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Divorce and Associated Stages of Grief Among Children

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Divorce and Associated Stages of Grief Among Children

Even though one may not realize it, divorce or separation will cause teenagers to go

through the same stages of grief that anyone can experience. To the teen, it is much the same

as if there was a death in the family. Each parent or child experiences grief in their own way.

These stages are crucial because, in the end, teenagers figure out ways to deal with the

situation, and as a result, it makes them wise. In other cases, however, children may indulge

in unacceptable behavior like drug abuse. The five stages of grief include denial, anger,

bargaining, depression, and acceptance. (Holland,2018).

Abdul is a 15-year-old boy who lives in our neighborhood. Two years ago, his

parents divorced because of infidelity issues. At first, Abdul could not believe it was

happening to him. He denied it and thought it to be like a dream. It was usual for Abdul to

respond to the strong and sudden emotions by acting like the change was not happening.

Denial gave him time to take in and process the sudden change more gradually. This is a

usual mechanism of defense and for Abdul, it helped him numb the intensity of the

circumstance. However, as he moved out of this denial stage, the feelings he had been hiding

began to show up. He was antagonized with intense sorrow that he had denied before. This

was not an easy part of Abdul's journey of grief. (Holland,2018).

The next stage Abdul went through was anger, whereby he tried to hide a lot of

emotions and the pain that he underwent. Abdul was outraged. He was angry that his parents

had to divorce. He felt that his parents were selfish and never cared about him and his two

younger sisters. As much anger as he had, Abdul tried to be strong for his sisters, especially

Anna, who was the youngest and had autism.

Bargaining was the third level Abdul went to. Religious people, including Abdul,

are prone to making a bargain or a vow to the heavens or a greater authority in exchange for
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healing or salvation from pain and sorrow. For Abdul, bargaining was a sort of self-defence

towards grief. It allowed him to put off his grief, confusion, and pain. He would tell himself

that if he had tried to keep his parents together, like talking to them about the effects of

divorce, they would not have separated.

The fourth stage Abdul experienced was sadness, which anyone experiences while

confronted with grief. That is the quiet phase of the grieving process. Abdul felt sad and kept

things to himself. Acceptance is the last level of the five phases of grief. This stage of the

grieving process took Abdul a long time. He refused to believe that his parents had separated.

It was difficult for Abdul to consider life without their parents together.

After Abdul's parents were divorced, he tried to find reassurance and peace. He

needed comfort and someone to assure him that everything will be okay. He would on

Fridays meet with the Imam at the mosque where he would go to pray and read the Quran

together. The Imam would read to him verses of the Quran that would comfort him in the

time of disbelief and hurt. He finally came to learn that time heals everything.
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References

Holland, K. (2018). Stages of Grief: General Patterns for Breakups, Divorce, Loss, More.

https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief.