Professional Documents
Culture Documents
The
Introvert’s
Guide
To
Dating
By
Jordan
Gray
Edited
by
Brent
Sutherland
Relationship
Coach
at
http://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/
Click
here
to
get
a
FREE
book
on
“Wow’ing”
your
partner…
http://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/blog/
1)
Attractive
Traits
As
humans,
we
become
attracted
to
someone
on
a
primal
or
evolutionary
level
first.
Generally,
for
men
and
women,
this
means
different
things.
Unsurprisingly,
men’s
primal
instincts
are
attracted
to
signs
of
youth
and
beauty.
Before
your
brain
can
make
any
logical
"choice"
about
the
matter,
your
primal
instincts
have
already
formed
an
opinion
about
the
attractiveness
of
the
potential
mate
in
question.
When
a
22
year-‐old
blonde
girl
with
a
small
waist,
radiant
smile,
and
a
walk
that
swishes
and
sways
from
side
to
side
goes
by,
a
guy
can't
help
but
look.
It’s
largely
beyond
the
man’s
logical
control
because
of
the
attraction
to
what
are
known
as
sexual
health
indicators
-‐
a
women’s
ability
to
make
healthy
babies.
Contrastingly,
women's
primal-‐level
responses
are
not
triggered
by
our
looks
so
much
as
by
other
very
important
factors
such
as
health,
internal
status,
and
emotional
congruence.
I'll
go
into
each
one
of
these
factors
right
now.
Health
Don’t
worry;
you
don't
need
to
be
a
professional
athlete
by
any
means!
On
a
primal
level,
women
only
care
that
you
are
physically
and
mentally
healthy
enough
to
provide
for
whatever
offspring
you
two
would
potentially
have
together.
Remember,
even
if
neither
one
of
you
wants
children,
your
brains
are
still
hardwired
to
respond
to
each
other
in
this
way.
From
an
evolutionary
standpoint,
human
brains
are
always
looking
to
do
one
of
two
things
-‐
survive
and
reproduce
(aka
stay
alive
and
make
babies).
But
because
of
how
our
typical
child-‐rearing
responsibilities
are
divided
up,
men
are
more
attracted
to
replication
indicators
(how
well
women
seemingly
would
make
babies,
which
is
largely
judged
by
attributes
that
communicate
youth
and
beauty)
and
women
are
primarily
attracted
to
survival
indicators
(which
are
about
20%
based
on
our
physical
looks,
and
80%
tied
to
our
social
intelligence,
social
ties,
and
likeability).
Putting
it
bluntly,
as
a
man,
this
point
is
weighted
heavily
in
our
favour.
That
being
said,
don't
take
this
as
an
excuse
to
let
yourself
go!
Take
pride
in
your
appearance.
Sleep
well,
eat
well,
exercise,
and
lead
a
clean
lifestyle.
Internal
Status
This
isn’t
about
how
much
money
you
make,
what
kind
of
car
you
drive,
or
anything
else
people
tend
to
associate
with
the
word
'status.'
Internal
status
refers
to
how
you
feel
about
yourself.
If
you
feel
good
about
yourself,
if
you
respect
your
own
thoughts
and
desires,
then
internal
status
will
resonate
from
within
you.
Women
will
pick
up
on
it
intuitively.
If,
on
the
other
hand,
you
don't
know
what
you
expect
of
yourself
or
what
you
want
from
your
life,
women
will
see
you
as
a
lost
little
boy.
It
will
appear
as
though
you
are
looking
for
a
woman
to
GIVE
you
a
sense
of
purpose
or
direction.
This
is
not
attractive.
Emotional
Congruence
Emotional
congruence
is
an
alignment
of
your
thoughts,
feelings,
and
actions
in
everyday
life.
What
you
think,
say,
and
do
are
all
one.
If
you
say
one
thing
and
do
another,
you
are
seen
as
less
attractive.
Women
are
so
intuitive
that
they
often
see
this
behavior
before
you’ve
realized
you
have
even
shown
a
hint
of
it.
If
you
tell
her
that
you're
a
really
easy-‐going
guy,
but
then
you
yell
at
the
waiter
on
your
first
date
because
your
food
was
cold,
she
will
see
this
as
incongruent.
You
said
one
thing,
but
did
another.
Women
need
trust
and
comfort
to
be
able
to
open
up
to
their
partner.
And
high-‐
value
women
want
a
strong-‐minded
partner.
Men
who
know
themselves
emotionally
and
who
are
consistent
are
the
kind
of
men
women
find
attractive.
-‐
What
goal
would
you
chase
if
you
knew
that
your
family
would
never
find
out?
Many
men,
due
to
social
and
cultural
conditioning,
strongly
resist
chasing
their
dreams
because
that’s
not
what
they
are
supposed
to
do.
But
there
is
no
hard
and
fast
rule
about
what
you
should
be
doing
in
your
life.
There
is
no
one-‐size-‐fits-‐fall
blueprint…
there
is
only
you
and
your
truth.
And
your
truth
is
that
no
one
else
can
touch,
judge,
or
distract
you
unless
you
let
them.
-‐
What
dream
did
you
have
when
you
were
younger
(5-‐15
years
old)
that
you
let
go
of
because
it
didn’t
seem
reasonable?
As
we
grow
older,
it
is
easy
to
forget
where
we
came
from.
A
large
percentage
of
our
personalities
and
temperament
are
fixed
at
a
young
age.
What
you
enjoyed
doing
or
dreamt
of
doing
when
you
were
younger
is
still
at
least
somewhat
true
for
you
today.
Did
you
really
enjoy
doing
acting
in
high
school?
You
don’t
have
to
become
an
actor,
but
maybe
you
really
thrive
being
in
front
of
people
and
would
do
well
as
a
teacher.
Do
you
miss
the
competitiveness
of
the
team
sports
you
played
when
you
were
in
elementary
school?
Maybe
you
would
kick
ass
in
a
sales
job
where
you
are
constantly
trying
to
best
your
own
previous
records.
Whatever
your
path
in
life
is,
align
with
it.
Now!
Social
Circle
This
is
how
people
have
been
linking
up
for
centuries
and
it
still
works
really
well.
Especially
for
introverts.
It’s
more
likely
that
you
have
a
small
group
of
close
friends
than
a
large,
varied
group
of
social
acquaintances.
So
let
those
friends
know
that
you're
interested
in
finding
a
partner.
If
their
suggestions
aren’t
in
line
with
what
you
want,
make
sure
to
let
them
know
what
qualities
you
are
attracted
to.
For
example,
if
you
know
that
you
want
a
partner
that
reads,
is
loving,
and
is
physically
active,
then
let
it
be
known.
There
is
nothing
wrong
with
having
preferences.
I
find
it
helpful
to
write
out
three
separate
lists
when
you
are
searching
for
a
lover.
The
first
one
is
your
‘Must
Have’
list.
These
are
things
that
you
know
from
previous
experience
are
things
that
are
really
important
to
you.
Try
to
keep
this
list
as
non-‐
physical
as
possible
(i.e.
more
character
traits,
less
bra
sizes).
The
second
one
is
your
‘Deal
Breakers’
or
‘Must
Not
Have’
list.
These
are
things
that
you
know
really
cross
a
personal
boundary
of
yours.
For
me,
these
are
things
like
smoking,
close-‐mindedness,
or
a
sense
of
entitlement.
The
third
and
final
one
is
your
‘Would
Be
Nice
If…’
list.
Here
you
can
let
your
mind
run
free
and
think
of
all
of
the
traits
that
would
be
present
in
your
ideal
partner.
When
you
have
a
cohesive
understanding
of
what
you
are
looking
for
in
a
partner,
let
your
social
circle
know
your
preferences.
Remain
somewhat
flexible
in
your
search.
Online
Dating
A
collective
sigh
of
relief
is
heaved
across
the
introverted
world.
Online
dating
started
out
as
something
that
was
turned
to
only
by
the
truly
desperate.
Luckily,
it
has
grown
into
a
massively
common
trend
that
people
of
all
walks
of
life
are
trying
out.
The
benefits
to
online
dating
for
introverts
are
plentiful.
You
can
scan
women's
profiles
to
see
if
you
are
somewhat
compatible
before
you
meet
up
in
a
first
date
context.
This
naturally
saves
you
a
lot
of
social
energy
and
keeps
your
introverted
brain
thriving.
I
have
also
found
that
a
disproportionate
percentage
of
the
people
on
dating
sites
are
highly
introverted
so
online
dating
is
a
mecca
for
introverts
searching
for
other
introverts.
The
suggestions
I
would
offer
for
those
setting
up
online
dating
profiles
are:
be
honest,
don't
brag,
and
instead
of
telling
women
about
yourself,
SHOW
them.
For
example,
instead
of
saying,
"I'm
a
funny
guy,"
include
a
few
subtle
jokes
throughout
your
profile.
Instead
of
mentioning
your
active
lifestyle
and
love
of
the
outdoors,
include
photos
of
yourself
doing
something
active
outdoors.
You
get
the
picture.
Online
dating
is
a
microcosm
of
your
real
life.
If
you
are
a
level-‐headed,
emotionally
congruent
man
who
is
on
his
path
in
life,
it
will
show
in
your
profile
very
quickly
and
high-‐value
women
will
be
messaging
you
often.
The
only
potential
drawback
to
online
dating
is
that
if
you
spend
too
much
time
sifting
through
potential
partners,
it
can
devalue
the
women
whose
profiles
you’re
scanning.
It’s
not
your
fault.
Human
beings
are
wired
this
way.
If
you
stepped
over
a
big
pile
of
diamonds
every
time
you
left
your
house,
diamonds
wouldn’t
seem
as
valuable.
They
would
no
longer
be
in
scarce
supply.
So,
to
counteract
this,
go
quality
over
quantity
with
your
search.
Spend
only
a
bit
of
time
searching
for
highly-‐qualified
partners.
Don’t
get
lost
in
the
cycle
of
scanning
over
hundreds
of
potential
partners.
If
you
fall
in
to
this
trap,
you
might
pass
over
a
true
gem.
Introverted Partners
Benefits
When
dating
another
introvert
you
often
understand
each
other
without
words.
You
know
from
experience
how
your
partner
operates
and
you
know
how
to
give
her
the
space
she
needs.
You
don't
feel
guilty
staying
in
and
reading
next
to
each
other,
nor
do
you
ever
feel
like
you're
holding
her
back
from
being
her
naturally
social
self.
The
depth,
connection,
and
attention
to
detail
in
an
introvert-‐introvert
relationship
is
something
truly
special
and
deserves
to
be
cherished.
Extroverted Partners
Benefits
An
extroverted
partner
will
push
you
out
of
your
comfort
zone
more
often.
You
will
learn
how
to
become
more
adept
at
small
talk
by
watching
her
interact
with
others.
Your
social
circle
will
grow
to
include
a
few
people
that
you
wouldn't
have
talked
to
otherwise.
And
you
will
help
your
partner
become
more
introspective.
You
will
help
her
see
the
patterns
in
her
behavior
that
she
wouldn't
have
been
aware
of
had
you
not
pointed
them
out.
1.
Library
Nice
and
simple.
Invite
your
date
to
a
library
or
bookstore
and
peruse
the
books
together.
You
can
take
turns
showing
each
other
your
favorite
sections,
or
randomly
selecting
books
and
reading
next
to
each
other.
This
works
surprisingly
well
as
a
first
date
or
as
a
fiftieth
date.
2.
People
Watching
Just
like
it
sounds,
but
less
criminal.
Go
to
the
mall,
a
bookstore,
or
a
public
park
and
co-‐create
stories
about
the
people
that
you
see.
Take
turns
(either
by
the
person
or
by
the
sentence)
creating
scenarios
for
the
people
around
you.
It
is
really
quite
fun
and
flirty;
you
also
have
the
chance
to
make
fun
of
each
other
in
the
process.
Additionally,
people
watching
tends
to
be
a
surprisingly
effective
way
to
get
to
know
your
date.
She
will
tell
creative
stories
about
others
that
might
actually
say
more
about
herself
than
about
the
people
you
are
watching.
“See
that
anxious
looking
man
over
there?
He
was
supposed
to
meet
a
blind
date
here.
She
said
she
would
be
wearing
a
red
sweater…
but
he
feels
like
he
might
have
been
stood
up.”
“See
that
couple
walking
around
awkwardly?
They
just
had
a
huge
fight
over
how
he
never
gets
to
watch
his
Saturday
morning
cartoons
anymore
and
they
are
trying
to
save
face
now
that
they're
in
public.”
“See
that
large
group
of
guys
in
matching
uniforms?
They
are
professional
golfers.”
You
get
the
picture.
Encourage
your
date
when
she
has
really
awesome
ideas.
3.
Runway
Rendezvous
Drive
out
to
your
local
airport
and
park
near
the
landing
strip
(OFF
the
runway).
Bring
a
blanket
for
the
hood
of
the
car
(and
a
spare
one
in
case
it
gets
chilly).
Lie
back
and
watch
the
planes
take
off
and
land.
Don't
forget
to
bring
snacks!
Though
not
every
city
has
this
opportunity
available,
it
can
be
well
worth
the
drive
to
your
nearest
runway.
4.
Pool/Bowling
When
was
the
last
time
you
played
pool?
A
fun
way
to
raise
the
stakes
while
playing
pool
is
to
attach
a
bet
to
it.
Set
the
parameters
before
your
first
break.
I've
found
that
"best
2
out
of
3"
is
the
sweet
spot
that
works
well
for
dates.
It's
long
enough
that
you
get
to
build
an
emotional
connection,
and
short
enough
that
neither
of
you
gets
bored.
As
for
bowling,
it's
playful,
competitive,
interactive,
and
a
fun
challenge
to
shake
up
the
old
routine.
You
also
get
to
wear
silly
shoes
that
look
like
clowns
designed
them.
6.
Art
Gallery
Get
caught
up
on
culture,
take
in
visual
art,
and
feel
fancy
as
you
sip
your
wine.
Again,
this
date
is
easier
on
you
conversationally
as
you
have
pieces
of
artwork
all
around
you
to
discuss.
7.
Arcade
This
date
is
good
old-‐fashioned
fun.
Between
pong,
racing,
and
shoot-‐'em-‐up
style
games,
you
have
a
plethora
of
options
as
to
what
kind
of
vibe
the
night
will
hold.
You'd
be
surprised
to
see
how
far
a
$20
bill
goes
towards
creating
memories
for
the
two
of
you.
If
you
honed
your
gaming
skills
when
you
were
younger
but
your
date
happens
to
be
terrible
at
video
games,
ease
off
a
little
in
the
skill
department.
It's
only
fun
for
both
of
you
if
there's
at
least
the
opportunity
to
win.
8.
Cooking
Class
Step
out
of
your
comfort
zone
with
this
unique
date
where
you
get
to
eat
your
art.
Maybe
a
cooking
class
sounds
like
an
expensive
date
idea?
Many
cooking
classes
actually
offer
affordable
alternatives
to
full-‐price
classes-‐
discounted
spots
listed
on
an
online
group
buying
site,
specials
for
online
sign-‐up,
or
those
with
the
option
to
buy
your
own
ingredients
ahead
of
time.
What
if
you're
already
a
good
cook?
Then
lead
your
own
version
of
a
cooking
class!
Buy
the
ingredients
to
prepare
your
favorite
dish
beforehand
and
spend
a
few
hours
with
your
date
later
on,
co-‐creating
your
masterpiece
meal.
9.
Outdoor
Picnic
An
easy
way
to
pass
an
afternoon.
Pack
some
sandwiches,
a
throwing
disc,
and
some
juice
boxes,
and
you
have
a
quiet,
intimate
date
for
two.
10.
Coffee
A
modern-‐age
classic
for
a
reason.
Get
to
know
each
other
in
the
intellectual
birthplace
of
some
of
our
century’s
greatest
ideas.
This
date
is
also
great
as
a
first
date
since
"grabbing
a
coffee"
implies
less
of
a
time
investment
than
meeting
up
for
a
two-‐hour
dinner.
If
you
want
more
date
ideas,
you
can
always
check
out
my
best-‐selling
book
on
the
subject
–
www.amazon.com/dp/B00BMPZ0LG
How
To
Set
Clear
Boundaries
In
Your
Relationship
To
Get
Your
Needs
Met
You
need
alone
time.
You
need
time
to
recharge.
And
you
need
deep,
stimulating
conversation
more
than
you
need
small
talk.
The
following
are
my
top
5
tips
for
getting
your
introverted
needs
met
in
your
relationship.
These
tips
are
very
simple
and
they
will
lead
to
extremely
healthy
relationships
so
I
can’t
recommend
them
enough.
(Note:
With
all
of
these
points,
don't
inform
your
partner
from
a
place
of
hostility.
You
are
letting
her
know
how
she
can
make
you
feel
most
loved
and
cared
for,
as
you
would
do
the
same
for
her.
Relationships
take
flexibility
and
effort
from
both
parties.)
1.
Coming
Home
To
Quietness
This
may
not
be
the
case
with
you
personally,
and
that's
fine,
but
the
vast
majority
of
introverted
males
that
I
know
strongly
prefer
to
have
a
few
minutes
of
silence
when
they
first
return
home
from
work.
It
allows
them
to
settle
in
to
their
environment.
Men
thrive
in
situations
that
give
them
a
feeling
of
emptiness
(exercising
to
a
point
of
exhaustion,
being
drunk,
reaching
climax,
etc).
So
it
naturally
follows
that
after
a
long
day
at
work
(when
we
are
expected
to
be
“on”
socially),
we
enjoy
coming
home
to
a
nice,
quiet
place.
Women,
however,
don’t
have
as
much
of
a
desire
for
conversation
to
cease
when
at
home
with
their
partners.
For
women,
home
is
the
safe
haven
where
they
are
able
to
connect
with
their
partners.
There
are
steps
you
can
take
if
you
would
like
to
come
home
to
a
relaxed
household
while
also
enjoying
the
feeling
of
being
connected
to
your
partner.
Make
her
aware
of
your
preference
in
the
form
of
something
along
the
lines
of:
‘I
really
can't
wait
to
come
home
and
see
you
after
work,
but
one
thing
you
could
do
for
me
that
I
would
absolutely
love
is
if
we
didn't
talk
for
the
first
few
minutes
after
my
return.
I
just
need
a
few
moments
to
allow
my
mind
the
chance
to
settle
in.
We
can
hug,
kiss,
and
say
hello,
but
I
would
prefer
if
any
kind
of
catch-‐up
conversation
waited
for
a
bit
until
I
feel
more
ready
to
discuss
my
day.
Would
that
be
all
right?’
Women
are
very
comfortable
with
having
discussions
that
set
clear
boundaries
when
approached
from
a
place
of
love.
Any
quality
partner
(male
or
female)
should
want
to
be
the
best
partner
they
can
be
for
THEIR
partner,
so
giving
her
this
specific
feedback
should
be
met
with
open
arms.
Try
it
out.
You'll
be
glad
you
did.
Wrap
Up
Wherever
you
land
on
the
introvert/extrovert
scale,
getting
into
and
maintaining
a
thriving
intimate
relationship
is
a
life-‐long
journey.
I
hope
that
this
book
has
shed
some
light
on
the
numerous
ways
that
you,
as
an
introvert,
are
already
well-‐equipped
to
create
and
maintain
a
healthy
love
life.
Have
patience
with
yourself,
and
you
will
find
the
woman
you
deserve.
About
The
Author
#1
Amazon
best-‐selling
author,
relationship
coach,
and
jet-‐setting
world
traveler,
Jordan
Gray
helps
people
remove
their
emotional
blocks,
and
get
into
(and
maintain)
thriving
intimate
relationships.
His
thoughts
on
modern
dating
and
relationships
have
been
featured
in
numerous
print
publications
and
on
radio
and
television
broadcasts
internationally.
In
his
relationship
coaching
practice,
Jordan
has
worked
with
thousands
of
students
over
the
past
four
years
and
has
more
wedding
invitations
from
his
former
clients
than
he
can
keep
up
with.
When
he's
not
coaching
clients
or
writing
new
books,
Jordan
loves
to
surf
without
a
wetsuit,
immerse
himself
in
new
cultures,
and
savor
slow
motion
hang
outs
with
his
closest
companions.
Find
out
more
at:
http://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/