Why I Lied in Court

The day I was most ashamed of myself I was sitting in front of the entire town of
Maycomb. I swore in the name of God that I wouldn’t lie and that I would do my best to tell
exactly what happened; however I failed. I broke the rules. Despite what many may think, I
had reasons to do so. The feeling of shame, guilt and the desire for that nightmare to end
were bigger than my promise. I lied because I needed to protect my family, myself and
because I was mentally affected.
Even though I, Mayella Ewell, am a nineteen-year-old girl, I am not as mature as
many may think, so I made the comfortable choice: lie. Loneliness reigns in my life, which
means there are many subjects I would like to talk about however have no one to do that
with. Since I don’t engage in many conversations, my performance in court was practically
void; I didn’t know what to do. I was living a moral dilemma: should I lie and protect my father
or should I tell the truth and save Tom, who has always been nice to me even though I
haven’t always been nice to him? At that moment, blood felt thicker than water, even though
the speck of blood I was protecting sexually assaulted me.
Being violated destroyed me completely, especially coming from the man who
brought me to this world. The people who watched me in court should understand that I
wasn’t mentally stable at the time. Having your body violated is the worst feeling ever. The
only part of this world that is supposed to be yours completely is suddenly controlled and
assaulted by someone you thought cared about you. I could only believe I was responsible
for what my father did to me. While sitting in that chair and hearing people talk about me
being raped, I couldn’t help but blame someone else for the guilt I was feeling. Thus, I
pointed to Tom Robinson, just like my father told me to.
Protecting my name was also necessary on that day. In Maycomb, white people
aren’t usually fond of black individuals. Accordingly, I couldn’t admit having wanted to kiss
one on the cheek; I would be forever massacred. Then, I found myself with only one way
out: lying. I broke my promise and condemned an innocent man. I am aware of my mistake,
however I was extremely vulnerable at the time and I was taught to always defend myself in
any way I can. Lying was a matter of survival, I had no choice. The racist town of Maycomb
would have never allowed me to be the assaulter and Tom to be the victim. It had to be the
other way around.
Thus, my mental instability, the need to protect my father and myself justify me
breaking the rules. The shame I felt in that court reflects the blame society put on women
who suffer from sexual assault. Besides, considering the society we live in, there was no
way I could have defended Tom. It isn’t expected from whites to defend blacks; not everyone
can do what Atticus Finch did. I’m not as courageous as him, however I did protect myself
and I had the right to do so. As a victim of rape, what matters to me is being safe and if that
means lying, then I will lie until the day I die.