Scene IV.

E and A sit facing each other on the bench. There is a bottle of cheap vodka on
the floor next to them. They each have a shot glass in front of them. At this point
they are buzzed and giggly. There is warmth between them. They take a shot.

E
I once got food poisoning after I drank a whole bottle of Andre.

A
You didn’t get food poisoning you got alcohol poisoning.

E
I also ate like a whole jar of expired Skippy.

A
Why?

E
I don’t know.

A
I used to shoplift oranges.

E
Oranges?

A solemnly nods. E smiles. A pours them both another shot. They take it. After E
takes the shot she gets on the floor and does several push-ups.

A
I have another joke.

E
(While doing push-ups.)
Tell me.

A
Okay. A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile,
a zoophile—that’s a person who’s into animals. Like sexually.

E
I know.

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Right. So there’s a sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, and a zoophile.
And they’re are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution thinking about what to
do.
"Let's have sex with the cat" says the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture
it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and
then kill it," says the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it
and then have sex with it again," says the necrophile.
There was silence, and then the masochist
says: "Meow."

E laughs.

E
Oh my god. That’s crazy.
Meow.

A
Meow.

E
I love cats. But not like in a weird way.

A
I have another.
What do you call a black woman who’s had 9 abortions?

E
What?

A
A crime fighter.

E stops doing push-ups.

E
Oh.

A
It’s not funny.

E
Yeah.

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A
Because it’s racist.

Brendon told it to me.

He’s a fucking dick.

E nods.

E
(Trying out the word.)
What a dick.

A pours them both another shot. They take it. E bends over and lightly beats the
backs of her legs (her hamstrings) with her fists.

A
I used to hang out a lot at the Rock Shop. You know the store by the freeway where
you can crack rocks that look like regular dull rocks but actually have this crazy
dyed crystal stuff on the inside? I used to hang out there all the time and crack rocks.
And hang out with the boys who worked behind the counter and then I went
through puberty and they told me that I couldn’t crack the rocks anymore. That it
was weird for someone my age with my body to be cracking rocks while kids had
birthday parties.

So you know what I did?

Beat.

E
Oh, no. What did you do?

A
I replaced some of the rocks with regular rocks, like from my yard.
I never went back to see what happened but I bet they really had to explain when
the birthday boy or whatever cracked this big rock and all there was was more rock.
That there wasn’t anything special hiding underneath that it was just more rock.

Beat.

E
That’s crazy.
I went through puberty really late, which I’m happy about. I would have hated
having boobs. For swimming.

A
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I feel like it’s all happening again. It’s disgusting.

A cups her breasts and makes a face. She then pours herself a shot. E motions that
she doesn’t want another.
A takes hers.

A
You don’t think it will just come out deformed?

E
(E stops what she was doing.)
What?

A
The thing? It might just come out like a jellyfish.

E
Oh.

A
Like with a downs syndrome-y forehead.

E
Or downs syndrome.

A
Yeah.
I have a cousin with downs syndrome.
He’s really stupid. I mean he can’t help it I guess. But he’s really stupid.

E
What if it had no toes.

A
Or like a ton of toes.

E
That might be cool. It could like use its feet as its hands.

A
We could use our feet as our hands we just don’t take advantage of it.

A lifts up her legs like a spider and strokes E with her feet. E giggles.

E
Ew what are you doing?
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A
(In a voice.)
Caressing you.

E
Ew.

A pours herself another shot. She takes it.

A
Maybe punch me.
Like after I take a shot punch me. The shot will make it weaker and then you can
just punch it to really mess it up.

E
Okay.

Beat.

E
But can you not… can you not say it?

A
What?

E
I don’t know. Like I’ll punch you. But I don’t want to think about punching…

A
What the fuck does that mean?

E
Nothing. No, I’m not saying anything. I really really want you to be… free you
know? To make your choice? But it also like I don’t know it just… like that there’s
some… thing. In there.

A
(Sharply)
Then don’t fucking think about it.

E
Okay. I just. I know you probably think about—

A bolts up. She starts pacing around.

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A
Look I’m the one who’s fucked. If you can’t—

E
I can.

A
But if you can’t—

E
Stop. You’re… you know I can.

A
Reba could kill a deer.

E
I could too. I could kill a deer too.

A
She could cut the throat of a deer an ALIVE deer and like laugh about it with her cool
older brothers okay?

E
I could laugh about it.

A
She could let it bleed and scream and she could name it fucking Bambi, like while all
of its blood was falling out of it because she hung it on like a tree or something. And
she could skin it and eat it and like write a Facebook status about it and get like…
fifty likes. Like a hundred likes.

E
Take a shot.

A
No.

E
Sit down and take a fucking shot.

A walks over to the bench. She sits. E pours her a shot. A takes a shot. E punches
her really hard. They make eye contact.
Beat. E pours another shot for A. A takes it. E punches her almost immediately.
A clutches her stomach. Beat. She stumbles over to the other side of the room
and sits on the floor. E watches her. E takes a shot. Maybe she pulls her knees up
to her face. Silence.
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