SKINNER

STORY
Your story has a really good balance of drama and comedy, some of the lines made me
laugh out loud. You also did a really good job of creating the drug. It’s not too complex and I
think it makes sense. The way you depicted “the biz” and Hollywood was really well done and
played into the overall feeling of the script. The ending is really compelling, and I felt left on a
cliffhanger.

CHARACTERS
The characters are really good. I don’t really have any critiques except maybe have the
character reflect on the interaction with Herman a little more to make the decision to quit the
drug a little more dramatic? But overall, I really like the way it is.

DIALOUGUE
The dialogue is relevant, and I didn’t see any that looked like “filler” or “unnecessary.”
All of it seems to drive the story well.

THEME
The theme of actions and consequences seems prevalent in this script and it’s done in a
very unique way. The ending makes us wait to see if Adrien will meet further consequences by
rejecting the drug.

JOHNSON

STORY
The layout of your story is really well done and the scenes flow together very well. The
action text gives a great amount of detail that adds to the story. The ending wrapped up the
story well and gave the audience a bittersweet sense of hope.

CHARACTERS
The characters are really well written and have layers that are revealed very well
throughout the story. None of the characters seem repetitive or unnecessary.

DIALOUGUE
The script has a really good balance of action text and dialogue. The dialogue all seems
necessary and relevant to driving the story and the action text is purposeful with how it
describes the scene’s emotion and movement

THEME
The theme appears to be the relationship between duty and desires. Despite how much
Adelice wishes to be Derrick she has a duty to the Red cross she can come home.
KAMPSEN

STORY
The overall structure of your story is really well done. The flashbacks/montages fit the
mood of the overall script and add context to the plot. The ending is good as well it might be
interesting to see the plate go to the table of the mob boss just to confirm the job is done? But
it still works as is with the half vial of liquid.

CHARACTERS
All of the characters seem relevant and add to the movement of the story. Bruno’s
development and frustration with the situation he’s in come through and make the climax
compelling.

DIALOUGUE
The dialogue makes sense and doesn’t distract from anything else going on in the over
all plot. You balanced visuals and dialogue really well even in the flashbacks/montages.

THEME
The theme of debt and family come through especially with the mob story influence of
the script. The setting, actions, characters and dialogue all add to the theme and make sense in
the story.