Hannibal Buress

Just for Laughs 2011

I don’t get along with my teen age cousin at all. I think he’s a bad person and a piece of
shit and I hope he doesn’t get into college. He always talks trash about my comedy (Act-
out, en voz molesta imitando al primo) “Hey, Hannibal. We watching your stand-up on
YouTube. It wasn’t funny man”. So I have to figure out what to say to this back to this
seventeen-year-old boy that would destroy him cause I’m not letting that slide, I’m petty
as hell. And I figured it out. I just accused him of masturbating because teenagers can’t
handle that. Their psyches are weak. (Act-Out) So I say: “What, man. Are you coming from
jacking-off or some thing?”
“No! I wasn’t jacking-off, Hannibal! Why would you say that! I do not jack-off, I will never
jack-off. Get out of here, Hannibal!”
“Why do you want me to get out of here. So you can jack-off more?”
“No!”
(Mix) That doesn’t work on me. (Act-Out) I’m 28, you say: “Hannibal, where you jacking-
off?”
“Yes. Yes I was jacking-off. I was jacking-off so I could have sex for longer later. That is
grown up shit right there. I’m planning out my life.”

Sometimes when I watch porn I put my hoodie on so I feel creepier. (Act-out. Se pone la
capucha y corre en círculos) Its more fun if I run around a little bit. You need a
masturbation hoodie, everybody need one. Especially in summertime, the AC is blowing.
You need to keep your top warm because your bottom is exposed. Life is all about
balance. Yeah, jacking-off joke took a philosophical turn.

Whenever I eat out in restaurants, I never put a napkin on my lap. I never put the napkin
on my lap. (Act-out) When people say: “Hannibal, why don’t you put the napkin on your
lap?”
“Because I believe in my self. I believe in my ability to not spill food on my pants. Cause
I’m a goddamn adult and I have mastered the art of getting food from my plate to my
mouth with out soiling my jeans. You need to believe in your self too and get you shit
together. That’s for babies.”

I get into arguments with taxi driver all the time. And I get into argument and I get out the
cab and I slam the door, but that’s not the way to win an argument with a taxi driver. The
way to win is you get out the car and you leave the door open. Then he has to come
around and close the door. While he’s doing that, I go to the other side and open other
doors. And just keep going around and around and around. I got a Benny Hill kind of
situation going on. I won, life is great.
Whenever people are going through struggles in their life they get really cliché, (Act- Out)
they say stuff like: “I’m taking one day at a time”
“You know who else is? Everybody, cause that’s how time works! That’s the only way you
can take time. What where you doing? A week at a time before? Who are you? And who
thought you how to do that? Won’t you teach me how to do that? I want to get through
this shit quickly too.

(Act-Out) People always say shit like: “I’m gonna pray for you”
“You’re going to pray for me? So your going to sit in your apartment and do nothing?
Cause that’s what your prayers are. You sitting around and not taking action as I struggle
with the situation. Don’t pray for me. Make me a sandwich or something. Because I’m
really upset and I can’t cook for myself”
“Well, we’ll keep you in our thoughts”
“What? With the other bullshit in your head? No. Keep me out of your thoughts. Cause if
you talk about what you think about, that sounds like a horrible company. So please keep
me and my family out of your thoughts. Unless your thinking about making us
sandwiches.”

I used to live with my girl. Sometimes she would walk around our place mad, I wondered
why she was mad, she was just walking around upset and I don’t play those games so I just
tripped her. (Act-Out) “I don’t know why you where mad before, but I definitely know you
are mad about that tripping that just happened. And maybe you’re open now about the
other situation while you put ice in your knee.”

I meet crazy women. I met this one girl in a bar, it was four in the morning, we have some
drinks, come back to her place, we get there. (Act-out) She says: “Alright, don’t try to hook
up with me.”
“I don’t try to hook up? You just brought me, a stranger back to your place at four in the
morning. What’s your motivation? Because you couldn’t have possibly think ´I want to talk
with you this long`.”
And she said: “I would like to hook up, but I recently had an abortion”
And I said: “Do you want to have another one?” I didn’t say that. I didn’t say that, but you
know what? Fuck her for telling me about that. What did I do to deserve that information
as a stranger? Where’s your boundaries? You telling me this an hour after knowing you. I
got good buddies that don’t even know how many brothers and sisters I have. And you are
telling me this so quickly? You could have just said you had your period and I would have
left.”

I told that girl: “Just take that shit one day at a time and I’ll pray for you and keep you in
my thoughts”
Preguntas:
Cuáles son las actitudes implícitas de cada chiste?
Hay act-out y mixes?
Dónde se ríe más la audiencia?
Qué detalles personales aprendimos del comediante?
Qué hizo el comediante para sacar las risas?
Cuáles son los temas?
Cuáles son los signature topics?