NAUFAL SIDDIQI NASRULLAH/932215620

Giving punishment

One of my unforgettable experience in my life was becoming the manager of OPPM

(Organisasi Pelajar Pondok Modern). When I was in my sixth year at Darussalam Gontor, I was
chosen to become the CLI (Central Language Improvement) staff. The responsible of the CLI
staff is to discipline, encourage and influence the students to speak Arabic and English in their
daily conversation. I Never thought I could do it, but I finally conquered my fear. Once upon a
time, when I was standing in a queue to buy some foods, I was gazing at two students in front of
me, they were talking each other by Indonesian language. Then, I decided to touch their arms,
and suddenly, they were really surprised to see me. I started to ask their name, and I told them to
come to the CLI office at 4 pm. When the time came, I was sitting on the chair in front of the
CLI office and waiting for their coming. After a while, they came and their faces seemed afraid.
Then I decided to ask them “Do you remember the rules in this boarding school?”, they said
“Yes, we do remember it”. I started to give them advice about the obligation to obey the rules
especially language rules in this boarding school. I told them that every student who broke the
rules must be prepared for the punishment. After that, I decided to take my scissors. Meanwhile,
their faces seemed extremely afraid and they felt quite guilty. Finally, I started to cute their hair.
I told them “This is the consequence if you break the rules”. Then I ordered them to cute again
their hair at the barber until no hair appeared on the head and became the bald man, not only that,
also I ordered them to memorize 100 vocabularies in a week and standing in front of the CLI
office for two weeks. and this is what I did if I found the students who did not speak Arabic and
English in their daily conversation. I hope they could conclude that the discipline is made to
obey, not to break.
1.i think no

2.there are no grammatical errors

3.no the paragraph don't have concluding sentence

4.no the climax is not interesting me,no the story don't need any resouliton

Corrector:Douhlas

Correction note : overall the story is interesting and intense,but i don't agree with the
punishment
Revision:
Giving punishment

One of my unforgettable experience in my life was becoming the manager of OPPM

(Organisasi Pelajar Pondok Modern). When I was in my sixth year at Darussalam Gontor, I was
chosen to become the CLI (Central Language Improvement) staff. The responsible of the CLI
staff is to discipline, encourage and influence the students to speak Arabic and English in their
daily conversation. I never thought I could do it, but I finally conquered my fear. Once upon a
time, when I was standing in a queue to buy some foods, I was gazing at two students in front of
me, they were talking each other by Indonesian language. Then, I decided to touch their arms,
and suddenly, they were really surprised to see me. I started to ask their name, and I told them to
come to the CLI office at 4 pm. When the time came, I was sitting on the chair in front of the
CLI office and waiting for their coming. After a while, they came and their faces seemed afraid.
Then I decided to ask them “Do you remember the rules in this boarding school, that the student
who speak Indonesian and native language will be the bald man?”, they said “Yes, we do
remember it”. I started to give them advice about the obligation to obey the rules especially
language rules in this boarding school. I told them that every student who broke the rules must be
prepared for the punishment. After that, I decided to take my scissors. Meanwhile, their faces
seemed extremely afraid and they felt quite guilty. Finally, I started to cute their hair. I told them
“This is the consequence if you break the rules”. Then I ordered them to cute again their hair at
the barber until no hair appeared on the head and became the bald man, not only that, also I
ordered them to memorize 100 vocabularies in a week and standing in front of the CLI office for
two weeks. and that was what I did if I found the students who did not speak Arabic and English
in their daily conversation. In conclusion, the discipline is made to obey, not to break, if you did
not want to get the punishment, just obeyed the rules.