My future is not a teacher.

“I always have thought of what my teacher in elementary asked

about who will us be in the future. I said a teacher, I should’ve said
happy.” – a sentence I have included in my first autobiography entitled
“It’s me again.” And I was thinking, how could I be happy if I do not
succeed in life? What should I do to make myself happy?
Many of us would say that having a lot of friends will give us
immeasurable happiness, some would say money can be a factor of
happiness, others, family. But for me, I don’t know, I haven’t figured it
out.
They say that we have different timelines, today may be your day,
and tomorrow is mine. I remember what my teacher told me that Oprah
was rejected in the media industry when she was 23, and look at her
now, she is one of the highest paid grossing Woman-American in the
world. I pondered on it, I am still 23, maybe if I turn 24, I may consider
myself going out of the world I am now. Or just maybe, kill myself before
I turn 24 just not to make worse things in life.
Many things circle in my mind, many things I want to pursue in life
even though I already teach. But I am not happy teaching anymore. It
makes me less of what I should be as a person. And if I won’t be a
teacher in the future, here are some list that I might be doing.
What I want to do is to pursue the dream of many, to be a
politician. I wanted to because I want to pass the law on death penalty,
and kill the people who are useless to the community. But, of course,
why should I do that? I would kill most of my friends if that’s the case. I
want to be a politician because I want to change the lives of people, I
want to make them prosper with the propaganda of helping one another
to grow. However, I think I am not fit to be because I don’t have any
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background of politics.
 If not so, I would pursue the dream for me of my parents, to be an
engineer or an architect, because I want to build a house for myself and
my family. I want to design buildings, build roads, and fast track the
paving of roads, and I want to make beautiful furniture for my house. And
of course, as they would say, you can be rich if you are an engineer.
Who wouldn’t be happy if they are rich. Right? Well, I know some of you
wants to be such.

Or just maybe, I will be an accountant, my choice when I was in

highschool. Because, this may be my shot in life – to pursue the dream I
want, and get out of the situation I have now. I think if I pursue this one, I
would be happy because it’s my long-time dream. And that’s what I will
pursue in the future. Or, I could graduate on all the above-mentioned
courses, then I will be called Architect Jeric Aren Ordonez Dedicatoria,
LPT, CE, RA. What a name that would be.
If I decided not to end my life a day before I turn 24, I will continue
with my dream. After I graduate in the courses I mentioned, maybe at
the age of 35, I will go somewhere called Paris and stay there to work,
and for good. At the same age, I would forget everything and everyone I
met in the Philippines, except for my family. Everyone whom I made
laughter with, who hurt me, just every single person I have met – I want
to forget. Because I want to restart my life and begin with scraps.
At the age for 40 maybe, if God will allow, I shall die in peace.
Because I don’t want to see the day of light anymore and I have done
everything in life by that time I don’t want to extend anymore because at
that age, I will not be a comic person anymore, I won’t be able to crack
jokes and tell awesome stories about myself and about the people whom
I loved, because I will be too old to tell things like that.
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 But if God won’t give me the permission to do so, maybe, I shall
continue with my work – but this time, I shall be alone already. I won’t
bear children, no one beside me to care for me. But I will adopt a child,
but with the fear of not meeting my expectations, I shall not. So, I will
spend my days in work and at home with few friends I have met in Paris,
just waiting for my call from above.
I shall call myself, “The childless shit,” because I am only a piece
of shit in the world, waiting to be wiped out. But I think I will be happy,
because at least I have done the best that a Jeric Aren O. Dedicatoria
could have done. At least I have loved people, let radiate my happiness
to them. At least, I have helped people succeed in their studies or
maybe in their life. And I think, that is how I could achieve happiness – to
die in peace.
You may be thinking why is it that death is what I always talk about
in life. Why? Because life is only a borrowed emblem from God, and we
are to give it back in due time. We think we are all gems – but some of
us are stones. Well, I am one of the gems, I firmly believe.
As I have said, there are many things circling in my mind, and the
future I have written? That’s not true because I just want to drift through
time and be the best I can be. For I haven’t found the real me yet. But
one thing is somewhat true, my future is not a teacher.
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