Before marriage, I agreed

Before marriage, I agreed with my partner not wanting kids, thinking he will change
his mind later. I skipped birth control and got pregnant. My husband is demanding a
divorce. At any cost, I won't abort nor let him go. How do I force him to stay?

Stephanie V

, one-man woman
Answered Dec 17, 2020
Before marriage, I agreed with my partner not wanting kids, thinking he will change
his mind later. I skipped birth control and got pregnant. My husband is demanding a
divorce. At any cost, I won't abort nor let him go. How do I force him to stay?

You can’t force him to stay.

He is not your slave or your prisoner.

He is your husband. He married you because you misrepresented your views on

parenthood. He has every right to the childfree marriage he bargained for. You have
defrauded him of the marriage he thought he was going to have.

You rolled the dice and you lost.

Move on.
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Srinath Nalluri

, Most Viewed Writer in Relationships

Updated Dec 27, 2020

Three friends agreed to go on a road-trip to a hill-station.

When they went to pick up the third person, he startled them by bringing his girlfriend
along. ‘Surprise! She is going to come with us.’

The friends nodded reluctantly.

As the car moved uphill, their journey started to go downhill.

* Since she was present, they couldn't be completely themselves. They had to watch out
their words, jokes, and behaviour. It was very formal.
* They felt distanced from their friend as he was always with hi...
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Eileen Wood

, Self-Employed (2006-present)
Answered Dec 17, 2020
Before marriage, I agreed with my partner not wanting kids, thinking he will change
his mind later. I skipped birth control and got pregnant. My husband is demanding a
divorce. At any cost, I won't abort nor let him go. How do I force him to stay?

You can’t. You married him under false pretenses. He’ll never trust you again. Ever.

Let him go. You’ll already stick him with supporting a child he doesn’t want.
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Nan Walker

December 18, 2020

I hate women that do this. It is so wrong. You are right - there is no fixing this if he demands
a divorce. She tricked him.
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·
307
Carol Madden

December 21, 2020

The man in question is just as wrong. It is criminal for men to take advantages in a
relationship and expect to never accept the consequences for his part in the act. It takes two
to tango; it takes two to own their responsibility towards the “unwanted” child that resulted
from that tango.
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·
39
Anita Claiborne
It is the wife that took advantage of the husband. She tricked him. She lied. She agreed that
they would not have kids. Maybe at some time in the future distant future he would have
changed his mind but now never will. She ruined him. He will never trust another woman in
his life.
Donna Tidings

December 19, 2020

Agree but he should have got a vasectomy then could never get stuck for money. Men have
to own this also if have sex take precautions
Upvote
·
282
Dat Cong Dinh
What you are doing is victim blaming. Furthermore, we are talking about a loving and
trusting couple, not two business party looking to cut each other's throat with legalese.

Joan Vredik Broadley

December 19, 2020

Women marry hoping to change the man they have chosen. Men marry hoping the woman
they have chosen will not change.
Upvote
·
145

John Marriott

December 20, 2020

And when the man does change, the woman breaks things off, saying he is no longer who
she fell in love with!
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Related Questions
More Answers Below

I just found out my wife secretly had an abortion of what would have been our 4th child,
should I divorce her for murdering my child?

What should I do if my wife is pregnant and doesn't want our child? She's 26 and
graduating medical school next month. Before getting married she said she didn't want
children. I told her I was fine with them or without them. She wants an abortion.

My wife wants an abortion of our child because she’s not ready, but I completely disagree
and want to have the baby, how do I convince her otherwise?
Andrzej Ława

, knows Polish
Answered 16h ago
Technically you committed rape. You lied, you deceived and exploited him sexually. And you
want to enslave him. You belong in prison as any other monster who rapes and imprisons
people. Also you should not be allowed to have children since you are clearly not fit to raise
them.
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Cari Carr

, Raising five children

Answered Oct 7
Wow….There is so much wrong in your question.

You’re talking here about deceitful, manipulative behavior towards your spouse and then
asking for ways to “force” him to stay with you.

Yuck. Stop.

Accept that you lied about what you wanted to manipulate this man into marrying you, and
then you intentionally got pregnant when you had agreed with him that your marriage
would be childless.

And then, graciously, leave and allow him the space to decide what he wants to do going
forward.

No force.

(Understand that whether or not he leaves is not your decision. You don’t need to “let him
go,” for him to leave. He is an adult, he has agency. He can leave any time he likes.)

Honestly? I hope he leaves you and decides to co-parent, because frankly? Your behavior is
toxic.
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Alice Twain

, On Yasmin for six months, relied on condoms for a lifetime.

Answered Dec 19, 2020
Not only he has every right to divorce you, according to the Italian law he would divorce
you with a special formula “con addebito". This means that the divorce would be fully
charged to you as uou are the only culprit of your breakup due to your lack of faithfullness.
This would result in a divorce in which you will not recieve any money nor the apartment. If
he recognizes the child, this child would receive a support for the first 18 years or untill
economically independent (usually, the end of college). And if I were in him I would even
fight that to the point of requesting DNA analisis to 
… (more)
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Personal Growth

Sophie Gilmour

, lives in The American South

Answered Oct 7
You can't make him stay. Unfortunately he has a case for not trusting you and that's a good
reason to leave someone. You have already made a choice, whether you realize it or not. He
was tricked and has every right to feel betrayed. I hope he will at least try parenting later.
Good luck.
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Jennifer Quail

, studied at The George Washington University

Answered Dec 21, 2020
You can’t. You can force him to pay child support, as at least in the US the court won’t care
he was defrauded into it when you lied to him about being on birth control. The divorce
court, however, would love to hear about how you lied to him.

I would make the analogy it’s like he got a vasectomy without telling you, but that’s not
even 100% accurate, as HE was under the impression you agreed not to have children. In
that case he’d be assuming he was doing something in keeping with your wishes. You
knowingly did something he wouldn’t agree to it, hoping he’d be forced to accept it once it
was a fait accompli. Instead he wants out. That’s your fault.

I feel sorry for the baby. If you were going to be a good person about it, you’d adopt it out
to a couple who BOTH want children and can’t have them. Keep it yourself and you’re
putting a child through being raised by a mother who thinks it’s okay to try and trick her
husband and a father who even if he’s adult enough not to hold it against the child (I
certainly expect him to hold it against you) is going to have a hard time not at least
begrudging them the financial support they’ll need, and probably does not want to be
actively involved in raising them.
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Harold

, I don't paywall my stuff. Don't paywall it for me. He/Him

Answered Dec 18, 2020
The question as posed:

Before marriage, I agreed with my partner not wanting kids, thinking he will change his
mind later. I skipped birth control and got pregnant. My husband is demanding a divorce.
At any cost, I won't abort nor let him go. How do I force him to stay?

If your husband believed you were on birth control at the time, you were aware of this
belief, and you did nothing to disabuse him of that belief, then the thing he consented to
(having sex with someone on birth control) was wildly different from the thing he engaged
in (having sex with someone off birth control). Putting it blun
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Stephanie V
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Ramadevi Gidugu

, Bachelor of commerce from Andhra University

Updated Dec 28, 2020
I don't know this is really your situation or a troll question.

One thing is, either you are a cheater and fraud or a big manipulater or a big stupid.

Anyway neither of these things would let you have peace of mind in your life.

1.You agreed not to have kids. Then married him. Thinking he may change his mind. Then
did you wait till he change his mind? No!

2. You got pregnant in a cunning way.

3. Now you yourself declaring neither you leave him nor abort the child!

Are you a wife or mafia don to blackmail him and put force on him?

You are asking for ideas also!

Just reverse your roles.

Before marriage itself you told him that and you both agreed not to have kids.

It's your main condition and your husband agreed for it.

Later one day he would try to convince you to have kids. You won't agree.

Then he would skip the protection oneday and make you pregnant.
He force you to continue your pregnancy and not ready to give neither divorce nor let you
abort the kid. What would be your reaction?

You would be ‘thrilled’ !! right??

Same situation now also. Don't become more cunning and wicked.

Talk to him fair way. Honestly. Accept your mistake. Then choose what do you want. If he
really has a change of mind you are lucky.

If not choose either of them.

Marriage can't be always only about you ! you! you!

What you thought! What you did! What you expect! What you decide! Because it's not your
single life.

That too you say with lot of audacity! At any cost!!!

Check your state of mind!!

You already stepped in to turbulent mode of your Marriage. It may settle down! It may blow
you away!

You may get more cunning advice from like-minded people . But I don't think that is the fair
way of dealing life. Never would help you have a healthy married Life journey.
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Living With Roxy Official

, Qualified Personal Trainer. Life Coach & Chef.

Answered Oct 4
What an absolutely horrible thing you did. I am shocked. He was upfront and honest the
whole time. He trusted you. He married you because he loved you. This whole time you
were manipulative and selfish. You only thought of yourself. You have created a horrible
environment for you child. Trauma is guaranteed. He 100% should divorce you. You can not
stop him, in fact what you did allows him to win any battle because of how disgusting it
was. I wish him a speedy divorce. He'll have to pay child support, but honestly if I was a
judge I'd deny you having the right to receive any. He didn't want a child. It's your
responsibility not his.
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Nathanial Lee Vigder

, Recently divorced
Updated Sun
Wow…just…wow. You entered the marriage under false pretenses. You lied, you intentionally
got pregnant after lying, and you “wont” let him go. Well, you're in for a bumpy divorce.
You're going to go through hell. And you deserve it. Have fun, kiddo. You can't make him
stay. He is going to drag you through hell. You brought this on yourself. Unless you just let
him go, and work on your issues, you're not going to like the outcome.

You, miss, are one more shining example of why an increasing number of people find it
increasingly difficult to trust each other.
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James Long

, lives in Norwich, Norfolk, UK

Updated Dec 25, 2020
A man wants to have sex with a woman and she doesn’t consent. He goes through with
it. Rape

A woman wants a man to wear a condom, he refuses and then gets on with it. Rape

A couple starts having sex with a condom but he pulls it off during without her knowledge
or permission and continues unprotected (stealthing). Rape

How would you or any woman feel if any of these situations occurred?

The man’s life will be hell!

Turn this around and he has not consented to this. A man can be raped by a woman despite
what people say.

You entered in to an prior agreement of not having kids. You’ve come to a decision without
your husband’s consent and knowledge. You haven’t discussed this, asked his views nor at
least come to a mutual yes or no on the matter.

He has not been given a right or say in the matter. A woman may carry the baby and have
rights but she still need’s the man’s sperm for all this to happen. He has rights as well in this
matter.

He believes he’s having sex (most likely no condom) with a woman he believes is protected.
Granted no birth control/contraception is perfect. That’s abstience but you’re obviously not
on the asexual spectrum or similar.
You’re now having unprotected sex with a man who has no idea of your intentions. If it
failed or you were close to typical or some use (compared to perfect use), then he would
have some responsibility. Or taking antibiotics when barrier methods are temporarily
inefficient. Using a back-up method is usually wise at that time.

Not only have you made a decision without his consent which affects him for the rest of his
life, you’ve also breached his trust. Breaching trust in a marriage is not going to get you far!

Any decisions or problems like this in marriage (wanting kids or problems with
bc/contraception) need discussing and action taken where necessary.

Was there any specific reasons why he didn’t want kids in the first place? If he didn’t have a
happy childhood or doesn’t feel comfortable or confident being a father, it may effect him
bringing up a child. It may have been an idea to understand why he wasn’t keen to have
children.

Do you (or anyone) ever want an uncaring, cold, unloving etc parent bringing up a child?
Think what it could do to the child.
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Sha'myaa Roth

, HighSchool from Rise Prep (2023)

Answered Sep 18
You skipped birth control knowing he didn't didn't kids so you lied and if u choose to keep
the kid you won't be getting any child support for deception
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Angela Omo-Dare

Answered Dec 18, 2020

You can not force your husband to stay. No person is in a position to compel another to
remain in a relationship with them and you need to wake up and face reality.

Your husband made it quite clear before he married you that he did not want children. At
that point, and if you knew you wanted children, you should have walked away. Sadly, you
felt it was acceptable to deceive your husband that you agreed with his position when in
fact you hoped that, when you eventually got pregnant, he would accept the inevitable.
Basically the two of you were not on the same page about a fundamental issue relating to
your marriage.

You have made it clear you still want your baby as you are refusing to abort your child,
which is your perogative.

Your husband however has made equally it clear he does not want to remain in the
marriage if you are having a child. The price of your decision to have a child therefore is that
your marriage is ending and your husband intends to go off to enjoy a child free life .

Frankly I believe that whether you have an abortion or not your marriage is at an end. It is
unlikely your husband will forgive your deception. I also think that if you have an abortion
to please your husband you will never forgive him.

Sadly you are truly in a position where you have been hoisted on your own petard .

You should also not expect any support from your husband when you have the child. So
please don't assume that once your child is born he will evolve into a man that dotes on his
child and wants to spend time with or money on the child.
One positive thing however that has come out of the course of action you have taken is that
you will now have a child by the man you currently 'love' .

I am sure your child will fill the empty spaces in your life that are attributable to the end of
your marriage.

I am sorry if my comments upset you but I thought you needed to hear what is effectively
the worst case position , as your attempt to focus on the best case position when marrying a
man who didn't want children obviously didn't work.

I wish you the best of luck.