​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

ENTERTAINMENT

​Comedians Tell Us About Their Worst

Hecklers
Sometimes the show happens off-stage.

By Tom Cowell | Jul 19 2016, 9:25am

SHARE TWEET

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 1 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

Ask any comedian what they think of hecklers, and you get the same response:
"They're the scum of the earth." Indeed: to comics, hecklers are the single worst
breed of human ever to suck air—the type of people who can't shut the fuck up,
even when they're politely asked to.

On the other hand: Hecklers also make for good stories about the abject pain and
humiliation of trying to make a living in show business. We asked some New York
City comedians to share the most brutal, bizarre, and humiliating heckles they've
ever experienced. Here are the best stories of the audience members who've
ruined shows from coast to coast:

Mark Normand

I flew down to Florida Atlantic University for a show, and as I walk toward the
mic, somebody yells out, "Hey, look at this fag!" It gets a huge laugh. I grab the

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 2 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

microphone, and I replied: "Jesus, man, what if I was actually gay?" He replied,
"No, you are!" Which got about eight minutes of applause.

Jordan Temple

A black woman stood up during my act and yelled, "What are you trying to say?
That black people are stupid?" I'll never forget that—because I'm the blackest
person I know.

Adam Newman

I walked onstage in Atlanta, and someone in the back was talking, so I said, "Be
quiet, the show just started." During my first joke, he started talking loudly again,
so I said, "Shut up, it's a long show, you're going to ruin it for everybody." Then
the sound guy yelled, "Medical emergency!" The guy who was talking was
escorted out clutching his chest—we found out later he had a heart attack and
died at the hospital.

George Gordon

Back in the day, I worked at a Lower East Side comedy club called Ha!. I was
booked on Halloween, but I also wanted to go to a party afterwards, so I wore my
Tiger Woods costume onstage and opened with, "So I'm Tiger Woods for
Halloween. Hopefully I can find a hot blonde to complete this outfit." Nothing. I
bombed the rest of my set hard, and as I left the stage, I heard someone in the
crowd yell, "Tiger Woods? More like Tiger COULD!" It got the loudest laugh of
the night.

Billy Anderson

I was playing a bar show in Andover, Massachusetts, and a jacked-up bro wearing

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 3 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

an Affliction shirt was sitting alone, front row and center. It was several days
after Halloween, half the audience members were still wearing their costumes,
and everyone was shitfaced. Halfway through my set, the bro yells, "Shut up and
tell me jokes about Boston!" Then, an older woman in a witch costume said,
"Stand-up is horrible. Why are you doing this to us? We just want to drink."

Shalewa Sharpe

I was struggling to tell jokes in the corner of a sports bar when, suddenly, the
previously bored audience burst into laughter as an audience member pointed at
the speaker next to me. A kitten was crawling out of it, and the show producer
yelled, "There you are!" and scooped it into his arms. He'd been looking for it all
day, and apparently it was sleeping in the PA system until my crappy jokes woke
it up. My ten minutes ended, the crowd still hated me—but the cat got adopted.

Matt Keck

I told a joke, and a woman yelled, "My son would've loved that one!" I asked about
her son, and she replied with very little emotion, "Oh, he died two months ago."

Hannibal Buress Rips Heckler

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 4 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

Jeff Simmermon

I was the only white comic on the bill for a tribute to Richard Pryor at BAM
during Black History Month. I was bombing—hard—and then a woman in the
front row calmly pulled out a Sharpie, drew a Zorro mustache on her face,
unbuttoned her top, and let her boobs hang out. I was the only one who could
see her—that is, until she jumped onstage and started yelling while filming
herself.

J. C. Ratliff

In Ocean Springs, Michigan, a large, intoxicated man said the following to me:
"Hey now. When you said the queers deserve the right to get married, I agree
because, by golly, I believe in the constitution, and I got a gay cousin. When you
made fun of the Bible of my Lord and personal savior, I, for one, admit there are
some holes in that story. But when you said Duck Dynasty is scripted, you got my
vote to fuck right on off, man."

Jamie Loftus

During a show in Plymouth early last year, I was called "pedestrian" by a woman
who was double-fisting beers while breastfeeding.

Lukas Kaiser

I did a show on Staten Island where a waitress from a previous shift had been
napping and doing drugs in the crawl space behind the stage. She crawled out
during my set and heckled me as she walked to her seat in the front row to make

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 5 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

a phone call. When I tried to address the situation, she said, "Stick to your
prepared material."

Petey Deabreu

One time at a club in Midtown (Manhattan), I got onstage, started to speak, then
immediately heard someone yell, "Shut the fuck up, nigga." I said, "This is what
Martin Luther King Jr. must've gone through," and he replied, "But can I at least
tell you 'bout my dream?" Weirdest heckle ever.

Amy Schumer Takes on a Heckler

Maria Wojciechowski

When I did musical comedy, a homeless man called me and my partner the N-
word (we're white). I ended up having him jump onstage and play spoons with me
until he fell asleep.

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 6 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

Christine Meehan

The worst heckle I ever got was complete silence. Right when I got onstage—
before I even opened my mouth—a woman sitting in the front row picked up her
chair and slowly turned it around so her back was to me, tossing her head
around in defiance and crossing her arms. She stayed that way for the entire set.
My mother and aunts were in the audience, and they walked out because it was
so awful. My mother asked me afterward why I was ruining my life. I sobbed
myself to sleep that night.

Follow Tom Cowell on Twitter.

SHARE TWEET

TAGGED: COMEDY STANDUP LIVE SHOW NEW YORK COMEDY HECKLES

Watch This Next

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 7 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

Newsletters are the new newsletters.

Sign up for the best of VICE, delivered to your inbox daily.

Your email SUBSCRIBE

ENTERTAINMENT

Comedians Tell Us the Most Epic Fails

They've Seen at Open Mics
"Then she spread her legs and pulled her underwear to the side,
showing everyone her vulva. To be honest, that was the best joke
of the night."

By Graham Isador | May 2 2018, 11:45am

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 8 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

Images courtesy of author.

SHARE TWEET

This article originally appeared on VICE Canada.

The first open mic I attended was during a snowstorm in January. Despite the
weather, the basement bar was filled to the brim with people all vying for the
opportunity to entertain. My plan that night was to try out some new material. I
had written a series of humorous anecdotes performed from the perspective of
the lamp in my father’s hospital room. All the anecdotes were about my pop’s
recent aneurysm. Looking back, I was clearly trying to work some stuff out,
though I don’t think any of that stuff was comedy.

As I waited for my turn, I watched person after person bomb. The jokes were
mostly banal: How come anybody uses voicemail? Don’t they know about

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 9 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

texting? Don’t you guys hate Tinder? Where’s is the G-spot, am I right? That type
of stuff. But about halfway through the night, there was a guy who got up. He
was handsome in a late-90s boy band kind of way. He gave off a Nick Lachey
vibe. So, O-town saunters to the microphone and proceeds to berate the
audience: "Why aren’t you dickheads laughing!? It’s a fucking Tuesday night!?
WOO!?" The crowd greets him with indifference, barely acknowledging LFO as
they mentally prepare their sets. But SoulDecisionwas undeterred by the
ambivalence. He continued: "You fuckers ready for this? I am going to take off my
pants! Yeah!"

Take That then proceeded to unbuckle his belt, jump in the air, and almost take
off his pants. They get caught around his ankles and the change in his pockets
goes flying across the room. Standing in his underwear, Boyzone attempts his
first real joke: Do you think gay dudes know about prison? They’d love it. There is
lots of gay sex in there. The room is silent. The audience continued to be silent
for another four minutes and thirty five seconds, the entirety of the guy’s set.
Eventually, the dude just waddled off stage, never taking the time to pull up his

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 10 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

pants.

Reflecting on that moment made me think about all the other terrible things that
happen in the cesspool of sadness that is the stand-up comedy scene. Below, I
asked some comedian friends to tell me about the worst things they’ve ever
experienced at an open mic. I also took their photos.

Natalie Norman, The Crimson Wave

The worst open mic I ever attended was at Zanzibar, a strip club in downtown
Toronto. I went in assuming it would be a bunch of comedians performing sets,
then maybe a strip show after. I was wrong. The way it worked was a stripper
would go on stage, perform for two songs/dances, then a comedian would go up
and perform five minutes of material. It was a disaster. This may seem obvious,
but I can promise you people waiting to see women get naked do not want to see
comedians talk about getting naked. Also, the show was set to run approximately
five hours!

Read: North American Comedians Explain What Surprised them the Most About
Australia

A couple hours in, a woman did a striptease to “Aqualung” by Jethro Tull (it was

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 11 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

surprisingly sexy!) then I got called to the stage. I was fairly new to comedy,
working on my five minutes, and I got heckled. Repeatedly. One man screamed:
bring back the strippers! Another man, who was a friend of a comic, screamed:
you’re fat! That wasn’t shocking. I had heard that all before. What was shocking?
After the first few hecklers, a stripper screamed, “Hey Lady! I've got something
funny for you!” Then she spread her legs and pulled her underwear to the side,
showing everyone her vulva. To be honest, that was the best joke of the night.

Faisal Butt, Comedian

I was on the stage at the Comedy Nest In Montreal. It was my second time doing
stand up. Things were going mostly OK. I did a joke about how a mother
abandoned her eight-year-old kid during a tsunami. Then I did this bit about
how—like the rest of the audience—I also have white friends. You know, relatable
everyday material. A couple of minutes into my set, this guy in the front row
starts having a loud conversation with his friend. Like, not just quietly chatting
about how the beer is over priced or how the “Syrian refugee” on stage seems
really angry. Like full on, loud, conversation. Everybody could here. Eventually, I
stopped talking and started staring at the dude. But he was still completely
oblivious. So I did the only thing I could think of doing. I said: “Yo, shut the fuck
up!” The crowd all cheered. My first applause break.

The guy became instantly irate. He stood up and screamed, “What! What! What!”
He jumps on stage and starts doing that ape intimidation move, literally
smashing his chest with his arms. Instantly, we are pacing back and forth as if we

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 12 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

were in elementary school. I’m clutching the mic and just yelling obscenities.
He’s not stopping. He gets all up in my face, about to hit me. Instinctively I yell,
“Attica! Attica!” Then I hit him with a swift headbutt. Everyone swarmed the
stage and the dude and his crew were thrown out. I didn’t finish the rest of my
set.

Hoodo Hersi, Stand-Up

I was at a mic years ago, getting ready to perform with a couple of friends. This
guy walks into the cafe wearing a shirt that said “I love my foreskin.” Right on the
front, and in big letters—I love my foreskin. We all thought he might be a
problem but for most of the night, he was harmless. He drank quietly in the back.
I get on stage and start doing my jokes. This guy looks at my hijab and starts
yelling out: “Ramadan sucks! I hate Ramadan! RAMADAN SUCKS!” The host was
nice enough to kick him out but, like, really? I have nothing against foreskins but
he clearly thought I hated... his?

Kat Letwin, Sketch/Improv Comedian

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 13 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

I went to see my don’t-call-me-your-boyfriend-in-public boyfriend at an open

mic a couple years ago. He was “working on some new material.” Because our
riffs made me laugh and the sex was incredible, I went. Every comedian bombs,
sure, but his set was like Hiroshima—devastatingly bad. His first joke netted
scattered laughs (something about a bad childhood), his second joke got a quiet
rumble, and his third joke didn’t exist. There was no joke. Just rage whispers into
the ether. When we all realized he’d run out of material with four minutes to go,
my not boyfriend ramped up to nuclear. Embarrassed by his own performance,
he threw a chair, kicked a mic stand, and stormed off the stage in a noxious
mushroom cloud of fuck what you plebes think. He exploded right out of the bar
and onto the street. Everyone watched him go. We dated for another six months.

Ana-Marija Stojic, Comedian

It was my first stand-up set ever. I was the second to last person on at an open
mic. It was two in the morning. I had spent hours watching a bunch of acts make
dick jokes of different flavors, which I expected. I also saw people do a bunch of
sexist, racist, and plain hateful material, which I did not expect. I felt
uncomfortable, but I stayed. I had my game face on and I wanted to do what I set
out to. Besides, the host can’t control what the people say. It’s an open mic.

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 14 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

My set lasted a total of three minutes. I think I got one laugh. I get off stage
feeling kind of defeated and the host says to me, “don't worry about it, you're a
woman, we'll just stare at your boobs.” Oh, great. Finally, someone who sees my
potential. I thought, it's official, nobody wants me here. I didn't do stand up again
for another six months. I don't remember what made me start again, I was very
drunk during this time in my life. I do remember thinking: Fuck it, I'm going to
do it anyway.

Sign up for our newsletter to get the best of VICE delivered to your inbox daily.

Follow Graham Isador on Twitter.

SHARE TWEET

TAGGED: CANADA MONTREAL JOKES STANDUP COMEDIANS IMPROV OPEN MIC VICE INTERNATIONAL
NATALIE NORMAN ANA MARIJA STOJIC COMEDY NEST

Watch This Next

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 15 de 16
​C omedians Tell Us About Their Worst Hecklers - VICE 3/06/19, 12*17 a. m.

Newsletters are the new newsletters.

Sign up for the best of VICE, delivered to your inbox daily.

Your email SUBSCRIBE

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yvezkw/comedians-worst-heckles?_branch_match_id=644017516127136272 Página 16 de 16