An Adaptation of H.L.

Vogelesang’s “Phonetic Phoolishness”

If you pronounce HEAD, DEAD, and BEAD

- Erin
You’ll hear the last word rhymes with DEED,
and in this poem you will find
many items of this kind.
For instance:
DEAR and FEAR and HEAR but BEAR
GEAR and TEAR but “WEAR and TEAR,”
YEAST and LEAST and PLEASED but PLEASANT,
BEAST but BREAST and PEAS but PEASANT;
MEANT but MEAT and SWEAT but GREAT
(The last word rhymes with FREIGHT and WEIGHT).
Quite different again is HEIGHT,
which sounds like BIKE, INDICT, and LIGHT.
The next line should be read with care:
“The praying FRIAR says his PRAYER.”
DEAN and DEAR and BEAN but BEAR;
Note “g” in GET, but GEM and GENT.
VICE but CREVICE—ADVICE, DEVISE…
LICE but MALAISE—POLICE, CONCISE…
We say DREAMT but also DREAMED
(The latter rhyming with ESTEEMED)
GREW but GROW and SOW and SEW;
MEASLES does not sound like MEASURE.
BRAID and MAID and LAID but SAID,
TREAT but THREAT and THREAD and TREAD.
A prison is often called a JAIL,
which is also written: GAOL.
Now note the difference with GOAL,
Which rhymes with FOAL and DOLE and ROLL.
OWL and JOWL are not like BOWL.
Try FOWL then GHOUL and lastly SOUL.
We say FREAK and STREAK and WEAK but STEAK,
LEAK and BEAK and SPEAK but BREAK.
MEADOW has the sound of [Ɛd]
Note: LEAD and LEAD, READ and READ;
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 WEAR but WEARY, HEARD but BEARD,
DREAD but DREARY, EARNED but FEARED.
BAIT and GAIT and STRAIT but PLAID,
Leave out the [g] in GNAW and GNAT.
SWARD but SWORD and WORD but LORD,
LOAD and TOAD and ROAD but BROAD.
CEREAL does not sound like REAL,
SEAL and ZEAL and PEAL and VEAL.
First say DANGER, then say ANGER
(Mind, the latter rhymes with CLANGOR).
COUNT but COUNTRY; SOUTHERN, SOUTH
DISGUISE but BRUISE; YOUTH but MOUTH.
AUNT is not like VAUNT and GAUNT
nor like DAUNT and TAUNT and HAUNT.
BROOK but BROOCH and BROOD but BLOOD,
HOOD but MOOD and FOOD but FLOOD.
MINT but PINT and CORK but WORK,
DULL and GULL and HULL but FULL.
LULL and SKULL but BULL and PULL.
OUR and FLOUR but YOUR and POUR.
We say BONE and LONE and CONE but GONE,
Pronounce your choice: it’s DON or DAWN.
THRONE and TONE and DRONE but DONE,
PHONE and HONE and SCONE but NONE.
Now, reader, always bear in mind
The difference ‘tween WIND and WIND
(The latter rhymes with RIND and KIND)
HEAVE-HEAVEN; HEATHEN-HEATHER,
BREATHE but BREATH and FEATHER-LEATHER.
LETHAL-NEITHER; EITHER-ETHER;
GIDDY and GIVE but GIST and GIN.
BURY is pronounced like BERRY,
in CHASTE and CHORE and CHIN.
Quite different from “ch” in ANCHOR,
which rhymes with TANKER and with BANKER.
CHEMIST and CHASM and CHOIR
(The last word is pronounced like QUIRE).
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 TIER and BIER but BRIER-CRIER,
COUGH and TOUGH and ROUGH but BOUGH.
GOUACHE but DOUCHE; TOUCH but VOUCH.
Say OVER but OVEN; MOVER but LOVER.
GLOVE and DOVE; COVER but CLOVER,
Which sounds like ROVER and like DOVER.
LEVER sounds like FEVER
SEVER sounds quite different, however.
Now have a shot at EVIL-DEVIL,
REVEAL and REVEL—on the LEVEL;
DESSERT and DESERT; SOME and HOME.
TOMB and WOMB; BOMB but COMB.
GIVE but FIVE; LIVE but HIVE,
GAUZE but GAUGE; BELIEVE but SIEVE.
SHOULD is different from SHOULDER,
the same applies to COULD and COLDER.
BOUND but WOUND and RUSH but PUSH,
LUMBER-PLUMBER; CRUSH but BUSH.
HERRING-ERRING; CLOTH but BOTH,
EYE but EWE and FROTH-BETROTH.
No [t] is heard in FASTEN-HASTEN;
that’s why they rhyme with ARSON-MASON.
The same applies to LISTEN-SOFTEN.
NASTY-TASTY; FASTER-WASTER,
CASTE but PASTE; MASTER-CHASTER.
BROCADE but DECADE, BOW and BOW,
HOSE but LOSE; CANOE but WOE.
Can you pronounce without mistake—
MACLEOD-LEWD, RACHEL-ACHE?
PETAL-PENAL-WANT-PANT-SLANT,
VAN-VIAND-VEIL—GRAND and GRANT?
I don’t blame you if you can’t!
WORM but FORM, DOLL but ROLL,
HORSE but WORSE and LOST but POST.
COST and FROST but MOST and GHOST,
CALM but VALVE and PALL but PAL,
TALL but TALLY, GALL but GAL.
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 STAR and BAR and PAR but WAR—
I wonder if you want some more.
If so, try REALM-CREATED-TREATED
LEICESTER-HEIFER-WEIGH-RECEIPTED
HEINOUS-FEIGN-WEIRD-CONCEITED
SHEIK-SLEIGH-SLEIGHT-SKEIN-SWEATED-SEATED
DEBATE but SENATE—Can you beat it?
MINUTE differs from MINUTE
(The latter rhymes with CUTE and MUTE)
BUT-GUT-NUT-CUT-HUT but PUT,
QUITE but CONDUIT; SUITE but SUIT.
LOUT, POUT, GOUT, and ROUT but ROUTE,
make it rhyme with JUTE and FRUIT.
ENOUGH but HICCOUGH; PLOUGH but DOUGH
COUGH and TROUGH unlike THROUGH or THOUGH.
All are different, you know!
Then try SCHISM-SCHEDULE-SCHEME,
PREAMBLE but DREAMT—also different from REAM.
MEANDER differs from MEAN,
and CLEANSE is not pronounced like CLEAN
MAYOR but MAJOR, DOWN but KNOWN,
FRIEND but FIEND and CROWN but GROWN.
PREVIOUS-PRECIOUS; DAUGHTER-DRAUGHTY
LEAF but DEAF and WONT but WON”T.
Do you know of anything so crafty
as these puzzles? I bet you don’t!
GOLF but WOLF; RAFFLE-RAPPEL; HUGE but HUGH.
There are many more, but these will do!