Adrian Manzano

Late Night Packet

8/16/2013

MONOLOGUES:

Jay Leno:

Michelle Obama says we're ready for our first female president. to which Joe Biden said, he was ready
for retirement.

Obama is said to have a beer with a rodeo clown. Biden feeling left out went to his room and began
having a beer with his imaginary running mate.

RNC will punish CNN and MSNBC by not allowing republican debate because they are having Hillary
Clinton movies. NBC countered by offering to have Chris Christie on The Biggest Loser.

The NSA broke privacy rules a thousand of times per year. In their defense it was all due to when
AT&T allowed unlimited text messages to Anthony Wiener. Hey! We can't help but look!

Jimmy Fallon:

With all the Gay Marriages now Divorce lawyers now have a whole new segment of the population to
cater to. Instead of Child Custody being the issue its now who keeps which vibrator. All right you get
weekends with Mr. Wiggles.

We would have more Wiener jokes but our intern accidentally spilled coffee on our servers. So we got
Anthony Wiener who said he was going to text me some jokes later. But I'm afraid to open it (Puts
cellphone back in his pocket)

David Letterman:

Alex Rodriguez leaked the name of two of his team mates who also used performance enhancing drugs.
He and Snowden are now planning on being roommates in Moscow. I smell a CBS sitcom: 2 Broke
Snitches.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is talking about fingerprinting public housing people. Not
for crime but just to see who's been buying all the big gulps at 7-11.

Christie is about to pass a bill on medical marijuana for kids. Something smells fishy there. You're
gonna have all these kids now getting the munchies, gaining weight and … Christie's new voting block.
SKETCH 1. Correspondent

David Letterman Top 10

Top 10 ways Republicans can Win the Latino vote in 2016

10. Opening a new Disney Landia in Guantanamo Bay Resorts

9. Anti Democrat slogan: Don't be a burro.

8. Have a salsa song/slogan: Pa'lante con un Elefante!

7. Start a rumor Hillary was gonna choose Chaves as her running mate.

6. Rename Jello, and call it Jay-lo

5. Have the RNC convention on cinco de mayo.

4. Create a telenovela starring Marco Rubio & Eva Longoria, Agua y Fuego

3. Open up the Bush Texas Ranch for family reunions.

2. Nick name Chris Christie and Rand Paul as El Gordo y El Flaco

1. eehh.. Who are we kidding, Better start having babies for Honey Bobo 2040

SKETCH 2. THE AUDITION

INT. STUDIO AUDITION ROOM.

A window less room. with 2 producers behind a desk and large hip hopper sitting to the side texting.
MIO (23) beautiful Latina enters.
MIO
Hello, I'm Mio, I'm here for the Short Film Audition.
She shakes everyone's hand, and hands her resume.

ANDRE
Hello welcome. welcome. My name is Andre and this is my partner Andrea.
ANDREA
 Hello, I see you're a Julliard Drama School Graduate.
MIO
Yes, best in my class.
ANDREA
Great we have a Thespian with us!
ANDRE
And this is Grand Estefan.
GRAND ESTEFAN
Hey yo whatup.
ANDREA
He will be your costar. This is a Short film Slash Music Video.
Grand Estefan is going to be the next Big Pun.
GRAND ESTEFAN
No Doubt..
ANDREA
So the short film thing is big now. So we're doing a story.
MIO
Ok great. That sounds interesting.
ANDRE
Yea its gonna be the bomb.
Andrea
So you'll be playing one of Grand Estefan's many girlfriends.
GRAND ESTEFAN
Its GE! Yo how many times I gotta tell you its G.E!
MIO
G.E?
ANDREA
How many times I have to remind you that GE stands for General Electric.
You want to brand your self after and Electric company be my guest.
GRAND ESTEFAN
Yo Fuck that shit!
MIO
Hey its all good.
GRAND ESTEFAN
 Yea you see she says its all good.
ANDREA
Grand Estefan Chill out.
GRAND ESTEFAN
Just call me GE.
ANDRE
So in this scene you have a baby. ok. And you're wanting Grand Estefan...
GRAND ESTEFAN
GE!
ANDRE
Grand Estefan!, To recognize his son. Ok.
GRAND ESTEFAN
But it's not my son.
ANDREA
Right that's the story.
MIO
Oh I see its like a twist.
ANDREA
Kinda yea.
ANDRE
So here's the baby. Lets Improvise and see where it hits.
ANDREA
Ok camera rolling. Action!
Mio gets into character.
MIO
Estefan it's your baby!
GRAND ESTEFAN
That baby ain't mine. Shit don't even look like me.
MIO
But it is. Look. He has your hair. and and... Feet..
GRAND ESTEFAN
Man you buggin.
ANDREA
Mio?
 MIO
Yea?
ANDREA
We need more ... Desperation. you know more street
MIO
Oh ok... PLEASE ESTEFAN! please. I beg you. He's your son.
GRAND ESTEFAN
(rapping)
Bitches be tripping, what nigga gonna do. too many hoes like the sky is blue. what!
MIO
Should I rap back?
ANDRE
No. You don't just continue. And really let the
ghetto out. Have Fun with it. Snap your fingers.
MIO
Pleeze! I have no money! I need help! I can't feed ourselves!
GRAND ESTEFAN
Bitches be trippin what a nigga gonna do.
Hanging with these hoes makes my life untrue.
ANDRE
keep going!
MIO
I love you! I'll do anything. Please!
GRAND ESTEFAN
Bitches be tripping what nigga gonna do...
ANDREA
Ok Now drop the baby.
MIO
Just drop it?
ANDREA
Yea, yea, New Scene New scene!
ANDRE
Just dance with him.
Mio?
 Dance... ok...
Mio grinds on him.
MIO
What's happening in this scene.
ANDRE
This is where Estefan dances with his hoes.
MIO
His hoes?
ANDREA
Dance!
GRAND ESTEFAN
Bitches be trippin what a nigga gonna do.
Gonna play the game till I make that Loot, what!
ANDREA
Stick your ass our more. Yes... You love him...
He's so sexy. He's irresistible. Tell him
MIO
Oh Grand Estefan, you so sexy.
ANDRE
Yes! Yes! rub his belly. Nice.
MIO
Oh Grand Estefan, I wanna have your babies!
ANDRE
I need more orgasm!
MIO
Oh. Oh my god Grand Estefan! I want your babies!
Music cuts
ANDREA
Ok thank you..
MIO
That's it?
ANDREA
Yes, we'll contact you shortly.
MIO
 Is there any pay for this.
ANDRE
We will contact you shortly. Bye now.
MIO.
Ok Bye.. Bye Grand Estefan.
GRAND ESTEFAN
GE!
MIO
G... E...

SCENE END.