• I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were

both
crazy about girls.
• Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense
• Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians
• When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress
• Don't stay in bed....unless you can make money in bed
• Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date
Girlfriend pregnant: (A)bandon (S)tay (J)ump For Joy
• Virginity is not dignity or security, but it is lack of opportunity
• Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing
• Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics
• Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped
• I'm a freelance gynaecologist
• Behind every successful man there is a great woman and behind every great woman there is a
smart guy staring at her butt
• 95% of guys masturbate...the other 5% lie
• If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut
• Avoid rape - say yes
• Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed
• Opinion is like an ass hole, everyone has one
• I'm not bald. It's a solar panel for a sex machine
• I've lost my virginity but I've still got the box it came in
• An erection does not constitute personal growth
• The male sex drive prevents extinction. The female sex drive prevents overpopulation
• Yawning is an orgasm for your face
• Barbie is not a slut- her legs don't open
• Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative
• The problem with men is that God gave them a brain and a penis. But only enough blood to run
one at a time
A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress
• Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place... We were behind a tree
• The game of love is never called off on account of darkness
• Thou shalt not commit adultery...unless in the mood
• Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
• Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control
• Assassins do it from behind
• Celibacy is not hereditary
• Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage
• Atheist achieving orgasm: Oh Random! Oh, Chance
• Don't keep a man guessing too long- he's sure to find the answer somewhere else
 • If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help
• Boy who fool around with girl in wrong period get caught red handed
• The best thing about masturbation is that you don't have to talk afterwards
• Streakers beware: Your end is in sight
• Chess players mate better
• Men who propagate that the dog is a man's best friend, have obviously never seen or stroked or
played with a tight pussy
• Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope
• Imagination is intelligence with an erection
• Nymphomania - An illness you hear about but never encounter
Good girls spit, Bad girls swallow, Naughty girls gargle
• Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you
• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day
• Squirrel who runs up woman's leg do not find nuts
• Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex
• As much you may shake your dick, the last drop always falls on your pants
• Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
• My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects
• Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"
• Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her
• Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink
• Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed
• Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women
• If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
• When I was born, I got a choice- A big dick or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what
did I choose
• Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die
• Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory
• Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage
• If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong
• Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!

Squirrel who run up woman's leg, not find nuts

• Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress
• Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"
• Anatomy is something everybody's got, but sure looks better on a woman
• The difference between a husband and a lover is the difference between day and night
• If he won't wear a condom, staple his willy at the end. That'll make him think. Sorta...
• What men desire is a virgin who is a whore
• Love without sex is like cooking without eating, but be careful because sex without condom is like
driving a car without breaks!
• I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed
• Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good
• How's your wife and my kids?
• Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion
• Sex is an emotion in motion
• For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used
• There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are
used together
• Wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime have some fun with the wrong ones
• I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with
• Mean people suck, Nice people swallow!
• I like your style. I like your class, but most of all i like your ass
• The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method
Lets all be considerate towards animal and let all the cocks meet the pussies of their choice
• I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids...
• A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view
• Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth
• Passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly
• Sign posted in a bathroom: We aim to please! You aim too! Please!
• There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly
• Virginity can be cured
• Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to
last
• A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her
Sex is the poor man's polo. --Clifford Odets
• Prostitution is a hole sale business
• All men are terrorists. They attack womens' twin towers and destroy their pentagons!
• It is good for woman to meet man in park, but better for man to park meat in woman
• Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ
• To all Virgins - Thanks for Nothing !
• Since the release of Viagra, exotic dancers now claim that they are receiving a lot more standing
ovations
• What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick
• Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless in the mood
• Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full
meaning
• Don't do it if you can't keep it up
• Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex brings up some pretty good
questions - Woody Allen
• Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up straight
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• Virginity is like bubble, one prick all gone
• Men who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand
• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand
• Instead of 'SCREW', why don't they say 'NAIL' ? A man doesn't turn his point 'round
and'round...he hammers it home
• Man who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids
• I'm not attracted by a girl's mind ... But by what she doesn't mind
• Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control !!
• It is good for woman to meet man in park, but better for man to park meat in woman
• Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip
• Men who scratches ass should not bite fingernails
• Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast
• It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach, especially if it belongs to your partner
• Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and in demand
• Why is brassiere singular and panties plural ?
• We all know that wonderful new pill as Viagara, but the scientific term for it is: Mycoxafloppin
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• He loves 'babes', especially those born sixteen to 25 years ago
• Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone
• Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy
Then there was the fella who got a viagra tablet stuck in his throat............he got a stiff neck
• Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
• Are you telling the truth when you lie in bed ?
• Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away
• Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest
• Guns don't kill people... Husbands who come home early kill people
• Did you hear about the fella who spent all his money on viagra? He's hard up now
• Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?
• OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go anywhere!
• My boss says I could be replaced by a machine...funny, that's what my wife says
• I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in
• Fighting for peace is like making love for virginity
• Adding manpower to a late project is like getting nine women pregnant in hopes of obtaining a
baby in one month
• Gettin' married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot
• I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small
• No! Nothing like that! I'm just disabling your "virgin" feature
• Women vs. beer: You know you're the first one to pop a beer
• Boys who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand
• For my next trick, I'll need a blonde volunteer and a condom