Personal Narrative x Playlist

Kennedy L. Harris

CENG 105, College Composition I

Professor Shari L.Arnold

September 28, 2021

The definition of music: “Vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) combined in such a way as to

produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion.” We all use music as a coping

mechanism whether we realize it or not it helps boost memory, builds endurance, lightens your

mood, and even reduces anxiety and depression. I never knew music had such a toll on me until

my junior year in high school all of the music factors applied to me. I was able to express myself

freely through music and my style doing this allowed me to pick up the skill of analyzing and

reflecting on the meanings behind lyrics. When I listen to music I analyze each word in the song

which helps me recognize a connection or feeling towards the verse. I didn’t start this habit until

I started having long bus rides to basketball games and heading back home after cheering. I also

had more alone time doing my junior year. You could say I was now in tune with time and

actually took the time to listen to what I decided to play instead of putting on a song and

multitasking. One day while riding I was introduced to a song I had a connection with. I've

always had this song added to my playlist, but never really took the time to break down what the

artist was saying. The song is called “Note to Self” by Mariah The Scientist. This song stood out

to me due to the chorus she was spelling out a word during the verse. I always noticed there was

a different sound to the chorus but never knew she was spelling.

The chorus goes:

“ S-e-l-f d-e-s-t-r-u-c-t-i-v-e, I need help

I’ve always been, s-e-l-f d-e-s-t-r-u-c-t-i-v-e

Can’t you tell?”

Every time I scheme the chorus I find a new emotion towards it

S-e-l-f d-e-s-t-r-u-c-t-i-v-e, I need help

I've always been, s-e-l-f d-e-s-t-r-u-c-t-i-v-e

Can't you tell?”

Analyzing the lyrics left a different meaning each time, the artist wanted to portray a message to

herself to question one’s validity of being in love with somebody suggesting that she has much work

to do on herself first. The meaning of this song is significant to me because it made me realize many

things about myself. My junior year taught me to never be afraid to be alone because it helps you

discover who you are and to stop looking outside of yourself for your worth. The chorus has a deeper

meaning all though that I discovered and related to, in the song the artist spells out the word that

destroys her most “self-destructive”. In my opinion, everyone can be very self-destructive to

themselves whether we realize it or not the negative thoughts, imaginations, and dreams in the back

of our mind is self-doubt also a sign of self-destruction. I never realized the thoughts I tell myself

show outside as well, during my junior year I caught on to my thinking process and never truly

understood why I tensed myself up. The reason why is because I forced myself to only think

negatively. I never gave myself a chance to overcome or even think I could overcome something and

that’s exactly how the artist felt when realizing she’s been self-destructive herself throughout the

end. Music has allowed me to truly express myself without having to feel excluded. It has opened my

mind to many styles whether it’s in fashion, food, culture. Music has been an amazing outlet for me.

Finding the song “Note To Self” Gives me reassurance on how there are many artists and celebrities

who express themselves the same as me.