The Call of My Ancestors – My Introduction to Ancient

Judaism

Jason Abdian
August 6, 2012  · 18 min read  · 
Shared with Your friends and Danny's friends

I started writing this expecting that G-d was guiding me to one day be able to combine the teachings of my Guru with ancient
Kabbalistic Judaism, but when I got back from Israel more and more new guidance was given. These things really surprised me,
not because I haven’t seen miraculous things in my life, but because I never expected that I would one day be guided to leave my
Guru nor that I would be guided into a path of Judaism. In fact, both were, at one point, the last things I ever wanted to do. A
couple of years back, I went to go and see my Rabbi (Rabbi Peer). They have this thing where you can ask a question from the
Lubavitcher Rebbe and you open one of his books randomly (these books are filled with letters where he gave guidance to his
followers) and he gives you an answer. I asked, “How can I get to G-d in this life?” The page read, “You have the privilege of
returning the minds of the Jewish people back to G-d.” I wasn’t surprised because all my friends were Jewish and all the people
who wanted to learn meditation from me were almost always Jewish, but like I said above I didn’t think it was going to be like
this. Before my trip to Israel, I had come to a point in my spiritual development where I had lost my strength, power, and self-
confidence. I felt broken. I couldn’t even make decisions anymore. My mind was clogged with so many theories that it could no
longer work properly. Spending my days reading tons of spiritual advice and visiting different Indian saints and sages had done
really nothing to evolve me at this point in the journey. It only fueled a negative momentum taking me further and further into my
own head. A couple of weeks prior to my trip to Israel I had broken down again for the third time in my life for the reasons stated
above. I needed something strong, a big smack in the face, to break my delusive sleep. In March or January a strong intuition
dawned on me that I would be spending a portion of my time in Israel this summer whether I liked it or not. So I signed up for the
birthright trip only to be surprised that I wasn’t accepted. When summer came I received a call from my good friend and legend,
Rabbi David Cohen. He said he had an Israel trip for me. The trip was in a week. Everything inside me said go, so I had no
choice but to go, even though honestly the last thing I wanted to do was go on a trip alone, especially a Jewish one. I had never
gone a trip alone. Regardless, I had learned from experience that even if I didn’t feel like it, it was always best to do G-d’s will
because it always ended up being for my own greatest benefit. Before the trip I had a dream where my great spiritual friend and
mentor Kriyavan came to me and said, “In this life, you are Jewish.” I didn’t think much of it. I’ve had many meaningless dreams
in my day. On the plane, I was struggling with a bad cold and when we landed I was struck by a deep anxiety that maybe I would
pass out from starvation, maybe I would not be able to take care of myself, or that maybe I wouldn’t be able to wake up from this
painful sleep. I called my father at night and cried my pains to him and every time the anxiety would strike I would call him to
express my deep pain and anguish. Four days of the trip went by and everyday was like hell. My mind was unclear and in
disarray because of the combined jet lag, sickness, and heavy weight of a totally new experience. Add that up with having to
attend a very religious Yeshiva where they sometimes learn up to 6 hours a day and you get a very bad combination, for Jason at
least. Luckily I wouldn’t go to class very much. ;) One night I had a dream of my Guru where he left and the door closed fully
shut behind him. I woke up with a deep feeling of loneliness. It was the first time in my life that I felt that not only had my Guru
left me, but G-d was no longer there either. And as I would inwardly call to Him, I received no response.  So the time came
where we had to take a four day trip to Tzfat and I really didn’t want to do it. I thought I was going to die or at least that’s how I
felt. So much fear and resistance, it’s unexplainable, but my father pushed me to go. My friends on the trip encouraged me to go
as well, and so I went. I felt like I was going to pass out the first two hours of the bus ride. We stopped at the famous Rabbi
Akiva’s tomb and that’s where everything changed. After praying at his grave I felt much better. I started making my “shofar”
sound, doing pushups, and dancing a little with the guys. During the trip we also visited the tombs of Rambam and the prophet
Samuel, the one who appointed King David to his position. These were very holy sites with powerful spiritual vibrations. My
father later told me he had wanted to go to Rambam’s grave to pray for me the last time he was in Israel, but ironically it was me
who ended up praying for him and my family at the Rambam’s tomb. In Tzfat I went to the Mikveh for my first time. It was very
special. My body felt purified after, and during meditation my breath flowed so smoothly. At night during Shabbat, I was in such
an inspired state that when the Rabbi asked me to speak, great and uplifting words came through. I had so much fun that night.
Just laughing and expressing myself and joking around with everyone. The next night as Shabbat was close to ending, Danny and
I went to the Hassidic temple also located in Tzfat. The people there were absolutely amazing. I had never seen so many
advanced spiritual souls in one room. I wondered why I wasn't seeing people like this at all the spiritual events I was attending.
These people had so much light in that room, it was unexplainable. The children would sing songs in praise to G-d with so much
love that it was overwhelming. Danny and I were lost in the rhythm of the hymns together bobbing our bodies back and forth. It
was very beautiful. After the trip to Tzfat I was feeling inwardly inspired to start putting on tefellin. I don’t know why or how it
happened when I recount how much resistance I’ve had to Judaism my entire life, but I had to surrender to the intuitive shove so
to speak. There was one day where we went to the Whaling Wall. I had gone early because my cousin dropped me off before the
group arrived. I was in such a bad mood, close to tears. That day I had not put on tefellin yet and I DEFINITELY wasn't planning
to. A man comes up to me and says come, put on tefellin. I refused profusely many times. I was in a very bad mood. He
surrounds me and there is this older man who just takes my hand and starts putting it on. I start crying. He says, “You are not an
alien here. You are a Jew who’s come home.” I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know why G-d was giving me these
experiences. The one day I didn’t want to put it on, He wouldn’t allow it. One of the Rabbis (Rabbi David) and I were walking
with the group in the Old City. I saw this interesting looking man and wanted to approach him but was to shy to do it. Rabbi
David spoke to him and returned to me.  I realized that it was the same man who had put Tefillin on me at the Kotel days before.
Rabbi David then proceeded to tell me the amazing story of this man's spiritual journey. The man was named Gutman (Gil)
Locks. He was born a Jew and had practiced both Christianity and Hinduism with an insane degree of intensity. Initially, he
started with Buddhism and left unsatisfied. Next, he moved on to Hindu practices and lived in India for many years. At one point,
he was known as 'Guru Gil' and was practicing meditation 23 hours a day for over three years in an attempt to reach a state of
union with G-d (Samadhi), only to find out he was following the incorrect path. He then tried Christianity, until he had the
realization that Jesus was projecting himself, as most false prophets do, to be a direct manifestation of G-d, G-d in a human form.
With the use of miracles, these kinds of people deceive the masses. And with all of this, he finally returned to Judaism, spending
his days at the Kotel putting Tefillin on his Jewish brethren reminding them of their Divine Heritage. The name of his book
describing his long and arduous spiritual journey is "Coming Back to Earth: The Central Park Guru Becomes an Old City Jew."
After telling me Gil's story, Rabbi David looked at me and said a couple words which I will never forget, "A Jew has to do it a
certain way." He meant, for a Jewish soul to connect with G-d, it has to be done in a very specific way.  I went to go and see my
grandmother in Ashdod. She had had a dream of my grandfather coming to her telling her to tell me to only believe in one G-d (at
that point I was also worshiping my Guru as G-d) and to listen and follow my parent’s advice. Again and again she told me. She
told me that if I didn’t do it for her that I had to do it for my grandfather’s soul. She also mentioned that my great grandfather, her
father, was very religious and used to pray to G-d three times a day like observant Jews do. My uncle told me a few stories about
my great grandfather. Everyone speaks of him as a very saintly individual. One time my grandmother had to get surgery because
a falling tree hit her on the head. She went unconscious. A small vein inside the head started to bleed – a cerebral hemorrhage.
Close to the time of the surgery, my grandfather had a dream where someone came to the house and took my grandmother’s
shoes out of the house. He woke up weeping thinking that the dream meant the death of his wife (A friend from the trip later told
me that taking shoes out of the house is actual a positive sign). That same morning my uncle had woken up with a different
mystical dream. He met a man. The man asked my uncle, “Do you know who I am?” “No,” he responded. “I am your
grandfather,” he said. My uncle had never seen his grandfather, not in person nor even a photo of him. My great grandfather
stood at the Whaling Wall in Jerusalem which my uncle had also never seen as he grew up in Iran. He gave my uncle a divine
message. “Tell your father that she will be okay and to go and pray for her.” After the surgery the doctors came and told my
grandfather that something beyond their power had happened. My grandmother had died ten times during the surgery and still
survived. By G-d’s mercy the life of my grandmother was spared. She had to rest in bed for a while so my grandfather had to do
the shopping while she was healing up. After several weeks he became lazy and stopped buying Kosher meat (which my
grandmother had always made sure to buy) for the house because it was an inconvenience. One morning my grandmother wakes
up and asks my grandfather, “What are you feeding me?” She had had a dream where my great grandfather (her father) came to
her and said, “I prayed for your life and then you go and eat non-kosher meat? I am disappointed in you!” These dreams revealed
to me that was actually something sacred behind the dietary laws Jews hold even if I personally didn't understand them yet. My
personal Rabbi on the trip was a man named Nissan. I must mention him because he loved and cared for me so much. The most
memorable advice he gave me was about the great King David. He told me of all the Jewish sages King David had the most
challenges to face. When he was born, his parents disowned him. When he was alive, his own brother tried to kill him. At one
point he was the richest man in the world and at another point, the poorest, and even though all of these negative situations faced
him, he managed to write the Tehillim, a book of Psalms dedicated to the praise and worship of G-d. Such faith he had! It
inspired me deeply! King David knew what we must know, that every test and challenge is sent by G-d Himself to strengthen us,
help us, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, bring us closer to Him. This is how he kept his faith undeterred and strong. When I
returned from Israel, I told my dad I wanted a Star of David necklace. He told me, "You don't remember? Your grandfather gave
you one when you were a boy." I wear it now. Nissan also revealed to me that in Judaism physical acts could be just as sacred, if
not more so, as acts of prayer and meditation. I liked this idea, it helped me and I agreed with it. The last night, the last song I
heard was Jerusalem by Matisyahu. In the taxi I realized how much I was going to miss Israel, my trip, and Jerusalem, there’s
something so special about that city. I could not lie to you. It had left a deep impression on my heart. I returned knowing that G-d
wanted to me to start practicing Judaism. I spoke to my best friend Shervin and told him my thoughts. I said, “Shervin, I know G-
d wants me to practice Judaism but I don’t want to get obsessed about another path again, I could really go nuts this time. I have
no true teacher of Judaism. How do I know which Rabbis know the true ancient Judaism given by G-d to the prophets. And I
don’t know how far I would have to go with the religious commands.” I went to speak with my dad and he told me the past three
nights my grandfather had been in his dreams saying, “Tell Jason to practice Judaism and to only believe in one G-d.” My dad
said, “I didn’t want to tell you but you came and asked me exactly about what he was telling me so I had to tell you.” For years
my father has had dreams of my grandfather and my Guru arguing with each other. My grandfather never liked my Guru. He
thought he was bad for me, but I never really listened nor was I ready to. The next day my Rabbi (Rabbi Peer), who had guided
me for my bar-mitzvah at age 13, calls me on the phone. He says, “Jason, I have some miraculous things to tell you. A week ago
(the time when I had just returned from Tzfat and started putting on Tefillin) I was visiting the grave of the (Lubavitcher) Rebbe
and when I went to sleep I had a dream. The Rebbe came to me with dollar bills and a blessing. He said to me, ‘Take care of
Jason.’” I was shocked, I had been speaking about these kinds of things the day before and I already had someone to teach me.
Not only that, my Rabbi said, “This is like a command from G-d for me. Whenever you need me, I am there for you. Let us begin
learning once a week.” I was very much looking forward to it. There was no conflict here. My Guru had told us that we could
practice whatever faith we chose. The key was to continue our meditations nonetheless. I went to China and returned to see my
Rabbi one day. “Rabbi,” I said, “when I was in China I had a dream about the (Lubavitcher) Rebbe. I saw his face. I didn’t feel
much.” My Rabbi says, “Are you serious??” I’m like, “Ya.” He says, “you’re getting connected,” in a funny childlike tone. I
think I laughed. During the trip I had another weird dream which I would only come to understand months later. I had a dream
within a dream, but not once, but eight dreams down. With each successive dream, I felt my Soul being crushed, buried,
SUFFOCATED. At the lowest dream (the eighth one) was the photo on my wall of my Guru which I worshiped every day and
night. The sixth dream up had another Guru whom I deeply respected, who turned into an evil bear. I woke up heaving, afraid to
go back to sleep again. It was a very scary experience being locked away like that, deep, deep in the unconscious mind it felt like.
I later understood that the dream contained two hidden messages. Firstly, that the other Guru was a false Guru. Secondly, and
much more importantly, that idol worship was indeed a dreadfully grave sin, no matter who practiced it.  As I followed all the
new advice that was given to me from my grandfather, I found myself becoming more at peace. Every time I would think about
my Guru and his upcoming event my eye would start twitching and I would get a nervous feeling that I was going to go crazy.
And when I say crazy, I mean really...crazy, like totally losing my mind. Something was going on, and this is the last chapter for
this part of my life story. On August 3rd, 2012, my father came to me. This is what my father told me, “He (my grandfather)
came to me. I had never seen him this happy, he had so much light. He was very happy with you Jason that you were listening to
his advice, but he told me to tell you that Guru is not a true one. That you should not see him anymore and that you should leave
him. Tell Jason to look for himself how much more peaceful he is, this Guru is not a true one.” I said, “Dad, that is the one thing I
could never do.” In my head I thought, “If G-d told me anything but that, I would do it.” I called Kriyavan. Kriyavan speaks very
directly with me. “Kriyavan, I have been following my grandfather’s advice and it really been helping me. I have much more
peace, but now he’s telling me to leave my Guru.” He said, “Jason, don’t overcomplicate things, follow the teacher which is
quieting your mind more.” “But he’s telling me to leave my Guru!” “Maybe it’s time for you to get a new Guru.” I never
expected Kriyavan would say such a thing. Furthermore, I did not like the fact that my grandfather said my Guru was false. I
wouldn't have minded if he just told me to leave him, but he also said that he wasn't true. Imagine, you followed a man for almost
three years, would die for him, only to find out he wasn’t what he was projecting himself to be. Well, that’s what happened to
me. On the drive to my grandma’s house that night for Shabbat, I cried so deeply that my head started to hurt. I knew my
grandfather was not wrong this time. My father started  to cry and feel very bad, “I am sorry Jason, I should not have told you. I
am so sorry, forgive me,” as he hugged me. I could not stop crying. I said, “NO! Do not be sorry! I am here to find G-D even if
that means I was wrong! I must know the Truth!” He told me to follow my heart and I said, “Dad, I have been following my heart
the whole time and look where it has led me, to a false Guru, how can I trust my own intuition any more?” “Because that was
who and what you needed at that time, and this is what you need now. He helped you very much, but he is not the real one you
are looking for.” I could not deny, the more I turned away from my Guru the more stable my mind would feel, while every
thought about seeing him at his upcoming talk brought me inwardly closer to madness. I knew I had to let go and I knew I had to
accept the fact that I had been following someone who could give fleeting experiences, miraculous ones in fact, but nothing that
would ever stick or lead the lasting peace which I was so desperately looking for. I had practiced his technique for the past three
years devoutly so I was not making my decision based off of some randomness. I knew inside what had to be done. Two days
later, my father was in my room with me. I had just cleared out all of my Yogic equipment I had acquired over the past few years.
There was a medallion which I had gotten from my Guru during my first retreat. It’s glass had broken and it had fell apart. I don’t
know how. My father came into my room and he said, “Look," and he pulled a picture of the (Lubavitcher) Rebbe out from the
top of my shelf in my room. “I’ve never seen that,” I said, “how long has that been there?” My father said, “For two years.” He
had also put a rock from Jersusalem’s Whaling Wall in my room up there where I could not see it. He said, “I prayed that time in
Israel, that G-d would open your eyes and show you the truth. He always responds to my prayers.” May G-d's blessings and
guidance be with all of you. Love you all.  "If there will arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of a dream, and he gives you a
sign or a wonder, and the sign or the wonder of which he spoke to you happens, [and he] says, 'Let us go after other gods which
you have not known, and let us worship them.' You shall not heed the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of a dream; for the
L-rd, your G-d, is testing you, to know whether you really love the L-rd, your G-d, WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH
ALL YOUR SOUL" (Deuteronomy 13:2-4).