ECO, ESPADILLA, GALAPON, HANOPOL, JACOBE, LAPID 11-C

ASSESSMENT 1

Identify the hedging expressions in the following sentences.

1. There is no difficulty in explaining how a structure such as an eye or a feather

contributes to survival and reproduction; the difficulty is in thinking of a series of steps by
which it could have arisen.
2. For example, it is possible to see that in January this person weighed 60.8 kg for eight
days,
3. For example, it may be necessary for the spider to leave the branch on which it is
standing, climb up the stem, and walk out along another branch.
4. Escherichia coli, when found in conjunction with urethritis, often indicates infection
higher in the uro-genital tract.
5. There is experimental work to show that a week or ten days may not be long enough
and a fortnight to three weeks is probably the best theoretical period.

ASSESSMENT2

Rewrite the following sentences. Replace absolute claims with hedges

Example:

Playing violent video games causes more aggression, bullying, and fighting.

Corrected: 1. It is assumed that playing violent video games may cause more aggression, bullying,
and fighting.

1. Among the five discourse functions of personal pronouns, stating results or

claims and elaborating an argument are - may seem the most assertive.

2. Students used first-person pronouns in elaborating an argument and stating

results and claims because they attempted - presumably attempted to
establish relational ties.

3. The students’ use of first-person pronouns is attributed - conceivably

attributed to their lack of knowledge in the conventions of academic writing.

4. In high school, they did not have - appeared to not have opportunities to
write using university conventions.

5. There is - may be a wide gap between the conventions required in college

writing and those that are taught in secondary schools.
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ASSESSMENT3:

NOTE: THESE ARE AUTHENTIC SAMPLES. NO PART OF THIS WORKSHEET

MUST BE COPIED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM.

Examine the following samples. Give comments on the language and style used by
citing the rule on academic writing style that may not have been considered.

1. COMMENTS:

● The use of personal pronouns and phrases is evident throughout the text. The
active voice also suggests informality in academic writing. To fix this, the author
should use the passive voice and more impersonal statements.

● In the first sentence, the use of “do not know” must be replaced by a single-word
substitute, such as ‘ignorant’. “Do not care”, as well, may be replaced with
‘neglectful’.

● Instead of using "from then until now," the writer should indicate a specific time such
as "Since the 1800's" to be more precise. Furthermore, the claim that most people
still do not know how to take care of nature can be considered vague. It can be
justified by citing sources and statistics.

● In the third sentence, the mention of “this machine” implies that a machine was
already introduced beforehand, which is not the case. The preceding sentence
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revolves around a completely different topic and does not mention any machine.
This lack of coherence in sentence structuring should be improved.

● The informal expression “is like” is also seen in the third sentence, and may be
replaced with “is similar to”. Another informal expression in the same sentence is
“money will come out”, and “cash will be withdrawn” may be used as a replacement
for this.

● In the fifth sentence, the phrase “search for and ask help” may be improved by
using “seek assistance” to maintain formality.

● The eighth sentence is an informal sentence that centers on the personal

sentiments of the writer. Academic writing should always be objective and formal,
and thus there is a need to rephrase the whole sentence. The conversational
expression "By the way" should also be omitted as it is informal. Moreover, for the
sentence to become more formal, we can change it to "The objective of the study is
to create a simple machine similar to an ATM that can exchange bottles, instead of
ATM cards, for money. "

● In the second sentence of the SIGNIFICANCE OF THE TOPIC, the phrase “I think
the top beneficiaries” is subjective. The writer could have used the phrase “The
possible top beneficiaries” to suggest objectivity rather than subjectivity.
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2. COMMENTS:

● Throughout the whole text, the writer used personal pronouns and phrases. The
constant use of “I,” “we,” and “you” suggests informality and is against the rules
of academic writing.

● In the first sentence, the writer used the informal expression “from time to time.”
The writer could have used "occasionally" as a single word replacement for the
multiword. Furthermore, stating that all people love music and singing is a vague
claim. Evidence, such as statistics, should be supplied to validate such claims.

● The second sentence should be omitted as it only shows the personal

sentiments of the writer.

● The third sentence is interrogative. Asking questions in academic writing should

always be avoided. Moreover, starting the sentence using the basic transition
word "but" is also against the rules of academic writing as it suggests informality.

● For the fourth sentence, the multi-word verb “is able to” can be changed into
“can,” which is a more formal single-word equivalent.

● In the fifth sentence, the writer should cite sources that would justify the claim
that piezoelectricity is indeed the most efficient to use. Additionally, evidence of
previous studies about sound wave conversions should also be included in the
form of examples and citations.

● The addition of statistics and citations in the first sentence of the

SIGNIFICANCE OF THE TOPIC would strengthen the claim that power
shortages are common in the Philippines.
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● For the last sentence, the writer should be precise in talking about what is to be
invented. Instead of using the vague word “something,” the writer could have
used the word “device.” Furthermore, to maintain formality, the informal
expression “the researcher wishes to” should be replaced by a more formal
phrase such as “the researcher aims to” or “the objective of the study is.”
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3. COMMENTS:

● The given text was not written in a passive voice, and personal pronouns like
“we” and “us” were used. The use of an informal tone is also noticeable instead
of formal tone and vocabulary. The text also lacks the use of citations and proper
transition words.

● In the first sentence of the INTRODUCTION, the writer asked a question instead
of using a statement, which is an informal practice in academic writing.

● The author could have improved the structure of the third sentence by using
proper transitions to construct a formal complex sentence. The multi-word
adjective “very common” was also used instead of a formal adjective, such as
“typical” or “widespread”.

● Another question is asked in the fourth sentence, a statement should have been
used in replacement of this. Moreover, citations may have been used to
strengthen the claim that Guava contains antibacterial properties.

● In the first sentence of the SIGNIFICANCE OF THE TOPIC, the writer used
vague claims, such as “many are victims of smelly toenails”. This needs to be
supported by data or statistics, together with citation of sources. This sentence
also shows poor transitioning of ideas, which can be improved by adding proper
transition words to observe a formal structure.

● The contraction “don’t” should also be replaced by using its full form.
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4. COMMENTS:

● First sentence, the writer uses the phrase “pretty hard”, which establishes an
unsure assessment of the difficulty of paint manufacturing, as well as an
inappropriate use of language unsuited for academic writing.

● Second sentence, as the writer begins to define the danger and expense of paint
regarding the chemicals contained. They use the phrase “a little dangerous”,
which again is an unsure assessment and inappropriate use of language.
Afterwich, the writer quickly changes the topic from danger to expense with the
phrase “or at least expensive”, creating an unprofessional shift in topics.

● Fourth sentence, the writer seems to have forgotten to add a verb after the word
“and”, resulting in a grammatical error that breaks the idea that the sentence is
attempting to convey. Additionally, the words “one’s own” should be omitted as it
is already redundant because it precedes the word "homemade."

● Sixth sentence, the writer continues on with the idea of the fifth, however they
use the word “might” in defining their subgoal. This shows that when given the
chance to do so, they can do the experiment but are unsure if they will. Which is
an informal statement that may be improved by observing formal vocabulary.

● The third sentence lacks formality with the phrases 'more importantly' and 'even
if', better substitutes may be used to enhance the sentence. Moreover, the writer
should avoid using the contraction 'they're' and the possessive determiner 'our'.

● In the seventh sentence, the writer should avoid using the ampersand sign as it
is informal. The word ‘and’ may be used instead of using this shorthand symbol.
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● For the first sentence of the SIGNIFICANCE OF THE TOPIC, the writer should
not contract the word “do not” as it is informal. Additionally, ‘time/money’ can be
changed into a single word such as ‘resources’, or the slash symbol can be
replaced with ‘or’ for more formality. Furthermore, the slash in ‘new
things/alternatives’ can also be replaced with ‘or’, and the word ‘things’ should be
replaced as it is too vague.
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5. COMMENTS

● The text was written with the use of the first person point of view, consistently
using the pronouns ‘I’ and ‘we’. Aside from this, the author should have excluded
statements that appear as story-telling, such as the phrase “the name I grew up
with”. The author should observe objectivity and use the passive voice instead.

● In the first sentence of the INTRODUCTION, there is a need to replace the

expression ‘a lot’ with more formal expressions. Furthermore, 'obscure' can be
used as a more formal substitute for 'not known’.

● In the second sentence, the author used the multiword ‘every so often’, which is
informal for academic writing. This should be replaced with ‘occasionally’ or
‘periodically’.

● The word ‘its’ is incorrectly used in the second sentence. The correct use of this
contraction should include an apostrophe: ‘it’s’. However, the use of contractions
and the phrase ‘when it’s time to harvest’ are also informal in academic writing.
This can be improved by using other synonymous phrases, such as ‘during
harvest season’.
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● The author should have used statistics or citation of sources that support their
claim in the third, fourth, fifth sentences.

● The sixth sentence shows the use of the contraction ‘who’ve’. The author
should have used its full form to maintain formality.

● The informal phrase “made out of” in the sixth sentence should be improved.
This can be replaced by ‘consists of’ or more formal phrases.

● The multiword “come back” in the seventh sentence should be replaced, ‘return’
can be used instead. In the same sentence, “some time” is vague and must be
improved. A more formal substitute is to quantify the ‘time’ mentioned to provide
precise specifications. Moreover, the seventh sentence may be improved by the
use of proper transitions in the sentence structure.

● In the second sentence of the SIGNIFICANCE OF THE TOPIC, another

contraction is used. The author should have used the full form of ‘can’t’.

● In the last sentence, the use of the expression “I want” shows personal
sentiments, which should be avoided in academic writing. The phrase “this study
aims to” could have been used to observe objectivity. Moreover, the multiword
“find out” may be replaced with ‘identify’ or other formal expressions.