(CONT.

)
MAKE UP

INT. A BEDROOM

JOYCE, a middle-aged woman, is standing in front of her full

length mirror, narrating her actions as she gets ready in
the morning. She is wearing a nightgown and her hair is wet.

JOYCE

(Like an announcer)

Here we have the specimen, one Joyce

Harmon, forty-five, in her natural
habitat. Note the coin-purse tummy and
the lack of support for back, breasts,
and arches. Hard to believe this beauty
once competed in the 200-meter dash in
the 1988 Olympics.

(Does a slow spin)

If I could draw your eye to the leg

area, you will note that the calves
still look phenomenal and are unmarred
by the cellulite encroaching on the
thighs. Ah yes, but what we’re all
asking ourselves is: How does she do it?

(Picks up an eyeliner pencil and begins to

darken her eyes)

Well, folks, we start with what Joyce’s

mother called “Cleopatra eyes,” but a
bit softer at the edges, because, as
everyone knows, Joyce’s mother was
married four times to three men, and one
can’t help but wonder if the smoky ‘60s
look was actually responsible, as
Maybelline would have us believe. Joyce
once said she’d never be anything like
her mother, but the aging process seems
to have disagreed with her there,
wouldn’t ya say?
(MORE)
www.InstantMonologues.com - Copyright ©2014 Savetz Publishing, Inc.
Permission is granted to perform this monologue in any capacity. However, this monologue may not
be published (print, online, ebook or any other media) without written permission.
 (CONT.)

(Takes an eyelash curler to her lashes)

Now, Joyce’s last girlfriend was amazing

at this particular event, what we call
“Curling.” Never pinched her lids or
anything. Carol had beautiful lashes,
thick and dark around those green, Irish
eyes. Boy, was she a good time, amirite,
folks?

(Sets down the curler and starts to apply

mascara. Still speaking to herself, but
quieter, more thoughtful now)

She loved heavy makeup, by god. Loved to

wear it, loved to see it. Didn’t even
care that she woke up with raccoon eyes
or that her morning routine lasted two
hours, like a crazy person. And why
bother that much at this age? Who’s
looking anymore? This whole thing isn’t
doing Joyce any good anyway.

(Sets down the mascara and really looks at

herself, only one eye done. Dropping the
announcer voice)

I am terrible at this. God. What’s the

point? I thought it’d be the four
marriage syndrome that got me, but I
couldn’t even manage one. And now here I
am, fool body and fool mind and a face
that can’t make up its mind. Maybe if I
called Carol, maybe if I just told her…

(Stops and shakes herself out of it. Laughs

at her reflection)

Well, make-up isn’t going to do this any

good.

(In her announcer voice, as she reaches for

the makeup remover wipes)

(MORE)
www.InstantMonologues.com - Copyright ©2014 Savetz Publishing, Inc.
Permission is granted to perform this monologue in any capacity. However, this monologue may not
be published (print, online, ebook or any other media) without written permission.
 (CONT.)
Sorry, folks. That’s all the time we
have for this game. Tune in next time to
see Joyce lose her mind over a bathing
suit.

(MORE)
www.InstantMonologues.com - Copyright ©2014 Savetz Publishing, Inc.
Permission is granted to perform this monologue in any capacity. However, this monologue may not
be published (print, online, ebook or any other media) without written permission.