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Zach Thomas

Michelle Bowers

UCO-1200

9/22/21

My Life Soundtrack Portfolio Reflection

This portfolio assignment is by far my most favorite yet! I really enjoyed putting together the

playlist that I’ll be describing in this reflection. Every song was pulled from a much larger Spotify playlist

that I had already made prior to doing this assignment (a link to this playlist is included at the bottom of my

finalized assignment). The initial playlist currently consists of 72 songs and has a total playing time of 3

hours and 38 minutes. It’s not just something I made for fun, it’s a playlist that has helped me through hard

times, especially the one I’m about to describe. Both playlists however (the one I made for the portfolio

assignment and my original Spotify playlist) paint the same picture of events as they both work as the

soundtrack to the story of how the worst moments of my life turned out to be blessings in disguise that

changed my life, and how I perceive it, for the better.

The first song on my portfolio playlist is paired with the longest event on the list. “Listen

To Me Speak” by Graviti and Shiloh Dynasty is used to address the long period of time (From

6th grade to the beginning of 11th grade) in which every day of my life was seemingly the same,

and my every day actions/ hobbies closely resembled those of most everyone else. The slow

tempo and slightly depressing mood of this song remind me of the boring drawn-out days that

this time period brought about. Furthermore, it’s a beat that I like to describe as “one that just

kind of makes you sit and stare at a wall and think”. Additionally, the main words of its chorus

or its title, “Listen To Me Speak”, calls upon these moments where I would just think and listen
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to myself speak in my head about how I wished things would change and therefore grant

happiness, something I had went so long without truly feeling.

The second song of this soundtrack is “Space Song” by Beach House. During this time

period (Towards the start of 11th grade), I had finally got what I longed for: a sense of happiness.

I was getting great grades in very difficult classes, I actually enjoyed going to work, and I got

into my first significant relationship with a girl. Everything in life just seemed to have peaked.

“Space Song” is a perfect song to describe this process: Its upbeat tempo and mood creates the

sense of happiness that I had finally experienced, however the lyrics within it, such as the

repetitive “fall back into place”, portray exactly what was to come. That feeling of happiness was

so great, and because I had gone so long without, I grasped ahold of it with no intentions of ever

letting go; I became addicted, just like a smoker with his cigarettes, and what I didn’t know was

that I was weeks away from going cold turkey.

In a very sudden fashion, the happiness I had finally felt disappeared. My girlfriend

cheated on me, my grades started to tumble, I received a speeding ticket, got into a car accident,

and my workload both at school and work began to increase, leaving no time for consolidation.

The song “I Can’t Handle Change” by Roar describes this time (End of 11th grades first

semester). Nearly every lyric can be used to describe me during this time in some way, and the

beat/mood of this song creates such a dramatic scene. I found myself listening to this song in

silence and staring into darkness while driving at night or while in bed on many occasions, and

every so often I would cry as painful memories that were introduced during this time couldn’t

help but to enter my mind as this song reached its climax.

As I free fell into an abyss of darkness, kicked off the edge by a sense happiness that I

once enjoyed, I was abruptly caught in a net just before I hit the ground. This net, was ironically
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the very thing that caused tragedy and devastation to millions of people around the world: The

COVID-19 Pandemic (11th grades second semester to the start of 12th grades second semester).

The spare time, time to relax/take a step back, and consolidation period that the pandemic

brought forth to me allowed for an enlightenment and a realization to take place within my mind.

This process is hard to describe, but it was the start to something that I’ll forever be thankful for.

The song “Swing Slowed” by Dybbukk, which is a remade version of the original “Swing Lynn”

by Harmless, doesn’t actually have any words. The feeling it creates completely relies upon its

instrumental sound. To describe the feeling this song produces: It makes your mind flash back to

past events that may or may not have caused depression, however the upbeat mood of the song

forces your mind to remember one thing, that all those events are in the past and that they’ve led

to who you are now.

After having time to consolidate, and in some ways, meditate, my overall mindset

completely changed. I was now, for the first time in my life, self-motivated. This motivation

invoked a significant amount of production in many aspects of my life such has school, work,

and personal health. Although these yields were consequential, the mindset that created them

was born at a young stage, leaving lots of room for development. The song “Young” by

Vacations quite obviously has the perfect title for this time period (12th grades second semester),

but additionally through use of its lyrics and beats it gives off a certain vibe that signals for new

beginnings and fresh starts.

With time, my new mindset strengthened and started to become insanely effective. At

this point, I was very work-oriented. I only, and I mean only, focused on productive things that

offered a high return on investment. These returns involved making decisions based upon my

time, money, and resources. “Drive Forever”, a song by Nightshift TV, puts me in the mood to
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get stuff done. During this time specifically, I would listen to this song hours on end as I

completed various tasks. It’s rather hard to explain, but the mood created by the overall sound of

this song made me focus on my gains, while keeping the possible result in mind. Many would

claim that this mindset would give one the best chance at achieving everything in life and

making to where everyone wants to be. However, one thing was still missing: True Happiness.

At this point I had a rather developed mindset that had me working very hard to achieve my

goals, all while still being unhappy. The difference between now and before though, is that this

time I knew I was unhappy, and I was completely fine with it, I just kept working. Something

that I hadn’t particularly thought of at that time however, is that this couldn’t go on forever, as

many of my ambitions would require happiness. So, how would I ever find happiness again?

In May of this year, I met someone who could answer that question. This person was, of

course, my girlfriend, who brought tons of happiness into my life. And as my mindset matured

even further, and I began to make decision based upon opportunity costs, things only got better.

Before I knew it, I was actually planning futures and hypotheticals with my girlfriend as we both

combined our unique mindsets to create something very powerful and rather unstoppable. It was

difficult for me to pick just one song to describe this period of time (and as you’ll see in the

upcoming paragraphs that continues to be an issue), so I chose two: “Talk 2 Me” by 808 Dead

and “Swing Lynn” by Harmless. “Talk 2 Me” offers a slower more majestical mood that makes

me feel as if I’m in heaven, and “Swing Lynn” has an upbeat tempo that creates a rather happy

mood. Both of which completely describe my emotions during this time, which is why I chose

them.

After finally retrieving the happiness that I deppressingly lost, it seemed as if not much

was left to be done. I had a matured mindset with happiness to go with it, so that’s where the
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story ends right? Wrong. This is only where we meet the present day. Even now I’m noticing

changes within my mindset and personality. Recently I’ve become a lot more positive in the way

I think and act, and I believe it derives from my embodiement of nature. I’ve spent a lot of time

outside since I came to App, and while doing so I’ve made sure to take in all the bueaty the

world has to offer, and it honestly makes me feel really good inside. Two perfect song I’ve

chosen that create this specific feeling are “Mr. Rager” by Kid Cudi and “Moon” by Kanye

West. Simply put, the overall production of these two songs are each one of a kind, and although

they don’t particularly have anything to do with nature itself, it’s the feeling, mood, or vibe they

create that’s important, as they each make me feel the same feelings I got when emboding the

greatness of nature.

As mentioned, this reflection has reached the present day, therefore the last songs I have

are used to address my actions and events happening now as well as those I expect to occur in

the future. With that being said, my well-developed mindset, to this point, has led me to hustle

and work extremely hard on every task, especially those of the upmost importance. This is

something that describes my every day life, and something that I expect to describe my every

day life moving forward. This part of my life soundtrack features the song “Gangsta’s Paradise”

by Coolie and L.V. This song does nothing but put my end goals and ambitions in my mind,

which highly motivates me to work towards them. This is achieved by some of the song’s lyrics,

but mainly it’s the beat and production.

Hypothetically, after my work-oriented mindset, opportunity costs decision making, and

thriving relationship lead me to the promise land and I achieve all of my main goals, I would

spend the rest of my days in a period of relaxation, reflecting on all I have done. Although I have

no idea what this actually feels like, I know of some songs that create that type of mood: “This
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Side of Paradise-Slowed" by Coyote Theory, “Reflections” by Toshifumi Hinata, and “In My

Head” by Bedroom. Each one of these songs is featured at the end of my spotify playlist that I

spoke of in this reflections introduction. That playlist, from start to finish, tells a story. A story

that I am very close to. These three songs are meant to be the end of that story, a dream in which

I happily recolate on my past with the one person I love most. That’s why the songs in My Life’s

Soundtrack, especially these three closing songs, are so important. They represent who I once

was, who I am now, how I got there, and where I hope to be.