Introduce the Process to Your Partner

Start by saying the following: 

“My goal is for us to come to an agreement to which both parties agree and an outcome
with which both parties are pleased.  To understand better what you want, I would like to
ask each of you some questions for clarification.  Would that be okay with you?  (Gain
the agreement of the two participants).  NOTE: While this Step 5 is a part of a mediation
process, it can also be used to explore INTERESTS.  If you are asking the questions and
are a part of the conflict, then you aren’t in the role of the mediator but are using the
“Critical Question” to hear at a deeper level. 

Option 3 The Landlord

1. Would you identify one more time what you want? (Write down what they want.)

She wants her maintenance issues to be taken care of quickly with her apartment. If
they can't be taken care of quickly, she wants communication so she's not left
wondering when or if they will be taken care of at all. Even if she has to pay for
something on her own, she just wants responses and to know what is going on with the
maintenance requests.

2. Let me take each one of the wants you’ve identified and ask you about them so that I
make sure I’m getting the full picture.  (Gain their consent to proceed; then explore
each want).

-Basic required maintenance issues fixed: Oven, sink leak, heater, and there were similar
past issues.

-Better Communication: Landlord is very unresponsive and when he does finally respond
after many calls, texts, and emails, he is often rude and tries to switch the blame. She
wants to know that he received the maintenance requests and if/when they will be
taken care of.

-Attitude: She doesn't expect him to be friendly but at least professional. Currently he
will switch the blame to her and say she should have called him instead of texted, when
she had in fact already called and left multiple messages, emails, and official
maintenance requests. Even if he does drop the ball, a simple apology would make the
situation much less frustrating for her instead of having to defend herself over basic
living requirements. 
3. What will be true after you get what you “want” that isn’t true now?  (You may, in
various forms, need to repeat this question as you dig to find what is beneath the
“want” that has been expressed. 

-She will be able to use her oven to cook

-She will be able to use the actual heater rather than a space heater which costs a lot to
run and isn't very effective

-She will be able to put things under her sink again without them getting ruined and have
much needed storage space (it's a small studio apartment). 

-Less stress from dealing with the landlord.

-Won't have to worry about future maintenance issues being a big problem.

4. Continue to ask the “Critical Question” regarding each “want” until you think you
have uncovered the INTERESTS lying beneath the “want.”

The biggest underlying issue seems to be the stress it is causing her. The other things
are certainly inconvenient and should be taken care of, but the stress from his lack of
communication (or aggressive communication when he does reply) is the worst part.
She is already stressed studying for the MCAT (medical school entrance exam) and
doesn't want to be adding to it.

5. See if you and your partner can come to an agreement that is satisfactory to the two
of you. 

Getting the mandatory issues fixed (that are required by law) and clearer, less hostile
communication. She will make sure maintenance requests are only sent for necessary
things. They will be very detailed with pictures so that he doesn't have to go back and
forth with her since he is busy and has many tenants.