Ice Breaking Session @Melaka

Signs of Defensiveness
Use this list to identify when you are shifting from collaboration to defensiveness. Check all that apply to
you. If none seem to, ask a trusted colleague or spouse. They might be able to help you see more
clearly. Then circle the three signs you most often display. These are your early warning signs. Use them
to complete your Defensive action plan at https://conflictclinickc.com/defensiveness-action-plan/

o Loss of humour o Being too nice

o Taking offense o Selective deafness
o High charge or energy in the body o Attacking (the best defense is a good
o Sudden drop in intelligence offense)
o Wanting to be right (“No question o Holding a grudge
about it!”) o Trivializing with humour
o Wanting the last word o Inappropriate laughing or giggling
o Flooding with information to prove your o Negative attitude (sour grapes)
point o Defensive awareness (“I’m aware of
o Endless explaining and rationalizing that. Leave me alone!”)
o Playing “poor me” o Addiction to alcohol, drugs, people,
o Teaching or preaching shopping, working, gambling, chocolate,
o Rigidity (closed to other opinions) workshops, etc.
o Denial o Personalizing everything
o Withdrawal into silence o All or nothing thinking
o Cynicism o Catastrophizing–thinking the worst of a
o Sarcasm situation
o Making fun of others o Fast breathing/ fast heartbeat
o Being critical of others o Cold, clammy skin
o Terminal uniqueness (“I’m so special; o Hot, sweaty skin
rules don’t apply to me”) o Mind reading
o Thinking or saying “It’s just my o Jumping to conclusions
personality. It’s just how I am.” o Magnifying everything
o Not wanting to negotiate o Minimizing everything
o Blaming o Emotional rigidity (I feel it. It must be
o Sudden onset of illness or accident true)
o Confusion o Tight stomach
o Suddenly tired or sleepy o Speaking too fast
o Intellectualizing o Becoming physically immobile
o Acting crazy (the temporary insane o Obsessive thinking
defense) o Others?
o Eccentricity

Source: Radical Collaboration by Jim Tamm.