Personal Reflection: Dec. 19, 2019 (Revised)

              In the beginning of this course one of the first topics we discussed was “What does it

mean to be an adult”? Having grown-up in not only a very significant time the 1970s and 80s but

in a very different environment with parents who were polar opposites in every way it

encouraged me to traverse that period in my life. I was raised to think and often act

independently even though I had full emotional and financial support from my mother. The

availability of birth control gave me confidence, security, and power over my body that previous

generations of women did not have.

I started working a minimum of 25 hours a week from the time I was 15 and the ability to

be partially financially independent made me feel as if I was more grown up than many of my

friends. I finished high school and started college but was still living with my mother until I

turned 24. I had a substance abuse problem from the age of 15 until 22 when I went to treatment

and got help. But until I moved out and became self-supportive and emotionally stable, I did not

consider myself to be a fully accredited adult. From 22 on I progressed in my career and opened

my own business which became extremely profitable. I moved several times all during my 20’s

and at 29 was completely burned out. Sold my company and moved to Florida not knowing what

my future held. I felt the biological clock ticking and got married 6 months later. I was divorced

exactly 1 year later. I went to school to become a massage therapist really wanting to help people

and money was not so important as long as I could pay my bills.

Looking back on the current research I’m not sure where I fit in, but I never wanted fame

or fortune. I have always needed a job that gives purpose and meaning to my life and others.

         One of our case studies that resonated with me was the case of Betty Lau. Betty is a 30-
year-old Chinese immigrant who lives in New York with her parents. She struggles with

depression and somatic symptoms which appear to stem from an internal struggle between her

feelings of seeking her own life(self-identity) and cultural expectations. The therapist in the case

treats her without understanding the cultural implications and Betty leaves treatment without

getting the help she needed. This case illustrated how western approaches to counseling often

assume that individuality is healthier than family or group identity. Betty needed a therapist who

understood the cultural issues of her situation and could implement treatment strategies designed

for a client who valued eastern traditions and cultural expectations.

I was my mother’s sole caretaker for 14 years and experienced people who thought I

should just put her in a home. That it was a strain on my family and marriage. I stayed true to

myself and today my daughter and even my husband think back fondly on the years we spent

with her in our home. Next to the birth of my daughter, holding my mother as she passed from

this earth was life changing and profoundly spiritual. I have no misgivings about caring for her

and when she passed although I had deep sadness I had not a single regret. I now understand that

my individuality was less important than my role as her daughter. I like this part of myself I find

it self-less and caring. 

                Although I may not share this with the class the information, I learned from John

Gottman may help to save my marriage. My husband is extremely critical bordering on abusive.

I have been sharing things that I felt would help us both and he has been listening. Our one

salvation is that we do have a  good friendship and we talk frequently about many things. He is

not an optimist and always sees his life as the glass is half empty. He is not social and does not

feel fulfilled in his life even though he has everything he ever wanted. What I have learned has

been a godsend and hopefully we can incorporate more of the masters skills into our marriage
instead of the disasters. I know that I can’t change anyone, but I can keep myself heathier by

incorporating some of the positive interventions into my daily routine.                                

               As I continue on my life -long dream of finishing my bachelor’s degree and then

pursing a master’s I am feeling empowered, creative and successful even at 55. I believe I have

much to offer others as I have lived several lifetimes it seems and hope to learn and share the

knowledge that I am gaining.

             In learning about positive psychology and how it relates to work as a therapist I hope to

be able to teach clients how to reach the “happiness advantage” through interventions and

education helping them to achieve more productive, secure, and fulfilling jobs. By educating

people that a few simple but consistent exercises can positively affect their brain’s chemistry and

increase learning centers in the brain. Another fascinating possibility is that some diagnosis of

personality disorders may actually be people who are on the lower spectrum of character

strengths. An example could be someone who is fairly limited in their emotional intelligence

may be misdiagnosed because of their seeming ineptitude in reading or interpreting persons

reactions or emotions. This lack of a strength that is necessary for good communication could

lead to a much lower quality of life and well-being. Ultimately, stunting human development

over the life span.

Multiple sources and the longest study ever done on adult development have found that the

single most important factor effecting health and happiness is the quality of relationships in our

lives. We as aspiring therapists and psychologist need to become expert providers of how one

can increase the depth and quality of the relationships in our lives by living through example. It

is up to us to show the world how it is done.