Writer: Braxton Saldana Peer editor: Gregory Novak

Peer Editing Rhetorical Analysis Rough Draft

Manuscript Form
Check the heading, headers, and spacing of the essay. Are there any problems? Have the problems from the
earlier drafts been corrected? Explain.
No issues with the formatting of the essay.

Does the title reflect the main idea of the thesis? Has there been an improvement on this draft? Explain.
The title is still a placeholder. There were a few issues in the first draft which have been corrected, but nothing
has changed since the peer edit.

Basic Structure and Organization and Introductory Paragraph

Consider the following, and mark problems on the paper:
 Is the thesis sentence clear and informative? Does it reflect the focus of the assignment?
 Does the introduction make sense? Does it include enough background information to let the reader
understand the thesis?
 Is the thesis sentence the last sentence of the introductory paragraph?
 Does the introduction follow the instructions on the yellow cards?
 What needs to be done to improve the introduction?
 Are there three body paragraphs?
 Is there a conclusion paragraph?

Have the problems from earlier drafts been resolved?

The introduction and body paragraphs are fine, but Braxton used a lot of first person in the essay which has not
been fixed quite yet. The thesis is set up per the guidelines, so the introduction paragraph is fine.

Body Paragraphs
Consider the following, and mark problems on the paper:
 Does each body paragraph have a topic sentence? Is the topic sentence the first sentence in the
paragraph and does it identify the main idea of the paragraph and reflect the overall focus of the thesis?
How can each topic sentence be improved? Have the problems from earlier drafts been resolved?
Explain problems.
 Does each paragraph follow the instructions on the blue cards?
 Does the writer explain how these examples prove the topic sentence (and the thesis)? Explain problems.
Does the paragraph have enough information to prove the topic sentence? Have the problems from the
earlier drafts been fixed? Explain problems.
 Is there anything in the paragraph that does not support the topic sentence (information that does not
belong)?
 Explain problems. Is there anything in the paragraph that doesn’t make sense? Explain problems. Have
the problems from earlier drafts been fixed? Explain problems.

Body paragraph 1: The topic sentence provides a good basis for which the paragraph follows. While the first
paragraph is short it does explain the reasoning behind ethos being present. The only major issue in the first
paragraph is a single use of second person.
Body paragraph 2: The topic sentence for paragraph 2 is rather weak as it does not provide a guideline for the
paragraph. This could be resolved by changing the topic to follow the flow of the paragraph that already exists.
There are no citations from the text which can be a struggle for the reader to visualize what Braxton is trying to
get across. The major problem with this paragraph is the lack of direction from the topic sentence and the use of
second person.

Body paragraph 3: The topic for paragraph 3 is a similar case to paragraph 2. There are several citations in this
paragraph which help the reader visualize what Braxton is trying to say so it is one step ahead of paragraph 2.
The only issue is that Braxton did not cite them, so the reader does not know where to find these quotes. The
topic is extremely vague which means it would be extremely difficult for the paragraph to follow. The major
issues are simply the lack of direction from the topic sentence (which could be fixed by making the topic follow
the already written paragraph), and the needless use of first person in the paragraph.
Elements of the Analysis
Consider the following, and mark problems on the paper:
 Does the analysis effectively and clearly evaluate the effectiveness of the article/essay? Explain.
 Is the paper effective? Explain problems.
Have the problems from earlier drafts been corrected? Explain problems.
Braxton has yet to edit in the changes from the peer edit. However, the essay does a fine job at analyzing the
article, and all the essay needs is to rewrite the topic sentences.

Conclusion
Consider the following, and mark problems on the paper:
 Does the conclusion summarize the main points of the analysis? Explain problems.
 Is there any new information in the conclusion? (There should not be.) Explain problems.
 Does the conclusion paragraph follow the instructions on the green cards?
Have the problems from earlier drafts been corrected? How could the conclusion be improved? Explain.
The conclusion follows the card well, but Braxton does use first person during the evaluation.

Outside Sources
Consider the following, and mark problems on the paper:
 Is there a Works Cited page?
 Is the entry on the Works Cited page in the correct format? Explain.
 Is the Works Cited page in the correct format?
 Are the parenthetical citations in the correct format?
 Are quotations properly introduced with a complete sentence and a colon? Identify and explain each
problem.
 Are all quotations documented?
 Is there any undocumented information in the paper that looks as if it should be documented? Explain.
Do you see any other problems with the research elements in the paper? Have the problems from earlier drafts
been corrected? Explain.
There is a works cited page but it does not follow the guidelines well. The formatting seems to be correct, but
the source is not cited in MLA. There are also no parenthetical citations nor are the quotations properly
introduced. All of the information looks to be documented as there is no other quotations that seem to be from
another source.

Grammar, Sentence Structure, and Punctuation

Mark any grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation errors that you see. Look for problems in the following
areas. Circle the errors here, and mark the specific problems on the essay.
Unclear sentences
fragments
run-ons (fused and comma
splice)
subject-verb agreement errors
incoherent sentences
sentence structure errors
excessive coordination
improper subordination
choppy sentences
pronoun reference errors
pronoun agreement errors
verb case errors capitalization errors
dangling modifiers hyphen errors
misplaced modifiers comma errors
non-parallel structure any other punctuation errors
shift in person (not third person) improper word choice
shift in tense beginning a sentence with a
shift in voice coordinating conjunction
semicolon errors awkward sentences
verb form errors slang
missing words manuscript form err
titles punctuated incorrectly
spelling errors