BEING LEFT: OUT IN THE COLD

By George O’Connell
Feb. 28, 1982

''DAD, do you know the etymology of the word 'sinister'?'' my cause-conscious daughter
asked. Truthfully, I didn't really know the meaning of ''etymology,'' much less the
etymology of the word sinister. So I stalled. Would she repeat the question.

''You know, what's the derivation of the word 'sinister'?'' Well, derivation I knew and
''sinister'' had something to do with sin. Sin, after all, originated in the Garden of Eden,
and that certainly makes it old enough to be a root word.

''Wrong,'' she said, looking up from her textbook.'' It's the Latin word for 'left,' as in left-
handed. The Romans' togas had pockets in the left side to keep their right hands free to
shake hands or salute. The left hand then could be hidden in the pocket, maybe with a
dagger, like in 'Julius Caesar.' That's why it came to mean sneaky or underhanded.''

Our eyes met, and we seemed to realize simultaneously that we are both completely and
unalterably left-handed. But we hardly considered ourselves sneaky or underhanded.
There was a pause.

''That's a terrible slur against millions of innocent people,'' she said finally. My daughter,
you see, is committed to underdog and especially minority causes. When she sees or
senses an injustice, she leaps to the barricades. She even defended path-crossing black
cats in a grade-school essay and proved with empirical evidence that all the bad-
mouthing had no basis in scientific fact.

''It's a right-handed world,'' I suggested resignedly. ''We're a minority.'' ''We're a

slandered minority,'' she blazed, ''and that's not right. See, there's that word again.
'Right' is a synonym for correct. It's so unfair.''

''Don't be so self-right-eous,'' I said facetiously. She fixed me with her that's-not-funny

glare. ''Righting - I mean correcting - an injustice is not a matter to be taken lightly.''

We searched our vocabularies for other examples of the right-handed world's bias.
''Left-handed compliment'' (no compliment at all). ''Out in left field'' (out of touch).
''Left-winger'' (in today's political climate that's a slur, too). On the other hand, we had
''right-hand man,'' ''right-minded,'' a ''right guy.'' All positive, virtuous and upbeat. The
whole right-lefty concept was worth checking out. Our dictionary defined ''right-
handed'' as ''the quality of being righthanded, hence skill, dexterity.'' And the
Encyclopedia Britannica's listing under ''left-handed'' referred one to ''handedness.''
Handedness? Anyway, the article revealed that even an authorative source could not
only be biased but also mealy-mouthed about it: ''...it is probably not too far from wrong
to say that in the United States 18 to 24 children become right-handed for every one who
persists in left-handed tendencies.'' Please note the word ''persists.'' Then again, ''Some
hold the view that a left-handed person in a righthanded society, by virtue of being
disapproved, interfered with and inconvenienced, is under more emotional strain, on
the average, than is a right-handed person, and this stress causes stuttering.''

By now I was getting a bit steamed, too. I suppose left-handedness also causes cancer
since just about everything else does. Some slanderous, biased researcher could
probably show statistically that it also causes ulcers, acne, myxedema or even leprosy.

I mentioned the biases to my friend Lester and questioned the ratio of 18 or 24 to one.
More like 10 to one, I thought. ''A 'closet lefty' wrote that,'' he said. ''You know, a natural
lefty who was coerced by teachers or parents to conform in a righthanded society. The
true ratio is more like one-to-one. You see, there is a symmetry in nature. God created
one man for each woman, an electron for each proton, antimatter for matter and so
forth. It defies logic to think that this basic balance in the universe doesn't hold in the
righty-lefty thing.

'' 'Closet lefties,' '' he continued, ''are essentially neurotic conformists who take out their
frustrations by slandering the unreconstructed lefties. They write the movie scripts that
name sinister gangster types ''Lefty.'' And sportswriters perpetuate the canard by
nicknaming any flaky ballplayer who just happens to be left-handed by that sobriquet.''

He had reopened an old wound and reminded me of my effort - at age 10 - to rectify the
injustice. In pick-up games in our neighborhood I was a slick-fielding third baseman.
When I was old enough for the City Recreation League, the coach ordered me to the
outfield. Why? ''Lefties are pitchers, first basemen or outfielders,'' he said. ''As infielders
they have to turn around before making the throw to first. And pitchers and first
basemen we got. Righties can play anywhere.''

That night, I concocted a revolutionary rule change. Why not, I asked the coach, allow a
batter to run to either first or third base on a ground ball. He could choose third if the
ball was hit to the right side; first if hit to the left side. This would force a long throw,
make the game much more exciting and nullify the righthanders' advantage.

His outrage couldn't have been greater if I had tried to rewrite the Ten Commandments.
''Left field,'' he shouted. And as I trotted off I heard him mutter, ''Crazy Kid!''

I have emotional scars to this day. That evening, my daughter returned from the library
with a long list of libels. ''Did you know that a ship that doesn't handle well is called a
'left-handed ship'? Did you also know ... ''

I interrupted. Desist. She had made the point. But she persisted: ''Why don't you write
an article to alert the public to this flagrant slander?'' I said I'd think about it.