“College in a pandemic was not the experience that most students had in mind.

But at year’s end,

some see positive experiences and insights that came out of it.” Looking back on your year, what
stands out? What do you want to carry forward? Why? What are you ready to let go of? Why?

Going into the future, I am scared, as I recently learned that falling behind in college may cost me quite a
bit. The fault not necessarily being mine. It is hard to navigate a new world of experiences when there are no signs
to guide you to the right destination. I am told my options are 1 of 3.

1. Switch major
2. Reach out to Portland State’s School of Arts Architecture department for guidance
3. Take on another year

All options are scary but 2. However, I feel like that option will lead me nowhere. You see during fall quarter, I was
unsure of how to actually register for classes. I thought that adding them to my schedule meant I had registered. I
was surprised when that was not the case, so I missed my Arch 100 class. At the beginning of winter registration I
was hit with a hefty bill of over $3,000 dollars, I was not sure why. I reached out to the financial aid office… It turns
out the college needed documentation of my mom's taxes in order to provide me with my winter quarter financial
aid, and that the lack of insurance was going to cost me almost $1,000 a quarter. I knew it was going to take a while
to situate, so I reached out to the Department of Architecture asking that they hold a spot for me while I figure out
my financial problem. I was told “first come, first serve.” Which sucks, but it is understandable. I thought that
having an intended major would prioritize you over students who take the class for fun. Later either fall or spring
quarter, I noticed that a student had dropped out of a class I was needing to take. I emailed the professor and was
told “you would have already missed 3 classes, sorry but no.”

Being a first-generation student turned out to be more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I clearly
know better now. However, it kills me that the lack of guidance completely messed me up and will cost me more
time and money. I am hoping that with my experience, I can start a blog, maybe a club at PSU that informs students
on what to do and when in order so they experience as few hardships as they can. I am hoping that I am able to help
those who are in my position, but younger, because it is hard looking for a way out when you are in complete
darkness. You feel afraid, uncertain, like kicking, crying, and screaming out of frustration. My only hope is that I can
help those like me.

Using skills I have developed throughout my time as a Design and Society student, I hope to be a light.
Skills such as teamwork, collaboration, presentation, informatics designing, research, and ability to seek change for
a better tomorrow. I will use these skills to make informative posters/ presentations/ blogs and hopefully lead some
sort of group (online or in-person). I hope to reach my target audience and use my mistakes as those signs I was
looking for during my time as a first-generation college student. I strive to help those like me thrive.
 Also going forward I hope to let go of quite a few mindsets and gain new mindsets inspired by those I met
in Design and Society. I hope to get rid of this negativity I carry with me everywhere I go. However, I feel like that
might be hard. I feel anger towards the world. I feel anger that such inequality exists for someone like me, and that
me experiences are made less because *insert excuse*. As a women I feel angry that women are made to feel less
than, like we will never have full control over our bodies, like we are seen as sex objects or as motherly figures but
nothing else, like our only appealing traits are beauty and minding our own business. I have been told that I am loud
for a Mexican woman, I am too opinionated, that I would look prettier if I was more quiet, etc. I have been
continuously been told to gain weight, to work out so I can have a more appealing figure, to act and speak a certain
way. At family functions, my weight or what I am wearing is always a topic of discussion, and it irritates me. I am
angry that all I simmer down to, to those around me, is “pretty young woman”. I feel anger that my people take the
blame for every other Latino and Hispanic. Only Mexicans are constantly ridiculed for being undocumented and
fleeing from danger. I am angry that people do not understand that religion and mission trips are a form of
modern-day colonization for people of color living in the poorest areas within a 3rd world country.

I learned in Design and Society that we should find solutions to issues. I will amplify my voice to speak on
what I resign with. I was inspired by the week of delights project this quarter. More specifically by Ally’s week of
delights. She focused on practicing gratitude. I hope to do that too at some point since I believe that showing
gratitude towards those around you, and yourself helps everyone feel better. We do not hear or express gratitude as
much as we should. If there is one thing I learned during my summer going into my senior year of high school, it is
that building a sense of thankfulness towards those you love makes everyone feel more loved and cared for. I saw
this happen when my friends and I spent a few nights surrounded by a campfire pouring our hearts out. I woke up
the next morning to read my friend's post about how for so long they felt out of place, but that they had recently
finally felt like they belonged where they were. Being friends, especially work/ school friends, often is only a
part-time friendship. However, taking the extra steps to hang outside of school/work and talk about real issues,
builds that sense of belonging. As teenagers, it often feels hard to belong somewhere since we tend to be
over-sensitive with those around us. We may feel lonely in a room full of people, we may feel unlistened to, like we
do not matter, we feel the urge to finish a chapter, and having great friends who are actually there full-time helps us
feel like we are exactly where we need to be, and like we are surrounded by those who will be there 40 years down
the road.