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Peer Review Essay 1 Draft 2

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BRIANNA GUTIERREZ'S PEERMARK REVIEW OF ELAINE BRIONES'S PAPER

ASSIGNED QUESTIONS

1. Has the author chosen one (and only one) genre to analyze? Is the genre a written genre and not a video or an image?

Yes, the author did chose one and only genre to analyze. It is a written genre since Kanye West released his new album.

2. Does the essay include a controlling idea that is not obvious to everyone? In other words, does it reveal something not everyone would know about how and why the
participants use the genre within the given community?

I don't think this essay includes a controlling idea since it doesn't reveal something that everyone doesn't know about Kanye West. The participants used this genre to
give and show the community how Kanye West album went.

3. Does the essay maintain a cohesive focus around the controlling idea? Mark any tangents that you find in the essay.

I think the essay can maintain a stronger cohesive focus around the controlling idea.

4. How is the essay organized? Does each paragraph contain one and only one main idea that connects to the thesis? Does this organization help move the ideas
forward? Tell the author if the organization works or offer organization ideas.
Not every paragraph contains a main idea that connects with the thesis. She can give us plenty of more information about his album.

5. Where does the author use OR need to use observations about the genre itself as evidence to support the claim?

The does use OR but it needs more evidence in order to support the claim.

6. Indicate in the text where the author needs more evidence.

The author needs to give us more evidence because it really doesn't explain so much about it.

7. Indicate in the text where the author needs more details.

The author need more details of how it happened and why. It really doesn't give us so much detail about how his album went or what the story behind it.

8. Where can the author develop more of an analysis or more fully develop the ideas?

The author can develop more ideas by giving us another body paragraph explain to us with more details and with a more fully developed ideas.

9. Where is the author too repetitive and underwhelm you because there is too little information?

It did underwhelm me because there wasn't too much information or evidence to support her claim or understand.

10. Where is the author too repetitive or present too much information and overwhelm you as a reader because there is too much information ?

There wasn't too much information that overwhelm me has a reader.

11. Does the conclusion answer the three questions (Did I do what I said I would do?; Why is this important?; and What do I want my audience to do with this
information?)

It does answer did I do what I said I would do but it really doesn't answer the other two questions since there isn't so much information about it.

12. Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them in the text. If you know the rule, then go ahead an offer advice to the author. If you
do not know the rule, then simply mention that something seems off. ALSO- use the tool box to the left to mark up the essay in places with grammar/punctuation
mistakes.

The author doesn't have so many run on sentences. But the author did have some Grammarly and punctuation.

13. What suggestions can you make to the author to improve its MLA format?
To improve its MLA format I think that it would be best to have more body paragraphs.

COMMENTS LIST

1. You can add more information to this bodypargraph and explain how it happened?, why it happened?

2. You can give us more evidence about the argument.

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3. Give us more information about what they said and how they said it

SUBMITTED FILE INFO

file name Essay_Draft_2.docx

file size 18.29K

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"ESSAY DRAFT 2" BY ELAINE BRIONES

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JOSHUA IKWUAGWU'S PEERMARK REVIEW OF ELAINE BRIONES'S PAPER

ASSIGNED QUESTIONS

1. Has the author chosen one (and only one) genre to analyze? Is the genre a written genre and not a video or an image?

The genre is written. The genre of this essay is a Twitter thread by Kanye West.

2. Does the essay include a controlling idea that is not obvious to everyone? In other words, does it reveal something not everyone would know about how and why the
participants use the genre within the given community?

The essays central idea is not clearly stated, nor obvious. The essay jumps from Kanye's Albums and how the COVID-19 pandemic affected him and everyone else
on earth in its 3rd paragraph.

3. Does the essay maintain a cohesive focus around the controlling idea? Mark any tangents that you find in the essay.

No, there doesn't seem to be a controlling idea in the is essay. In the conclusion it states one, but that isn't backed up by any evidence.

4. How is the essay organized? Does each paragraph contain one and only one main idea that connects to the thesis? Does this organization help move the ideas
forward? Tell the author if the organization works or offer organization ideas.

This essay isn't very well organized, there is 2 separate replies used as 'evidence', and there seems to be little to no analysis of said replies and the demographics
they are part of.

5. Where does the author use OR need to use observations about the genre itself as evidence to support the claim?

The author doesn't mention the twitter threads comments or the demographics of each individual quoted.

6. Indicate in the text where the author needs more evidence.

The author needs more evidence in each of the quote paragraphs.

7. Indicate in the text where the author needs more details.

The entire essay needs more details outside of the author own words being used to describe how creative Kayne West is.

8. Where can the author develop more of an analysis or more fully develop the ideas?
The first paragraph could use some more background information, maybe put his other albums there instead. The quote paragraphs could use a more in depth look.

9. Where is the author too repetitive and underwhelm you because there is too little information?

The author constantly spoke of how Kanye loved his mother, but never really showed anything to back it up. Try using song lyrics or interview clips to support your
idea.

10. Where is the author too repetitive or present too much information and overwhelm you as a reader because there is too much information ?

In the 3rd paragraph the author talks about multiple topics and never goes into depth on any of them.

11. Does the conclusion answer the three questions (Did I do what I said I would do?; Why is this important?; and What do I want my audience to do with this
information?)

The conclusion didn't have a thesis to prove right, it didn't show the significance of the essay, and it doesn't tell what the audience should do with the information

12. Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them in the text. If you know the rule, then go ahead an offer advice to the author. If you
do not know the rule, then simply mention that something seems off. ALSO- use the tool box to the left to mark up the essay in places with grammar/punctuation
mistakes.

The second sentence in the first paragraph is a run on sentence. There is also a hand full of awkward sentences throughout the essay.

13. What suggestions can you make to the author to improve its MLA format?

The essay is not completely MLA formatted. The author has an extra space between paragraphs, and there are 2 sentences towards the end by themselves.

COMMENTS LIST

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5.

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SUBMITTED FILE INFO

file name Essay_Draft_2.docx

file size 18.29K

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"ESSAY DRAFT 2" BY ELAINE BRIONES

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