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For some people, mental health difficulties are long-standing, and have their
origins in adolescence, childhood or infancy.
Sometimes the difficulties arose many generations ago in the family of the
person with enduring difficulties, and have been passed on through social
learning, trauma, parenting styles and contagious emotions. Some people were
not taught how to manage normal, human emotions, and how to feel safe and
secure in relationships.
People who have suffered in this way may have developed a number of
unhelpful and even self-destructive coping styles to handle difficult emotions.
These coping styles sometimes provide temporary relief, but at other times
make the situation worse. Some people even fantasise about ending it all,
because they feel overwhelmed by their suffering.
People with these difficulties may notice patterns in their relationships and life
circumstances that play out repetitively throughout adulthood. They may have
difficulties starting or keeping friendships and romantic relationships, although
they may desperately want close connections with other people.
Others have decided that maintaining distance from other people is the only
safe way to exist.
Then there are people who find themselves being exploited in relationships,
and feeling unsafe around the people closest to them.
In some ways, a therapist is like a teacher – not all teachers are a good fit for
all students, and it is important to seek out a therapist that you feel
comfortable learning from. It can take some time to develop trust in a new
relationship.
Safety is always the first priority of therapy, since it is not possible to benefit
from therapy unless you are around to experience those benefits. For this
reason, addressing any risky coping strategies and developing safer ways to
manage emotions, often makes up the first stage of therapy.
Once progress has been made towards ensuring your safety, other goals
usually come into play:
• Learning skills that were not learned earlier in life, such as how to be
effective in interpersonal relationships, how to be assertive, how to
regulate emotions or tolerate extreme emotions, may be helpful, and
a Dialectical Behaviour Therapy approach may be useful.
• Learning how to parent one’s own children in a different way than one
was parented oneself may be useful, and the Positive Parenting
Programme may help.
If you suspect that enduring difficulties have been making life and relationships
more difficult for you than most, I welcome you to make an appointment with
me so that we can meet and discuss your needs and develop a strategy to help
you connect with your goals.
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Enduring Difficulties
References
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