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The truth is, if you feel that relationships are draining important moment that's coming up in
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Most of the time, in fact, working hard and being nice and kind actually pushes men away!

Imagine your relationship is a boat. Who's doing the rowing? Is it you? Pretty much all by
yourself? Are you doing all the rowing? Most of us, if we really look at ourselves and our
relationships honestly, would say "Yes, I'm rowing the boat."

You may be smiling and pretending you're not, but if men and relationships seem difficult to
you, chances are you're rowing hard, and he's just enjoying the cruise (unless he decides he'd
rather jump ship.)
I remember a letter I got from Cheryl. She was in the very common situation of being with a
boyfriend she loved for over a year and a-half with no commitment in sight. He told her he was
"just not ready to commit." He said he needed "space," he liked "living alone and that he didn't
know if she was "the one."

He wasn't even spending enough time with her - not even calling regularly. But Cheryl thought
he was a great man, a great boyfriend, and would make a wonderful husband, and she didn't want
to give up.

When she came to me as a client, she felt she had nowhere to turn, no options other than to either
leave him or to stay - exactly on his terms - and hope it would somehow get better. I offered
Cheryl a third way to go - to stop doing everything she was doing that was pushing her man
away, and begin to listen, speak and just be in ways that would draw him in closer.

Inspiring Instead Of Convincing Him To Commit

Instead of trying to get him to commit to her, she would inspire and motivate him to want to
commit to her. She would step back and let him step up to the plate.

She would stop moving toward him, stop trying to convince him to want to be with her, stop
telling him what she needed and wanted, and give him the room to come toward her. And in the
process, she would feel some of the feelings she'd avoided feeling for so long - the feelings she'd
kept hidden from herself by working so hard to make the relationship work.

Intimacy Can Be Scary.

No matter how much we say we want it, we're really all terrified of getting close to a man. We're
afraid he'll see who we really are - especially the parts we don't like about ourselves.

And some of us have so many parts we don't like that we spend most of our energy trying to
keep those parts hidden - not just from men, but from ourselves, too.

I asked Cheryl to begin to listen and speak in completely different ways... to listen and speak to
HERSELF in completely different ways, and to stop working so hard at her relationship and
instead to turn her energy into doing what feels good to her.

I asked her to appreciate and take care of herself, to listen to her own body, to speak to herself in
ways that no longer undermined herself and her relationship and to treat herself as though she
had boundaries.

I asked her to absolutely stop running herself down and beating herself up - to ignore the voice
inside her head screaming at her, strangling her, telling her what she could and couldn't do, could
and couldn't have, mustn't, shouldn't, couldn't want... I asked her to stop analyzing, processing
and thinking about what her man was doing and thinking.

I asked her to pretty much stop thinking entirely!

And then I asked her to listen and speak to her man from her heart. This is a lot of asking....
because she had to essentially change the way she was thinking, listening, speaking and using
body language. I was asking her to change her perspective about everything.

And I was asking her to stop doing and to just be.

Sounds like a lot... Sounds like years and years of self-help books and personal growth seminars.

And that's a wonderful way to go... Only, I was asking her to make these changes NOW.
Overnight. And I was pretty much promising her she'd see RESULTS overnight.

And that's what happened: Cheryl's boyfriend switched gears almost immediately.

Being Instead Of Doing

In my Commitment Blueprint program, I go through this process of going from DOING to

BEING step-by-step to get you the kind of RESULTS that Cheryl had with her man.

Just about overnight, you can change your relationship from being uncertain and uncommitted to
getting the kind of intimacy that you really want with your man.

In Commitment Blueprint, I DEMONSTRATE for you exactly how to do that. You'll hear me
instructing you, doing exercises with women in the audience. and you'll also hear from guest
speakers who will teach you different aspects of getting the kind of commitment you want from a
man.

Blueprint is simple: 7 Steps to get from where you are in your relationship to where you really
want to be - without working hard to make it happen, and without suffering all the wondering
and frustration you're probably experiencing right now.

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When Cheryl's boyfriend switched gears, he started calling her more, he started seeing her more,
they starting having more meaningful conversations. And as it started to look as though she
might actually get the kind of love, romance, attention and commitment she wanted, she could
feel, for the first time, how truly scared she was of actually having everything she wanted.

And suddenly, she realized it wasn't so much about her boyfriend's cluelessness.

It was all about her feelings.

She had been doing, doing, doing all the time: rowing the boat of her relationship - trying to get
it to the shore of commitment - while he just sat back and enjoyed the view. And all that doing
wasn't getting her anywhere in the relationship. In fact, it was pushing her boyfriend further and
further away.

When I asked Cheryl to stop doing, and focus on just being, she did. She stopped rowing so
hard.

And it was as though the boat stopped completely. No one was rowing. She and her boyfriend
were just sitting there, looking at each other, wondering what the other would do.

And while Cheryl waited to see if her boyfriend would pick up the oars and pull their boat to
shore, all of a sudden, the feelings she'd avoided feeling showed up. Anger. Fear. Confusion. She
wrote me:

"Dear Rori, Thank you. Yes, my anger, has always been a problem for me. I feel anger towards
men period (inherited it from my family as well). I'm aware, don't want to hate men, but I have
anger. And sometimes I'm yelling, and sometimes I want to throw things. Sometimes I don't even
know I'm angry. I'm afraid I'll get so angry I'll scare him away. I know I feel anger towards my
boyfriend for things he does and doesn't do, but some of it is from past relationships and family
attitudes. But I don't want to be angry!! Cheryl"

Being Angry And Being Scared

Sometimes we're angry because, really, we're scared. And anger is a much more powerful, much
better feeling emotion than fear. Anger can get us into gear. Anger can propel us to make
changes. But, sometimes, we vent our anger on someone else (usually the people closest to us)
because we're really angry at ourselves.

We're really angry at our own fear and lack of boundaries. When we're closed off in some ways,
we attract relationships that keep that kind of balance and tension - it's just too scary to get
closer.

As you practice just "being", you may feel some barriers coming down, and you will feel him
come closer to you - it may feel messy and scary and uncomfortable. Consider it a gift and as a
sign that you're on the right track.

Practice visualizing him coming closer to you while your defenses are down. Don't let him come
any closer than you're comfortable, and take it slow - until you can allow him really close while
you're relaxed and undefended.

Also - right in line with doing less is SPEAKING less. We women are gifted communicators, but
what I'm asking you to do is to learn to get comfortable with silence. Once you do, you're half-
way there.

In our work together, Cheryl learned to love her own feelings and her own life while her
relationship righted itself. And as her relationship with her boyfriend blossomed, she experienced
moments of falling back into old patterns, but the relationship kept moving forward.
She'd stopped rowing, and he was doing all the work himself - and feeling great about it!

And this happened FAST.

She saw completely different behavior from her man in days, and within two months he was
talking about buying a home for them.

I want these examples to encourage you to give everything you've got to YOURSELF - to give to
yourself FIRST, and then to simply GIVE BACK to your man when he gives to YOU.

If this is all brand new to you - you're so not alone. So many women are in your exact shoes, and
so many have turned their love lives around quickly.

Here's an incredible success story from Kim, who was stuck in a pattern of pushing the men she
wanted away instead of bringing them close - and how she completely reversed that practically
overnight:

"Dear Rori, I just had to write you a big thank you!!! My story probably (when I think about it)
started even in middle school, always throwing myself at boys and later in life men, and of
course always getting hurt, except for the ones I married. They were as you called them "puppy
dogs".

I met a man this summer, wasn't even attracted to him, not my type at all, older than me, hair on
the chest, balding. But we spent a whole weekend just talking, and I was just so turned on by
him, his lifestyle, and once again started throwing myself at him.

He was at a point in life that he didn't know what he wanted, his wife of 20 years had an affair,
and he divorced her. Well we did continue to see each other, having awesome dates. Then one
night 6 months into the relationship I got the "I need space and time" speech.

It really crushed me, I think I cried for 2 days.

I have been reading your e-letters, and I finally bought your Commitment Blueprint program,
started listening to them, would try the tools out when the chance to came about, and WOW!!!!!

Everything you said would happen did, he really has turned around, and it gets easier everyday,
not to call or to text, and he continues to come around, and we are so much better. He even stated
how great things have been and he can't put his finger on why.

The best part is how I feel about myself, I really like and am starting to feel a love for myself,
and although I do not want to date anybody else, I know that know matter what happens, I'm
going to be just great.

People around me (both men and women) have said to me "you seem different, your self
confidence is way out there"
Rori I am so falling in love with myself, thank you for doing what you do.

When I find my guy leaning towards me, and I get comfortable and start leaning forward myself,
I throw your cd's in from Step One, and am able to take a step back, and it really keeps him
leaning in and taking steps towards me. What a great feeling to wake up everyday and feel the
way I do.

Thank you again Rori. Kim"

If Kim can make such an amazing turnaround, so fast, and with such CLEAR results from her
man, and just with my Commitment Blueprint program - I know you can, too:

Watch Commitment Blueprint

Let me know how it helps you. I look forward to your success stories - every small step you take
that feels good is a huge success.

Love, Rori