一千两百块呢开始
No, it's for free. Hey, what's up? I'm Max,
不不给钱大家好吗我是麦克斯
You do it for connections, And this is my partner, Caroline.
这次是让你们打通关系她是我的搭档卡洛琳
and for the hot and cold pierogi buffet. And we're Max's homemade cupcakes.
好让你们在波兰饺子自助上提供甜点我们是"麦克斯自制小蛋糕"
Oh, Sophie, I don't know And by homemade, I mean, "hoe-made".
苏菲我不确定也就是"卖客湿"自制小蛋糕来"卖"的
if we should be taking free work right now. You go, girl!
是否该接你这免费的活说得好姑娘们
We're doing this TV thing, and if we get it, - We are an online bakery... - Well, we have a website.
我们想上电视如果雀屏中选 - 我们目前只是个网店 -我们有网站
we don't know what our schedule will be.
And we're based right here in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
第 30 页 /共 198 页
但大本营就在此布鲁克林的威廉斯堡人生真是太美好了
And this is where the magic happens. Good morning. I'm the Cupcake Wars
小蛋糕的奇迹就是在此地创造的早安我是决战小蛋糕之巅的
This is our kitchen/ living room/ my bedroom -- talent coordinating producer, Janis.
这里是厨房兼客厅兼我的卧房参赛者制作人洁尼丝
Slash my wrists, 'cause I'm trying to bake all night You are awesome. Your show's awesome.
还"奸"我的手腕我总是烘培整晚你超牛逼你的节目超牛逼
while she's sleeping over there. Who would I talk to about getting a mug to take home?
而她只会呼呼大睡我想拿个纪念马克杯的话该找谁要呢
And here is our purple stove. Not a gift shop.
而这是我们的紫色烤箱这里不是礼品店
Just because you're poor, Janis, hi, I'm Caroline, and this is my partner, Max.
我们虽然人穷洁尼丝我是卡洛琳她是麦克斯
that doesn't mean you can't have style. Loved your tape. Great characters.
但风格品味绝不穷很喜欢你们的影带很有个性
Or a horse that just came in unannounced. - We are? - We are.
还有只不请自来的抢镜马 - 是吗 -是的
Oh, this is Chestnut. Look, we're about to start with the team intros.
他是栗宝我们将从队伍自我介绍开始
He's our test audience. The other team is up first and then you.
我们的试吃员另一队先然后换你们
But we don't feed him chocolate. [B.Y.O.B 可自带啤酒
我们没有喂他巧克力哦 And remember to B.Y.O.B.
'Cause that would kill him. 记得是 B.Y.O.B
因为马吃了会死 Oh, if I had known I was allowed to bring a bottle in,
They have a horse! 早知道允许自己带酒来
她们还有匹马 I wouldn't have chugged it in the bathroom.
So pick us because we're hard workers, we love the 我就不把它们倒掉了
show, Max, that's not what she meant.
请您选我们我们很努力也爱您的节目麦克斯她不是这意思
and we're females getting their own, on their own. The Food Network is very PG.
而且我们是一对自食其力的姐妹花哦美食频道是很老少皆宜的
And cut! That was so great. Janis, B.Y.O.B.?
停拍得太棒了洁妮丝 B.Y.O.B 是指...
Chestnut walking in out of nowhere, "Bring your own brand."
还有栗宝突然就蹦了进来 "打出自己的品牌特色"
we could not have planned that. Just like you did on your home tape.
真是老天的安排啊就像你们录制的影片一样
Oh, but I did. You're edgy with big boobs. You're the "try hard."
不是我安排的你是犀利巨乳姐你是装模作样妞
That's our gimmick. Try to beat that. I'm sorry, I'm the what?
这是我们的吸睛绝招谁能赢啊抱歉您说我是...
Two girls with a horse. That's your brand.
两女一马那是你们的招牌
And how is this not a porn film? The muscle and the hustle.
这怎么就不是黄片啊一个干活一个废话
We knew it, we got it The double-D's and the ditz.
我们知我们行 "胸器逼人"与"傻逼人"
I knew it, I saw it!
I went to Wharton. I'm not a ditz.
我早知我已见
我上过沃顿商学院我才不是傻逼
Is this how you imagined it when you were laughing
Well you ain't the double-D's.
你嘲笑上节目的傻蛋们时
你也不是"胸器逼人啊"
at all the dumb-dumbs on Cupcake Wars?
Can you believe she openly commented on m'goods?
有想到过此情此景吗
I cannot believe I am auditioning 她居然这么直接地夸赞我的"胸器"
我真不敢相信我有来试镜 All right, we're ready for team one.
to be on Cupcake Wars. 好的第一组请上场
这节目的一天 Step up.
I am on the show I watch! 请上前
我上了我爱看的节目 You have 30 seconds.
Life is totally awesome. 你们有三十秒
Okay, cute aprons. But what's their brand?
第 31 页 /共 198 页
好的围裙挺可爱但品牌特色呢 "麦克斯自恋小蛋糕"
In five, four, three, two... We're fine. Don't freak out.
倒数 5 4 3 2... 没事的理智线别断
Hi, I'm Felicia. And I'm Blanche, Just do our thing, like we did at home.
大家好我是法丽莎我是布兰琪跟着我们的计划走照搬家里那套
and we're representing the crescent city. No need to panic.
我们是来自新月城的代表不必恐慌
We're talking about New Orleans, y'all! In five, four, three, two...
也就是新奥尔良哟各位倒数 5 4 3 2...
Cute accents, but no one has a scrappier story than us. Yo, what's up?
口音挺可爱但没人能比我们凄凉悲惨大家好啊
Back in 2005, when hurricane Katrina hit... I'm Max, of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
回想起 2005 年卡特里娜飓风来袭我是"麦克斯自制小蛋糕"的麦克斯
美国史上最严重的自然灾害之一新奥尔良是重灾区 They're "Hoe-made." Ha! Get it?
将近两千人死亡损失超过八百亿美元是"卖客湿"自制小蛋糕懂吗
Say what? 'cause she's a hoe!
什么因为她是来卖的
And the levee broke She's got the boobs,
当时堤防溃堤她有大"胸器"
and flooded our whole neighborhood. And I've got the brains, right, Max?
我们那一带全淹没了我有好头脑对吧麦克斯
Say what? Uh, kind of.
什么算是吧
Our community was devastated, and we thought, We bake at home in our apartment, which is--
社区陷入愁云惨雾我们心想我们的小蛋糕都是在家里烘焙的环境...
"hell yes, Katrina hit us hard."
Is a disaster area. Really, it's a mess.
"卡特里娜淹掉了我们的家园"
简直就像飓风扫过真的很惨哦
"But hell no! We're not giving up." And we don't have our rent.
"但它淹不掉我们的魂与希望" 而且我们还付不起房租
We needed to find a way to keep on keepin' on. The rent is high, not gonna lie.
我们得想个办法帮大家坚持下去付不起房租贵到我想哭
Katrina? Their brand is Katrina? we hung out to dry, neither has a guy
卡特里娜她们是打飓风牌吗可怜无人助也无男人顾
Even m'goods can't upstage that. Yo, what up, Cupcake Wars? Right, Max?
我的"胸器"镇不住这招啊咋样啊决战小蛋糕之巅对吧麦克斯
We want to win Cupcake Wars I don't even know what's happening.
我们想赢得这比赛我不知道现在是怎样
so we can finally open a storefront We bake because I lost all my money
这样我们才能有足够的资金我们开始烘焙是因为我家破产
in our little neighborhood. and her mom drinks.
在社区开个小店而且她妈是酒鬼
Make our business official. Oh, I'm Caroline... and, cut.
让我们的生意正式上轨道对了我是卡洛琳就此结束
Yeah, and find a way to put money back into our Okay. Well, okay.
community. 好吧行
这也是我们想回馈社区办法 Did I just freestyle rap?
That's what we're all about at... 我刚才即兴唱了段饶舌吗
这就是我们的理念 Yes.
Neighbor cakes! 是的
敦亲睦邻小蛋糕 And you also called our apartment a disaster
Boom! 你还在家园被飓风淹没的女人面前
加油 in front of two ladies whose apartments washed away.
Great, great. 说我们的家像是被飓风扫过一般
很好非常好 Hi. Everything okay over here?
Max's Homemade Cupcakes, you're up. 你们俩没事吧
麦克斯自制小蛋糕到你们了 Yep. Ditz and double-D's, on track.
Why did we name the company after me? 傻逼人与胸器逼人一切正常
我们为啥会用我名字来当店名 - B.Y.O.B. - Great.
"Neighbor Cakes" versus - 介绍自己的品牌特色 -很好
"敦亲睦邻小蛋糕"对比 Can we all gather to reveal the secret ingredients?
"Max's narcissistic cupcakes"? 都来到台前我将公布今天的神秘材料
第 32 页 /共 198 页
- What's it gonna be? - It could be anything. 我们就选出三个材料吧
- 会是什么材料啊 -都有可能啊 And we're ready to pop them in the oven!
I once saw a St. Patrick's day theme where a team made 我们准备好要放进烤箱了
在圣帕特里克节主题集中有支队伍做了 How can they already be going in the oven?
a beer and lucky charms cupcake. 她们怎么这么快就能送入烤箱啦
啤酒幸运符小蛋糕 - Oh, that gives me an idea! - What?
爱尔兰节日人们会大肆庆祝喝绿色啤酒互赠三叶 - 这让我有个主意 -什么
苜蓿穿着绿色衣物 Put me in the oven!
That's right up your alley. I hope it's that. 把我放进烤箱吧
那方面你很专长希望是那个主题 Okay, okay. We just have to start.
Today's theme is... 没事的先开始边做边想吧
今日的主题是 It'll come to us.
- Soul food. 灵感会来的
- 灵魂食物 Bring it all.
Ooh, we got this, sister! 统统带过去
我们一定行的姐妹 Just my luck to get soul food
Sister, this is gotten. Whoo-hoo! 这集主题居然是灵魂食物
胜券在握了爽哟 when I don't even have a soul.
Some of the ingredients include 我这没灵魂的人真是超"幸运"啊
材料包含有 New Orleans, New Orleans
okra, molasses, collard greens, sweet potato, 新奥尔良新奥尔良
秋葵糖蜜芥蓝地瓜 we got this, gumbo cupcakes
buttermilk, chicken, and ham hock. 我们一定行秋葵小蛋糕
酪乳鸡猪蹄膀 That is not catching on!
Ham hock? 这洗不了我的脑的
猪蹄膀 So, what are you thinking, Max?
Isn't that a character in The Hobbit? 你有什么想法呢麦克斯
怎么听起来像魔戒哈比人的名字 New Orleans, New Orleans
In three, two... 新奥尔良新奥尔良
倒数 3 2 I was wrong, it is catching on.
Here we go, girl! 我错了真被洗脑了
比赛开始女孩们 Stop thinking that.
Sister, we are screwed. 别想那个了
姐妹我们死定了 Start thinking about the ingredients,
We can do our sweet potato mash cupcake. 快想要用什么材料
我们可以做我们的地瓜泥小蛋糕 while I do the baking.
Ooh, with peanut molasses drizzle. 我一边先准备烘焙
再撒上糖蜜花生碎 I've seen you do it a million times.
Gumbo cupcake! Gumbo cupcake! 我看你做过无数次了
秋葵小蛋糕秋葵小蛋糕 We just need milk, right, Max?
What are we gonna do? 用牛奶就行了对吧
我们该怎么做 We got this. Gumbo cupcakes
I don't know. 我们一定行秋葵小蛋糕
不知道 Here's the milk.
- What are you looking at? - The camera. 牛奶先拿来
- 你在看什么 -摄影机啊 So, I'll just pour this milk into this mixer.
New Orleans, New Orleans 我要先倒牛奶进搅拌器
新奥尔良新奥尔良 It looks like I'm baking, right, Max?
we got this, gumbo cupcakes 看起来像我在烘焙对吧麦克斯
我们一定行秋葵小蛋糕 Whoa! Watch what you're doing!
Good luck, Caroline. 你眼睛看着呀
卡洛琳祝你好运 It's flooding! It's flooding!
Stop it, Max. What's wrong with you? 淹水啦发大水啦
不许走麦克斯跑什么跑啊 Oh, great, you said "flooding."
It's happening. We're the dumb-dumbs! 这就喊淹水呢
最惨的事发生了我们是这集里的傻蛋 What's next, "FEMA?" "Superdome?"
We are not the dumb-dumbs. 等等喊啥防灾部跟飓风避难所了吗
我们才不是这集的傻蛋 This is a disaster.
I went to Wharton. 这真是场灾难
我是沃顿商学院毕业的 We are the worst team ever.
All we have to do is pick three ingredients. 我们是节目史上最烂的一组了
第 33 页 /共 198 页
We are not. What are you doing? Well, first, I tell you to leave
我们才不是呢你在干嘛首先我会叫你滚蛋
Putting shrimp in my pocket to take home. So I can get stoned with Oleg.
偷点虾子带回家啊我才好跟奥列格一起抽大麻
We gotta get something out of this. Okay, if I was stoned,
赢不了也不能空手而回吧如果我抽傻了
Just start tasting this stuff what would I know about soul food?
赶紧开始试味道我会怎么想灵魂食物
so we can figure out what we're making. - Ludacris!
才好决定要做什么小蛋糕啊 - 卢达克里斯
That tastes like a foot! Is always talking about
这味道像臭脚似的他总是在说
And now I'm using some flour. how much he loves waffles with chicken.
现在再加点面粉他有多喜欢松饼加炸鸡早餐
We use flour when we bake. Chicken and waffle cupcake!
我们烘焙时都用面粉炸鸡松饼小蛋糕
Right, Max? Yes! Chicken and waffles!
对吧麦克斯没错炸鸡松饼小蛋糕
Oh, that is hot. You better watch it, girls.
好辣你们注意点了女士们
Ooh, that's too hot. Here comes chicken and waffles
太辣了巨乳姐跟装模作样妞联手做的
- That is hot as the devil's ass! from big boobs and try hard.
- 跟满身火焰的恶魔屁股一样烫炸鸡松饼小蛋糕要上场了
Oh, my mouth is on fire. Where's that foot thing? As Ludacris would say,
我的嘴要烧起来了那臭脚味的玩意呢卢达克里斯如果在这
Move over, I'll help you. What is this? - move, bitch, get out the way.
让开我来帮你这是什么 - 他会说小妞让开别挡爷的路
It's vanilla. Let's go, girl. We gotta bring it.
是香草上啊我们要使出全力
It's sweet, Max! It's sweet. We gotta shut this down. We are bringing our "A" game.
是甜的麦克斯是甜的我们要发功使出十成功力
Now we just have to pick something else. It's time to put our cupcake business on the map.
再选个别的材料就行了是时候将小蛋糕生意名扬天下了
There, ham. We got this. Oh, my God.
这个吧火腿我们一定行天啊
We're making a vanilla ham cupcake. I said them all.
我们可以做个香草火腿小蛋糕我把烂句全了说一遍
That's it! Vanilla ham! Empty the mixer. We still have time.
就是这个了香草火腿清空搅拌器我们还有时间
- You're a vanilla ham! Look at the blonde dumb-dumb.
- 你就是个香草猪扒妹瞧这金发傻蛋
Good, insult me! Congratulations, Max!
很好继续羞辱我恭喜你啊麦克斯
Yes, you're coming out of it, Max, here we go. Sophie, we didn't get it.
你要恢复正常了麦克斯来吧苏菲我们没赢
We're not going anywhere. Oh, congratulations, Caroline!
我们注定要失败恭喜你啊卡洛琳
I'm on my show and I'm losing. Sophie, I told you, we didn't get picked.
虽然上了我爱的节目但我要输了苏菲我说了我们没被选上
Forget we're on the show. What am I supposed to do,
别想着我们在上节目那你要我怎么办
Pretend we're in the diner, and Oleg is stoned, walk around with a purse full of confetti?
想象我们在餐厅里奥列格大麻抽傻了揣着整包的碎纸花啥事不干吗
and we have all these ingredients I'm so sorry, ladies.
而我们手边有这些材料我很遗憾姑娘们
and we just got slammed with people who all want But you know what they say,
cupcakes. 但常言道
厨房外是一群吵着要小蛋糕的顾客 when God closes a door, you work here.
What do you tell me to do? "当上帝关上了门你就来这工作"
你当时怎么教我的 It just wasn't our day.
第 34 页 /共 198 页
就只是出师不利嘛 And that's not it.
We got flustered at first, 不是你取的那个
刚开始我们惊慌失措 What is it?
but we did end up making a great cupcake. 那是啥
但我们最后还是做出了好蛋糕啊 Max. Duh.
Oh, say it. "卖客湿"啊废话
就承认吧 -----------------------------
We got hit by hurricane Katrina. -------------05--------------
我们被卡特里娜飓风袭击了 -----------------------------
True. Hard to believe, uh, what's happening right now?
的确虽然不想相信你在干嘛呢
but the other team had a better brand. Max, are you smoking crack?
但另一对的品牌特色更加出色麦克斯你在吸毒吗
Oh, please. it's not crack, it's lipstick.
拜托哦这不是毒品是唇膏
Blaming it on a disaster from years ago. I can afford crack.
把失败怪罪于多年之前的天灾毒品我倒买得起
Well, Sophie, you weren't there, so I don't think you-- I'm at the end of my good lipstick and I can't afford
苏菲当时你又不在你哪能... 我的好唇膏快要用完了没钱买新的
Oh, I don't want to hear it! to buy a new one so I'm going all Breaking Bad.
我不想听只好学《绝命毒师》烧一烧炼一炼
I mean, you had huge opportunity with duza day. "Breaking Bad"?
本来你们有大好的接活机会《绝命毒师》
But you passed on the real job - We're more like broke and sad.
但你们不干这正经活 - 我们更像是"没命毒虱"吧
waiting for your big break on the TV show, You're freebasing lipstick and look,
选择不切实际的上电视找突破你在加热提炼唇膏看我
Just like everyone else in America. this heel is starting to wobble.
你们美国人都这样这只高跟鞋都摇摇欲断了
So you tried to take a shortcut to success here, stick this in and hold it.
想靠旁门左道走捷径取得成功来塞进去撑住
and you end up with a mouth full of confetti. I swear I've said that before,
下场就是满嘴的碎纸花我发誓这种话我以前说过
Sophie's right. but I don't think it was about shoes.
苏菲说得对不过肯定跟鞋子无关
We went on television with the ridiculous expectation yo, dollface. It's been ten minutes!
我们上电视就只是心里想着能美人都过了十分钟了
that we'd make it overnight. His chowder, my spaghetti.
不努力就轻松成功他的杂烩浓汤我的意大利面
But that's not who we are. Where's the food?
但这条路不适合我们在哪里
We're gonna have to do it the hard way. "Where's the food"?
我们只能靠苦干实干 "在哪里"
Slow and steady. Where's your neck?
稳扎稳打你怎么不问问你脖子在哪里
The tortoise and the whore. I wasn't listening. I was looking at your boobs.
走慢乌龟与骚鸡鸡路线老子根本没再听我在看你的奶子呢
Well, what can I say, "Caramel?" well, I do what I can
我能说啥呢 "糖裸淋" 我会尽我所能
By the way, that's your whore name. but they'll never be as big as yours.
对了这是你的"艺名" 不过老娘胸再大也没你的男人奶大
Looks like it's back to selling cakes Pick up. Meatball.
看来我们还是得用老方法上菜肉丸
one car at a time. Hey, hot stuff. Where's the hot stuff?
慢慢"叫卖"小蛋糕了喂辣妹你们的热菜呢
I'll just put these "Ludacris specials" in the display case. Oh, Max. You were right.
我把"卢达克里斯小蛋糕"放展示盒里吧麦克斯你做得对
You do that, "Cinnamon." This heel is much more--no.
行啊 "肉贵姐" 这只高跟鞋比以前更...不对
Oh, no, I actually have a whore name, No, wait! No, it's not.
别乱取我已经有"艺名"了不等等别这样
第 35 页 /共 198 页
It's gonna-- You'll make $20 just walking to work.
这会... 没准上班路上能挣个 20 块"站街费"呢
Those are the biggest balls those guys have had And some of your mail got mixed in with mine.
这两男的在打类固醇长肌肉后你的信跟我的混在一起了
施打类固醇的副作用之一是睾丸体积缩小 This is like the third time that mail lady did that.
in their laps since they started steroids. 那个邮差大姐已经搞错三次了
双腿间第一次有这么大的"肉丸"呢 All right. Nighty night.
I can't believe you masking taped the shoe to your leg. 好啦晚安咯
真不敢相信你用胶带把鞋和脚包在一起 Max, you will not believe what just came addressed to
Christian Louboutins 法国著名高跟鞋其招牌标识是 you.
红鞋底麦克斯你不会相信是谁寄信来了
I know but these are Christian Louboutins and 山达基教科学神教许多人认为是邪教其中不乏好
我知道但这双可是名牌鞋莱坞明星如汤姆·克鲁斯
even all busted up like this they still have Let me explain. I'm not a Scientologist.
即使被包得面目全非经典的红鞋底我先解释下我不是山达基教徒
the classic red bottoms. I just went that one time because I heard
还是能显而易见我只去过那一次因为我听说
You know what else has red bottoms? - some rich guy was looking for a wife.
你知道什么还是红的吗 - 有个有钱人在征婚
Baboons. No, we've been pre-approved for a credit card.
狒狒屁股不是啦我们申请的信用卡被预先核准了
Walk around with a couple of them on your feet What? How the hell did we get pre-approved?
如果你能脚踏两只狒狒什么我们怎么会被预先核准呢
and I'm impressed. It says all we have to do is go online and apply
再下一定钦佩不已上面说我们只要上网申请
Well, at least now you can't see those stupid bows. and we can be approved in under two minutes.
至少现在看不见那些白痴蝴蝶结了两分钟内就能获批
Who put bows on their shoes? Slow down, Quasimodo.
谁会在鞋子上装蝴蝶结啊别着急钟楼怪人
What's the gift? Your stinky feet? I can't have a credit card.
内装什么礼物啊你的臭脚吗我不能有信用卡
You don't think I hate the bows? Someone gave me a bag of chips Ahoy cookies once
你以为我喜欢这些蝴蝶结啊有人给了我一包趣多多饼干
I bought these as an impulse purchase over a year ago. And I ate the entire thing without breathing.
我一年前纯粹是一时冲动才买这双鞋我一口气全吃光了
I didn't know I'd be shackled with them for eternity. Well, you're not a child anymore.
鬼知道我要套着它们一辈子啊你又不是小孩子了
Oh, Caroline. You have more discipline.
卡洛琳你有自控能力
I never noticed you had a club foot. The cookies were yesterday.
我从来没注意你有一只畸形足这是昨天的事
I would have set you up with my brother. Okay, what is that thing? What is that spinning wheel?
不然我就帮你跟我兄弟牵红线了那是什么那个旋转的轮子是什么意思
I broke my shoe in the diner. It's just processing our application.
我在餐馆把鞋子弄坏了那是在处理我们的申请
Oh, I can help. No, it's not.
我来帮你吧不不是的
I always carry my gym shoes in my bag. It's finding out everything about us.
我总是随身装着我的运动鞋它是在查出我们的一切
I'm sorry they're so conservative Now it's finding out your dad stole millions of dollars.
抱歉款式有点过于保守这一秒它查出你父亲偷了数百万美元
but the weight room is a real meat rack. Now it's finding out I got fired from eight Dairy Queens.
不过举重房里基佬真的很多嘛这一秒它查出我被八家 DQ 冰淇淋店解雇过
Sophie, that's so sweet of you. Now it's finding out why I got fired from eight dairy
苏菲你真好 queens.
But I still have one pair of my own shoes to wear. 这一秒它查出我被八家 DQ 店解雇的原因
但我还有一双备用的鞋子可以穿 Oh, my god. Max, we're approved.
Oh, well take them just in case. 天啊麦克斯我们通过了
你拿着吧有备无患嘛 We've just been approved.
You should take them. 我们的申请通过了
你最好还是拿着吧 What? What is wrong with them?
第 36 页 /共 198 页
搞毛啊他们有病吗 Well, one of them.
Does dairy queen report nothing? 其中之一而已
难道 DQ 店毛都没举报吗 "One of them"? How many do you have?
Get back on there and disapprove us. "其中之一" 你有几个孩子呀
重新回去查拒绝我们的申请 So far?
Okay. Calm down. 目前为止吗
好了冷静 Oh, Earl, I love you.
We need this card for our business. 厄尔我真是爱死你了
为了事业我们需要这张卡 This is my son, Darius.
All we have to do is communicate with each other 是我的儿子达瑞斯
我们只需如实与对方沟通 He's the number one Chrysler salesman in all of Detroit,
about every purchase, you know? 他是全底特律的是克莱斯勒头号销售员
每一笔花销就行了 and he's my very favorite,
Keep an open dialogue. 如果我没记错他的话
开诚布公 if he's the one I'm thinking of.
So, opening dialogue. 他是我最喜欢的一个儿子了
所以开诚布公地说 Excuse me, but aren't you Max
For our business,I would like a pair of Louboutins. 抱歉请问您是
出于商业需要我要买双美鞋 Of Max's homemade cupcakes?
Opening dialogue. No. 麦克斯自制小蛋糕的麦克斯吗
开诚布公地说不行 Earl, look.
And I felt stupid miming that. I hate the arts. 厄尔瞧瞧
这种模仿哑剧的对话蠢爆了我讨厌艺术 Our credit card came in the mail today.
Look, you can't get everything you want. 今天我们的信用卡寄过来了
你不能想要什么就买什么 See? "Max black".
I would like a box of lizards. 看见没 "麦克斯·布莱克"
我还想要一盒子蜥蜴呢 No more using the card I found at Six Flags.
Love lizards, always have, 可以挥别我在六旗乐园捡到的卡了
我一直很喜欢蜥蜴 Thank you for never checking your statement, Agnes
but you don't see me putting that on a credit card. Chin.
但我也没有要用信用卡买啊感谢你从不查看结算单艾格尼丝·琴
I need a new pair of shoes for business meetings. Girls, take my advice
我是为了商业洽谈才买新鞋子的姑娘们听我一句
You know what they say, and be very careful with that thing.
俗话说得好要慎用那玩意
"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have". Credit cards are more trouble
"佛要金装人要衣装" 信用卡比
Okay, fine. than a priest at a Wiggles concert.
好吧在儿童演唱会出没的牧师还可怕
If you're getting the shoes, then I'm getting what I want. Yes, Earl.
如果你要买美鞋那我也要买收到厄尔
I hope you're happy with an apartment I can't believe it. A credit card for our business.
希望你不会介意真是难以置信我们事业专用的信用卡
full of lizards and lipstick. So when are we getting the shoes and lizards?
一屋子全是蜥蜴和唇膏那我们什么时候去买鞋子和蜥蜴呀
Also, some of those lizards will be wearing lipstick. Max, remember.
并且还会有涂着唇膏的蜥蜴哟麦克斯记住
Earl, you are looking particularly gorgeous this evening. We have to be grown-ups about this.
厄尔你今晚看着特别帅气呀我们得用成熟的心态去对待
Well, I would say, "don't flatter me" but let's face it. Of course.
我本来要说"少奉承我" 但确实当然
Everything came together tonight. "Two lizards, please. No, make it three."
今晚一切都无懈可击 "来两只蜥蜴不来三只好了"
Is it another woman? Should I be filled with anger? Hi, I'm looking for Earl.
又换了个妞吗我是不是应该满腔怒火呀你好我是来找厄尔的
I mean, more than I usually am? And no, I'm not here to return a bag of skunky weed.
比我平时更凶点吗不我不是来还过期大麻的
I just want to look nice for my son when he comes in. Oh, my god. I'm so excited to see you.
我只想在我儿子来的时候看起来体面点天啊见到你非常激动
What? No way, I'm going to meet your kid? Come on in, I'll take really, really good care of you.
不是吧我要见你的孩子了吗来进来我会好好招待你的
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Oh, you need to know I just separated from my wife, 不知道我才是搞笑那个爸
告诉你我刚跟我老婆分居 I don't recall there being a Terrence in our family,
so I'm a little vulnerable. 我不记得我们家有人叫特伦斯啊
所以我可是有点脆弱哦 But then again, I don't know how far you've thrown your
She's not usually this nice to customers. seed.
她一般不对顾客这么好不过我哪知道你的"种"播了多远呀
She's just excited. You've gotta laugh.
她只是太激动了这不笑不行啊
She's about to come into some lizards. Do you?
因为她要买蜥蜴啦是咩
Yeah, again. Darius was voted the funniest salesman
再重申一遍达瑞斯被克莱斯勒代理商
I've been out the dating pool for a while, at the Chrysler dealership.
我重回泡妞战场有一段时日了选为最搞笑的销售员
so everything sound like a sexual innuendo to me. Yes, I was. And that's why I quit my job.
所以一切对我来说都是性暗示哦没错所以我辞了我的工作
He is not a customer. Look at him. To pursue my dream to become a comedian.
他不是顾客你仔细看看去追求梦想当一名单口相声员
Don't you see the resemblance? See? See, he's funny.
你不觉得像谁吗看见没他好好笑
Oh, my God is he your father? Always making jokes.
天啊敢情他是你父亲吗一直在开玩笑
Yes. He's my father. That's not a joke, daddy.
是啊他是我爸那不是玩笑老爹
And my mother is a piece of chalk. No, no, that's why I'm in town.
然后我妈是一根粉笔真的不是我进城
Daddy! To audition at the comedy club tomorrow night.
老爹就是为了明天晚上喜剧俱乐部的面试
Thank god, it is the one I thought. I already got my stage name.
谢天谢地就是我想的那一个我已经想好我的艺名了
There's my little boy! "Darius the hilarious".
我的乖孩子哟 "笑星达叔"
So, Darius, what was Earl like as a dad? I think it's a good choice, right?
达瑞斯厄尔是个什么样的爸爸名字超有才的对不对
It must have been great, huh? Is it?
感觉一定很棒吧是咩
I bet he packed the coolest lunches. Well, obviously, big D,
我敢说他一定给你准备最酷的午餐放心吧达哥
A joint for recess, and a gin and juice box. we will all be there to support you.
还给大麻让你休息时间抽一盒琴酒混果汁我们都会到场支持你的
Oh, yeah, yeah. He was a great dad. Will we?
对啊他是个很棒的爸爸是咩
I mean, he was always there. hold up, Darius. How did all of this happen?
我是说他一直陪在我身边慢着达瑞斯这事是怎么搞的
Except for my childhood. Well, I mean, I knew a guy at Cadillac
童年时期之外啦我认识一个卖卡迪拉克的家伙
You've gotta laugh! who knew a guy at Toyota who knew a guy at Subaru
这不笑不行啊他认识个卖丰田的那人又认识卖斯巴鲁的
Earl is sitting right there. who sold the club owner a dodge.
厄尔就坐在你旁边呢卖斯巴鲁的卖了一辆道奇车给俱乐部老板
Well, it's a joke. Take it easy there, fun size. And then he hit a kid with it.
说笑而已嘛别太较真了小不点然后老板开着道奇车撞了个小孩
Han, take no offense. The kid should have dodged.
阿憨别生气那孩子应该闪开"道"的
He's just pulling your leg a little. You gotta laugh!
他只是跟你开个小玩笑这很好笑吧
Darius has always been funny. There's a dead kid in the mix and we got to laugh?
达瑞斯一直很搞笑有小孩死了呢这事还笑得出来吗
Why am I thinking about Terrence? It's not his fault he's not funny.
为什么我会想起特伦斯呢他没幽默感不是他的错
I don't know. I'm the funny one, dad. We put his sense of humor on a high shelf.
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我们把他的幽默感放到一个很高的架子上 You know, I was going to wear this for my audition.
Hey, Max, you know, 我明天本来打算穿这件去面试呢
麦克斯 - And that's gotta go well. - Yes, it does.
daddy always told me you were special, - 只许成功不许失败 -是啊
老爹总是对我说你很特别 Because son, there are two jobs in Detroit,
and now I see it. 是啊儿子底特律就两种工作
现在我见识到了底特律是美国著名的汽车与音乐之都
And it's not just because you think everything I say is and you just quit one of them.
funny. 而其中一种你还不干了
不仅仅是很捧场我的笑话 Don't worry, daddy. I'll make you proud.
- You feel like family. - I do? 老爹别担心我会让你以我为荣
- 你有家人的感觉 -是吗 All right? You'll see.
Oh, I always wanted a brother... 看到成果你就知道了
我一直想要个大哥 Daddy's been wrong before.
who was a brother. 老爹也不是没判断错误过
大哥级的大哥 He didn't think I could make it on Soul Train,
Max, do you expect me to wait on all the tables tonight? 他当年也觉得我上不了《灵魂列车》
麦克斯你是想我今晚一个人招待所有人吗《灵魂列车》美国知名电视舞蹈秀帮助造就众多
well, I am kind of in the middle of 黑人巨星
拜托我现在有点忙 But there I was,
my family reunion right now. 我也上了啊
忙着一家团聚 in the bottom left corner on Soul Train.
And where is Mr. Hilarious' soup? 节目上左下角的小角落露了脸
笑星先生的汤呢 I feel so terrible.
Look at blondie, here. She's like, 我好过意不去
瞧这位金发妞她一定在想 Well, you know we have to buy him a new shirt.
"Oh my God, do black people even eat soup?" 我们肯定是得给人家买件新的啦
"老天啊黑人也喝汤的吗" Max, I've made seven dollars so far.
"It's like, whatever." 麦克斯我今晚才赚了七块
"随便啦" We can't afford to buy him a shirt.
That is a dead-on Caroline. 我们哪买得起啊
后面这句超级像卡洛琳的 We can go shopping for a reasonable shirt.
Is it? 可以买件价钱过得去的衣服嘛
是咩 We have to. He's family.
Here is your order ticket from tonight. 他也算自己人这是应该的
这是你今晚的点菜单 Is he?
This pile is for the people who found hair. 是咩
这叠是发现食物里有头发的食客账单 And I have to say, I don't like that brand of put-down
These are the hairs that the people found. humor.
这些是食客们发现的头发但我真不喜欢他那种嘲笑人的幽默
Oh, you sound russian. And that blonde stereotype?
你的口音像俄国人他那对金发妞刻板印象的嘲笑
- That's funny because you're not rushin' to make my I mean, I don't even say "Whatever".
soup. 我什么时候说过"随便啦"这词了
- 真讽刺那你还不赶紧去做汤 But, you know, it's fine. Whatever.
No, no, no, no. I'm kidding you, man. 算了无所谓随便啦
不不我在开玩笑呢 Max, slow down.
I get it. You're just too busy back there 麦克斯慢点
我懂你在后台太忙了 I can't walk any faster in Sophie's giant sneakers.
not putting on deodorant. 穿着苏菲的大号"运动鞋" 我走不快
忙着不擦除臭剂 I can't believe she benches 250 in these.
You gotta laugh. 她居然能穿着这玩意举 250 磅重的哑铃
这很好笑吧 Oh, my God.
Do you? 我的老天啊
是咩 My hand just touched the subway floor.
Max, I might be crazy but now I feel like 我的手摸到了地铁站的地板
麦克斯可能是我神经敏感 How do I know someone didn't pee here?
the heel of this shoe's starting to-- 怎么才能知道这块地还没被人尿过呢
但我觉得这鞋又要... Oh, honey, I've peed here.
Oh, gosh. Now I got to go wipe this down. 宝贝别紧张我在这尿过
惨了我得去擦一擦 This is New York. It's made of pee.
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纽约不就是尿尿之城嘛女士们你们来啦
And pee hand is what you get for refusing to wear flat Look, I switched it up a little bit.
shoes. 你们看我改穿高调一点
满手沾尿就是你不穿平底鞋的报应 Do you like me in pink?
No way. 我穿粉红色好看吗
想都别想 My boyfriend does.
I'm living so close to the gutter as it is. 我的基男友觉得好看
住的地方离下水道已经够接近 He says it makes my cheeks look rosy, all four of them.
I can't risk being any shorter. 让我俏脸泛红屁股发红
再矮下去还得了 You gotta laugh, you gotta laugh!
Here's where we're meeting Darius. 这不笑不行啊这不笑不行啊
我们就跟达叔约在这里 Darius, we're family,
"Subway style". 达叔我们当你自己人
"最炫地铁风" so I'm just going to tell you like it is.
Every time I walk by this place I wonder 所以我要跟你说实话
每次我经过这个地方我都在想 That material feels a little funky.
"who would ever shop here?" 你这段子有点太过了
谁会买这里的衣服啊 I mean, that kind of humor might have worked over at
Now I know -- us. Toyota--
原来就是我们这种人你在丰田汽车遇见的人能接受
First my heel breaks, - It's Chrysler. - Whatever.
首先我的鞋跟断了 - 我是在克莱斯勒 -随便啦
and now I'm shopping underground. But this is New York.
然后还在地下的商店采购但你现在来到了纽约
How much lower can I get? there are a lot of people, be them gays, or blondes,
我的人生低谷还能更低吗这里有很多的同性恋或者金发人士
Brunch on the earth's core? who might take offense to that.
低到得在地核吃早午餐吗可能听了会不舒服
Oh. Excuse my mouthful. I mean, I don't, but, whatever.
原谅我还在一边吃东西我个人没意见但随便啦
Mm, I wasn't expecting ladies. Oh, no, no, no. I was just playing.
没想到会有女士来没事没事那些只是闹着说
We usually just sell to pimps and pastors. That's not the kind of stuff I'm gonna do in my act
通常都是皮条客跟牧师来这逛 tonight.
What can I help you dolls with? 我今晚的演出不会说那些段子
有何能为两位美女效劳的吗 No, I wrote some real jokes with a comic back home.
Actually, we're just here meeting a friend. 我在家乡时跟另一个说相声的
我们是来跟朋友碰面的多数犹太人较为严谨与节省常被拿来当做嘲笑的笑
We're going to help him pick out a shirt. 点
来帮忙他选衣服 and, he's Jewish, so you know it's gonna be funny.
Oh, that guy? 一起编了不少段子他是犹太人绝对"好笑"
那位男士啊 And not cheap.
He's already in the dressing room trying one on now. 他也绝对"不小气"
他已经在试衣间试衣服了 Again, see? That's the kind of stuff...
Now, listen, if the price is too high, 又来了你看就是这类的...
先告诉你们如果嫌太贵 Caroline, come on. It's so wrong it's right.
you and I can, uh, negotiate. 卡洛琳大家就爱听重口过火的
你可以跟我来"讲讲价" Look, I have the jokes right here.
Or you. 这些是我今晚要讲的段子
你也行啦 Let's take them on a little test drive and see how they
I still can't believe we're using our tip money do.
我不敢相信我们要用辛苦赚的小费先让你们"试驾"一下看看反应如何
to buy him a shirt. All right? So back it up, ladies.
来给他买新衣服来吧站后退点哦女士们
We're only going to spend like $40. You going to need some laughing room.
估计也就花个 40 块钱嘛留一点让你们笑倒打滚的空间
And you heard the man. It can go down. this is going to be hilarious.
而且人家也说了你头"下去" 肯定会很好笑吧
if you go down. Anybody here have a smart car?
价钱就跟着下去在场有人开斯玛特吗
Oh, hey ladies. There you are. 斯玛特小型汽车外观短小 Smart 也有聪明的意思
第 40 页 /共 198 页
Because I don't think it's smart to drive half a car. 麦克斯光靠搞笑西装救不起吧
开"半台车"在街上溜达车主肯定不聪明 I think he needs something else,
That was new, I'll keep working on it. 我觉得还得再加点东西
你们这反应... 我再琢磨琢磨好了 you know, like, a puppet.
All right, let's try another one. 比如搭配一个布偶
好啦再说一个 A puppet?
You know what, maybe we weren't back far enough. 布偶吗
我知道了可能是站得不够远 That's exactly what he needs.
Yeah! 够蠢够好笑就是这个了
这就对了 I went out with a guy last night.
Yeah, that feels funnier already, right Caroline? 我昨晚跟个男人出去约会
站过来就感到笑气逼人了对吧卡洛琳 - Asked me if we could go dutch.
All right. - 他问我能不能各付各的
好的 I said, "I don't know."
You know who doesn't drive a smart car? 我说 "不知道呢
你们知道什么人不开斯玛特吗 "what's Dutch for cheap-ass bitch?"
Smart people. They don't do it. 我不会说荷兰语的你个小气废柴"
聪明人他们没这么笨 You kick him to the curb!
You gotta laugh. 把他一脚踹飞啦
这不笑不行啊 We'll be right back,
Seriously. 稍后继续
真的该笑了啊 because mama's gotta go put her feet up.
You've got to. I've got a lot riding on this. 老娘要先去休息了
必须得笑我把宝都押在这上面了 Uh, miss?
I just got it. 小姐
我懂你笑点了 Can we get another round when you get a chance?
Oh, my God. He stinks. 等你忙完了能给我们再上一轮酒吗
老天爷啊他冷爆了 Another round?
He stinks on ice. Darius is gonna bomb tonight 再一轮吗
比冰块还冷啊达叔今晚要出糗了 And keep them coming until we can no longer see.
And worse, he's going to bomb in front of Earl. 我们没喝到瞎了之前酒都别停
更惨的是他会在厄尔面前出糗 Put it on my card.
And Earl's pretty sure that's the son he's most proud of. 都算我卡上吧
厄尔最引以为傲的儿子就是达叔了 You got it.
You're right. What are we gonna do? 没问题
你说得对那怎么办 Man, that feels good every time.
Now I know you lovely ladies came in for a shirt, 这句话怎么说都还是爽
我知道两位小姐是来挑衬衫的 Hey, Max. Just because
but can I interest you in a nice suit? 麦克斯别以为
请容在下给你们推荐这西装外套吧 you're buying me drinks
Look at this one. It's a classic. 你请我喝酒
瞧这件多经典 doesn't mean I'm going to put out.
You can't get this color above ground. 我就会无节操的对你投怀送抱
地面上开的店可不卖这颜色哦 My celery stick is my microphone at the comedy club!
That's it. Darius needs a suit. 这根芹菜就是我在相声社的麦克风
就是这个达叔需要一套西装 I'm here, I'm here.
All the professional comedians wear suits, 我来了我来了
专业的单口相声员都穿西装 Did you get the puppet?
and like you said, 有买到布偶吗
而且你也说了 Oh, I've got the puppet.
you have to dress for the job you want. 姐出马当然是办妥了
做什么工 Hey, come on in.
And with jokes like that, 请进
而他的烂段子 Hey, girls. How you doing?
he needs the funniest suit they have. 姑娘们你们好吗
得靠最搞笑的西装才能救 Darius the hilarious is pumped.
Do you have anything from the Sinbad collection? 笑星达叔打了鸡血了呢
你们有辛巴达系列的西装吗 I'm totally in my zone right now.
I do. 状态超好准备笑力全开
有的 And I can't miss in this suit.
Max, I don't think the suit's gonna be enough. 配这西装笑死人不偿命啊
第 41 页 /共 198 页
Well... Do I?
这个嘛... 是咩
Darius, that's what we wanted to talk to you about. I mean, honestly?
达叔我们就是来跟你谈这事的真的该笑吗
- You know we're big fans. - Big, big fans. Making fun of Justin Beaver's sexuality?
- 我们都是你的支持者 -铁杆粉丝取笑他的性向吗
You're amazing, your act's incredible. I find that a tad offensive.
你人超好段子超好笑这过火了吧
you are Darius the hilarious. This next act comes to us from the Motor city.
传说中的笑星达叔下一段演出由来自汽车之城的表演者
Max and I love the smart car stuff. Please give it up for Mr. Darius the hilarious.
我们都爱你的斯玛特段子大家请掌声欢迎笑星达叔
It's hilarious, per your name. All right. How's everybody doing tonight?
笑星之名绝非虚传台下的观众今晚好吗
But, well, it is New York. Who out there has a smart car?
但在纽约这小破村台下的观众有人开斯玛特吗
not a lot of people are smart, or have cars. Because I don't think it's smart to drive a half a car.
很多人不聪明也没车开"半台车"在街上溜达车主肯定不聪明
Yeah, you know New York. You gotta laugh.
纽约嘛你懂得这不笑不行啊
not exactly the cutting edge. Oh, no. I ran out of fake laughter.
完全不在时尚的尖端惨了我逼真的假笑用完了
So, after Max and I left you, we had a thought. Yeah, I mean, smart car.
下午跟你分开之后我们俩有了个主意拜托哦斯玛特
We got you a puppet. Have you seen this thing?
我们给你买了个布偶你们看过这种车吗
And, yes, I was stoned. It's like you driving around in a backpack.
没错我是有点喝高了这车就像个背包一样的大小
But Caroline was laughing just as hard as me. You gotta laugh.
但卡洛琳看了也笑个不停哦这不笑不行啊
You got me a what? Do we?
你们买了什么给我是咩
A puppet. We got you a puppet. Why don't we have a smart car write some jokes for
布偶买了个布偶给你 you?
But I don't use a puppet. 你叫斯玛特帮你编段子可能还好笑些
我从不用布偶的啊 Yeah, well, I can see why you would defend the smart
Until you do. car.
用过一次就知道啦你替斯玛特辩护我也能理解啦
Just imagine, at the end of your act It's the only car your feet can reach the pedals in.
想象一下你说完个段子只有这种车你的小短腿才够得着踏板
- or in the beginning... - Or all the way through. Yeah, but that's so true. He's very short!
- 或段子开头 -甚至是整个段子中说得好对啊他真的很矮
Ladies and gentlemen, Darius the hilarious As is the car. It all lines up.
先生女士们笑星达叔车也矮小非常合理啊
加拿大男歌手贾斯汀·比伯比伯音似水獭 beaver Look at this gray-haired scrub, man.
and his partner, Justin Beaver! 大家快看这个灰发老鬼
与他的搭档贾斯汀·逼勃西方人普遍觉得黑人不显老
"Damn, girl. And I mean dam." Apparently black do crack.
"哇靠女孩哇靠啊" 原来黑人还会显老
"As in, I built one." Hey, Don Kng called.
"我盖了一个水坝哦" 唐金都打电话来了
唐金美国著名拳击经纪人也是一名有灰发的黑人
And you don't even have to be funny because
Said he want his whole head back.
你就算不好笑也无所谓
叫你把他的头还给他
Justin Beaver does the work for you.
Max, look. Look how proud Earl is.
贾斯汀·逼勃就已经够好笑了
麦克斯你看厄尔好以儿为傲
Show him, Max. Hey, hey, hey, blondie.
你也来一次麦克斯喂喂金发妞
"I'm straight". You mind not talking until I finish?
"我是直男" 能等我表演完了再说话吗
You gotta laugh! Wait, a minute. You're probably just thinking,
你不笑不行啊
第 42 页 /共 198 页
等等估计你脑子里也只在想着跟新的一样还没有蝴蝶结
"Oh, my god. Shoes, shoes, hairbrush, shoes." Max, where'd you find a cobbler?
"我的老天美鞋美鞋梳子美鞋" 麦克斯你上哪找的补鞋匠
Oh, my God. A cobbler?
我的老天啊这年头哪有补鞋匠
I actually was thinking about shoes! I took a time machine.
我刚的确是在想美鞋呢我是坐了时光机回过去
I'm sorry, there's a problem with your card. I was supposed to kill Hitler,
抱歉您的卡有点问题本该去宰了希特勒的
It's been declined. but I thought your shoes were more important.
显示支付失败但想到你的鞋子更重要就没去了
Max. Okay, let's cut up your card.
麦克斯来剪了你的卡吧
Darius told me what you did and that was awful nice of We should keep one for business emergencies.
you. 还是得留着一张以防生意急需吧
小达跟我说了你们的做的事太有心了 We just have to have to put it someplace where
Now, here. I am reimbursing you 放到一个我们永远也不会
给我要还你那些 we'll never be tempted to reach for it.
for all of the clothes and for that damn puppet. 想去碰的地方就行了
衣服以及那个白痴玩偶的钱 Oleg, would you put this down your pants?
- Although I swore I would never pay for beaver. 奥列格能把这个收你裤裆里吗
- 即使我曾经发过誓绝不花钱买海狸 No problem.
Do you think he'll ever make it, Earl? 没问题
你觉得他会成功吗厄尔 -----------------------------
Who's to say nowadays, Max? -------------06--------------
现在这年头谁说的准啊 -----------------------------
《美国达人》美国知名选秀节目 Look at all these people
- America's got talent. Do they? 瞧瞧这些人
- 美国达人真有咩 just sitting here and not tipping,
All I know is he's my kid, and you went out of your way 也不给小费就会坐在那里
我只知道他是我的孩子而你特别费心地 working on their computers.
to try and help him. 啪啪啪地玩电脑
努力去帮他 This guy has a brand-new Apple.
Well, I just wanted you to be proud. 这家伙有一台全新的苹果电脑
我想你能以儿为傲嘛 I've been eating the same apple for a week.
I am, Max. Very proud. 而老娘同一个苹果啃了快一周
麦克斯我十分以你为傲 - I blame Steve Jobs.
I just talked to VISA. - 都怪史蒂夫·乔布斯
我跟信用卡公司通了电话 These people are more like Steve-I-have-no-jobs.
I think they were disappointed they had pre-approved 这些人更像是"史蒂夫·没工作吧"
us. All right, that's it.
他们可能挺后悔预先核准了我们的卡好吧真是够了
Look, I killed it. I had to. Earl, I need to get the wireless router.
我剪卡了不剪不行啊厄尔给我无线路由器
It was telling me to buy a Harley. Oh, is that what this is?
它在引诱我去买台哈雷摩托车原来那玩意是干这个的啊
Okay, open dialogue. I thought it was a cookie-warmer.
开诚布公地说我还以为是饼干加热器呢
I used the credit card for one more thing yesterday. Attention deadbeat diners.
我昨天用信用卡又买了件东西听着你们这些蹭网客
Open dialogue. So did I. You can't just sit here all night and only order coffee.
开诚布公地说我也是你们不能点杯咖啡就赖一整晚
It's the fanciest lipstick Payless had. This is not a Starbucks.
这是平价商店里最好的口红了这又不是星巴克
And here. And I know that because we don't sell
给而且一看我们这里不卖
Max, are there lizards in that bag? 诺拉·琼斯美国著名女爵士歌手星巴克经常放她的
麦克斯袋子里不会是蜥蜴吧音乐
I wish. Norah Jones cds or bananas.
我倒希望诺拉·琼斯的 CD 或是香蕉就知道
They're as good as new and no bows. This is the router for the free wi-fi.
第 43 页 /共 198 页
这是能提供无线网络的路由器我比你更讨厌她们
And that is a waitress who needs to make some tips. I hate that you hate them more.
而这位是需要挣点小费的服务员我讨厌你比我更讨厌她们
Seriously, guys, I need actual cash. So jealous.
说真的伙计们我要的是钞票羡慕嫉妒恨啊
This guy just offered to pay me in ideas. Okay, ready for party of four.
那家伙居然想用创意来付账好了四人座准备好了
If I pull this plug, the internet will go down. Excuse me. Pardon me.
如果我拔掉这个插头网络就会没掉借过抱歉
And you-- Excuse me. Okay.
而你借过好了
that sad email you're in the middle of writing to your ex- Hey, baby!
boyfriend, 宝贝
写给前男友的可怜兮兮电邮会没掉 - Looking good. - Mm, always.
the one you shouldn't send anyway--gone. - 美呆了 -向来如此
反正你也不应该发给他 I'll be in my booth.
And you-- 我就坐我老位子
而你 Sophie, you cannot take up a whole booth alone.
That vaguely pornographic anime film 苏菲你不能一个人占四个人的座位
花费了三小时 There are people waiting. You must leave.
you've been illegally downloading for the past three 有人等着呢你得离开
hours-gone. Go stand in the corner now!
非法下载的色情动漫也会没掉快给我滚去墙角罚站
And you--that screenplay you've been writing, Before I bend you across my knee and spank you
而你埋头写的破剧本不然我就当着全班同学的面
you can keep working on it, but we all know how it in front of the whole class.
ends: 把你按在我膝盖上打屁股
你可以继续写不过我们都知道结局 Well, I was going to stand in the corner anyway.
with you moving back in with your mother. 我本来就要去角落里站着
就是你搬回去跟你老妈住 But tomorrow night, smaller table.
Now, who's gonna order? 不过明晚你只能坐小桌子
现在谁想点餐呀 Go stand in the corner now!
Great, I'll go get some menus. 快给我滚去墙角罚站
很好我去拿菜单 Okay, I'm over being jealous of them.
Here, Caroline, put this back. 好了我现在不羡慕她们了
给卡洛琳把这个放回去 Still? What are they--
Ooh, my cookie-warmer. 还在笑她们干嘛呢
可惜了我的饼干加热器 Sitting on vibrators?
Table ten just ordered cocktails. 都夹着根电动棒吗
第 10 桌刚点了杯鸡尾酒 Let it go.
Yeah, 'cause we're that kind of a place. 别管她们了
她以为我们这里有多高级啊 They're not having that good of a time.
"性感沙滩"是一种鸡尾酒字面上是"沙滩上做爱"的她们才没那么爽呢
意思 No, Max, we're not having that good of a time.
Does anyone know how to make Sex On The Beach? 不麦克斯是我们没那么爽
谁知道"性感沙滩"怎么做呀 All we do is work.
Easy. 我们只能埋头工作
很简单 When's the last time we took a day and just had fun?
I put on my speedo and wait. 上次不上班出去玩是什么时候的事了
我穿上三角泳裤之后就能了 I mean, those two idiots remind me
Those girls have been drinking for hours. 那两个白痴让我想起
那俩妞喝酒喝好久了 how much fun it was when I'd go out to lunch
Just press every button on the gun and add rum. 以前我跟闺蜜下馆子
随便加饮料然后混朗姆酒就行了 and have cocktails with my girlfriends
Look at them. Not a care in the world. 边吃午饭边喝鸡尾酒
瞧瞧她们无忧无虑 and watch them pretend to eat.
Having a great time. 看着她们假装吃饭的好时光
开心自在 I think you're talking about day-drinking,
- I hate them. - I hate them, too. 你是想找我白天喝酒吧
- 我讨厌她们 -我也讨厌她们 And I think I like it.
I hate them more. 我喜欢
第 44 页 /共 198 页
All right, let's do something fun. And it's not just homeless people who eat here.
好吧那我们得好好玩玩而且又不是只有无家可归的人来这里吃饭
I'll put on my bolo tie and my best vest Okay, maybe they're the target audience.
我会系上领带穿上帅气背心好吧或许他们是主要客群
and take my girl out to eat. Look, there's a lot of other people
然后带我的妞下馆子瞧这里还有很多其他人
So, what is this lunch spot you're taking me to? who can't afford to go out to eat.
你带我去的是什么餐厅也没钱下馆子吃饭
Is it french? You're right.
法国餐厅吗你说得对
Do you think the chef will send an amuse-bouche to the Why are there so many hipsters here?
table? 为什么这里这么多嬉皮士
你觉得主厨会送咱们一份开胃菜吗 Because this place isn't just for people who don't have
No, but this morning I shaved a smiley face into my jobs,
bush, 因为这里不但有没工作的人
不会不过今早我"那里"剃了个笑脸出来 it's for people who don't want them.
amuse-bush 搞笑阴毛与 amuse-bouche 开胃菜音似也有不想工作的人
and it's very amusing. Well, it does smell good.
也很开怀哦好吧闻起来还不错
You know what? Excuse me.
你知道吗打扰一下
It's just so fun to get dressed up We'd like to take a look at your lunch menu.
盛装打扮一番我们想看看你的午餐菜单
and have someone wait on us for a change. Menu changes every day.
然后让别人来服务我们真的很好玩菜单每天都在变
I even bought new panty hose from dooahnay rayahdey. Also, there is no menu.
我还特意从"装腰店"买了一双新的连裤袜而且我们这里没菜单
You mean Duane Reade? There's, like, four things.
你是说药妆店吧这里只有四种菜
Oh, is that how you pronounce it? Oh, okay. So what do you recommend?
那店是这么叫的吗那好吧你有什么好建议
Well, we're here. Better get in line. Oh, what do I recommend?
我们到了快去排队要听听我的建议吗
Oh, there's a line. Popular place. - Don't share needles, and and use condoms.
哇还要排队很受欢迎嘛 - 别共用针头记得要戴套
What's the name? But you didn't hear that last one from me.
餐厅名叫什么不能跟人说我教你们戴套哦
Soup kitchen 国外的穷人食物救济站 Are nuns even allowed to be sarcastic?
"Soup kitchen." That's a cute name. 修女可以这么毒舌的吗
"施粥坊" 名字真可爱 If they are, I have some serious thinking to do about my
Very Williamsburg. future.
有威廉斯堡的穷酸感如果可以那我要认真思考下未来的职业了
Like, "let's take our upscale urban bistro This sloppy joe is the most amazing
感觉像"老板故意把高档小餐馆这个碎牛肉三明治是我吃过
"and make it seem like it's just a soup kitchen open to terrible thing I've ever eaten.
everyone, 最好吃的糟糕食物
I love that it's basically pre-chewed,
弄得像是为大众开放的食物救济站
but it's not really a soup kitchen." 我超喜欢它是先被人"嚼"碎的
但其实不然" so all you really have to do is swallow.
Oh, that's nice. They let them use the bathroom. 所以不必费劲嚼直接咽下去就行
So good,
真好这家店的厕所谁都能用
And sit at a table. 好吃死了
I used to have these every day when I was a kid.
桌子也谁都能坐
Oh, my god! This is really a soup kitchen. 我小时候每天都吃
Well, then I guess your childhood wasn't all that bad.
天啊这就是一家食物救济站
This is your idea of treating me to lunch? 那你小时候过得也不算太悲催嘛
We couldn't afford the real Manwich mix,
你说请我吃饭就是来这里吃吗
We're not homeless. 我们买不起真正的碎牛肉堡
so my mom's boyfriend, dirty Carl,
我们又不是无家可归的人
No, but we are soup-less. 所以我妈的男朋友脏人卡尔
used to bring us leftover meat scraps
但我们是无汤可喝的人啊
第 45 页 /共 198 页
就会给我们带回别人吃剩的肉渣 - 长得帅的那个 -他超帅的对不对
and then bash 'em together with old ketchup packets His name is Andy,
然后用他在废车场的烂车里捡来的他叫安迪
he'd found in cars at the junkyard. and he just opened a candy store across the way.
旧番茄酱包搅拌到一起他刚在对面开了一家糖果店
Now I understand why you think this is a nice Shut up! Candy?
restaurant. 不是吧糖果
我明白你为什么会觉得这里是好餐馆了 I love candy.
Have you noticed the more you drink, 我超爱糖果的
你有注意到喝得越多 Question:
the better this place gets? 提问
这地方就变得越美好吗 what would make this day even better?
I've noticed the more I drink, 什么能让今天更美好点
我倒是注意到喝得越多 Candy?
the better everything gets. 糖果
一切都变得越美好 You should totally go for the hot guy.
Why don't we drink every day? 你真应该去追那个帅哥
为什么我们不每天都喝酒呢 Or you can go for him.
Some of we do. 或者应该你去追他
我就是啊 Let's think about this.
I'm having a great time. 咱们考虑一下
我玩得很开心 He's clean and not a drug addict,
Thank you, Max. 他身家清白又不吸毒
谢谢你麦克斯 so he's more my type.
Well, yesterday, you were so bummed about your life, 所以更适合我
昨天你还为自己的生活感到失落 Well, he's got a store full of candy and a penis,
I thought I'd take you somewhere 他有一整店的糖果和一根肉棒
我就想把你带去 so he's more my type.
you could feel good about yourself. 所以更适合我
能让你自我感觉良好的地方 You know what?
Okay, I've been wanting to say this the whole time. 不然这样
好吧有句话我想说很久了 Go for it. You've got dibs.
I feel like we're the hottest people in this room. 你去追我让给你
我觉得我们是这里最正点的人 - Aww, that's so nice of you, Max. - Yeah,
- Is that terrible? - Yes. - 麦克斯你真好 -当然
- 这么说是不是很坏啊 -是呀 and while you're doing him in the back room,
Speaking of hot people... 当你在后面跟他翻云覆雨时
说到正点的人... I'll be pocketing some candy.
Wait. 我会顺点糖果进口袋
慢着 Oh, no. It's closed.
Are we drunk or do we finally have one brain 别呀关门了
是我们喝醉了还是我们终于 Hey, Max, you know what'd be fun?
and the same taste in guys? 麦克斯你知道做什么会好玩吗
对男人的口味变得一致了 If we threw that trash can through the front window?
I don't know, 用那个垃圾桶砸烂他的前窗吗
我也不知道 I was gonna say we should leave him a note.
but this is suddenly my new favorite restaurant. 我本来是想给他留张纸条
但这里突然成了我最喜欢的新餐馆 And what would be fun about throwing that can
Let's go get ourselves some of that man-wich. through a window?
走咱们去来个"人肉三明治" 而且砸垃圾桶有什么好玩的
I kind of like "drunk Caroline" Have you ever done it? It's fun!
我有点喜欢"醉鬼卡洛琳" 你试过吗超好玩的
way more than the other Caroline. Oh, the sign's turned around.
多于其他时候的卡洛琳牌子翻过来了
I kind of like her better, too. He can see us.
我也有点更喜欢这样的她呢他能看见我们
Excuse me, sisters. He's smiling at us.
打扰了修女他在冲着我们微笑呢
Do you know the guy who just came in here? Should we go in?
你认识刚刚进来的那个男的吗我们该进去吗
- The cute one. - He's so cute, right? If I learned anything as a child,
第 46 页 /共 198 页
如果我小时候有学到什么 Well, now I have to hear the bell.
it's when a stranger offers you candy, 你说完没听到我会好奇死的
那就是陌生人要请你吃糖时 Now that's all I want to hear.
you say yes. 这下我心愿达成了
你一定要接受 Do you do free samples?
Hi. 你这里提供免费试吃吗
你好 You do, by the way.
We thought the sign said you were closed. 看样子是有
我们看到牌子还以为你关门了呢 Let me hook you guys up. On the house.
Yeah, I turned it around. I wanted you guys to come in. 我带你们都尝尝免费的
对我翻过来了我想你们进来 Marry this guy right now.
* Come with me * 快嫁给他
* 跟我来 * It's a small store. I can hear you.
1971 年电影《查理与巧克力工厂》歌曲 "纯真想象" 这家店很小我能听见哦
也曾在动画电影《瓦力》中出现 Good. Moves things along faster.
* and you'll be * 很好这样你们进展能快点
* 你将置身于 * Hey, come by the Williamsburg diner sometime.
* in world of pure imagination * 有空来威廉斯堡餐厅坐坐
* 梦想中的世界 * We work there.
If this isn't your thing, 我们在那里打工
如果你们不喜欢这歌 We'll give you free samples of food
I also have some sabbath and some beastie boys. 我们免费请你试吃
我还有些重金属和朋克音乐 You shouldn't have to pay for anyway.
So, if this is "Candy Andy's sweets and treats," 压根不值得付钱的餐
如果这里是"糖果安迪的糖果盛宴" So, what brings you in to this neighborhood?
Are you Candy Andy? 你们怎么会来这一带呢
Oh, we were having lunch at the--
请问你是糖果安迪吗
Oh, please. We hardly know each other. 我们来吃...
拜托我们还不熟 This ...is a really adorable space.
Call me Candrew Andrew. 你这里真是太有爱了
请叫我糖德鲁·安德鲁 Thank you.
I'm Caroline, and this is Max. 谢谢
You know, candy is my passion.
我是卡洛琳她是麦克斯
Max, say something. 我对糖果一直很有爱
Yeah, I said it. Always has been.
麦克斯说话啊
Can't. It's all too wonderful. 是有点怪但我一直都爱
Even as a kid, I would have my G.I. Joes
失语中这一切太美好了
Look at all the candy crammed in this little space. 小时候玩玩具就爱让特种部队玩具
sell Sweet Tarts to my Transformers.
瞧瞧这小地方塞满了糖果
威利·旺卡是《查理与巧克力工厂》电影中的男主角卖糖给变形金刚玩具
Gum drops, gummy bears, gummy worms,
It's like we're inside Willy Wonka's colon.
橡皮软糖小熊软糖小虫软糖
我们仿佛来到了威利·旺卡的结肠
gummy hot dogs, gummy pizza.
Thanks.
热狗软糖披萨软糖
谢谢 Ooh, I just had a gummy-gasm.
Yeah, it's kind of the look I was going for too.
看得我都软糖高潮了
没错我就是想要这种效果 So what was your favorite candy as a kid?
And I know it's accurate
你小时候最喜欢什么糖果呢
我之所以布置得这么到位 Actually, I didn't eat a lot of candy as a child.
because I had the Oompa Loompas help me.
我小时候没怎么吃糖呢
是因为有奥柏伦柏人帮我 Okay, I'm gonna overlook that because you're pretty,
奥柏伦柏人在威利·旺卡的工厂中干活的小人
看在你漂亮刚我就当没听到
常把 doom-pa-dee-doo 挂嘴边可代表任何词的无义 but maybe we could talk about
词有空一起喝杯咖啡
They were expensive, your terrible childhood over coffee sometime.
他们工钱很高聊聊你的悲惨童年如何
but what are you gonna doom-pa-dee-doo? Yeah?
但你能怎么办呢答应啦
Normally I'd ring the bell after something that golden, I'd leave you two alone,
通常成交或者做完事我会按一下铃要不是糖果太诱人
but I don't want to scare you. if this place wasn't filled with candy.
但我不想吓着你
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我早闪开让你们俩"独处"了她肯定没事的
- Okay, so what's your favorite flavor? - Coconut. I'm just gonna step outside.
- 那你最喜欢什么口味 -椰子我先去外面站会
- And I'm walking to the "C"S. The sound of someone throwing up makes me--
- 容我看看 C 区听到呕吐声让我也想...
The candy's alphabetical? Oh, dude, I've been trying to not throw up this whole
糖果还按照首字母排列的吗 time.
- Now I'm marrying you too. - Okay. 我刚也忍着不跟着吐很久了
- 我现在也要嫁你了 -好的 Whew, what happened there, right?
Let's see. Seconut watermelon slice. 刚里边是发生了什么事了呀
椰香西瓜糖 Feeling better?
How's that sound? 你好点了吗
这个如何 Did she tell you she projectile-puked soup and sloppy
Um, not so good. seconds
不太好她有跟你说她吐了一地的东西
Actually, please don't say anything more about candy. all over a really cute guy and his floor?
可以别再提糖果了吗在人家帅哥的店里吗
Is it hot in here? Let me put it this way, Caroline.
这里是不是很热啊我这么说吧卡洛琳
No, it's awesome in here. In my heroin days, that would have been
才不会是很棒才对在我还吸海洛因那会首次约会
Boston baked beans? a perfectly acceptable first date.
波士顿闷烤豆发生这档事都还不算糟呢
Didn't know they weren't real beans till I was 20. I don't understand it.
我到 20 岁才知道他们是真的豆子我就不懂了
Please stop. We ate the exact same thing.
别说了我们吃了一样的东西
Is it cold in here? How could you have not have gotten sick?
这里面是不是有点冷啊你怎么吃了一点事都没有
Is it hot and cold in here? You must still have "rch girl" stomach.
这里是不是又冷又热啊你大小姐的胃吃不惯
Max, I feel weird. I'm used to poor food.
麦克斯我有种怪怪的感觉但我穷人的胃早吃惯了
Relax, it's just your lady parts waking up from What made you sick made my skin clear up.
hibernation. 你吃了要病我吃还能皮肤变好呢
别紧张是你的"小妹妹"在从冬眠中醒来 - Hi, girls. - Hey, Sophie.
Again, small store. Can hear everything. - 姑娘们 -你好啊苏菲
店小都听得见哟 I'll be in my booth.
I am so sorry. Pardon me. 我坐我老位子
对不起请见谅 Well, this is weird.
Oh, uh, are you okay? 奇了怪了
你没事吧 It's okay. You didn't know.
I'm fine. 算了不知者无罪
我没事 Don't let it happen again.
Max, I am not fine. 下不为例
麦克斯我有事 Okay, good-bye now.
I'm gonna be sloppy Joanne in about two seconds. 好了你们走吧
再两秒我就要成"邋遢乔安"了 Sophie, what do you think you're doing?
Tiny, tiny store. 苏菲你刚是在干啥呢
What? They were sitting in my booth.
店真的很小
Do you need to use the-- 怎么他们坐了我的卡座
It is not your booth, it's my booth.
你要用...
才不是你的卡座是我的
No. We're fine.
If it was your booth, wouldn't it have a booster seat?
不必不必我们挺好
如果是你的卡座怎么没有儿童垫高椅呢
We'll just be going. Nice to meet you.
Oh, Sophie wants to dance? We gonna dance.
我们要先走了再见
苏菲你想玩我陪你玩到底
Nope, I'm not gonna make it. Where is the--
Max. Hi.
不行来不及了洗手间在...
麦克斯
Right--right there. It's Andy. From the store.
就在那边是我安迪糖果店的
I'm sure she'll be all right.
第 48 页 /共 198 页
The guy who let you walk out 也没机会了
让你偷拿一管口红糖 Ooh, bubble tape.
with a push pop in your pocket. 泡泡糖带呢
而不逮住你的店老板 I finally meet an adorable, sweet guy.
That wasn't a Push Pop, Andy. 好不容易遇见了可爱嘴甜的男人
那一根可不是"口红糖" 安迪 A guy so sweet, the word "sweet"
I was happy to see you. 他甜到都有一家
很高兴再见 - is next to his name on actual real estate.
Well, you're gonna be even happier in a minute. - "甜"与他名字合一的店了
那你现在要更高兴了 And I completely destroy any chance I have with him.
Yay! 但机会全都被我自己搞砸了
爽耶 You didn't destroy anything.
But these come with a catch. 你什么都没搞砸啊
我这是先礼后兵 And it's good to let him know right off the bat
Invites for Caroline and you 而且让他一开始就知道
我邀请你跟卡洛琳 - that you have a gag reflex.
to a party at my candy store. - 你容易"反胃想吐"也好
来参加我店里的派对 Oh! Oh, that's lovely.
But maybe don't wear that uniform. 承您吉言啊
来的时候还是别穿这身制服吧 Happy Valentines' day.
- People are gonna think you're a giant Sugar Daddy. 祝你情人节快乐好吧
- 会被误认是人形"蜜糖老爹"糖 I am not going to that party.
So, she's still going at it, huh? 我死也不去那个派对
她还吐着呢 I can never see him again.
Such a skinny girl. 我没脸再见他了
这么瘦的姑娘 Well, do you mind if I still go?
How much more can come out of her? 那你会介意我去吗
还有多少能吐啊 Being in a candy store after midnight
Nah, she's just a little embarrassed. 在糖果店里待到午夜过后
不是啦她是有点羞于见你 is on my bucket list.
Something about self-esteem. I don't know. 是我死前愿望之一呢
自尊之类的事情在作怪吧 Funny, I thought that was the impossible one.
She throws it around like it means something. 我以前还以为这是最不可能的一条呢
她老把自尊搞得煞有其事的 You should go. Have fun.
Well, I'd love her to come. No pressure. 你去吧玩得开心点
我很希望她能来别有压力 I think you're missing out,
But if you can talk her into it, 不去会损失很大哦
但如果你能说服她来 because you two are perfect for each other.
there'll be unlimited candy for you 你们俩可是天生一对
我就会请你吃糖 You're like Hansel and Gretel.
for the rest of your life. 像童话《糖果屋》里的男女主
免费吃到你死的那天 They were brother and sister.
Look at him, stealing my bit. 他们是兄妹好吗
看那男的还抄袭我的招 So?
The candy man came with invitations 那又怎样
糖果男来邀请我们 So, no Caroline, huh?
to a party at his store. 卡洛琳不来啊
去参加他店里的派对哟 Uh, no. She couldn't make it.
What, you think I wasn't listening at the door? 她来不了
你觉得我有可能不偷听你们对话吗 Well, I'm feeling very sad,
I heard everything. 我好伤心啊
我全听到了 but you'll never know it.
All the vomit jokes. I heard them all. 但你绝对看不出
挖苦我呕吐的话也都听见了 You're fine.
Jewelry, already? 没事的啦
都送我珠宝首饰啦 You don't seem to be short on other female party
Your new husband likes to throw the cash around. guests.
你的新老公喜欢四处撒钱啊你的派对也不缺美女
He is not my new husband. Oh, come on. They're fiends.
他才不是我的新老公她们就只是朋友啦
And now he never will be. Some of them I know from the neighborhood.
第 49 页 /共 198 页
有些是附近住户 - You two are perfect for each other. - Yeah?
Some I worked with on Wall Street. - 你们两个是天生一对 -真的吗
有些是我在华尔街的老同事 I mean, it would be nice to hang with her
Wall Street? 反正这裤子也不沾到呕吐物
华尔街啊 in pants I don't care about.
Did you have a little candy tray 趁机去找她也挺好
你以前推糖果小车 She's not here.
- you walked around with? - I wish. 她不在家
- 在那一带叫卖吗 -我倒想 She must have taken the horse for a walk.
That would have been awesome. 可能是去遛马了
那肯定很有意思 Wait, you have a horse,
I was stuck in an office pushing stock 等等你们有马啊
我以前就坐在办公室里 And I'm just hearing about this now?
in pharmaceutical companies. 你们居然不炫耀
替制药公司搞股票 I have a candy store and it's out of my mouth,
Wait. 我只是开家糖果店
等等 in the first 30 seconds.
You know people who have access to pills? 就在初见 30 秒内炫耀了
你还认识能搞到"药"的人啊 Be right back. I have to pee.
And just when I thought you couldn't get any better. 稍等一下我尿个尿
你棒得都要无极限了 She'll be okay with me being here, right?
Yeah, one day, I went into the firm, 她不会介意我来这里的吧
然后有天我去上班 Yeah, she was just embarrassed. She'll get over it.
and there was no firm. 没事的她羞愧而已会过去的
发现没班上了 What are you doing? Knock first!
Bankrupt. Boom. 你干嘛呢先敲门呀
公司破产 Why are your legs up in the air like that?
End of job, no money. Nothing. 你双腿怎么开在空中啊
没工作没钱全没了 And why were you holding the shower head
And after I drank nonstop for a week, 还有你为什么还把莲蓬头
我连喝了一周闷酒后 down by your- oh!
I figured, hey, now I can do what I've always dreamed of. 放到你下...
灵光一闪发现自己终于可以追梦了 I'm sorry.
Open a candy store, be my own boss. 抱歉抱歉
开家糖果店当自己的老板 I thought you'd be home feeling bad for yourself,
So I used all my savings and opened up this place. 我以为你会在家自怨自艾
我花光积蓄开了这家糖果店 not feeling your bad self.
And pretty soon, 而不是自爽自嗨
要不了多久 What are you doing home already?
Candy Andy will rule the world of sweets and treats. 你怎么这么早回家了
糖果安迪将一统糖界天下 Why aren't you at the Candy Andy party?
- That sound braggy? - No. 你不是去糖果店的派对吗
- 会太臭屁吗 -不会 Oh, don't look at me like that.
All right, kick everybody out, 少用那鄙视的眼神
好啦赶其他人回家吧 It's not like I'm the only person
and let's go back to my place. 搞得好像全世界
然后跟我回家去 in the world who masturbates.
Ah...Max, no offense, 只有我一个人会自慰
麦克斯无意冒犯 Also, Andy's here.
but I'm more into your friend. 对了安迪来了哦
但我喜欢的是你朋友 We wanted to surprise you.
Um, Andy, no offense, 我们想给你个惊喜
安迪无意冒犯 But then you surprised us.
but I'm more into the candy than the Andy. 你倒是给了我们个惊喜
但我喜欢的是你的糖果 It's not a big deal.
I want you to come to my apartment 没什么大不了的
我想你来我家 That kind of situation happens to a lot of people.
and say hey to Caroline. 很多人都发生过这尴尬事
跟卡洛琳打个招呼 Who? Who has that ever happened to?
I was right. 谁都谁发生过这种事了
我之前说的没错 I know this might be a delicate area right now,
第 50 页 /共 198 页
现在提这个话题有点敏感 to convince you not to be.
but I'm thinking you should probably pay more 你还是会觉得丢人
但我觉得以后咱们家的水费 So...
than half of our water bill. 所以呢
你得付一半以上 Who's embarrassed now?
Hey, girls. 这下我也丢人了吧
姑娘们 And to further my embarrassment,
I need some hot tea to warm me up. 为了更丢人
我需要杯热茶暖暖身子 I will now do gymnastics in public.
There's no hot water in our building 我将在公众场合做体操动作
早先我想洗澡 That is not embarrassing. It was amazing.
when I tried to take a shower. 那才不丢人呢根本帅呆了
发现我们大楼没热水了 All right.
That's because it's all in Caroline. 好吧
因为都跑进卡洛琳身体里了 Well, then come back to my house and watch me
Max! masturbate.
麦克斯那你跟我回家我也自慰给你看
You are too tense. Or we could just get coffee.
干嘛这么敏感啊也可以一起去喝杯咖啡
Here. Take this and relax a little. - Yay, I'm so happy! - Thanks, Max.
来吧来让你放松一下 - 我好高兴哦 -谢了麦克斯
Eh? No, not for you. For me.
如何不是替你高兴是替自己
This doing anything for you? I'm getting unlimited candy and maybe some pills.
"舒缓"一点了吗终身免费糖果而且还可能有"药"
Well, I'll be in my booth. -----------------------------
我去坐我老位子了 -------------07--------------
Hello, Sophie. -----------------------------
你好啊苏菲 What are you doing back so early?
What are you doing in my booth? 你怎么回来得这么早
你在我的卡座里干啥呢 Did chestnut forget his wallet?
It's not your booth, it's my booth. And look. 栗宝忘了带钱包了吗
才不是你的卡座是我的卡座还有 No, we saw that cat we don't like.
All the other booths are taken. 不是我们看见不喜欢的那只猫
其他卡座都被人占了 I tried to spray it with a water bottle,
So you'll have to sit at small table, 我试着用水瓶喷水吓唬它
你得像其他独自前来的客人 but it just laughed at us, so we ran.
as is customary for lone diners. 但它不屑一笑我们只好落荒而逃
独自一人坐小桌子了 What are you doing out here?
This is my booth. 你在外面干嘛
这是我的专座 Enjoying the day.
It's okay, you didn't know. Okay, bye-bye now. 享受美好时光啊
没事不知者无罪你们走吧 The coming of autumn is my favorite time of year.
Hello, Max. Check out my new booth. 即将到来的秋天是我一年中最爱的时节
麦克斯快看我的新专座 I love the leaves.
I think it's better. 我爱死落叶了
比旧的还棒呢 Oh, gross! A condom!
Oh, no. I don't want to see him again. 恶心死了居然有避孕套
惨了我不想再见到他 Wow, I guess autumn really is coming.
Look, he's already seen you at your worst. 哇我想秋天真的"来了"
他都已经看过你最坏的一面了 Who would throw that over our wall?
You vomited and masturbated. That's your full range. 谁会把这玩意从墙外扔进来
你最惨也就呕吐跟自慰了 That cat.
Hi. 那只臭猫
你好啊 What? He's not only arrogant,
Look, I know you're really embarrassed about-- 干嘛他不但傲慢嚣张
我知道你肯定还觉得... he wants us to know he has sex.
Well, everything. 还想让我们知道他也有性生活
那些事丢人 All I know is, if I had nine lives,
And there's really nothing I can say 我只知道如果我有九条命
我也知道无论我说什么 I wouldn't wear a condom.
第 51 页 /共 198 页
我才不会戴套呢 Maybe take her on a romantic hayride,
Hey, you know, we should start figuring out 或许带她去来一次浪漫的夜游
我们应该开始想想 k'nock her out with chloroform,
what to do with chestnut this winter, 然后用氯仿弄晕她
这个冬天怎么安置栗宝 and sell her kidney for a new iPad.
now that it's already peak condom dropping season. 拿她的肾脏卖钱买新 iPad
现在已经到了乱扔避孕套的高峰时节 Son!
You're right, chestnut is the most important thing. 好小伙啊
你说得对栗宝是最重要的事情 Come outside.
But more importantly, what do you think 来后院吧
但更重要的是你觉得 Miss Channing wants you to see her looking like the girl
Of this vintage sweater I chose for my date with Andy? 钱宁小姐想让自己看起来像是
我为今天约会特意选择的毛衣如何啊 who got cut from the J.Crew catalog for being too white.
It's nice. 因肤色过白而被踢出白人购物目录的女模特
还不错 Miss Channing? Max, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
But won't it be hard to pull off over your head in the 钱宁小姐麦克斯慢着
cab? Caroline is Caroline Channing Caroline Channing?
但激情时这衣服在计程车里难脱吧卡洛琳就是那个卡洛琳·钱宁吗
I'm assuming you'll do it in a cab. Yeah, she used to be a billionaire,
我假设你们会在计程车里开搞对啊她以前是个亿万千金
Max, it's a first date. That's not appropriate. but now all her money is in here.
麦克斯我们才第一次约会不合适吧但现在她所有的钱都在这里
Is it? Oh, wait, some of these are buttons.
会吗不对里面有些是纽扣
I mean, I've never dated poor. Oh. Okay.
我从来没跟穷人约过会好吧
What is acceptable on a first date? Yeah, I just thought she was a regular Williamsburg girl.
初次约会那些事是可以接受的啊我还以为她只是一个普通的威廉斯堡姑娘
Well, I'm pretty classy, so anal? No. She doesn't try that hard.
我很优雅的肛交吧不她还没这么堕落
I'm not that poor. And I was wrong.
我还没穷到那个地步看来我低估了她
Well, you better give him something to keep him Oh, hi. I didn't hear you knock.
interested 你好啊刚没听到你敲门
你最好给他点甜头留住他 Well, you two have a good time.
because he owns a candy store, 你们俩好好玩
因为那家伙有一家糖果店 And, young man, if you don't swing by your store
and I want free candy forever. 年轻人如果你不顺便从你的店
而老娘想一辈子都有免费糖果吃 and bring me some pixie sticks,
There he is. 给我带点精灵糖条
他来了 you'll never see my little girl again.
Can you bring him out in the yard, 下次就别想再见到我乖女儿
你能把他带到后院吗 Way ahead of you.
so he can see me in my sweater next to my horse? 早想到了
让他看到我穿着这身站在我的马旁 Yes!
Okay, freak. 太棒了
没问题怪人 Yeah, definitely anal.
But next time a guy comes knocking for me, 没错绝对要肛交
不过下次有男人敲门找我 Oh, baby.
you have to take him to my bedroom, 小宝贝
你要把他带进我的卧室 look who's a half hour late for work.
so he can see me in my slayer shirt 瞧瞧是谁上班迟到了半小时
好让他看见我穿着杀手乐队 t 恤 Must have been a pretty hot date with the candy man.
next to my glo worm filled with pot. 想必是跟糖果男约会得太火热哦
躺在我塞满大麻的虫虫公仔旁边 So did you touch his whatchamacallit?
Hello, sir, I'm here to pick up your daughter. 你有碰到他"那话儿"吗
你好先生我是来接您女儿的 Did you bring him to almond joy?
And what exactly are your intentions? 他有碰到你的"杏仁尖"吗
你要接她去干嘛 His butterfingers got nowhere near my mounds.
I don't know. 他的黄油糖指就没接近过我的"投手丘"
不知道 Now, if we could be adults for a second--
第 52 页 /共 198 页
我们可以像成年人说话了吗 If you must know,
Well, your mounds are more like sno-caps, 如果你非要知道的话
你的"投手丘"更像是"锥子糖" Caroline and I were discussing if someone we know is
but continue. gay.
不过继续说我们在讨论一个朋友是不是同性恋
Well, nothing happened. I once had a homosexual experience in college.
什么都没有发生我在大学时有过一回同性恋的经验
Even after four hours of me breathing heavily and With another girl?
saying... 跟小姑娘搞拉拉情吗
甚至在我连续四小时呼吸急促地说 No, there was a boy who was interested in me.
"I'm having a really good time" 不当时有个男生对我感兴趣
"我真的玩得很开心哦" He was captain of the football team.
Look, I don't want to be this girl, but I think-- 他是足球队的队长
我真的不想说这种话但我觉得 He would come to my dorm room
think he might be gay. 他会来我的宿舍
他可能是同性恋 and ask me to do his homework,
He's gay because he's not turned on 让我帮他写作业
就因为你连续四小时的口臭攻势 and then he would leave.
by four hours of coffee breath? 写完他就走了
没有挑逗成功他就是同性恋吗 Oh. Never mind.
What's up? 算了当我没说
怎么了 I never had a homosexual experience.
I'm having a really good time. 我没有同性恋经验
我真的玩得很开心哦 Keep wearing those sweaters, Han.
I must go to the men's room right now. 阿憨呀继续穿你的毛背心吧
我得立刻去一趟洗手间了 It'll happen.
That proves nothing. 有天他们会找上你的
那完全不代表什么 And if you think your life sucks now,
Oleg is always looking for an excuse to put it 如果现在你觉得人生很悲剧
somewhere. it just got worse.
奥列格总是在找理由来"乱插" 那刚才又加剧了
Why do you think we don't serve bagels anymore? Look, a new hipster strain.
不然我们也不用停止供应面包"圈"了瞧新品种的嬉皮士
Andy is not gay. Ironic Amish.
安迪不是同性恋讽刺的阿米什人
And I'm not just setting you up for a life of confusing, 阿米什人是美国的一群基督新教再洗礼派门诺会信
徒
我不会为了免费的糖果就把你推入
self-questioning non-sex for the free candy, 拒绝汽车及电力等现代设施过着简朴的生活
No way. I'm taking care of
一辈子只有迷惑质疑而无性生活的火坑
although that does sound like me. 不行我要亲自出马
these two butter churners right now.
虽然很像我会干的事
He is really into you. 收拾这两个搅屎棍
Mumford and Sons 来自伦敦的民谣摇滚乐队其中有
他真的对你很感兴趣
He might be into me, 位成员就老戴牛仔帽
Look, I'm telling you what I told Mumford and Sons,
他可能是对我感兴趣
but he doesn't seem to want to get into me. 我重复一遍我对某民谣摇滚乐队说的话
Get out.
但他似乎对我完全不感"性趣"
滚出去
Maybe he just wants me as a friend.
Go.
或许他只想跟我做朋友
走啊
No way.
Go, you hipster amish wannabes.
不可能
走啊你们两个想装阿米什人的嬉皮士
You are, like, 80 pounds and a coke addiction shy
But we really are amish.
等你再胖 36 公斤并有羞于承认的可乐瘾
可我们真的是阿米什人啊
from being qualified to be a gay guy's female friend. Yes, we're here on rumspringa.
你才有可能当上基佬的女性朋友是啊我们是来体验社会的
同性恋常有肥胖的女性朋友 And I'm here on a little bit of vodka.
What's so important you two have to be in here
而我是来耍点小酒疯的
什么事这么重要你们俩得像学生妹一样 It's sort of like what you might call spring break.
gabbing like schoolgirls when there are customers
我们体验社会就类似你们的"春假"
waiting?
We get to leave the ways of the Amish
在里面闲聊而不去招呼客人
第 53 页 /共 198 页
我们可以脱离阿米什人的生活方式 Just give me an "F" and move on.
and experience the modern world. 就直接给我个"不及格"吧
来体现下现代世界的活法 Barns. They build barns, and we--
Well, I beggeth thy forgiveness. 马棚他们很会建造马棚
我恳请你们见谅 We need a barn for chestnut.
Haveth a seat-eth in the booth-eth. 而栗宝需要个马棚
有请两位客人上雅座稍候 Come on. And let me do the talking.
Have a seat in the booth. 跟我来我负责讲话
找个卡座坐吧 I am very good at manipulating young boys.
Earl, I got two amish in my booth. 我非常擅长摆布小男孩
厄尔有两个阿米什人坐在我的卡座耶 I once got a ten-year-old I was babysitting
Well, you let them know right up front 有次我给一个 10 岁的小孩当保姆
你得先跟他们声明 to buy me a box of pop-tarts with his allowance.
that we don't accept travelers checks or livestock. 我让他乖乖拿出零用钱给我买了一盒甜点
结账不能用旅行支票和牲口 So this is our place. Not much, but--
So Amish, huh? 这就是我们的公寓地方不大
你们是阿米什人啊 You have so many possessions.
Yes, ma'am. From pennsylvania. 你们有那么多东西
是的女士来自宾夕法尼亚州 - Are you rich, ma'am? - Yes.
"Ma'am"? - 女士你是不是有钱人 -是的
"女士" And I have to say, this "Ma'am" Thing
You know what, that's kind of hot. 不得不说那声"女士"
这称呼还蛮带劲的 is still working for me.
I always thought I'd have to wait 仍然让我心驰荡漾啊
我总是觉得我得 Um, okay, Jacob. That's enough with the lights.
20 more years to be a cougar, 雅各布别玩电灯了
再等个 20 年才能成为欲望主妇 There will be plenty of time for fun with electricity
but, rawr, here I am. tomorrow,
但现在惊觉我要变身了明天会有很多时间可以好好体验电力
Why don't I bring you boys some coffee, on me? But it's late.
不如给你们俩上杯咖啡吧我请客但现在很晚了
We can't drink coffee, ma'am. Let's discuss sleeping arrangements.
我们不能喝咖啡女士我们来安排怎么睡吧
Coffee is the devil in a cup. You two can sleep out here,
咖啡是杯子里的魔鬼你们俩在外面睡
We can do whatever we want, Jacob, and Max and I will sleep in her bed.
我们想干嘛就干嘛雅各布我和麦克斯睡她的床
we're in new york. - Does that work for you? - Okay.
现在可是在纽约 - 可以吗 -可以
Yeah, Jacob. Listen to, uh-- Oh, sorry. I left my bra.
对啊雅各布你就听... 抱歉我忘了拿走我的胸罩了
- Jebediah. - For real? Your-your b-b-bra?
- 杰巴达亚 -真的假的你的胸胸胸罩
Did you see the size of her nursers? Jacob, stop acting like a child.
你看到她那对"奶瓶"有多大吗雅各布别跟个小孩一样
Those guys are for real Amish. I'm sorry about him.
那俩家伙是真的阿米什人我真替他脸红
I love the amish culture. Don't be.
我爱他们的文化大可不必
You love every culture. At least it was her bra.
你什么都文化都爱还好是她的胸罩
You salute the flags at IHOP when we walk by. Mine would have killed the kid.
你连煎饼屋的旗帜都致敬呢如果是我的那孩子早挂了
Oh, my God. That's it. So I was thinking we could drive our truck
天啊我想到了我想着明早可以开车
Max, question. to my uncle's lumberyard in the morning
麦克斯问你个问题去我叔叔的贮木场
What are the Amish known for? and get the wood for the barn.
阿米什人因什么而闻名弄些木材回来做马棚
Oh, no. It's sixth grade all over again. Okay, but there seems to be plenty of wood right here.
不是吧重演小学六年级的桥段好啊不过似乎这里也有根"硬木"啊
第 54 页 /共 198 页
Oh, hello. 手机都自动更正为"好基"了
注意点好吗 Even the phone's getting that vibe.
Don't be embarrassed, Jacob. 连我手机都感觉到了
不要觉得丢人雅各布 There, sent it. "Hey."
It's perfectly natural when you're exposed to new 好了发出去了
things. Do you think I could grab a beer?
当你接触新鲜事物时这是自然反应我可以拿瓶啤酒喝吗
The first time I saw a picture of those fat twins on - Yes. - No.
scooters, - 行啊 -不行
我第一次见到小摩托上的胖双胞胎照片时 Look, they're working for us for free.
I was hard for days. 人家免费帮我们盖马棚呢
也性奋了好几天呢 One beer each.
Why don't you two go outside and play with the horse? 一人拿一瓶吧
你们俩何不出去跟栗宝玩 Awesome, awesome, awesome.
Okay. 好棒好棒好棒
好的 Max, you can't give underage kids beer in our home.
And thank you for letting us stay at your place. 麦克斯怎么能在咱家给未成年人酒喝啊
谢谢你们让我们住在这里 Why? Isn't that what love is?
Your home is dope. 为啥不行这不就是爱的真谛吗
你们家酷毙了 Jebediah, beer is the devil's saliva.
You don't even know what that means, Jebediah. 杰巴达亚啤酒是魔鬼的口水
你都不知道那个词是什么意思杰巴达亚 Neighbors come a-calling after midnight in
It's hipster talk, Jacob, and it's awesome. Williamsburg?
嬉皮士就这么说雅各布超棒的在威廉斯堡邻居午夜过后还来敦亲睦邻啊
Are we sure this is a good idea? Where is this William?
你确定这是个好主意吗这位威廉是谁啊
You saw how turned on he was. I'd like to compliment him on his burg.
你也看见那小伙多性奋了我想当面夸赞他这堡
He was practically raising a barn in his pants. Hi, girls, I just came down for a cupcake--
他都在自己裤裆里"盖起"一间马棚了姑娘们我就下来想吃个小...
We're fine, they're fine. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
我们没事他们也没事等等等等
Just a typical male reaction Hold on.
这是典型的男性反应稍等一下
to a couple of hot cougars like us. Who are the two cute puppies in the kitchen?
因为遇见像我们这样的性感熟女你们厨房这两位可爱的小乖乖是谁啊
Ra. Rawr. Look at you two.
如饥似渴如狼似虎瞧你们俩
You know what isn't a typical male reaction? You are the cutest little things.
你知道什么不是典型的男性反应吗真是这世上最可爱小东西了
Not calling or texting a girl you're interested in. Yes, you are--
不给自己喜欢的姑娘打电话和发短信就是就是的哦
Well, why don't you just text Andy, then? Ooh, and this one has an erection.
何不你给安迪发短信呢哎哟这一个还勃起了呢
What should I text? Jacob, don't look directly at her.
我应该发什么啊雅各布别用肉眼直盯她
"Why so gay, question mark"? She's like an eclipse with boobs.
"干嘛这么基问号" 她就是巨乳版的日蚀不可直视
I don't know. Sorry, girls.
我不知道抱歉姑娘们
The only thing I've ever texted to a guy is, I didn't mean to interrupt your lovers' session.
我唯一给男人发过的短信是我无意打断你们的"外送情人服务"
"There's a cop behind you, walk past me." Sophie, they're just here to build a barn for Chestnut.
"你身后有警察别停下跟我说话" 苏菲他们是来帮栗宝盖马棚的啦
Just say "Hey." Oh, sure. Wink, wink.
就发个"好吗"得了我懂我懂 "眨眼眨眼"
Okay. I can do that. "Building a barn," Is that what we're calling it now?
好吧发这个可以 "盖马棚" 现在都用这个当代号吗
"Hey." Wink, wink.
"好吗" "眨眼眨眼"
Huh, it autocorrected to "Gay." Caroline's telling the truth, Sophie.
第 55 页 /共 198 页
苏菲卡洛琳说的是真话 where only cheap girls go to get laid.
It's strictly business. 那家低档浪妹爱去求欢的酒吧
跟他们单纯是生意往来 You know, the one you like.
Oh, so you're paying for them? 就是你爱去的那家酒吧啊
原来是花钱招来的啊 Oh, the Just Slip It Inn?
Okay. Ooh la la. 那个"进去"吧吗
没问题 And if that place plus this outfit
How much do they cost? 去那地方加我这身衣服
他们要多少钱 doesn't put his pedal to my metal,
Because, yeah, I also need a barn. 他还继续三过我"门"而不"入"
我也"想要间马棚" It's clearly never happening.
Wink, wink. 那肯定就没戏了
"眨眼眨眼" Well, that outfit's sexy, but not foolproof.
Well, here's your cupcake, Sophie. Good night. 这衣服是挺性感但也不是一看便知吧
苏菲你要的小蛋糕晚安啦 Oh, it's not? Follow me, please.
Oh, but I want to play with the puppies. 还不够明显示意吗跟我来
但人家还想小乖乖玩会 Jacob.
It's very late. 雅各布
时候不早 And I'm not saying I'm that hot,
You can come back in the morning. 我没说自己真那么诱人
明早再来吧 but I've never seen anybody drop wood
This is like when they cancelled Christmas in my village. 但我好歹没见过有人能
这跟我村里圣诞节被取消时一样扫兴 and get wood at the same time.
Look, look at his pants. That one misses me. 同时掉硬木又起"硬棒"的哦
你看看他的裤子那乖乖想我呢 Bye, baby, mama's going to get day-laid.
Nighty night, puppies. 宝贝再见妈咪要在白天滚床单啦
晚安啦小乖乖 Hey, Max.
That must be Andy. 麦克斯
应该安迪回复了 Would it be okay if we take our shirts off?
Emojis? He sent me emojis? 你介意我们脱掉上衣吗
颜文字他用表情符号回我 - We're sweating, and-- - Yes.
All I get back are tiny, little pictures, - 我们满身大汗又... -快
他居然就用个破小符号回我 I mean, that's-sure, whatever.
when I spent the time and energy to write "Hey"? 我是说都好啦随便
亏我还花了精神跟时间打了个"好吗"呢 if you want to.
Rainbow, dollar sign, muffin. Could be worse. 你们决定吧
彩虹符钱符小松饼符不算差了 - Oh, crap. I don't have any ones.
I once got naked guy, naked girl, tombstone. - 靠我身上没小额纸钞
我有次收到裸男符裸女符坟墓符呢 Could you spray me with that water bottle?
I wasn't sure what it meant, but I immediately got 能用喷水器喷我们身子吗
tested. Oh, right. Oh, I'm going to spray you.
我理解无能但我赶紧去做了性病检查想得美呢用这种伎俩
Yep, Chestnut, pretty soon you'll be safe and sound, Is that really what you think is going to happen?
小栗宝你很快就能住得舒服安稳了你们觉得这烂招现实吗
with a roof over your head, I'm going to spray you, and then I'm going to get turned
有屋顶帮你遮风挡雨 on,
and you and I can finally be safe 我洒水让你"湿身" 然后我看得欲火焚身
我们再也不用担惊受怕 and then I'll start spraying stutter stud over there,
from the unending torment of that condom-throwing 然后我也洒洒这匹结巴的小种马
cat. and then we're all having sex?
不必再被那丢避孕套的臭猫精神折磨了最后一起玩 3p 吗
All ready for my second date. No, Max. I got him.
准备好要赴第二次约会了不用麦克斯我来
Slut, party of one. Here you go, puppies.
有骚货大驾光临来吧小乖乖
Slut, party of one. Oh, now I wet the shy one.
有骚货大驾光临现在换打湿害羞的那个
You know it. Oh, and, boys, I'm going to need you to come up here
你懂的 next
Plus, I'm taking him to that bar
小乖乖们等会我也想请你们上来
而且我还要带他去 and fix something because it broke.
第 56 页 /共 198 页
我有东西坏了来帮我修修吧我跟他相处时从没听过他像基佬一样
What's broken? while I've been around him.
什么东西坏了对陌生人说刻薄的话
That. Well, then he's paralyzed from the waist down
那个可能他是个靠着正常走路掩盖自己
Look at the couple behind us. and hides it by walking.
看我们后面那对情侣下半身不遂的男人吧
I mean, save some for the men's room stall, Okay, that's it. I'm leaving.
在这里就快全套等会去厕所"搞"啥啊我受够了我要走了
Am I right? No, don't, I'll come there. Maybe it'll help.
你说对吧别走我来找你吧可能有帮助哦
I'm having a really good time. You two were really hot when I was standing between
我真的玩得很开心 you.
What? 我在你们身边的时候你们俩总打得很火热
什么 True. Okay, and hurry.
I'm having a really good time! 也是那你快来吧
我真的玩得很开心 I don't want to go home with the redheads.
I think we need more drinks. 我不想最后真跟红发情侣上搞上
我去添点饮料吧 Why do they even let them in here?
- Would you like a Jack and Coke? 酒吧干嘛放红发人进来啊
- 要来个杰克可乐吗 Leaving here is probably a good idea anyway.
Or maybe just a Jack? 现在离开对我也好
还是你想要个男人"杰克" If I stay any longer, I'm going to do something
Oh, no, if you're calling me, then the date's not going 我再待在这里我怕我就要做一些
well. I'll have to pretend to regret.
惨了你会打来肯定是约会不顺得"假装后悔"的"事情"了
I'm not crazy, right? How weird running into you guys here.
我没发疯有幻觉吧在我最爱的酒吧偶遇你们
He did hunt me down and beg me to go out with him? My favorite bar that I come to all the time just 'cause.
是他主动找我还求我跟他约会的吧真是太巧了我常无来由的就想来这呢
Nothing again? Hi, Andy. These guys are our friends.
又没进展啊安迪他们这是我们的朋友
Well, maybe he's not feeling that place. We're Amish.
可能这地方撩不起他的欲火吧我们是阿米什人
Well, then he's the only one, Awesome band name.
全场就他坐怀不乱这乐团名不错
'cause it's so horny here, I'm about to have sex Why did you bring them?
这里的气氛淫乱到我都想跟你带他们俩来干嘛
with the couple at the next table, I was afraid to leave them home.
隔壁桌的红发情侣开搞了我不敢把他们留在家里嘛
and they're both redheads, which is so gross. Sophie was running out of things to break in her
逼得我都愿意跟红发男女乱搞了真是超恶心 apartment.
Hold on a second. Um, hey, guys? 苏菲家都快没东西可以故意砸烂了
等等你们俩 - So what are you guys drinking? - Beer.
Yeah? - 你们想喝什么呢 -啤酒
有事吗 Shut it, Jacob, or I will smite thee.
Perfect, thanks. 雅各布敢乱说我劈死汝
很好没事啦 Wait, uh, I'll go with you.
I mean, why did he even ask me out again? 等等我跟你一起去
那他干嘛还约我出去啊 FYI, I'm leaving with the redheads In five minutes.
Well, I kind of might have said s-- 五分钟后没进展我就跟红发情侣走
可能是因为我说了什... Hi, can I get a pitcher of tap, please?
Max! Now I'm even more humiliated. 能给我们来一扎啤酒吗
麦克斯这下我更羞愧了 Would you like to dance, Caroline?
You forced a gay guy to go out with me? 卡洛琳你想一起跳舞吗
你居然逼个基佬跟我约会 Oh, thank you. But that is so not my thing.
Who am I? The girl with lupus at the prom? 谢谢邀请但我才不干那种事
我是多烂啊跟毕业舞会上的狼疮妹同等级吗 And besides, that's not so much a dance floor
Andy is not gay. 而且那里根本不算舞池
安迪不是同性恋 As an STD mosh pit.
He hasn't said one mean thing about strangers 是性病混合池吧
第 57 页 /共 198 页
Awesome. 没别的招了
好棒 Here we go.
So she called you, right? 来吧
她打给你了对吧 I also ordered you guys some nachos.
I saw her talking on the phone using lots of hand 我还帮你们点了脆饼吃
gestures. No jalapenos.
我看到她打电话还配了一堆手势没放墨西哥辣椒
I figured it was about how bad the date is. I know that's the devil's garnish.
肯定是在说这约会糟透了吧我知道那是魔鬼的调味料
Okay, I'm going to try and put this as politely as I can, Great, nachos.
我尽量用文明点的词汇跟你说太好了玉米脆饼
but what the hell is wrong with you? They're so low-rent like me.
但你他娘的是猪啊跟我一样廉价易得
Make a move. But first, I'm going to chug some draft beer
对她下手啊但我现在要先跟平常一样
Max, I really like her, but... like I always do.
麦克斯我真的很喜欢她但... 大口灌点生啤
What is the but? And now I'm gonna freak-dance.
但是怎样现在我要去骚女"乱舞"了
But she's Caroline Channing. Slut, party of one
她可是卡洛琳·钱宁啊骚货即将光临舞池
And you're Andy something. So? Come on, Jacob. I'm going to tear that ass up.
你也是安迪·啥啥不是吗来吧雅各布姐要好好宠幸你
Yeah, I'm Andy something who owns a small candy Y-y-you are?
store, 真的吗
我就只是开间小糖果店的安迪·啥啥 See? That's not special at all.
And she was practically a princess. 你看她一点也不特别
Oh, my God!
而她算得上是公主了
Was. Was a princess. 天啊
Call the paramedics.
那是以前以前是公主
Now she has five pairs of underwear 快叫医护人员啊
I danced an Amish boy to death.
现在她穷得只剩五套内衣裤
and hasn't done laundry in eight days. 我让阿米什男孩爽死了
Look at poor Jacob. I feel awful.
但她八天没洗衣服了
Max, honestly, I mean, I use those stupid emojis 雅各布好可怜我好内疚
It was just panic attack coupled with his first orgasm.
我老实说我用表情符号回复她
to buy time to figure out what I wanted to say. 人生首次"高潮"后的恐慌发作而已嘛
是拖延时间想好我想对她说的话 Paramedics said he'll be fine.
That's why emojis exist. 医护人员说他会没事的
表情符号作用就是在此 I think that's what they said.
So guys like me don't have to say, 应该是这样吧
像我这样男人就不用亲口说出 It was hard to hear over all their laughing.
"I'm not good enough. I sell gum." 他们边笑边说听不太清楚
"我配不上你我是个卖口香糖的" More emojis from Andy.
She's the same girl you met in your candy store. 安迪又回我符号了
Christmas tree, fireworks, martini glass.
她就是你在店里遇到的那个女孩
No, she's not. 圣诞树符烟火符马丁尼酒杯符
Okay, that's it. I'm done.
不她不是
That was just a regular, pretty Williamsburg girl. 够了我受不了了
Well, here he comes.
当时她只是个普通的漂亮威廉斯堡女孩
Now, she's refined, rich Caroline Channing. 他来啦
What is this supposed to mean?
现在她是文雅多金的卡洛琳·钱宁
He thinks you're rich and refined. 你发这些是什么意思
Oh, that? That means...
她觉得你多金又文雅
- It's a real boner blocker. - What? 那些吗就是这个意思
I love emojis.
- 害他不知如何下"鸟" -什么
我爱死表情符号了
He found out who you were, and he's intimidated.
I think my work here is done.
他知道了你的真实身份他吓着了
看来我可以功成身退了
You have to act cheap and unrefined.
Max, I'm going to go with Jacob in that thing
你得表现的廉价又粗俗
麦克斯我要进那台我们当初
It's the only way.
第 58 页 /共 198 页
we wouldn't let take our grandmother. 好吧今晚让你赢
不愿意让其载走我奶奶的东西陪雅各布 -----------------------------
And I just wanted to say good-bye -------------08--------------
我来跟你道别 -----------------------------
and thank you for everything. Okay, everyone. Time to dig it up
并谢谢你对我们的一切各位又到了失物招领箱的
Well, you built us a barn, what's in the Lost and Found box.
你也帮我们盖了马棚宝物发掘时间
we almost killed your friend-I'd say we're even. If my dignity is in there,
我们差点害死你朋友也算两不相欠啦如果我的尊严在里面
Well, Jacob says he's going to go home, tell it I said "What up?"
雅各布说他要回家了帮我向它打个招呼
but I met this girl in the bar This is my favourite day of the month.
但我在酒吧认识个女孩这是我一个月中最喜欢的日子
whose roommate overdosed yesterday, Oh God, I'm falling so far so fast.
她室友昨天嗑药过量死了天啊我堕落得太快太深了
so there's a spare room, You haven't fallen that far.
所以家里有间空房没有这么夸张啦
and I've decided to stay. First item, a scrunchie
我打算去那里住第一件是发束
Cool. I need that! Give me!
不错啊我需要这个给我
So got any words of wisdom I think I hit my bottom.
有什么人生箴言能传授给我堕落到极限该停了
for a kid trying to make it in the world? Okay, next item.
我这个独自奋斗的小少年吗好了下一件
No, do you? A pregnancy test.
没你呢验孕棒
Look, just know you're going to struggle for a while. That's empty.
记住刚开始肯定会有不顺遂那盒子是空的
Someone's going to ask you what time it is, What? I had two free minutes,
可能有陌生人假装问你时间看我干嘛我有两分钟空档
and when you look at your watch, and you never know.
当你低头看表时有孕验孕没孕强身嘛
he's going to put his penis on you. Can we move this along?
他就把阴茎蹭你身上能不能快点
But like Dan Savage says, it gets better. I'm an old man, and I need to get to bed.
但丹·萨维奇说过明天会更好我年纪大了得早点上床
丹·萨维奇在同性恋大学生因搅基视频泄露后自杀后 You are late to meet woman for hot date.
发起了"明天会更好"反自杀活动的专栏作家你是约了妹子"上床" 现在迟到了吧
Although it hasn't for me, You know it.
虽然我的明天没更好还是你懂行
so maybe that only applies to questioning teens. A wallet and...
那可能只对性向有疑问的青少年有效一个钱包
In short, there's really no point to anything, no money.
总之不必挂意不顺遂的人事物可惜没钱
but sometimes, you get to eat candy or have sex, What? If I was pregnant,
有时候只要能吃上糖果或打上一炮看我干嘛如果我怀孕了
and that's when it all feels right. I needed it for the baby.
不顺遂也就抛之脑后了我得花钱去打孩子啊
Oh, no. And finally for the sixth month in a row...
惨了最后一样是连续六个月都有的
Caroline, the cat. The wig.
卡洛琳那只臭猫假发
I'm on my own. Fine. The wig!
见色忘友行假发
Oh, no, you bastard, not tonight. Han, it's your turn.
今晚别想吓唬我死臭猫别想阿憨这次该你了
It is not going down tonight. We have all put it on except you.
今晚我奉陪到底除了你我们都戴过了
All right, you win this one. If I had to take a picture in it,
第 59 页 /共 198 页
连我都戴过这玩意拍照了其代言人是好莱坞女星杰米·李在广告中声称
you have to take a picture in it. Activia 酸奶能帮助解决消化问题后因广告失实被指
你也得做同样的事情控
Okay, fine. We get it, Jamie Lee.
好吧我们知道啦杰米·李
Man, I'm a fun boss. You poop lot.
我可真是个风趣的老板啊你消化好排便畅
Oh, sorry, sir. We're closed. "Get your oven Martha-clean,"
不好意思先生我们打烊了 "让你的烤箱有如大师般洁净"
I was just checking if I left my toupee here. "Max's something cupcakes"
我来看看是不是把假发忘在这了 "麦克斯的什么小蛋糕"
Take the picture quick. Scarf, scarf, scarf.
快点拍照桌布桌布桌布
I got it. Here it is. Wait, Max's cupcakes?
我拿到了拿到了慢着麦克斯的小蛋糕
The new Martha Stewart Living. You just said, "Max's something cupcakes."
最新一期《玛莎生活杂志》你刚是说"麦克斯的什么小蛋糕"吗
I ran so fast, the librarian said,
I did?
我跑得超快那个图书管理员说
是吗
"Stop running in the library," and I almost said,
Wow, my ears are so not used
"不许在图书馆乱跑" 我差点就回他
我的耳朵还真不习惯
"This is different. I'm stealing." to anything good coming out of my mouth.
"我不是跑着玩我是偷书" 听进我嘴里说出来的好话
Why are you still even looking There. There. Look.
你为什么还每个月这里这里你看
through Martha Stewart living every month? "Max's homemade cupcakes
都看这本破杂志啊 "麦克斯自制小蛋糕
'Cause we might be mentioned in it. is a Williamsburg must-have."
因为她可能会在里面提到我们啊是威廉斯堡必尝好滋味"
Martha said she hadn't forgotten about us.
What's this? What's my face doing?
玛莎说她没有忘记我们
这是什么我的脸在干嘛
That's what my mother said,
- You're smiling, Max. - No way!
我妈当年也是这么说的
- 你在笑啊麦克斯 -不可能
but I spent a whole day and night
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's a blurb.
最后老娘落得了在学校停车场
in that school parking lot. 天啊天啊这是商品宣传
Everyone, we got a blurb In Martha Stewart Living.
等了整整一天一夜的下场
Silver lining- 各位《玛莎生活杂志》在帮我们做宣传
Can I get some more coffee?
不幸中的大幸是
TLC 女子 R&B 乐队《瀑布》是她们的著名曲目是一能再给我来杯咖啡吗
Are you insane?
首劝人不要误入歧途迷途知返的歌
I still know the whole rap part to TLC's Waterfalls. 你疯啦
Hey, everyone.
我现在还会唱 TLC 乐队那首《瀑布》的说唱部分
大家好啊
Well, I'm still holding out hope we're in this,
What's the excitement?
我还抱着我们会在书中出现的希望
干嘛这么激动
even though I've been hurt two months in a row.
Is it 'cause I'm here?
虽然我已经连续两个月被伤透了心
是因为我来了吗
Oh, god, am I in an abusive relationship
Sophie, look, Max's homemade cupcakes
天啊我是不是跟一个指点生活的专家
苏菲快看《玛莎生活杂志》
with a lifestyle guru?
got a blurb in Martha Stewart Living.
在谈一场虐恋啊
在帮"麦克斯自制小蛋糕"做宣传哦
Okay, let's get this over with.
Oh, that's funny,
好吧我们快快过一遍
"How to make him love your salmon." 真有意思
'cause I got a blurb in New York Apartment Life.
"如何让他爱上你做的鲑鱼"
因为《纽约公寓杂志》也在帮我做宣传
"How to make him love your stretch marks."
Look. "Sophie's choice cleaning service--
"如果让他爱上你的妊娠纹"
瞧 "苏菲的选择清洁公司
Hey, he just doesn't love you.
they clean like their life depends on it."
拜托他就是不爱你嘛
她们为了生活做牛做马流血流汗"
Activia ad, activia ad, activia ad.
Well, that's not exactly the same.
全是达能酸奶广告广告广告
第 60 页 /共 198 页
那跟这个不一样啦非常感谢
No, 'cause, look, I got three plungers. Can we please get back to the blurb?
当然不一样瞧我得到三个皮搋子我们能回到宣传这个话题吗
Yeah, but I didn't want to brag. Sorry. You're right.
没错我本来不想吹嘘的啦抱歉你说得对
That must be andy wondering I should have made a bigger deal about it.
一定是安迪问我我应该更重视这件事
if I'm coming over to have sex tonight. It's just I've been a little freaked out.
晚上要不要过去滚床单只是我有点被吓到了
Could my life get any better? We had some big drama here today.
我的人生还能再美好点吗这里今天发生了件大事
Oh, my God. It could get better. Drama in a candy store?
天啊还真能小糖果屋能发生什么"大事"
There are, like, ten cupcake orders here. Did the yogurt-covered craisins finally realize
我们有十个蛋糕订单是不是被酸奶裹着的葡萄干终于意识到
Birthday, baby shower, bris. how stupid they are and commit mass suicide?
生日派对新生儿派对割礼自己是多么愚蠢然后集体自杀了
Can we do a bris? No, but seriously they pulled some bodies
我们可以接割礼吗不不过说真的
Sure. I'll just make a little rosette foreskin out of the closed-down soup kitchen across the way
当然我做点玫瑰造型的包皮 tonight.
and write around the outside, 今晚他们从对面的施粥坊运出几具尸体
然后在外面写上 So now we're completely off the blurb?
"Congratulations on not terrifying women in 20 years." 所以现在完全不聊宣传这事了吗
"恭喜你 20 年后不会吓着女人了" Some guys broke in.
Hey, Andy. 有些不明人士闯进去
你好安迪 A bunch of people got shot.
Hi, candy. 然后一堆人被乱枪打死
你好糖果 Apparently, it was a drug deal gone wrong.
Did you see it? 显然是毒品交易谈不拢
你看到了吗 - Oh, my God. That's horrible. - I know.
Did you see the new Martha Stewart Living? - 天啊太可怕了 -就是啊
你看了新一期的《玛莎生活杂志》了吗 Why can't a drug deal ever go right?
Oh, sorry, no. 为什么毒品交易总是谈不拢呢
抱歉没有 Hey, they said it was a real bloodbath.
I still have to get through my Glamour and Modern 听人说当时血肉横飞啊
Bride. I want to see it!
我还没看完本期《魅力》跟《新娘》女性杂志呢我要去看
And I had sisters, so I'm allowed to know those names. Oh, okay, so I'm closing the magazine then?
我有姐姐所以知道那些杂志名不为过好吧我得合上杂志了是吗
"A Williamsburg must-have." Nice. Max, you can't go in there.
"威廉斯堡必尝好滋味" 不错啊麦克斯你不能进去
You know I feel the same way about you. It's a crime scene. There's police tape.
我一直觉得你也是那可是犯罪现场有警察封锁带
Aw, cute, but it really doesn't mean anything Is she magic?
真会说话不过除非上了报章杂志她会魔术吗
unless it's in a blurb. One of my mom's boyfriends used to rob electronic
不然不算数 stores.
I couldn't wait to show this to you. 我妈有个男友过去专门偷电子商店
我都等不及要拿给你看呢 He took me once for my birthday.
I'm so glad you were here late doing inventory. 有次作为生日礼物他带了我去
真庆幸你还在这里加班整理存货 Hmm, there should be a light switch around here.
Yeah, you know, it's the weirdest thing. 这附近应该有灯的开关啊
是啊说来也怪 - Oh, my God. - Oh, that's really gross.
The only thing I can't account for - 天啊 -这太恶心了吧
我唯一不知道去哪里的就是 That's the greatest thing I've ever seen!
is one missing Elvis Pez dispenser, Max. 这是我见过最棒的东西
一个猫王的糖果盒麦克斯 Take a picture of me over here.
Um, I don't know what you're talking about, but... 帮我在这里拍张照片
我不知道你在说什么但... I finally have a reason to join Instagram.
Thank you very much. 我终于有理由加入网上照片分享的行列了
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People are gonna be like, "Food, food, I mean, this place has got to be, like, $4,000 a month.
人们浏览照片时肯定会这样 "食物食物这地方起码得 4 千块一个月啊
cat, food, nails, nails, murder?" Was. Was $4,000 a month.
猫食物指甲指甲谋杀啊" 那是过去过去可能得一个月 4 千
Guys, I can't be in here. That was the pre-tragedy price.
伙计们我得走了那是悲剧发生前的价格
I get queasy if the meat juice touches my peas. When people die, it's a buyer's market.
我吃饭有肉汁都想吐了更何况这个一旦死过人多少钱就是买家说了算
Is this your first blood splatter? You want to rent a room in that shining hotel now,
这是你第一次见到血溅一墙吗想在出过事的高档酒店住上一晚
Jeez, someone's a princess. It's, like, 50 bucks a night.
真是个温室花朵小公主啊大概 50 块一晚就行了
Man, they are never gonna be able to rent this place Well, obviously I wanna start a business
now. 虽然我很想在一个发生过
天啊这地方以后肯定没人敢租了 in a place where there was a shooting spree.
I'm gonna go over to my store and put blood on the 连环射杀凶案的地方开店
walls And, if we go with red, it's half painted.
我要回店里往墙上浇点血而且如果想漆成红墙这都半完工了
so Max will like it more. But where are we gonna get the money?
好讨麦克斯欢心但我们要去哪里弄这笔钱
Max, look around. This blurb is our money in the bank.
麦克斯看看四周玛莎的宣传就是我们银行里的钱
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Oh, yeah, that's another thing we don't have.
你想的跟我的一样吗真好又多了一样我们没有的东西
Yup. The shooter stood here, A bank.
对枪手站在这里银行
and, based on the blood splatter, There are places set up by women
依墙上溅开的血迹分析有些专门为了支持其他女性的
he was short and walked with a limp. specifically to support other women's small businesses.
他个子不高走路会一瘸一拐小本生意的而创立的机构
- And his name was Mad Dog. I'm talking girl-on-girl financing.
- 他名叫迈德·道格我说的是"女女融资"
'Cause I want that to be his name. That's hot.
因为我希望他叫这个名字真肉欲
No, Max, But I don't care how much money they offer us.
不麦克斯但不管她们能借给咱们多少钱
you know how we've always wanted our own shop? I'm not braiding anyone's hair.
我们不是一直想拥有自己的店面吗我都不会出卖自己身体的
This is it. But are we ready?
就是这里了但我们真的准备好了吗
This is Max's homemade cupcakes. Okay, yes.
这里就是麦克斯自制小蛋糕的店址好吧没错
Oh. Yeah, I see that. This is a big leap of faith,
好吧我懂了这的确是一步险棋
And we can put our red velvets over there but we're getting in lots of orders now thanks to the
还可以把我们的红色天鹅绒 blurb.
by the random skull fragments. 但有了宣传后我们的订单也多了起来
摆那边的头骨碎渣旁 And what's the worst thing that could happen?
Besides, I thought our shop was gonna be in Manhattan. 而且最坏又能如何呢
再说了我们不是要把店开在曼哈顿吗 Um, maybe these could be our brains.
Manhattan's over. 比如墙上会是我们的脑浆
曼哈顿已经落伍了 No, not gonna happen.
Williamsburg is the new hot area, 不不会的
现在威廉斯堡才是新的流行地 We're gonna kill it.
And besides Martha's blurb says we're a Williamsburg 我们一定能大杀四方
must-have, No disrespect to any spirits
而且书上说我们是威廉斯堡必尝的美味我完全没有对任何
So we must have this space. still trying to find their way into the light.
所以我们必须租下这里还在苦苦寻求解脱的灵魂不敬
No, we must have the money. I'll figure out a place,
错我们必须先弄得钱我会选好地方
第 62 页 /共 198 页
and we'll go first thing in the morning. - 说吧 -现在就开始吗
明早一起来我们就去 Before she gets here?
Find something business-y to wear, less cleavage. 我搭档人还没到呢
打扮得像点生意人少穿低领 Um, well, I'm not really much of a business person.
Oh, these are all business. 我这人不太懂做生意呢
这些就是我的生意"本钱" Great way to start a business loan application.
Great, I'm gonna go find Andy. 好一个生意贷款申请的开场白啊
很好我要去找安迪了 Go!
What is it about real estate that makes you wanna dry 快说
hump? You have a minute.
怎么说到房地产会让我想隔衣干"磨蹭"啊给你一分钟讲
Max, I'm so excited. Okay, well, um, how much time do I have now?
麦克斯我好兴奋啊好吧我... 我还剩多少时间
We're getting our dream. Slightly less than a minute.
我们要实现我们的梦想了不到一分钟
You look like you want a hug. Okay, uh, my business partner
看起来你想来个爱的抱抱我的生意伙伴
I do. could explain this better than me, but I'll try.
没错肯定能解释得比我好但我尽量吧
Good night. We have a cupcake business.
晚安我们拥有个小蛋糕生意
"Max's homemade cupcakes," And we bake cupcakes in my roommate's bedroom.
"麦克斯自制小蛋糕" 我们在我室友的房里烤小蛋糕
You're up. I can't hear you.
轮到你了我听不见你说的
Caroline, why didn't you pick up? You want to write it down, draw it, shape it in clay?
卡洛琳你干嘛不接电话你要用写的画的或是用粘土捏给我看吗
They just called us early, and I don't know I would have filled this out more,
提早轮到我们了而且我也不懂我本来也想多填一点
what to write on the paper. but that chick over there wouldn't let me cheat off her.
该怎么填这表格但那边那妞不让我抄她的
And I feel like an idiot, my boobs are suffocating, She's not a girl's girl, know what I mean?
我感觉像个白痴一样胸也要被衣服闷死了她不是那种女女互助型的妞啊
and the only "business" thing I could find was Han's Very professional.
blazer. 非常"专业"
而我唯一能找到的正装是阿憨的夹克 Under past loan repayment,
It's itchy, and there's a piece of paper in the pocket 过去还贷历史
穿起来身上好痒而且口袋里有个纸条 you put, "Paid todd back all the beer money I owed."
with his name on it. 你填了 "还了我欠陶德的酒债"
上面写着他名字 To be fair, he was drunk all the time.
Why would he have that? 这可是好事他那人整天醉醺醺的
他干嘛要写名条放口袋啊 I could have just said I did.
"Max's homemade cupcakes," 我都没骗他说我还钱了呢
"麦克斯自制小蛋糕" Points for honesty.
Time is money. 给我的诚实加个分嘛
时间就是金钱哦 Let's get you a new loan application.
Um, here. 我再拿一份新的贷款申请表给你吧
在 Just got your message.
But our appointment's not for another 20 minutes. 才看到你的短信
但我们预约的是 20 分钟后呢 The one time I don't come early.
Have a seat. 我第一次没早来就出事了
请就座 Speaking of that, I just had the most amazing orgasm.
Cool place. 说到"来" 我刚体验了这辈子最棒的性高潮
这地方挺不错啊 I mean, we've been having really great sex,
Women's small businesses. 我跟安迪性生活是一直很美满啦
女性的小本生意 but this morning, I could not get enough of his--
Sisters doing it for themselves. 但今早我爽得都停不下...
姐姐妹妹为了自己的前途而来这 projected growth ratio investment analysis.
Well, I'm doing it for the medical benefits. 要看他的预期增长比投资分析报告了
我是为了医疗福利而来这 Hello, Caroline Channing.
- Go. - Oh, now? 您好卡洛琳·钱宁
第 63 页 /共 198 页
Wharton class of '09. and found all kinds of opportunities to make some cash.
沃顿商学院 09 年毕业生找到了各种赚钱的机会
That's our business proposal. I'm fighting the instinct to weep, but keep going.
这是我们的商业计划书我在强忍眼眶中悲哀的泪你接着说
And I would be a little embarrassed about what just At first I thought I might call pit pig.
happened 看到了一个闻香师工作
幸好在座各位都是女性 He just wants his armpits smelled,
if I didn't know that we're all just girls here. 结果人家是要找人闻他腋下
不然刚才就更尴尬了 but that's, like, 1,000 sniffs.
Can we move this along? 但貌似要闻个一千次左右
能快点弄完这事吗 Big commitment.
I got a busted toilet and a pregnant dog at home. 牺牲颇大
我有堵塞马桶跟怀孕的狗等我回家弄呢 Or there's the weirdo looking for pretty amputees,
Why didn't you tell me she was under there? 还有另一个怪人要找个貌美的截肢者
你干嘛不提醒我她在桌子下面 but that feels like a bigger commitment.
Oh, sorry, I wasn't expecting a monologue 但感觉这活牺牲更大
是我不对我没算到会听到一段 So, check it.
from confessions of a call girl. 所以看这个吧
"应召女郎的独白" "Egg donors needed.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to deny the loan. "寻求卵子捐赠者
恐怕我们无法贷款给你们 Ten to twenty grand."
Why? Because she had a good orgasm? 酬劳一到两万"
为什么就因为她高潮到炸吗 No way, I could never sell my eggs.
Isn't that what the '70s was about for you gals? 别想我死也不卖我的卵子
你们 70 年代的妞不是最爱"做"了吗 I mean, wouldn't you hate to think
You have no business history. 你难道喜欢在心里老惦记着
你们没有生意经验 you had a kid out there and not know it?
And that's a requirement for us. 自己可能有个孩子在外面吗
但那是我们的基本要求 I probably do.
Well, I think we're done here. 我早有了吧
好吧那恕我们不奉陪了 In 2006, I invented the Four Loko and robitussin
Yeah. I just said that. smoothie.
我刚不就是这意思吗我 06 年发明了能量酒精饮料混感冒糖浆奶昔
I thought you guys were about It's pretty much a blackout year.
我还以为你们的主旨是我整年都在神志不清呢
supporting small women's business. Seriously, for the right price I'd sell 'em all.
支持女性的小本生意价钱合理卖光所有卵子也行
And this small woman's "bidness" needs support Really?
而这小女人的"小生意"今日连遭"撞击" 真的吗
after the pounding it took today. I mean, I know you've always been tough.
不正需要你们的支持吗我是知道你一直都是女猛将
Max, let's go. To hear you tell it,
麦克斯走吧也听你说过
Okay, there's a bank in New Hampshire you were part of an underground baby fight club.
我找到一家在新罕布什尔的银行你曾是地下婴儿搏击俱乐部的一员
that doesn't check anything. But don't you wanna be a mom some day?
他们什么资料都不会查但你难道没想过有天要当妈吗
And before someone else grabs our cupcake space, In the history of the world,
趁别人还没抢走咱们要的店面之前从古到今
I say we get on a bus and go up there. give me one example of a really good mother.
我们赶紧上公车去一趟吧举一个好妈妈的例子给我听听
They won't give out their exact address, You're putting me on the spot.
他们不愿意给详细地址这问题把我难住了
- but I know they're in a mini mall with a white castle. 希拉里·达芙知名女歌/影星 2012 年初生了一个儿子
- 只说是在小商城里有白城堡标识 All I can think of is Hilary Duff.
Better idea. 我脑子里浮现的只有希拉里·达芙
我有更好的提议 Look, you're complicating this
I went to Craigslist, 听我说这事情很简单
我上了分类广告网站 with these things you call emotions.
Clicked on "etc" 是你感情用事才这么复杂
点了其他类 Like it or not...
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无论你接不接受 and perhaps talk about a possible business venture.
I'm an egg farm. 然后可能顺便跟你谈一个投资机会
我就是个蛋鸡 Oh, sorry, girls.
Because we don't know one single person outside of 抱歉了姑娘们
New Hampshire I have two rules in life:
而除了新罕布什尔的那地方我们找不到人我这辈子有两个规矩
who can lend us that kind of money. Never drink from the same well as a gypsy
会愿意借我们这么多钱的永远不喝吉普赛人也喝的同井水
Yoo-hoo, girls, look out the window. And never lend money to friends.
姑娘们看看窗外还有就是永远不借钱给朋友
Up here! It's me! And, Max, you are my friend.
看上面是我而麦克斯你是我的朋友
Oleg and I would like two cupcakes please. Okay, well, we were just checking, but thanks anyway.
奥列格跟我想要两个小蛋糕没事我们就问问还是谢了
I feel weird asking Sophie for money. But, Sophie, just hear us out.
要跟苏菲借钱感觉好怪哦苏菲你听我们说说嘛
And how do we even know she has any? It's a wonderful opportunity,
而且你知道她有那么多钱啊这是个千载难逢的机会
Well, she's building her dream house in Poland And we'll of course pay you back with interest.
人家在波兰盖着梦想中的豪宅我们会连本带利还给你
between a former death camp and a New W. Okay, buh-bye.
盖在旧死亡集中营跟五星酒店之间呢好了不送
She's gotta be loaded. Let's go. We tried it.
她肯定超有钱走吧我们问过了
And Sophie's the kind of woman who understands our Now it's---- time.
dreams. 现在到了下蛋的时间啦
况且苏菲是那种能理解我们梦想的女人 You are not harvesting your body for money.
Come in. 不许你靠卖器官组织赚钱
请进 What's the big deal?
That's exactly what I thought would be 这有什么啊
我进门前就想到 I sold two kidneys for a down payment on my house.
on the other side of that door. 我房子的定金就是卖了两个肾赚来的
门后会是这副光景了 Not true. You need at least one to live.
Oleg, sweetie, we have company. 你骗人起码得留一个才能活
小甜甜奥列格有客人来了 Oh, well, they weren't mine.
I brought you an ass pillow. 是吗反正都不是我自己的
我给你拿了屁屁枕头 Well, you know what we have to do.
Nice to see you like this outside of work, girls, no? 接下来要干嘛你应该心知肚明
在工作以外的地方能如此与你们相见不好吗 Let's get the bok out of here.
No. 咱们咕咕走人吧
不好 And you're sure you're okay with selling your eggs,
Girls, did you see my big hanging thing? right?
姑娘们看到我的大"吊"物了吗你确定你愿意卖卵子赚钱吗
Yeah, we kinda just saw it. Totally. What do I care?
我们刚才是看到了当然这有什么所谓
No, I'm talking about my new ch-andelier for my lake I've got a million of 'em.
house. 反正我有好几百万个
不是是我要装到豪宅里的大灯灯 I'm happy to lose a few. More room for beer.
Yeah, I can totally see you drinking ch-ardonnay under 少几个卵子也挺好能多装点啤酒
it. Lose some eggs, more room for beer.
我都能想象你在灯下大喝喝美酒的场景呢少留点卵子多装点啤酒
Oh, Max, you are so funny. It's crazy that's not their slogan.
麦克斯你真会搞笑他们居然没拿来当标语
She's a real ch-aracter. So what'd they ask you on the application?
她的确是个大笑笑申请表上都问了什么问题啊
Yeah, that's not a word. You know, income, hobbies,
哪有这个词老生常谈啊收入兴趣
Okay, well, we just wanted to bring you "Did you ever have sex in Africa?"
我们来送给你免费的小蛋糕 "有没有在非洲有过性行为"
some more cupcakes for free, per usual, I wish.
每次都是免费请你吃哦我倒希望呢
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The closest I ever got was a dude once 而且有优良家庭背景的女孩
我最接近的一次也就是一男的 Maybe her eggs didn't go to Wharton
put his hand up my skirt in an ethiopian restaurant. 虽然她的卵子不像我
在非洲餐厅里把手伸到我裙子里非礼我 and graduate at the top of their class like I did,
You know, now that we're here, 有上过沃顿商学院并以尖子生的身份毕业
话说来到这里以后 but just look at her.
I think it's kind of wonderful that places like this exist 但你看看她
我其实觉得这地方也很美好呢 who wouldn't want a baby with such strength, beauty,
to help women who can't have babies have babies. 谁不会想要这么坚强貌美
能帮助不孕的女人完成生育的梦想 and a rack so great it could breast-feed itself?
梅毒性病可随胎盘或在孕妇妊娠时传染给婴儿胸器棒到能自我哺乳的女性的卵子呢
Hey, you think they take points off for syphilis? You went to Wharton?
如果有梅毒会被扣分吗你是沃顿毕业的吗
Max, I think it's really noble We pay $20,000 for Ivy league eggs.
麦克斯你为我们梦想常春藤毕业生我们付两万块哦
what you're doing to get our dream. Wow, we're taking blood already?
所做的牺牲真的很伟大哇直接就抽血啦
This is a very special day. I guess going to Wharton does put you on the fast track.
今天是个意义重大的日子上过沃顿还真是让你领先普通人一大步啊
- How do you spell "chlamydia"? Just part of the process to become a donor.
- "衣原体感染"怎么拼啊只是当捐赠者的手续罢了
Well, no "K"s, I'm gonna go get some vials, and I'll be right back.
是 C 开头不是 K 我去拿点试管马上回来
and I personally wouldn't heart the "I." It's so cool of you to do this.
也可以不用画个小心装可爱你愿意这么做真是太酷了
Oh, thanks. It says a lot about you.
谢了能看出你是个怎样的人
And do I gotta put here if my brother touched a kid? You know what says a lot about me?
那我兄弟猥亵儿童的往事需要写上吗你知道什么能看出我是个怎样的人吗
Max Black. - The fact that I know she tied you off wrong.
麦克斯·布莱克 - 我能看出她橡皮管绑法错误
Thank you for your interest, I'm happy to do it.
感谢您的抬爱我很乐意来牺牲
but I'm afraid we're gonna have to pass. It's a small price to pay to make our dream come true.
但很遗憾我们无法接受您的卵子为了让我们圆梦这点代价不算什么
Why? I didn't have sex in Africa. I'm doin' this to pay down some debt.
为什么我没在非洲有过性行为啊我是来卖卵还债的
Yes, I know, that was your one plus, I'm real deep 'cause of powerball.
是的有给您加一分我买彩票搞得债台高筑
But under "Family history," Whoa, dude, how did you get through?
但家庭历史栏兄台你是怎么通过筛选的
You put "Drinking" and "Secrets." I went to Harvard.
您填了"酗酒"与"秘密" 我是哈佛毕业生
I was being honest. I'm like crazy-good at math.
我是诚实回答啊我可是个数学天才啊
Yeah, maybe too honest, because under "Education", Max, she's making me nervous.
您可能太诚实了因为在"教育程度"栏麦克斯她把我搞得都紧张了
you wrote, "Jeopardy reruns," Close the curtain.
您填写了"看益智节目重播" 拉上帘子
And frankly, I'm a little resentful.
and we're really looking for college graduates.
而且我还有点小不爽呢
而我们主要是想找大学毕业生
I didn't get into Harvard.
益智节目《危险边缘》中参赛者得在不同类别的问
题中我都没考进哈佛
Are you sure you're okay with this?
选择不同难度与价值的问题回答
Jeez, I'll take "Elitist" for 500, Alex. 你确定你要干这事吗
- 'cause you seem a little jumpy. - No, I'm fine.
靠主持人我选"精英主义"500 块
Sorry, we're looking for girls - 你看起来有点神经紧张 -我没事啊
They're just taking a little blood.
抱歉我们是想找
that come from Ivy league schools 他们就抽一点血而已嘛
Or from the looks of it,
常春藤盟校毕业
and have impressive family backgrounds. 现在看起来
第 66 页 /共 198 页
they're taking all of it. 不用我来的路上就先短信点餐了
他们是想把我抽干 Hey baby, I got your text.
- There better be a nice juice and a cookie after this. 宝贝我收到你短信了
- 之后敢给我烂饼干果汁你们就惨了 Did you get my erotic haiku?
Please relax. It's only eight vials. 收到我的情欲俳句了吗
请放轻松抽八试管而已 I did.
They gotta take a lot to make sure they don't get a kid 收到
他们会抽一大堆以防有变种 Did you get the picture I sent of me and the dustbuster?
with, like, another kid growing out of it. 收到我与吸尘器的情欲艳照了吗
或是畸形婴儿 No, I didn't.
Max, this all just got very real. 没有啊
麦克斯我才感觉要来真的 Oh, no, grandpa Yorgish!
- Hold my hand. - You know I don't hold hands. 惨了发到约基旭爷爷那里了
- 牵住我的手 -你知道我不牵手的 Look.
Oh, you lesbians are so high maintenance. 你看
你们这些死拉拉真是难搞 Earl framed our blurb.
Please? 厄尔把宣传文章给表框了
拜托嘛 He did? That is so sweet.
You don't think I'm gonna give away my best egg, right? 真的吗他真有心
我应该不会刚好卖掉我最棒的那颗卵吧 What?
I'm not gonna give away the concert pianist 怎么了
我可不想卖掉钢琴演奏家卵 I always saw it as bigger on the wall in our shop.
and get stuck with the guy who breaks into homes 我一直觉得这有机会挂到店里的墙上呢
而留下会入室抢劫 Look, the shop is an amazing idea,
and smells women's underwear? 弄个店面的确是不错的主意
并闻女性内衣物的变态卵吧 And, if it's not that space right now,
Well, either way, you got a kid with a passion. 这次的店面可能少了点缘分
无论如何两个孩子都很有激情啊 it'll be another.
But you don't have to do this. 下次还会有的嘛
你可以不必这么做的 I mean, there have to be mass murders all over
No, I can do this. It's for our dream. Brooklyn, right?
为了我们的梦想我可以的布鲁克林区到处都有疯狂屠杀店面总会有的
But you don't have to do this. If we're lucky.
但你真的不必这么做我们够幸运就有了
I can do this. Put it in. And, even if it didn't work out,
我可以抽吧就算到时候没成功
It's already in. it's still the closest I've ever come
已经开抽了但也会是我这一生
I can't do this. to something great, and that's cool.
我不能这么做最接近成功的一次那也很好啊
I'm not trashy, I'm not some farm animal. And someday we'll find someone crazy enough to lend
我又不堕落也不是农场动物 us money.
Oh! Oh, my God! 总有一天会找到愿意借钱给我们的疯子
我的天啊 I say that because, if you can convince me to believe a
Oh, my God. dream,
天啊我说这个是因为你都能说服我相信梦想
Oh, my God. You can get anyone.
我的老天啊天下没人能不被你说服了
I am so, so sorry! Pickup.
真的很对不起上菜
You know what would be cute here? Here you go, Sophie. That's $11.25.
你知道这里很适合开什么店吗苏菲給总共 11 块 25
A cupcake store. Oh, you take a check, right?
小蛋糕店你们收支票的吧
Hi, Max. Oh, it's chilly outside. This is for $20,000.
麦克斯外面真冷啊这是 2 万块支票呢
Nipples everywhere. Oh, is it? I thought it was for $20.
人人都冷得激凸啊是吗不是 20 块吗
Have a seat. I'll be right over. Oh, well. Keep it.
请坐我马上过来算了你们收着吧
Oh, that's okay. I texted my order in on the way. Maybe you could use it for your dream,
第 67 页 /共 198 页
看你们是要拿去完成梦想 What do you do when a girl is choking?
or to get your legs waxed, or something. 当有姑娘噎着时该怎么做啊
还是你要拿去除腿毛随便啦 I just back up a few inches.
- Sophie, are you serious? - Yes. 我会从她嘴里"拔出来"一点
- 苏菲你是认真的吗 -是的 What do we do?
Sophie, this is really, really amazing. 我们该怎么办
苏菲你这举动太太太棒了 What do we do? This woman is choking!
Oh, come on. I don't need a parade. 怎么办啊这个女人被噎着了
拜托哦老娘不用你们礼赞 Thank you so much.
Just keep the cupcakes coming. 非常感谢
天天送小蛋糕来就是了 You're welcome.
Max, do you know what this means? 不用客气
麦克斯你知道这代表什么吗 And feel free to tip me what you think your life's worth.
We are going to be a Williamsburg must-have. 你觉得自己的命值多少就给多少小费吧
我们要成为威廉斯堡必尝好滋味了 I feel 3 bucks coming my way.
We're getting our dream. 感觉要有三块钱入袋啦
我们要实现梦想了 Here you go, guys. I'm the only waitress.
I feel like you want a hug. 上菜啦各位这家店就我一个服务员
看起来你想来个爱的抱抱 Sorry you waited longer for the burger
I do. 您等这汉堡的时间
没错得名于喜剧演员比尔·科斯比是上世纪 90 年代初流
----------------------------- 行的一种颜色丰富图案复杂的毛衣
-------------09-------------- than you did for that Cosby sweater to come back.
----------------------------- 比科斯比毛衣再流行还久真对不住
Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Max, look at my face. I'm very upset.
我要去一趟洗手间很快回来麦克斯看我的表情我非常不爽
I want to look in the mirror Is that what that means? I just assumed you were
我想去照照镜子 constipated.
and make sure I'm still dead in the eyes. 原来是不爽啊我还以为你是一脸便秘相呢
确认下我的眼神依旧死气沉沉 Caroline is late again.
You think you can handle my section? 卡洛琳又迟到了
你觉得你能应付好我这区吗 And she better not use your new cupcake shop as an
Uh, yeah, I think I can handle it. excuse this time,
当然我觉得我完全应付得过来她最好别再拿你们新蛋糕店当借口
Hey, Earl, I don't know if you noticed, 'cause sister, that crap ain't gonna fly.
厄尔不知道你有没有注意到因为妹子老娘才不信那屁话呢
but I'm running the whole diner right now. First of all,
但现在整间餐厅都归我管耶首先
What, what? 泰勒·派瑞好莱坞黑人导演其主要作品有《疯女人
厉害吧日记》和其续集《玛蒂的家人重逢》
The customer at table ten appears to be choking, stop talking like you're in a Tyler Perry movie.
十号桌的客人好像噎着了请不要学黑人疯婆子电影里的语气说话
And I would help, And secondly,
我想去帮忙其次
海姆利克法是一种使堵住喉咙的异物被吐出的急救 Caroline's here; she's in the kitchen.
方法卡洛琳在呢她在厨房啊
but the last time I gave a white woman the heimlich, Oh, really? 'cause when I was in there,
但我上次对一个白人女性实施海姆利克法是吗刚才我在厨房
I did six months in the Birmingham city jail. you told me she was out here.
被抓进伯明翰的监狱关了六个月呢你跟我说她在外面
Oh, my God, are you choking? You play me, fool.
天啊您是噎着了吗你耍老娘啊
Oh, my god, I feel like you're choking! Stop talking like you're in a Tyler Perry Sequel.
天啊我感觉您像是噎着了请别学黑人疯婆子电影续集里的语气说话
Is anyone here a doctor? - And secondly-- - I'll ask Earl.
这里有人是医生吗 - 其次... -我问厄尔好了
What am I saying? I forgot where I am. Earl...
我在胡说什么这里哪会有医生来厄尔
《实习医生风云》美国医疗喜剧 Ow!
Has anyone here ever seen Scrubs? 哎哟喂
这里有人看过《实习医生风云》吗 What happened? Why did you scream?
第 68 页 /共 198 页
怎么了你干嘛尖叫我只是惊讶你居然还用勺子
I accidentally sat on one of my boys! I just stick my face in it.
我刚不小心坐到我的"蛋"了我通常直接把脸埋进去吃
Have you seen Caroline tonight? So, my brilliant idea of how we get this all done
你今晚有见过卡洛琳吗我有个能把这一切搞定的绝妙主意
Of course I have, man. is we should get an intern to help.
当然有啦兄弟就是招个实习生来帮忙
I just saw her go down the hall to the ladies room. What? No.
我刚看见她走到那头去洗手间了什么不行
There. Happy? I can't be a person that has an intern.
瞧开心了吧我当不了用实习生的老板
You've solved the big mystery, Shortlock Holmes. I can barely be a person that doesn't have an intern.
你破解了大谜题小洛克·福尔小厮我连当个没实习生跟班的老板都很勉强了
Wait, she didn't pick up any of her-- Max, all businesses use interns.
慢着她没有端任何她的... 麦克斯所有企业都用实习生啊
Caroline? We just have to post an ad online
卡洛琳只需在纽约大学或哥伦比亚大学的网上
Can't talk now, Han. at NYU or Columbia,
没功夫搭理你阿憨发个招聘广告
And how many more times do I have to ask you And we'll have 20 applicants battling it out
我得跟你说多少遍你才愿意就能收到雪片般飞来
to fix this damn pie carousel? to do our grunt work for credit.
修好这个放派的转盘啊争先恐后求这苦差事的申请
I mean, the temp just isn't cool enough, 《饥饿游戏》少男少女弱肉强食互相残杀求生存
温度一点都不够凉的电影
and those tapiocas are gonna turn bad. You make it sound like The Hunger Games: college
西米露很容易会变质 edition.
If you do want a lawsuit, just keep ignoring me. 被你说得像是《饥饿游戏之大学版》
如果你想吃官司就继续忽视我的话吧 Sorry, I'm against getting people to work for free.
Max, can I see you in the kitchen 抱歉我反对不给钱让人干白活
麦克斯能进我几分钟前 I'm with you, Max.
where I was just a couple minutes ago 我同意麦克斯
就待过的厨房说说话吗 - My people were interns for 436 years.
after I got out of the ladies room? - 我们黑人免费"实习"了 436 年呢
虽然我后来去上了个厕所 I am just getting used to the idea of having my own
Yeah, get on that temperature thing. business
对啊赶紧弄那玩意的温度我才刚习惯拥有自己的小生意这个念头
There's so much mold growing in there and now you want me to be someone's boss?
里面霉菌那个多呀现在你就要我当别人的老板啊
that cherry pie's gonna need a pap smear. I am not the boss.
樱桃派都得来个子宫颈抹片检查了我不是当老板的料
That was some ballsy, bold, I'm the person who talks behind the boss's back.
刚才还真是有种够胆我是那种在老板背后说他坏话的人
in-your-face awesome lying. Pick up.
牛逼哄哄的扯谎呀上菜
I learned it by watching you, dad. Thanks. Isn't han a tool?
虎父无犬子嘛父亲大人谢了阿憨是个傻逼吧
Had to lie. We need every minute - Total tool. - Yeah, a tiny tool.
不撒谎不行为了蛋糕店 - 纯傻逼 -一个小傻逼
we can steal away from here to get the cupcake shop Like the kind you fix your eyeglasses with.
ready. 就像拿来修眼镜的小工具一样
我们得尽可能偷时间能偷多少是多少 See?
We still have to do the second coat of paint, 看见了吗
我们还得再刷一遍漆 That's my wheelhouse.
figure out tables and chairs... 那才是我擅长的事
搞定桌椅... Look, I don't want to ask someone to work for free.
What? Didn't have time for lunch. 我不想让人来免费帮咱们工作
看什么我没时间吃午饭 We can do it all ourselves.
Oh, I don't care. 我们可以自己做啊
我又不在乎 You want to do it all yourself? Great.
I'm surprised you're using a spoon. 你想一切都自己搞定吗没问题
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I'll write everything you need to do on a to-do list. 露丝纽约大学大二生主修金融是吗
我会列个待办清单你得去办好一切 You know you're not gonna get paid.
Why don't you to-do that? 你知道是无偿干白活吧
为什么你不"去办"呢 No money at all.
And I will to-tear it up. 一分钱都没有哦
然后我"去把它撕成碎片" Yup, it's in internship.
What're we tearing up? 对啊实习就是这样啊
我们要把什么撕碎 I mean, it's all good, right?
'cause if it's that ass, I already got that covered. 我是说没关系的对吧
如果是卡洛琳的翘臀那我已经搞定了 It's all good until you need money.
Hi, Andy. That's so sweet and dirty. 直到你需要钱就有关系了
安迪那番话真是又甜蜜又下流 Well, we're a startup company,
Easy, easy. What are you, shipping off to war? 我们是家刚起步的公司
要这么激情吗你又不是要被送去打仗 and we're launching our very first retail store,
Here. Take this giant bag of skittles 刚开设我们头一家零售店
来这大包彩虹糖给你 so there's a lot of details that you'll be responsible for.
- and look the other way. - I'm not that easy. 所以你需要负责很多小事
- 别插手这事 -老娘可没这么好哄 There's a lot of carrying things,
Ooh, new mystery flavors? 很多搬运工的事
哇新的神秘口味 maybe some trapping things.
We getting together after you get off work? 可能还有些捕猎的事情哦
下班后再见对吧 Oh, it's cool. I have a car.
It'll be really late. 没关系我有车
今天会非常晚 You have a car and you want to be an intern?
Max and I still have to go to the cupcake shop 你是有车一族居然还想当实习生
我和麦克斯还得去小蛋糕店 How 'bout if we switch places?
and tape up the windows so we can start the trim 不然咱俩换一换
tomorrow. I'll be the intern with the car,
用胶带把窗户粘上这样明天好开工装修我来当有车的实习生
Okay, I'm not very good at painting, and you can sit on a broken folding chair
好吧虽然我不擅长刷漆你来坐这张烂的折叠椅
but I can do this while you paint. - next to Donna Trump over here.
但你刷漆时我可以在一边做这个 - 坐在女版唐纳德·川普的旁边
Yeah. Well, Max and I need to have a little meeting right now,
对我和麦克斯现在得开个小会
Yeah, roll that paint on that wall. so if you could go over to the waiting room, that'd be
就这样把油漆刷到墙上 great.
You are so freaking cute. 你最好去那边的等候区稍等一会
你真是可爱到爆 - Okay, Ruth?
Ugh, white people. - 可以吗露丝
白人果然都是白痴 I just wanna say I know my name is weird,
Look, why don't you guys just get an intern? 我想说我知道我的名字很奇怪
你们何不找个实习生呢 but like it's too late, right?
That's what I did when I opened my shop. 但现在改名太晚了对吧
我当初开店的时候也是这么做 Max, why are you trying to convince her
You two are like evil warlords 麦克斯你干嘛试图说服她
你们俩简直就是魔鬼军阀 to not be our intern?
mining the souls of innocent zombies. 不要当我们的实习生啊
开采着无辜丧尸的灵魂 Why are you not saying,
Oh, and keep your eyes peeled at your store. 你又干嘛不告诉她
对了要注意看看你的店 "You may get rabies and bubonic plague from our rats?"
The janitor told me he saw some rat droppings. "你可能因老鼠而染上狂犬病和黑死病啊"
门卫说他发现里面有老鼠屎 Don't mention the rats.
But all you gotta do is set up some traps. 别提老鼠
不过你们只需弄几个扑鼠器就行了 You're chasing them away.
Oh, gross. Who's gonna do that? 你会吓跑人家
真恶心谁来干这活啊 And we do not have rats. We have rat droppings.
The intern? 而且我们这里只有老鼠屎没有老鼠
实习生吗 Let's not jump to conclusions.
So, Ruth, you are a sophomore at NYU, majoring in 别过早下结论
finance? You're right, the rats are probably
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你说得对老鼠可能只是 even I don't look good here.
just coming in here to use the bathroom. 连我都不艳惊四座了
来这里借个厕所而已 No worries.
Look, we need an intern. 别担心
我们需要一名实习生 We have some adorable old-school ice cream tables and
Now, who do you like so far? chairs
目前为止你最喜欢哪一个我们有些老派冰淇淋店的可爱桌椅
The one with the big boobs. on hold at a kooky, fun staten island junkyard.
大咪咪的那个暂放在斯塔顿岛一个古怪有趣的垃圾场里
I knew it. All you big boob people stick together. I can't believe you didn't just shoot a blood clot
我就知道你们大咪咪星人都相互帮助真不敢相信你居然面不改色地
Hi, girls. trying to make dump furniture sound cute.
姑娘们把垃圾堆家具形容得这么可爱
Are you having a beauty contest and didn't invite me Okay, girls, well, call me when you have a real business.
你们是在举行选美比赛吗没邀请我好吧姑娘们等你们正式开门再打给我
to give the other girls a chance? Yeah, and I'm-I'm gonna take this,
是为了给其他姑娘一个机会吧对了我要把这个带走
We're interviewing people to be our intern. you know, so that the rats don't poop in it.
我们是在面试实习生以防老鼠在里面拉屎
Who doesn't get paid. Come on, badunkadunk.
没钱拿哦走吧小翘臀
Well, this is for you. Oh, and, uh, Max...
这是给你们的对了麦克斯
You didn't have to do that. Oh, she's good. Yes.
真的不必了她不错真的
You already gave us the money for the shop. I knew it. All you big boob people stick together.
你都给我们开店的钱了我就知道你们大咪咪星人都相互帮助
I know, I'm too wonderful. Well?
我知道我就是人太好了好了
But it's for good luck, Here we are.
但这是求好运的终于到了这一刻
and sounds like you're gonna need it. The final three.
而且你们可能会很需要好运就剩最后三人了
Oleg says that it's rat central station around here. Well, you know the one I like. I'll give you a clue.
奥列格说这一带是老鼠的中央车站你知道我喜欢哪个我给你个提示
Not rats, Sophie, just rat droppings. One, two.
没老鼠苏菲不过是几颗老鼠屎而已左第一右第二
Oh, just rat droppings. Standing in front of me I see two beautiful,
几颗老鼠屎啊站在我面前的是两位美丽
Oh, okay, no problem there. qualified young women.
好吧那就没问题了条件良好的年轻女性
Are you out of breath Is she really going all Top Model right now?
你上气不接下气她现在是要学《全美超模大赛》那套吗
because you jogged here all the way from 1974? If only. They pay.
是因为你是从 1974 年跑过来的吗是就好了人家是给钱的
Sexy, huh? - I'm out, Tyra.
很性感吧 - 我退出泰拉
You should see his badunkadunk when he jogs. Ruth, congratulations.
你们真应该看看他慢跑时的小翘臀露丝恭喜你
Well, here they are. 60 rat traps. You've been selected to be our intern.
东西给你拿来了 60 个扑鼠器你被选为我们的实习生
Girls... Max, will you get Ruth started on something?
姑娘们麦克斯你能让露丝开始干活吗
I don't want to interfere with your business, Yup, I got the internship.
我不想插手你们的生意对我得到实习的机会了
but what the hell is goin' on here? You know what? I got it.
但这到底是怎么回事这样吧我来弄
There's no fancy tables or pretty chairs. It's not like you're getting paid.
这里没有好看的桌子也没有漂亮的椅子又没花钱请你
I mean, this place is so unappealing, Big boob people are so much easier.
这里毫无吸引力大咪咪星人肯定更好说话
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As a kid, people told you from constant Maroon 5 badgering? He would.
你小时候是不是放一晚假不用被魔力红魔音穿脑吗
everything you did was amazing, didn't they? Feels awkward. Can't.
做什么屁事大家都称赞你啊太尴尬算了
I was given a lot of positive reinforcement. My legs can go up there. They're fine.
那是通过赞赏来强化我的积极度双腿开到耳后任他... 没问题的啦
I think it gave me the confidence I don't want to have that conversation right now.
我觉得这也是我去年我还不想跟他说到这事
that's gotten me through this last year. Hey, look, I get it.
有信心撑过难关的原因我懂你
Well, it's time you heard the truth. There are conversations you don't want to have.
是时候告诉你真相了常有事情难以启齿不想谈到
You stink at stuff. Like, "Hey, Ruth, here's $0.
你做啥事都很烂例如 "露丝这里是 0 圆薪水
Like painting. Put down some rat traps."
比如刷墙就很烂去把捕鼠夹放好"
Fine. And you stink at stuff too. We have a box right here that's not touched.
行你也做啥事都很烂啊那还完全没人去搞呢
Like telling an intern what to do. Look, we're not talking about your relationship
连叫实习生做事这事都不会 anymore.
Ruth had to go to that concert. 都说了你的性事部分已经谈完
露丝必须得去那演唱会嘛 We're done.
She had the tickets for weeks. 别再说了
人家好早就买的票了 Relax. It's probably not even a rat,
It was Ashley D and Ashley B's joint birthday. Duh. 别紧张嘛不见得是大老鼠
是她好友艾希莉 D 艾希莉 B 的联合生日会呢 it's probably a mouse. Not a big deal.
And so the intern's out having fun, 可能只是小小鼠辈没事的
所以实习生在大玩特玩 Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I see it! There it is!
and here we are, the bosses, 妈呀我的老天啊我看到了在那里
而我们这两位老板 - The mouse? - That is not a mouse!
painting the walls at 3:00 A.M. - 那小老鼠吗 -才不是小老鼠
半夜三点来这刷墙 That is a car that a mouse drives!
Well, I'm painting. 那简直是有小老鼠开的车那么大
我是在刷墙啊 Oh my God. Where did you see it?
You got a kind of autistic ballerina thing going on over 天啊你看到它在哪
there. It was in the middle, right?
而你看起来像是自闭芭蕾舞者在犯二刚是在中间对吧
Can I ask you something? Why are you whispering?
我能问你件事吗你干嘛那么小声
魔力红乐队美国知名新灵魂摇滚乐队 I don't want him to hear me.
I don't like Maroon 5. 我怕被他听见我
我不喜欢魔力红 How do you know it's a he?
No matter how many times you ask, 你怎么知道是个"他"
你再问几次也一样 He looked at me kind of rapey.
the answer will always be no.
他好像用眼神强奸了我
不喜欢就是不喜欢 There! He just ran behind the thing!
Not that.
那边他跑到那玩意后面了
不是要问这个 - What thing? - That thing!
Would it be okay if I told Andy not to come over tonight
- 什么玩意 -那个玩意啊
你觉得我今晚让安迪别来我们家合适吗
This thing? Waah!
'cause I'm so exhausted,
这个玩意吗
我今天太累了
What? Did you see it?
or is it a little too early in the relationship to be all,
怎么你看见它了吗
还是你觉得才在一起不久我就说
I don't think so.
"I don't think I can have my legs up around my ears
不确定
tonight"?
Oh, you'd know so. It has a saddle.
"我今天没精力把双腿开到耳旁任你..."
哪能不确定它背上有马鞍呢
It's fine. Oh, my God.
没事的天啊
You don't think he'd enjoy a night off He just opened the door with the strength of his
你觉得他就不会想要 whiskers.
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他刚靠胡须的巨力把那门顶开了 I learned it while interning at Conde Nast.
He's gone. He went into the kitchen. 我去康泰纳仕实习时学到的
他进了厨房不见了 We've all gotten someone an enema in the middle of
Oh, what should we do? the night,
我们该怎么办啊我们实习生都帮人半夜买过灌肠剂
Should we call the cops? it's a rite of passage.
要不要叫警察叔叔来算是个"通过仪式"
He doesn't have a gun. For someone to get their passage right?
他又没持枪帮助别人"通道"顺畅的仪式吗
Let's just get out of here. Beat me to it.
咱们就赶紧闪人抢了我台词啊
We'll call an exterminator in the morning. There. Go open the door.
然后明早让除害虫公司来搞吧到了去开门吧
Too late, he's coming back! You know what has to happen.
晚了他又回来了你知道这非做不可
- Aah! He's charging us! - He's gonna bite me! Max has to put Ruth in her place
- 他朝我们冲过来了 -他要来咬我了麦克斯得让露丝干她的活
Waah! You can stop now! so she can learn how to be a boss.
可以停手了她才有办法学着当个老板
You painted him to death. Oh. That's all? Good.
你把人家活活刷死了就这样啊那就好
I just got a glimpse of you at a Barneys sample sale. 'Cause I thought from your tone,
我仿佛看到了你在巴尼百货大抢购的画面刚才听你语气
What a mess. Who's gonna clean that up? you were gonna force Max to have an enema.
血肉横飞谁去清理啊我还以为你让她非做不可的是灌肠
The intern? Sorry I'm late.
实习生吧抱歉我来晚了
Oh, Andy... I had the tiniest pot cookie and had to pull over to take
安迪... a nap.
I know. I'm good at this. 我吃了一小块大麻饼干得停车打个小盹
我知道我龙精虎猛 Anyway, here is your enema. Enjoy.
What? Is there another rat? 好了这是你的灌肠剂慢慢享用
怎么了又有老鼠吗 They only had the triple pack.
What are you doing? 他们只卖三合一包
你干嘛啊 Wait, Ruth?
I forgot Andy was here! 等等露丝
我忘了安迪来了嘛 Max has something she wants to say to you.
And your sex voice is the same as your murder voice. 麦克斯有话想对你说
而且你的浪叫跟杀人叫声如出一撤 Max, what did you want to say to Ruth?
So are you just gonna stand there? 麦克斯你想对露丝说什么来着
你还要在那边继续看啊 Um, thanks for the triple?
Are you offering me a three-way? 谢谢你买的三合一包
你是在邀请我"三人行"吗 Three times the fun.
Well, it looks like we're about to be a full-blown orgy. 三倍药量三倍享受
看来要激化成为杂交派对了 You sure you don't want me to help you with that?
It's 2:00 A.M. Who could this be? 你确定不要我帮忙吗
都半夜两点了会是谁啊 Oh, no, it's okay.
It's Ruth. 不用没事的
是露丝 You took the rat traps out of the box, you need a break.
- Ruth? - Yes. I'm late, right? 你把捕鼠夹都拿出箱子呢需要休息一下
- 露丝 -对我是不是来迟了 Plus, we couldn't afford the game mouse trap when I
Why is she here? was a kid,
她干嘛来啊而且小时候我家买不起捕鼠夹桌游
I texted her and said you needed an enema. and this is the closest I'm gonna get.
我发短信告诉她你需要灌肠剂这是我能玩到最像的版本了
Okay, now, this is some industrial-strength girl talk. So, when do you make the cupcakes?
这是高强度工业等级的姐妹私房话吧那你打算什么时候烤小蛋糕啊
I had to do something to show her who was boss. I guess I could make them now.
我得做出行动让她知道谁主谁仆啊我可以现在就做啊
康泰纳仕全球最著名的媒体集团之一以生活方式 Fun. I'll go get the coffees, right?
杂志闻名太好了那我去喝个咖啡好吧
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Sure, of course. Do whatever. And can daddy get something he wants?
当然可以没问题随你吧那干爹可以买点自己想要的东西吗
You got a life. Who am I to tell you what to do? So cute. Over the counter?
你有美好人生我凭什么对你颐指气使真可爱放柜台上方吗
Well, here's our Martha Stewart blurb, And that way when I'm hungover and taking a nap,
这是玛莎给我们的宣传文宣这样就算我宿醉在店里打盹
All blown up People can still find the cupcakes.
放大印制人家也知道小蛋糕在哪卖
and ready to roll out and paste up on that wall. We could have Ruth clean it
准备好要摊开贴上墙了我们可以叫露丝把它擦干净
- Where's Ruth? - She's in the kitchen. and then paint and reupholster these.
- 露丝呢 -她在厨房里然后让她粉刷这些并重换椅面
- I was just in there. - Then she's in the bathroom. By the way, where is she?
- 我刚从厨房出来 -那她是在厕所吧对了她人呢
Oh, my God, you're Haning me! She was supposed to be here an hour ago.
天啊你在把我当阿憨耍她一个小时前就该到这里了
She took a coffee break. Text her and find out where she is.
她去喝咖啡休息一下嘛发短信给她查出她在哪
What? She didn't need a break. Why are you so interested in where she is, what she's
什么她才不需要休息 doing?
She just started 20 minutes ago. 你干嘛对人家身在何处在干嘛有兴趣啊
她 20 分钟前才开工呢 Are you obsessed with her?
Your rich is really coming out, 你是迷恋上人家了吗
你的有钱人姿态又露出来了 Max, I don't want to make a purse out of her skin.
and it is not pretty. 麦克斯我又不是要扒她皮做皮包
真是面目可憎啊 I just want her to do her job.
Forgot my phone. 只是让她尽本分而已
忘了拿我手机了 Never mind. I'll just text her.
I mean, get it together, Ruth, right? 算了我来给她发短信吧
上紧发条啊露丝你们说是吧 Well, be careful.
Watch and learn. 小心点
看我示范学着点 Don't delete any of my penis with a hat pictures.
Ruth, can you put the rat traps down, one in each 别误删我珍藏的鸡鸡戴帽图
corner, Even if I did, it's not a big deal.
露丝可以去把捕鼠夹放到店里每一个墙角吗就算误删了也没什么损失啊
and then you can get coffee later after interning. Oleg will always pose again.
等你的实习工作弄完了要喝咖啡再去奥列格随时乐意重拍
Thanks. Yeah, but I'll never get that little pilgrim hat back.
谢了但是我的感恩节小帽已经一去不返了
She's kind of a tool, right? "WHERE ARE YOU? WE NEEDED YOU HERE YESTERDAY."
她挺傻逼的对吧你人在哪你"昨天"就该到了
- Max, were you saying something? - Nope. All in caps, 'cause bosses talk in caps.
- 麦克斯你刚说什么了吗 -没有啊全大写当老板的都是用全大写
Ouch! Total tool.
疼啊纯傻逼
Right? Look at that.
对吧你看
Oh, look at this cage. Texted right back, 'cause I'm the boss.
你看这个笼子马上回短信因为我是老板
- I think my mom used to dance in it. She says...
- 我妈以前在里面跳过舞吧她回...
Here they are. Yesterday was super hard so she's not feeling great
就是这个她昨天太累了她人不太舒服
These are the ones I had the guy hold for us. And she can't come in today?
我让人家替我保留的就在这了所以她今天来不了
Only $600 for all of them. That's it. She's fired.
全套只需 600 块钱我受够了炒了她
What do ya think, daddy? Here. You have to fire her.
你觉得如何啊干爹给你来负责炒她
I like 'em, doll. Wrap 'em up. She said she was sick, Conde nasty.
小美人挺不错的统统买了她都说她病了你个康德那屎
第 74 页 /共 198 页
She's not sick, she's just taking advantage I am not supposed to fire someone.
她才没病呢只是看你好说话我不应该是炒人的那个
'cause you're too friendly with her. I am the someone who's supposed to be fired.
占你便宜偷懒呢我应该是当被人炒的那个
She works for us. So I guess I'm the boss, then.
她是给我们打工的看来老板得我当了
Yeah, for free. Sounds like a plan. I'll be in my mom's cage.
对啊免费干白活呢这可以我去我妈的笼子里等你
Why don't you just hollow her out All right, come on, you lowly worker.
你怎么不干脆挖空人家行那滚过来你个下层工人
and live inside of her, you monster? Help the boss pull these chairs out.
住进她身体里啊你个禽兽老板帮忙老板把椅子拉出去
Um, I don't think we were supposed to get this. Don't yell at me, boss. I'm blocked.
她好像是发错还是怎么着了少对我嚷嚷了老板我有"障碍"
"The dumb one wants me to pick up all this crappy Wish you had your enemas now, don't you?
furniture. 后悔没听我的去灌肠清"障碍"了吧
"白痴的那个叫我去弄回垃圾家具 They followed us! We walked into a trap!
Right? 它们跟过来了我们落入陷阱了
对吧 It's a vendetta!
As if. 这是鼠辈的复仇
我可能去吗 Ugh, I can't believe this!
I'll be at the bar in ten. Order me a bellini." 我真不敢相信
我十点会到酒吧先帮我点杯贝里尼酒" Our intern's out having cocktails
Oh, who's the monster now? 我们的实习生在喝鸡尾酒
她才是禽兽员工吧 and I'm trapped on top of rat mountain!
She called you the dumb one. 而我们被困在鼠山鼠海中
她叫你"白痴的那个" He's coming after me!
Uh, she called you the dumb one. 他来找我报仇了
拜托她是叫你"白痴的那个" Oh, my God!
It's your phone, you're the dumb one. 我的天啊
她是发给你的手机你才是"白痴的那个" Max! Help!
She knows I don't talk in caps, so that's to you. 麦克斯救我
她知道我不会用全大写是在说你呢 No, you bastards! Get off her!
You're the dumb one. 不行你们这些鼠辈离她远点
你才是那个白痴 Get off!
- Fire her. - No, you fire her. 滚远点
- 炒了她 -要炒自己炒 My foot's caught under this thing!
No, you fire her. 我的脚卡在这东西下了
Max, that was amazing.
不要你来炒
No, you hired her, you fire her. 麦克斯你太猛了
You just lifted that giant thing up with one hand.
我不要你雇用的人你自己炒
I wanted to go with Molly big boobs. 你单手把那大铁闸给举起了
I know.
我想雇的是大奶茉莉
She'd be here right now with four chairs on each boob. 我知道
And now I'm gonna fire that bitch!
她就会准时一边奶子挂好四椅子准备走了
Why can't you just fire her? 现在老娘要炒了那小贱人
Wow. You suck at this too.
为什么你不炒她啊
It's clear she called you the dumb one. 哇你贴东西也好烂
Sorry I'm late.
很明显她就是叫你白痴
All right, fine, I know she called me the dumb one. 抱歉我来迟了
I was having a dream that I was sleeping in,
行行行我知道她叫我"白痴的那个"
我做梦梦到了我睡过头
But I can't fire her.
then I woke up, and I was.
但我就是不能炒她
醒来之后才发现真睡过头了
I want to, but there is a block.
Who's the boss?
我想炒但我有个障碍
谁是老板
Right here.
托尼·丹扎美国男演员曾出演情景喜剧《谁是老
在这里
It comes up, and then goes, "nope!" 板》
Tony Danza?
它会浮上来说"不行"
托尼·丹扎
It goes right back down.
No, Max, who's the boss?
然后它就继续潜水
第 75 页 /共 198 页
不麦克斯谁才是老板 Is there a "throw food in the cage and run" category?
I am. 有"丢食物进笼后就跑"的选项吗
我才是 Hey, jump in.
Have a seat, Ruth. 过来参一脚
露丝请坐 We're playing "Marry, sleep with, or kill:
Here? 我们在玩"结婚上床或杀掉游戏之
这吗 Diner edition."
Good call. 餐厅版"
聪明的选择 No, if I slept with anyone in this diner,
In addition to being a boss, 不如果我跟这餐厅里任何一人上过床
除了是一个老板 I'd kill myself.
I am also a waitress. 我会想杀了自己
我也是个女服务员 Even in a fictional scenario,
But when I do my job, I don't call people dumb. 就算只是假设一下
但当我在工作时我从不叫人白痴 I cannot permit myself to go there.
All right, I do, but at least it's to their face. 我也不能这么无下限
好吧我是有叫人白痴但我是当面叫 Girl, you'd take the fun out of the punch bowl full of
Oh, you're talking about that thing? cocaine.
你在说那件事啊妹子嗑药再兴奋都被你一扫而光了
I meant Caroline. Okay, fine.
我叫的是卡洛琳啦好吧玩就玩
No, I know you meant me, Sleep with Earl, marry you.
不我知道你是说我上厄尔娶你
Because I'm not dumb and neither is Caroline. Not us! Jeez.
因为我不是白痴卡洛琳也不白痴靠别说我们啊
And one thing I figured out is that in business, What are you, a freak?
而做生意我学到的一件事就是你是怪胎还是变态啊
- maybe I have to be a little more Ruthless. I feel uncomfortable, Caroline.
- 有时候我得更铁石心肠卡洛琳你弄得人家好不舒服
Meaning no more Ruth. You're fired. Like, I don't know how to look at you anymore.
也就是没有露丝你被炒了人家都不知道怎么面对你了
So, I'm not getting college credit? Now, I can only see you in a creepy lady tux.
所以我弄不到大学学分了吗你在我心里变成穿怪怪女燕尾服的怪人了
I'll probably get kicked out of school again, You said it was just a game!
我大概又要被踢出学校了你自己说只是个游戏的
But no worries, right? I'm not in love with you. Back off!
不过没事啦对吧我一点都不爱你离我远点
I'm really proud of how you stuck up for yourself. It was just a joke, Earl.
你站出来为自己说话我真以你为荣厄尔只是说着玩而已啦
You're fired. Sorry, I can't stop. The things we say in jest, darling.
你也被炒了抱歉停不住了亲爱的开玩笑也要有个度
麦克斯自制小蛋糕是威廉斯堡必尝好滋味 The things we say in jest.
Look, Max. 没度就是无下限啊
你看麦克斯 Oh, my God,
We're on our way. 天啊
离梦想越来越近了 look at the RSVP list for our opening party.
----------------------------- 你看同意出席开幕派对的人数
-------------10-------------- Max's homemade cupcakes is at capacity.
----------------------------- 麦克斯自制小蛋糕店要塞不下啦
Earl, time to play "Marry, sleep with, or kill: Hey, we might even be overbooked,
厄尔来玩"结婚上床或杀掉游戏之出席人数可能不止这些
Diner edition." because in my experience, even when guys
餐厅版吧" 根据我的经验很多男的
Ladies, booth one? - say they're not going to come, they do.
一号卡座的妞们 - 都说不会来最后还不是都来了
Sleep with, sleep with, slept with. Caroline, booth two has been waiting
上她上她上过她卡洛琳二号卡座等上菜
Nice. for service for ten minutes!
厉害都等了足足 10 分钟了
Okay, Max, the dude at table ten. And Han knows how frustrating that is,
到你了麦克斯十号桌男的阿憨绝对了解那烦躁感
第 76 页 /共 198 页
'cause he's been waiting to be serviced for years. 我都好几年没见过传真了
因为他多年一直都等不到人"上"菜 Sophie, it's so pretty!
Not that it's any of your business, Max, 苏菲好漂亮啊
虽然这完全不关你鸟事 Look at all this sweet gingerbread woodwork on the
but I have a very active sex life. porch.
但我可是有着丰富的性生活呢你门廊上的那些木工活超棒的啊
So then, Han, will you be bringing a date tomorrow Oh, I'm so excited.
night? 我超兴奋的呢
既然如此阿憨你明天会带妞出席吗 I'm going to be on Air Poland flight right after big party.
Ah, no. 等明天派对结束我就搭机回国
不会... You are going to Poland? That's news.
You do understand that sex involves two people, right? 你要回波兰 "新"闻啊
你知道"性爱"这事得有两个人吧 And when were you going to tell me?
And that one of those people has to be you? 你打算何时跟我说这事呢
而且你自己得是其中一个哦 Um, now, yeah.
What is all this dirty talk? 现在啊
一直说这些龌龊言语干嘛 Um, I'm going to be gone for a month.
This is a diner, not a dirty talking place. 我会回去一个月
这里是餐厅不是龌龊言语之地 Oh, okay.
Sorry, Han, I know we still work here at night. 好吧
抱歉阿憨我们知道自己还是员工 It will be good to have some time away
I'll go right over to the booth. 休息一阵不玩老玩的那
我立刻就去上菜 from the old ball and chain.
We were just talking about our big opening party. 球加链也好
我们刚是在谈我们盛大的开幕派对 Yah, he's not talking about me.
All you ever talk about is your big opening. 他不是在说我
你们整天就会说那"大开"幕 We use a ball and chain in our lovemaking.
Now who has the potty mouth? 是说我们做爱时用的链球
到底谁才龌龊啊 That's the thing I can't find.
Max, I need your guest list names. 弄丢的就是那个玩意
麦克斯给我你的宾客名单 Okay, yeah.
Oh, okay, I'm still waiting for them to confirm, 就这样吧
我还在等他们确认出席呢 Well, buh-bye.
so just put me down for ten. 好啦我走了
先算个 10 个人吧 I'll see you tomorrow night at my big going away party!
Okay, but I need their names ASAP. 明晚我的盛大告别派对上见啦
Sophie, the party's for our cupcake business.
行但是你得尽速给我名单
I'm running a tight door. 苏菲明晚是小蛋糕店的开幕派对
Oh, see, this is why I don't like you so much.
我会把门禁搞得很严
I got a bouncer from a local club to donate his time. 瞧所以说我太不喜欢你嘛
Guys, thanks again for donating your time.
我请了附近酒吧的保安来免费帮忙
I told him it was a charity event for eczema. 各位谢谢你们的义务帮忙
It's fundraisers like this that will help
我说我们是为湿疹病人做慈善募款
What? We'll make a big donation when we're 举办这样的隐睾症募款会
put an end to undescended testicles.
successful,
病友们才能有免受苦难的一天
干嘛哪天功成名就了再捐一大笔钱嘛
H!
But, for tomorrow, every now and then, scratch a little?
你好
不过明天记得有空就抓个几下痒哦
I'd like to meet the owner of this awesome
Hi, everybody! I got great news.
想见见这超牛逼又超酷的
各位我有个大好新闻
and totally cool cupcake shop?
What? You finally found the thing we lost in there?
小蛋糕店的老板
你找出我们弄丢在"里面"的东西了吗
Oh, nevermind! That's me.
No. I knew we should've tied a string on it.
不用麻烦因为老娘就是老板
没呢我当时就知道该拿线绑上 Max, you got a blow-out!
No, look. I got a fax from Poland.
麦克斯你让人给你吹了头
我收到了来自波兰的传真 Yeah, I'd figured I finally see
My dream house is done! Isn't it amazing?
是啊我就想着去见识一下
我的梦想豪宅盖好了很厉害吧 what all the fuss about getting blown is.
It is amazing.
别人老说着的去给人"吹"是怎样
的确很厉害啊
Oh, hi, we're not quite ready for guests yet.
I haven't seen a fax in, like, five years.
第 77 页 /共 198 页
您好还没到我们开始宴客的时间呢 Uh, yeah!
Girl, I'm your doorman, Nevel. 废话
女孩们我是你们的门卫涅维尔 That's what success is for,
Oh, I'm confused. I thought my doorman was-- 成功不就是为了这个吗
抱歉我还以为我们的门卫是... - to say "suck it" to people who dumped you.
Straight, white, and boring? He was. - 让你可以对甩掉你的人说 "你去死吧"
无聊白人直男吗本来是的 "See my blown-out hair? Suck it!
Then, boring came down with the flu. 看到姐这美爆的秀发了吗 "你去死吧"
但是无聊男染上了流感 "See my cool cupcake shop? Suck it!
Now, you've got gay, black, and definitely not boring. 看到姐的超酷小蛋糕店了吗 "你去死吧"
所以就换成了又黑又基又不无聊的我啦 See these in this blouse? You wish you could suck it."
So what's the charity tonight? 看到姐衣服下的胸器了吗你死都没得吸了
今晚是为什么疾病募款呢 And here, it is not just boyfriends on my list.
- Eczema. - Undescended testicles. 而且名单上不是只有我的前男友们
- 湿疹 -隐睾症 I also invited the lady from Staples
People with eczema and undescended testicles. 我还邀请了文具店那
为身染湿疹与患有隐睾症的人募款 who gives me attitude.
Lord, child. That is a cross to bear. 狗眼看人低的店员
神啊这也太悲催太凄惨了吧 She can suck it too.
Get me the door list, 顺便也让"她去死吧"
把宾客名单给我 Fine, but how is inviting Johnny
and let's make those poor, itchy boys some money. 行行行但你邀请强尼夫妇来
赶紧帮这些可怜的蛋痒男募款治病吧 and his new wife a victory?
Another fake charity? 你是哪里比人家成功呢
又瞎编了一个慈善项目啊 Oh, like this.
- You've got some balls, even if they aren't descended. 就像这样
- 你真有种还是隐睾症的睾啊 "Hi, Mrs. Johnny. Nice to meet you.
Max, we so lucked out. "你好啊强尼太太幸会幸会
麦克斯我们太幸运了 You got him, but I got these
Nothing says "successful party" 你有渣男姐有逼人胸器
有个毒舌基佬门卫 and all this, so suck it."
like a bitchy, gay doorman! 跟超酷小店所以你去死吧
最能显现派对办得很成功了 I'm not so sure this is healthy.
Give me your guest names. I'll write them down. 你这样有点神经吧
给我你邀请的宾客名单我写下来 Are you kidding me?
Okay, fine. 拜托哦
好吧念给你 This is the healthiest thing I've done in my life.
Put down Tommy, Dylan, Robbie, Johnny-- 这是我这辈子最不神经的一件事了
帮我写下汤米迪伦罗比强尼... I even thought about inviting my mother to come and
Robbie and Johnny? suck it,
罗比跟强尼吗我还想过邀请我妈来让她"去死吧"
Wait, Max, are these all your ex-boyfriends? but then she'd realize maybe I didn't commit suicide
等等麦克斯这些全是你的前男友吗但这样她就知道我两年前留下的
Perhaps. two years ago like my note said.
大概吧自杀遗书是骗人的了
Max, the invited guests I'm about ready to open.
麦克斯邀请的宾客我准备好放人进来了
were all supposed to be business contacts. Shouldn't we be putting up some testicle banners,
应该全是有生意往来的朋友啊但我们不挂一些睾丸横幅
See, this is why I didn't tell you sooner. or scrotum posters, or something?
你看所以我才不想太早告诉你或阴囊海报之类的吗
You're a control freak. Also, there's a cute blonde boy out here asking for you
你是个超级控制狂对了外面有个超可爱的金发男找你
And for the record, these guys have all had contact that I'm about to eat alive.
而他们也都跟我的"生意本钱我都想"饿基扑男"了
with my business. That's Andy with the free bar stuff.
有过往来"啊安迪带免费酒吧的东西来了
You're using our launch party Go, I'm gonna stay here
你是在用开幕派对你先去吧我在这待会儿
to get back at ex-boyfriends? and practice my "Suck it" face for a while.
来羞辱你前男友们吗多练习下等会要用的"你去死吧"脸
第 78 页 /共 198 页
How's this? 等等还差一点呢
如何 In five, four, three, two.
That look is so much more "suck it" 倒数五四三二...
新弄的直发搭配你那脸 - Name, please? - Sophie Kuchenski.
with the straight hair. - 您的名字 -苏菲·科臣斯基
真是绝配啊 Guest of honor.
I know, right? 荣誉贵宾哦
我也这么觉得 - How many in your party?
There's my cute boyfriend. Hey. - 您带了多少位
我可爱的男人来啦 See, I knew it was my party!
How did everything go at spike's liquor? 看我就知道是我的派对
去酒店买酒的过程如何 Max, there's a line all the way down the hall
Well, I got a little bit confused 麦克斯队伍排满了整个走廊呢
我去买的时候有点搞不清 And I've given out, like, a hundred business cards!
about what charity we're pretending to help, 我都发出去快一百张名片了
我们要假装是哪种慈善活动 You know what that means?
so I told them my sister's homeless 你知道这代表什么吗
我就跟店员说我姐妹是流浪汉 Being poor can suck it!
and my balls are up inside me. 贫穷去死吧
隐睾症让我的蛋缩得老高 Girl, the fire marshal just dropped by,
Now, we just gotta hope spike's not the chatty type. 女孩们消防局的人刚来了
只希望店员是真懂行不是乱瞎扯了 and told me we can't let anymore people in
Oh! They just dropped. 说法规限制里面宾客过多
蛋蛋都回归原位了 till some of these folks go out.
Hey, Andy, question. 得走一批才能再进新的人
安迪问你个问题 Nevel, none of my guests are even here yet.
What does this face say to you? 涅维尔我邀请的人都还没进来呢
你觉得我这是什么表情 It is very important to let in any guy who looks hot,
I don't know, like, "I'm cool." 所以你只能放那些看起来超帅
不知道 "我很酷"吗 but you know would screw you over.
So close! Guess again. 但一看就会让你伤心的渣男进来
很接近了再猜一次 Is there any other type?
Okay, like, "I'm better than you." 帅哥不都这么渣吗
那是不是"我比你强" I'll go get some more cupcakes.
No, like, "I'm it, and you can suck it." 我再进去拿点小蛋糕
不对是"老娘超屌你去死吧" Hey! How's it going so far, babe?
Yes! Yes! They can suck it! 宝贝活动如何
没错没错他们去死吧 Andy, what are you doing?
Is that what you're wearing tonight? 安迪你这是干嘛
你今晚就穿这样吗 I told you to come back in a suit.
Yeah. No? 我不是叫你回家换西装吗
对啊... 不行吗 yeah, I know, but I like what I'm wearing.
A sweater? 是啊但我就喜欢我身上这套
毛衣啊 So you're telling me you'll just go and do what you want,
I always saw you in a suit tonight. 你的意思是说无论我多用力逼你
我一直想着你今晚穿西装呢 no matter how much I try to control you?
Run home real quick and put on a suit. 你就是打算不听话随心所欲吗
快跑回家换套西装吧 Yeah.
Hurry, people are starting to come. 是的
快点宾客很快要来了 That is so freaking hot.
Uh, Max is still making the face. 你这样真是帅爆了
麦克斯还在做那副表情呢 Caroline!
I know. I can't stop. 卡洛琳
我知道人家停不下来嘛 Caroline, I can't get in!
I've waited my whole life to make this face. 卡洛琳他不让我进来
我这辈子都在等着做这表情呢 Caroline!
Max, look. 卡洛琳
麦克斯你瞧 Less kissing, more noticing me!
Our business is open. 少接点吻多注意我啊
我们的生意开张了 See, I know her, and my name's on the list.
Wait, wait, wait. Not quite. 我认识她我的名字就在名单上
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Han Lee. 不是啊只是我现在功成名就了
李憨 and this is my shop.
Honey, if I was a fat girl, 这是我开的店呢
小可爱就算我是个肥妞 Wow. Cool.
and your name was Sara Lee, 哇厉害啊
而你的名字是叫李莎拉 So listen, I'm an alcoholic now,
You still wouldn't be getting in. 我知道我之前是个酒鬼
我也不会发情放你进来 and I did a lot of stuff that wasn't cool,
We are at capacity! 做了很多不应该的事情
里面满员了 and I came here because the program
Hey, Robbie. On the list. 我来是因为戒酒会让我来
我叫罗比在名单上 says that I have to make almonds.
Go right on in, child. 为我以前的所作所为"餐会"
快请进小宝贝 "Almonds"?
Uh, hello? "餐会"
不是满员吗 You mean "Amends"?
Do you need a dictionary to define the word "Capacity?" 你是说"忏悔"吗
要给你本字典让你看看"满员"的意思吗 Cool.
I have clear orders: 好
我收到明确指示 So, look, I cheated on you
Only very hot men who look like trouble. 我知道我以前对你不忠
性感的超帅渣男才放行 behind your back, like, every day.
Excuse me, you know where I can find Max? 每天都趁你不在时跟人乱搞
抱歉请问麦克斯在哪 Well, um, we don't have to go into all this now.
- Yes, she's in the back. - Cool. 我们可以不用现在搞忏悔
- 她就在后头 -好的 It's kind of a big night for me.
Robbie, it's me, Caroline. 我今晚很多事呢
罗比是我啊卡洛琳 And I stole money from you too,
Oh, sorry. 还偷了你的钱
抱歉没认出来 like, every time we had sex.
Did we have sex? 每次做爱完都偷你的钱
我们是不是上过床啊 but we had a lot of sex.
What? No! 我们"做"了很多呢
什么才没有呢 I know.
I'm Max's roommate. 是啊
我是麦克斯的室友 Well, I stole a lot of money.
Oh, Max had a roommate? 所以我也偷了你很多钱
麦克斯有过室友啊 Well, this just went from "suck it" to "it sucks,"
I was pretty much wasted the whole time. 这下从"你去死吧"变成"我去死吧"
我当初真是整天都烂醉啊 So lift up your shirt.
I remember, like, nothing, 把衣服掀起来
我几乎什么都记不得了 I gotta get something out of tonight.
But I'm in the program now, so it's one day at a time. 今晚总得捞点本回来
我加入了戒酒协会现在一天去一次 Money well spent.
- Well, Max is through there. - Cool. 我那些钱也算花得值了
- 好吧麦克斯就在里面 -谢了 Just found out I paid for more sex
But we did have sex, right? 刚刚才知道我花在做爱上的钱
但我们是上过床的对吧 than an arab businessman.
No! We did not have sex. 比一个阿拉伯商人还多
才没有我们没上过床 Maybe this wasn't the healthiest thing I could've done
You offered, but I wasn't into you. tonight.
你邀过我不过我对你没感觉或许我今晚不应该做这么神经的事
Yeah, right. So what do you wanna do?
我会信才有鬼那你打算怎么做
- Hey, Max. - Robbie! Should I tell Nevel to keep Johnny out?
- 麦克斯 -罗比要不要让涅维尔别放强尼进来
Why are you making that face? Too late. Way too late.
你干嘛摆这副表情晚了来不及了
You have a toothache or something? Max.
你牙疼还是怎么了嘛麦克斯
No, it's-I'm successful now Hi.
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好久不见麦克斯我一直很想你
You look even better than I remember. Stop. Before you say anything else,
你今晚比我记忆中的你还美停在你说任何话之前
Well, I should. I just got blown. I just have to say
应该的才让人吹的头呢我想说...
Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it. I need candy.
你去死吧你去死吧你去死吧我要先吃糖
Max, this place is so awesome. All right, what were you saying?
麦克斯你这小店太棒了好了你刚要说什么来着
It's like you're telling everybody I called off the wedding because she wasn't the one,
棒到像是在跟所有我取消了婚礼她不是我的真命天女
who ever doubted you to suck it. And you wanna know how I know that?
怀疑过你的人说 "你们去死吧" 想知道我从何得知吗
No, we're not petty like that. Max! Johnny!
才没有我们才没这么可悲麦克斯强尼
Hey, it's a little loud in here. I can't get into the party!
里面有点吵我进不去派对现场
You wanna talk in the hall? Come here.
要不要去走廊上聊聊过来
Uh, wait, let me take a look around my big, successful Help me out!
shop. 帮帮我
让我看一眼我偌大的成功店面一眼 Seriously!
Yeah, I can go. 求你了
行可以去一会 That doorman is a biatch!
Keep your eye on Max. 那门卫就是一贱货
注意好麦克斯 Okay, so, uh--
That guy in the Brad Pitt glasses broke her heart, 好了所以...
那戴着布拉德·皮特眼镜的男人伤过她心 Wait, what are we doing?
and I don't trust him. 等等我们在干嘛
我不信任那家伙 Making out in a room full of candy.
Max, you look insanely good. 在放满糖果的房间里亲热
麦克斯你今晚真美 Right.
Thanks. 对哦
谢谢夸奖 No, no, this can't happen.
Now, maybe you could repeat that to your wife, 不行不能这样
要不要把这句话对你老婆复诵一遍啊 I was gonna give you my "suck it" face.
And where is she? 我本来要给你我的"你去死吧"脸呢
她人呢 Okay, give it to me. I deserve it.
We never got married. 行对我做吧我应得的
我没有跟她结婚 Your "suck it" face is hot.
Max! Max! I can't get in! 你的"你去死吧"脸好性感
麦克斯麦克斯我进不去 It's the hair.
Wait, what do you mean you didn't get married? 是发型的功劳
什么你这没结过婚是什么意思 Greatest night of my life!
Johnny! Hey, Johnny, I'm back here! 我人生中最棒的一晚了
强尼强尼我在这呢 Disclaimer: this is not my T-shirt,
I didn't know if I was gonna tell you, 我声明这不是我的 T 恤
我不知道该不该对你说 Though I am all about the girl power.
but then I got your invite-- 当然我也很支持女力的啦
然后又接到你的邀请函 Disclaimer: it's not my T-shirt either.
Max! Johnny! I'm back here! 我声明这也不是我的 T 恤
麦克斯强尼我在这呢 Some nerd left it in the dryer at the laundromat.
Should we just go say "hi"? 是某个书呆忘在洗衣店的
要不要过去打个招呼 It's mine.
Uh, no, not right now. 那件是我的
不必现在没空 Girl power!
Max! Max! I can't get in! 女力哦
麦克斯麦克斯我进不去 No way. No way!
Max! Johnny! 不是吧不是吧
麦克斯强尼 Do I smell chocolate chips?
Max, I've been thinking about you a lot. 我闻到的是巧克力碎吗
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And is uncle Andy making pancakes? 但那事后来也没成
是安迪叔叔在做煎饼吗 and I've had a couple girlfriends since--
You do, and I am. 之后我也再交过几个女朋友
你没闻错我也做了 Oh! Only a couple!
Dude, I don't know you, 哟还"几个"呢
兄台虽然我不认识你 Yeah, none of them seemed to work out.
but chocolate chip pancakes are the balls. 是啊但是跟她们也一个都没成
但是巧克力碎煎饼超屌啊 None of them are Max.
How did you two sleep? 她们都取代不了麦克斯
你们俩睡得如何 Hey, save me a pancake.
Did we sleep? 帮我留一个煎饼
哪有时间睡呀 It looks like Caroline has plans to eat them all.
Great! So what's gonna happen now? 卡洛琳好像想把它们统统吃光
很好那接下来会如何呢 Well, Max, as far as the "suck it" plan goes,
I meant today, at the shop, 麦克斯你这个让人"去死吧"计划
我是说今天店里的事 it looks like somebody sucked something.
our big first day in business! 没让某人死成还自己成了"你去吸吧"
我们隆重开业的首日呢 Pancakes, pancake hole.
You thought I was talking about you two? 煎饼煎饼洞
你们以为我是在说你们的关系吗 He's a good guy.
Plbbt! I don't care about you two. 他是个好人啦
噗我才懒得管你们俩 Yeah, he seems cool.
Plbbt! Nobody cares about you two. 他看起来不错啦
噗谁有空管你们俩啊 Kinda falls in love a lot, but hey...
Well, first, we have to clean the party mess up. 虽然常常坠入爱河不过...
首先我们得先清理昨晚派对的垃圾 And I did not tell him to say that.
Andy and I did it last night 我没叫他说这些
昨晚我跟安迪打扫完了 He never does what I say. It's hot.
when you didn't come back. 他从来不听我指挥太性感了
在你不知去何处鬼混的时候 "But hey" what?
Um, can someone here mellow out "不过"什么
某人是不是该放轻松点 Oh, we're continuing?
and put some pancakes in her pancake hole?
还继续说啊
塞点煎饼进她的"煎饼洞"里啊 Um, I don't know.
No, Caroline, I get it. 我不知道怎么说
没事卡洛琳我明白 Maybe I'm partial, but Max,
It's been a rocky ride for Max and me. 我说可能有些偏颇但麦克斯
我跟麦克斯一路以来的情路不顺 You're an "A."
See, when we met, I had a girlfriend. 你是个"A"级姑娘
我跟她刚认识时我有个女朋友 He kind of seems like a "B."
Which he never told her about, and--
而他感觉只是个"B"级男
但他从来没告诉过她然后...
Minus.
And keep eating.
是"B-"
然后接着吃啊
First of all, look at me.
and because of that,
首先看好了
因为这样
I am clearly a "D,"
Max and I never really got together,
我这是"D"级胸器
我和麦克斯没有真正在一起过
and then that girl and I broke up, and I don't think he falls in love a lot.
而我也跟那女人分手了而且他也没有整天坠入爱河好吗
and by the time I saw Max again, I was-- Man, I love, love, love pancakes.
后来再见到麦克斯时我... 天啊我对煎饼爱爱爱不完
If I could, I would marry a pancake.
Engaged to be married?
如果可以我真想娶个煎饼
订了婚准备结婚
What time is it?
Yeah, yeah, I was gonna get married.
几点了
是的我当时准备结婚了
10:20.
Wait, to that same girlfriend?
十点二十
等等是跟之前那女朋友吗
Well, it's the first day open.
Different one. Different one.
开业首日嘛
不是的另外一个
All those people are probably tired from the party.
Yeah, but that didn't work out either,
大家可能昨晚都玩太累了
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Yeah. - except for robitussin.
有道理 - 我只对感冒糖浆说过
Oh, and look! We forgot to light it up. It's Johnny.
你看我们也忘了打开这个强尼来了
People don't know we're open. Well, I know what I have to do.
人家不知道我们开门了好吧我知道我该怎么做
In five, four, three, two. Max, you can't change your mind about him now.
倒数五四三二... 麦克斯你不能现在反悔啊
Go to work. He's our only customer!
上班吧他是我们唯一的顾客
- First day! - Yep. By the way, I've always loved him.
- 第一天嘛 -是的我一直以来都很喜欢他呢
No one's here. Hey, guys.
没人来你们好啊
Remember: all we have to sell is 70 cupcakes a day Um, could we talk in the kitchen?
记得我们一天只要卖 70 个小蛋糕我们能进厨房里谈谈吗
to keep on track. Wait, before you go, I just wanna say
就能开下去了等等在你进去之前我想说
70 cupcakes? That's not so hard. that no matter what goes down in life,
70 个小蛋糕不难嘛无论生活中发生了多少挫折
Maybe we should do the light again. we are always open to your business.
我们再重开一次那灯吧我们的店永远对你敞开
In five, four, three, two. We're either gonna have crazy kitchen sex
倒数五四三二... 我们不是要在疯狂地在厨房搞一炮
What time is it now? or I'm getting expelled.
现在几点了就是我要被甩了
Tomorrow, we only need to sell 140 cupcakes. We're not having kitchen sex.
明天我们只需卖掉 140 个小蛋糕就行我们不会在这搞一炮的
It's way too dirty in here
140 cupcakes! That's not so hard.
这里太脏了
140 个小蛋糕不难嘛
from other people having kitchen sex.
How many did we sell today?
被其他在这搞过的人弄得太脏了
我们今天卖掉了几个 So I'm getting expelled?
Four.
所以就是我要被甩了
四个 It's weird, right? Between us?
And all were to Johnny.
我们俩很怪很纠结对吧
都卖给强尼了 Yeah, I don't know what it is.
I think I've made a terrible mistake.
是啊我也不知道这算什么
我觉得我犯了大错 Maybe it's an absence of a lot of candy...
It's only been three days.
可能是现在没有糖果雨之类的吧
才刚开始三天而已 but it's not the same.
Business will pick up.
但感觉就是不同了
生意会慢慢起步的 Max! Johnny! I thought I heard you.
No, with Johnny.
麦克斯强尼我就觉得听到你们声音了
不是跟强尼的事 Max!
It's different now that he's available.
麦克斯
情况不同了他现在是单身 I can't get out!
Maybe I'm the kind of person
我出不来啊
说不定我是那种人 Maybe we're only at our best
who only wants something they can't have,
或许只有在你有个女朋友时
只喜欢得不到的东西 when you have another girlfriend.
and then when they get it, they don't want it anymore.
才是我们最适合的时候吧
然后一旦得到又不喜欢了 Maybe give me a call when you get that going
Okay, but do you feel that way about the cupcake shop
等你泡到新妞了再打给我吧
too? in, like, ten minutes.
那你对我们的小蛋糕店也有这种感觉吗大概也就十分钟后的事
No, I love our cupcake shop. Or I could just call you on my actual wedding day.
没有我爱我们的小蛋糕店或者在我婚礼当天打给你
Wow, that's the first time I've ever said Oh, cool!
哇这是我第一次脱口说出那也行啊
I loved anything out loud, Yeah, just call me 30 minutes
我爱某样东西呢
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仪式前 30 分钟 but we don't have to drop to that level.
before the service, and I'll be there. 但我们没必要没品又毒舌吧
打给我我会准时到场的 Ooh, this guy is definitely coming in.
Or better yet, call me at, like, your 50th wedding 哇那个男的肯定会进来的
anniversary. Keep walking, fatty!
或者在你五十周年结婚纪念日打给我吧走你妹啊死胖子
Yeah, now that's hot. And he ugly.
你这样才迷人嘛他还是个丑男
Max! Welcome to Max's homemade cupcakes!
麦克斯欢迎光临麦克斯自制小蛋糕店
Johnny! I'm cold! Hello. How much are your cupcakes?
强尼我好冷你们好呀小蛋糕多少钱一个
Kiss good-bye? $4.
吻别吗 4块
Seriously, guys, I can't feel my toes! No.
你们俩我脚趾冻得没感觉了算了
See, it's hot again 'cause we broke up! Whore.
你看我们一分手又来电了婊子
I'll see you at my 50th, Jinx, you owe me a coke!
我的五十周年纪念见吧倒霉鬼你要请我喝可乐
If not before. 儿童小游戏异口同声时谁先说倒霉鬼对方就得接
或在那之前也行受处罚
First the party, now this. We both called an old lady a whore.
派对这么搞现在又来咱俩异口同声叫那位老太太婊子
When I have a party, you won't be on the list. I know! We are in complete sync.
哪天我办派对绝对不邀请你对啊咱俩完全同步
You're right. I deserve that. That is so good for business.
你说得对那是我应得的惩罚这对我们的生意是一大利好啊
No, I was doing a power move. I'll give you $3.
别啊我打算办一个街舞派对 3 块钱卖我一个
Please, I'm begging you to come. I'm sorry, they're $4.
求你了你一定得来啊抱歉但明码标价是 4 块钱
we'll see. there's no one in here. You'll take what you get.
再说吧这里一个客人都没有我愿意买你们就该偷笑了
I might be a little too busy I'm in love with that whore.
到时候我可能没空我爱上那个婊子了
with my big, successful cupcake shop, Hello. I'm calling from Max's homemade cupcakes
得忙我成功的小蛋糕店事业呢你好我是麦克斯自制小蛋糕店
So suck it. to acquaint you with our new "Mornings with Max's"
所以你去死吧 special.
----------------------------- 来跟您介绍我们的"相约早晨"特别活动
-------------11-------------- No, sir, that is not what our special is.
----------------------------- 不先生特别活动不是那种事
Well, you, me, and the cupcakes are ready, And I haven't even done that with my boyfriend yet,
我你小蛋糕们都准备好了而且那事我都还没跟我男人"做"过呢
now, we just need people. so don't be rude.
就等人上门了所以请放尊重点
Ooh, here we go! Give me that phone.
快看把电话给我
This one looks like she might come in. Ya fat, ya ugly, ya fugly.
那女的看上去可能会进来呢你又胖又丑你个死猪扒
Yeah, keep walking, ugly! Max, we have got to get more business going.
走你妹啊丑女麦克斯我们得多找点生意
Ugly? She's like a supermodel. The money Sophie gave us to open the shop
丑女她就像一个超模呢苏菲给我们开店的钱
Did she come in and buy something? will only cover next month's rent.
那她有没有进来买东西呀只够交下个月的租金了
- No. - Then, she ugly. Wait, we already have next month's rent?
- 没有 -那她就是丑女一个等等下个月的租金我们都有啦
Okay, yes, business is slow, Why are we worried?
好吧虽然现在小蛋糕滞销那还有什么可担心的
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We're doing better than everyone else in America. This is where you tell someone their sex change looks
我们已经比随便一个美国人都好多了 passable.
- Well, well, well, if it isn't Prince Charming. 这里适合跟人说他们的变性手术还过得去
- 瞧瞧这不是白马王子吗 What's the big deal?
But, Earl, is prince charming, 这有什么大不了的
厄尔王子真的是帅哥吗 If I feel it, why shouldn't I say it?
or is he just a diva in purple? 如果有感觉为何不能直说呢
还是他只是个穿紫衣的娘炮啊 I think she'd be all over that.
So psyched. Finally got a personalized hello from Earl. 我觉得她一定会欣喜万分
好兴奋厄尔给我起绰号了 Nope. If it didn't happen to Kate Hudson
He called me Prince Charming. 不可能如果这个情节没有出现在
他叫我白马王子 in some stupid romantic comedy,
I'm in, baby, I am in. 某个由凯特·哈德森主演的白痴爱情喜剧里
我融入你们了宝贝成一份子了 then it won't work for Caroline.
I wouldn't get too excited. 那对卡洛琳也是完全无效
是我就不会太高兴 Sorry, what?
He probably just forgot your name. 抱歉你说啥
他很可能只是忘记你的名字了 I left and went into another theater in my mind
He calls every Puerto Rican guy that comes in here "La 你说话的时候我灵魂出窍
bamba." while you were talking.
所有进餐馆的波多黎各人他都叫"森巴舞男" 去看了别的电影了
Max's homemade cupcakes. I know, it's so creepy, but she likes it.
麦克斯自制小蛋糕店我知道这很恶心但她就爱这些
Yes, I'll hold. Really, if you could arrange for it to rain,
好我等着真的如果你能在情人节那天
Of course we do sugar-free and gluten-free. or run after her to the airport in the rain,
我们当然有无糖和无麸的啦安排一场倾盆大雨或是在雨中一路追她
I'll be right back, I just gotta take this call. but somehow end up on top of the empire state
我马上回来我得先接个电话 building
I understand, but, like, how diabetic? 追到机场结果两人却双双出现在
我知道但那糖尿病是多严重呢 on valentine's day, that'd be best.
I feel a little sick to my stomach. 帝国大厦的楼顶上那就最好不过啦
我感觉有点恶心想吐 Well, I just sold three dozen cupcakes,
Why? You haven't even eaten here yet. 我刚卖掉三打小蛋糕
怎么会你都还没吃过这里的东西呢 we just have to mark "No sugar" on one of the boxes.
No, I'm nervous. 我们只需在其中一个盒子上写着"无糖"就行了
不我是紧张啦 So what did you want to say to me?
I came here to tell caroline something kind of big. 你有什么话要对我说吗
我是来这里跟卡洛琳说件大事的 No, nothing, just came by to say hi.
What? You have a secret family on Long Island? 没什么我就过来打个招呼
什么事你秘密在长岛有妻有儿了吗 I gotta go download a couple movies.
- No. you have hep-c? "D"? 我得回去下载几部电影看看了
- 不是 -你患有丙型肝炎吗还是丁型？ Hey, Oleg. Where's my food?
- One of the new heps? - No. 奥列格我的菜呢
- 新型肝炎的一种吗 -不是 Cheeseburger with fries, pick-up.
I don't have any of the heps. 你要的起司汉堡和薯条上菜吧
我没有任何肝炎 Han, you look so tall in the window.
Now, telling her I'm in love with her 阿憨你在窗子里面显得真高啊
现在感觉对她说"我爱她" Tell me the truth, are you standing on another tiny
is just going to sound boring. person?
这句话会很无趣吧说实话你踩在另一个小矮人的肩膀上了吗
You're gonna tell her you love her? No.
你要告诉她你爱她啊才没有
Here in the diner? On the box.
在这个破餐馆表白啊我踩的是箱子
Why, was the dump closed? Oleg had to leave.
为什么垃圾场关门了吗奥列格不得不请假
Hey, we need more coffee, La Bamba. Sophie came back from her trip to Poland,
森巴舞男再多弄点咖啡苏菲从波兰回来了
Andy, this isn't where you tell someone "I love you." and he's worried, 'cause she's very, very depressed.
安迪这里不适合跟人说"我爱你" 他很担心她因为她情绪非常非常低落
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Why, did she see you in that hair net? 还钱只会像羞辱她我保证
为什么她也看见你戴发网的蠢样了吗 nobody is expecting us to give the money back.
Come on, listen, when Sophie went to see her new 没人指望我们把钱还给她
house, Come in, girls. Did you bring the check?
才不是呢苏菲飞回去看她的新房子进来吧姑娘们支票带了吗
there was no house. No, because it was a gift-a big-ass gift,
可那里根本没房子没带那是她送我们的礼物大礼
Her Polish contractor ripped off her money. but we brought our love and we brought cupcakes.
她的波兰承包商骗光了她的钱但我们带来我们的爱和小蛋糕
Poor Sophie. I feel terrible. Well, I doubt she'll eat them.
可怜的苏菲真为她感到难过我怀疑她是否会吃
I know what it feels like to be ripped off. She hasn't even touched her kapusniak,
我知道被人骗是什么感觉她连她的高丽菜汤都一口没喝
I once bought a Fendi purse, but when I looked inside, which is the dish traditionally served to polish women
有次我买了芬迪的名牌包回家往里衬一看那还是专门给被承包商欺诈的
it said "Rendi." who have been wronged by their contractors.
上面写着"分迪" 波兰女人吃的传统菜肴呢
What kind of god would let that happen? Such a specific culture.
哪个无良的神会让这种事发生啊这个习俗还真明确啊
Max, I went to a party with that. But that's not the worst thing.
麦克斯我拿了个山寨包去派对呢那还不是最糟的事情
We should stop by after work, see how she is, She is so depressed, no sex,
我们应该下班后去探望她她非常低落毫无性致
and bring her some of her favorite cupcakes. which is big problem for me,
再带几个她最爱吃的小蛋糕这对我来说可是个大难题
Or you could give her that $20,000 she loaned you. because I find depressed women very hot.
或是你可以还她借你们的 2 万块钱因为我觉得抑郁的女人非常性感
Loaned us? Sophie gave us that money as a gift. A lot of guys do.
借我们苏菲是把那笔钱当礼物送给我们很多男人都这样
Not what I hear. Pick-up! Why do you think I haven't paid for a drink in six years?
反正我听到的不是这样快上菜不然我为什么六年来喝酒都没掏过一分钱
And we're out of spaghetti. There's no sauce. I'll go in and tell her you're here.
对了我们做不了意大利面了没番茄酱了我进去告诉她你们来了
No, han, there's plenty of sauce. She's just lying there on the bed, lifeless, hot...
不可能我们有好多番茄酱呢她就这么躺在床上
I know, but I can't reach the shelf. lifeless, hot...
我知道但我够不着那个架子死气沉沉风情万种
Hey, are we sure that money Sophie gave us was a gift? The big tease.
你确定那钱是苏菲作为礼物送给我们的吗性感撩人
Yes. She gave it to us to support our dream. Sophie, the two girls who you loaned the money to
当然表示她支持我们的梦想苏菲你借钱给她们的那俩妞
I know when I had money, I gave it out freely, are here to see you.
我懂的我有钱的时候我都会无偿送出去来看你了
and never expected anything in return. It was a gift.
而且从未期望对方有所回报都说了是礼物
Like when I gave my maid that gorgeous rendi. A generous, generous gift, but still a gift.
比如我把那个漂亮的"分迪"包送给我女仆非常慷慨大方但还是礼物
Well, I don't know about people not expecting stuff Are we sure about that?
back. 我们真的确定吗
'cause I was slushy boy's bitch for three weeks,
我不了解不求回报的人的心态
One time, a guy bought me a slushy, 我当了冰沙男孩的玩物三周呢
and I did things.
有一次一个男的给我买了一杯冰沙
and for the next three weeks, he owned me. 我当时"奉献"的哦
接下来的三周我成了他的人 Look, Max brought you cupcakes,
No, he really owned me. 瞧麦克斯给你带了小蛋糕
不是说笑的他是真正地拥有我 your favorite: vanilla with a bacon fat drizzle.
Eight days in, I almost got traded to a trucker. 你最喜欢的口味香草加培根碎末
八天后我差点被卖个一个卡车司机 No, I can't eat when I've been betrayed.
And I wouldn't even mention her gift. 不我被人背叛时吃不了东西
我甚至不会提到她的礼物 What kind again?
It will only insult her, and I promise, 再说一次什么口味
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Sophie, I am patient man, You know what? I think you just need to eat something,
苏菲我是一个有耐心的男人我觉得你只需要吃点东西
but I am also horny man. And pretty soon, you'll be back to your old self:
但我同时也是一个饥渴的男人很快你就能恢复到原来的样子了
Any idea when you will snap out of this? A woman who gives gifts and expects nothing in return,
你什么时候能摆脱这种负面情绪啊一个乐善好施不求回报的女人
Oh, why don't you just unzip and climb on top of me 'cause that's what a gift is.
now 因为礼物的定义正是如此
你何不现在就拉开拉链爬到我身上 Sophie, is that doing anything for you?
and get it over with? 苏菲那有让你感觉爽点吗
赶紧搞完了事呢 Yeah, well, I'm not hating it.
- Oh, no. - Well, we should be going. 反正我也不反感啊
- 不要了吧 -我们该走了 Here, this soup smells amazing.
No, girls, stay. 这汤闻起来味道不错
别走姑娘们留下来 Oh, no. I don't have the energy to eat.
If she's not even going to put up a fight, what's the fun? 不要我没有力气吃东西
她要是都不挣扎那还有什么乐趣啊 Sophie, open your mouth and put this in.
Are you sure? 苏菲张开嘴放进去
真的不吃吗 Oh, come on. Now you're as bad as Oleg.
Bacon drizzle, little bit of heaven. 拜托你这样就跟奥列格一样坏了
培根末哦天堂的味道 There. Better?
No, I don't want them. 乖了好点没
不我不想吃 That's cold.
Okay, let's put the cupcakes here, 汤冷死了
好吧那我把小蛋糕放这里 Sophie, just say the word, and I will rob a bank for you.
in case you change your mind. 苏菲只要你开口银行我都帮你抢
以防你改变主意想吃 Sophie, I understand you're hurting,
Is this a gun? 苏菲我知道你很受伤
这是一把枪吗 but we've already spent most of the money on the
Yes. I'm not going to stab myself to death. shop,
是的我才不要用刀捅死自己呢但我们几乎把钱都花在那家店上了
Do you know how much this outfit costs? and business just isn't good.
你知道这外套值多少钱吗而且现在生意也不好
Sophie, you're going to get through this. It's not the money.
苏菲你一定会挺过来的不是钱的问题
And by the way, you look amazing in black. Everybody thinks it's the money.
对了你穿黑色美呆了大家都觉得是钱的问题
Oh, well, no more bright colors for me now. It's more than that.
现在我的心情不想穿亮色远不止如此
I'm in mourning. My lake house was my dream, and I lost my dream.
哀悼期间只穿丧服黑我的湖边小屋是我的梦想我失去的是梦想
See? Black bra, black garters, Oh, thank God!
瞧黑色胸罩黑色吊袜带谢天谢地
and look, black panties. Well, I'm glad that's cleared up.
还有黑色内裤能搞清这点就太好了
Um, you're not wearing any panties. Not about the money.
可你没有穿内裤啊不是钱的问题
I'm not? Max, come on, she's had a shock,
没有吗麦克斯走吧她受惊吓了
I'm sorry about that wild mess down there. we should let her sleep.
抱歉让你看见下面那堆茂盛的杂草了我们应该让她好好睡觉
Sophie, I feel bad you got ripped off. You girls are so lucky. You still have your dream.
苏菲你被人骗我也感到难过你们俩真幸运梦想还没破碎
Here are all my tips from tonight: $27. Well, Sophie, what if you were part of our dream?
这是我今晚赚的小费一共 27 块苏菲你也成为我们梦想的一份子呢
For eight hours? I'm sorry? Whose dream?
八小时就赚这么点啊什么谁的梦想
Oh, now, I'm depressed for you. Our dream.
好吧现在我替你感到难过了我们的梦想
You want to borrow my gun? Your dream? Where's that cupcake?
你想借用我的枪吗你们的梦想小蛋糕在哪里
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Look, Sophie's the only reason we have a shop. 这绝对不是我们的风格
苏菲给了那笔钱我们才能开成小蛋糕店 It looks like a Tim Burton movie just spit up in here.
We should make her, like, a partner. 这里像被蒂姆·波顿的诡异电影横扫过一样
我们应该...让她当合伙人 I think it's kind of pretty.
Partner! 我觉得还挺漂亮的啊
合伙人 But what do I know?
But you and I are already partners. 但我懂屁啊
但咱们已经是合伙人了 I once spent my last 50 bucks on a frog pinata.
I feel like we're kind of partnered out. 我有次把仅有的 50 块拿去买青蛙彩陶罐
我觉得已经有点人满为患了吧 Had to have it.
What about a silent partner? 忍不住想买啊
不然就当静默合伙人好了 Max's homemade cupcakes.
Silent partner! Yeah, I like that. 麦克斯自制小蛋糕店
静默合伙人我喜欢 Yes, we're an upscale bakery, and--
I'm getting my appetite back, 对我们是一家上档次的蛋糕店
我的食欲都开始恢复了以意大利卷面包包冷肉与蔬菜类似潜艇堡
and also, my sex drive. Now, we sell hoagies.
连性欲都回来了现在我们还卖何奇三明治哦
Go or stay, girls. Either way, I'm going in. Oh, no, no, no, sir, we do not sell hoagies.
要走要留随便你俩反正老子是要上了不不不先生我们不卖何奇三明治
I'm sorry I said Sophie could be part of the store. Yes, we do.
抱歉我说可以让苏菲成为蛋糕店的合伙人不我们卖
I just felt bad for her, How many would you like? Let me get a pen.
我只是为她感到难过你想要多少我去拿笔记一下
lying there, all in black, What's happening?
躺在床上全身黑衣怎么了
too sad to even make her junk pretty. Are we finally gonna trash Caroline?
悲伤到都没心情打理"小妹妹"了你终于要来说卡洛琳的坏话了吗
It's fine. No, I need your help.
没关系啦不我需要你的帮忙
"Silent partner" is just a figurehead role anyway, I watched four chick flicks back-to-back,
"静默合伙人"只是个挂名职位我连续不断地看了四部爱情烂片
and it's nice to know you have such a big heart. then I made a list of possible ways
而且知道你有如此善心也挺好的想出了几个告诉
It's not my heart. to tell Caroline I love her.
这不是我的本心卡洛琳我爱她的可行办法
What I saw down there changed me. I was gonna make more, but I got my period.
看到那团东西后改变了我的心我本来还想多列几个但我看得月经都来了
It looks like something an animal built Okay, run the choices past me.
那看起来就像是动物为了过冬好的把你的选项都跟我说一遍
to live in for the winter. Whichever one makes me want to hurl the most,
而造的避寒兽穴哪一个让我听了最想吐
Wait, what is Sophie's chandelier doing here? that's your winner.
慢着苏菲的大吊灯在这里干嘛就是最佳的选择了
Is this the polish version of a home invasion? I could play a song for her outside of her apartment,
这是波兰版的入侵民宅吗我可以在她公寓外放歌
They break in and leave something tacky? but keep in mind how hard it is to find a boom box in
闯进去然后留下点俗气的东西 2012.
Good morning, partners. 不过都 2012 年了大手提收音机很难找
早上好合伙人们 Yeah, plus, if you do that outside our apartment,
I didn't know the dress code, so I went business casual. 对啊而且如果你在我们公寓外面搞这个
我不知道着装要求所以我就穿了商务便装 you'll be shot.
Look, the chandelier that I bought for my lake house. 你会被我...
瞧我为我的湖边小屋买的大吊灯 by me.
Oh, now our dreams are together. 乱抢射死
现在我们的梦想合二为一了 Okay, what about sharing cocoa and a hot dog
Sophie, it's not the look we were going for. 好吧那在中央公园的溜冰场
苏菲这跟我们原来的风格大相径庭 on the ice rink in central park?
Oh, I know. Much better, right? 俩人共喝热可可共享热狗时呢
我知道好看多了对吧 Yup, that's it.
That is definitely not our style. 行就这个
第 88 页 /共 198 页
Makes me want to take my head off 这家小蛋糕店是你开的啊
让我想把自己的脑袋扯下来 And many other bigger shops.
and throw it into the street. 当然还有其他更大的店面啦
然后扔到大街上去 This is our new Williamsburg location.
Cool. Oh, and, Max, 这是我们威廉斯堡新开的分店
很好对了麦克斯 And yes, I know, the chandelier is all wrong.
I think I'm the only straight guy on earth 没错我知道那个吊灯完全不搭
我觉得我是地球上唯一能区别 I told the designer, none of our pacific northwest
who knows the difference between Dylan Mcdermott locations
and 我跟设计师说我们太平洋西北地区的分店
迪伦·麦克德莫特与 will have the chandeliers.
Dermott Mulroney, 都不许挂这么俗气的吊灯
德蒙特·莫罗尼的直男了 Of course, you'd own a cupcake empire at 25.
迪伦·麦克德莫特电视男演员你这么厉害 25 岁坐拥小蛋糕帝国很正常
德蒙特·莫罗尼电影男演员两者外形与类型十分相 - Oh, and this is Max. - Hi.
似 - 这位是麦克斯 -你好
and that, my friend, is love. I just transferred from our Boise location.
而朋友这就是爱啊我刚从大西北地区分店调过来
Oh, what's that funky-ass smell? What's that horrible smell?
这是什么狗屁味道是什么东西这么臭啊
Do they finally sell pepperoni febreze? It's something called a "hoagie."
出意大利香肠味的除臭剂了吗是一种叫"何奇三明治"的玩意
Max, this already isn't working. The workers like them. Right, Max?
麦克斯这样完全不行工人们都喜欢吃对吧麦克斯
The stinky salami, the gaudy chandelier? - Si, gracias por la hoagie.
臭哄哄的蒜味香肠艳俗的大吊灯 - 是的谢谢你的何奇三明治
It's like a haunted Quiznos in here. Well, I have to go.
这就像一家闹鬼的快餐店我得走了
Hey, I'm sending Oleg to Queens I'm consulting upstairs at BBD&L.
我让奥列格去皇后区我在楼上的 BBD&L 公司做顾问
to pick up a flat of Fresca. Yeah. - Oh, upstairs. - Yeah.
买一箱柑橘味饮料没错 - 楼上啊 -对啊
There's nothing better with a hoagie Always knew you'd land on your feet.
冰柑橘饮料配何奇三明治就知道你一定会东山再起
than an ice-cold fresca. Let's go for drinks, and you're paying, mogul.
可是最棒的组合有时间去喝一杯你请客哦大亨
That's what I wanted! I hope she likes water.
我就是在想着那个呢希望她喜欢喝水啊
Look... Now what am I going to do? Stacy's in the building.
听着我现在该怎么办史黛西在这栋楼上班
they'll go great with the pickled eggs! Well, you could move to Narnia and run that branch,
配上腌鸡蛋风味更佳哦你可以搬去奇幻世界开一家你说的分店啊
This just went from my dream to a nightmare. you pathological liar.
我的梦想正式变成了恶梦你个病态的骗子
Oh, my God, Caroline! It is you! Max, this is not how I want people to see me,
天啊卡洛琳真的是你麦克斯我不想让人们看见我这样
Stacy, no way! I haven't seen you since graduation. or smell me, quite frankly.
史黛西不是吧毕业后我就没见过你了或闻到我有这股味
We went to Wharton together. We have to get rid of the salami, the chandelier,
我们一起念的沃顿商学院我们必须摆脱蒜味香肠大吊灯
This girl is a genius. and the Sophie.
这个姑娘是个天才还有苏菲
Always top of the class. This is our dream, not hers.
永远都是班级第一这是我们的梦想不是她的
So what are you doing here? Okay, fine, I'll tell her.
你在这里干嘛好吧我会告诉她
Buying a cupcake on your way to running the world? Hey, Sophie, can we talk to you?
坐拥世界的空挡出来买个小蛋糕吗苏菲我们有话跟你说
No, I own this shop. Good news, girls.
不这家店是我开的好消息姑娘们
You own this little cupcake shop? Now we sell scratchers.
第 89 页 /共 198 页
现在我们还卖刮刮乐哦 I was looking forward to going up
But I have even a better idea. 我还期待着走到
但我有个更好的主意 to complete strangers on the street
You two should dress up as big cupcakes 街上完全陌生的人们面前
你们俩打扮成小蛋糕 and saying "eat me," but she won't leave.
and pass out free samples. 大声嚷着"吃我" 但她不愿意去
去外面分派免费的试吃品 Well, if you're not going to go out and get the
Sophie, Max has something she wants to say to you. customers,
苏菲麦克斯有话要跟你说如果你们不出去拉客
Wait. then I'll have to bring the customers to you.
打住那我只好帮你们带客上门了
Girls, I have something to say first. I gotta do everything around here.
姑娘们让我先说真是什么事都得靠我做啊
Two days ago, I was on the verge of suicide. Seriously, I can't believe we're just standing here
两天前我一度徘徊于自杀的边缘说真的我不敢相信我们就在这呆站着
Yeah, seriously, I hadn't eaten all afternoon. when we could be chasing fat people down the street,
说真的我绝食了整整一下午呢我们应该在享受追着路上胖子跑
But your generosity with your dream yelling, "You ate my brother!"
但你们对自己梦想的慷慨对他们喊"你吃了我的兄弟"才对啊
has given me a reason to get up and get a wax. Look at you two.
给了我东山再起和打理杂"毛"的动力瞧瞧你俩
Yeah. What I wouldn't give for a giant glass of milk.
是的能再给我一大杯牛奶配那就更好了
Max, there was something you wanted to say? Look at you, though.
麦克斯你刚刚想说什么来着瞧瞧你
I was going to say-- You look so cute.
我本来是想说... 看起来真可爱
You look delicious. No, don't look at me.
你看起来真可口才没有别看我
I look like Honey Boo Boo's mom at the prom. I'm totally embarrassed in this thing.
我简直就像甜心波波的肥婆老妈去舞会穿这玩意真是丢脸死了
This is so humiliating. Yes, she's cute and embarrassed,
这太丢人了是啊她又可爱又尴尬
Now I know how Tyra felt in a larger-than-life, colorful, public setting.
现在我知道超模泰拉穿着五彩缤纷站在公共场合最适合...
when she went undercover as that fat person. Ah, right.
做节目扮成胖子上街时的感觉了对啊
Please tell me this is our bottom. So, Caroline, listen, I wanted to--
拜托告诉我这是我们堕落的极限了卡洛琳听着我想对你说...
Well, it's your bottom. Look, girls, some young professionals.
这是你的极限姑娘们一些年轻的上班族来了
I went to happy hour once Oh, my God! She's bringing stacy.
我有次去酒吧喝酒天啊她还把史黛西拉来了
and woke up naked in the penguin habitat She can't see me in this.
醒来时发现自己在布朗克斯动物园的不能让她瞧见我穿这个
at the Bronx Zoo. I was her valedictorian. Take this.
企鹅栖息地浑身赤裸着我可是毕业典礼致词的学生代表拿着
And I did things. Wait.
还有我当年做过的"事"哦慢点
Hey, girls. Help me up, Max! Help me up!
姑娘们拉我起身麦克斯拉我起身
What are you two doing just standing there? Oh, great. Now you're like my mom.
你们俩呆站在这里干嘛好啊你现在就跟我那肥妈一样
God gave cupcakes legs for a reason. Here, give me your left hand.
上帝给小蛋糕两条腿是有理由的来给我你的左手
You need to hit the streets, Okay, give me your right hand.
你们得走上街头好的再给我你的右手
shake your cake maker, and show people your goods. Get up! Get up! Five second rule.
摇晃你们的"蛋糕" 展示你们的"好货" 快起来掉地上五秒内捡起还能吃
Hey, don't look at me, it's vanilla. What are you two crazy cakes doing?
别看我呀是香草白妞不愿意你们俩疯狂的小蛋糕在干嘛
第 90 页 /共 198 页
You lost your customers. They ran away. 就好像瑞茜·威瑟斯彭在《情归阿拉巴马》那样
顾客都没了被你们吓跑了 My life's not a romantic comedy.
Oh, thank God. 我的人生不是一出爱情喜剧
谢天谢地 I can do it my own way.
Oh, I don't get it. 我可以用我自己的方式去做
我真不明白 Like Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding.
You won't push the hoagies or the pickled eggs. 就好像《我最好朋友的婚礼》里的茱莉亚·罗伯茨
你也不愿意推广何奇三明治和腌鸡蛋 Andy, it's me!
You must really have a fear of success. 安迪是我
你肯定很害怕成功对吧 I'll be right out.
Well, at least we missed Stacy. 马上出来
至少我们躲开史黛西了 No, this can't wait any longer.
Well, you know what else you missed? Andy. 不我等不及了
你知道你还躲开了什么吗安迪 I don't need a big romantic comedy moment.
He was about to tell you he loves you. 我不需要盛大的浪漫喜剧时刻
他本来打算告诉你他爱你 No--
What? 别进来
什么 Oh, sorry. I thought it was the office!
Just now, in the hall, and at the ice rink. 抱歉我以为这是办公室
就刚才在走廊和在溜冰场时 Not the office.
He's been trying to tell you all week. 不是
他这一周千方百计想跟你说 I'm stuck.
But I've been too preoccupied with work, 我卡住了
但我这周都醉心于工作 Oh, I want to go, but I can't.
Like Sandra Bullock in The Proposal. 我想开溜但溜不了
就像《假结婚》里的桑德拉·布洛克 And I'll never be able to go again.
So he was gonna tell me at the ice rink? 我以后想开拉也拉不了了
他本来计划在溜冰场上告诉我吗 Well, I'm on the toilet and you're in a cupcake.
The one in central park? 我正坐在马桶上你正穿着蛋糕服
中央公园的那个吗 Can't get creepier than this, so,
Yes, while having cocoa and splitting a hot dog. 没有比这更怪的时刻了
对啊在你们共喝热可可共享着热狗时 Caroline, I love you.
Oh, my God! 卡洛琳我爱你
天啊 I love you too.
That's, like, my dream "I love you" scenario. 我也爱你
那就是我梦想中的表白场景啊 Oh, please, push me out.
Why didn't you tell me sooner? 拜托把我推出去
为什么你不早点告诉我呢 How'd it go? Was it romantic?
Because when it comes to other people's creepy love 如何浪漫吗
stuff, He told me he loved me on the toilet.
因为一旦遇到其他人恶心的爱情问题他一边蹲马桶一边说爱我
that's when I'm a silent partner, Oh, man! That's my dream scenario!
我就会变成"静默"合伙人天啊那是我的梦想表白场景呢
And you need to stop with this creepy rom-com stuff. I'm only gonna do this for an hour,
你也得停止沉迷那些恶心的爱情喜剧了我就只穿这个一小时
Life isn't like a movie. to show you how it's done,
因为生活不像电影给你们示范一下该怎么卖
Sometimes you're not a success right away, And then I'm out.
有时你不可能立马获得成功之后我就不干了
sometimes you have to just eat it and be a cupcake, This is your dream, not mine.
有时你得默默咽下苦果扮成一个小蛋糕这是你们的梦想不是我的
and sometimes you have to take your "I love you" Cupcakes! Free cupcakes!
有时无论别人是在何时何地说"我爱你" 小蛋糕免费的小蛋糕
whichever way it comes. Come on, get 'em!
你都得接受来嘛尝一个
You are so right. Get 'em while they're hot!
你说得太对了要趁热吃哦
I don't have to wait for the moment to be perfect, -----------------------------
我不需等到完美的那一刻 -------------12--------------
like it was for Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home -----------------------------
Alabama. This is it, Max.
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麦克斯成啦在跟你说呢麦克斯
The first private party we've booked in our cupcake I know. What's up, Andy?
shop. 我知道怎么样安迪
这是我们小店接的第一个私人派对单呢 I brought some christmas candy from my shop for the
What? You said it was a private party, diner.
干嘛你说私人派对啊像圣诞老人一样带糖果来送你们啦
And this is a party I keep near my privates. - Look, Max, Santa did come.
这是我放在"私"处旁的"派对" - 麦克斯圣诞老人真的来了
Fine, but they can't smell it on your breath, From just a kiss?
随你吧不过不能让人家闻到酒味亲个嘴就高潮啊
So eat a mint after. Well, you didn't see what she was doing with her hands.
等会吃颗薄荷糖吧那是你没看到她的手在底下干嘛了
No need. It's peppermint schnapps, I taught her that.
不必这刚好是薄荷杜松子酒那是我教她的
'cause I think ahead. That's my gift to you. Merry christmas.
看我多深谋远虑啊算我给你的礼物圣诞快乐啦
I think this calls for a "first party" dance. Hey, is everything okay with your shop?
这值得来一段"首次派对"舞吧对了你们的小店都还好吧
* First par-tay * 'Cause the landlord came into my store today
* 首次派对 * 今天你们房东走进我的店
* Who gonna have a first par-tay * and mentioned you guys hadn't paid your rent.
* 谁首次要派对啦 * 说你们还没付租金呢
* We gon' have a first par-tay * If there's a problem, I'd be more than happy to help.
* 我们首次要派对啦 * 要是有什么问题我很乐意帮忙啊
That's the exact same dance you did Well, the fact is, we just don't have--
保护动物协会上次送你其实呢我们不够...
when the humane society sent you free puppy address Don't have a clue why our online payments
labels. 我们完全不知道我们的线上转账
狗狗地址条的时候你不也跳这支舞吗 just never go through. Technology, right?
* Address labels * 怎么没入到他账呢科技真不靠谱啊
* 地址条 * You used to be able to shake the mailman's hand.
* Who got doggies on an envelope * 想当年我们还能跟邮差先生握握手
Now it's all holograms and lasers.
* 谁家信封上有狗狗地址条啊 *
现在就剩全息影像跟激光了
* Who got doggies on an envelope *
Grandma's right, those were the days.
* 谁家信封上有狗狗地址条啊 *
老奶奶说得对当年的确是那样
* I need another sip of this * It was a more honest time.
* 我得再喝一口啦 * 想当年人们多诚实啊
* Wish I had something stronger * Okay. Well, I gotta go.
* 真希望我有更烈的酒 * 好啦我得走了
Max, I'm sorry. I can't help it. A kiss for Caroline.
麦克斯不好意思啦我忍不住嘛送卡洛琳宝贝一个吻
I'm just so excited my genius marketing ideas Oh, that was a new kind of kiss.
想到我天才般的营销策略终于有成效哎哟新吻法耶
are finally starting to pay off. I liked it.
我就兴奋得不得了嘛我喜欢
Quiet! Quiet! Max taught me.
安静安静麦克斯教我的
Quiet! Quiet! What's with the lies? Just tell him the truth.
安静都安静你干嘛要撒谎跟他坦白不行吗
If you aren't listening, We can't pay our rent, life sucks,
你们不好好听话我们付不出租金生活惨惨戚戚
Cupcake Max can't teach you how to decorate. and you need wine before oral.
小蛋糕麦克斯姐姐怎么教你们弄装饰啊要你口交得先灌醉你
It's weird how sex is so great, No need.
性爱如此愉悦不用跟他说
and yet, it makes these. We still have two other private parties set up for this
为何后果令人想哭 month:
Ho ho ho! 我们这个月还有两个私人派对单呢
呵呵呵 the quinceanera for that pregnant girl,
Talking to you, Max. 那个怀胎少女的成年礼
第 92 页 /共 198 页
and then her baby shower. But who would they have heard things from but you?
与之后她宝宝的迎婴派对他们能知道也都是你说出来的事吧
Plus, the holidays are coming, Maybe from my other group of friends.
而且圣诞节也要到了也可以是从我别群朋友那里听的啊
So we should get our decorations up ASAP, They don't like you either. Later.
我们也该尽快弄好把圣诞装饰他们也不喜欢你再见啦
or Santa won't know where to find us. Max, you can turn around.
不然圣诞老公公会找不到我们哦麦克斯转过身来
Oh, he'll know where to find us. That's right, I followed you.
他才不会找不到呢没错我跟踪了你
We'll be the two evicted girls Sorry for following you.
我们会是两个被人赶出门抱歉我跟踪了你
eating fruitcake out of a dumpster. It's just, you have the hair and jacket of a woman.
从垃圾堆里找食物的悲催女只是你跟一个女人的发型和外套很像
Oh, look, here comes one of the reindeers now. In a good way.
你看圣诞老人的其中一只麋鹿来了我是称赞你啦
You look like a Korean coat rack. Did you actually think that was me?
你看起来像个韩国衣帽架你不会把他认错成是我吧
Everybody can stop looking. My beard is much thicker.
大家不用费心找了我的胡须比他浓密多了
We found the grinch. Well, where are we going?
怪物圣诞怪杰就在这我们到底是要上哪去啊
圣诞怪杰心胸狭窄易怒讨厌圣诞节 Why are we in this seedy building
No wonder it's so angry, it's working for minimum wage. 我们干嘛来这个破烂建筑里啊
也难怪她易怒领着最低工资能不易怒吗 That smells like marijuana?
Oh, you're hanging the Christmas decorations. 这里好浓的大麻味
你在挂圣诞装饰啊 Oh, my God, is this where your mom lives?
I already put up the mistletoe. 天啊这里是你妈妈住的地方吗
我已经把榭寄生挂好了呢 You think my mom lives indoors?
Where? 你居然以为我妈住室内啊
你挂哪了 Okay, look, for the last few nights,
- Let's just say it's very well-hung. 好啦最近几晚
- 反正挂得非常好就是了 my dealer calls me after she sells pot to people,
Well, all my checks are in, 我的大麻贩友人在卖货后会通知我
我的单都交上去了 and then I sell those people the munchies they need.
so I have to run and make a cupcake delivery. 然后我就趁人抽完肚子饿时来卖零嘴
所以我要去外送小蛋糕了 Max, this is New York. That's illegal!
Here, take this and put it in the till. 麦克斯这里是纽约那是犯法的
给把这些放进小店里的收银机吧纽约禁止餐厅卖大杯含糖饮料减少胖子
I did a cupcake run last night too. No, giant sodas are illegal.
我昨晚也去外送了才没有大瓶汽水才犯法呢
Wait, who orders cupcakes at 2:00 A.M.? This is me selling cupcakes to make our rent.
等等有谁会半夜两点叫小蛋糕啊我这是在卖小蛋糕赚租金
Um, my friends. And besides, it's not a big deal.
就我的一些朋友啊而且这又没什么大不了的
You don't have any friends. Pot's legal in Washington, Massachusetts,
你又没有朋友在华盛顿州麻省科罗拉多州加州
I have so many friends. Colorado, and California.
我朋友超多好吗大麻可都是合法的呢
Who are your friends? Well, thank you for the stoner's summary of the last
你朋友都谁啊 election,
Some people I know. 感谢你的选举过后毒虫政策精选啊
就我认识的一些人啊 but we don't live in any of those places,
Then how come I've never met them? 但我们又不住那些地方
那我怎么都没见过呢 And I do not approve of pot at all.
Well, they don't like you. 而我也完全讨厌大麻这玩意
因为他们不喜欢你 It makes people lazy and lethargic,
But they don't know me. 让人们懒惰又恍惚
他们又不认识我 and drains all one's ambitions.
They don't like what they've heard about you. 还把人的理想志向全吸走
他们听过你的事迹之后不喜欢你 God, you're fun.
第 93 页 /共 198 页
天啊你真"有趣" 闪边闪边闪边
Look, on the other side of this door I didn't know! I didn't know!
在这扇门的背后我不知道我真不知情啊
is money to help us make the $600 more we need for Go! Go! Go! Keep going, now!
rent. 上上上快上啊
有着能让我们多付 600 块租金的机会 Police! Go! Go, now!
It's totally up to you. 警察上啊快上
你决定吧 Put the meth down! Put the meth down!
Should I knock, or not knock? 放下你手中的冰毒快放下你的冰毒
我该敲门还是不敲门呢 'Sup?
What's good, Max? 你好啊帅哥
你好吗麦克斯 Move! Go! Go! Get him out! Let's go!
Hey, Keefer. This is my friend Caroline. 走出来吧把他揪出来
琦芙她是我的朋友卡洛琳 Bring him out! Go! Go! Go!
Pleasure, my goddess. 快把他给揪出来出来出来
幸会美丽的女神 I told you not to get involved with drugs!
- Come on in. I just broke out some dank nugs. 我都说了让你别跟毒品沾边
- 进来吧我刚开了一些高纯麻抽呢 I told you!
Oh, thanks, but we actually just had some dank nugs. 我早告诉过你了
谢了我们才刚吃过不久呢 Shut it, Carol! Shut it!
First of all, that's your new nickname, 闭嘴卡洛闭嘴
以后这就是你的绰号了 I can't believe that just happened.
And, Keefer, I don't want to rush you, 我真不敢相信刚才那一切
还有琦芙我不想催你 I know, it's like, "let it go, Carol."
but me and dank nugs have to get home. 对啊感觉就是"少废话了卡洛"
但是我跟鸡块妹赶着回家 We're done with drugs. I was right.
Okay, cool, I'll be right back with the cash. 我们不许再跟毒沾边了我没说错
行没问题我马上拿钱过来 And now you know why my friends don't like you.
Second-hand smoke, second-hand smoke. 现在知道为什么我的朋友们都讨厌你了吧
二手烟二手烟 And remember, we do private parties,
Second-hand nerd, second-hand nerd. 别忘了我们也接私人派对
二手弱宅二手弱宅 Wedding parties, birthday parties--
Here you go, 婚礼派对生日派对....
拿去吧 All right, there's a dozen. What's the special occasion?
they were feeling kinda generous. 好了一打小蛋糕庆祝什么呢
他们今晚挺大方的 My cat died.
Nice to meet you, nugs. 我的猫死掉了
很高兴见到你啊鸡块妹 we also do funerals, divorces...
Nice meeting you too. 我们也接丧礼离婚...
我也很高兴认识你啊 and sad friday nights alone.
Peace. 孤单周五晚的单也接
再见啦 Thank you.
There. A hundred bucks. 谢谢惠顾
一看整整一百块 Okay, so that's 48 more dollars.
Oh, my God, Max, that's a hundred-dollar bill! 好了又赚了 48 块钱
天啊麦克斯百元大钞呢 - Now, all we need is - For 72 more cats to die.
How easy was that? - 我们只需要... -再有 72 只猫死就行了
你看多轻松啊 Max, there's no need to kill imaginary cats.
And we didn't even have to open the shop. 麦克斯别这样乱咒猫嘛
而且连店面都不需要 Let's just send out positive energy,
I mean, what is the problem with doing this? 我们只需多发送正面能量
我这样卖哪有什么不行嘛 and the universe will provide.
You're right, I overreacted. 老天爷就会安排好的
你说得对我反应过激了 Swing and a miss, universe.
We're not selling pot. We're selling cupcakes. 失手了啊老天爷
我们又不是卖大麻只是卖小蛋糕而已 Surprise! I was in the neighborhood
We didn't break any laws. 给你们惊喜我刚好来附近
我们又没犯法 and thought I'd stop by and say hello.
There's nothing illegal about it. 就想着过来打声招呼
完全没有不法之处 Under any other circumstance, I'd say, "never do that
Move! Move! Move! again,"
第 94 页 /共 198 页
平常呢我会说"不准你再不请自来" 借点钱周转节日高峰期过后就能还他了
But today, I'm saying, "how many cupcakes do you He did offer.
want"" 他也说过要借啊
但今天特别所以"你要买多少小蛋糕呢" We should put up some Christmas lights,
And I'm thinking of a number between 10 and 20. 我们也应该挂上圣诞灯
我觉得就来个 10 到 20 个吧 a menorah for Chanukah, and for Kwanzaa...
- I'm kind of trying to watch my waist. 犹太光明节的烛台以及宽扎节的...
- 我想看着我的腰呢宽扎节非裔美国人节日 12 月 26 号至一月一号
Well, you're closer to it than most people. While I'm gone, why don't you Wikipedia Kwanzaa?
你的头已经比别人更近腰了我去的时候你搜搜宽扎节摆饰吧
I'm gonna start you with 12 cupcakes. Well... Here's the first eight.
就先给你来个 12 个小蛋糕吧好了先上八个给你
Full price, 'cause you're family. And how many cupcakes would you like "to go"?
你算家人就"原价"招待吧你还想外带多少个小蛋糕走呢
I'm thinking of a number between 40 and 50.
Oh, my God! The phone ringing
我觉得就来个 40 到 50 个吧
天啊一边有顾客上门
and a customer at the same time? How come you never push the food at the diner like
一边还有顾客打来 this?
See, Max, it's all happening. 你在餐馆的时候怎么不这么推销食物啊
麦克斯我们的好运到啦 Oh, that's where I know you from.
Between the money we just got last night 对哦我是在那里认识你的啊
我们昨晚赚到的钱 Start eating.
and that pregnant girl's Quinceanera / Baby shower, 快开吃吧
加怀胎少女的成年礼与迎婴派对 I didn't do it.
we're gonna make our rent. 我没问他借
绝对能赚到租金啊 It's so not hot. He's my boyfriend.
Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 这样太不性感了他是我男朋友呢
麦克斯自制小蛋糕 I mean, it's not like borrowing money from family.
- Oh, hola, Estella. 没办法像跟亲人借钱那样自然
- 你好啊埃斯特拉 You don't sleep with your family.
Si, the Quinceanera / Baby shower. 毕竟我们又不跟自己家人"睡"
是的成年礼加迎婴派对 Not all families are the same, Caroline.
Que? 有些家庭就不是这样呢卡洛琳
怎么了 Besides, we're fine. The universe will provide.
Oh, no. Deported? 而且我们没事的老天爷会照顾我们
不是吧遣返 Well, the universe better provide in,
Oh, you can't afford it. 那老天爷最好是这几秒内
哦是付不起啊 like, a second, 'cause look, there's the landlord.
My mal. 赶紧照顾我们啊房东来了
我听错了 He just went into that Moroccan place.
Well, sorry, it didn't work out. Gracias for calling. 他已经到斜对面摩洛哥店了
很遗憾未能为你服务感谢来电 What are we gonna do?
Well, that's disappointing, 我们该怎么办
这下失望了吧 - Hide! - What?
but we should have seen it coming. - 躲啊 -什么
不过我们早该料到有这下场 Well, I should go.
She couldn't afford condoms either. 好了我该走了
她连避孕套都买不起 It's too late for that!
It's cool. 想走已经太迟了
没事 Lock the door, hit the lights,
I'll just call Keefer 锁门关灯
我再打给琦芙吧 and crawl over here, and stay low!
and try to do a couple more cupcake runs. 爬过来蹲下身子
帮她多外送几趟就行了 Stay down till we're out of sight.
No, that's not cool, that's dangerous. 在他看不见前不要起身
不许这样这太冒险了 Ow, it hurts!
It'll all work out. You know what? 膝盖好疼哦
船到桥头自然直这样吧 Oh, please. Like this is the first time
I'm just gonna go over and ask Andy 拜托说得像这是
我这就过去问安迪 you've been on your knees in the bathroom.
if he'll float us some cash till the holiday rush kicks in. 你第一次在厕所里"跪地抬臀"一样
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Caroline, you don't have to stay on the ground anymore. Except that baggie of pot
卡洛琳进来就不用趴地上了啊只有一袋大麻
I feel like this is where I belong now. that Keefer gave me as a Christmas present.
我觉得我现在低等得只配趴地上那是琦芙送我的圣诞礼物
Yo, baker girls. Max, this is not a Christmas present.
烘焙女孩们麦克斯这不是什么圣诞礼物
Max, he's in the shop. This is a giant, illegal, fat sack of weed.
麦克斯他进店了这是满满一大袋的非法大麻
- Okay, go, out the window. - Really? Yeah, with a Rudolph sticker,
- 好吧爬窗吧 -你说真的吗对啊可上面有个麋鹿贴纸
If he can't see us, he can't evict us. which makes it a Christmas present.
他要是没见到我们就不能赶走我们所以这是圣诞礼物啦
Go. See? His nose and his eyes are red.
快啊看见没他的红鼻子和红眼睛多喜庆
It's a little high. Are you sure? I want this out of my sight. You gotta get rid of it.
有点高耶你确定吗我不想看见这玩意你得让它消失
You've heard "when God closes a door, he opens a Well, it's gonna take me
window"? 我抽完这满满一袋
你听过"当上帝关上门他也开一扇窗"吧 at least 45 minutes to smoke all that.
He's running from his landlord. 至少得花 45 分钟呢
他当时就是在躲房东 Max, I'm serious,
Go. 麦克斯我是说真的
跳吧 I'm not comfortable with that fat sack of weed.
Okay, here goes. 我看着这满满一袋大麻觉得很别扭
好吧我跳啦 Stop saying "fat sack of weed."
I love you, Max. 别再用"满满一袋"这个词
麦克斯我爱你 You're like someone's dad overusing the word
What about me? What should I do? "awesome."
那我呢我怎么办你就像那种学了潮流词就猛用的中年父亲
Put the money for those cupcakes on the counter. I'll just put it up here,
把小蛋糕的钱放柜台上我把它放上面吧
Who are you? - next to the half a Vicodin I was saving for new year's.
你是谁啊 - 放在我留着新年嗑的半颗维柯丁旁边
No hablo ingles? Oh, no! The pot!
"偶不东英文" 别啊我的大麻
All right, all right, good news. Pot 一字多义有大麻和锅的意思
好了好消息 The pot is in the pot!
I just found $3 in my pocket. 我的大麻掉进锅里了
我刚在我口袋发现 3 块钱 It's in the butter I was using to make cupcakes.
Oh, and a peanut M&M, 掉到我要用来做小蛋糕的那锅黄油里了
还有一颗 M&M 花生巧克力豆 Maybe this is the universe's way
so we don't have to spend money on dinner. 也许这是老天爷的旨意
我们今晚不必花钱吃晚餐啦 of telling you to stop doing drugs.
Caroline, why are you putting it off? 让你不要跟毒品沾边
卡洛琳别再闪躲了 Or is it telling us to sell them?
You know what you have to do. 或是在指引我们拿去卖掉
该干嘛你自己知道 Max, we are not that desperate.
Go over to the couch and put your hands in that crack. 麦克斯我们没穷到那个地步
乖乖伸手去掏沙发缝吧 We're not making pot cupcakes.
It's every poor girl's rite of passage. 我们不用做大麻小蛋糕的
每个穷姑娘都躲不过这件事 I'd rather just see what the holidays bring.
What? 我宁愿期待节日会带来什么惊喜
怎么了伯利恒是耶稣降生地
I think something just licked me. Well, this isn't Bethlehem, it's Brooklyn.
感觉有东西舔了我一下这里不是伯利恒这里是布鲁克林
I'll just check our purses. Here's yours. 耶稣出生时东方三博士送来三样礼物黄金乳香
我检查我们的钱包吧这是你的没药
Uh, no, no, no. I already checked that. There's no frankincense and myrrh,
不用不用我已经检查过了这里既没乳香也无没药
There's nothing in mine... there's only frankenberry and "Myrrh-ajuana."
我的钱包里没东西... 这里只有"屌香"和"大麻药"
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These turned out great! Oh, my God! It's the cops!
做出来结果很棒惨了条子来了
Good idea, universe. It's probably that same SWAT team!
好主意啊老天爷估计就是上次那队特警
I knew you smoked weed. I told you not to get involved with drugs!
我早就知道你也是麻友了我都说了让你别跟毒品沾边
Oh, my God. I can't believe the smell. I told you!
天啊这味道太难闻了吧我早告诉过你了
It's like a skunk skunked a skunk. Shut it, Caroline! Shut it!
像臭鼬被另一只臭鼬喷了臭气似地闭嘴卡洛琳闭嘴
I know. It's like a port-a-potty Relax, it's Sophie.
我明白就像狂欢会过后的别紧张是苏菲啦
on the last day of Coachella. Hi, girls. I got my period.
公共厕所一样臭姑娘们我月经来了
Oh, no, Chestnut's smelling this. Yeah, I got killer cramps.
惨了栗宝在偷吸肚子疼得要死
I got my horse stoned. It's like I got a tractor in my uterus.
我家小马都成毒虫了像我子宫里有台拖拉机在乱搅一样
Oh, relax. Sophie, we're sorry you're not feeling well.
别这么紧张苏菲你不舒服我们也很遗憾
He's just trying to fit in at school. Yeah, you know, it's times like these I think God's a
他只是想打入其他同学的圈子嘛 bitch.
Do you think the neighbors can smell it? 这种时候总让我觉得老天爷真贱
你觉得邻居会闻到这味吗 Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Do you think they're gonna call the cops? 慢着慢着
他们会不会打给警察举报我们啊 What's that smell?
Chill out! 那是什么味道
别这么紧张啦 Nothing. It's nothing.
- How can someone be this paranoid before they're 没什么没什么味道
high? Maui wowie!
- 怎么有人还没能抽嗨就这么多疑啊是大麻啊
Here, taste this. Oh, you girls have been holding out on me!
来尝尝看你们这俩小姑娘还对我藏招啦
Max, I don't do pot. Oh! All right! Okay!
麦克斯我才不碰大麻好啦爽啊
I tried it a couple times in college. This is what I'm talking about!
我大学的时候试过几次老娘要的就是这个呀
It totally changed my personality. Oh, my God, good-bye, killer cramps!
会害我性格起大变化天啊再见啦疼死人的肚痛
Then please have some pot right now. Hello, pot party!
那求你快吃了这大麻小蛋糕吧来吧大麻派对
Come on, it's business. I am picking up what you are laying down.
这是为了生意好吗老娘要来收成你们种下的"麻"了
I need you to taste it and tell me how it is, I think we found our new product spokesperson.
得有人尝尝告诉我味道如何啊看来我们找到了我们新的产品代言人了
'cause I can't tell. At this point, Here it is.
我现在尝不出来做完这些就是这里
everything I put in my mouth tastes like pot. I've been here once before with Keefer.
味道浓得我吃什么都会像大麻我跟琦芙来过这里一次
Hey, it's pretty good. Judah's a really chill guy, kind of a tech genius.
还不错呢朱达是个很放松的人有点电脑宅
In fact, it's kind of delicious. Think we can probably sell them all here.
其实这味道蛮好吃的呢我们应该能把货全卖掉
We should charge 15 apiece for these. Are you okay?
我们应该收人家 15 块钱一个你没事吧
That's $540. That's our rent. You haven't spoken the entire way over here,
这样能赚 540 块刚好交租整条路上你一句话都没说
A few more bites of that cupcake, which is either a side effect of the pot,
你要是再多吃几口只可能是大麻的副作用
and that math would've taken two hours longer. or my early Christmas present.
你就得多花两小时才算得出刚才的东西了或我提早收到了圣诞礼物
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No, I'm fine. I feel exactly the same. 兄弟们我替她道歉
我没事啊感觉跟以前一样 It's like bringing your mother to a strip club.
It hasn't changed me at all. 带她来就像是带老妈去脱衣舞厅一样扫兴
性格也完全没变化啊 Not for me. That'd be like taking my mom to work.
Careful with the box, 我个人是无所谓毕竟等于是载她去上班
小心盒子 Strippers, how about their lives?
'cause you're smearing the cupcakes. 脱衣舞娘想想她们的人生
小蛋糕会糊掉的 They got no way out.
Oh, what does it matter? We're all gonna die. 一入欢场无尽期啊
有啥关系反正我们都会死 Can I talk to you, before you start performing
Is this that other personality you were telling me about? 在你为有怪痣的脱衣舞娘唱曲之前
这就是你跟我说的另一个人格吗 an acoustic ballad about strippers with moles?
No, it's still me. Not that I matter. 我能跟你借一步谈谈吗
我还是我啊不过我屁都不是 What's the point, Max?
None of us do. We're all gonna die. 有啥好谈的啊麦克斯
所有人都比屁还不如都是要死的 Go, if you're gonna hit me, hit me.
Oh, crap. 扁吧你要是要扁我就扁吧
惨了 What is happening with you?
Hey, Max! 你是怎么了啊
麦克斯 I didn't even know blonde people could be sad.
I was so happy that you called. 原来白痴金发人群也会伤感的啊
接到你电话我好高兴啊 Max, I have to tell you something.
And we're so happy you're addicted to marijuana. 麦克斯我有话想对你说
你染上大麻无法自拔我们也好高兴 Come here. It's a secret. Come here.
You know it always leads to heroin-- 靠近点这是秘密耳朵靠过来
抽大麻的人后来都会吸海洛因 We're not gonna make it.
Which leads to death. We get it. 我们不会成功的
之后就会死掉我们都懂 But you're the one who's always telling me
You're the one not-fun stoner. 不都是你总在跟我说
你是唯一吸完毒还很无趣的人 everything's gonna be fine.
Hey, guys, the chicks are here with the edibles. 一切都会好起来的吗
大伙们卖零嘴的美女们来了 Yeah, I was lying.
- Edibles! - We're having a little bit of a celebration. 对啊都是我骗你的
- 零嘴 -我们在办小庆祝会 Where's the weed, homeslizzy?
Okay, so cupcakes. 大麻在哪啊你个小淫宅
我们卖大麻小蛋糕 Perfect timing, Andy.
They're 15 apiece, good quality. 时间正好啊安迪
15 块一个品质优良 These are the girls who are selling edibles.
And guys, we have to sell all of them, or tomorrow, 这两姑娘是来卖零嘴的
大伙们我们必须得全部卖掉不然明天 No, that's my girlfriend, Caroline.
we'll be eating out of a Dumpster. 不是啊那是我女朋友卡洛琳
我们就得垃圾堆找东西吃了 That sucks for you, dude.
Does anyone have any uppers? 你真悲剧啊兄弟
有人有兴奋剂给她吃吗 What are you doing here?
I have to sit down. I mean, life. Ugh! 你在这干嘛
我得去坐下了生命啊 She is really getting the hang of that.
I'm so tired of pretending it's all gonna be okay. 她真是驾轻就熟啊
我无力再假装一切都会好转了 And around 4:00 A.M.,
It's not. 大概清晨四点左右
才不会呢 you finally called me from an IHOP in Greenpoint,
You should get that mole checked out. 你终于从松饼餐厅打来给我
你那个痣最好去检查一下吧 and I came and picked you up.
I don't feel good about it. 然后我就去接你回来了
我有不祥的预感 You were covered in syrup, yelling,
Dude, this chick is freaking me out. 你当时满身沾了糖浆大喊着
兄弟这妞好吓人啊 "The Mayans were right! The Mayans were right!"
Just take it easy, Dave. We'll just get some food in her. "玛雅人说得对玛雅人说得对"
大卫别紧张我们买点吃的就好 There's my little stoner.
I got a buddy on the way with pizza. 我的小毒虫宝贝呀
我有个兄弟正带着披萨来呢 Andy, I don't get stoned.
Guys, I'm sorry about her. 安迪我才不是毒虫
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- It was just last night. - I know. Wait, are you telling me there are women
- 我才不是毒虫昨晚而已 -我知道什么你是说居然有女人
You told me all about it when you called at 4:00 A.M. who don't take money from men they're sleeping with?
你半夜四点打给我时都跟我说了不跟她"睡"的男人拿钱吗
Sorry, and I'm mortified to ask, What's gonna happen, Max?
对不起啦我还有件事不敢问接下来怎么办呢麦克斯
but did you and I have phone sex? I don't know.
但我是不是跟你电话性爱了我也不知道了
That was you and me. But we do have Christmas decorations,
当时电话中的人是我但我们有圣诞节装饰啊
Stoned Caroline's got game. so let's put them up.
毒虫卡洛琳很有市场啊一起来摆上装饰吧
Hey, Max told me about the rent. Wait a minute.
麦克斯跟我说租金的事了等等
Why didn't you tell me you guys needed help? You're the one pushing Christmas?
你为什么不跟我说你们需要帮忙呢居然是你在催我弄圣诞节
I guess I just didn't want to have to admit Who are you, me?
我只是不想向你或是对自己你是谁啊我吗
to you or to myself that we're in real trouble. No, I still have my dignity.
承认我们的店碰上了大麻烦才不是你我的尊严还在呢
Plus, being a charity instead of a girlfriend is so not hot. Speaking of Christmas, here are the two and a half wise
而且从女朋友变成欠债人太不性感了 men.
Uh, there is nothing you can do that is not hot. 说到圣诞节东方博士两个半来啦
你无论做什么都很难不性感 - What's up? - Caroline called me last night.
Oh, then whatever you do, do not look at the video - 怎么啦 -卡洛琳昨晚打给我
那无论如何你千万别看那 Told me that you two couldn't pay your rent,
Max has of me, rolling around in the IHOP parking lot, 说你们俩付不起租金
麦克斯拍我在松饼餐厅停车场打滚的影片 that you were losing the shop.
covered in syrup. 你们会失去这小店
而且我还满身糖浆 That girl can talk.
I want you to have this. 那妞话可多了哦
我想你拿去 She called me too, and said you didn't have your rent,
Cash it, don't cash it. Do whatever you want, 她也打给我了说你们没钱交租
兑现不兑现都随你高兴 and also that, for sure, the rising waters of the ocean
but just know that my success doesn't mean anything 她也说了上升的海水会淹没全世界
我只想你明白我的成功如果不能与你同享 will swallow us and kill us all.
if I can't share it with you. 也会把所有人类统统淹死
那便一文不值 So we put together what we had, and... here.
Thank you. 我们就把身上的钱凑了凑给
谢谢 Consider it an early Christmas gift from all three of us...
Andy, that is so amazing, and I really appreciate it, 就当是我们三个提前送的圣诞礼物吧
安迪你这么做我真的很感激 Even though I gave 350, Earl gave 100,
but I can't take it. 虽然是我出了 350 厄尔出了 100
但这钱我不能拿 and he gave 50.
Well, it's a win-win. 他只出了 50 块
好吧这还算双赢 Thank you, but we can't take it.
At least it got your hand in my pants. 谢谢你们但我们不能收啊
至少拐到你把手放我裤子里了 Yes, you can. We're family.
And remember, if you ever need it, it's there. 当然能收我们是家人嘛
记住你一有需要它就在这里 500 whole dollars?
I'm talking about my penis. 整整 500 块啊
我是说我的"大雕" Thank you, guys.
Andy offered to pay our rent, but I said no. 谢谢你们了
安迪想给我们租金钱我拒绝了 And we have something special for you.
That is the whitest thing I've ever heard. 我们也有特别的礼物送你们
这真是我听过最蠢白人的事迹了 What makes it special?
It was really sweet of him, 特别之处在哪啊
他这么做真的很有心 The love she puts into 'em, Max.
but I didn't want to take money from a man I'm sleeping 她放里面的满满爱意啊
with. You can smell the love all around her.
但我真的不想从我"睡的"男人那里拿钱她满身都闻得到爱意呢
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You know, Max, I think we're gonna make it. - What's your fiance's name? - Doug Franklin.
麦克斯我觉得我们会成功的 - 你未婚夫姓啥名啥 -道格·富兰克林
I like not-stoned Caroline. - Where'd you meet? - He's a fireman.
我喜欢非毒虫版卡洛琳 - 怎么认识的 -他是个消防员
We're gonna keep you off the drugs. He rescued my cat.
我们得让你离毒品远点才行他救过我的猫
You mean because I'm more positive? No, aw. That's an insurance commmmercia.
因为我这时候比较乐观正面吗少同情了这是保险广告桥段
很多毒虫随身带着"干净"的尿液以防警方验尿 So where's the wedding?
No, 'cause we may have to sell your urine for next 婚礼要在哪举行
month's rent, Barefoot on the beach.
是因为下个月的租进可能得靠卖你的尿海滩裸足婚礼
and I'm gonna need that pee clean. That's a tampon commercial.
所以你绝对不能碰毒啊这是卫生棉条广告桥段
----------------------------- Ooh! Hi, baby!
-------------13-------------- 宝贝你来啦
----------------------------- Max, you're wrong. They're kissing.
I like the lemon. So good. 麦克斯你错了人家在接吻呢
爱死这柠檬味了太美妙 Nope, he's either an out-of-work actor she hired,
And with the vanilla frosting, 他要么是她请来的失业男演员
配上香草糖霜 or he has cake in his mouth.
It would make a lovely cupcake wedding cake. 要么就是他嘴里有蛋糕
就是人见人爱的婚丧喜庆必备小蛋糕 I have an announcement to make.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 我有一件事情要宣布
天啊天啊天啊 You found your first "down there" Hair?
The chocolate! 你"下面"终于长出第一根毛了吗
这巧克力 No, it's the last chance to put in your business card
- You do realize you're not alone, right? - I know. 不现在是你们最后放入名片抽奖
- 你知道你旁边还有别人吧 -我知道啊 to win a luxury weekend vacation.
I'm gonna get some water, 得到豪华周末游的机会
我去喝两口水 - It's Han's big promo.
and then I'll be back to taste everything! - 是阿憨大抽奖
然后就回来继续试所有小蛋糕 Well, he's finally announced it.
There's no wedding. 他终于正式宣布了
她才没要结婚呢 Han's a big promo.
- What? - It's a scam. 阿憨是个大基佬
- 什么 -她是来骗蛋糕吃的 Well, he's a little promo.
I know her game. 他只能算个小基基吧
她这套路老娘清楚 Good luck, you now have a chance
There isn't a Denny's on the eastern seaboard 祝好运啦你们现在
东海岸各地所有丹尼斯连锁餐厅 to win a fancy two-room suite in the country,
I haven't hit up and said it's my birthday 有机会赢到豪华乡间两室一厅套房
姐全都去假装过当天是我生日 and there's a fireplace because daddy don't skimp.
for a free sundae. 而且内有壁炉哦因为小爷特大方
就为了吃免费圣代 Aw, I miss our fireplace in the country.
Well, what if you're wrong, 我好想念我家乡间屋子的壁炉
那要是你误会人家 My father and I would sit together,
and she is the real deal? 我都会跟老爸坐在壁炉前
她真要结婚呢 and I'd roast marshmallows, and then he'd burn
A cupcake wedding cake could be a lot of money. 我烤着棉花糖吃而他会烧...
承包一个婚礼的小蛋糕能赚不少钱呢 what I now realize must've been incriminating
We have to crack her B.S. documents.
再她又回来白吃蛋糕前我现在才意识到他以前是在烧文件
before she eats our cupcakes, and then us. Hi, everybody! The raffle girl is here.
我们得先戳穿这胡扯新娘才行各位好抽奖女郎到啦
Follow my lead. Oh, I get to pull the winner!
看姐的赢家的名片由我翻出呢
Oh! What are we tasting now? She pulled me twice today,
接下来要试哪一个呢她今天就翻了我两次"牌"呢
Coconut. and I won both times.
椰子味的两次我都"大获全胜"
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Sophie, the way you look tonight, 哇这地方看起来还真不错呢
苏菲你今晚的美貌 Ooh, an outhouse!
we are all winners. 哇有茅厕呢
让我们都成为赢家 Max, that's a sauna. Oh.
Oh, Earl, that is so sweet. 麦克斯那是桑拿房
厄尔你嘴真甜 Either way, I'm peeing in it.
I would kiss you if it was legal. 随便啦我就要尿在里面
合法的话我一定亲死你 But Max, can we leave the shop?
All right, I'm going to put in one of my cleaning company 麦克斯我们如何丢下小店啊
cards. I mean, even though business has been slow,
我也要放一张我清洁公司的名片进去虽然生意不是太好
All right. what if Dottie wants to come back
好啦但要是多蒂回来
Who's gonna be the winner? and order cupcakes for her wedding?
赢家会是谁呢想要下她婚礼的小蛋糕订单怎么办
Yeah, yeah, shake it like a polaroid picture, baby. First off, she ate them all.
像甩宝丽来照片一样甩动身躯吧宝贝首先早被她吃光了
Yeah. Second, there is no wedding.
好的其次她也没要结婚
Oh, no, that doesn't feel like my card. She's a B.S. Bride.
惨了这张感觉不像是我的名片她就是个胡扯新娘
Sophie, that's cheating. I guarantee you, right now,
苏菲你这是作弊我跟你保证她现在
原为《绿野仙踪》里的好女巫格林达 she's crawling through an air-conditioning vent
Hey, keep out of it, Glinda the good bitch. 肯定是在爬连锁甜甜圈店的空调管道
好贱货格林达你少管闲事 at a Krispy Kreme.
And the winner is... 想潜进去偷吃呢
赢家就是... Andy in the house!
Max's homemade cupcakes? 安迪驾到
麦克斯自制小蛋糕 Sorry, I was watching a Living Single marathon
Oh, my God! We won! 抱歉来之前看了好久的情景喜剧
我的天啊我们赢了 before I came over.
Congratulations! 一时难以自拔
恭喜你们 You are not gonna believe this.
I've never won anything in my life! 说出来你肯定不相信
我这辈子从来没赢过任何比赛呢 We won a weekend getaway.
Except for that time I got stoned 我们赢了周末度假游呢
除了有一次我吸毒昏头 Isn't that exciting? We really needed this.
and accidentally won that hot dog eating contest. 超爽的对吧我们太需要去度假了
意外赢了一个热狗大胃王比赛 That's great!
Wait, how did this even happen? 太好啦
等等这怎么可能 We do need this. Thanks, babe.
Did you put our card in? 我们的确需要这个谢啦宝贝
你有丢我们的名片进去吗 And I was hoping to get a little special
Actually, I put your card in, 我本来也在计划要跟你共度一个
其实是我放入你们名片的 one-on-one time with you this weekend.
and I took a few out. 只属于我们俩人的周末呢
而且我还抽了几张起来 So when do we leave?
I figured you girls could use a vacation. 我们什么时候出发
我觉得你们俩姑娘应该去放个假 Oh, we!
You girls been working harder than my liver on payday. 我们
我发薪日大鱼大肉加烟酒肝都是没你们累 We can leave tomorrow.
Oh, Earl, you're like Santa 我们可以明天出发
厄尔你简直就是圣诞老人啊 We--we--we all the way there.
without the weird fixation on children. 我们我们我们一起去
除了你没恋童癖其他都像 Look, Han said it was a two-room suite.
It was so nice of Earl to enter us. 阿憨说那是一个两室一厅套房
厄尔帮我们参加投票真是太好心了 Andy can come with us.
Oh, stop. He's like my father. 安迪可以一起来的
别动歪脑筋我当他是我爸呢 It's still our trip.
Wow, this place actually looks nice. 这旅行还是只属于我们
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He doesn't have to know he's the third wheel. 但语气中有很不然的自信呢
不必让他知道他是电灯泡的事实 Maybe the B.S. stands for "Big sale."
Well, you know I'm always a fan of lying, 人家可能不是胡扯是胡买呢
你知道我最爱骗人了 No more business calls, okay?
So I'm in. 别再接公事电话了好吗
当然没问题 I thought we were getting away for fun.
It's still our trip. 我们来度假不是为了放松吗
这旅行还是只属于我们 We are, but our business
She doesn't have to know she's the third wheel. 是啊但我们的生意
不必让她知道她是电灯泡的事实 is nowhere near where we need it to be,
Well, you know I'm not a fan of lying, 离我们预期目标差了十万八千里
你知道我最不爱骗人了 and when it comes to ignoring a call,
But okay, I'm in. 所以就这么不理一通生意电话
但还是没问题啦 it's kind of hard.
I love a road trip. 真的有点难呢
我最爱开车旅行了 Hey, you know what this area of the mountains is known
My mom and I took one in third grade for, like, a year, for?
我三年级的时候跟我妈开车旅行了一年呢你们知道这一带山区最出名的是什么吗
but we'd just drive around locally and-- Wineries and incest?
但我们就只是开车在当地转悠... 酒庄与乱伦吗
Oh, my God, I lived in a car. Alien abductions!
靠那年我们只是住车里是外星人绑架啦
Hey, let's play a card game. I know all about it.
来玩小游戏嘛我超了解这方面呢
I spy something red. People disappear from here all the time.
猜猜我看到了什么红色东西无数人都在这片山区中人间蒸发
Is it that gas station? Max, there's no such thing as an extraterrestrial.
是那个加油站吗麦克斯 "天外来客"只是无稽之谈
Nope. Okay, first, that's something an extraterrestrial would
不是 say.
- Is it that truck? - Nope. 真正的"天外来客"就会这么说
- 是那台卡车吗 -不是 I've always wanted to be abducted.
Is it boring? Yes! My turn. 我一直梦想有天被外星人绑架
是"无聊"吗是的换我出题 And my guidance counselor said I had no goals.
I spy something annoying. 我的咨询顾问居然还骂我这人没目标
猜猜我看到了什么烦人东西 And here we go.
- Is it me? - Yes! 就是这间啦
- 是我吗 -没错 Again, I don't believe in names,
I knew the joke was on me, 哥认为名号只是云烟
我就知道你是在损我 but feel free to call me "Roger" if it helps you.
but I love to win. 但不叫不行的话就叫我罗杰吧
但我就是想赢 Yeah! Get out! Get out!
You are not annoying. You're adorable. 哇靠哇靠
你才不烦人呢你可爱死了 The bed floats! This is awesome!
I spy a big man-gina. 床是悬空的呢太酷了
猜猜我看见了什么娘炮东西 Usually, you gotta bring the ropes to the bed.
- Is it me? - Yes! 通常玩捆绑得自己带绳子上床
- 是我咩 -没错 This way, you get to eliminate a whole step!
Like to win too. 它这样让我们整整省了一大步骤呢
我这人也爱赢 The bed's sculptural beauty
Max's homemade cupcakes. 这床的雕工之美
麦克斯自制小蛋糕 is actually surpassed by the joy of resting in it.
Hello? 常被休息于其中的舒适所盖过
您好 Some say it's like being rocked to sleep
Bad cell area. 有人赞这就像是在神的怀抱之中
这附近没信号 in the arms of god.
Max, I think that might've been Dottie, the B.S. Bride. 摇摆入眠
麦克斯可能是多蒂打来呢胡扯新娘 It's a sex bed, Roger.
I couldn't hear the words, 就是张性爱床嘛罗杰
我听不见她说什么 May I light the fire for you?
but she sounded unnaturally confident. 能让我替你们升火吗
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Oh, no, thanks. I can do it. 你忙你的吧
不用多谢这我能搞定 I'm just gonna sit right here,
- I was an eagle scout. 我就在一边坐好
- 我以前是鹰童军 and watch my man build a fire.
Man, there's just not enough occasions 然后看我男人升火
这件牛事实在是没有太多机会 Oh, great, this is cedar!
where I can brag about at. 这是雪松木呢
能让我说出来显摆啊 It's gonna smell so awesome.
The room is cute, but really tiny. 烧起来味道很棒
房间很有爱就是有点小 I love falling asleep to the sound of a fire.
We're gonna need a bigger space, 我最爱听着柴火燃烧的声音入眠了
我们需要大一点的空间呢 Oh, my God.
unless we're hobbits. 我的天啊
毕竟我们不是哈比人 I know, no business stuff,
Is this the door to the adjoining room? 我知道不该忙公事
这门是通往相邻房的吗 but I just got a text about a big order.
Well, that is an adjoining room, 但有人发短信给我要下大单呢
那的确通往相邻房 That's fine, just remember this weekend--
but it's not included in your package. 没事别忘了这个周末
但那房间并不包含在你们的套餐里 Oh, I know, me and you.
Oh, damn it! 我知道我与你
我靠 Me and you, me and you--
We should've known Han's package 我与你我与你嘛
我们早该想到阿憨说的 Max! Max.
was gonna be smaller than he said it is. 麦克斯麦克斯
绝对比实际的来的"小" Turns out the B.S. bride isn't B.S.
I'm sorry. All the other cabins are booked. 原来胡扯新娘没胡扯呢
很抱歉其他小屋也都被订了 She wants pricing on a wedding cupcake cake,
I'll bring you some bedding for the couch 她来问我们婚礼小蛋糕
我去给你们多拿点睡沙发的寝具 and a groom's cupcake cake, for 300 guests.
at an additional price. 与新郎的小蛋糕蛋糕了要供 300 位宾客呢
这要额外加钱哦 Great!
- Ohm shanti. 不错
- 大家平安 Almost as great as these little fuzzy shoes!
Well, I guess you guys are the couple, 但还比不上这毛绒小鞋鞋呢
好吧你们才是一对 They were in a sealed plastic package.
so I'll sleep on the couch. 它们被密封在塑料包装里
我去睡沙发吧 I'm the first one to ever open them.
I can sleep anywhere. 而我是第一个拆封的人
我睡哪都行的 They're like condoms for your feet!
First two years of my life, 简直就像是给脚穿的避孕套呢
我刚出生那两年 New shoes, new shoes
my bed was a pile of unopened mail. 新鞋鞋新鞋鞋
就是睡在一大叠没读过的信上呢 Where are you going?
A big, roaring fire 你上哪呢
烧得旺盛的炉火 To the sauna.
is gonna be so romantic. 去桑拿房啊
肯定会超级浪漫呢 Hopefully, I'll be abducted on my way,
Come over here closer to me, 真希望可以在路上被外星人绑架
过来跟我靠近一点嘛 but know that even though I'm gone,
you big eagle scout. 我希望你们知道就算被绑架
牛逼鹰童军哥哥 I'm happier up there with my alien lover.
Well, now you sound like my scoutmaster. 我也会跟我的外星爱人过更幸福的日子
你这语气好像我的童军团长 True, they don't have lips,
Hey, don't start anything you can't finish in a minute. 的确它们没有嘴唇
不够时间"处理"好就被乱"开始""啊 but they do have crazy-long fingers.
Max'll be right out. 但它们有超长的手指可以"服务"我啊
麦克斯很快会回来 I'll go with you.
Something tells me she's not a consistent Hand-washer. 我跟你一起去吧
不知为何就感觉她不是好好洗手的那种人 Not to talk about work,
You do your thing. 不是去谈公事
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but she can't go alone. There might be bears. Yep, we're bears. Big, hairy, not scary.
但总不能让她自己去附近可能有熊呢我们就是熊男魁梧毛多但温顺哦
There were always bears at my chalet in Aspen, - I'm Deke. This is Dirk.
我在瑞士的山中小屋附近就老有熊 - 我是迪克我是德克
in the woods, lying on the floors, everywhere. Yup, we're Deke and Dirk.
在林子里啊躺地上啊到处都有熊我们就是"阴剑"双侠
You know, until PETA attacked the house. Pause for reaction.
善待动物组织来过之后才全没有的暂停等你们作反应
So this is a fancy sauna? I'm Caroline, and this is Max.
这就是传输中的桑拿房啊我是卡洛琳她是麦克斯
Not impressed. - Are you girls lipstick lesbians?
真不咋地 - 你们是唇膏女同吗
People pay for the privilege No, we're just friends,
居然有人愿意花钱不是单纯朋友而已
of sitting in decades of ass sweat? And we can't afford lipstick.
来坐在别人留下的无数屁股汗上而且我们也买不起唇膏
How come your towel's staying up Especially at this gift shop.
为什么你的毛巾在他这礼品店就更买不起了
so much better than mine? Have you seen the prices?
比我的紧那么多你们看到东西标价了吗
I can think of two reasons. $25 for chap stick?
我能想到"两个"理由 25 块钱买管护唇膏
I'm gonna get some water, and then start peeing. Please. No one's lips are that chapped.
我要去喝点水好回来开尿了谁嘴唇烂到要这么贵的东西护啊
When you come back, we have to discuss And he would know.
等你回来我们还得谈谈他很懂这方面
the B.S. Bride's cake. - This one's the king of face creaming.
胡扯新娘小蛋糕一事 - 他可是面霜之王呢
We can't screw this up. It's all we have. A little bit dirtier than what it is.
这单子不能搞砸啊就靠这单了比那个还肮脏一点哦
This heat is amazing. I'm actually a dermatologist.
这蒸得太爽了其实我是皮肤科医生啦
Mother of God! That's hot. Oh, my God.
亲娘地真烫啊我的天啊
There are bears out there. Do not tell me I'm lucky enough
外面有熊呢我不会是有这种天大荣幸
- They're coming this way. - What? to be in a sauna with two dermatologists.
- 朝这里过来了 -什么可以跟两位皮肤科医生共蒸桑拿吧
Max, get in here! Close the door! Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
麦克斯快躲进来关上门啊不不不不不
Fine, but they'll just open it and come in. I'm an astrophysicist.
随便他们照样会开门进来我是个天体物理学家
Bears can't open doors and walk in. Oh, smarter than the average bear.
熊才没办法开门走进来呢哇比普通熊男更才高八斗呢
These ones can. Loving her.
这种熊就可以爱死她了
- Oh, hi. - Hey, girls. So you know about space stuff, smarty bear.
- 好啊 -姑娘们好那想必你很懂太空事物啦聪明熊
You mind if we join you? Do you believe in aliens?
不介意我们一起蒸吧你相信外星人的存在吗
常指体重较重且大多有茂盛体毛与胡须的同性恋 Oh, I do, and I believe they're living among us.
You guys are gay bears, right? 当然而且我相信它们就活在我们之中
你们俩是基熊男对吧克里斯蒂娜·里奇知名女演员常有人觉得她长得像
- Max! - It's cool. 外星人
- 麦克斯 -没事的 I'm looking at you, Christina Ricci!
My prom date is big in the bear scene now, 就是说你呢克里斯蒂娜·里奇
我当年舞会的伴现在是熊界一霸呢 So talk to me, Deke. What can you give me?
but in high school, they just called him a jock 迪克你说吧你哪有什么货能给我啊
但当年我们高中时大家都叫他 He has plenty of free cream samples
who cried sometimes. 他有带一堆面霜试用品来呢
爱哭的大汉 back in our room.
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就在我们房里呢 Oh, and the bread is still warm!
And it's the good stuff. You should come by! 面包还是温的呢
而且都是好货哦记得来拿 And there's one of those crazy-ass pretzel rolls.
We're in cabin four. 还有一个超怪异的椒盐脆饼卷
我们就住四号小屋 Is it a pretzel? Is it a roll?
No way! We're in cabin three. 到底是脆饼还是面包卷
不是吧我们住三号小屋呢 No idea, it's crazy.
How about those rope beds? 不晓得反正就是超怪
那个绳索吊床如何啊 Max, put some of this butter on it.
You know it's kinky when the bed is already tied up. 麦克斯涂点这些奶油上去
一看床被"捆绑"好就知道要"色色"的了 Try and stop me, bitch!
First, we were all "um, we're gonna fall," 想让我不涂都不行贱人
一开始我们俩说 "会摔吧" - Here, take half. - Thanks!
but then we thought, "what the hell? - 来一人一半 -谢谢
但转念一想 "摔就摔吧" Yo.
It's our man-iversary." 吃得开心吗
这是我们的基婚纪念日 Oh, my God, Andy! I totally forgot.
Aw, you're married? 天啊安迪我完全忘了
你们结婚啦 Not about you. I forgot my manners.
Happy anniversary. 不是忘了你的存在而是忘了我的礼貌
纪念日快乐 If my Danish governess were here,
Now, let's get back to those free creams. 如果我的丹麦家庭老师在这里
再来谈谈那免费面霜吧 she would hit me with her wooden spoon.
Oh, and here's our card 她一定会拿她的木勺子打我的
对了这是我们名片 I'm so sorry.
if you're ever in the neighborhood 非常抱歉
哪天你们刚好来到附近 Go, sit. You eat.
or need a big order. 来坐下你吃
或有大单子就来吧 Enjoy the pretzel roll.
You brought a business card to a sauna? 好好享受椒盐脆饼卷
你蒸个桑拿都带名片来啊 It's gone. You snooze, you lose.
I don't wanna know where you kept that. 没了先下手为强后下手遭殃
我不想知道你怎么"夹"带进来的 No, you sit. I'm good.
Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 不你坐吧我无所谓
麦克斯自制小蛋糕 I'll order more food.
Or in your case, cub-cakes. 我再点多点吃的
或者说是小熊蛋糕 No, sit! Sit.
- Loving her. - Living for her. 不你坐你坐
- 爱死她 -爆喜欢她 I'm the bad one.
Wanna come back as her. 我才是坏人
都想下辈子投胎变成她了 This soup is "Duh-mazing."
There you go, your dinner for two. 这汤"强赞"啊
这是你们的"二人"晚餐 Just a word I made up
Two soups, two salads, two entrees, two desserts. 这词是我瞎编的
两份汤两份沙拉两份主菜两份甜点 for when something's so amazing, you're stunned,
I hope you three enjoy. 当有事物赞得吓着你时
希望你们"三个"能吃得愉快 and all you can say is "Duh."
Maybe could we order another meal? 你只能用一个字来形容 "强"
我们能不能再点一份呢 Duh-mazing.
No problem, just call. 强赞
没问题打服务电话就行 Yes, I'd like to order anoth--
Extra charge, of course. 对我想再点一份...
当然要额外收费哦 Yes, I'll hold.
Ohm Shanti. 好的我等着
大家平安 I think the hold music is just Roger singing.
Ohm Shanti means "screw you" in yoga, right? 我觉得等待音乐是罗杰在唱歌
其实是瑜伽里"坑爹"的意思对吧 Okay, hang up the phone.
I am so starving. 好啦把电话放下
我要饿死了 Go sit and eat. Come on.
Oh, my God, this looks amazing! 去坐下吃吧来啦
天啊看起来真好吃 Hurry before Max eats the table.
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快点不然麦克斯连桌子都要吃掉了 That tub is so amazing.
No, you eat. 浴缸太棒了
不你吃 I'm just gonna soak in it
After all, it's our special weekend. 我要在泡在里面
毕竟这是我们的专属周末 and blissfully forget all my problems.
I want you to enjoy it. 幸福到忘掉我所有的难题
我想让你过得开心 As well as some other things.
Well, okay, 忘掉的还有别的事情哦
好吧 Max is gonna go visit Yogi and Boo Boo next door
but only because it's a special occasion. 麦克斯打算去隔壁拜访瑜伽熊和波波熊
但只因为这次情节特殊 and give us some private time.
Good! 好让我们过下二人世界
很好 She can't do that.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. 她不能这么做
我去洗个热水澡 It's their man-iversary.
Besides, it's always better to make love on an empty 今天可是他们的"基年纪念日"
stomach. They need their private time.
再说了向来空腹做爱感觉更棒他们也需要二人世界
That must be why there are so many people in India. Yes, but you guys
怪不得闹饥荒的印度人会这么多了话是没错但是你们俩
Max, I got a favor to ask you. are celebrating a special thing, too.
麦克斯我有一事相求也有事情要庆祝哦
Do you think you can go visit your bear friends next What? What are we celebrating?
door, 什么我们要庆祝什么吗
你能不能给我们俩一点独处时间 Andy's birthday. Oh, damn it!
maybe give us some private time? 安迪的生日啊讨厌
去隔壁基熊朋友那里待会 Now, I went and spoiled all the special sexual things
It'll be your birthday gift to me. 我不小心破坏了你精心为他准备的
就当是你送我的生日礼物 you had planned for him.
It would be my birthday gift to you 特别爱爱惊喜
当是我送给你的生日礼物 Damn it, Max!
because it's your birthday. 就是麦克斯
所以是你过生日咯 Now, you did give it all away.
Yeah, just for, like, two hours. 现在被你弄得惊喜全无了
对啊两个小时就好 We were gonna do missionary,
Okay, one hour. 我们本来要玩传教士式的
好吧一小时也行 and...
I'll skip the foreplay, 以及...
我略过前戏好了 ...the other one.
and that'll be my birthday gift to myself. 另外一种招式
那就当是我送给自己的生日礼物吧 Okay.
Cool, then I'll just go do that, then. 好啦
好的那我这就过去 Okay, I'm sorry. I forgot.
I mean, Caroline went to all this trouble 好啦对不起我忘记了
我猜卡洛琳费了那么大的劲 I don't know how. I knew today was your birthday.
to get you a trip for your birthday, I assume. 我不知怎么忘了我明明早知道你今天生日
这次旅行就是想给你庆祝生日吧 It's tomorrow.
I know, 是明天
我知道 So yippee!
and I was really looking forward to some birthday sex 太好了
我一直期待会有特别的生日爱爱 She hasn't missed it.
since we haven't really connected that way 那她还没有错过
因为自从蛋糕店生意不顺之后出自英国诗人罗伯特.伯朗宁的《Pippa's Song》
since the shop started giving you guys so much trouble. All's right with the world.
我们也情路不顺没滚过床单了世间一切太平
But the shop's been in trouble for weeks. I'm gonna go visit the berenstains.
但是蛋糕店已经不顺好几周啦我要去找熊夫夫玩了
Yeah, so maybe I'll only need, like, a half hour with her. This weekend wasn't about my birthday, was it?
是啊或许时间可以缩短到半个小时这个周末不是特意为我庆祝生日的对吧
I need my book. I'm gonna take a bath instead. Come on, come on.
我要拿上书我要泡个澡快开门快开门
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Get your hand out of his honeypot 我很想吐
把手从他的"蜜罐"里拿开 Can you stop swinging the bed?
and get over here. 你能不能别晃这张床了
快过来给老娘开门 Sorry, I'm nervous.
I'll be gone in a second, 抱歉我紧张嘛
我马上就走 Yeah, you're nervous a lot,
and then you guys can jump-start your sex life again. 对啊你就是常常紧张
然后你们俩就可以再续你们的性爱生活啦 which is why our other bed isn't moving at all.
What do you mean "Jump-start"? 所以我们其他的床从来不"动"
为什么会说"再续" No, no, no, no, no, don't go.
How could you tell Max that we haven't had sex? 别别别别走啊
你怎么能告诉麦克斯我们很久没做了呢 Come back. Come back to the sex bed.
You haven't even discussed that with me. 过来快回到性爱之床上
你都没跟我本人讨论过呢 Let's get some sex going!
Come on, aliens. 我们现在就开"动"吧
快开门啊外星人 Come on! We can get this bed moving now!
If you're ever going to abduct me, 来啊我们现在就能让这床"大动特动"
如果你真想绑架我 See!
this would be the time. 看
现在就是最好的时机 See?
Don't take the attention off the fact 看见没
别转移你忘记我生日的 Oh, it's your birthday! It's your birthday!
that you forgot my birthday. 今天是你的生日今天是你的生日
这一事实 It's tomorrow.
Oh, God, I wish I was a cartoon, 是明天啦
天啊我真希望我是卡通人物 Okay. Okay.
so I could run right through this door, 好吧好吧
这样我就可以直接穿过这扇门 I can do better, see?
and leave behind a body-shaped hole. 我可以做得更好你看
然后留下一个身形的门洞 Here we go!
Oh, hey, Max. 好戏上场
麦克斯 Now, here we go!
Mind if I hibernate for a minute? 精彩不断
介意我进来"避寒"一下吗 Wanna see me twerk it?
Oh, sure, come on in. 想看我跳钢管舞吗
当然不介意快进来 If I'd had any food, I would throw up.
We were just gonna eat and then dye our chest hair. 如果我有吃东西一定全吐出来
我们刚准备吃饭然后染我们的胸毛 Okay, yeah, have a seat.
Close that damn door now. 好了快坐下来吧
快把这扇该死的门关上 Let's have some bread.
Thanks, it was just getting a little tense in there. 吃点面包
谢谢那边的气氛刚才有点紧张 Has it really been that long since we had sex?
- She forgot his birthday. - Mm, ouch. 我们真的有那么久没做爱了吗
- 她忘记了他的生日 -真伤心 Sweetie, after that dance,
Well, he forgot mine once, 亲爱的跳完那段舞
他有次也忘记了我的生日 it's hard to believe you've ever had sex.
and now it's his ankle tattoo. 很难相信会有人愿意跟你做爱
就被罚纹我生日在脚踝了 It hasn't been that long.
Max, please, I insist. 没有那么久啦
麦克斯来快请坐 The shop opened on the 12th,
You don't have to ask me twice. 蛋糕店是 12 号开业的
我很随和不必多问 so it's...
You gonna eat the pretzel roll? 所以...
你们要吃椒盐脆饼吗 What?
Andy, I'm sorry about your birthday. 怎么了
安迪抱歉忘了你的生日 No, it's just interesting
It just went out of my head. 没什么真有意思
我脑子愣是没记住 you had no problem remembering that date.
I feel bad. 开业的日子你倒是能轻易想起来
我很内疚 Let me ask you a question.
And I feel sick. 那我问你个问题
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Where do you think you're going? 我可不想妨碍你们的
你觉得你会走到哪里 of your country bear jamboree.
What do you mean? I'm here. 乡间"熊熊狂欢夜"时光
这话什么意思我就在这里啊 Please, honey.
No. 拜托亲爱的
不 You are perfectly safe in this bed.
Where do you think you're going? 你在这张床上很安全
你觉得你以后的路会走到哪里 We haven't had sex in a year.
Like, where do you see your life in a year? 我们一年没做过爱了
比如你觉得你一年后的生活会如何 Why would you tell her that?
Well, pretty soon, Max and I 你干嘛告诉她那个
很快我和麦克斯 Well, she told us about her friends not having sex.
will be out of this rough patch, 她告诉我们她的朋友很久没做啦
将会度过这个难关 I thought it was on the table.
and full force with the business, 我以为这种事可以公开说啊
并全力以赴经营蛋糕店 But we haven't even discussed that.
doing weddings and big events, 但这件事甚至连我们自己都没谈过
承办婚礼和大型宴会 Mother ship, make it happen!
and then Max and I will probably open another store, 外星母舰让我梦想成真吧
然后我和麦克斯可能会开一家分店 This is the time to abduct me.
get a bigger apartment. 此时不绑更待何时啊
换一间大点的公寓 Hi. Max, you can come back. Andy left.
Okay, and am I in there somewhere? 麦克斯你可以回来了安迪走了
好那这里面有我吗 He said he'd find his own way home.
Oh, come on. I was getting to you. 他说他会想办法回家的
拜托我刚准备说你呢 - He left? - Because you're not having sex?
Were you? - 他走了 -就因为你们不做爱吗
是吗 Max, you told the bears we're not having sex?
When? When were you getting to me? 麦克斯你居然告诉这对基熊我们不做爱
什么时候什么时候才会轮到我 Why would you share that?
After your business is a success? 你干嘛要分享这种事
在你的事业获得成功之后吗 Exactly, Caroline.
No! Now. 就是卡洛琳
不现在啊 And why would you tell Max that,
Come on. Sex time in the sex bed. 为什么你要告诉麦克斯
来嘛在性爱之床上滚床单格式塔疗法要求当事人将其有关的过去
Wanna do it on the floor? 与可能的未来带入此刻然后直接去体验它们
想在地板上"滚"吗 when you never even brought it up in our Gestalt
This is so comfortable! therapy?
这真是太舒服了而在我们做格式塔疗时却绝口不提呢
You put a belt on this, you could wear it out. I was planning on addressing it with you this weekend.
系个腰带都可以直接穿出门了我本打算这周末正式跟你说的
Just don't try that at your in-laws' house You think I'd spend $500 on this room
千万不要在你亲家的房子这么穿不然你觉得我花 500 大洋开这间房
with a matching turban. for milk and cookies?
还配上成套的头巾就为了喝牛奶吃饼干吗
Dirk, my father worked 40 years in the factory I think we're all forgetting
德克我父亲在失去一只手臂前我觉得我们都忘了
before he lost his arm. how good that soup was.
在满是男子汉的工厂里干了 40 年汤的味道有多棒
- He doesn't get "Camp." - Okay. Well, I'm sorry if I haven't been feeling very attractive
- 他接受不了娘炮男同 -好吧 lately.
Now get up here, lady. 抱歉我最近觉得自己不太有魅力
快上来小姑娘 I tell you how handsome you are every day.
We're having cookies and milk. 我可是每天都告诉你你有多帅哦
我们要吃饼干喝牛奶了 Don't you guys look exactly alike?
You guys rock. 你们俩不是长得很像吗
你们俩太棒了 Are you okay?
I promise I won't stay here all night. 你没事吧
我保证不会整晚待在这里的 I'm all right.
Don't wanna get trapped in the middle 没事
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You wanna get in bed and cuddle for a little while? And you deserve that.
你想上床大家抱抱一下吗当然不是这样
No, it's-- yeah. It's just I have to put the business first right now--
不用了...好吧只不过我现在要以事业为先...
- Come on. - Yeah, get in here. And I get that.
- 来啦 -对啊来这里我明白
There you go. There you go. I just--I think we should take a break.
这才对嘛我觉得我们该冷静一下
Oh, good. You're alive. You wanna take a break?
太好了你还活着你想冷静一下
When I heard you left and walked through the woods, Maybe, yeah.
当我听说你离开独自穿过树林时或许是吧
I wondered, "was there anal probing?" Are you saying take a break
我心想 "会不会被抓去肛门探测" 你真正想说的是不是"分手"
By an alien, not a grifter. 'cause you really mean "Break up,"
被外星人"探测" 而不是被骗子骗 "冷静一下"不过是
You texted you wanted to see me? but you're trying to be nice?
是你发短信说想见我吗你不忍心才这么说
Well, someone did. Maybe, yeah.
是某人啦或许是吧
Happy Birthday! I'm sorry if this seems sudden,
生日快乐抱歉这一切来得这么突然
- Now, come on, blow. but I know me,
- 来快吹但我了解自己
I don't really feel like doing that. and maybe it's better sooner than later.
我不是很想做这事或许长痛不如短痛
Welcome to our world. I'm back!
欢迎来到女人的世界我回来啦
Andy, I'm so sorry about everything. And I brought my bridesmaids!
安迪我为发生的一切感到抱歉我还把我的伴娘都带来了
It's okay. Looks like business is picking up.
没关系看起来生意在好转嘛
I had a lot of time to think on the bus, It's gonna be hard not to see you.
我坐公车的时候有很多时间思考要不见你会很难吧
and the other bus, and the bus I had to take Yeah, it will be.
因为我要转车然后转的车坏了是啊的确
when that bus broke down. I work 10 feet away.
我又得再转一辆车我就在你 10 英尺外工作
If it makes you feel any better, This way, ladies.
如果能让你感觉好点这边姑娘们
I have rope burns all down my back. We're gonna taste every cupcake they have!
我的后背全是绳子擦伤的痕迹呢我们要尝遍她们所有的小蛋糕
Andy, I'm sorry about your birthday. This is the time to take me!
安迪抱歉忘了你的生日现在是带我走的最佳时机
We told each other those dates a month ago. Come on, final offer!
我们是一个月前告诉彼此对方生日的快点最后一次求你了
I wouldn't expect you to remember mine. - E.T.? Alf?
我都不指望你会记得我的 - ET 阿福
May 28th, 1987. Christina Ricci?
1987 年 5 月 28 日克里斯蒂娜·里奇
10:30 in the morning. -----------------------------
早上 10 点 30 分 -------------14--------------
10:30 at night, so you're not perfect. -----------------------------
是晚上 10 点 30 分所以你也不完美嘛 - Can I get another refill? - Yes.
Look, you have a really busy life, - 我能再续一杯吗 -行
你的人生很忙 Can I get an explanation of why you're wearing overalls
and you're really ambitious, which I admire, 那我能知道为什么这附近没有牲畜
你也很要强这点我很敬佩 when there are no goats around?
but I wanna be more than someone you get to 你却穿着那乡下工装裤吗
eventually. Oh, wait...
但我不想做一个要等着你人生里有我的人哎哟还不止
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Now he's drumming. 抱歉我的手超友善啊
他还打起鼓来了 Ask any guy in high school.
Overalls, free coffee refills, and drumming. 跟我"有过一手"的高中男同学都知道
乡下工装裤蹭免费续杯还敲敲打打 I was gonna try and sneak by,
We can stop looking. 我本来是想偷偷溜来的
众里寻他千百度 but that just seemed so juvenile,
We found the world's most annoying hipster. 不过那样太幼稚了
全世界最惹人厌的嬉皮士就在本店椅子处 so here, "Do you guys still like me?
Max, this isn't a diner 所以呢 "你们还喜欢我吗"
麦克斯这不是阿憨餐厅 Check 'yes' or 'no.'"
where everything comes with attitude and ecoli. 请勾选是或否
能随便有恶劣态度与大肠杆菌 So how's she doing?
This is the cupcake shop. 她还好吗
这里是小蛋糕店 - She's good. - Really?
You own this place. - 很好啦 -真的吗
你是这里的老板呢 Oh, by the way, the guy at the record store says hi.
- Ugh, success really cuts your balls off! 对了唱片行那男的让我替他问好
- 成功的代价就是得当孙子啊 Well, you tell him I said, "who are you?"
We get it. Your tribe's in trouble. 那你替我问他 "你是哪根葱啊"
我们懂了你部落有麻烦是吧 And I also came in because I wanted to make sure
Hey, she's kidding. 我来还有另一个原因呢麦克斯
她开玩笑而已啦 everything's cool with you and me, Max.
Just help yourself to a fresh mocha almond refill. 我想确认我们俩友谊不变
欢迎去续杯您的杏仁摩卡 I mean, you haven't texted me a pic
And by the way, sick beats. 你已经有 48 小时
对了你节奏超摇摆啊 of an unlikely animal friendship in, like, 48 hours.
You threw him a peace sign? 没有发给我非比寻常的动物友情图了
你还给他比划个和平手势啊 Don't worry, we're cool.
What are you, a japanese teenager? 别担心我们友谊不变
你以为你谁啊小日本青年咩 I just haven't been able to top the picture I sent
It's a gesture of goodwill. 我只是还没找到能赢过
只是表达友善的手势嘛 of the monkey tickling a parrot.
Okay, but if I see you doing an open heart, 猴子挠鹦鹉的新图而已
行但你要让我看到你用手比心 I get it. You have high standards.
I will kill you. 我明白你的标准超高
老娘一定杀了你 Whereas, me, I see a black dog spooning a brown dog,
Hey, there's Andy. 而我是只要看到一只黑狗抱着一只棕狗
是安迪呢 and I pull the trigger.
I don't want him to see me. 就达到我标准了
我不想他看到我 Well, save that amateur crap for your mom,
Did you just openly wave to my ex-boyfriend? 那种低档烂图留给你娘看吧
你就这么大喇喇地跟我前男友打招呼吗 perhaps with an aunt and uncle cc.
Yeah, I always wave at him. 说不定再副本抄送叔叔阿姨
对啊我每次都会打招呼 Ha, that is so me.
He didn't die just because 完全就是我会干的事
他又没因为 Well, sir, you have raised the bar.
you stopped letting him touch your boobies. 大师你把标准拉高了
你不给他摸奶就变成死人 I look forward to our next freaky/adorable animal pic.
Well, I don't wave to the guy at the record shop 我很期待下一张怪异又有爱的动物图哦
但我就不会跟你睡过的唱片行店员 Well, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
that you had sex with. 你也在想我想着的事吗
打招呼啊 Since we broke up, he got fat.
I had sex with the guy at the record shop? 我跟他分手后他变胖了
我有睡过那唱片行店员啊 It's only been four days.
I should keep a diary. 你们才分手四天好吗
我真应该写日记记录下薇诺娜·贾德美国乡村女歌手体型丰腴
Oh, God, he's coming back. Wynonna Judd gets fat in an hour.
天啊他要折回来了薇诺娜·贾德一小时就能胖呢
See what you started with your wave?
I'm too exhausted to even think about Andy.
瞧你手贱惹来的事
我已经累到没力气想他的事了
I'm sorry. My hand is friendly.
Let's just change and get to the diner.
第 110 页 /共 198 页
我们赶紧换衣服去餐厅吧可是不够精神去端菜点单吗
Look, all we have to do is make it through eight more Exactly. See, there's that big head working.
hours, 没错你的大脑袋还是有用的嘛
我们只需要再坚持个八小时 And don't exaggerate.
and then we can get a good night's sleep. 而且别小题大做好吗
我们就能回家睡大觉了 Caroline and I are doing a great job.
Max, you're taking your pants off in public! 卡洛琳跟我干活可好了
麦克斯你居然在公众场合脱裤子 - Wake up. - Hi, can I take your order?
Oh, my God! - 醒醒 -您好准备好点单了吗
我的天啊 All I know is if I was doing my job
I'm so tired, I forgot where I was! 我只知道如果我干活像
我太累了都忘了我在哪 as bad as you two tonight,
They're halfway down. What do I do? 你俩今晚这么烂的话
裤子都脱一半了我该怎么办 I'd take my own life.
I'm too tired to make the call. 我早自尽去了
我累到没力气决定了 That's not off the table.
And I'll have the BLT with the french fries. 你还是有机会的
来一份培根生菜三明治加薯条 Come on, Han, cut us a break.
Miss? I think our waitress is asleep. 行啦阿憨放我们一马吧
小姐我们的服务员好像睡着了 We're working two jobs, we got two hours of sleep.
Yeah, she's tired. We haven't slept a lot lately. 我们有两份工一天只能睡两小时
是啊她很累我们最近很缺觉 We just want to get home and climb into bed.
When she wakes up, she'll take your order. 我们只想回家睡大觉
等她醒了就会帮你们点单 You're sleeping together?
- But we're really hungry... - Leave her alone! 你们睡一起吗
- 但我们已经很饿了 -少烦她 I mean, it's been a "will they or won't they" since they
So I come to your job and wake you up? met.
我有在你上班时去叫醒过你吗同睡分睡的问题从你们一相见就困扰着我
Hi, can I take your order? Hi, everybody. Sophie's here!
您好准备好点单了吗各位乡亲苏菲驾到啦
I can see how tired you are, Max. - And look at my new coat. It's double-breasted.
麦克斯我看得出你有多累 - 瞧我的新狐皮大衣是双巨乳呢
and if I could turn the clock back to '75, Pretty nice, huh?
如果我能把时光倒回 75 那会儿很不错吧
I'd help you out with a nice bump of cocaine. It was a gift from me.
我肯定会帮你搞点毒品助眠是我送的礼物呢
But I don't do that anymore. It's the only thing he ever gave me
但我已经金盆洗手了这是他送我的东西里
Earl, you quit coke in 1975? that didn't threaten my reproductive health.
厄尔你 1975 年就戒毒啦唯一不会损坏到我生育能力的东西
No, when I was 75, last year. Think that fox took its own life
不是去年我 75 岁那会我觉得那只狐狸在知道
It just felt like time. when it saw what kind of coat it was gonna be on.
岁月不饶人啊自己会被做成什么大衣后甘愿自尽的
Now all I can give you is a nice bump of this. What is the occasion?
现在我只能给你击拳鼓舞士气了他为什么会送你这个
Max, I need you to explain something to me What is the occasion?
麦克斯有件事我想你解释一下什么为什么
'cause I can't figure it out. I'm hot and it's cold.
我实在百思不得其解啊姐姐火辣天气寒冷
That's hard to believe, since you're 90% head. And it's also the anniversary of the first time
你占据身体 9 成比例的大头居然也想不出吗而且还是我跟奥列格首次玩
It's not a laughing matter, Max. Oleg and I 70ed.
这事不好笑好吗麦克斯 70 式的纪念日
I broke my mother's pelvis coming out. The way I do it, it's one more than 69.
当年我出世我妈骨盆都裂了哥哥"功夫"好 "69"升华变 70
- At least you finally came out. Max, I just hung up from a very panicked phone call,
- 千呼万唤始出世啊麦克斯我刚挂了一通超让人恐慌的电话
Oh, so you're awake enough to ridicule the boss, and you'll never believe what happened.
所以你够精神吐槽你老板你绝对不敢相信电话中说的事
but not awake enough to wait on tables. The guy from the record store called to say
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唱片行那男的打给你告诉你 We have to go right to the emergency room.
- I have super gonorrhea? 我们得立刻去急诊室
- 我有超级淋病吗 We don't know what's wrong with her,
You actually think a guy that you don't even remember 还不知道她是什么病
你真觉得一个被你"睡"过就忘了的男人 but it's coming out of both ends.
called to tell me that you have super gonorrhea? 但她上吐下泻的
会打来告诉我你有超级淋病吗 It might be super gonorrhea. Bye.
Yes, that's how tired I am. 说不定会是超级淋病呢再见
对啊我累到真这么觉得 That's so unfortunate.
Are you gonna make me wait forever? 真是太不幸了
你是还要让我等多久啊 And on the night they were finally gonna do it.
Do I have it or not? 她们本来今晚终于要"合体"了呢
我到底有没得病 Whoa, those are some big-ass coffees!
It's not super gonorrhea, but it is super-bad news. 哇靠这杯咖啡大得吓人啊
才不是超级淋病只是个超级坏消息而已 Yep, 64-ouncers.
This woman just called to confirm her order 没错 1.9 升杯呢
这女人刚打来跟我确认她订的 They told me they're bigger than the human stomach.
for 1,000 cupcakes for tomorrow. 他们说这杯容量比人体的胃还大
明天要的一千个小蛋糕 And the coffee's already working,
I've been so tired, I completely forgot. 这杯咖啡已经开始发挥作用了
我最近太累完全忘了这事 'cause I figured out if it's midnight now,
I'd rather have super gonorrhea! 因为我已经算出现在是午夜
我还宁愿得了超级淋病呢 we have to be done at 10:00 A.M.
Are you insane? 而我们得在明早 10 点交货
你疯啦 so if it's 40 minutes per batch from beginning to end,
We can't do 1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow. 每一批小蛋糕从头到尾需要 40 分钟
我们哪可能明天前做好啊 baking 4 dozen at a time, that's 48 cupcakes
We have to do it. 一次能做四打也就是 48 个小蛋糕
不行也得行 Times 20 trips to the oven, which equals nine hours,
It'll ruin our reputation if we don't. 乘以 20 批刚好花费 9 小时
不然我们的商誉就付之一炬了 which equals $4,000.
I know we're tired, but if we stay up all night,
就等于四千块入手
我知道我们都累翻了但只要再撑一晚 Give me that. Let's see if I can do math too.
we'll have $4,000 by tomorrow at 10:00 A.M.
快让我喝两口看我能不能学会算数
明早 10AM 我们就能有四千块入袋呢 Ask me something.
They have to be done by 10:00 A.M.? 出题考我吧
还得是 10AM 就做好啊 16 times 12.
I'm so tired, remind me- is A.M. the morning one? 16 乘 12
我累得脑子不转了 AM 是指上午吗 I'm just going to enjoy my coffee.
We can't do it. It's impossible. 我还是乖乖享受我的咖啡就好
我们做不了不可能做到 You enjoy, I'll preheat the oven.
My brain's too foggy to crunch the numbers, 你慢慢享用我去预热烤箱
我现在脑子一团浆糊不会算数了 What's the temp? 325.
but I'm sure it's doable if we leave right now. 要几度 162 摄氏度
但如果现在开溜明早一定能完工 There, that's the coffee talking.
We're in the middle of waiting tables. 喝了咖啡再也不担心数学
我们服务员的工作还没结束呢 Andy just sent me a picture of a deer nursing a turtle.
Well, we'll just have to come up with an excuse. 安迪发了我一张鹿给乌龟喂奶的图
那我们只好找理由翘班啦 This is why they tell teen turtles
Give me your hand, bend over, and pretend to be sick. 这就是它们教导小乌龟
把手给我弯下腰装病 never to post up on facebook.
It'll work. I've used this to get out of eight jobs, 不要乱贴照片上脸书的原因
肯定能行我用来翘过八个工作的班 Oh, I didn't realize you two were still texting.
six final exams, and one wedding. 我都不知道你俩还在互发短信呢
六次期末考以及一次婚礼 Well, we're mostly just sending pictures
Han, we have an emergency. Caroline's sick. 我们通常都只是在互发
阿憨有紧急病号卡洛琳病了 of unlikely animal friendships.
She's so sick, she can't even stand up. 非比寻常的动物友情图而已
病得很严重站都站不稳了 See, there's a bear napping with a bunny.
We won't be able to stay and finish our shift. 你看这张是熊跟兔子一起睡午觉
我们没办法留下来工作到打烊了 And what's this?
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那这个呢 It's the shim.
It's a labradoodle high-fiving a koi fish. 是垫木
是拉布拉多德利犬跟锦鲤击掌 I think it's making it worse.
It's pretty self-explanatory. 好像就是它让烤箱不稳的
不是挺明摆着的嘛 Don't! That's holding the leg up!
No, underneath that. This-- 别啊那是来垫烤箱脚的
不是图下的字这个 But I guess you figured that out now.
"How's Caroline?" 想必你现在明白它的作用了
"卡洛琳还好吗" You heard me say it was the shim!
I thought this was just an unlikely animal friendship. 我不都说是垫木了吗
不是只是"非比寻常动物友情图之友"吗 I don't know what a shim is.
It is, mostly, but every other text, 我哪知道什么是垫木啊
通常都是啊但有些短信 I thought it was just one of those things you say.
I get the idea that maybe he's not over you. 我还以为又是个街头词汇之类的
让我觉得他还没放下你呢 What did you think it could be?
He's the one who broke up with me. 那垫木还能是啥意思啊
是他甩了我好吗 I thought it was a cool word blend.
Well, maybe he regrets it. 我还以为是混词之类的啊
可能他后悔呢 - You know, like she/him for a transsexual--a shim.
克里斯小子与蕾哈娜曾因男方对女方施暴分手但 - 称呼变性人用的"他与她"混合词
这两位歌手后来又复合了 You thought a tiny transsexual was holding up our
Maybe you two are like Chris Brown and Rihanna, stove?
你们可能就像克里斯小子与蕾哈娜啊你觉得有迷你变性人托着我们的炉子吗
minus the punching and the duet. Yes, Max, I'm that tired.
少了拳打脚踢与合唱版的没错我累到真这么以为
I'm kind of surprised. I thought a tiny transsexual was holding up our stove.
其实我挺讶异的觉得有一个迷你变性人正托着我们的炉子
I thought you guys were good together. This is a disaster, and our oven at home's too small.
我觉得你们俩很配呢这下悲剧了我们家的烤箱也不够大
Andy is great. And on the surface, What are we gonna do now?
安迪很好而平常呢我们现在怎么办啊
he was there for me and very supportive. Oh, good, you're still here.
他也总是守护我支持我太好了你们还在
But then he kind of got fed up Don't anybody leave. Our night just got worse.
但后来他有点受不了大家不许走我们今晚倒霉透了
when it was so much about me and my career. Don't come any closer, super gonorrhea!
我太注重自己与事业的这件事别再靠近我了超级淋病妹
And when push came to shove, I'm sorry to say we lied to get off our shift.
直到最后悲剧发生对不起我们为了翘班撒谎了
he felt like he had to pull away for his own well-being. But we have to bake 1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow,
他为了自己着想觉得该放下这段感情但我们得在明天前烤出一千个小蛋糕
Oh, my God, we are Rihanna and Chris Brown! and our oven broke at the shop, and we need to use
天啊我们还真是蕾哈娜与克里斯小子 yours.
But I'm Chris Brown. 但我们店里的烤箱坏了得借用你的
而我就是克里斯小子 You lied to me, and now you want a favor?
Speaking of Chris Brown, 你撒谎骗我现在还要我帮忙啊
说到克里斯小子 Yes. Han, we know it's a big favor,
- I'm gonna start to batter. 是的阿憨我们请你帮这个大忙
- 我要开始搅拌啦 and it probably looks even bigger to you,
How's that stove? 在你眼中可能看起来显得更大
烤箱怎么样了 but I'm sure you can see past our lie.
Warm, but it's really wobbly. 但我相信你会原谅我们的谎
温度上来了但它好摇晃啊 And if you can't, you can get up on that chair,
Yeah, it wobbles, it smokes, 如果你真不能原谅那你就起立
它摇摇晃晃又冒烟 I could put you on our shoulders...
and one time it burned me. 我让你坐上我肩头玩...
有次还烫了我 Long story abnormally short, will you help us?
That's why I nicknamed it "mom." 长话超短说你愿意帮忙吗
所以我给它的昵称是"老妈" Well, those 12 short jokes really primed me.
What is this wood thing under the leg? 你那无数矮子嘲讽惹到我了
烤箱脚下的那块木头是什么 Fine, you can use the oven
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但好吧你们用吧而且你不会想看到我两杯海风下肚后的样子
and any of the supplies you need. 好莱坞著名女星林赛·罗韩经常爆出酗酒酒驾丑闻
其他东西也都随你们用 What happens, you become Lindsay Lo-Han?
Thank you. We really need to fill this order. 会怎么样你会变成"林赛·蠢憨"吗
谢谢小蛋糕真的非做成不可 Okay, let me show you how it's done.
I'll stay and help. 好吧让我来教你怎么做
我留下来帮手吧 There, you feel how that is, Han?
I also had something to fill, 这样感觉到了吗阿憨
我也有些事得"做" - Uh, yes. - Ok.
but I'll just text Sophie and tell her I'm working. - 有吧 -好的
但我还是短信苏菲说我在工作吧 Now just squeeze that bag.
I'll help too. 现在用力挤那袋"奶油"
我也留下帮忙 Good. Little harder.
I can't bake, but I can sit and lift the spirits. 很好再用力点
我不会烤东西但坐着与鼓舞士气很在行 Good. Little harder.
- as long as there are spirits. 很好再用力点
- 只要能有酒喝就行了 I'm humiliated.
It's open bar, right, Han? 丢死人了
无限畅饮对吧阿憨 It's okay, Han,
Okay, I'm in too. 没关系啦阿憨
好吧我也加入 it happens to a lot of guys their first time.
Earl, make me a sea breeze, 很多男人第一次都会这样
厄尔给我来个海风鸡尾酒 Get yourself a tissue and clean yourself off,
easy on the breezy. 赶紧像别人那样拿张纸巾
微风就好别太烈 like everyone else.
You know, because of my childhood, 擦擦干净
由于我的儿时阴影 Han, you're off the bag.
I won't be able to process the fact 阿憨这活你不用干了
我对你们现在 I'm moving you to batter.
that you've all just done something nice for me, 我要派你去搅面粉
留下来帮手的好心举动反应无能 It's not a demotion, it's just that you stink at this.
So if I run into you in ten years and start crying, 这不是降职只是你裱花太烂
所以如果十年后我遇见你们时突然大哭 I wanna give you something easier.
this is what it's about. 我想让你去干点容易的
哭的就是现在这一刻 Max, you just got that all over your apron.
900 and counting. Comin' through. 麦克斯你的围裙弄脏了
九百个小蛋糕新鲜出炉 I'll wipe it down. Mine's a mess too.
Where do you want them? 我来帮你擦干净我的也脏了
你想让我放哪 Ooh, pretty slick move.
Put 'em over here, next to the world's slowest helper. 哇动作真熟练
这里就放在史上动作最慢的帮手旁边 You wanna try for my bra next?
It took you longer to make that one cupcake 下次想试试脱我的胸罩吗
你裱一个小蛋糕的花比 Yeah, baby,
这部电影耗时了 4 年的时间拍摄好啊宝贝
than it took James Cameron to make Avatar. I'll take off your bra.
詹姆斯·卡梅隆拍一部《阿凡达》还慢我来帮你脱胸罩
Well, I been doing this for two minutes, What the hell was that?
这活我干了两分钟那声音是怎么回事
and I have to say... What? It's my guy voice.
不得不说... 怎么了那是我的男声啊
not for me. That's your go-to guy voice?
不适合我你学男声就是这样啊
But you know what is for me? Is his identity being protected on Dateline?
你知道我适合干什么吗日界线新闻节目有保护你这变态的身份吗
Another free cognac. Well, what's your guy voice like?
再"干"一杯免费白兰地那你的男声是什么样
Ready for another sea breeze, Han? I'm doing it right now.
准备好再来一杯海风了吗小憨憨就现在这样啊
Not before I get this right. I'm gonna take a quick pee break.
等我弄好了再说我要快快地去尿个尿
And you don't want to see me on two sea breezes. I don't know, I think you might be making the drinks too
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strong. 你最后一次看见它是什么时候
不知道或许是你调的酒酒劲太强了 I don't know, but it couldn't have gone far.
We're not drunk, Oleg, just punchy. 我不知道但肯定在这附近
我们没有醉奥列格只是神志模糊而已 I was in this area pretty much the whole night.
I'm just drunk. 我几乎一整晚都在这里
我单纯是喝醉了 You mean over the batter?
It was so nice of everyone to stay that long. 你是说在面粉糊上方吗
大家能留下来陪我们到这么晚真好 - No, no, no. - Nothing, nothing, nothing!
Everything's baked except for those. - 没有没有 -没发现没发现
除了这些其他的都烤好了 - No, no, no, no. - Nothing, nothing, nothing!
We've gonna make it, Max. - 没有没有 -没发现没发现
我们能搞定的麦克斯 - No, no, no, no, no! - Nothing, nothing, no!
Andy sent me a cat and a dolphin kissing. - 没有没有 -没发现没发现
安迪发给我一张猫咪和海豚的接吻照 It's not here, which means
I hope they go all the way. I'm dying to see their baby. 不在这里那就意味着
希望它们不只接吻我好想看它们爱的结晶 it's in one of those already-baked cupcakes.
A cat-dolphin? Yes! 那只耳环在其中一个做好的小蛋糕里
猫豚棒呆了 Let's go. We have to start pulling these apart.
I don't think that's healthy. 来吧我们得开始逐个掰开找
我觉得这样不好吧 Really? Come on, don't be ridiculous.
Well, if they're in love, 来真的啊拜托别小题大作嘛
如果真的相爱 Look, worst-case scenario, one of the 1,000 cupcakes
it's really none of your business. 最坏的情况不过也是在一千个小蛋糕中
那关你屁事啊 has an earring in it.
Why are you texting him in the middle of the night? 有一个里面有只耳环
为什么大半夜你还给他发短信啊 We'll tell them it's a surprise.
In fact, why is he still up? 跟客人说是惊喜礼物就好啦
老实说为什么他还没睡 No, the worst-case scenario is someone bites into it,
Is he talking about me? 不行最坏的情况是有人吃到那个小蛋糕
他是不是在打听我啊 rips their lip open, and sues us.
You look upset. 把嘴唇弄破了然后把我们告上法庭
你看起来不爽 Let them sue us. We don't have any money.
Do you want me to stop texting him? 随便他们告反正我们没钱赔
你要我别跟他发短信吗 And that's why we'll go to jail.
No. It's fine. 所以我们就会进监狱
不用没关系 Yep, I'll be locked up raw
It's just I'm tired and we're almost finished, 没错我会被关进大牢
只是我累了活也差不多干完了 and forced to be someone's girlfriend.
and I just wanna go home. 然后被迫做别人的女玩物
我现在只想回家 I mean, I'm a bad girlfriend out of prison.
Got it. I'm so hot. 我在监狱外已经是个坏女友了
收到我热死了 It's not gonna be any easier with big joan.
Let me just get this hair off my neck. 跟监狱大姐大在一起能好过吗
等我先把头发扎起来 Calm down.
Max, why are you wearing only one earring? 淡定
麦克斯为什么你今天只戴一只耳环 If we go to prison, I'll be your girlfriend.
What are you talking about? I'm wearing two. 如果我们进监狱我来做你的女友
你瞎说什么我明明戴的是两只 Until someone hotter comes along,
That's weird. 直到有更性感的妞进来取代我
奇了怪了 'cause that's the way it goes in prison.
Where is it? Is it in my hair? 监狱里都是这样
还有一只呢是不是在我头发里 Start looking.
No, no. Did it fall down? 开始找吧
没有啊是不是掉下来了 I am not going to smash 900 cupcakes.
Yeah, check your boobs. 我才不要捏烂我辛苦做的九百个小蛋糕
快检查下你的咪咪 Then we'll just have to start over.
That's where you found the remote. 那我们只好全部重做啦
上次遥控器就是在那发现的美国西部有些地方还存在着一夫多妻家庭
It's not-it's not anywhere on me. Oh, no, I would rather hitch a ride west
不在不在我身上不要我宁愿搭个顺风车去西部
Well, when's the last time you saw it? and become a sister-wife.
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然后跟别的女人共事一夫 breaks up with someone,
This is crazy. Can't I just text them 跟别人分手时
这太疯狂了就不能发短信 you don't interfere with their boyfriend,
and tell them we can't do the job? 你不会跟她们的男友搅和在一起
告诉他们这活我们干不了吗 because she needs some distance.
No, you can't text them. We need the money. 因为你的闺蜜想跟他保持距离
不你不能这样做我们需要这笔钱 Well, why didn't you tell me that
And stop with all the texting. 那你为什么不在 14 小时前
别老发什么破短信了 When I asked you 14 hours ago?
Maybe if you were thinking less about 我问你的时候告诉我
或许如果你不是整天想着 Hey, Max. I got your text.
texting with my ex-boyfriend, 麦克斯我收到你的短信
跟我的前男友发短信 I'm here to help.
you wouldn't have lost your earring in the first place. 我是来帮忙的
你就不会弄丢你的耳环 Um, that was a pre-girl-code text.
You should have just said it. 那条是在闺蜜法则出现前发的
这话你早就该说了 I thought we maybe needed a backup
You have a problem with me texting Andy. 在厄尔醉倒我把小憨憨弄哭后
你不爽我跟安迪发短信 after Earl passed out and I made Han cry.
I do not have a problem with it! 我觉得我们可能需要个后备帮手
我才没有不爽 Andy, on the list of things I feel guilty about in life,
Oh, good, 'cause he's my friend too. 安迪在我人生中内疚之事的榜单里
很好因为他也是我的朋友 calling you to help in the middle of the night
You'd think your loyalty to your best friend 半夜叫你来帮忙这件事
你不觉得你对最好朋友 is number two.
and business partner would be more important 排名第二
和生意伙伴的忠诚度要比 It would be number one
than some stupid animal friendship! 本来能荣登榜首
那些白痴的动物友情重要得多吗 if I hadn't pushed that girl down the stairs
I mean... 但榜首是那个我因为想更早进入
我是说... to get into the 98 degrees concert before her.
I'm surprised I even have to tell you that, Max. 98 度乐队的音乐会而被我推下楼梯的女生
我真吃惊这种话得我亲自说出口麦克斯 Well, it was 98 degrees.
It's kind of girl code. 那可是 98 度啊
这可是"闺蜜法则" People had to die.
Oh, I am way to tired to hear "girl code." 人必需得死啊
老娘太累不想听什么狗屁"闺蜜法则" Okay, let's stop all this joking
Shut it down. 好了别装没事开玩笑了
别说了 and get down to why I really came here.
Girl code, Max. 认真说说我来这里的真正原因吧
闺蜜法则麦克斯 Come on, Caroline, love me.
Girl code. 求你了卡洛琳爱我吧
闺蜜法则 Did you just say, "Caroline, love me"?
Shut up, Caroline. 你刚是说 "卡洛琳爱我吧"吗
闭嘴卡洛琳 No, I said, "Caroline, glove me."
Shut up! 不我是说 "卡洛琳套我吧"
闭嘴 what kind of loser would say, "Love me"?
I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response. 要多卑微才会求人说 "爱我吧"
我都不屑于对此做出反应了 Unless you do.
Yeah, that was the goal, bitch. 除非你真爱我
没错这就是我的目的贱人 So how you doing?
I don't have time for this. 你过得怎么样
我没空跟你吵架 I'm okay.
I have to find an earring that you lost 还行
我得在这一千个小蛋糕里 A little tired.
in one of these thousand cupcakes, bitch! 就是有点累
找出你不见的那只耳环贱人 You know, I've been thinking about you a lot.
The thousand cupcakes that you forgot to tell me about! 我最近常常想起你
是你忘记告诉我要做这一千个小蛋糕 Pretty much all the time since we broke up.
And the girl code means that when a girl 自从我们分手后我一直在想你
闺蜜法则就是说当你的闺蜜 Um, maybe I overreacted to your whole
第 116 页 /共 198 页
或许我对你沉迷于工作你要甩了我啊
obsession with work thing, you know? Wow, last guy who dumped me,
这件事有点反应过激上一个甩我的男人
Well, you are here at 4:00 A.M. I burned down his house and moved.
你之所以凌晨 4 点还在这里我把他的房子烧了然后搬走
'cause I needed help making 1,000 cupcakes in four Still wanna continue this conversation?
hours. 还想继续这个话题吗
是因为我得在 4 小时内做出一千个小蛋糕 Max, it wouldn't work.
One might call that obsessive. 麦克斯这样不行
或许有人会称其为"沉迷" I would always be asking you about Caroline.
One might. 我会一直跟你打听卡洛琳
有人会 Look, I get it, it's weird.
Or pretty much everyone might. 我明白这样很奇怪
又或者人人都会这么说 People don't usually stay friends with their friend's ex,
And, Andy, 人们一般不会跟自己朋友的前任成为朋友
安迪 But then, cats don't usually become friends with
just know that even though it didn't work out, dolphins.
即使深知我们之间不可能了可是猫咪一般也不会跟海豚成为朋友啊
I do glove you. But sometimes, for no apparent reason, it happens.
但我真的"套"你可有时缘分就是这么奇妙
I glove you too. Yeah, I just wish I was as grown up
我也"套"你是啊我只希望我跟
as a cat or a dolphin.
Now, get the cupcakes out before they burn.
猫或海豚一样成熟
现在赶紧在烤糊之前把小蛋糕都拿出来
I hear ya.
I don't have the energy to do this all again.
我懂你意思
我没有精力再重做一遍
So what's next, breakup text?
Ah, there's the girl I broke up with.
那接下来是什么分手短信吗
我甩了的工作狂女友现身了
Nah, that's just gonna lead to makeup text,
Everything's ready to go out there.
不要发了之后就会有复合短信
外面一切东西都准备好了
and then we're back in a vicious cycle.
I've had my hands in more boxes tonight
然后我们就这么恶性循环下去
我的手今晚进过的箱子
All right, I'll just stop by your place,
than a gynecologist at a free clinic.
好吧那我只好去你家一趟
比免费诊所妇科医生的手进过的阴道还多
pick up my cds, my t-shirts,
It's not that funny.
拿回我的 CD 和 T 恤
没这么好笑吧
Stay up another 27 hours, and the 3 grand I left there.
等你 27 个小时不睡觉还有留在你家的三千块
Max, you've never been to my place.
it'll be the funniest damn thing you ever heard.
麦克斯你从来没去过我家
这会是你这辈子听过最好笑的一句话
See, this is why I'm breaking up with you--
Well, that's the end of it.
瞧这就是我要跟你分手的原因
都结束了
You're a liar.
Yeah, I think it is.
你个骗子
是啊结束了
See you in small claims court, bub.
Max, I'm talking about more than the cupcakes.
索赔法院见伙计
麦克斯我说的不只是小蛋糕
Well, we did it, Max.
布莱德利·库珀好莱坞著名帅气男星外貌跟安迪蛮
我们做到了麦克斯
像
We made $4,000.
Yeah, I could tell by your Bradley Cooper tone.
我们赚到了 4 千块
是啊我能从你布莱德利·库珀式的音调里听出
And as far as Andy and I go,
So what, it's not gonna work out between you two?
关于我和安迪
怎么了你们俩彻底不可能了吗
I think we're in the right place,
No.
我觉得我们像现在这样正好
是啊
because when he said he'd been thinking about me
And I think we have to break up.
因为当他说他分手后
我觉得我们必须分手
since the breakup,
I thought you already broke up.
每分每秒都在想我
我以为你俩早就分了啊
I realized I'd only been thinking about the cupcakes.
No, I'm talking about you and me.
我才意识到自己每分每秒想的都是小蛋糕
不我是在说我和你
Oh, please, god, shut up.
You're dumping me?
第 117 页 /共 198 页
天啊拜托把嘴闭上 We'll just have to go to that store where everything's
Thank you. I was dying to shut up. free.
谢谢我的嘴也超级想休息只能去那家所有商品皆免费的小店拿了
Look, it's a text from the place. Oh, good. They're open.
是顾客发来的短信太好了那店还没关门
They loved the cupcakes. And we have to sneak all this stuff out.
他们很喜欢我们的小蛋糕我们得偷偷把这些东西弄出去
Wait, why do I have your phone in my apron? Han's staying late to do inventory.
慢着为什么你的手机会在我的围裙里阿憨今晚要留下清点库存
No, my phone was in my apron. Damn it, why does he always have to be so asian?
不可能我的手机是放在我的围裙里靠他有需要这么亚洲人吗
Unless I handed you the wrong apron Let's see, what do we need for our cupcake shop?
除非我当时擦完围裙后我们小蛋糕店需要哪些东西来着
after I wiped them down. - Eggs, sugar. - A stripper pole?
错把我的递给你了 - 鸡蛋糖 -脱衣舞钢管一根
What? Do you want to make money or not?
什么你到底想不想挣钱啊
What? How are we gonna hide these eggs?
果然我们该怎么偷带这些鸡蛋走啊
Oh...Your earring. You could put some of those "Grade A large"
你的耳环你可以把这些"A 级大鸡蛋"
I had it in there the whole time. where there's "Grade A itty-bitties."
它一直在我这里藏进你的"A 杯小奶罩"里
Oh, we're idiots! Rude, but I don't hate it.
我们俩白痴嘴贱不过主意不错
We're two very different kinds of idiots, I can probably fit four to six in each.
虽说是两种完全不同类型的白痴我估计一边可以塞四到六颗
but we're idiots. So positive!
但我们都是白痴真积极正面
And yet, somehow we work. I love that you're a "cup's half full" kind of person.
然而不知何故我们俩超搭我就爱你这样"杯"子半满的积极人士
We're the most unlikely animal friends.
So come here often?
我们就像非比寻常的动物朋友
常来光顾吗
I don't know about that, but a picture of me nursing you
This is my first time.
我是不知道啦但我给你喂奶的照片
人家第一次来
would definitely go viral.
- Well, you're very pretty. - Oh, thank you.
绝对会在网络上爆红
- 你很漂亮哦 -谢谢夸奖
- Good night. - Good night.
Heads up. Han's coming your way.
- 晚安 -晚安
小心啦阿憨要过来了
Where you going?
Should I fake a stroke?
你要去哪里
要我假装中风吗
I'm too tired to pull my bed down.
And P.S., if I don't get up in three minutes,
我累得没力气把床弄下来了
先说好如果我三分钟后都没起身
I'm sleeping with you.
It's a real one.
我要跟你一起睡
那我就是真中风了
No, you're not. You have super gonorrhea.
No, I'll deal with him.
不行你可是有超级淋病
不用我来搞定他
-----------------------------
You keep going.
-------------15--------------
你继续塞
----------------------------- Keep it up, and we'll finally have an answer
Well, here it is. My last tip. 别停啊你继续我们就能知道
老娘今晚最后一笔小费 to the question "What comes first?
Only $2. 是鸡先来到世上
只有两块钱 The chicken or the Oleg?"
And to think, I held in a fart for those cheap bastards. 还是奥列格先"来"啦
亏我之前还为了那些小气鬼憋住一个屁 Here you go.
This night sucks.
给
今晚烂死了 I just found the greatest thing online.
We don't even have enough to buy supplies for
我刚在网上找到最棒的玩意了
tomorrow.
话题名媛金·卡戴珊肚中怀有嘻哈天王坎耶·维斯特的
我们都没赚够明天蛋糕店的材料钱孩子
第 118 页 /共 198 页
The ultrasound of the Kim and Kanye baby And I'm saving up my favor
金与坎耶小孩的超声波照吗而且我想把请他帮忙的额度
where someone photoshopped a "666" for a booty call on a cold night.
就是腹中婴儿小屁股被改图加上留给寒冷夜晚找他打炮用
on its little baby butt? - I hate asking men for things.
恶魔数字"666"的那张吗 - 我最讨厌请男人帮忙了
Wait, this kid's half Kardashian. Favors, last names, to stop.
等等那娃有卡戴珊的基因请他们帮忙问他们姓啥请他们"停下"
卡戴珊身材前凸后翘有着西方人所喜爱的大屁股 Excuse me, could I get some more sweet'n low?
Its big baby butt. 抱歉能再给我几包低脂糖吗
是大屁股被改图才对 Why don't you look in your purse?
Wow, that baby's already famous for doing nothing... 你干嘛不从你自己包里拿
哇那孩子毛都不干就已经出名了 It's where I saw you put them.
Just like its mom. 我看你偷拿了几包放里面
跟他娘一模一样啊 I'm so embarrassed.
No, what I found is a site where we can apply 真是太不好意思了
不我是找到了一个我们可以申请 Don't be.
for a small business grant. 不必
小企业生意拨款的网站 I wasn't when I stole them last night.
There's a couple of categories: women-owned 我昨晚偷它们的时候就没不好意思
business-- What did Andy say?
里面有几个类别比如女性专营企业安迪怎么说
No thanks. I've been to jail. He's gone.
不必了我去过监狱他不见了
I was already owned by a woman. - For lunch? - Forever.
已经"专属"过某个女性了 - 暂离吃饭吗 -是永远走人
There's also a minority-owned category. The man is gone.
也有一类是少数民族拥有啊他真的走了
You don't know who your father is, His store is empty.
你也不知道你的生父是谁他的店都空了
and you do have an exotic look. Oh, my God, this is so sad.
你又有着异国风的外貌天啊感觉好伤心哦
Any chance he could be native american? I know. There goes the candy.
你生父有没有可能是印第安人呢对啊糖果飞了
Yes, in fact, I think his name was And my booty call.
没错他的名字还叫做我的炮友也飞了
Chief Running Away. - He didn't even leave a note? - Or a Razzle?
逃跑酋长呢 - 连张字条都没留吗 -也没留包口香糖吗
Wait. Forget the candy.
等等别想着糖了
Maybe we don't even need your father. Are we not gonna talk about the fact
你老爸这张牌都不见得需要用我们不应该来谈谈
其实是美国境内新生儿人种比例白人首次不过半 that my ex-boyfriend left without so much as a peep?
We are white, 我的前男友不见最后一面就溜走的事吗
我们是白人 - Great. Now I want Peeps.
which according to the last presidential election, - 这下好了害我想吃棉花糖
根据上次总统大选时的数据 Hey, Max.
is the new minority. 麦克斯
白人现在算少数民族呢 Is today the day we're gonna get married?
So now all we need is a letter of recommendation 今天有幸跟你结婚吗
我们只需要找到一个同样开店的人 Sure, Amir.
from someone who owns another start-up business. 当然好啊阿米尔
来帮我们写封推荐信就行了 'Cause my dream in life is to be detained
I was thinking of a recommendation 因为我这辈子的梦想
我想找糖果店老板 for four hours on our honeymoon flight.
from Candy Andy's Sweets and Treats. 就是在度蜜月的班机上被扣留四小时
糖果安迪帮忙写一封呢 Max, you do know I was born in this country, right?
I've already written it, so he just has to sign it. 麦克斯你知道我是在这国家土生土长的吧
信我写好了他签个名就行了 You were born here? How old are you?
Will you ask Andy? I can't, he's my ex. 你在美国出生的啊你几岁了
你能代我问吗我不行他是我前任黑暗零点三十其实是军事用语代表户外漆黑时刻
第 119 页 /共 198 页
也是电影《猎杀本拉登》的英语原名 If I sign this, it's lying.
About zero dark thirty? 我签了字就是合伙骗人
黑暗零点三十岁吗 I could get deported.
Yeah, you were born in a Walmart, right? 我可能会被遣送出境
你妈是在沃尔玛生的你对吧 And I'm one home inspection away from a poodle
Where do you think the expression adoption.
不然你觉得人们常说的我可是只差一次家访就能领养贵宾狗了呢
"Clean up on aisle 12" comes from? A poodle? That's cool.
"打扫一下第 12 排地板"是怎么来的贵宾狗啊挺好的啊
Hey, Caroline, You can share sweaters.
卡洛琳你们衣服能换着穿
you bummed you drove your boyfriend out of town? Hurry up, bitch.
你还为你吓跑你男朋友的事情泄气吗快点啦叽歪弟
For the record, I did not chase Andy away. The deadline to mail that is tonight.
我得声明我才没把他吓跑路了呢今晚之前得把那信寄出去
We ended our relationship well. Well, if you just wanted to steamroll someone,
我们是和平分手的如果你们是想逼人签字
Right, that's why I helped him move out why didn't you get your boyfriend, Andy, to sign it?
是啊所以我才要在大半夜干嘛不去逼她男朋友安迪签字呢
in the middle of the night. They split.
帮忙他搬家他们分手了
Man, you messed that up. He left last night without a peep.
你把人家玩坏了他昨晚最后一面都没见就跑了
So self-involved. - Damn it, now I'm thinking about those Peeps again.
你这人太自我了 - 靠我又想起棉花糖了
Coming in a little hot, Amir. Oh, I was worried you two wouldn't make it.
阿米尔你炮火有点猛烈啊我早就担心你们俩会感情触礁了
Yeah, guns ablazin'. If I was allowed to carry them. You always have your mind on business,
中东人不能带武器不然我嘴炮扫死你你满脑子都是想着你的生意
- Oh, Amir. You're the bomb. and Andy was such an easy spirit.
- 阿米尔你太酷了而安迪又是个灵魂轻松的人
Look at us. I think you mean "free spirit."
你瞧咱们你是想说灵魂向往自由吧
We're like Homeland, if it was a rom-com. Easy Spirit is a shoe worn by people
我们就像是浪漫喜剧版的《国土安全》 "灵魂轻松"是灵魂已死的人
You don't have to read it, Han. Easy Spirit 字面意灵魂轻松也是美国鞋子品牌特点
不用读啦阿憨是十分舒适但外观丑陋老土
It's just a standard letter of recommendation. whose spirits have died.
只是一封标准的正常推荐信而已才会去穿的鞋子品牌
Don't be a bitch. Just sign it. I have two pairs.
少唧唧歪歪乖乖签字就对了我有两双
I'm not comfortable putting my name Okay, fine. Give it back.
没亲自读过的文件行不签就还给我
on a document I haven't read. I'll find someone else with a business.
我没法放心签下名我找其他做生意的人吧
I understand, but don't be a bitch. What about Sophie? She owns a small business,
我懂但你还是少唧唧歪歪请苏菲签如何她有个小生意啊
Just sign it. and she loves to give,
乖乖签字就是了又乐意为他人奉献
"Max's homemade cupcakes is not as much as she loves to receive.
"麦克斯自制小蛋糕是一个虽然她更爱收下我的"爱"
an up-and-coming powerhouse business." I'm not so sure Sophie's cleaning business
蒸蒸日上发展强劲的小生意" 但我不确定苏菲的家政生意
I can't sign this. is totally, well, legal.
我不能签这个是不是百分百合法呢
This has more lies than my Okcupid profile. I mean, when we worked for her,
这信比我的约会网站个人资料还鬼扯我们以前给她打过工
Don't be a bitch. Just sign it. on the memo line of our paycheck,
少唧唧歪歪快乖乖签字我们薪水支票的备忘栏
That one's on me, girls. she wrote "Colonoscopy."
我也帮你们说一句姑娘们她写了"结肠镜检查"呢
第 120 页 /共 198 页
And for the record, Sophie's cleaning business 我认识你的第二天就能编这些给你听了
我替她声明她的家政生意 Please, Max, just listen for five minutes.
is totally legit. 求你了麦克斯听我说五分钟就好
绝对是合法的 Come over here. I'll make you some tea.
Her organ-trading might not be. 过来嘛我给你泡杯茶
器官买卖的生意可能就不是了 Tea? Who am I, Pippa Middleton?
Forget it, Caroline. 还喝茶你当我是凯特王妃她妹啊
算了卡洛琳 Toast me an eggo waffle and maybe I'm listening.
We might deport you ourselves. 给我烤个松饼吃吃我就考虑听听
我们亲自把他遣送出境算了 Well, we were saving that waffle
All we need is a Fedex box. 我们本来是要留到
反正用个快递盒就够装了 for a special occasion, but okay.
Um, Caroline. Come over here. 特殊时刻才吃的呢不过好吧
卡洛琳过来一下 Chestnut, we're eating your birthday waffle now.
I think I can help you with that. 栗宝我们现在要吃掉你的生日松饼啦
我应该能够帮你哦 I don't know why I'm pissing him off.
Thanks, Earl, but you don't have a small business. 真不知道我干嘛还要惹他生气
谢了厄尔但是你没有小生意啊 he's gonna be the only man in my life.
The size of my business has never been in question. 他可能是我这辈子唯一的男人了
我裤裆里的"生意"从没有人怀疑过它小哦 I can't believe you blew $10 on a psychic.
And I may not have a business, 我真不敢相信你花十块钱去找神婆
而我虽然没有什么小生意 Why didn't you just buy a Skinnygirl margarita
But... 你就不能跟其他寂寞的白妞一样
但... like all the other lonely white chicks?
Han Lee does. 买瓶玛格丽塔借酒浇愁吗
李阿憨有啊 I spent $50.
Max, look. Earl forged Han's signature. 我花了 50 块
麦克斯你看厄尔伪造了阿憨的签名 - I bought a crystal that protects me from bad juju.
That's what his signature looks like. - 我还买了一块挡坏运的水晶
原来他的签名是这样啊 Hey! There's no reason to get anti-semitic.
When I forge it, I just draw a picture of Hello Kitty. 你也不需要因此讨厌犹太人吧
我伪造他签名时都是画个凯蒂猫而已 - You spent money on crystal you can't snort?
You want to know your future? - 你还花钱买不能吸食的水晶
想知道你的未来吗 What is wrong with you?
- No, no thanks. - You sure? 你脑子是哪里有病啊
- 不必谢了 -你确定吗 I freaked out. I didn't want it to be true.
I have a message about your love life. 我吓到了嘛不想要一生无爱
我有个关于你爱情的预言呢 Is it true, Max?
$10. 会是真的吗麦克斯
十块钱 Am I never gonna find love?
Are you asleep? 我真的会一生无爱吗
你在睡觉吗 Was Andy my one chance?
Max? Max, I really need to talk. 安迪是我唯一的希望吗
麦克斯我有话想跟你谈 Did I screw it up because I wanted success?
Oh, just come in and get it over with. 我因为想成功而抛弃了唯一的爱吗
直接进来发泄不就得了 Was everyone right?
Everybody else does. 大家说的真的对吗
其他人都这样 That is a lot of questions for one waffle.
Max, I'm sorry, but I really need to talk. 就给一块松饼也问太多问题了吧
抱歉麦克斯我真的想跟你谈一下 And where is that waffle?
I went to the fortune teller near the diner, 而且那块松饼呢
我去了餐厅附近的算命店 You're a bad waitress at home too.
and she told me that I'd never find love in my life. 你在家也是个烂服务员
她说我这辈子注定一生无爱 Who could that be?
Fortune-telling's a scam. 这么晚会是谁啊
算命都是骗人的把戏 I don't know. Let me consult the spirits.
"You'll never find a man, your moon's in Uranus, 不知道让我请示一下四方神灵
"你的月亮与天王星相位这辈子都没男人 Who is it?
no man will ever be in Uranus." 是谁啊
天王星上本来就没男人" It's Sophie.
I could've told you that the second day I met you. 是苏菲
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Yeah, it's me, 麦克斯我是认真的
没错就是我 That's something I really want.
The shady lady with the illegal business. 我真的想要有个爱人
有着非法生意的坏女人 And now I'm never gonna have it.
Yeah, and Caroline, you owe me an apology 但看来我这辈子是无缘了
卡洛琳你得给我道歉 Get in there, baby. I have two feet.
or I will take out these hoops, 你也来吧宝贝我有两只脚呢
要不然我会摘下这耳环 Interesting.
and we will get into it, girl. 有意思
然后跟你大战一番 She's a psychic, but she needs a bell
Yeah, and I warn you, 神婆居然需要在门上挂个铃铛
我警告你哦 to tell her someone's here.
I did some extreme fighting in Warsaw. 才能知道有人来了
我在老家时可是有不少极限战斗的经验 Max, please don't make me do this.
Extreme fighting? That's awesome. 麦克斯不要逼我来嘛
极限战斗这么酷啊 I don't want to hear any more bad things.
Yeah, they would throw a big hunk of cheese in a trough 我不想再听到任何坏事了
对啊他们会把一大块起司丢饲料槽里 Nothing bad's gonna happen.
and let all the village girls just go at it. 不会发生什么坏事啦
村里的姑娘就会抢上去大打出手 She's gonna tell you
Sorry, Sophie. 她会告诉你
抱歉苏菲 you have a bright, love-filled future
It just seemed like a better business decision 你有一个充满爱的光明未来
只是当时觉得伪造个签名 Or I'm gonna kick her in the crystal balls.
to go with the forgery. 不然我会狠狠踹她的水晶"球"
会对我们生意比较好嘛 Hello, girls.
What is that? 你们好姑娘们
那是什么 I'll tell you your future as soon as I finish eating.
Is that a waffle? 我一吃完饭就给你们预测未来
是松饼吗 It'll only take a minute.
Okay! You are forgiven. 几分钟就好
好吧原谅你了 Since I quit smoking, I eat like a prisoner.
Damn it. I didn't even get a bite. 戒烟之后我就像饿死鬼投胎一样
靠我连一口都没吃到 Come, sit, ruminate on your wishes and dreams.
I'm awake and sober for nothing. 过来坐下冥思下自己的愿望和梦想
白起床跟忍着不喝酒了 Well, my wish is that you give my friend her money
Sophie, do you believe in psychics? back,
苏菲你相信灵媒吗我的愿望是你能把钱还给我的朋友
Oh, no. That's all fake. and my dream is that
才不信呢那是骗人的我的梦想是
You know, I knew a family of gypsy psychics 梅西·埃丽奥特美国著名嘻哈饶舌女歌手
我以前认识一个吉普赛灵媒家庭 I'm a backup dancer for Missy Elliott.
who couldn't even predict 成为梅西·埃丽奥特的伴舞员
但他们甚至预测不到 Great. A wise-ass.
that they would all die in a barn fire. 很好自作聪明的人
他们会全家葬身火海 Do you want to know your future or not?
Hey, girls. Sorry to interrupt, 你们到底想不想知道自己的未来
姑娘们抱歉打扰 Um, you already told me my future.
but Sophie promised to rub antifungal cream 你已经告诉过我了
苏菲之前答应我要帮我又黄又厚的脚趾甲 That's why we're here.
on my thick, yellow toenails. 所以我们才来这里
擦灰指甲药膏呢 You said I'd never find love.
Oleg, come over here. 你说我会一生无爱了
奥列格过来吧 When did I say that?
I'll do it in between bites. 我什么时候说的
我边吃边帮你擦 And you, tough guy, don't say,
This is what you're afraid you're missing? 还有你小悍妞千万不要说
你害怕得不到的就是这个吗 "Well, you're the psychic."
Because this is a relationship. "你是神婆你会不知道吗"
这就是爱情啊 Maybe she is a psychic, because I am a tough guy
Seriously, Max. 或许她真的是神婆因为我的确是个悍妞
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and I was gonna say that. 否则我不会随便给陌生女人 50 块钱
而且我也打算这么说 I do that as well.
You know, it's hard to remember. 这个我也能做哦
我很难记住每个人 Don't believe in curses, never have.
I see a lot of sad, single girls. 不要相信什么诅咒没有的事
我一天见那么多可怜的单身妹 Not since Jennifer Martin told me
But looking at you right now, 当初詹妮弗·马丁还不是
但现在仔细看看你 I was going to hell for sleeping with her boyfriend.
it makes sense. 因为我睡了她男人而诅咒我下地狱
我的话也不无道理 But I didn't.
And here. 也没事啊
给 I just ended up going to homecoming with him.
Take your phony crystal back. 最后还跟他一起出席了返校派对呢
把你骗人的水晶拿回去 Max, we have to go back and pay her.
And I'm not so sure this is a real crystal. 麦克斯我们必须回去付钱给她
我连这是不是真水晶都说不准 Our lives are hard enough.
It looks like one of those vegan deodorant things. 我们的人生已经够苦的了
这看起来像腋下除臭剂之类的 We don't need things to come crashing down around us.
And we want our money. 身边不需要有人事物掉下来
把我们的钱还来 Relax. Nothing's coming crashing down around us.
Oh, okay. What just happened? 放轻松不会有任何东西掉下来的
好吧你刚干嘛了 Don't jump, Paul!
I put a curse on you. 别跳保罗
我对你下诅咒了 Paul, don't jump!
Max, you said nothing bad was gonna happen! 保罗别跳
麦克斯你说过不会有坏事发生的 Paul? Who's paul?
Well, I'm not a psychic, and neither is she. 保罗谁是保罗
我又不是神婆不过她也不是 And what is he doing on the roof?
Laugh, buster. 他在楼顶干嘛啊
尽管笑吧小鬼 Okay.
Nothing in life will go your way, 好吧
你人生的一切都会变得不如意 That was paul's life that came crashing down,
and you will live under a dark cloud. 是保罗这个人掉下来
你会永远被不祥的乌云笼罩着 not ours.
Will this dark cloud merge 不是我们
请问那朵乌云会跟 Max, I think we all know that
with the current dark cloud above me 麦克斯我们都知道
现在笼罩在我上方的乌云合体吗 I'm a highly educated woman
or fly alongside of it? 我是一名高学历女性
还是默默地飘在旁边 who doesn't really believe in curses,
Look, we don't want to trouble you, 不相信诅咒这种事
我们也不想麻烦你 but I am putting every penny we make tonight
but if you could remove the curse 但今晚我要把我们挣的每一分钱
但如果你能高抬贵手解除诅咒 in the "lift the curse" Fund.
and possibly that noodle on your blouse... 都放进"解除诅咒"基金里
再顺手把你衣服上的面也弄掉... And I'm gonna tell you one more time,
Oh, no. Did you just-- 我再跟你说最后一遍
不是吧你刚是不是... we're not spending another 50 bucks
Cursed you too. 我们不会为了某个愚蠢的诅咒
顺便诅咒了你 on some stupid curse.
Tell you what. 再多花 50 块钱
这样吧 A body fell from the sky!
I'll lift both curses for 50, 一个人从天上掉下来啊
50 块就替你们解咒 Paul got a bad batch of shrooms.
or else your whole life 保罗倒霉吃到烂迷幻蘑菇
不然妹子你不给钱 It had nothing to do with the curse.
will come crashing down all around you. 跟诅咒一点关系都没有
人事物都掉下来 Everyone knows you don't take psychedelics
The only way I'm giving a strange woman 50 bucks 人人都知道不应该在二楼以上
除非我在你店里给性器官穿了环 above the second floor.
is if I'm walking out of here with a genital piercing. 吃迷幻药
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Poor amateur bastard. 去年你万贯家财没了
业余的倒霉蛋 Literally nothing good has ever happened to me.
And we need our money for essentials, like food 严格说来我身上从来没发生过好事
我们需要钱来买必需品比如食物 Han hasn't grown since the fourth grade.
and the penguin statue I saw at the dollar store. 阿憨从四年级就没长过个子
和我在一元店看见的那企鹅像 Oleg's toenails look like Fritos.
The one that says "Chill out." 奥列格的脚趾甲看起来像薯片
上面写着"冷爆了" And Earl was born black
So chill out. 厄尔生在美国史上
所以冷静 at the eighth or ninth-worst time
Caroline, I feel bad about 黑人最惨时代中
卡洛琳我觉得很内疚 to be a black man in America.
not signing your letter of recommendation. 排行第八或第九的年代
没帮在你的推荐信上签名 Look around, it's the valley of the damned.
So I wrote one myself and signed it. 你看清楚吧这里就是诅咒之谷
所以我自己写了一封名字也签好了 Name one person who isn't cursed.
Here. 你举出一个没被诅咒的人啊
给 Hey, guys!
That's so nice of you. 伙计们
你真好 I just found a $100 bill on the sidewalk!
"The extremely hardworking Caroline Channing, 我刚在人行道上捡到 100 块
"工作超级努力的卡洛琳·钱宁 Drinks for everyone!
who has devoted her life to business 我请所有人喝酒
把人生全部奉献给事业 Max, pop open the fancy brandy.
and nothing and no one else." 麦克斯把那瓶高级白兰地打开
心无旁骛身无旁人" "Fancy brandy" is gonna be my stripper name
Han, this is supposed to be about getting a loan, 你要是同意让我在店里装根钢管
阿憨这封信是要写苦苦求财 if you ever let me put in that pole.
not being alone. "高级白兰地"就会是我的艺名哦
而不是写哭哭求爱 Sophie, guess what?
I totally get it, girl. 苏菲跟你说哦
我完全明白妹子 We went back to that psychic to complain,
I'm alone as well. 我们回灵媒那控诉她
我也形影自守 and she put a curse on us.
We have our eyes on the prize, 结果她对我们俩下诅咒了
为求商场得意努力不懈 Oh. You're cursed?
so our beds are empty. 你们俩被诅咒啦
因此情场失意床上空虚 But it's stupid, like you said, right?
But occasionally, I pay for it. 但就像你说的白痴才信对吧
但我偶尔也会花钱找人陪睡哦 Yeah, yeah. That's stupid.
Did Han just intimate 对对白痴才信
刚才阿憨暗示了 Yeah.
that he occasionally gets a hooker? 没错
他偶尔会花钱叫鸡吗 Did she mention me?
Lucky bastard. 她有提到我的名字吗
这幸运的小淫棍 No.
He probably gets a child's discount. 没啦
估计他叫鸡还有儿童折扣呢 She just cursed us and said
Max, look. The future's already happening. 她只是对我们下咒然后说
麦克斯看不幸的未来已经开始了 our whole lives would come crashing down around us.
Even in Han's letter, I'm alone. 不给钱我们周围的人事物都会掉下来
连在阿憨的信里我都是孤身一人 and 30, 40, 50.
The only chance for a love life I have now 30 40 50 块
我现在最能接近爱情的方法 The curse is lifted.
is going halfsies on a hooker with Han. 诅咒解除了
就是跟阿憨分摊招妓费用 Oh, I don't think you got me. What about my curse?
We have to reverse the curse now. 你好像没弄到我那我的诅咒呢
我们必须得解除诅咒 Talk about phoning it in.
News flash: everybody is cursed. 做戏做全套
新闻快讯人人都是被诅咒的倒霉蛋 Couldn't you wave a feather or spin your head
You lost your money last year. 你不能挥舞个羽毛还是转转头
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or throw up or something? 她会孤独终老
甚至是呕吐一下之类吗 Okay, well, that's all I can take.
That's extra. 够了我受不了了
那要额外收费 I'm not gonna sit here and wait for the other Paul to fall.
You know what? I'm in a good mood tonight. 我不要在这坐等下一个保罗掉下来
其实呢我今晚心情很不错 - Let's go, Max. -No, no, no, no.
I got through the whole day on 15 cigarettes - 走吧麦克斯 -别别别
我今天只抽了 15 根烟 No, no. Wait.
and one sheet cake. 别走等等
吃了一整个大蛋糕就满足了 She obviously got it wrong. Didn't you?
I'm gonna give tough guy a free reading here. 她绝对是算错了对吧
我送一次免费塔罗算命给悍妞吧 Nope. Still dying alone...
Oh, free, as in the $50 you just shook us down for? 没她就是会孤独终老
免费是指付 50 块后免花费吗 with nothing but her great success.
Should never have quit. Okay. 但是会在事业上取得大成功
一开始就不应该试着戒烟 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What?
Future coming right at you. 抱歉没听清你再说一遍
你的未来马上就能算出 I see great success in your future.
I see that you will have a happy life. 我看到了你的未来会有大成功
我看到了你会有个快乐人生 You do? Oh, thank God.
Me, happy? 真的吗谢天谢地
我快乐吗 I'm gonna have success? How big a success?
All right, get your hat, mother. We're leaving. 我会功成名就吗多成功啊
母亲戴上帽子我们可以走人了 Oh, honey, it's so big,
And I see a large sum of money coming your way. 亲爱的超级成功
还有很大一笔钱将要入你手 you won't even know you're alone.
Over $10,000. 成功到你都意识不到自己有多孤独
一万元以上哦 All right, go.
Max, it's the grant. 好啦你们走吧
麦克斯是那个拨款 May you live a long and healthy life.
We applied for $12,000. Is that it? 祝你们长命百岁一生健康
我们申请了一万二是这个吗 And put on your hat and gloves.
Sure. 记得带上帽子手套
当然 I'm predicting snow.
And in spite of your bad childhood... 我预测要下雪了
尽管你有个悲惨的童年 It's not going to snow.
She knew you had a bad childhood. 才不会下雪呢
她知道你有悲惨的童年耶 At most, it's gonna rain 30-year-old dudes.
Come on, every childhood is bad. 顶多也就是 30 岁男人们如雨坠落
拜托谁的童年不悲惨 Maybe she isn't so psychic.
You're stupid. You can't reach stuff. 她也不是多灵嘛
又小又笨总够不着东西 Stop fighting it, Max.
It's rough. 不要不信邪了麦克斯
超悲催啊 You're gonna find love and be happy,
In spite of it, 你会找到爱人然后过得开心
尽管如此 and I'm gonna be successful.
I see great love and children in your future. 而我会超级成功
我看到你的未来有爱人与儿女相伴 You hear that, New York?
Max. 你听到了吗纽约
麦克斯 I'm gonna be successful and alone!
Me? No, wait. 我将要功成名就然后孤独终老
我吗等等 And robbed and raped if you keep calling that out.
You must be picking up on her vibes. 你再喊就要被人先抢后奸了
你是不是接收到她的未来啦 And it all started when I dropped
Check again. 而成功的就是从我把
再检查一下 that grant application into that mailbox
No, great love and children 拨款申请表投入
没就是你有爱人与儿女 that those guys are unbolting and taking away.
will be part of your future. 那正被拆除带走的邮筒开始的
在未来伴你左右 What's going on?
She will die alone. 怎么回事
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It's called emails. You'll have the love and the kids
听过电邮吗你有爱人与孩子
We're getting rid of this. No one mails anything and I'll have success.
anymore. 而我有成功
我们要把邮筒拆了现在都没人寄信了 Maybe we can share, like we share our tips
Yes, they do. I did yesterday. 我们可以分享啊就像我们现在分小费
有啊我昨天才投进去呢 or that wheat thin we found in your pillowcase.
And our $12,000 depends on it. 或像我们分享你枕套里发现的饼干一样
我们的一万二就靠那封信了 Are you asking to bang my great love?
Sorry, doll. 你是想跟我以后的爱人上床吗
抱歉啦美女 Which is fine with me, becaue I'm already bored
This box has been out of commission for a week. 我是无所谓啦我到时肯定也是腻了他
这邮筒已经除役一周了呢 and sleeping with his poker buddy.
According to a psychic, her box is gonna be 然后开始睡他的牌友
而根据神婆说的她下面的"邮筒" In fact, let's switch.
out of commission forever. 这样吧我们交换
将"除役"一辈子呢 You can have my great love, and I'll die alone.
We had to tell him. 你可以拿走我的爱人让我来孤独终老
这必须得跟他们说啊 Max, you don't want to die alone.
You expect me to lie to a city employee? 麦克斯你不会想孤独终老的
你想我骗政府公仆吗 I am dying to die alone.
So I guess we're not getting that grant. 我但求孤独一死啊
看来我们是得不到那笔拨款了 -----------------------------
The psychic was wrong. -------------16--------------
那灵媒说错了 -----------------------------
Maybe nothing she said is gonna come true. Girls, I have made a big decision.
她说的估计没一样会实现姑娘们我做了个重大决定
I told you, it's a scam. You're having a sex change?
我都说了那是骗人的你决定要去变性了吗
Max, look. I totally support you, but be careful, Han.
麦克斯你瞧我完全支持你但阿憨你得小心
It's snowing. Female to male is very tricky.
下雪了女变男手术不容易呢
And she predicted snow. Well, you would know.
她预测会下雪呢你是过来人当然很了解
Oh, crap! Am I gonna have kids? Me-ow!
妈的我会有小孩啊哎哟
So she was right on snow, but not on the money. He must have already started on the hormones.
她雪预测对了但钱却没有吃了术前荷尔蒙就是不一样啊
So what is it? Now, here's my big decision.
这样怎么算啊这就是我的重大决定
Am I or am I not gonna die old and alone? We're moving from those icky glass ketchup bottles
我到底会还是不会孤独终老啊我们要从黏糊糊玻璃番茄酱瓶
Why are we even talking about this? to modern, new squeeze bottles.
我们谈这个干嘛啊改换到现代的新塑料挤压瓶
We're probably not gonna make it through the winter. Wow, that is some fresh, outside-the-box thinking.
我们都不知道活不活得过这冬天哇靠好前无古人后无来者的"创意"
if you die first, It's like being an intern at Apple during the summer of
对了如果你先死了 '76.
I am totally eating you. 我们像 1976 年苹果的实习生一样见证传奇啊
我绝对会吃你哦苹果的创始人乔布斯与其搭档
Oh. I know. 是在 1976 年成立的"苹果电脑公司"
我知道你会的 That's right. Call me "Han Jobs."
And besides, 没错请叫我"憨布斯"
而且 Oh, I will only call you "Han Jobs."
no one person can get it all. 你放心我绝对只叫你"含布斯"
没人能鱼与熊掌兼得啦 I can't believe everybody else is gone,
You're right. 真不敢相信大家都走人了
你说得对 and we're stuck here doing this.
No one person can, but what about two? 我们还得留下弄这些
一个人不行那两个人呢 Eew, this has a really toxic plastic smell.
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这有一股超浓的毒塑料味 The last time I was in an alley behind a club,
Give me that. 我上次身处舞厅后巷是为了避人群狗仔
快给我 I was in an SUV with one of the Olsen twins.
Max, are you huffing a ketchup bottle? 当时还跟奥尔森姐妹的其中一个一起躲车上呢
麦克斯你在吸番茄酱罐气吗 I still don't know which one.
I'm hoping it kills the brain cells that'll remember 我还是没认出是姐姐还是妹妹
希望这毒气能杀了我脑中那些能记得奥尔森姐妹美国著名的电视明星
I'm stuck doing ketchups on a friday night. 身材偏矮
我周五夜还得留下弄番茄酱罐的脑细胞 Hey, speaking of the Olsen twins,
Max, give it to me! 说到奥尔森姐妹
麦克斯拿来 I once woke up next to a garden gnome.
Whether you believe it or not, you're above that. 我有次醉倒在花园地精旁醒来呢
不管你信不信你没这么堕落凄惨 Well, so much for our plan.
And you know what? We're above this. 咱们的计划可真"成功"啊
而且其实我们都没这么凄惨 Yes, we've still got "doze," but no tickets.
Forget this. Let's go out. 胸器依旧在但是没有票
别弄这玩意了出去玩吧 There's gotta be a way for us to get in.
I mean, I'm newly single, and you're not picky. 肯定有办法可以进去的
我刚恢复单身而你又来者不拒对吧 What up, ladies?
True. 你们好啊美女们
没错 Hi. Moo. Whatever.
I'm ready to let my hair down 你好哞先生随便啦
我准备好要放松一下 You need tickets?
and have one of those crazy 你们想要票吗
去享受个尽情欢乐 - Well, Bessie, we might be interested.
yet fiscally responsible kind of nights. - 贝西我们可能有兴趣哦
又不乱花钱的夜晚了 How much?
You mean steal other girls' drinks 多少钱
你是指趁别的女人去上厕所时 You can have 'em for free if the blonde one milks me.
when they go to the bathroom? 如果金发妹愿意帮我"挤奶" 就免费送
偷喝掉人家酒的狂欢夜吗 How bad do you want those tickets, Caroline?
Seriously, what can you do in Williamsburg 卡洛琳你想要票的决心有多少呢
说真的啦如果只有不到 20 块 Ha, not that bad.
if you have less than $20? 没那么想要
在威廉斯堡这一带可以玩啥啊 Bye. Moo. Whatever.
Hang out on the sidewalk and look good till you turn 35. 再见哞先生随便啦
可以漂漂亮亮得"站在街边" 直到 35 岁 Sorry, Max, but I can't come back
Then turn to your friends and say, "I have to move 抱歉麦克斯但我真没办法
home." from pulling a strange man's teats.
然后跟你的朋友说"我得搬家了" 去拉陌生男子的奶头
Hey, you know what? You think that,
对了你知道吗你这么觉得
The Raveonettes 丹麦知名二人另类摇滚组合 and then you do it, and it's not so bad.
The Raveonettes are playing the lorimer lounge. 等你真拉下去其实也没那么差啦
那个丹麦乐团在马具匠酒吧表演呢 Wow, New York without money is like no magic.
We got a little tip money and lot of deez. 在纽约没钱就没奇迹
我们有少少的钱与多多的胸器 There's magic all over the city with or without money.
So let's just watch the magic unfold. 有钱没钱奇迹还是到处都有的好吗
就等着见证奇迹吧 You just have to make your own.
I haven't seen The Raveonettes live 只是你得自己创造而已
我上次看他们的现场演出 By drinking.
since I saw them in Denmark. 喝了就有奇迹了
都还是当年在丹麦呢 Oh. Purse beer.
That is crazy because I first heard of them 包包牌啤酒吗
这也太巧了吧我第一次听到他们 Sorry there's no purse nachos.
when I was dry-humping a guy named Mark in his den, 抱歉没有包包牌玉米脆片
是我与阿"麦" 在他房里厮混的那会呢 I ate them all.
So...twinsies! 我全吃光了
咱真是同"命"相怜啊 Best I can do is, uh,
Wow, my life has really changed. 顶多就是嘛...
我真是凤凰变麻雀了啊 the cheese dust down near the birth control.
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包里我避孕丸下方那块还有点起司碎 Don't you worry. Max can take care of herself.
Okay, this is ratchet. 不用担心麦克斯不会有危险的
这也太悲催了 I once saw her push a truck out of her way with her
We're just standing here like a couple of beckys. mind.
我们站在这像俩傻逼白人妞似地我看过她用意念把挡路的卡车给推开呢
Where's your magic now? Hey, everybody.
说好的奇迹呢大家好啊
Oh, you wanna see magic? Hey. Pardon.
想看奇迹吗抱歉
Abracadabra. Pardon my appearance,
妈咪妈咪哄抱歉我有点凌乱
Let me in, dumbos. but I was just in the park
让我进去傻逼们但我刚才在公园里
Abra-ca-damn-dabra! running after the high school boys' track team.
妈咪他妈咪的哄追着高中男子田径队的后面跑呢
You know, I don't know what that trash bin said to you, I told her it was fine with me.
我不知道那垃圾桶跟你说了什么我跟她说我不会介意
but you make a cute couple. I know she will never catch one of them.
但我觉得你们很般配我料她也追不上任何一个
I think it'd be a shame to break up Oh, says you.
你俩要是没挨到那你就错了
before you got to see what your kids would look like. I'm going to the prom with Brandon.
看见爱情结晶的那天我觉得会很可惜呢布兰登要带我一起去学校舞会呢
Well, it's been a rough couple of years for us, Yeah, if his--if his dad will lend him the car.
这几年的确是不太顺遂只要他爸借车给他他就带我去
what with me considering grad school Sophie, I always love when you wear that outfit.
我考虑读研究所苏菲我爱死你穿这套衣服了
and him being a trash can, but what can I say? 《仙纳杜的狂热》是 1980 年的爱情歌舞电影
而他就只当个垃圾桶但我能说啥女主的穿着就类似这样
- It's love. - I understand. It makes me wanna xana-do you.
- 这就是爱嘛 -我明白让我好想上了你这"仙纳杜"
Americans love their garbage. 'Sup?
美国人最爱垃圾了大家好咩
How else would you explain Pip-pip and cheerio.
不然你怎么解释为啥会有古德拜啊
美国知名真人秀系列有美国各地版本的 Max, thank God. I was so worried.
真实主妇生活系列节目谢天谢地我都要担心死了
The real housewives of everything? Wait, why do you look extra pretty?
真实主妇各地版的这些烂节目等等你怎么今天看起来特别美啊
You're welcome for euro Disney, by the way. Probably the new shades I didn't pay for.
你们欧洲版的迪士尼乐园也得感谢我们估计是这副免费入手的眼镜的功劳
My name's Graham. I'm with the band. Or the hours of him going downton on my abbey.
我叫格汉跟乐队一起的或归功于他"舌炖"了我底下的"庄园"吧
Max. I'm with the blonde. Hold up. No spoilers.
我叫麦克斯跟金发妞一起的别说了不许剧透
You two can come and hang backstage if you like. I haven't started season three yet.
有兴趣的话你们可以来后台玩玩啊我还没看第三季呢
- Your boyfriend can stay outside and get trashed. - Earl, you watch that show? - Yes, I do.
- 你男朋友就继续留外面被人骂吧 - 厄尔你看《唐顿庄园》啊 -对啊
Hey, ratchet-ass becky, we're in. I enjoy any show where the help is white.
悲催傻逼白人妞进来吧由白人演佣人的剧我都爱看
Earl, I'm worried. So you slept with that guy?
厄尔我好担心哦所以你跟那男的"睡"了吗
I haven't seen Max since she left with that guy last night. Oh, I really slept with that guy.
麦克斯昨晚跟那男的一起走后就没消息了我"大睡特睡"了他一番
I've called her a million times.
You go, girl.
我都打给她几百次了
做得好啊小姑娘
She picked up once,
Don't stop till you get enough!
她就接过一次
不达高潮誓不罢休
and she was either having sex or fighting a bear.
I'm surprised you spent the night.
她当时要么是在做爱要么就是在跟熊打架
真没想到你会待整夜
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Don't you usually leave before they realize The Grammys? On the real-real?
你不都是在他们发现钱被偷光前格莱美奖真的格莱美奖典礼吗
there's nothing in their wallet? 二链子美国知名饶舌歌手
就赶紧溜之大吉了吗 Do you think you'll meet 2 Chainz?
Last night you were complaining about no magic. 你觉得你会见到二链子吗
你昨晚还在抱怨没奇迹了 That's my boi!
Then I woke up this morning to a view of the park 他是我的好兄弟呢
而我今早起床能欣赏窗外中央公园美景 No, he can't be your boi, he's my boi.
and hot cinnamon rolls. 才不是呢他明明是我的好兄弟
还有肉桂卷吃 2 Chainz is the man. He sings my anthem.
Now I'm back at the diner but full of cinnamon rolls. 二链子屌爆了他唱了我心中的神曲呢
我现在来餐厅上班肚里还满满的肉桂卷 1939 年电影《绿野仙踪》中由三个小矮人所唱的插
Boom. Magic. Suck it, David Blaine. 曲
看这就是奇迹吃土吧刘谦 We represent the lollipop guild?
Well, at least you had fun. The only fun I had last night "我们代表棒棒糖公会"吗
你玩得开心就好我昨晚唯一开心的 I'm talking about his ode to big booty hos.
was when that cow dude passed out on his feet, 是他那首唱"大屁股妞"的歌啦
就只有趁那个乳牛哥醉倒时绊了他 Birthday song is my song.
and I tipped him over. 生日歌是我的歌好吗
让他摔个牛吃屎生日歌二链子与饶舌歌手坎耶合唱饶舌歌曲
- So are you gonna see him again? - Sunday. 副歌主要是唱"我生日就要个大屁股骚妞玩玩"
- 你之后还会跟他见面吗 -周日 No, birthday song is my song.
And I realize you haven't heard these words 屁生日歌是我的主打歌好吗
我知道你没钱后就没听过这几个字 Every morning in the shower I rap
since you lost your money, but you're invited. 每天早上洗澡时我都哼唧着
但是我还是要告诉你 "你也有受邀哦" * All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho *
So you're asking me to be the third wheel * 我生日就要个大屁股骚妞玩玩 *
你是要邀请我去当你们那 Wow, that actually makes you look whiter.
on a two-night one-night stand? 你学黑人不成还更像脑残白人了
"两"夜情的电灯泡吗 I'll give you the weekend off
So I guess a private plane and two tickets 我可以让你们周末请假
所以私人专机跟两张去洛杉矶的 if you get him to sign my concert T-shirt.
to the Grammys in L.A. won't do it for you either? 但是你们得让他在我的演唱会 T 恤上签名
格莱美奖门票也吸引不了你吗 Well, we're never gonna meet him, but done.
'Cause, bitch, we're invited! 我们永远遇不到他的吧不过没问题
我们受邀了你个小贱人 All my dreams are coming true!
The Grammys? That's so exciting. 我的美梦要实现啦
格莱美奖吗太棒了吧 This is so exciting.
Oh, and my self-esteem could really use 好兴奋哦
我现在好需要被人误认为是 I am finally going a plane ride.
being mistaken for Taylor Swift right now. 我终于要上飞机耍耍啦
泰勒·斯威夫特来提升一下自尊心 Max, you've never been on a plane?
泰勒·斯威夫特美国乡村歌曲小天后麦克斯你没坐过飞机吗
换过无数任名人男友分手后写歌说是非因此声名 I've never been on a plane.
狼藉是啊没坐过
Which tells you how low my self-esteem is. - Max, even snakes have been on a plane.
也代表我现在自尊真是低到爆了 - 连蛇都坐过飞机了好吗
The guy is sending a private plane for me. Good morning, madame. Welcome aboard.
那男的要派私人飞机接我呢早安啊女士欢迎登机
A private plane! It's a lovely day for a flight, yes?
私人飞机啊今天是个飞行的好日子对吧
That's how good I am in bed. I am Agnes, and if there is anything that you need at all,
知道我床上功夫多棒了吧我叫艾格尼丝有任何能为您效劳的地方
We're going to the Grammys! - you can just let me know. Hmm?
我们要去参加格莱美奖啦 - 千万别客气哦
What is all of the excitement? Cool. Cool.
你们在兴奋什么啊好好
Han, we need the weekend off. Please don't lag behind.
阿憨我们周末得请假不要掉队好吗
We're going to the Grammys. I just got french bombed, and I have no idea what she
我们要去参加格莱美奖 said,
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我刚被长串法文轰炸了我一句都没听懂 in front of french stewart.
but I think we should tip her. 在法国空姐前丢脸
我们应该是该给她小费吧 Max, there are no seat assignments.
Oh, my God. I can't believe... 麦克斯这没有指定座位
天啊我真不敢相信 You can sit anywhere.
I'm back on a private plane. 你想坐哪里都行
我又坐上私人飞机了 Oh, cool. Like A.A.
Max, thank you so much for having sex with that 酷啊跟戒酒会一样
stranger. I love a G5.
麦克斯超感谢你跟那个陌生人上床了我爱死 G5 私人飞机了
Aw, it was my pleasure. This reminds me so much of the plane we used to have.
乐意之极这好勾起我家以前那台飞机的回忆
Literally. Wait, Max, this plane looks very familiar.
肉体超乐意哦等等麦克斯这飞机超眼熟啊
Welcome aboard, I am Agnes. Max, this was my plane.
欢迎上机我是艾格尼丝麦克斯这就是我的飞机
I can take those for you. Well, it's my plane now.
我帮你们放行李吧现在是我的飞机啦
Do you have luggage? - Wait, if this was my plane... -Which it isn't.
您有需要放的行李吗 - 如果这真是我以前的飞机 -不是的
Ah oui. There'd be something I hid down here for an
在这里啊 emergency.
Merci beaucoup. Agnes. Je m'appelle Caroline. 这下面肯定会有我以前留着应急的东西
非常感谢我是卡洛琳 Money? Gold? Kettle corn?
Elle est Max. 钱黄金还是爆米花吗
她是麦克斯 Yep. My Chanel lip gloss.
- Ah, vous etes tres jolie. 找到了我的香奈儿唇彩
- 你真漂亮 Abra-ca-damn-dabra.
Oh, thank you. I'm not Angelina Jolie. 妈咪他妈了个哄
谬赞了但我不是安吉丽娜·朱莉 You were a Billionaire,
I get that a lot. 你以前是亿万富翁
常有人这么说 and for an emergency, you hid lip gloss?
You speak french very well. 你留下的应急物品是一根唇蜜吗
您的法语说得非常好呢 Just in case something went wrong.
Bravo! 为防天有不测风云嘛
太棒了 I wanted to look good if I was going down.
Normalement, les gens ont les mots, mais avec un 飞机真"下去"了我也想看起来美美滴
accent terrible. you know they don't care what you look like
一般人说法语时用词是对的但口音很重只要你愿意"下去" 男人才不管你
Mais avec vous, c'est comme si je parlais avec ma soeur. as long as you go down.
但和您讲话就好象跟我妹妹聊天一样是美还是丑咧
Oh ! Je ne sais pas si je parle aussi bien que votre soeur. What the hell is wrong with me?
我不知道我是不是跟您妹妹说的一样好我在犯什么傻啊
Mais je parle mieux que la majorite des Americains I'm glossing like a rich gal.
但我敢说我比大多数美国人说得好我居然像富家女那样擦唇膏
qui pense que le fracais est... This has gotta last me two years.
他们只懂怎么用法语说我得省着用擦个两年啊
"Le french fry." Would you like a towel?
"薯条" 你们要用毛巾擦手吗
That's all I know. How much?
我就知道这一点多少钱
And every time you ice me out with her, Max, they're free.
只要你把我晾一旁跟她聊法语麦克斯那是免费的
that's what's coming your way. Oh, like the doughnuts at A.A.
我就会这么跟你玩就像戒酒会的免费甜甜圈
Okay, so how does this work? Jeez, that's hot!
所以私人飞机的规矩是怎样天啊烫死人了
Do we need tickets? Where do I sit? You should warn a bitch.
需要票吗我坐哪里你应该先提醒老娘的
Because I don't wanna embarrass myself So sorry. It's her first time on a plane.
我不想害自己非常抱歉她是第一次坐飞机
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我刚在告诉她香槟快到了 I'm a little scared.
我希望她别生我的气我有点害怕
请稍等我马上去给你们上香槟 What's it gonna feel like?
Every time. 起飞是什么感觉啊
说了我每次都会这样 Oh, that's it? That feels familiar.
We only are waiting for one more passenger, 就这样吗那我还挺熟悉的
再等一个乘客上机 Guess I have a private plane in my nightstand.
and then we'll be departing. 床头柜那根电动棒就是我的私人飞"鸡"
我们就可以起飞了 I can't believe this.
Champagne? 我简直难以置信
来点香槟吗 I'm standing in a flying living room eating ham.
Merci beaucoup. 我居然站在一个会飞的客厅里吃着火腿
非常感谢 That's prosciutto from Italy.
Ooh, the last time I had champagne 那是来自意大利的熏火腿
我上一次喝香槟还是在逸林酒店 It's ham from right over there.
was at a filipino wedding I crashed at a Doubletree. 这是来自那桌子的火腿
当时我混进一场菲律宾婚礼蹭吃蹭喝 And I'm about to go ham on this ham.
Another passenger? I wonder who it could be. 我准备加大火力消灭那盘火腿了
还有一位乘客会是谁呢 It's been two hours.
Probably my mother. 都过了两小时了
可能是我妈 When is 2 Chainz gonna wake up? I want a picture.
Every time something great is about to happen to me, 二链子什么时候会醒呀我想跟他合影
每次当我人生中要有好事发生时 You want him to wake up for a picture?
she shows up and ruins it. 你想让他醒来跟你合影吗
她总会半路杀出来毁掉它 I'll handle that.
In 20 hours, we went from beer in an alley 我来搞定
在短短的 20 小时我们从在小巷里喝啤酒 Anything?
to dom on a plane. 醒了吗
晋升到在飞机上喝高级香槟 Nothing. Do it again.
That's pretty magical. 没醒再来一次
也算是奇迹了 Wow, that sleepy time really knocks you out.
Yeah, this could not get any better. 哇那个睡睡茶还真让他昏睡过去了
对啊小日子不能更美好了 He must have two-bagged it.
Max, it did just get better. 他肯定是喝了"二"包
麦克斯现在变得更美好了 He's totally out. Let's just do it.
That's 2 Chainz. I can't believe it. 他完全睡死过去了咱们动手吧
那是二链子真是不敢相信 Wait, we're just gonna take his picture,
Good morning. How y'all doing? 慢着我们只是要跟他合影
早上好你们好吗 - nothing else, right? - Yes.
Cool. Cool. - 除此之外没别的对吧 -对
好好 Okay, 'cause I can see how these things can get out of
All right. hand.
好的好因为场面常常都会变得很失控
Monsieur deux Chainz, good morning. - Okay, I'm first. - No, no, no, I'm first.
二链子先生早上好 - 好我先来 -不不不我先
Coffee, water, champagne? - It's my plane. - Well, actually it's my plane.
咖啡水还是香槟 - 我的飞机我说了算 -老实说这是我的飞机
No, I'm really tired. I just wanna crash.
Was your plane. It's mine now.
不了我很累只想倒头大睡
曾是你的飞机现在是我的了
Not the plane.
I had morning sex for it with a leg cramp.
不是咒飞机倒哦
我为了它早晨做爱到腿抽筋呢
Do you have any sleepy time tea?
Wait, do another, do another.
你们有什么睡睡茶吗
等等再拍一张再拍一张
"Sleepy time tea"?
Good one.
"睡睡茶"
这张好
That is so gangster! New facebook default.
感觉就超流氓范啊脸书默认新头像
Oh, we're moving. In fact, this is my new default pic for everything
飞机动了我要把这张照片设为我所有的默认头像
Max, buckle your seat belt. We're about to take off. including my tombstone.
麦克斯把安全带系上我们要起飞了包括我的墓碑照
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Since you did boobs, I'm gonna put my booty in his face, - 没事的现在是自动驾驶模式
既然你托胸那我只有把屁股翘到他脸上了 Autopilot. That's how I live my life.
'cause all he wants for his birthday is a big booty ho. 放任自流我的人生就是这样过活
因为他生日最想要的是大屁股骚妞 Pilot Bill is an old pal.
Closer. I can't get both of you. 比尔机长是我的老朋友
近点我拍不下你们俩 He used to fly my friends and I around in college.
Get closer. 在大学时他经常载我和我朋友到处飞
靠近点 Yeah, good times.
I never get tired of waking up like this. 是啊美好的时光
被这样弄醒再多次也甘愿 This is my friend, Max,
Oh, Mr. Chainz, I am so mortified. 这位是我的朋友麦克斯
二链子先生真是太丢脸了 and it's her very first time on an airplane.
I didn't wanna bother you. I was just gonna be cool. 这是她第一次坐飞机
我不是存心要打扰你我只是想装酷而已 Hey, mine too.
Oh, that ship sailed with the butt pic 我也是
不打扰与装酷早在拍下合影 J.K.
and then crashed with "Mr. Chainz." 开玩笑啦
然后屁股撞到链子先生后就没可能了 Listen, Max, why don't you take a stroll down there
I just wanted a picture because I am such a huge fan. 麦克斯你何不往前走走
我只想跟你合影因为我是你的超级粉丝 - and check out the cockpit? - The cockpit?
And I wanted to wish you luck tonight at the Grammys - 去驾驶舱看看呢 -驾驶舱
祝你在今晚的格莱美奖上获奖 If it's anything like the gay bar on 14th street,
because your music means a lot to me. 如果是像第 14 街的基佬吧一样
因为你的音乐对我意义重大 I'm not dressed right.
And I totally related when you said 那我恐怕没穿对衣服
你的歌词超级能引起我的共鸣 It is so good to see you.
- * When I die bury me inside the Gucci store * - True. 见到你真高兴
- * 我死后请将我埋在古奇店里 * -的确 And, god, I'd forgotten how beautiful you are.
* When I die bury me inside the Louis store * 天啊我都忘了你有多漂亮了
* 我死后请将我埋在路易威登店里 * Oh, thank you, Pilot Bill.
* All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho * 谢谢比尔机长
* 我生日就要个大屁股骚妞玩玩 * You know, I never thought I had a chance with you
* All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho * before
* 我生日就要个大屁股骚妞玩玩 * 我之前从来不觉得我可以高攀你
Yeah. because you had so much money and I was 20 years
没错 older,
Hey, what's the party, players? 因为你家财万贯而我又比你大 20 岁
各位在搞什么派对呢 but now you're broke and I had a facelift,
I heard "booty" and I heard "ho," 但现在你破产了而我做了拉皮整容
我听见"屁股"和"骚妞"了 so we're kinda on the same level.
so I had to do a pop-in. 所以我们现在算是同一等级了
所以我必须得"插"一脚 Oh, a facelift?
Always some weird white guy coming to crash a party. 拉皮整容啊
派对的兴致总是被某些奇怪的白人给搞砸 That's why your face is so tight and pink?
Chainz. 所以你的脸才看起来这么紧致粉嫩
链子兄 I thought maybe you were in a fire.
Stop. No way. 我还以为你是火灾烫平了呢
不是吧不可能 But you look good.
I can't believe it's you flying this plane. 但你看起来不错
居然是你开这架飞机 - Sure, let's go out. -Great.
Caroline, it's been so long since I've seen you. - 当然我们可以约会 -太好了
卡洛琳好久不见 I'm gonna grab a coffee. I'll be right back.
- Bring it in. - Oh, Max, this is Bill. 我要去拿杯咖啡马上回来
- 过来抱抱 -麦克斯这位是比尔 What you doing going out with a guy like that?
- The pilot. -The pilot? 你怎么会跟这种人约会呢
- 机长 -机长 Well, here's the thing, 2.
Why is he walking around? 我是有苦衷的二先生
为什么他在随意走动 You don't tell the pilot flying the plane you're on
Brace for crash! Brace for crash! 你不能在飞机上告诉机长
抓稳扶好抓稳扶好 that you don't wanna go out with him.
- It's okay, it's on autopilot. 你不想跟他约会
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Got you. It's the carnival ride all over again!
理解嘉年华的坠机事件重现
You just keep flirting with him until we land. I broke the plane! I broke the plane!
那你在着陆前好好跟他调情吧我把飞机弄坏了我把飞机弄坏了
I gotta make it to the Grammys. Okay, everything's under control.
我必须赶到今晚的格莱美奖没事一切都在控制之中
So, Max, you've really never been on a plane before? Just sit down, sit down. Put your seat belt on.
麦克斯你以前真的没有坐过飞机吗坐下坐下把安全带系上
Well, technically it's my second time And, uh, Caroline, here's my cellular.
严格来说这是第二次卡洛琳这是我的电话
if you count rock-o-plane ride at the carnival. Of course, you can always still get me at my mom's, so--
如果嘉年华的翻转飞机也算的话当然你还能打电话去我妈家找我
Guess I was rockin' that plane too hard, - Go save the plane! - Yeah. Yeah.
可能当时我玩太猛了 - 快去拯救飞机 -好的好的
'cause halfway through the ride, We'll be fine.
因为转到一半的时候没事的啦
my mini-747 fell off its gears, I was not meant to die as the second banana
我的迷你飞机从支架上脱落我注定不会以一个跟班的身份
and I crashed to the ground. in a cross-country booty call.
然后我就坠机了死在横跨美国的约炮专机上啦
There would have been a lawsuit, Mon dieu mon dieu!
本来是要告他们的天啊
but the carnie paid me off with a snow cone, Mais pourquoi ca m'arrive maintenant
但嘉年华管理员用一个甜筒收买我天哪为什么在我遇她们的时候
and also no one cared about me as a child. jusque quand je rencontre ...
而且我小时候根本没人在乎我发生这种事
Well, go ahead, put your hands on the wheel. C'est pas vrai! Oh la la!
来吧把你的手放在方向盘上这不是真的
- Give it a spin. - No, I'm good. What did she say?
- 玩一下试试 -算了她刚说什么
Wow, we are really up there. I have no idea.
哇我们飞得真高我不知道
I have never been this high. I heard "love" and "why now?"
我从来没有这么高高地飞在天空我只听见"爱"和"为什么现在"
- And trust me, I have been high. So just in case.
- 相信我我嗑药经验可多了我要以防万一
Yeah, I hear that. I should tell you I took $10 out of the cupcake fund
我懂你的意思我一直没有告诉你我从小蛋糕基金里
No one liked to get high more than me. for a big mac and never told you.
没有人比我更喜欢嗑药了拿了 10 块钱去买巨无霸汉堡
I did everything-pills, weed, coke, I should tell you I took $100 out of the cupcake fund
我什么都试过药丸大麻可卡因我也没告诉你我为了让头发维持天然金
And what's that called when you crumble the coke on to keep my hair this naturally blonde.
your weed? 从小蛋糕基金里拿了 100 块钱去染发
把可卡因磨碎了撒在大麻上的那种叫啥来着 Okay, everybody. We got a bit of a situation.
Anyway, I loved to get high. 各位飞机出了点小状况
总而言之我无药不欢啊 Looks like my new girlfriend's friend broke the plane.
But that's all way behind me now. 似乎我新女友的朋友把飞机弄坏了
但是我现在不这样了 No, I'm just kidding. We had some engine trouble.
I've been clean and sober 不是啦我开玩笑的是引擎出了问题
看过丹泽尔的电影 We're going to have to make an emergency landing in
ever since that Denzel Flight movie came out. Kansas.
《迫降航班》后我就戒毒并保持清醒了我们得在堪萨斯紧急迫降
It's still in the theaters. - Go, Chiefs!
那电影现在还没下档呢 - 加油堪萨斯城酋长队
Yep, saw it last week. Hey, blondie.
对啊我上周看的金发妹
Maybe I will put my hands on the wheel. Why don't you keep us in the air?
或许我会把手放在方向盘上为了不降落你何不牺牲一下
You know, just in case. How about you go give the pilot a little love?
以防万一不如你去给那位机长一点"爱爱"
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Okay. Okay, thank you. 也算是奇迹了对吧
好的好的谢谢 Yeah, and 2 Chainz did say
Well, good news. 对二链子的确有说
好消息 he enjoyed meeting us and that we're two fine, big
We're not stranded here. booty hos.
我们不会被困在这里他很高兴遇见咱俩个有爱的大屁股骚妞
I just got off the phone, That's pretty magical.
我刚通完电话上天待我不薄啊
and according to my new boyfriend, captain facelift, Han's gonna be so jealous
我的新男友拉皮机长说要是阿憨知道
your new boyfriend, the brit, when he finds out I met our boy.
你的新男友那个英国人我遇见我们的偶像一定会嫉妒死的
is flying us home tomorrow on a commercial flight. Oh, my god, we forgot to get han's t-shirt signed.
明天会安排我们坐民航飞机回家天啊我们忘了帮阿憨的 T 恤签名了
- Coach. - What? Or did we?
- 二等舱哦 -什么是吗
I don't do coach. When you don't have enough money to fix your own
人家坐不惯二等舱啦 mistakes,
And I am pretty positive 当你没有钱弥补你犯下的错误时
而且我非常确定 you've gotta make your own magic.
2 Chainz would have taken us on that other plane they 那就得靠自己创造奇迹
sent Max, it's 2 Chainz with a "z" not an "s".
如果你没有在降落的玉米地玩半小时说唱麦克斯是二"链"子不是二"愣"子啦
if you hadn't rapped for 30 minutes Damn! The one time I know how to spell something,
二链子一定会带我们靠我唯一一次懂怎么写
in that corn field after we landed. and it comes back to bite me in the ass.
坐另外一架飞机去参加格莱美结果还是让我出糗了
I don't care what you say. Ooh, it's starting.
那只是你的一面之词颁奖典礼开始了
I burned that corn field up. Ready to go to the Grammys?
我可是让那片玉米地都炸出了爆米花准备好参加格莱美了吗
Here, let's eat something. They delivered the food. Don't get any ham on the dress.
来吃点东西吧他们送来了食物火腿别沾到裙子
Slim jims, cheez-its, pizza pringles, We have to return these to get our money back.
牛肉干奶酪饼干披萨口味薯片我们得还回去退钱的
and two ham and cheese sandwiches. You think Beyonce's saying that right now?
还有两个火腿奶酪三明治你觉得碧昂丝会说这种话吗
Ham? Where's the prosciutto? Hey, if we can make our own magic,
火腿我的意大利熏火腿呢如果我们可以创造自己的奇迹
There is none. we can make our own Grammys.
没有那我们也可以创造自己的格莱美
Mais pourquoi? Max Black, who are you wearing?
为什么麦克斯·布莱克你穿哪个设计师的
Because we're at a motel in Kansas. Who are you wearing?
因为我们是在堪萨斯的汽车旅馆里你穿哪个设计师的
And the lady at the front desk called me a snob My roommate's rent.
前台小姐因为我打电话说要披萨口味薯片这是"我室友租金牌"
for ordering the pizza pringles. You're right, this is pretty magical.
而骂我做作装逼你说得对感觉真奇妙
I can't believe I'm not at the Grammys, But wait, I think it can get better.
真不敢相信我没去成格莱美慢着我觉得还可以更妙
and I'm stuck here eating a lousy vending machine See?
sandwich. 瞧
还被困在这里吃自动贩卖机的烂三明治 Way more magical.
Well, it's better than doing those ketchups in the diner. 超级妙吧
总比在餐馆摆弄番茄酱强啊 You know, this kind of feels like the private plane.
And crash-landing in a corn field with a rap star 这种感觉有点像私人飞机呢
而且跟一位说唱界的巨星迫降在玉米地里 Yeah, the one I have in my nightstand.
with our heads still attached- 对啊我床头那根私人飞"鸡"
咱俩还毫发无损 -----------------------------
that's pretty magical, right? -------------17--------------
第 134 页 /共 198 页
----------------------------- 会不会有点太无下限啊
Oh, my God! We have customers? - I sold eight of them. - Screw her, you're a genius!
天啊居然有顾客上门 - 都卖掉八个了呢 -管她去死你就是个天才
What's going on? Ooh, ooh, can I name one?
这是怎么回事可以让我也取一个吗
Why are there so many hipsters here? How 'bout we call the day-olds the Hugh Hefners?
怎么来了这么多嬉皮士啊我可以把隔夜的小蛋糕取为"休·海夫纳"吗
Are we selling stupid hats and telling them 休·海夫纳《花花公子》杂志创办人
我们开始卖傻逼帽子 That's not '90s.
they're more talented than they actually are? 他又不 90 年代
然后乱夸他们超有才吗 He's in his 90s, and he's stale and hard.
No, that's already a store. It's called "Fedorable." 但他 90 多岁如隔夜蛋糕般"又老又硬"
不那种店早有了就是那家装潮帽店啊乔纳森·泰勒·托马斯美国演员与配音员在 90 年代有
You've been working so hard to get us customers in,
许多作品
你一直很努力地帮店里招揽顾客 Can I get a Jonathan Taylor Thomas to go
I wanted to contribute by finding a way
我要外带一个"乔纳森·泰勒·托马斯"
所以我也想找到个方法
and two of the Spice Girls?
to get in the neighborhood hipsters.
再加任意两个"辣妹"
来招揽跟这一带的嬉皮士
So... here's our new flyer. 辣妹组合 90 年代知名英国女子组合
这就是我们的新传单五名辣妹分别是时髦疯狂姜汁运动以及宝贝辣
You made up a new flyer without talking to me about it 妹
Any one but "Baby."
first?
但我不要"宝贝辣妹"哦
你问都没问我就弄个新传单啊
I renamed all the cupcakes after people from the '90s! Sure.
我给小蛋糕都冠上 90 年代的名人名呢没问题
Dude, you should come to the '90s trivia contest
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
兄台你应该来参加九十年代冷知识大赛
"麦克斯自制小蛋糕
every Monday at the Bar bar.
Flavor Flav 美国知名说唱歌手名字直译就是口味曾
每周一在"酒吧"吧举行哦
在 90 年代闹出吸毒丑闻
You could win, like, big money.
We've got all your Flavor Flavs."
你能赢一大笔钱呢
所有你们要的"口味哥"都有" Yeah, and then I could pay for the lobotomy I'd need
Hipsters love '90s nostalgia more than they love 赢一大笔钱来支付我为了忘掉
嬉皮士爱回忆 90 年代 to forget that I ever participated
pretending not to love anything. 参加过酒吧里的嬉皮士蠢赛
更胜假装自己啥都不爱 in a hipster contest in a bar.
"Come in and lick a Beavis. 而去施行的脑部手术吗
欢迎来舔舔"瘪四"小蛋糕 Cute hat. You're very talented.
瘪四与大头蛋美国 90 年代知名成人低俗卡通您帽子好有爱又好有才华哦
Eat a butt-head." I'm putting this flyer up in the window.
或吃个"大头蛋" 我去把这传单贴我们窗子上吧
The pistachio is now called the Dennis Rodman Oh, look, there's a street performer trying to get people
开心果小蛋糕现在改叫"丹尼斯·罗德曼" 你看咱店门口有个街头艺人
丹尼斯·罗德曼美国 90 年代知名篮球员常有出格行 to dance with his marionette outside our shop.
为与言论想拉路人跟他的牵线木偶跳舞
because it's such a dumbass flavor. Uh-oh, not cool!
这蠢蛋糕就得用蠢货的名这可不行
Cute. No hipster wants to krump with a puppet.
真不错嬉皮士才不会想跟木偶跳小丑舞呢
Wait, what's going on over there? krump 又称小丑舞是一种著名街舞名字与舞步风格
等等那边怎么回事起源于 90 年代
Why are all those cupcakes smashed? See, he just chased them away.
那些小蛋糕怎么都烂兮兮的你看把客人都吓跑了
Those are the Nancy Kerrigans. We'll just ask him to move, but we have to be nice.
那些是"南茜·克里根"小蛋糕我们请他去别地方就行了要友善哦
南茜·克里根美国 90 年代知名女花样溜冰选手曾在 Nice? Nice...
训练期间被令一名女选手攻击而喧腾一时什么友善友善...
I don't know if it's in good taste Oh, yeah, that's the thing you are to the welfare lady
拿她的惨事当笑点就是趁我妈在卧室藏新买的电视机时
to make fun of her personal tragedy. while your mom's in the bedroom hiding the new TV.
第 135 页 /共 198 页
而我要对那位发补助金的女士装穷扮可怜的样子吗 and I can't get my back tooth fixed?
Hi, how are you? We own this cupcake-- 而我连补大牙的钱都没
您好吗我们是这小蛋... Well, I, for one, really appreciate
Shh! Not while he's dancing. 我个人呢是真的很欣赏
安静他在跳舞呢 the art of puppetry.
I'm sorry, would you like me to wait? 木偶戏的艺术啦
抱歉了您是想我等他跳完吗 I can tell you do, and...
Oh, this dude's a serial killer. 我看得出来而且...
这家伙绝对是变态杀人魔 so can Pierre.
Do you want me to... 皮埃尔也看得出
您是想我... You know, he doesn't just approach anybody.
Yup, total serial killer. 他可不会随便亲近人呢
绝对是杀人魔 I'm Caroline. This is Max. And you are?
Just a matter of time till we're hung on strings 我叫卡洛琳她是麦克斯你是...
我们俩早晚会成为他地下室里的 My stage name is J. Petto.
in his basement. 我的艺名叫"劫佩托"
真人牵线偶 Oh, so cute. Geppetto, like Pinocchio's father.
And I probably just got puppet herpes. 真有爱小木偶的爸爸"杰佩托"嘛
而且我估计还染上了木偶疱疹 No, it's "J," period, "Petto."
Well, I hope you enjoyed your kiss 不是"劫"佩托
希望您还喜欢 Disney owns the rights to the name Geppetto,
with Charming Pierre. 迪士尼公司有"杰佩托"这名字的版权
与万人迷皮埃尔的那个吻 so once again, the poor, starving artist gets screwed!
Now, if you wouldn't mind...
所以可怜的街头艺人只能屈服于淫威之下啦
如果您赏脸的话... So sad. Can you move?
Oh, Pierre's a prostitute? 真可怜你能走吗
原来皮埃尔是牛郎啊 See, this is our cupcake shop,
It's a little weird for him to do it out in the open, 你看这是我们的小蛋糕店
他在大庭广众之下就"开工" 有点怪吧 and you're blocking the entrance.
but if he can't afford a car, he can't afford a car. 你挡住了我们的门口
他要买不起车当"工作站" 那也没办法 Uh, this is a public space,
Oh, you're one of those-a woman without wonder. 这里是公共区域
看来你是那种没好奇心的无趣女人 and I know my rights.
Not true. In fact, I'm wondering 我知道我有哪些公民权利
才不是呢我现在就很好奇 Showtime!
how you manage to pay rent. 表演开始
你怎么赚得到房租钱 I was trying to be nice,
Okay, could you two just move along? 我刚才一直试着对你友善
你们能哪儿凉快哪待去吗 but you are the rudest puppeteer I've ever met.
I have another show in five minutes. 但你是我见过最没礼貌的操偶师
我五分钟后要开始下一场演出了 And I'm including Shari Lewis,
That was a show? 比莎里·刘易斯这个
那也算是演出啊莎里·刘易斯美国早期知名女操偶师
Look, you can't do your little skits here. who told my father to shove it on my fifth birthday!
听好不许在这表演你的把戏在我五岁生日派对上叫我老爸吃屎的人还无礼
She doesn't mean to be negative. Let's go, Max.
她其实没有负面的意思啦走吧麦克斯
She's right. I was planning to be all positive Hey... Doll man.
她说得对我本来也打算给点正面评价喂娃娃男
till your doll raped her leg. You don't want to mess with us.
但你的娃娃强奸她腿后就没了惹龙惹凤也别惹我们
Pierre is not a doll, okay? I make one call to the cops,
皮埃尔不是娃娃好吗我给警察打个电话
He is a marionette. Hand-carved by me. they do a background check, and I'm pretty sure you'd
他是个牵线木偶我亲手雕刻的呢 go
And I don't do "skits," Okay? 他们调查一下你的背景我肯定很快
而且我表演的也不是"把戏" 懂吗 from "J. Petto" to "J. Petto-Phile."
I received a national endowment for my work. 就能查出你恋童癖的事哦
我的演出还得到国家的赞助呢 Miss, I dropped my David Hasselhoff.
What? The government pays for stuff like this, 小姐我把"大卫·霍索夫"弄掉地上了
什么政府花钱补助这种玩意儿大卫·霍索夫美国知名男演员作品《海滩游侠》在
第 136 页 /共 198 页
90 年代十分火热曾流出醉酒后倒卧在地的丑态短片给买了下来
Well, it's not the first time he's been on the floor. and then burn it to the ground!
这也不是他第一次倒在地上了然后一把火把它烧成灰烬
Hey, you can't talk to me like that. I was just so angry
不许你这么说我我恨死他们
I studied puppetry in Paris at the palais-- they wouldn't let me be a cheerleader.
我曾经就学于巴黎学习木偶艺术... 当年不让我加入拉拉队了
Oh, my God, he slipped on David Hasselhoff! 1976 年的恐怖电影
天啊他踩到"大卫·霍索夫" 滑倒了 No, baby, that was the movie Carrie.
- Are you okay? - Yeah. 宝贝那是电影《卡丽》的情节啦
- 你没事吧 -没事 You fell asleep watching it last night.
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. 你昨晚看的时候睡着了
我没事没事啦 Oh. Yeah, I gotta stop watching movies late at night.
I'm just a little embarrassed. 我以后不深夜看电影了
觉得有点丢脸而已 Once, for a whole year,
Oh, no, no. I landed on Pierre! 我因为这样有一年
惨了惨了我压在皮埃尔身上了 1988 年电影《谁陷害了兔子罗杰》
Pierre? I thought I framed Roger Rabbit.
皮埃尔我以为是我陷害的兔子罗杰呢
Here, have a seat. I'm looking for the owners of Max's homemade
来请坐 cupcakes.
Would either of you like a coffee or a free cupcake? 我想找麦克斯自制小蛋糕的店主
你要喝杯咖啡还是来个免费小蛋糕吗 Oh, that's me. Wow, word is really spreading.
No, I'm just gonna pack up and go. Thank you. 是我真是名声传千里啊
不用我收拾一下就走谢谢 How can I help you?
Come back anytime for a free cupcake. 有什么需要帮忙的吗
随时欢迎回来吃免费小蛋糕 You've been served.
But no need to bring your dolls. 你被传唤了
不过娃娃就不必带着了 - Max, I just got served.
They're not dolls! I'm a man! - 麦克斯我被法院传唤了
这不是娃娃好吗我是个男人 Did he go after your bangs? 'Cause that's where I'd start.
It's crazy how many hipsters 羞辱你的刘海吗我肯定先从这开始羞辱起
我们的新传单发出去后 This is a lawsuit.
came into our shop today from our new flyers. 这可是法律诉讼啊
今天来店里光顾的嬉皮士超级多 It says, "Max's homemade cupcakes is being sued
We ran completely out of all 上面写着 "麦隆·谢尔斯也就是劫佩托
而且店里所有的 for injuries sustained in our shop by Myron Shales,
the Butterfinger Buttafuocos, 因在麦克斯自制小蛋糕店摔伤而以
花生巧克力小蛋糕"巴特福奥克" A.K.A. 'J. Petto.'"
"巴特福奥克"音似花生巧克力而"乔伊·巴特福奥故意伤害罪起诉店主"
克"与"玛丽·乔·巴特福奥克" 是美国 90 年代引起社会 Max, it's the puppet guy.
轰动一起婚外情的主角麦克斯是那个木偶男
the Joeys, and even the Mary Jos, He's suing us?
"乔伊"版"以及我本来以为卖不掉的他要告咱们啊
which I did not think would sell. We should be suing him for gross...
"玛丽·乔"版都统统卖光了呢应该是我们告他很恶心...
I reworked the smashed Nancy Kerrigans I don't know what the legal words are
我把"南茜·克里根"重弄了一下我不知道法律用词怎么说
当年的案件中玛丽·乔脸部被人开枪 but just for being gross.
and called it the Mary Jo. 反正就是告他当个恶心人啦
We can't afford to be sued.
然后改叫它"玛丽·乔"
Girls, I'm so happy for you. 我们承受不起被人告
We can't even afford the lawyer on those bus ads
姑娘们我真替你们开心
You know, I remember when my business 我们甚至请不起巴士广告上那个
who has a gavel in one hand and a chicken in the other.
我还记得我生意
first started to take off. 一手拿小木槌一手抓只鸡的律师
I hope everything was satisfactory.
刚开始蒸蒸日上那会
The first thing I did was to buy the little village 希望两位对本店还满意
Can I get you ladies anything else...
我第一件事就是把我长大的那小村子
that I grew up in 请问两位女士还需要点什么吗
like a strong work ethic?
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比如强烈的职业道德如何 And here we are talking about it now.
Han, it's not funny. We're being sued. 看我们现在就在讨论啦
阿憨不好玩啦我们被人告了 Remember, we have no choice.
Okay, let me see those. 记住我们别无选择
好吧文件给我看看 We have to get him to drop this lawsuit.
I studied law in Korea, 我们必须说服他撤销诉讼
我在韩国曾学过法律 Okay, 3B, here. This is the puppet guy's apartment.
but I never made it through graduation. 3B 到了这就是那个木偶男的公寓
但是我没有读到毕业 You say puppet guy, I say serial killer.
I realized it wasn't my passion, 你说他是木偶男我说他是变态杀人魔
因为我意识到那不是我的兴趣 You say apartment, I say the brightest dot
- and I pulled out. 你说这是公寓我说这是《梅根法案》
- 所以我中途退出了 on the "Megan's law" website.
Did they know it was in? 网站上最高亮的住址
有人知道你曾"进去"过吗《梅根法案》美国性犯罪者资讯公开法的俗称法案
Let's see... 规定性犯罪者获释后其姓名和居住地址必须公之于
我看看众
Yeah, you're being sued. Max, that is not charming. Stay on message.
没错你们被告了麦克斯说这种话一点都不讨喜心里要想着
What law school did you go to, CAL State-the-obvious? - We're charming, we're sorry... - We're drunk.
你念的哪间破学校加州"陈述事实"大学吗 - 我们要讨喜我们很抱歉 -我们喝醉了
源自拉丁语 magna cum laude 意为以优异的成绩 Well, I am.
Did you graduate magna come rarely? 至少我是
你是以最少高潮的成绩毕业的吗 How else do you think I'm gonna pull off charming?
- I told you, I pulled out. 不然你觉得我怎么扮得出讨喜样
- 我都说了我退出了 Let's just get in and out of there.
But don't worry, accidents like this happen 咱们快进快出
但别担心这种事故开店的人 That puppet creeped me out.
in stores all the time. 那个木偶太吓人了
都常常碰到 I don't want to have to see it again.
That's why all businesses have insurance. 我真不想再看见它
所以一般开店做生意的都会买保险 Oh, I am not drunk enough for this.
Well, not all businesses. 我还没醉到可以接受这场面
不是所有的店都有买 I've never been drunk enough for this.
How could you not have insurance? 我喝再醉也接受不了这场面
你们俩怎么能不买保险呢 Is J. Petto home?
You need to get protection. 劫佩托在家吗
你们得保护自己啊 I'm kind of surprised.
And I'm not talking about condoms. 真让我大吃一惊
我不是说戴避孕套的那种"保护" I did not think he'd have a girlfriend.
We're not idiots, Han. 我还以为他没有女朋友呢
Hello.
我们又不是傻子阿憨
We had the insurance discussion. 你们好
Well, I hope you enjoyed meeting Yvette.
我们曾讨论过是否要买保险
I was like, "Max, we need insurance." 希望你们会喜欢伊薇特
She plays the lute, you know.
我当时说 "麦克斯我们得买保险"
她会弹琵琶哦
And she was like, "Do we have any money?"
Oh, yes, she was very charming.
她说 "我们有钱买吗"
是啊她非常可爱
And I was like, "No." And she was like, And small. She must make your penis look huge.
我说"没有" 然后她就说也非常迷你肯定会显得你的鸡鸡很大吧
"What are the chances something will happen?" I'm sorry?
"那发生意外的几率是多少" 你说什么
And I was like, "A million to one." Charming, Max, charming.
我说 "百万分之一吧" 要讨喜麦克斯要讨喜
And she was like, "I like those odds. Hi, we just stopped by to bring you some cupcakes.
她就说 "我喜欢这种几率我们顺路给你带了点小蛋糕过来
Let's go get gummi bears." And I was like, "Okay. We feel so bad about what happened.
我们去买小熊糖吧" 我就说"好吧之前的事真的很抱歉
But we'll talk about this at another time." Can we come in for a minute?
这件事下次得再讨论吧" 能进去坐会聊聊吗
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Um, well, I wasn't expecting company, 太棒了连木偶都有保险而我们俩活人却没有
我没想到今天会有客人来 - Max! - What?
but come in. - 麦克斯 -什么
但是进来吧 You don't have insurance?
We're all just hangin' out. 你们俩没有保险吗
我们大伙正玩得欢呢 You have a business but no insurance?
Oh, oh, this isn't weird. This isn't weird at all. 你们俩居然有钱做生意没钱买保险
这不诡异这一点也不诡异 Look, we can't go to court. It would wreck us.
It's like we're in a dead body car wash. 我们不能上法庭这会让我们倾家荡产的
感觉好像进了死尸洗车机 Can we leave the lawyers out of this
I had a nightmare that I had a nightmare like this once. 这事能不能别通过法律途径
我曾做过个恶梦梦到自己梦到这场景 and come up with a more creative solution?
Just so you know, 找一个更有创意的解决办法
先说好哦 I mean, you're clearly creative.
I'm not allowed to talk about the lawsuit. 一看你就是创意十足的人
根据规定我不能谈论这次诉讼的事 Look, you even made a skeleton king.
Well, I'm not allowed to talk 瞧你还做了一个骷髅王
真巧我也不能谈论 That's not a skeleton king.
about how I really feel right now. 那不是什么骷髅王
自己此时此刻的真实感受 That's Pazuzu, prince of darkness.
Speaking of the lawsuit, you seem well-- 那是恶魔帕祖祖邪恶王子
说到这次的诉讼你看起来没事啊 Let me just put this out there
you know, physically-which is great, 那我就不妨直说吧
身上没伤这挺好的 because we should really move things along,
because the suit said you had a shattered arm 因为这事得尽快解决
因为你在讼词里说你手臂摔断 and also, I'm afraid.
and a broken hip. 而且我很害怕
髋骨骨折 How much is it gonna take to make this go away?
Oh, yeah, I'm not suing you 要多少钱你才愿意跟我们庭外和解
是啊我告你们 Do you want to take a second to consult
for my shattered arm and hip. 你需要时间咨询下
不是为了我自己的手臂和髋骨 with one of your roommates?
It's-it's for Pierre's. 你其中一位室友吗
受伤的是皮埃尔 I think I saw a lawyer doll.
I crushed his little body when I fell. 我好像看见有律师娃娃
我摔倒的时候压坏了他的小身板 He is not a lawyer. He is a Maitre D'.
He must have thrown himself under my body 他不是律师他是餐厅领班
他肯定是为了保护我才舍身飞到我身后 And a damn good one!
to protect my fall. 而且超能干的呢
给我当垫背的 You women just don't get it.
Dexter, party of one. 你们女人就是不了解
《嗜血法医》这有一个等你料理 This is why I broke up with
I have to rotate his arm and hold it every 15 minutes 所以我才会通过网络电话
为了让他恢复关节的正常活动我每隔 15 分钟 my Toronto-based girlfriend over Skype.
to get his full range of motion back. 跟我多伦多的女友分手
就得旋转他的胳膊然后扶好固定 Right?
That's what the sling's about. I know he's not alive. 是吧
这悬带就是为了固定我知道他不是活人 $1,000 by Monday.
Do you? 一千块周一前给我
真的吗 But if she makes another comment about my intricate,
We're very sorry for his injury, 但如果她再称我精心制作
他受伤了我们真的非常抱歉 hand-carved marionettes being dolls...
but this is absurd. 手工雕刻的牵线木偶为娃娃的话...
但这也太荒谬了吧 it goes up.
You can't sue us because your puppet broke. 价格也会水涨船高
你不能因为你的木偶坏了就告我们啊 - Fine, $1,000 and no strings.
Yes, I can. This puppet is my livelihood, - 好一千块无其他附件条件
当然能这个木偶是我的谋生之道 - Except for the ones on all - Max, don't say it!
and he's heavily insured. - 除了那些有附加"线"的... -麦克斯闭嘴
而且我给他投了大保 Valley of the dolls, Return to the valley of the dolls,
Great, the puppet has insurance, and we don't. 电影《娃娃谷》《重返娃娃谷》
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Chucky, Bride of Chucky, Hello Dolly, Dollywood, Yeah, well, you heard it.
《鬼娃回魂》《鬼娃新娘》《你好美娃》桃莱坞没错你们也听见了
- And the Dalai Lama! Pierre's ready to give up his art,
- 还有达赖喇嘛皮埃尔准备放弃他的艺术生涯
Those are the things I was holding in. and he needs a little more money.
这些是我刚忍着的吐槽词所以他需要多一点钱
Hall and Oates 霍尔与奥兹是史上拥有最多排行畅销 Forget it, puppet nuts. We don't have $500.
曲纪录的超级二重唱组合休想脑残娃娃迷我们没有五百块
Oh, wait-Doll and Oates! We don't have 500 anything.
等等还有"娃尔与奥兹" 也无任何数量达五百的东西
Now what? Well, think about it.
现在怎么办好好考虑下吧
How are we gonna get 1,000 extra dollars by Monday? That's my tea kettle. Yvette!
我们周一前怎么筹到这额外的一千块我的茶壶烧开了伊薇特
Wait, Max, we can go to that bar Uhh! I'll do it.
等等麦克斯我们可以去酒吧算了我自己来吧
and exploit your special gifts. I'm not so sure the hostility is quite working,
运用下你特殊的天赋我觉得你凶他一点用都没有
If I have to strip, I have to strip. so why don't you go wait in the hall?
君要臣脱臣不得不脱不如你去走廊里等着吧
Not that kind of bar, the hipster trivia bar. And I'll try to talk some sense into him alone.
不是脱衣舞酒吧啦是嬉皮士的冷知识酒吧我会试着好好跟他讲讲理
Can't I just strip? At least I'd still have my dignity. You are the only person in the world
不能跳脱衣舞就好吗至少这样还有点尊严你是这世界唯一一个
It's all here. $1,000. who would insist on being alone with this man,
钱都在这了一共一千块坚持要跟他单独共处一室的人
So that's it. No more lawsuit. but okay.
事情解决诉讼撤销不过随你吧
Actually, that's not it. Please just listen. We are broke.
老实说事情还没解决拜托听我说我们俩一穷二白
As it turns out, we're gonna need 500 more. To get any more money, we'd have to strip.
事实证明还得再给五百块要再赚五百块我们就得去跳脱衣舞了
For what? Did your dues for the serial killer's union Well, Gigi and Lana started off as strippers,
为什么难不成连环杀手协会和恋童癖协会琪琪和拉娜一开始也是脱衣舞娘
and the pedophile guild come up at the same time this 女神游乐厅是巴黎的一家咖啡馆音乐厅时有裸体
year? 表演
今年都得在同一时间交年费吗 and now they're in the Folies Bergere, so...
Pierre's in crisis! 而现在她们可是女神游乐厅的红人所以...
皮埃尔情况十分不妙 You know, even for a middle-aged puppeteer,
But his psychiatrist could tell you more about that. 人到中年还当操偶师已经很怪
就让他的精神科医生跟你们解释吧 you're a freak.
If there's a psychiatrist in this apartment 而你是怪中之怪
如果这公寓里有精神科医生 See you in court!
who hasn't locked him up, I don't trust his opinion. 法庭上见
却没有把这疯子关起来他的意见我才不信 Nothing. He's gonna sue us,
I'm Dr. Pangloss. 没成功他告定咱们了
我是潘格罗斯医生 and we have no other tricks up our sleeve.
Pierre broke more than his hip in your cupcake shop. 我们也没有其他锦囊妙计了
皮埃尔在你们店里不仅摔伤了他的髋骨 Well, maybe not my sleeve, but how about my coat?
He broke his spirit. 或许我的锦囊里没有但请看我的外套
还摔垮了他的精神 - Pierre? - Right there.
He lost his dream! - 皮埃尔 -被老娘偷出来了
摔碎了他的梦想 I'm sorry, we're not open today.
He no longer wants to perform. 抱歉本日闭店
他现在再也不想表演了 I know you took him. Give me back Pierre!
This is where he cuts us in half 我知道你把皮埃尔拿走了快还给我
现在他要把我们切成两半 We're not open.
and sews my top to your bottom. 都说了本日闭店
把我的上半身跟你的下半身缝在一起了 We've had a terrible tragedy.
On the plus side, we'd look amazing. 我们发生了一场可怕的悲剧
从好的方面看就是前凸后翘腿子长 Well, not us, but a new friend of ours
第 140 页 /共 198 页
虽然不是我们本人但我们的新朋友 and it's gonna be bad
had a gruesome accident, and we are just devastated. 我肯定场面不会好看
发生了可怕的意外我们悲痛至极 'cause he's a grower, not a shower.
You wouldn't be that cruel. 他可是不硬则小一硬惊人哦
你不会那么残忍吧 And once a few of these pics are posted online,
Relax, I could never be that cruel. 一旦这些照片放上网
放轻松我当然不会这么残忍 there goes your children's party business.
But Max could. 你儿童派对的生意也会跟着完蛋
但麦克斯就很难说了 Now, call it quits, and you can delete these pics.
Look who it is, Pierre, your lover, J. Petto! 现在认输我就把照片全删了
瞧瞧谁来了皮埃尔是你的爱人劫佩托 Fine. Yes. Okay, you win. You win. You win.
He's not gay. 好我认你们赢了你们赢了
他不是同性恋 Oh, we're not falling for your word again.
He had a girlfriend named Lulu. 口说无凭我们不会再上当受骗了
他有女朋友的她叫露露 If you want your doll back--
She was a--she was a courtesan in the court of a french 如果你想要回你的娃娃
king. For the last time, he is not a doll!
她曾是...法国国王的宫廷名妓再说最后一遍他不是娃娃
They broke up over a brief flirtation she had with Yvette. Bring us a notarized letter saying
他们之所以分手是因为露露跟伊薇特调情我们要收到公证过的信件
And I know they're not alive! you release Max's homemade cupcakes
我知道他们不是活人写明你放弃对麦克斯自制小蛋糕店
Now, what do you say we stick to the original no-strings of all further legal action,
deal? 采取进一步的法律行动
我们就遵守原本没附加条件约定你看如何 and we'll give you back Pierre, perfectly intact.
'cause if you don't, Max will show you 然后我们就会把皮埃尔原封不动地还给你
因为如果你不愿意麦克斯会让你见识下 Minus his virginity, of course.
- what "no strings" really means. 当然童贞还不了了
- 什么是真正的"没有线" But don't worry, you'll still have yours.
Do it! Go! Bring it! 不过别担心你的童贞一定还在
剪啊来啊有种你就剪断它 Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can.
I can always re-string him. I'm a master of my craft. 好的我会尽快回来的
反正我能重新绑我可是这门手艺的大师 Ugh, 30 years in the cutthroat world of puppets,
Yes, we thought you'd say that. 在残酷的木偶界混了三十年
没错我们早知道你会这么说 and I'm undone by two crazy cupcake bitches!
So you leave us no choice. Max... 居然栽在两个卖蛋糕的疯婆子手上
你让我们别无选择麦克斯 Did you hear that? 30 years?
What? I-- 你听到了吗三十年啊
什么我... 30 years of following his dream, and he's still broke?
I'm not changing my mind. 追梦整整三十年他还是一无所有
我不会改变主意的 Is that gonna be us, Max?
And I'm coming back with the police. 我们也会这样吗麦克斯
我要去找警察来 Is our dream just as stupid as puppets?
Oh, I wouldn't get the cops involved... 我们的梦想跟木偶一样愚蠢吗
是我就不会叫警察哦 Sorry, Pierre, I forgot you were here.
Now that your boy here is in a... 抱歉皮埃尔忘了你还在
因为你的小娃娃现在... He's sound asleep.
compromising situation! 他好像睡着了
Three-ways really take it out of you.
抓奸在床进退两难啊
How dare you! "三人行"把他的体力榨干了
你好大的胆子 Here, dress her. She has to get a cab.
And she does not like the feel of a condom! 给帮她把衣服穿上她得打车走人了
她做爱时可不喜欢戴套哦 She'd rather sleep in her own bed.
You two are sick! 她宁愿回家睡自己的床
你们俩变态 And do you know why we're not gonna turn into him?
Hey, we don't judge. 你知道为什么我们不会变成他那样吗
我们才不会批评他们 Because 30 years ago, when J. Petto said,
We think whatever two consenting dolls, 因为 30 年前当劫佩托说
我们觉得无论这两名成年娃娃 "I'm gonna be a puppeteer,"
or maybe three consenting dolls do-- "我要成为一名操偶师"时
或这三名成年娃娃做什么... he didn't have a best friend to tell him,
第 141 页 /共 198 页
他身边没有好友告诉他在去健身房的路上吃
"You shouldn't do that. It's a stupid idea." Here, have a seat.
"你不该这样这主意蠢透了" 好你先坐一下
And unlike him, you have me to tell you I'll get you your usual.
你不像他你有我来告诉你我去拿你喜欢的口味
when it's a stupid idea. Max, where are the lemon meringue cupcakes?
哪些是蠢主意麦克斯柠檬蛋白霜小蛋糕呢
And I have you to tell me not to mace myself, Stopped making 'em.
而你也会告诉我不要用狼牙棒打自己不做了
no matter how bad I want to know how it feels. And the fudge berries
尽管我超级想试试是什么感觉浆果软糖味
So the cupcake shop isn't a stupid idea? And the purple velvets.
那蛋糕店不是蠢主意吗和紫丝绒蛋糕也不做了
No. And it's actually starting to take off. We have so many left over every day
不是而且生意刚要好转呢我们每天都剩超多
'cause no one embraces a stupid idea like a hipster. that even the homeless lady I give them to at night
因为蠢主意什么的最合嬉皮士胃口了就连我每晚送小蛋糕给她的流浪妇女都说
But, Max, we do need insurance. was like, "girl, your shop in trouble, ain't it?"
但麦克斯我们真需要买保险了 "小女孩你的小店要倒了是吧"
- But do we have the money? - No. So what, Max?
- 可我们有钱买吗 -没有所以呢麦克斯
What are the chances someone else is gonna fall? You think we should take business advice
那别人在店里摔倒的几率是多少我们应该听从一个认为
A million to one. from a woman who thinks our nation's currency
百万分之一我国应该用麦乐鸡来当货币的
I like those odds. should be the McNugget?
我喜欢这种几率流浪妇女的商业建议吗
You know, this is a really cute dress. She makes a good point.
这个裙子真可爱人家言之有理啊
Forget the dress. I think it's getting a little too real in here for me.
裙子算屁啊现在气氛好像有点太剑拔弩张了
Look at his cute pants. I'm gonna go push up my boobs and glue my tooth back
你看他的小裤裤 on.
We really should give them to Han. 我要去托高我的胸顺便粘粘我的假牙
我们真应该送给阿憨穿 Seriously, what are we gonna do about this?
----------------------------- 说真的这事我们怎么处理
-------------18-------------- I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
----------------------------- 我来教你怎么做吧
- Max, look, the mailman came. Aww, you ripped up an eviction notice.
- 麦克斯邮差先生来了你撕烂了一封驱逐信
Where am I looking, your chest, your hair? That's the one thing my mother and I used to do
到哪边你胸上还是头发上 together.
Gimme a hint. 这是以前我会跟我妈妈一起做的事呢
给个提示嘛 Max, I know our shop's in trouble.
It's here. Our eviction notice. 麦克斯我知道咱们店情况不乐观
是这个啦我们的驱逐令 It's all I think about.
It's amazing you can send 我也整天在想这问题
只需 4 毛 6 Even in my sexual fantasies,
this much shame for just 46 cents. 连我在做的春梦
就能把天大耻辱送到你手真了不起 - I'm giving Ryan Gosling a rent check.
What, you miss three out of six months and you're out? - 都是我在付房租给瑞恩·高斯林
不是吧半年才少交三个月租金就得走啊 I just wish we had a sign that told us what to do.
- We're batting 500. 我只希望上天给个指示指点我们方向
- 打击命中率高达 5 成呢 See? Customers.
That's hall of fame stuff right there. 你看来客人了
我们应该进名人堂的好吗 That's a sign to stay open.
Hi, girls. 预示着我们的店不会倒
姑娘们 Here, pretend to be busy.
I just stopped by to get a cupcake 给赶紧装忙
我就顺路过来买个小蛋糕 We'll send those right out.
to eat on the way to the gym. 我们会立刻给你送过去
第 142 页 /共 198 页
- Thank you for calling, Oprah. Yeah, dance to the music.
- 谢谢你的致电奥普拉跟着音乐跳吧
Hi, I'm Joanne Morse. 麦当娜其实还在世且十分活跃
你好我是乔安·莫尔斯 Remember when Madonna was alive?
I wish I was rich enough to have somebody talk for me. 还记得麦当娜还在世的那会吗
真希望我也能有钱到有人替我开口说话 Those were the good old days.
Max, are you blind? She's deaf. 那些年可真是美好岁月啊
麦克斯你瞎啊她是聋的 We'll give you some time to think about it,
So cool. 我们会给你们一点时间考虑
好酷哦 but with your delinquent rent history,
I've wanted to be deaf ever since she moved in. 不过你们拖欠租金次数过多
自从她搬进来后我就很希望变聋子 if you stay, we would need six months' rent up front.
I'm a representative from Tenner Commercial Real 就算你们想留下也得先预交六个月的租金
Estate. So I'd take the $25,000.
我是田纳商业地产公司的代表我建议你们收下这两万五吧
We're acquiring this property It's a good deal.
我们想要得到您这单位这条件很不错了
and would like to offer you a corporate buy out. $25,000?
我们愿意出钱收购你的店面两万五啊
I understood that better when she said it. Uh, uh, we...call...you. Okay?
完全不懂她说的我还比较懂呢我们会打给你好吗
Thank you very much, but we're not interested. Sophie, it's none of your business.
谢谢您的邀请但我们没有兴趣苏菲这又不关你的事
I speak a little sign language. This is our decision.
我也会一点手语这事得我们自己决定
You just said "Thank you very much, You said you were looking for a sign.
你刚才说的是"非常谢谢你自己说想要上天给个指示的啊
but I'm not wearing underwear." What's more of a sign than sign language?
但我现在没有穿内衣哦" 指手划脚的手语不就是最明显的指示了吗
No. End of story.
I knew that tutor was screwing with me.
不行不必多说了
我就知道以前的手语家教在玩我
I would not sell this shop
And I'm the one not wearing underwear.
就算给我全世界的"麦乐鸡"
而且没穿内衣那个是我啦
We're ready to offer you $25,000 to take over your for all the McNuggets in the world.
lease. 我也不会卖掉这小店
I still believe in our dream,
我们愿意出两万五的价格买下你的租约
Hell yes, bitch. 我对我们的梦想还有信心
and it does not end with an offer
他奶奶的当然好啊
Max, no. What are you doing? 这梦想也绝不该在聋子中介
from the deaf real estate jam.
麦克斯不行你别乱说话
This shop is our dream. 随便开个价后就轻易结束
Women. Am I right?
这小店是我们的梦想
Well, our dream is turning into a nightmare 女人啊就爱意气用事
Earl, I need some advice.
我们这梦想都快成恶梦了
and no one's coming to wake us up. 厄尔有事想你给点指教
Caroline and I were offered money
而且没人会来唤醒我们
This is our future. 有人向我跟卡洛琳开价
to buy out the cupcake store,
这是我们的未来
I'm sorry, thank you very much, but we're gonna pass. 想收购我们小店的店面
抱歉了真的很谢谢您但我们不会卖的肯尼·罗杰斯美国知名乡村歌手
Our business is booming. and as my spirit animal, Kenny Rogers, once asked,
我们的生意刚开始蒸蒸日上我的守护神 "肯尼·罗杰斯"曾问过
Oh, yeah. 源自于他的知名歌曲《赌徒》
哎哟也有"何时该坚持留下何时该放弃离开"的意思
Look at him. "When do you hold 'em and when do you fold 'em?"
看这小伙 "何时该叫牌而何时该盖牌呢"
美国知名女歌手麦当娜的知名歌曲"时尚" Well, Max, there are two things in life
Come on and Vogue. 麦克斯人生中有两样东西
"来吧时尚" you've got to hold on to:
Yes. 你必需得留下
没错外国商店有时会检查顾客买的东西与发票是否相符
第 143 页 /共 198 页
用以杜绝偷窃行为我们很快就有机会对安妮·海瑟薇说
your dreams, and your receipt when you're leaving Best "Forget that fake smile
Buy. "你的假笑不管用
"你的梦想" 以及在商店买完东西后的发票 and just go wait in line like everybody else."
- Oh, you do not want to be a black man without a 想买小蛋糕就跟大家一样乖乖排队"
receipt. Han, they're opening up a whole Foods
- 没发票的黑人绝对是茅房里提灯笼找屎啊阿憨我们小蛋糕店附近
Max, did you just give me the cold shoulder? right near our cupcake shop.
麦克斯你是在故意不甩我吗要开一家全食超市呢
Oh, my God, I've been doing that for a year and a half Another Whole Foods?
天啊我试着故意不甩你一年半了又一家全食超市啊
and you finally got it. They won't be happy till it's "Whole Country," am I
你今天终于明白了 right?
I'm sorry for storming out earlier, 是不是要等"全食"变"全国"他们才满意啊
今天那么甩头就走是我不对 I saw that on a meme.
but we just can't give it up that easy. 我在网上个帖子里看到的
但我们不能这么轻易放弃 Now we have to stay in that neighborhood.
I can, and have, and will again. 当务之急是要守住这家宝店
我能也有过也会继续这么做 We just have to come up with six months rent up front.
Maybe it's better if we just get out now. 我们只要想出去哪筹六个月的租金就行了
我们现在抽身说不定是明智之举呢 Well, I'd love to help you, ladies,
I heard a customer saying 女孩们我很乐意伸出援手
我听到一个顾客在说 but I forgot my pin number in 2008.
a Whole Foods is going in over there. 但我在 2008 年就忘了我银行卡的密码
全食超市要在附近开新店面呢 Wait a minute, 2008.
美国连锁有机食品超市主打绿色健康食品等等 2008
环境保护以及高质量生活 That's my pin number!
You know who goes to Whole Foods?
那就是我的密码
你知道什么人会去那里买东西吗 You want my money?
Rich ladies with those freaky toe sneakers.
你们想跟我借啊
穿着怪胎五指鞋的有钱妇女 Ehr mah gerd.
And I cannot be seeing no freaky toe sneakers.
偶的天啊
老娘绝对不想看见穿怪胎五指鞋的人 ehr mah gerd 就是戴牙套人版的 oh my God
Whole Foods?
语源来一张牙套妹的搞笑图
全食超市吗 I've been looking at a lot of memes.
That's the sign I've been looking for.
我最近在网上看了很多热帖
这就是我想看到的老天爷指示啊 Oh, that's who you look like.
No wonder they wanted to get rid of us.
我想起来你长得像谁了
难怪他们想赶我们走呢一只脸天生看起来很暴躁的猫咪
With a whole foods there,
它的图片在网上疯传
全食超市一开 Grumpy cat!
they can raise everybody's rent.
暴躁猫
他们就能合理涨租金 Max, I know we've borrowed from everyone we know,
That's fine, we don't pay it anyway.
麦克斯我知道我们能借的都借了
没差啊反正我们又不付 but I'm so convinced that this is the right thing
I knew it was gonna be the hot new neighborhood.
但我非常确定这条路是对的
我就知道这里会成为炙手可热的新区 that I'm willing to stoop to something
I knew it! This is it, Max.
我愿意牺牲去做一件
被我料中了能行了麦克斯 I never thought I'd do.
First comes the Whole Foods, then come the gays,
我永远也不会做的事
全食超市一进驻基佬们就会跟着来 Look, you're sweet and you're adorable,
then the celebrities.
你的确是很甜美又可爱
然后明星也会过来 but you're way too bony to bring in more than 40 a
Well, the gays will come anyway night.
我们附近有公园但是你太骨感了一个晚上顶多只能"赚"到 40
公园是许多基佬乱搞的热门场所
And even if you got an animal sidekick,
as long as there's a park.
就算你有只动物做噱头搭档
本来就能吸引一大堆基佬
it's still not gonna get us there.
Seriously, Max, it's just a matter of time
我们还是到不了那目标
麦克斯说真的成功只是早晚的问题
It would get me there.
before we're telling Anne Hathaway,
但是够我"到"了
第 144 页 /共 198 页
We can make an appointment, go into the city, and I knew it wasn't.
我们可以预约一下去市中心但我知道杯子肯定没烂
and ask my Aunt Charity for the money. And when I wouldn't stop crying,
然后跟我查莉蒂姑姑借钱然后我就一直哭个不停
She's president of a cosmetic empire she locked me in my bedroom,
她是化妆品王国的总裁她就把我锁在我房间里
and she's filthy rich. and when the servants weren't looking,
富得流油然后趁佣人们不注意的时候
And how is she literally the only thing pulled my hair.
那为什么你什么屁话都说还扯我头发
you've never talked about? Love her.
却从没提起过她啊偶像啊
Because she hates me. You can go in now.
因为她很讨厌我啊你们可以进去了
That's what family is. It's not that big a deal, Kevin.
亲人就是这样啊哪这么大事啊凯文
People who hate you, but can't kill you We're launching a lipstick at target,
亲人就是恨你但又不能杀你的人对目标消费者发行唇膏而已
'cause they're the first ones questioned. not a missile at Iran.
因为你死了警察会第一个找他们问话又不是对伊朗发射飞弹
I'm surprised you're still waiting. Aunt Charity, hi.
真没想到你们还在等你好啊查莉蒂姑姑
Most people leave after two hours. Caroline, look at you.
大多数人等两个小时就走人了卡洛琳你瞧你
Well, it's not a problem for us. Gorgeous, beautiful.
没事我们能等明艳动人亭亭玉立
We'll wait two hours, three, a whole day. You stuck with that nose. Good for you.
要我们等两小时三小时一天都没问题也没嫌弃你那鼻子保持了下来挺好的
That sounds about right. And who's this with the great lips?
等一天估计差不多了这位有性感双唇的美女是谁呢
- Stephanie. - Coming. Aunt Charity, this is my friend
- 斯蒂芬妮 -来了查莉蒂姑姑她是我的好朋友
That's not my name, and business partner, Max.
我不叫这名字与生意伙伴麦克斯
but I'm afraid to tell her. Nice to meet you.
但是我不敢纠正她幸会幸会
So why doesn't your aunt like you? Did she tell you I pulled her hair?
你姑姑为什么不喜欢你啊她是不是跟你说了我扯她头发的事
I don't know. She just doesn't like me. Oh, it was legend around the family townhouse.
不知道她就不喜欢我啊那是我们家族里的一桩悬案
For example, one time, when I was ten, My brother came into my room.
还记得我十岁那年有一次我哥还为此走进我的房间
and we were at our Hamptons beach house-- "Did you pull my princess's hair?
我跟她在我家的海边度假别墅里 "你是不是扯了我小公主的头发
I already don't like you. She said you pulled her hair."
我已经不喜欢你了她说你扯了她头发"
I wanted my night-night cocoa in my special seagull I mean, come on. She's 10, I'm 23.
mug-- 拜托哦她当时 10 岁我 23 岁了
我想用我的海鸥杯喝我的晚安热可可 What, I'm just gonna reach up and pull her hair?
Now I hate you. 我怎么会没事伸手去拉她头发啊
现在我恨你了 I mean, how would that happen?
And my Aunt Charity, who was babysitting 那怎么可能呢
查莉蒂姑姑是我当时的保姆 I mean, who would just pull a child's hair?
because everybody else was in Europe 怎么会有人没事去拉一个小孩的头发啊
因为其他人都去欧洲 I mean, come on. I'm gonna pull her hair?
at the dressage competition... 你说吧我会没事去拉她头发吗
参加马术比赛了 Pull her hair?
Now I've beat you up and left you for dead. 拉她头发吗
现在我想把你打得半死不活再留你自生自灭 Pull her hair?
Told me my seagull cup was broken 扯她头发咩
她说我的海鸥杯摔烂了 Okay, you just pulled my hair.
第 145 页 /共 198 页
你刚就扯了我头发 But I'm an adult now.
Oh my God, here we go again. 但我现在长大了
老天啊旧事又重演了 When I go night-night,
Get the lawyers. 我去睡觉的时候
赶紧找好律师 I barely even think about that cocoa cup.
Come on, have a seat. 不会再想那个可可杯了
来吧请坐 Caroline, I was 23.
Have a seat in the big girl chair. 卡洛琳我当时才 23 岁
就坐这大女孩椅子上吧 I don't remember anything about a cup.
You're a big girl now. 我根本不记得什么杯子
你现在是大女孩了 All I remember about that weekend
Aunt Charity, thank you so much for seeing us. 我只记得那个周末
查莉蒂姑姑谢谢你抽空见我们 was that Versace was murdered
I know your time is very valuable. 著名设计师范思哲被人谋杀了
我知道你的时间超级宝贵 and my dress would obviously be late.
I have all the time in the world for you. 我的裙子送到我手肯定已经过时了
我的所有时间都愿意保留给你 Now, why are you here?
You're family. 为什么你会来呢
你是家人嘛 Tell me. You have my full and undivided attention.
Stephanie, I'm not doing anything important. 告诉我吧我会全神贯注听你说
斯蒂芬妮我现在什么要紧事要干 Where and where?
Bring me those documents to sign. 签哪里
把文件拿进来给我签名吧 Well, Aunt Charity, as you may or may not know,
I haven't seen this one since I was 25 查莉蒂姑姑不知道你是否知道
我 25 岁以后就没见过她了 I now have a start-up business.
and my parents cut me off. 我现在处于创业阶段
当年我被我父母切断金援 Hey, is it me, or does this look like a dog penis?
You sleep with one Pakistani lesbian, 是我还是这看起来真的像狗的鸡鸡
因为我跟个巴基斯坦籍拉拉"睡" She's fun. Seems professional.
You're out of the family. 她真幽默看起来很专业
结果就被踢出家族了 Good choice.
Here, you with the big lips, try these. 好眼光
给大唇妞试试这些 And, as you know,
Tell me which ones you hate. 如你所知
告诉我你最讨厌哪一个 I've always respected your business acumen.
Aunt Charity started her makeup empire at 26 我向来敬仰你的商业才能
查莉蒂姑姑在她 26 岁的时候创了业 - Even when I was a little... - How much?
when she invented bubblegum-flavored lip gloss. - 即使在我小时候... -要多少
当时她发明了泡泡糖口味的唇蜜 Fine, businesswoman to businesswoman--
Oh my God, that was you? 好咱们就打开天窗说亮话
天啊那是你发明的啊 I need a number. Give me a number.
I loved that. 我要个数目给我个数目
我爱死那个了 25,000.
I was wearing that during my first kiss. 两万五
我初吻时就擦了那个 And all these lipsticks,
And thank you, because I got an "A" in that class. 以及所有这些唇膏
谢谢你那个吻让我们老师给我个"A" including dog penis.
Every girl who loves lipstick loves me, 包括那根狗狗的鸡鸡
每个爱唇膏的女孩都爱我 And I'm not asking for a handout.
except for this one, who hates me 我不是让你白给我
除了这丫头之外她恨死我了 - This is a business opportunity. - No.
because I was so mean - 这是个让你入股的商机 -不要
因为我欺负她 Maybe--no.
and I broke her night-night cocoa cup. 或许值得考虑还是算了
还打破了她的晚安可可杯 Look, Caroline,
Aunt Charity, I never said you were mean. 卡洛琳
查莉蒂姑姑我从没说你欺负我啊 if this were truly a business transaction,
I was ten, and I just got a little confused 如果这真的是商业交易
我当时才 10 岁而且我也只是对 you'd have cupcakes here to show me, but you don't.
about what happened to my seagull cup. 你会带着你的小蛋糕来见我可你没有
我海鸥杯的下落有点疑惑嘛 I know all about your business.
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我知道你在搞什么生意 Not true. Dimes and up.
Stephanie googled you. 才没有那是十分钱好吗
斯蒂芬妮上网搜过你 - Hi! We'll just be a second. - Oh, no. Oh, no.
She has the strength to google? - 你好我们很快就走 -不行不行
她还有力气打开网页搜索我们啊大卫·鲍威曾把自己塑造成雌雄同体的火星人
Has she googled "how to eat"? 其标志发型高发髻长穗尾的 Z 字发型
那她有搜索过"如何进食"吗 Cool hair, David Bowie.
See yourselves out. 发型不错大卫·鲍威
慢走不送 Okay, she's definitely not seeing anyone today.
I'm going to my dermatologist for a little procedure. 她今天不想见任何人
我约了我的皮肤科医师做点小手术 Sorry to burst in, Aunt Charity,
I want to take two years off my face 抱歉闯了进来查莉蒂姑姑
我想让自己看上去年轻两岁 but we wanted you to have some of our cupcakes.
just so people will think, 但我们想你试试我们的小蛋糕
好让人们在心里猜 It took two layers to take off two years,
"Is she 38 or 39? 想年轻两岁就得削两层皮
"她是 38 岁还是 39 岁啊 but it was worth it.
It's so hard to tell." 但这是值得的
太难判断了" Just so you know, the third layer is bone.
But just so you know, you were my last chance 告诉你们第三层就是骨头了
可我想告诉你你是我保住梦想 Either I'm high, or my chair melted.
to keep my dream and our business alive. 我要么是嗨了要么就是我的椅子融化了
和我们蛋糕店的最后希望 Okay, you're high.
You're resourceful. You'll think of something. 好吧你是晕乎了
你足智多谋会想到别的办法的 She's on morphine lollipops for the pain.
Now come here. 为了止痛她在吃吗啡棒棒糖
现在给我过来 Really? 'Cause I'd like to be on one for the fun.
In spite of it all, we are family. 真的吗我愿意为了乐趣吃一根
尽管如此我们还是一家人黑眼豆豆 - 《Boom Boom Pow》
Give me a hug. * I got that boom boom boom *
给我个拥抱 * 我感觉很棒棒棒 *
She's kind of a monster, * I got that boom boom boom *
她简直是个女魔头 * 我感觉很棒棒棒 *
but she gave me free stuff, so I'm torn. * I got that boom boom boom *
但她白送我东西我好为难呀 * 我感觉很棒棒棒 *
Aunt Charity's a smart businesswoman. Okay, it's time to change your face mask.
查莉蒂姑姑是个有头脑的商业女性到时间帮你换面膜了
She won't be able to deny a good product. You know what? Let me do that.
她不会随便否决一个好产品不如让我来吧
I can't believe I'm making cupcakes I can help my Aunt Charity.
真不敢相信我居然帮你做蛋糕我可以帮查莉蒂姑姑的忙
so you can go back for round two with that woman. I'll do anything to help someone in my family
好让你回去跟那个女人大战第二个回合我愿意帮家族里的任何人做任何事
Auntie Charity might be the anti-christ. because families help each other.
你的查莉蒂姑姑绝非善类啊因为家人就是要相互帮助
I'll do anything to keep our business going. Well, why don't you help yourself
为了让我们的店撑下去我豁出去了那你何不帮自己个忙
And if these cupcakes don't work, to an adult-sized pair of boobies?
如果这些小蛋糕不管用去做一对成年人大小的咪咪
we'll tell her you're Pakistani Like my boobs, like my nose.
我们就告诉她你是巴基斯坦人我喜欢我的胸部也喜欢我的鼻子
and let her go after it. Okay, here's the new face mask.
让她扑你这是新的面膜
Even if you do convince her to give us the money, you peel the soiled one off,
就算你说服她给我们钱你把脏的那块揭下来
that's bitch money. then swab the affected area with q-tips.
那也是求来的脏钱然后用棉签擦拭手术区
We don't take bitch money. And I left modeling
我们不要求来的脏钱我离开模特界
Max, you pick up pennies off the pee corner. because I thought it was degrading.
麦克斯你还在别人尿尿的地方捡一分钱硬币呢是因为我觉得那不够体面
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- Question, Stephanie. - Yeah? I would intervene right now
- 问你个问题斯蒂芬妮 -什么如果我现在不是爽翻天
Do these come in orange, or lime, if I wasn't feeling amazing.
棒棒糖有甜橙或酸橙口味的吗我早过去阻止你了
or is it just the white flavor? Yummy, right?
还是光就这一种口味很好吃对吧
Ah, screw it. Oh, no, no, no, no.
算了不不不
After a couple of licks, it won't matter. No, no, no, that's your face.
再舔两下啥味的都无所谓了不要啊那是你的脸
I'm happy to do this for you, Aunt Charity, I think you're chewing your face.
我很乐意帮你换面膜查莉蒂姑姑我觉得你嚼的是你的脸皮
And not just for the money, but 'cause we're family. That's the best cupcake I have ever had,
不仅仅是为了钱还因为我们是家人那是我吃过最好吃的小蛋糕
I hate you. But I am still not giving you any money.
我讨厌你但我还是不会给你一分钱的
Always have. Why not? It's the least you could do
一直都讨厌你为什么这是你摔烂我的海鸥杯后
You can't mean that, Aunt Charity. after you broke my seagull cup.
这不是真心话吧查莉蒂姑姑唯一能补偿我的机会
Up until you were born, I was the family princess. Oh, my god, are you still talking about that seagull cup?
在你出生前我曾是家里的小公主天啊你还要提你那个海鸥杯吗
And then you came in, and you got the boom boom I haven't thought about that in 15 years.
boom. 我都 15 年没想到它了
你出生后所有人都觉得你"棒棒棒" If we're gonna be talking about that stupid seagull cup,
And you took my boom boom boom. 如果我们要讨论那个白痴海鸥杯
你抢走了我的"棒棒棒" I'm gonna need another lollipop.
So I locked you in a room room room. 那我得再吃一根棒棒糖
所以我把你锁进房间间间 Where does she keep them?
Well, I'm sorry you think I took your boom boom boom, 她把糖放哪里了
抱歉让你觉得是我抢走了你的"棒棒棒" Oh, here, they're in this cup that has a seagull on it.
but you really did take my seagull cup 这里装在一个有海鸥的杯子里
但你真的拿走了我的海鸥杯 Wait.
and lock me in a room. 慢着
还把我锁进房间 Where have I heard of seagull cup before?
Room room. 我之前在哪里听说过海鸥杯来着
间间 That's my night-night cocoa cup.
I'm not giving you any money, little girl. 那是我的晚安可可杯
我可不会给你一分钱的小姑娘 I knew it wasn't broken.
Just so you know. 我就知道它没有摔烂
我丑话说在先 You hid it and kept it all these years?
Well, maybe you'll feel differently 你居然偷偷藏了这么多年
或许你尝过我们的小蛋糕后 Yep.
after you taste one of our cupcakes. 你奈我何
你会改变你的想法 Why would you want to hurt me like that?
Here, why don't we take a minute for a little bite? 为什么你要这样伤害我
来我们何不花时间尝一口 It's obvious.
Nope, I don't want it. 还不够明显吗
不我不想吃 She's obsessed with her brother,
It'll show you what a good business investment we are. 她迷恋自己的哥哥
它会让你知道投资我们绝对错不了 and she saw your being born
Here, come--come here. 她把你的出生视为
来吃一口过来 as his love being taken away from her.
Just--oh--just taste it. 抢走她哥哥所有的爱
就尝一口嘛 Damn, this thing makes me smart.
Here. 靠这玩意让老娘一秒钟变聪明
来 Well, I hope you're happy now,
Come on, taste-take a bite. 希望你现在开心了
拜托尝尝吃一口 because I lost a lot more than my night-night cocoa cup.
This is pretty disturbing. 因为我失去的不只是这个晚安可可杯
这场面真让人不舒服 I lost my money, my father,
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我失去我的家产我的父亲 I can't get it out from under her head.
and now I'm about to lose my dream. 她的头压住了我拿不出来
现在我还即将失去我的梦想 Pull her hair! Now's your chance.
And you know what? We're done. 扯她的头发你报仇的机会来了
告诉你我们走人了 Bob, I don't feel you are getting across
You know what? We are not done. 鲍勃我觉得你没有表达清
你想得美才不走 my passion about this, so I'll just sign it.
I am not a quitter. 我的愤怒之情我自己比手语吧
我不是个轻易放弃的人 That check should have cleared.
I said I would put your new face on, 那张支票应该能兑现的
我说过会帮你把面膜贴上 That time, you said, "Your face looks like a butt."
so I'm not leaving here until I do. 你刚才的手语是说 "你的脸长得像屁股"
所以没做到我决不离开 I appreciate how hard you've tried to stay in business,
Her face is gone. 我很欣赏你们为了继续经营而做出的努力
她的脸没了 but do the smart thing.
She's basically the phantom of the Channing. 但好汉不吃眼前亏
她简直就是钱宁家的《歌剧魅影》 Take the money. Start fresh.
All right, that's close enough. 收下这笔钱重新开始
好了这样应该差不多了 All you have to do is sign this.
And stop calling me spoiled. 你们只需签了这份合同
别再说我是被宠坏的孩子 Well, we will have to discuss it.
Since I lost it all, I've worked hard. 我们俩需要时间讨论
自从我失去了一切我努力工作 - My partner has a be- - Just sign it.
I've cleaned toilets, I've killed rats, - 我的搭档对此... -快签
我打扫过厕所打死过老鼠 Good discussion.
I've done everything I had to to be a success. 讨论完毕
我为了成功什么都愿意做 Caroline Chan--
Tell her, Max. 卡洛琳·钱
告诉她麦克斯 Max, a little help.
* I got that boom boom boom * 麦克斯帮帮我
* 我感觉很棒棒棒 * Ing.
- I got that boom- - Okay, fine. Let's go. 宁
- 我感觉很棒... -算了我们走 So, as of this moment,
Stop. 从这一刻开始
站住 this space is no longer Max's homemade cupcakes.
Fine, I'll give you the money. 这里不再是麦克斯自制小蛋糕店了
好我会给你钱 Congratulations and good luck.
Not--not just because you're my niece, 恭喜你们也祝你们好运
不是因为你是我的侄女 Well, there goes Joanne and that deaf lady.
but because you forced yourself in here 乔安和那个聋女人愉快地走了
而是因为你强迫自己来这里 We are keeping the arrow.
like a pushy businesswoman, which is-- 这箭头我们要拿走
像一个强卖的女商人我是指 I can't believe my aunt would stop payment on that
- you shoved your cupcake down my throat. check.
- 你把蛋糕硬塞进我喉咙真不敢相信我姑姑会不兑现那张支票
That is exactly what I would have done. And I can't believe she'd show up here after she did.
因为换做是我我也会做同样的事而且干这种事后她居然还有脸来
25,000, Aunt Charity, do you know
两万五查莉蒂姑姑
Signed Char-ity Chan... what I'm thinking about you right now?
签名查莉蒂·钱... 你知道我现在怎么想你吗
Oh, no. What? I look 38 or 39,
天啊想什么我像 38 岁还是 39 岁吗
Aunt Charity, are you all right? it's hard to tell?
查莉蒂姑姑你还好吧难以判断吧
Oh, and she didn't finish signing it. Oh, don't look so wounded.
她没有签完她的名字别表现得那么受伤嘛
Well, it's my last name too, so... You know I had to stop that check.
不过那也是我的姓那就我代劳吧你知道我必须取消那张支票
Ing. You took advantage of someone in a morphine haze.
宁你居然占一个神志不清的人的便宜
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If you think that was being taken advantage of, 我真希望老天能给个明确的指示
如果你觉得那就是占你便宜 that letting go of this place was the right thing to do.
you've never blacked out at a pep rally. 告诉我们放弃这里是明智的
那你肯定没有在学校誓师大会上晕倒过 Ehr mah gerd!
Yes, I stopped that check, but here. 偶的天
没错我是取消了那张支票但这个给你 My night-night cocoa cup.
This seems important to you. 我的晚安可可杯
这似乎对你很重要 You wanted a sign? That's your sign!
Seemed. 你要指示是吗这就是你要的指示
以前是 No matter what hits you, you'll be okay.
Seemed when I was rich. 不管碰到什么灾难你都能安然无恙
那时我还是无忧无虑的富家女 Well, I feel sorry for whoever owns this dump.
Now I have real problems. 突然觉得买下这里的人好可怜呀
而现在我有实际问题要解决 -----------------------------
Yeah, and where are them lollipops at? -------------19--------------
就是里面的棒棒糖呢 -----------------------------
- You took away my future. - And my lollipops. What's up, peanut?
- 你剥夺了我的未来 -还有我的棒棒糖有事吗小花生米
No, Caroline, I took away my money. Max, I'm not paying you to just stand there.
不卡洛琳我剥夺的只是我的钱麦克斯我不是付钱让你白站着的
And by forcing you to find you own way, Well, you're not paying me to eat as many french fries
通过强迫你自己寻找出路你也没有付钱让我尽量吃
I may have given you a better future. as I can before the plate leaves the kitchen,
我可能会还给你一个更好的将来任何从厨房端出来的薯条啊
Cute shop. but I do that too.
店挺可爱但我还是吃了
Too big, too soon. Go wait on that pretty girl.
但店面太大开得太早去招待那个美女啊
You'll figure it out. Oh, wait. Is she a boy?
你总有一天会明白的等等她是男的吗
Aunt Charity? She looks a little like a pretty boy.
查莉蒂姑姑她看起来像个美男
You look 42. She's probably looking at you and thinking the same
你看起来像 42 岁 thing.
We all know I don't. 她看到你心里估计也想着你是小萌妞吧
我们都知道我不像 But are you attracted to the girl she is
The shop's over. 那你是被她女孩的身份所吸引
蛋糕店没了 or the boy she appears to be?
Wow, I thought for sure we'd be a success. 还是外表的男儿样所迷惑呢
我以前还坚信我们会成功 You're confused, aren't you, Han?
Well, who says we're not? 你自己都答不上了吧阿憨
谁说我们不是呢 Yes, my mind tells me one thing,
I mean, we had some fun, right? 对啊我的脑子说不行
开这店也有过不少开心事啊 but my body tells me something else.
And we have a cool-ass red arrow. 但身体好像挺老实的
我们还有了这个超酷的红箭头 Max, go on break. I've got the booth.
And we have this big check, 麦克斯去休息吧卡座区我来
我们有这么多钱 Oh, no. You can't wait on her.
which is just enough to pay back Sophie 不行不能让你招待她
足够拿来还给苏菲 That's Tina, a lesbian who turns straight girls.
and everybody else we owe money to. 她是缇娜化女孩为女同的拉拉女王
和其他借钱给我们的人 I call her "Tina the turner."
That's true. 我称她"掰弯者缇娜"
那倒是 Practically every heterosexual woman
So in a way, we're kind of success. 基本上威廉斯堡区的
所以我们也算是成功还清债务吧 in Williamsburg has hooked up with her.
I mean, we did go from broke to broke even. 每个直女都跟她有过一腿
我们从身无分文到收支平衡 Max, everyone?
We nailed it. 麦克斯每一个吗
我们成功了 Not me. Who do you think turned her?
I just wish we had a clear-cut sign 我没有你觉得是谁"掰弯"她的呢
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But you won't be able to resist her charm. Trust me. where the insults were coming from.
相信我你是挡不了她的魅力的羞辱你的言语来自哪里
That's nonsense. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality. I'm talking about the cupcakes.
听你在胡扯我对自己的性向很放心我是说小蛋糕
I once texted "Yes" to Mr. Chaz Bono Our cupcake shop is gone.
我有一次还发短信支持我们的店都倒了
on Dancing with the Stars. Why are you still making those things?
《与星共舞》的查滋·波诺呢你干嘛还继续做小蛋糕啊
查滋·波诺美国艺人其实是女变男的变性人 It's the only constant in my life,
Okay, good luck. 这是我生活中唯一固定的习惯
行那祝你好运啦 and the routine distracts me from the relentless
Just don't let me catch you guys making out on the darkness
table. 也是我每天用来忘却潜伏在我思绪中
别等会让我抓到你们在桌上亲热 that lurks in every corner of my thoughts.
Or do. It's a free country. 那无尽黑暗的方式
要也行啊这是个自由的国家 Besides, we still need to sell these at the diner
Hi, are you ready to order? 而且我们得在餐厅里继续卖
您准备好要点餐了吗 to make extra money.
Sure. I love your hair, by the way. 好赚点外快啊
行对了我好喜欢你的头发 Well, you can do it. I'm not speaking to them.
Earl, Caroline's about to fall in love with a lesbian. 你要做随你我是懒得理它们了
厄尔卡洛琳马上要爱上一个拉拉了 They totally led me on.
Well, color me "I saw that one coming." 它们根本就拐我跳坑
真"意外" 我"完全没料到" Those cupcakes were a tease.
How'd it go? 玩弄我又嘲笑我
怎么样啦 Well, I want to pay rent this month.
Fine, she complimented my hair, 但我还想付这个月的房租
还行啊她称赞了我头发 And then again next month, and so on and so on
She ordered a soup, I gave her my number. 还有下个月下下个月之后所有
然后点了个汤我把我电话告诉她 until the exquisite release of death.
I gave her my number? 直到死神哪天来放我自由
我怎么会告诉她我电话 Oh, rent. Here we go again.
Okay, hit the showers. 房租这婊子真烦
你赶紧去洗澡准备吧 Does that bitch ever stop?
That's what I get for sending a straight woman 简直是没完没了啊
这就是我让一个直女去做 If that's death, it's for me.
to do an emotionally dead woman's job. 如果是死神那就是找我的
像我这样情感已死之人工作的后果 Tell him to honk and I'll be right out.
It was so nice to wake up this morning 告诉他到了就按喇叭我立刻出去
今早起床感觉太爽了 Morning, Chestnut.
without the stress of owning our cupcake business. 早安啊栗宝
没有经营一家小蛋糕店的压力 Oh, what is it about those big, beautiful eyes
The only decision I have to make today is: 你那又大又美的双眼
我唯一需要做的决定是 that makes everything feel better.
do I change my underwear 怎么总能够让一切变美好呢
我今天该换内裤呢 I guess I just have a warmth.
or just turn these inside out? 可能我眼神透漏出温暖吧
还是反过来继续穿呢 Oh, you mean the horse.
Four years ago, I was hit with a similar conundrum: 你是在说马呀
四年前我也碰到过类似的难题 Is this still good?
"Do I buy underwear or do I buy beer?" 这还能喝吗
"是买内裤呢还是买啤酒呢" It is not.
I've been free-balling it ever since. 绝对不能了
然后就一直不穿裤衩到现在 Eh, like I have a choice.
Max, what are you doing? What's happening over 但我哪有得选
there? Wow, that was a blast from the past-
麦克斯你在干嘛你那边在搞啥呢是我的过去打来的
Oh, you mean the arrow from the shop? my old temp agency.
你是说小店的箭头灯吗我以前的临时工中介
I put it on so you'd know Flu's got their staff laid up. They need bodies.
我放在那里好让你知道有员工染流感病倒了他们需要人手
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Wanna do it? I bet they'll let us temp together. - 你们喝醉了吗 -没错
有兴趣吗他们会愿意一起请的吧 Yeah, we've been out clubbing all night.
You think? You think they'd let us temp together? 我们泡了整晚的夜店
你觉得你觉得他们会让我们一起咩 Oh, I just swallowed one of my balls.
Oh, God. Last week, 我刚不小心吞了我的一颗蛋蛋
天啊上周 Yeah. Yeah.
I owned a cupcake business, now I'm temping. 对啊对啊
我还是个小老板现在要当临时工 Well, now, you know how I feel.
Why don't I just ask Chestnut to kick me in the head? 现在你知道我的感受了吧
干嘛不叫栗宝踹我脑袋一脚算了 I threw those costumes away on purpose.
He won't do it. I've asked him like seven times. 我是故意丢掉那小蛋糕服的
他不愿意我都求了他七次了 Max and I are no longer making cupcakes.
Look, we've both casually fantasized about our deaths 我跟麦克斯以后不再做小蛋糕了
起床后十分钟内我们两个 What'd you say?
within ten minutes of waking up, 你说什么
都想过自己去死了 Cupcakes are a waste of time and money.
so maybe we should do something to distract us. 小蛋糕浪费时间浪费钱
所以何不做点什么来分散思绪 You take that back right now!
And xeroxing will make us feel whole? 把这话给老娘收回去
复印东西就能让生命圆满吗 No, you don't-
Let me tell you something. 不你不行...
让姐告诉你 You're lucky
when you're photocopying your ass on a xerox machine, 算你走运
当坐在影印机上复印屁股时 that I have a giant cake holding me back right now.
you are never more alive. 现在有个巨型小蛋糕在拦着我
你会焕发前所未有的活力 Fifth floor, end of dreams.
Hello, old friend. 五楼梦想终结处
你好啊老朋友 Oh, yeah, I worked here before.
Here it is, my temping blazer. 我在这里工作过呢
你看这是我的临时工外套 You know the toaster oven in our kitchen?
Ahh, you can still smell the "no way out." 记得我们家厨房的烤面包机吗
上面都还闻得到那"死路一条"的气息 It came from here.
Why is that in a bucket? 就是这里搬的
为什么它被塞水桶里啊 Hi. Caroline Channing, reporting for my first day.
'Cause I don't want to accidentally wear it. 你好我是卡洛琳·钱宁新人报到
我不想不小心穿到啊 I went ahead and printed out my address,
Well, is there a pantsuit in the oven I could wear? 我已经打印好我的地址
那烤箱里有能借我穿的裤套装吗 social security number, and other important information
It doesn't matter what you wear--you're a temp. 社保号码以及其他重要资料
你穿啥根本无所谓你就是个临时工 to make your life easier.
They'll be impressed if you don't poop your pants. 以防给您造成不便
你不拉屎在裤子上他们就很开心了 Hey, I'm temp number two. Where your bathroom at?
And even if you do, not a deal breaker. 我是临时工二号你们厕所在哪呢
而且就算拉了也不会炒你的 I'll get Eli. He's my boss.
All right, I'll go, 我去叫伊莱他是我老板
好吧我去 Sign these stating that if you're injured on the job,
but if we're temping to make our rent, 先签这个切结书吧如果你们工作时受伤
但如果要开始当临时工赚房租 it's not our fault.
that's the last batch of those. 后果自负
那以后就不许做小蛋糕了 How would we injure ourselves in an office?
I don't want to see, hear, or think 在办公室工作怎么会受伤呢
我不想再见再听再想 Let me just give you a "for instance."
any more about cupcakes. 让我给你们"打个比方"吧
任何小蛋糕的事情 Some girl, let's say her name is Sarah,
Ding dong, the cupcake's calling. 比方说某些傻妞例如莎拉
叮咚是小蛋糕 is walking through the office
We found the cupcake costumes from your store 在办公室走动
我们在楼下垃圾堆找到了你们店的 with her number 2 pencil facing up-ways.
out near the dumpster. 手中的二号铅笔尖端朝上
小蛋糕服 Well, she trips over her shoes and falls,
- Are you guys drunk? - Yes! 然后她不小心跌倒了
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and that number 2 pencil goes right through her eyeball 然后开始拧人家乳头之类的事情
然后二号铅笔插穿她的眼球 Now, how do you handle a situation like that?
and into her brain. 如果是你碰到你会怎么做呢
直入脑袋 That's actually how my longest relationship started.
And now she's gotta eat applesauce through a straw 我最长的那段感情就是这么开始的呢
现在她这辈子就只能靠着用吸管 I'd love to give you that promotion, Beverly,
the rest of her life. 我也希望给你那升职机会啊贝弗莉
吃苹果酱维生了 But first, you'll have to do something...for me.
See, that's not our fault, that's her fault, 但在那之前你得先帮我... 做点事情
像这样就不是我们的错是她的错 Don't do it, Beverly! Don't do it!
As per the judge's decision 别做啊贝弗莉别做
但剩下就看法官决定 Spoiler alert. I've watched this in here before,
in Sarah Drake vs. Westship insurance. 剧透警告我看过这影带了
是莎拉·德雷克还是西船保险公司胜诉了 and it does not end well for Beverly.
Sign those. I'll get Eli. 贝弗莉的下场可不太妙啊
先签名我去叫伊莱 Well, not to blame the victim,
Thank you. I'm sorry, I didn't get your name. 我不是要怪被害人
谢谢抱歉刚才没听清您的名字 but who wears a black bra to work?
That's 'cause I didn't give it to you. 但谁没事穿黑胸罩上班啊
因为我压根就没告诉你 These shelves would be so much better
What are you doing? 这柜子如果能够按字母首排列
你在干嘛啊 if they were alphabetized and color-coordinated.
You never give anybody your real name. 然后再根据颜色排列就能好很多呢
怎么可以告诉别人真名呢 - Forget that cabinet and look at the top shelf on
That way, when you make your little data entry mistake, Beverly.
给假名这样你要是不小心输入错数据 - 别管了快来看贝弗莉的上层柜子
they can't track the real you down. I'm a little jelly.
他们没办法逮到你负责我都有点嫉妒她了
安然公司曾经是世界上最大能源公司 That's right, Beverly.
后来被爆出财产造价丑闻遭受法庭审判这样就对了贝弗莉
You didn't see me at the Enron trial, did you? Now, bend down and pick up that file.
你看安然公司的审判就没抓我去吧现在弯下腰捡起那文件吧
And that light in your eyes? Dim it down, way down. Oh, Doug, you're up to your old tricks,
还有你眼中希望的光芒给我全关掉道格你又故技重施了
Show me. and she falls for it every time.
让我看看但她每次都上钩
That's actually really good. How'd you do that? Let's pause here and write down these rules
真不错你怎么办到的在此暂停一下然后记下我们从
- I thought about our future. - Great! we've learned from Beverly and Doug.
- 我想到了我们的未来 -太棒了贝弗莉与道格影片中学到的规矩
Eli's in a meeting, Oh, I love the smell in here.
伊莱在开会我爱死这里的味道了
But you gotta watch this sexual harassment video. Reminds me of interning on Wall Street,
但你们得先看这个防治性骚扰的影带让我想起在华尔街实习的日子
Watching a video seems like a waste of time you know, minus the dignity and the future.
看这影带有点浪费时间吧除了没有尊严与未来的部分之外
when we could be doing something more productive. But why would the paper products be near the toner
何不让我们先开始干有用的活呢 cartridges?
A waste of time? Let me just give you a "for instance." 为什么纸制品会与碳粉盒摆一起啊
浪费时间吗让我给你们"打个比方"吧 Whoever organized this place
There's this Dominican guy, 当初整理这柜子的人
比方说有个多明尼加籍工人 must have been stupid or lazy or both.
he's installing a new water jug in the office, 不是蠢就是懒或者两者皆是
他来给办公室换新的桶装水 A-both.
and he looks at one of the female employees and says, 两者皆是
然后他看着一个女性员工说 Forget all that shelf stuff.
"Speaking of jugs," and then he reaches up 别管人家柜子了
"说到桶装水" 然后他伸出魔爪 You are not here to improve office layout,
and cups the employee's breastesses 你不是来改善人家办公布局的
抓住了一个员工的胸部 you're here to keep quiet, pretend like you're working,
then starts twisting on the nips and what have you. 你是来保持安静假装干活
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and steal five to ten vitamin waters 伊莱知道他们什么时候决定
然后每天工作尾声 who's getting the junior executive promotion, or-
from the break room at the end of each day. 要让谁升职当初级行政主管了吗
偷偷从休息室偷五到十瓶维他命水走的 Not yet, but I did just mention your name
Are you watching dirty videos in here and didn't invite 还没但我刚跟上头的人
me? - to the big guys, Ryan. - I'm Leon.
你们是在看黄色影片还不找我一起看吗 - 提了一下你呢莱恩 -我是莱昂
They're making harassment videos in 3-D now? Hey, Caroline.
性骚扰影片都出真人 3D 版了吗你好吗卡洛琳
I was looking for the new temps, Hi. Question:
我刚刚在找新的临时工有个问题
but I think I wandered into a beauty pageant. I already finished the first quarter claim reports...
但好像误入了选美大会啊我已经弄完第一季度的索赔报告了
Uh, the votes are in. It's a tie. Are you doping? We need to stretch this out.
投票结果出炉了你们俩平手你嗑药嗑傻啦我们得做越慢越好
I'm Eli Green, the office manager. And since I had time, I took the liberty
我是伊莱·格林办公室经理而且我还有空余时间我就自己先
You must be our new temps. of reformatting the expense template,
你们就是新来的临时工了吧修改了开销表的模板格式
I'm Caroline Channing. so what would you like me to do now, Eli?
我是卡洛琳·钱宁接下来你想我干什么呢伊莱
And I'm Carmen...Sandiego. - Say my name, say my name.
我是卡门·圣地亚哥 - 念我的名字念我的名字
No relation. Hey, Caroline, you're not just hot,
我们没有关系卡洛琳你不只是人美
Oh, my God, this is great! You're on fire over there.
天啊这太赞了干活也是没话说啊
The cat's eating the dog's food. You should be throwing your hat
这猫咪在偷吃狗狗的狗食你应该去申请一下
The dog's just like, "Wha-a-at?" in the ring for that executive job.
那狗的反应就是"神马" 那个行政的职位
Yo, psst. "Cat eats dog food." Really?
去查"猫吃狗食" 真的吗
And this girl's just like, "Wha-a-at?"
Youtube it now.
那女孩的反应就是"神马"
快去网上看
Kinda busy with my work. That temp place is soul-sucking,
我在忙着干活呢那上班的地方简直在吞噬灵魂
It's called "Minimum wage" and I didn't even know I had a soul to suck.
我们拿"最低工资" 我都不知道我还有灵魂可以被吞噬
If that's a suicide note, just add my name to the end.
'cause you're supposed to do the minimum.
如果那是自杀遗书记得把我名字加到一起
就是因为只该做"最少的活"
Come on, it's not that bad,
Coffee tastes so much better
拜托没那么坏啦
今天现做又不用付钱 and I got four free fresh coffee drinks,
when it's from today and you haven't paid for it.
我喝了四杯免费的新鲜咖啡
这咖啡味道就是特别棒啊 and one had a caramel drizzle.
The dog's just like, "Wha-a-at""
其中一杯还撒有焦糖沫
那狗的反应就是"神马" Caramel drizzle?
Classic.
焦糖沫
太经典了 That's definitely my name at my next temp job.
You like that video? Look up "Cat vs. Toddler."
我下一份临时工的名字就叫这个
喜欢那影片吗去查查"猫咪大战一岁娃" I don't know if this is such a temp job.
You're welcome. 我不晓得这会不会变成正式工作
不用谢 I'm filling out this application
Is this a modeling agency? 我在填申请表
这里是模特公司吗 to apply for that junior executive position.
Did I get off on the wrong floor? 申请初级行政主管的职位
我是不是上错楼层了 Oh, no, you're not.
- I don't care where you get off as long as it's not here. 不不许
- 你要上哪都行别在这就行了 We're only going back one more time
Hi, Eli. So any idea when they'll decide 我们只再回去上一次班
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to get enough wite-out 麦克斯这份工作提供医疗保险
拿够涂改液做 There are doctors who don't have medical benefits.
to do the Kim Kardashian white manicure. 连有些医生都没有医疗保险呢
金·卡戴珊的那种全白美甲就走 And financial security.
Max, you saw me there today. 还有财务保障
麦克斯你今天也看见了 Maybe I want to wake up every morning
I'm good at this, 或许我不想每天早上都在
我很擅长这份工作 not wanting to kill myself.
and it felt amazing to be working somewhere 求自杀的心态中醒来
而且在那上班我感觉很棒 Well, that's weird, but whatever.
where my skills are valued and supported. 真奇怪但随便你啦
因为我的才能受到重视和支持 I went to Wharton.
Are you not feeling supported here? 姐可是沃顿商学院毕业的
难道你在这里就不被支持吗 Pay attention, everyone.
I'm sorry, I'm a boss, not a bra. 各位同事请注意
抱歉我是你老板不是你的胸罩 I know you're all very busy working hard-
Should I praise you more? 我知道大家工作都非常忙
我应该多称赞你吗 Congratulations,
Really killing it 恭喜你
你最厉害的就是 you've just won a free ipad.
with the leaning on the counter doing nothing. 你赢得一台免费的 IPAD
就是靠在柜台上什么都不干 Attention, everyone!
Kudos, Caroline. Huzzah. 各位同事请注意
厉害啊卡洛琳甚好 While doing work and nothing but work,
Hey, where's my "huzzah"? 当我一心工作心无旁骛时
我的"甚好"呢 I may have downloaded a virus that meows,
I was standing around doing nothing too. 可能不小心下载了一个会喵喵叫的病毒
我刚也光站着什么都不干呀 so be on the lookout.
And don't forget about me. 所以大家要小心哦
别忘了还有我 Carry on, Eli.
I was sitting around doing nothing. 请继续伊莱
我是光坐着什么都不干 Thank you, Carmen.
In Korea, you all would be left on the curb 谢谢卡门
在韩国你们这种人会被扔出街头 Happy to say, tenth floor
and taken away with the garbage. 很高兴宣布楼上的高层
等着跟垃圾一起被收走 has finally picked our new junior exec,
Is that how you got to America, Han? 终于选出了新一任初级行政主管
你就是这么被收来美国的吗阿憨 and that person is sitting right here.
Earl, Caroline's being an idiot. 那个人现在就坐着这里
厄尔卡洛琳在犯傻 - Yes! - No, Caroline.
Oh, are we doing this in front of her now? - 太棒了 -不是你是卡洛琳
我们现在直接当着她面说啊 - Yes! - No!
Hey, would you still apply for that job - 太棒了 -不是吧
如果我告诉你今晚的小蛋糕销售一空 Champagne on me!
if I told you we sold out of the cupcakes tonight? 我请大家喝香槟
你还会申请那份工作吗 Yes!
Last one. 太棒了
就剩最后一个哦 Here, I got us a fresh bottle,
Oh, so what, they're good one day 给我拿了瓶新的
那又怎么样才好个一天 'cause I'm the boss.
and you want me to take them back? 因为我是老板了
你就想我吃回头草啊 Miss Black, would you pop that cork for me?
Who am I, Robert Pattinson? 布莱克小姐你能帮我把香槟打开吗
你当我是谁罗伯特·帕丁森吗 I'd be happy to, Miss Channing, you bitch.
"暮光情侣"罗伯特·帕丁森和克里斯汀·斯图尔特乐意效劳钱宁小姐你个贱人
两人经历了一连串的偷腥分手复合的情感闹剧 Okay.
So you just cut lil' coconut here out of your life? 好了
所以你要把小椰子蛋糕踢出你的生活吗 Okay, okay,
That's cold. 好了好了
太冷酷无情了 - now I'm gonna make a proper toast.
Max, this job offers medical benefits. - 现在我要好好祝酒
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I don't know how. 你之后就有医保了
这里怎么弄啊 You wouldn't have to decide
Their toaster oven's in our kitchen. 你以后就不用在
他们的烤面包机在咱们厨房里呢 between birth control pills and morning-after pills.
To Max--I promise not to sexually harass you 长期避孕药和事后避孕药之间做选择了
致麦克斯我保证不会性骚扰你 Are you trying to take away a woman's right to choose?
no matter how much I'm required to as your superior. 你是在剥夺一个女性选择的权利吗
无论作为上司的我有多饥渴 Come on, it could be so fun.
To Caroline- I cannot promise the same thing, 来嘛会很好玩的
致卡洛琳我不能保证不这样对你 Coming to work together, getting free coffee-
'cause sister, you fine. 一起上班喝免费咖啡
因为姐们你长得还行 the good kind, the blended kind-
Oh, crap! I spilled champagne on my good bucket blazer. 好的那种混合咖啡
糟糕我把香槟洒在我的好外套上了 not to mention xeroxing our asses
Yes, right there on your breasts, Beverly. 更不用说可以影印我们的屁屁
就洒在你胸口那吧贝弗莉 and feeling more alive than ever.
I'm doing Doug from the sexual harassment video. 来感到前所未有的活力
我在扮演性骚扰录像带里的道格 Watch, I'll show you what a fun boss I can be.
The Doug? Love your harassment work! 瞧我来示范下你上司可以多有趣
那个道格吗你演得真到位 Let's xerox our asses.
Especially that sad H.R. scene 我们一起来影印屁屁吧
尤其是那个被炒鱿鱼后 Well, how could I say no to copying my butt?
where you get fired and cry 我怎么能拒绝复制我的屁屁呢
你一边可怜啜泣 The only thing better than one of my butts
but still manage to touch yourself a little. 这世界上唯一比我的屁股还棒的
但还试图稍微"自摸"一下的场景 is two of my butts.
Wow, Beverly, 就是两个我的屁股
贝弗莉 - I'll go first. - Too late!
your breasts are so big, I might need the whole box. - 我先来 -你晚了一步
你胸部这么大可能得用掉整盒纸巾 Do you want legal size paper or three-hole punch?
That's enough. You're making this rag feel even dirtier. 你想要法律尺寸纸张还是三孔打洞机纸张
够了感觉被你越擦越脏了 Three-hole punch?
- Hey, hand me that. - What? "三孔打洞"
- 把那个递给我 -什么 That's how my longest relationship ended.
- My new Westship company poncho? - Yep. 我最长那段感情就是这么结束的
- 我的西船公司新雨披吗 -对 Ready, you corporate sell-out. Fry me.
Now it's my booze bib. 你个出卖灵魂给公司的家伙动手吧
现在是我的胸围巾了 Hey, why is it still flashing?
Oh, I love this. 为什么它还在闪呢
我爱死这个了 I put in 100 copies instead of one.
Somehow it's small enough to fit in your purse, 我点的是复印 100 份而不是一份
它既小到能装进你的包包 Don't worry about it, we'll use them as christmas cards.
but large enough to sleep under 别担心可以留着圣诞节当卡片用
但也大到能在发生 See? That's why I need an assistant.
during an "Occupy Wall Street"-type situation. 瞧所以我才要个助理嘛
抗议示威活动时穿着露宿睡觉 Thanks, but I'm not gonna take this stupid corporate
Max, I'm pouring you more champagne job.
麦克斯我再给你倒点香槟谢谢但我不打算接受这份白痴工作
because I have something I'm gonna stick with cupcakes, even though you just
因为我有个 quit.
really exciting I want to tell you. 我会继续坚持做小蛋糕即使你放弃了
超级兴奋的消息想告诉你 I didn't quit the cupcake business.
I talked to Eli about hiring you full-time. 我没有放弃蛋糕生意
我跟伊莱说让他把你转成正式工 If you remember, it quit us.
You are now a junior executive's executive assistant! 你应该记得是它放弃了我们
你现在是初级行政主管的行政助理了 At least this job makes sense.
I will knock you to the ground! 至少干这份工作有意义
老娘要把你打得趴下 You get a regular paycheck, benefits.
Max, think about it. 你每个月有固定的收入福利
麦克斯好好想想 You don't spend two whole years of your life
It comes with health care. 你不必花整整两年的时间
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giving it everything, 拜托你根本不是我的菜
倾尽所有 Caroline, this isn't a joke.
and then walk away feeling like a failure. 卡洛琳这不是闹着玩的
然后像个失败者那样转身离开 Trust me, I've been through four of these.
Get off that now. 相信我我已经经历过四次了
快下来 Wait, what's going on?
I'm worried you're giving yourself butt cancer. 慢着这是怎么回事
我担心你的屁股会得癌症 Ms. Channing, please don't address Carmen directly.
Wait, you think you're a failure? 钱宁小姐请别直接跟卡门说话
等等你觉得自己是失败者吗 - Max. - "Max"?
'cause I think we did amazing. - 麦克斯 -"大大"
我怎么觉得我们很棒 Is that a pet name she has for you, Carmen?
The shop closed, Max. 那是她给你取的爱称吗卡门
蛋糕店倒闭了麦克斯 Yes. She also calls me "Caramel drizzle."
Our dream blew up in our face. 是的她还叫我"焦糖沫"
我们的梦想当着我们的爆了 Can you tell me what exactly happened
Lots of things blow up in your face. 你能告诉我昨晚跟钱宁小姐
很多东西都会当着你的面"爆出来" With ms. Channing last night?
It's part of being a woman. 到底发生什么事吗
这是女人生命的一部分 She fondled my breasts.
You just... towel off and keep going. 她抚摸我的胸部
你只需用毛巾擦干净然后走人 Ms. Yi, it's not how it sounds.
You're really going to do this? 易小姐事实不是这样
你真的要留在这里工作吗 We were drinking, and I was pretending to be a man.
This was just supposed to be a temporary distraction 我们当时在喝酒我假装成男人
这本来是在我们重拾蛋糕梦之前 "Drinking." "Pretending to be a man."
till we got back to the cupcake thing. "喝酒" "假装成男人"
暂时来打发时间挣房租的 Don't write that down. Don't write that down.
No, Max. Cupcakes were the temp job. 别写这个别这这个
不麦克斯蛋糕梦才是临时的工作 And Carmen, when Ms. Channing touched you,
No, cupcakes were our dream. 卡门当钱宁小姐摸你时
不蛋糕梦是我们的梦想 how did that make you feel?
Well, I was wrong. 你有什么感觉
我以前错了 Dirty.
Maybe it's better not to have a dream. 下流肮脏
或许人没有梦想更好 Dirty and underpaid.
Good morning, everyone. 下流薪水过低
早上好各位 She felt dirty?
Eli, they said you wanted to see me in here? 她觉得下流
伊莱听说你要我进来找你呀 Come on, Ms. Yi, you don't know her.
Ms. Channing, my name is Michelle Yi, I'm with H.R. 拜托易小姐你不了解她
钱宁小姐我叫易·米歇尔人事部的 She's the dirty girl.
Aw! Is this my official welcome? 她最下流了
这是我的正式欢迎会吗 She is a dirty, dirty girl.
Oh, hello. 她就是个肮脏下流的女孩
你好 And does that turn you on?
Well, here, I brought Some 那会让你感觉性奋吗
来我买了一些 No! It's almost impossible to turn me on.
first-day bagels and plain cream cheese. 不会我根本不会性奋
入职面包圈和原味奶油乳酪 Oh, good. Now I don't feel so bad.
Sometimes chives can be a little breathy, am I right? 幸好现在我感觉没那么糟了
香葱味的话嘴巴会容易有味道 Trust me, she's making this stuff up.
Is this the woman who sexually harassed you? 相信我她在捏造事实
是这个女人性骚扰你吗 I'm sorry, Ms. Channing.
Yup, that's her. 抱歉钱宁小姐
对就是她 We're gonna have to terminate your employment.
Oh, good one! Really funny. 我们不得不解雇你
这个好真搞笑 This is outrageous!
Me harassing you? 这太离谱了
我会骚扰你吗 Nothing she said ever happened.
Come on, you're not even my type. 她说的都是假的
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Then how do you explain this? 并试图想成为别人
那你怎么解释这个 And then she touched my breastesses.
That is a copy from a xerox machine 然后她就摸我的胸部
这份复印件出自一台 Look, it's cool if you don't
badly in need of toner, 如果你不想
急需碳粉的影印机 want to join in on the cupcake dream,
which is just one of the many oversights 加入蛋糕梦也没关系
如果我当上了这里的主管 but at least wait till you find another.
that would not have continued 但至少你要找到别的梦想
这种玩忽职守的事情 Don't hop on the first one that comes along.
had I been made an executive here. 别天上掉什么你都扑过去
就绝对不会发生 It's a dream, not a man.
Good day. 这是梦想不是男人
再见 See? You are a dirty girl.
I don't know what she's talking about. 看吧你果然下流
我不知道她在说什么 I'm a dirty, dirty girl.
- That butt couldn't be any toner. 我是个肮脏下流的女孩
- 那个屁股哪需要什么碳粉 Hey, cupcake quitters.
Write that down, write that down. 蛋糕放弃者
这句写下快写下 Look, do you see what you've driven me to?
Can I get a peek at that? 看你们害我沦落到什么地步了
能给我看一眼吗 Supermarket cakes.
How are you tonight, Caroline? 超市蛋糕
今晚心情如何卡洛琳 Sophie, you don't need to eat those.
Angry, frustrated, humiliated. 苏菲你不用吃那个
愤怒沮丧丢脸 You can have one of ours.
Just another tuesday at the diner. 你可以吃我们做的
餐厅每个周二的普通心情 Max's homemade cupcakes is back in business.
Hello, Carmen. 麦克斯自制小蛋糕重新开张了
你好卡门 It would be cruel to kid me.
Or is it "Caramel drizzle?" 如果你骗我那就太残忍了
还是我该叫你"焦糖沫" Nope. We're doing it differently this time.
Just so you know, 不会我们这次要换个方式来
让我告诉你 We are? How?
that stunt will go on my professional work record. 是吗什么方法
这场闹剧会上我的职业工作记录 I have no idea.
Oh, please. 我也不知道
拜托 But for starters,
This diner's on your professional work record. 但首先
这家餐馆才会上你的职业工作记录 you're my new junior executive executive's assistant.
And your record's clean. Eli expunged it 我任命你为我的新行政主管行政助理
你的记录干净得很伊莱删掉了 I will knock you to the ground.
because I gave him a couple of my ass xeroxes. 老娘要把你打得趴下
因为我给了他几张我屁股的复印件 Well, mama happy now.
He's laminating them and using them as place mats. 老娘现在心花开呀
他把那图塑封起来要当餐垫用 -----------------------------
My idea. -------------20--------------
我的主意 -----------------------------
For what, Max? Why'd you get me fired? Oh, yeah, baby.
麦克斯你为什么要害我被解雇爽啊宝贝
Why'd I get you fired? Oh, take it all!
我为什么要害你被解雇都赏给你吧
Well, let me give you a "for instance." Oh, oh, no,
那让我打个比方来说吧不不
I once knew this girl who was so used to not failing You take it, baby.
我以前认识个女孩她从不言败赏给你吧宝贝
that the first time she did, No, baby, You take it all!
而在她第一次失败后不宝贝都"给"你吧
she got so scared, she forgot who she was Oh, no, you take it, baby.
她吓坏了她忘了自己是谁不 "给"你吧宝贝
and tried to be somebody else, No, baby, you take it!
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不宝贝都给你啦 but could you keep it in your apartment?
Dear God, 但你好歹也别让它飞出家门吧
我的神啊 Oh, hey, Sophie.
will one of you just take it 苏菲
你俩随便一个"收"了行吗 Hey, Max.
and get it over with? 麦克斯
赶紧收了了事吧 Oh, spring is in the air.
Max, there is no way you could be sleeping 春意盎然的季节啊
麦克斯我不信听到他俩那声音 This is the time of year in Poland
through Oleg and Sophie. 波兰的这时候
你还有办法睡觉 when the snow would melt
Does that actually work? 积雪会融化
你那样真有效吗 and all our dead relatives
It does, 那些被冻死的亲戚们
有啊 would float back to us.
with a little help from this. 就会顺着雪水流回来
配上这个就有效 I've never been to Europe,
Give me. 我没去过欧洲
给我喝 but it sounds beautiful.
I was hoping that'd be fruitier. 但那景色肯定迷人
我还以为这酒有点果香呢 Max, where is Caroline?
I mean, they're here. 麦克斯卡洛琳呢
他们这边做做 And don't tell me she's in the ladies' room,
They're there. 别跟我说她在女厕里
又到那边搞搞 because I already peeked under all those stalls.
Then, they're here again. 我已经从下面偷看了每个隔间了
然后又到这边爱爱 She wasn't there.
It's like we're a village under attack. 她不在里面
我们就跟遭空袭的村子一样 But I saw things.
Yup, just a matter of time 但我看到了些"东西"
没错要不了多久 Well, congratulations on finally seeing those things.
till someone sends in a drone. 恭喜你终于看到那些"东西"了
就会有无人驾驶飞机袭击了 She's 20 minutes late,
and it's not just that moaning. 她迟到二十分钟了
而且不光有淫叫声 and, as the boss, I will not have it.
- I think I heard a big ball rolling around up there. 作为一个老板我无法接受
- 我好像还听到有大球滚动的声音 Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of his crib.
If a ball is rolling around up there, 某人早上婴儿床起错边脾气暴躁啊
如果有颗睾丸在楼上滚 You're late. This is unacceptable.
Oleg should stop and see a doctor. 你迟到了太超过了
奥列格就应该停下送医了 Don't mind him.
This couldn't be any more intrusive. 别理他
他们还能再更扰邻点吗 He just saw his first vagina,
Sorry about that. 他刚第一次见到女人的下面
抱歉抱歉 and he's furious.
A bowling ball? 他气炸了
保龄球 Okay, here's the thing.
And why do they need a bowling ball? 是这样的
他们为啥会用到保龄球啊 I had to take a nap
Maybe they ran out of holes. 我不得不多睡一下
可能"洞"不够用了吧 because Oleg and Sophie were having sex all night long.
Have you guys seen a ball? 因为奥列格与苏菲昨晚"激战"了一整夜
你们有看到一颗球吗 Not true.
Pick up, Max. 才没有呢
麦克斯上菜 We took a break to watch a porno.
And sorry about the hole in your ceiling. 我们有休息一下看个黄片
抱歉给你们家天花板弄破了个洞 Punctuality
Oleg, I'm not even gonna ask you 守时
奥列格我都懒得叫你 is the number one rule in my employee handbook,
to keep it in your pants anymore, 是我写在员工手册
管好裤裆里的鸟了 - which I've adorably named The Han-book.
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- 又名"阿憨手册"的第一准则然后我再提一遍
Relax, Han. You know what? I don't need this.
别紧张阿憨我干嘛要受你的气
Nobody's gonna die Well, actually, you do kinda need this
我没来给客人因为我们还真需要这薪水
if I'm not here to drop off a tuna melt. 'cause we broke.
端金枪鱼三明治客人也不会死啦我俩是穷光蛋
In fact, they're more likely to die Broke or not,
其实我真给他们上菜管它的
if I do drop it off. I don't have to stand here and take this.
他们吃了还更可能会死呢老娘就是不要在这听他放屁
Late, and with an attitude. I quit.
迟到了还这么嚣张我不干了
You think you're too good for the diner? Oh, really? You quit?
你觉得在这干活很掉价吗是吗你不干啦
Of course she thinks that. You must be dumber than my diner
她当然是这么想啦你脑子比我这餐厅还傻逼吧
酸酵种面包较长制作时间非常健康也偏贵的选择 because I already fired you.
I think sourdough bread is too good for this diner. 你都被炒了还怎么不干
这店连酸酵种面包都不配卖好吗 Han, I know you've had it up to here,
Well, what other career option do you have, Caroline? 阿憨我知道你火气上脑到这高度了
那你又有什么其他工作选择呢卡洛琳 but you need to relax.
Hmm, let's see. Cupcakes? 但你太过了
比如说小蛋糕店吗 Can you believe Han fired me?
No, wait, your shop didn't last six months. 你能相信阿憨居然炒了我吗
不你那店开张不到半年就倒了 - I mean, where does he get off?
Don't go there, Han. - 他想啥凭啥呢
别哪壶不开提哪壶《吸血鬼猎人巴菲》一部广受女性与男同喜爱的美
Oh, I'm already there. And now I'm back. 剧
我偏要提我提起又放下了 Probably in Buffy the Vampire Slayer chat rooms.
Why so moody, Han? 大概会在《吸血鬼猎人巴菲》聊天室驻足吧
干嘛这么大脾气啊阿憨 Have you been standing here by the door this whole
Are you man-struating? time?
你"大姨夫"来了吗你不会是一直站在门口等我回家吧
- Is it that time of the man-th? I didn't even pee.
- 又到了每月流血的时候了吗我连去尿尿都不敢
That shop was our dream, Han, I was afraid I'd miss you.
阿憨那店是我们的梦想就怕错过你进门
and this is just a dumb diner. So, hold on.
而你这只是个傻逼餐厅所以先等我一下吧
You're fired. So, basically, You had the same day as a puppy?
你被炒了所以你今天过得跟小狗一样嘛
Ooh! I'm fired? Han's lucky I work there.
还炒我啊我在那工作是他的福气
Max, Han just fired me. I bring class and sophistication to that place.
麦克斯阿憨炒了我呢我让他的餐厅变得高级和有档次
You lucky son of a whore. There's no toilet paper,
你个幸运的小骚货没厕纸了
I'm serious, Caroline. and I just used the last coffee filter.
卡洛琳我是认真的最后一张咖啡滤纸我也用掉啦
You called my diner "dumb." You are sophisticatin' the hell
你居然说我的餐厅"傻逼" 你还真是让那间厕所
Well, at least my diner's still open and successful, out of that toilet right now.
好歹我的餐厅现在还没倒闭开得好好的变得无比高级呀
whereas your cupcake shop was so dumb, it failed. And you know what?
但你的傻逼小蛋糕店都傻逼得倒闭了吧而且啊
Ooh, he did not go there. You can tell Han that the only way
他不是真提了这壶吧你可以告诉阿憨
I went there, and then I came back, I am ever going back there is if he apologizes.
我就提这壶然后又放下要我回去的唯一办法就是他来道歉
and then I went there again. Okay, but first,
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可以但首先呢 Oh, yeah, baby.
he wanted me to tell you this. 好啊宝贝
他也留话要我对你说 Jay Z and I have a lot in common.
The only way you're ever going back there 杰斯跟我有很多共同之处
你唯一能回去的方式呢 He bought the Brooklyn Nets.
is if you apologize. 他买下职篮布鲁克林篮网队
就是你跟他道歉 I bought my hairnets in Brooklyn.
Well, an apology from me is not happening. 我则是在布鲁克林买的发网
要我道歉他想都别想 I'm not surprised that you're Jay Z and Beyonce,
Oh, yeah, baby. 你们扮杰斯与碧昂丝我一点都不意外
爽啊宝贝 but I am kinda surprised that they bowl.
Ooh, take it all. 不过他们打保龄球我倒很惊讶
都赏给你吧 Where should I put this?
Oh, oh, no, 这要我放哪
不 Oh, well, I'll tell you what I told him.
you take it, baby. 我告诉你们我对他说的吧
都给你吧亲爱的 Put it anywhere You want.
Oh, baby-- 你想把它放哪都行
宝贝 So that's basically our ball at this point.
And that is not happening again tonight either. 所以现在这颗球基本算我们的了
这今晚也不许再发生了 Look, you two may be crazy in love,
Again? 我知道你们俩爱得疯狂
又来啊 but your love is driving us crazy.
That could've hit us. 但我们也要被你们搞疯了
那可能砸到我们呢 Crazy in love?
Now, that's unsafe sex. 爱得疯狂吗
这才叫"危险性行为"啊 Oh, come on. We're not in love.
I think it's pretty neighborly of us 拜托我们才不相爱
我们还送他们的性爱保龄球回来 Oleg and I are just shtup buddies.
to return someone's sex bowling ball. 我们只是炮友而已
还真是够敦亲睦邻的啊 Shtup buddies?
You know we have to bury those mitts now. 炮友吗
这双手套之后得去埋了才行 I wouldn't say that's all we are.
And we have to tell them to stop 我们不止如此吧
无论他们在玩什么花样 Oh, no, you're right.
whatever it is they're doing up here. 我错了你说的有道理
我们都得叫他们停下 We also share a CVS points reward card.
Probably a 7-10 split. 我们还共用一张药房集奖卡
估计是 7 10 号瓶分叉球吧 Is it really a reward if it comes from CVS?
And now they're not making noise. 如果是药房给的东西能算是奖励吗
现在他们又消停了 Can't you two ever do it over at Oleg's apartment?
It's like when you go to the zoo, 你们难道就不能去奥列格家"做"吗
感觉就像去动物园时 Or are all the lanes reserved?
and the lion goes inside. 还是他睡的路边都停满车了
狮子跑进山洞内休息了 I have no idea where he lives.
It's Max and Caroline. 我完全不知道他住哪里
是麦克斯跟卡洛琳 Wait, you've never been to Oleg's apartment?
Your ball came into our yard again. 等等你还没去过奥列格家吗
你们的球又掉进我们家了 No, with my busy work schedule,
Hi. Yeah, it's not a good time. 没有我工作这么忙
现在有点不太方便 I don't have the time to get
Uh, we're role-playing, 我哪有空去注射
我们在玩角色扮演 the battery of shots that I would need.
and, obviously, I'm Beyonce. 去他家需要打的疫苗啊
我在扮碧昂丝 You'd be surprised by my apartment, Sophie.
美国著名女歌手碧昂丝与饶舌歌手丈夫杰斯著名歌看到我家会吓死你的苏菲
曲《疯狂的爱》 It's more than just the place
Hey, Jay Z? 那里可不光只是
杰斯 the quadruple orgasm was born.
- Look at all the single ladies. 四重高潮的发源地呢
- 看看这些单身女郎们啊 Yeah, well, That sounds nice.
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这听起来倒是很棒啊是不是就能按 1980 年的物价付租金啊
Oh, yes. Beyonc-- You haven't even seen the best part yet.
碧昂... 你们都还没看到最棒的地方呢
Um, Beyonce's hair just fell out. Look.
碧昂丝的头发掉了瞧
I gotta go get my hot glue gun. Goin' up the stairway to heaven, baby.
我先去拿我的热熔胶枪黏上我要走上天堂的阶梯了
Girls, I may have oversold my apartment. Oh, yeah. There it is.
女孩们我有点夸大我家了没错就是这里啦
What, by saying she won't need to get shots? That's my bed.
跟她说不需要先打疫苗吗这就是我的床
Yes. Where are we? Studio 69?
是是是这是哪啊 69 夜店吗
Maybe you two could help me fix it up a little, That's 1,500 tracer bulbs.
你们俩个可以来帮忙布置一下吧那可是 1500 颗灯泡组成
give it a feminine touch. I tore most of them out of the new Cineplex 14 in
添加点女人元素 Queens.
Well, I'm out. 都是我从皇后区的电影院拆来的
我不干 First of all, I am smelling something
You know what? I'll do it. 首先我闻到了一股
我愿意帮你 that can only be described as anti-antiperspirant.
But I'm very recently out of work, 只能解释为反除汗味剂的味道
但我最近刚失业 And, secondly...
so I'm gonna have to charge you. 第二
所以帮忙的部分是要收费的 no woman wants to walk into this.
If you didn't, you'd be the only girl 不会有女人想走进这里的
如果你不收钱那你就会是 According to this,
who ever went to his apartment without getting paid. 根据这个显示
第一个进他家又不收他钱的女人了 685 already have.
You got a deal. 685 个女人进来过了
成交 Actually, it's 1,685.
Oleg's apartment's this way. 其实是 1685 个
奥列格家肯定是这间 After a thousand, the counter resets.
I can smell the AXE body spray.
过一千后那个计数器就归零了
我闻到了体香剂的味道了 look, if you don't want Sophie to feel
I'll just throw a couple of these pillows around,
如果你不想苏菲觉得
我们把这几个枕头布置进去 like she's next in line at the DMV...
and then we'll be gone.
自己在排队等着进机动车辆管理局
然后就可以走了美国的机动车辆管理局常被人戏称为"地狱"
I can't believe I'm walking up to Oleg's apartment.
More like the S-T-D-mv.
我真不敢相信我要自己步入他家里
其实是性病传染局吧
I always thought I'd be dragged here unconscious
- Then we have a lot of work to do. - Okay.
我一直以为那天会是我被他下药迷晕
- 那我们有很多地方需要改进 -好吧
with electrical tape over my mouth.
Make it look romantic.
嘴被胶带封住然后拖进去的
Afternoon, ladies. 弄得浪漫一点
When she comes in, I want her to feel special,
女孩们下午好
- This is where the magic happens. 当她走进的那一刻要她觉得自己很特别
like she's the only woman that's ever been here
- 这里就是奇迹发生之地了
感觉自己是第一个走进这里的女人
Well, I'm sure you've made some women disappear
today.
here.
今天第一个
我肯定你肯定让不少女人在里面"消失"过 Let's just sit down and talk about this.
Okay. 咱们坐下来好好谈吧
好吧 Oh, my God. Max, is she dead?
Just off the top of my head, 天啊麦克斯她死了吗
就我第一眼的观察判断 No. She's Alexis.
I think we're gonna need a couple more pillows. 不是啦她是阿丽西斯
起码就还需要不少可爱枕头了 You have one of those anatomically-correct real dolls!
If you keep your apartment Like this, 你居然有个人体仿真性爱玩偶
如果把公寓弄成这样 It's rare to see one without a short, fat man
do you get to pay 1980s rent prices? 很少看到她旁边没有个
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standing next to it with a button penis. And I can't fall on the floor,
矮肥短鸡鸡的男人呢我可不能晕倒在这地上
They sell for $6,000, 'cause I might stick to it.
这原价要 6000 块可能会被不明液体黏住
but I got her for half off. You don't have to do this!
但我半价买到了你没必要干这种工作
She was previously loved. Just call Han and apologize,
她是"已被人疼爱过"的快打电话给阿憨道歉
Max, you are not doing that. and we can get outta here
麦克斯你不许那样然后在梅毒攻击前
The hell I'm not. before the syphilis sets in.
去你的不许咱们赶紧闪人
This is my one chance to see a woman naked No, he said some really hurtful things to me,
这是我唯一一次看完裸女后不要他对我说了一些很伤人的话
without having to spoon her after. and I'd rather stay here
不用再跟她们抱抱的机会我宁愿待在这里
Respect. and work for Oleg and Alexis.
佩服佩服为奥列格和阿丽西斯工作
Well, you've made a lot of strong choices here, At least I'll have my dignity.
你这里有很多"个人风格"鲜明的东西至少我的尊严还在
but I'm not sure they're all working together. Now, if you'll excuse me,
但我不确定它们放在一起搭不搭容许我先失陪了
For example, that sex swing is fighting the goat. - I have to go climb the sperm-ship enterprise.
比如说那个性爱秋千就跟山羊对冲 - 我得爬上精床探险号
Now, why don't we start by you going Let me just get these curtains open
等你去给我们弄来橡胶手套后先把窗帘拉开
and getting us some rubber gloves? so I can see better.
我们就动手开始改造吧好让我能看清楚这里
Lots of them, Seeing better?
手套记得多弄点看清楚点
and the strongest bleach and soap products you can Is that the way to go?
find. 这不太对吧
以及市面上最强的漂白剂以及肥皂 I'm walking on a water bed.
Oh, and a hazmat suit. 我走在一张水床上
还有一套生化防护服 - This is harder than it looks.
Don't worry about the size. I can belt it. - 这比想象中的要难啊
别担心尺寸大小我可以系腰带 How many times has that been said on this bed?
But you're gonna keep my good stuff, right? 这句话不知道在这张床上说过多少遍了
但我的好东西你会留着的对吧 Oh, my heel!
If I see any, I'll consider it. 我的鞋跟
如果我看见有的话会考虑保留 I swallowed!
Go. 我咽下去了
快去 I accidentally swallowed.
What are you going to do with Alexis? 我不小心咽下去了
那你打算怎么处置阿丽西斯 You know that's been said.
Rehab, and then a women's shelter in Montana. 这句话肯定也常有人说
先送康复中心再送到蒙大拿州妇女收容所 Max, we got a problem.
Go! 麦克斯有个问题
快去 See that girl?
I've got a lot of work to do. 看见那个女孩了吗
我有很多工作要做 Oh, what? The usual drill?
But first... 干嘛像平时那样吗
但首先 You hold her arms,
Can not do it. 你抓住她的手臂
忍不住啊 and I punch her till she tips 20%?
Can not do it. 我揍到她愿意给百分之二十的小费吗
实在忍不住 As much as I enjoy that when we do it,
Can you please turn that off, Max? 虽然我很喜欢这么做
你能把那个关掉吗麦克斯 no.
I'm starting to feel a little dizzy... 但不是
我都开始觉得头晕了 She's here to apply for Caroline's job.
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她是来应征卡洛琳的工作 I'd lie to their faces--
What? 我会骗他们
什么 lock them in their room and tell them
Han's really going through with this? 把他们关进房间然后告诉他们
阿憨是来真的吗 that the other one had three weeks to live.
I thought It was all talk, 对方只剩三周可以活了
我以为他只是说说而已 You know, what used to be known as good parenting.
like when a chihuahua barks at a big dog. 这在以前就可以算是模范家长呢
就像吉娃娃冲着大狗叫也只是叫叫而已 Max, I've got 12 overqualified candidates
Me too. I thought it would blow over. 麦克斯我有 12 个资历过硬的候选人
我也是我以为会这事很快会消失 coming in for the waitress position today.
You know, like Han did in the wind that time? 今天来应征服务员的工作
就像阿憨上次被风吹不见那样 Thank you, crumbling economy!
But, no, He is serious. 真要多谢现在不景气的经济
但这次不是他是来真的 You know, Han, here at this diner,
No way. I got this. 阿憨在这家餐厅
不行我来解决 we're kind of like a little family, and--
Hi, is that your resume? 我们就像是一家人
你好这是你的简历吗 Oh, I can't do this.
Let's take a little look-see. 我编不下去了
让我看看 Caroline has three weeks left to live.
Oh, you worked there? Cool. 卡洛琳就剩三周可以活了
你还在那工作过啊真厉害 I'm serious.
Yep. I'm a very hard worker. 我是说真的
是的我工作非常努力 She drank Oleg's water bed.
Good. Can you block a punch? 她喝了奥列格水床的水
很好你会挡拳头吗 It's just a matter of time.
'Cause the owner hits us. 迟早会挂掉的
因为老板会打人哦 Nice try, Max.
He broke my femur. When I complained, 想得美麦克斯
他把我大腿打骨折了当我抱怨时 I'm not going to give her back her job.
he broke the other one. 我不会把工作还给她的
他又打折了我另一条腿 She should've checked herself
Run before he sees me talking to you. 她在跟我装逼之前
在他看见咱俩说话前快跑 before she wrecked herself.
Earl, I gotta get Han aAnd Caroline to make up. 应该先掂掂自己斤两的
厄尔我得让阿憨和卡洛琳和好 Come on. Hire her back.
I don't have access to the pills I need 拜托啦把她请回来
我得靠吃药才愿留下工作 Be the bigger man.
to keep working here without her. 当个大气的男人
她不在我就买不起了 And note,
Any advice or pills? 声明一下
你有什么建议或药吗 I did not make a short joke,
Well, let's see. We are kind of like a family here, 我不是在拿你的身材开玩笑
我想想我们在这里像是一家人 because this is important,
except I can see you unsupervised on the weekends. 因为这事真的很重要
除了我周末见你不用有人监视 and also because I'm still working on something
And you didn't use my college fund 同时也因为我还在想怎么用
而你也没拿我上大学的钱彼特·丁拉基患侏儒症的美国演员身高只有 1.35 米
to buy a married man a Corvette. with Peter Dinklage's name.
给已婚男人买跑车彼特·丁拉基的名字开玩笑
And in my family, No way, Max. I am holding firm.
在我的家庭不行麦克斯我的立场很坚定
when my kids would fight, You know, firm Han is kinda hot.
当我的孩子吵架时硬气的阿憨蛮性感的
I tried to get them to talk to each other, - He is? - Yeah.
我会试图让他们跟对方说话 - 是吗 -是的
because honesty is key. I'm kinda feeling firm Han.
因为坦诚是关键我有点喜欢硬气的阿憨
But if that didn't work, I have no interest in feeling the firm part,
但如果不管用虽然我对其他会硬的部位没兴趣
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but I'll hang out with the rest. I wish. That sounds bitchin'.
但我可以考虑跟你约会我还想呢那听起来超屌
You want to hang out with me? What are you guys doing here?
你居然想跟我约会你们俩在这里干嘛
I'm generally free Mondays through Fridays, What is Caroline doing here?
我基本周一到周五都有空卡洛琳在这里干嘛
mornings and evenings, You said she was going to be at Oleg's.
白天和晚上都行你不是说她会在奥列格家吗
and my weekends are wide open. I am at Oleg's.
而且我周末也空得很我就是在奥列格家啊
I may have a wedding to go to in June, but-- You guys live with Oleg?
虽然我 6 月可能要参加婚礼但... 你们俩跟奥列格一起住吗
Breathe. You told him this was our apartment?
深呼吸你告诉他这里是我们的公寓吗
Come over tomorrow. As a wise person once told me,
明天来我家一位智者告诉我
Caroline Will be at Oleg's. sometimes, you gotta lie to keep your family together.
卡洛琳会去奥列格家有时为了家庭和睦可以撒撒小谎
We can get stoned and watch a movie. I'm not letting anyone leave
我们可以嗑药磕到嗨然后看电影在你们跟对方说话前
The last time I was stoned until you talk to each other.
我上一次还是在演唱会上谁也别想走
was from a contact high I got at a concert. I don't understand.
因误吸别人抽大麻吐出来的烟而嗨翻天我不明白
Well, those wiggle shows do get crazy. Are we not smoking weed?
演唱会的人们很容易变得疯狂啊我们不是要抽大麻吗
Look at us, Max, Oh, I already did.
瞧瞧咱俩麦克斯我已经抽了
hanging outside of work at your place I don't know what his problem is.
就像好朋友那样我不知道他哪有毛病
like a couple of homeys. He fired me for missing 20 minutes of work.
下班后照样出来厮混我错过 20 分钟上班时间就炒了我
Yeah, and where is my homey? Why doesn't he fire himself for missing puberty?
是啊我的好朋友在哪里他何不因为错过青春期而炒了他自己呢
Oh, it's this way. Let it go, Han.
这边任她说吧阿憨
I can smell the AXE body spray. She spent her morning dusting a strap-on.
我闻到了体香剂的味道她整个早上都在擦捆绑式假阳具上的灰尘
Now, what movie should we watch? I didn't fire you because you were late.
我们该看什么电影呢我不是因为你迟到而炒了你
I brought Shrek, Shrek 2, I fired you because you crapped all over the diner,
我带了《怪物史瑞克》第一部第二部我炒你是因为你说餐厅的坏话
Shrek 3, Shrek 3-d, and you forgot that diner lifted you up
第三部还有 3D 版的你忘了在你一无所有的时候
《姐姐的守护者》 when you had nothing.
and that Cameron Diaz cancer movie. 是餐厅把你救起来
以及卡梅隆·迪亚兹照顾癌症病患的电影 Well, I lifted you up
卡梅隆·迪亚兹在《怪物史瑞克》里为史瑞克的老婆在你拿不到玉米罐时
菲欧娜配音 when you couldn't reach the canned corn.
Is there one where Shrek has cancer? 还是我把你举"起来"的呢
是史瑞克得了癌症那部吗 So, we're even. Fight over.
This is completely-- 所以我们扯平了争吵结束
这里完全 What the hell did you do to my apartment?
the same place I always live at. 你把我公寓搞成什么鬼样子了
就是我一直住的地方 It looks like you could film
Max, it's so pretty. 看起来就像拍
麦克斯这里真漂亮 a douche commercial in here.
I thought your place would have furniture 阴道清洗液的广告现场
我还以为你家会有 Oleg, this is what you asked for:
made out of razor blades or something. 奥列格这就是你想要的效果
用刮胡刀片做的家具呢 - Romantic. - Romantic?
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- 浪漫 -浪漫吗黄金女郎吗
My place went from Fifty Shades Of Grey Sophie hates it.
我家从淫乱天堂变成了苏菲不喜欢
to fifty shades of beige. I should've just thrown a boiled ham on the bed.
屎黄色地狱我应该直接把一只煮熟的火腿扔床上的
Where's my sex swing? Oh, no.
我的性爱秋千呢不要啊
Where's my sex chair? My hair's stuck in Oleg's clothes.
我的性爱椅子呢我的头发被奥列格的衣服夹住了
Where's my poster that says, Please don't let it be a pant zipper.
我的那张上面写着拜托千万不要被裤子拉链夹到
"Poke her in the front, lick her in the back"? Han, Alexis.
"捅她前面舔她后面"的海报呢阿憨这位是阿丽西斯
Oleg, relax. Alexis, Han.
奥列格冷静阿丽西斯这位是阿憨
All your stuff's either in the basement or the closet. Ew, take it away from me.
你东西不是在地下室就在衣柜快把她从我身上拿开
And I think would know more about what a woman It's so heavy-- oh, no, oh, no.
我觉得我更了解还真沉不要不要啊
would like to come home to Help. Get her off of me.
女人喜欢的家的样子救命啊快把她弄开
than a man whose last girlfriend Why? You're finally getting some.
这至少比一个男人的前女友为什么你终于有机会"爽一下"了
was made in the Philippines. Take it, take it.
是用菲律宾橡胶做的强拿开拿开
It's me! I got it, I got it.
我来了我在弄我在弄
Hide your kids! Look! Han's fallen
赶紧把孩子藏起来瞧阿憨摔倒了
Hide your wife! and he can't get it up!
把你老婆也藏起来而且他"起"不来了
Sophie! What the hell is going on here?
苏菲这到底是怎么回事
She can't know you're here. I mean, this is freaky even for me.
她不能知道你们在这里重口如我也觉得这场面太恶心
Go, go, all of you. Sophie, I can explain.
快走你们快走苏菲我可以解释
Han! Get in the closet! I hired Caroline to redo my apartment
阿憨躲进衣柜里我请卡洛琳来帮我重新布置公寓
Putting a guy who's in the closet in the closet? so it wouldn't be the dirty bachelor pad
叫一个还没出柜的男人躲进衣柜好让它看起来不像你预期中的
That's like gay nesting dolls. you were expecting.
就像基佬版嵌套娃娃一样那种下流单身汉公寓
I'm not gay. But you are the dirty Bachelor that I'm expecting.
我不是基佬但你就是我预期中的那种下流单身汉
I'm a metrosexual. And why would you hire Caroline?
我是都市花美男为什么你要请卡洛琳啊
This is where the magic happens? She doesn't know about sexy stuff.
这里就是奇迹发生之地吗她根本不懂什么是性感
Oh, no. She couldn't even figure out what we do
不是吧她甚至连我们拿那个保龄球
Do you live With your mother? with the bowling ball.
你是跟你妈一起住吗来做什么都不知道
What? You don't like? Sophie, you should've seen what was in here.
怎么你不喜欢吗苏菲你真该看看这公寓之前的模样
I thought you would enjoy the girl's touch. I mean, he had this anatomically correct real doll
你以为你会喜欢一些女性的元素他有一个符合人体仿真的性爱娃娃
What girls? He named Alexis.
什么女性还帮她取名叫阿丽西斯
《黄金女郎》1985 年美剧主角为皆老人的"老"友记 Yeah, well, she's very pretty.
The Golden Girls? 是吗她可真漂亮
第 166 页 /共 198 页
He had a sex swing. - Well, as high as you can get.
他有一个性爱秋千 - 看你到底能有多嗨
Ooh, a sex swing. -----------------------------
哇性爱秋千 -------------21--------------
What are you gonna tell me now? -----------------------------
你接下来还要说什么 My new sheets from the "Under a dollar" store
That he had a water bed? 我从"不到一元店"买来的新床单
说他有一张水床吗 feel so luxurious,
I did. 好有奢华风
我的确曾有 like they could maybe cost over a dollar,
It had 1,500 tracer bulbs. 感觉价值超过一元
上面有一千五百个灯泡 maybe even 2 or 3.
It was hot. 值个两到三元呢
非常香艳 Yup. It was a good day over at the "Under a dollar."
Well, who has it now? 对啊今天在那店真是走运
那床现在在谁手里 Steak, bed stuff, and my new steak eatin' chair.
I wanna be with him. 买到牛排床品还有我的吃牛排专座
我要跟他在一起 Doesn't it worry you that you got that meat and
Oh, hell, I'm tired of all this role-playing, furniture
靠我已经厌倦那些角色扮演了那块肉跟椅子的价格不让你担心吗
so I'm just going to say it. - for the price of an Angry Birds update?
所以我要直说 - 价钱跟愤怒小鸟软件升级一样呢
Sophie, I am in love with you. Yeah, it worries me that it'll never happen again.
苏菲我爱上你了我可担心这种好事以后碰不上了
Well, I haven't said this to a man Sheets and steak? Never dared to dream it.
我很久很久床罩加牛排以前想都不敢想
in a very long time, These sheets smell amazing too,
没对男人这么说了这床罩真好闻
but I like you a little bit. thanks to that one little fabric softener ball,
但我有一点点喜欢你都要感谢那一颗要价不到一块钱的
I don't know what she's talking about, Caroline. also under a dollar.
我不懂她为什么这么说卡洛琳衣物柔顺球
I think it's pretty. - I dated a guy with one ball once.
我觉得很漂亮 - 我也跟"一颗球"的男人约会过
You make everything prettier,
He was all self-conscious, but I told him,
你让一切都变得更漂亮
他一直很在意但我告诉他
even the dumb diner.
"No big deal. It's just as ugly as two."
连我那家傻逼餐厅也是
"别担心一粒跟两粒一样恶心"
Your diner's not dumb.
I am going to get such a good night's--
你的餐厅才不傻逼
I miss the diner. 我今晚一定能睡一个好...
我好想它 - Oh, sheet!
And it misses you. - 我的床罩
它也很想你 "Thread count: Yes.
You can have your job back. "织物密度有
你可以回来工作 Washing instructions: Do not wash."
Is it just 'cause I'm stoned, 洗涤注意事项不能洗"
是因为我现在嗨翻天 Are you sure you want to sit in that?
or did anyone else feel that deep connection between 你确定你要坐那椅子吗
them? Woman, don't talk to me while I'm eatin' my steak!
还是有人也感受到了他们之间的深情臭婆娘老子吃牛排时少跟我唧唧歪歪
Could you all leave? "Instructions: Do not sit."
你们能离开这里吗 "使用说明请勿坐"
I wanna be alone with Oleg... Yay, root beer barrel!
我想单独跟奥列格沙士桶糖
And Alexis. What? A candy trail.
还有阿丽西斯玩会儿什么有糖果指路
Now are we going to smoke weed? God, are you just getting to me now?
我们现在要去抽大麻了吗神啊你终于要眷顾我了吗
Yeah, I'm dying to see you high. You do work in mysterious ways.
是的我超级想看你嗨的样子你显示神迹的方式果然独特啊
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I'm not God, but I believe Kind of proud of myself. My very first booty call.
我不是神但我昨晚好自豪啊我的第一次约炮
I did answer your roommate's prayers last night. Well, actually, it was a booty tweet.
的确有满足你室友祈祷的愿望其实还是网上约炮
Andy! Booty's up with the times.
安迪约炮也得约得时尚啊
So how'd this happen? Technically, booty call's been around
这是怎么回事基本上约炮这事
Where'd you guys find each other again? since the old-timey times.
你们怎么重新勾搭上的几百年前就有了好吗
Rematch.Com? Alexander Graham bell's
再合网吗发明电话的贝尔打的
Empty-vajay date? very first phone call was "Hey, you up?"
还是空虚阴部佳缘网第一通电话就说"你还醒着呢"
No, last night, I thought, Hey, so, um, I gotta go. Is that cool?
昨晚我就想我得走了没问题吧
"well, these sheets are already ruined, Oh, super cool, sure.
"反正床单都毁了当然没问题走吧
so I might as well really ruin them with sex," What do we do, kiss? High-five?
那好歹也该来一炮来真正弄乱它吧我们该怎么做亲一个还是击个掌
so I called Andy. Max, what do you do in this situation?
所以我就打给安迪啦麦克斯你这种时候都怎么做的
And I was obviously flattered, so I came over. I usually wave at him with my arm clenched,
接到电话我受宠若惊就来啦我通常都夹着手臂跟他挥手道别
Well, I hope you guys spent more than $1 for condoms. 'cause I'm hiding his wallet in it.
希望你们用的是超过一元的套套因为我藏着他的钱包呢
Hey, there are two things I never skimp on: Well, nice seeing you.
在两种东西上我从来不省钱很高兴见到你
condoms and candy. I don't usually do the salute,
套套与糖果我通常不会敬礼啦
And Max, did you see what I left over there but okay, that can be your thing.
麦克斯你有看到我在厨房桌上但也没事能当你的招牌动作
on the kitchen counter for you? Earl, here's my last check.
留给你的礼物吗厄尔这是我最后一张单
Condoms? Candy? Condoms full of candy? Can you tip me out? I have a possible booty call.
套套还是糖果还是装满糖果的套套能帮我结了吗我准备打电话约炮
Well, now, you're going to be disappointed, Well, Caroline,
你期望值这么高那这下要失望了卡洛琳
because it's just candy. you've reached a new place of familiarity with me.
因为礼物只有糖果你做这事让我俩之间又更相近了
Ooh, all my favorites! Unfortunately, I've not reached that same place with
都是我的最爱 you.
I wonder if I can get diabetes before breakfast. 只可惜我不是跟你一起"做"这事
我好奇是否在早餐前我就染会上糖尿病 Can you cover my tables?
Thanks, Andy. 你能照看一下我这区吗
谢啦安迪 I've been doing that since you started working here,
That candy was just a decoy, 打从你第一天来上班我就在帮你了
那个糖果是为了调虎离山 so yes.
- so you didn't see my push pop when I got out of bed. 所以没问题
- 这样我下床就不会让你看见我的"口红糖" Good, 'cause I'm gonna text Andy
So...are you and Andy back together? 那就好我要发短信给安迪
你跟安迪又好上啦 for another booty call, and maybe this time
No. It was just a one-time thing. 跟他再约次炮这次说不定
才没有只单纯来一炮而已 we can go out and have a booty breakfast.
Look at you. 我们可以共进个炮后早餐呢
瞧你这样 As the president of the casual sex society, local chapter,
You're like the greek goddess of booty calls. 作为约炮地区自治协会的会长呢
看起来像希腊的约炮女神 I call bull on your booty.
阿芙洛狄忒是希腊神话中代表爱与美的女神我认为你假约炮真谈情
Aphro-whitey. What? It's a booty call.
阿芙洛白罩哪有只是约炮啊
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Not with you it isn't. 只是个网上骗钱的而已
约你个大头鬼啊 Hi, I'm looking for Han Lee, the owner.
You think that booty breakfast 您好我想找老板李憨先生
你想着吃完炮后早餐 There she is. Pretty, blonde,
will maybe lead to a booty dinner 她来了漂亮金发
就能约个炮后晚餐 and clearly not a man.
then maybe booty engaged and booty married 而且明显不是男人
接着就炮后订婚然后炮后结婚 Who's laughing now?
and have a couple booty kids and a booty retirement 现在谁爽啊
home You shouldn't jump to conclusions.
生几个炮后娃再一起搬进炮后老人院别太急着下定论
and then booty die together. I once had a date with a blonde woman.
最后炮后一起死我也曾经跟一个金发美女约过会
That's not true. He'll die before me, Turns out, the curtains matched the penis on that one.
才不会呢他绝对会比我先死结果我跟他的共同点就是都有鸡鸡
then I'll take a dance class. Hello. Are you Ashley? I'm Han Lee.
然后我再去舞蹈班钓男人你好你是艾希莉吗我是李憨
What are you doing? Do you have to pee? Hi. Nice to meet you.
你在干嘛想尿尿吗你好幸会幸会
No, I feel something... down there. I left something in my car I'll be right back.
不是我感觉下面... 有古怪我有东西忘车上了马上回来
Yeah, you woke it up. Now it's hungry. Is she coming back?
废话 "她"现在觉醒了 "饥渴"着呢她会回来吗
But you don't take it back to the same restaunt. Han, Jesus is coming back before she is.
但你不可以带她去吃"同一家餐厅的鸡"哦阿憨耶稣回来人间救赎都比她快
What is that and why is it wearing a bow tie? Han, you're too good for her.
干嘛穿成这样还系个领结阿憨她配不上你
Maybe because actual tie would drag on the ground. I don't understand.
他如果系个普通领带会垂到地上吧我就不懂了
Speaking of "Dragging on the ground," We were 97% compatible on the website.
要说"垂到地上" 网站显示我们 9 成 7 相配呢
maybe you could drag an antelope back to your cave Let me see your profile.
你何不去拖一只羚羊回你的淫窝让我看看你的个人档案
and have sex with it. - Who's that? - That's me.
然后跟它爽一下呢 - 这头像是谁 -我啊
See, I have a sense of humor too. No, that's the hot asian star from Hawaii Five-0.
你看我也是个幽默的人屁咧这明明是《天堂执法者》里的亚洲帅哥
That's one of the attributes on my online dating profile. What? We kinda look alike.
我交友网站上的个人档案就有写这一特质干嘛我们有点像好吗
Han, are you all dressed up because you're expecting a The only thing you have in common
date? 你们俩唯一相像的地方只有
阿憨你打扮这么帅是因为要见女孩吗 with this guy from Hawaii five-0
Oh, I'm expecting a lot more than a date. 人家是《夏威夷 5-0》
我希望不只是单纯见一下那么简单 is that you are 5'0".
Our profiles matched us perfectly. 而你是 5 尺 0 寸
我们的个人档案十分般配 And Han, "athletic"?
- This might be the one. - Which one? 阿憨你还填"运动型"啊
- 可能就是她了 -哪个她 In school, I ran track.
The first one? The only one? 我以前是田径铁人呢
你的第一个她还是唯一那个她 Running under the hurdles doesn't count as track.
The one that accidentally steps on you? 从跨栏下方跑过不算是田径好吗
还是不小心踩扁你的那个她 Han, this is totally lame.
She was supposed to be here a half hour ago. 阿憨你这弱爆了
她半小时前就该到了 Let me help you find the right girl.
Well, you know, subways run late, 让我帮你找个适合你的姑娘吧
你懂的地铁总是晚到 You give me so much joy at your expense,
especially if you don't get on them 你让我建筑无数快乐在你痛苦上
尤其是人家根本没上去 I feel like I need to give back.
because you don't really exist 我觉得我该报答你
因为那人根本不存在 Thank you, Max,
in our money-scamming man in Nairobi. 谢谢你啊麦克斯
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I'm insulted and honored at the same time. 但网上医生认为是疱疹呢
让我受辱之余还能倍感光荣 Trust me, I don't have it.
Seeing Han and Ashley together for that one second 相信我我没得那个
看到阿憨与艾希莉相会的那一秒 Jen's obviously a whore.
made me realize I want to be back in a relationship. 这珍一看就是个骚货
让我发觉我想要一段感情 Well, does it look like this?
I'm going to text Andy. 那你那里看起来像这样吗
我要发短信给安迪 I don't know, I can't quite bend over far enough to see
I knew it. I called that. I booty called that. it.
我就知道我早说中我早约中了不知道啊我没这么柔软可以自己弯腰看到
Your casual sex card is being revoked. Fine. I'll look at it.
你的约炮资格证被取消了好吧那我帮你看
Unfortunately, Andy is still an active member. What? No!
很遗憾的是安迪还是个活跃会员呢什么不行
- Very active. -What are you talking about? What? Jen showed me hers.
- 十分活跃 -你这是什么意思有何不可珍都让我看她的了
I'm saying he has an active member. I'm sure mine is just a rash.
他有"根"很活跃的"会员" 我肯定我只是得了个皮疹
He told me he's seeing someone. Cathy from Colorado says,
他说他有跟别人有交往科罗拉多的凯西说
He's seeing someone? "I thought it was just a rash, but guess what?
他在跟人交往吗 "我以为只是个皮疹结果呢
Actually, he's seeing a few someones. Rashes are always herpes."
其实还"交"了不只几个人呢皮疹永远都是疱疹"
How many someones? I can't have herpes.
多少个人啊我不能得疱疹
Oh, it's back. Sex is the only fun thing poor people can afford.
感觉又来了性爱是穷人唯一玩得起的娱乐了
Do you think this itch has anything to do Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
你觉得这瘙痒跟天啊神啊菩萨啊观音啊
with those many someones? Just let me see it.
他那"几个人"有关吗就让我帮你看嘛
Do you think he gave me something? Max, I could not continue to live here if you ever saw it.
会不会是他传染了什么病给我啊麦克斯让你看那我就没脸住下去了
Well, if he did, you just gave it to the counter. Well, then definitely let me see it.
如果他真传染给你那你也传染给这柜台了那我绝对要看了
What did poor people do before WebMD? It's okay, I have one too,
穷人在有线上医生网前都怎么过的啊怕啥啊你有的我都有
They died. except mine has a "Welcome" mat.
病了就死了呗除了我的那里有个"欢迎进入"的脚踏垫
Ooh! What is that? I know, I'll just take a picture of it.
靠那是什么啊我知道了我拍张那里的照片就行了
It's all red and chunky. I hope that's not what you have. And that's how Kim Kardashian became famous.
红红稠稠的希望你别中了这个啊这就是金·卡戴珊出名的原因
Max, that's salsa. It's bad enough I'm taking a picture of my vagina,
麦克斯那是你的莎莎酱拍我"小妹妹"的照已经够惨了
- But look. - Oh! What the hell is that? I'm doing it with an Iphone 3.
- 但你看 -哇这又他妈是啥啊更惨的是我还得用 Iphone 3 来拍
What the hell does Jen from New Rochelle have? Too dark. Needs a flash.
新罗谢尔市的珍得的是啥鬼玩意啊太暗了要闪光灯
It's a rash. Jen says All right, but watch out for red-eye.
只是皮疹珍说行但注意红眼啊
"It was bad for awhile, then disappeared." Ohh...There she is.
"有段时间挺糟的后来又消失了" 这下瞧见她了
So Jen came down with a case of "My father"? Yeah, that's definitely something.
所以珍的病基本就是"我老爸"嘛看样子绝对有问题
A rash. That doesn't sound so bad. - Let me see it. - Wait, it needs a filter.
皮疹而已感觉还好啊 - 让我看看 -等等这得加个滤镜
I could live with a rash. Lo-fi, no. Valencia, no.
我可以接受皮疹低保真度巴伦西亚滤镜都不要
Except Dr. Web thinks it might be herpes. - Oh, maybe just a border. - Just give it to me.
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- 还是加个边框啊 -快给我看 Well, is real bad.
Oh ho, that's not good. 你真的挺严重的
哎哟这绝对有问题 You better run, don't herp walk.
I just want to go on the record. 你最好跑着去别走疱疹步了
我就想声明一下 Whoa, this thing says one out of six people have herpes!
It doesn't always look like that. 这上面说平均每六个人就会有一个得疱疹
她平常不是这样的 Max, anyone in here could be the "one in six."
It's actually quite pretty. 麦克斯这里任何人都可能是那"六分之一"
平常还挺美的呢 Are you sure you don't want to get tested while we're
Well, now it has a good personality. here?
现在她则是丑得很有个性既然我们都来了你不顺便测一下吗
Oh, that's probably the center for disease control Nah, I'm bad at tests.
估计是疾病管理局的人来敲门不了我任何测试成绩都很烂
coming to get me with their van. Besides, if you can't afford a doctor,
开着隔离车要把我带走了再说了如果花不起钱看医生
I'll get it. The walking helps. it's better to just spend whatever money you got on
我去开吧走路时舒服点 weed
Oh, my God. 那你最好把所有钱花在大麻上
我的老天啊 to help you forget whatever you got.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 这样有助于让你忘记病痛
神啊菩萨啊观音啊亲娘啊 Caroline Channing.
Hi, girls! I got chinese food. 卡洛琳·钱宁
姑娘们我打包了中餐 That's so embarrassing.
You want to hang out? 太尴尬了
要不要一起玩啊 Could she say my name any louder?
Sophie, this isn't a good time. 她还能再大声点叫我名字吗
苏菲现在不是时候 Caroline Channing!
Uh-ohh, someone's got the herp walk. 卡洛琳·钱宁
惨了有人在走疱疹步 - I guess she could. - Miss channing,
Sophie, we don't know what it is. - 看来她能 -钱宁小姐
苏菲还不知道是什么病呢 now, you wrote here the reason for your visit
It could just be a rash.
你这里写来看病的原因是
可能只是个皮疹而已 is an "uncomfortable sensation in your nether regions."
Yeah, it could, but it probably isn't.
"私处有不舒服的感觉"
的确有可能不过基本不会的 Could you be more specific?
- Yeah, let me see. - Stop it.
你能说得更详细点吗
- 来让我看看 -住手 Is there a more private area
What? It's okay, I was a nurse back in Poland.
我们能去更私密处
干嘛没事的我以前在波兰是个护士呢 we could discuss my private area?
You've heard of "Doctors without borders"?
讨论我的私密处吗
你听说过"无国界医生"吗 Oh, I'm sorry!
Well, we were "Nurses without credentials." 真是抱歉
我当年则是"无执照护士" Let me bring out my hot air balloon
Yeah. Our motto was: "What? We want to help." 让我把我的热气球拿出来
我们当年的口号是"干嘛我们就想帮忙嘛" and we'll take a tour of the city...
Quit--stop it! 我们边来一趟环市之旅
不不许 while we discuss your uncomfortable lady sensation.
Max, don't show Sophie-- 边讨论你不舒服的女人"位"
麦克斯不准给苏菲看... Shirley, the only lady sensation
Oh, my God! 雪莉我觉得这办公室
我的天啊 I'm seeing in this office is you.
Oh, I mean, come on, slap a filter on this thing. 唯一有女人"味"的就是你
拜托哦你好歹也给这图上个滤镜吧 Oh, well, I appreciate that, girl.
Okay. I'm done. 谢谢夸奖妹子
好了我受够了 I try to lighten the load with a little humor.
I'm done with nurses without credentials 我试着用幽默感减轻工作负担
我受够无执照护士 Well, I don't need the jokes. Thank you.
Or doctors without faces. 我不需要你的冷笑话谢谢
也受够远端线上医生了 Oh, they not for you. They for us.
Tomorrow, I'm going to a free clinic. 笑话不是说给你听的是我们自娱自乐的
明天我要去免费诊所 I need to be tested for... herpes.
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我是来做疱疹测试的他可能忙着周旋于
Girl, you sound like you're doing a perfume ad for with his ragtag team of gutter skanks.
herpes. 他那帮下贱反社会骚货吧
你的声音听起来就像在做疱疹香水广告 "Gutter skanks"?
Just give her the phone. "下贱反社会骚货"
把手机拿给她看 Didn't I see them open for Cannibal Corpse?
Well, this is either herpes 她们不是最爱死亡金属乐队吗
这要么是疱疹 Look, you need to relax.
or something I ain't never seen before. 你要放轻松
要么就是我没见过的怪病 Why don't we just get a drink, or nine?
生殖器疱疹 HSV-2 感染者感染艾滋病危险增加 1 倍我们何不喝一杯或连喝九杯
Now, the HSV-2 is not a standard pap. Two double Jack and Gingers.
单纯疱疹病毒 2 型不属于普通标准检测两杯双份的杰克姜味鸡尾酒
It is a specific blood test, and it is $250. Oh, yeah, Jack. Number 38.
这是专门的血液检测需要 250 块对了杰克第 38 位
Well, the only way I know how to get money for that Oh, and that ginger. Number 39.
test 还有那位姜色头发男第 39 位
我知道能在接下来一小时挣到钱的 Max, look, Jen from New Rochelle
in the next hour will probably give me an STD. 麦克斯瞧新罗谢尔市的珍
唯一办法会让我染上性病 put up a new update on WebMD.
Can we maybe work out a cheaper price? 在线上医生网站上更新状态了
或许我们可以讲讲价便宜点 She says her life has gotten so much better
We're waitresses nearby at the Williamsburg diner. 她说在加入一个叫做"疱男疹女"网站后
我们是附近威廉斯堡餐厅的服务员 after joining a site called "His-and-herpes."
I can give you free food for as long as I work there. 她的人生比以前好多了
只要我在那上班一天你来吃饭都不要钱 Hi, Andy. Have a seat.
And now that I may have this, I mean, where else am I 安迪请坐
going? Remember, you don't know that he gave it to you,
如今我可能得这种病我还能有什么出路记住你不知道是不是他传给你的
Blood test or denial? and you don't know that you have it, so be cool.
验血还是否认你也不知道你是否中招了所以要淡定
Blood test. Don't worry, Max, I got this.
验血别担心麦克斯我有分寸
I'll just ask Andy for a loan. And Andy, I got that!
我去管安迪借钱好了安迪我得病了
But it's actually more of a buy, I thought it was annoying
但这其实是照价赔偿我曾经认为
since he already ruined the property. when people took pictures of their food.
因为他毁坏了物业人们拍下自己的食物挺讨人厌的
Classic "you break it, you buy it." When were you gonna tell me, Andy?
经典的"损坏了就要赔偿" 你打算什么时候跟我说实话安迪
Hey, Max. When my vagina burst into flames
麦克斯要等我的阴道瘙痒炙热
Good to see you. and became an actual burning bush?
很高兴见到你转成怒火燎原的"森林"大火时吗
I hooked up with that guy once. Wait, that's yours?
我跟这男的搞过一次慢着那是你那里吗
Um, do you know what he was here for Worst selfie ever, right?
你知道他是来这是看什么病史上最烂的自拍照对吗
and how long he's had it? Wow, I didn't recognize it.
得病了多久吗我完全认不出来
You know what, give me one of those sexual history Was it out in the sun?
forms. 是不是被太阳晒焦了
算了给我个过往性史表格吧 You owe me $250 for the blood test, Andy.
This sexual history list is hard. 你欠我验血费 250 块安迪
这个性史名单太难填了 And $9 for that drink.
Can't it just be a top ten? 还有 9 块钱酒钱
不能直接选个前十名吗 Look, everybody just calm down.
Well, Andy's not here yet. 你们俩先冷静下来
安迪还没来 Andy, you may or may not have given her herpes.
He's probably busy getting busy 安迪你可能有或没有传染疱疹给她
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She may or may not be overreacting. 万一你真中招了我可不能病倒
她可能有或没有反应过度 Someone's got to pick up your welfare checks.
I may or may not have slept with that bartender. 总得有人去帮你领福利救济金吧
我可能有或没有睡过那位酒保 Well, this is my life now.
He is my type, 这就是我现在的人生
他虽然是我喜欢的型 Working at a diner with herpes.
and yet, he has a job, so he's not, 身染疱疹在一家不入流的餐馆工作
但他现在还有工作所以应该没有 The very best I can ever hope to be
and he goes in the "Maybes." 我仅剩的最大希望就是
那就把他归为"可能"那一类 is a mentor for a younger girl with herpes.
Look, Caroline, I'm really sorry, 当一位身染疱疹的年轻姑娘的良师益友
卡洛琳真的很抱歉 Hi. Maybe you can help me.
but I am totally clean. 你好或许你可以帮我
但我干净得很 Well, with that smile and my bad heart,
Since we broke up, I have only had safe sex 你的笑容配上我有病的心脏
分手之后我只跟两个女人发生过安全性行为 I'll die trying.
with a special ed teacher and a dental hygienist. 我会拼死帮你的
一个是专科教师一位是牙科清洁师 I'm looking for the overly-emotional girl
I mean, that job has "hygiene" right in the title. 我是来找在这家餐厅工作的
她的工作名都有着"清洁"两个字了 that works here as a waitress.
Wait, oh, there were a couple of times 一位过度情绪化的女服务员
等等是有那么几次 Oh, my god! What are you doing here?
where I did have unsafe sex with myself. 天啊你来这里干什么
我跟我的手有过危险性行为 Am I dying? Are you the angel of death?
But only when I couldn't sleep. 我要死了吗你是带我走的死神吗
但只有在我睡不着的时候 I think I found her.
And a lot of other times. 我找到她了
以及其他很多时候 Can we have a seat for a minute?
I will go get tested tomorrow, 我们能坐下来聊一句吗
我明天就去做检测 Max, Max, she wants to sit down.
but please, in the meantime, 麦克斯她要坐下来谈
但拜托与此同时 Come here and hold my hand.
try not to go to the worst-case scenario. 快过来拉住我的手
不要总往最坏的情况想 Oh, I'll hold your hand after I find out what you have.
I'm not going to the worst-case scenario, 等知道结果后我会拉住你的手的
我没有往最坏的情况想 No need to be all dramatic.
but if we both have it, no one else is going to want us, 没必要这么小题大作
但如果咱俩都中招了那没人会要咱俩了 I just came to tell you that your blood test came back,
so we should just get married. 我是来告诉你你的验血结果出来了
那我们只好结婚了 But I am not allowed to give you the results without a
"You gave me herpes, now you have to marry me." doctor.
"你若传我疱疹我必生死相依" 但我不能在没有医生的情况下透露结果
You want to save that gold for our wedding vows? - You're not? - No, I am not.
你想把这句金言当成我们的结婚誓词吗 - 不可以吗 -不可以
Well, if you don't use it, I will. - That's a neg-a-tive, a neg-a-tive.
如果你们不用那给我用吧 - 绝对是不行不行
I can't wait till tomorrow for my test results. Wait. Are you saying it's negative?
我现在就想知道测试结果等不到明天了等等你是说我没有得吗
I'm going to call the clinic. I could not tell you that.
我要打电话给诊所我可没有这么说
You've left, like, ten messages. I also could not tell you that it was probably
你都留了 10 通留言了我也不能告诉你不舒服可能是
You're acting like the clinic's crazy ex-girlfriend. an allergic reaction to soap or laundry detergent.
你就像诊所的疯狂前女友因为对肥皂或对洗衣粉过敏
Well, I'm leaving another message. Oh, my god! Max, it was that fabric softener ball
我要再留一通留言天啊麦克斯罪魁祸首是
Hand me my phone. from the "Under a dollar" Store.
把我手机给我不到一元店的衣物柔顺球
What? I'm not a cheap whore. I'm just poor.
干嘛我不是个廉价的妓女我只是个穷鬼
I have to stay healthy in case you have it. Shirley, it was really cool of you to come all the way in,
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雪莉你人真好还特意过来一趟对啊我躲过这一劫但从今开始
because we were really very upset, I'm going to be a little more discerning.
因为我们刚才真的很沮丧我要变得更加小心谨慎
so upset that a caring medical professional like you I'm not 13 anymore.
沮丧到像你这么专业有爱的医务人员我不是 13 岁的花痴妹了
would probably help us out So I just texted Andy and told him it was a false alarm.
很可能会给予我们某物我刚发短信告诉安迪这是虚惊一场
with something for our anxiety or parties. - I didn't have it. - What did he say?
来缓解我们的焦虑或让我们派对更尽兴 - 我没有中招 -他怎么说
Nice try. He said, "hey, you up?"
想得美他说"你还醒着呢"
But I'm not here just out of the goodness of my heart. But I'm definitely not gonna go.
但我来这里不是因为我心肠好但我肯定不会去他家的
I'm here for my free fries. Am I?
我是来这里吃免费的薯条的我会吗
I'm starving. All right, here's the thing.
我快饿死了好吧我就直说吧
I haven't been able to eat since you showed me This is about something bigger than Andy.
自从看了你手机那张惨不忍睹的照片后这件事比安迪还重大
that phone picture of your bits and pieces. - Actually, Andy's quite-- - Oh, I know.
我就没胃口吃过东西 - 其实安迪蛮大... -我知道
- Fries coming right up. - And thank you so much. Came out to get a drink of water.
- 薯条马上来 -真是太谢谢你了我出来喝杯水
Oh, it's nice to give out good news. Saw it, loved it.
给人们传递好消息的感觉真不错不小心看见爱死了
What about you? When can I give you some good news? Look, I'm going to keep this simple.
你呢我何时能给你带去好消息我就长话短说吧
I'll be in tomorrow, I'm just waiting You are using Andy to fill a hole.
我明天就去我在等你在利用安迪来填满你的空洞
约翰·梅尔曾与安妮斯顿和水果姐谈恋爱 Yes, Max, that's how sex works.
for a call back from John Mayer. 是啊麦克斯做爱不就是这样吗
约翰·梅尔回我的电话 Ever since the business closed,
Hi, I'm looking for Han Lee. 自从小蛋糕店倒闭后
你好我来找李憨 you've got all this free time,
Oh, that's the girl I set up Han with. 你多出了很多空余时间
那是我要介绍给阿憨的女孩 and you don't know what to do with yourself.
No visible adam's apple. Go for it. 你不知道自己该干些什么
看不见有喉结你可以上了 I hear you.
Oh, Max, she's very pretty. 我懂你的意思
麦克斯她很漂亮 You're right, ever since the business closed,
Are you sure she'll go for me? 你说得对自从小蛋糕店倒闭后
你确定她会喜欢我吗 - I do have a huge hole. - I know.
I think she might. Let's go say hi. - 我的确有个大洞 -我知道
我觉得有可能哦过去打个招呼吧 Came out to get a drink of water.
Hi, you must be Jen. Jen, this is Han. 出来喝水
你是珍吧这位就是李憨 Saw it, loved it.
Han, this is Jen from New Rochelle. 不小心看见爱死了
阿憨这位是新罗谢尔市的珍 Max, I know we said we were gonna
- Hi. - Hello. 麦克斯我知道我们曾说过
- 你好 -你好 do the cupcake business again,
- Jen from New Rochelle? Max, no! - What? 总有一天会东山再起
- 新罗谢尔市的珍不是吧 -怎么了 but now we have to make it real.
It could just be a reaction to her laundry detergent. 但现在我们必须要付诸行动
她也可能只是对洗衣粉过敏而已啊 I mean, I'm a businesswoman.
I'm clean! Totally clean! 我是个商业女强人
我没病干净得很 I need to have a business, or apparently,
Shirley was as surprised as I am. 我得开店做生意否则
雪莉跟我一样惊讶呢 I'm gonna put someone else's business into my
Oh, Max, I'm so happy for you. business.
麦克斯我真为你开心我会让别人的"生意"来入侵我的"店面"
Yep, I dodged a bullet, but from now on, So Max, tomorrow, we start again,
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麦克斯明天我们就开工准备好来一场疯狂派对啦
and this time, we have to give it our all. What are we gonna do?
这一次我们一定要全力以赴这可怎么办啊
Clear vaginas, full hearts, can't lose. We don't have any money.
洁净私处全心全意十拿九稳我们没有钱了
Hey, girls. I wanted a massage last week,
姑娘们我上周想要做按摩
I came down with a solution so I just sat next to someone on the bus
我特意下来告诉你所以我坐公车时就坐在一个
to your herpes problem, Caroline. who looked like he'd touch me.
我想到解决你疱疹的问题了卡洛琳看起来会乱摸我的人旁边
Just don't tell anyone! I may have an idea how we can get 'em.
千万不要告诉任何人我可能办法帮他换新鞋
- Sophie, I don't have it. - That's it! A guy I picked up at Oktoberfest is a blacksmith.
- 苏菲我没有疱疹 -就是这样我在慕尼黑啤酒节钓的男人是个铁匠
That's the way to do it! At least I think he was.
坚决抵死不认我认为他是啦
Problem solved. All right, bye-bye. I remember a leather apron
问题解决好啦再见啦我记得有皮围裙
----------------------------- and something being heated in a fire.
-------------22-------------- 然后有个烧红的"铁棒"之类的
----------------------------- Well, I found my blacksmith.
Get the birthday candle ready, 'cause... 我找到那个铁匠啦
把生日蜡烛准备好因为... He now shares an artisan barn
here comes Chestnut's carrot cake! 他现在跟用蜜蜂做衣服的
栗宝的胡萝卜蛋糕要登场啦 with a lady who makes clothing out of bees.
I know we want this to be special, 一个女人合开一家工匠铺
我知道要给他庆祝这特别的日子 I guess that's why our cupcake shop didn't work.
but Chestnut is a horse. 现在我知道为什么我们小蛋糕店倒闭了
但栗宝是只马 We weren't providing a service that everyone needs.
Any day he's not being made into an Ikea meatball 我们没有提供大众"需要"的服务
每个他没被做成宜家肉丸的日子 I looked at our boy,
is a birthday. 我看了看栗宝
都是过生日 and not only does Chestnut need four new shoes,
And remember, even though it's his tenth birthday, 他不只需要新的四只鞋子
记得虽然今年是他十岁生日 He has a hoof fungus.
we have to pretend he's six 他还有香港蹄
但得假装是六岁生日哦 A hoof fungus? That's so ghetto.
or he'll be in a bad mood all week. 香港蹄好贫民区风啊
不然他一整周都会很不爽的 I'm pretty sure he got it from me
Surprise! 我很确定是我害的
惊喜 because we shower together.
Happy birthday, Chestnut! 我们一起洗澡时传染的吧
栗宝生日快乐 And the cost of new shoes and vet fee? $1,400.
Max! He was supposed to do that! 新马蹄加兽医费用总计要一千四
麦克斯蜡烛应该是他来吹 Max, I feel awful.
What? I know what he wished for. 麦克斯我好惭愧
有啥关系我知道他的愿望 I'm a bad mother.
That one day, he and I live in a world 我是个坏母亲
有一天我们能生活在一个 You're not a bad mother.
where our love is recognized 你才不是呢
我们的爱能获得认同 I know bad mothers. I came out of one.
and we have the same rights as gay couples. 我是坏母亲生出来的所以我特了解
并像其他同性恋夫妻享受同等权利的世界 Ladies, what's happening over there?
There you go, baby. 姑娘们那边是怎么回事
快吃吧宝贝 You know a gathering of more than two white people
Hey, look, his shoe just fell off. 我一看到有超过两个白人在一起
你看他的鞋掉了 makes me nervous.
Or maybe he kicked it off 我就心惊肉跳
有可能是他踢掉鞋子 Earl, one of them's asian.
'cause he's getting ready to partay. 厄尔其中一个是亚洲人啊
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Ah, same thing. Pam grier kicked me in the nuts
都一样啦女主演在电影中踹了我蛋蛋
Who would I talk to about the diner? and called me a "jive turkey."
这餐厅谁是管事的然后骂我是"装逼男"
We're interested in renting this location If you'd consider it,
我们有兴趣想租下这地方希望您愿意考虑一下
to film a TV show. I'd love to have your look in the episode.
来拍电视剧我很乐意看到这集里有您出现
We think your diner would be a great place to kill Hey, what about me?
someone. 那我呢
我们觉得这餐厅超适合当杀人现场 You can shave my head, drag me behind a car,
I get it. 你可以要我剃光头拖我到车后
我懂 or anything else I've already done for free.
'Cause every time I come in here, I die a little. 或做任何我让人免费做过的事
每次走进这餐厅我内心都死去一部分 Sure. And you must be an actress.
Here's my card. 没问题而你想必是个女演员吧
这是我的名片 You're way too pretty to just be a waitress.
Tom Woo, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. 你太美不可能只是个服务员
汤姆·吴《法律与秩序特殊受害者》剧组 Thank you!
Shut your face, Tom Woo! 谢谢夸奖
我勒个去汤姆·吴 In fact I have done a little acting.
I love all the Law & Orders, especially SVU. 其实我是有过一点表演经验啦
我爱死这剧了尤其是《特殊受害者》系列 In high school, I portrayed Fantine in Les Miserables.
Their stories are ripped from the headlines, 高中的时候我扮演过《悲惨世界》里的芳汀
因为故事都是从新闻头条翻拍的 Just hearing you say that makes me "Miserobble."
and I don't read the newspaper, 听你那么念就让我觉得好"悲催"了
我这人从不看报纸 Well, how about it?
so that's where I get all my news. 怎么样呢
所以你们就是我的新闻台啊 You wanna hang with me
Cool. Let me go get the director. 想跟我一起玩
很好我去叫导演 and be an extra on Special Victims Unit?
That's him over there. 然后在《特殊受害人》里当临演吗
就是那边那位 It pays 112 a day
Look how cute the director is. 付你 112 块一天
你看那导演多可爱 plus whatever you normally make in tips.
He's my rugged guy type. 再加上你每天应挣得的小费
他符合我的粗犷男型呢 Oh, so about 115? I'm in.
Not really rugged at all, 那就是 112 加 3 块我愿意
也不是真粗汉子 Mama needs a new pair of horseshoes.
but buys expensive, ruggedlooking clothing 老娘要买新的"马鞋"啦
只是从萨克斯第五大道精品百货里 So where's the boss?
from Saks 5th Avenue. 那你们的话事人呢
买粗犷型名贵衣服的男人 I'm the boss, but I'll get the guy who owns the place.
Hi. DJ Kingsley. 我就是话事人但我去叫这地方的店主来吧
你好我是迪杰·金斯利 Oleg!
Nice beard. 奥列格
胡子挺帅 They're shooting a TV show here,
You grow out that stubble 他们要在这里拍电视剧
是自己长的呢 And the back of my head or the side of my boob
or just set your razor to "Jason Statham." 我的后脑勺或者我的侧乳
还是把剃须刀设置到"霸气男星"模式了 is gonna be in it!
Excuse me, sir. 会入镜呢
打扰一下先生 Good for you, Max.
You've got a great face. 恭喜你啊麦克斯
你的相貌很出色 I was on Ukraine's version of big brother once,
Have you ever done any extra work? 我曾经上过乌克兰版《老大哥》
您有当临演的经验吗《老大哥》让数对年轻男女住进充满摄影机与麦克
Well, I was in the 1973 classic 风的房子里
我出演过 1973 年经典电影进行社交生存游戏的节目
Scream, blacula, scream. better known as just living in Ukraine.
《尖叫吧博古拉》其实就是乌克兰的每日生活
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Han! Law and order: Special Victims Unit 我真不敢相信
阿憨《法律与秩序特殊受害人》 I never thought I'd be in a TV show
wants to shoot in the diner, and if you don't say yes, 我没想过有一天我能上到一个
想来餐厅里拍摄如果你不同意 where no one was yelling,
you'll be my special victim when I cut your unit off. 并没有一堆人喊着
我就会剁了你的"特殊受害鸡" 知名电视节目《莫瑞秀》的单元
Please say yes, Han. 与生父失联的母亲上节目找出孩子亲爹验 DNA
求你答应了阿憨 "You are not the father!"
They're gonna pay us to be in the background. "你不是她亲爹"的电视节目
我们当当背景路人甲就有钱拿呢 Let's go. Bring in the waitress extras.
But do you know how to act? 来吧叫服务员临演出来
但你们会演戏吗 Ooh, I love these uniforms!
Actually we do. 我好喜欢这制服啊
我们还真会呢 I feel like Brenda from 90210
方法演技令演员完全融入角色中的表演方式感觉像《飞越比佛利》里的布兰达
- My acting's method, whereas hers is more meth head. when she was dressed as that '50s waitress at the Peach
- 我懂"方法演技" 她懂"冰毒演技" Pit.
Hey, come in. 在核桃餐厅里打扮成 50 年代女服务员的样子
进来吧 Well, when we're the big stars of funk and skank,
And remember, 等我们成为巨星"街妹与骚妹"的时候
记得 we won't have to wear any uniforms.
if he says no, he doesn't mean it. 我们就不用穿任何制服了
如果他拒绝完全是口是心非 But wait, aren't funk and skank cops?
He just wants you to flirt with him a little bit. 等等 "街妹与骚妹"不是警察吗
他只是希望你能多挑逗挑逗他 Uh, no, they're hookers.
Not so fast, Max. 不是她们是妓女
话别说太早麦克斯 How about a compromise?
Hello, I'm Han Lee, the owner and proprietor. 折衷一下吧
我是李憨这家点的老板与产权所有人 Cops by day, prostitutes by night?
Oh, "proprietor." 白天是警察晚上是妓女如何
还"产权所有人"呢 You know, copstitutes.
- That's word's bigger than you are. 所谓的警妓合一嘛
- 这五个字写起来比你身长还长 Either way, we're New York's finest.
What kinda compensation do you want? 反正这俩行当我们都是纽约最强的
你想要多少补偿费用 Okay, everybody, ready! Here we go.
Whoa, whoa, my asian brother. 好了大家准备开始吧
哎哟我的亚洲兄弟 Look at Earl over there.
Slow down! Let's enjoy the dance. 你看厄尔
别这么直接咱们慢慢来嘛 Good luck, Earl!
We'd like to shoot here. 厄尔祝你好运
我们想在这里拍摄 Camera on the door. Scene eight, take one.
It's got the right amount of funk and skank. 镜头对准门口第八幕第一次拍摄
这里的街头与骚气挺合适的 And action! Shooter comes in.
If we do real good in this and get a spinoff, 开拍杀手走进来
如果我们演得够好出衍生剧 And cut! Good! Reset.
that'll be the name of our show 结束很好复位
这就会是我们的剧名了吧 Earl, that was inspiring.
Funk and skank. 厄尔太激励人心了
"街妹与骚妹" I hope everyone who sees you goes out and ignores a
Okay, but I don't wanna be skank. crime.
好吧但我不想当骚妹希望大家看完后都能对罪案袖手旁观
Oh, clearly I'm skank. It was like that scene was about the cash register guy.
绝对是姐当骚妹好吗刚才那一幕感觉你这收银员才是主角
And may I say I'm honored You really brought something extra.
我想说我很荣幸你为这幕戏带来更多内涵
I have such a worthy opponent to barter with. I smell an Emmy.
能跟你这与我旗鼓相当的对手切磋生意我有闻到艾美奖的味道哦
大叔我们一起来跳舞 Oh, that's weed.
Dude, I'm from Pasadena. 纯粹是大麻味而已
我是加州帕萨迪纳市长大的 Hi. Sorry we haven't gotten to you guys yet.
I can't believe this! 抱歉让你们等着我们拍摄了
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Why don't you hang out in the office? 我跟麦克斯在里面客串演出哦
你们何不去办公室里休息呢 Costars? Honey, please.
I hear there's good sushi. 还客串呢宝贝
听说里面准备了上好寿司呢 You two are just extras.
You look pretty. 你们俩就临演而已
你看起来好漂亮 - Um, extra paid and full of purse sushi.
I think the director kinda likes me. - 额外酬劳外加满包的寿司
导演好像对我有意思呢 They're ready for you two.
Well, I don't know about him, but his penis does. 准备好等你们上场了
心我不知道但他的鸡鸡肯定对你有意思 Oh! Be right there.
Okay, camera on the door. 马上到
好了镜头对准门口 Just gonna put my purse in the fridge.
Scene eight, take two. 我去把包包放冰箱里就来
第八幕第二次拍摄 Thomas. Tom. Tpain. Can we chat?
And action! Shooter comes in. 汤玛斯汤姆汤哥能聊两句吗
开拍杀手进门 What is it, dude?
Bang! Bang! 怎么了兄弟
呯呯 Your crew got soy sauce all over my computer.
Cut! 你们团队的人把酱油撒到我电脑上了
停 And according to our agreement, you must pay all the
Excuse me, how did you get through? damages.
抱歉你是怎么进来的根据我们的协议你得赔偿所有的损失
Oh, please. - How much do you want? - $300.
拜托 - 你要多少钱 -三百块
I once got through the Berlin wall. It's a piece of crap.
柏林墙老娘都翻过来了这就一台垃圾电脑
You think two kids with walkietalkies can stop me? But it was a gift from my father.
两个拿着无线对讲机的娃能挡得住我吗这电脑是我爸送我的呢
Damn, this room's got a sweet spread. And you know how important family is in our culture.
哇靠这里面也太爽了吧我们的文化里家人的地位你又不是不懂
Free sushi? Uh, yes. Again, I don't. I was raised by two white women.
免费寿司必须来我真不知道我被一对白人拉拉抚养长大
Free dessert? Uh duh. Yes, uh, who do I talk to about becoming a star?
免费点心废话吗我想当女主演该跟谁谈呢
This is great. This is so exciting!
这样太棒了好兴奋啊
We've gotta figure out a way to get paid God! That woman keeps pushing my head down.
我们得好好想想怎么才能天啊那女的一直把我的头往下按
to sit around, eat free food, and do nothing more often. I feel like I'm on a date with her.
多多免费蹭吃坐着休息还啥都不干就像是我平时的约会对象似的
Oh, I think you cracked that code a long time ago. Okay, so you guys are here behind the counter,
这方面你早已是多年老手了吧你们俩就待在柜台后
Would it be tacky doing your waitress thing.
如果我把寿司忙服务员的活儿
if I packed some sushi in my purse for later? Shooter aims for the cook
都藏到我包里留着晚点吃会丢人吗杀手枪口对准厨师
Already packed mine, already packed yours. but hits her, our featured waitress.
我早把你那份和我那份藏好了结果误击到她也就是女配角
This is the VIP lounge. Hey, didn't I already see you on SVU?
这里就是贵宾休息室我是不是在这个剧里看过你了
See? The shrimp have already been deturded. Oh, yeah, I remember.
你看虾子的纱线都被处理过了呢我想起来啦
Oh, hi, girls. They found your head in a mini fridge in the Hudson.
你们在啊姑娘们他们在哈德逊河里的小冰箱里找到你的头
You finally got new uniforms. You look stupid. I knew I recognized you.
你们终于有新制服了看起来好蠢啊我就知道我见过你
These are actually from the costume department Wait, we've already killed you?
我们这身制服可是由人家《法律与秩序》剧组等等你在剧里死过了吗
of a little show called Law & Order: SVU Sorry, babe, you're out.
服装部门所准备的呢抱歉你不能演了
that Max and I are costarring in. Well, you gave great head.
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你头部的那镜头很不错呢 You haven't seen me at a wedding.
Tom, we gotta bump someone up to the featured 你还没看到我参加婚宴时的样子
waitress. Hello! You just put your hand
汤姆我们得找另一个人来演女配角你就这么把手
Pays 1,000 more bucks. down a woman's blouse without asking?
女配酬劳多一千块呢伸进女人的衣服还连问都不问吗
Max, that could be the extra money Every day.
麦克斯那多出来的酬劳天天如此
we need for Chestnut. Well, here. Can I help you?
可以给栗宝治病呢那需要我帮忙吗
Could one of us do it? No, it's a union thing.
能让我们其中一个当吗不行这是公会规定
Can either of you act like you've been hit with a bullet? Aren't you in there a little long?
你们俩有人会演中弹的样子吗你的手在里面有点久啊
Well, it just so happens Yeah. Let me just...
真是无巧不成书马上让我...
I have been hit by a bullet twice Caroline, that special effects rig you're wearing
小女子还真中弹过两次卡洛琳你身上的特技效果装置
Once at a 7-eleven and once running away is very sensitive,
一次是在一家便利店而另一次是在非常敏感
in the parking lot of a 7-eleven. - So don't let anything near your chest. - Except me.
那家便利店的停车场里中的 - 所以别让任何东西靠近你的胸部 -除了我
So yeah, I think I got this. And don't be nervous.
所以这肯定是没问题别紧张
I'm thinking maybe a blonde would be better. The camera's gonna love you. How could it not?
我觉得金发女孩比较适合这个角色你一定会非常上镜的闪闪惹人爱
Caroline? Dj, stop flirting with me.
卡洛琳讨厌别老跟人家调情啦
Well, I did have a pretty convincing death scene I'm gonna die soon and you'll never get over me.
我以前演到芳汀死亡的时候我很快就会死掉你永远都会忘不掉我的
as Fantine, and I died like... Promise you'll die soon?
还颇为逼真的呢答应我你很快就会死掉
Well, should I just show you? Max, I'm about to be shot,
要不我演给你看吧麦克斯我等下会被人用枪打死
You are such a nerd. and I can't die with bad blood between us.
你真是呆爆了我可不想死之前还跟你闹不合
That's great, Caroline. We're good. You're living my dream, girl.
挺好的卡洛琳我们没事啦你在帮我圆梦姐妹
Special effects, - Do me proud. - I will.
特效组 - 要让我骄傲哦 -我会的
put the blood device on Caroline. No! Don't hug with it!
帮卡洛琳装上爆血装置不不要拥抱
She's our special victim. Caroline, you set the thing off.
她将是我们的"特殊受害者" 卡洛琳你触发了装置
Really? I got it? - We weren't rolling. - Really?
真的吗由我演吗 - 我们还没开拍呢 -不是吧
Yes, but a little less "French revolution," That's too bad, because that was gold.
是的但记得少一点"法国大革命"元素那太可惜了我刚才演得超棒呢
and a lot more "face down on the floor." That's a wrap, everybody. We'll pick it up Tomorrow.
多一点"乖乖脸朝下当尸体"元素先停机吧各位明天再接着拍
- You can't take a shot. You can't even do a shot. I'm so sorry. It just went off.
- 你哪能演中弹啊你连灌烈酒都不行真的很抱歉它自己就爆掉了
Don't be mad, Max. I'm doing this for Chestnut. Prettiest screwup all day.
不要羡慕嫉妒恨好吗我是为了栗宝美女出差错很正常
And it's not my fault he liked my death scene. After you get cleaned up,
他喜欢我演死去的方式也不能怪我啊你清理干净后
He liked your death scene with his penis. why don't we have dinner at my hotel?
他的小弟弟喜欢你的死戏才是真吧要不在我的酒店共进晚餐如何
Wow, Max, show business really brings out the worst in Dinner? Yeah, I'd like that.
you. 吃饭吗当然乐意之至
麦克斯演艺事业把你丑恶的一面引出来了 Let's say 8:00.
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那就八点吧 You are thinking like an extra.
My assistant will give you the address and my room 你思考的方法就像个临演
number. You need to think like a star
我的助手会告诉你酒店地址和我的房号如果你想挣钱给栗宝买鞋子
You know, this is exactly how you look in all my dreams if you're gonna buy Chestnut shoes,
你现在跟我在梦里击毙你时去治疗甚至是脱离科学神教
where I shoot you. then therapy, then a way out of Scientology.
看起来一摸一样那你就得用主演的思考方式
The director just invited me to dinner at his hotel, Oh, hi. You brought company.
那导演刚邀请我去他的酒店吃饭你还找人陪你来了
but it's in his room. Yes, she's my ride.
但是在他房间里吃是啊她是我的交通工具
- Do you think he... -Yes. We share a subway card.
- 你认为他是不是... -是的我们共用一张地铁卡
- Is that why he... -Yes. Well, she uses the card.
- 所以他才... -没错其实是她用地铁卡
- Will you come with? - Yes. I jump the turnstile and she pretends to chase me,
- 你会跟我一起去吗 -会我跳过验票闸门然后她假装边追我
Maybe you're wrong. yelling "don't worry, I'll get her!"
或许你想错了边大喊"别担心我会抓住她"
Maybe he thought my audition was really... Well, come on in.
或许他认为我的表演真的很... 进来吧
No. Stay for a glass of champagne, Max.
不可能喝杯香槟再走麦克斯
Caroline, next time, maybe a little less. Oh, and don't worry about taking the subway home
卡洛琳或许下一次不要发挥得这么用力 alone.
Now, remember. 别担心要自己一个人坐地铁回家
记住 My driver can take you.
This director slips you anything that looks like a Sweet 我的司机可以送你回去
Tart, Now I'm torn.
如果导演在你的食物酒水里加了糖果状物我有点进退两难了
it's probably that date rape drug that knocks you out Because as much as I don't want you
那肯定就是迷奸药会让你晕倒因为我虽然很不想你被迫
and distorts your memory. to have sex against your will,
然后记忆混乱屈服于他的淫威之下
Or at least that's what it does to the guys I give it to. I do wanna roll up to the Mcdonald's in a limo.
至少被我下药的男人都是这样的但我真的很想坐着豪华轿车去买麦当劳
It's never gonna get to that. There's no rush.
事情肯定不会发展到那地步不着急
I have my own date rape drug. Come on, let's sit down and hang out.
我自己也有独家迷奸药过来我们坐下来聊聊
I talk about myself incessantly It was really nice of you to invite me up here
我会滔滔不绝地谈论自己你人真好邀请我上来
till guys get bored and pass out. to have a casual, workrelated dinner.
直到男人无聊到倒头大睡吃一顿普通的工作便饭
So if that doesn't work, what are your limits? Max there, Caroline there,
如果这招不管用那你的底线在哪里麦克斯坐这边卡洛琳坐那边
A little over the sweater, under sweater, and me, well, here.
是让人隔着毛衣摸还是伸手进去摸而我则坐中间
a little front door, back door, Can't turn it off, still directing.
拜访下你的"前门" 还是走下你的"后门" 导演总是忍不住发号施令
a little secret staircase? You know, I love this hotel.
还是爬爬你的"楼梯" 我超爱这个酒店
I came here once to do a photo shoot
I don't know what that is,
我曾经来过一次这里
我不知道你在说什么
for a "20 under 20:
but no one goes up my staircase,
为一篇名为"20 岁以下的
但没人可以爬我的楼梯
not even for Chestnut. Teen millionaires to watch" spread,
即便是为了栗宝也不行青少年百万富翁"的专题报道拍照
At the most, I'll do kissing. and I remember I had just gotten my haircut,
我最多就是给他亲两下我记得当时我刚剪了头发
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which was a big decision, 像莎士比亚和狄更斯的故事那样悲催
那可是个艰难的决定 It's Kardashian.
'cause I was kinda known for my long hair. 像卡戴珊那样卖肉
因为大家都知道我的招牌长发 Look at the bright side.
And he wanted to take an inch off, 往好的方面想
而拍照那人希望我剪掉一英寸 You already thought he was sexy,
which doesn't sound like a big deal, 你之前就觉得他很性感
虽然听起来没什么大不了的 so you were probably gonna sleep with him eventually.
but when you're known for your long hair... 所以你可能最终还是会跟他上床
但当你的长发已经是你的招牌时... And now that he's married,
People are expecting to see you with long hair. 现在知道他是已婚人士
人们就会希望看见你时你的头发是长的 you know he won't cheat on you with somebody else
So was that okay? 你就不用担心他会跟其他人偷情
这样没事吧 because you're that somebody else.
Yeah, sure. 因为你就是其他人
当然没事 You a side bitch!
It-it's just Max is here, 你就是那个小三
只是麦克斯也在 No, Max, I can just tell him how I feel.
and I don't want her to feel left out. 不行麦克斯我可以跟他说实话
我不想让她觉得备受冷落 Besides, he probably already got it.
Sorry. Got it. 再说了他可能已经理解了
抱歉我懂了 You heard me tell him he read the signs wrong.
That was nice. 你也听到我刚说他误会了
真不错 Apparently the sign he read said "Threeway up ahead."
You're a good kisser. 显然他误以为是"3P 马上就来"
你的接吻技术真不错 Pretty good, right?
Are you eating a cinnamon Altoid? 身材很棒吧
你在吃肉桂味的薄荷糖吗 Hit show, wife, kids.
I'm eating a cinnamon Altoid. 要兼顾热门剧集老婆孩子
其实是我在吃 Still find time to get to the gym.
Well, then I just tasted you. 我居然还有时间去健身
那我间接一吻芳泽啦 So you guys need to drink a little more before we do
Look, DJ, I think you have the wrong idea. this?
迪杰我想你可能误会了在开始之前你们俩需要多喝点酒吗
Hold that thought. 'cause I don't.
等我一下我可是不用哦
I would never interrupt this for a work call, All right, I'm just gonna say this
如果是工作电话这种时候我绝对不接好吧在毛巾扯下来之前
but it's my wife and I wanna say "good night" to the before that towel comes off.
kids. 我有话要说
可惜是我老婆打来的我想跟孩子们说晚安 I think you've misread the signals here.
That guy's a player. 我觉得你可能误会了我的意思
那家伙是个玩咖 Really! That sucks.
I'm not talking my way out of this one. 是吗那真扫兴
估计我没办法用说的来解决了 I'm sorry. These things happen.
- We're screwed. - Yeah. 抱歉这种事经常发生
- 我们完蛋了 -是啊 It reminds me of that time I had tea
He's got a high tolerance. 我想起来有一次我跟
他的容忍力真是惊人 with that prince in Dubai and he thought he bought me.
Your longhair speech almost roofied me. 迪拜的王子喝茶他就以为他买了我了
你的"长发"大论差点把我弄昏睡了 Turns out he bought a different blonde.
What do we do, Max? I don't want to offend him. 结果他买的是另外一位金发妞
我们该怎么办我可不想得罪他 Oh, men!
We need that extra money for Chestnut. 男人呀
我们需要临演的钱给栗宝买鞋 - Good morning, DJ. - Morning!
This is the oldest tale in the book - 早上好迪杰 -早上好
这活脱就像书里的老故事 See, Max? No hard feelings.
a woman forced to trade her body to get her child 瞧麦克斯没有芥蒂
shoes. I told you it was gonna work out.
女人为了给孩子买鞋被迫出卖自己的肉体我说过不会有事的
It's Shakespearian, it's Dickensian, Hi! I'm ready for my fake blood pouch.
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我已经准备好安装我的爆血袋了麦克斯如果你这么做你就等于在卖肉
Um, I think you got the wrong breasts. Well, it's about time.
我觉得你可能塞错胸部了也是时候了
But for a rough guy, you got a soft touch. Places, everyone.
虽然你人是个大老粗但动作却很温柔嘛各就各位
There's been a change. You don't have to do this. Chestnut is my horse.
人员安排有改动你不必这样做栗宝是我的马
Uh, Max is now getting featured, and you're in the B.G. And action! Max, you're wiping the counter.
现在麦克斯是女配角而你是背演开拍麦克斯你在擦桌子
Background. The killer comes in. You look up.
背景演员杀手走了进来你抬头看
- These are real? - Yep. Don't do it.
- 这是真材实料吗 -是的别这样
Nice job. We can find money somewhere else.
不错嘛我们可以想别的法子挣钱
You hear that, Max? Now I'm in the B.G. Cut! Tom, I don't wanna see her.
你听到了吗麦克斯现在我是背景演员停汤姆我不想看见她
I didn't do DJ, so I'm in the B.G. - Caroline. - Here they come.
我没有上迪杰所以就滚去背景 - 卡洛琳 -他们来了
Max! Come on, everybody. Back to one.
麦克斯好了各位重新开始
We have time for one full take before lunch, And action! Max, you're wiping the counter.
在午餐前我们有时间实拍一次开拍麦克斯你在擦桌子
then we'll come back and do the rest of your coverage The killer comes in. You look up.
after. 杀手走了进来你抬头看
午餐后我们会回来继续拍你那部分 Pick up!
Hey, maybe you and I could have a little lunch together 上菜
或许我们可以在我的休息拖车里 Max, seriously, it's not worth it.
in my trailer. 麦克斯真的这不值得
共进午餐 Cut! Get her out of there.
Well, I do love a trailer. 停把她弄出去
我确实很爱拖车 Reset, reset.
Okay, let's stay on schedule, people. 重新调整下
好的各位按计划执行 Sorry about all that, people.
My kid's reading a poem at school. 各位真是不好意思
我的孩子在学校读诗歌呢 Now, let's give me the bullet
By the way, your rack looks fantastic. 现在请赐给我那颗
对了你的奶子看起来真棒 I've been waiting for my whole life.
You seem like a great dad. 我等了一生的子弹吧
你看起来真是个好爸爸 I haven't felt this unwanted since I tried to
DJ, is this about last night, 我很久没觉得自己这么不受人待见了
迪杰是因为昨晚 teach those innercity school kids how to knit.
'cause I wouldn't wear a towel? 上一次还是在我教贫民窟小孩织毛衣的时候
我不愿意只裹一条浴巾的关系吗 Seriously, Caroline, you have to stay here,
No. No, we're good. 卡洛琳你得待在这里
当然不是我们没事 away from the shot,
I don't wanna see that. Bury her deep. 远离镜头
我不想看到她把她丢去最角落 or neither of you is gonna be paid.
"Bury her deep"? 不然到最后你们谁都挣不着钱
"把她丢去最角落" Hey, Tom, you know what this scene needs?
Did he just say, "bury her deep"? 汤姆你知道戏里还缺点什么吗
他刚才是说"把她丢去最角落"吗 A little more cashier.
Caroline, you need to work back there. 收银员
卡洛琳你得去那边工作 Oy, that crew is doing a lot of damage to this diner.
Is this how Hollywood treats women? 那群剧组人员把餐厅糟蹋得乱七八糟
好莱坞就这么对待女人的吗 Well, I'm doing some damage to this fancy french water.
This is how Hollywood treats everyone. 我现在在糟蹋这瓶高级纯净水
好莱坞对每个人都这样 150 for the floor, 20 for the napkins they used,
Everybody ready. 地板要赔 150 块用掉的餐巾要付 20 块
各就各位 And...
Max, if you do this, you'll be getting paid for sex. 还有...
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And 55 bucks for that gorgeous picture of the city. 事情是这样的
那幅美丽的"城市掠影"要赔 55 块 We'll pay you for the day yesterday,
This is ridiculous. 我们会付给你昨天的费用
这真是太荒谬了 but not for today or for the featured extra.
How much longer do I have to wait to be discovered? 但不会付今天和女配角的费用
我还要等多久才能被发掘 - Say what? - Not so fast, my brother.
Do what every other American would do - 你说什么 -话别说太早兄弟
像其他美国人那样 Here is the latest tally for my diner damage.
skip the hard work and put out a sex tape. 这是我餐厅损失的最新账单
无需苦干只需把自己的性爱录像放上网就行 What's this last $1,000 charge?
No, I'm gonna go out there. Where's my lipstick? 最后那一千块钱是怎么回事
我要出去了我的唇膏呢 That is for the damage done to Max and Caroline.
Here, hold my shake weight. 那是给麦克斯和卡洛琳的精神损失费
来帮拿下我的瘦身哑铃 According to crew scuttlebutt,
And my Fresca. 根据剧组传闻说
还有我的饮料 the director tried some funny business last night.
Oh, hi. 导演昨晚试图搞一些不道德的潜规则
你好 This is not cool, dude.
Who do I talk to about getting a part in this thing? 这样有点过分了吧伙计
我要找谁才能参演这部戏 It is most decidedly not cool, pal.
I mean, I already let the guy 这当然很过分啦朋友
我已经让发饼干的人 So maybe there is someone in a union I can talk to
who puts out the cookies touch my boobs. 或许我可以跟工会的人
摸过我的胸部了 about this particular damage.
We don't have a guy who puts out cookies. 说说这笔精神损失费
我们没有人负责发饼干 Not to mention the child labor laws you violated
Yo. 更不用说你跟阿憨共事
在这呢 by working with Han.
Okay, everybody ready! Camera up! 违反了童工保护法
好了各就各位摄像机准备 Don't talk to anyone. I'll get 'em paid.
- Oh, he looks important. - Oh, no, no! 别跟任何人说我会叫他付钱的
- 他看起来是号人物 -别过去 This sucks.
- Stop, stop! - No! Let go! 真气人
- 站住 -不放手洛杉矶的丹尼斯餐厅曾连续发生三宗死亡枪击案
Not the blood switch! I knew we should've shot at a Denny's.
别按到血液袋爆破开关我就知道该去丹尼斯连锁西餐厅拍摄
Someone shot Max! Han, that is the sweetest, coolest thing
麦克斯中枪了阿憨你刚为我们俩做的事
Cut! Tom, get rid of Max too. - You just did for us. - It is,
停汤姆把麦克斯换掉 - 真是既贴心又帅气 -的确
Get me another girl. and Caroline is totally gonna put out for you tonight.
再给我找个女演员今晚卡洛琳绝对会愿意跟你上床
Typical! That's kind of her thing now.
典型的臭男人反正现在卖肉是她的专长
Shoot on my chest and you're done with me. Well, I don't want anyone to take advantage of you two.
往我胸部"射"完一发后就立刻把我甩掉我不想任何人占你们俩的便宜
Hi, you looking for a new girl? You're my girls.
你好你是要找新的女演员吗你们是我的姑娘
Last time I looked like this, And tonight, on a very special episode of funk and
我上一次被搞成这样的时候 skank,
I was coming out of an acid trip 在今晚《街妹与骚妹》的特别节目中
还是我从吸毒迷幻派对中醒来 the cute, tiny Asian guy turns out to be the girls' pimp,
and my friend Daniel was missing. 那个可爱的亚洲小男人原来是这俩姑娘的皮条客
我的朋友丹尼尔却不见了 and the copstitutes are able to buy new horseshoes.
I gotta admit, 而警妓终于买得起马蹄铁啦
不得不承认 -----------------------------
getting shot felt kinda gangsta waitress. -------------23--------------
中枪会让人觉得自己是黑帮服务员 -----------------------------
I'm like notorious BLT. Whoever tipped me in monopoly money
我就像个餐馆大姐头那个小费给大富翁假钱的混球
So here's the deal. can go directly to jail.
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可以死去监狱了 - 需要杯子吗阿憨
A dollar? You ladies can wait in here.
一块钱假钞吗两位女士请在这里等
Fake money and they're still under-tipping. Brian, before my father comes in,
都用假钱了他们小费还照样给这么少布莱恩在我爸进来前
Oh, look. I love it when people how are his spirits?
你看我就喜欢看到他的精神状况如何
dress guinea pigs up in adorable costumes. You know, for someone who's looking
别人给宠物天竺鼠穿上可爱制服以一个要面对六十到一百年
Han, you look like Babe Ruth. at 60 to 100 years in prison?
阿憨你看起来像贝比·鲁斯刑期的人来说
贝比·鲁斯美国棒球史上最伟大球员之一名字 "贝 Pretty good.
比"也有婴儿的意思还算不错
Well, Baby Ruth. I'll bring him right in.
不是婴儿·鲁斯我现在去带他过来
Maybe you two can kiss my sweet ass, Hey, Bri, anyone get killed today?
滚你们俩丫了个蛋小布今天有人被杀咩
because this outfit's a home run. You ask me that every time, Max,
我这制服跟全垒打一样棒好吗麦克斯你每次都问这问题
I'm putting a team together for the restaurant league. and every time I tell you,
我要组一个队去参加餐厅界棒球联赛我也每次都回答你
Well, Han, I would play, but you know, it's a white collar prison.
阿憨我很乐意加入但你也知道这是关押高智商罪犯的监狱
I've got this hip thing, Got it. Anyone get shanked with a Mont Blanc pen?
我有屁股问题懂了那有人被高档钢笔捅了吗
meaning, I'm too hip. Yo, B, one more thing.
我有"太潮不打球症"了布布还有件事
hip 一词多义有潮流跟屁股的意思 On Lock Up: Raw, they always spray the guards
What about you two? 监狱剧集《破茧威龙》里犯人每次
with a mixture of urine and feces, so--
你们俩个呢
- I'm telling you, I'm a great ball player. 都会泼粪跟尿所以...
- 相信我我可是个棒球高手 Max, please, can we go one day without you mentioning
No, I'm a great ball player. that?
不我才是玩蛋蛋高手麦克斯你能别每次都提这事吗
I know how to cup I wonder why my dad wanted us
我懂如何同时握住我挺好奇我爸为啥要我们
and tickle mine at the same time. to rush out here and see him today.
还给我的蛋蛋搔痒今天立刻赶来见他
I'm talking about America's favorite pastime. He probably wants a conjugal visit.
我是说美国人最爱的娱乐消遣啦他想要来一发"情人探视"吧
Oh, so am I. - Max! - Relax!
我这招也是啊 - 麦克斯 -别这么大反应
Well, I'm in. I have a really good arm. With me.
我加入我有威猛的投球手臂是跟我来一发啦
Go over there, Han. Let's have a little catch. There they are, the light of my life
去那边吧阿憨我们来丢个几球你们来啦我生命的光芒
All right, here we go. All right. - And her bouncer. - Hi, daddy.
好的准备来吧 - 以及她的保镖 -老爸
- Go deep. Go deeper, Han. Hey. Max.
- 再退一点再退一点阿憨麦克斯
A phrase no other woman will ever say to him. Oh, we startin' this? No foreplay?
这话绝对"不会"有女人对他说直接就上啦不来点前戏吗
Throw it, and don't be afraid to bring the heat. Listen, I'm sorry to make you come all the way out here
投球吧使出全力不用怕抱歉让你们俩大老远跑来一趟
Too much heat. on the--God help me--subway,
力道过猛了而且还是坐"地铁" 我都不忍心说这词
Ball one...and two. Game over. but I actually need a favor.
一球双杀蛋本局结束但我其实需要你们帮个忙
I seem to have forgotten a crucial part of my uniform. Help me break out.
我好像忘了穿这制服最重要的那部分了帮我逃狱
- Need a cup, Han? I'm kidding.
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开个玩笑啦 50 年代后我就没看过有人
Daddy, it's so amazing you can joke, - toward brown and black since the '50s.
老爸你有心情开玩笑是很好 - 对黑跟棕色这么严重的鄙视了
but maybe not around Max. Anyway, I wanted you to hear it from me first,
但不要在麦克斯面前开好吗总之我想先知会你这件事
She's already offered to skin a guard alive because she's about to go on Piers Morgan live,
她已经放话要替你活剥狱卒的皮因为她准备上皮尔斯·摩根的访谈节目
and walk you out of here wearing him. and she can say whatever she wants.
让你披着人皮走出去然后她就会大放厥词胡说八道
Well, we know it works. No, she can't, because I'll be there to refute her lies.
你明明知道这招可行不会的因为我会去驳倒她的谎言
All right, listen. I'll defend you with dignity and class
听我说我会以尊严与格调
This woman who used to work for me and my new lipstick I just found on the subway.
这个以前在我手下工作的女人外加地铁上捡的新唇膏来替你辩护
is being paid a million dollars Wow, Piers Morgan. That dude's legit.
要被人以百万美元收买皮尔斯·摩根呢那家伙可牛逼了
to write a tell-all book about me. He's got a show, he's got Piers 1 Imports.
写一本我的私密全揭秘档案不但主持节目还有一家家具店
A million dollars? I don't know what I'd do without you, princess.
一百万啊小公主没有你我真不知道怎么办
How much can I get for a tell-all book about Caroline? You're the only person I can trust.
那我写一本卡洛琳的揭秘书能拿多少钱你是我唯一能信赖的人
Chapter one: "Sleep farts." Now, get out of here,
第一章 "边睡边放屁" 好了你先走吧
Max, please, can we go one day without you mentioning 'cause I gotta speak to Max privately for a second.
that? 我有些话想单独跟麦克斯说
麦克斯你能别每次都提这事吗 Oh...Sure.
The woman's name is Sandra Rosenthal. 好吧...
那女人的名字叫珊卓拉·罗森索 - Okay, I-- - Just go.
Caroline, do you remember her? - 好吧我... -快闪边吧
卡洛琳你记得她吗 Daddy wants to talk to me privately.
Yes, the one who lied on her resume. 你爹爹想跟我"单独聊聊"呢
记得那个履历上说谎的女人 - Love you, sweetie. - Love you, daddy.
The one who couldn't even add, and worse than that,
- 宝贝我爱你 -老爸我也爱你
那个加法都算不好而且更离谱的是
Brian, I'll just be right outside.
she wore brown with black together.
布莱恩我就在门口等
她还穿衣还黑色配棕色
So, Max...
I like brown and black together.
麦克斯...
我就喜欢黑色配棕色啊
I know. You know I'm all talk, right?
我知道你知道我只是耍耍嘴皮子的吧
Wait, why would anybody pay that woman so much? I need you to tell Caroline something
等等为什么有人愿意出这么高价啊我想你帮我跟卡洛琳说件事
What is she saying she has on you? I couldn't bring myself to say.
她说她有你什么把柄这事我不好意思对她说
Well, she's claiming she was fired This woman is also claiming
她声称自己被解雇那女人也宣称
because she had insider information I have a small penis.
是因为她知道整起庞氏骗局的我有只"小小鸟"
about the ponzi scandal, Wait.
内幕消息等等
and that we were sleeping together, So I stayed behind to see it?
还说自己跟我发生过关系所以你留我来"赏鸟"洗刷污名吗
- which we weren't. - Of course you weren't. No.
- 但其实没有 -当然没有不是啦
You would never sleep with someone I want you to tell Caroline so she'll be prepared,
你才不可能睡一个我想让你告诉卡洛琳让她做好心理准备
who wore brown with black together. 'cause I'm pretty sure that's the lie
穿黑配棕色的女人呢我蛮肯定她就是靠这个谎言
Man, I haven't seen this much hatred that got the book sold.
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来让那本书大卖 - 怎么说你见过吗 -当然没有
How big of a lie? I never want to see it.
她这谎水分多"大" 我这辈子都不想看到
Oh, a really big one. Have you seen your father's penis?
相信我非常"大" 你看过你爸的鸡鸡吗
So, what did you and my father talk about? If I did, it was waving good-bye.
你都跟我爸聊了些什么有的话它也是在跟我挥鸡告别
I don't want to tell you. I'm uncomfortable. Max, I've thought a lot about it,
我不想告诉你我难以启齿麦克斯我想了很多
You're uncomfortable? and I can't sit there while that woman
你也会难以启齿吗我不能就这么让那女人
This must be bad. - waves my father's penis in Piers Morgan's face.
这事肯定很严重 - 就这么在主持人面前谈我爸的鸡鸡
You've never been uncomfortable in your life. You're lucky it's not Anderson Cooper,
我就没见你有过难以启齿的话你该庆幸这主持人不是安德森·库珀
Is it drugs? Cancer? 安德森·库珀美国知名男同性恋记者作家与电视主
他染毒了得癌症持人
Oh! Did he fall in love in prison? 'cause he'd be giggling up a storm.
还是他在监狱里有了基友因为他肯定会笑得花枝乱颤
I'll be fine with it. You can tell me. I have a plan.
我能接受这事你可以告诉我我有个计划
When we had money, I was very active in the Park My goal on this show is gonna be to discredit that
Avenue woman
我家还有钱的时候我常去参与林荫大道我上节目就是要证明那女人的话是假的
straights for gay doormen alliance. and tell people, even though my father did a bad thing,
直人支持基门卫联盟的活动而且要告诉大众虽然我爸爸做过坏事
Is this some kind of weird gang, he did some wonderful things as well.
他们这是怪胎帮派但其实他也做过很多好事
or did a game just let out? Look, here he is working with UNICEF.
还是刚有比赛结束啊这是他联合国儿童基金会帮忙
Max, come on. Tell me. Here he is rebuilding haiti.
麦克斯你就告诉我嘛这是他帮忙海地灾民重建家园
Fine, the woman's gonna say your father has a small-- Oh, this is just a cute picture of him water-skiing
好吧那女人会说你爸爸有个"小... 这张只是一张他玩划水的帅照
2010 年南非球迷世界杯现场的特有的助威喇叭 at a charity event on Lake Tahoe.
Sir, your vuvuzela is very loud, and very 2010. 是在太浩湖的慈善活动上呢
先生你的呜呜祖拉又吵又过时 What's the charity? White men without golf clubs?
My father has a what? 给没钱买高尔夫球杆的白人募款吗
我爸爸有个什么 So that's my plan, and hopefully,
He has a small-- 反正我是那么计划的啦
他有个"小... going on that show will put an end
Seriously, the game's over. 希望上完节目后
拜托了比赛都结束了 to all these ridiculous rumors about my father.
And how on earth you have a wedding ring is beyond 能让坊间关于我爸的谣言停止
me. Hey, Caroline.
像你这种人居然还还结婚了真是理解不能卡洛琳
What is she gonna say about him? Yeah.
那女人要说我爸什么怎么啦
- I can't hear you! - She's going to say... The word on the street is your dad's got a weenis.
- 我听不到你 -她会说... 外面都在传你爸有只"小小鸟"
your father has a small penis! Sophie, how did you hear about that?
你爸爸有只"小小鸟" 苏菲你上哪听来的
He thought it'd be less awkward if I told you. Oleg told me.
他觉得我来告诉你会比较不尴尬奥列格告诉我的
Was it? It came up on my Google penis alerts.
有咩消息出现在我的谷歌鸡鸡搜索警报
I can't believe that Sandra Rosenthal woman. I like to keep current, see what the trends are.
我真服了那叫珊卓拉·罗森索的女人我喜欢在时事尖端跟随流行"鸡"态
There's another lie. You don't want to be that middle-aged guy
这又是一个弥天大谎你也不会想当一个长着别人
- Why, have you seen it? - No, I haven't seen it! wearing the same penis you had in high school.
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多年前就有的同款鸡鸡的中年男子吧 and have the management throw me out or something.
Great, now, it's all over the internet 就会因为我"宣泄过度"而被人赶出去
这下好了网上传遍了 I'm just so tense.
And my shoulders are all up around my ears. 我真的好紧张
我肩膀都耸起来到我耳旁了 Piers Morgan asks some difficult questions.
Look, I'm too tense to even shake my head "no" 皮尔斯·摩根常会问很难的问题
你看紧张到都没办法对那女骗子 Last week, he asked the Spring Breakers cast
at that liar woman, which was gonna be my key move. 上周他才问了一部无脑卖肉电影的演员们
摇头反对了这可是我最重要的动作呢 their thoughts on the North Korea situation.
I need a massage, but I'm broke. 对最近北韩的形势有何看法呢
我好需要按摩但我又没钱去 Sorry.
Caroline, I'll give you a massage. 抱歉
卡洛琳我可以帮你按摩啊 Max, this is a quiet room. We have to be quiet.
Get ready for a sad ending. 麦克斯这里是静修室我们得安静点
准备好迎接失望的结尾 Hi, girls!
And beginning, and middle. 女孩们
还有失望的开头以及过程 Oh, I'm getting myself some fancy water.
There. 我要来喝杯高档纯净水了
来啦 Look, they got lemon, orange, and cucumber.
Oh, yeah. 他们有柠檬橙子跟黄瓜呢
爽吧 It's like a slot machine over here.
How does that feel? 感觉跟老虎机里一样
感觉如何啊 Oh, I just had the best bamboo massage.
Like baby spiders are dancing on my shoulders. 我刚才享受了人生中最棒的竹子按摩
感觉像小蜘蛛在我肩膀上跳舞 Oh, they kept whacking me with it
You're the first Asian I've seen 他们不停的用竹子打我
你是我见过第一个 until I confessed to stealing that bread when I was
that can't give a massage. seven.
不会按摩的亚洲人直到我承认我七岁那年偷了条面包才停手
Hey, Caroline, I'll treat you and Max Oh, what a load off.
卡洛琳我请你跟麦克斯真是如释重负啊
to a massage at my fancy spa. Caroline, you still look a little tense,
去我那家高档美容院按摩吧卡洛琳你看起来还是有点紧绷
Cool! I've never been to a spa. but I guess having to talk about your father's junk
好啊我从没去过呢不过想到你要上国家电视台
The closest I've been is sticking my arm on national television will do that to a girl.
我做过最接近按摩的事谈论你爸爸的"小鸟" 的确压力很大
in the free blood pressure machine at Walgreens. I will not be speaking about
也就是把手臂伸进药局里的血压测量计我不会在节目上
Wait, that's for your arm? my father's "junk" on television.
等等那是给手臂用的吗谈论我爸爸的"鸟"
Thanks for the massage, Han.
No, I can't have lunch tomorrow.
谢谢你帮我按摩阿憨
不行我明天不能出来吃午餐
It was very nice-- Oh, you're still doing it.
I'm doing Piers Morgan live.
你人真好你还在按啊
我要上皮尔斯·摩根的节目
I had no idea.
You won't believe what just happened.
我完全没感觉
That was a-mazing! 你不会相信刚才发生了什么事
You joined a demonic cult?
这真是爽歪了
I mean, a guy rubbed me for an hour 你加入了邪教吗
Sandra, the liar writing the tell-all book,
一男的揉了我身上整整一小时
and didn't expect anything back? 珊卓拉那个写揭秘书的女骗子
just walked in.
而且完全不用我肉偿
This massage stuff could catch on. 刚刚走进来了
She's getting a day of beauty too?
按摩这玩意必须得火啊
I could not let go during my massage. 她也来一日美容之旅啊
This is like the gayest training for a fight ever.
我按摩时还是无法宣泄自己的压力
Oh, was letting go an option? 这大概是最基版的大战前训练地了
Sandra?
这里可以"宣泄"的吗
珊卓拉
I was close, but I didn't want to get halfway there
Right this way.
我当时都差点要"泄"了但我怕才按到一半
这边
第 187 页 /共 198 页
Lay face down. 什么
脸朝下躺 - What was that? - That?
I'll give you a few minutes and I'll be right back in. - 那是什么声音 -那个吗
你先放松几分钟我马上过来 That's just me, alone,
Perfect. I really need this massage. 那是我一个人
很好我超需要做按摩 creating a healing space with energy and sound.
Promoting my new book is exhausting. 用能量和声音营造出一种治疗氛围
宣传我的新书真是累死人了 Lots of sound.
I'm sorry if that sounded braggy, 音量越大越有效
如果像是在自夸那真是抱歉啦 So you're writing a big book.
but I guess that's how you sound 听说你在写一本大作
但当一切如鱼得水时 Do you want to tell me all about that?
when things are going so great for you. 想跟我分享下内容吗
人说起话来也趾高气扬 Well, it's about this guy, Martin Channing.
That poor masseuse is gonna be forced to listen to 这本书是关于马丁·钱宁
那位可怜的按摩师要被迫听她 Oh, he is very nice and very respectable.
her yammer on about her dumb book. 他人非常好非常值得尊敬
喋喋不休地抱怨她那本烂书 You won't think that after you read my book.
But then again, mine had to hear me constantly say, 你看了我的书之后就不会这么想了
不过话说回来我刚一直对我那位按摩师说 I am really gonna stick it to him.
"don't be afraid of the boobs." 我要狠狠地捅他一刀
"不要害怕这对大胸器" Okay, now, you're just pushing me.
We should be hearing about that dumb book 好了你现在简直是在使劲推我
我们应该去听听她怎么说那本烂书 Uh, how did you--
so I know what I'm up against. 你是怎么...
好让我知道该出什么招 Uh...How-- how did you do that?
If there was only a way to get in that room. 你是怎么做到的
前提是得想办法进那个房间 It feels like you have three hands.
Oh, anyone can get into any room if they really want to. 感觉好像你有三只手
人生没有过不去的坎也没有进不去的地方 That's how good I am.
I mean, do you think that I was invited 这说明我很厉害
你真的觉得 2004 年的游艇展面试 This is supposed to be a hot stone massage.
to the audition for the 2004 boat show? 这应该是热石按摩疗法
我是受邀进去的吗 Comin' right up.
Yeah. Go. 马上给您做
真的快去吧 The hot stones.
I'll take care of that masseuse. 热石
我来对付那个按摩师 All right, here come the ho-o-ot stones.
Sophie, you're not gonna hurt her, right? 好啦热石来了
苏菲你不会伤害她吧 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's nice.
No. I'm gonna try tipping her first. 对就这样真舒服
不会我会先用小费打发她 I'm really loosening up.
I'm back. 我开始觉得放松了
我回来了 Oh, well, then let's loosen you up some more.
Yes, I was just out in the hall with you, 那让你再放松多一点
没错刚才在走廊里的人是我 More stones.
now, here I am in the room with you, 再来点石头
现在在房间里的人也是我 More stones!
the same person. 再来点石头
都是同一个人 Yeah, I'm got paid a lot of money for my tell-all book,
Just keep your head down, don't look up, 我那本揭秘书能拿到一大笔钱
头别抬起来不要往上看 and I am really gonna tell all.
and relax. 所以我真的会全盘揭秘
放轻松 Not there! Not there.
You're not gonna talk a lot, are you? 放错了别放那里
你不会一直说个不停吧 What? What is going on in here?
No, but you should feel free to. 这是怎么回事
不会但你可以随意说 Well, what is happening here, Sandra,
whatever's on your mind or in in that book. 珊卓拉事情是这样的
无论是你的想法还是你那本书 is you're about to go on national TV
What? 你要去国家电视台上大放厥词
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and tell America lies about my father. 你父亲以前的样子
当着全美国人的面胡说八道 Look, here he is working with UNICEF.
He never slept with you. 瞧这是他跟联合国儿童基金会共事
他从未跟你发生过关系 And here he is water-skiing on "Lake rich person."
Did he never sleep with me in your bedroom, 这是他在"富人湖"里滑水
那他也从未在你卧室的粉红公主床上 Look at that smile. Is that the smile of--hold up.
on your pink canopy bed? 瞧那个笑容是不是...等下
跟我发生过关系吗 What's coming out of the left leg of his swim shorts?
You know what? That never happened. 他泳裤左裤腿冒出来的是什么东西
你心知肚明根本没发生过这种事 I think your father's junk is trying to tell me
That's insane. You're crazy. 我觉得你爸的鸡鸡在试图告诉我
那真是荒唐你是个疯子这句话源于北美的土拨鼠日那天是从冬天向春天过
Well, it's my word against yours. 度的关键标志
反正没人能证明谁对谁错 there's gonna be six more weeks of winter.
You're gonna be very embarrassed on TV. 离冬天还有六个星期
你一定会在电视上丢人现眼如果土拨鼠离开洞穴并能看到它的身影
But not as embarrassed as you're going to be in the spa 就预示着冬天还有六个星期
lobby, 如果看不到它的身影那么冬天不久将会结束
但你最丢脸的时刻是在美容院大厅 What are you saying?
when I tell everyone that I was touched inappropriately 你在说什么啊
因为我要告诉大家卡洛琳·钱宁对我实施了 I'm saying, someone had a tip slip,
by Caroline Channing. 我是说有人的"鸟"不小心探头出来了
不当的身体接触 and that is not a small tip.
You are not gonna tell anybody that. 而且那只"鸟头"还不小哦
你不会告诉任何人的 And as a waitress and a loose woman,
Who's gonna stop me? 作为一名服务员和一名荡妇
谁管得住我 I know a small tip when I see one.
Hey, girls. 只要我看见头我就知道那只鸟大不大
姑娘们 Here.
I was listening outside the door. 看这里
我刚一直在门外面听着 Sorry, sorry.
Everything okay? 抱歉抱歉
有啥问题吗 She just showed me a picture of Anne Hathaway's new
Max, I don't know if I can do this. haircut.
麦克斯我不知道我是否能应付她刚给我看了安妮·海瑟薇的新发型
What if Sandra's telling the truth? Well, this is good,
万一珊卓拉说的是事实呢这不错
She did know about my pink canopy bed. because it can proves that woman is lying.
她的确知道我有张粉红色的公主床因为能证明那女人在撒谎
How would she know that? Yep, you just have to show this to Piers.
她怎么会知道的对啊你可以把这拿给皮尔斯看
Because everyone knows barbie comes with a dream - I told you, I'm not going near my father's penis.
car, - 我说过我绝不会提及我爸的鸡鸡
因为全世界都知道芭比有一辆粉红小车 All I have to do is point out
a pony, and a pink canopy bed included. 我只需指出
一匹粉红小马还有一张粉红公主床 that that woman has no finance skills.
There he is. There's Piers Morgan, live. 那女人根本不懂理财和金融
他来了皮尔斯·摩根真人 Unlike her, we are taking the high road.
Do you think it's too soon to ask him 不像她我们要采取高尚的手段
你觉得现在就管他要家具店折扣 Max, are you sending that to yourself?
to give me a discount at Piers 1? 麦克斯你是把照片发你手机上吗
是不是有点太唐突了 I'm here with Sandra Rosenthal,
He looks dignified, like he's not gonna ask about a penis. 今天的嘉宾是珊卓拉·罗森索
他看着挺高尚的估计不会问鸡鸡的事情 Who's just signed a huge book deal
But what if he does? 她刚签了一份超值钱的书约
但如果他问起来怎么办 to do a kiss-and-tell
- Max, I can't do this. - Give me your phone. 揭发臭名昭著的金融家
- 麦克斯我好害怕 -把手机给我 on disgraced financier Martin Channing.
You need to remind yourself 马丁·钱宁的种种隐私
你得时刻提醒自己 - Welcome to you, Sandra. - Hello, piers.
of the person your father used to be. - 欢迎你珊卓拉 -你好皮尔斯
第 189 页 /共 198 页
Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. 抱歉我也算是个数学高手
谢谢你邀请我上台讲述我的故事 Impressive.
It's a story, all right. 真厉害
只是个故事而已 I've got a math equation for you.
Wow, so we're right into it. 我也有个数学问题要问你
我们十分想听 If a 3-inch train is entering a tunnel,
Okay, well, let me catch up. 如果一辆 3 英寸长的"火车"开进"隧道"
好的让我先介绍下 do I even know it's there?
My other guest is Caroline Channing, 那"隧道"能感觉到吗
另一位嘉宾是卡洛琳·钱宁 Ladies, this isn't Maury Povich.
daughter of martin Channing, who, to put it mildly, 女士们这不是毛里·波维奇无下限的节目
马丁·钱宁的女儿说得委婉些 Piers, I am simply trying to illustrate
is claiming that your book, Ms. Rosenthal, 皮尔斯我只是单纯想说明
她声称罗森索女士的书 that she should have been able to answer it,
is a bunch of bull. 如果她够格胜任金融工作的话
完全就是狗屁连篇 had she been qualified for her job in finance.
That's right, Piers. 她应该可以回答那个问题才对
没错皮尔斯 Everything that I am writing in the book is true, Piers.
It's pure rubbish, 我书里所写的一切内容都是真的
按你们英国人的说法 There is nothing that I have said
as your people say. 我说的任何东西
就是"通篇胡扯" that she can prove is untrue.
That was perfectly American. 她都无法证明是假的
那完全是你们美国人的说法 Wait a minute, why is there a woman under my desk?
Right, then, let me start with you. 等下为什么会有个女人在我桌子底下
好吧那先从你开始 Oh, is there, Piers?
Well, to catch everybody up, Ms. Rosenthal's large book 有吗皮尔斯
advance Yes, my father defrauded a lot of people,
事情是这样的推动罗森索女士作品的没错我的父亲是骗了很多人的钱
really has to do with something that turned out to be, and he's paying a price for that,
最"大"动力是她揭露某物的真相是... 他也为此付出了代价
by your words, very small. but I'm not gonna sit by silently while she exploits him
用你的话来说 "非常小" 但她为了自己的利益而消费我父亲时
Comments, Ms. Channing? With lies for her own gain.
有何评论钱宁小姐我绝对不会袖手旁观
I'd rather not comment about that, Piers, Piers, there's so much about my father
我不发表任何评论皮尔斯皮尔斯我想告诉您
because I have class, but I do have a question I want you to know, like he--
因为我有格调但我的确有个问题很多关于我父亲的事情比如...
for Ms. Rosenthal, who was hired by my father What is this?
要问我父亲曾经聘用过的珊卓拉女士这是什么
because she claimed she had a degree in finance. Well...I know what this is.
因为她声称自己是金融学的学士我知道这是什么
Ms. Rosenthal, if a train carrying 27 passengers I've got one.
珊卓拉女士一辆载有 27 个人的火车我也有一根
leaves Grand Central Station at 9:00 A.M., But whose is it, and why am I looking at it?
早上 9 点离开中央车站但这是谁的为什么要给我看
travels 800 miles to Chicago, arriving at 5:00 p.M., It's my father's.
于下午 5 点到达 800 英里外的芝加哥那是我父亲的
He had a bit of a tip slip.
how fast was it traveling?
他的"鸟"不小心探头了
请问火车的速度是多少
Well, I-- Madam, I don't know what you're looking for in a man,
这个嘛女士我不知道你想要什么样的男人
Simple math, piers. but this...
超简单的数学题皮尔斯但这个男人
100 miles an hour. is far from inadequate.
每小时 100 英里明显是"神雕大侠"
- I'm sorry? - That's your answer. In fact, it's so far from inadequate,
- 你说什么 -你问题的答案老实说与你描述差距太远
that I'm bringing this interview to an immediate close.
Sorry, I'm a bit of a mathlete.
我要马上结束本期访谈
第 190 页 /共 198 页
Your book and you lack any credibility. 拜托使劲快点
你和你的书都没有任何可信度 Do it faster and harder.
That's it. 做再快点再使劲点
到此为止 What is, "things Han says to a male hustler," Alex.
"Can you hook me up with a discount at Piers 1 这是阿憨对妓男爱力克湿的语录集吗
Imports?" No time for jokes, Max.
"你能帮我搞到皮尔斯家具店的折扣吗" 没时间开玩笑了麦克斯
Hey, you know, they'll probably come to you one day The health inspector will be here soon,
很可能某天出版商会对你有兴趣卫生检查员很快就要到了
and want a tell-all book. and I need to get that "A" rating.
想出一本你的揭秘书我一定要得到 A 级
Remember, we already have chapter one, "Sleep farts." This diner getting an "A" for cleanliness
记住第一章已经有了 "边睡觉边放屁" 这件餐厅想拿到 A 级干净度评鉴
Chapter two: "My new stepmom Max." would be like me getting an "A" for a bra size.
第二章是 "我的新后妈麦克斯" 就跟我去买 A 罩杯胸罩一样不可能
Max, am I gonna have to defend my father forever? Oh, it will happen. I did a thorough job.
麦克斯我会一辈子都得替我爸辩护吗肯定能我做得很彻底
Probably, but don't worry, Is he making omelets or crystal meth?
可能吧但别担心他是料理铁人还是绝命毒师啊
- I'll be there to help. - Thank you. Oleg, you let Han put you in two hair nets?
- 我会帮你的 -谢谢奥列格你让阿憨给你戴上两个发网啊
'cause it's a wife's job to defend her husband. Three. I don't want to talk about it.
因为保卫丈夫是妻子的职责三个还有一个我不想说在哪
It makes me sad to think he's gonna be in prison Sorry I'm late. I was having my nails done.
我一想到他要在监狱度过余生抱歉迟到了我刚做指甲耽搁了
for the rest of his life. It's the first time I stopped moving in two years,
就觉得很难过这是两年来我第一次不用马不停蹄忙活
Don't think of it like that. He's not just in prison. and I fell asleep.
别这样想嘛他不是在监狱我居然睡着了
He's in Africa working with UNICEF, You had money to get your nails done?
他是在非洲跟联合国儿童基金会共事你居然有钱去做指甲
He's in Haiti, Question: Was prostitution as disgusting as you thought
他在海地 it would be?
he's water-skiing on "Lake rich person," 提问做妓有你想象中那么糟吗
他在"富人湖"上滑水 Han paid for it.
and he's on the desktop of my computer. 阿憨出钱的啦
他还在我电脑的桌面上 Oh, so it was worse.
I should delete that. 那就是比你想象中还惨
我应该删掉那照片 There she is.
Where'd I leave my phone? 你来啦
我的手机放哪里了 There's my show pony.
Oh, god, are you guys looking at the picture of my dad? 我的镇店美人
天啊你们不会是在看我爸的照片吧 Let me see them digits.
We are. Respect. 让我看看你那玉手
是的钦佩不已啊 I want you to be the first thing
So very much respect. 我要你当检查员进店后
敬仰之情有如滔滔江水连绵不绝 the health inspector sees when he enters.
Eh, I've seen better. 第一眼见到的人事物
我见过更棒的 You're just so blonde and clean.
Every day. 你金发闪闪整洁大方
每天低头就能看见 Where's my manicure? How come I don't get anything?
Give me that. 那我呢为何我啥好处都没有
还给人家啦 Oh, I haven't forgotten you. Here's 50 bucks.
----------------------------- 哪可能忘了你的份 50 块给你
-------------24-------------- Beat it until the inspector leaves.
----------------------------- 他来检查时你待一边去
I can't believe Han is making us tidy up this damn diner. Some would be insulted. I'm gonna ask for $75.
阿憨居然要我们打扫这间破餐厅有人会觉得这是侮辱但我只要求给 75 块
It's like putting a pretty church hat on a whore. And, you are going to get it.
这跟让妓女戴端庄的教堂帽一样妥了给你吧
Come on, harder, faster! I have exciting news. At the nail salon,
第 191 页 /共 198 页
我有个好消息在做指甲时 So where would you like to start?
I heard about this amazing seminar we should go to. 那请问您想先从哪开始检查呢
我听说了一个很值得我们去的研讨会 Sadly, the men's room.
Oh, no, no, no. 先从"男厕"开始吧
不要不行不许 Ground zero.
I went to a seminar once. 核弹爆点级灾区
我去过一个研讨会 I will join you in a second.
I was almost married to 300 Koreans. 我很快就来陪您
那次差点被三百个韩国人强娶 Is it Miss or Mrs. Rotello?
It's a branding seminar for business owners 先请问是萝特洛小姐还是太太
这是给企业主参加的品牌研讨会 It's Miss. Thank you for asking.
to define who they are and get them primed and ready 是小姐谢谢你询问
讲如何搞清自己品牌的定位并做好准备 I'll see you at the toilets.
for their window of opportunity. 咱们厕所里见
等待机遇之窗的到来 Ground zero just got a lot nicer.
I think I'd rather be married to 300 Koreans. 重灾区现在感觉美好多了
我还宁愿我被三百韩国人强娶呢 Han, I think that health inspector wants to inspect you.
美国很多美甲店是由韩国人或越南人所开阿憨检察员小姐好像是想"检查"你哦
Then I could get my nails done whenever I wanted. Stop! If she hears you, she'll give me an "F."
这样我就能随时做指甲了别乱说她听见了会给我个"F"的
Max, this is the real deal. I think she wants you to give her an "F."
麦克斯这不是骗人的她应该是想你"F"她吧
The woman who runs it is a branding genius.
Max, I paid you $90. Now, go!
开研讨会的女人是品牌大师呢
麦克斯我付你 90 块了快走人
She created the Nike "Just do it."
- Here, Max. - What's this?
耐克的"做就对了"标语就是她的作品
- 给麦克斯 -这是什么
Oh, that woman didn't make up "Just do it."
That's how we'll make the $600 we need for the
"做"就对了才不是她发明的呢
seminar.
High school boyfriends have been using that for
我们参加研讨会的六百块就靠这个赚了
centuries.
I made flyers for a yard sale at Kinko's.
这话被高中泡妞淫男们用了几百年了
我去金考打印店印了旧货拍卖传单
You're still here!
Wow, "Kinko's" and "yard sale" in the same breath.
你怎么还没走
哇同一句话里说出"金考"跟"旧货拍卖"
What's it gonna take, another $10?
Where do I keep finding this inner strength?
要给多少你才满意啊再加 10 块如何
我内心是怎么强大到这地步的
Hey, I don't need a seminar.
That must be Sophie with her yard sale stuff.
我根本不需要参加研讨会
估计是苏菲带着要卖的旧货来了
I found a brand that's gonna get me rich: obnoxious!
Hi, girls!
我发现我能致富的品牌了 "讨人厌"
姑娘们你们好啊
Okay, Earl, how is cleaning your area coming along? - Hey, Sophie! Where's all your junk?
厄尔清理你收银台的进度如何了 - 苏菲你的那些垃圾旧物呢
I've got decades of napkins over here
- Oh, where it always is, in my trunk!
我发现不少陈年老纸巾
- 跟平常一样放我后车厢里了
with all my old ideas on them.
Well, look here.
上面写满了我当年的奇思妙想
Apparently, napkins were the old Twitter. 你看这里
I got a bunch of stuff that Oleg wanted
看来纸巾就是当年的微博啊
Hello. 这里面放了不少奥列格
to donate to your yard sale.
你好
Could you tell the owner 想捐给你们拍卖的东西
Aw, that's so nice of him.
能告知店主
the health inspector has arrived? 他人真好
Oh, yeah, he doesn't know about it.
卫生检查员到了吗
Oh, you are a woman. 他完全不知道这件事呢
Yeah, it's all the stuff
原来您是女人
Thank you for noticing. 这是他那些
he's been leaving around my apartment.
真谢谢你看出来啊
Are you Han Lee? 留在我家没拿走的东西
He's getting way too comfortable, so...
你就是李憨吗
Hey, Han, is this the... 他越来越没自觉不懂分寸所以...
Sell it all! Yeah.
阿憨这是...
第 192 页 /共 198 页
统统卖了吧 "Lord of the things."
You probably can get a couple of bucks for his passport. "万物之王"
他那本护照你估计可以卖个几块钱吧 So, I have lots of classic couture pieces.
Yeah, he paid $80 for it. 我们有很多古典文化物品
他花八十块买的 You won't be disappointed.
Maybe he's leaving things around 您绝对不会失望
他把东西留下 Well, I have been before. Miss Trudy?
because he wants to take things to another level, 我们失望过了特鲁迪小姐你说说
很可能是因为想跟你再进一步啊 We went all the way to Pennsylvania for
maybe even move in. 我们大老远跑去宾州
可能想搬来同居呢 a Facts of Life bean bag toss game.
Oh, girl talk. 参加电视剧《生命的事实》投沙包游戏
闺蜜私语啊 No Blair! No Blair.
Shouldn't you serve me a cosmo like they do on 布莱儿居然不在啊布莱儿
television? Just two Tooties.
你们不像电视上那样先给我倒杯鸡尾酒吗就去了两个托蒂家的小角色
Don't have any cosmos, as we're broke Life just sucks it hard sometimes.
我们俩穷光蛋家里没鸡尾酒老天有时就他妈爱捉弄人
and it's not 1998, but... Am I right, Scott?
而且现在也不是 1998 年《欲望都市》热播的时候对吧斯考特
- how about a pink cupcake? - Oh, even better. So, on that chair are my things,
- 要不来个粉红小蛋糕吧 -这个更好那边椅子上都是我的东西
Maybe now that Oleg has told you he loves you, and you'll notice that there's a lot
奥列格都跟你表白过说爱你了你会发现里面有很多...
you're starting to have intimacy issues about getting Oh, I already did. 14 for all of it.
close. 我发现了 14 全收了
会不会是你对亲密关系有恐惧症呢 $1,400, perfect!
Oh, come on. 1400 块吗没问题
拜托哦 Hundred? Darling, $14.
Save that garbage for your yard sale. 什么 1400 块宝贝是 14 快
这种废话你留着废物拍卖会卖吧 But this is all vintage.
Yeah, the man is just up there too much. 这些都是复古玩意呢
那家伙就是太常在楼上了 Vintage, or just out of season?
I mean, he's down there when he's up there, but, yeah... 是复古还是过季而已啊
虽然他在楼上时都在我"下面" 但... Wait, is that a nugget buddy?
It's way too much, yeah. 等等那是鸡块宝宝吗
但他真的太常来了 Miss Trudy, they have the cowboy.
He's got to change, or he's out. 特鲁迪小姐他们有鸡块宝宝牛仔版
他得改改不然就得滚 He loves the cowboy.
Hey, thanks for the cupcake, Max. 他爱死那个了
麦克斯谢谢你的小蛋糕 I bet he does.
And, Caroline... 必须的
卡洛琳 Oh, I am so relieved.
I don't know what you add, but, yeah. 我松了好大一口气
我不知道你有啥贡献随便啦 When we don't find anything good, he gets really mad...
Our yard sale is not quite all set up yet. 每次我们没淘到什么好宝贝他会很生气
我们的旧货拍卖还没布置好 at me.
You're Early. Our flyer said 1:00 to 5:00. 我就遭殃了
你来早了传单说下午一点到五点 I'm sorry, that's not supposed to be out.
Oh, I don't do flyers. 抱歉那个是不小心放出来的
我讨厌传单 I can't break up the set.
Miss Trudy, my card. 我不想拆了那组玩具
特鲁迪小姐我的名片 You have all ten nugget buddies?
This is my wife, Miss Trudy, 你十个鸡块宝宝全有吗
她是我老婆特鲁迪小姐 Yep, and every other happy meal toy since 1993.
and the bird's name is Scott. 以及 1993 年至今每个开心乐园餐玩具
而这鸟的名字叫斯考特 My mom used to take me there a lot.
Dennis Endicott the third, 我妈以前整天带我去麦当劳
丹尼斯·恩迪克特三世 Well, she used to leave me there a lot, but same diff.
Thrift shop scout and Brooklyn's crazy kitsch genius. 也常常就把我丢在麦当劳都一样啦
旧货店寻宝员与布鲁克林疯狂媚俗艺术天才 - $600 for the whole collection. - Sold!
第 193 页 /共 198 页
- 六百块买你那一组 -成交 At Wharton, I got a "B," and the Japanese kid
Whoa, whoa, not sold. 我在沃顿那会有一次我得了"B"
不不才不卖呢 who sat next to me killed himself.
Max, come on, this is our future. 坐我隔壁的日本人去自尽了呢
卖了吧这关系到我们未来呢 Oleg, I'm kind of getting used to this look now.
Well, those are my past. No sale. 奥列格我都开始习惯你这打扮了
那还是我的过去呢不卖 You kind of look like Bin Laden's ghost.
Let's go, Scott. 你看起来就像本·拉登的鬼魂
咱们走斯考特 Good night, girls.
This is "Tootiegate" all over again. 晚安女孩们
"托蒂门"事件又重演了 I'm going to go over and spend the night at Sophie's.
And you 我要去苏菲家过夜了
还有你 No, maybe not.
when we get home, you better put on the punishment 还是别去吧
pillow. Why would you say that?
我们回家后你最好快点戴上打屁屁枕头你为何这么说
Don't worry. I kind of like it. Because she can't stop herself.
别担心我就好这口因为她这人废话多
Well, so much for a horse in a hat It's just, she might like a little space sometimes.
这下子戴帽子的马只是她有时候也会想要私人空间吧
being the weirdest thing in this yard. She needs space? Did she say that?
都不再是这里最怪的一件事了她想要私人空间她说的吗
Explain to me again Not in so many words.
再跟我解释一次也不是这么说的啦
how an item I paid $3,000 for just two years ago No, those were the words.
一个我两年前花三千块买的东西她就是这么说的啊
is worth less than something Look, Sophie loves having you around.
现在比一个苏菲很喜欢有你的陪伴
that came with a dipping sauce! It's just, she told us that you're getting
有沾酱的东西还便宜只是她说她觉得你有点
A happy meal toy reminds people of a sweeter time, a little too comfortable there when she came over
开心乐园餐的玩具能唤起人们当年的美好越来越没自觉不懂分寸这些是她在
a simpler time, a pre-Kardashian time. to sell all your stuff at our yard sale.
那是个单纯美好没卡戴珊的时代拿你东西给我们拍卖的时候说的
Attention, attention! - I know how that sounds- - And yet, you keep going.
注意注意 - 我知道这话听了有点... -但你还是说个不停
I have something very important here. Oleg, Sophie is just feeling a little smothered.
我有份很重要的文件公布奥列格苏菲只是觉得有点要窒息了
The results of your DNA test proving your mother was She feels smothered?
asian 她还觉得快窒息呢
你的 DNA 检验报告证实你妈是个亚洲人 Have you ever tried motorboating those cans of hers?
and your father was a pine nut? 你试过跟她的胸器玩"泰胸压脸"吗
而你爸是个松果吗 Once, but I was very drunk at the time.
No, we got our letter grade 有过一次但那次是我喝太醉了
不是是我们拿到了 Just make a few changes,
from the city health inspector's office. 你就稍微改变一下嘛
城市卫生检查处的评分了 and everything will be right back on track.
Whoo! We got a "B"! 一切又会恢复原样的
哇我们拿了"B" And stop talking now.
That's the first "B" I ever got 你最好闭嘴
这是我这辈子第一次 Make some changes? That's all I've done for her.
I didn't have to French kiss for. 做一点改变我一直都在为她改变
不用靠跟人舌吻得的"B"呢 I changed my furniture, I changed my ways.
A "B"? No, no, no, no! 我改变了我的家具改变我的习惯
才"B" 惨了惨了 I changed my underwear more than once a week.
This boy don't play with no Bs. 还改成了不到一周就换一次内裤呢
我这人可不能得个"B" That's it. No more changing for Han...
I'm calling that little tease, Miss Jean Rotello, right now. 够了不再为阿憨改变
我要打给那个叫珍·萝特洛的臭娘们理论 and no more changing for Sophie.
This isn't good. Asians don't do well with Bs. 也不再为苏菲改变
I'm done changing. I'm back, baby.
这下惨了亚洲人接受不了得"B"
第 194 页 /共 198 页
我受够做改变了本淫王要回归了 Are you insane? Max, I can't.
Spread the word! 你疯了吗麦克斯我可做不了
请把消息传遍天下 I haven't worked on the railroads like you.
I think he's gonna be spreading more than the word. 我又不像你在铁路上干过力气活
他要"传遍天下"的不只是消息而已吧 Come on.
I want to kill someone! 拜托
老子想杀人 Han needs his "A,"
Why, did they cancel Suite Life of Zack and Cody? 阿憨需要一个"A"
为什么你看的迪士尼儿童喜剧被砍了吗 and we need the money for that seminar.
No, I just got off the phone with the restaurant 我们需要钱参加研讨会
inspector Isn't this one of those "windows of opportunity"?
不我刚跟餐厅卫生检查员打完电话这难道不是传说中的"机遇之窗"吗
She answered her phone at this time of night? - $600. - Forget it, girls.
她这么晚还接你的电话啊 - 六百块 -算了吧姑娘们
Come on, it's not like she was out on the town. Look at these walls.
拜托她这种老姑婆晚上也只能待在家瞧瞧这些墙壁
Han! I need professional steam cleaners.
阿憨我需要专业的蒸汽清洁人员
I think that "B" you're holding might stand for "bitch." I have steam cleaned before.
我觉得你手里拿着那个"B" 应该是"贱 B"的意思我以前有用蒸汽清洁过东西啊
And she told me I got a "B" because of the conditions I mean, how else do you get malt liquor and blood
她居然告诉我我得了个"B"是因为 stains
of the back room off the dishwasher area. 不然租来的舞会礼服上的麦芽酒
洗碗区后面的密室环境不佳 out of a rented prom dress?
I didn't even know we had a back room, did you? 和初夜的血渍怎么弄掉呀
我甚至不知道我们有个密室你们知道吗 Ugh, it's so humid and damp in here.
No, but of course there's a mysterious back room 这里面又潮又湿
不知道但在这个价值观被颠倒的世界 Now I know how balls feel.
in this new upside down world, 现在我总算明白蛋蛋的感受了
当然会有一个神秘的密室 Let me just move this cord out of
where a piece of cheese is mayor 我把这电线弄走吧
那里芝士是市长 - Oh! I just got a shock!
and Donna Karan is a no one! - 我刚被电到了
而大牌 DKNY 的创始人则是无名小卒 No.
Oh, there it is. 错
就是这里 A shock is coming home to find your mom
I always thought that was the property 你回家发现你妈跟你十年级的心动对象
我一直以为这属于 in the tub with your tenthgrade crush.
of the bar next door. 一起泡澡时才是真正的吓死人
隔壁酒吧的地方 I should push these light cords back up over...
If we share a door with a bar, 我应该把这些电线塞回去...
如果我们跟酒吧共用一扇门 Uh, it's a roach nest.
my breaks are about to get longer and drunker. 是个蟑螂窝
那我的休息时间要变得更长更醉了 It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay!
Wait here, girls, while I push this rack away. 没事的没事的没事的啦
姑娘们你们一边等着我来把这架子推开 It's okay!
P90x 是美国经典健身 DVD 涵盖了全部方式的健身方真的没事啦
式 Good news, they're already dead.
P90x, don't fail me now! 好消息那些蟑螂都死了
健身了这么久是时候大展身手了 Bad news, as I pull them out of your hair,
I'm pretty sure this is what my soul looks like. 坏消息是当我把它们从你头发抓出来时
我的灵魂看起来一定跟这房间一样 they're decomposing.
Now I'm going to have to hire an emergency crew to 它们的尸体正在腐烂
come Are you crying?
为了我的"A" 现在我得请一个抢清队你是在哭吗
clean this by friday to get my "A." I can't do this.
在周五前帮我把这弄干净我做不来
Oh, damn it. Not even for the seminar.
靠即使为了研讨会也不行
I guess Caroline and I can do it. I'll sell my happy meals.
我和卡洛琳就可以做好吗那我把我的开心乐园餐玩具卖掉吧
第 195 页 /共 198 页
Max, you don't have to do that. 而这种恰恰不是
麦克斯你没必要这么做 Oh, look! Under the newspaper,
- But we need the money. - Okay, great! 瞧原来报纸盖住的
- 但我们需要这笔钱 -好的太棒了 there's some sort of stained glass window there.
Hey, nugget buddies. 是某种彩色玻璃窗
鸡块宝宝 Aw, pretty!
As soon as the man with the bird gets here, 真漂亮
那个带着鸟的男人一到这里 Oh, you're finally getting the money you wanted
you'll be leaving my loving care 你终于得到你想要的那笔钱
你们将离开我的悉心照料 and you're so chipper.
and going out into the big, bad world. 你真是个奇葩
进入一个巨大而险恶的世界 I'm "Chipper," to use your word,
Shoes will step on you, 用你的话说我是"奇葩"
鞋子会践踏你们 because we're working to earn money
kids will tie you to firecrackers, 是因为我们现在干活是为了挣钱
孩子会把你们绑在鞭炮上 to move our business brand forward.
And some real sickos may even stick you in a truck 让我们的品牌更上一层楼
某些神经病会把你们塞进卡车里 Stop saying "Brand."
and drive you across state line. 别再说什么"品牌"了
开车把你们带离这个州 And this "Seminar" better be worth it.
Hi, Sophie. 这个"研讨会"最好值回票价
苏菲 Why are you saying it like that?
Oleg cheated on me, and I'm so maaad! 你干嘛用这种语气说话
奥列格背着我乱搞老娘气疯了 "Seminar," with quotes around it,
Oh, I have to break things! 故意强调"研讨会"这个词
我要砸东西发泄 like it's a silly idea or something.
But everything upstairs in my apartment is too nice! 好像这是个蠢主意或什么的
但我楼上公寓的所有东西都太好了 I didn't say "seminar" with quotes around it.
So...run a tab, girls! 我没有故意加重语气说"研讨会"
所以姑娘们记得记账 You did. You said
I gotta break more things! 明明有你说...
我还要继续砸 Ooh! Ooh, sorry!
Wait, don't break that box! That's my happy...
对不起
住手别砸那个箱子那是我的开心... Sorry!
I feel better. 对不起
感觉好多了 I was trying to illustrate that you put quotes around it.
I really do. 我刚是想说明你的确有加重语气
真的 I am too tired to put quotes around things,
Okay. All right. 我累得要死没力气加重语气
好的我走了 but if I were gonna put quotes on a word,
I think we just saw what it would look like 如果如果我要给某个词加重语气
我觉得我们刚才看到的场面 that word would be, "seminar"!
if someone cheated on the Incredible Hulk. 那个词一定是"研讨会"
就像绿巨人遭人背叛了一样 Oh, and "branding"!
Hey, girls.
对了还有"打造品牌"
姑娘们
And I would put big, giant, dumbass quotes around
Sophie's back. Spread the word!
我会特意大大加重语气在
浪后苏菲回来了请把消息传遍天下
"branding seminar"!
Max, look, your happy meal toys.
"打造品牌研讨会"这个词上
麦克斯瞧你的开心乐园餐玩具
Look, I know you're upset about your toys, Max, Max, you did that on purpose!
我知道你因为玩具的事不开心麦克斯麦克斯你是故意的
but come on, it's kind of fun. Oh, maybe it was just an accident!
但你瞧现在也挺好玩的呀或是这只是个意外
There is only one kind of wet Stop! Stop! You're spraying the light cord!
在凌晨 3 点住手住手你喷到电灯泡了
Hello! Water and electricity,
that I have been at 3:00 in the morning
喂水和电"不是"
只有一种"湿"的状态
not the best combo!
that I would call "Fun."
电死人的最佳组合吗
会让我觉得"好玩"
Like some other not great combos I can think of.
This is not it!
正如我能想到的其他烂组合
第 196 页 /共 198 页
Us? You mean us? "GOT MILK"是美国 Body By Milk 发起的一项公益活动
我们吗你是指我们吗会邀请一些有影响力的的明星拍摄长了"牛奶胡子"的
What, now we are not a great combo? 照片
怎么现在我们不是最佳组合了吗 Got any other stupid business ideas?
Sorry I suggested we go to a quote-seminar-unquote. 有想到其他白痴的生意标语吗
抱歉我建议我们去参加一个所谓的"研讨会" Stop!
Sorry I'm trying to move us forward. 住手
抱歉我试图让我们更上一层楼 Stop, stop, stop it, stop it!
Sorry that you think you know how to do everything. 住手住手快住手
抱歉你觉得自己什么都会做 I am done!
Sorry that you resent the fact that I know how to do 我受够了
business. No, I'm done!
抱歉你不愿承认我会做生意的这一事实不我才受够了
Sorry that you think you know how to do business, No, we're both done!
抱歉你觉得自己很会做生意不我们都受够了
and maybe that's why our first business failed. Fine, we're both done!
或者这就是我们第一家店倒闭的原因好咱们俩都受够了
Sorry that you took two weed breaks every single day - Done! - Done!
抱歉你每天的休息两次去抽大麻 - 受够了 -我也是
instead of making work calls, No, I'm really done, Max!
而不是打电话招揽生意不我是真的受够了麦克斯
And maybe that's why our business failed. I'm tired of trying to make things happen!
或者这才是我们蛋糕店倒闭的原因我厌倦了努力让梦想成真
Sorry that I didn't take more weed breaks, I'm tired of pushing us into cupcake shops!
抱歉我没有多休息多抽大麻我厌倦了逼着我们开蛋糕店
because I really could have used them working with And I'm tired of you pushing us into cupcake shops too.
因为我觉得跟你这种自称无所不知的人工作我也厌倦了你逼着我们开蛋糕店
a know-it-all like you! Shops that we couldn't afford in the first place.
真的很需要麻痹自己我们本来就没能力花钱开店
And sorry it's my turn! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, Max!
抱歉该轮到我指责你了天啊天啊麦克斯
No! Sorry that you, also, had to stick your nose Max, are you all right?
不抱歉你对奥列格和苏菲的私事麦克斯你没事吧
into Oleg and Sophie's business, CPR, what is it?
多管闲事心肺复苏是怎么做的来着
So that he cheated, and she got mad and then, Do you do pinch the nose and breathe into the mouth?
搞得现在男的劈腿女的抓狂捏住她鼻子然后往她嘴里吹气吗
by an almost irrefutable line of direct action, Wait, wait!
经过一连串不可否认的直接作用慢着慢着
you killed my toys! I think you're supposed to pump the chest first.
你害死了我的玩具我觉得应该先按压胸部
Sorry that it doesn't matter how many things I ever did Well, I'll never get through those!
right 我永远都不可能翻越这两座"大山"
抱歉无论之前我是否做对过多少事情 Max, I'm about to put my mouth on yours,
because poor itty-bitty baby 麦克斯我要跟你嘴对嘴了
只要麦克斯开心乐园儿童餐的 so if you're kidding you better wake up right now.
Max's happy meal toys got all broked! 所以如果你不是闹着玩那你最好现在醒来
可怜小玩具全碎了我就是错的 Max, please don't die.
Don't push me, Max! 麦克斯求你别死
别逼我麦克斯 Please don't die. You're my best friend.
You're such a fan of branding, 求你别死你是我最好的朋友
你不是打造品牌的粉丝吗 Sit up! Sit up, sit up!
"Just do it." 坐起来坐起来
"做就对了" - Are you all right? - What happened?
"Have it your way." - 你没事吧 -发生什么事了
"按你想做的去做" You grabbed that wire,
赌城拉斯维加斯的广告语你刚抓到电线
"What happens in vegas, stays in vegas." and I think you got a little electrocuted.
"拉斯维加斯输的钱就留在拉斯维加斯吧" 应该是触电了
"Got milk?" I always knew I'd be electrocuted,
"有喝牛奶了吗" 我一直觉得我会被电
第 197 页 /共 198 页
- I just thought it would be in the chair. I'm Mchappy.
- 但我以为会是在电椅上我就是开心乐园餐
God, I'm so hot. I need air. Hey, girls.
天啊我热死了我需要新鲜空气姑娘们
Come here. The window, come on. Turning tricks in a window like they do in Amsterdam?
来这里这边有窗来像阿姆斯特丹的妓女那样在橱窗里服务吗
Come on. Come on, over here. No, we think we found our new business.
来来到这里不我们刚发现了新的生意机会
Here, kneel. Open! Sophie, this is the new Max's homemade cupcakes.
这里跪着打开了苏菲这里是新的麦克斯自制小蛋糕店
Oh, damn, there are shutters. Speaking of windows, that's Oleg's car, right?
靠还有护窗板说到窗户那是奥列格的车吧
Here, hold on to the wall while I get this. Yeah. Yeah.
我来弄开你抓住墙太好了
Are you okay? Take a deep breath in. Well, some people open windows,
你没事吧深呼一口气有人打开机遇之窗
Breathe in. some people smash them.
吸气有人砸烂车窗
Max, that was so scary. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
麦克斯刚才太吓人了微信 QQ 同号 1291357910 倾情制作
For a second, I thought you died. 300 多部美剧英剧电影中英文纯英文台词对白音频；
有那么一瞬间我以为你死了 6000 多门学习视频本科考研自学课程；
Maybe I did, 'cause I kind of remember a place with 超星智慧树知到智慧职教中国大学 MOOC 优课联盟
flames. 等 30 多个平台的课程刷课代看代刷，人工代刷，保
真可能呢我记得看到一个满是火焰的地方证质量。
and you were making out with me. 微信公众号：易用美剧剧本台词字幕音频视频
然后你在跟我亲热微信 QQ 同号 1291357910
What is that delicious smell?
什么味道这么香
The pizza place next to the bar next door.
隔壁酒吧旁的披萨店
Oh, God, has a pizza ever smelled so good?
天啊披萨的味道有这么好闻过吗
Hey, what are you guys doing?
你们俩在干嘛
Is that, like, a store or something?
这里是商店还是什么吗
- No. - Holler.
- 不是 -真可惜
Wait, Caroline...
慢着卡洛琳
This is our window of opportunity!
这就是我们的"机遇之窗"
Max, what a great idea!
麦克斯这个主意太棒了
A cupcake walk-up window? You're a genius!
蛋糕外卖窗口你就是个天才
I just might be since I died!
我死而复生之后可能变聪明了
So much less overhead.
费用少太多了
And this time we'll be starting at the bottom,
这次我们从底层做起
so we'll have nowhere to go but up.
我们不能往下走只能往上爬
Thank God!
谢天谢地
I am so much more comfortable at the bottom!
在底层的感觉真是舒服太多了
Hey, I have this weird feeling inside.
我心里有一种异样的感觉
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破产姐妹第二季英中文剧本台词

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微信或者 QQ 1291357910 倾情制作，欢迎咨询更多剧本刷课学习资源，谢谢

Me? I'm fine.

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