Long 1 indeed

Paragraph 1:
Strong introduction, though I feel that mentioning more than one statistic
may be overkill, forgive the pun. Pick one that is most effective and save the
others for body paragraphs. Good use of emotive language such as "families and
friends", powerful imagery would also be good, though this is only the intro. In
the first sentence "It's said" comes across as somewhat weak, you could use
inclusive language such as "As we all know" to generate common ground with the
audience. Very nice use of "staggering" though, powerful adjectives are
indispensable.

Paragraph 2:
Not sure what you mean by "not in depth enough". You may have to change that
sentence; based on the rest of the paragraph, I can see that you want to advocate
for a stricter control of gun purchasing rights. As such, changing that 'thesis'
sentence to something like "Gun ownership is too easy to acquire for the layman" or
similar would make it easier to understand your argument. Depending on your
audience, you may want to 'lead in' to talk of mass shooters with lesser crimes
(such as robberies or gang violence) at first. As of now, it's jarring, but I can
vibe with it. The facts and statistics are included rather seamlessly, this is a
good thing. Towards the end of the paragraph (A more in depth process... receiving
a firearm), we see more use of the word "deep" and its derivatives. I would
recommend using synonyms for that word instead, to give the argument more... depth
haha.

Paragraph 3:
A little fast, going into the statistics, add a sentence that explains the
first sentence before adding on the Campion quote. Keep in mind, I'm giving you
essay writing tips which I can guess may be different from course demands. One
problem I see with your argument is that you cite mental disorder as a cause of gun
violence, but you end the paragraph itself with a 'call to arms' against people
with a criminal history, two vastly different causes. You would likely need a
statistic to justify the highly monitored system specifically, most Americans do
not appreciate surveillance and, as such, it will be more difficult to convince
them. Add in statistics from surveillance states such as China maybe, though that
brings its own problems to the table. Final sentence starts with "And", I don't
think formal writing would appreciate it.

Paragraph 4:
I see that this is the rebuttal, explain the first sentence more and then go
into quotation. Speaking of which, that quote does not exemplify the view that
"since the second amendment is a right, one should not question its existence". A
reader could see the same quote and guess that guns are used against the negative
consequences referred to; this idea would see use in self-defence trials but you'd
have to argue against that quote specifically. I would recommend using a text that
is more 'black and white' rather than nuanced. As it is, it sounds like "even if
you can defend yourself against a gun-wielder, we should repeal the second
amendment anyways". Keep in mind, I'm being somewhat facetious, but a stronger
argument can be made by calling for the indictment of all who wield guns, rather
than any individual. "While stricter gun control... too short of process" is an
awkward phrase; rectify, please. The last point made about the concealed carry vs
criminals is effective, though the school shooting reference provides a false
equivalency. Furthermore, this idea morphs into an argument about gun training,
which opens up a whole new can of worms. Write in a way that makes it basically
impossible to refute your argument. Think like a propaganda machine and your
rebuttals will be absolutely devastating.

Paragraph 5:
 Good conclusion, "loose" is an effective word that should have been used
earlier though. The conclusion seems to be using arguments that should have been
utilized in the body paragraphs instead. The implication of relieving certain
rights of those who have a history sort of infringes on other rights, such as the
right for a criminal to vote, but I agree with this idea so I'm not too bothered,
personally. In terms of essay argument, I wouldn't recommend letting this pullable
thread exist. Good version of distilling the ideas you made into single sentences,
though I felt like they should have been your paragraph openers. Based on this, I
imagine you've written this in one or two sittings, start to finish with little
revision. I highly recommend substituting thesis statements with these final
statements instead.