Indiana Jones was sitting outside the Dominican neighborhood grocer's in Las Galeras; drowsing and

about to turn stone deaf by the unbelievably loud music. It was the fifth time that he was hearing the
same 'bachata' music. Suddenly, he saw Santa Claus pull up in a SUV sporting the blonde, surely it was
her, the reason for which he had travelled to the Caribbean. Indy became nervous. Although he
had rehearsed the scene of their re-encounter a hundred times he was now at a loss for words. Since
he had first seen her on a dark and cold February afternoon in New York he had not stopped thinking of
her.

It all started at the cinema. She had entered alone, half way through the screening. He was
about to swing onto a vine to avoid the enemy and upon noticing her almost lost his grip to fall off the
cliff. It was the first time he had seen her but not the last. He saw her for the following seven days
while the movie was still playing. She was always seated in the same place, third seat row seventh
the left. Clutching a large bag of popcorn she was absorbed , not blinking once during the two hour
screening. It was only at the end when Indy triumphantly saves his co-star from the deadly flames
and passionately kisses her that the blonde breaks down in such loud sobbing that the surrounding
crowd's silence is broken and the screen is pierced by her sounds.

Indy was taken at the first moment by the tearful sobs and anguish he heard, but there was nothing
he could do. He belonged only to the celluloid world and he was a professional actor. Finally , on the
very last day of the screening , taking advantage of the film operators distraction, he slipped out of the
celluloid before the reel was put away. He followed her footsteps down Broadway , ducking behind
corners when he thought she might spot him and know she was being followed. She strolled along
with a saddened face , the same that had captivated and seduced him away from the imaginary world .
A world that was on the other side of the screen, a real world where the ending is not always what one
would hope for.

It was cold and he was beginning to get a chill . His customary denim shirt and slacks were not warm
enough. He ducked into one of those souvenire stores that sell all sorts of trinkets, bags and clothing.
He decided on a purple sweat shirt with 'I Love New York' printed on the back. He had no money and
had to find a moment when the sales clerk was distracted to bound over bags at the entrance and
disappear among the mass of people that abound in the city of skyscrapers.

Rats! He had lost her. But, as nothing is too difficult for the heroes of the movies , he sharpened his
senses and detected her perfume one hundred meters from Seventh Avenue. In three strides he was
behind her again. Delighting on her fine figure and swaying stride. He thought to himself that she
couldn't be an American lady, they seem to trot more like horses.

She stopped at Seven-Eleven and in the sweetest voice asked for "a diet coke, please", what a soft and
seductive accent, what a body . He wanted to grasp her around her slim bee like waist . He was
watching her closely when suddenly she raised her hand to her forehead and in what seemed like slow
motion started to faint. Two strong muscular arms, his, caught her in an embrace and gently settled
her on the closest chair he could find, which happened to be behind the counter . He started shouting
for help and and was quickly aided by the storekeepers mother, She was wearing a red silk sari and
had the third eye painted on her forehead, whilst he was waving his arms and speaking in the same
language that Indy's enemy spoke in a previous movie. Indy wished he had his side arm or his ever
faithfull whip with him. Once he heard a call being made to 9-1-1 and that an ambulance was being on
its way he calmed down.

The medics arrived almost instantly and pushed into the store with oxygen masks and tried to place
one on the blonde, they were unable to do so as she was slowly coming around and seemed highly
altered for some unknown reason. She was screaming in a language that Indy recognized as Spanish.
He had picked up a few words while on the set filming “Zorro” , and from a few raucous nights and
conversations. She didn’t seem to react from this attempt to calm her down. Meanwhile, the Hindi
mother trying to establish calm and order threw everyone out of the store, locked the door and drew
down the blind.

Indy found himself on the street with his charge in his arms not knowing what to do nor where to
go. Almost immediately the ambulance drew up next to them with one medic at the wheel and the
other hanging on to the door beckoning Indy to jump aboard. With an agile jump he landed in the
moving van and placed his load on the available cot. He covered her with a blanket and tried calming
her down with a popular Spanish song *****, he whispered in her ear trying still to calm her down.
She started pleading for a candy.

“She surely has had blood sugar thing” the medic at the wheel suggested as he sped in the heavy traffic
typical of the evening hour.

The other medic happily stated “I have a lollypop” .

Indy looked at what remained of a well licked candy , but due to the urgency of the woman’s cries he
placed it delicately between her lips. She grabbed the stick with both hands , he was startled by how
anxiously she sucked on the candy. Her mouth puckered up like a strawberry and he wanted to devour
the image then and there. Slowly her anguish subsided as she licked away. Indy felt on fire , he felt it
in his bones and in his soul, it was a strong as the fire he had extinguished in one of his action
adventures.

An uneasy silence had fallen on the ambulance. To break the mood the driver turned on the siren and
pressed down on the accelerator. In no time flat they arrived at the hospital. The blond having finished
the candy sat up and stated she was in perfect health and did not wish to enter the place which smelled
of alcohol and chloroform . Indy agreed and thought to himself that it also smelled of garbage as the
ambulance door opened and they were getting ready to roll out the cot. As the medics struggled with
their reluctant patient, who should appear but the ugly, smelly beast of a man who looked like the Hulk !
He sprang into the ambulance, tossed out the medics and locked the doors. Immediately he took
control of the wheel , hit the accelerator and almost knocked the blonde to the floor. She was elated
at not having had to enter the hospital and was delighted with his actions. She was not the least
scarred at the sudden appearance of this massive green form.

Indy felt he was loosing ground to the intruder. No green monster was going to take away his self
importance. He shouted out to stop immediately unless he wanted to deal with him personally. The
Hulk like creature hit the brakes with such force that Indy was thrown against the windshield and was
momentarily stunned. Once he came about he focused on two blurry eyes, that looked at him caringly.
It was no longer the Hulk but the same fellow who turned out to be a a filthy and drunken beggar, happy
with his life and not wishing to be rehabilitated. The latter was telling the two passengers about his
life while taking swigs from a bottle of alcohol he had found under the seat of the ambulance.
“ I had a life , a family , a job and a home. Everything to be just like everyone else, but I was not happy. I
suffered from depressions and found my life to be useless. On one of these occasions I heard a voice tell
me that the answer to my all questions and anxieties was in a garbage dump where one finds everything
that no one wants anymore. I love the trash heaps and their warmth, where one can still smell
perfume amongst the rags, find the impression of lips on discarded napkins, read old love letters, hear
the growls of cats in heat, all this making me happier than ever before. I still haven’t found the truth in
anything, but one day I shall. Meanwhile I just want to be left alone . I don’t want to be saved by
anyone. “ Indy was sympathetic to this confession and the blond was and nodding her agreement to
all she had heard.

Who was anyone to judge. They left the beggar in the largest trash dump they could find and drove
away , not knowing what they were looking for nor why.

After about ten minutes of driving Indy felt he had finally come around to where he had once intended
to be. He parked the ambulance near the cinema where they had first encountered each other .At
this late hour it was closed and there was not a soul around. He took off his sweatshirt, adjusted his
stetson and with his seductive smile turned toward .

“Hello sweetheart” he whispered in her ear “I am Indiana Jones, your hero”.

She had fallen asleep and only uttered a muffled snoring sound. He studied her face and noticed
the moving eyelids, they were perhaps a little slanted , perhaps a little Chinese. The nose was not
perfect, one nostril was smaller than the other, her mouth still resembled a delicious strawberry and he
had to restrain himself from devouring it. Upon further study he discovered that she was not as young
as he had once thought nor was she a natural blonde. There was something unreal about her, as if she
too had stepped out of a movie. Yet, he wanted to hold her. Suddenly he felt dirty, the Hulk had left
a stench on him that was inappropriate for a first date. He looked at his watch, it was still a while
before dawn. Perhaps he had time to enter the cinema and the film for a change of clothes , while at it
he would retrieve his whip, his gun and some money. He tried to place the blonde in a comfortable
position so that she would not get a sore neck, and as he got out he tripped on her purse. He was
curious to know more about her so he opened it and found a card that read , Grocery Store La Rubia
(the Blonde) , Where all your dreams come true. Las Galeras, Samana, Dominican Republic. Better
than nothing he thought…

And so here he was, sitting on a green plastic chair, swatting at the pesky flies and tortured by the
damned bachata music. The heat was so intense that he thought he might melt away and join the
filthy puddle a few feet away. All this for being so vain. If he had not gone to change his clothes none of
this would have happened. He had returned to find her gone . When he had opened the box and
entered the reel he was surprised that he was in the wrong movie. The operator must have mixed the
reels inadvertently and he now found himself in a child’s matinee film. As he realized this he was
surrounded by seven dwarfs that carted him away to give Snow White the kiss that would bring her back
to life. He had no other choice than to play the part of the whimpering prince for almost a month.
Snow White was so smitten with her new lead man that she urged him to wake her with his whip; In the
intimacy of the cabin, naturally. As it turned out Snow white was a masochist and the seven dwarfs
were all depraved. Finally he bribed one of the dwarfs to open the box and he was able to bathe, dress
and gather up all his earnings . He looked for the most appropriate film and chose “Wild World. The
Humpback Whales . Samana, The Dominican Republic”
 It had not been easy reaching the beach astride a whale, and to recuperate from his trip. It took him
three days to gather his strength and arrive at his destination, the Grocer’s store, “ The Blonde, where
all Dreams come true”. No one had even noticed him all the while, something that had never
happened to him before. The beach was full of Americans wearing hats like his or those made of
palm leaves. As he had struggled to his feet he noticed that his clothes no longer fit him. He had
lost so much weight that his pants kept falling down. He found a pareo on the sand and decided he
didn’t look half bad with it , after all, his legs were the better part rt of his body. He strode three
hundred meters to the store with his tongue hanging out. He imagined what she would say when she
saw him coming on. She would feint in his arms and he would at last resume his place as the great
seducer. After all, it’s not the same to be a hero as a great seducer. The latter sacrifices his life , his
feelings and life’s illusions in hopes of a better world. This had all cost him a great deal not even in his
best rolls had he worked so hard to reach his goal. He thought back and wondered what had been the
reason of her tears, why had she had returned to see the same scene over and over again. He had
thought of making love to her and how she would respond. He was still intrigued by her strawberry
lips. When at last he reached the store there was no one but a calicco cat. No blonde.

“Would the gentleman like a blonde?” This from a fellow attending the cashere stand who could be
the half brother of the man at the Seven Eleven in NY, except this one had curly hair. On hearing the
word blonde he nodded. “OK my friend, I will bring you one shortly” This is when Indy took a green
plastic chair and when he saw Santa Claus arrive in the SUV with the blond at his side. Was this a
dream? Had Santa brought his dream to him directly? Suddenly Indy froze, he saw that it was
neither Santa nor the blond of his dreams. This fellow helped the blond from the vehicle told her a
price and that he would be back for her within half an hour. Putting on his sun glasses , he sent a wink to
Indy and roared off.. The blond Santa had dropped off was a ton of flesh that looked like Taras Bulba!
Indy was not sure what to do as she lumbered toward him, again wishing he had his whip he tried to find
shelter behind the store counter. Alas! She caught him by the neck and dragged Indy to the back of
the store. All two hundred kilos would soon be on top of him. She lost her whig and he saw her short
,coal black matted hair. Taras Bulba dropped him on a hammock and started to undress. Desperately
seeking an escape he noticed a back door and he tried to get out of the make do bed but found himself
entangled in the many ropes and chords.

“Damned this reality” he muttered, “why did I leave my own world where all ends well for me?”. She
was soon upon him and he discovered that she too was a masochist, repeating what he had heard Snow
White scream, “Destroy me Daddy!” Rubbing her caloused immensity against him like a bar of soap he
was soon almost skinned and bruised. He looked like a steamed lobster. Suddenly an alarm clock
went off just when he thought he was doomed.

“Sorry Mister, my time is up , that will be fifty green bills, yours not ours.” Having said this she placed
her whig back on, dressed and waited for him to pay up.

This was too much, and he had been skinned too. He felt like strangling her. He looked in the lining
of his hat to find his cash. Taras counted every bill with spit moistened fingers making sure every bill
was there.

AS she was leaving she looked him over and said “I think that the mister is a cundango!”.

Indy was soon on the street again without knowing what to do nor where to go, surely not ready to
ask about a blond again. He walked a few streets hoping to spot his dream girl but although some
looked somewhat alike he had no luck. He noticed he was getting hungry, this only ever happened in
reality. In the films no one gets hungry. He returned to the Grocer’s Store, it was after all the only
place familiar to him and he might find his longed for blond There were four men at the dorway playing
dominos who he watched while eating a crisp of bacon and drinking a beer. “Take a seat Mister,
whoever loses invites to the next round”.

Feeling a bit better thanks to the beer and with nothing else better to do he accepted and joined the
group. He would show them who was the best player. Ever since he had arrived to this town , lost
amid beaches and coconut trees, he had lost all self respect and had only suffered. Where was the
hero for whom the ladies swooned? This was his chance to redeem himself. He had never lost one of
these games. He would show these fellows what he had learned in Hollywood. No one could beat a
white man’s brain made in Hollywood. This would be fun and he was coming around, also sipping from
a bottle of rum that one of the fellows had produced from under the table.

The storekeeper announced “The game shall begin” as he refilled the glasses. Indy stretched out his
legs beneath the table still wrapped in a pareo. In his best accent from the films he said, “Are you
ready for my victory guys?”

Three hours later he had lost his shirt and he couldn’t even remember his name. He was
unconscious. The fellows gathered him up and took him to the seashore in the hopes that a wave
would take him out and back to his homeland. They thought a moment about keeping his stetson and
his whip but upon second thought found them to be too dilapidated . As the store keeper searched his
mouth for a possible gold tooth he seemed to recollect he might have seen this fellow before.

“I know” he said. “he looks like that gringo we saw at the movies in New yok, before they deported us!
What was his name?” They looked him over carefully with a flashlight , focusing on the hat and the
whip he shouted “Son of a bitch, it’s Indiana Jones!”

“What do we do now” they all said together. They all stared at the shadow of the man passed out on
the beach. “I have an idea”, the storekeeper said,” we’ll kidnap him and ask the American Embassy for
the ransom, or better yet, we’ll ask Hollywood. They can’t shoot films without him. We’ll store him
in the fish house (pecaderia) where the bats sleep. No one will find him there.”

Indy awoke with a terrible headache. It seemed like someone had drilled into his brain. When at last
he opened his eyes and all was dark. It took a few minutes for him to realize that he was bound hands
and foot. At first he thought he might be on location shooting a movie. He looked around to find the
camera and the director. There were only four bats hanging down, no one else. Then he started
remembering. He had taken off his hat to take out some money and place it on the table. He must
surely have won the game and they were now trying to be disposed of him. He started cursing and
yelling. When he was about exhausted someone turned on a lonely lightbulb. The fellows he had played
dominos with were having a discussion with the Taras Bulba blond. What the hell are these retards
thinking . He yelled at them “don’t you know who I am?” They answered back in perfect English “Yes!
Indiana Jones.”

They explained that all they wanted was to shake him down for a few dollars. He had to take it easy.
As he was in such poor shape they had brought him a nourishing stew. Looing the way he did no one
would pay a red cent for him. “Open up your mouth so that the blond can feed you’”. Indy stared
in horror as she approached him with a bib in hand. She sat next to him and tied it around his neck as if
he were a child. He tried to keep his mouth closed but could not. He was so famished and the food
smelled so good he ate it all. Once he had finished his captors showed him a letter and asked him to
sign.

“ I am not signing anything I cannot read.” They shoved it in his face so that he could read it.

“Dear Sirs at the Embassy of the United States, and those in Hollywood; We are holding Indiana Jones
captive and will not release him unless we receive two million dollars in one thousand dollar bills. So
that you can see for yourselves his signature is affixed. And we remit this with his whip. You have
three days to get back to us.”

Indy looked at them in disbelief. “Is this all they had asked for?” They should have asked for at least
ten million. Hollywood would be desperate to have him back. He told his captors he would split the sum
with them. After some negotiating they settled on six for them and four for him. This arrangement
seemed to please them and they departed leaving him in the charge of Taras Bulba. This left him
rather uneasy as he was tied up and no longer had his gun or his whip.

“Don’t worry Mister, I now know you don’t like women” she said, as she took out her sewing and
started knitting away.

After a while Indy was so bored he asked her what she was knitting. She told him she was knitting a
coat as the following week she was going by boat to Puerto Rico and it got quite chilly on the sea at
night time.

“you are going on a trip?” he asked,

“Yes, all my family is already there but they always seem to catch me and send me back. This time I’m
going to try again with my close friend.”

”I don’t understand, with the ransom money you will get for me you could get a visa and go by airplane”
he said.

“They only give visas to the white folk and baseball players” she said. “The rest of us aren’t wanted”

Indy looked around at the walls and noticed the signs. He was confused by the misspelling and double
meeting of everything. Each fish (sin) had an atypical name, White ones , and alive, at twenty pesos.
Capitan fish and frozen parrot. Indy couldn’t make it out. One had to be deprived to sin with a parrot
and a frozen one at that. Indy was astounded, he couldn’t fathom such a depraved town and yet so
sophisticated. He continued to stare at the offerings until he spotted one that read ‘colirubia’ . Since
rubia meant blond perhaps this is what he should ask for. In the nicest voice he asked his keeper if he
could ask for a sin .

“I will pay double for it” he said.

Taras continued to knit ignoring him. “Mister, this fish store (sin center) was closed last year when
three of your countrymen and the local clergyman were poisoned by a captain. You should have seen
him (it) fat and a beaming eye. I personally chose the captain because I know the fish (sins) . I have
personally eaten them several times, and never have I been poisoned. (intoxicated). Indiana froze in
horror as he thought that he might have been eaten by this woman who was quietly knitting at his side.

“The poor clergyman was the one that had the worst time” she said. “He was not used to eating sins in
that way. I still can still see him licking his chops. The Americans were taken away by helicopter. “They
looked like those bloated green lizards one sees. The poor clergyman died and we had to bury him in
the local cemetery. Shortly after that we had to close that fish shop (sin center)”. Taras let out a
large sigh and with that Indy lost all hope.

Indy was frustrated by what he had heard. Truth was , thought, that his puritanical countrymen
spoiled everything. They shouldn’t be allowed to leave their country. It was always the same story, they
would arrive triumphantly and soon after have to leave like dogs with their tails between their legs or in
a medical cot. This is why the films created heroes like him and Superman, so that people would
think God had created them to save the world. This thought calmed him down a bit. His country was
nothing without men like him and the others. Indy looked at Taras and felt sympathy for her. The
only positive he could think of is that his dream woman would read the papers and know how to find
him. This made him feel better.

“What is your name?” he asked his warden.

“My name is Blanca Nieves Green (Snow White Green)” she said.

“What a pretty name” he thought, while the same time thinking of his last encounter with a Snow White
and how he had just managed to escape her. He thought to himself that when he returned to
Hollywood as a wealthy producer he would retell the story of Snow White and pygmies with bones
through their noses. It would be a Caribbean film and he might even consider Taras as the protagonist.
Surely she would work for beans .

“Would you like to be a movie actress. While we are waiting for the return of your friends with the
ransom we could practice some scenes”

She looked at him indifferently . “last year some Italians filmed some sex scenes on the beach. I was
the star” she said, as she returned to her knitting.

“How much did they pay you” he asked as he realized the lack of innocence in the world.

“Enough to get me out of here” she replied. Thinking that would end the conversation.

Soon after this while he was calculating what he might offer her he heard the kidnappers coming on,

“Not a penny, not one damned penny are they willing to offer in the ransom”

“What” said Indy, stunned.

“You’re not worth a dead dog” he said as he showed Indy the email with the Hollywood logo
emblazoned at the top of the page. Indy couldn’t believe it and re-read the note thinking that his
dumb captors had not caught the message in code.

It read “Dear Mr Jones, Apparently it is very difficult for us to rid ourselves of you. The truth is that we
have become so terribly bored with your film persona and had found it difficult to tell you this. Lately
your love scenes were so mushy and weepy you could barely get rid of your women. Beside all this,
your age is beginning to show . As it would have cost us a fortune to end your contract we decided to
invent the blond that so distracted you. We knew that you would follow her anywhere in order to
console her. You’re reaction proved us right. It was a useless pursuit. We didn’t think you would
survive the ride on the whale, which by the way we conveniently placed the film reel at your feet. You
have no way out of there. You’re on your own. See you never. Hollywood”

Indy read the email over and over. He could not believe it. He didn’t know if he should slice his
wrists, cry or just be indignant. What infuriated him the most was the blond. He had been chasing a
fantasy, like a true hero which on the one hand he had never wanted to be. He sat down to think
things over but his mind had gone blank. His world was over.

Meanwhile his kidnappers whispered amongst themselves. “I’ll take him with me” said Blanca Nieves,
“he can be a substitute for Obispo. My cousin has a small movie house in the neighborhood where the
show movies for ‘candangos’ like this fellow. He might even be of some use. He’s white and has
straight hair”

“That seems like a good idea” one of them said. “ The white tourists prefer the darker men like us” he
said as he watched Indy chewing his nails nervously.

“I told you that he doesn’t like women. Even I had no success…” Blancanieves added.

“Why don’t you come with me to Puerto Rico? Obispo is the captain who was going to take us there
but he has now run off with a German woman. Surely you can steer the boat. You only have to start
the motors.” She said. She was not about to lose out on another attempt at trying to get to Puerto
Rico. Her husband had already been waiting for her several weeks and he might soon start looking for
another woman. Indy accepted the plan happily. After all these were good fellows. Others would
have just tossed him in to the ocean.

Indy would extract his vengeance on those film moguls. “Indiana never dies’ he said as he raised anchor
and set out on the adventure of of lifetime, in the boat he had a crew of illegals. The last thing he saw
from land were the lights of the Grocer’s Store. “The Blond, Where all your Dream come true” .

Poor Indy, The boat was soon to capsize and he would not be among the survivors. But wait, perhaps a
whale had come by and taken him ashore somewhere. Maybe he has found work at some small
cinema while he awaits his big chance.

If someone should spot him please let me know. I am blond, I have a soft but seductive accent and … I
just adore the heroes in the movies.