32 PEOPLE MANAGEMENT
working with
‘prickly’ people
Conflicts, misunderstandings and personality clashes are usually at the root of the
problem when employees become unhappy at work. Karen Mannering, author of the
new Instant Manager book on Dealing with Difficult People, talks to Sue Mann
about recognising the underlying problems and bringing about reconciliation
When did you first become interested in the problem of
dealing with difficult people?
During my career in people development, the inability of
some staff to work together has been an enduring factor.
I had never really considered it a particular subject on its
own, more an aspect that seems to be evident in so many
problems.
During the last few years I have studied to become a
psychologist and my interest in working with ‘people
problems’ has grown. When staff feel unhappy at work
there is usually a people problem in amongst their
discomfort. However, I do feel that you can still work
productively and professionally with someone you find
difficult and therefore I felt that this subject needed to
come out into the open.
How would you define the problem, in the context of
the workplace?
Reader offer At work we are thrust into teams with people we may
Readers of Professional possibly never choose to associate with, and we are
Manager can purchase expected to not only work productively but also to
Instant Manager: Dealing become friends with them. Then again there is always the
with Difficult People and situation of the senior bully who has not learnt that this
other titles in the series is not only an ineffective way of dealing with people but
at the special price of is also illegal.
£6.99 each (RRP £8.99),
with free postage and Do you feel that people are too quick to label someone
packing. ‘difficult’ rather than taking the time to try to
Order online at understand the reasons behind their behaviour?
www.pressoffers.co.uk/ Yes, that’s what my book addresses. Someone can be
HOD194 or telephone ‘difficult’ for a number of reasons, they can be too quiet,
0870 755 2122, quoting too overpowering or too proud.
offer code HOD 194. We all find certain characteristics irritating but the
Lines are open Monday important thing is not to concentrate on the negative
to Friday between points. Instead, try to construct ways of getting around
9.00am and 5.00pm. these problems. In essence we could all be viewed as
‘difficult’ to someone else, but we need to work together
to achieve significant outcomes.
Have you any recent, first-hand experience of dealing
with difficult people in the workplace and if so, how did
you tackle the situation?
I have a background in HR and have therefore
undertaken investigations and performed mediation. Also,
as an experienced manager, there have been occasions over
the years when staff have had difficulties with other
employees.
There is no one particular example I would raise here
but I would like to point out that it takes a willingness to
work on problems to produce a successful outcome. If
that willingness is not present then, apart from coping
mechanisms to enable you to continue working there, a
new start may be the only remaining solution.
What are the main causes or circumstances that lead to
difficult behaviour?
We live incredibly complex lives these days. The notion
of the family is declining and relationships are far more
transitory. There has been an erosion of our social
framework. We are encouraged to compete both at work
and at home, and must be seen to want the best jobs and
own the best gadgets.
There is tremendous pressure to compare ourselves with
the lives of celebrities, and now we have an economic
downturn, which will put further pressure on so many
people. Is it any wonder that work tensions run high?
What type of characteristic, difficult behaviours are the
hardest to overcome/change?
The most difficult has to be negativity as it constantly
undermines everything that all the team are trying to
achieve. Unlike many explosive characters, who can be
professional managerjan2009
 33

quite scary, negative people are the constant ‘drip, drip’ without it, tensions run high again. It is another thing to
torture in the office. Ostensibly they are not doing worry about in our exhausting lives.
anything wrong and are convinced that they are thinking There is no doubt that choppy waters are ahead
of all the risks up front. for businesses and unfortunately, with the rising
unemployment, a few managers will see this as an
How damaging is negative behaviour and what is the opportunity to treat staff less favourably than before.
best tactic for dealing with negative people? However, difficult times are also when many
Negative behaviour needs to be brought to the individual’s people bond together and, where possible, managers
attention. They probably don’t realise that this side of should maintain good systems for staff, keep the
their personality is having such a dramatic effect on communication flowing, continue or even increase
everyone. Set them some goals around how they can training opportunities and focus everyone on striving
become more positive. It helps if your company has a for the good of the business.
behavioural framework or competencies too, as you could
set some goals around taking a positive approach. Could most situations be solved by
You can never change anyone, they have to do that improving communication and building
themselves, but people are paid to do a job in a certain relationships, or are there some difficulties
way, and it is not unreasonable to ask them to work in a that just can’t be overcome?
way that presents a positive face to the world, however As mentioned above, there has to be a will
they wish to behave in their own time. from both parties to make any relationship
work. If someone has decided that they either
What about aggressive behaviour? How should it will not cooperate or feel that the problems are
be tackled and what would happen if you responded insurmountable – then it will be. Things are as
in kind? we believe they are.
The line between firm management and aggressive
behaviour is very fine (as is the line between manipulation It has been said that if you run a course on
and influence). No one should ever feel scared or at risk dealing with difficult people you are likely to
of physical harm in the workplace. end up with a classroom full of people who are
You have a duty to yourself and your family first and, unaware that they are the problem. Have you
therefore, if you encounter such a situation, speak with had this experience and do you agree with the
someone in personnel or another manager. Legislation is premise?
clear that it is no longer dependent on what the There is always a problem with training in
perpetrator meant by the behaviour, it is how it is that you may be preaching to the converted
interpreted by the receiver. Yes, stand up to bullies, but – in other words those who have attended
never respond in kind. are interested in the subject (and the people
who should be hearing the message, avoid
How can you win the argument with a person behaving the event)!
very selfishly? The point you raise about not realising it
I don’t believe in ‘winning’ arguments. That fact that you is ‘them’ is an interesting one. Having handled
set out to win, implies automatically that the other person so many mediations, it is nearly always the case
has to lose, and that automatically creates a conflict that each person thinks it is the other that is at
situation. If someone selfishly wants my pen, I will offer fault. Next time anyone argues, notice this
them my pencil too – now that confuses them! phenomenon.
Of course it is really both their faults;
Is it ever a good idea to try a bit of humour to defuse one behaviour triggers another and so on,
difficult or confrontational situations? until it is all-out warfare. We have to take
There is no doubt that all of us can give an example responsibility for our own behaviour and be
where humour has defused a situation, and so it definitely aware of the dynamic we create when we are with
has a place. However, humour can take many forms and someone else.
you take a risk when you use it. I would suggest that
unless it is something that comes naturally at the time of
the situation, don’t force it. Stay calm and professional, Managers may be wary of giving negative
and keep a clear head. feedback to employees. What is the best
approach in these circumstances?
Research published recently by the Chartered This is where it really helps if the manager has
Management Institute revealed that 54 per cent of set up regular one-to-one meetings with all staff.
managers are finding work more stressful because of the This creates a culture of giving and receiving
economic situation. Could worries about job security regular feedback. Draw up an agenda where you
lead to more problematical working relationships and go through all work projects and you both give
what should managers do to help ease possible tensions? feedback on progress. Where there are problems,
No matter how many times we hear that there is no job set measurable targets for improvement, which
for life, there is a human instinct that craves security, and can be picked up next time.

professional managerjan2009
34 PEOPLE MANAGEMENT

Without sugaring the session, try to start and end on a

positive note, but don’t shy away from discussing how the
staff member fits into the team, and any behavioural
issues – although make sure you have evidence to back up
what you say.

We probably all have at least one working relationship

that could be improved, that for various reasons has
soured or perhaps we just got off on the wrong foot.
What advice would you give to start improving such
relationships?
Be honest and open up. Follow that up by trying to find
things you have in common. Friendships are based on Author Karen Mannering
shared experiences, people you went to school with or
who lived in the same town. You automatically have one
thing in common - you both work together. Extend that
hand of friendship – but carefully, you would not want to
be thought of as shallow.

What advice would you give younger managers who

may be experiencing difficulties with managing older
employees in their team?
Age legislation was brought in to prevent age from being
an issue but it remains a hot topic. Try to manage fairly
and equitably with everyone, and be transparent in how
you distribute work so that everyone sees who is allocated
which particular projects.
Others in the team may have more experience, and it is
OK to respect them for that, but you were appointed to Further
the job of managing the team, and your managers feel
that you are the right person (whatever your age) to be Information
doing it. Make sure you have a good mentor who can give Karen Mannering is an
you advice on an ongoing basis. author, trainer and
psychologist. She is a
Should a different approach be taken when dealing with Member of the
‘difficult’ customers as opposed to work colleagues? Chartered
In the book I dedicate a whole chapter to each of these Management Institute,
topics because they are very different. You have a unique Fellow of the Chartered
relationship with each of them, that may be tested in Institute of Personnel
different ways, and therefore requires a different Development and a
approach. Member of the British
Psychological Society.
What should managers do to protect their staff from Readers can sign up
abusive, threatening or very angry customers? for regular thought-
When an angry or abusive customer confronts a member provoking tips through
of staff, for that moment they are the embodiment of the her website
organisation. All the displeasure the customer feels about www.dealingwith
the organisation or the way they have been treated is difficultpeople.co.uk
levelled at the employee, which is totally unfair. For this which provides useful
reason good training is essential to help staff deal with information on people
difficult customers. management issues.

What is your top tip from your new book – Instant Further information
Manager: Dealing with Difficult People? about dealing with
Avoidance is not an option, you need to think through difficult people is
some solid coping mechanisms to help you to not only available to Institute
deal with the situation but also to protect your own ego. members in the online
You cannot please everyone all the time but if you can go Subject Search service
home at night and look at yourself in the mirror and say, at www.managers.
‘Well, I did the best I could in that situation’, you are org.uk/subjectsearch
moving along the right tracks. pm

professional managerjan2009