Copyright © 2019 by Conrad J. Ainsley All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be

reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the
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 Fuck Better
A Simple Guide to Superior Sex

Conrad J. Ainsley
 Introduction

Sex is just about the best thing in the world. Wars have been fought,
technology innovated, and human progress itself launched and halted over
the pursuit of sweet sexual congress. Whether you’re enjoying it in a
relationship or doing your best to scrounge up a lay wherever you can, sex
makes our lives better. We now live in an era with unprecedented access to
information, where we can find vast archives of online data to “hack” every
aspects of our lives. And yet, women remain sexually unsatisfied on a scale
that seems unfathomable given the knowledge available to us. Truth is,
growing up as men we aren’t encouraged by our peers to do things like read
books on laying better pipe. We’re not really “taught” how to fuck at all,
we’re just expected to pick up on it through experience and locker room
wisdom. But more often than not this approach fails us, to the extent that up
to 80% of women surveyed have faked an orgasm and almost half are
routinely dissatisfied with their sex lives.
This book discusses techniques to have better sex. There is a lot of
good information out there at this point; this book aims to tie useful tips and
methods together in a simple, readable format that will teach the reader how
to concretely perform better in the sack. It includes references to science
without diving too deep into technical terms, it has some fun and interesting
facts from history regarding sex, and it frequently uses so-called “blue”
language. We won’t often dwell on the sentimental aspects of sex so
frequently leaned on in other sex guides, though we do of course respect the
intimacy and human connection provided by sex. So that’s us, who are you?
You are any man interested in learning how to be better in bed, whether
you’re a high school virgin or a seventy year old geezer who’s been married
for forty years. Even if you feel like you’re already the king of slinging dick
I guarantee there’s some useful and fun information you can glean from this
book.
The emphasis of this book is on pleasing a woman, not by buying her
flowers and whatnot but by making her cum hard where other men or
yourself have previously failed to do so. The first part discusses her anatomy
to get you familiar with some of the terminology we’ll be using throughout
the book. After that, we discuss “dick stuff”, which primarily covers ways to
overcome sexual performance issues such as anxiety over penis size, erectile
dysfunction, and premature ejaculation. “Getting There” is a brief discussion
of good hygiene practices and general behavior to make you more sexually
desirable. I promise I’m not going to recommend you wear platform shoes
and ostrich feather hats like some sort of pickup artist. We then move into
discussing concrete foreplay and sex techniques. After that, a quick section
on keeping it healthy in the bedroom, and then an introduction to the world
of sex toys for those who are unfamiliar. This book is very pro sex toy and
you should be as well if you want to maximize your potential in the twisted
sheets. We then discuss how to get the most out of anal expeditions, from
external stimulation to full on ass-fucking. The book is capped off with a
section on some useful extras like squirting and bondage play.
The language of the technique sections are often a play-by-play guide
from the perspective of your approach with a new partner, but can just as
easily be applied to a long-term relationship. The history tidbits provide
some interesting conversation topics, the science is kept to a bare minimum
to give you the knowledge to understand without feeling like you’re reading
a biology textbook. Information on topics such as menstruation and female
birth control is given to increase your knowledge and make you a better
lover and person. The information contained in the various sections is
related, though the specific topic jumps around often. As you read you’ll
come to find that open communication is held dearly as perhaps the essential
foundation from which all good sex is built, and that applies to your pleasure
as well as hers.

There’s a lot of conflicting theories over whether or not humans evolved

to be monogamous. Some form of love, whatever you take that to mean, is a
central human need that spans cultures and generations. Whatever your
beliefs on love and monogamy, there’s little argument that a long-term
sexual relationship will produce consistently better results than one night
stands with various partners. The tools provided in this book can work in any
scenario, but you will have better luck finding what works for her, or trying
more advanced play like squirting and bondage, with a somewhat regular
partner. Part of what makes sex great is the joy of being intimate with
another person; this book doesn’t often linger on the emotional aspects of
good sex, but whether you’re in a committed monogamous relationship or
enjoying a fun casual romp with a regular partner, embracing affection will
increase the depth of enjoyment you can gain from sex.

Seeking and receiving consent is the first step in any physical

relationship. You’ve likely noticed the increasing prevalence in the news of
coverage devoted to sexual harassment, the “Me Too” movement, and rape
culture. It is essential for any decent man to attempt to sympathize with the
world that women inhabit in our society. The National Sexual Violence
Resource Center reports that one in five women in the US have been raped,
while one in three report physical sexual abuse of some form. 91% of sexual
assault/rape victims are female. These reflect only reported incidents of a
type of crime so personal that it often goes unreported. Aside from physical
sexual assault, women constantly deal with a set of behavior from shitty men
that make them cautious in their interactions with the opposite sex. You can’t
have good sex without respecting women and the first step to that is
attempting empathy for the circumstances they deal with.
This book isn’t about picking up or dating, it’s about sex, but we will
assume a basic respect for women as human beings and an understanding
that women don’t have it as easy as we do, and that trust, consent, and
communication are the primary building blocks of good sex, strong
relationships, and our growth as men. We’re going to assume that obtaining
consent is the base of the structure that the rest of this book works off of.
Whether this is the awkward first time “do you want this?” (if in doubt, just
ask) or trying to get your wife of ten years to try anal, no matter how elbow-
deep this book may get we operate based off of the lady being not just ok
with our actions, but enthusiastically affirmative. Final disclaimer: any
direction given in this book assumes positive consent and a strong emphasis
on open communication.

Every partner you have will be sexually unique in some way; the goal
of this book is to provide direction towards good sex through common
factors based on science, psychology, and human physiology. Nothing is
written here to say this is the cookie cutter guide as if every technique works
the same on every woman, although if you use the information written here
you will find a successful approach. Interpret as a forum of ideas to be
attempted, not necessarily as a recipe, and whether that spans a one night
stand or a decades long relationship you will find something that can
improve your stick game. So grab your nuts and let’s dive in.
 Definitions and Diagrams

This section will acquaint you with the basics of her gear to provide
you with the appropriate lingo and the utilitarian information to know what
you’re working with. Most of the parts discussed can be seen on the diagram
below. Knowing her body is indispensable to your ability to approach
sexually, and the genitals are often covered very briefly in sex ed classes,
with unfortunate results. I was once involved with a girl who thought women
peed out of their vaginas. She was 25.

◆◆◆
 The Mythical Clitoris

Female pleasure: It all comes down to the clit. Women’s sexuality

has historically been so unregarded and unstudied that we’ve only recently
started to understand the central role of the clitoris in sexual pleasure. The
human clitoris is the only organ known in the world to function solely for
sexual pleasure. It contains around 8,000 nerve endings and can engage an
additional 15,000 or so; for comparison the head of the penis has about
4,000. The diagram of the full scope of the clitoris shows that much of it is
inside the woman’s vulva, as opposed to the traditional understanding of the
clitoris as only the small head that is visible.

The clitoral tissue is comparable to that of the penis, as it fills with blood
and swells during arousal. The clitoral hood is equivalent to the foreskin; it’s
a small flap of skin that protects the sensitive glans. When performing
cunnlingus or giving her a handy, you may want to gently pull this flap up
(pop the hood) to increase sensation for her. To do so, place your palm on
her groin with your thumb just above her clit and pull up lightly with the
thumb, you should see her clit become more exposed. For our purposes
throughout this book, we will use the phrase “clitoris” to refer specifically to
the glans…because I personally think that “glans” sounds a bit medical and
that’s that. The external clitoris can vary greatly in size and is often a body
image issue for women who believe theirs may be too large, a fun
contradiction to men’s issues with the size of their equivalent sex organ. To
continue the irony, larger glans are more likely to result in greater ease of
orgasm.

As misunderstood as female sexuality remains, at best we have to

work off of the prevailing theories. To this end, our best current
understanding is that almost all female sexual pleasure is derived from the
clitoris, whether through direct stimulation of the glans or indirect
stimulation of the iceberg beneath the surface. We’re going to be lovingly
discussing our friend the clitoris a lot throughout this book, but the main
points here are:

● Many of those nerve endings are focused in the small glans/head of

the clitoris, making it extremely sensitive. Handle delicately.
● Many women have a specific “spot” or angle on the clit that works
best for them; many claim that the upper right side of the glans is the
most typically sensitive spot.
● The clitoral network is responsible for almost all sexual pleasure a
woman can experience (everything is connected).
● In our attempts to make our sexual partners cum, direct stimulation
of the clitoris our best hope. 80% of women require engagement of the
glans to orgasm.

Labia

Her two sets of “lips” protect her clitoris and vaginal opening. The
labia majora are the outer folds of the external genitals, while the labia
minora are what we most often think of as the pussy lips. Labia vary widely
in size and shape, and are frequently a cause for body image issues in
women. Cosmetic surgeons have remarked that labiaplasty, reduction and
reshaping of the labia minora, is among the fastest growing cosmetic
procedures in the world. The labia can be stroked and kissed, and remember
that underneath the skin lies the “wishbone” of the clitoral network.

The Vagina

When people say vagina, they’re most frequently referring to the

vulva, which is the proper term for the outer parts of the female genitalia
(labia, clit, vaginal opening). The vagina proper is the muscular, nerve-lined
canal that connects to the uterus and is central in reproduction. Vaginas don’t
get loose from sex so dismiss that notion from your mind. Vaginal muscles
are very elastic, and remain clenched most of the time. During sexual
arousal, they ease up to facilitate reproduction and then tighten again
afterwards. Women who have given birth usually take about six months to
fully recover, and those in their thirties or older may struggle to regain the
same tautness of vaginal muscle. You’ll frequently hear about the benefits of
Kegel exercises for women. These work by strengthening the pelvic floor
muscles and are often done through simply flexing the same muscles that
control the flow of urination and help lead to better bladder control over
time. Many women claim strong pelvic floor muscles also increase their
abilities to enjoy sex. More advanced pelvic floor training commonly
involves the use of a “ben wa ball” or “jade egg”, terms for what is usually a
smooth ball with a string that can be inserted into the vagina and worn
throughout the day to strength the vaginal muscles while also providing
subtle stimulation. Weights can be used to increase the resistance.

The vagina becomes moist due to liquid secreted from the Bartholin’s
gland as blood-flow increases during arousal. The extent that her pussy will
get wet can vary on the day and is generally related to hormones, emotional
state, and a variety of physical factors. This fluid is different from normal
vaginal discharge, which is the vagina’s daily method of cleaning itself by
flushing out dead cells and bacteria. That’s what the stains on your
girlfriend’s underwear are. Discharge is perfectly normal, though she may
experience occasional changes in the character of her discharge that require
treatment, such as during a yeast or urinary tract infection. Vaginas all smell
different; if you enjoy this scent, pubic hair works well to entrap it and vice
versa. If something smells significantly different than usual with your
partner, you should delicately inform her.

The G-Spot

The G-Spot, named after German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg, is

an erotic area located on the anterior wall of the vagina. The area as depicted
in the diagram tends to have a slightly dimpled or ribbed texture. This is
related to urethral sponge in the area that engorges to prevent women from
peeing while aroused (similar to the tissue in your penis that swells during
arousal). It can swell to almost the size of a walnut, so you can sometimes
feel a distinct round bulb. The existence of the G-spot has always incited
debate, though most modern researchers agree that there is something to the
concept. Once understood to be a distinct organ that explained orgasm
through vaginal penetration alone, the most modern understanding of the G-
spot is that it is a part of or interacts closely with the clitoral network. For
the sake of this book, we will continue to refer to this area specifically as the
G-spot while understanding that it is part of a structure related to pleasure
through the clitoris. The G-spot will be central to our understanding of
orgasm through penetration (and our discussion of squirting) in the chapters
to come. There are innumerable other purported erogenous zones such as the
K, U, and P spots, but for the sake of this book we’ll stick with areas that are
reliable, useful, and accessible.
 Unquestionably, some women derive pleasure from an area deeper
inside that also lies on the front wall of the vagina. Frequently referred to as
the “A-spot”, the anterior fornix is an erogenous zone located a few inches
deeper than the G-spot, right next to the cervix. You can discover if your
partner enjoys deeper sensation by discussing, then using the G-spot
stimulating positions detailed in this book while aiming deeper. Because of
the A-spot's proximity to the cervix, use caution with deep thrusting. It’s
wise to have your partner use a sex toy to let her “map” the area out before
going balls deep.

The Cervix

The cervix is the gatekeeper between the vagina and the uterus. It
allows the flow of menstrual blood out of the uterus and helps to direct
sperm from the vagina up into the uterus. It is a narrow passage comprised
of strong muscle that is absolutely not meant to be penetrated or bumped.
Much of the discomfort that women can experience in sex will come from an
inexperienced or inconsiderate partner thrusting too deep and hard into the
cervix. The average vagina is between 3 and 6 inches long. It should be very
obvious to you if during sex your dick is hitting up against the cervix, as
you’ll feel resistance and more likely than not your partner will say “not so
deep” or “fuck off” or something to that effect. There is a certain holistic
Taoist sexpert who claims that all women are able to experience deep and
“spiritual” orgasms through cervical stimulation; if that interests you and
you have an open-minded partner, look it up and see if you can make it
happen. For most of your encounters, be cautious with thrusting deep
(communication as always will help).

Hymen

Commonly misperceived throughout history as an indication of virginity,

the hymen is a membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening. It can be
torn through a variety of physical activities, frequently through penetrative
sex, hence the association with bleeding for the first time. If you’re reading
this and you’re a virgin and she’s a virgin and everything is legal and checks
out, don’t freak out if she does/doesn’t bleed a little the first time.

Perineum

The space between the anus and sex organs in men and women. An
erogenous zone that can be stroked or massaged.

Ass

What makes us like butts? Female hormones linked to fertility lead to

the storage of fat in the buttocks; in theory, a fat ass signalled fertility and
was biologically desirable to potential mates. Other theories seeking to
explain our attraction to the ass have found that men seem to prefer a certain
spine curvature that would have led to better gathering capacities later into
pregnancy, an angle that happens to accentuate the butt.

Nipples/Tits
 Humans appear to be among the only species that commonly engage
in and enjoy breast stimulation during sex. The common evolutionary
theories suggest that breasts simulate the shape of buttocks, replicate the
storage of fat signalling fertility, and drive biological desire in this way.
Another popular if sort of weird to consider theory is that everyone loves
boobs because of breastfeeding. Whatever your preference in size and shape,
breasts and nipples can and should be incorporated into most healthy sexual
diets. Some women can orgasm from breast play alone. A friend was once
asked the age old question, “are you an ass or tit man?” He thought about it
for a second and offered the immortal, “I’m a pussy man”.

The Female Orgasm

If a metaphor helps, you can think of orgasm as climbing a mountain.

If a man’s orgasm is to scale to the peak then slide down to the bottom, a
woman’s typically is to summit and then dip slightly, making it relatively
easier to peak again than it was to get there in the first place. Sometimes, the
interval can be as short as a few seconds. The world record for most orgasms
per hour by a woman is 134, measured with laboratory equipment during
research. Coming at a rate of one orgasm every 27 seconds, orgasms such as
this tend to feel to women more like a “wave” of constant cumming than
distinct orgasms. Women can also have different types of orgasms that feel
different, whereas all we can do is bust a nut with varying degrees of
intensity. Women have reported vaginal, clitoral, anal, nipple, cervical, G-
spot, A-spot, C-spot orgasms; the list goes on and on. Leading up to orgasm,
her skin will become flush, her breathing more rapid. The moment of her
release will have muscles in her vagina, uterus, and anus involuntarily
contracting and relaxing. Women orgasm differently, if in doubt just ask
when the action has slowed down a little. With any of the techniques in this
book, you’ll almost always want to keep the rhythm and intensity of your
movements consistent through her orgasm, or risk throwing her off just as
she’s reaching her peak.

You may be uniquely concerned about the size and shape of your
cock, but she almost certainly has more body image issues. The media
absolutely bombards us with idealized images of women. Almost every
single advertisement or photo shoot you ever see of a woman looking
attractive is not only rigorously angled, lighted, and complemented by
extensive makeup sessions, but is digitally re-touched. It’s little wonder that
men and women alike have a perverse notion of what a “real” woman looks
like. Women have stretch marks, pimples, moles, body hair, fat in unwanted
places, all of the same things that men do. The first step you need to take is
recognize that the images you’re accustomed to seeing depicting desirable
women are highly fictional. You’re allowed to be attracted to what you want,
but if you need a woman in full makeup with a lasered pubic region and a
bleached asshole to get your dick up you need to grow up.
To that end, respect and be conscious of her potential body image
issues. Compliment as frequently as sincerity allows. Particularly when you
get together for the first time, go out of your way to praise her body. A
woman is often particularly insecure about her breasts, belly, and the
appearance and scent of her pussy. Be verbally positive, make sure she
knows you find her attractive. If you don’t, why are you doing this in the
first place?

Menstruation Primer
A woman’s menstrual cycle prepares her body for pregnancy.
Hormones estrogen and progesterone cause the eggs in the ovaries to mature
so they can be fertilized by sperm. The uterus develops a thick, spongy,
nutrient-rich lining to help nurture an egg should it be fertilized. Halfway
through the menstrual cycle, the ovaries release a mature egg to travel down
the fallopian tubes to the uterus. During ovulation, she is at her highest
susceptibility to pregnancy and will also often be very horny. If the egg is
not fertilized, the blood and tissue that grew to line the uterus to support an
egg break down and exit the uterus. Hence, menstruation. Women frequently
track their menstrual cycles to help prevent or encourage pregnancy or
simply to be prepared for their periods and use birth control accordingly.
Tampons, pads, and menstrual cups are some of the more common products
to absorb period blood. A fun note in an otherwise medical section, if you
hear Caribbeans say “bumbaclot” or “blood cot” the etymology refers to the
cloths women used to stem the flow of menstrual blood before modern
feminine hygiene products became widely available.
The days surrounding menstruation can be a real pain in the uterus for
most women. Mild to severe discomfort, bloating, and cramping are
common. Premenstrual syndrome, PMS, can also have mental and emotional
effects such as mood swings or depression. These are undeniably real and
are a natural if unpleasant part of many women’s menstrual cycle. So when
your girlfriend is moody, don’t be an asshole about it, get her a heating pad,
and chocolate seems to help.
Menstruation has been a core tenet of the designation of women as
unclean and/or inferior by patriarchal societies and religions. “Bumbaclot” is
fun to hear and say, but the downside is that it’s born from the Rastafari’s
association of menstruation with filth. All major religions find menstruation
to be a form of impurity. Recognizing that life is possible only through the
often uncomfortable process of menstruation, and not being a pussy about it,
is one of the fundamental steps to being a decent man in the world. If you
and your partner are comfortable with embracing the red tide, period sex is
just as good as normal sex; it can even help relieve menstrual symptoms for
her. Some notes:
● Depending on how heavy her flow is, you may want to lay a towel
down.
● Make sure to remove her tampon.
● While it is less likely that she will get pregnant from sex on her
period, sperm can live in her system for up to a week. Wearing a
condom cuts down on any risk and makes cleaning up easier.
● You can still give her oral sex on her period, though you will likely
want to stay high and focus on the clitoris. The smell will likely be a bit
more...rare.
● My favorite thing I read online today, about period sex: “You can
put away the KY during your period. Blood acts as a natural lubricant.”
Ominous.
 Your Anatomy and Dick Stuff

Keep it healthy down there. Make it a part of your routine to check

your testacles for lumps at least weekly in the shower. Keep an eye out for
moles or skin tags and make sure to talk to a doctor if these change in shape
or hue over time. The WHO reports that between 60 and 90 percent of men
in the US are circumcised, with similar rates in Australia. In most European
countries, circumcision rates are lower than 20%. With the exception of the
US and Australia, circumcision worldwide is primarily prevalent mostly in
Muslim and Jewish communities. The practice gained steam in the US in the
19th centuries when doctors thought that removing the foreskin could heal
everything from madness to hernias, though rates are decreasing slowly in
recent years.

Whether you still have your foreskin or not, your penis is normal. If
you do have foreskin, after childhood it should be easily and painlessly
retractable. If this is not the case, work to slowly and carefully exercise the
foreskin to the point that you can retract it painlessly. Use lubrication; if over
the course of several weeks you still can’t pull back your foreskin, speak to a
doctor. It’s important to wash underneath the skin to prevent a host of
potential complications. And to wash away smegma. If you don’t know,
smegma is cheesy, stinky buildup of secretions from oil glands in the
genitals. It’s fun to say the word but you definitely don’t want your partner
getting a taste (women can develop smegma buildup in the folds of their
labia as well; hygiene is good).

◆◆◆

Semen displacement theory makes a compelling argument as to why

the penis is shaped the way it is, and has pronounced psychological
implications to boot. Noting that most primates have little or no pronounced
glans to their penis, some researchers posit that our enlarged heads serve to
literally “scoop” the semen of previous partners out of the vagina with each
thrust. The theory suggests that humans evolved to be polyamorous and that
males developed larger glans to help make their reproductive seed more
competitive.

◆◆◆

The most glaringly obvious question that many men have in relation
to their bodies and sexuality is “is my dick big enough?”. Every study that
ever comes out (and there’s a lot of these) finds the average penis size in
adult males to be about 5 to 6 inches. Our obsession with the size of our
penises causes untold numbers of men to experience mental and possibly
physical anguish and has resulted in a cottage industry of snake oil salesmen.
Around 85% of women report being satisfied with the size of their partner’s
penises, while 45% of men believe they have a small penis. Gentlemen, the
tough break is you are stuck with your gear basically as it is. While there are
surgeries and techniques that can lead to modest length increases, they
frequently do so at the expense of penis function. The best you can do is
accept that you have what you have and it’s no reflection on your
masculinity or ability to please a woman; most of the techniques in this book
to make your partner orgasm are highly independent of vaginal penetration
to begin with. Here’s a short list of penis enlargement techniques, none of
which are endorsed:

Surgery There’s a bloody history of men seeking penis enlargement

through surgery. In the 1990s, cosmetic surgeons often cut the primary
suspensory ligament of the penis and then injected it with fillers to give the
appearance of girth. The snipped ligament would often cause the penis to
actually retract into the body or at best lose erectile functionality, and the
fillers had a tendency to travel and you’d end up with a lumpy, misshapen,
flaccid, painful dick. There is now one FDA-approved cosmetic penis
enlargement treatment that implants a medical grade silicone sleeve into the
dick. It’s called Penuma, costs about $15,0000, and is currently available
only in Beverly Hills. No other procedure should remotely cross your mind.

Jelqing A popular and potentially harmful technique that involves

manually “stretching” the penis through massage, the idea being that the
tissue can be trained to accomodate more blood and lengthen over time.
Penis weighting involves similar stretching theories. Most doctors caution
strongly against these practices, pointing out that stressing the arteries in the
penis will more likely cause damage leading to lack of sensation and erectile
dysfunction than it will increase the size and strength of erections.

Pills, oils, unguents No. Additionally, prescription erectile

dysfunction medications such as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra often suggest in
their marketing that they improve size. What these drugs do is inhibit the
flow of blood away from the penis, allowing one to achieve and maintain an
erection they would normally struggle to acquire. They do not make your
dick bigger.

Penis pumps Penis pumps do have a useful function if used

correctly, but it’s not enlargement. Vacuum-style pumps help draw blood to
the penis and can help those with erectile dysfunction, if a cock ring is used
after pumping up the erection to constrict blood flow out of the penis. Most
anyone can achieve a rigid, engorged erection using this method. Cock rings
are good for firmer erections in general. Penis pumps do not actually
increase penis size over time, but can help those looking for stronger
erections or to temporarily treat ED. Pumps and cock rings shouldn’t be used
every time, as they can actually weaken erections over time. Users have to
be careful not to pump too hard or risk damaging blood vessels.

There are no safe, consistent methods to naturally increase the

maximum size of your penis, but there are a variety of techniques that can
help you look bigger, achieve your strongest erections, and increase blood
flow to the penis. And it’s mostly the same boring stuff you already know
you should do to increase your overall health. Improve your nutrition and
exercise more. Losing belly fat will definitely make your penis look bigger,
and robust blood flow typical of a healthy body will increase the strength of
your boner. Kegel exercises can work for men as well as woman to
strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that control bladder and bowel function,
and may even improve sexual performance. The easiest way to identify these
muscles is to stop urination mid-stream; once isolated, make it part of your
daily routine to do three sets of ten repetitions of flexes. Tighten the muscles
and hold for three seconds, then relax for three. That’s one rep. You can also
identify these muscles by “flexing” an erection. Having stronger erections is
great, and think about how cool you’ll be as the only geezer at the nursing
home who doesn’t wear diapers.

The vast majority of men experience difficulty getting/maintaining

an erection from time to time, for a host of possible physical and mental
reasons, but if you’re consistently struggling there are several approaches to
get your soldier to battle when called. Many of the techniques for
strengthening the penis are also useful for those combating erectile
dysfunction. General good diet with exercise, not smoking cigarettes,
drinking in moderation, getting enough sleep and managing stress levels are
your best support system for good overall health and subsequently strong
and attentive boners. Diabetes, poor heart health, and some medications
frequently interfere with erections. If you start experiencing regular ED, it’s
never a bad idea to get a medical check-up to make sure that there aren’t
underlying, more serious issues. Of course, as men age most have greater
difficulty maintaining firm erections; older age is also more likely to come
with heart problems that affect blood flow.

There are also psychological and emotional hang-ups. In a study of

men experiencing erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, 36% were
diagnosed with depression or anxiety disorders. If you regularly experience
ED without physical explanation and believe you may exhibit other
symptoms of a potential mental health issue, ask your doctor about
psychological treatment. It’s also not uncommon for otherwise physically
and mentally healthy men to experience prolonged erectile dysfunction. It
may have started with one incident that can snowball into a persistent
problem for men due to the stigma around ED in society, causing anxiety,
stress, and low self-esteem that compound the initial problem. It can be
really frustrating and stressful to be caught in a cycle of being unable to
perform when you need to, especially if you’re having no trouble
masterbating and there’s no discernible physical reason for the ED. The
suggested approaches to battling this issue are similar to other methods of
combating stress and anxiety, such as meditation and rhythmic breathing.
You can also try to just wait it out and may find that after a week or so you
stop focusing so actively on the issue and are able to perform.

What about boner pills? There are five FDA approved medications to
treat erectile dysfunction. Of these, Viagra is the best known. The active
compound in Viagra, sildenafil, was first synthesized by Pfizer in the 1990s
in an attempt to develop a medication to treat hypertension and angina. The
compound was to lower blood pressure by dilating blood vessels through the
release of nitric oxide in the system. While it wasn’t so effective in treating
these disorders, the test patients did commonly end up with raging boners.
Pfizer repositioned it as an erectile dysfunction drug, it hit the market in
1998, and the little blue pill went on to become the most iconic medication
of all time. All other ED medications use a different active compound to
achieve a similar result. They have varying side effects and can’t be used by
some men, such as those with heart issues, but a doctor may decide you
should try to use medication to treat persistent erectile dysfunction.

And then there are over the counter pills. With names like Rhino and
Black Mamba, these giant suppository-looking pills can be found at most gas
stations and sex shops. They are frequently recalled for dangerous side
effects, most often use completely unproven herbal remedies, and are
expensive to boot. If you’re having persistent ED problems, go to a doctor. If
you find it embarrassing to speak to someone in person, there are now
services where you can get diagnosed and receive prescriptions online. Best
to stay away from popping giant, unregulated pills full of who knows what.

Premature Ejaculation

In his 1948 work Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Alfred Kinsey
noted the average duration of intercourse before ejactulation to be around 2
minutes. A 2005 study of 500 couples across several countries found the
average to be 5.4 minutes, while a 2008 study of American and Canadian
sex therapists found they believed “desirable length” of intercourse to last
from 7 to 13 minutes. Online sex toy retailer Lovehoney surveyed 4,400
customers in relationships and found that most had sex for 19 minutes, with
10 minutes of foreplay and 9 of intercourse. There’s no right answer for a
length that constitutes good sex, it’s whatever feels good for you and your
partner. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to perform all night long
like an R&B song. If you regularly bust a nut before you want to, this could
be premature ejaculation. It’s experienced by every man at one time or
another, but if you persistently struggle to last two minutes you may consider
medical help. Similar to ED, there can be many physical and psychological
issues that lead to PE. More often than not, working to battle your anxiety
surrounding the issue will be your greatest asset.

◆◆◆

Alfred Kinsey was among the first major figures in the modern study of
sex. His reports on male and female sexuality in the late 1940s and early
1950s helped to pave the way toward more liberal attitudes towards sex in
general society, especially in relation to female sexuality. He dismissed
Freud’s claim that clitoral orgasms were “immature”, and his books became
controversial bestsellers that many claim served as precursors to the Sexual
Revolution of the 1960s and 1970s. He also had some really questionable
research tactics, such as interviewing pedophiles, mis-representing data, and
observing sexual behavior of research participants for his own gratification.

◆◆◆

Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, offers several tips to those that
suffer from routine premature ejaculation, a condition he endured throughout
his 20s. He first suggests practicing holding off on your orgasms through
masterbation. The male orgasms consists of two stages: emission, in which
the urethra fills with semen, and ejaculation, where the semen evacuates.
Kerner and other experts recommend practicing orgasming to the point of
emission without actually ejaculating; when used in sex, anyone can try this
trick to last longer in bed. If you need to, stop thrusting as the minor
contractions, like a mini orgasm, wash over you. Resume when safe. He also
writes that he personally used SSRIs, a class of antidepressants including
Zoloft and Prozac, to help overcome his issues with premature ejaculation
and notes several studies supporting this use of such drugs. He also
recommends a relatively new lidocaine spray product, Promescent. Similar
sprays and oils using the common anesthetic have existed for years, though
Promescent does appear to have unusually good press and may be worth
considering. Additionally, consider trying out positions that minimize in and
out stimulation, and focus more on circular stroking motions with your hips
or try the CAT position.
 With sexual performance issues, keep in mind that most women
don’t cum from vaginal penetration alone and that a good showing in
foreplay can more than make up for erection/ejaculation difficulties. No one
wants to struggle with these issues permanently and for many these are short
terms problems. In the meantime, focus on combining good tongue game
with educated sex toy use and you’ll be so distracted by her orgasms you’ll
forget that you were supposed to be anxious about your boner and there
you’ll be, ready to roll.

Virgins
All of the techniques in this book can used to good effect by anyone.
The average age that both boys and girls in the US lose their virginity is
around 17. If you’re running a little behind don’t worry about it. I lost my
virginity at nineteen, and while I didn’t have any more innate knowledge of
the female body than a 14 year old would have, I did do my fair share of
research beforehand. If you’re reading this, you’re putting yourself in a good
starting position. Don’t ever feel pressured to have sex just because your
peers are doing it, it’s your choice and there’s no point in doing it for
anything other than your happiness. But if you’re in your late teens, don’t
knock it til you try it. And for the love of God never, ever, ever get into
being an incel just because you’ve had a bumpy start.

◆◆◆

Epididymal hypertension is the result of blood rushing to the nuts

during arousal. The excess blood can even give the testacles a bluish hue,
hence the term “blue balls”. If you hook up with someone and aren’t able to
get your rocks off, jerk it out before the aching sets in.
 Getting There

This section will discuss simple behavior that will enable you to get laid
more, though this book isn’t a pick up guide. If you are trying to learn to
better pick up girls, use guides like The Game with caution. The website
College Humor posted a video where they went around Hollywood asking
women in the street if a quote regarding women and sex was from The Game
or a famous serial killer. The majority of the answers they received were
wrong. Don’t be someone whose dating/sex mantras are more likely to be
regarded as serial killer quotes than pick up techniques.

Make Girl Friends

This is the best step you can take toward getting laid, period. At least
aside from hookers. If you don’t have close female friends, go out of your
way to make some (I’d imagine hookers can be top tier girl buddies). No
matter what your interests, you can find girls you enjoy talking to and
spending time with that will enjoy your company as well. There’s no field
guide on “how to make friends”, in this case remember to be nuanced in
your approach. Girls, especially stereotypically pretty ones, are often
cautious about opening up to strangers because they’re used to being
objectified or “girlfriendzoned”; don’t put any girl in the position where she
has to friendzone you. Once you make some close female friends, not only
will your personality range increase substantially as a person, but you’ll have
access to the best coaches in the game. Whether your friend suggests an
article of clothing, a grooming style, or literally foists a visiting friend of
hers onto you, she is the ideal wingwoman. Girls are awesome.

Hygiene & Grooming

Your personal hygiene is among the easiest and most crucial avenues
to making you more desirable. Good hygiene is also good health, so it’s a
win all around. Self awareness is key. Brush your teeth twice a day for a
minute at a time; include a brief tongue brush. Floss if you have the patience.
Keep your fingernails clean and smooth, this is critical for touching her
sensitive parts. Shower on a daily basis and wash thoroughly with soap. Get
in on exfoliating with a loofah. Use lotion to keep your skin moist and stay
younger looking. Some people like cologne, some experts would
recommend you allow your pheromones to flourish, or go with the middle
path and use a stick deodorant. If you do spray, keep it subtle. As far as
grooming is concerned, the best approach is to ask your girl friends. Beards
had a big surge with the “lumbersexual” trend but seem to be dying down
depending on where you live. Not everyone can/should wear a mustache.
Keep hair clean, whether you wear it short or long is up to you. No bowl cuts
or other childish holdovers. If you’re balding like me, just do whatever the
hell works. I keep what I have left short but may try to Bic it soon.
As with all matters of personal presentation, the ideal for male body
hair has changed over time. There are several schools of thought. Many men
think that grooming their body hair makes them a sissy; I don’t know what’s
“soft” about getting laid and having women think you’re attractive. Your
look here really depends on your body type. If you’re somewhere on the
spectrum of “average” to really hairy, keep your chest and gut pubes
trimmed. Go with a number 1 or 2 guard on an electric clipper. If you’re not
hairy to begin with, don’t worry about it, though make sure no creepy
stragglers stick around. If you’re up for fully shaving or Nairing your body
regularly, go for it, though many can’t stand the itchy feeling when it grows
back and don’t have the patience to regularly keep it clean in the first place.
If you do go fully bare, make sure you have the physique to support it. The
general modern consensus appears to be that groomed chest hair is good, but
no one likes back hair. As you age, back hair becomes more of a bitch to
take care of as it sprouts in more and more odd patches. You may be the
unlucky super hairy guy that has a mat back there and needs 40 Year Old
Virgin-style waxing from time to time.
Same rules for pubes. Keep them trimmed and if hair grows up the shaft
of your dick, you can shave it every now and again. If you’ve got a super
hairy ass your prospective romantic partners would likely prefer that
trimmed as well just for appearances. Everyone has heard that your penis
looks bigger if you shave your pubes clean but I would suggest avoiding
this. The perception of slightly increased length isn’t worth the daily clean
shave essential to keep you from stabbing her pussy with sharp five o’clock
dick shadow every time you fuck. Some women also think it looks boyish
and prepubescent to have a hairless nether region. You can shave just the
base to get the same “enlarging” effect, though if you do so you’ll need to
keep it clean regularly. The great thing about body hair in general is most
likely people aren’t going to see it all that often and you can experiment to
your heart’s content. I shaved my chest once long ago when I was somewhat
athletic, I didn’t care for the itchy regrowth and thought it looked bizarre.
One more time for those in the back don’t have fresh scruff on your dick
when you’re going to get laid it will be very uncomfortable for her. And for
God’s sake, be careful with anything sharp around your junk!

Style

You can’t go wrong with your personal style as long as you’re happy
with it. As you’ll hear time and again, confidence is one of the primary
drivers of attraction. If you like listening to hardcore music and want to
pierce your lip dye your mohawk pink and wear a black shirt with a red
Pentagram and cut off sleeves, go for it. If you like wearing an oxford shirt
tucked into khakis with loafers, or even a full suit every day, have at it. No
pleated pants, ever. Clothes that are too tight or too loose are rarely ideal.
Try to avoid peacocking for the sake of peacocking, it’s usually asinine. If
you insist on peacocking, get yourself a pair of poulaines, the Medieval
shoes pictured below. The length of the toe was intended to display the
length of the wearer’s dong, and were early results of the myth that foot and
penis size are correlated.

Pursue your interests and habits

Having a personality makes you attractive. These days we are
increasingly sedentary and attached to screens. You can do whatever you
want that makes you happy, but take a personal inventory of the things that
matter to you and the things you do on a regular basis. Make sure your
activities and priorities align with who you want to be as a person. Playing
Fortnite for five straight hours or binge watching the Office for the 10th time
are fun and fine to do, but try to make sure that’s not your life on a daily
basis. Get outside now and again, find some interests that you enjoy that
don’t involve a screen, and try to exercise somewhat regularly. Make sure
you’re living a life that you enjoy but contains more than the short term rush
you get from a heart on Instagram. I would highly recommend international
travel; anyone can make the budget work depending on where you go, and
it’s a good way to have sex with hot Europeans.

Health

It would appear to be easy to engage healthy habits that will

ultimately make you better-looking and better at fucking. The difficulty is in
breaking the bad habits we are all prone to. There are plenty of guides out
there offering the “right” approach to nutrition and exercise; find a system
that doesn’t seem like a scam and embrace it. Even light exercise, when
done regularly, will have a huge impact on your fitness. Exercise will have
an immediate positive effect on your sex life, from increased desirability in
your appearance to better blood flow to help the dragon awaken and fly
strong. It also makes you feel better about yourself even when it sucks
dragging ass to the gym or pumping out an ab workout when you just
worked 8 hours and all you want to do is eat tacos on the couch. Confidence
again is a key to desirability. Healthy exercise, particularly weight lifting,
also boosts testosterone to increase your sex drive. Don’t neglect cardio to
keep you railing away during those long sessions. Sex itself is a pretty
decent form of light exercise; maybe you should start squeezing a dip in the
pink pool for active rests between sets.

◆◆◆

Alcohol and hooking up have become thoroughly entwined in our

culture because of its ability to loosen inhibitions. You go to a bar, start
drinking, and next thing you know you’re talking to a random girl that you
never would have approached if you weren’t drinking. This can be really
cool in the ideal and uncommon situation where you’re doing something you
would actually want to do sober, like approach a cute girl with confidence. A
problem, among myriad others, is that alcohol also manufactures situations
that your compromised judgment will put you in that you wouldn’t normally
want to find yourself. Like hooking up with a girl twice your weight. Or who
has a dick.
Alcohol also has direct negative effects on your sex game. Aside from
boozy breath and a dry mouth, a general lack of coordination, and impaired
judgment, the hooch messes with your cock. Most have heard of or
experienced “whiskey dick”, when you can’t get it up while drunk. The
science suggests the inability to get an erection while drinking is from a
combination of dilated blood vessels, which fucks with the blood flow in
your penis, and a general discombobulation of the nervous system due to the
discoordination alcohol inflicts on the brain. Alcohol is also desensitizing, so
in some situations you may get an erection but not be able to come.
Without excusing the intentional behavior of bad people, alcohol is
frequently a factor in situations where someone feels like they were taken
advantage of. There’s a line from the 2005 comedy 40 Year Old Virgin where
the character Jay is telling Andy (the virgin in question) that every man has
an instinct to “tackle drunk bitches”. That line probably wouldn’t fly in a
movie today, and it shouldn’t be anyone’s attitude on a bar night. I had no
intention of including two references to the same movie in one chapter it just
happened that way. The best approach vis a vis sex on a night out is to focus
on having fun with your friends, network and meet a nice young lady you
want to bang, get her contact info and meet up with her another time. If you
do end up in drunken one night stands, make sure consent is very clearly
communicated. And wear protection.
Marijuana doesn’t seem to have a negative impact for most people’s
sex lives. Some couples prefer to get high before sex and find they end up
enjoying more intimate and tender relations that usual. Others find the high
distracts them and makes it more difficult to bang out. With laws around pot
generally loosening, a lot more research is being done into the effects of
THC on the brain. Some scientists are suggesting it may increase sex drive
and sensation, but no conclusive research is available at the moment.
A few bullets on other drugs, none of which are endorsed in any way:
● Cocaine has studied aphrodisiac properties and often makes users
intensely horny and high energy but can also result in erectile
dysfunction. And is terrible for you.
● Legal and illegal amphetamines, including ADD meds, often lead to
ED.
 ● Hallucinogens have such a wide variety of effects on individuals it’s
difficult to make any concrete assessments.
● Opiates bad.

In general, your consistently best sex is going to be sober. Trying to

funnel potential drunken hook-ups into sober sex is ultimately the best move,
drugs are bad, and sex is best enjoyed with a clear head.
 Foreplay

Many sex therapists are increasingly moving away from the term
“foreplay” in favor of phrasing that more aptly represents how central non-
penetrative activities should be in any romp. Around 80% of women can’t
orgasm from vaginal penetration alone; while there are many techniques
(that we will discuss) to incorporate clitoral stimulation into vaginal sex, it’s
essential to start things off on the right foot. Women do require a bit more of
a holistic approach to get the most out of sexual encounters. Especially when
it comes to your first few forays with a new partner, treat the foreplay as
your main course. The tried and true method to starting things off right is to
take your time up top and move south slowly and with care. At every
significant point, make sure that she clearly wants you to continue,
especially the first time you hook up.
There is no conclusive explanation for why humans like to kiss. One
school of thought suggests that kissing is a learned behavior, stemming from
a time long before Gerber’s when our ancient ancestors and predecessors
would chew food and then deposit it into the mouths of infants. Yes, like
birds, and many many other species. The mouth to mouth intimacy came to
denote a more general affection and has remained as learned behavior passed
through generations since. Another side would be the instinctual argument,
which posits that face to face displays of affection are common across many
species and our kissing is similar to, say, nose-rubbing in dogs. The most
widely accepted theory is more biological and posits that the primary
motivation for kissing is based as much on smell as it is taste and touch, in
that we experience each others’ pheromones pleasurably as we lean in for a
kiss. Whatever the reason, as long as everyone’s been brushing their teeth
kissing feels good and swapping saliva is a nice lead-in to more intimate
activity.
While making out, start to stray downward by tracing your lips along
her neck. She may like a gentle ear kiss or may find it too ticklish. Be gentle
and move slow, but don’t dally for too long. When you’re alone on a bed
together, she likely doesn’t want to just kiss for 15 minutes. Don’t leave
hickeys above the collarbone, and not at all unless she’s established that she
would enjoy it. Remove her shirt and move slowly to the breasts, and as with
all things moving forward go gently until it’s been established that she wants
things a little rougher.

◆◆◆

Learn how to take a bra off. Most clasp in the back and have one or
more sets of eyelets and hooks. To unclasp with one hand, insert your index
or middle finger between the bra and her back and pull out gently. Pinch the
clasp together with your thumb on one side and your index and middle
fingers on the other and while pinching, push your thumb away as if
snapping your fingers. If in doubt, using both hands is easier. Even
experienced cocksman can have trouble with complicated bra clasps in the
dark, don’t panic. Take some time to research the basic mechanics of a bra
and you’ll be in better position to unclasp one when the time comes.

◆◆◆

When it comes to breasts kiss, lick, and suck lightly. The nipples
should harden as she becomes sexually aroused due to the release of the
hormone oxytocin. Many women enjoy the feeling of pressure that some
form of sucking produces, and often say they feel that sensation “pulsating”
to her clitoris. Maybe tomorrow night you’ll be clamping clothespins on her
nipples and whipping them but take it easy for now. Kiss up her collarbone.
Kiss her upper arms if you feel like it. Women are made to feel so insecure
by all the bullshit media tells them about how they should have 100,000
bucks worth of plastic surgery and be wearing full makeup at all times. It’s a
fraught world for women when it comes to body image, and moving slowly,
tenderly, and appreciatively is going to make her feel comfortable to open up
with you. Her body image and self-esteem are often going to be the primary
obstacles to you both enjoying sex as much as you should. Foreplay,
including your interaction leading up to the physical part, is the best way to
get her to trust that you want to share an experience with her and not just use
her body without respecting her.
Attempt from the beginning to be reactive to her. This is always
difficult to gauge and especially with a new partner, but you should be able
to read her to an extent to see what she seems to enjoy. If she moans when
you lightly nibble her earlobes or kiss her belly, but grows quiet
(uncomfortably?) when you’re sucking her nipples, try to read that and circle
back to the things that produced the marks of enthusiasm. If she doesn’t
seem enthusiastic about anything you’re doing, confirm verbal consent
again. If she affirms but remains quiet/still, ask her what she wants. It’s
always going to be awkward the first time, you’ll be better off in the long
run with feeling a little weird trying to communicate up front than if you
carry on and then later she tells all her/your buddies you were shit in bed. By
the time you make your move to cross the southern border, she should be
very ready for it.

Migrating South
Take her pants off if you haven’t already. With her panties still on,
kiss down her legs, ideally to the knees and back along the inner thigh. Do
this several times. The goal with foreplay in general is to build up her
anticipation and get her raring to go when you finally move for the grail. If
you like, lightly trace your fingers up across her pussy over her panites. Kiss
and breath gently around the lines of her panties. Never shy away from
sustaining the teasing that builds her up. Caress and massage her inner
thighs, her butt, her pubic area. Foreplay in some form of the above is almost
always going to be the appropriate play for a first time. This is where the
proper technique splits and there’s really no way to gauge it until you’ve
done it. But on the bright side, follow this guide and you’ll probably get a
second or third shot to make sure you nail down the right approach for your
specific partner. Some say that a hot, wet kiss above the panties on the area
of her clitoris is the way to start more direct contact. Some favor the
approach of sliding her panties off, kissing around the area a little more,
perhaps even blowing softly on the clitoris as you kiss her inner thighs from
side to side.
To actually get your mouth on that pussy, you can go for a variety of
techniques. One is to send it with a big ol’ lick like a dog lapping some soft
serve ice cream. Start bottom to top, from just below the hole of her vagina
up and through her clitoris. Dip slightly harder into the vaginal hole and
lighten up on the clit, the latter is going to be an area where you see some of
the most diversity between women on how they like to be approached there.
If she responds well to that, do a second and third and then prepare to focus
on the clitoris. Another method is to dance more lightly into direct contact.
Tease her labia with your tongue, run your hands up and down her inner
thighs, and cycle closer towards licking her pussy hole, lips, and clitoris.
Every girl varies with how she would ideally like to be approached but the
main point is to move slowly and give her plenty of time to warm up. She
should be impatient to have you start going to town on her.
Start gently with the clitoris. After you first make contact, lick
around the area a bit more, repeating some of your previous motions while
expending a bit more emphasis on her clit each time you come through. If
she pulls away at all you’re going too hard, if she pushes her pussy toward
you she likely wants you to go harder at the clit. A tip I read in a book by
Jim Belushi (John Belushi’s bum brother) when I was fourteen espoused the
virtue of using the bottom of your tongue. The logic was that the clitoris,
teeming with nerve endings, is sensitive enough to react well to the
increased smoothness of the bottom versus the top of the tongue. To test this
you can lick your fingertip both ways, wash your damn hands first. It’s true
that the bottom of the tongue is smoother, but then again Jim Belushi is
almost definitely a total idiot and I’ve never come across this tip again so I’d
regard it with a grain of salt.
You can find a plethora of guides on eating pussy online or in print or
from any jackass you meet outside a bar, but in this case we’ll go with the
tried and true. From American Pie’s “tongue tornado” to side to side to up
and down to all manner in between, you can do a lot with that slippery thing
in your jaw to induce orgasm. Want to gauge the effectiveness of a technique
on clitoral stimulation? Look at what’s selling for sex toys. Right now sex
toys with an emphasis on a “sucking” motion are a big hit and growing. And
the great thing is this motion is easily performed and doesn’t fatigue the
tongue the way trying to trace the alphabet, constant circular motions, or up
down side to side do. So, suck gently while occasionally flicking the tip of
your tongue across and around the clit.
Increase the intensity of your sucking motion gradually, doing your
best to gauge her reaction as always. You may be driving the action, but she
is almost always going to give you an indication of what she likes and
dislikes. Women are all different but increased volume/vocality is always a
good sign. Don’t be completely static with your sucking motion, it’s not just
a vacuum of pressure. Move your tongue across her clit as you have it
between your lips, or make a sucking motion to pull her clit toward you and
release it rhythmically. Move carefully! As this process carries on and you
increase in intensity, you can wet your finger in your mouth (preferably with
lube if handy) and ease it into her. She should be wet, and if it doesn’t go in
easily wet further until it slides in and out without any resistance. If this goes
well try two, and while remaining focused on pleasuring her clitoris attempt
to find her G-spot and start stroking. Always gauge reaction. It depends on
your partner, but provided you’re doing everything correctly she will likely
cum within five to ten minutes. This will likely be accompanied by louder,
faster breathing, flushing/warming of her skin, and the undulation of her hips
directing her pussy harder into your mouth/fingers. If you’re lucky she’ll
give you verbal confirmation along the lines of “I’m gonna cum!” Resist the
urge to speed up mirroring the increase in her breathing or vocalizations.
Move faster/harder in relatively minute increments, what you’re doing
already is going to get her there. Her moment of release will almost always
be accompanied by a jerking of her body along with the signs mentioned
above. Her legs may open and close involuntarily.

◆◆◆
Cunnilingus tip: Go up and give her a kiss with your tongue, let her taste
herself on you, if she’s not into it move on but the majority of the time this is
going to serve as positive affirmation that you’re into her flavor. This is
often a stumbling block that the girl is self-conscious about because of all
the cucks out there talking about they don’t like the taste/smell. By the way,
if the taste or smell are notably offensive to you then something may be off
and you may want to work more quickly towards sex or some other form
of stimulation.

◆◆◆

The next tactic may be controversial among women but I simply

don’t know any better way to make sure she’s gotten what she needs.
Sometimes, it can be difficult to know if she’s right on the edge of climax or
if she’s actively orgasming. Continue your pressure until she closes her legs
definitively or pushes you away, it will be very obvious. The clitoris
becomes instantly incredibly sensitive after she’s reached orgasm and to this
day with my current partner of two years I still retain intensity to make sure I
know she’s reached it until she indicates. Don’t continue after she’s pushed
you away.
You may run into difficulty in getting your partner to cum. Some 10-
15% of women, due to various factors, simply have a lot of trouble coming
to orgasm. Women vary in the time they take, if it seems like it’s taking a
really long time (fifteen minutes or so...with good technique most will come
within five or less) take a break, kiss her, ask her what she’d like. There are
no negative consequences to communicating.
As you begin to learn a partner, you will find techniques that work
better for them. The sucking technique described is across the board a
generally excellent way to get your partner to cum, but you may find that she
prefers more of a “licking” motion that has less constant pressure. There’s a
million variations of this. Rarely will you find someone who appreciates you
trying to trace the alphabet on their clitoris; getting her to orgasm is most
often a matter of consistent, rhythmic stimulation. When sucking her clit,
you can also do a suck and release motion and repeat. Fingering her G-spot
is another popular addition to cunnlingus, as is some extent of asshole
touching. With your free hand(s), caress from her labia to her inner thighs,
lightly trace over her anus, and rub her perineum. These areas are all linked
to the clitoral networks and are highly sensitive. Blowing is a good
technique, often in the early stages when you’re still teasing her anticipation
of more steady contact. Never blow directly into her vagina, in rare cases
this could cause an embolism that could kill her! You can also try humming
or “motorboating” around her clitoris area to simulate a vibrator, although I
would recommend just picking up the real thing.
A quick aside on getting your dick sucked. At some point throughout
foreplay and cunnilingus she will likely want to reciprocate and put your
nasty member in her pretty mouth. You should enjoy this and encourage her
and communicate that you’re enjoying it, but remember your end game here.
The goal is to make her cum. You’re a dude. A dude needs a pretty routine
motion to get where he needs to go and the problem that can arise is that if
you bust a nut during foreplay, you might be out of commission for too long
to get the job done properly. Allow her to service you but if you feel you’re
getting too close, thank her, push her gently away, and resume your
approach. Make sure she feels confident that she pleased you and, if she
didn’t do a great job, you can correct this later. If she’s hurting you then
communicate as subtly as possible you’d like her to change her technique.
This book is primarily about making her cum, but obviously the goal is that
everyone should enjoy sex, so if you love being serviced orally then enjoy it
as much as you want.
After her first orgasm, her clitoris is going to enter a refractory
period, the same way that you can’t bust a nut twice in a row immediately
(can you? You lucky son of a bitch!). Happily, her refractory period is much
shorter than yours and we’ll be making love to the clit again sooner than
later, maybe in conjunction with vaginal intercouse. At this point she will
ideally be flustered and ready for penetration. Immediately after her orgasm,
hit the pause button and move back to your original foreplay techniques.
Kiss her body and mouth and talk to her a little. Ask if she liked that and
find out what direction she’d like to head in next. She may want to
reciprocate by sucking you off, or at least going at it for a while. She may
not want to go any further the first time you hook up. Hopefully, she’ll want
another round of pussy-eating or to jump into penetrative sex. If she’s being
somewhat unclear, obtain explicit consent to continue your foray; you don’t
have to be mechanical about it and say “May I now probe your vaginal
depths with my phallus” in a robot voice. Probably the easiest move here is
to pull out your condom, look her in the eyes, and begin to unwrap it. Say
something along the lines of “do you want sex?”; I won’t pretend that I
haven’t frequently said “May I?” like some sort of Victorian butler, sans
accent (usually), at various stages of sexual interaction.
 Intercourse

American poet Charles Bukowski once wrote that “sexual intercourse is

like kicking death in the ass while singing”. Intercourse gives us an access to
physical and personal intimacy that no other activity can replicate. It satisfies
us psychologically and biologically and through its mechanism allows us to
continue as a species. Sex is awesome, and you and your partner deserve to
be doing it the best you can. That’s the point of this book, and this section
will break down the most successful approaches to good intercourse. Let’s
start with positions.

Written somewhere in India around the 2nd century AD, the Kama
Sutra is an ancient “treatise on pleasure” that encompasses many different
aspects of living the good life. We tend today to think of it solely as a
manual detailing numerous exotic sex positions, although the original text
contains this information in only one chapter out of seven books.
Nevertheless, a quick Google search for “Kama Sutra: will come up with
more sex articles with titles like “215 Kama Sutra Positions to Blow his
Mind!” than it will references to other aspects of the text, which could
perhaps better be described as a guide to emotional fulfillment in
partnership. The Kama Sutra is worth noting as a very early example of a
text acknowledging the value of women’s sexual pleasure, an ideology that
is not often seen again in the historical record until recently.
Misinterpretation aside, the book does contain descriptions of some 65 sex
positions; for our purposes here, we’ll look in detail at only a few and
consider that most others are variants of the basics.

Missionary

Ol’ Reliable gets an unfair rep these days. Anytime someone wants to
disparage “vanilla” sex, they always gotta drag missionary into the mud like
it’s a boring position that only squares do. Missionary allows the best face to
face contact for effective communication of emotion and affection, kissing,
and you get a great view of her tits and can probably even suck at them on
and off. It’s also an easy and comfortable position for both parties and
fulfills the classic male on top dominant-submissive archetype that most
women enjoy during sex. Most sexual encounters will start in this way as it
rather naturally follows foreplay and is one of the best ways to start vaginal
sex. For most women, this position is relatively relaxing for her pelvic floor
muscles and is a good way to ease into sex during an encounter.
The advantages roll on and on. It puts you firmly in control of the sex,
which should be good if you’re doing things properly. With you doing most
of the work, she also gets to focus on her pleasure and orgasm. This man on
top position is also great for light bondage, like tying her hands over her
head or using nipple clamps. An excellent way to get better access to the G-
Spot is to tilt her hips upward by placing a pillow under her ass, which will
angle your dick right up into the front wall of her pussy. While your hands
will likely be occupied with propping yourself up (don’t...slouch over on
her) she has easy access to stimulate her clitoris with her hands or a vibrator.
And let’s not discount intimacy. In a one night stand, you’re probably not
going to be trying to stare deeply into her eyes while gyrating away on her
with a rose clutched in your teeth. But hopefully most of the sex you’re
having is with somewhat regular partners, and one of the greatest things
about sex in general is the ability to share emotional and physical intimacy
and there’s really no more ideal position for this than missionary. Very few
species in the animal kingdom have been observed having sex face-to-face,
and those that do are among the more intelligent (primates, dolphins).
There’s nothing wrong with celebrating our advanced intellect by banging
out looking each other square in the face like the civilized bipeds we are.
And then there are the extra tools available to the educated man. Time
and again we must acknowledge most women can’t climax from vaginal
penetration alone. The pillow under her ass is a good start to help you
toward the G-spot, but many will require direct clitoral stimulation. Once
you’ve fallen into a rhythm with someone and are comfortable bringing
something like a vibrator or a vibrating cock ring into bed these will serve
you the best, but before you’ve worked up to that there is a technique that
will help you stimulate her clit during vaginal sex. I’m talking, of course,
about Kittystyle. The coital alignment technique, or CAT, is mostly a fancy
designation for “riding high”. The goal here is to position yourself over her
so that your penis is angled “downward” and the base of your penis/pubic
mound is rubbing on her clit. You’ll want to focus less on thrusting and more
on grinding, whether horizontally, vertically, in a circular motion, or a
combination. Remember, the outer third of the vaginal canal is thought to be
the most important in sexual stimulation, so even if this position doesn’t
have you going deep you’re still putting in work internally while
emphasizing the clit. CAT has gotten a lot of attention since its initial
recognition in the late 1980s, and it’s definitely worth having in your arsenal.
I wouldn’t necessarily dive right into CAT, but gauge your partner and if she
doesn’t seem to be getting there from “normal” missionary, try riding a little
high. The best way to figure out if you should think about some kittystyle
the first time you’re with a new girl? Talk about her sexual preferences in the
lead up. If you know she’s a clitoris girl, that will help you from foreplay all
the way to the finish.
There are many variations of basic missionary that have a host of often
conflicting, overlapping names. Many of them are worth checking out but
probably don’t require branding as distinct positions, others are plain stupid.
One popular and worthwhile variation is to put her legs up, whether they rest
on your shoulders or your hands hold up her feet or thighs. This puts you
over her less and gives you a really good view of the action, while also
allowing you to thrust deeper. It also allows you to angle your dick upwards
toward her G-spot, and can frequently benefit further from a pillow under
her ass, especially if she’s not the most flexible.

From Behind
If having sex face-to-face is part what makes us human, doing it from
behind harkens back to our primal nature. The Romans called it coitus more
ferarum, Latin for “sex in the manner of wild beasts”. Wild beast style is
depicted in art throughout the ages and as its name suggests it replicates the
mating habits of most species on the planet. Traditionally, the woman
crouches on all fours and spreads her legs, with the man entering her from
behind and keeping his legs between hers. For a tighter fit, she can keep her
legs together while you straddle them. The advantages to doggy are myriad
and it should be considered a top position.It allows for some of the deepest
penetration and is also great for angling toward the G-spot. The position
demands little of flexibility, strength, and stamina for either party, and can
vary in intensity as you please. It can also free up both of your hands for a
whole host of activities.
And where should those free hands wander? First and foremost, to her
clitoris. This position is an excellent way to please her clitorally and
vaginally at the same time, and can easily lead to blended orgasms or keep
her happy if she’s clit-centric while you both enjoy the penetration. She may
opt to touch her clit herself, as this positioning makes it even easier for her to
do so than missionary. As always, a vibrator is an excellent addition. If
you’re comfortable together, you may prefer to have her work the clitoris so
you can use your hands to spank her, rub her asshole, pull her hair, or
squeeze her nipples. While we don’t condone “jackhammering” for the most
part, this is a great position to fucking plow away if you’re both into that. If
you want to focus more on the G-spot, you can lean over her back and prop
yourself up with your hands on either side of her, which will serve to angle
your penis downwards into the front wall of her pussy. In general, be
mindful of penetrating too deep and slamming into her cervix, that will shut
the festivities down quickly. Potential drawbacks could be that one of you
may feel the position isn’t intimate enough, although most sexual encounters
will span several positions so it’s unlikely this will be a problem. All in all, a
great position allowing for deep penetration, G-spot stimulation, and direct
access to the clitoris. Also, if you’re a butt guy it’s really fun to bounce that
donkey as you thrust.
An easy way to get even deeper penetration and better access to the G-
spot is to have your partner lie flat on her stomach with a pillow under her
hips. You then lay on top and control the flow as you would in the normal
position. A smart idea with this technique is to put some lube or massage oil
on her ass and your pubic region, to help you sort of slide around. This can
be a huge win if she enjoys deep penetration and G-spot stimulation. This
can also be great to add a level of intimacy, as you’ll be able to talk dirty into
her ear and kiss the side of her face. Another good variant and fun for sex
around the house (or in public you freaks) is to stand up while fucking from
behind. You can push her up against a wall, or bend her over a table or
counter as you rail away. These retain the positive aspects of doggystyle
while letting you travel from the bedroom a bit and can be great if you’re
feeling adventurous. Depending on height differences, this could end up
being a pretty decent leg workout as you may have to crouch a bit and do
some modified squats if she’s shorter than you.
 Spooning sex is great for when you want to just chill out a little and
enjoy some intimacy without sacrificing the ability to work her G-spot and
clit. In the spooning position, all you do is spoon like you’re cuddling and
slip your dick in and go from there. If you’d had a big session and you’re
sweating your ass off and need to relax a bit but still want to orgasm, this is a
great way to do it. It’s also really nice for intimate love making as you’re
basically mixing sex and cuddling. It’s ideal for the last position in a set, for
morning sex, or when you’re both tired in general. In case I’ve made the
position sound like it’s a bum option for lazy people, be clear that it allows
you the same great access to her G-spot and clitoris as all rear-entry
positions, while also giving you an increased ability to caress the front of her
body. It’s also really good for intimate choking.

Saddle Up

Girl on top is the ideal position to guarantee that she takes the reins on
her pleasure. Enjoy a nice, relaxing lay down as she grinds away on you to
her satisfaction. Whether she likes penetration or prefers clit action, being on
top allows her to use your body however she wants to get herself there. It
gives you a great view of her bouncing tits and easy access to caress the
front of her body. It is very simply the best way to empower her to take
charge of her own orgasm; there are some things to keep in mind though.
Women often need more mental and physical focus than men do to come,
and when she’s doing the work you have to be wary of adding extra
distraction by trying to participate more. It’s a fine line between adding
sensation and creating diversion. Communication is always ideal, but if
that’s not working in the moment err on the side of caution. Let her work her
own rhythm without adding too much of your own, though keep your hips
rigid enough that she can grind away on your pole with good resistance. As
much as you’d like to honk those titties, limit the wandering of your hands
until you’ve established with your partner how much physical input she
wants from you. Once you do figure it out, you can easily lean up and suck
her nipples, touch her all over with your hands, and even spank her or touch
her asshole.
A popular variation is the reverse cowgirl. In this one, she sits on your d
and does the exact same thing facing away. One potential obstacle to women
wanting to climb up top is they may be self-conscious of their body and feel
that they’re drawing extra attention to perceived imperfections by being on
top (rolls and whatnot are going to appear more sitting up than they would
laying down). Facing away relieves some of the body image pressure and
gives her more freedom to make whatever weird orgasm face she wants. It
can also, depending on the angle of your erection, be great for hitting her G-
spot and regardless allows her access to her own clit. For you, this situation
provides a great view of her ass and lets you get a close look at your cock
sliding in and out. Front-facing or otherwise, a vibrating cock ring is great
for any cowgirl roundup.
There are some words of caution you should hear. Girl on top positions
lead to the most cases of penile fracturing. Remember, she has no idea what
it’s like to have a dick, and it can be easy for her to get carried away riding
your stick and accidently pull out too high then drop her full weight hard on
your cock. I hate to have to bring it up but it’s worth keeping in mind if she’s
getting aggressively bouncy. To help prevent this, and a good way in general
to be involved without worrying about distracting her from orgasm, put your
hands on her hips. You don’t have to exert pressure but you’ll have the
option to keep her pulled down to earth if she starts pulling up too high. An
offshoot of this risk is just her general lack of understanding that its not
comfortable for you to bend your penis overly, a consideration she may be
particularly unmindful of when she’s trying to angle your dick into just the
right spot. Nine times out of ten you won’t even have to worry about this
sort of thing as she’ll likely be using more of a grinding motion to stimulate
her clit than an in and out.

Putting knowledge into practice

After you’ve eaten of her pussy buffet to your heart’s content, get
your condom on and lubricate it (put a few drops inside for you). More
likely than not she is going to continue lying on her back and you’ll sweep
right into “missionary”. Insert your cock slowly and don’t push deep on your
first few strokes. Gradually increase until your tempo is comfortable to you
and appears to be pleasing for her. Acknowledge her physical and verbal
clues, she might keep saying “harder!” and you feel like you’re going to
have a heart attack. Read your own body and be safe out there. Use
missionary to continue building the face-to-face intimacy established by
foreplay, though be careful not to overemphasize kissing when it may be
better for both of you to focus on what’s happening downstairs. If it’s not
physically awkward you can suck or kiss her nipples. Read her cues to the
best of your ability by testing out different speeds, depths, and angles. Be
very wary of going too deep in any position you attempt! A nice painful
bump to the cervix for her is a great way to throw cold water on everything
you’ve built towards.
There are several different roads to victory in the missionary
position. Her clit has by now regained its vitality after your tongue massage
and may be best approached through the CAT technique. Alternatively, you
can work on angling up towards her G-spot, or simply focus on a vigorous in
and out. Unfortunately, when it comes to vaginal intercourse, this text can
only give you the guidelines. She’s the book you have to read for success
here but again remember that many women have not had success with
vaginal orgasm and therefore the CAT is a safe bet, though not always the
right choice. Continue to focus on her as a human being rather than a hole
you’re fucking. Communicating your likes and dislikes in the bedroom
beforehand is a good way to get cues on what paths you should attempt first.
An easy transition is to gently pull out and ask her to flip over (you
have to gauge the appropriate time for this, if she’s digging the missionary
and is hitting round two and three maybe keep it going). Make sure your
condom is correctly situated at all times and proceed. To many, “doggy
style” or from behind is the quintessential position that allows you the best
access to the tools you need to make this an enjoyable romp for you both.
With this position, you can do a whole host of angles and intensities with
relative ease compared to the occasional planking you do with missionary.
As a major proponent of the G-spot, I would suggest that you attempt an
angle toward the front wall of her vagina. This is, assuming “normal” height
differentials, typically easy to achieve. If you want to, try a nice quarter-
strength spank on the meat of her ass cheek and see how she responds. After
a little bit of fun tossing around, it’s time to get down to business and re-
engage our friend the clitoris.
If you need to steady yourself use the arm of your weaker hand to
prop yourself on the bed and attempt not to crush her with your weight. Use
the fingers of your strong hand, lubed, to gently apply pressure to her
clitoris. With your strokes pushing her up and back, you shouldn’t need to do
much movement with your fingers. A tight up and down matching the
rhythm will likely suffice. As we’ve discussed, the prevailing science
suggests that all of her pleasure centers are connected to the clitoris. At this
point you’ll be stimulating several different areas at once and this will likely
lead to a happy conclusion for the both of you. Try this for a few minutes. If
you feel yourself getting close to cumming, but want to hold on, it’s
generally helpful to avoid pushing your pubic region directly against her.
This concentrates sensation for you and you’ll be better off, for lack of better
terminology, pushing your gut out and having that take the brunt of the
impact rather than your nether regions. This situating often coincides with
stimulating the front wall of her vagina.
Hopefully you will be able to get her to cum a time or two. If your
best work seems to be running you into a dead end then continue your line of
communication. “What do you want?” is a simple and direct way to hit your
goal. Your goal, if you haven’t paid any attention to this fucking book, is to
get her to have a good time and an orgasm or five before you bust your
pathetic seed into the limp tip of a rubber. Follow her cues and you will be
successful enough to at least have another attempt, whether it’s tonight or
next week, to enjoy another session with her. At the very least you will learn
from your experience what works for you, and what seems to work for your
prospective partner. If you seem to be running into a brick wall with getting
her to cum, suggest that she clamber on and take the reins. She will almost
certainly know the best rhythm and tempo to carry her off into the sunset on
your magnificent steed. Don’t get discouraged if you can’t get her there your
first couple of times together, it gets a lot easier to be familiar together after
a few rounds and it’s possible her lack of initial comfort with you is as much
an obstacle to her orgasm as any poor technique you’ve exercised.
Remember, you’re both human bodies. Keep a sense of humor and
fun about all of your encounters. It’s entirely possible that one of your
thrusts will push air into her vagina that will escape in the form of a queef.
The slapping together of your sweaty bodies may produce a farting noise
like some people can do with their armpits. Have fun, don’t take yourself too
seriously, and make sure to keep the sex human and positive.
Most of us men get a little drowsy after coming. The unfortunate
impulse to sleep is likely regulated by the brain’s release of various
chemicals on orgasm, specifically a hormone called prolactin that also
appears to control refractory time. One of the biggest complaints women
have in the bedroom is their partners either passing right out or becoming
lethargic and inattentive. She doesn’t want to feel like you just used her as an
object, got what you wanted, and now you don’t give a shit. So even if you
did just use her as object got what you wanted and now don’t give a shit, be
a nice guy and a good lover and remain attentive to her. The afterglow of sex
where you share some cuddling and conversation with your lady friend
should be really enjoyable, it’s a nice moment of connection. At least take
five minutes after you cum to hang out with her, a little bit of effort will go a
long way toward making her feel like you value her as more than a hole. On
the bright side, nightly sex is a great aid for consistently better sleep.

Churnin’ the Butter & Other Tips

You likely noted the use of several different fucking styles when
describing the positions previous. The ol’ in-out is the motion people
typically associate with sex, and it usually works fine as long as you’re
going “in” on the right area. It’s good to mix in more engagement with her
walls once inside to activate more sensation in different parts of her pussy.
You can experiment to find what’s right for you and your partner, but for
most positions it’s easy to mix in a little side to side or circular motion once
you’re inside to hit more of her spots. This is especially useful when you’re
trying to get her G-spot singing, as instead of just poking at it as you go in
and out you can rub your cock across it to really get her going. A grinding or
screwing motion is also excellent for stimulating the clitoris. Don’t be
boring; your average sexual encounter will likely involve over a hundred
different thrusts, engage as much of her as you can by moving your cock
around inside.

Don’t jackhammer. It’s not going to make you a popular lay and more
often than not it’s going to put your partner off to the point of no return.
Jackhammering is when you get in there and just crack away with in and
outs as fast and hard as you can. There can be a time in many encounters to
absolutely rail your partner, but your go-to move shouldn’t be to just full
tempo pound away until you come. I wish I didn’t have to even note this but
it remains a common topic among women discussing bad sex.

One of the most horrifying things you can do is to accidentally stick your
partner in the asshole on an incoming thrust. This type of accidental anal is
somewhat common and is a really, really terrible experience for your partner.
To prevent it, be careful not to pull out too far during really vigorous sex.
You can pull out all the way on your thrusts, you can have robust sex, but the
two shouldn’t be combined. That rule of thumb is just as much for your
protection as hers; aside from accidental anal penetration, you could miss
holes entirely and hit something more unyielding that could break your dick.

Do try to vocalize in bed. Men are socially conditioned to believe

that expressions such as moaning are effeminate and it’s difficult to break
from these sorts of mental constraints. You don’t have to moan and whimper
like you’re a dog taking it in the ass, but try to give her some vocal
confirmation that you’re enjoying yourself the same way you would want
her to. The title of this book may as well be “Communicate More for Better
Sex, Dumbass”. Women tend to like dirty talk, and you can go for it as much
as you’re comfortable. Remember to be positively affirming about her body.

Remember not to continue to pursue direct touch to her clitoris

immediately after she orgasms. During the course of sex, hopefully she’s
going to cum several times. If you achieve this through rubbing her clit with
your hand or the CAT position, slack off and let her enjoy vaginal
penetration as she rises through her refractory period.

Everyone seems to have a glamorous vision of steamy, sudsy sex in

the shower. The reality is, it sucks. Just like taking a shower with a partner,
one of you is always out of the stream and cold. The water washes away her
natural lubrication, and while you can use silicone lube it’s still a pain in the
ass. It’s also slippery and outright dangerous. And finally, standing up sex
can be good but it’s not usually a position that’s done to completion. You
don’t want to find yourself sore, trying not to slip, humping away doggedly
with rasping breaths as you and and your partner alternate turns in the
increasingly cool stream of water half an hour in as the hot water heater dies.
It sucks. Bath sex is less dangerous but has the same problems, plus the
hassle of splashing water on the floor. Bathwater is optimally warm for what,
five minutes maximum? Don’t have sex in the ocean, a pool, or a hot tub
unless you both want an infection. Alternatively, take a dip in the
pool/ocean/hot tub, have a lovely bath together, then have some nice“dry”
sex. Bathing together is a pleasant intimate activity that you should enjoy
without the hassle of trying to force sex where it doesn’t belong. Real stick-
men fart in the tub.
Sex under the covers in the dark is a poor stand-in. Having a
consistent partner can be great for both people’s self esteem. Over time,
work toward being confident enough with yourself to be naked in front of
her and she will follow suit. Eventually, you’ll both be comfortable enough
to have sex with the lights on or in front of a mirror. Mirrors are a fun way
for you both to view sex from a new angle and can add a lot of visual
enjoyment.

Different Penis and Vagina Sizes

It’s true what they say in all it’s variations: it’s not the size of the
boat, it’s the motion of the ocean. A three inch erection can please a woman
just as effectively as a ten inch can disappoint her; just as crucially, women’s
vaginas do vary in depth and width. Using proper technique, any man can
exhilarate his partner. Always keep in mind that the vast majority of women
orgasm primarily from clitoral stimulation and that your penis is low on the
list of factors that help her to achieve such orgasms.
For shorter penises, rear entry positions and missionary with legs up
provide some of the deepest penetration. If your penis is narrow or she feels
“loose”, having her keep her legs closer together (from behind or missionary
with legs together and feet on one shoulder) will tighten the fit. Remember
that the G-spot is most frequently an inch or two into her vagina and most
dicks won’t have trouble getting to it. Again, the outer two inches of the
vagina inform the most sensation involved in sex. Focusing on a grinding
motion rather than thrusting will likely benefit you. In general, if you feel
you need to compensate for having a smaller than average penis, work on
increasing your skills with your mouth and hands. Penis size has the least to
do with sexual ability.
For abnormally long or girthy dicks, stick to positions that don’t
encourage deep penetration and be mindful of hitting her cervix. One of the
primary disadvantages to having a big dick with a partner who can’t handle
it all is the inability to bang your pubic area off of her when you slide all the
way in on thrusts. Instead you may have to at your deepest stroke remain out
an inch or so, which will definitely increase the workload for your core in
some positions. The great thing about having a big dick is that our culture
puts a lot of value on it, and you will run into a decent number of “size
queens” out there. For the majority of the women you’ll meet, it remains
crucial to emphasize the clitoris.
 Sexual Health

A few quick things to keep in mind:

● 50% of sexually active people will contract an STI by 25.

● About 1 in 8 people in the US have genital herpes.
● HIV is still a thing among hetero and homo sexual communities.
● You’re probably not going to get herpes from a toilet seat.
● Cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis in the US are at record
highs.
● You can get/give STIs through oral as well as vaginal and anal sex.

The point here is that you need to take precautions to protect

yourself, not to scare you into never getting laid. Everyone knows condoms
just don’t feel the same, but they need to be an absolutely essential tool in
your sexual arsenal with any partner who you do not trust fully. Many STIs
can go unnoticed and without testing your partner may have no idea they’ve
contracted something. Play it safe and wear a condom. If you slip up, get
drunk, and don’t wear a condom, get tested soon after. The rates of STI
infection far outpace STI testing. Most insurance covers testing. Some
diseases, like chlamydia and HPV, don’t always have visible symptoms but
can have long-term negative effects including cancer.

Practice safe sex every time! Most commonly this entails rolling a
condom on. Condoms are highly functional at preventing both pregnancy
and STIs, with an ideal theoretical 98% success rate. The “actual”
effectiveness is usually considered to be around 82%-85%. This doesn’t
mean that if you follow these instructions and use condoms perfectly that 2-
15 out of 100 times you’re going to knock your partner up; the consensus is
that these numbers represent an annual spread, so that over a year between 2
and 18 percent of women using condoms as birth control every time will get
pregnant. This ranks below birth control pills in effectivity, with the most
successful contraceptive aside from sterilization being IUDs. It’s nice to
have a partner who is on some form of birth control, but it’s always smart to
be safe and use protection regardless of the situation unless you’re sure your
trusted partner is using highly effective birth control. Be considerate of the
fact that every form of female birth control has side effects ranging from
somewhat annoying to full-blown traumatizing. Be grateful to your girl for
dealing with that so you don’t have any little rascals running around. We
won’t discuss female condoms here, as they are generally regarded as less
effective and are rarely used.
One of the oldest documented uses of what we could consider a
condom lies in Greek mythology dated to 3000 BC in the tale of King
Minos. You may remember Minos as the father of the minotaur, but your
school’s Greek myths primer probably didn’t go into Minos’ strange
condition of ejaculating poisonous scorpions and snakes, killing his
mistresses. His wife Pasiphae is said to have inserted a goat bladder into her
vagina and subsequently survived intercourse with the true Scorpion King.
The Ancient Egyptians used linen sheaths, the Chinese silk, and the Romans
animal bladders with the primary intention of stemming the spread of
disease, not realizing the contraceptive qualities of these early jimmys.
Meanwhile, the Japanese utilized the kabuto-gata, rigid sheaths made from
tortoise shell or horn that also served as an early precursors to penis
extenders. The European Middle Ages and Renaissance saw continued and
proliferating use of condoms made from animal intestine, which remained
the material of choice until the process of vulcanizing rubber was invented
during the Industrial Revolution. Increased production still didn’t lead to
widespread use until the mid 20th century, and venereal disease remained
rampant. In the 1920s, the use of latex for making condoms became the
standard, and along with increased sexual education allowed a decrease in
rates of venereal disease as well as accessible effective birth control in the
latter half of the 20th century.
While the condom is now synonymous with contraception, its
predecessors throughout history were often primarily used in disease
prevention. In the tale of King Minos, the goat bladder sheath actually
allowed Pasiphae to become pregnant eight times, with the early female
condom apparently passing the semen while catching the scorpions and
serpents. Mythology or not this would reflect the thinking of the Ancient
Greeks and Romans for centuries. While ancient condoms did provide some
successful contraception, other methods of birth control were often more
varying in their success. The Ancient Egyptian Ebers and Kahun papyruses
from 1550 and 1850 BC respectively both detail recipes for contraceptive
“pastes”, made from such ingredients as honey, acacia leaves, and lint to
form a sort of cervix cover when inserted into the vagina. Acacia gum does
in fact have spermicidal qualities and remains an ingredient in contraceptive
gels today. The most famous example of crazy birth control methods from
history is the Egyptian use of a paste made with crocodile dung, which is not
only disgusting but has since been found to have likely increased the
probability of pregnancy due to its effect on pH levels in the body.
Meanwhile, the Old Testament promotes the good ol’ pull out
method. We’ll discourage the use of this technique in a moment, but it was
probably the most effective contraception of antiquity. Meanwhile, the
Chinese utilized the similar technique of attempting to control ejactulation
completely, both as a means of birth control and as a way to preserve the
man’s Yang, considered the male life force in Taoism. The Ancient Greeks
and Romans used a variety of herbs, cervix plugs, and oils to varying
effectivity. From the Classical period through the Middle Ages, herbs to both
prevent pregnancy and induce abortion in the early stages of pregnancy were
commonly used, often effectively if with the potential for lethal side effects.
This knowledge passed through oral tradition and allowed women to retain
some aspect of control over their reproductive agency during the suffocating
Church control in the Middle Ages, which declared any attempt at
contraception immoral. In 1484, a papal bull was issued by Pope Innocent
VIII specifically encouraging the hunting of “witches” accused of promoting
the use of abortive and contraceptive techniques.
In the late Renaissance and 18th and 19th centuries, prophylactic
barriers such as condoms and diaphragms came to be recognized as
functional birth control. The search for effective birth control came to be
closely tied to feminist movements in the early 20th century as women
sought to take more active control over their reproductive rights. This
movement, led by nurse and founder of Planned Parenthood Margaret
Sanger, led to higher rates of contraception use and education, though it
sparked a backlash among conservative groups that continues in various
forms today. In the 1960s, the first birth control pills using a combination of
estrogen and progestogen (hormone medications to eliminate ovulation)
became available to the public and gained widespread acceptance. The latest
available report on contraceptive use in the United States from the CDC
covers the period of 2006-2010 and concludes that 62% of women of
reproductive age were using some form of female contraceptive (not
condoms), primarily the pill or sterilization with an increase in IUD use. It’s
highly likely that these rates have increased since, with a specific uptick in
the use of IUDs and implants (the most effective contraceptive techniques,
along with sterilization). A 2015 UN report found that contraceptive use is
increasing worldwide, albeit with the highest rates of use in the most
developed countries and vice versa.
There are several different materials used in modern condoms, with
latex being the most common. Latex condoms are made from a type of
rubber and are flexible, stretchy, and usable in pregnancy and STI
prevention. The advantage to latex is that there are so many different
varieties it’s easy to find the right size/shape, and there are also a lot of fun
bells and whistles to make sex more enjoyable for both of you. Most
flavored, numbing, and textured condoms are latex.
You may have seen or heard of lambskin condoms as well, which are
made from the intestinal membranes of young sheep. These are a great
alternative for people with latex allergies; if the idea of wrapping your cock
in processed lamb guts grosses you out, keep in mind it beats the hell out of
crocodile dung. You can also use oil-based as well as water-based lube with
lambskin condoms. However, the MAJOR drawback to lambskin is that the
material is porous, and while the pores are tiny enough to prevent the
passage of sperm, making them viable for birth control, they are not
effective in preventing the transmission of STIs. Thusly, these should only
be used with a trusted partner as a contraceptive. If you or your partner are
allergic to latex and want an effective way to prevent the passage of both
sperm and STIs, try using polyurethane condoms.
Polyurethane condoms are somewhat new to the scene but are gaining in
popularity. Not only are they a good alternative to latex, but they also
transmit heat better which research has indicated increases sensation for both
men and women. They do tend to have a slightly looser fit as the material
(made from thin, clear plastic) is not as elastic as latex, so you may have to
take a bit more care to prevent them from slipping off. Water and oil based
lubricants are usually fine. Polyurethane condoms are at the moment the
most expensive condoms.
Finally, there are polyisoprene condoms. These use synthetic latex to
retain many of the properties of traditional condoms without affecting people
with latex allergies. How does synthetic latex not affect latex allergies?
Natural latex is harvested from various types of trees, and much of the
biological components that influence allergies are coexistent plant proteins
rather than the latex polymers themselves. The laboratory “cleanliness” of
these condoms makes for a good latex alternative.
Always find the right size condom for you. Current research
indicates that 35% of men require a smaller than “average” sized condom.
To be clear, standard condoms usually fit for erections between 4 and 7.5
inches. Magnum condoms account for about 20% of the company Trojan’s
sales, but that doesn’t mean 1 in 5 guys has an 8 inch dick. Different sized
condoms are often more important for comfort and effectiveness in regards
to girth rather than length. There are various resources online to find the
appropriate condom sizes for you; one site (https://luckybloke.com) has
users measure with a toilet paper roll. The best way to shop for condoms is
online, especially if you need a size deviating from the standard. Not only is
buying online discreet, but it’s also the cheapest, followed by super-stores
like Wal-Mart. Sex shops are the most expensive.

The pull out method is tempting for those that want to experience sex
without a prophylactic barrier, but is difficult to use effectively. Planned
Parenthood suggests that of 100 women using the pull out method, four will
get pregnant each year IF the withdrawal is perfectly executed. They go on
to say that most likely an average of about 20 of 100 will realistically get
knocked up using this method over the course of a year, as this technique is
very easily fallible. Even if you do have excellent orgasm control, there may
be traces of semen or precum that have an offhand chance of swimming up
that river. Withdrawal can not be recommended, though it is somewhat
commonly practiced.

Birth control pills work by emitting naturally-occurring hormones to

stop ovulation. They also thicken cervix mucus to make it more difficult for
sperm to get up there in the first place. The pills are usually designed as a
monthly pack, with placebo pills for the week of her period. Intrauterine
devices or IUDs are becoming increasingly popular for their long-term
effectiveness (3 to 10 years), hassle-free advantages, and their high success
rates of up to 99%. There are two basic types; hormonal IUDs function
similarly to pills by releasing localized hormones that stop ovulation and
thicken cervix mucus, while copper IUDs thicken mucus and actively kill
sperm. IUDs are inserted past the cervix into the actual uterus. Implants are
small rods that are usually inserted into the arm and release hormones
similarly to birth control pills without the hassle of remembering to take a
pill each day or refill prescriptions.
There are a host of birth control side effects related to the addition of
hormones to the body’s balance. Nausea, acne, headaches, weight gain,
mood changes, and other negative effects can occur due to these hormone
fluctuations. Many side effects reduce in severity entirely after several weeks
or months of adopting a new birth control system, though some persist and
require women to seek other methods. Implants can bruise the arm, and
IUDs can be incredibly painful on insertion and removal for some women.
So be grateful to any women in your life assuming potential negative effects
so that you don’t end up paying for Plan B, an abortion, or child support on
an unwanted kid.
Plan B and other “morning after” pills are available over the counter at
most drug stores and usually cost about fifty bucks. These pills work by
releasing a high dose of hormones that stop the ovary from releasing an egg.
They can have negative side effects and almost always mess with the
woman’s menstrual cycle, and should be used only in the case of an
emergency and not in lieu of traditional contraception methods. If you bust a
nut when you were supposed to pull out, do the right thing and pay for the
pill you fuckin’ dingus.
The best way to avoid anyone having an abortion is to use effective
contraception, but in the case that you are the 1 out of 100 that accidentally
knocks up your partner each year it may be your preferred option. Most
“medical” abortions using pills are effective up to weeks 7-9 of gestation,
whereas the vacuum-aspiration technique is used up to 15 weeks. After that,
abortions are done surgically. Abortion can be a really difficult process for
women with both physical and emotional side effects. That said, abortion
procedures in the developed world are among the safest common medical
procedures and are the only option should a woman want to terminate her
pregnancy once begun. Whatever your beliefs, fears, hopes, remember that
it’s her body and the choice is hers to make. Be supportive and kind if you
are ever in this overwhelming and difficult situation.

Porn and Masterbation

 It’s difficult to get a grasp on how much porn is actually out there. It
seems virtually limitless, with tens of thousands of new videos and images
being uploaded every day. There is no doubt that hardcore pornography is
more accessible than ever before; how much of a problem this poses depends
on who you ask. It’s a complex topic that’s drawing more attention than ever,
with crusades against the evils of porn increasingly common among parents
and church groups.
To some extent human societies have always struggled with embracing
sexuality. Everyone has heard the old adage that masterbation will make you
blind. In the 19th and 20th centuries, anti-masterbation efforts were so
extreme they occasionally led to castration of children; circumcision was
first embraced in the US by non-religious groups in part because it was
believed to curb masterbation. In 1905 Freud linked masterbation with
addiction. It wasn’t until well into the 20th century that the medical and
psychoanalytic community accepted that masterbation was a natural and
harmless practice. It has remained contentious especially among
conservative and religious groups, which have a history of equating
masterbation and other non-reproductive sexual behavior to immorality and
sin.
The general consensus among professional psychologists is that
masterbation is a natural activity that can reduce stress and provide a healthy
outlet for sexual stimulation. Similarly, despite the increase in public
concern over the prevalence of pornography, most psychologists agree that
porn cannot be “addictive” and that the issues lie in the way it is used. In
response to claims that violent pornagraphy leads to violent sexual
proclivites, many psychologists point out that several studies seem to
indicate that porn use is actually relatively low among sex offenders. Also,
countries that reversed bans on pornography appear to have experienced
subsequently lower rates of sex crimes. These studies make a compelling
argument that viewing pornography and masterbating can actually help to
prevent deviant behavior. However, other researchers suggest that routine
viewing of porn does wear away at the brain’s reward system, and rightly
point to the existence of increasing groups of people feeling that porn
viewing has become compulsory behavior for them.
Since porn is not “addictive” in the way that nicotine and heroin are,
the responsibility lies very squarely on how the individual approaches it. If
your personal porn use is leading you to increasingly isolate yourself
socially, distract you from pursuing real healthy sex, or causing you to feel
out of control over your viewing, it’s time to reassess your relationship with
pornography. Consider speaking to a qualified psychologist, or research
some of the growing online communities dedicated to combating compulsive
porn use.
Porn can be harmful in ways other than eliciting compulsive viewing.
Porn sex is not real sex, and can skew the viewer’s perception in a number of
negative ways. One is body image. Girls may think they should look like
porn stars and feel pressured so far as to seek breast augmentation or
labiaplasty. Or, boys will feel like they don’t measure up to the norm for
penis size when most of the dicks they see in porn are on the extreme end of
the size spectrum. Another very common wrong of the porn industry tends to
be the portrayal of sexual dynamics that encourage disrespectful and even
violent behavior toward women. Even short of rape fantasy videos and other
taboo porn, a common and unfortunate thread portrays female stars as sluts
to degrade and can be harmful to the perceptions of uneducated viewers.
Technique is also a problem; porn is just not how real sex works, and anyone
approaching sex like they’ve seen in porn is not only going to disappoint
their partner, but could even hurt them. So enjoy your porn, but take it with a
grain of salt.
There is no doubt that the accessibility of porn to children is an issue.
Having material that is intended for sexual use by adults available to
children is bad, and the most effective way to combat this is through the use
of filters. That said, there will always be a kid whose parents don’t have
internet filters, just like when you were a kid and someone’s dad always had
a stash of Playboys. Many of the problems potentially posed by porn could
be avoided with better sex education, but that’s not currently in the cards in
many countries. If you are a parent it’s important for you to be prepared to
have that terrible, awkward discussion with your child to make sure they
understand that pornography is acting and doesn’t represent real intimacy
and sex.
 Sex Toys

Lube should be considered essential to almost all sexual endeavors.

Bizarrely, something of a stigma exists around lube. It is often regarded as a
product necessary only for “dried up” older women or for those with some
sort of deficiency that prevents them from creating their own natural vaginal
lubricant. Uninformed men may think that their partner’s inability to get
dripping wet is a reflection of their own failure to turn her on sufficiently. In
truth there are many factors that can lead to some degree of regular or
temporary vaginal dryness, ranging from stress or depression, to diet
fluctuations, to a spritely bout of rigorous exercise. Barring any shortness of
natural wet, extra lubrication will never hamper a sexual encounter. Even
women are woefully under-educated about the benefits of lube, so your
partner may not be familiar but will almost certainly appreciate the
introduction. Several studies have found that the significant majority of men
and women enjoy sex more when they start regularly using lube.
Water-based lubricant is ubiquitous due to its ability to be used with
all types of condoms and sex toys, as well as its easy clean-up. This lube is
becoming even more versatile as manufacturers create products that balance
vaginal pH, come in thicker forms that are better for anal purposes, and
create additional sensations such as warming and tingling. Flavored lubes
are almost always water-based. The everyman of lube products, it’s never a
bad idea to have a bottle around. It can be used safely with sex toys and
condoms made from any material and rarely causes adverse reactions. The
primary drawbacks are that water-based lubes are not effective for shower or
any other watery sex as they wash away, and tend to need more than one
application throughout the course of a session.
Silicone lube is hypoallergenic and tends to feel more slick than
water-based. The increased silkiness is excellent if you or your partner have
sensitive genitals, and silicone also tends to hold up for longer than a water-
based lubricant and therefore require less re-application when you’re in the
midst of throes. Silicone lube is also great for shower sex as water alone
won’t wash it away; on the downside you do need to be more careful about
making a mess as silicone lubricant isn’t nearly as easy to clean up. Another
downside is that silicone lube deteriorates silicone toys, causing small
abrasions that allow for the growth of bacteria.
Developments in water and silicone lubricants have made oil-based
increasingly irrelevant. Oil-based lubes tend to be thicker and last for very
long periods without requiring reapplication. However, they aren’t
compatible with latex condoms and require a good bit of clean-up. This
category could also include household alternatives like coconut oil, baby oil,
and Vaseline. Thinner oil products can be great for massage due to their
long-lasting nature, but you are most likely going to want to invest in water
or silicone for sexual use, and definitely if condoms are involved. When it
comes to latex condoms, we’re not just talking the occasional tiny hole here
and there. In lab tests, it took just one minute’s exposure of commercial latex
condoms to mineral oil to result in a 90 percent decrease in strength. Other
types of oils didn’t fare much better. Baby oil caused latex condoms to break
down in a scant five minutes.
So how do you incorporate this stuff? Basically, any time you’re
going to penetrate her pussy (and definitely, obviously, anus) whether using
your fingers, dick, or a dildo, get a little lube involved. Lube is usually going
to be air temperature so it’s smart to squirt it into your hand first, rub it
around to warm it, then apply it to your fingers dick dildo whatever. Try
using a dime-sized amount in the palm of your hand to start, if you need
more you can always add it. Condoms usually come lubricated but it’s never
a bad idea to add a little extra. Make sure to check that the type of lubricant
and the condom material are compatible. It is highly recommended to add a
couple drops of lube inside the condom or to coat your dick before putting it
on. This will greatly increase your sensation and feel a lot more natural than
a sheath of latex.

The Humble Dildo

The word “dildo” first came into circulation around 1400 AD,
seemingly a compilation of the Latin words “dilatare” and “diletto”,
meaning “to open wide” and “delight” respectively. I struggle to think of a
better marketing phrase than “the dildo; open wide for delight!” The dildo in
some form or another has been around at least since the Ice Age and most
likely since the early days of homo sapiens and our predecessors, as several
species of monkey have been observed crafting makeshift dildos out of
sticks and rocks. The oldest known dildos in existence date from the
Paleolithic period some 30,000 years ago and were discovered in modern
Germany. They are made of highly polished rock or bone, and are explicitly
phallic in nature. While archeologist nerds have often attempted to surmise
some application in ritual, many now agree that the artifacts were indeed
used for sexual pleasure. And it’s not a difficult leap; these highly polished
stone dicks vary in size and shape, some with foreskin pulled back, some
seemingly with piercings and other decorations.
One of the next notable stops in the history of the dildo is in Ancient
Greece. Greece is regarded as the cradle of Western Civilization, and was
also the birthplace of many sexual practices. Indeed, many modern words
related to sex are derived from ancient Greek, such as aphrodisiac,
nymphomania, eroticism, homosexuality, and pederasty. While some of their
practices don’t look so good with a contemporary lens, i.e. older men taking
young boys under their wings in often sexual relationships, the Greeks did
have a lot of fun in the sack and approached sex with an openness in society
that we still lack today. One of their more infamous sexual practices was the
olisbokollikes, which was a sort of bread penis. It’s unclear whether or not
these breadsticks were used ritually or sexually, but there is also clear
evidence of dildos made from leather and wood. Of course, olive oil was the
lube of choice in Ancient Greece. Lysistrata, a famous comic play from 400
BC, involves a group of women trying to stop the Peloponnesian War by
withholding sex from their husbands. In one scene, they discuss using dildos
to satisfy themselves during the sex strike. The Romans played off of many
of the cultural dynamics of the Greeks and used dildos in ritual and in daily
practice.
In the East, artifacts related to sex including bronze dildos and jade
butt plugs are prevalent in archeological digs, especially in the tomb
excavations of wealthy royals and aristocrats. These sex toys played a
cultural role in the Han dynasty in China from 206 BC to 220 AD, in
conjunction with their use for sexual pleasure. The Han believed that sex had
a significant spiritual aspect in the balancing of male and female and yin and
yang, so these toys were not only for physical pleasure but spiritual
fulfillment as well.
 When Christianity spread throughout Western civilization during the
Middle Ages, the raging boner of humanity’s sex drive walked hard into a
wall. Surely, Medieval women continued to use household objects to
pleasure themselves, but sexual practice in general was highly regimented by
the Church. The Renaissance saw a resurgence in philosophical liberation in
general and to varying degrees a slackening of the Church’s monopoly on
morality in society. Shakespeare refers to a dildo vendor in The Winter’s Tale
in 1623, and around this time nations across Europe moved towards slightly
more liberal sexual attitudes. As the Renaissance progressed in Europe, the
Edo period in Japan saw the widespread proliferation of “shunga”, erotic art.
These images often depict the use of dildos and strap-ons; the origins of
tentacle porn can also be traced to this era, with Hokusai’s The Dream of the
Fisherman’s Wife showing two octupuses pleasuring a woman. It’s very
strange. Hokusai is better known for his print, The Great Wave off
Kanagawa; I’m all for better sexual education but I’m perfectly content that
we didn’t explore his full catalogue in elementary school art class.
Dildos continued to be used covertly through the 19th and 20th
centuries. In the US in the 1960s, a Grenadan immigrant named Gosnell
Duncan was disabled from the waist down when a vehicle crushed him
during his factory shift. Unable to achieve an erection and dissatisfied with
contemporary dildos, which were often made out of rubber and performed
rather poorly in reaction to heat, he went on to create and market the first
dildos made of silicone. Throughout the 70s and 80s, Duncan and several
feminism-oriented sex shops helped bring the dildo and sex toys into
national prominence.
Silicone is hypoallergenic, easily cleaned, transfers heat well, and
feels more realistic than any material previously used. Silicone remains the
material of choice in dildos today, though you will also commonly find glass
and steel dildos. Cheap dildos may be made of PVC or rubber jelly; do your
research and avoid any sex toy made from these materials, as they contain
the softening agent phthalate that may be a carcinogen and renders the toys
bacterially unhygienic.
Merriam-Webster defines the dildo as “an object resembling a penis
used for sexual stimulation”. A polished rock in a cave. A
broomstick handle in a Medieval peasant’s hut. A carved piece of whalebone
in the lonely hands of a forlorn mariner’s wife in 19th century Nantucket. A
stamped piece of formed silicone with ribs and bells and whistles. The dildo
is among the basic tools of the modern gentleman to help us on our journey
to pleasure our partners and to enjoy ourselves in the process. For many
men, the thought of buying a dildo for our partner is scary. What if she likes
it more than me? What if it’s bigger, longer than me, always there when I
can’t provide after I’ve stuffed myself full of two Big Macs for no reason.
Don’t be afraid, the dildo, and sex toys in general, will only open doors.
Here are several good reasons to consider getting a dildo for your next
bedroom foray. Remember to ask your partner if she’s inclined first.
Every dick has a refractory period. If yours doesn’t than you’re a rare
breed. An excellent function of a dildo is to allow you to continue
penetration when you’re recovering but she’s still hot to trot. If you’ve ever
wanted a close look as her pussy expands and contracts around your cock,
getting to helm the controls or watch up close as the dildo penetrates her will
give you a nice angle that you don’t normally have access to. Hopefully this
view will either help you get your little soldier back to attention, or the dildo
work will take her where she needs to go if you’re ready to call it for the
night. The dildo can also serve as a placeholder for you, allowing your
significant other to experience penetration when you’re out of town.
Dildos are also useful for providing her an additional source of
stimulation if you’re focusing your attention elsewhere. You could use it in
lieu of your fingers to supplement while pleasuring her orally, or to make her
feel extra full while you fuck her in the ass. Your partner has possibly
imagined being filled by two men at once, the same way you have dreamed
of having two women fighting for control of your stick shift. It’s not a
stretch to imagine that many women enjoy the fantasy of multiple partners as
they so copiously outdo us in their capacity to make love in large quantities.
So, short of tagging in a buddy, a dildo can allow you to simulate a menage a
trois. Get one with a suction cup base that can attach to the wall or floor, and
you can fuck her in one hole while she works the other with the dildo.
Dildos come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and materials. They can be
realistic to the point of having veins and balls, some can even shoot out
liquid, or can be non-phallic and even non-human like some sort of Dr.
Seuss creation. Ribbed and beaded dildos can provide additional sensation
for her as they slide in and out, expanding and contracting her pussy with
each thrust. Discuss with your partner before buying or better yet shop
together, and make sure to communicate if you have issues with the size or if
you’d prefer to use a non-realistic dildo. Remember, at the end of the day it’s
a lifeless object, so even if you’re a 140 pound lily white nerd and she wants
a 10-inch black dildo it’s probably not indicative of some shortcoming on
your part and an object can never replace real human intimacy. A suction
base is often useful in play, as you can mount the dildo to a wall or floor and
free up hands for use in other activities.
Make sure to use an acceptable lube with your sex toys. Silicone
dildos cannot be used with silicone or oil lubricants. Your toy will likely
come with instructions for cleaning. In general, most materials used
nowadays can be cleaned with mild soap and water. If using toys between
partners, it’s courteous, morally honest, and maybe even legally wise to
disinfect by boiling in water, which should be fine for most high quality
toys. Many companies also make specific sex toy cleaning sprays which can
also be handy. In general, avoid cleaning with perfumed soaps or anything
else that shouldn’t go near her sensitive parts.

Vibrators
Unless you’re in possession of physiology or knowledge unknown to
most of mankind, your penis/tongue/fingers can’t vibrate. There are myriad
sizes and shapes of vibrators nowadays, and they allow women (and us) to
go beyond our physical limitations for sheet-twisting orgasms. There is no
better friend to the man seeking to heighten his sex game. Almost any area
on a woman’s body that is susceptible to sexual arousal will quiver at the
touch of a decent vibrator. Let’s take a quick look at how our buzzy friends
came to be.
A recent myth that has somehow continued to proliferate widely online
and in print is that ancient Egyptian queen Cleopatra invented the first
vibrator by filling a hollow gourd with bees and shaking it. Cleopatra had a
truly Games of Thrones-ian life of royal intrigue, with affairs, assassinations,
and sex (no dragons unfortunately), but the science doesn’t work out for the
bee gourd. Propagandist speculations about Cleopatra’s sexual appetites
seeking to discredit her rule have been widespread since the Roman civil war
that led to her death, though this particular myth seemed to appear first in the
1990s.
The real development of the first vibrators can likely be traced to the
Victorian Era and the popular medical belief in female “hysteria”. Hysteria
was thought to be a series of afflictions suffered only by women and
commonly linked to the female sexual physiology. The “disease” covered
supposed symptoms ranged across a broad spectrum of physical and mental
conditions from insomnia to anxiety to nervousness, and frequently included
“deviant” sexual behavior such as high or low sex drive. The condition of
hysteria has been presented in medical texts since the ancient Greek and
Egyptian times, and persisted in the US until the American Psychiatric
Association dropped the term in 1952 (!) Sexual intercourse was almost
always the recommended cure for hysteria, and if that didn’t work
physician’s would manually stimulate their patients to the point of orgasm.
In extreme cases, “hysteria” was treated with forced hysterectomy (removal
of the uterus). We can now look back on this condition as the struggle of
what has always been a highly patriarchal society to accept female sexuality.

Anyway, the treatment of hysteria during the Victorian period was

essentially to cause the patient to orgasm through fingering, though the
doctors somehow didn’t acknowledge the sexual nature of these
practices...riiiiight. Keep in mind that jerking women off by hand to cure
their hysteria occurred at the same time children were being mutilated in
anti-masterbation efforts. Physicians began to create devices that would
relieve their tired hands and help them to “cure” their patients. The first of
these were fearsome-looking hand cranked devices, followed shortly by even
more fearsome-looking coal powered steam engine machines. The
development of hand-cranked, steam

powered, and eventually electric vibrating machines to treat “hysteria”

at home continued into the 1920s, when early porn films started to feature
the devices heavily. Once female sexual pleasure could no longer be hidden
behind the veil of medical treatment, “medical” vibrators disappeared from
respectable magazine ads only to be replaced by “massagers” and “weight
loss instruments” that continued the development of the technology.
In the 1960s and 1970s, vibrators began to be marketed more regularly
as purely sexual devices. Today, there’s an infinite variety of vibrators in
different shapes, sizes, and functions. They are the best sex toy for helping
your partner achieve better orgasms, and are very easy to incorporate as a
couple. As a general rule, be careful not to start too hot directly on the glans
of the clitoris. She will likely guide much of the direction of the vibrator, but
if it’s in your hands (when, say, she’s tied up and blindfolded) ease in by
working your way toward the clit on low intensity. The proper way to use
any particular vibrator depends on your partner and the day, so approach it
slowly and patiently. Lube is always a good idea. The level of contact, the
right spot to get her to orgasm, and whether she wants you to move the head
of the vibrator up and down, side to side, or keep it in place over her clitoris
will depend on her. Have fun learning your partner’s likes and dislikes and
you will be rewarded by giving her stronger orgasms. Almost any vibrator is
easy to use during sex; in positions like missionary where you may be
propped up on your arms, she can hold the toy where she likes it. If you’re
fucking her from behind, it’s often not difficult for you to hold the toy in
place. If in doubt, give her the reins and focus on fucking her right. Vibrators
were often packaged as massagers and many of the stronger varieties are
great for this function, and can also be used to stimulate other parts of her
body like her nipples.
Vibrators either come with electric charging or require separate
batteries; you can even get solar-powered ones if you want to be earth-
conscious. Waterproof varieties are great for bathtub and shower play and
also easily cleaned, always look at the accompanying instructions for how to
best clean your toys. Here’s a quick breakdown of different types of
vibrators:

The Classic/Bullet The standard, often straight and non-phallic,

usually a bit smaller than a penis would be. These can be used for clitoral
stimulation and also penetration, and are relatively cheap. The spin-off of
this would be the bullet, a smaller version of the classic vibrator often
shaped like a large pill. As frequently a part of other apparatus from
vibrating underwear to cock rings to nipple clamps as it is a stand alone, the
bullet is a compact, subtle way to add some good vibes in the bedroom.
Usually cheap and therefore easy to introduce in any situation, both types
find good use applied to the clit by a spare hand while you penetrate in
doggy, or held by her in any position, or buzzing away at her nipples during
foreplay.
The Rabbit In 1983, sex toy company Vibratex began importing
dual-action (vaginal and clitoral) Japanese vibrators to the US. To
circumvent Japanese obscenity laws, the clitoris stimulating part of the toy
was made to look like a variety of animals which eventually became
standardized to the rabbit. In 1998 an episode of Sex and the City featured a
rabbit vibrator and demand boomed, coinciding with the rise in online
shopping that led to an overall increase in sex toy sales. The rabbit style
vibrator has remained the queen of sex toys ever since.
The rabbit features a dildo with small “rabbit ear” clit vibrators. They
come in a vast array of sizes, shapes and functions; some are ribbed and
have spinning shafts, some have a curved G-spot seeking head versus a
straight build, some are waterproof and at this point I wouldn’t be surprised
if you can get one that plays Keith Sweat while you jerk your lady off. The
higher quality builds are going to cost you upwards of $50, so this is a nice
gift for a dedicated fling. If you’re smooth enough to use a sex toy between
multiple women and have them be ok with that, add a quality rabbit to your
arsenal. A rabbit is great for watching her masterbate and can also be used
dually when you fuck her anally, or to focus on the clitoris while you
penetrate vaginally.

The Sucker At the time of writing, this style is gaining massively in

popularity. These toys use air waves and pulses to imitate the suction typical
of good cunnilingus. These toys are best used for her masterbation and are
completely focused on the clitoris. Difficult to use during intercouse, they
would be best used to get her warmed up with an orgasm or two before the
main act or as a gift for her. We’re seeing the same proliferation of knock-
offs as when the rabbit first came onto the stage, for now I would
recommend using one of the primary brands. The cost is around $50 and up
for something decent.

The Wand This style originated with the Hitachi Magic Wand.
Originally intended as a personal massager (many girls’ first vibration
experience), it became famous in the 1970s for its powerful vibrations. Often
referred to as the “Cadillac of vibrators” and “mother of all vibrators”, the
wand has some serious juice. Many replications now exist and span from
“mini” wands to increasingly complex variations on the original, with “G-
Whiz” and anal and who knows what other attachments. The original
Hitachis and any quality replicas are like the nuclear bomb of clitoral
stimulation on high settings, and definitely will need to be worked up to over
the course of a session. Don’t spring these on anyone without warning. The
Hitachi company has since stopped selling these under the company’s name,
but still produce the updated original under a variation of “Original Magic
Wand”. Prices vary, the original Hitachi will set you back at least $50.
Excellent for getting her off.

The Egg “Egg” vibrators are smaller, round vibrators similar to

ben-wa balls that are meant to be inserted into the vagina and controlled by
remote control. These can be really fun as a tool for foreplay more
effectively than vibrating underwear (hard to situate correctly), whether
you’re turning up the intensity on her from across the table throughout a
dinner date or buzzing her at random during a party. These vary widely in
price and can be quite cheap if you just want them for the fun novelty of
turning her on in a public area now and again.

Clips/couples Vibrators These toys are gaining in popularity and

usually seek to provide clitoris and G-spot stimulation, hands free, and also
basically makes her vagina vibrate for you during sex. These things are
pretty awesome, the potential pitfall is that after one orgasm she will likely
need to turn the toy off for a little or remove it during her refractory period.
Decent quality couples toys like these often cost in excess of $100, but if
you’ve got the money kicking around and it sounds intriguing they come
highly recommended!

The Vibrating Dildo Not much to discuss here. It’s a dildo that
vibrates, often very pleasing for a partner that enjoys penetrative sex and
wants to add some buzz to the mix. Realistic or otherwise, can be great if
your partner is really into vaginal penetration and can substitute for a normal
dildo in these circumstances.

Cock Rings The origins of the cock ring are dated to at least
ancient China, where men would supposedly use the eyelid of a goat around
their dicks, with the lashes still attached to tickle their lovers’ clits. Their use
continued throughout history, often made of leather or sinew, and now you
can buy silicone ones at Walmart. Cock rings are made from a wide variety
of materials, and typically are either stretchy or rigid. Beginners should start
with a non-rigid ring to see if they like it; most will never venture into the
more advanced types which are often used in male pain play and submission.
Cock rings can be excellent for a variety of reasons. To use the ring,
place it on the base of your semi-erect penis (use a couple drops of lube to
make it more comfortable). Some varieties also include a seperate ring for
around the testacles. Work your way towards an erection, either with your
partner or alone if you want to test it out first. As the penis fills with blood,
the constriction of the ring traps the blood and makes erections more firm.
This can be a nice boost of confidence as the penis will often be harder than
normal and may subsequently look bigger. Rings can also be used by those
with ED to maintain erections. Many men also attest that using cock rings
can help to delay orgasm and increase intensity, or even keep your dick hard
after cumming.
Vibrating cock rings are an excellent toy to use with a partner and are
probably the very easiest to introduce into any sexual rendezvous. It’s quite
easy to buy a cheap vibrating cock ring, which can cost under ten dollars,
and bring one into even a one night stand to increase sensation for both
partners. These usually involve a silicone gel ring with a small bullet
vibrator fixated to the top; ideal for missionary, the bullet can be adjusted as
needed for whatever position you desire. As with all sex toys cock rings vary
greatly in function, form, and price, but on the basic end they can be cheap,
highly effective, and provide an easy introduction into the wider sex toy play
that will push your partner’s orgasm count up. You should never wear a cock
ring for more than 20-30 minutes at a time.
 Butt Stuff

Ah, the butthole. Somewhat taboo, regarded as metaphorically and

sometimes quite literally dirty, butt stuff can be a fun way to get your partner
where you both want to go. The Journal of Sexual Medicine reported in 2010
that over 40% of women ages 20-24 have engaged in anal sex, up from 16%
in 1992. Interest in this act, once spoken of in hushed tones at the
speakeasies of the ‘20s or among the chamber pots of Victorian balls, has
recently spiked. Whether you think it’s due to increased sexual liberation,
the proliferation of the porn industry, or a loosening grasp on morals in
modern society, butt stuff is so hot right now. A quick guide to follow on
enjoying the kiss of that tight brown ring. Keep in mind that anal is a sex act
that is very closely linked by many women to coercion; you don’t want to
replicate the jackassery of her drooling porn-addled high school boyfriend
that pushed her to do something she wasn’t ready for.
It will be uncommon for you to encounter a nice young lady who
wants you to jump immediately into buttstuff. This an increase of intimacy
and must be respected in that regard. If you should stumble upon that kind
siren who wishes you to engage her brown-eyed susan on night one by all
means oblige, but be aware of the hygienic and physiological guidelines that
should accompany all such endeavors. First and foremost, keep those
fingernails well maintained. As we’ve discussed, you should be clipping and
filing those suckers before any potential rendezvous to begin with but it
becomes even more necessary now. No one wants a sharp nail edge digging
into the side of their anal canal. Second, lube. Lube is always a blessed
instrument, but in this case absolutely crucial. You should favor a thicker
“gel” type lube for anal interactions; traditionally a silicone base is used, but
the modern water-based gels also stand up to the job well. These will keep
the fun rolling for longer than a thinner lubrication, as the anus produces no
natural lubrication like the vagina...nothing savory, at least.
The anus is full of nerve endings internally and externally that can
make play very enjoyable for her, but it’s not for everyone. Anal play has a
lot of stigma attached to it, and if your partner has never delved before she
will likely be apprehensive. Start with seeing if she enjoys external
stimulation. Simply stroke the anus with a finger or two, swiping across it or
making circles around it. The goal is to see if she can learn to relax and
enjoy the stimulation while having you focus attention on a part of her body
she normally keeps very private. It’s easy to work anal massage into foreplay
and intercourse if you don’t want to emphasize the anal aspect. Use a spare
hand during cunninlingus to stroke her asshole, or use your thumb during
doggy style to put a little pressure on and rub externally. You may, if your
partner has good hygiene and you trust that she’s free of STIs, want to lick
her asshole. Rimming, aka tossing salad, will likely be really enjoyable for
her if she responds well to anal massage.
If she enjoys external stimulation, you may be ready to attempt a
little anal fingering. The key, like all these endeavors, is in her comfort and
ability to relax and enjoy herself. As noted a moment ago, many girls are
pushed into anal sex with inexperienced partners and then have bad
experiences that make them think that anal sex hurts. Reassure her that it
won’t hurt, that she’s fully in control of the experience, and that you’ll take it
slowly. Lube up; putting a latex glove on will control clean-up and provide a
smooth profile for your knobbly fingers. First, massage her anus externally
for a few minutes to get her to relax and enjoy the sensation. There are a
variety of techniques for anal fingering, here’s a basic outline that will likely
work for getting you in there successfully.
Push the top of your well-lubed finger(nail) gently on the upper edge
of her asshole and hold for three seconds, then switch to the bottom. It’s
probably smart to start with the pinky, then move up. Repeat, and as your
gentle pressure relaxes her external anal muscles slide your finger slowly in
on each repetition. It will also help her to “flex” and then release her anal
muscles around your digit to help her muscles relax. Verbal feedback from
her is essential to make sure she wants to keep going, and also to help you
angle your finger correctly. Once in to the first joint of your finger, try a
gentle “tickling” motion to attempt to relax her internal anal muscles. Your
finger should almost be simulating a slow-moving vibrator. As you massage
internally, you should be able to gradually insert your finger in more. As
you go along, you want to encourage your partner to breathe deeply and
relax. If you used your pinky, you may want to switch to your index finger
and use the same motions to prepare her ass for the wider finger. The first
time you shouldn’t necessarily shoot for getting your finger to the hilt,
though if she’s enjoying the sensation go right ahead. Once in, you can do a
lot of different stuff, from the ol’ in-out motion, to using your stiff finger to
massage the inside walls of her asshole (like you’d use your dick to churn
the butter during sex), or even “vibrate” your finger. Curling your finger
toward her vagina will likely produce good sensations from her G-spot. Start
slowly and increase with speed over time and according to her cues.
Once you’ve established she enjoys anal play from time to time, she
may want to dive right in to anal intercourse or you might end up continuing
to work on your fingering techniques until that time arises. For many girls
who enjoy anal stuff it becomes a regular part of their sexual routine. It’s
easy to slip a finger in during cunnilingus, and your thumb is just waiting for
the opportunity when her asshole is staring at you during doggy style. When
the time does come for anal sex, exercise a similar procedure to relax her
muscles. You’ll likely want to start with fingering or a toy before moving
onto your penis, which will probably be a bit more girthy. Go very slowly,
you may even want to let her take control of gradually sliding herself back
onto you while flexing her anal muscles for easier accommodation. Once in,
keep the channel of communication open to find out what she wants from
your stroke.
Full disclosure, unless she bleached her asshole and got an enema
anal isn’t going to be as “clean” as you may have seen in porn. She poops
out of her butt the same way you do. She is going to want to shit some time
before any anal activity regardless. The sensation of anal penetration will
often feel for her like she needs to poop, though any discomfort should be
minimized by shitting beforehand and thorough foreplay on your part to
relax her asshole. Wearing a condom will keep the clean up easy, and the
only case in which you shouldn’t be wearing one is if you’re with a trusted
partner. A final word: never switch your fingers or linus directly from the
asshole to the vagina. That can give your partner a nasty infection.

Anal-specific sex toys are an excellent way to start exploring anal

options with an inexperienced partner. The sizes and varieties are a perfect
way to work towards her interest in hosting larger parties, or to exist as a fun
and pleasurable addition to vaginal. Always use toys with a flared base for
anal play. This design is typical of anal toys for a reason; stuff can get lost up
there, whereas the vagina has the cervix which won’t let anything past.
Thousands of ER visits are made every year to extract foreign objects from
rectums, don’t be a statistic. And always use lube!
Butt plugs are the ideal jumping off point in the world of sticking
things in your partner’s (or your) butt. Plugs are usually made of silicone,
glass, or metal, and typically have a cylindrical design that graduates in
width along its length, then ends with a stopper. These are great to use
independently or during sex to help “fill” her and provide additional
stimulation. You can spice up the basic design by getting a vibrating model.
Anal beads are a toy that is comprised of a set of spheres on a string. They
usually increase in size the further they go along; the point with these isn’t to
provide constant stimulation, but a rush of pleasure as each bead passes the
sphincter. These are commonly pulled out right as she reaches orgasm to
good effect; don’t yank them out too suddenly. Vibrating beads are also
available.
 Extras

Squirting

The topic of squirting arouses a lot of interest and spirited debate.

Scientists remain unsure of all the details today despite Aristotle and ancient
Chinese Taoist texts noting it thousands of years ago. It’s somewhat useful to
understand first that there can be a difference between female ejaculation
and squirting. Near the edge of the female urethra lies the invitingly named
Skene’s Gland. During sexual arousal this gland appears to produce a female
ejaculate, similar to the male’s prostate (in men the alkaline liquid produced
by the prostate comprises about 30% of your semen). This ejaculate can be,
well, ejaculated during extreme sexual arousal. If you witness it, it will
appear to be a small amount of a milky white substance, somewhat like a
thinner semen, that runs rather than sprays from the urethra.
“Squirting” as we know it is usually a relatively small amount of
ejaculate mixed with diluted urine. Not super appetizing necessarily, but if
you’re cool with a little mess it can be a lot of fun. And don’t feel like your
spunk is superior, semen travels through the urethra and typically contains a
decent amount of diluted urine as well. Sex scientists are quick to point out
that squirting does not necessarily accompany orgasm, but it frequently does.
Not all women have the capacity to squirt and reactions from those that do
range from the height of enthusiasm to some annoyance. Some women may
squirt every time they have sex, possibly due to weak pelvic floor muscles
that struggle to hold it together during sex. In general most women do not
automatically squirt during orgasm but are able to achieve this form of
release through a mostly universal method.
The first part of trying to get a girl to squirt is realizing that it’s
completely in her hands. If she doesn’t learn to relax/push the muscles in her
vagina when it feels like she has to pee during this stimulation, she’s not
going to squirt. The best way to make it happen is of course talk to her first
to see if she’s done it, would like to, etc., then have her pee beforehand so
she feels more comfortable relaxing her vaginal muscles during penetration
(always a good idea for everyone to pee before a session anyway). What
follows is a general guide to getting her to squirt; as always everyone is
different but this is a good template.
Start by engaging in foreplay as usual. She needs to be aroused, and
many women report that it’s easier to squirt after having a clitoral orgasm or
two first. Many respond well to full body massage that edges toward her
genitals as it progresses. Most women have the best luck with squirting by
sitting upward a little with their legs spread, knees up. After you’ve gotten
her sufficiently warmed up, grab some lube and slip your index and middle
fingers into her vagina and curl them upward. She may prefer one or three,
she’ll let you know. Find the G-spot as discussed earlier, and start to
stimulate it with your fingers. You can make a repeated “come hither”
motion with your two fingers, though eventually getting her to squirt will
likely require a lot of pressure and you’ll be better served using your whole
arm to pull that sucker like a chainsaw cord. Build the pressure gradually,
making sure that she’s into it; I’m always amazed by the resilience of the G-
spot area when trying to get her to squirt, compared to the sensitivity of the
clitoris. Be careful not to let your hand slip out and jab her and it’s more
crucial than ever to have your fingernails trimmed here. With your fingers
curled upward, increase the pressure until you’re pulling hard with the pads
of your fingertips on her G-spot.
It’s easier if she’s done it before as she can let you know when to pull
your fingers out. It appears that the moment of the actual squirting is most
frequently when the G-spot has been highly aroused and then you take the
pressure off by removing your fingers. If she’s not letting you know but all
the signs signify that she’s very into it, try releasing the pressure yourself. If
she doesn’t cum, re-apply for a little then try again. G-spot orgasms like this
tend to be gradually building and it shouldn’t set you back much to pull the
cord a little early. Frequently, you can feel/hear the squishy build-up of
liquid as you work her G-spot with your fingers. Watch your face or she may
super soak you. Many women describe the moment of squirting,
accompanied by orgasm, as a powerful release and trembling lack of control.
Again, sometimes the squirting isn’t during orgasm but either way if she’s
releasing liquids during sex it’s probably indicative that she’s having a good
time.
 It may be pee, it may be ejaculate, it’s almost definitely a combination.
If you enjoy having women squirt then this should be your basic guide to
getting there. You can also experiment with different angles; some like to
have her bend over and go at it from behind, just make sure to put the
pressure on the G-spot. Others have success with having her “squat” with
her legs spread, using her arms to support herself on the edge of the bed as
you use your fingers from the side. Typically in this position you’ll use your
middle and ring fingers. You may find that you have a partner that’s a
regular fountain during any sort of penetration, or one that is unable to do it
regardless of how earnestly you try. If you have success using your fingers
and want to try it during sex, utilize any of the positions that emphasize G-
spot stimulation. Of course, there’s a massive variety of sex toys designed
with the G-spot in mind that can also help you get soaked. FYI, the massive
geysers of squirt you see in porn are often achieved by filling the
performer’s pussy with water via douche, then rolling the cameras.

BDSM & Kink

The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy has sold over 150 million books; the
movie adaptations have made over $1 billion at the box office. Amazon UK
has sold more hard and electronic copies of the series than the Harry Potter
books. All this despite overwhelming, near universal critical panning of
almost every aspect of the series. In 2014, I was stuck in Bangkok for a
week waiting for a flight home to the US after a period of international
travel. I had contracted a nasty eye infection from extended contact lens use
mingled with some weird Philippine bacteria, and had to forego the usual
backpackers’ Bangkok entertainment of getting wasted on Khao San Road,
eating fried scorpions, and over-paying to watch sex workers shoot ping
pong balls out of their pussies (they must have intensive ben-wa weight
training regimens). My sensitivity to light was so great that I mostly stayed
shuttered indoors, stepping outside only to replenish my supply of
counterfeit books and Ritz cheese sandwich crackers. During this week, I
picked up the first Fifty Shades of Grey, interested in seeing what the hype
was about. I read it all the way through because I had nothing better to do
but it had to be the single worst book I’ve ever read fully and maybe ever
opened. The scenes that are designed to capture the peak of sexual
anticipation are replete with references to the narrator’s “inner goddess”,
with orgasms marked by her frequent utterance of “holy cow” or “oh jeez”.
So what’s all the fuss about?
A lot of things, from coinciding with the initial boom in e-reader use to a
self-perpetuating mythology fueled, in part, by how terrible the books are.
They also led to a marked growth of interest in bondage and BDSM among
the female population, and the series sparked a boom in sex toy sales and
even franchised its own line of products. I myself bought a FSOG-branded
rabbit vibrator for my partner because it was the highest rated at the time on
the site I use; it’s been great. Surveys about interest in BDSM vary widely in
their conclusions, but it’s safe to conclude that a significant number of
people are into some aspect of this kind of kink.
So let’s say you want to get some handcuffs for the bedroom. Or nipple
clamps or a paddle. Or hell, you want to learn to do Japanese rope bondage,
hogtie the missus in the kitchen, and use her ass to hold vegetables while
you slice them onto a used hibachi grill you got from a Benihanas going out
of business. Communication is obviously the first and most important step.
More likely than not this sort of play requires the sort of trust that is built
through a longer relationship with someone, likely at least someone you
have regular casual sex with. Have the conversation with your partner about
what they’d be into and share what you would like; it’s often easiest to pose
your fantasies in the form of asking her if she’d “be interested in xyz”. If
you’re going to engage in rougher play, make sure to set clear boundaries
with your partner and you may even want a safe word. The acronym BDSM
covers bondage, dominance, discipline, submission, and sadomasochism.
BDSM can apply to an almost infinite range of sexual activities. It may bring
to mind an image of the gimp from Pulp Fiction, but even something as
simple as being lightly physically dominant (by say, pulling her hair or
holding her arms over her head) is a form of bondage. Let’s run through
some of the basic forms of BDSM play.
Women will frequently express a desire to be dominated. This is likely
coded into our biology in response to the physiology of human males being
larger and stronger than females. She may want you to pull her hair lightly,
choke, bite, lightly slap/spank or otherwise be rougher with her on occasion
than you may normally be. This could be considered light BDSM, without
any accompanying toys or tools, and is very common and enjoyable if
you’re both into it. With all rough play, approach lightly and increase
gradually with constant verbal communication. Again, it’s best to clear what
you’d like to do and see if she’s into it beforehand so you don’t end up
doused in cold water when you’re both getting warmed up. Many women are
very aroused by giving over control and allowing themselves to be
vulnerable to you. Never, ever, bring personal or relationship grievances into
the bedroom, especially with rough play.
When choking, start slow. Gauge her reaction and be sensible. Many
women find that slightly cutting off the air supply increases the intensity of
their orgasm. Men do too, hence auto-erotic asphyxiation and dudes being
found hanging from closet racks in hotel rooms with their pants around their
ankles. If you’re into that, be safe and have an exit strategy. Missionary and
spooning positions are the easiest to incorporate choking. A good alternative
for doggy style is to pull her head back by her hair; this also restricts the
windpipe and provides a similar effect. Do not apply pressure directly to the
windpipe, but to the sides of her neck. Much of her enjoyment of choking
will likely come from the domination aspect rather than the actual loss of
oxygen. Experts recommend that when first getting into choking, gently
apply pressure for a few seconds, then release. Repeat.
The best way forward with spanking or face/tit slapping or any other way
of smacking your partner is to start soft and let her tell you to increase in
intensity, if she’s into it at all. Spanking is among the most common and
culturally prevalent forms of “taboo”, and can easily be introduced into
foreplay and sex. Spanking and other pain infliction play with a lot of
complex social and psychological factors. Along with the potential turn on
you both get from humiliation and domination, physical pain can also cause
the brain to release neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and
endorphin, which are all linked to pleasure. Spanking specifically also
increases blood flow and sends waves of pleasure/pain stimulation through
her genital area. Distribute your spanks across her lower butt where her ass
is the meatiest; stay well below the tailbone, don’t spank her pussy, and in
general use a lighter touch on the backs of her upper thighs and the area just
above.
If you and your partner develop a taste for flagellation, you may want to
expand into introducing some tools into the play. The basics would be a belt,
paddle, or whip. These can range in intensity from so lightweight the full
force will deliver less of a blow than a 50% slap from your hand, to some
truly brutal tools that I could never imagine wanting to use on a person.
Lighter floggers can be a great way to introduce a slightly different sensation
to the open hand that doesn’t pack a punch. If you dive deeper into the world
of hitting your partner with stuff, or vice versa, safety and communication
remain as always the utmost concern. There’s a massive world of pain play
for both sexes that incorporates things like electric shocks, urethra dilation,
and running sharp pinwheels across the skin.
Light restraint is an easy foray into domination that doesn’t require
anything more than a tie, scarf, or belt. Try tying her hands behind her back,
above her head, or to the bed. From there you’ll have complete control over
her through foreplay. Be considerate of her and unless she wants to, don’t
put her into uncomfortable positions. This means restraints that are too tight
or, say, doggy-style with her hands tied behind her back so she can’t use
them to support her head and gets a crick in her neck. The upgrade from
household implements is to buy a set of handcuffs, whether they are
modeled on police tools or the more common silk or velcro cuffs often
designed for hand or ankle restraints. You can buy full on restraint systems,
harnesses, hog-tie kits, all kinds of stuff. Start with some silk ties, either
designed for the purpose or regular neck ties or scarves, learn to tie a decent
clove hitch, and expand from there.
Ties also make great blindfolds, another staple of basic BDSM,
which allows her to become even more vulnerable to you and also opens the
door to a host of role playing and fantasy scenarios. Robbing your partner of
sight forces her to trust you and also makes her focus on her senses. It’s great
for foreplay, especially if you want to sample different sensations that she
may enjoy such as feathers, crops, or kissing and licking places you might
not normally pay attention to. A light touch is usually the most scintillating
in these scenarios. Blindfolds are a really easy way to get her into a little role
playing.
Restraint and blindfolding often lead into other aspects of play. Aside
from spanking, nipple clamping is the most common light BDSM. Again,
it’s often easiest to experiment with household items to make sure you both
like it before spending money on proper toys. Standard clothespins are an
excellent introduction to nipple play, followed by a wide variety of clamps
and suckers. If she likes nipple play, vibrating clamps can be especially fun.
It should go without saying for any rougher play, don’t just chomp a pair of
clothespins on her unsuspecting nipples. Warm her up with extensive
foreplay, and be specific to the areas you intend on playing with. You can
also buy clamps designed for the clitoris. These are often a bit trickier to use
than nipple clamps, as the area is often more slippery and “active” in
subsequent play than her nipples will be. She may find she enjoys the
pressure on her clit similarly to that on her nipples.

The world of BDSM, taboo, fetish, and role-playing extends far beyond
the scope of this book. There’s a host of resources online to explore any
sexual kink, just make sure to practice common-sense safety and
communication. As much as you should maximize your enjoyment of sex,
with kink and other “alternative” sex it’s more important than ever to make
sure your partner is on the same page.
 Parting Shots

I wrote this book to provide a simple manual for better sex

techniques aimed at men backed by extensive research that doesn’t beat
around the bush. I found that many of the other sex guides are complicated
by an emphasis on sentimental bubbly stuff that is a valuable part of sex but
is not what I felt the need to include in a concise technical guide. There are
other sex manuals out there; I read many of them in putting together this
book. Two of the more popular are She Comes First by the afore-mentioned
Ian Kerner, and The Joy of Sex, last updated by Alex Comfort. Kerner’s
work focuses on cunnilingus while promoting a holistic approach to
women’s pleasure. It’s definitely worth a read if you want to continue to
expand on eating pussy and understanding of the female psychological
approach to sex. The Joy of Sex, published and updated since 1972, covers a
lot more topics across the infinitely broad subject of human sexuality and is
modeled around The Joy of Cooking, hence chapter titles such as
“appetizers” and “desserts”. It is interesting enough, but contains a lot of
flowery language and has some odd suggestions like full body tongue-
bathing.

When I was getting into sex at first and seeking as much information
as I could find, I wanted a straightforward guide that offered real instructions
on how to have better sex. I hope I've provided as much here. There are
many informative articles referenced in the Notes section. The website for
this book, www.fxxkbetter.com, provides sex toy information and links to
other useful resources.
I hope you enjoyed reading this book and learned a thing or two. At the
very least, you’re now well-prepared if trivia night at the local bar involves a
question on ancient Egyptian birth control methods. Have fun out there;
remember to communicate, don’t be afraid to incorporate toys, and don’t
neglect your enjoyment just because this book focuses on hers. Thank you
for reading, please contact me at www.fxxkbetter.com with questions,
concerns, and feedback. Steady fucking, my friends.
 Notes
Introduction:
Sexual violence statistics: "Sexual Assault in the United States." National Sexual Violence
Resource Center. https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics.
Women satisfaction rates:
● Donnelly, Laura. "Almost Half of Women Are Dissatisfied with Their Sex Lives." The
Telegraph. June 26, 2018. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/06/25/almost-half-women-
dissatisfied-sex-lives-55s-least-likely/.
● Alex, Brian. "Sorry, Guys: Up to 80 Percent of Women Admit Faking It." NBCNews.com.
June 30, 2010. http://www.nbcnews.com/id/38006774/ns/health-sexual_health/t/sorry-guys-
percent-women-admit-faking-it/#.XDernVxKg2x.

Definitions and Diagrams:

Vagina diagram: Han, Lucy, and Cheryl Wischhover. "Vag-atomy 101: Everything You Need to
Know About the Vagina (and Then Some)." Teen Vogue. April 09, 2018.
https://www.teenvogue.com/story/vagina-anatomy-diagrams.
Clitoris diagram: Telfer, Nicole, and Clar McWeeney. What Is the Clitoris? February 21, 2018.
https://helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/what-is-the-clitoris.
Clitoris image: Docher, Marie. "Clitoris." Carrefour Numérique² - Fablab. February 03, 2018.
http://carrefour-numerique.cite-sciences.fr/fablab/wiki/doku.php?
id=projets:clitoris#photos_creditmarie_docher.
Nerve endings: Castleman, Michael. "So THAT'S How It Feels..." Psychology Today. July 1,
2012. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201207/so-thats-how-it-feels.
G-Spot diagram: "G-Spot." The Daily Omnivore. December 19, 2015.
https://thedailyomnivore.net/2011/03/01/g-spot/.
Cervix orgasms: https://kimanami.com/the-holy-grail-of-the-cervical-orgasm/
Attraction to breasts:- Natalie Wolchover and Stephanie, and Stephanie Pappas. "New Theory
on Why Men Love Breasts." LiveScience. March 17, 2016. https://www.livescience.com/23500-why-
men-love-breasts.html.
Attraction to butts: Freeman, Sophie. "Men like Women with CURVED SPINES." Daily Mail
Online. March 05, 2015. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2979043/Why-Kim-
Kardashian-s-booty-attractive-Men-prefer-women-curved-spines-suggests-better-FORAGING-
food.html.
Female orgasm: Campbell, B., Hartman, W.E., Fithian, M.A., & Campbell, I. (1975).
“Polygraphic survey of the human sexual response”. Physiologist, 18, 154.
Blood as lube quote: "Sex During Periods." Healthline.
https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/sex-during-periods#side-effects.

Your Anatomy and Dick Stuff:

Circumcision rates: "Neonatal and Child Male Circumcision: A Global Review." April 2010.
https://www.who.int/hiv/pub/malecircumcision/neonatal_child_MC_UNAIDS.pdf.
Semen displacement theory: Gallup, G. G., R. L. Burch, and T. J. Mitchell. "Semen
Displacement as a Sperm Competition Strategy : Multiple Mating, Self-semen Displacement, and
Timing of In-pair Copulations." Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. September 2006.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26181472.
Satisfaction with size: MacGill, Markus. "What Is the Average Penis Size?" Medical News
Today. July 09, 2018. Accessed January 10, 2019.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/271647.php.
Average size: Veale, David, Sarah Miles, Sally Bramley, Gordon Muir, and John Hodsoll. "Am I
Normal?" The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering. March 02, 2015.
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/bju.13010.
Erections and psychological factors: Rajkumar, R. P., and A. K. Kumaran. "Depression and
Anxiety in Men with Sexual Dysfunction: A Retrospective Study." Current Neurology and
Neuroscience Reports. July 2015. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25818906.
Premature ejaculation stats:
● Waldinger, M. D., P. Quinn, M. Dilleen, R. Mundayat, D. H. Schweitzer, and M. Boolell.
"A Multinational Population Survey of Intravaginal Ejaculation Latency Time." Current
Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. July 2005.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16422843.
● Alfred Kinsey - Kinsey, Alfred C., Wardell B. Pomeroy, and Clyde E. Martin. Sexual
Behavior in the Human Male. Bronx, NY: Ishi Press Int., 2010.
● Corty, E. W., and J. M. Guardiani. "Canadian and American Sex Therapists' Perceptions of
Normal and Abnormal Ejaculatory Latencies: How Long Should Intercourse Last?" Current
Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. May 2008.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18331255.
● Hackett, Mac. "How Long Sex Lasts for Most Couples." Vice. March 16, 2017.
https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/aeq4ea/how-long-sex-lasts-for-most-couples.
Ian Kerner on PE: Kerner, Ian. "How to Last Longer In Bed." Men's Health. November 08,
2018. https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19532810/4-ways-to-last-longer-in-bed-from-sex-
therapist/.

Getting There:
Poulaines: Brundage, James A., and Vern L. Bullough. Handbook of Medieval Sexuality. New
York: Garland, 2010.
Picture credit: "Poulaines and Spurs." Manuscript Art. http://jessehurlbut.net/wp/mssart/?
p=2430&utm_source=feedly.
Sex is healthy: Robinson, Kara Mayer. "10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex." WebMD.
October 2013. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health#1.

Foreplay:
Women’s orgasm statistics:
● Castleman, Michael. "The Most Important Sexual Statistic." Psychology Today. March 16,
2009. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-
sexual-statistic.
● Herbenick, Debby. "Women's Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and
Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94." Taylor and Francis
Online. August 09, 2017.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530.
Kissing: Fiore, Kristina. "Why Do People Kiss?" LiveScience. February 02, 2013.
https://www.livescience.com/32464-why-do-people-kiss.html.

Intercourse:
Bukowski quote: Bukowski, Charles. Notes of a Dirty Old Man. San Francisco: City Lights
Books, 2010.
Kama Sutra:
● Winters, Riley. "The Kama Sutra: Setting the Record Straight." Ancient Origins. October
23, 2017. https://www.ancient-origins.net/artifacts-ancient-writings/kama-sutra-setting-record-
 straight-009018.
● Hardgrove, Anne. "A Brief History of the Kama Sutra." Alternet. July 24, 2012.
https://www.alternet.org/2008/05/a_brief_history_of_the_kama_sutra/.
Coitus more ferarum: Campbell, Robert Jean. Campbells Psychiatric Dictionary. Oxford:
Oxford University Press, 2009.
Girl on top risks: Macmillan, Hayley. "7 Sex Acts That Could Actually Break a Penis."
Cosmopolitan. September 30, 2016. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a3620374/penile-
fracture-break-penis-sex-act/.
Men falling asleep: Wenner, Melinda. "Why Do Guys Get Sleepy After Sex?" LiveScience.
February 01, 2013.https://www.livescience.com/32445-why-do-guys-get-sleepy-after-sex.html.

Sexual Health:
STD facts: "Statistics." American Sexual Health Association.
http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/statistics/.
Use of condoms and contraceptives throughout history:
● OReilly, Andrea. Encyclopedia of Motherhood. Vol. 1. Los Angeles: SAGE, 2010.
● Khan, Fahd, Saheel Mukhtar, Ian Dickinson, and Seshadri Sriprasad. "The Story of the
Condom." Indian Journal of Urology. January/February 2013.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3649591/.
Current rates of contraceptive use:
● Jones, Jo, William Mosher, and Kimberly Daniels. "Current Contraceptive Use in the US."
National Health Statistics Report. October 18, 2012.
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr060.pdf.
● "Trends in Contraceptive Use Worldwide." Department of Economic and Social Affairs.
2015.
http://www.un.org/en/development/desa/population/publications/pdf/family/trendsContraceptiv
eUse2015Report.pdf.
Oil on latex condoms: Voeller, B., A. H. Coulson, G. S. Bernstein, and R. M. Nakamura.
"Mineral Oil Lubricants Cause Rapid Deterioration of Latex Condoms." Current Neurology and
Neuroscience Reports. January 1989. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2535978.
Birth control effectivity: Planned Parenthood. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/.
Porn and masterbation:
● Ley, David. "Common Sense about the Effects of Pornography." Psychology Today.
February 03, 2014. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-
stray/201402/common-sense-about-the-effects-pornography.
● Castleman, Michael. "Evidence Mounts: More Porn, LESS Sexual Assault." Psychology
Today. January 14, 2016. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-
sex/201601/evidence-mounts-more-porn-less-sexual-assault.
● Zimbardo, Philip. "Is Porn Good for Us or Bad for Us?" Psychology Today. March 01,
2016. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hero/201603/is-porn-good-us-or-bad-us.

Sex toys:
Studies on lube: Jozkowski, K. N., D. Herbenick, V. Schick, M. Reece, S. A. Sanders, and J. D.
Fortenberry. "Women's Perceptions about Lubricant Use and Vaginal Wetness during Sexual
Activities." Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. February 2013.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23211029.
Dildo history:
● Ruiz, Gisely. "A Photographic History Of The Dildo, One Of Humanity's Most Enduring
Tools." All That's Interesting. February 12, 2018. https://allthatsinteresting.com/history-of-the-
dildo.
 ● King, Elizabeth. "A Brief and Twisted History of Dildos and Vibrators." Complex. May 23,
2016. https://www.complex.com/life/2016/05/history-dildos-vibrators.
● Lee, Friday. "The Long, Strange History of Sex Toys." Alternet. June 19, 2013.
https://www.alternet.org/2013/06/sex-toy/.
Gosnell Duncan: Lieberman, Hallie. "The Long, Fascinating Story of the Dildo." Alternet. July
05, 2015. https://www.alternet.org/2015/07/long-fascinating-story-dildo/.
Vibrator origins: Lynn, Anna. "The Long, Fascinating History of the Vibrator." Kinkly.
September 11, 2015. https://www.kinkly.com/2/97/passion-play/sex-toys/vibrators-bigger-and-
generating-more-buzz-than-ever.
Picture credit, “the Manipulator”: Diaz, Jesus. "The Bizarre History of the Vibrator: From
Cleopatra's Angry Bees to Steam-Powered Dildos." Gizmodo. May 13, 2012.
https://gizmodo.com/5909857/the-bizarre-history-of-the-vibrator-from-cleopatras-angry-bees-to-
steam-powered-dildos.
Picture credit, “Pulsocon”:
Schulz, Bill. "From the Vault of the Museum of Sex: Macaura's Pulsocon." The New York Times.
August 14, 2014. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/16/nyregion/from-the-vault-of-the-museum-of-
sex-macauras-pulsocon.html.
History of the rabbit: Burton, Natasha, and Carina Hsieh. "A Brief History of The Rabbit."
Cosmopolitan. November 30, 2017. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a4805/history-of-
the-rabbit/.
Cock rings: "The History of Penis Rings | Adam & Eve's Guide to Sex." Adam & Eve. June 09,
2016. https://www.adameve.com/sex-guides/products/sex-toys/penis-ring-guides/penis-ring-history-
65150-1852.aspx.

Butt Stuff:
Number of women who’ve had anal: Benson, L. S., S. L. Martins, and A. K. Whitaker.
"Correlates of Heterosexual Anal Intercourse among Women in the 2006-2010 National Survey of
Family Growth." Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. August 2015.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26289541.
Anal and sodomy laws: Engle, Gigi. "Anal Through the Ages." Kinkly.com. November 03,
2017. https://www.kinkly.com/anal-through-the-ages/2/15827.

Extras:
Fake squirting in porn: Breslaw, Anna. "Sex Talk Realness: Is Squirting Fake?" Cosmopolitan.
November 21, 2013. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5085/squirting-sex-realness/.