Text tl;dr

Hey there Muse, can you tell me about Man's first Sin? It had
OF MAN’S first disobedience, and the fruit
something to do with that fruit, right?

I know it was forbidden, but in Adam and Eve's case it was for-
Of that forbidden tree whose mortal taste
biting.

It brought the possibility of sin and death to our world, it was a

Brought death into the World, and all our woe,
rotten apple!

It made our Paradise Lost (Hey...that's the title of this thing!),

With loss of Eden, till one greater Man
until Jesus Christ came to the rescue

Restore us, and regain the blissful Seat,         5 To help us get better.

Sing, Heavenly Muse, that, on the secret top So Muse, let me have some inspiration, like you gave

Of Oreb, or of Sinai, didst inspire Moses inspiration. Give me whatever you gave him.

That Shepherd who first taught the chosen seed Moses was a pretty cool guy, he taught a lot of people

In the beginning how the heavens and earth And I want to do the same.

Rose out of Chaos: or, if Sion hill                 10

Delight thee more, and Siloa’s brook that flowed

Fast by the oracle of God, I thence

Invoke thy aid to my adventrous song, I need your help in creating this epic

That with no middle flight intends to soar

Above the Aonian mount, while it pursues                 15

Things unattempted yet in prose or rhyme. I want to create something that has never been done before

And chiefly Thou, O Spirit, that dost prefer And I want to learn from you

Before all temples the upright heart and pure,

Instruct me, for Thou know’st; Thou from the first You were there in the beginning

Wast present, and, with mighty wings outspread,                 20 Your wings were spread and

Dove-like sat’st brooding on the vast Abyss, You were like a dove who turned

And mad’st it pregnant: what in me is dark the darkness into light. And you can do the same for me.

I want to be enlightened where I am ignorant and I want to

Illumine, what is low raise and support;
reinforce and strengthen my abilities

That, to the highth of this great argument, So I can properly explain what has happened
I may assert Eternal Providence,                 25

And justify the ways of God to men. I want to explain God's great plan and purpose

  Say first—for Heaven hides nothing from thy view, Since you probably know everything about Heaven

Nor the deep tract of Hell—say first what cause as well as what happens in Hell, I want to know...

Why and how did Adam and Eve screw things up? I mean they
Moved our grand Parents, in that happy state,
must have been so happy in Eden

                30 Heaven was really into them and gave them everything they
Favoured of Heaven so highly, to fall off
needed

From their Creator, and transgress his will from God, but they couldn't do ONE SMALL THING

For one restraint, lords of the World besides. They only had one rule that they just had to follow

Who made them drop the ball? Of course I can't blame them,
Who first seduced them to that foul revolt?
they just didn't know what they were doing!

  The infernal Serpent; he it was whose guile, It was that snake! He's quite the trickster

Stirred up with envy and revenge, deceived                 35 He was driven by jealousy and revenge, and went after

The mother of mankind, what time his pride our beloved Eve. That snake's blind pride

Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host got him kicked out of Heaven along with his entourage

Of rebel Angels, by whose aid, aspiring of rebel Angels. Those Angels followed Satan

and his blind ambition. Satan was able to convince them to

To set himself in glory above his peers,
support him in his quest to glorify himself above everyone,

He trusted to have equalled the Most High,                 40 and even to the extent of waging war against Heaven

If he opposed, and, with ambitious aim

Against the throne and monarchy of God,

Raised impious war in Heaven and battle proud, The inevitable result was war

But Satan's quest for victory was already decided, and he was
With vain attempt. Him the Almighty Power
meant to fail.

Hurled headlong flaming from the ethereal sky,                 45 He falls from grace

With hideous ruin and combustion, down Ruined and on fire

To bottomless perdition, there to dwell Down to his prison in Hell

In adamantine chains and penal fire, Imprisoned in fire

Who durst defy the Omnipotent to arms. Why bother fighting someone who already knows the outcome?
 Get better, Satan! Sit down and have a beer and stop
complaining!

  Nine times the space that measures day and night                 50 Satan and his homies were lying defeated in Hell.

To mortal men, he, with his horrid crew,

Lay vanquished, rowling in the fiery gulf, They were sore losers

Confused, angry, and a multitude of other bad feels. Even

Confounded, though immortal. But his doom though they can't really die, just living with these feelings
sucked.

Reserved him to more wrath; for now the thought This just made Satan even madder and bitter

                55 as he thought of all the pleasures he may never have and the

Both of lost happiness and lasting pain
never-ending pain

Torments him: round he throws his baleful eyes, He looked at the Hell around him and he saw

That witnessed huge affliction and dismay, All the suffering that his gang was going through,

Mixed with obdurate pride and steadfast hate. But he was feeling even more hatred.

At once, as far as Angel’s ken, he views Everywhere he looked

The dismal situation waste and wild.

Paradise Lost in Modern English

Book 1: Satan wakes up in Hell and rallies his fallen friends

THE ARGUMENT.—This First Book proposes, first in brief, the whole subject—Man’s disobedience, and
the loss thereupon of Paradise, wherein he was placed: then touches the prime cause of his fall—the
Serpent, or rather Satan in the Serpent; who, revolting from God, and drawing to his side many legions
of Angels, was, by the command of God, driven out of Heaven, with all his crew, into the great Deep.
Which action passed over, the Poem hastes into the midst of things; presenting Satan, with his Angels,
now fallen into Hell—described here not in the Centre (for heaven and earth may be supposed as yet
not made, certainly not yet accursed), but in a place of utter darkness, fitliest called Chaos. Here Satan,
with his Angels lying on the burning lake, thunderstruck and astonished after a certain space recovers, as
from confusion; calls up him who, next in order and dignity, lay by him: they confer of their miserable
fall. Satan awakens all his legions, who lay till then in the same manner confounded. They rise: their
numbers; array of battle; their chief leaders named, according to the idols known afterwards in Canaan
and the countries adjoining. To these Satan directs his speech; comforts them with hope yet of regaining
Heaven; but tells them, lastly, of a new world and new kind of creature to be created, according to an
ancient prophecy, or report, in Heaven—for that Angels were long before this visible creation was the
opinion of many ancient Fathers. To find out the truth of this prophecy, and what to determine thereon,
he refers to a full council. What his associates thence attempt. Pandemonium, the palace of Satan, rises,
suddenly built out of the Deep: the infernal Peers there sit in council.

tl;dr Now, this is a story, all about how our lives got twist-turned upside-down. Basically Satan and his
gang were tossed out of Heaven for trying to engage in fisticuffs with Heaven. Satan wakes up and is
like "Man, this kind of sucks but I'm gonna get Heaven back."