HL Essay examiner’s comments coversheet

Subject name: English A: literature

Sample name: Example A

Criterion A Markband: 3
Examiner’s comments:
With a tight focus on a particular aspect of the novel this topic could have some promise. The candidate does
not indicate at the outset why the examples selected - other deaths are available – were chosen; the last two
sentences in the introduction suggest that this will simply be a collection of one example after another. The
candidate takes an approach which is chronological within the context of the novel but not in terms of the real
order of events, shows enough knowledge and understanding of the novel to be able to illustrate the rather
descriptive accounts with some quotation. There are some sweeping comments: “the novel distances itself
from the rites associated with death…” “this cold, medical-style language …is far removed from previous
instances of death in the novel…” which are not always borne out by the discussion. Ultimately, the
discussion feels a little forced and there is at times perhaps too much social history and not enough literary
analysis.
Criterion B Markband: 3
Examiner’s comments:
The candidate is aware of an author making choices and shaping a novel but there is uneven appreciation of
the way the writing works. There is a certain amount of description, such as in “’the bullets mowed them
down’. This rapid switch between life and death manages to invoke powerful imageries (sic) of a war to any
reader.”. Quotation is often used to advance the description: more analysis and evaluation is needed. There is
an attempt to move into more literary realms in the section on Amalia, in which the idea of a plot device is
raised. On balance, appreciation is probably “generally appropriate” and just about merits 3 in this descriptor.
Criterion C Markband: 3
Examiner’s comments:
Organisation is adequate, though the conclusion is somewhat truncated by the cutting of the last 15 words.
Little of any value is lost – the conclusion is in any case terse and yet strangely vague. A line of inquiry is
hinted at – that the author uses death for a range of literary or thematic purposes - and the candidate uses this
to give a sense of structure to the essay. The line of inquiry is not especially well-developed. Quotations are
quite neatly embedded in the candidate’s writing. Footnotes are not entirely correctly used and there is no
entry for Works Cited.
Criterion D Markband: 4
Examiner’s comments:
The writing is somewhat overblown/ labored at times: “a literary bombshell is defused”; “death and dying as
a broader form of social expression alongside a totalitarian regime”. It is largely grammatically secure (with
the exception of the sentence ending in mid-flow at 1500 words) and sophisticated punctuation is deployed
with confidence.

General commentary
The candidate needs to give a clearer idea of why the examples chosen were selected and
to analyse them more probingly. This is another essay which exceeds the word limit and
which would have benefited from some tightening of the rather wordy style in order to be
able to include more detail and analysis.

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