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Matthew Godinez

English 3

Ms. Acosta

10/08/2020

THE WAY MY PAST HAS SHAPED ME

Ever wonder how a kid who grew up with violence around them turned out to be? Well I

had to grow up with all that and It has shaped me into the person I am today. One day came

around where my uncles started fighting, almost beating each other to death, It was one scary

experience to watch. I was so little and scared but I remember it perfectly. All that fighting

started because of the bad decisions they made of robbing cars and going around being in the

wrong and my mom tried telling them to do better and to change but that never happened. Since

that day my mom had enough of all of it and she got up and left. She took me and we went to try

to find a better place for us where we wouldn't be scared all the time. I grew up around a lot of

violence in my family and it has shown me a lot growing up of how I want to grow up to be.

Growing up in a different country, and even environment was especially hard for the

whole family. Constant arguments that felt like they lasted eternally was a regular thing. There

were days I would go out to play in the afternoon, As soon as the bright sun set on the horizon I

knew I had to get home fast. One day I got home after dark my mom started going off on me.

“ why did you get home so late you know you have to be home earlier than this”

“ I know mom but why is it I have to get home before dark?”

“ Because I said so and that's final but if you must know it is for your safety it can get really

dangerous out there”

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I thought to myself why isn’t she telling me the whole story but just went to bed and forgot about

it. But then I really started thinking about it and started observing that my environment always

saw shady things going on from fighting to armed men walking around like they owned the

place. I was starting to really get scared of the things that happened and of all the violence

always surrounding me. Just the thought of something happening to me or my Mom would just

fill my whole world with fear. I just don’t know anymore to the point where everything seems

hopeless for me and my mom and I just hate the fact I can’t do anything to make the situation

any better. It is so frustrating not being able to do something and just watch everything get worse

in front of your own eyes.One day I witnessed a bad fight. A whole bunch of those armed men

ganged up on the store's men. I really got scared and ran home and told my mom what happened.

“ what do you mean you saw all that happen you should have gotten out of there as soon as

everything was happening.”

“I’m sorry mom I froze. I didn’t know what to do.”

“ Who were those men anyways.”

“they were the same guys always walking around armed and with the blacked out trucks.”

Then I heard my mom mumble out “the cartel” in a broken voice. I could hear how scared she

was on how she mumbled it out. With all this going on I just can’t help it to feel my world fill up

with nothing but fear and feeling scared all the time. This whole living situation was always

scary for everyone. Not knowing when you could mess up and get taken or even killed in some

situations. My mom would always tell me

“ One day we will make it out of this mess having a better life.”

“I know mom we have to stay strong and hold out till we get out off all this.” Back then we

could only dream about a life in the United States of America. I would picture a life in America
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feeling in a safe place where there is authority and justice for crimes. This country is known for

having corruption and making money out of its own town. Even the very government would be

getting rich by having an alliance with the very same people causing the country harm. But I had

hoped I didn’t want to be scared all the time with my mom. I always would tell myself how I

want to work hard for a better life for myself and my mom. I would hear the stories from my

other family in the north. I always daydream late at night looking at the beautiful stars. One day

I asked my mom

“ why must we live like this always in fear of what will happen to us.” She started crying letting

everything out.

“I don’t know anymore but I will promise you one day we will move away from this pain and

fear.”

“ I know it isn’t easy mom but we will stay strong, One day we will find a better life and live

happy without this fear” Even as a kid I still found myself mature. I had goals and nothing but

motivation to want to achieve my goals. From having a house paid off to even having a nice

truck to show how hard you have worked to get the things you desire. At the end of the day I

want to look at what I have and be thankful no matter what, But I also want to show I can work

hard and get those things like my own house paid off with the truck of my dreams parked in the

driveway. I know I must find something for myself to maintain my mom away from all of this. I

want to work hard to get to that point and I always have that mentality that we will have a better

future, I don’t want to stop there. I want to push far and high no matter what. Always try my best

to have the dream house I want with that dream garage with all my builds. Nothing but chasing

my dreams and passions.

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Till this day, I am having a better life here in the United States. Things are so different

between these two countries in so many ways. Where I grew up living with fear all the time. I

would always have the worried feeling everytime I went out. And back where I’m from people

from my town would just go missing like they have disappeared off of the face of the earth. And

with all the crime going there would never be any justice for what has been done. But here in the

United States action is taken to find and seek out justice the way it is supposed to be. Just in this

county I feel a lot safer with the laws put into place and with the help that is provided. Like

calling out to the police back in my country would literally just backfire and the cartel would

know who called because the same government is working with that same cartel.

I still remember my roots and all the moments we had to live in fear. From hiding and

staying trying to stay safe to making sure not to unsettle anyone and staying away from starting

problems. Countless nights I thought we would never make it out to find a better life but I always

tried to stay positive and to always hope for the best. Growing up like this really shaped me into

the person I am today. Sometimes you just have to be patient and hope for the best. Times might

get tough but no matter what you just gotta stay strong and push through.