The Going Ons Pilot Episode

By
Ashton Vaughn and Hannah Patton
EXT. CONRAD’S HOUSE
Conrad pulls up to his parent’s house in a white ’94 Honda
Accord. He gets out and attempts to open his rear passenger
door but then realizes it is broken. After a disappointed
sigh, he goes to the other door, opens it and drags a bag
full of his belongings out.

INT. CONRAD’S HOUSE - FOYER

He enters the house and it is seemingly empty. He checks the

hallways then drops his bags off in his childhood room.

INT. CONRAD’S HOUSE - KITCHEN

As he enters the kitchen, he notices a note on the frig that

reads: "Son, me and the Dave took a little vacation. Be back
in a few weeks P.S. Get a job for groceries and make
something of yourself"
CONRAD
Great to be back.

INTRO CREDITS

INT. CONRAD’S HOUSE - FAMILY ROOM

Conrad sits on a sofa in the family room. It is quite dim in
there as the blinds are drawn but sunlight creeps in from
the house’s front windows. He is on the house phone talking
to Banks.

BANKS
Yello?
CONRAD
I’m back.
BANKS
(jokingly)
Get out. Could have at least called
beforehand. Coulda had a little
party or somethin’.
CONRAD
(smiling and slight laughing)
Just shut up and swing by.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

Time passes and the door bell rings. Conrad walks to the
door, opens it and deeply, but still manly, embraces his
friend Banks. The way childhood friends would.

BANKS
No homo.

EXT. CONRAD’S HOUSE - CIRCLE DRIVE

They both sit on the hoods of their respective cars, facing

each other; Conrad’s old Honda contrasting with Banks’s
relatively new Volvo.
They engage in a quickly exchanged banter.

BANKS
(while motioning)
So...What’s new in the life of
Daniel Conrad?

CONRAD
Well, I’m still pursuing that
bullshit psych major at Stephen F.
A..
BANKS
(jokingly)
Right. Right.
CONRAD
Going...magnificently at the
moment, by the way.
BANKS
Of course.
CONRAD
Remember that girl I was telling
you about?
BANKS
Yeah-

CONRAD
She’s not in the picture anymore.
Banks drops his jaw jokily in disbelief.
CONRAD
(laughing but obviously
annoyed)
Shut up, man.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.

BANKS
Come on. What am I suppose to
expect? Look at your record. I bet
on the winning team and you, my
friend, ain’t winning.

CONRAD
(smiling)
Oh really now?
BANKS
(smiling)
Yes really now.
CONRAD
So, who is that specimen locked up
in your vehicle?

There is an inattentive, attractive female sitting in the

passenger seat, inspecting her nails and listening to her
iPod to stay occupied.
BANKS
(suggestively)
Oh, just...company.
Conrad plays dumb and appears to not know what Banks means.
BANKS
(loud and firm)
We’re fucking.
GIRL
(yells)
Just fucking.

CONRAD
(while motioning)
Oh, well there you go....Oh, by the
way, I got some new music.

Conrad hastily goes through his car window to hook his iPod
up to the stereo and plays a song by Tokimonsta.
BANKS
Oh, is that it?

CONRAD
(dancing)
Yeeeaaaahhh.
Banter ends.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

BANKS
Since your playing this loud music,
I see the pops left again, huh?
CONRAD
(mild chuckle)
Yeah...San Fran
BANKS
San Fransisco? What’s there?

CONRAD
(sarcastic)
Sites.
BANKS
Sites?

CONRAD
Sites.
BANKS
Oh, Sites.

Conrad nods slowly.

BANKS
Glow sticks. Glitter. Patent
leather assless chaps. AND
crotchless chaps. Gimp everything.
All the while Banks is talking, Conrad expresses his disgust
of discussing his father’s love life.
CONRAD
(half-laughing)
Chill out, man.
Banks concedes.

CONRAD
So about this company you were
telling me about.
Banks smiles.

CUT TO:
 5.

UNIDENTIFIED PARKING LOT

Maggie stands next to her car on the phone with her mother.
Her best friend, Lizzie, leans on the hood of the car, bored
yet interested in Maggie’s conversation.

MAGGIE
(slightly annoyed)
I know. I read the news too.
MAGGIE’S MOTHER
Money is tight and
this...film...thing isn’t going to
work.
MAGGIE
Mom, that’s not fair!

Maggie starts to pace.

MAGGIE’S MOTHER
Well, your father losing his job
isn’t fair. The school budget cuts
aren’t fair and you losing your
financial aid and scholarship
because of it isn’t fair either.
MAGGIE
That’s not my fault! I shouldn’t
have to suffer because of some
greedy dumbasses!
MAGGIE’S MOTHER
I’m sorry but you’re going to have
to go to community college next
semester.
MAGGIE
Oh, Mom, come on!

Lizzie takes this as her cue to leave and skips quietly into
the movie rental store.
MAGGIE’S MOTHER
I don’t want to hear it. That art
school of yours is too damn
expensive.
MAGGIE
(aggressively)
I can come up with the money.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.

MAGGIE’S MOTHER
Oh really now? With what job?
MAGGIE
Don’t worry about it.

MAGGIE’S MOTHER
Margret, are you hooking? Oh my
God, you better not be hooking--
Maggie hangs up on her mother abruptly. She then storms into
the movie rental store. Lizzie is standing at the counter
talking to the clerk.

INT. MOVIE RENTAL STORE - COUNTER

LIZZIE
(pissed)
Where do you keep your porn?
CLERK
(surprised)
Ex-excuse me?
LIZZIE
Porn. Where is it?
CLERK
(timid smile)
May I ask why you need it?
LIZZIE
To watch, you dumbass.

CLERK
(giddy)
So are you like a--
LIZZIE
No.
SLIDE TO:

INT. TACO BELL FAST FOOD RESTAURANT

Conrad and Banks are at the soda dispenser, filling up the

cups with Orange and Sprite respectively.
CONRAD
A design company, though?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.

BANKS
Why not?
They grab their drinks and trays of food and take them to
their table where Girl sits, bored out of her mind. Banks
takes a seat next to his date and Conrad sits across from
him.
CONRAD
I still don’t see how this would
even work.

BANKS
You still design right?
CONRAD
Well, yeah but--

BANKS
And my last name is fucking BANKS.
We got this.
Conrad pauses eating and stares at Banks then continues
eating.
CONRAD
That can’t be your plan.
BANKS
Of course not. You know I’m good
with money. Come on. Am I good with
money?--
CONRAD
You’re good with money.--

BANKS
Exactly. Annnnd - look at me Con -
Annnnd people like me.

Conrad pauses his eating once again.

BANKS
(while motioning)
I mean...It’s not that people
don’t...It’s just...Bro, you’re
good but I’m a crucial piece to
this crazy puzzle of success. Look
at you man. You’re wearing a
fucking hoodie in Texas--

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.

CONRAD
(insisting)
And shorts! And shorts. You are
forgeting the shorts...Very
important part to the overall
ensemble.
BANKS
See. I repspect that n’ all but I’m
the suit, the polish. I’m what is
going to represent the
professional, the legitimacy.
CONRAD
Yeah, whatever.
BANKS
Look, we could do this. Like really
do this. I...need you for this.
Conrad, half-listening to Banks plead his case, glances at
Girl.

CONRAD
Is she going to talk?
Girl has been doozing off the whole time. Her attention span
weakens by the second.

BANKS
She’s weak. Her life battery is
depleted. There is only one thing
that can bring her back to her once
bubbly self: she needs a sexing.
Excuse me.
Banks hastily escorts Girl to the Taco Bell bathroom,
leaving Conrad alone at the wrapper-littered table. Girl
makes sure to announce her excitement for the upcoming
"events".

CONRAD
(sarcastic)
Swate.

INT. MAGGIE’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON

Maggie sits on the couch with her friend, Lizzie. The lights
are off, setting the mood for the monster stack of porn
Maggie rented. One of these magnificent flicks plays loudly
on the TV, shining a tainted light on the spectating girls.
Maggie sits unswayed and unimpressed. Her arms fold in

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.

disappointment, her face reads the same. Lizzie, on the

other hand, is all ears.

MAGGIE
This is stupid.
LIZZIE
(not breaking focus)
It’s not that bad.

MAGGIE
It’s not inventive. It’s not
believable, at all. Look, what kind
of woman would let some random
pirate have his way with her?

LIZZIE
A whore with an affinity for
pirates?
The girls lock eyes uncomfortably.

LIZZIE
(defensive)
What? It’s a fetish. Don’t look at
me that way.

MAGGIE
Whatever. I could totally make a
better porn than this.
LIZZIE
Oh, really now?

MAGGIE
Yeah. I’d make one with story, plot
twists, characters with depth--
LIZZIE
I’m in.
MAGGIE
What are you talking about?

LIZZIE
Let’s do it.
MAGGIE
I’m not sure it’s a good idea...

LIZZIE
Look, I know you need money. This
is a way to get it. You shoot, I
fuck. It’s that simple.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.

UNDER MAGGIE AND LIZZLE VOICE-OVERS:

EXT. CONRAD’S HOUSE - CIRCLE DRIVE

Banks and Girl drive off as Conrad waves them bye. Just as
he is about to turn to go back into the house, he sees a
girl that he has liked since freshmen year of high school,
Kate, walk out her house next door and approach her mailbox.
She notices him and pauses. Conrad is frozen. He flails his
right in an awkward wave and mouths "Hi".

MAGGIE (V.O.)
Ok...let’s do this.
Kate flashes a flirtatious smile. Conrad blushes.

LIZZIE (V.O.)
I’ll get the camera.

END