The QuickStart
How to Structure a Sales Message
Welcome back to the Copywriting Academy;
Writing Words That Sell.
Session 1, Lesson 3
You’ve already seen the broad brush stroke
outline of how I like to structure a sales
message. It’s based on the P.A.S.T.O.R.
acronym and as you will probably
remember, from the previous materials
you’ve seen from me, P.A.S.T.O.R. isn’t
about becoming a preacher it’s about being
a shepherd, which was the original ancient
meaning of the word. So, think of yourself
as shepherding your prospects, your
potential customers into making a decision.
It’s an acronym that stands for the different
segments/phases of walking through this
shepherding process.
Problem/pain – There’s some problem or
pain that you’re working to solve for your
potential buyer.
You might say I sell art or I sell humorous
recordings or live comedy shows, what kind
of problem or pain is that addressing? I sell
fiction novels, how is that addressing a pain
or a problem? It’s addressing the pain of
boredom. It’s addressing the problem of
needing to distract ourselves, to be
entertained. So definitely, whatever you’re
selling make no mistake about it, definitely
addresses a problem or a pain, even if it’s a
proactive, preventative or pleasurable
activity or product you’re selling. It’s being
purchased because of a problem or a pain.
You need to know what that is.
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Amplify – You amplify the consequences of
not solving the problem. Help your reader,
your potential customer to see the cost of
not solving the problem, of not getting your
solution, your product.
Story/solution– Then you tell the story of
how you came to your solution or
discovered that someone else came to that
solution and you describe the solution itself.
You tell them what it is, you don’t
necessarily tell them how to do it, because
that’s your product perhaps. Or, it may be
so complex that there’s no way you could
possibly give them all the details of how,
which is why they want to buy the product or
solution from you.
Testimony- That’s proof that not only does
this service, this product, this feature, this
solution, this widget work for you but it
worked for other people as well, for your
other customers as well. People that your
reader or potential customer can identify
with and be able to have the experience of
thinking, if it worked for that person or that
company or that group of people, it will work
for me.
Offer– This is where you simply say this is
what I have to offer you today and
remember, that you want to focus on the
transformation that your product or service
brings, not on the deliverables. The
deliverables are things like the CDs or
manuals or however many days of a
seminar or workshop you have. They are
the things that you deliver. What they’re
really buying is the transformation that your
deliverables empower.
So, if you are selling a workout and diet
program that consists of six weeks’ worth of
video training modules and a manual of
exercises and a book of diet and nutritional
informational. Those things are the
deliverables but the transformation is a
slimmer, healthier, more muscular, more fit
and toned you. You want to spend 80% of
your time when you’re talking about the
offer on the transformation and only 20% on
the deliverables.
Response– This is where you ask for the
order. You tell them how to get the thing
that you’re selling them.
This is where many people shy away,
because they don’t want to be pushy, but
don’t confuse being clear with being pushy,
you need to be clear and you need to be
directive in asking for the response.
So, that’s the P.A.S.T.O.R. acronym. Think
of it as sections or phases of your sales
message. This session of the course is all
about quickly writing a sales message and
you may say, how am I going to do that?
Well, I think the best way to help you do it is
not just to tell you but to show you.
Let’s look at a worksheet I’ve created. I’ll
show you the components of the worksheet,
how it’s supposed to work and then I’ll show
you how to use it yourself and then you’re
going to do it.
This is the worksheet for Rapid Message
Development. As you notice as we scroll
through the worksheet the different parts of
the P.A.S.T.O.R. formula are embedded in
the worksheet.
There’s the problem/pain, amplify section,
story/solution, testimony, offer and
requesting the response. I’m going to show
you how this template is constructed and
how to use it. We’ll write an actual sales
message. First is your headline.
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HOW TO GET RID OF (pain/problem)?
You may need to reword this, it may not be
how to get rid of, it may be how to get or
how to do a certain thing. You may need to
word it differently for your offering, I don’t
know and as we go deeper into Copywriting
Academy, we’ll have an entire section on
writing headlines. Right now we’re just
writing a quick basic sales message, so we
aren’t going too deep. I’ll show you how you
might modify this for your own purposes.
If you suffer from (insert pain/problem). If
you, talk about the secondary pain. If you,
then you address the frustrations, fears or
anxieties. Then this message is just for you,
here’s why and you plainly state the benefit
of your solution. I know this seems
somewhat vague, but I’m going to show you
how to do this.
The boilerplate text is… and you need to
realize there is a cost of not dealing with
this. Then we’re on to the amplify section
and this is a possible subhead for that
section. If you ignore it, it just gets worse.
Then we go into what most people do when
facing the pain or problem is… (Here you
list existing solutions)… and for most people
that works and then you describe why and
what the failure points of those solutions
are. And what happens if you just do
nothing, if you just keep doing what you’ve
been doing? Then you describe the ultimate
cost of not solving the problem.
Next we move on to the story and solution
and you want to describe how you achieved
the benefit or learned to teach the benefit or
learned to bring the solution to the problem
or how you acquired the solution, whatever
fits in your situation. You tell them you have
an answer that works and then you tell how
you invented or found that answer.
Next is the testimony. Again, this is another
subhead that worked for these people and it
will work for you and you explain, here’s
what it did for me or perhaps here’s what it
did for the person who invented it,
discovered it or who taught it to me or
passed it on to me. It’s not just me and then
you tell stories of other people. It’s best to
let them tell their own stories, but I’ll show
you how to do that.
Next is the offer section and the subhead is
finally it’s your turn. Now we’re turning our
attention to the fact that they’re about to
take ownership of the product, solution or
service that you offer for sale. When you get
the name of your system today you’ll get the
keys to and then you’ll list the
transformational benefits, not the 18 DVDs
or three-day seminars or five webinars, but
the transformational benefits.
You’ll get the keys to becoming healthier
and happier. You’ll get the keys to being
slimmer and more attractive. You’ll get the
keys to being completely debt-free, etc.
whatever benefits your particular product
brings to people, it all comes as part of the
package of materials, the three-day
seminar, you explain the deliverables,
whatever those are.
Then we deal with the problem of fear. We
give them a guarantee suggesting they’re
100% safe to try this out, try it for 30 days to
see if it works for you or whatever your
guarantee is. If it does you’ll be delighted
and I think that’s exactly what’s about to
happen. If for some reason you’re not
delighted… and you list the benefits again.
This is another opportunity, even as you’re
talking about the guarantee it’s an
opportunity to talk about the benefits.
Then the response section, the last section
where you ask for the sale, the subhead
says it’s decision time… I have one of many
ways that I get to illustrate the decision for
them. We’ll spend more time with this later
in the course, but for this quick start we’ll
use this… you have a choice to make, do
what you’ve been doing or worse, do
nothing at all. You know where that will
lead, is that really where you want to go?
Take new action, get a new result. Finally
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get your weight under control, your
relationship to give you the pleasure that
you want it to give you, the burden of debt
off your back, whatever the main
transformational benefit is.
Which do you really want for yourself, here’s
what to do now and then you describe your
order process and how they actually make
the order.
That’s the template. Now let’s look at how
you might fill this in. I’ll use a product of my
own as an example and then I’ll use another
more generic product, so you have a grasp
of how to truly use this worksheet. Let’s
switch to the worksheet I’ve already filled in
for my own product.
I’ve left the blue color and the brackets to
show you where I filled in these sections.
I’ve provided printable or downloadable
versions of the worksheet so you can look it
over and follow along to see how I’ve filled
this in and how I’ve begun to modify the
copy a little bit. In the final phase of this
process I’ll show you how I clean it up and
make it look like it’s not a template.
Let me describe the product that I’m
offering, so you understand where I’m going
with this. I’m writing this sales message
about a workshop that I offer for people that
don’t just want to learn how to write copy
through lessons they actually want to come
be with me for a few days, and get all their
copy written before they leave. This is
clearly more of an investment for people. It
requires more thought, but for some this is
the perfect answer and those are the people
that I’m writing to.
Let’s get to it, here’s what I wrote…
How To Get Rid Of Your Cash Flow
Problem
Notice I’m not talking directly about my
product yet, I’m talking about their problem.
That goes right into the problem section and
I say, if you suffer from a lack of sales,
inconsistent revenue, if you have a great
product that you can’t seem to sell or if you
know you need a better selling system, but
you’re not a copywriter and you can’t afford
to hire a good one, than this message is just
for you. Here’s why…
You can now, and now I’m telling them
about the benefit, borrow my brain as we
hang out in my super cool secret
headquarters and write your copy for your
marketing system. You need to realize there
is a cost to not dealing with this.
--- I’ve been illustrating for you, not on
purpose it’s been accidentally, but one of
the best ways to proof your copy is to read it
out loud and when you do you’ll find spelling
and grammar mistakes, as well as
sentences that don’t make sense, just like
you’ve seen me doing. That’s something
we’ll talk about later, but I guess you’re
getting a bonus preview ahead of schedule.
---
Now we move into the amplify section. This
is where I help them understand the cost of
not getting the solution to this problem. The
subhead says…
If You Ignore Your Copy Problem It Just
Gets Worse…
What most people do when facing low or no
sales, is try every new shiny object that
comes along, new video tools, new ad
campaign strategies, new products, new
logos, new prices and the list goes on and
on, but for most people none of that works.
Then I have bullet points and these are the
failure points. Why does none of it work?
• They don’t really understand their
customers.
• They don’t really know what their
customers want.
• They don’t know how to articulate
how the product meets the
customer’s needs in a way that
motivates people to buy.
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Most people are just not copywriters and
don’t want to be, and most people can’t
afford to hire a pro to set all this up for them
at $50k to $200k or more.
What happens if you just do nothing and
keep doing what you’ve been doing?
Nothing and you go broke, and when people
ask, you mutter something about a bad
economy.
So I’m painting a picture of their worst
nightmare of what could happen to their
business if they don’t get some sales
coming in.
Then we go to the story of the solution. I
altered this a little to fit my situation, so this
just demonstrates that while I’m giving you
templates and making it as close to fill-in-
the-blank as possible, I’m really just giving
you a form to work in.
You’re going to have to talk your way
through the copy. We’ll do this exercise
more in-depth later in the program where
we actually imagine your sales message as
a conversation you’re having with your
reader. For right now let’s see how I’ve
customized this section for my own
purposes. My subhead says…
How I Can Solve Your Copy Problem…
I’ve got an answer that works, here’s the
story. I had so many people who wanted me
to write their copy, but most people can’t
afford my six figure fees and I really only do
one-two projects per year. Then I had an
idea, what if I worked with a small group of
people, no more than a half dozen and I
helped them write their sales letter, squeeze
pages and autoresponder sequences.
What if I could help them wordsmith that
copy, polish it and make it sing? What if
they walked out after three days with a
finished sales letter and emails, and only
had to invest a tiny fraction of my normal
fees? That’s exactly how we created the
one and only Copy Camp.

Now we move on to testimonies. It worked
for these people and it will work for you.
Here’s what great copy did for me… started
in my business at six figures, let me work
with dream clients, helped me build a
business that gives me the life of my
dreams.
It’s not just me, here’s what my copy has
done for others, and then I include a
testimonial from one of my clients, Joe
Barton, who talks about the sales letter I
wrote for him that has brought in over $10
million in revenue.
Then I get to the offer. Finally, it’s your turn
is the subhead. Straight out of the template.
When you sign up for copy camp you’ll join
me personally with a handful of other
students 4-6, depending on who makes the
cut and who doesn’t.
This offer isn’t for everyone, because
obviously it won’t be inexpensive, so I’m
already positioning the offer to them to
make that clear.
The bullet points say…
• We will craft your irresistible offer
• We will write your sales letter
• We will write your opt-in or squeeze
page copy
• We will write your autoresponder
email sequences
• We will, in other words, completely
write your entire copy system to sell
your product or service.
That’s right, this is a service that, if I offered
it on a one-to-one basis, would cost a
minimum of $75k. But it’s yours for a
fraction of that amount.
Notice that I’m about to contrast the fact that
if I wrote copy for them myself and did the
work for them they would pay a minimum of
$75k, which is true. But I want them to see
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that bigger number and think about that
before I tell them the next part.
It all comes as part of the three-day copy
camp workshop, for just three payments of
$4000 or a single payment of $10k.
That looks like a much better bargain than
$75k and it is, and it’s only possible
because I get to do it in a condensed three-
day period with them doing a lot of the lifting
of writing the initial copy and me helping
them tweak it. They write it using my
templates and then I help tweak the copy
and give them suggestions and then they go
back and rewrite, we polish it up and we
group critique it. It’s something we can only
do with a group of people like we do these
copy camp workshops and because I have
a small group of 4-6 people that’s how I can
do it so inexpensively.
That’s some of the thinking behind why I
wrote this copy. If I’d written a full sales
letter for this, which I will and you can see
that later, then you’ll see how I flesh a lot of
this out.
Next I go on to talk about the guarantee. I
say you are 100% safe to try this out, that’s
all I’m suggesting. Just come to the first day
of the workshop and see if it works for you.
If it does you’ll be delighted and I think that’s
exactly what’s about to happen. We’ll
continue our time together and finish up
your project. If, for some reason you’re not
delighted with day one and the amazing
speed and clarity with which we work
together to craft your specific copy, let me
know and you’ll get all your money back.
Hand in your class materials and fly home.
We’ll still be friends. We have never had
anyone ask for this.
Then we have the response section. It’s
decision time. You have a choice to make.
Do what you’ve been doing or worse, do
nothing at all. You know where that will
lead.
No sales
No money different from a workshop, so that you can
No business see this will work for anything, so let’s move
on to the next video.
Is that where you really want to go? Take a
new action and get a new result. Come to
Copy Camp…

Finally, get that sales letter, the one that

could make you wealthy, written, critiqued,
polished and out there making sales for you,
all in just three short days. Which of those
options do you really want for yourself?
Here’s what to do now. Just send an email
to support@rayedwards.com asking to talk
to me about Copy Camp. We’ll have a
personal conversation and determine if this
is a good fit.

That’s a complete sales message. It’s not

long and detailed. There are a lot of the
finer points of writing copy that I would do in
a full length sales letter that we didn’t do
here. But this is a good basic sales
message.

By the way, if you’re interested in Copy

Camp, we have some openings for the next
one, so you can actually send an email to
the address mentioned, this is a real thing
that we do.

What’s next? You obviously can’t send this

out to people it needs to be cleaned up and
that’s what we’ll talk about next is how to
clean it up and make it look like real copy.

Here you can see that I’ve cleaned up the

formatting and I’ve taken out the notes,
hints and structure pieces that showed me
how the template comes together. It’s the
same copy it just looks more like a singular
letter that was written with that flow in mind.

You could send this out now as an email or

an actual letter in the mail, but this is the
same copy you just saw me write, only I’ve
cleaned it up to read like an actual letter.

You can do the same and I’ll show you

another example in the next video using a
completely different product, something

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